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Andy Stanley - Parenting Through a Pandemic · Andy Stanley Sermons

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: We're glad that you guys have dialed in.
• 0:03
  Speaker 2: I know, for us as parents, we have been looking
• 0:07
  Speaker 2: forward to this just to hear some wisdom from them.
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: And you know, they're.
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: Ahead of us in stages and they have a lot
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: to offer, so we're really excited to hear what they
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: have to say.
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: So that is andy.
• 0:20
  Speaker 3: So yeah, yeah, I feel like it's just so valuable
• 0:23
  Speaker 3: to be able to talk to parents who are a
• 0:24
  Speaker 3: little beyond the stage where you are, And so for
• 0:26
  Speaker 3: us with a high schooler, middle schooler, and elementary schooler,
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  Speaker 3: I've just been looking forward to talking to them and
• 0:32
  Speaker 3: hearing their insight about how to parent through this season,
• 0:35
  Speaker 3: and especially with the added layer of parenting through a pandemic.
• 0:39
  Speaker 3: I think, you know, none of us could have imagined
• 0:41
  Speaker 3: where we'd be at this point in twenty twenty, and
• 0:44
  Speaker 3: so it's just exciting to be able to talk about
• 0:46
  Speaker 3: it and talk about at least the filters by which
• 0:48
  Speaker 3: we're trying to make decisions.
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: You know, in my life right now, I'm parenting in
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  Speaker 2: a normal season is hard, and it's just exponentially harder
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  Speaker 2: right now. So we're just glad to have this opportunity
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: to talk with you guys to talk with the Indian Sandra.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: And we will. Yeah for the rest.
• 1:05
  Speaker 4: Hey, you're really good stall dollars.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: So you said great stuff. It was so good that
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: we want to make sure people hear it.
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: So we're going to start back over at the top
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: and just ask real quickly, how long have you guys
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: been married and how old are you kids?
• 1:24
  Speaker 4: So we're really starting over.
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we were told we're starting over, so like.
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  Speaker 4: Well, they're older than they were the first time. Go ahead, Sandra, Okay,
• 1:35
  Speaker 4: so we married thirty two years. That's I know. That
• 1:37
  Speaker 4: answered quest.
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  Speaker 5: He knows that we had our thirty second wedding anniversary
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  Speaker 5: last week and our kids are Andrews twenty eight, Garrett
• 1:45
  Speaker 5: is twenty six. He's married to Danielle. Alie is twenty four.
• 1:50
  Speaker 5: She's married to Clay And as I mentioned before, we
• 1:54
  Speaker 5: had a COVID nineteen Monday wedding for Alie, which was
• 1:58
  Speaker 5: lovely and actually it turned out perfect, just not exactly
• 2:02
  Speaker 5: what we planned. And we have been foster parents for
• 2:05
  Speaker 5: ten years, so we've had kids in and.
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  Speaker 6: Out with FoST here.
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  Speaker 1: That is awesome.
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  Speaker 3: Well, you know we've said before that word unprecedented keeps
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  Speaker 3: being used to describe the time that we're in right now,
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  Speaker 3: and so I would just love to hear, and I'm
• 2:18
  Speaker 3: sure everyone would love to hear, Like, what kind of
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  Speaker 3: insight do you have in terms of how to parent
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  Speaker 3: in this completely unprecedented season.
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  Speaker 7: Well, I was live during the first pandemic, Sander wasn't
• 2:30
  Speaker 7: so I that wasn't funny the second time a little
• 2:36
  Speaker 7: bit of an age difference, So we don't know. But
• 2:40
  Speaker 7: here's here's what I thought about when I saw that question.
• 2:42
  Speaker 4: Because it's a great question.
• 2:44
  Speaker 7: As parents, we cannot help but compare the kids, and
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  Speaker 7: we compare ourselves as their parents, And in a time
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  Speaker 7: like this, I think it exaggerates that, and I think
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  Speaker 7: it basically shows how ridiculous that is, even though it's
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  Speaker 7: almost impossible to resist. So I would say to parents, Look,
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  Speaker 7: you're fear is that your kids are falling behind. They're not,
• 3:03
  Speaker 7: because the whole falling behind thing is a myth and
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  Speaker 7: we live with that and we parent with that.
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  Speaker 4: Oh no, am I keeping up? Are they keeping up?
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  Speaker 7: And then just a little heads up once they hit
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  Speaker 7: twelfth grade, nobody's going to be measuring their progress by
• 3:15
  Speaker 7: twelve month inclements anymore. At end suddenly you remember that.
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  Speaker 7: So I'd say, just relax. The thing that's going to
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  Speaker 7: determine their success is not whether they keep up with
• 3:26
  Speaker 7: their peers this year in school. It is one year
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  Speaker 7: within the context of their whole educational experience, within the
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  Speaker 7: context of their whole life. And they're going to be
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  Speaker 7: fine because you're being a great parent. It's their talent,
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  Speaker 7: their skill, their faith, their character, and their consistency that
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  Speaker 7: makes the difference in the long haul.
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  Speaker 4: Just take the pressure off and just kind of and
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  Speaker 4: again it's easier for us to.
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  Speaker 7: Say, but in hindsight, my worst parenting moments was when
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  Speaker 7: I fell into the comparison trap trying to make sure
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  Speaker 7: they we're keeping up with their friends and we were
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  Speaker 7: keeping up as parents.
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  Speaker 4: It just created unnecessary pressure. And there's no way in
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  Speaker 4: comparison in your kids.
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  Speaker 7: Our kids sense when comparison is creeping into our parents.
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  Speaker 6: Child, right, And I would just say, too, is it
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  Speaker 6: is unprecedented.
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  Speaker 5: Nobody has done this before, and so give yourselves a
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  Speaker 5: little bit of extra grace. I mean, we're all, you know,
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  Speaker 5: trying new things, figuring out new schedules and new little
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  Speaker 5: systems in our homes, and so have constant conversations with
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  Speaker 5: kids into the conversation to help you get right and
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  Speaker 5: to all you know, and those conversations about everybody just
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  Speaker 5: needs to do a little more each other and maybe
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  Speaker 5: you know all go to our rooms from time to time.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, So I want to ask a question about pace
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  Speaker 2: of life. Everyone's kind of been forced to slow down
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  Speaker 2: for a little while. So for this season, you know,
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  Speaker 2: a lot of things are taken out of our schedules
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  Speaker 2: and now we're starting to kind of add things back
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  Speaker 2: in little little So as we're doing that, what advice
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  Speaker 2: do you have on how to make those decisions, how
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  Speaker 2: to manage your schedule so that you prioritize the things
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  Speaker 2: that matter most.
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  Speaker 7: Well, we think this is a great question, but for
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  Speaker 7: us to answer that question, I need to provide a
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  Speaker 7: little bit of content that really shape how we answer
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  Speaker 7: all the questions from this point forward. Every parent is
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  Speaker 7: parenting towards some.
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  Speaker 4: Sort of north star.
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  Speaker 7: There's something in the back, and I think most parents
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  Speaker 7: aren't even aware of what it is. There's something that's
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  Speaker 7: driving you as a parent, that you're that informs your
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  Speaker 7: decisions or drives your decisions.
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  Speaker 4: And when there's two.
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  Speaker 7: Parents in the home, if they weren't aren't operating the
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  Speaker 7: same page.
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  Speaker 4: They have two different north stars at the station.
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  Speaker 7: But I think it's very important for parents to stop
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  Speaker 7: and ask question, what am I parenting tour? I made
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  Speaker 7: a list of things, and I think one of the
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  Speaker 7: things that helped Sandra and Olad is we were in
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  Speaker 7: student ministry together for ten years working.
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  Speaker 4: With high school.
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  Speaker 7: We saw a lot of bad examples, and we saw
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  Speaker 7: two or three really good examples that we learned from
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  Speaker 7: from parents who seem to have gotten this right. So
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  Speaker 7: parents parents out of fear. They parent out of protection.
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  Speaker 7: You've got to protect my kids out of ego. How
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  Speaker 7: are my kids reflecting on me? How they look, what
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  Speaker 7: they wear, what they say. Suddenly it becomes all about me,
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  Speaker 7: their education driven parents. There's going to make sure my
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  Speaker 7: kids have the best education. They may never speak to
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  Speaker 7: me again, but by golly, they're going to have good
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  Speaker 7: grades and you know the school. Then there's the Then
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  Speaker 7: there's the.
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  Speaker 4: I'm not going to parent like my parents parenting. There's
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  Speaker 4: so much of this. I'm not going to be like
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  Speaker 4: my dad, I'm not going to be.
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  Speaker 5: Like my mom.
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  Speaker 7: And that is what Adam Johnson calls a knock goal
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  Speaker 7: I'm not going to be like my.
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  Speaker 4: Parents in a knock. Goal is not a good goal.
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  Speaker 7: So I think asking the question what am my parenting towards?
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  Speaker 7: And then asking the question what should we be parenting toward?
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  Speaker 7: And when parents come to a conclusion, and especially if
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  Speaker 7: they come together around a simple what is the north star,
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  Speaker 7: then questions like pay and some of the other questions
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  Speaker 7: we're going to talk about, those things become.
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  Speaker 4: Much easier to decide. So for us, our goal, our
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  Speaker 4: north star is we decided when Andrew was in a
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  Speaker 4: parson that we are north.
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  Speaker 7: Star was that our kids would want to be with
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  Speaker 7: and want to be together when they no longer had
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  Speaker 7: to be That they would want to be with us
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  Speaker 7: and want to be together when they no longer had
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  Speaker 7: to be. So our north star was a relationship star.
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  Speaker 7: So we have parented or tried to consistently forward those relationships.
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  Speaker 4: And Sanders got We'll tell you a couple of stories
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  Speaker 4: later on.
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  Speaker 7: But I think before we, you know, any parent gets
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  Speaker 7: into the nitty gritty nuts and balls, you got to ask.
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  Speaker 4: You know, what's the goal?
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  Speaker 1: What?
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  Speaker 4: What is it?
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  Speaker 7: Just?
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  Speaker 4: Protect me?
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  Speaker 7: Is it?
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  Speaker 2: Health?
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  Speaker 4: Is an education and everything? So for us we just
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  Speaker 4: decided it was those adult relationship.
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  Speaker 5: Right, that's right, and since we were peering forward the relationship,
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  Speaker 5: you know, once you once you establish that, then you
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  Speaker 5: have to back figure out, Okay, if we're going to
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  Speaker 5: try to establish a pace so that we can get
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  Speaker 5: to that finishing the way that we want to get
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  Speaker 5: to it, what needs to be cut out? And that
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  Speaker 5: brings us to your question of you know, how, how
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  Speaker 5: did we determine what things were yeses and what knows
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  Speaker 5: as it relates to.
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  Speaker 6: The pace of life we want to have.
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  Speaker 5: And so once we identified what's a realistic pace for us,
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  Speaker 5: then we had to do the heavy lifting of then.
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  Speaker 6: What needs to go, what says what needs to go?
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  Speaker 6: What do we say as to what do we say
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  Speaker 6: no to?
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  Speaker 7: For me?
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  Speaker 5: In that season of heavy duty heavy lifting of parenting years,
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  Speaker 5: I was homeschooling our kids like so many people are
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  Speaker 5: doing during this pandemic, and so I decided there's some
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  Speaker 5: categories of things that a categorical knows for me in
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  Speaker 5: this season, and the way that we put words around
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  Speaker 5: that was this is a no for now, not necessarily,
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  Speaker 5: not necessarily a no for always. For me, I had
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  Speaker 5: to say no to a tide hustle. I had to
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  Speaker 5: say to you know, go in and having coffees and
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  Speaker 5: lunches and all that time just for that season. Those
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  Speaker 5: were some categorical knows because I knew that if I
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  Speaker 5: wanted to do this home school thing, well, I was
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  Speaker 5: going to have to be focused and that would be
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  Speaker 5: for my kids but also for me and to have
• 9:27
  Speaker 5: some sanity.
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  Speaker 6: So so we identify.
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  Speaker 5: Those things that were and those knows for now, and
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  Speaker 5: that was super helpful. It was harder for me because
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  Speaker 5: I have a harder time saying no. I don't like
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  Speaker 5: to disappoint people.
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  Speaker 6: And he could say no, he's fine right now.
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  Speaker 4: So you can't survive ministry. True.
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  Speaker 5: I had to practice saying no, and there are some
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  Speaker 5: very great ways you can say no that I actually
• 9:56
  Speaker 5: ended up giving other people permission to reevaluate and those
• 10:01
  Speaker 5: at the same time.
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  Speaker 4: So yeah, so it was no for now, but not
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  Speaker 4: for us, no for now. But and so we just.
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  Speaker 7: Categorically there were just categories of things that and coming
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  Speaker 7: back to our north star, these categories were determined by
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  Speaker 7: what makes us relationships rich and what undermines the relationships.
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  Speaker 7: Because for us, this wasn't about we didn't want our
• 10:25
  Speaker 7: kids to be experienced rich and relationally poor. And experience
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  Speaker 7: is another thing that drives parenting time. We just want
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  Speaker 7: our kids and every experience to go to everything, participate
• 10:35
  Speaker 7: in everything. We just once we decided we were, you know,
• 10:39
  Speaker 7: navigating sword of relationship, it was just easy for us, yeah,
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  Speaker 7: to you know, not be overscheduled.
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  Speaker 4: So that was a long answer. That's an important question.
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  Speaker 3: That's great, that's great, such good insight. When you talk
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  Speaker 3: to any group of parents, especially parents of young children,
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  Speaker 3: I feel like the topic of discipline always comes up.
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  Speaker 3: And I think I've heard before you guys had the
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  Speaker 3: three filters that you use when it came to discipline.
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  Speaker 3: Could you share that with us to night?
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  Speaker 4: Yeah.
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  Speaker 5: Yeah, when right when we had Andrew, we were having
• 11:09
  Speaker 5: dinner with some friends who were a little further down
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  Speaker 5: by the road of parenting than we were, and so
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  Speaker 5: I'll never forget we had this very conversation about discipline
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  Speaker 5: and they said they used the three DS disobedience, dishonesty,
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  Speaker 5: and disrespect and that kind of as we thought through
• 11:26
  Speaker 5: it later and talked through it later, it sort of
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  Speaker 5: covered all the issues that we felt like were the
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  Speaker 5: big deal ones. It was dishonesty, disobedience, and disrespect, and
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  Speaker 5: so those were the things you're parenting. There are things
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  Speaker 5: happening all day long. You're sitting everything out, trying to
• 11:41
  Speaker 5: figure stuff out, and there are things you just pretend
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  Speaker 5: like you don't see, you know, because you don't want
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  Speaker 5: to deal with that or whatever. But when it was dishonesty,
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  Speaker 5: disobedience or disrespect, we knew we couldn't ignore those and
• 11:51
  Speaker 5: we needed to be consistent and we needed to be
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  Speaker 5: on it all the time. So when our kids were young,
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  Speaker 5: we actually used those words, those very specific words, and
• 12:00
  Speaker 5: we would take them out of the room and we
• 12:02
  Speaker 5: would go have a private eye to eye conversation that
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  Speaker 5: was very disrespectful when you blah blah blah blah, that.
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  Speaker 6: Was dishonest or you know whatever.
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  Speaker 5: We would use those words, and again we were building
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  Speaker 5: toward relationship. We were putting those three d's into categories
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  Speaker 5: of relational you know, of building relationships and being honest
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  Speaker 5: with other people and being respectful to other people and
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  Speaker 5: you know, and all of that. So those are our
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  Speaker 5: big things, are dishonesty, disobedience, and disrespect.
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  Speaker 4: And this is so important.
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  Speaker 7: The reason those were big problems or big issues, you know,
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  Speaker 7: stop the presses.
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  Speaker 4: We're going to talk about this.
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  Speaker 7: Is because those three things destroyed.
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  Speaker 4: Or broke relationship.
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  Speaker 7: So when we would talk to our kids about telling
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  Speaker 7: the truth in our home, we didn't say don't lie
• 12:52
  Speaker 7: because the Bible says don't lie. We said, don't tell
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  Speaker 7: a lie because lying breaks the relationship.
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  Speaker 4: And I don't want the relationship with you broken. Honoring
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  Speaker 4: your mother breaks the relationship.
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  Speaker 7: So even with those three ke's the reason behind those
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  Speaker 7: we're all relationships driven, which brings us to one of
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  Speaker 7: the things we love to talk about, and that is
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  Speaker 7: what the discipline actually look like in our house.
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  Speaker 4: We learned in student ministry.
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  Speaker 7: That time out is a waste of everybody's time time out,
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  Speaker 7: But here's fine. Time out does not just store a relationship.
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  Speaker 7: And one of the most important things we can teach
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  Speaker 7: a little children is how do I restore a broken relationship.
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  Speaker 7: So when it came to disciplining our kids, because our
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  Speaker 7: north stars, we want to have relationships that we want
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  Speaker 7: them to want to be with us and with each other,
• 13:42
  Speaker 7: you know, when they're old enough not to have to
• 13:44
  Speaker 7: be we It forced us to become very creative and
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  Speaker 7: how we disciplined our children because we wanted to discipline
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  Speaker 7: toward relationship. So I've asked Sandra to tell you two
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  Speaker 7: quick stories, one when our kids really little and one
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  Speaker 7: when one of our children was a teenager, because this
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  Speaker 7: with teenagers.
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  Speaker 4: Is so challenging.
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  Speaker 7: But here are just two examples of disciplining towards the relationship.
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  Speaker 5: So well, the first one, they were they weren't really little,
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  Speaker 5: but they were like eight and nine years old.
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  Speaker 6: Our boys were.
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  Speaker 5: Allie was younger, and she was kind of perfect, so
• 14:16
  Speaker 5: you know, she didn't but Andrew and Geart we had
• 14:21
  Speaker 5: had a particular babysitter who had come. And it wasn't
• 14:24
  Speaker 5: one of those babysitters that wanted to give you the
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  Speaker 5: laundry list of all the bad things your kids.
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  Speaker 6: Did while while they were fun. She wasn't like that
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  Speaker 6: at all.
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  Speaker 5: And so when I got home, she goes, oh, I
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  Speaker 5: need to I need to tell you.
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  Speaker 7: We always asked how did we go? And we could
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  Speaker 7: tell by the look on the face it did.
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  Speaker 6: Not cry it out of her.
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  Speaker 5: So anyway, the thing that they had done, I don't
• 14:45
  Speaker 5: remember exactly now what it was, but they had been
• 14:47
  Speaker 5: very disrespectful to her multiple times during the evening, and
• 14:51
  Speaker 5: so but they were already asleep when we got home.
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  Speaker 5: So next morning I went and I woke them up
• 14:56
  Speaker 5: and I said, okay, uh ne, y'all to get dressed,
• 15:02
  Speaker 5: and I need you to get your wallets and meet
• 15:04
  Speaker 5: me in the car.
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  Speaker 6: And so they got their little wallets, you know, and
• 15:08
  Speaker 6: they met me in.
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  Speaker 5: The car, and I said, you know, I kind of
• 15:11
  Speaker 5: thought through what what Cam.
• 15:12
  Speaker 6: Had told me had happened.
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  Speaker 5: And so I said, we're about to go to Public's
• 15:17
  Speaker 5: and you're going to use your money and you're going
• 15:20
  Speaker 5: to buy some flowers and we're going to go visit
• 15:23
  Speaker 5: her Cam the babysitter at her office, and you're going to.
• 15:27
  Speaker 6: Deliver the flowers and with a note. And so they
• 15:31
  Speaker 6: were more ologized.
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  Speaker 7: Yeah, they would rather be in time out. They would
• 15:37
  Speaker 7: rather have their doors taken off their rooms. They would
• 15:39
  Speaker 7: rather anything please.
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  Speaker 4: This was she came out with this. It was so brilliant.
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  Speaker 6: So we did.
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  Speaker 5: So, we got the flowers, we wrote notes, and we
• 15:48
  Speaker 5: walked into her office and delivered them with a heartfelt
• 15:50
  Speaker 5: verbal ecology along with it, and got back in the car.
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  Speaker 5: And the great thing about that particular story was, instead
• 15:57
  Speaker 5: of just some punishment, it actually restored the relationship. It
• 16:01
  Speaker 5: was restitutional, you know it was. It was just restitutional
• 16:05
  Speaker 5: for them and restored the relationship the other one. And
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  Speaker 5: I love to tell the story because this is like
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  Speaker 5: Andy's most brilliant parenting.
• 16:12
  Speaker 6: Moment of all time. We had one of.
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  Speaker 5: Our sons was driving and I don't again, I don't
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  Speaker 5: remember the exact story.
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  Speaker 4: It was.
• 16:24
  Speaker 6: This particular study.
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: Was very to me.
• 16:27
  Speaker 6: And the number one rule in our house is respect mom.
• 16:30
  Speaker 6: As we've shared before.
• 16:31
  Speaker 4: Yeah, number one.
• 16:31
  Speaker 7: We only had rules respect your mom or honored your mother,
• 16:35
  Speaker 7: and don't tell a lie.
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: That was it.
• 16:37
  Speaker 4: So and one of our sons was very respect.
• 16:41
  Speaker 6: So I just let it go.
• 16:43
  Speaker 5: And then of course when he got homes like you
• 16:45
  Speaker 5: won't believe what? So I told Andy and then Andy
• 16:49
  Speaker 5: handled it from there. But the bottom line was his
• 16:53
  Speaker 5: punishment was he had to call me on my phone,
• 16:58
  Speaker 5: asked me out on a date and take me out
• 17:01
  Speaker 5: to dinner and buy my dinner and just build a relationship.
• 17:06
  Speaker 4: That brilliant, Yeah, I parenting at that point.
• 17:12
  Speaker 5: So so so I answered the phone and can I
• 17:15
  Speaker 5: say othing?
• 17:15
  Speaker 4: And he looked at me like what clean?
• 17:20
  Speaker 6: Just take my truck?
• 17:21
  Speaker 7: Right, You're going to take your mom on a date
• 17:24
  Speaker 7: and have because I knew if they had dinner, they
• 17:25
  Speaker 7: had to have what a conversation when you can't have
• 17:28
  Speaker 7: a dinner conversation without restoring the relationship, So anywhere go ahead? Yeap.
• 17:32
  Speaker 6: So he calls me up and ask me on a date.
• 17:34
  Speaker 6: I'm like, no, I'm not going because I'm mad. Not
• 17:38
  Speaker 6: what I said. I melted into a puddle.
• 17:41
  Speaker 5: We go off, riding off in his truck to go
• 17:43
  Speaker 5: to dinner with the Macaroni Grill ever on one Moore Parkway,
• 17:46
  Speaker 5: and we were sitting there having this conversation. It was
• 17:49
  Speaker 5: so sweet, and he looked at me in the eyes
• 17:50
  Speaker 5: and he said, Mom, I'm so sorry that I was
• 17:53
  Speaker 5: so disreprightful. Would you please forgive me? And I was like,
• 17:57
  Speaker 5: of course I will. I mean, you know, I'm just
• 17:59
  Speaker 5: a wrect. So the relationship was immediately rebuilt. I mean,
• 18:03
  Speaker 5: it was just it was just very It was great.
• 18:07
  Speaker 7: But the reason I like these stories is that was
• 18:11
  Speaker 7: not the first thing that came to mind, right, I Mean,
• 18:16
  Speaker 7: the thing that comes back is take something away. The
• 18:18
  Speaker 7: thing that comes to mind is let's separate, you go
• 18:21
  Speaker 7: somewhere else. Yeah, Well that again, that doesn't restore a relationship.
• 18:26
  Speaker 7: And and I just want to emphasize this again, no.
• 18:30
  Speaker 4: Matter how old our kids aren't, they.
• 18:32
  Speaker 7: Have to be taught how do you restore a broken relationship.
• 18:36
  Speaker 4: This is a life skill, life skill, and it has
• 18:38
  Speaker 4: to be taught.
• 18:39
  Speaker 7: It does not come natural. We have all met adults
• 18:42
  Speaker 7: that once you're out with them, you're just out, and
• 18:44
  Speaker 7: it's they just don't know how to restore a broken relationship.
• 18:48
  Speaker 7: In fact, they just feel like there's no point in trying.
• 18:50
  Speaker 7: So but again, this all came from this early on
• 18:55
  Speaker 7: decision that we're parenting toward long term relationships.
• 18:58
  Speaker 4: And again, so it's great.
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: I love that the relentless focus on relationship as the
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: main factor that is so incredibly important. And I also
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: think it's gonna be great the amount of teenage boys
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: that will be taking their moms out on dates in
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: the next couple of months as a result of that story.
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: It's gonna be awesome. All right, So let me ask
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: you about about faith.
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: So, when your kids were young, what kind of things
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: did you do at home to help lead them to
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: follow Jesus? And I've met your kids and their incredible kids,
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: so you know, I just want to know exactly what
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: you did, like word for word. Was there a magic
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: prayer you prayed over them that guaranteed that they would
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: walk into adulthood with maturity?
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: Whatever it is.
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: We just want to know what kind of wisdom do
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: you have for us on talking about faith with your kids.
• 19:47
  Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, well yeah, we started with you know, as
• 19:54
  Speaker 5: soon as they were out of the crib, we were
• 19:56
  Speaker 5: praying on our knees by their biz them with them.
• 20:00
  Speaker 5: And you know, part of that is teaching them to pray.
• 20:02
  Speaker 5: Part of it is just making those deposits into their
• 20:05
  Speaker 5: hearts of you know, the things that are important, the
• 20:07
  Speaker 5: things that we go before the Lord with, And part
• 20:09
  Speaker 5: of it is just laying a foundation of faith that hopefully,
• 20:12
  Speaker 5: you know, a little bit down the road, they would
• 20:14
  Speaker 5: be owning for themselves. So prayer was a huge thing
• 20:17
  Speaker 5: in our family. That was something we did together, and
• 20:19
  Speaker 5: we did it especially when they were young.
• 20:20
  Speaker 6: It was it was nightly.
• 20:22
  Speaker 7: So and can I say something to all the dads
• 20:27
  Speaker 7: And I know there's from moms watching and you couldn't
• 20:29
  Speaker 7: get your husband to watch because you know, we'd think
• 20:32
  Speaker 7: we knew everything. I mean, this is how men think, ladies.
• 20:35
  Speaker 7: I was a kid I had to raise one. Well,
• 20:39
  Speaker 7: that's about as smart as saying I had surgery once.
• 20:43
  Speaker 4: I can do a surgery. Just because you were raised
• 20:47
  Speaker 4: and be a kid doesn't mean you know anything about
• 20:48
  Speaker 4: raise a kid.
• 20:49
  Speaker 7: So I just wanted to say that to the minute men,
• 20:53
  Speaker 7: your children need to hear you pray. The value of
• 20:58
  Speaker 7: praying with your children is it that God's going to
• 21:00
  Speaker 7: answer all the prayers that you pray in that you're
• 21:02
  Speaker 7: the simple sweet prayers.
• 21:04
  Speaker 4: Your kids are going to pray.
• 21:06
  Speaker 7: Your kids dads need to hear you pray. And here's why,
• 21:11
  Speaker 7: because when my children heard me pray, they heard me
• 21:14
  Speaker 7: submitting myself to mine. Definitely Father and submission. Seeing a
• 21:22
  Speaker 7: man submit himself to a greater power in our case, God,
• 21:28
  Speaker 7: there is something so powerful about that because we want
• 21:32
  Speaker 7: our kids to learn to submit to authority and to
• 21:34
  Speaker 7: submit to us, not because we're great, but it's learning
• 21:38
  Speaker 7: to say yes. And I just think Dad's our kids
• 21:42
  Speaker 7: hearing us submit to our heavenly Father is a powerful,
• 21:45
  Speaker 7: powerful thing and it lays the ground where hopefully for
• 21:49
  Speaker 7: a lifetime of faith.
• 21:52
  Speaker 4: And then the other thing that I've already.
• 21:53
  Speaker 7: Touched on is we tied all of the deeds and
• 21:57
  Speaker 7: don'ts as it relates to our faith back to relationship.
• 22:01
  Speaker 7: And you've heard me, if you've heard me preach, you've
• 22:03
  Speaker 7: heard me reference the law of Christ, the law of crisis.
• 22:06
  Speaker 7: We are to love others the way that God through Christ.
• 22:08
  Speaker 4: Loved them, so ours.
• 22:10
  Speaker 7: We try to have a culture in our home of honor.
• 22:13
  Speaker 7: We don't have to have a bunch of rules. We
• 22:14
  Speaker 7: just got to honor mom and tell each other the truth.
• 22:17
  Speaker 7: And why are we doing that? Well, not because of
• 22:20
  Speaker 7: the ten commandments and not because the Bible tells us so.
• 22:22
  Speaker 7: But God honored us by sending his son, and so
• 22:26
  Speaker 7: when we honor other people, that's our way of showing
• 22:29
  Speaker 7: appreciation for what God has done to us. And every
• 22:32
  Speaker 7: virtue and every discipline and every healthy expression of relationship
• 22:38
  Speaker 7: is all tied back into what God through Christ has
• 22:41
  Speaker 7: done for us. So that was kind of the sort
• 22:43
  Speaker 7: of the spiritual framework for all of our conversations.
• 22:47
  Speaker 4: And then I did, well, go ahead, Well, I.
• 22:50
  Speaker 5: Was just going to say, as it relates to all
• 22:52
  Speaker 5: of that, a common question that we get asked all
• 22:54
  Speaker 5: the time is did you make your kids have a
• 22:55
  Speaker 5: quiet time? Did you make your kids have a devotional
• 22:58
  Speaker 5: And you know, our answer to that is always no.
• 23:02
  Speaker 5: We never made them, but we modeled it, we encouraged it,
• 23:06
  Speaker 5: and we made it easy. We wanted them to see
• 23:09
  Speaker 5: us having our time alone with the Lord, so we
• 23:11
  Speaker 5: modeled it. We encouraged it by talking about it, by
• 23:15
  Speaker 5: giving them instructions about this is how you do it,
• 23:18
  Speaker 5: this is these are the different parts of having a
• 23:19
  Speaker 5: quiet time. And then we made it easy. We worked
• 23:23
  Speaker 5: really hard to make sure they always had an age
• 23:25
  Speaker 5: appropriate Bible. We made sure they had devotions that they
• 23:28
  Speaker 5: would be interested in.
• 23:29
  Speaker 7: Let me say is every Easter that they had an
• 23:32
  Speaker 7: Easter basket, and every Easter Sandra put a brand new
• 23:35
  Speaker 7: devotion book in each of our kids baskets.
• 23:38
  Speaker 4: We didn't say have you read it? Have you read it?
• 23:40
  Speaker 4: Have you read it?
• 23:40
  Speaker 7: But it was just a reminder in this season and
• 23:42
  Speaker 7: this year, here's something else. Because you know, devotional tools
• 23:46
  Speaker 7: they get old after awhile ifody it gets a new book, at.
• 23:49
  Speaker 4: Least we're going to pick it up and start. So
• 23:53
  Speaker 4: she made it.
• 23:53
  Speaker 7: That was such a great discipline and habit because it
• 23:56
  Speaker 7: was just a reminder that this is something.
• 23:57
  Speaker 4: We want to keep it from it.
• 23:58
  Speaker 6: I didn't start two weeks before Easter.
• 24:00
  Speaker 5: I was on the hunt all year long for you know,
• 24:03
  Speaker 5: the perfect quiet time tools for my kids, because I
• 24:06
  Speaker 5: felt like this is you know, this is the way
• 24:08
  Speaker 5: to encourage it, to make it easy. So so we
• 24:12
  Speaker 5: never did, you know, force it. We did say okay,
• 24:14
  Speaker 5: from you know, seven forty five to eight fifteen is
• 24:17
  Speaker 5: quiet time, and everybody's gonna get your Bible. We just
• 24:20
  Speaker 5: wanted them to know this is important. It's important to us,
• 24:23
  Speaker 5: and we're going to help you be abit.
• 24:26
  Speaker 7: Now that was kind of the positive motivation. There was
• 24:28
  Speaker 7: some negative motivation. And so I'll share this. I get
• 24:34
  Speaker 7: a lot of email from people thanking me for messages.
• 24:38
  Speaker 4: It used to be letters.
• 24:40
  Speaker 5: Letters. Yeah.
• 24:41
  Speaker 7: So when I would get a real juicy one like sin,
• 24:43
  Speaker 7: like really destroyed somebody's life and their life was lost
• 24:46
  Speaker 7: in sin and then they came to faith, I would
• 24:49
  Speaker 7: bring this home and at dinner time I said, hey,
• 24:52
  Speaker 7: you want to read you an email?
• 24:53
  Speaker 4: And I would read emails. We will do it.
• 24:57
  Speaker 6: You never used some real names.
• 24:59
  Speaker 4: No, I would just tell these stories.
• 25:01
  Speaker 7: Basically they say, here's a person who made some bad
• 25:04
  Speaker 7: decisions and look what happened. All right, you guys, go
• 25:06
  Speaker 7: to your homework. We'll talk about later. So I again
• 25:10
  Speaker 7: trying just in the conversation conversational way to keep just
• 25:14
  Speaker 7: the real life stories of you know, God has asked
• 25:17
  Speaker 7: us to do certain things because he loves us. He's not,
• 25:19
  Speaker 7: you know, a cosmic, so occasionally I would leverage him.
• 25:22
  Speaker 3: And it's great you could forward some of those emails
• 25:24
  Speaker 3: to us.
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: We could use some with our kids.
• 25:26
  Speaker 3: It sounds like a great idea some of those. So
• 25:32
  Speaker 3: when you think about when your kids kind of started
• 25:34
  Speaker 3: into that the teenage years and that season, what were
• 25:38
  Speaker 3: things that you did to try to help encourage them
• 25:40
  Speaker 3: and their faith in those years.
• 25:44
  Speaker 7: This is when the church became our partner. Now, and
• 25:48
  Speaker 7: the church was already a partner. But I'm telling you
• 25:50
  Speaker 7: to have middles to have small group leaders for our
• 25:53
  Speaker 7: middle school and high school kid who's stuck with them,
• 25:57
  Speaker 7: you know, through middle school and through high school. And
• 25:59
  Speaker 7: then also a student impact where by the time they
• 26:01
  Speaker 7: were middle school they could begin to serve an upstreet
• 26:04
  Speaker 7: and then serve in middle school.
• 26:05
  Speaker 6: I'm telling you made all the difference for our kids.
• 26:08
  Speaker 7: This is why if people hear me say, when it
• 26:09
  Speaker 7: comes to our family ministry model, we are thoroughly satisfying
• 26:13
  Speaker 7: customers because of the investment in the difference that made
• 26:16
  Speaker 7: it our kids' lives, and preacher's kids can be a problem.
• 26:20
  Speaker 7: I mean preacher's kids. They just see the church a
• 26:22
  Speaker 7: little bit differently and they live with the preacher. So
• 26:25
  Speaker 7: to have other adults speaking consistently into our kids' lives,
• 26:30
  Speaker 7: there's no way to put a price or value on that.
• 26:32
  Speaker 4: We're so gay.
• 26:33
  Speaker 5: There were times our kids would come home from small
• 26:35
  Speaker 5: group or come home from being with their small group
• 26:38
  Speaker 5: somewhere and then say, you know what Joseph said blah
• 26:40
  Speaker 5: blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, And I'm like,
• 26:42
  Speaker 5: I have said that thirty.
• 26:45
  Speaker 6: And they never heard me.
• 26:47
  Speaker 5: Joseph so Germany can say at one time, and a
• 26:50
  Speaker 5: group leader he could say at one time and it
• 26:53
  Speaker 5: just made it all the way.
• 26:54
  Speaker 4: To his heart.
• 26:55
  Speaker 6: So we are so grateful for all of our kids
• 26:57
  Speaker 6: small group leaders.
• 26:58
  Speaker 7: That's why I tell parents, especially when our kids were
• 27:01
  Speaker 7: in middle school, Look, you don't have to you may
• 27:05
  Speaker 7: not like the preaching, but I'm telling you you need
• 27:07
  Speaker 7: to get your kids in our church, and not because
• 27:10
  Speaker 7: of what's going on now, but by the time they
• 27:13
  Speaker 7: hit sixteen, they're going to have some relationships where some
• 27:17
  Speaker 7: people can speak into their lives on ways that you're
• 27:20
  Speaker 7: not going to be able to disappearent.
• 27:21
  Speaker 4: And then you know, the heartbreak is when you know
• 27:24
  Speaker 4: a family would.
• 27:25
  Speaker 7: Show up with their seventeen year old daughter and we're
• 27:28
  Speaker 7: trying to get our daughter involved, and of course we
• 27:30
  Speaker 7: would do everything we could, but you know what I
• 27:32
  Speaker 7: was thinking, if you'd had her here when she was twelve,
• 27:36
  Speaker 7: she would be so locked in relationally in trying to
• 27:39
  Speaker 7: suddenly fast track relationships. We'll do our best, but relational
• 27:46
  Speaker 7: ministry takes time. So I love our church and I
• 27:48
  Speaker 7: love our ministry model, and we have benefited greatly from it.
• 27:52
  Speaker 7: So we can't even take any.
• 27:53
  Speaker 3: Credit for that, right, Yeah, I think that's so good.
• 27:56
  Speaker 3: And we've experienced Our oldest has been in transit the
• 27:59
  Speaker 3: last years, and during the time of like sheltering in
• 28:02
  Speaker 3: place and everybody staying home, I just felt like attitudes
• 28:05
  Speaker 3: and you know, everybody was just frustrated. And the first
• 28:09
  Speaker 3: week that his transit group got to do a driveway
• 28:11
  Speaker 3: group and they just met in a park six feet apart.
• 28:13
  Speaker 3: Everybody brought their own food. He just came home a
• 28:16
  Speaker 3: different kid, like it just his like his heart was
• 28:18
  Speaker 3: just filled up, and we were amazed at the difference
• 28:21
  Speaker 3: that it made in his heart just to be able
• 28:23
  Speaker 3: to be with his people.
• 28:25
  Speaker 4: That's great.
• 28:26
  Speaker 2: Well, and we talked about groups and how much of
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: a difference it makes for kids, for teenagers. What about
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: you guys, how did you prioritize group through all those
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: busy parenting seasons?
• 28:39
  Speaker 6: It was, it was such a priority for us. It
• 28:41
  Speaker 6: was always a priority we met usually it was on
• 28:45
  Speaker 6: Monday nights.
• 28:45
  Speaker 5: We had the same babysitter for years and years when
• 28:48
  Speaker 5: our kids all but we just made it a non
• 28:51
  Speaker 5: negotiable for you know, and it was, you know, being
• 28:54
  Speaker 5: in ministry, for those who are on staff or whatever,
• 28:58
  Speaker 5: your Sundays aren't necessarily like everybody else's Sundays.
• 29:01
  Speaker 6: And so our small group time was really was really
• 29:05
  Speaker 6: our worship time.
• 29:06
  Speaker 5: I mean, it was the time that we could just
• 29:09
  Speaker 5: have those conversations and grow in our own faith and
• 29:11
  Speaker 5: all of that, because Sunday's work just have always been
• 29:14
  Speaker 5: work days until now.
• 29:16
  Speaker 8: And so yeah, so and the thing too, this is
• 29:22
  Speaker 8: I'm so glad you brought this up because the other
• 29:24
  Speaker 8: thing it did, our kids knew Monday night our group's
• 29:27
  Speaker 8: coming up, because we usually hosted at our home.
• 29:30
  Speaker 7: So you go upstairs, you do your homework, and we
• 29:32
  Speaker 7: don't want to hear anything. This is mom and Dad's.
• 29:34
  Speaker 7: And so our kids saw us prioritize our own faith,
• 29:39
  Speaker 7: saw us prioritize the value of small group, and it
• 29:42
  Speaker 7: was so much easier to help them prioritize it as well,
• 29:45
  Speaker 7: because they saw us do this Monday after Monday after Monday,
• 29:48
  Speaker 7: and again hearing us praying, sneaking down the stairs, you know,
• 29:52
  Speaker 7: sneaking into the kitchen and all those things that can happen.
• 29:56
  Speaker 6: Hidding a fart machine under one of the people in.
• 30:00
  Speaker 4: With the control upstairs.
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: That's brilliant.
• 30:05
  Speaker 7: I think that's only the second time I've ever even
• 30:07
  Speaker 7: heard you say that word in front of five, four
• 30:11
  Speaker 7: hundred and.
• 30:11
  Speaker 4: Eighty six people.
• 30:12
  Speaker 7: So anyway, yeah, and we had all the normal and
• 30:15
  Speaker 7: to please you know, our kids are so normal.
• 30:20
  Speaker 4: One of the things that we did as.
• 30:21
  Speaker 7: Far as praying with them is once they were old enough,
• 30:23
  Speaker 7: we would all pray together, and we would pray together
• 30:25
  Speaker 7: in one of their bedrooms. And so finally when Alleys,
• 30:28
  Speaker 7: we would pray Alley's roomount of line, and she said, damn,
• 30:32
  Speaker 7: where the boys can't come in here pre anymore.
• 30:34
  Speaker 4: They just farked, and then my rooms got and so
• 30:41
  Speaker 4: we had all the normal stuff.
• 30:44
  Speaker 7: So then we moved out onto the stairs and we
• 30:47
  Speaker 7: started having what we called stair prayer, so we would
• 30:50
  Speaker 7: all meet on the stairs.
• 30:51
  Speaker 4: And this went all the way through high school. So
• 30:52
  Speaker 4: standar would say.
• 30:53
  Speaker 7: Okay, eight thirty, no matter what's going on, nine o'clock's
• 30:55
  Speaker 7: going on, meet on the stairs for stair prayer.
• 30:59
  Speaker 4: And then when I had the bad idea, it's just
• 31:01
  Speaker 4: five of them, I said, instead instead of me.
• 31:05
  Speaker 7: Praying, we're all this is so bad, I said, I
• 31:10
  Speaker 7: don't know why I thought that. I said, let's all
• 31:12
  Speaker 7: just all pray for the person on our right and
• 31:19
  Speaker 7: no lie. Our kids immediately jumped up and started moving
• 31:22
  Speaker 7: around because they didn't want to pray for.
• 31:23
  Speaker 4: The next It's like I got so mad as okay,
• 31:28
  Speaker 4: forget it, I'm just gonna pray, okay.
• 31:33
  Speaker 7: So we did not have holy moments when we we tried,
• 31:37
  Speaker 7: we prayed together, had stair prayer. And you know what's cool,
• 31:40
  Speaker 7: our our foster daughter who stayed with us about almost
• 31:43
  Speaker 7: three years, who was a teenager dream that time, we
• 31:47
  Speaker 7: started having stair prayer and most of the time it
• 31:49
  Speaker 7: was just the three of us because the kids.
• 31:51
  Speaker 5: And half the time she was really mad at us
• 31:53
  Speaker 5: while we're having stair prayer.
• 31:54
  Speaker 6: But she wanted stare peer anyway.
• 31:56
  Speaker 7: And so she was in a small group inside out
• 32:00
  Speaker 7: and we hosted an event and she asked me when
• 32:03
  Speaker 7: they all got here, she said, mister, mister, she called Annie,
• 32:09
  Speaker 7: she said.
• 32:10
  Speaker 4: Could we do stair prayer with my small group because
• 32:13
  Speaker 4: they've all heard of but I know, so we got
• 32:16
  Speaker 4: a whole small we have stairs stair So that was
• 32:20
  Speaker 4: again just keeping it. It was very real.
• 32:22
  Speaker 7: Please don't imagine angels and soft music. It was short
• 32:28
  Speaker 7: and back to homework.
• 32:30
  Speaker 6: So that's right, that's great.
• 32:32
  Speaker 3: How did you guys manage to find time to prioritize
• 32:35
  Speaker 3: your relationship with each other or even just to prioritize
• 32:39
  Speaker 3: kind of your own like quiet time and time to yourself.
• 32:43
  Speaker 5: Yeah, well, we we made a commitment early on that
• 32:46
  Speaker 5: every year, you know, even when our kids were small
• 32:49
  Speaker 5: and we had to get babysitters and all, that we
• 32:50
  Speaker 5: were going to get out of town together at least once.
• 32:53
  Speaker 4: A year a couple.
• 32:56
  Speaker 6: And we did that, and.
• 32:58
  Speaker 5: You know, it sounds like such a small thing. And
• 33:01
  Speaker 5: then On the other hand, it sounds like, how.
• 33:02
  Speaker 6: Do you even do that? I mean, it's so complicated,
• 33:04
  Speaker 6: babysitters and schedules and all. It was so worth it.
• 33:07
  Speaker 6: There were times leading up to it, I thought, this
• 33:09
  Speaker 6: isn't even worth it. Let's just forget it. It's too hard.
• 33:12
  Speaker 6: And it was always so worth it.
• 33:14
  Speaker 5: It was just that time to reconnect, to be uninterrupted,
• 33:17
  Speaker 5: to make plans, to laugh, to talk, to be in
• 33:20
  Speaker 5: control of the conversation and talk about what we wanted.
• 33:22
  Speaker 5: It was just a great, a great reset button for us.
• 33:26
  Speaker 6: That was an annual thing. Several years.
• 33:28
  Speaker 4: We were able to.
• 33:29
  Speaker 5: Do it twice, you know, more than once, but it
• 33:32
  Speaker 5: was just a that was another one of those non
• 33:34
  Speaker 5: negotiables for us.
• 33:35
  Speaker 4: And it's and we never had a date night.
• 33:40
  Speaker 7: Now, I know a lot of couples do like Thursday
• 33:42
  Speaker 7: night's date night. No matter what I think, great habit,
• 33:45
  Speaker 7: we just never did that. What we would do is
• 33:47
  Speaker 7: I would come home when they were a little bit older,
• 33:49
  Speaker 7: and she would get in the car and we would
• 33:51
  Speaker 7: say we're going to go drive around and we would
• 33:53
  Speaker 7: have kind of a car, just drive around for an hour,
• 33:55
  Speaker 7: get some coffee, then come back. When they were old
• 33:57
  Speaker 7: enough to stay by themselves. So the way you ask
• 34:01
  Speaker 7: a question is part of the answer. You just have
• 34:05
  Speaker 7: to prioritize it. And every family is different, every rhythm
• 34:07
  Speaker 7: is different.
• 34:08
  Speaker 6: But every season family.
• 34:11
  Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah, And we put our kids to bed really
• 34:14
  Speaker 4: early when they were young, like early, because because you
• 34:18
  Speaker 4: need that you know you got it.
• 34:20
  Speaker 7: We heard early on you are already a family before
• 34:24
  Speaker 7: you have kids. Your kids are a welcome member, but
• 34:27
  Speaker 7: they don't make you a family, and that helped us
• 34:30
  Speaker 7: to realize. We have added when Andrew was born, we're
• 34:33
  Speaker 7: already a family, so he's a welcome member. He's not
• 34:36
  Speaker 7: he doesn't make us a family, and he's not the
• 34:38
  Speaker 7: center of the family. And as you know, it's hard
• 34:41
  Speaker 7: to keep kids from becoming the center of the family.
• 34:43
  Speaker 7: We again, we saw some great some families that modeled
• 34:48
  Speaker 7: us so well when we were younger. And again we
• 34:51
  Speaker 7: were scared because we work with enough middle school and
• 34:54
  Speaker 7: high school kids to know this can be terrifying if
• 34:56
  Speaker 7: you don't get it right on the front end. So
• 34:58
  Speaker 7: we were motivated and we students.
• 35:00
  Speaker 5: So I'll tell one more story though related to that,
• 35:03
  Speaker 5: just really before we even had we were leaving the
• 35:07
  Speaker 5: church parking lot one Sunday and we looked over in
• 35:09
  Speaker 5: the car next to us and there was a mom
• 35:11
  Speaker 5: sitting in the back seat with the car seat and
• 35:13
  Speaker 5: the dad was sitting in the front, and so she
• 35:16
  Speaker 5: was clearly, you know, in the back and Andy.
• 35:19
  Speaker 6: Andy just looked at me. He said, please don't ever
• 35:21
  Speaker 6: do that. I think I was pregnant, maybe with Andrew.
• 35:23
  Speaker 6: He said, please don't ever do that.
• 35:25
  Speaker 5: And it dawn on me that was that was the
• 35:28
  Speaker 5: very beginning of me realizing I am going to have
• 35:32
  Speaker 5: to be intentional to make him feel like my priority,
• 35:35
  Speaker 5: even in the midst of parenting.
• 35:36
  Speaker 7: She was going to have two kids, she already had
• 35:38
  Speaker 7: one in.
• 35:41
  Speaker 6: The back seat with your infant carrier.
• 35:43
  Speaker 5: But it was just one of those things that I thought,
• 35:45
  Speaker 5: if that's a small thing that I can do to
• 35:47
  Speaker 5: make sure that he feels like he is my prior,
• 35:51
  Speaker 5: then that's not a big sacrifice. The child is going
• 35:54
  Speaker 5: to be fine in the back seat for you know,
• 35:56
  Speaker 5: twenty minutes getting where we're going.
• 35:57
  Speaker 6: And so that just was it was just sort of
• 35:59
  Speaker 6: a little, i don't know, a mental.
• 36:01
  Speaker 5: Thing for me that just set me on a path
• 36:04
  Speaker 5: of being intentional about making him feel like a priority,
• 36:07
  Speaker 5: even in the midst of the parenting years.
• 36:12
  Speaker 2: I love that that small investments over time have a
• 36:15
  Speaker 2: big impact.
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: And I think during.
• 36:18
  Speaker 2: This, you know, COVID season, we've had a lot of
• 36:20
  Speaker 2: dates at the grocery store.
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: I'll be honest, like that's been a popular date spot
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: for us.
• 36:24
  Speaker 3: We go two or three times a day.
• 36:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah, drive around, drive the long way, take.
• 36:31
  Speaker 4: Hey again. You find your rhythm to stay connected.
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: That's right, that's right, okay, Sandra.
• 36:38
  Speaker 2: Specifically, so for the mom or even the dad who
• 36:41
  Speaker 2: just feels overwhelmed right now, what advice would you give
• 36:45
  Speaker 2: them just in the midst of all this.
• 36:47
  Speaker 1: I just feel so stressed, it feels so overwhelmed.
• 36:50
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I guess I would say something that that my
• 36:53
  Speaker 5: mom said to me so many times when I would
• 36:55
  Speaker 5: call her in frustration. It is, you know, this is
• 36:58
  Speaker 5: just a it seems like whatever season we're in, it
• 37:02
  Speaker 5: feels like our life, this is my life. But the
• 37:05
  Speaker 5: truth is it's just a season, and every season transitions
• 37:07
  Speaker 5: to something else.
• 37:09
  Speaker 6: So recognize that it's just a.
• 37:10
  Speaker 5: Season, and that you're a child, the one that's you know,
• 37:13
  Speaker 5: making the message and driving you crazy and doing all
• 37:15
  Speaker 5: the things they're going to be twenty five. One day
• 37:17
  Speaker 5: they're gonna be thirty. One day they're gonna have full
• 37:19
  Speaker 5: frontal love development, which is awesome. When we get a
• 37:22
  Speaker 5: key five, they're gonna be thirty with a story to tell.
• 37:27
  Speaker 5: And what you're doing now is building the story that
• 37:30
  Speaker 5: they or later tell. So take a deep breath, remember
• 37:33
  Speaker 5: it's just a season, and make those hard decisions, get
• 37:37
  Speaker 5: rid of those things that are hard.
• 37:39
  Speaker 6: Say the nose for now when you need to.
• 37:41
  Speaker 5: But just remember you are doing an incredible work and
• 37:44
  Speaker 5: you are building a story that your kids are.
• 37:46
  Speaker 2: Going to one day tell ye, well, that's great. Building story.
• 37:50
  Speaker 2: So on that we want to help. As the church
• 37:53
  Speaker 2: of your parent out there and you're looking for help,
• 37:55
  Speaker 2: how do I help build that kind of story for
• 37:57
  Speaker 2: my kids?
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: We want to help.
• 37:58
  Speaker 2: So we have a Digital Parents Summit I want to
• 38:01
  Speaker 2: tell you about. It's going to launch on August twenty eight.
• 38:04
  Speaker 2: We've lined up some great expert speakers that are going
• 38:07
  Speaker 2: to speak into various different issues about child development. Dave
• 38:11
  Speaker 2: Thomas and Sissy Golf are going to speak about stages
• 38:13
  Speaker 2: of development and what that means for your parenting. We've
• 38:16
  Speaker 2: got doctor Chinwait Williams, who is going to speak about
• 38:19
  Speaker 2: how to be aware of your child's mental health during
• 38:22
  Speaker 2: this season in particular. And there's even going to be
• 38:24
  Speaker 2: content from you guys, some past content from Andy and
• 38:27
  Speaker 2: Sandra in a section on the site called from the Vault.
• 38:30
  Speaker 2: So from the Vault, which sounds like Disney I think
• 38:33
  Speaker 2: that's what they used to say from the Vault. But anyway,
• 38:36
  Speaker 2: So the best part about this is that it's completely free.
• 38:39
  Speaker 2: You can access it anywhere at any time from August
• 38:43
  Speaker 2: twenty eighth to October second, and you can register at
• 38:47
  Speaker 2: NorthPoint dot org slash Parent Summit. The link is in
• 38:50
  Speaker 2: our bio and if you're watching on YouTube, you can
• 38:52
  Speaker 2: click the banner below.
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: So as we kind of wrap up.
• 38:56
  Speaker 2: Here, Andy, any last words or encouragement for parents that
• 39:00
  Speaker 2: are watching this interview.
• 39:03
  Speaker 7: Yes, and this is hard for me to say, so
• 39:06
  Speaker 7: I know this is old to date myself a little bit.
• 39:09
  Speaker 7: Trace Adkins was right, you're gonna miss this.
• 39:14
  Speaker 4: That song you're gonna.
• 39:15
  Speaker 7: Miss You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone quite so fast.
• 39:22
  Speaker 4: We look at the pictures of our kids at.
• 39:25
  Speaker 7: Those different seasons and we miss those children and we're
• 39:29
  Speaker 7: so grateful that they are where they are, but we
• 39:32
  Speaker 7: missed those kids, and I'm so grateful we didn't miss
• 39:35
  Speaker 7: any moments with him. So mom and dad, don't miss it.
• 39:39
  Speaker 7: You don't get to have it back. It happens once.
• 39:41
  Speaker 7: There's only one first grade year, there's only one eighth
• 39:44
  Speaker 7: grade year, there's only one ninth grade year, there's only
• 39:46
  Speaker 7: one high school graduation. These are ones and you don't
• 39:49
  Speaker 7: get them back, and just don't miss them.
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: Okay, that's incredible.
• 39:55
  Speaker 2: Well, thank you guys for investing this time and these
• 39:58
  Speaker 2: words into our church film and all those watching.
• 40:01
  Speaker 1: What an incredible opportunity. So thank you. As parents, we're
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: really grateful.