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Inner Glow: Why Success Doesn’t Create Fulfillment · the ACT OUT podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to the Act Out Podcast.
• 0:01
  SPEAKER_01: I'm your host, Adam Tomlin.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: Today's guest is women's coach, author, and just an all-around girl who glows, Angie Hawkins.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_01: Let's roll the tape.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, Angie, how are you?
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: I'm good.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: How are you, Adam?
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_01: I'm doing well.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_01: I'm glad that we could uh finally get the uh technology thing sorted out.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: You probably know what my voice sounds like.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_01: I know.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_01: It it is so much better than dead air, I tell you.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_01: Can you uh can you tell our audience what an inner glow coach is?
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so I help women rekindle their inner glow.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: So how I usually describe it is a lot of women, they're only playing at 80%, meaning their life looks good on paper, but they don't feel good inside.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: So I help them feel just as good as their external world looks like I can I can imagine that that is a pretty like highly sought-after uh uh skill.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_01: Uh it's uh it's something that uh a lot of people kind of struggle with.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_01: Uh what got you into like that specific uh, you know, that specific area?
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: Well, my own personal journey because for decades I was always living my life for other people.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: Like I did the society expected path of going to college, having a corporate career.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I spent 20 years in corporate America, never even questioning what do I want.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: I was always just going through the motions of what society or my family or other people expected of me.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: And my life looked great on paper.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: I have a great LinkedIn profile, all of the other things, but I always felt like something was missing.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: And the thing was doing the things that were true to me.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: And it is hard to make that change and go against the grain of society.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: But once you get over that transition, the other side is amazing.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: Because I used to live my life in a space of, I didn't even think happiness and fulfillment was something that was available to me.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, that's just how life is.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: You just trudge through when you don't necessarily have to be happy.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: But now I live in this space where I'm happy and fulfilled most of the time.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: And that doesn't mean I don't have challenges or struggles or anything.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: It just means that I handle life a lot differently and it just feels a lot more exciting.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: And best of all, it feels like mine because I don't live my life for other people anymore.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_01: You said uh a lot of interesting things there, but one of the one of the first things I really uh picked up on was that like you had everything on paper, uh, you know, that you should be happy, but you didn't even realize that you weren't following your own dreams, but you know, like kind of societal expectations.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_01: I was in that exact same boat.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_01: How do you think, or why do you think so many people kind of fall into that trap?
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: Well, the way I always describe it is, you know, we're all born with this light inside of us because you see like little kids, like maybe six years old, they're like screaming, they're running around, like they are so unfiltered.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: They do not care what anyone thinks.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: But I think it, well, it starts in the family system, then the school system, and then you have these larger societal systems.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: And it all of these things tell you what you should or should not do.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: So that slowly starts dimming your light and you stop questioning what do I want, and you start fitting into these outside rules because you want to belong and want to be connected.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: And you know what I mean?
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: So you have that fear of losing connection or going against the grain, but then that conditions you to stop caring about what you want.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: And a lot of women that come to me, they've also lost a lot of self-trust because they've learned to trust all these things outside of themselves.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: So you just become conditioned that, well, my opinion doesn't matter because I need to fit into everything outside of myself.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: And you can achieve a certain level of success that way.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: Like I certainly did.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: But then I just came to this point in my life where it's like, I am not happy and I can't continue living this way.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think that uh it took a very long time for me to realize like one of the big reasons why I didn't trust myself was because I had no idea what I was feeling like inside my body.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_01: I I didn't know what my like body was trying to tell me.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_01: If that, you know, if I was all like worked up or something, I just assumed that I was irrevocably screwed up.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_01: You know, like it wasn't like like a, you know, something making me nervous or something that like I could deal with.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_01: It was like completely opposite of that.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: No, that's so true because I think men are taught to suppress like anger or like men, men don't cry, or things like that.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: But women are also conditioned to suppress their emotions because you've probably heard like, oh, you're too emotional or you're making too big of a deal about it, out of it.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: So women are also conditioned to suppress emotions, and it's that's the result, right?
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because it's like, oh, well, someone outside is telling me that I'm overreacting or shouldn't be feeling this way.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: So you start overriding your own guidance system.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: Cause like we all have intuition, we're human beings, we all have feelings, but we start overriding all of our humanness for things outside of ourselves.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: It is so interesting that you said that because I can remember being like in in elementary school and um like getting uh and like being really happy about something and like wanting to and wanting to like express joy, but like thinking, no, like people are gonna like people are gonna judge me.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_01: And then I remember like looking over and I was like, but you know, like the girls, like girls could do that, like girls could like show like these different, you know, girl girls would be able to have like these uninhibited things.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: But it didn't really cross my mind that girls were just as conditioned to suppress as boys, but from a completely different like different things, or even a lot of I hear this from a lot of females, like we weren't really taught to speak up for ourselves when things were uncomfortable.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: So I there's so many commonalities between the genders.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: Like we were taught to suppress emotions, but I think the emotions that we were taught to suppress are just different.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: There's the nuances are just in the different kinds of emotions.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, because that's a really good point.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: Or like in my home, I wasn't allowed to celebrate my wins because my mom would be like, Oh, you'll make the other kids jealous.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: Or even as an adult, I remember there were a few times where I was like all happy about something, and then she would rain on my parade because she was like, Oh, you're taking away from other people's success or whatever.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: So I feel like that's a common theme in a lot of people's lives.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_01: As I hear that, I uh I think of like, you know, like one of your uh like core tenets now is like kind of having your own inner light shine.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_01: And so to could to kind of like see the see the genus of that genesis of that is is really cool.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, because we all have like a uniqueness.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: So why wouldn't you want to celebrate it?
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: Even if, for example, there's other, like I call myself an inner glow coach, but the actual like what I'm doing, there's a lot of other coaches like that.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: But I actually have peers.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like we are friends with each other, we collaborate with each other because we're we don't see it as competition.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: It's like you can actually do more when you're united, but somehow we're taught to like see someone else's competition if they're doing the exact same thing.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_01: So it's this zero-sum mindset where if there's a victory for you, it is automatically assumed that I have somehow lost because you won, therefore I lost.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_01: But I you're right.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_01: I don't see see uh life as a zero-sum game.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, especially someone's own self-improvement.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_01: Like you getting better does not make me smaller or anything else.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: It just makes you stronger.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_01: And like, why would we not want to celebrate that?
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, there's this saying, I heard Tony Robin say it.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if it's his original saying or if he got it from someone else, but there's two ways to build the tallest building in town.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: You can either build your building taller than everybody else's, or you can build your building and then tear down everybody else's.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: So it's kind of the same concept.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_01: I I was I was wanting not to like the same because you know I'm not a very big Tony Robbins fan, but I was like, dang, that is actually really solid.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_01: That that I like that analogy.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: That might not be his original quote.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: I just heard him say it.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_01: That is that is one of the things that like I kind of like gauge how strong of a person is, and that is what do they do with power?
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_01: Do they lift people up or tear people down?
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_01: And I I think that that that can tell you a lot about someone.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: Agree.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: And another way to phrase this is abundance versus scarcity, because I think a lot of times those terms are used in terms of money, and it can be, obviously, but how you do one thing is how you do everything, because money is just energy.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: So power, anything else.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, yeah, are you lifting people up and inspiring people?
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: Are you tearing them down?
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_01: It's really interesting that money is energy.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_01: Can you kind of expand on that a little bit?
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think I've I've heard a heard a phrase like that before.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: Well, because a lot of people think of money as transactional.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: And in all fairness, it is, because you can't pay your bills with love and light, you know?
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: But at the end of the day, money is also about like receiving and circulating because again, how you do one thing is how you do everything.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: So if you have an abundance mindset with money, you have that abundance mindset for the rest of your life.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: So, for example, I have an abundance mindset with money, meaning, like, for example, I just had an unexpected expense with my car over the weekend.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: But I looked at it as I'm supporting this auto shop, and whatever comes goes out will come back because I receive and circulate money just like I receive and circulate my own inner glow to inspire and uplift people.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, it's just how you live your life, basically.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_01: It's so interesting, though, that perspective switch and how powerful that can be in kind of like setting your reality, so to speak.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, because if it were me, I would not be having this positive attitude about the uh the the unexpected, uh unexpected mechanic, Bill.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_01: But I didn't think about it like, this is actually I'm supporting a small business and you know that whatever's gonna come back to me.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_01: I I do like that, but uh do we have a timetable on like when it will come back or anything?
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: Oh no, I don't like ever do that.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: I have seen like some because I do follow some manifestation people and sometimes they will do challenges like a thousand dollars in 24 hours.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'm not big on that because I don't know, like divine timing isn't a date on a calendar, so no, I don't really go by the date.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_01: That kind of reminds me of the the preachers that I used to watch on like the public's access channel, yeah, very you know, like late at night when I couldn't sleep, you know.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_01: It's like with just this$10 donation, God is gonna turn this into$1,000 if you believe it.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_01: Somehow the pastor would always get the thousand dollars and I I would end up with zero.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know how that worked out.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_01: How long have you been a uh a women's coach?
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: Uh just over a year now, because through my own journey, because I hit an emotional rock bottom about six years ago, and I invested in myself.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: I hired a coach and I went through all of this work personally, which was not an easy road, but it got to the point where I started questioning what do I want?
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: What makes me feel good?
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: What's aligned with my ideal life?
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I had this really stark realization that I hated working in corporate America.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I would love to say that as soon as I had that epiphany, that I just quit and started my own business.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: But I had all these excuses because I was making good money, I had the benefits, so it wasn't necessarily an easy transition.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm a firm believer that if you're not on your life's path, then life will force you onto that path in a way that you not find very pleasant.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why I usually believe in challenging yourself.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I did keep telling myself, yeah, I'll leave, I'll leave, but I wasn't really taking any action towards doing it.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: So I ended up getting transferred to this team, and my manager was a raging B-word, and I normally don't even use that word to talk about females because it's so disrespectful, but she deserves it.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: Ballbuster.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, let's just call it that.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, so I was like, oh, this is my sign to leave.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_00: And even then, it took me about three months from the time I decided to leave till the time I left.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: It took about three months because I was like, I have to get to a point where thinking about quitting my job doesn't send me into an anxiety attack.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: And it took about three months to do that, and then I quit and started my own business.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_01: Isn't that amazing?
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_01: I was a very similar situation with starting the podcast.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_01: There were there were like really big reasons why I wanted to do it, but I kept finding every excuse in the world.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_01: No, I can't do it right just like right this week.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_01: I bet, but next week, though, next week is the week.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_01: And I would I saw myself kind of keep pushing it off, and then finally I was just like, screw, no, I've I've got to start.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_00: And then you probably were like, oh, I wish I would have done this sooner, right?
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_01: I I was like, I I got upset at myself for a while.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, you know what?
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_01: If I would have just I I could have been, you know, like two months further along right now, if I would have only just listened to myself.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, but that being said, I don't think I'm gonna learn the lesson.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I've I'll still like I'll still ignore myself for a while.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it's those fears though, right?
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: Because you were probably like, what if it fails?
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what I'm doing, and all the things we try to tell ourselves to talk ourselves out of things.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_01: You know, that I think you you you hit something really strong there, and that is like, if I fail, like, you know, it's gonna I think I imagined some like public shaming or something, as if I was gonna be like, you know, have a forced to wear like the scarlet letter of failed podcast hosts.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_01: I I don't know how that would pan out, but I'm assuming that it would have been something like that.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_01: But the the more that I thought about it, like I kind of realized that I if it were going to like fell like that, fell, I'll put that in air quotes, it was gonna be so small that like that town square would be like a town of one and it would be me pillaring myself the whole time.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_01: And so true.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_00: Because we're usually, yeah, our own worst critic.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, that's just it, right?
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: Because the stories that we play in our head of like how horrible things are gonna be, like, even if it did, yeah, to your point, quote unquote, fail, it would never have been as bad as like the vision you had in your head.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_01: And you it also said something that um, you know, like that you you had kind of work for like doing the six years and stuff, but you you did it, you put in the work yourself.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_01: I think that is very, very important.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_01: If you were going to work with a therapist, a coach, anything like that, they better have done the work and better be doing the work themselves.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, absolutely.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: Well, and especially because, you know, yeah, like I can get all the certifications in the world, but that's just information, right?
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: Like you don't know until you actually practice it in your day-to-day life.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, I definitely have to live experience.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_01: What kind of certifications uh like did you did you basically school of hard knocks.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_01: I actually have that on my LinkedIn profile.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_01: I graduated from the School of Hard Knocks.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_01: My my my grandmother would say that to me all the time whenever I was growing up.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_01: So it's kind of a homage to her.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_00: I honestly, if you think about it, and here's the I did think about getting coaching certifications, but I thought about because I have a college degree and I actually like thought about like how valuable was that in my work experience.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: Not very much, right?
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it's just a piece of paper.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel like also in talking to other coaches and seeing like their certifications and what they're doing, I'm like, I can do the exact same thing because I have the lived experience.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, that's how I feel about it.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_00: I don't feel any less than other coaches with a gazillion or even one certification.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_01: I was a political science major.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_01: So like I w set myself up to like not have anything to fall back on.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_01: Uh in hindsight, like I didn't see many political scientists like running around, uh, you know, but like when I made that decision to major in it.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_01: So I don't really know what was going through my head.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah, no, I definitely haven't used it.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I don't know if political science major is still the same way, but when I went to college, political science majors were either basically undecided, but just wanted to pick something, or they wanted to be lawyers, and that's just what they were doing until they applied for law school.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: So it's like one to the other.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_01: Gosh, this is so embarrassing.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_01: My game plan was to go to college.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_01: And as soon as I uh graduated from college, I was going to go back to my hometown of like 10,000 people and run for mayor and then use that as my platform to become senator from the town of like 10,000.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: That's actually like a really cool vision, though.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_01: And now I'm a podcast host, so you can tell that it didn't quite pan out for me.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_00: But uh I don't think I can just tell by talking to you, you're not the politician type.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_01: That that is actually a huge I would have like taken that as the like worst diss uh 15 or 20 years ago, but like hearing that now, I'm like, oh thank goodness.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_00: Because you're too real.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: Like you can't talk like this when you're a politician.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_01: Isn't that sad?
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_01: Like the the one job that you would think you would want someone to just be able to like tell you, you know, tell you how it is.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_01: You're like, nah, no, no, you would never be able to be, you'd never be good in politics.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_01: I know.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_01: But so how uh how did you like finally, you know, you you jumped in, you're like, hey, I'm I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna become the gonna become the coach, or gonna become a coach.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_01: I I can imagine that that was a like very difficult decision for a lot of, you know, you had the stable job and all, but to go from that stable foundation to complete like instability, can you kind of talk about what it was like to go from like, you know, that that point of like security but unhappiness to the insecurity, but hey, there's some there's some potential here.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, well, first of all, you hit one of the main points because again, it took me three months to go from just even having the thought I'm going to quit, it would send me into a total anxiety attack.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_00: And so I had to start thinking about my reason why.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_00: And number one was I just want to live a life that's happy.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_00: And when I really started thinking about it, because I was like, okay, at first I'm not gonna be making as much money or whatever.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_00: But once I started thinking about that aspect, even I was wasting so much money on impulse purchases because I was so miserable.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_00: And honestly, one of the first things that happened when I quit my job, I stopped spending as much money because I wasn't miserable and I didn't need the whole dopamine hit from online shopping.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_00: So I was like, oh, I could have done this years ago.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_00: But another huge thing that I worked through in that three month period was just having, I had to work on my own self-trust because I just had to have such a fierce belief in myself because I was like, new, I was like, I'm the kind of person, like I didn't know what I was doing, but I was like, I'm the kind of person I figure shit out and I get shit done.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_00: So, and I was, and I was so passionate about helping other women and I knew that I could do it.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_00: So just finding my reason why and having that fierce belief in myself, I got to the point where I was like, why wouldn't I quit my job?
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_00: So, and again, it was a process.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_00: And because I had already done so much inner work, it only took three months.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_00: But change takes time.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_01: How would you have defined happiness before, like say but before you started working with your coach?
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_01: How would you have defined it?
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, probably by a dollar amount, which even then, logically, I would know sounded ridiculous because I will never forget, like when I first started working in corporate America, my number one goal was to hit six figures.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, once I hit six figures, then I've made it.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_00: And then I hit six figures, and that dopamine hit lasted maybe a few days, like maybe a week.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_00: And then it's like, now here's my next goal.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_00: And it was like, it was never enough.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like the money never fills the void.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_00: And so now it's again like money is nice because obviously it pays your bills, and you know, you can have nice things, but ultimately what matters to me is that in our happiness and fulfillment, and that gets filled by you, like nothing outside of yourself.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_01: So that was you kind of you you kind of jumped it, but like, how do you define happiness now?
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so that's like what I call your inner glow because through working with my coach, over time, I just started like feeling this warm energy in my chest.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I started to have this conscious realization.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, I do love myself, I do respect myself, I do trust myself.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's what I that's how I came up with the name inner glow, because like that's how it feels when you're just so excited about who you are and your own life.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_00: And when you're in that state, you just really stop giving a shit about what anyone else thinks.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_00: Because when I started living by my own rules for life, that's when I became excited about my life and happy with who I was.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_00: But when I was living for society and corporate America and everyone else, it was I felt like I was in the rat race, like always chasing the next race and promotion.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_01: So I think that if uh if if you and I sat down five years ago and we're having this conversation, but you've you'd already done the work and your your is current self, I would have been I would have been intimidated and scared.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_01: Well what it is is that like there's something about like when someone is secure in themselves and you can see that strength if you were insecure and you feel weak that like security from that other person is a giant mirror and is just like letting you know like hey you're you're you're really weak.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_01: You're really weak.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_01: You know and that was I think that's that that's where the discomfort would have come from.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like you every time you would have said something you would just have been reminding me of like how weak I was um first of all I appreciate your vulnerability and second of all actually that's the lesson I learned in corporate America because I'm just gonna be controversial for a second but I understood a lot more about corporate America once I left but when I was insecure and had very low self-worth I was thriving in corporate America.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_00: But when I started to do the work on myself and started gaining that confidence people started hating me which was one of the reasons why I think my manager hated me so much because like I didn't do anything.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_00: She actually even recruited me to her team and then that she would just like yeah be evil.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I and I remember one day the day it got worse and there was like a point of no return we were having a conversation and I said something about I was like I do one thing a day that brings me joy because you know I deserve to be happy whatever that triggered the shit out of her.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_00: And from that day on she was like so mean to me.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like yeah I was like I just triggered her insecurities because I could tell she wasn't happy with her life.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what was going on in her personal life.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_00: So that's actually a really vulnerable reflection.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_00: So I appreciate you for sharing that well thank you.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_01: I I feel very strong now.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_01: That's the only reason why I can't say but that is actually interesting though like I there is now a like like a feeling of security in myself to where I don't mind being like vulnerable.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_01: That's vulnerable to me now is almost like a it's almost like a pathway to connect with someone it's a way of getting stronger.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_00: I wish more men understood this I was actually having a conversation with a male friend last week and because we were talking about how a lot of men aren't masculine anymore and he was saying it's because they aren't open with their emotions and not saying you have to be like a crying sap all of the time but just just being a little connected to that vulnerability and your feelings and being able to say something like that.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_00: Like that actually made me respect you more as a man.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_01: And I think most men don't realize like that's how it comes off to other people so and well at least with me and a lot of guys I know there is a uh that there's like a you need to be logical you know like take emotions out of it.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_01: We just have to use our our logic brain but the the more work I do and the more like connected that I feel like with with my emotions and my feelings I feel like I can be more logical as long as I am connected to my feelings and emotions.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_01: I love that well and that actually makes sense right because your mind and body are connected so yeah that makes a lot of sense to me yes interesting that you said that your mind and body are connected so like for the first like six months of my therapy it was very much like just trying to find where sensations were in my body and like hey what what is your body trying to tell you like I tell people that like for the first six months it my brain and my body were just trying to connect for what I thought was the first time but you know I think that they had been connected at birth and then just kind of like slowly kind of moved that way.
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_01: But very much so though there was such a big disconnect.
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_00: And you know what's crazy because I don't know if you still struggle with this I still struggle because I do the same thing if I'm feeling a certain way I'm better at identifying it in my body but I will ask myself like what emotion am I feeling oh this isn't my water bottle I even have a water bottle not this one have you ever seen the emotion wheel like I'll even like look at my water bottle sometimes because I have such trouble naming the emotion.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_01: It's funny that that you said like I I I definitely do that.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_01: And I also try to get my feelings to talk to me I don't like sit down and just like hey man I'm I'm feeling some tightness in my chest or something like is there something that you want to tell me like what what's going on?
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_01: And if I can just like sit with myself and sit with that like uncomfortable feeling for a little bit I usually feel a lot better afterwards.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yes I'm so glad you said that I actually just made a YouTube playlist on anxiety and that's one of the things I was talking actually the name of the playlist is you plus anxiety equal BFF because the whole key is being friends because usually when you have that pleasant emotion you want to push it away but yeah just like what are you trying to tell me like I'm here for you like let's solve this together.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_01: Like the key is being friends with your emotions and you know so a word that is used a lot now regulate.
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_01: I need to be regulated make sure that my you know like and I think that I had uh at the beginning would be like regulated means that like if I feel anxiety I can make it go away that's that would be that would be how to regulate myself but kind of the the longer the the more work I do if I just get rid of that anxiety I'm not actually like figuring out where like what is that anxiety trying to tell me in the first place because there's a there's a reason it's there.
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_01: It's going to come back up if I don't address it.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_00: No, that's so true because you want to find out what the thing is because that was the whole point of the playlist because there was a period in my life I was surrounded by shitty people and I because I was like repressing my anxiety and trying to make it go away I wasn't addressing the main cause that was actually causing the anxiety.
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah that's a really good point.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah so the key is feeling safe in your body while you're feeling the feelings because that's the problem right like it doesn't necessarily feel good.
• 28:34
  SPEAKER_00: So then that exacerbates the whole situation because then you're like now I needed to get it to go away and I don't want to feel this way and that just makes it even worse.
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_01: So how do you uh like do you teach your clients to be able to get to the point where they can like sit with their emotions and work through things.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah so my number one recommendation for when you're triggered because this is I think this is when you most need it and I'll get to another scenario in a second.
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_00: And you've probably heard of this because this is not my original thing but when you are triggered the physiological sensations in your body they only last for 90 seconds.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_00: That's a scientific fact I didn't make that up nobody else made that up the reason that they last longer is because of the emotional stories that you tell yourself in your head.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_00: So when you get triggered and you're having that reaction the first step is to get rid of the story and I know that's easier said than done but the more you do it the easier it is.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I always tell myself it's just temporary, which in all fairness it is because you do have to address the emotional story later, but you can't do it when you're in that heightened state.
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_00: So get rid of the story and then and this is where knowing where you feel in your body comes in because for example when I feel anxiety I feel it in my chest.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_00: So the second step is to focus only on the physical sensations in your body.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_00: So I'll put like a hand on my chest and then I also put a hand around my diaphragm or stomach to make sure I'm breathing and I actually tell myself I am safe in my body I am safe in my body if I'm at home which is a safe space I will like look around because that confirms that I'm in a physical safe space but I just I just am reaffirming to myself that I am safe and as long as you get rid of the emotional story the physical sensations do go away in 90 seconds.
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_00: And in general I always recommend because I think when we talk about nervous system people really only talk about triggering moments like that.
• 30:30
  SPEAKER_00: But I am of the belief you should be treating your nervous system like a baby.
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_00: Like if you have a baby you're like does it need to eat does it need to take a nap?
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_00: Does it need a stiper change?
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like you're always on alert like what do you need?
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I do that to my own nervous system.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_00: Like I'll do check-ins throughout the day like okay like again how am I feeling do I feel anything in my body or sometimes I'll just take a break I love grounding and there's a patch of grass outside of my building so sometimes even if I don't feel like I need anything I'll just go ground in nature just to I call it recharging my nervous system just like you would charge your phone.
• 31:05
  SPEAKER_00: So there's like simple practices that I think everybody should be doing every day just for that maintenance.
• 31:12
  SPEAKER_01: Do you do uh like bare feet?
• 31:14
  SPEAKER_01: Does that kind of so it's very much like I just lay in the grass.
• 31:17
  SPEAKER_00: Like I lay on my back and then I put like I have my knees bent so that my feet are on the ground as well.
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah I think it works just walking through grass barefoot even I like to like get all in it and really be in the grass.
• 31:31
  SPEAKER_01: My allergies don't oh yeah don't lend themselves to that.
• 31:35
  SPEAKER_01: But what I do love there is a canal that is maybe three and a half blocks from our house and if I am feeling down or on the reverse end if I am feeling super excited and like I need to kind of go down a little bit go go walk around the canal.
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_01: It's amazing how regulating water can be like up and down both ways.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah I know I get in the ocean almost every day and but the thing about ocean though it also has a lot of energy so I usually ground after I get out of the ocean oh okay I didn't I didn't think of it like that but yeah like you're right there is like the kind of the constant moving so it's refreshing but then I feel like I just need like the groundedness I don't know and that's just me.
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_01: No no that that makes sense though like I I kind of I kind of get that we uh we have a a bay and a cape so I I live like right on the Chesapeake Bay and and we also have a uh three year old son so I'll I'll go to like the bays and the capes where they don't have like the intense waves as like the ocean does.
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_01: And now that you've mentioned it and I've never really thought about it until you said it but like it is a completely different experience after we leave like going from the ocean versus like being in the bay where it's where it's more uh like calm in the water.
• 32:53
  SPEAKER_01: I've never connected that until you said it that's really interesting.
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like during the full moon you can feel when you're getting out of the water the like magnetic pull because sometimes like the tide you know how it comes back once it hits the shore like you can feel like how that's even stronger during the full moon.
• 33:10
  SPEAKER_00: So sometimes that even throws me off because it's like oh this is kind of jarring.
• 33:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah I think I'm just really sensitive to energy too though I you know that's probably a good thing.
• 33:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah well not with some of the stuff going on in the world but yeah in general I think it's good.
• 33:27
  SPEAKER_01: That is true.
• 33:28
  SPEAKER_01: Like I don't think uh at this point like uh reality is not for people with a conscience right now.
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah I I can imagine that like with your clients you have got a wide range of people who are you know like kind of just doing the kind of the stuff we're talking about trying to find like the inner globe but I'm sure you also get some that are like hey the world is fucking shit right now.
• 33:51
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah what how do you how do you deal with that effectively because they are objectively speaking truth.
• 33:58
  SPEAKER_00: Agree.
• 33:59
  SPEAKER_00: And this is what I tell people because you know there's a lot of fear propaganda and there's definitely a lot of anger in the world right now.
• 34:10
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm of the belief you can either contribute to fear and anger or you can contribute to raising the vibration of the universe.
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm not suggesting that you bury your head in the sand.
• 34:20
  SPEAKER_00: You obviously have to be informed of things but you don't have to get pulled into it.
• 34:26
  SPEAKER_00: And so what I always recommend people to do, because I think where people get frustrated is that on an individual level it doesn't feel like there's much you can do.
• 34:37
  SPEAKER_00: So you start feeling helpless because it's like there's so much going on and I can't really do anything about it.
• 34:42
  SPEAKER_00: But there is at least one thing you can do and that is send loving energy to the people who need it.
• 34:49
  SPEAKER_00: And there's like a I've actually found a statistic because I know sometimes when I say that it sounds like woo-woo and not really grounded but science and woo-woo are really not that far off because energy is energy.
• 35:03
  SPEAKER_00: That's based in science and woo-woo and there's like a statistic like if one person can send out loving energy it can affect 5000 people.
• 35:13
  SPEAKER_00: I need to look it up it's something like that.
• 35:15
  SPEAKER_00: But my point is you sending loving energy and through the world it contributes to raising the vibration and that especially hits the people who need it.
• 35:24
  SPEAKER_01: So you don't have to get like yes you can care but you don't have to get pulled into that fear and anger of the world I like that um I've never I haven't thought about it like kind of like I'm more I guess like a materialist you know in that and and kind of uh in in that sense and I haven't really thought about about it like from like like raising vibration but just like for for me just on an individual level I feel better if I am if I am like exuding raising the vibration yeah I mean that's it.
• 35:57
  SPEAKER_01: If that's raising the vibration great but like it makes me feel better.
• 36:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's like a it's it's then yeah but that's and that's what I that's another reason why I call it the inner glow because yes you feel better but people outside of you notice too because I don't know like your family your friends they probably notice when you're feeling good and in a better mood right and so energetically that lifts them up as well.
• 36:22
  SPEAKER_00: So it's like there's this unspoken thing going on.
• 36:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 36:25
  SPEAKER_01: It's so interesting to me because you're right like people people have like said things and stuff to me I like I look the exact same as I always have like I guess maybe kind of talking a little different but it would be very difficult to be like this guy is clearly like completely different.
• 36:43
  SPEAKER_01: So it's just it's so interesting to me that humans can pick up on that like just those those tiny little things.
• 36:49
  SPEAKER_00: Well because we all have intuition and I think energy is like what we communicate at the intuitive level.
• 36:55
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah we can definitely pick that up on each other whether we consciously realize it or not my energy's pretty good right oh no it's right I'm feeling good about it yeah I didn't want to like go through this whole conversation and at the end you'd be like yeah no your energy terrible man no you would probably already be able to tell because like if I'm not like meshing with someone's energy I'm usually like pretty like I'm not interactive as I am now so yeah your energy's good that is another thing that I've noticed that if if I am myself it's giving the person that I am talking to kind of permission to be themselves.
• 37:32
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly and like I feel much more of a connection to someone whenever whenever I'm connected to myself first.
• 37:39
  SPEAKER_00: And then it's kind of vibration of the universe.
• 37:42
  SPEAKER_01: So see you're doing I had been raising vibrations all day didn't even realize it is there like a like a vibration of the year award or anything because I would like to nominate myself.
• 37:53
  SPEAKER_01: I mean let's just invent it yeah now I'm kind of feeling like Donald Trump like yeah yeah here you go Adam this is your your vibration of the year award buddy good job what was the like for your first client where you you had the where you finally had like the the inner glow kind of the the modality so to speak and kind of had the message like what was it like to be able to like kind of spread that for the for the first time can you kind of like go back to yeah it felt really good because she came to me after a breakup and and it's funny because you know you can understand people's experience because you've been there.
• 38:31
  SPEAKER_00: So she came to me after this breakup and she was like I'm never gonna find love again blah blah blah which I knew she was just in her feelings and you know you know how it is.
• 38:43
  SPEAKER_00: But um so we had a conversation because she had definitely been a people pleaser.
• 38:49
  SPEAKER_00: She was always giving to the relationship and not really asking herself what do I want in a relationship or really having standards for the person that she wanted in her life.
• 39:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember we talked about that and she was afraid of having standards because she was like well that makes the dating pool even smaller and I'm already not going to find anyone but she started just bummed me out.
• 39:13
  SPEAKER_00: I know she was like really disheartened but she like tapped into her inner glow and she was like attracting all kinds of men that were like way better quality and like she would go on dates and she would be what do I want?
• 39:27
  SPEAKER_01: Is this someone I want in my life and I was like yes yes yes so yeah it feels really good to help people find their life so whenever you kind of like look back in the corporate the corporate world it seems to to me kind of like looking back where they replace like any kind of internal validation that you would have of yourself with like ice cream parties and a and a bonus at the end maybe if you were like doing something do you think that isn't fairish like do you think companies know what they are doing whenever they kind of set up this structure yes and I know this is controversial and may even sound bitchy or even jaded and admittedly I am jaded from corporate America I am a giant bitch so we can we can just go straight ahead it's fine.
• 40:16
  SPEAKER_00: I think corporate America thrives on hiring people who are very insecure and have low self-worth because then they can get away with like oh you killed it this year.
• 40:28
  SPEAKER_00: Here's a pizza party where someone who has high self-worth and standards is like are you effing kidding me?
• 40:34
  SPEAKER_00: This is insulting you know what I mean so yeah or also what I learned was because the more self-worth I started getting because I I went through my healing journey in corporate America the more self-worth I started getting and the more I was rekindling my inner glow the more I would speak up about things like for example one time I was on a team with a really low performer and not only was she dragging our team down she was dragging other teams down.
• 41:00
  SPEAKER_00: And so I was like I have to say something and my manager did not like that and I was like oh she like thrives on not being challenged and being an incompetent manager.
• 41:11
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah I think the entire system is thrives on this insecurity.
• 41:16
  SPEAKER_00: I actually think it plays out as a dysfunctional family because you know like in a dysfunctional family everybody has their role and I think you have a lot of people in like lower lower levels who are like trying to overperform to impress their parents who are like the senior levels and it's it's just so dysfunctional.
• 41:35
  SPEAKER_01: That was me.
• 41:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah that is so I had never really kind of like thought about it as like like a dysfunctional family type situation because as I was asking the question I was like I think I'm like setting up a like unwittingly setting up a trap for her because even though it is bad I don't know if there is like the the intent that the malicious intent but whenever you talk about it in the context of it being like a like a dysfunctional family those role most of the times people play the roles in the dysfunctional family they do not consciously realize that they are doing it.
• 42:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I will say on some level I do think a lot of it is playing out unconsciously but nobody ever steps out of their role to be like hey why are we still doing things this way or whatever.
• 42:24
  SPEAKER_01: So I do think there's a lot of compliance in the people who are aware it is fascinating that like and I'm just seeing like the perfect analogies to it but like it takes the finally takes the the one person in the family that has just like had enough and is like screw it.
• 42:41
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna do the work for myself I'm gonna stop the you know I'm gonna stop the cycle here and then they end up being the black the black sheep thing it's no it played out the same way in corporate America that it did in my family.
• 42:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah because nobody in my family liked me speaking up either.
• 42:55
  SPEAKER_00: So there is this uncomfortable growth phase and I don't hide that from any of my clients.
• 42:59
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 43:00
  SPEAKER_00: There's well first of all just in yourself you have to face a lot of things about yourself.
• 43:05
  SPEAKER_00: Like I had to face how I was contributing to a lot of my problems and that is not easy.
• 43:10
  SPEAKER_00: You have to start going against the grain of things that is not easy.
• 43:14
  SPEAKER_00: But once you get over that hump it gets so much better.
• 43:17
  SPEAKER_01: Let me ask you this because this is this is something that I have not been able to figure out and it comes from you talking about your introspection you know you had to take a real hard look at yourself and be like wow I am contributing to things that I that I don't like and I don't and I want to stop what why can some people do that and others can't because you have to face a lot of shame and some people cannot face their own shame.
• 43:43
  SPEAKER_00: And that is another reason why because a lot of people think like oh you must help so many women and I do but I don't help as many as I want because I have conversations with women I know they need help.
• 43:57
  SPEAKER_00: I know they know they need help but they're not ready to themselves and I'm kind of in the business because I know some coaches are hardcore salespeople, so they will like try to overcome the objection.
• 44:09
  SPEAKER_00: But it's like I don't want to try to like talk someone into coaching with me, and then they're just gonna be like constantly terrified and never really wanting to take action.
• 44:18
  SPEAKER_00: I want someone who's like, I'm ready to change my life and I will do whatever it takes, no matter how difficult, certain, or uncertain, or scary.
• 44:26
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 44:27
  SPEAKER_00: So um how can you tell?
• 44:29
  SPEAKER_01: Like the because I'm I'm sure everybody tells you, um, you know, I'm gonna do this, I'm ready to do this.
• 44:34
  SPEAKER_01: What separates, or where you're like, okay, well, this person's full of shit.
• 44:38
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, this person, they may want to do this.
• 44:40
  SPEAKER_00: You can tell immediately because people are resistant to admitting their feelings or admitting what's really going on.
• 44:47
  SPEAKER_00: Because I always try to dig a little level deeper, like what's holding you back or whatever.
• 44:51
  SPEAKER_00: And some people can be like, well, I'm scared of this, I'm scared of that, or it's because I, you know, been this way my whole life and I'm just tired of it and ready to change.
• 44:59
  SPEAKER_00: And then other people are like, Well, I don't know.
• 45:02
  SPEAKER_00: It just doesn't feel good and I don't know why.
• 45:05
  SPEAKER_00: And so you can just tell by the first conversation.
• 45:09
  SPEAKER_01: Do you have like a uh a favorite group to kind of uh to to work with?
• 45:14
  SPEAKER_01: Uh I was thinking of uh kind of intellectualizers uh in like, uh, well, I I do this because blah blah blah, you know, being able to give you the exact reason why they do everything, but are powerless to stop the cycle, or uh like neurodivergent folks.
• 45:29
  SPEAKER_00: Do you have kind of like a it's funny you say that because sometimes self-aware people are equally as hard to work with because they are 100% aware of their patterns, but then they fall into other patterns of like either overanalyzing, because you just mentioned, like, oh, I do this because XYZ, whatever, but then they have blind spots to the other reasons why they're doing it.
• 45:52
  SPEAKER_00: Or um, yeah, it's like so self-aware people can be difficult in another way.
• 45:57
  SPEAKER_00: But my whole thing is I just want to work with people who are ready to like step up and face the difficulties and challenges and actually change their lives.
• 46:07
  SPEAKER_00: And there are people like that, which I love.
• 46:10
  SPEAKER_00: And again, I'm all about, you know, putting this energy out into the universe because I feel like the more people doing the work, it's this ripple effect.
• 46:18
  SPEAKER_00: And then they'll start inspiring the people who maybe aren't there yet.
• 46:22
  SPEAKER_00: So I feel like the people who aren't there yet, like I don't consider them lost causes.
• 46:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's like hopefully they still follow me or follow someone else who's putting out similar messages as me.
• 46:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel like eventually they'll get there because I I resisted my own change for a long time.
• 46:38
  SPEAKER_00: So I totally get it.
• 46:39
  SPEAKER_00: And you have to be ready because it's like, you know, the whole concept of rehab, like if you force someone to go to rehab for a drug addiction, it usually doesn't work.
• 46:48
  SPEAKER_00: But if they really want to make changes in their life and they want to go, then it usually works.
• 46:53
  SPEAKER_00: So it's the same concept with coaching.
• 46:55
  SPEAKER_01: I I like how you said that just because it's not just because it's not like I'm I can do this today, that doesn't mean that they are that they're a lost cause.
• 47:05
  SPEAKER_01: Um I think I tried therapy two or three times before uh before I like started working with my like my therapist now.
• 47:16
  SPEAKER_01: And uh looking back on those times, I definitely wasn't ready.
• 47:20
  SPEAKER_01: It was uh, you know, like somebody telling me, ah, you should probably you should probably see a therapist.
• 47:26
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, okay, well if you get off, if you get off my back, I'll go do it.
• 47:29
  SPEAKER_01: That was that's kind of the reason I did it.
• 47:31
  SPEAKER_01: It it took a long time to kind of get to the spot where I'm like, okay, I have it's basically change or die at this point.
• 47:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 47:39
  SPEAKER_00: And honestly, the therapist that you originally went to and then quit, they could probably tell when they were working with you, like, oh, he's not gonna stick with it.
• 47:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like you can just tell.
• 47:49
  SPEAKER_00: You can tell when someone's heart is in it.
• 47:52
  SPEAKER_01: Probably.
• 47:52
  SPEAKER_01: So I thought I I was like, man, that she probably thinks I'm like the the most like uh the most improved client.
• 47:58
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, every session I would just like, I wonder what she wants me, I wonder what she wants to hear today, you know?
• 48:03
  SPEAKER_01: And that was how I would gauge it.
• 48:06
  SPEAKER_01: And uh yeah, so no, I did not get a whole lot done.
• 48:09
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm sure she is a fabulous, uh fabulous therapist and all, but just if you had me as a client back then, you were not gonna get good work.
• 48:18
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, I love that you can admit that in hindsight.
• 48:21
  SPEAKER_00: But I did the same thing for like basically all of my tried therapy, I would try things and they didn't work.
• 48:28
  SPEAKER_00: But in hindsight, I was like, yeah, but I wasn't really dedicated or committed to doing the work.
• 48:34
  SPEAKER_00: So I can see why it didn't work.
• 48:37
  SPEAKER_01: You know, uh, kind of like looking back, I kind of I was gonna be like, yeah, and then finally I was like, yes, and I am going to change for myself, but that's actually not true.
• 48:45
  SPEAKER_01: I I started therapy uh because my son was born.
• 48:49
  SPEAKER_01: And I could see that I was repeating patterns that I was like that that I had told myself whenever I was a kid, I was like, I am never gonna do this, I'm not gonna do this.
• 49:00
  SPEAKER_01: And then I could see myself like starting to go down that road and I was like, no.
• 49:04
  SPEAKER_01: Uh and so I felt like I was a lost cause, but I was like, maybe I can get some tips and tricks to be able to like make it stop with me, and maybe my son will be okay.
• 49:14
  SPEAKER_01: That was kind of like the impetus.
• 49:16
  SPEAKER_00: I love that though.
• 49:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I think you always have to have a reason why.
• 49:20
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes that is yourself, sometimes it's other people.
• 49:23
  SPEAKER_00: But I really love how you said when your son was born, because one of my early mentors, he was telling us about how the best parenting book he ever read, because his son was like two or three at the time.
• 49:35
  SPEAKER_00: He was like, the best parenting book I he ever read.
• 49:38
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't about you do XYZ to be a parent.
• 49:41
  SPEAKER_00: It was about working on yourself because that's the best thing you can do for your kids.
• 49:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 49:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 49:46
  SPEAKER_01: That's and uh it was after that like six months I told you, where it was like the very like elementary level.
• 49:52
  SPEAKER_01: Like there was kind of like whenever the brain and body connected, that was the point where I was like, hey, you know what?
• 49:57
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe like I can I can work on myself here, you know.
• 50:00
  SPEAKER_01: Like there's there's some hope for me.
• 50:02
  SPEAKER_01: Hope for me, yeah, I think.
• 50:03
  SPEAKER_01: So it definitely like sticking with it and just doing those like things where shoot uh where, you know, my therapist like ask me how I'm feeling, and and I would be really good at giving thoughts.
• 50:13
  SPEAKER_01: Like, well, I think, blah, blah, blah, but I could not give you a feeling to save my to.
• 50:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's hard.
• 50:20
  SPEAKER_00: Like I said, I still struggle with that.
• 50:22
  SPEAKER_00: Like, how am I actually feeling?
• 50:24
  SPEAKER_01: I may have to get one of the cups that you were talking about that had the uh that had the feeling chart on it.
• 50:30
  SPEAKER_00: And it's on one of my water bottles.
• 50:31
  SPEAKER_00: I reference it all the time.
• 50:33
  SPEAKER_01: Whenever I first saw that, I thought it was like one of those like astrological, you know, like where they have like It looks like that, yeah.
• 50:42
  SPEAKER_01: And so I I I was like, why in the world does she have like astrology and for therapy?
• 50:47
  SPEAKER_01: That's not making any sense, but yeah, it was just it was me that was way off.
• 50:51
  SPEAKER_01: I to be fair, at that point, astrology and feelings were I I had about the same grasp on both.
• 50:58
  SPEAKER_00: So like that's actually like a funny metaphor if you think about it.
• 51:03
  SPEAKER_01: Do you do you you you only work with women, right?
• 51:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 51:07
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, okay.
• 51:08
  SPEAKER_00: So to working with men, my only thing.
• 51:11
  SPEAKER_01: I'll thank you after this great conversation.
• 51:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, because um, there are nuances, but here's the funny thing because the coach I hired, because I had an emotional rock bottom six years ago when I was like, I need to live my life a different way.
• 51:23
  SPEAKER_00: I hired a coach.
• 51:24
  SPEAKER_00: The coach I hired was actually a men's dating coach because I'll explain.
• 51:30
  SPEAKER_00: I had met him at a healing intensive and we were connected on Instagram.
• 51:35
  SPEAKER_00: So I knew he was a men's dating coach, but he didn't teach men pick up artists type stuff.
• 51:41
  SPEAKER_00: He taught men how to be the best versions of themselves so that they could attract, you know, a high quality woman that meets them on that level.
• 51:49
  SPEAKER_00: So he would be talking about authenticity and connecting and things like that.
• 51:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I really liked his style.
• 51:55
  SPEAKER_00: So when I got to this point where it's like, I need help and I need help now, like he was the first person I thought of.
• 52:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't, he had never coached one-on-one with a woman before, but like it worked out really well.
• 52:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I actually I feel like I even learned more because he would tell me a lot of things from a man's perspective, and I was like, oh, I never thought about that.
• 52:16
  SPEAKER_00: Or like he would even tell me about things that his men would struggle with in dating, and I didn't realize like how stressful dating was for men.
• 52:25
  SPEAKER_00: So it also gave me a lot of compassion for a lot of the things that men go through.
• 52:29
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so yeah, I'm not opposed to working with men.
• 52:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I usually do market to women though.
• 52:34
  SPEAKER_00: Because I do think men doing more of this kind of work.
• 52:38
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah, I wholeheartedly concur.
• 52:41
  SPEAKER_01: Um I think this is so interesting though that the answer to uh like dating troubles if you're if you're a man or if you are going through a like a transitional point in your life, the answer is still be yourself.
• 52:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 52:58
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, answer for anything.
• 53:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like if you go to a career coach or whatever, like that's what they should be teaching you, regardless of what their niche is.
• 53:08
  SPEAKER_01: You know, uh it's so uh it almost seems kind of like backwards.
• 53:13
  SPEAKER_01: Why do you need a teacher to be able to teach you how to be yourself?
• 53:17
  SPEAKER_00: Well, so this is what I tell people because I feel like a lot of messaging, especially with self-help books, but a lot of other things, it's like you need to fix yourself, you're broken or whatever.
• 53:27
  SPEAKER_00: But it all goes back to what I was saying earlier.
• 53:30
  SPEAKER_00: When you're a kid, that light is shining.
• 53:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I mean, you've seen kids, like they don't give a shit, but then it starts getting dim.
• 53:37
  SPEAKER_00: So it's not about fixing yourself, it's about rekindling what's already in you because we've just learned to suppress it and hide it, even our feelings.
• 53:45
  SPEAKER_00: Like as a little boy, I'm sure you had all the feelings, but you just learned to override them.
• 53:51
  SPEAKER_01: It depends on when you ask uh at the time.
• 53:53
  SPEAKER_01: No, absolutely not.
• 53:55
  SPEAKER_01: I had no feelings, but looking back now, yes, I I did have a lot.
• 53:58
  SPEAKER_01: I was just trying to, I was trying my best to push them down.
• 54:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so just remembering that.
• 54:04
  SPEAKER_01: So if uh if if if our listeners want to find out a little bit more about you, I mean, I do personally, so I I'm assuming they do as well.
• 54:11
  SPEAKER_01: How can they how can they find you?
• 54:13
  SPEAKER_00: The best way is my website, which is Inner Globei Angie.
• 54:18
  SPEAKER_00: I also wrote a book, which I we didn't even get to.
• 54:21
  SPEAKER_00: So there's information on my because the information is on my website.
• 54:26
  SPEAKER_00: The main two social media platforms I'm active on are Instagram and YouTube.
• 54:30
  SPEAKER_00: So my links are on there.
• 54:31
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 54:32
  SPEAKER_00: There's also information on my coaching program, and I have a special offer for your listeners because I used to do a free one-hour call for anybody.
• 54:43
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have the time for that anymore.
• 54:45
  SPEAKER_00: But basically, this one-hour call is we my glow method, the G stands for go back to your childhood, because usually there's one limiting belief that you have that's spawning all of these other fears and limiting beliefs that you have.
• 54:58
  SPEAKER_00: So on that call, we find the root of your limiting belief.
• 55:01
  SPEAKER_00: And even if we don't continue to work together, that's like really valuable information to have.
• 55:07
  SPEAKER_01: It's very valuable.
• 55:08
  SPEAKER_00: To either take it on your day-to-day life or go to therapy or whatever.
• 55:13
  SPEAKER_00: But I have an application on my website.
• 55:16
  SPEAKER_00: If you fill out the application and say you've heard me on this podcast, then you kind of bypass the whole application process and I will book you on one of those calls.
• 55:26
  SPEAKER_00: So, yes, that is my gift to you and your listeners.
• 55:30
  SPEAKER_01: And your the name of your book is Running in Slippers, is that right?
• 55:34
  SPEAKER_00: Correct.
• 55:35
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, and where where can people buy that book?
• 55:37
  SPEAKER_00: Just go to my website and there's a link for my book, and I have all of the consolidated links because it's available on paperback, audible, and Kindle or any audio book.
• 55:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 55:47
  SPEAKER_01: And we will make sure to have have your website uh in the uh in the description uh below.
• 55:53
  SPEAKER_01: So uh feel free to click, but wait until after we get finished talking before you click.
• 55:58
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 55:58
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah, so we we will definitely check that out because this is this has been such a fun fun conversation.
• 56:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 56:04
  SPEAKER_00: Likewise.
• 56:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, Angie, thank you for acting out with me.
• 56:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, thank you for having me on.