Latest / Difference Makers Podcast / DMD Live - From Adversity to Achievement: Thembeka Maseko on Resilience, Education, and Leadership

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DMD Live - From Adversity to Achievement: Thembeka Maseko on Resilience, Education, and Leadership · Difference Makers Podcast

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hi there and welcome to the next episode of Difference Makers Discuss.
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: Today, I am talking to Thambeka Maseko, the PSYCA member.
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Just to be aware, it is a very raw interview.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: It is talking about lived experiences and there is some mention of suicide, so if this is a trigger, please be mindful.
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: Thank you.
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: Thambeka is a member of our South African Institute and she is the current head of finance and value management in Standard Bank personal and private banking and is a non-exec director in Standard Trust.
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: However, it is her journey as to how she got to where she is today that is incredible, that is inspiring and that will really.
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: I'm really looking forward to the next half hour or so talking to Thembeke because, believe me, there's going to be an awful lot that you will learn and you will take away from it.
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: So who best to talk us through that than Thembeke herself?
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: So I am going to turn the tables.
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: You're very welcome, thembeke, and thank.
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: So I am going to turn the tables.
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: You're very welcome, thambeca, and thank you for taking the time to talk to us.
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: So, look, I'd love if you would just start this chat with telling us a bit about your journey, your lived experiences.
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: I know you've had a lot of challenges growing up, so if you want to bring us right back to to your childhood, that'd be great okay, thank you.
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: Thank you very much and thank you for for having me.
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: Uh, shenade, so I am tembega maseko, I'm in south africa, I'm from south africa, so I I started in cape town.
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: So maybe I'll just give a little bit of background about my childhood, because I think my story actually that's the foundation of my story.
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: So I'm not sure if many of you know outside of South Africa that South Africa is a rainbow nation.
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: We have many races, so I am a mixed race child.
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: So my father is Indian and my mother is Xhosa, which is a black African in South Africa.
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: So I was born in the early 80s and obviously back then interracial relationships were not very, very popular.
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: So because of that I've never met my father.
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: So he left when my biological mother was still pregnant with me and at that time this is just setting this in at that time for her and her community it was quite a disgrace to actually be pregnant and not be married, and especially outside of your own race.
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: I think it was probably a lot for her to deal with that.
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: So she gave birth to me and then she left while I was still a baby.
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: So her parents, my biological grandmother, the ones who took it upon themselves to raise me and both my biological grandparents.
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: They were actually not very educated and they were quite poor, so we stayed in the informal settlements of South Africa and at the time they were younger than the age of 60.
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: So they didn't actually qualify for the government pension fund for people over 60.
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: So what they did is that my grandfather was skilled in making small tools with his hands, like knives and stuff like that.
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: So he took it upon himself that actually he will sell whatever he could to take me to school, because both of them their dream was to actually make sure their kids were educated so they could have a better life than what they had.
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: And unfortunately for them, for their own children, they could not achieve any of that for them, for their own children, they could not achieve any of that.
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: So this call it unfortunate event of me being left by my biological parents became a blessing to them, because now they were given a second opportunity to actually realize their dream of having a child who was going to be educated.
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: So my childhood then focused on me focusing on school.
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: So just at setting that scene, I think, and that scenario growing up as a child, it was.
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: Initially it was a depressing environment because you know, when you play as kids, people talk about their parents, talk about the gifts they get for their birthdays and their parents buying them toys and stuff like that.
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: I didn't have any of that, and added to that is the fact that I did not look like anyone in my family.
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: So I was not black, I was not Indian enough, I was not white, I was just someone.
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: And so, as normal with any child, that would depress you and you'll cry about it.
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: And then in one of those days, days, my grandfather actually just sat me down and asked me what I was crying about.
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: Obviously I'd explained this whole thing.
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: And then he said to me and like that was one.
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: Actually, one of the first key learnings in my life as a young child was that don't waste your energy crying about things that are temporal and they're going to disappear.
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: And then he said to me the one thing that you have that no one can take away from you and that is your powerful gift is your brain.
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: So the best that you can do is to you're a very smart girl, use your brain, get an education.
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: And from his point of view, at that point in time, doctors were the most intelligent people that he knew.
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: So he wanted me to become a doctor and he said once you become a doctor, you can buy as many houses as you want, can buy as many cars as you want, you can have a house full of clothes, you can do whatever you want.
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: And that's the dream he sold me.
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: And then that's actually.
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: That became my focus area, that education is the one thing that I'm going to focus on.
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: He was a very intelligent man because, in addition to that, to him selling this dream to me, he said to me that you know, I actually would have loved to be educated, but I didn't get a chance to.
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: So when you go to school, you must learn so you can come home and teach me.
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: This is how I'm going to get educated.
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: And, um, unknowing to me at the time, what I didn't know is the skills that he was actually instilling in me while going to school, because now, when I got to school, I had to make sure that I focus.
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: I listened, because I was not there to learn for myself.
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: I had a better picture to live for.
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: I was getting an education for me and my grandfather.
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: I knew that when I made sure that I understand things.
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: When I get home, I have an opportunity to be a teacher to him.
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: And secondly, it was he was teaching me the art of storytelling.
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: He was teaching me the art of storytelling and little did I know that later on in life actually that's a rare skill and that people actually would pay lots of money to get that skill.
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: And he was actually crafting this journey for me, even though he didn't quite know where it was going to end.
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: But looking back now, I wish he was here to actually see that.
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: So that is the background to my story and therefore focused on education, and obviously things were not easy.
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: However, that dream and that vision that he gave me became a big focus area.
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: Whatever negative circumstances were happening around me, I could push them at the back of my mind and know that this is temporary.
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: I must focus on where I'm going.
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: So I continued with this bubble and unfortunately, life is full of uncertainties and unexpected turns.
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: While I was still in primary school, towards the later years of my primary school, my grandfather actually passed away and obviously now there was my grandmother who was left, who could do whatever she could to take care of me, and as if that was not enough, my grandmother's health started deteriorating, and so she could also not take care of me.
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: Now the reason I relate to the story about my biological mother in the beginning is actually part of the story.
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: Because of the journey that my biological mother had travelled, her own siblings actually despised her for whatever she had done, so they never wanted anything to do with me.
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: But now, because my grandmother was sick and she couldn't take care of me, she actually had to speak to one of her sons and see if she could take care of me and because I knew that my biological parents were not around.
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: So whoever was taking care of me, they actually did not have an obligation to take care of me.
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: They were doing me a favor.
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: So, as my biological uncle agreed to take care of me, I actually made a promise to him and I said I know he's got his own children, so all I need is a place to live, and I will find a job to pay for my school fees, take myself to school and literally take care of myself.
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: And that's what I did.
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: And circumstances give you opportunities.
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: That gave me an opportunity to be creative and find ways to make money, and I became a sales agent and I used obviously I was underage, I used one of my older cousin's ID, with their consent of course, and applied and became an agent.
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: So I ended up selling linen.
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: There was a company in South Africa called Home Choice, so this is what I would do on weekends and I would end commission and that was enough to take care of myself and um, because I knew that actually my, I have a long-term vision and um, where I was in the community, I was always like a helpful child.
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: One of the one of my neighbors, um, who had actually left them now the township and was in Tashiri, came up to me and said to me there's a school that is opening close to where she goes to school in Tashiri and that's like a town called Belleville in Cape Town.
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: So now from the Kailisha township to Belleville, that's like another 30 kilometers and that's in the suburbs.
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: And I was like you know, know what?
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: This is actually a great opportunity for me.
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: I need to get out of the township and um, get there.
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: So I said, uh to her okay, if you can just take me there for for registration and if I can get into the school, I will find it, don't worry, I just need to get into the school and get admitted into the school and I'll figure out the rest.
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: But I just need to get there.
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: And her mother was a was a domestic worker in the suburbs.
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: So we spoke to her mother and said can she get me?
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: Can she talk to her bosses and get me a school uniform so I can look presentable when I go and apply for school?
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: It um at this, at this school.
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: And um, and her bosses were kind enough, they gave me a navy skirt, a white shirt, a blue and red blazer and so we went to the school.
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: She even did my hair and I looked quite prim and proper.
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: We went to the school.
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: It was a long queue because everyone wanted to get into the school.
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: So I stood in the queue and one of the teachers supported me because I looked so proper, like professional, as one student was so formal.
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: And then she came to me and she was like you look so neat and clean, can I see your school report?
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: And I gave her my school report and then, to her amazement, I was also a straight A student with an average of 95 percent.
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: And then she moved me from where I was to the front of the queue and then she was calling all the teachers.
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: They're so excited to show them my school report and the way I looked.
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: And I got into the school and, um, I continued to the school and obviously on weekends I was uh, I was working to pay, to pay for my school and everything, and the one thing that I did is that I did not tell anyone that I did not have parents and because I was a straight A student, the teachers believed whatever I said.
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: So when there was meetings for parents to come to the school, I always make up excuses why they can't come.
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: They're so busy and I'll just get my school report and move on with life.
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: But from day one at the school, when this teacher has called other teachers, as one particular teacher became super excited to see me and ever since then, every time she would see me at the school, she wants to hug me and she is like at a point where I'll try and avoid her because of all this attention.
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: And then at some point in my high school she actually became one of my class teachers and then she needed.
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: She said no, she needs my from the first term.
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: End of the first term she wants to meet with my parents and give them my report.
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: She doesn't give school reports to kids.
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: So I used all the excuses that I had used in the past and then this one was not budging.
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: She was not buying into the story at all.
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: And for the first time in my life I was like, okay, I mean, I can tell one person my story, I have nothing to lose.
• 13:32
  Speaker 2: So I told her my story and she actually broke down and then she says, from the first day she saw me, she has always prayed that she wants to be my mother and she would feel bad because I mean, surely her mother loves me, why would she pray for someone else's child?
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: And then she, she offered me and she made a decision that she actually liked to adopt me and become my mother.
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: And that is uh then.
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: Then that is another phase in my life where I moved from one extreme to another.
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: I was quite fortunate that she comes from a very big and loving family, so her brothers, her father and her mother embraced me and loved me unconditionally.
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: And I moved from this extreme of having to be an adult and raise myself to now going back to being a child and embrace having parents.
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: And then one of the key things she said to me is that I have to stop working, because at her house she's the mother, I'm the child.
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: I can't work, which was something new for me and I had to navigate through that.
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: But that actually taught me a lot, because it was about as a human being.
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: It doesn't matter how intelligent you are, you need other human beings.
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: There's a lot that you can learn from other human beings.
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: I think the kindness and the humility taught me to have compassion for people as well, even though at some point I never received that compassion.
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: But that opened me up.
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: And now, as an adult, as a qualified professional, that's one of the key things that has actually made me a better leader and an effective leader.
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: And so, yeah, that has been the two years of my high school a normal family, then stepping into into tertiary tertiary I went to to uct what?
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: That's one of the things that I didn't have to deal with?
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: The fact that I could be normal and say I have a family, I have a mother, and prior to that I was not even comfortable having friends because I didn't want to explain why I don't have parents.
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: So at least that was one less thing to worry about, so I'll pause there, because I think that's quite a lot, and see if there's anything that you actually want to ponder on there 100%.
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: I was going to say, before you get into your tertiary, can we pause and unpack some of that, sheree?
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: Can we pause and unpack some of that, thambeca?
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: I mean, I'm hearing this for the second time and I still find it amazing.
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: I still find it inspiring, but there is such a lot to unpack.
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: If you don't mind, I'm going to try and ask you a few things.
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: So look first off, the impact that your grandfather had on you was obviously phenomenal, and I mean you mentioned some of the learnings that, or the experiences that he taught you, and you know the comment about.
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: You know that no one can take your brain away, and that's what you should use and the art of storytelling.
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: Tell me a little bit more about the impact that your grandfather had on you, and then, unfortunately, the impact when he passed on, because he passed on when you were still a very, very young child, and I mean the resilience that you must have had and the self-belief that you must have taken at that time from such a life-changing event.
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: Talk to me a little bit about your grandfather, because he sounds utterly amazing.
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: He really was an amazing human being and I guess, for me, the most important thing about what he told me was the fact that, as a human being, when you are born, just be yourself.
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: You actually have a lot to create and make life happen for yourself, without physical and natural resources that other people are born into as yourself, your self-belief and your self-awareness, and knowing that the things that you have within your body, your brain so for some people it's like a talent for sports just believing in yourself, that can take you far in life.
• 17:55
  Speaker 2: However, also having someone who is going to speak positivity in your life and take you out of the noise of the circumstances that that you find yourself in and be able to actually just focus on the positivity that, for me, helped me mature as a.
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: As a child, I had to make um.
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: It forced me to make mature decisions and I think the vision that he gave me that actually, whatever you're going through, it's, it's temporary, but this is the journey and then this is the.
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: These are the possibilities that could, that could happen for you, and in every achievement that I had, um, he would always find a way to to actually get me something to celebrate.
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: So one of the days I would look forward to is when I get my school report, and then he would say that it's not going anywhere because he knows I'm going to get straight A's and then if I have the highest marks, like I'm the top of the top in my school, then he'll find a way to buy me a gift.
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: And, looking back, I mean he didn't have much but he kept those promises and because I knew he would keep those promises, and then he would say to me, beginning of the term, this is what I'm saving him for, because I know when you bring a school report, these are the results that you're going to have to have that.
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: So that actually helped me to focus and that helped me to actually work hard and to to have a bigger vision and know that you can have an impact on someone else.
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: It was not, it's not just my dream, it was our dream.
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: So even when he, um, when he passed away so it was um, it was okay, he, he is gone, he, he passed away and um, like I went back to the lesson he taught me.
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: There's nothing I can do.
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: I can't bring him back, but what I do have is my brain.
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: What I do have is what he taught me in the vision he gave me.
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: So the best way for me to do actually is to honor him and become all that he aspired for me to become, and this art of storytelling.
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: What it did for me is that I listened in class attentively, I asked questions and made sure I understand everything because I could go and tell the story to him.
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: This is what it is and obviously he would ask questions and there were questions that I cannot answer and I'll go back to the teacher and ask the questions and I'll ask the teacher the more books that I can read, because I wanted to make sure I can answer all his questions, because if I can't answer the questions, that means I'm not not focused enough at school.
• 20:40
  Speaker 2: What it then did for me is, um, one of the key things was that during school holidays because I didn't have toys I'd get the books from the teacher and actually go through whatever we're going to do for for the next term and make sure I know it.
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: And I became the, the teacher's helper, like when people are struggling in class, because I'd finish my work quickly and I would.
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: I would help them out and that art of storytelling and explaining things to people and finding ways to take complex things and simplify them for others to understand.
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: That has helped me a lot as a leader.
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: That's one thing that I do so well is to actually look at what my teams are struggling with and then how do I then simplify it and make it easier for them and when I do that, the growth that you see in them.
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: So, like I think I was quite fortunate.
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: I find I think, as one of you people was quite fortunate to actually learn that skill at such at such a young age yeah, I mean that's amazing and you've you've unpacked that beautifully, and I mean, essentially, what it comes down to is values, value set.
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: It comes down to respect and empathy for for others and for others to give you the compassion to, to enable you to grow, and that's obviously something that you've brought into your, your leadership roles, which, which, which is phenomenal.
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: Can I ask a question?
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: I mean, you know, so much happened to you at such a young age and, ok, you were surrounded by, you know, your grandfather and the kindness of others, with this neighbor and then, ultimately, the teacher, but I'm sure there were times where you, you really just felt, really, can you just stop, can you just stop giving me all this, this grief?
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: And you know what?
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: How did you navigate that at such a young age?
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: Because undoubtedly you went through dark times that at such a young age, because undoubtedly you, you went through dark times.
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: Yes, I know that, that is that is true, that I showed and thank you for, for for bringing that up.
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: So, even though my grandfather sold me this vision, um, obviously there's a reality and then you can't always live in the bubble.
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: And then I had moments like that, and I do.
• 23:01
  Speaker 2: If I remember to go back to a specific event, um, I remember I cleared at the age of seven, I was playing with my friends and then obviously this talk continues.
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: Christmas is coming up, they talk about what they want for Christmas gifts and and all of that, and obviously I could never have that and I could never even ask my grand, expect that from my grandparents, because they were struggling to just put me through to school.
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: And, um, that day I got so depressed that I couldn't actually take myself out of that depression and I actually moved out of the the group and sat by myself and I said what is the point of all of this?
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: Um, what value is this gonna add?
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: Um, this is just too painful, I can't take it.
• 23:42
  Speaker 2: And so at that point I thought maybe it would be better if I, if I, die.
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: So it's normal for people to actually struggle and suffer, but in the end they, they, they succeed.
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: And at that point in time, I, I knew that, um, someone knew that.
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: Okay, so I have my grandfather supporting me, but there is God and there's Jesus.
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: And then, if I sit and pray, actually things happen for me and that actually became my strength and my everything, even though at the time I had not gone to church.
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: But my vision, my everything, was that, okay, whatever I was going through, actually I'm going to turn out like Jesus because in the end, he achieved what he wanted to achieve and that's what kept me going, even when my grandparents were not around.
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: And then, even when I found myself some days with no food and nothing, and I was like I'm fine, I can survive, jesus went for 40 days without food.
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: I mean, this is nothing.
• 24:44
  Speaker 2: When I said I'm getting into the school and I don't know how I was going to pay, I knew that, okay, all I need to do is actually study and then I'm going to pray.
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: God will make things happen.
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: And therefore, for me, my religion is actually something that I'm deeply rooted in and that's what helped me actually to get through everything and whatever challenges I had in life and to overcome those moments where you feel overwhelmed and you feel depressed, to know that actually there's a higher being that actually has supernatural power more than you, that is in charge of the universe and can make things happen for you and at the point when you need help and make sure that people come around and help you.
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: Like I'm the teacher who then became my mother and throughout my career, there's people who offered to mentor me, people offered to sponsor me and just be there.
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: So I think that that that is a one of the big things for me yeah, and look, thank you for being so honest and open there and I'm aware that there may have been some.
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: You know that was difficult to talk about and it may actually be triggering for some people listening.
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: So, you know, I think the message here is you know, be kind to yourselves.
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: You know, seek help if you need it, but also the compassion and empathy for others we never know when somebody might need that kind word or that shoulder.
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: And obviously that woman you talked to that came at a very, very important time for you and thank you for sharing that that your teacher which is a phenomenal story when your teacher, you know, kind of took you into her family and indeed adopted you.
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: And you made a comment there which I found fascinating, that you essentially went from being an adult to becoming a child.
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: And you know you had been forced throughout your young childhood to essentially look out for yourself to very much, as you said, you know, I mean I've written down words here resilience, entrepreneur.
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: I mean you were selling from a very young age to fund yourself through school, so but you went from being an adult, a child who was acting as an adult, to becoming a child.
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: And and how difficult was that to essentially assume the role of somebody else looking out for you Was?
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: Was that something that was easy?
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: Or was it hard to take help from others, or was that something that you fell into quite easily?
• 27:28
  Speaker 2: No, actually it is something that is very, very hard for me, right?
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: Because all my life I had this belief that actually no one is responsible for me, because the people brought me into this world and abandoned me, so I can't expect any anything else from anyone, so I'm responsible for myself.
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: And then that shift for me was I was quite significant, and looking at her is she was the teacher.
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: It's not like she had a, she had a lot of money and then she she had her own kids to look after.
• 28:06
  Speaker 2: She, she was a single mother and I felt like her, taking me on, I'm actually adding uh to her, I'm adding to her plate, I'm becoming a burden to her, and hence I was like, okay, I'm working and this is a check.
• 28:22
  Speaker 2: And then she said no, here you're not, said no, here you're not a child, you're not a parent, I am the parent, you are a child and be a child.
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: So I think that the first year was actually quite difficult for me, and also, I had never known she's very loving, she's very affectionate.
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: So my grandparents were very loving, but my grandparents were very loving, but my grandparents are very logical.
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: This is, this is what you need.
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: You do, what you need to do, whereas there it was like do whatever you want to do your child, whatever you need it's, it's on me.
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: It was very difficult for me to to accept and then I had to find a way to accept it.
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: But I never accepted it completely, because then I had to find a way now to say, okay, she doesn't want me to work, but what can I do to make sure that my presence makes her life easier?
• 29:14
  Speaker 2: So then I'll do things like okay, I'm going to wake up very early in the morning, even on Saturdays I'll be up at 5am.
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: I'll clean the house before they all wake up.
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: When they wake up I'll bring them breakfast in bed, because at least I'm bringing something to the table, I'm contributing something to the table.
• 29:32
  Speaker 2: I'm going to try my best to be perfect as much as I can, because I don't want to stress it and all of that, even as a teenager.
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: She always jokes and then she says she tells parents that it's possible to have a perfect teenager because she had one and things like that, and because I had grown up doing my own hair and stuff like that, she actually stopped going to the hair salon.
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: I would do her hair and I was quite creative.
• 29:58
  Speaker 2: I would make my own masks with eggs and honey and give her face shields and things like that.
• 30:05
  Speaker 2: So I still found ways to to contribute and I guess because of how my childhood was.
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: Even now, as an adult, like wherever I am, I always even whether it's at work or it's at home, whether it's in a friendship or anything I always feel like I actually I have to add something, I have to contribute something.
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: There must be a positive reason for me to be around here, otherwise why am I here?
• 30:33
  Speaker 2: I can't just be a burden in the boardroom.
• 30:35
  Speaker 2: Everything.
• 30:35
  Speaker 2: I must have a voice, I must bring something to the table, I must solve a problem.
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: There must be an uplift or a positive contribution that I make wherever I am.
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: So I guess that's what that whole situation taught me.
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: Well, believe me, you absolutely are making a contribution and a difference and bringing a lot to the table, and I just hope that at some point in time, thimbeke, you're able and and and look at your achievements and really give yourself a good old pat on the back, because it's amazing, can I, can I ask you the question, then the big question so your grandfather had the plans for you to be a doctor.
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: What happened?
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: He ended up an accountant.
• 31:22
  Speaker 2: Yes, so because I mean I was a a very focused childhood.
• 31:25
  Speaker 2: I had no time to.
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: I was, as a focused child, adult yes, yes yes.
• 31:32
  Speaker 2: So I think when I was in grade can I must think this was standard eight, I think it was grade 10 so I decided okay, so let me go during school holidays and go and volunteer at a children's hospital in Cape Town.
• 31:46
  Speaker 2: It was called Red Cross yes, red Cross.
• 31:51
  Speaker 2: And then I went there and I mean I was quite a courageous child because if I think about it now for any child to just take a taxi and go to a hospital and get there, I'm like, listen, I would like to volunteer because I have a dream of becoming a doctor and I had a way of convincing people to buy into my stories anyway.
• 32:09
  Speaker 2: So they gave me this opportunity to be there for two weeks.
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: And then those two weeks where every time I went home I was so depressed because I could not separate what I saw in the hospital to what I was doing at home.
• 32:21
  Speaker 2: And then then I was even struck into sleep because I was just so taken and because it was small children by the suffering and that I'd seen the.
• 32:31
  Speaker 2: And then I realized that I can't live like this because I mean, as a child I had my own stresses.
• 32:37
  Speaker 2: As an adult I also don't want a job that I'm going to carry into my sleep.
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: And then I had to go back to the drawing board and figure out what is it that I could do with my life.
• 32:48
  Speaker 2: And I think I was fortunate in the sense that I think when you're a top achiever at school, teachers listen to you and all the teachers.
• 32:59
  Speaker 2: There's accounting, there's science teachers everyone was fighting to have me because they know that they're going to have a top student.
• 33:06
  Speaker 2: So I spoke to the teacher.
• 33:08
  Speaker 2: I said listen, I hear what you guys are saying.
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: You all want me in your class, but I actually have to find what's best for me.
• 33:14
  Speaker 2: And then I thought I would be a doctor.
• 33:16
  Speaker 2: But this science thing is not working and one of the teachers they arranged for me to go through a career assessment thing.
• 33:25
  Speaker 2: I went and did this career assessment and then one of the things that came out is that actually I'm one of those people that can learn anything and become anything that I want to be.
• 33:37
  Speaker 2: I should not force myself to specialize in one thing.
• 33:40
  Speaker 2: And then they said there's for good, with numbers, there's a career opportunity of becoming a chartered accountant and it opens doors for you.
• 33:50
  Speaker 2: You can be a business woman and you can do anything that you want to be.
• 33:54
  Speaker 2: So I was like, oh, okay, I love accounting anyway, so that's what I'm going to do.
• 33:59
  Speaker 2: And then that's how I decided, okay, I'm going to become a CA and obviously I'll go and do research.
• 34:03
  Speaker 2: And that's how I decided I'm going to go to UCT.
• 34:05
  Speaker 2: And yeah, that is actually how I became a chartered accountant.
• 34:10
  Speaker 2: And I still had my grandfather's dream that now, instead of being a doctor, I was going to be a businesswoman and I was still going to buy all these clothes and all those things that I wanted.
• 34:20
  Speaker 2: So that is how I changed careers from thinking I was going to be a doctor to actually being a chartered accountant.
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: Well, thank you to that career assessment, because without that we would not have you in the profession.
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: So that's a win for us.
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: Personally, I have to believe that a lot of it is to do with your value set.
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: I do believe the chartered accountancy is very much a value profession and, you know, I think there's definitely a match there.
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: But undoubtedly whatever you put your hand to you would be a success.
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: Can I flip to?
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: I know you're a mum.
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: Now it's two children, is it?
• 35:04
  Speaker 2: Yes, two children.
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: I have a boy who is 10 and turning 11 next month, and I have a daughter who's a mini me, who is seven and turning eight next month, but you switch is turning 18 okay, well, the world watch out, because I don't know if there's enough room in the world for two of you, but uh, that's fascinating.
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: Becoming a mum was there.
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: You know how did you find that?
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: And I guess, from listening to you, was there a risk that I certainly know as a mum myself, that you know some of the traits you bring as a mum are moulded by your lived experiences and maybe some of the things that bring as a as a mom are molded by your lived experiences and maybe some of the things that happened you as a child, was there a risk that you maybe became a little bit over protective and tried to protect them from some of the aspects that that that you witnessed or you saw, um, and and, and, or am I wrong?
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: Or what was the learnings that your entire life has brought to to you as as as a mom?
• 36:05
  Speaker 2: okay, so I guess, um, what I can say is that, yes, having a career for myself was, um, one dream that I have and a goal that I had to achieve, but, more importantly, actually, the one thing that I wanted more than anything in life was to have a family of my own and to become a mother, and I was fortunate that I know what it's like to not have a mother and I know what it's like to have an awesome mother, and so my children were always part of, even when I was starting, whatever I was doing, I was doing for these future children, and therefore even falling in love.
• 36:42
  Speaker 2: I had to audit whoever I had a crush on, and this crush must not go any further.
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: I love that you had to audit your crushes.
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: That has to be a quote, yeah.
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: Yes, that's advice for every young girl Don't just have a crush and fall in love.
• 37:00
  Speaker 2: Blindly Audit everything.
• 37:02
  Speaker 2: So my husband was audited because he had to be an amazing father who was going to put children first, and that is always my goal.
• 37:10
  Speaker 2: That I put I have.
• 37:11
  Speaker 2: I put my children first and obviously, given I am an overprotective mother, you can call me a mama bear.
• 37:22
  Speaker 2: You know, um, at work they nickname me Dynamite because I'm very outspoken and I'm very sure of myself.
• 37:30
  Speaker 2: And I would say to them actually you know what tembeka work is very mild.
• 37:36
  Speaker 2: You must meet mommy tembeka, then you know they are my proper mom.
• 37:40
  Speaker 2: I'm very overproductive of my kids.
• 37:42
  Speaker 2: However, at the same time I'm also very strict in terms of discipline and and everything.
• 37:48
  Speaker 2: So my children don't actually know my story because they're still quite young to know my story, but what they know is that mommy does not like lies.
• 37:58
  Speaker 2: You must always tell the truth, you must always do your best and she will have your back, she will protect you, she will give you whatever you need, but if you don't do your part, there are consequences.
• 38:13
  Speaker 2: So I do have that balance, however overprotective I admit it I am, and my husband always cautioned me and say that you know what.
• 38:24
  Speaker 2: I know that, um, you want to give your children whatever you did not have.
• 38:27
  Speaker 2: You want to shield them from the pain that you did not have.
• 38:30
  Speaker 2: But maybe sometimes you're over you're, you're over affectionate and I'm like you know what, you people who've always had your parents, sometimes you take the smallest things for granted.
• 38:43
  Speaker 2: I said for me you can call me overprotective or whatever I know the pain of yearning for a mother who is not there and I know the pain of yearning for a mother and she's there.
• 38:55
  Speaker 2: So at any given point I will never say you know what?
• 38:59
  Speaker 2: I'm spoiling my kids for giving them too much affection and and support.
• 39:03
  Speaker 2: I'll give it to them because that's something that I never had and I do not want, I do not wish for any child.
• 39:10
  Speaker 2: It doesn't matter if it's not mine to actually go through that, because I know that pain and I still remember that pain.
• 39:16
  Speaker 2: But I also think that it has actually made me such an amazing mother, like um.
• 39:21
  Speaker 2: You know, I always say that, um, I was forced to be an adult.
• 39:25
  Speaker 2: That can also, like you, can, turn anything into a blessing now with my kids.
• 39:30
  Speaker 2: I spend so much time with my kids.
• 39:32
  Speaker 2: I entertain them, I spend like December.
• 39:35
  Speaker 2: I take four weeks off leave in December.
• 39:37
  Speaker 2: I spend every single day of them with them and give them an opportunity to actually be a child and do the things that I missed out as a child, that I'd never had an opportunity to, and it energizes me, it keeps me young, it helps me to de-stress with and take a break from adulting.
• 39:52
  Speaker 2: So I think it's a beautiful gift.
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: That's brilliant and thank you.
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: Thank you again for being so honest and sharing your true story.
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: Then, becca, I could talk to you for hours and hours and, who knows, this may be the first session where we do episode two of Difference Makers Discuss, but I probably do need to begin to wrap this up, and I've been jotting things down and I mean some of the takeaways that I have had from our chat is you know there's so much and I know everyone will get so much, but some of the takeaways for me is you know the importance of values, the importance of self-belief, the art of storytelling and what that can bring to your entire life, the need for compassion, bringing things to the table, whatever you do, I think, the importance of experimenting and the courage of a decision.
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: I mean, I was struck by that when you went into the you know, experienced nursing or the Red Cross, and then had the courage to actually say you know this isn't for me, and then turning everything into a blessing and taking a message from everything.
• 40:55
  Speaker 1: There is so much that you have brought to this and thank you for being so open.
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: If I was to leave you with the final word, dynamite, what would you say to the audience?
• 41:10
  Speaker 2: Firstly, thank you so so much.
• 41:11
  Speaker 2: I could also talk for hours.
• 41:13
  Speaker 2: I guess you can see like I could tell stories for days.
• 41:15
  Speaker 2: Thank you for having me, and I hope everyone would have learned something.
• 41:20
  Speaker 2: But, um, actually, my favorite favorite quote that I would like to leave everyone with and this applies to whether you're a seasoned executive and whether you're a new trainee is this poem, and I think it's.
• 41:36
  Speaker 2: It's a very familiar poem, everyone knows it.
• 41:39
  Speaker 2: Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
• 41:42
  Speaker 2: Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
• 41:47
  Speaker 2: It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
• 41:51
  Speaker 2: We ask ourselves who am I to be?
• 41:56
  Speaker 2: Brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous.
• 41:58
  Speaker 2: Actually, who are you not to be?
• 42:01
  Speaker 2: I won't read all of it, I'll stop there, and I think, as human beings, we're always cautioned about don't be overconfident, because it can be arrogance.
• 42:17
  Speaker 2: It can be, and then that can lead you to actually doubt yourself, and it's something that I still battle with.
• 42:25
  Speaker 2: So, however, reading this poem over and over again, it made me realize that, actually, the one thing that stops us is to say that imagine if I can be this, and then you think about all the other people that you think will be offended by that, and then you actually start toning down what you want to do.
• 42:49
  Speaker 2: However, on the flip side, it's that we all have insecurities, we all have fears.
• 42:57
  Speaker 2: It doesn't matter whether you're born into a rich environment.
• 42:59
  Speaker 2: It doesn't matter whether you had parents you did not.
• 43:01
  Speaker 2: All of us, intrinsically, as human beings, we do have that.
• 43:04
  Speaker 2: However, we all need to find courage to actually overcome those insecurities and those fears, because by doing that and allowing yourself to be the gift that you are created to be in the world, you don't know how many people you're setting free.
• 43:22
  Speaker 2: You actually don't know how many people you are actually unknowingly handing over the baton to actually be a light and uplift others, and then that's how we change the world and that's how we uplift others.
• 43:36
  Speaker 2: So, whether you are starting your training or you find yourself in your career, think about that.
• 43:41
  Speaker 2: And the second one will be like self-awareness be aware of your strengths, be aware of your, of your development areas and surround yourself with people are different from you that you can learn from.
• 43:53
  Speaker 2: But, knowing your strengths, find a way to make sure that you become the obvious choice among your peers when these opportunities that you are interested in.
• 44:05
  Speaker 2: How do you differentiate yourself and make sure that, whoever has to pick someone, you are the obvious choice for the things that you are interested in?
• 44:14
  Speaker 2: I think that would be my advice and I hope this will help someone, even if it helps one person.
• 44:21
  Speaker 2: That's my hope.
• 44:23
  Speaker 2: Thank you for having me.
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: Then Becca.
• 44:26
  Speaker 1: I have no doubt this will help a lot of people and there is so much takeaways, as I said, that people can take from it.
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: Thank you for that summation.
• 44:33
  Speaker 1: Find courage to overcome your securities.
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much for your time.
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: Well done, you've had an amazing journey.
• 44:44
  Speaker 1: I know you're only halfway through and I wish you the best in the next chapter.
• 44:50
  Speaker 1: I will watch out for you and I definitely will watch out for mini me coming behind you.
• 44:54
  Speaker 1: So to the audience, thank you so much for staying with us.
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: I look forward to the comments that are posted after this discussion, because Thambeca has just been amazing.
• 45:08
  Speaker 1: It's been another great episode of Difference Makers Discuss, and thank you so much for joining us today.
• 45:16
  Speaker 1: I wish you well wherever you may be throughout the Chartered Accountants family worldwide.
• 45:20
  Speaker 1: Thank you.