Latest / INSPIRE STORY / Podcast Episode 5 - ADHD_ Anxiety_ Depression _ Stress In Today_s Youth

Transcript

Podcast Episode 5 - ADHD_ Anxiety_ Depression _ Stress In Today_s Youth · INSPIRE STORY

0:01
Speaker 1: You're listening to another episode of the Inspire Health podcast.
0:04
Thank you for joining us. This episode features one of
0:07
my closest friends and all round brilliant guys, doctor Michael Mead.
0:12
If you've wondered what is really going on with the
0:14
abundance of ADHD, anxiety, depression and stress in today's youth,
0:19
then tune in and listen to these pearls of wisdom.
0:21
Doctor Mead blends his unique perspectives as both a psychotherapist,
0:26
naturopathic doctor as well as a father in order to
0:29
break down answers, strategies, and solutions not only for our kids,
0:33
but also for the parents. He provides us with the
0:35
strategies that we need in order to best support our children.
0:39
He's been my personal go to for years when I've
0:41
questions about my kids and parenting, and I really love
0:45
picking his brain. In this episode, I think we pulled
0:48
out some really great advice. Welcome to the Inspire Health Podcast.
0:53
Your life is about to get a whole lot better.
0:55
Have you ever felt like you tried everything and yet
0:58
still couldn't find the answers or the solution since that
1:00
you were seeking. Whether you're dealing with chronic illness, physical
1:03
or emotional pain. I want you to know that your
1:06
body is the most sophisticated machine on planet Earth. Your
1:10
body holds unfathomable wisdom. Trust in it and learn from it.
1:15
Know that there are answers and there are solutions to
1:18
your specific health challenges, and we will be uncovering all
1:22
of them here on the Inspire Health Podcast. I'm so
1:26
excited to be a part of your healing journey. Your
1:28
transformation starts mad.
1:34
Speaker 2: Hi.
1:34
Speaker 1: Everyone, Welcome back to another episode of the Inspire Health Podcast.
1:38
With me today is doctor Michael Mead. He's a graduate
1:41
of the Canadian College of Naturopathic Medicine. He has an
1:45
honors science degree from the University of Western Ontario and
1:49
a teaching degree at Outhouse College UWO. Michael further developed
1:54
his skills in counseling and psychotherapy at OIS and graduated
1:58
in two thousand and four with a Master of Education
2:01
and Counseling Psychology. Michael works with individuals, couples, families, family therapy, children,
2:09
cognitive behavioral therapy, and brief solution based therapy models. Michael
2:14
is a member of the Canadian Association of Naturopathic Doctors,
2:18
the Ontario Association of Naturopathic Doctors, the American Association of
2:21
Marital and Family Therapists, and Ontario Association of Consultants, Counselors,
2:28
Psychometrists and Psychotherapists. Doctor Michael Meade, thank you so much
2:33
for joining us today.
2:33
Speaker 2: How are you doing doing Grid? Pleasure to be here, Sifer.
2:39
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm excited to talk to you about all of this. So, Michael,
2:43
I would love to hear your sort of breakdown as
2:45
far as I know, You've got a diverse history here
2:48
from being a teacher to a naturopathic doctor, to master's
2:51
in education and counseling psychology. And you give me a
2:54
little story on how did you come about blending these
2:58
all these different.
2:59
Speaker 3: Worlds, part of it by a mistake, or not by
3:05
a mistake, but by accident in a way. I think
3:10
in grade eight I had an interest in medicine and
3:16
thought that being the doctor was maybe either route. I
3:20
probably in high school really interested in psychology or psychiatry.
3:27
And fast forward twenty some odd years and I ended
3:31
up being a naturopath and a psychotherapist.
3:34
Speaker 2: And it was in.
3:35
Speaker 3: University that I discovered what natropathic medicine was. Went to
3:41
one of those student health fairs, and there was a
3:45
booth there from ccn M where we graduated from, and
3:49
I just kind of read about natropathic medicine and it
3:53
clicked and fast forward here we are.
3:57
Speaker 1: What about the counseling citcas. I know after you graduated
3:59
then you did decided to further and do your Masters
4:02
in Education and counseling. How did you decide that counseling
4:05
was such an important piece of this overall picture.
4:10
Speaker 3: I think in our training, I don't know what it's
4:12
like now, but at the time at CCNM, we didn't
4:16
get a lot of focus on psychology or psychotherapy or
4:20
even counseling methods. I think we're well equipped to, you know,
4:25
provide coaching and health and different things like that, but
4:30
I just wanted to further develop my skills.
4:34
Speaker 1: Nice And did you find that doing the Masters in
4:36
Counseling brought that aspect of things to life for you
4:40
in practice? Do you find that you incorporate your counseling
4:44
piece of it quite a bit?
4:49
Speaker 3: Well, the way it works with our colleges is you
4:51
you have to kind of do naathic medicine or do psychotherapy,
4:57
so blending the two. You know, in the file is
5:01
sometimes difficult, but certainly I draw from I guess both
5:07
platforms in terms of providing my patients and clients, some
5:13
of you know, the help that they require.
5:17
Speaker 1: I would love to pick your brain a little bit
5:19
on what you find primarily with the kids nowadays, what
5:24
sort of age groups you're working with, and what are
5:26
some of the primary challenges that you see coming into
5:30
your clinic over and over again that you're working.
5:32
Speaker 3: With age groups we see we tend not to go
5:38
too young, but certainly age five and up, a lot
5:43
of elementary age students, certainly a lot of adolescents. And
5:50
primarily what we're seeing in clinic is anxiety depression, kids
5:58
having a difficult time just balancing everything that's going on,
6:03
difficulty in coping with sometimes it seems life just in general,
6:09
but certainly with all the demands placed upon them.
6:14
Speaker 1: Well, let's kind of go back to that one, because
6:16
that's definitely an area that I see a lot of.
6:20
Is this rise in We can talk about a number
6:23
of them, but ADHD and anxiety and depression, and you
6:28
had mentioned anxiety, depression and coping. This is something that
6:33
I have a parent's coming in all the time talking
6:35
to me about and from my approach, I'm looking at
6:38
several pieces of it we can chat about as we
6:40
go along here. But from your perspective, when you see
6:43
these kids coming in from anxiety depression, how is it presenting?
6:48
How might a parent know if this is something that
6:51
needs to be taken to the next step and when
6:53
they need to talk to someone like you? What would
6:54
be some signs for a parent to be aware of.
7:02
Speaker 3: Resisting going to school, So you know, on Sunday night,
7:06
getting upset, either crying or not being able to sleep.
7:11
Some somatic complaints might involve in stomach ache, you know,
7:15
feeling sick in the morning on Mondays. Typically they don't
7:20
want to get out of bed, don't want to go
7:23
to school, don't want to eat, I just want to
7:25
stay home. Certainly, if you see any kind of attachment
7:30
issues like getting upset when they have to be dropped off,
7:40
and just that general resistance to leaving.
7:48
Speaker 1: The house, when do you know or how would parent
7:55
have a better idea of when something is a As
7:58
you mentioned stomach aches and stuff something A lot of
8:00
times I'll see kids that come in with stomach aches.
8:04
It's often tied with a little bit of anxiety. Often
8:07
it's not on common to see things like headaches as well.
8:10
Some of these types of symptoms. How do you kind
8:13
of flush it out as far as knowing what's legitimately
8:17
a stomach issue versus what's more of an anxiety response,
8:22
or do they really marry together or can separate them?
8:27
Speaker 3: Well, what some parents have told me that you know
8:31
when they when they have to start getting ready for school,
8:35
you know their child isn't feeling well, either have a
8:39
stomach ache or or they feel nauseous, and the parent decides, okay, well,
8:44
you know, because you're not feeling well, you can stay
8:46
home today, and you know, almost immediately they perk up
8:51
and they want to go play, or you know, they'd
8:54
like to go outside, or you know, they want to
8:56
get on their gaming consoles. So I think you have
8:59
to follow the behavior because those feelings are real feeling
9:13
you do feel. Certainly it's different than actually being being
9:17
sick with a flu bug or some kind of gastric issue.
9:21
Speaker 1: Sorry, way to glick there on the audio. Can you
9:24
repeat that last part of it? You said the feelings
9:27
are real, So not to discount the feelings, but.
9:31
Speaker 3: Yeah, certainly, you know there can be a lot of
9:33
stomach pain or or stomach issues with things like anxiety
9:38
or even depression for that matter. But so don't discount that.
9:44
But you know, when you see everything kind of resolve
9:48
almost immediately, when the threat of having to leave the
9:52
house is gone, then you could probably be assured that
9:54
it's not necessarily a physical issue, gotcha, And.
9:59
Speaker 1: It's still ab point. They might very well have some
10:02
physical issues that go on at that time, but it's
10:04
just coming from more of a nervous system balance where
10:07
they're anxious or depressed or something else is going on
10:11
that needs to be addressed. Right, So, there has definitely
10:16
been a rise in the diagnosis of a lot of
10:19
these things over the years. And when you were mentioning
10:23
some of the having troubles coping with life, what's going on? Like,
10:26
are the stresses that much worse than they used to
10:29
be when you or I were growing up? Are there?
10:33
Why are their coping skills so much less? What's what's
10:36
sort of a big picture that's going on as to
10:39
why we're seeing such an increase in this.
10:42
Speaker 3: Well, I think when we were growing up, right, we
10:45
born in the seventies, going to school in the eighties.
10:48
Speaker 2: I remember in our household.
10:50
Speaker 3: We I mean we had a TV, but it had
10:53
three channels, black and white, and so no gaming or
11:01
any kind of online stuff. So most of the time
11:04
was spent outside playing with friends. I think in some
11:09
ways it was definitely a simpler time, and if I
11:13
was involved with any extracurricular stuff, it was would have
11:16
been maybe one thing per season. What I see with
11:21
a lot of kids is they're coming in and their
11:23
time is scheduled.
11:27
Speaker 2: It's just so full.
11:30
Speaker 3: You know, there's music classes, and then there's dance and
11:34
soccer and swimming, and then these kids have to somehow
11:38
fine they wore carve out a little bit of time
11:41
for their school work. So I think the demands and
11:44
the pressures are much higher for kids these days, and
11:48
I think they're having a difficult time, you know, trying
11:51
to figure out how to fit it all in.
11:54
Speaker 1: When you mentioned a point about having their schedules very
11:58
full on it, I definitely see this too. Where is
12:01
the blend on that, because you get two different philosophies
12:04
on that, some people telling where you need to keep
12:07
your kids active they're young. You want to expose them
12:09
to so many different aspects, so you want to give
12:12
them a chance to go to dance and do martial arts,
12:14
and do hockey and do sports and do all these
12:16
different things, and then they still have their studies that
12:20
they have to stay up on and all these other pieces.
12:23
What is the blend, How much of that can be
12:26
a beneficial stress relief versus where it starts to become
12:31
detrimental kind of breaking them down and limiting their ability
12:35
to manage the rest of their world if it's too
12:37
fully scheduled. What do you kind of find works, where's
12:40
the balance and how do you work with that?
12:45
Speaker 3: I think it's individual. There are some kids who will
12:48
thrive at being busy, and I think that just comes
12:54
down to their own personal makeup. I think the kids
12:57
they get into trouble are ones that naturally just don't
13:01
thrive in that kind of environment. So I think the
13:04
parent has to figure out, you know, what's working for
13:07
their individual child. And I think scheduling something every night
13:14
of the week probably makes things more difficult. Most of
13:20
the kids I see, they just they well they complain
13:24
that they're they're they're tired because they're so busy, and
13:29
they just they just want a night where they don't
13:31
have to do anything. And I think in part of
13:34
the blind or part of the balance, you'd be finding,
13:37
you know, finding one night that's just a down night,
13:40
or one day on the weekend it's just you know,
13:44
reserved for hanging out, not doing much.
13:50
Speaker 1: Yeah. Absolutely, And also just allow the family unit as
13:55
best as you can too, to actually connect. Do you
13:58
find changes in that that's gone on as far as
14:01
one other layer that might be there, is there. I'm
14:06
just going through some of the different theories that I've
14:07
read about before too, And as far as parental involvement,
14:12
is there changes that that can play with it? What
14:14
can parents do to to assist their child from this
14:19
piece of it? There's a couple of parts. I'm always
14:22
curious to know more about. What can the child do
14:25
to try and improve their coping strategies so that they've
14:29
got some empowerment themselves, and then how do parents best
14:33
kind of support that as well?
14:43
Speaker 3: You mentioned the family unit, and I just reflect upon
14:48
you know, some of the kids that come into our
14:50
clinic and the majority of them come from, you know,
14:57
a family unit that's been disrupted in some way, either
15:00
through separation or divorce or loss of the parent. So
15:05
that's certainly a key piece and in those situations where
15:11
the family is blended or reconstituted or whatever determines these days,
15:19
I think parents can do best by their children by
15:23
being on board, by being in communication, by being you know,
15:29
civil and non conflict approach things in that way because
15:37
a lot of these kids are spending half their time
15:39
at dads and half their time at moms, or the
15:42
week is split up, you know, two days here, three
15:44
days there, and that can.
15:46
Speaker 2: Be quite disruptive.
15:48
Speaker 3: So I think in that situation, parents who you know,
15:52
are keeping their kids' interest in mind and as a priority,
15:58
then that can be helped a family that's intact in
16:07
terms of when it comes from a coping perspective, I
16:11
think parents want to do the best that they can
16:15
for their children, but they sometimes have a hard time
16:19
letting them letting them fail. And you know, resilience is
16:24
increased when a kid, you know, happens to fail and
16:29
then they're supported and comforted and the parents are there champion,
16:35
but certainly just letting them letting them struggle.
16:40
Speaker 1: That's actually a really important point I think that you
16:43
just mentioned around this concept of building resilience and parents
16:49
being comfortable enough with allowing kids to fail So can
16:54
you go into that one a little bit more because
16:56
and give sort of some what does that look like
17:00
for a parent, because again there's all these models of
17:03
parenting seem to you know, come in and it sort
17:06
of seems like fad diets a little bit the same
17:09
way as sometimes bad parenting could be. And for a
17:12
long time it was, you know, praise your kids all
17:15
the time and the idea of being okay with letting
17:22
them fail. Sometimes that sets up a bit of a
17:26
dichotomy where you're praising this child and then sometimes what
17:30
I've seen is that some kids, when they're praised over
17:33
and over again, that it gives them a little bit
17:36
of a false sense of security around where they're at
17:40
and who they are. And then when something does happen,
17:43
they take it very personally and they have a very
17:45
difficult time with failure. So what's your experience with that
17:50
and how would you support How could parents support that
17:54
process because it is such a valuable process to develop.
17:58
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, first of giving them a chance to try
18:02
new things, right, to try different things, So providing a
18:06
space an opportunity to you know, to to develop their
18:10
skill set. A simple example might be and and like
18:17
playing games, right. I have a colleague who who you know,
18:23
when when they play games with their kids, a lot
18:27
of parents you know, will will want to build up
18:30
their confidence and let them win. And and this particular person,
18:34
you know if if if the child wins, great, but
18:38
they don't, they don't let their kid win. So like
18:40
even playing a board game, and you see it sometimes
18:44
in clinic. They I mean, kids want to succeed, they
18:48
like to win. Everyone likes to win. But I think
18:53
letting a child win just for the purposes of, you know,
18:58
pumping them up is it's probably detrimental in the long term.
19:02
Speaker 2: So that would be a simple example.
19:04
Speaker 3: And even even kids in sports, it's it's more about
19:09
participation than winning or losing. And there's a big controversy
19:12
about that should be another topic, but I think it's
19:16
important that you know that, you know, children have an
19:21
opportunity to know what it feels like to you know,
19:24
to be to feel defeated, right, and then to be
19:27
able to pick themselves up from that say Okay, I'm
19:32
going to try again, and I'm not going to let this,
19:36
you know, sink me totally.
19:37
Speaker 2: And that's where parents come in. You know, It's like
19:39
it's it's.
19:40
Speaker 3: All right to fails and share examples of when when
19:43
they fail themselves.
19:45
Speaker 2: I think that's important.
19:46
Speaker 3: Kids need to hear that, you know, their moms and
19:48
dads are real and they struggled, and even if they struggled,
19:52
they've you know, they've they've learned and they booved on.
19:55
Speaker 1: Mm hm, well, it definitely prepares them for the rest
20:01
of the world outside of the bubble of being at home,
20:04
for example, when they're in the workforce, down the road,
20:07
whatever it might be, if they're even playing competitive sports
20:11
or whatnot. I mean, you said, there's going to be failures,
20:14
So how do we navigate that and then move forward
20:17
from it and learn from it? And I definitely find
20:21
this all the time too.
20:22
Speaker 2: Well.
20:22
Speaker 1: A couple of things. I have a steps on two
20:25
sporteen and partly when you were even explaining that a
20:29
good opportunity for them to learn to failure is to
20:32
try new things. Partly, what I find now is it's
20:36
in my steps on sporteen. So sometimes that age group
20:39
I find not just that age group, but if they're
20:42
not good at something right away, I find a lot
20:45
of times they don't tend to stick with it for
20:47
very long. It's almost like, I don't know if you're
20:49
finding that that's coming around more and more too. But
20:53
the idea of you know, putting in a little bit
20:56
more time developing those skills, seeing yourself progressed naturally through
21:00
failure and development, which is so beneficial. But sometimes I
21:04
find that if they don't kind of catch on to
21:06
something very quickly, that they might just kind of leave
21:11
it and go back to what they are comfortable with.
21:12
Have you found that too, or is there any any
21:16
any comments around that.
21:18
Speaker 3: Yeah, some of the kids that I've worked with, they
21:24
they they feel as that they have to be perfect
21:27
the first time. I do see that, and I hear
21:31
that from parents. I also find that those kids are
21:37
are the ones that tend to be a little more
21:40
anxious about, you know, about doing new things and trying
21:45
new things. And I think all you can do in
21:50
that situation is is, you know, keep encouraging, right, keep
21:56
providing opportunities, keep you know, coaching the child to try
22:04
and they don't have to be perfect. In some ways,
22:07
there's is there anything you know, is there such thing
22:10
as perfection?
22:12
Speaker 1: Not really, No, I think it's perfect when we actually
22:17
do fail. And just the attitude around continually trying to
22:21
improve off of that. That's really where perfection lies. It's
22:24
an ongoing process, Mike. One of the things I'm also
22:31
really interested in is this diagnosis of ADHD, which has
22:36
been skyrocketing over the over the last several years. I
22:41
was I was looking at some stats on that from
22:44
the CDC and from some other resources, and they're looking
22:47
at about forty two percent increase in the diagnosis over
22:50
the past eight years, and trying to debate is this
22:53
just an over diagnosis because it's a it's more in
22:57
the in the public eye, so people are looking for it.
23:01
Is it legitimate? Is there actually we're seeing this that
23:05
there's a lot more of the symptoms of ADHD that
23:07
are coming up, and why that might be playing into things.
23:12
What have you found in practice? Do you see this
23:15
rise in ADHD like I'm talking about.
23:18
Speaker 2: I do.
23:19
Speaker 3: I do, And I think there's a difference between ADHD
23:26
and being busy, And what I see a lot of
23:31
times happening is, you know, and especially with boys, they're busy,
23:36
and they're busy in school, and they need to move
23:39
and they actually learn better when they're moving. And although
23:45
that's disruptive for the classroom and super difficult for the teachers.
23:50
Speaker 2: I think.
23:52
Speaker 3: I think being busy is sometimes misinterpreted as you know,
23:56
having ADHD or some other type of issue.
24:07
Speaker 2: There are kids that really really do match.
24:15
Speaker 3: The criteria and they can't help themselves, and there's they
24:22
cannot sit still. They just can't do it no matter
24:26
how hard they try. And and I think those are
24:28
the children that you know, some of the approaches for
24:31
ADHD are you know, are work well for But for
24:35
a lot of these kids, I think the way that
24:39
the classroom is set up is difficult. You know, they
24:45
go from play based kindergarten where they're constantly moving or
24:50
doing floor time integrade one where there's the expectation that they,
24:54
you know, will sit at a seat and and be
24:57
attentive and listen and not move. And I think that'
25:00
transition is difficult for some children. I know a lot
25:04
of teachers who allow for you know, movement in their classroom.
25:09
They do a fantastic job. But I think what we're
25:12
seeing is some of those kids just having a hard
25:15
time transition into like the upper years of elementary school.
25:22
Speaker 1: Has there been a big change though, in the way
25:24
the school system runs the programs like from when when
25:28
we were going through school and the amount of movement
25:31
that we maybe had versus what's going on the school
25:34
system now in the amount of movement that's allowed. Has
25:37
it been dramatic difference with that? That would be the
25:40
only kind of correlation to why we see so much
25:43
of it, because I absolutely agree with you, movement is
25:46
a huge piece, and I think for the most part,
25:49
there's not anywhere close to enough movement that goes on
25:51
through school, and the way the school system set up
25:54
currently is definitely not conducive for a seven year old boy,
26:01
for example, who does need to move, move, move, And
26:05
you talk to any teachers and they will they'll tell
26:07
you the same thing. But is that has it been
26:09
that much different than what it was before? Do you know?
26:13
Speaker 2: I think so?
26:16
Speaker 3: For example, even out on the playground right there's no hands,
26:21
no touching, no rough housing, And and I think when
26:27
you're and I growing up, we were out tearing around,
26:30
you know, tackling each other, wrestling on the ground, and
26:34
it wasn't violent or bullying or generally people didn't get hurt,
26:39
but certainly there was an opportunity to release a lot
26:43
of that energy. And I think in Quebec, if if
26:46
memory serves me correctly, I was reading an article the
26:48
other day. They're experimenting with controlled rough play.
26:53
Speaker 1: Oh interesting, what does that exactly look like.
26:57
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's it's where teachers are monitoring kids and they're
27:02
allowing them to maybe wrestle a bit, maybe to get
27:05
a little bit physical, and they're finding that it's really
27:10
helping in the classroom because the kids, i mean, they
27:15
expand that energy and some kids really need to get
27:18
rid of the energy.
27:20
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that's huge. I mean I grew up
27:23
doing martial arts for a long long time, and not
27:29
that martial arts was in school, but at least after
27:32
school most of the time, a few days a week anyways,
27:36
and often i'd practice on my own, so that the
27:39
ability to kind of get that out and get that
27:42
whatever might be it might just be built up energy,
27:46
built up aggression, whatever it might be that's going on.
27:49
As a young boy, I found that incredibly therapeutic. And
27:52
to be able to spa do that with actually with
27:56
my friends in the club was a tremendous least for me.
28:00
So that's actually really I think that's a really great idea.
28:03
Are they seeing some promise with it then yep, so
28:07
far then just a matter of what's going to happen
28:11
as far as being able to actually integrate something like that,
28:14
because I can see where there could be a lot
28:17
of throwback about that. Unfortunately, what else are you finding
28:24
related with ADHD? Anything else that kind of comes up
28:28
other than the restless energy there? And maybe just can
28:33
you throw it a few of the different key symptoms
28:35
that you tend to find with the kids that come
28:37
and see you for parents if they're wondering, because I
28:40
know when I look at the list of ADHD symptoms,
28:44
in my mind, I think really almost any young boy
28:48
would have ADHD based on most of the symptoms on that.
28:51
So when does it kind of become more of a
28:54
problem versus it might just be that they need to
28:57
move more.
29:04
Speaker 3: I don't know if you see this in practice, but
29:08
you know you'll have the kid who's well. Parents will
29:11
complain that they can't focus on doing their homework. They're
29:17
unable to transition from tasks to tasks. They you know,
29:22
can't follow direction, especially if that direction has three parts.
29:27
So you ask a kid to put their shoes away,
29:30
pick up their backpack, unpack their lunch, you know, and
29:35
and put the dishes in the dishwasher. It's like a
29:40
multi faceted task, and a lot of the parents that
29:45
I hear from, it's like by the time that they
29:48
go together their shoes, they've forgotten what they were supposed
29:51
to do with them, And I think that's that's part
29:56
of it.
29:57
Speaker 2: So and then the.
30:03
Speaker 3: Other thing that I see is those same kids who
30:05
aren't able to attend to one task or ballow direction
30:09
or unable to focus on their homework, can be hyper
30:14
focused on their video games or hyper focused on their
30:19
electronic devices. So in one area they're able to focus
30:25
beautifully on something, and many other areas they can't.
30:30
Speaker 1: I was talking to doctor Shanker in a podcast a
30:33
while ago when we were talking about some of those things,
30:35
and he brought up a really neat interesting point because
30:39
a lot of times I will find that it's very easy.
30:42
And then most boys, particularly are very drawn to their
30:46
electronic devices, more so than most of the girls that
30:49
I've seen. Not that his only boys, but I definitely
30:53
see that being more predominant. And one of the things
30:56
he was mentioning was that at the under of all
31:00
of it is, you know, how do these children learn
31:03
to self regulate and how do they be able to
31:05
regulate more effectively, And he said that there is a
31:08
big difference between adaptive and maladaptive ways of dealing with stress.
31:13
He said, for example, you might see a child be
31:16
able to, you know, go on a and play a
31:19
video game and seem like they're really calm, right, But
31:23
he said, there's a very big difference between genuinely being
31:28
calm in your body and actually being sort of what
31:33
looks like well behaved or kind of quiet, because that
31:36
a lot of times, some of that stuff can be
31:38
very maladaptive ways of dealing so you're maybe not actually calm,
31:43
but you are not aware of all of the other
31:46
stuff that's still going on when you're sometimes in a
31:49
world of computer games, and then you end up almost
31:52
in a bit of a deficit after the fact. So
31:56
I'm wondering how much of that too, because there is
31:58
such a large amount of I mean, we had some
32:01
video games growing up, but it wasn't anything to the
32:03
degree or are nearly as addictive as what the games
32:06
are like now. Do you see any troubles with that?
32:08
Do you see any I know I've read articles on
32:12
addictions to video games, and particularly this Fortnite game that's
32:16
out now and a lot of kids being really addicted that.
32:18
Do you see anything like that? Do you ever find
32:20
it addictions for things like that that come into the
32:23
clinic now?
32:24
Speaker 2: Oh? Absolutely, yeah, all the time, all the time.
32:29
Speaker 1: What's your take on all of that?
32:31
Speaker 3: What's going on, Well, comes down to neurotransmitters. I think basically,
32:45
you know, if you look at the work of Gabaramatte,
32:50
we were not addicted to running or food necessarily or
32:56
video games. Were addicted to the russia of oxytocin. And
33:00
so when these kids are leveling up on Fortnite or
33:05
they you know, they're successful at getting any patch or
33:10
badge or or whatever.
33:12
Speaker 2: It is, oxytosin gets.
33:15
Speaker 3: Released and it's it's a feel good chemical. It's and
33:20
the same thing that gets released when you have, you know,
33:23
a warm, snugly hug. And I think that's what you
33:27
get addicted to, is that rush.
33:31
Speaker 1: Absolutely, I totally agree with you. I think for the
33:34
at the heart of all of it is this chemical
33:37
storm that gets developed and what we tend to get
33:39
addicted to, and oxytosin, I think at the same point
33:43
dopamine as well, you kind of get these these two
33:45
things that sort of tweak our feel good, pleasure seeking centers,
33:51
and then we just want more of it. Yeah, the
33:54
repetition of some of that stuff that kind of pushes
33:57
it quite strongly, like like things example, like video games,
34:02
then can start to become addictive because you need even
34:05
more of it to get the same sort of rush
34:07
from it. Really not any different than like a drug
34:11
dependency in a lot of ways. When you're seeing children
34:15
with addictions to some of these things, how do you
34:19
start the process on weaning back off? Where do you
34:23
begin that? Because most of the time what happens and
34:27
I mean I mean I'm a parent too with a
34:29
one in a two year old and a fourteen year
34:31
old step son. And the hard part is that when
34:35
you do start to try to tailor some of these things,
34:39
there's a lot of feedback. You get the kids that
34:42
could have an absolute hard time trying to decrease their
34:46
video games. You take a video game away from most
34:50
kids and you will you'll you'll see the backlash on that.
34:54
So how do you start that process? What would be
34:57
some strategies for parents to even start there, because I
35:00
generally think a lot of parents want to but they
35:03
don't really know where to begin, and they run into
35:06
so many troubles and then it becomes a big fight
35:09
again and there's a lot of screaming and everything like that.
35:11
So where do you even start with that? What would
35:14
you tell parents that are in that situation.
35:20
Speaker 3: Well, you don't have to stop something you never start.
35:24
So in a perfect world, you know never starts. That's
35:29
not about to happen. But I think one thing you
35:34
have to keep in mind is, yeah, if you're trying
35:37
to tail oor back or remove something that the kid
35:40
really really loves, there's going to be conflict. There's no
35:44
question they're going to fight you want it. But anything
35:50
that I've read and anyone that I've talked to that's
35:53
been successful, it doesn't last.
35:58
Speaker 2: Right.
35:58
Speaker 3: You're not talking about day in weeks, you're talking about
36:02
you know, hours, a period of time, and and it's
36:07
it's about if both parents are home, then you know,
36:11
teaming up, providing a united front. If it's uh, and
36:18
I think it's hard, especially when I talk to my
36:21
my single parents, it's you know, they're they're working two jobs,
36:25
they're exhausted, and they just don't want to fight. So
36:28
suggesting that they remove the device is sometimes really really scary,
36:33
and I think parents love their kids and and they
36:37
don't want to see them hurt. And I think we
36:40
will avoid doing anything that causes our kid pain. But
36:44
in this situation, that short term pain is is really
36:49
beneficial in the long term. And I think there has
36:53
to be limits set. You've you've read the literature. I
37:00
don't think screen time under eight years of old is
37:04
even recommended. Certainly nothing under four, but even into adolescence,
37:13
you know, half an hour a day, half an hour
37:16
a day and hour tops is what I've seen in
37:19
the research. The kids that I talk to coming clinic,
37:22
and I asked them, I ask every one of them
37:24
how much time do you spend on the screen? And
37:28
they're logging three to six hours a day. And this
37:32
is you know, sometimes ten, eleven, twelve years old, and
37:35
it can even go higher. And with the teens that
37:39
I see, and that would be I think all parents
37:44
could do. Would you go cold turkey in that situation?
37:48
That might be really really difficult. So you start to
37:50
pair down, right, It's like, okay, let's take that three
37:54
hours and get it down to two, and then you know,
37:57
get it down to one. And I think what also
38:01
is helpful is, you know, parents having the time and
38:05
the energy to engage because it's it's pretty easy when
38:09
you've had a long day and you just want a
38:11
little bit a piece of quiet to say, you know, here,
38:15
go watch watch this video, or you know, have fun
38:19
playing your games.
38:20
Speaker 1: As as usually the parents are trying to have a
38:23
little bit of downtime themselves.
38:27
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly.
38:30
Speaker 1: So say a child is very much addicted, and I
38:35
would say probably you'll see. I mean, I would say,
38:38
originally you'd think about teenagers, but it's not just teenagers now,
38:41
I actually have a lot of kids that are under
38:43
teens that are or pre pre tweens that are that
38:49
are addicted to these two How would you start the process?
38:53
So what would be a bit of a strategy for
38:55
parents to start to initiate they want to you know,
38:59
do they do they limit their time by twenty percent?
39:04
Do they try what? What would you kind of start with?
39:06
Where could a parents start with that?
39:13
Speaker 2: What I recommend they do.
39:16
Speaker 3: Is choose one night a week, one night a week
39:20
where there's no electronics, or one day of the weekend
39:26
you know where there's no electronics, so you know, and
39:30
that way the kid doesn't feel as though they're missing out,
39:33
you know, every day by taking away an hour, but
39:36
it just kind of you know, you have a little
39:38
bit of a fast on one night a week and
39:43
and fill that time with you know, going outside, doing
39:46
something together as a family, playing games, you know, going
39:49
for a meal. And I think what happens is the kid,
39:54
you know, at first it's like they don't like it,
39:57
I don't want to do this. This is you know,
39:58
silly or dumb. But then they realize that, you know
40:03
what it was, it was kind of nice to connect
40:07
with mom and dad or connect with mom or dad,
40:11
and you know, they I would hope that it kind
40:15
of just sits in their brain and then next time
40:18
it's like, oh, yeah, it wasn't terrible not having a
40:21
game for one night. Maybe we'll try that again and
40:25
build upon that.
40:28
Speaker 2: Yeah.
40:28
Speaker 1: I think that's a great strategy. And the key thing
40:31
I think that parents need to remember too that's so
40:34
helpful is really I don't think of it any different
40:37
than when say someone is coming in to see me
40:42
and they need diet counseling and they've got certain foods
40:46
that they're sensitive to and they are benefiting them. You
40:49
don't just take away. You have to put something back in.
40:52
So it's like you can't just take the game away
40:55
and then think everything's going to be okay, take it away,
40:59
but add some back in, and most of the time
41:01
that would be adding yourself in some kind of human
41:04
connection I think probably at the heart of it, and
41:07
then you start to fill those oxytocin, those dopamine levels
41:10
up from a very positive place as opposed to almost
41:14
an artificial way of trying to get that fix. I
41:18
think what's really interesting too is I'm not sure if
41:20
you'd heard this before, but I was reading some information
41:24
with Bill Gates and Steve Jobs and they actually didn't
41:26
let their kids have a phone or a device until
41:30
they were actually, I think not until they were in
41:33
their teenage years. They didn't even get their first one. So,
41:37
I mean, here's the two people that are probably at
41:40
the heart of this entire movement with screens and mobile
41:45
devices and phones and everything, and they wouldn't let their
41:47
children have them, so they knew the addictive quality of them.
41:51
Speaker 3: Yeah, there's a campaign going on right now. It's called
41:54
Wait until eight, and the idea behind it is no
41:59
devices until grade eight, Right, so you know grad eight,
42:04
that's that's fabulous. Yeah, wait until late so no phones.
42:09
Obviously we're gonna have a computer at home gaming, but
42:12
but you know, and a lot of parents will say, well,
42:17
if I don't have the phone, there's no way I
42:19
can get a hold of them, and and they feel
42:21
more secure when when their kid has a phone.
42:23
Speaker 2: And that's fine, So just no data, right, Yeah, let's
42:30
go ahead.
42:31
Speaker 3: Yeah, wait until late, so hold off until grade eight
42:35
if you if you possibly can.
42:38
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that's great. I know other steps. And
42:40
that's what we've done is he has a phone so
42:43
that we can touch base with them, and he's can
42:46
phone and text, but there's no data on it. So
42:51
the most part that usually works pretty well. That that
42:56
also brings up another topic though for me, with the
43:00
accessibility that most kids have, especially teenagers. Almost all kids
43:04
have phones, and they're online, and they've got their entire
43:09
online community. And one thing I see a lot of too,
43:14
is this has completely changed the landscape of what bullying
43:18
used to be. And another huge concern for our kids
43:25
is this whole realm of cyber bullying and how it's
43:27
completely changed the dynamics of what bully. It's almost like,
43:30
you can't escape the bullying now. You know before, if
43:33
you've got bullied at school, you can get back home
43:35
and at least have the safety of your own home.
43:38
Now it seems like no matter where you go, it's
43:40
possible these things can follow you around. Have you seen
43:43
this coming up in clinical And I think in general
43:45
this also plays into a lot of the anxiety and
43:48
depression that I see.
43:50
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm sure the studies have been done, but in
43:53
my opinion it's directly linked. Do see a lot of
43:58
it coming into clinic. And the bullying has moved from
44:02
the playground to the living room. And and like you said,
44:06
I agree with you. The kids just they can't escape it,
44:10
but they can. And the solution and the answer to
44:15
that is turned the device off.
44:19
Speaker 2: Right, it's going on, but you don't have to engage.
44:25
Speaker 3: And I think that's where parents can help, is to
44:29
really set some strong limits on you know, what the
44:33
kids are looking at when they're home. Home needs to
44:37
be a safe place, you know, a place where they
44:41
can unplug you from all of that. Because I find
44:46
a lot and mostly with teams, but a lot of them,
44:49
the ones coming in the clinic is what's leading to
44:54
their symptoms of depression or at least low self esteem.
44:59
Is you know, comparison, you know, comparing themselves to everyone else,
45:06
and you know so and so is doing this, and
45:10
I wasn't invited to that chat group, and these people
45:13
are getting together. And when we were kids, when when
45:16
you left the playground, you went home, you had no
45:19
idea what your peers were doing until the next day
45:23
where you met on a playground and you talked about
45:26
what happened last night. And I don't think kids have
45:29
that luxury anymore. They know exactly what's going on twenty
45:33
four to seven. And I think it's problematic, certainly with
45:38
the kids that I see coming in the clinic.
45:42
Speaker 1: So definitely part of it is if it's going on,
45:46
then parents can start to restrict access or try and
45:51
talk with their child about not accessing Instagram and Facebook
45:56
and everything else that's going on. It's probably just keeping
45:58
it in their mind. But you mentioned another part too,
46:01
around around comparison and and ultimately I think that's at
46:07
the heart of a lot of problems, not just for kids,
46:09
but for adults as well.
46:12
Speaker 3: How do we.
46:14
Speaker 1: How do we foster a feeling in our children that
46:19
of self confidence? Where the only thing they really need
46:22
to compare is how their progress is going from day
46:26
to day, but not how they compare to other people.
46:30
How would you begin that process? Because because that's really
46:34
such an underlying factor of self esteem, self aware, all
46:40
of these things that just give kids all of the
46:43
skills that they need to ultimately live a successful life.
46:47
And when we compare to others, that that's ultimately what
46:50
usually pulls the rug out from underneath us. So how
46:53
do you how do you start that? What does that
46:56
look like in the family dynamic?
46:59
Speaker 2: I think it's starts.
47:02
Speaker 3: Really really young. Gabor matt Day wrote another book with
47:06
a psychologist I forget his name. It's called to Hold
47:09
On to Your Kids.
47:10
Speaker 2: And in that.
47:13
Speaker 3: Book he talks a lot about you know, kids need,
47:17
they need to be with their parents more than anybody.
47:22
They need to be if their parents, more than they
47:24
need to have sleepovers, more than they need to have playdates,
47:28
more than they need to be involved with with teams,
47:32
et cetera. I mean, none of those things are bad,
47:34
but I mean, if if you want to build strong, confident,
47:39
resilient children, then the best people do that in most
47:42
cases are their parents. And so I think you know,
47:46
focusing you know, on on on family time and and
47:51
certainly I guess there's some modeling, right, you know, parents
47:56
need to be careful of what kind of what kind
47:59
of words they're using to describe themselves, you know, what
48:03
kind of language they use when when they're feeling frustrated.
48:07
Right if if a mom or dad is constantly down
48:11
on themselves, kids pick up on that. They hear everything
48:16
even when it doesn't look as though they're listening.
48:19
Speaker 2: So I think, you know, modeling strong resilient behavior is
48:27
a good place to start.
48:29
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's that's such a such a huge piece of it,
48:34
and it makes sense when you think about it as
48:37
far as this, this relationship we have with our children
48:42
is that as much as we're there to support our children,
48:45
we're also there to learn from our children as much
48:48
as possible to them. It's definitely a symbiotic relationship from
48:51
that point of view. If anything is going to be
48:58
a catalyst for learns to grow and develop and step
49:03
up into the next level of growth and of evolution
49:08
for ourselves, it's for the benefit of our children. I
49:12
know since my kids, that's been a huge impact on
49:15
me is to try and be more self aware around
49:17
any of my shortcomings and work with them. So you
49:21
had mentioned kids pick up on everything, it's not as much.
49:25
I think there's the old saying that you know, it's
49:27
not what you say, it's what you do, And I
49:30
would go as far as say, that's actually not what
49:32
you do either. It's ultimately who you are. Kids pick
49:35
up on a literally like a frequency or a vibration
49:39
of who you actually are. So for example, you could
49:43
say something but not really mean it, kids pick up
49:47
on that pretty quickly. If you're being genuine and authentic
49:52
within yourself around those around what you're saying. So it's
49:55
not as simple as just saying the right things. It's
49:58
are you living that and being an absolute role model
50:03
for your kids to see it and feel it firsthand.
50:07
You can feel when things are in paper, And it's
50:10
also such a great opportunity for us parents to work
50:15
with that, to be conscious. If we want our kids
50:19
to be self aware, if we want our kids to
50:22
be more self confident, definitely, let's look at ourselves and
50:26
where can we improve our own self confidence? Where can
50:29
we stop? Is that what you're kind of thinking, Yeah,
50:35
a hundred percent. Super One last thing I was wondering
50:42
about Mike was just your take on teenagers and how
50:47
that kind of changes the game a little bit for parents,
50:49
because most parents will often tell me how their child
50:54
just seemed to kind of switch once they certain became
50:58
a teenager. This lovable, interactive child that was more with
51:01
them started to kind of be more recluse, They started
51:03
to have different They didn't really want to hang out
51:05
with parents anymore. What's going on in a teenager's brain?
51:09
What in a teenager's world? What is so different when
51:12
we hit that phase of life compared to what it
51:14
was like usually prior.
51:18
Speaker 3: Well with with teens, you have, you know, all all
51:21
the stuff of childhood, and then add in hormones, and
51:29
I think, I think the brain is just in a
51:34
an erratic state for a few years there. And I
51:39
think for at least for my parents, you know, it
51:44
was it was scary my mom especially. I think there
51:48
were there were days she maybe even told me this,
51:52
but certainly there were days where she thought that I
51:58
needed to be committed.
52:02
Speaker 2: To some of the teenagers.
52:04
Speaker 3: And I wasn't a bad kid by by any means,
52:08
And I guess there's no such thing as a bad kid,
52:10
but I didn't.
52:13
Speaker 2: I didn't get in trouble.
52:14
Speaker 3: And you know, I wasn't wrapped up in some of
52:17
the tragic stuff that kids can get wrapped up in
52:20
these days.
52:20
Speaker 2: But I was defiant and difficult.
52:23
Speaker 3: And and and I think parents would do best by
52:29
understanding first that this is a phase and it will end.
52:34
Speaker 2: It's temporary, you know, not permanent.
52:36
Speaker 3: And yeah, and there's lots that, you know, from natural
52:41
pathic perspective that we can do and certainly from accounting perspective.
52:46
And a lot of the kids I see don't feel
52:48
as though they can talk to the parents for some reason.
52:51
And when I explore that, and it's not necessarily anything
52:56
that parents have done wrong, there just seems would be.
53:01
And what I see a lot of is they the
53:03
kids don't want to disappoint their parents, right, And and
53:06
that's why a counselor or therapist can be really helpful
53:10
because you can you can talk about things and and
53:13
without the fear of judgment, because you know, that's that's
53:18
what therapy is about, is creating a space where you
53:21
know they're it's judgment free and and anything can go. So, yeah,
53:27
what can parents do when when teenage years hit ah
53:35
from a practical point of view, what I see a
53:38
lot is teens are not sleeping enough, and their nutrition
53:46
is is, for.
53:50
Speaker 2: Lack of better terms, pretty awful.
53:54
Speaker 3: So you know, certainly tweaking those areas and and then
53:58
no sleep is directly correlated to the use of devices, right,
54:04
So many of these kids have TVs, game centers, phones
54:09
all in their room, and any research on sleep is
54:15
you need you need a room that's clear of all
54:17
of those things in order to get good quality rest.
54:23
Speaker 1: No, that's huge, I say to all of my patients too.
54:26
If it is, it's like parents out there, take the
54:30
devices out of the room. When children go to sleep there.
54:35
They do not need a phone. They don't need it
54:37
to help them fall asleep. They need to find constructive
54:41
ways to fall asleep. Otherwise you have no idea how
54:45
long they are up there. And I can honestly tell
54:47
you a lot of those kids can sometimes be on
54:49
those devices till two or three o'clock.
54:51
Speaker 2: In the morning.
54:52
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, and you would have no idea. The other
54:55
other strategy I would do is shut the Wi Fi
54:57
down before you go to bed. As a parent, a
55:00
lot of times what we do at night is I
55:01
think it's actually very healthy anyways, to shut your router
55:04
down at night anyways for everybody's well being, but particularly
55:10
just takes away another first, don't have data plans and
55:18
then shut the Wi Fi off so that nobody can
55:21
use their devices after a certain period of time, and
55:24
then the phone gets kind of boring. But I would
55:27
also just make it a rule the phones just don't
55:29
go in the room at night. Computers don't go in
55:32
the room. They shouldn't have a game console in their room.
55:35
So otherwise you're just tempting. It's going to be way
55:39
too tempting, and likely they're going to end up using it.
55:44
Be like if someone was trying to really really lose
55:48
some weight and you put them into a room where
55:53
there was ice cream and pizza and everything that they
55:55
would love the best of course, they're going to probably
55:58
sample it. You know, it's just remove the temptation as
56:03
much as you can. And that's part of our jobs
56:05
as parents too, is making some of those decisions. I know,
56:10
you gave me some advice a while back that was
56:13
tremendously powerful, and that was really pick your battles. It's
56:18
at certain times where you could be in a battle.
56:21
A lot of times with your kids with different things
56:24
because you do. And the part of their teenage years
56:26
is them actually figuring out who they are, it stepping
56:29
into their own power a little bit, it's pushing their boundaries.
56:33
So a lot of times you could be at a
56:35
constant battle, and I know we were for a period
56:38
of time in a battle a lot of the times.
56:40
And when you had told me that, it really helped
56:42
me kind of step back and really decide what was
56:46
worth my time and what was really easier to let go.
56:50
And also for parents to remember that there's a lot
56:54
of other factors that can throw things off. For example,
56:57
if that child like like you'd, if that child is
57:01
not eaten, if they skipped a meal, and if their
57:03
blood sugar is crashing, I can guarantee you not a
57:06
good time to have an argument or discussion about something
57:09
because they will not be able to hear you, their
57:11
body will be so stuck in fight or flight, they
57:13
won't be able to access the part of the brain
57:15
that lets them make rational decisions anyway, It'll be all
57:19
in an emotional state. So we kind of found our
57:24
own rhythm. And I think the key thing that you're
57:26
saying is basically parents play an active participatory role in everything.
57:34
Watch your kids. Try and establish authentic connections with them
57:38
in any way that you can, any way that's going
57:40
to work some connections. What would be enclosing kind of comments?
57:47
Arisont to be respectful of your time. What would be
57:51
top few suggestions you could mention to parents to start
57:57
to incorporate, if they haven't already, strategies to develop a
58:02
really wonderful connection with their children, to support them in
58:07
the best way that they can.
58:11
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'll probably borrow from Gary Darnfeld. He was as
58:17
out of talk. I think you might have been at
58:18
that talk too, but he especially when it comes to teens,
58:25
is parents need to get get up in their teen's
58:29
business as much as they can. So when when you
58:35
come home from work and you know your team is
58:38
down in the basement being a basement dweller or locked
58:41
up in their room, make a point of making yourself known,
58:46
so you know, go up, say hello, give them a hug,
58:51
make sure that they know you're there, and that.
58:56
Speaker 2: They know that you know they're there.
58:59
Speaker 3: Right, And I think something else that's really really important,
59:05
And I don't know. Adolescents, teenagers, they need they need autonomy.
59:14
But I get a little nervous when you know, autonomy
59:19
is misinterpreted as privacy. So a lot of a lot
59:26
of teams that I've talked to either and I think
59:28
their parents have been in their rooms for two years
59:32
and parents have no idea what's going on behind those
59:36
closed doors. So I would encourage parents to adopt an
59:40
open door policy with their teens, you know, being mindful
59:44
and respectful of times when they need to be alone.
59:47
But certainly the room isn't a private space. The room
59:52
is is part of the house that the parents own,
59:56
and you know, the kids there kind of as a
1:00:00
tenant in a way. But yeah, certainly, just just having
1:00:05
a good understanding of what's happening behind closed doors, either
1:00:09
the bedroom, what's happening behind the closed doors of social
1:00:15
media and the various platforms the kids might be on,
1:00:22
because there's there's some powerful stuff that goes on that
1:00:24
the teenage brain is just not able to, you know,
1:00:28
to deal with or even to mitigate some of some
1:00:33
of the damage that can happen.
1:00:35
Speaker 1: Yeah, Yeah, great points, Great points, Mike, Is there anything
1:00:41
else that you think is important that you'd like to
1:00:43
share before we finish up here? Any other comments? You'd
1:00:46
like to leave for anybody. Any strategies you've found particularly
1:00:54
helpful within your own life.
1:01:03
Speaker 3: Yeah, something with with with little little ones that come
1:01:09
in grade four, grade five. A lot of the kids
1:01:12
that end up coming in to see me have decided
1:01:17
that they're bad and you know, they're they're bad kids.
1:01:24
And something that I started doing now is anytime that
1:01:29
you know I'm working with with the kid, I I
1:01:32
just make I make that statement and I say, you
1:01:35
know that there's no such thing as a bad kid,
1:01:40
you know that, right? And some of them like, well,
1:01:45
yeah there is. I said no, No, sometimes struggle and
1:01:49
kids that are sometimes in pain and because that sometimes
1:01:53
you know, make make poor decisions, but.
1:01:58
Speaker 2: You're not inherently bad. And I found that that's.
1:02:02
Speaker 3: Really helpful and I and I think that can work
1:02:04
at home too, because kid does something wrong, they immediately
1:02:10
feels as though they're bad, and if a parent doesn't,
1:02:15
you know, swoop in and correct that, then that can
1:02:19
just start a process that that doesn't end very well.
1:02:24
Speaker 1: That's a that's a really great, great point to make
1:02:28
it and it makes me think in general about how
1:02:31
we have to be careful about very strong polarity statements. Right, wrong, good, bad,
1:02:38
and and really think of things. It's so much more
1:02:41
of a gray zone. And I was just at a
1:02:46
I was just at a treat with a author named
1:02:49
Greg Brayden, and one of the points he was getting
1:02:52
at was the difference between when we when we are
1:02:57
talking and feeling and making statements from the brain versus
1:03:04
when we are making them from the heart. And I'm
1:03:07
not saying this in a woo woo kind of esoteric way.
1:03:09
There is a very real neurological connection, neurochemical connection between
1:03:14
the heart and the brain. And you can actually get
1:03:17
these areas speaking to each other literally in the right
1:03:21
the right way, and it goes into a state of
1:03:23
what's called heart brain coherence. And when you start to
1:03:27
get into the brain, he said, the brain is a
1:03:30
very polarity organ, so it thinks of things from our
1:03:33
past judgments, our past beliefs, our past experiences, so it
1:03:37
is always going to be weighted in a bias of
1:03:41
one sort or the other. And they explain that the
1:03:44
heart actually doesn't. The heart is not a polari organ.
1:03:47
The heart has a very different sense of an intuitive
1:03:50
sense of right of what actually feels congruent. Are not
1:03:55
congruent for you. And so if we can get to
1:03:59
that place, which means sort of slow things down, get
1:04:03
more connected, get more in touch with those feelings of care, compassion, appreciation.
1:04:09
If we can get to that place first, then we
1:04:12
tend to avoid a lot of those polarity statements naturally.
1:04:18
So most of the part is the hardest part is
1:04:20
that when parents are overly stressed, we're not usually in
1:04:23
that place. So then it's important for us to try
1:04:26
to find our own ways of self regulations that we
1:04:29
can get to that place. And maybe that means when
1:04:32
something riles us, take some slow breaths for a bit,
1:04:36
connect back to that area, slow things back down, and
1:04:39
then act from that place, which I know sounds like
1:04:43
a lot of work, and it is some work, but
1:04:45
it's work that's worth doing, absolutely, Mike, Doctor Mead, wonderful
1:04:53
speaking with you today. Thank you so much for all
1:04:55
of your time. How can people learn more about you
1:04:58
and get in touch with you or reach you if
1:05:00
they would like to?
1:05:04
Speaker 3: Oh, well, I'm I'm in Branford, and I guess you.
1:05:09
We have a website Branford Integrated Health dot c A
1:05:14
and you can call the clinic two two six three
1:05:21
zero four zero seven zero four four. It's hard to
1:05:26
remember the numbers. That's probably the website.
1:05:28
Speaker 2: Is the best way to access.
1:05:30
Speaker 1: We'll put all the info in the show notes at
1:05:31
the end of the At the end of the program, Mike,
1:05:35
thanks so much for your time. That was That was great.
1:05:38
I hope everybody enjoys this episode and benefits from some
1:05:41
of this experience that's been going on. Mike's been in
1:05:44
this field for close to twenty years now, so we
1:05:49
graduated together back in two thousand and two, so I've
1:05:52
been doing this for a while. He's got a lot
1:05:53
of information to share, So thank you so much.
1:05:56
Speaker 2: Mike.
1:05:57
Speaker 1: Well, that was awesome. Thank you so much for taking
1:06:00
the time to invest in your health and wellbeing. Since
1:06:03
this podcast is brand new, reviews and subscribers are so
1:06:07
vital for us to get off the ground and share
1:06:10
this really important information. So if you found this information valuable,
1:06:14
please post review and subscribe to the podcast so you'll
1:06:17
get our newest episodes. Also, if you know of someone
1:06:20
who would benefit from this, please share with them. You
1:06:23
can also find us on Instagram at hashtag Inspire Health Podcast.
1:06:27
If you have a question that you'd like to be addressed,
1:06:30
Direct message me on Instagram, or leave a comment on
1:06:33
one of my posts. I would love to hear from you,
1:06:36
and you can grab our show notes and free resources
1:06:39
for each episode at Inspire health podcast dot com, so
1:06:42
be sure to go online and check it out.