Latest / Pod Therapy / #418: Moving Away from Fiancé, Chronic Illness Isolation

Transcript

#418: Moving Away from Fiancé, Chronic Illness Isolation · Pod Therapy

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Worked perfectly. It did not.
• 0:01
  Speaker 2: That's why I went and I bought the bigger size.
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: And that's about when Laura said, just come home, Laura.
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: Oh my god, oh no, I am so sorry.
• 0:16
  Speaker 3: That is way worse from fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada.
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: This is pod.
• 0:23
  Speaker 4: Therapy, real people, real problems, real questions. If you'd like
• 0:30
  Speaker 4: to write into our show, go to pod therapy dot net,
• 0:33
  Speaker 4: or go ahead and click on the episode.
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: Description of your podcast right now.
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: There's a Google form you can click on, or you
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: can just email us at pod therapy guys at gmail
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: dot com. I'm Jim, that's Nick, that's Whitney, that's Jacob.
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: By the way, it's being with us for nine years.
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: That's that's therapy. So just a little background. Okay, why are.
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: You excited me?
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: I just Jim.
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: Hey, Jim, great job on the intro, Buddy, Thanks buddy.
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: Here's job. I'll tell you why I'm upset. I'm upset
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: because for the Patreons. You heard this story, all right,
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: I'm already in a bad, bad mood, but.
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: Listeners next in a bad mood. I'm gonna apologize.
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna apologize right now for you writers that wrote
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: in today, who had the terrible misfortune of today being
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: the day that we read your letter, or if.
• 1:28
  Speaker 5: You were if you wrote in hoping that Nick would
• 1:31
  Speaker 5: have a well thought out answer for your letter, don't.
• 1:34
  Speaker 5: He's not gonna to day. So you just drew the
• 1:37
  Speaker 5: wrong straw today. I'm sorry you're getting Jim, Jacob and Whitney. Yeah,
• 1:41
  Speaker 5: and with with Nick being just just aggravated on the.
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: Side, and so uh.
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: Jesus, I'm so upset we should him have gonna make
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: is sincerely this upset he is.
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: And the three of you go to a football game
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: and I can't go. You weren't able to go because
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: I'm because I'm then I'm a responsible adult and I
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: got ship I have to do that's right. So I
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: decide I'm gonna do the responsible thing. I'm not going
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: to go to the game. I'm going to do this instead.
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: And then finally then I'm like, I don't even want
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: to go. I don't even want to record. Fine, I'll record,
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: But then I'm like, but you guys are putting together
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: the script and jumps like they're hard. Do it fucked
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: up the intro? I had lived it. I kind of
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: got it. Why did you have to add limit because
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: I don't have a script, and why don't you have
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: a script if it's so easy it is. I'm so sorry.
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: I just want to make you happy. Take two, Bob Therapy.
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: Are the people are real questions on real.
• 3:05
  Speaker 6: Aramis it's Jim Gentleman, wo Whitney our neck.
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: Welcome to bot therapy.
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: Better than what I did.
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: It's not that was also ship.
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: Wouldn't you want to try? You want to send this one?
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: All right, I'm jumping in. I'm jumping in. Don't do
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: it again, don't do it again. We're done. We're done.
• 3:26
  Speaker 3: Look listeners, Dad's upset, had a hard day.
• 3:33
  Speaker 7: This is Boby, real people, real questions.
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: I'm not as.
• 3:39
  Speaker 3: Judgement, so I'm gonna get oh wow, the tail under
• 3:43
  Speaker 3: the legs.
• 3:44
  Speaker 7: So h just welcome.
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: One of you had uh had paid to name the
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: studio and I do have that, and I do apologize.
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: I don't have internet access right now. Jacob's internet's down,
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: so I can't look it up. So we will get you,
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: uh next week.
• 4:03
  Speaker 7: So that's uh the shipthold there.
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: Sorry, yeah, yeah.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: You are, so listen everybody, Daddy's having a hard day.
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: So we've got some great questions.
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: Don't you worry. Daddy's gonna be all right. He's gonna
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: jump in and out when he's ready.
• 4:21
  Speaker 5: He's wearing this John Dear truck her hat. That's he's
• 4:23
  Speaker 5: got a blast of whiskey. He's got a Let Dad relax.
• 4:26
  Speaker 5: Let Dad just get into his lannel. He's going to
• 4:29
  Speaker 5: be just fine. The rest of us went to a
• 4:32
  Speaker 5: football game today. You can hear it the whole tale
• 4:34
  Speaker 5: at patreon dot com slash therapy, and you can also
• 4:37
  Speaker 5: understand what made.
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: Daddy's so upset today.
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: It wasn't Jim, all right, I know.
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: The just zoom it, Mommy, It's not Mommy. It didn't
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: start off just Jim, I do.
• 4:49
  Speaker 7: I did nothing.
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: I was so respectful.
• 4:51
  Speaker 5: Jim can't have a good time without telling others having
• 4:54
  Speaker 5: a good time.
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: And here's the other thing, while we're at the top,
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: how did you guys get so you guys, You guys
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: went to the game, yes, and you went across the
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: street to the bar. How did you get back here? Well,
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: you were kind enough, Jacob. Jacob asked you said hey,
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: could you company? And I said yes, of course, of
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: course I will come pick up my well. Absolutely nice
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: guy and Jim's like, we ordered food, so he'll be here.
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: I won't let you know when we're No, you know
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: what I was trying to be not I don't work
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: for you. I'll beck you up. I'm so sad that
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: you were upsad.
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: I'm so happy. No, Jacob explained, I'm so hard right now.
• 5:42
  Speaker 3: Yes, will you please bail me out of there?
• 5:44
  Speaker 4: No?
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: Oh no, her fries are still in your car. You're
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: not leaving in my car.
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: I was trying to be hopeful because Jacob just texted
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: a generic mess. No on Whitney, shut the fun down.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: We don't give a goddamn by your pickle fries.
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: No, no, no, no, I'm upset. There we go.
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: You've got pickle fries for s J.
• 6:10
  Speaker 7: You want?
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: Did s J come pick you up? She did get
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: pickle fries.
• 6:17
  Speaker 5: For whoever wanted them, and I said, s J will
• 6:20
  Speaker 5: definitely want She said, great, pickle I don't want them.
• 6:25
  Speaker 7: I don't want these pickle fries.
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: And I said, oh, I don't know if Nick will,
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: but s J definitely, Okay, I do not I don't
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: actually like so, so there you go with that.
• 6:38
  Speaker 5: The other side of that, though, and the reason I
• 6:41
  Speaker 5: am so so so here we go is I texted
• 6:47
  Speaker 5: the group chat. As I have mentioned, when I have
• 6:50
  Speaker 5: something to say to any of the three of you,
• 6:51
  Speaker 5: I text the group chat. I don't text any of
• 6:54
  Speaker 5: the three of you privately, I text the group chat
• 6:56
  Speaker 5: for all three of you do. And so I texted
• 7:00
  Speaker 5: I said, Hey, we're wrapping up here at the bar.
• 7:03
  Speaker 5: In essence, why don't you come by and pick us
• 7:06
  Speaker 5: up and then we'll record the show.
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: Nick said yep. Great.
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: That was basically that text conversation, and.
• 7:14
  Speaker 5: Then Jim chimed in yes, and Jim chimed in with
• 7:19
  Speaker 5: because Nick replied with like, oh, I'll be there in
• 7:22
  Speaker 5: what thirty minutes or so?
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: So Nick was like I'll be there.
• 7:26
  Speaker 5: I need to shower, So I go, great, thirty minutes,
• 7:29
  Speaker 5: I'll load another I'll old another drink.
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: This will be fine. We had a whole conversation about this,
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: no problem.
• 7:35
  Speaker 5: And then Jim responds to the text as well with like, hey,
• 7:40
  Speaker 5: we just ordered food.
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: We'll let you know when it's done.
• 7:42
  Speaker 5: Nick all this stuff, and I was like, and I
• 7:45
  Speaker 5: said to Jim, I was like, why the fuck you
• 7:47
  Speaker 5: say anything? Yeah, I had like Nick was done. We
• 7:52
  Speaker 5: were all done with that. End of the conversation. Yes,
• 7:56
  Speaker 5: but Jim had to say something. Whitney brings a fries.
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: Oh, and Nick says he doesn't want the bingle rise okay,
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: when he's gonna go pp now go ahead, ja.
• 8:06
  Speaker 5: So and I tell Jim, I was like, why did
• 8:09
  Speaker 5: you why did you respond to that? The conversation was over,
• 8:12
  Speaker 5: we were done. Nick's coming here to pick us up.
• 8:15
  Speaker 5: He said he'd be here in about half an hour.
• 8:17
  Speaker 5: We've ordered stuff, we'll be done in half an hour.
• 8:19
  Speaker 5: What's the problem. Why are you chiming in? He goes, well,
• 8:23
  Speaker 5: if Nick gets here and we're not ready, said, if
• 8:25
  Speaker 5: Nick gets here and we're not ready, I'll tell him
• 8:27
  Speaker 5: park the car, come inside.
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: We'll order you a drink.
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: What a gentleman?
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Oh, come the fuck on, Jim says to me, Oh,
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: Nick would hate that. Yeah, I said that would be
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: rude to Nick. He's gonna drive all the way over
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: here to get us. We should be ready when he arrives.
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: Also true, thank you, And so Jacob just says, great,
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: we'll get him a drink, no big deal. Will tell
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: him to park, And I'm like, well, don't tell Nick
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: to park. Whenever he drove all the way out here
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: to get us. Like, let's give him a heads up
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: so he understands the timing. Let's not act ask him
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: to a ride.
• 9:01
  Speaker 5: Yeah, but headyp could potentially look like we're letting Nick
• 9:06
  Speaker 5: know what's going on as though he works for us.
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: I meant it out of respect. I was texting you
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: out of respect because I didn't want you to get
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: there and then us be like, oh shit, we haven't
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: paid our bill, you know.
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: So I didn't want you.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: You were coming out of your way, and so I
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: wanted to be like, oh hey, Bud, here's exactly where
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: we're at.
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: With the timing, I didn't mean it to sound like
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: I don't care what you're up to here.
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: I didn't mean it to sound Nick. I didn't that.
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: I meant it to sound like Jacob and I got
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: into a twenty minute conversation about this at the bar.
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: I was like, where he was saying anything? Yeah, he
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: was like, no big deal. Nick arrives and I tell him, great,
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: pull the car aside, come on in, we'll get your're
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: not ready, Yeah, if it doesn't like plan is, we'll
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: be ready. But I was anxious, and I was like,
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: oh no, I would hate to.
• 9:57
  Speaker 5: Get here not be ready. But here's what I say.
• 10:00
  Speaker 5: I say, the plan is we're gonna be ready. Nick
• 10:02
  Speaker 5: has said he's gonna be hearing about half an hour. Yes,
• 10:04
  Speaker 5: So my plan is I will be ready to go
• 10:07
  Speaker 5: in about half an hour.
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: Yes. And then if we are not.
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: Which was generous that lady was slow.
• 10:13
  Speaker 5: But if we're not ready to go in half an
• 10:15
  Speaker 5: hour and Nick chows up, then I will pivot to
• 10:18
  Speaker 5: Plan B. But I don't need to tell Nick about
• 10:21
  Speaker 5: the potential of plan B before he's left his head
• 10:24
  Speaker 5: that Nick, do.
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: You understand the psychology of this? Like here's Shacob who's like,
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: it'll be fine, Nick will adapt, And here's me being like,
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: I don't want Nick to adapt.
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: He's going out of his way. We should adapt. And
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: so I'm.
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: Texting you to be like, play by play, here's what's
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: going on. But then you heard me texting and it
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: came off as demanding when I was trying.
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: To came off a little bit like I'm gonna tell
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: you what you're gonna do.
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: I'm trying to give you more formed I'm sorry, Jesus Christ, Nick.
• 10:57
  Speaker 5: Let me just ask you a question before we get
• 10:58
  Speaker 5: to the listener question. And that is in my text
• 11:02
  Speaker 5: message with you, in our text conversation back and forth,
• 11:04
  Speaker 5: that we had already had had we already handled it. Yes,
• 11:09
  Speaker 5: it was done right, it was done christ And yet
• 11:13
  Speaker 5: it was continued.
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: I was only trying to be more kind.
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: Yes, and and and I hesitate to bring it up
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: because I know this is only going to cause more incid.
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: This is going to be a mistake. Next here we go, astake.
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: Don't you want to say it's a mistake, Go ahead? No, No,
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: that was it. I mean, that was the thing that
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: I was hesitant to bring up. But I did.
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: Because I also need to express myself.
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: My feelings are valid to your feelings are express.
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: I was worried about your feelings because they knew you
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: had a hard day.
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: I did not vote understand. Let me tell you. I believe.
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: I believe. So I just want to be clear.
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: It was Jacob who out of nowhere asked you to
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: come get us.
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: It was not me. I didn't I understand that, Okay,
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: I just want to be clear. I was very clear.
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: You had been very clear in your text.
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: Hey man, I need a break, leave me alone. And
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: I was like done, And I told Whitney and Jacob. Hey, guys,
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: Nick's having a long day to day. Let's check them out.
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: We're going to do this ourselves. We got this well,
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: you know what didn't happen.
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: Five seconds later, fucking Jacob texts you.
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: But you come pick us up.
• 12:25
  Speaker 5: Nick didn't text me and say, hey, I'm going to
• 12:28
  Speaker 5: take to night off and Natty to break. Yes, I
• 12:30
  Speaker 5: just want to responded as though Nick hadn't texted, he gave.
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: And that's what I did, Like I tried.
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: You didn't care at all.
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: It was it was just I just that Nick had
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: given me an anarchy.
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: We got Christmas cards. No one outside of this room
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: gives a shit about what we're talking about.
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: OK, we got Christmas cards from a bunch of you.
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: Thank you for sending them. If you're wondering how to
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: send us gifts or Christmas cards, it's in our discord.
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: We have a whole channel called address and so people
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: utilize it this year. And we got a Christmas card.
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, that's so cute from uh uh. This
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: is Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from the micns.
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: I want to say, Tyler, Emma, our interurn, Tonka, the
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: Pony and resolute.
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: I don't feel good about that. Who's resolute? Yeah, who
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: the fuck is resolute?
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: Exactly?
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: I believe it's Pony Soprano. I believe it is. So
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: I'm very disappointed on that.
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: Got another beautiful car from Andrew Carrey, Alex, Henry M. Beaver,
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: Maynard be Happy Holidays.
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: Happy New Year, Frozen.
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: Casser love frozen cust so much love those cards we've got.
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: Merry Christmas twenty twenty five. You chose to like us, Comma,
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: the Andersons. I love look at all these puppy pictures. Whitney,
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: there's really cute puppy pictures. Never made that one of
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: my favorite cards of the year. I always get a
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: card from the Andersons and always with her puppies. Mary
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: Chris Bosh and the guys. Lots of lovey pictures here.
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: Happy Holidays with love Rachel aka Maple Raisin Scovery cute
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: love it much, yeah, Mary Chris Bosh, much love to
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: you and in everything you do. Luke, Angie, Pierce and
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: Frank love that one. Very cute card. So you got
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: a lot of cute cards here. This one also a
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: great card where everybody's wearing tuxedos and yet has no pants.
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: Oh I like that.
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: Very very solid card. Way to go all in on
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: the sophistication and yet go ahead and just remove that
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: little dash. You know what would be.
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: Great if there was also a Viking helmet in this picture.
• 15:00
  Speaker 8: It is there, Fans Tastic Give you want to still
• 15:04
  Speaker 8: Mail Pod Therapy Care of ice Cream Social four two
• 15:09
  Speaker 8: six two Blue Diamond Roads Sweet one zero two Dash
• 15:12
  Speaker 8: three one eight Las Vegas, Nevada eight nine one three nine.
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: There it is hit rewind listen to it again. We
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: do have a post office box. We've got another Christmas
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: card here, twenty twenty five. Peace, love, joy and family.
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: Best wishes for the holiday season and coming year. Love
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: the Nilson family. This is your buddy. This is your buddy,
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: Whitney Mike Nilsen. Yeah, he was a lot of fun
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: at scoop Fest, a lot of fun. Next time, cute
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: kiddos there with Halloween costumes in the whole bit.
• 15:43
  Speaker 7: Oh, it's so cute.
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: It's so cute.
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: Merry Christmas twenty twenty five. Oh, this is the the
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: Anderson's card. Okay, then we've got one here. It says, uh,
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell, and then there is
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: a picture of a raw with a Santa hat. Nick, Jim,
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: Whitney and Jacob. I'm so glad to count you all
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: as my friends, whether you like it or not. Thanks
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: for all the support and love to the community over
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: the years. Love you all sexually, Mary, Mary, Chris Bosh,
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: Fucking you in the face, hugs and kisses.
• 16:22
  Speaker 7: Tests.
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: I believe this means that I believe tests means I
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: believe women personally. I mean, that's that's where I'm at.
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: But tests, when she says she loves us sexually, I
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: think she does. I feel like she wouldn't just joke.
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: About that kind of thing. She means it.
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: She she loves us sexually. Another card, Happiest Holidays, Fucking
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: you in the face, mass whole scoop, cute little pictures
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: of kiddo's there really cute, handing them over to Whitney
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: there to see the cute kiddos. Jacob's doggies are chasing
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: him around as we talk. Got another holiday card here.
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: Have a wonderful holiday season and we hope to see
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: you in twenty twenty six. Amy Carl, Jack Claire and
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: Molly and Mac Fluff, Kevin Todd and lucky. That's a
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: cute little picture of the kiddos in front of an
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: ice cream truck. We got Seasons Greetings Andrew.
• 17:17
  Speaker 7: An ice cream truck right, and.
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: Oh I'm all about it? I love Okay, So Laura is.
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: A strong word in your strong invite. I feel like
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: encourage share. I mean Jim would say he's just a
• 17:32
  Speaker 2: good salesman.
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: I feel like, yeah, why am I being punished being
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: good at my job? Okay, it's hard to be an entrepreneur,
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: all right, you don't know what it's like.
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: Seasons Greetings Andrew Carrey out in China.
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: It's called being a job recruiter. Henry and Beaver, Mary,
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: Chris Bosh. Happy New Year from Frozen Cusser Andrew and
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: Scoop Luga aka.
• 17:55
  Speaker 7: Gary are the Christmas couple of cards left?
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: There are at all so many good cards. We love
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: getting so much.
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: Happy New Year, all my best for twenty twenty six
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: from Le Say great card.
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: Let's say, oh shit, okay, I'll have it in a second.
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: Snowbucks coffee. Can we trade this for an ice coffee?
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: It's a snowman who's melting and it says wishing you
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: a latte.
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: Joy. This holiday season.
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: I'm sending in this card because maybe, despite being a
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: loyal Patreon member, I can get Jacob to finally say
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: my name.
• 18:34
  Speaker 5: I think Jim is just reading ice cream social Christmas
• 18:36
  Speaker 5: cards that he found sitting where he's sitting there.
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: Very possible I found them. I thought this.
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: Card than I handed.
• 18:47
  Speaker 7: To you is hilarious, pretty, Jacob is just.
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: I was just reading them. Do you and s J
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: have any personal ones? Yeah, if they're in my chair,
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: I fucking read that. I love you.
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: Son, love mom. We also got an ice penis mold
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: uh to yep, to mold icy penises for our drinks lovely.
• 19:12
  Speaker 7: Uh.
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: We got an uh Sigmund Freud's Oil fixation uh chapstick yep.
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: That's that's a good one. There like that a lot, by.
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: The way, as you should.
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: We have Freudian Slips card game here, Sigmund Freud's Freudian Slips.
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: All sorts of really fun sticky notes that you can
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: add to your desk. We've got the twelve Nights of
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: Cocktails box. That is a really good time. I'm really
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: excited for that one. And as I struggle to open
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: up this like a like an advent calendar, with booze.
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: I wish I'm gonna hand this to Jacob because this
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: needs a knife, because it shut up.
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: It's got t Jesus Christ Whitney, you don't have to
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: question my masculinity. There's tape. Tape is designed to stop. Okay, well,
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: Jacob's opening that. I've also got. We've got my therapist voice.
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: Socks. Really cute.
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: I like these. These are really adorable. They're nice dress socks.
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: They say, don't make me use my therapists voice.
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: Oh that that is legitimate.
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: I enjoy these beautiful Oh my goodness, so many fun gifts.
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: There are cookies over there, it is okay, so we
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: got some cookies. Okay, Jacob's eating that cookie and living
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: his best goddamn life. Well, the rest of us have
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: no cookies. Okay, he's passing them around. Thank you everybody
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: who sent us in. Oh, oh Jesus, oh my god.
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: Oh my god. Wow. Cooking, really good cooking. Wow. This
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: is the part of the show where we cookies from
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: the microphone. There's really good cookies. I can barely taste
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: the mushrooms.
• 21:16
  Speaker 7: Them. What about the oral fixation?
• 21:18
  Speaker 2: Jesus should I don't know, bro, I didn't read any
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: of it. I just opened it. You are an idiot.
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you people, you sent us this. We should
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: not just eat fucking food that just arrives to.
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: Us in cans like that. That's all I do. It
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: doesn't seem like a smart idea.
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, don't have any questions for us.
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: We do.
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: So we are excited to answer some new questions from
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: listeners as we launch into January and this week's trivia,
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: by the way, instead of it being trivia, we have
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: asked me anything questions from our Discord, which we do
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: from time to time. You can go check it out
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: a patron dot com slash therapy. If you're signed up,
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: you get free access to our discord at any giving
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: level and you can join in. And so from time
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: time we jump in, we post photos of what we're
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: up to in the world. We're not really excited to
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: post a lot on social media, so we tend to
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: post inside of our gated community at Discord, And so
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: folks got to see our football photos today. They didn't
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: really get to see Nick's painting or door photos.
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: Previous reasons. He just enjoy your chocolate button. It was
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: just bottomless the entire time. Yeah, Yeah. Yeah, he's just
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: straight up when you the pooing trying to fix the
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: screen door any other way, Jacob agree, Yeah.
• 22:46
  Speaker 7: There's no other way.
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: Next, well, the pants.
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: Can get caught, you gotta press it in there.
• 22:50
  Speaker 7: Yeah.
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: Anyway, We've got some great questions for today's show, and
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: we're leading off the order today with moving ay from fiance.
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: Here's the question.
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: My fiance and I have been together for nearly seven years.
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: We've built a life together. We own a house, have pets,
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: and are supposed to be getting married in six months.
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: From the outside, everything looks stable, but inside I'm falling
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: apart trying to carry all of it. I was just
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: offered a major promotion at work. It's been a big
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: step forward and something I've been working toward for over
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: two years. It would mean moving to a new city,
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: but also comes with a pay increase that would double
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: my current salary, all right, also a chance to move
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: forward into a more senior role. It's the kind of
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: opportunity that was in Mexico, Ah sornor thank you, into
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: a more senior role. It's the kind of opportunity that
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: doesn't come around often, and I'm very young to get
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: the offer. When I brought it up to my partner,
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: he basically shut it down. He said he isn't ready
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: to move for at least six months and would prefer
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: to never move. Unfortunately, the company needs an answer soon,
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: and my current role is being eliminated in two months.
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: I won't have a job if I continue to wait.
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: This promotion has made me confront some other issues in
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: our relationship. I've been carrying the emotional and household labor
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: in our relationship for a long time. I plan the wedding,
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: I do the majority of the household labor day labor.
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: Day to day.
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: I manage our pets, and I built our social life.
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: I also support us.
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: Financially and emotionally. He absolutely contributes financially, he owns the
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: house and helps with logistics, but the day to day
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: chores and work is on me. Emotionally, I also don't
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: feel very supported when I'm upset or struggling. He tends
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: to withdraw or ignore it. If I try to share
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: what I'm going through, he'll change the subject or make
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: a joke. I've tried to explain what I need, presence, care, curiosity,
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: a little warmth. It rarely happens when I bring this up,
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: he gets defensive and frustrated. Now, with this job offer
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: on the table, I feel completely stuck. If I stay,
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: I feel like I'm giving up an amazing opportunity. But
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: if I go, it might mean ending a relationship. I've
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: poured years of love and effort into any recommendations from
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: people that have been in this position. Note the job
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: is in another state. I'm looking at up to two
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: hundred thousand dollars of income, and it's closer to my family.
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: Yance can also keep his job with this move. He
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: owns the house and I pay rent fifty to fifty
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: on all the other bills and expenses. Thanks no pronouns listed.
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, god, this is uh here's the thing?
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: Uh huh that the thing does your partner pain. I'm
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: upset that this came in on a day where I'm
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: in a bad mood. Okay, i feel like I'm not
• 26:32
  Speaker 2: doing it justice. He bread their tangent. I'm gonna I'm
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: gonna pull it together. I'm gonna be a professional. All
• 26:39
  Speaker 2: the three of you try to act sober. I'm gonna
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: try to act calm.
• 26:42
  Speaker 5: Thanks, Bud, I don't know why you're tearing your sleeves
• 26:45
  Speaker 5: off your shirt as you're saying it's weird that you're
• 26:47
  Speaker 5: doing that.
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: Well, it's weird that I came in with with with
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: a shirt that already has sleeves. That's that's the weird part.
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: Normally non rip sleeves. Yeah, no, here's this sucks. I'm
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: sorry you have to go through this because this is
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: a shitty situation. Man. Doubling your income, like, holy ship.
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: That's a lot of money. Yeah, plus two hundred k.
• 27:12
  Speaker 2: Damn, there's god, there's not a whole lot I wouldn't
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: do for two hundred k. All right, the game. Let's
• 27:20
  Speaker 2: let's uh, let's list things until it's not willing to do.
• 27:24
  Speaker 2: If you want this to turn into how sad next
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: life really is.
• 27:28
  Speaker 5: Go on, Oh, there's very little one I would do
• 27:32
  Speaker 5: for k oh No, this is very long. I won't
• 27:34
  Speaker 5: do for two thousand dollars. Yeah, I will murder Whitney
• 27:37
  Speaker 5: right now.
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: Okay, well, hold on, I will help them thirty Okay,
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: twenty five. I think I can I get a twenty
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: percent tip if I help you. No, we can use
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: my car.
• 27:51
  Speaker 2: Hold on, we'll use my car. I also have a
• 27:55
  Speaker 2: whole box full of.
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: Line I don't know if that's you have a garden hose. No, oh,
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: that you're I can't figure out how to hook it up.
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: It just never stopped spraying like I attached. It just
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: sprays everywhere. Go on.
• 28:06
  Speaker 2: I think, if you God, I wouldn't blame you for
• 28:10
  Speaker 2: taking the job. You know. Here's the thing too, like
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: I don't know with the writer, I don't know how
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: old you are?
• 28:16
  Speaker 7: Young?
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: They said, sound you So I remember. I remember when
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: I got divorced. I remember, God, I feel like this
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: was almost how old? Which time? There? It is? There
• 28:33
  Speaker 2: it is, he said, you too. So it's fine that
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: I said it was about fifteen years ago. I think, no,
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: not that, No, it was that was probably it was
• 28:46
  Speaker 2: twenty fifteen.
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it was ten years twenty fifteen because my daughter
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: was just born. I'm sorry, we're interrupting Whitney's dinner.
• 28:52
  Speaker 2: Everyone. Yeah, moved the.
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: Microphone away from your mouth while you enjoy your fucking cookies.
• 28:58
  Speaker 7: Cookie.
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: But I remember at that time, so yeah, I would
• 29:04
  Speaker 2: have been thirty four. Yeah, and I remember. One of
• 29:07
  Speaker 2: the hardest things for me to accept was to be like,
• 29:11
  Speaker 2: I'm thirty four, I'm too old to find somebody new.
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: I'm too old to start a new relationship. And now
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: looking back at that at forty four, it's like, oh, Nick,
• 29:22
  Speaker 2: you fucking idiot.
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but you're fine.
• 29:25
  Speaker 2: You're fine. And so I guess what I'm kind of
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: getting at with that is. And I don't want to
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: influence you one way or the other. Writer, but you know,
• 29:33
  Speaker 2: if you're having these thoughts of like I really want
• 29:35
  Speaker 2: to take this job, but oh you said in your letter, like, oh,
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: I don't want to lose this relationship that I've committed
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: so much time to. Don't get into the sunken cost fallacy.
• 29:45
  Speaker 7: I was going to go exactly.
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: Go go further experience.
• 29:49
  Speaker 2: I mean the sunken cost fallacy. It's a thought fallacy basically,
• 29:53
  Speaker 2: where you feel like I've invested this much into it,
• 29:57
  Speaker 2: now I have to see it through. No, you don't.
• 29:59
  Speaker 2: You don't have to see anything through. And there's there's
• 30:05
  Speaker 2: a lot of life left to live. And again, I
• 30:07
  Speaker 2: don't want to say like you should definitely in this
• 30:09
  Speaker 2: relationship and pursue your career. You know, whatever you choose,
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: I think I would support you.
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: But what is the number that you would be offered
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: for a job somewhere else in the country that your
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: fiance would be unable to follow you for you would say,
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: you know what I would what is that number?
• 30:31
  Speaker 2: I would be on the opposite end of this, go on, well,
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: because I like it here and I want to stay here.
• 30:38
  Speaker 2: So she Laura was born and raised here. She should
• 30:41
  Speaker 2: not have any attachment to.
• 30:43
  Speaker 7: Las Vegas, but she was born and raised her.
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: But she's over it mis from Iowa, which is a shithole,
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: as I'm sure you're aware. So for him, he's like,
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: oh my god, I've reached a promise land. There's no fucking.
• 30:58
  Speaker 5: But we also we also don't know about writers partner. Yes, EITHERA,
• 31:04
  Speaker 5: so we don't know. We know Writer's partner owns the house.
• 31:08
  Speaker 2: Yes, and can obviously work from.
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: Wherever, right, sounds like.
• 31:13
  Speaker 2: But we don't know.
• 31:14
  Speaker 5: We don't know what the income for Writer's partner is, ok,
• 31:17
  Speaker 5: And so we don't know what their life at home is.
• 31:20
  Speaker 7: Right.
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: But Writer says they're carrying the bills, Yes, they do
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: the majority. Yeah that's important. But yeah, they said, good point.
• 31:27
  Speaker 5: Good point, because they said they're paying rent to the
• 31:29
  Speaker 5: partner who owns the house.
• 31:30
  Speaker 2: Yes, which is meaningful, I mean, which I can appreciate.
• 31:34
  Speaker 7: Partner.
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: Because if I'm like, oh, my partner, If I'm if
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: I'm writer's spouse or partner and my partner is saying,
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: oh my god, I have this opportunity to go get
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: a buttload of money somewhere else Mentally, I'm factoring in like,
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: but I own the house here and I'm not trying
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: to sell this house like that, that does change the
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: equation it's going from.
• 31:57
  Speaker 5: You know, writer said doubling. So we'll say writers make
• 31:59
  Speaker 5: it hundred thousand dollars where they are right now, sure,
• 32:02
  Speaker 5: and they'll make two hundred thousand dollars where they're going.
• 32:04
  Speaker 2: Good money.
• 32:04
  Speaker 5: If but if partner is making thirty thousand dollars a year, Okay,
• 32:09
  Speaker 5: that's one thing. If partner is also making one hundred
• 32:12
  Speaker 5: thousand dollars a year, sure, that's a different thing.
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: If they make still one hundred But I'm saying, like, if.
• 32:16
  Speaker 5: They're making two hundred thousand dollars a year where they
• 32:18
  Speaker 5: are right now, maybe maybe partner is I'm just saying
• 32:22
  Speaker 5: we don't have all the well, we're missing some data
• 32:24
  Speaker 5: on the Other thing that we're.
• 32:25
  Speaker 2: Doing, too, is we're trying to be logical in an
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: emotional situation.
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: Right, That's that's exactly good.
• 32:30
  Speaker 7: Brought some can cost ballacy because I think that that
• 32:35
  Speaker 7: is a very relatable feeling of like I've invested in
• 32:40
  Speaker 7: this person emotionally. Sure, maybe financially, physically, all these other things,
• 32:44
  Speaker 7: but really emotionally is the bottom line, Right, I'm in
• 32:47
  Speaker 7: this relationship. Say you're in a relationship and maybe everything
• 32:52
  Speaker 7: else is equal, but then you could have more money.
• 32:55
  Speaker 7: Potentially your partner can still do the same thing they
• 32:58
  Speaker 7: can do in another state. Like do you move?
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: Okay, so Whitney, what's your number? So, like you get
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: a phone call there's a million.
• 33:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Wow, that's not the body count. It's a really
• 33:12
  Speaker 2: big body count, to be honest with you. Yeah, I
• 33:16
  Speaker 2: mean that's a lot of people.
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: Ever, you get a call millionaire from another state. He says,
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: there it is name your movie. It's not it's a Julia.
• 33:30
  Speaker 7: Uh, it's It's fucking pretty and you know the movie
• 33:36
  Speaker 7: he doesn't.
• 33:37
  Speaker 2: Watch, Woody Harrelson, I'm sorry, you're talking about.
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: Ship is the only movie to ever been Here's the ship.
• 33:45
  Speaker 2: Let's get back to.
• 33:46
  Speaker 7: The It's the movie where like a rich guy says,
• 33:50
  Speaker 7: let me sleep.
• 33:51
  Speaker 2: That's fucking pretty woman.
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: It was a decent proposal. I'm pretty sure it's pretty woman. God,
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: I hate how you guys suck be into this ship.
• 34:02
  Speaker 7: The Lego movie, and I was actually asking.
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: And Whitney are genuinely confused.
• 34:08
  Speaker 2: I'm egging it on. Nick buys into all of it
• 34:10
  Speaker 2: and then gets.
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: Mass Okay, Okay, No, we're not, Whitney. Nobody's trying to
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: fuck you in this situation. Why do you always have
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: to ticket there? That's on you? Okay, it's not for
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: you A legitimate job, a W two attractive someone. God
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: damn when women are always like, oh, somebody's a million
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: tires to me, Like, no, nobody's going to offer you that,
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: So like, you have to really work for your money.
• 34:34
  Speaker 7: City, They're just not the Harrison Ford or whatever.
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: Is what is the number that any of us in
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: this room would have to be offered to accept a
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: distance relationship. Let's assume a reality which you're not breaking
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: up with your partner, but you're saying, hey, I'm.
• 34:52
  Speaker 2: Gonna work in the oil field.
• 34:57
  Speaker 5: A stupid amount of money realistically, like, in a adition
• 35:00
  Speaker 5: to what we're already making, would probably be thirty two
• 35:03
  Speaker 5: hundred dollars.
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: Okay, okay, three thousand, three thousand two annual.
• 35:10
  Speaker 2: Okay, okay, okay, wait, are you making that or are
• 35:13
  Speaker 2: you giving that?
• 35:14
  Speaker 7: Yes?
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: Yes? Are you okay? Either way? Jacob's fine. Jacob just
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: wants to be a babe. I've been called by NASA.
• 35:22
  Speaker 2: I just love for this conversation to be over. The
• 35:27
  Speaker 2: like me, it's a fucking Save America.
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: Oh, it's it's.
• 35:32
  Speaker 2: Less than you think. It's less than my.
• 35:37
  Speaker 6: Wife and I leave each other on a regular basis
• 35:40
  Speaker 6: for weeks and or months. You already kind of have that, Yeah,
• 35:44
  Speaker 6: But I think the other thing too, is like we
• 35:47
  Speaker 6: have to also understand that there's going to be a resentment.
• 35:50
  Speaker 2: That's the other thing you have to factor in, because
• 35:54
  Speaker 2: I mean, you could just say, like, Okay, you know
• 35:56
  Speaker 2: this relationship means a lot to me. That's perfectly fine,
• 35:59
  Speaker 2: But like, can you do that and not be resentful?
• 36:03
  Speaker 5: Is it possible to continue on with where you are
• 36:06
  Speaker 5: right now right and not be pissed off about it?
• 36:08
  Speaker 2: In a year? Well?
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: And the writer talks about like saying, look, I'm quite
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: young to get this opportunity. Sure, this is a door
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: opening in my career. I mean, and I want to
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: respect that that that's significant. This is a lot of money,
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: and I feel like there's some industries where it's you know,
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: it's probably not considered a crazy amount of money, and
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: I want to respect that. But like for the writer
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: to t x your income to step to a more
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: senior role when you're quite young and you've really earned
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: this is significant, and I don't want to do it because.
• 36:43
  Speaker 7: Like it depends on what you do with it.
• 36:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well, not only that, but we have to understand,
• 36:48
  Speaker 2: like doubling thirty thousand a year versus doubling one hundred
• 36:53
  Speaker 2: thousand a year is a difference. I don't think those
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: are even though they're both doubled, I don't think they're equivalent.
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: Okay, well, uh, thirty thousand is less than one hundred thousand.
• 37:03
  Speaker 2: That's what I'm saying. Yeah, and that's just math that
• 37:06
  Speaker 2: I just did off. You did not. I did.
• 37:10
  Speaker 1: No, I was usually talking something unrelated. Yeah, he was
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: just figuring less than one hundred thousand.
• 37:19
  Speaker 2: Let me say it again, allegedly.
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: So what's your point with that, though, Nick, Like, Okay,
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: so there's clearly a quantity piece of this that matters
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: quite a bit.
• 37:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, it's just you know, it's it's an
• 37:31
  Speaker 2: exponential difference, you know. I think if and I don't know,
• 37:36
  Speaker 2: like I could see it from the other person's perspective,
• 37:39
  Speaker 2: like if I what is their.
• 37:41
  Speaker 7: Purpose, and like I just don't want to move, I
• 37:44
  Speaker 7: don't want to do this, Like that's wild to me.
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: But we don't know, I don't know, We don't know what.
• 37:49
  Speaker 2: You know. The person could also be close to their family,
• 37:52
  Speaker 2: maybe their families nearby to right, It could.
• 37:55
  Speaker 5: Just be it could just be like as simple as
• 37:57
  Speaker 5: we've got a pretty okay life right now, are we
• 38:00
  Speaker 5: trying to upend it?
• 38:01
  Speaker 2: Right? Well?
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: And the writer says, look, you know, as I've thought
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: about this promotion, I'm confronting issues in our relationship. I'm
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: carrying the emotional and household labor in our relationship long time,
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: day to day. I planned the wedding, I did the
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: majority of our household labor. I manage our pets, I
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: built our social life. I support us financially. The person
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: seems to be taking inventory of like where the relationships at.
• 38:29
  Speaker 7: And they're not married yet.
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, gosh heavy.
• 38:34
  Speaker 2: It seems like this is just the thing that gets
• 38:37
  Speaker 2: the writer to think about other things that.
• 38:39
  Speaker 5: Are which also isn't that uncommon for somebody who's getting married.
• 38:45
  Speaker 7: Really, I feel like I was, I.
• 38:47
  Speaker 5: Mean cold, cold feet right right, just didn't look cold feet.
• 38:53
  Speaker 2: Tells us she would have left Peter for a slurpee.
• 38:55
  Speaker 7: Yeah, you know, Peter, what do you mean?
• 38:58
  Speaker 2: What do you mean?
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: When I tried to save Peter today, he would not
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: come to the football he.
• 39:01
  Speaker 7: Said, no, he knows better.
• 39:03
  Speaker 2: I invited him. This was his team and it as
• 39:07
  Speaker 2: the sober person in the room. Peter. Yeah, you made
• 39:09
  Speaker 2: the right call. Yeah you're jealous. I know.
• 39:13
  Speaker 7: Jim was like, Peter could be your ghosts.
• 39:15
  Speaker 2: That's apparently how I scared him off.
• 39:17
  Speaker 1: So I I in the text, I was like, oh,
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: bring Peter, this is his team. He'll have a great time. Also,
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: let's have him on the shows hashtags say Peter. Apparently
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: that last bit was him being like, oh, no, funk
• 39:28
  Speaker 1: all the way already, zero open therapy.
• 39:32
  Speaker 2: I'm out.
• 39:33
  Speaker 7: I'm just going to tell you because I know he's
• 39:35
  Speaker 7: not listening right now because he's going through He's a
• 39:37
  Speaker 7: patron he is, but he is not ready to be
• 39:40
  Speaker 7: on this show. He is so paranoid about it. He's like, Peter,
• 39:43
  Speaker 7: you're on.
• 39:44
  Speaker 2: The right side of this.
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: But okay, if I may, before you complete your thought,
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: fuck you, Peter. Thanks before Whitney completes her thought, Peter,
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: I just want to be clear, buddy, I like you, Okay,
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: every time I've hung out with you, I think you're
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: the best Jacob doesn't I want to hang out with you.
• 39:58
  Speaker 2: You do not have to be on the.
• 40:00
  Speaker 7: Nick, just does.
• 40:01
  Speaker 2: You don't have to do the job.
• 40:01
  Speaker 7: Just come to.
• 40:06
  Speaker 2: Drive Whitney home.
• 40:07
  Speaker 1: You can just hang out in the room, drink drinks
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: and will not even put a microphone. Now you could
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: have been just hanging out anyway.
• 40:15
  Speaker 2: I just want to be pro Peter.
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: Okay, nobody likes you, Peter. Oh no, Whitney's just drinking now.
• 40:20
  Speaker 2: No, I feel like sliding down the hill.
• 40:22
  Speaker 7: This is such a complicated situation because I feel like
• 40:26
  Speaker 7: when we invest in a person, we want to give
• 40:28
  Speaker 7: them the benefit of the doubt. You want to like
• 40:32
  Speaker 7: believe in them, and so you believe they have the
• 40:35
  Speaker 7: best intentions. And that is a very tough decision to make.
• 40:41
  Speaker 7: But my perspective hearing you out is that you've said
• 40:45
  Speaker 7: your partner could do their job from anywhere. Why are
• 40:49
  Speaker 7: we resisting that additional income is there a reason. If
• 40:53
  Speaker 7: there's a reason, fine, if the writer or their partner
• 40:57
  Speaker 7: their fiance is like, oh you know what, where you
• 41:00
  Speaker 7: can move to make double cost double to live?
• 41:03
  Speaker 2: Okay? Good point.
• 41:05
  Speaker 7: You want to move to San Francisco.
• 41:07
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, we live in des Moines. You
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: want to move to San Francisco. That's a big change.
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: That eats all the money. That money doesn't have any value.
• 41:17
  Speaker 2: I mean, des Moin has come a long way.
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: It's it's a nice place.
• 41:21
  Speaker 2: Oh okay, is that is that what we're talking about
• 41:27
  Speaker 2: is that it's French and France. Okay. I didn't realize
• 41:33
  Speaker 2: has instated you?
• 41:36
  Speaker 7: Yeah, corn, but no part of me does.
• 41:41
  Speaker 2: I mean that's a good point though, because because yeah,
• 41:44
  Speaker 2: like if if my job offered me like, hey, we're
• 41:48
  Speaker 2: going to transfer you to Honolulu, right, like, I'd be like, fuck, yes,
• 41:52
  Speaker 2: I would love to live in it looks like living
• 41:54
  Speaker 2: in Paradise the exactly. But like I need more money.
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: Right, you're pay the same, you're percent more, but it's
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: three people.
• 42:05
  Speaker 2: Why make more than I? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah for sure.
• 42:08
  Speaker 7: So I think it matters where you're moving to. That's
• 42:10
  Speaker 7: one of my points.
• 42:11
  Speaker 5: But des Moine average home price is right around two
• 42:16
  Speaker 5: hundred thousand dollars it, so they have they have indeed
• 42:19
  Speaker 5: come up.
• 42:20
  Speaker 2: Oh boy, they come up. Just go average home price
• 42:24
  Speaker 2: one point three million. Okay, yeah, but that doesn't measure love.
• 42:27
  Speaker 1: That's true.
• 42:28
  Speaker 2: It's a solid that's true. I'm sorry, I'm looking again.
• 42:31
  Speaker 2: It actually did measure love? Oh it does? Love was
• 42:34
  Speaker 2: love was considered.
• 42:35
  Speaker 1: I'm glad they have that index now on Zillo because
• 42:38
  Speaker 1: usually they don't, you know, so that's love factor dead.
• 42:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 42:42
  Speaker 7: But let's say all things are equal, Why is your
• 42:46
  Speaker 7: partner resistant to this? Maybe it's family, maybe it's whatever.
• 42:49
  Speaker 7: But if you're if you were mentioning to us on
• 42:52
  Speaker 7: this random ass podcast, either you're welcome, Jim stablished. I
• 42:57
  Speaker 7: think there are these other things that are playing apart
• 43:00
  Speaker 7: to me. I heard that as like, oh, you've already
• 43:03
  Speaker 7: clocked there are other issues, so like you're already feeling
• 43:07
  Speaker 7: that there's resistance there. I don't know. That's what I'm going.
• 43:10
  Speaker 1: To go ahead and drink.
• 43:13
  Speaker 5: It's time to get yourself a couple of scounselors, give
• 43:19
  Speaker 5: yourself a couple.
• 43:21
  Speaker 2: Thing saying, and I'm glad he did.
• 43:23
  Speaker 5: I mean, I'm like you gotta if you're worried about it,
• 43:26
  Speaker 5: you're either going to carry a grudge on this or
• 43:29
  Speaker 5: you're gonna blow something up that you don't want to
• 43:30
  Speaker 5: blow up.
• 43:31
  Speaker 1: Otherwise, go sit down and talk to somebody about this.
• 43:35
  Speaker 5: This is this is not something to to make a
• 43:38
  Speaker 5: a spur of the moment decision on. Uh, it's your fiance.
• 43:43
  Speaker 5: You have got a lot of time put into this already.
• 43:47
  Speaker 5: Go sit down, talk to somebody, figure out your ship. Yeah, yeah,
• 43:52
  Speaker 5: that's it.
• 43:53
  Speaker 2: I love that one hundred. You know.
• 43:54
  Speaker 1: The thing to me is there is no correct answer
• 43:57
  Speaker 1: because every couple is different right now, there really is.
• 44:00
  Speaker 1: I think it's very easy, as a capitalist Western society
• 44:03
  Speaker 1: to just do it in the butt there it is,
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: you know, just to value like, oh, pursue your wealth,
• 44:09
  Speaker 1: go get your money boo. But like oftentimes many couples
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: choose not to and that is okay. And there's a
• 44:17
  Speaker 1: lot of couples that say, I'm going to not pursue
• 44:20
  Speaker 1: my my max possible, Uh you know, yes, because I
• 44:26
  Speaker 1: want to be here with you, or it's it fits
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: our dynamic right now that that's not my jam, that's
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: not what I'm putting my energy into.
• 44:33
  Speaker 2: And I bring my energy to you or whatever.
• 44:35
  Speaker 5: There have been things in my life and entertainment that
• 44:37
  Speaker 5: that I've turned down Chippendale's that would have made more
• 44:41
  Speaker 5: money than the things that I have done.
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: OnlyFans all these things. Yes, yes, down, oh down, yeah
• 44:49
  Speaker 1: there it is, thank you. Wait I got I got
• 44:51
  Speaker 1: a weird offer from NASCAR.
• 44:53
  Speaker 5: Years ago to do and like do Tory Nascars, but
• 44:59
  Speaker 5: not only that, also sound stuff yeah yeah, but yeah no,
• 45:03
  Speaker 5: but it's I didn't do it because it didn't sound fun. Yeah,
• 45:07
  Speaker 5: Like it didn't sound like the life I wanted to
• 45:08
  Speaker 5: be living. Made a lot of money, sure, but it
• 45:11
  Speaker 5: didn't sound like the life I wanted to be doing.
• 45:13
  Speaker 5: And so that's not what I did. And the same
• 45:15
  Speaker 5: thing with my friends who do Broadway tours. I have
• 45:17
  Speaker 5: friends that do Broadway tours and they just do that
• 45:20
  Speaker 5: year round and they love it, and holy.
• 45:23
  Speaker 1: Shit, is that not the life for me.
• 45:25
  Speaker 2: There's also the security of the job itself, and like
• 45:28
  Speaker 2: you being you know, being in whatever field you work in, writer,
• 45:32
  Speaker 2: like taking a look at this, like is this a
• 45:34
  Speaker 2: solid position? Because like when I was a clinical director
• 45:38
  Speaker 2: at a you know, drug an alcohol treatment program, I
• 45:41
  Speaker 2: was getting I never I never had to apply for jobs.
• 45:44
  Speaker 2: I was getting offers constantly. I was getting three offers
• 45:47
  Speaker 2: a month, right, and there was I just wanted to,
• 45:51
  Speaker 2: you know, throw that out there because I feel like
• 45:54
  Speaker 2: I have no real point.
• 45:55
  Speaker 1: I forgot what I was talking about. In fact, the
• 45:59
  Speaker 1: following sponts.
• 46:00
  Speaker 2: No, but the point that I was making with that,
• 46:04
  Speaker 2: actually no, I fucking lost it. I remember it now,
• 46:10
  Speaker 2: but like looking into it, but like I was getting
• 46:12
  Speaker 2: like people would throw me a lot of money. They
• 46:15
  Speaker 2: would just give me an offer, like a ridiculous amount
• 46:18
  Speaker 2: of money. And then there was several times where I
• 46:20
  Speaker 2: was just like, if you're willing to offer me that
• 46:22
  Speaker 2: kind of money, I know you're not gonna make.
• 46:25
  Speaker 1: It right, right, It's not a job that's salary, gonna work.
• 46:31
  Speaker 1: You just want me to show up and build it,
• 46:33
  Speaker 1: and then you're gonna fire me.
• 46:34
  Speaker 2: Exactly, yeah, and I will be back in the same position, yeah, exact. No.
• 46:39
  Speaker 1: Writer. You know, I think all of us are kind
• 46:41
  Speaker 1: of advocating for this argument that like it's okay for
• 46:44
  Speaker 1: you to kick all the tires on this idea. I
• 46:47
  Speaker 1: really like Jacob's suggestion because in this scenario, this is
• 46:51
  Speaker 1: exactly the kind of thing I want a couple's counselor
• 46:53
  Speaker 1: involved in I want you to be sitting down with
• 46:56
  Speaker 1: your partner and talking through what are the what's the math,
• 47:02
  Speaker 1: but like what are the intangibles? And and honestly, I
• 47:05
  Speaker 1: think too often we discount these things. I mean, oftentimes
• 47:08
  Speaker 1: gender plays a big role in this, and it's one
• 47:11
  Speaker 1: of these things that like in this modern society we
• 47:14
  Speaker 1: try to just wave our hands at, but oftentimes the
• 47:17
  Speaker 1: masculine person in the relationship enjoys kind of being a
• 47:22
  Speaker 1: little bit more of the important role with this. Yeah
• 47:26
  Speaker 1: you call it that, or the foundation or the anchor.
• 47:29
  Speaker 1: And sometimes if it's like well I could be making
• 47:31
  Speaker 1: double what you make, but you know, we would have
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: to leave all this. Sometimes the masking roles like well
• 47:35
  Speaker 1: I don't really like the fact that I prefer.
• 47:37
  Speaker 2: Or could make twice when I make. I would sign
• 47:40
  Speaker 2: up for that right now.
• 47:41
  Speaker 1: I feel like, fuck Laura. Yeah, I mean honestly, also
• 47:51
  Speaker 1: she gets voting rights, but you know, like I just
• 47:53
  Speaker 1: want to point that out.
• 47:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we're pro Laura.
• 47:57
  Speaker 1: So look, you got to bring this to a counselor
• 47:59
  Speaker 1: because there are so many intangibles, so many unspoken, so
• 48:03
  Speaker 1: many emotional components of this that you're partner owning the house,
• 48:07
  Speaker 1: feeling like they're already providing for you, feeling like there
• 48:10
  Speaker 1: maybe there's this question of like what are our personal values?
• 48:13
  Speaker 1: Are we just going to chase money or are there
• 48:15
  Speaker 1: other life ambitions that we have in personal milestones that
• 48:19
  Speaker 1: we have that perhaps are better suited in our current situation.
• 48:24
  Speaker 1: All of this needs to get sorted out in couples therapy,
• 48:27
  Speaker 1: in my opinion, So I'd love to see you guys
• 48:30
  Speaker 1: dial into a couple's therapist. I'd love to see a
• 48:33
  Speaker 1: little bit of an endeavor to really work on that.
• 48:36
  Speaker 1: It's tough because job offers are not hanging around, you know,
• 48:39
  Speaker 1: for multiple months. It's usually something you got to make
• 48:41
  Speaker 1: a decision on.
• 48:42
  Speaker 2: And now's a good time to point out that this
• 48:45
  Speaker 2: question has been sitting in the queue for several weeks.
• 48:50
  Speaker 1: Actually write us back, let us know what you ultimately
• 48:53
  Speaker 1: decided to do.
• 48:54
  Speaker 2: Look wish we could have helped.
• 48:56
  Speaker 1: I hope that you have a real therapist, because we
• 48:58
  Speaker 1: are a podcast.
• 48:59
  Speaker 2: I don't know if you are aware we can I
• 49:03
  Speaker 2: get shit immediately, but anyway.
• 49:05
  Speaker 1: We are excited to hear what direction you ended up going.
• 49:09
  Speaker 1: We are going to take a quick break, and when
• 49:12
  Speaker 1: we come back, we are answering a question about judgment,
• 49:15
  Speaker 1: advice and isolation with chronic illness. You are listening to
• 49:21
  Speaker 1: pod therapy and we'd like to thank you for supporting
• 49:25
  Speaker 1: our show. You can go to patreon dot com slash therapy.
• 49:28
  Speaker 1: Our show today is brought to you by Jake Schneider, Malia,
• 49:32
  Speaker 1: Richard Macy, Sonny Boy, thunder Cooker, Falcon Scoop, Slurpy Kaye, Motherfucker,
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• 49:43
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• 49:46
  Speaker 1: you're like, hey, that sounds like the last episode, fuck you,
• 49:49
  Speaker 1: I'm reading the last episode script. I don't know this
• 49:51
  Speaker 1: shit works. Dix in charge, he went pp right now.
• 49:53
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• 49:56
  Speaker 1: com Slashery. All right, friends, I've got us so this today.
• 50:00
  Speaker 1: While we were all at the football game, apparently, while
• 50:05
  Speaker 1: Jacob was stone cold sober, which.
• 50:08
  Speaker 2: I don't love.
• 50:09
  Speaker 1: I feel like you and I we showed up to
• 50:11
  Speaker 1: hang out. We were having a good time. Here's Jacob
• 50:15
  Speaker 1: just fucking sipping on iced tea. All time, and you
• 50:18
  Speaker 1: know I want to be clear of respect your sobriety.
• 50:20
  Speaker 1: But also you know I don't.
• 50:22
  Speaker 7: Like the drink the same amount of drinks I drink,
• 50:24
  Speaker 7: and he does not.
• 50:25
  Speaker 2: Seem he is easily double yours. I definitely drink more
• 50:28
  Speaker 2: drinks than he is double your size. There is zero percent.
• 50:32
  Speaker 1: He's fine two beers.
• 50:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Jacob is a throne ass man. Anyway, Jim, what
• 50:42
  Speaker 2: questions do we have? So I went to the.
• 50:43
  Speaker 1: Discord and I let everybody ask us some questions, and
• 50:48
  Speaker 1: so instead of trivia today, we're gonna go through some
• 50:51
  Speaker 1: questions that came through the discord. So first question for
• 50:54
  Speaker 1: the team here, if you had to play one casino
• 50:59
  Speaker 1: table game for the rest of your life, which would
• 51:03
  Speaker 1: you choose in Why? So, Jacob's clearly the gonna be
• 51:06
  Speaker 1: the best educated answer, So let's let him go last.
• 51:10
  Speaker 1: Why you're saying roulette?
• 51:11
  Speaker 2: Have you played Roulette?
• 51:13
  Speaker 7: I have it, I've dabbled.
• 51:15
  Speaker 5: Roulette is the game with the spinny wheel and the
• 51:17
  Speaker 5: ball that lands on one number on the wheel.
• 51:20
  Speaker 1: You can bet on the number, you can bet on
• 51:22
  Speaker 1: the color.
• 51:23
  Speaker 2: You can bet on evens.
• 51:24
  Speaker 7: Or odd Yeah, that's why I like it, because you
• 51:27
  Speaker 7: can put your little chippy in like a corner, okay,
• 51:31
  Speaker 7: and if it lands on one of those, you get
• 51:33
  Speaker 7: some money.
• 51:33
  Speaker 1: But it's a good group game.
• 51:35
  Speaker 7: It is very fun.
• 51:36
  Speaker 1: It's a fun game to have everybody at the table.
• 51:39
  Speaker 1: Everybody's rooting for.
• 51:40
  Speaker 7: You, everyone's rooting. Yeah, and I just like that. You
• 51:44
  Speaker 7: can play a little longer. Okay, you could do black
• 51:48
  Speaker 7: chok too.
• 51:49
  Speaker 1: But so all right, so I assume Bingo does not
• 51:52
  Speaker 1: count as a table game. Uh, okay, all right, you're
• 51:57
  Speaker 1: gonna assume that.
• 51:57
  Speaker 2: Okay, is it? Does it?
• 51:59
  Speaker 5: I feel like I think we run the show. I
• 52:02
  Speaker 5: think we could answer whatever the we want.
• 52:04
  Speaker 1: Look if we're talking about games in a casino that
• 52:06
  Speaker 1: I could play for the rest of my life, it's
• 52:08
  Speaker 1: easily bingo, easily bingo. And and Whitney is dropped the
• 52:12
  Speaker 1: mic from her face. I want to take you to
• 52:15
  Speaker 1: play bingo. When you said let's go play bingo, I
• 52:18
  Speaker 1: was all in.
• 52:19
  Speaker 2: I want this time anything. You're just responsible. He knew
• 52:29
  Speaker 2: that he played the football.
• 52:32
  Speaker 7: I love to play bingo.
• 52:34
  Speaker 1: Actually, when are you having a housewarming party?
• 52:37
  Speaker 2: Can we come? I love bingo.
• 52:41
  Speaker 1: Bingo's great, it's a fun time. Somebody has to win
• 52:45
  Speaker 1: in the room and I like those odds. Okay, okay,
• 52:48
  Speaker 1: so I enjoy it. You also get too In Vegas
• 52:51
  Speaker 1: you get two free drinks, so it's usually twenty bucks. Yeah,
• 52:55
  Speaker 1: so you get twenty bucks, you get all the games,
• 52:58
  Speaker 1: and you get two free drinks.
• 52:59
  Speaker 2: You tipple a bit.
• 53:01
  Speaker 1: Great, it's one hour, it's in and out anywhere. But
• 53:06
  Speaker 1: tough point, yes, so help points the move. Favorite casino
• 53:09
  Speaker 1: table game you.
• 53:10
  Speaker 2: Had to play one?
• 53:11
  Speaker 1: Table games is absolutely yeah, okay, most going on, dude,
• 53:20
  Speaker 1: I love so I went.
• 53:22
  Speaker 2: It's the most complicated one, but it is the most fun.
• 53:24
  Speaker 2: When I went back to Iowa, I spent a few
• 53:27
  Speaker 2: uh few days back in Iowa, and so I needed
• 53:30
  Speaker 2: to find a hotel. So of course I went to
• 53:33
  Speaker 2: the casino. Of course, where you felt at home exactly,
• 53:36
  Speaker 2: I felt very much at home. Everybody laughed like you
• 53:39
  Speaker 2: come from Vegas and you go back to Iowa.
• 53:42
  Speaker 1: Because I get this.
• 53:43
  Speaker 2: So I went down to the casino floor. The table
• 53:48
  Speaker 2: minimum for craps five bucks. I was like, oh, I'm
• 53:54
  Speaker 2: here all night, all night. You can't find anything under
• 54:01
  Speaker 2: twenty five bucks. You cannot find it under twenty five bucks.
• 54:05
  Speaker 2: But yeah, I would do craps. People who don't have
• 54:07
  Speaker 2: to play crabs, which is a lot of people. Yeah,
• 54:09
  Speaker 2: what is crowns? I don't know it.
• 54:10
  Speaker 5: The minimum bet is just is just that. It is
• 54:13
  Speaker 5: the minimum bet that you are allowed to bet. But
• 54:15
  Speaker 5: with crabs you're placing quite a few bets.
• 54:18
  Speaker 2: Oh you've got multiple placing four or five or even
• 54:22
  Speaker 2: more more.
• 54:22
  Speaker 5: Than that bets at a time, and each of those
• 54:25
  Speaker 5: has to meet the minimum.
• 54:26
  Speaker 2: Honestly, I probably understand maybe forty percent.
• 54:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, your total bets.
• 54:33
  Speaker 2: Wow, and that's enough to play like you could you
• 54:35
  Speaker 2: could play craps understanding ten percent the actual game, and
• 54:39
  Speaker 2: it is. It is so much fun.
• 54:42
  Speaker 1: Whitney, you are pro uh roulet led I like Bingo.
• 54:48
  Speaker 1: You're saying crabs craps all day, Jacob, butzer move.
• 54:51
  Speaker 5: Oh I'm with Dick, I'm on craps. You're also on craps.
• 54:54
  Speaker 5: Craps is the is the most fun. If you have
• 54:56
  Speaker 5: if you have a group going, it didn't even be
• 54:59
  Speaker 5: group people, you know, because it's just a party. Everybody's
• 55:02
  Speaker 5: doing the same thing, everybody's together, everybody's time.
• 55:06
  Speaker 2: The dice affects everybody.
• 55:08
  Speaker 5: It's intimidating when you're when you're like me, you don't
• 55:11
  Speaker 5: know everybody to either riding or dine at the same time.
• 55:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah. If if somebody is playing really well, everyone's winning money.
• 55:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, so it.
• 55:19
  Speaker 5: Is blackjack, like if one guy at the end of
• 55:21
  Speaker 5: the table on blackjack is making a thousand dollars a hand, yeah,
• 55:25
  Speaker 5: everybody else could still be losing ten dollars a hand.
• 55:27
  Speaker 2: Is the game.
• 55:28
  Speaker 1: This is the game where the hot girl blows on
• 55:30
  Speaker 1: your dice. Right, she doesn't have to be hot, but yes, fine,
• 55:35
  Speaker 1: any girl hot in my experience, no hot girls want
• 55:41
  Speaker 1: to talk to about number two I've never been to.
• 55:47
  Speaker 2: Just realizing, okay, want to discuss anything with me? Yeah,
• 55:52
  Speaker 2: number two.
• 55:52
  Speaker 1: That does not portray second question out of their discord respectfully.
• 55:56
  Speaker 1: My husband would like to ask what other common act
• 56:00
  Speaker 1: activities have any of the hosts not done. This question
• 56:03
  Speaker 1: is asked after learning that Jim has never used a
• 56:05
  Speaker 1: frying pan? So what what common activity have you as
• 56:10
  Speaker 1: a host never done? But you know is very common
• 56:14
  Speaker 1: and you've never seen an episode of Friends?
• 56:18
  Speaker 7: Really, I just rewatched that.
• 56:23
  Speaker 1: Watched an episode I clips call his ass out, Nick,
• 56:27
  Speaker 1: I think.
• 56:28
  Speaker 2: I heard this on ice s.
• 56:30
  Speaker 1: J believes that we watched all Yes, oh, during COVID.
• 56:33
  Speaker 2: What now are you on the between We haven't watched
• 56:39
  Speaker 2: any of them, and we've watched all of them. S
• 56:42
  Speaker 2: J believes that we watched all of them in college.
• 56:44
  Speaker 2: Would that be with her other boyfriend? Maybe she's but
• 56:48
  Speaker 2: I hope so. Yeah. I'd love to think that she's
• 56:51
  Speaker 2: not just making su I love them. I love when
• 56:54
  Speaker 2: Laura is like, oh, remember that movie we went to
• 56:57
  Speaker 2: that movie. It's like, no, we didn't go to that movie.
• 57:00
  Speaker 2: That was Okay, So watched Friends.
• 57:05
  Speaker 5: Yes, I've never seen I've never seen an episode of
• 57:07
  Speaker 5: I've never seen an entire episode of Friends.
• 57:09
  Speaker 2: Wow. My wife does believe that we watched all of it.
• 57:12
  Speaker 2: She's just wrong. You've seen clips. I've seen clips.
• 57:15
  Speaker 1: So if I showed you all six I think characters
• 57:18
  Speaker 1: of Friends, if I asked you identify all of these.
• 57:21
  Speaker 2: People, no you couldn't. No, no, no, I could give you.
• 57:27
  Speaker 1: Rachel.
• 57:28
  Speaker 2: I know is what's your name? Okay? Is doing real good?
• 57:32
  Speaker 2: You're doing great?
• 57:33
  Speaker 5: Yeah, Jennifer Anderson, Jennifer Andiston is Rachel.
• 57:39
  Speaker 1: I know that because of the hairstyle, the Rachel, the Rachel.
• 57:42
  Speaker 7: Yes, that's the thing. Who is Courtney Cox? There?
• 57:48
  Speaker 5: Oh, I don't know I love Courtney Cox is Sarah.
• 57:51
  Speaker 5: I love her genuinely, like in other things that she
• 57:54
  Speaker 5: does and everything. I think Courtney Cox is fucking brilliant.
• 57:57
  Speaker 5: I don't know her character name Monica.
• 58:00
  Speaker 1: Oh Monica, Okay, I didn't in his defense, but I
• 58:04
  Speaker 1: didn't know either. And who's the other He's the blonde girl, Phoebe.
• 58:10
  Speaker 1: And then there is uh Chandler Chandler being Chandler bing.
• 58:16
  Speaker 1: He's the one that that died, right he is, He's
• 58:19
  Speaker 1: the actor that dies. And there's Joey, who I feel
• 58:22
  Speaker 1: like you would recognize in a lineup. No, that's not
• 58:26
  Speaker 1: that's that's different Blossom. There's also Ross kind of the
• 58:34
  Speaker 1: just not he's the standard looking dude. Yeah, David David
• 58:40
  Speaker 1: Swimmer swim David Schwimmer is Ross.
• 58:46
  Speaker 2: Joey. I definitely thought it started with an S. Well
• 58:50
  Speaker 2: why not? I don't know that. I'm I was just
• 58:53
  Speaker 2: I was mistaken about the placement, right.
• 58:55
  Speaker 1: So, Whitney Nick, what is a common activity that you
• 59:00
  Speaker 1: have never done? So my activity is obvious that the
• 59:03
  Speaker 1: writer cites it that I've never used the frying pan,
• 59:05
  Speaker 1: which I actually.
• 59:06
  Speaker 2: Did the other day. I caused huge fucking fire in
• 59:12
  Speaker 2: our house.
• 59:13
  Speaker 1: I was just trying to use a frying pan on chicken.
• 59:17
  Speaker 2: I thought about you the other day. Clothes has a
• 59:19
  Speaker 2: deal right now on fire extinguishers.
• 59:22
  Speaker 1: Honestly, it's two of them for thirty s Are you serious?
• 59:27
  Speaker 2: Middle sized? Oh yeah, oh ship, I mean it'll put
• 59:31
  Speaker 2: out a normal fire. That's what I need. That's what
• 59:33
  Speaker 2: I need. You'd have to have both of them.
• 59:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well I'll go through in a year. But like, honestly,
• 59:39
  Speaker 1: it's a great deal.
• 59:40
  Speaker 2: In one fire like one.
• 59:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, okay, So yeah, mine is mine is using
• 59:48
  Speaker 1: a frying pan. I still have not successfully done that.
• 59:51
  Speaker 1: Is there a thing that you think about that You're like,
• 59:53
  Speaker 1: you know what, everybody's done this.
• 59:55
  Speaker 2: I haven't done this. This will surprise all of you. Oh,
• 59:57
  Speaker 2: here it is. I've never been cow tipping, really never.
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 2: I'm honestly shocked.
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 7: Is that?
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 2: Okay? Is this you?
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 1: Is this a very vulnerable moment for you? Does your
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 1: sister know? Is this something that I hope the air? Oh,
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 1: she's gonna know. She's in our fantasy football league, so
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 1: she's gonna be aware.
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 2: She's bud Wow. Man, So you've never you never did? Yeah,
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 2: there is, Nick, Nick, you can honestly good.
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 1: At the edge of many a cattle passion. There it is,
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 1: but has never never, never tipped one over and tipped
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 1: over all cattle.
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 5: Have remained on four legs. There it is at all
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 5: times while Nick Tagmin.
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 2: Was in the presence. I mean, how would you like
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 2: it while sleeping? Like no, just no, no, no, no, I
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 2: want to be clear. Sorry, I have empathy.
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 1: Excuse me, No, No, nobody's upset at you. I'm just
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 1: shocked because I feel like it's a rite of passage
• 1:00:55
  Speaker 1: in the place you grew up in. Also, what's the
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 1: Patreon level that you would drive to.
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 2: A place in which we get tip cattle.
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 1: That's we can't we can't pay the gas in that
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 1: run across the room.
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 2: I tried to tip Nick and successfully I tipped Whitney.
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 1: What is something that you've never done that, like the
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 1: majority of human beings have have done at some point.
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 2: In their life.
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 7: I don't know, Like, there it is.
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 2: I assumed it was gonna be, But there it is.
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 7: I watched Friends late also, it was like just a
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 7: couple of years ago. I was like, I'm gonna watch
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 7: through this show because I've never I've seen like an
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 7: episode here or there like on on TV, not from
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 7: start to finish, you know, d o C. I started
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 7: watching that because I've never watched that.
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 1: I don't know, I've never seen all of mash and
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 1: I feel like that's a pretty common one.
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 2: But you're after that, that's before a little.
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 1: Get away from that one.
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, have you ever been ice skating? Oh? Yeah, yeah,
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 2: she's been common. She was in the Olympics.
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 7: You never know, Texas, she does ice Okay, okay, okay, okay,
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 7: let me just school you super quang. Okay. My grandma,
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 7: I've said this on this podcast before, was in the
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 7: Ice Capades and every single grandchild, man or woman had
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 7: to try ice skating. Okay, so my brother did ice skating.
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 7: Any of my cousins, boy, girl, didn't matter. You tried
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 7: ice skating. So I did it for a while, and
• 1:02:34
  Speaker 7: then I decided I didn't want to work early.
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 5: Okay, yeah, because we're pretty sure that uh Whitney's grandmother
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 5: and my old friend know each other. Yes, because my
• 1:02:44
  Speaker 5: friend was the choreographer for the Ice Capades.
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 2: Yes, you you didn't want to wake up early? Did
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 2: the ice melt at eight am?
• 1:02:52
  Speaker 5: No?
• 1:02:52
  Speaker 7: So my grandma was from the Northeast. She grew up
• 1:02:55
  Speaker 7: in like Connecticut or somewhere, and like Placid. That was
• 1:02:59
  Speaker 7: where she started skating on a totally ador totes adorbs.
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 7: But me being from Texas, she moved at like twenty one,
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 7: you know, got married right out of freaking I don't know.
• 1:03:09
  Speaker 7: She didn't go to college, I guess, but right out
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 7: of high school married, moved to Texas, had all her kids,
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 7: and there was a ice rink in Fort Worth called
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 7: Tandy Center Ice Drink. I would love for anyone on here.
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 7: It does not exist anymore. But if you know what
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 7: Tandy Center Ice Rink is, please comment, because I would die.
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 7: But that's where I did ice skating at. So I
• 1:03:32
  Speaker 7: grew up in Arlington and I would take this little
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 7: tram or bus into Fort Worth in the morning at
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 7: like six am, and I would go ice skating. My
• 1:03:40
  Speaker 7: grandma was like seventy years old and so she had
• 1:03:42
  Speaker 7: us all ice skating. I have tons of pictures of
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 7: me as a kid ice skating. And the problem with
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 7: ice skating for funzies now is that all the ice
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 7: skates are dull, So anyone looks like an idiot ice
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 7: skating on those, I'm like, give me some sharp ice
• 1:03:57
  Speaker 7: skates and I'll suck up some ice rink like you're
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 7: out there. Oh, I runted these ice skates that are
• 1:04:03
  Speaker 7: like flat. I'm like, no, one can ice skate on.
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 1: The and the ice is garbage, like most of the
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 1: places you go.
• 1:04:08
  Speaker 7: To skate the ice well and doing like ice hockey.
• 1:04:10
  Speaker 7: I know you understand that because it's the exact fucking same.
• 1:04:14
  Speaker 7: It's like, you're gonna look like a dumb ass out
• 1:04:16
  Speaker 7: there with some flat, dull ice skates.
• 1:04:19
  Speaker 2: But the very first time I ice skated, I didn't
• 1:04:22
  Speaker 2: know that the ice skates when you buy them new
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 2: out of the box don't come sharp. Oh no, oh yeah,
• 1:04:29
  Speaker 2: so no, so I took them out oh right out
• 1:04:33
  Speaker 2: of the ice yep, just fill over. Oh no, you
• 1:04:36
  Speaker 2: look like Bamby.
• 1:04:36
  Speaker 7: Oh yeah, doesn't care, no matter, that's the worse. No,
• 1:04:41
  Speaker 7: My grandma was like seventy years old, still teaching ice skating,
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 7: and so we went to the ice rink. My parents
• 1:04:46
  Speaker 7: would sit and eat like chips and salsa while we
• 1:04:49
  Speaker 7: were all ice skating out there, and so yeah, it
• 1:04:51
  Speaker 7: was great. No, I can ice skate.
• 1:04:53
  Speaker 2: I like ice skating. That's my good question.
• 1:04:55
  Speaker 7: I don't know I got to think on that for
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 7: I like that one.
• 1:04:58
  Speaker 1: Well, we've got another question into the show, and the
• 1:05:01
  Speaker 1: question is judgment, advice and isolation with chronic illness? Hi,
• 1:05:07
  Speaker 1: Jim and Nick, Doctor Jacob, good evening still doctor actually
• 1:05:11
  Speaker 1: unfortunately and Whitney, I'd love your take on chronic illness
• 1:05:16
  Speaker 1: from a mental health perspective. First, how do you deal
• 1:05:20
  Speaker 1: with other people's reactions when you share that you are
• 1:05:24
  Speaker 1: chronically ill, especially judgment fixing or unsolicited advice, interrogation, or disbelief.
• 1:05:34
  Speaker 1: This often shows up as have you tried dot dot dot? Yeah,
• 1:05:40
  Speaker 1: oh you can't live like that? What doctor said this?
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 1: What diagnoses were you given? Or the unspoken this is
• 1:05:51
  Speaker 1: in your head or your being irrational. Many of these
• 1:05:56
  Speaker 1: responses seem well meaning, but they can feel in validating
• 1:06:01
  Speaker 1: and emotionally exhausting over time. Second, how do you cope
• 1:06:06
  Speaker 1: with the isolation that often comes with chronic illness, particularly
• 1:06:11
  Speaker 1: if you don't have a partner or close family member
• 1:06:15
  Speaker 1: and don't have the energy to build new in person connections,
• 1:06:20
  Speaker 1: or may not be able to leave the house much
• 1:06:23
  Speaker 1: at all. How do you live with isolation and limited
• 1:06:27
  Speaker 1: practical support without becoming emotionally dysregulated, overwhelmed, or stuck in despair.
• 1:06:35
  Speaker 1: I'm not asking how to fix isolation or be told
• 1:06:39
  Speaker 1: to build a larger support system, but rather how to
• 1:06:42
  Speaker 1: stay emotionally regulated and psychologically well when isolation is a
• 1:06:48
  Speaker 1: reality you can't immediately change. Thanks so much for the
• 1:06:52
  Speaker 1: work you do. I really appreciated the podcast. Signed a listener,
• 1:06:58
  Speaker 1: no pronouns given.
• 1:07:01
  Speaker 7: That's a really tough question, and I I kind of
• 1:07:05
  Speaker 7: appreciate that you said that listener. You mentioned I'm not
• 1:07:11
  Speaker 7: trying to find a friend group, but I'm just trying
• 1:07:16
  Speaker 7: to cope with isolation. Like that's a very different question
• 1:07:19
  Speaker 7: than right, how do I how do I? How do
• 1:07:22
  Speaker 7: I beat isolation? And like extinguish it? It's more like
• 1:07:27
  Speaker 7: how do I cope with it? So that's a very
• 1:07:29
  Speaker 7: different question. And just you're starting out with people that
• 1:07:35
  Speaker 7: respond to chronic illness with have you tried this?
• 1:07:38
  Speaker 2: Like that would annoy these ship.
• 1:07:41
  Speaker 5: I make a real effort when people tell me something,
• 1:07:45
  Speaker 5: anything that's wrong with them, anything like that, to not
• 1:07:47
  Speaker 5: give suggestions. Yeah, I make I make an active effort
• 1:07:51
  Speaker 5: in my brain to be like.
• 1:07:52
  Speaker 2: Don't don't give suggestions.
• 1:07:54
  Speaker 5: Yeah they've tried things, Yeah, don't they're just telling you stuff.
• 1:07:57
  Speaker 1: You don't need to give suggestions. It's fine, And I.
• 1:07:59
  Speaker 2: I get where it comes from, because people want to
• 1:08:02
  Speaker 2: be part of the solution.
• 1:08:04
  Speaker 1: Sure, and I want to help.
• 1:08:05
  Speaker 2: And honestly, I think part of it is because they
• 1:08:09
  Speaker 2: feel uncomfortable, so their suggestion isn't really about trying to
• 1:08:13
  Speaker 2: help you. It's about them dealing with their discomfort in
• 1:08:17
  Speaker 2: the moment.
• 1:08:18
  Speaker 5: But at the same time, if I come to you
• 1:08:21
  Speaker 5: and say, Nick, I'm having this problem, and then you're
• 1:08:25
  Speaker 5: able to just tell me a solution, so here's what
• 1:08:28
  Speaker 5: it is, it is like that. That is a great
• 1:08:32
  Speaker 5: feeling to be able to just say, like, oh, ship,
• 1:08:34
  Speaker 5: that's happened to you, you should try this.
• 1:08:37
  Speaker 2: That fixes it. That's that's amazing. If so, if if
• 1:08:41
  Speaker 2: you came to me and said, yeah, I'm dealing with
• 1:08:44
  Speaker 2: this issue, this chronic issue, Jim Jovin for me, I
• 1:08:49
  Speaker 2: have a tremendous amount of empathy, especially for that issue.
• 1:08:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, right, I get it.
• 1:08:55
  Speaker 2: I understand, especially Jim, But like I feel uncomfortable because
• 1:09:05
  Speaker 2: I'm human being. I see I've got another human being
• 1:09:08
  Speaker 2: that is suffering, and I want to fix the problem.
• 1:09:13
  Speaker 2: Not because I want to fix the problem for the
• 1:09:15
  Speaker 2: other person. I want to fix the problem so that
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 2: I don't feel this discomfort. I want to feel like
• 1:09:21
  Speaker 2: I contribute. For sure, I think it's both.
• 1:09:23
  Speaker 5: I think I think people do want to fix the
• 1:09:25
  Speaker 5: problem for the other person, they also want to end
• 1:09:27
  Speaker 5: the awkward moment.
• 1:09:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and this is one of the things that we
• 1:09:29
  Speaker 2: had to deal with a lot in group therapy, is
• 1:09:34
  Speaker 2: when someone becomes very vulnerable and they start expressing, uh,
• 1:09:38
  Speaker 2: you know what's going on in their life. There is
• 1:09:41
  Speaker 2: this internal desire right away to jump in and like
• 1:09:44
  Speaker 2: I need to fix this for this person.
• 1:09:46
  Speaker 1: That's why you can't let them passage to the tissue box.
• 1:09:47
  Speaker 2: Yes, exactly. That's why we didn't stay the fuck away
• 1:09:50
  Speaker 2: from the tissue box, because we wanted people to sit
• 1:09:53
  Speaker 2: in that and to just be able to don't try
• 1:09:57
  Speaker 2: to solve it. Just try to feel it. R with
• 1:10:00
  Speaker 2: this other person, Try to feel what that what that's like,
• 1:10:03
  Speaker 2: and understand, like tee, try to feel it. Understand that
• 1:10:07
  Speaker 2: you can't fix it. You just you're like, like, this
• 1:10:11
  Speaker 2: person can't fix it. Yeah, neither can you. You have
• 1:10:14
  Speaker 2: to deal with that. No, you can't. You got to
• 1:10:17
  Speaker 2: feel it.
• 1:10:17
  Speaker 7: Sometimes it's money and fixing it. I watched a really
• 1:10:21
  Speaker 7: cute video earlier where it's like this kid opens up
• 1:10:25
  Speaker 7: his Christmas present. It's like, oh, this is a controller.
• 1:10:28
  Speaker 7: He has an Xbox and it's a PS five controller,
• 1:10:32
  Speaker 7: and so he's like, oh, this is the wrong controller.
• 1:10:34
  Speaker 7: And the dad's like, oh, mom, got the wrong controller.
• 1:10:37
  Speaker 7: That's silly. The kid's like it's okay. The little girl
• 1:10:40
  Speaker 7: in the background's like humans make mistakes. A fucking doorable,
• 1:10:45
  Speaker 7: and then the dad goes and finds like the PS
• 1:10:48
  Speaker 7: five that's actually the gift, right, Like that's why you
• 1:10:50
  Speaker 7: open the wrong controller, and everyone in the comments just
• 1:10:54
  Speaker 7: loses it because then the kid opens up his PS
• 1:10:56
  Speaker 7: five and he just sits there and like he's rubbing
• 1:10:59
  Speaker 7: his eyes with his hand. This is maybe like a
• 1:11:01
  Speaker 7: ten or eleven year old and he's just sitting there
• 1:11:04
  Speaker 7: and given the mom is recording him, I hear that.
• 1:11:07
  Speaker 7: But they just sit there, and like so many comments
• 1:11:10
  Speaker 7: were like wow, nobody tried to like jump in and
• 1:11:14
  Speaker 7: like oh it's okay, and oh my gosh, they just
• 1:11:16
  Speaker 7: sat there for like a good thirty seconds or like
• 1:11:19
  Speaker 7: an uncomfortable amount of time. This kid is just like and.
• 1:11:22
  Speaker 2: No one was wearing clothes. Wow, well it.
• 1:11:25
  Speaker 7: Was a child, so people were in closed Jacob.
• 1:11:27
  Speaker 2: Oh that's thank good.
• 1:11:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah, which was regular videos that you describe. I think
• 1:11:32
  Speaker 1: Jacob's implication was they should be Yeah, and he was
• 1:11:36
  Speaker 1: discouraged to.
• 1:11:37
  Speaker 7: Find those videos. Jacob. We had an agreement. Yeah, okay,
• 1:11:41
  Speaker 7: so onto the the uh the appropriate.
• 1:11:47
  Speaker 2: Do that? Do we make that thing file? Shit?
• 1:11:52
  Speaker 5: Shit?
• 1:11:54
  Speaker 7: But No, I love it because in the comments section,
• 1:11:56
  Speaker 7: I's like, I kind of love how this family just
• 1:11:58
  Speaker 7: let this kid like right and be happy, emotional, sad,
• 1:12:03
  Speaker 7: whatever emotions he's feeling, just let him sit there with it.
• 1:12:06
  Speaker 7: And I think that's really valid for sure. I love it.
• 1:12:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:12:11
  Speaker 1: Chronic illness is one of the most difficult things that
• 1:12:17
  Speaker 1: a human being can go through, not just physically obviously,
• 1:12:20
  Speaker 1: but psychologically. And it's just so profound, like the isolation
• 1:12:24
  Speaker 1: that goes with this, and I appreciate the writer kind
• 1:12:27
  Speaker 1: of giving us a glimpse into some of the common
• 1:12:30
  Speaker 1: reactions that people often have. You know, Oh, well, have
• 1:12:33
  Speaker 1: you tried doing this?
• 1:12:34
  Speaker 2: I love the idea of being like, I've had this
• 1:12:37
  Speaker 2: all my life. Oh my god, I never fucking.
• 1:12:39
  Speaker 1: Thought for Yeah, gesu us, have you tried prayer? Yeah?
• 1:12:48
  Speaker 1: But what about this, or yeah, just his other diagnosis,
• 1:12:51
  Speaker 1: and like, I mean, I.
• 1:12:52
  Speaker 5: Know that people just have to be like people in
• 1:12:54
  Speaker 5: this situation just have to be just an automatic response
• 1:12:57
  Speaker 5: as soon as they hear the words did you try yes,
• 1:13:00
  Speaker 5: I try it, Yes, yes, yes, tried it, tried it all,
• 1:13:03
  Speaker 5: whatever you're gonna say, I tried it.
• 1:13:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:13:05
  Speaker 1: It turns out I have medical professionals.
• 1:13:06
  Speaker 2: Who forty years and shut your fucking mouth.
• 1:13:10
  Speaker 1: And it's tough because, like I think that I've been
• 1:13:12
  Speaker 1: guilty of this sometimes where somebody's you know, telling me
• 1:13:15
  Speaker 1: about their woes and telling about their their health, and
• 1:13:19
  Speaker 1: there is this sense like and it maybe it's more
• 1:13:21
  Speaker 1: of a masculine urge. I've heard women say they don't
• 1:13:24
  Speaker 1: have this urge as much, but like there's sometimes a
• 1:13:26
  Speaker 1: masculine urge to like try to solve it, you know,
• 1:13:29
  Speaker 1: and like, oh, you're presenting me a bunch of facts
• 1:13:32
  Speaker 1: and you're inviting me to weigh in or try to
• 1:13:35
  Speaker 1: solve this, when I have to realize that's not at
• 1:13:38
  Speaker 1: all what you're doing. You're just sharing, you know, and
• 1:13:40
  Speaker 1: I need to just witness it and honor it and
• 1:13:45
  Speaker 1: not necessarily try to do anything with it.
• 1:13:47
  Speaker 2: But no.
• 1:13:48
  Speaker 1: The writer talks about that have you tried this? You
• 1:13:50
  Speaker 1: can't live like that? What doctor told you this? What
• 1:13:52
  Speaker 1: diagnosis were you given? And I really appreciate that the
• 1:13:55
  Speaker 1: writer's point of the unspoken implication that this is all
• 1:14:00
  Speaker 1: in your head, right, that this is somehow irrational. And
• 1:14:03
  Speaker 1: we've seen this a lot with folks that have chronic illness.
• 1:14:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well, and I was gonna say too, like, I
• 1:14:09
  Speaker 2: think one of the things that like kind of hearing
• 1:14:12
  Speaker 2: you talk about that reminded me of this story. And
• 1:14:14
  Speaker 2: it's not about chronic illness, but it's I always try
• 1:14:19
  Speaker 2: to relate and I don't know, I don't think about
• 1:14:22
  Speaker 2: doing this, I just think I do it kind of instinctively.
• 1:14:24
  Speaker 2: But I tried to relate to what is it like
• 1:14:27
  Speaker 2: for that person and relating to that person emotionally as
• 1:14:31
  Speaker 2: opposed to trying to fix the problem. Okay, Like, because
• 1:14:34
  Speaker 2: I remember playing, so when I was in college, I
• 1:14:38
  Speaker 2: was working at this hockey pro shop. Basically we sold
• 1:14:42
  Speaker 2: hockey equipment and one of my coworkers, there's only like
• 1:14:47
  Speaker 2: it was just he and I. We pretty much just
• 1:14:49
  Speaker 2: did the store ourselves and kind of ran it, and
• 1:14:52
  Speaker 2: he had a very promising hockey career, Like he was
• 1:14:56
  Speaker 2: a star in high school. He went out he played
• 1:14:58
  Speaker 2: Junior A and everybody was expecting like, oh, this kid's
• 1:15:02
  Speaker 2: gonna he's gonna go for yeah.
• 1:15:05
  Speaker 5: And he Junior A by the way, just the Canadian
• 1:15:07
  Speaker 5: version of Junior's Junior A.
• 1:15:12
  Speaker 2: Where's our drum set? So uh, pretty happy with that
• 1:15:20
  Speaker 2: was one well worth it. And so like at one
• 1:15:24
  Speaker 2: point he just decided, He's like, you know what, I'm
• 1:15:26
  Speaker 2: not feeling it. This isn't for me. And he just
• 1:15:28
  Speaker 2: he's like, I know, I don't want to do this.
• 1:15:30
  Speaker 2: I don't want to pursue this anymore. And so he stopped.
• 1:15:32
  Speaker 2: And then he's now working at this store and so
• 1:15:35
  Speaker 2: many people were coming in and just being like, hey man,
• 1:15:39
  Speaker 2: what happened. You're like like, oh, we thought you were
• 1:15:42
  Speaker 2: going to be great and and and he kept having
• 1:15:45
  Speaker 2: to tell this story over and over again, and I
• 1:15:49
  Speaker 2: just eventually told I said, like, do you ever get
• 1:15:53
  Speaker 2: tired of hearing that? Like that'd be very frustrating for
• 1:15:56
  Speaker 2: me to have to have to tell the story all
• 1:15:58
  Speaker 2: the time. And just the wait off of his shoulders
• 1:16:01
  Speaker 2: when I said that, He's like thank you. Oh wow,
• 1:16:04
  Speaker 2: He's like you're the first person that's ever recognized that. Yeah,
• 1:16:08
  Speaker 2: and it's just it's one of those things where you
• 1:16:10
  Speaker 2: know it would be great, you know, with people dealing
• 1:16:13
  Speaker 2: with chronic pain, for just one person just say like, wow, ship,
• 1:16:18
  Speaker 2: that must be really difficult. Yeah, how do you get by?
• 1:16:23
  Speaker 2: How do you make it? Yeah? Not trying to fix it,
• 1:16:25
  Speaker 2: but just just like being curious to the person ship,
• 1:16:29
  Speaker 2: that must be really difficult. What's that like? Just being
• 1:16:32
  Speaker 2: genuinely curious to learn more and not trying to solve it?
• 1:16:36
  Speaker 2: This feedback does nothing for the writer.
• 1:16:38
  Speaker 1: But you're a you're a woman. How does that even work?
• 1:16:42
  Speaker 1: How do you life like that?
• 1:16:44
  Speaker 2: That's exactly what I'm talking about.
• 1:16:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, so you're still like emotional all the time.
• 1:16:49
  Speaker 1: What's what's that all about?
• 1:16:50
  Speaker 5: How?
• 1:16:50
  Speaker 2: What is it like?
• 1:16:51
  Speaker 1: What is it like not being able to think things through?
• 1:16:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 1:16:54
  Speaker 1: Do you need advice? I can help. I could probably help.
• 1:16:58
  Speaker 1: But writer, this is explain it to you there, you
• 1:17:00
  Speaker 1: this is this is a really really meaningful question. And
• 1:17:03
  Speaker 1: when the writer talks about like you know, that fundamental
• 1:17:06
  Speaker 1: question of like so like what do I do about this?
• 1:17:09
  Speaker 2: Right?
• 1:17:10
  Speaker 1: Like, I mean I'm not asking you guys to fix
• 1:17:13
  Speaker 1: this or you know, but the isolation is a hard
• 1:17:15
  Speaker 1: thing and trying to build that larger support system stay
• 1:17:19
  Speaker 1: emotionally regulated and psychologically well when you're in kind of
• 1:17:25
  Speaker 1: a permanent state of fundamental isolation because others do not understand.
• 1:17:31
  Speaker 1: And it's just so tough, right because, like I think
• 1:17:34
  Speaker 1: we're all big fans of finding support groups. Oftentimes you can,
• 1:17:38
  Speaker 1: you know, like even cancer or things like that, there
• 1:17:41
  Speaker 1: are support groups people way through this. Chronic pain is
• 1:17:45
  Speaker 1: so difficult to pinpoint.
• 1:17:48
  Speaker 7: That's it.
• 1:17:51
  Speaker 1: I think it falls into.
• 1:17:53
  Speaker 5: And maybe the writer will will uh nay say me
• 1:17:56
  Speaker 5: on this, but from my understanding, it falls into often
• 1:17:59
  Speaker 5: times that kind of category of stuff that a lot
• 1:18:03
  Speaker 5: of people don't give a shit about, right because and
• 1:18:07
  Speaker 5: oftentimes it falls into like people with lung cancer, people
• 1:18:10
  Speaker 5: with type two diabetes, that there's kind of your fault
• 1:18:13
  Speaker 5: diseases that people kind of lump into those, and I
• 1:18:15
  Speaker 5: feel like so often people with chronic pain get lumped
• 1:18:18
  Speaker 5: into that sometimes because people with chronic pain have that
• 1:18:22
  Speaker 5: because of like sports injuries or or you know, different
• 1:18:25
  Speaker 5: different lifestyle choices and whatever, but sometimes people just have
• 1:18:28
  Speaker 5: fucking pain.
• 1:18:28
  Speaker 2: Was this was this a chronic pain? I thought this
• 1:18:31
  Speaker 2: was just chronic illness.
• 1:18:32
  Speaker 1: Well, the person's talking about chronic illness, you're correct, more
• 1:18:35
  Speaker 1: so than chronic pain. But the isolation that comes with that,
• 1:18:39
  Speaker 1: right right?
• 1:18:40
  Speaker 2: I mean, I would say, you know, the nice thing
• 1:18:43
  Speaker 2: is that the day in age that we live in
• 1:18:46
  Speaker 2: is we've got online communities which can be very useful.
• 1:18:49
  Speaker 1: Goes a long way like four chan or or or
• 1:18:53
  Speaker 1: others or discard honestly.
• 1:18:57
  Speaker 2: Therapy. Between the two, i'd pick Patreon dot comp.
• 1:19:00
  Speaker 1: Between us and four chan, probably us we're under less
• 1:19:04
  Speaker 1: federal indictments.
• 1:19:05
  Speaker 2: One of them is a lot more interesting. Yeah, and
• 1:19:08
  Speaker 2: one of them is under less federal indictments, and that's
• 1:19:11
  Speaker 2: not no federal not.
• 1:19:14
  Speaker 5: We're still cool, anyone notre.
• 1:19:18
  Speaker 1: A weird age we live in. Everybody's got a little
• 1:19:21
  Speaker 1: taste of the furor.
• 1:19:23
  Speaker 7: No, I oh, sorry, remember anything like that.
• 1:19:30
  Speaker 2: I misheard something you misheard.
• 1:19:33
  Speaker 7: When I have clients who have maybe chronic medical illnesses
• 1:19:37
  Speaker 7: that aren't as obvious or people can't see as easily,
• 1:19:42
  Speaker 7: the the number one challenge I hear from them is
• 1:19:45
  Speaker 7: they're feeling kind of isolated, feeling like they don't have
• 1:19:49
  Speaker 7: a large support group. One thing I try to remind
• 1:19:51
  Speaker 7: them of is even us kind of healthy people out there.
• 1:19:56
  Speaker 7: We don't have a large support system either, is a
• 1:19:59
  Speaker 7: little bit normal, Like do you have two people that
• 1:20:04
  Speaker 7: you can like face time, like schedule a FaceTime with
• 1:20:07
  Speaker 7: or or call when you need something like if you
• 1:20:10
  Speaker 7: can find two people? I think you were in the
• 1:20:14
  Speaker 7: norm because I think there is like you got.
• 1:20:17
  Speaker 5: A problem, like I got a real problem. I need
• 1:20:19
  Speaker 5: to face time somebody about this problem.
• 1:20:21
  Speaker 7: Yeah, like, hey, do you have time this week? When
• 1:20:24
  Speaker 7: are you available? And can we schedule?
• 1:20:26
  Speaker 5: I've got some heavy ship to lay on you or
• 1:20:28
  Speaker 5: like not in this room, Jim said.
• 1:20:32
  Speaker 2: I was supporting your painting problems. I wasn't even painting.
• 1:20:36
  Speaker 2: That's how much you weren't supporting me. I was painting
• 1:20:41
  Speaker 2: something about painting. You don't even listen reading first off,
• 1:20:45
  Speaker 2: and I'm offended because I struggle to read. Really that
• 1:20:51
  Speaker 2: you're a good friend, you to know, but I'm not
• 1:20:53
  Speaker 2: going to read it.
• 1:20:54
  Speaker 7: Still said painting now, So I don't even know.
• 1:20:58
  Speaker 1: Who can say.
• 1:20:59
  Speaker 7: But something I try to at least a little bit
• 1:21:02
  Speaker 7: normalize is that even us normy is out there, like
• 1:21:06
  Speaker 7: we have a tiny handful of people. If you really
• 1:21:09
  Speaker 7: needed something, who would you think to reach out to? Like,
• 1:21:12
  Speaker 7: can you think of more than two to three people? Like?
• 1:21:16
  Speaker 2: Maybe not?
• 1:21:17
  Speaker 7: And so when I talk with my clients who are like, yes,
• 1:21:22
  Speaker 7: I could reach out to maybe ten different people, but
• 1:21:25
  Speaker 7: who would I really rely on? Two? Maybe three? And
• 1:21:30
  Speaker 7: so when I talk to my clients who have maybe
• 1:21:33
  Speaker 7: like severe medical issues or things like that, they can
• 1:21:35
  Speaker 7: only think of two or three, but they know those
• 1:21:37
  Speaker 7: two to three people there.
• 1:21:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I used to do this exercise in group therapy
• 1:21:41
  Speaker 2: where we would we would have people they would create
• 1:21:45
  Speaker 2: like a target, you know, like a little circle and
• 1:21:48
  Speaker 2: then a larger circle around that one, a larger circle
• 1:21:50
  Speaker 2: around that one, and they would list out all of
• 1:21:53
  Speaker 2: the people in their life and then they would place
• 1:21:56
  Speaker 2: them okay in that target, so they would know like
• 1:22:00
  Speaker 2: how close to the center is the serious yes, so
• 1:22:04
  Speaker 2: like like these are the people that when shit went
• 1:22:07
  Speaker 2: down and you needed some you needed help. Yeah, that's
• 1:22:10
  Speaker 2: the innermost circle. And then there's friends who like you're
• 1:22:13
  Speaker 2: really close to, but they're not quite there, you know.
• 1:22:17
  Speaker 2: And they kind of plotted people out and it was
• 1:22:19
  Speaker 2: helpful for them to be able to see where they
• 1:22:24
  Speaker 2: needed growth, like oh, I don't have enough people in
• 1:22:28
  Speaker 2: this inner circle or you know, you know this person
• 1:22:31
  Speaker 2: who I thought was really close. Actually, when I think
• 1:22:33
  Speaker 2: about it, no, I wouldn't trust them with these certain things.
• 1:22:37
  Speaker 2: You know, this is in when you're working in drug
• 1:22:39
  Speaker 2: and alcohol treatment, so like you know they're listing their
• 1:22:41
  Speaker 2: dealer on there. You know, it's like, Okay, well, yeah,
• 1:22:44
  Speaker 2: I guess he's not as close of a friend as
• 1:22:46
  Speaker 2: I thought he was. Sure, you know, maybe he's a
• 1:22:47
  Speaker 2: little bit further out.
• 1:22:49
  Speaker 7: But no, I think like dealing with addiction and chronic illness,
• 1:22:53
  Speaker 7: weirdly isn't too far off because you have a small circle,
• 1:22:56
  Speaker 7: like who are the people that are really going to
• 1:22:58
  Speaker 7: be there for you? And chronic illness or especially physical illness,
• 1:23:02
  Speaker 7: this circle does get small because I have found with
• 1:23:05
  Speaker 7: like my clients who deal with extreme I guess medical challenges,
• 1:23:11
  Speaker 7: the circle gets very small because people are overwhelmed by that.
• 1:23:17
  Speaker 7: And I know the writer just said chronic illness, so
• 1:23:20
  Speaker 7: that could mean a wide array of things. But I
• 1:23:23
  Speaker 7: have had clients who have a lot of medical issues,
• 1:23:28
  Speaker 7: and the circle does get very small. You are very right,
• 1:23:32
  Speaker 7: are very valid. There's not a lot of people you
• 1:23:35
  Speaker 7: can reach out to. But I would say maybe really
• 1:23:40
  Speaker 7: honing in on the people that mean a lot to
• 1:23:42
  Speaker 7: you doing what you can to reach out to them.
• 1:23:44
  Speaker 7: For example, I have a friend or too who maybe
• 1:23:50
  Speaker 7: like I'm one of their few close friends, and when
• 1:23:54
  Speaker 7: they reach out, maybe they reach out to me more
• 1:23:56
  Speaker 7: than I reach out to them for like help, let's say.
• 1:23:59
  Speaker 7: But then every like three times or so they reach
• 1:24:02
  Speaker 7: out to me, they're saying, hey, I know it's been
• 1:24:05
  Speaker 7: a while since I checked in. I do want to
• 1:24:06
  Speaker 7: connect with you, Like they make it a note to
• 1:24:10
  Speaker 7: check in with me because they know that socially they
• 1:24:13
  Speaker 7: need to do that, but also they care about me.
• 1:24:15
  Speaker 7: But I know that they're like checking or clocking, yeah,
• 1:24:18
  Speaker 7: like hey, I can't just take.
• 1:24:21
  Speaker 1: They're also keeping track.
• 1:24:22
  Speaker 7: They're keeping track a little bit, and I kind of
• 1:24:24
  Speaker 7: value that as a person that I love to give.
• 1:24:26
  Speaker 7: I have more to give, I have more ability to give,
• 1:24:28
  Speaker 7: so like I'm okay giving more, but I value that
• 1:24:31
  Speaker 7: they're clocking, like, hey, I've been take take taking, now
• 1:24:34
  Speaker 7: I need to give a little and like that's that
• 1:24:37
  Speaker 7: is kind of part of friendship. So as someone with
• 1:24:39
  Speaker 7: like a chronic illness or feeling that loneliness, I would
• 1:24:43
  Speaker 7: say keeping track of the people that are important to you.
• 1:24:46
  Speaker 7: There may only be one or two people and that's okay,
• 1:24:49
  Speaker 7: but like, maybe give back what you can to those people.
• 1:24:53
  Speaker 5: I would also say, perhaps, uh, you didn't say any
• 1:24:59
  Speaker 5: of the I'm making, shut up now, but perhaps a
• 1:25:03
  Speaker 5: little bit of grace to yourself and a little bit
• 1:25:05
  Speaker 5: of grace to your friends as as you're going through this,
• 1:25:09
  Speaker 5: as you know, it's fucking rough, and as I'm sure
• 1:25:13
  Speaker 5: you know, it is real rough being friends with someone
• 1:25:17
  Speaker 5: who has a chronic condition.
• 1:25:20
  Speaker 1: And there are people in.
• 1:25:22
  Speaker 5: Your life that I bet it is a little tough
• 1:25:27
  Speaker 5: on your day to day to think really great thoughts
• 1:25:30
  Speaker 5: about them because you go, like, also, they haven't really
• 1:25:33
  Speaker 5: been around to help out that much, right, But everybody's
• 1:25:38
  Speaker 5: got shit going on. Everybody's got their lives going on
• 1:25:41
  Speaker 5: around them. And so I would say to you, maybe
• 1:25:45
  Speaker 5: make it a little bit easier on yourself to not
• 1:25:47
  Speaker 5: only kind of dismiss people from the any any perceived
• 1:25:52
  Speaker 5: obligation to helping, and also to do that same thing
• 1:25:58
  Speaker 5: with the with that responsibility of it. So if you
• 1:26:01
  Speaker 5: if you are kind of holding on to people and
• 1:26:03
  Speaker 5: saying being maybe a little miffed at people for not
• 1:26:07
  Speaker 5: helping out maybe as much as they could, you know,
• 1:26:10
  Speaker 5: maybe maybe cut them a little bit of slack a
• 1:26:12
  Speaker 5: little bit on that. And I say that for you
• 1:26:15
  Speaker 5: more than I say it for them. It's it's easier
• 1:26:17
  Speaker 5: on you if you just cut those people that slack
• 1:26:20
  Speaker 5: and say like, hey, if you're not if you're not
• 1:26:22
  Speaker 5: in a spot where you can help out right now, cool,
• 1:26:25
  Speaker 5: I'm just I'm just living life over here, sure, like
• 1:26:27
  Speaker 5: you're not responsible for me, and let them go with that.
• 1:26:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a very difficult thing to gauge, like how
• 1:26:34
  Speaker 1: much investment other people need to be making in your life.
• 1:26:37
  Speaker 1: And it's very easy to accumulate resentment in the sense
• 1:26:41
  Speaker 1: of like absence and isolation. And it is a really
• 1:26:44
  Speaker 1: hard thing because I think there is a natural human
• 1:26:47
  Speaker 1: tendency to avoid I mean, if we're being real illness,
• 1:26:54
  Speaker 1: I mean there is a z I've heard folks tell
• 1:26:57
  Speaker 1: me before that when they had cancer, even though people
• 1:27:01
  Speaker 1: know rationally that cancer is not contagious, there is this isolation.
• 1:27:07
  Speaker 7: People don't know what to say or do. They don't
• 1:27:09
  Speaker 7: know when they've never interacted with that before, when they've
• 1:27:13
  Speaker 7: had the privilege of never having been in contact or
• 1:27:15
  Speaker 7: personally dealing with something like cancer long term illness, they
• 1:27:19
  Speaker 7: don't know what to do, so they pull back.
• 1:27:21
  Speaker 1: It is true, and I think a lot of people
• 1:27:23
  Speaker 1: a out of confusion and be out of some kind
• 1:27:26
  Speaker 1: of deep intrinsic sense of discomfort and because they hate you,
• 1:27:33
  Speaker 1: and also see they hate you.
• 1:27:36
  Speaker 7: It's not fair.
• 1:27:38
  Speaker 1: There needs to be a lot of grace that goes
• 1:27:40
  Speaker 1: along with that and finding people you know who can
• 1:27:42
  Speaker 1: support you where they're at, which I agree with everybody
• 1:27:47
  Speaker 1: else's comments that there's a way to cultivate that, and
• 1:27:50
  Speaker 1: then there's a way that kind of doesn't really help.
• 1:27:54
  Speaker 1: So writer, We're sorry to hear what you're going through.
• 1:27:56
  Speaker 1: I'm really glad you're part of our community, and I
• 1:27:59
  Speaker 1: hope that you're making use of it. By the way,
• 1:28:01
  Speaker 1: you know, I say this a lot. I'm really proud
• 1:28:05
  Speaker 1: of our community Patreon, dot com, slash therapy, which I
• 1:28:08
  Speaker 1: realize when we say when you hear me say as
• 1:28:10
  Speaker 1: a host, sounds like me running a commercial. But I
• 1:28:14
  Speaker 1: just want to really promise you this show is not profitable,
• 1:28:18
  Speaker 1: Like we're just really proud of the community that we've built.
• 1:28:21
  Speaker 1: The folks that pay the bills make sure the show
• 1:28:24
  Speaker 1: continues the function. But you can go and you can
• 1:28:27
  Speaker 1: join our discord and we really have channels for people
• 1:28:30
  Speaker 1: just to share and for other folks who really like
• 1:28:34
  Speaker 1: mental health and are really trying to just be really
• 1:28:37
  Speaker 1: kind humans. They're often very curious and they want to
• 1:28:40
  Speaker 1: meet you where you're at, and I realized it's just
• 1:28:42
  Speaker 1: an online relationship. But sometimes in life that's really useful
• 1:28:46
  Speaker 1: because you realize these folks don't owe you anything, and
• 1:28:48
  Speaker 1: they're just really trying to approach you as a human being,
• 1:28:51
  Speaker 1: and sometimes they're very interested in what your shared experience is.
• 1:28:55
  Speaker 1: So I hope that's something you'll take advantage of. But
• 1:28:57
  Speaker 1: I really agree with the the other hosts and just
• 1:29:00
  Speaker 1: the very unique situation that you're in. I support you, friend,
• 1:29:03
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry for what you're going through, and I really
• 1:29:05
  Speaker 1: hope this is something that you you find that you
• 1:29:07
  Speaker 1: can navigate.
• 1:29:08
  Speaker 2: I love what a discord. When we post the episode,
• 1:29:11
  Speaker 2: there's always, you know, somebody will open up a thread
• 1:29:13
  Speaker 2: for that specific episode and people will jump in and say, hey,
• 1:29:17
  Speaker 2: in regard to question two, Yeah my thoughts, I fucking
• 1:29:20
  Speaker 2: love that. One of the best.
• 1:29:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, one of the best things, because there's all sometimes.
• 1:29:24
  Speaker 2: There's never a time that I read through that and
• 1:29:27
  Speaker 2: and don't read something that I hadn't.
• 1:29:30
  Speaker 1: Thought of oh yeah, or just like somebody adds, I
• 1:29:34
  Speaker 1: get on there and read those I go there it is,
• 1:29:37
  Speaker 1: there it is. I love it when people jump in
• 1:29:40
  Speaker 1: and there it is. I love it when you have
• 1:29:43
  Speaker 1: to say that we assumed it. But I love it
• 1:29:45
  Speaker 1: when people You're right, Nick, they jump in and they say, hey,
• 1:29:49
  Speaker 1: I've related.
• 1:29:49
  Speaker 2: To this, I live this.
• 1:29:51
  Speaker 1: Here's how I did a little bit better. No, our
• 1:29:53
  Speaker 1: discord is wonderful. I discord people.
• 1:29:56
  Speaker 5: People share their own experiences there, and it's like Jim
• 1:29:59
  Speaker 5: is saying, if you a, I know, we're we're jumping
• 1:30:01
  Speaker 5: into this early whatever.
• 1:30:02
  Speaker 1: We're all over the place tonight. If you are.
• 1:30:05
  Speaker 2: Interested in.
• 1:30:07
  Speaker 5: Funding this, if you're interested in making this something that
• 1:30:10
  Speaker 5: you do, Patreon dot com, slash therapy, that's where you
• 1:30:14
  Speaker 5: can go to help out with that.
• 1:30:15
  Speaker 1: And you'll find a great community there. And you know,
• 1:30:18
  Speaker 1: I hope that we can support you writer. I hope
• 1:30:20
  Speaker 1: that you'll join us again. We don't really care about
• 1:30:23
  Speaker 1: the dollar and the dollar literally we won't feel it.
• 1:30:26
  Speaker 2: It'll go true.
• 1:30:28
  Speaker 1: Minimum put it in there, but you know, honestly, just
• 1:30:31
  Speaker 1: just do what you got to do to shortcut your
• 1:30:33
  Speaker 1: way into our discord get in there, introduce yourself to
• 1:30:36
  Speaker 1: our community. I promise you the people that our community.
• 1:30:39
  Speaker 1: None of us are perfect. We're all just really flawed
• 1:30:41
  Speaker 1: human beings on the internet. But I think that we're
• 1:30:44
  Speaker 1: also very supportive and curious and interested in your experience.
• 1:30:48
  Speaker 1: And I think there's a lot of folks that are
• 1:30:50
  Speaker 1: sharing similar stories. So I would really hope that you'll
• 1:30:53
  Speaker 1: come be a part of us. And you know, at
• 1:30:54
  Speaker 1: the end of the day, there is no clean answer
• 1:30:56
  Speaker 1: to your question. I think you knew that when you
• 1:30:58
  Speaker 1: wrote it. But at the same time, there's a sense
• 1:31:00
  Speaker 1: of like but genuine regard, you know, for what you're
• 1:31:03
  Speaker 1: going through, and just really wanting to see you be successful.
• 1:31:06
  Speaker 5: There is I hate to you know that. I hate
• 1:31:09
  Speaker 5: to correct you jump, but I know you do have
• 1:31:11
  Speaker 5: to correct jump. There is actually a very clean answer
• 1:31:14
  Speaker 5: to your question.
• 1:31:15
  Speaker 2: Okay, sorry.
• 1:31:17
  Speaker 5: It is only available though after twelve continuous months at
• 1:31:22
  Speaker 5: twenty dollars in overse on Patreon.
• 1:31:24
  Speaker 1: We do hide therapy.
• 1:31:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, we hide it.
• 1:31:26
  Speaker 1: We hide the answers behind a paywall. There are trust
• 1:31:29
  Speaker 1: this it's there, yeah, absolutely, and the more you pay,
• 1:31:33
  Speaker 1: the more enlighten. Yeah, and really received, really direct, really
• 1:31:36
  Speaker 1: helpful answers. Correct, nothing like an alien from it somewhere else, Okay,
• 1:31:41
  Speaker 1: spirits into volcanoes, Okay, like that. Okay. I don't know
• 1:31:44
  Speaker 1: why we have to bring scientology into this. I don't
• 1:31:47
  Speaker 1: know that we want that smoke. I don't want that smoke,
• 1:31:49
  Speaker 1: you know, but I didn't say I consider us the
• 1:31:51
  Speaker 1: scientology of podcasts, and.
• 1:31:53
  Speaker 2: Uh, I honestly thought that was Mormonism.
• 1:31:56
  Speaker 1: Okay, We're gonna take a quick break, and when we
• 1:31:59
  Speaker 1: come back, we are up the show.
• 1:32:01
  Speaker 2: You are listening to pod therapy.
• 1:32:03
  Speaker 1: Today's show is brought to you by our therap producers.
• 1:32:07
  Speaker 1: In particular, we want to thank Jake Schneider, Malia Richard Macy,
• 1:32:11
  Speaker 1: sunny Boy, Thunder Cooper Falcon Scoop Surpikai, Motherfucker, Sandra mcwaffle,
• 1:32:15
  Speaker 1: Alina Gabriel La Dame Adam arnb A do crimes and
• 1:32:19
  Speaker 1: not here at.
• 1:32:21
  Speaker 2: Night way, which seems awfully defensive.
• 1:32:23
  Speaker 1: If you'd like to support the show, go to Patreon
• 1:32:25
  Speaker 1: dot com. Slash therapy got a few more little questions
• 1:32:30
  Speaker 1: here from the discord, and then we'll get to the
• 1:32:32
  Speaker 1: wrap up portion of the show. What is one of
• 1:32:36
  Speaker 1: the most important things that you've learned from a client.
• 1:32:40
  Speaker 1: What's something you've learned from a client. I'll lead us
• 1:32:42
  Speaker 1: off while y'all to think about that, since I've read
• 1:32:45
  Speaker 1: this question before. One of the most profound things I
• 1:32:47
  Speaker 1: heard from a client. There was a client at the
• 1:32:50
  Speaker 1: men's program that I worked at that was on top
• 1:32:53
  Speaker 1: of Mount Charleston. Is a two hour drive up to
• 1:32:56
  Speaker 1: this place at to off road for like, yes, for
• 1:32:59
  Speaker 1: like six miles. It was really really hard to get to.
• 1:33:03
  Speaker 1: We had a forty eight men forty eight bad men's
• 1:33:07
  Speaker 1: program where there was a small teens program up there
• 1:33:09
  Speaker 1: at one point, is there now, yeah, I mean is intermittent?
• 1:33:13
  Speaker 2: I mean I think it was one of the things that
• 1:33:14
  Speaker 2: like off and on when they.
• 1:33:15
  Speaker 7: Would have way up there too, very tucked.
• 1:33:18
  Speaker 1: Well, nobody right, nobody's ever up there. It was very
• 1:33:22
  Speaker 1: off the grid. Yeah, right, once you got up there.
• 1:33:26
  Speaker 1: I had a guy out there who this was very
• 1:33:29
  Speaker 1: early in my career, is act, my very first counseling job.
• 1:33:32
  Speaker 1: And this gentleman happened to be dying from a terminal illness,
• 1:33:37
  Speaker 1: but he wanted to get sober before he passed, and
• 1:33:40
  Speaker 1: he owed that to his family. This is really profound
• 1:33:44
  Speaker 1: situation where here's this fella. You know, he's had a
• 1:33:46
  Speaker 1: lifelong challenge with mental health and with addictions, and here
• 1:33:51
  Speaker 1: he was getting clean and sober because he wanted to
• 1:33:54
  Speaker 1: end his life as a sober person and reconcile with
• 1:33:58
  Speaker 1: all his family, and so he just had a lot
• 1:34:00
  Speaker 1: of deep thoughts. He was reading a lot and reflecting
• 1:34:03
  Speaker 1: a lot. And every time I sat with this guy,
• 1:34:06
  Speaker 1: I just felt like, holy smokes, Like I'm just experiencing
• 1:34:08
  Speaker 1: a whole new part of reality never thought about. And
• 1:34:11
  Speaker 1: just one of the he had so many sayings, but
• 1:34:13
  Speaker 1: one of my favorite ones that he would say that
• 1:34:16
  Speaker 1: really stuck with me. And I'm sure, and I've actually
• 1:34:18
  Speaker 1: read this elsewhere. I know it's a quote from somewhere else,
• 1:34:20
  Speaker 1: but I don't know where it's from, but he would say,
• 1:34:22
  Speaker 1: the reward for a job well done is to have
• 1:34:26
  Speaker 1: done it. And in the camp, the men would do everything.
• 1:34:30
  Speaker 1: They would rake the dirt, you know, and just like
• 1:34:33
  Speaker 1: stack the rocks in the path and clean everything and
• 1:34:37
  Speaker 1: pull all the weeds, and they would just really take
• 1:34:39
  Speaker 1: care of this outdoor.
• 1:34:40
  Speaker 2: Replace the screen on the screen door.
• 1:34:42
  Speaker 1: Okay, I'm sure, I'm sure they did, and I'm sure
• 1:34:46
  Speaker 1: it was quite easy for them. They didn't really bitch
• 1:34:49
  Speaker 1: about it, so I assume that it was it was
• 1:34:51
  Speaker 1: pretty pretty in and out. But anyway, that was one
• 1:34:53
  Speaker 1: of the most important I learned from They were sober
• 1:34:58
  Speaker 1: at the time. Nick Jesus. But yeah, one of the
• 1:35:01
  Speaker 1: best things I learned was this gentleman saying often the
• 1:35:04
  Speaker 1: reward for a job well done is to have done it.
• 1:35:07
  Speaker 1: And I've come back to that a lot in my life,
• 1:35:09
  Speaker 1: where I think, whenever you do something good and you
• 1:35:11
  Speaker 1: worked really hard on it, there's a sense of like
• 1:35:13
  Speaker 1: somebody he needs to recognize that there needs.
• 1:35:16
  Speaker 2: To be a reward for it.
• 1:35:17
  Speaker 1: But I would often reflect on what that gentleman said,
• 1:35:19
  Speaker 1: and I had land on the conclusion that no, this
• 1:35:21
  Speaker 1: is it, that the reward is that I did this,
• 1:35:24
  Speaker 1: and I'm really proud of it, and just be done
• 1:35:26
  Speaker 1: with it and just lay that to bed. So that,
• 1:35:28
  Speaker 1: for me, has has been one of the more profound
• 1:35:30
  Speaker 1: things I've learned from a client.
• 1:35:32
  Speaker 2: What about y'all, I mean I've learned. I mean, to
• 1:35:37
  Speaker 2: be honest, I learned something from every class I've.
• 1:35:42
  Speaker 7: Learned sessions, being like, oh my gosh, what's amazing.
• 1:35:48
  Speaker 2: It's you know, so much of really good therapy is
• 1:35:54
  Speaker 2: throwing enough information out there so the client can take
• 1:35:58
  Speaker 2: it and go a direction with it, and then they
• 1:36:00
  Speaker 2: teach you how to talk to them. They teach you
• 1:36:04
  Speaker 2: how to approach them, and so you really learn from
• 1:36:07
  Speaker 2: them how to interact with them. So like from that perspective, yeah,
• 1:36:12
  Speaker 2: like I learned something from every single person I deal with,
• 1:36:15
  Speaker 2: but like something as profound as what Jim had come
• 1:36:19
  Speaker 2: up with, I'd have to think about that for a while.
• 1:36:22
  Speaker 2: I know there's been some things, you know, there's been.
• 1:36:24
  Speaker 2: I mean honestly, every client that I had my first
• 1:36:27
  Speaker 2: two or three years of clinical work I learned something
• 1:36:31
  Speaker 2: from and like, I wouldn't be where I am today
• 1:36:36
  Speaker 2: without them because some of them were just I would honestly,
• 1:36:40
  Speaker 2: I think my favorite client, one of my favorite clients
• 1:36:42
  Speaker 2: that I think my favorite client, Oh boy, I have
• 1:36:46
  Speaker 2: several favorite in the day to birth. No, the ones
• 1:36:51
  Speaker 2: that I always really liked were usually the ones that
• 1:36:56
  Speaker 2: were most disliked by the rest of the staff.
• 1:36:58
  Speaker 7: Oh.
• 1:36:58
  Speaker 2: Interesting because like the ones that I really liked are
• 1:37:03
  Speaker 2: the ones that were just super honest. Oh and a
• 1:37:06
  Speaker 2: lot of are a lot of the other staff like
• 1:37:09
  Speaker 2: the ones that would just tell them what they need yeah,
• 1:37:14
  Speaker 2: the game exactly, you know, they're just like, don't cause problems,
• 1:37:18
  Speaker 2: tell me what I need to hear, and let's just
• 1:37:19
  Speaker 2: go through this. But like the ones that would just
• 1:37:22
  Speaker 2: come in and were just be completely honest and like
• 1:37:24
  Speaker 2: have a really genuine intellectual conversation with me, or the
• 1:37:29
  Speaker 2: ones that I really clicked with, you know, and I
• 1:37:33
  Speaker 2: think the ones that I had the best the most
• 1:37:34
  Speaker 2: impact with. But there's one client. There's several that I
• 1:37:39
  Speaker 2: can think of, but there's one client I had that
• 1:37:42
  Speaker 2: was that basically came to treatment. He's like, yeah, I'm
• 1:37:46
  Speaker 2: not going to quit drinking. This was this is really
• 1:37:49
  Speaker 2: off early on. It is a residential treatment program. He
• 1:37:55
  Speaker 2: comes in, He's like, I'm here because my family wants
• 1:37:57
  Speaker 2: to be here. I'm not going to stop doing anything.
• 1:37:59
  Speaker 2: So do your little song and dance.
• 1:38:02
  Speaker 7: All all playing challenge accepted, Dan, I'll.
• 1:38:06
  Speaker 2: Follow the rules. I'll do what I need to do
• 1:38:08
  Speaker 2: to get out of here.
• 1:38:08
  Speaker 1: But I'm gonna keep whoose dance and the yeah uh
• 1:38:13
  Speaker 1: yeah he challenged dance off.
• 1:38:15
  Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, but no. But then, like one of the
• 1:38:19
  Speaker 2: things I think that I kind of learned going through
• 1:38:21
  Speaker 2: that experience is just like just just be genuine and
• 1:38:24
  Speaker 2: just be like all right, cool, Hey, thanks, I appreciate that. Well,
• 1:38:27
  Speaker 2: you're gonna be here for thirty days. Sure, let's do
• 1:38:30
  Speaker 2: what we can. What do you want to do? Right?
• 1:38:33
  Speaker 2: This is somebody else's waiting for this. What do you
• 1:38:36
  Speaker 2: want to get on insurance? What do you want to Yeah?
• 1:38:39
  Speaker 2: And uh. And at the end he was like he
• 1:38:42
  Speaker 2: thanks me, and he's like, You're the only one that's
• 1:38:43
  Speaker 2: ever taken me seriously. Wow. I was like, okay, cool,
• 1:38:47
  Speaker 2: And I'm sure he went back to drinking, but he
• 1:38:50
  Speaker 2: at least left with.
• 1:38:52
  Speaker 7: His journey, whether he drink or not again exactly.
• 1:38:56
  Speaker 2: And then if the way that I was going to
• 1:38:58
  Speaker 2: think about it is I think about he left with
• 1:39:01
  Speaker 2: the understanding that therapy doesn't have to be terrible, right,
• 1:39:05
  Speaker 2: so he's more likely Yeah, so he's more likely to
• 1:39:07
  Speaker 2: come back to it if needed. Yes, I like that.
• 1:39:10
  Speaker 2: What about you winning?
• 1:39:12
  Speaker 7: Gosh? I don't know. I do feel like that. I
• 1:39:14
  Speaker 7: feel like I've had many moments where I'm meeting with
• 1:39:16
  Speaker 7: clients I'm like, oh my gosh, I have like an
• 1:39:18
  Speaker 7: enlightenment moment. To be honest, as a therapist, it feels
• 1:39:21
  Speaker 7: very humbling when you have those moments Internally, I'm thinking,
• 1:39:26
  Speaker 7: oh my gosh, like I hadn't thought about that before,
• 1:39:28
  Speaker 7: or like I haven't sat with that or whatever. So
• 1:39:34
  Speaker 7: it can be very humbling to have those moments with clients,
• 1:39:36
  Speaker 7: because I think clients think you know everything. That's what
• 1:39:41
  Speaker 7: they come into.
• 1:39:42
  Speaker 2: They think I know everything. Is that you experience that
• 1:39:45
  Speaker 2: as well?
• 1:39:46
  Speaker 1: I tell you that everything you know Jim Jones, Yeah, yeah.
• 1:39:50
  Speaker 2: Your clients, I know everything. Yeah, in particular, okay foraly
• 1:39:53
  Speaker 2: doctor Jim Jones, yeah lost his doctor.
• 1:39:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, he used to know everything. Goddamn PhD.
• 1:40:02
  Speaker 7: No. I I honestly don't know the right answer there.
• 1:40:06
  Speaker 7: But I have moments where I'm like, in some ways, yes,
• 1:40:10
  Speaker 7: clients are seeking wisdom, they're seeking answers, and sometimes I
• 1:40:16
  Speaker 7: give those. But sometimes it's like, oh, wow, I haven't
• 1:40:18
  Speaker 7: thought about X, Y or Z that you just mentioned,
• 1:40:20
  Speaker 7: Like that's a really good perspective, blah blah blah. Like
• 1:40:25
  Speaker 7: I had that probably once every couple of weeks, I'll
• 1:40:27
  Speaker 7: have a really genuine moment where I'm like, Wow, I
• 1:40:29
  Speaker 7: haven't like thought about this, and so I I love
• 1:40:34
  Speaker 7: my clients for that. I feel a little insecure sometimes
• 1:40:36
  Speaker 7: because I'm like, wow, because I'll be pretty honest with
• 1:40:38
  Speaker 7: my clients. I'm like, wow, that is a really like
• 1:40:41
  Speaker 7: a hot take or whatever. Bitch, Wow, it's really insightful.
• 1:40:45
  Speaker 7: You think you know more than me, But no, I
• 1:40:50
  Speaker 7: think I don't know how they take it. Maybe a writer,
• 1:40:53
  Speaker 7: you can tell me how you would take that if
• 1:40:55
  Speaker 7: you were sitting in therapy or like whoever wrote in
• 1:40:58
  Speaker 7: kind of that question, Like I don't know. I think
• 1:41:01
  Speaker 7: it's a vulnerable moment and it shows that your therapist
• 1:41:03
  Speaker 7: is still a human, but like, we are here to
• 1:41:06
  Speaker 7: help you. We do have maybe more knowledge in a
• 1:41:09
  Speaker 7: sense of what you're like working on, but just mean
• 1:41:12
  Speaker 7: and we know everything, and so our clients teach us
• 1:41:16
  Speaker 7: a ton because they all come from such different backgrounds,
• 1:41:19
  Speaker 7: Like gosh, every client I've worked with has come from
• 1:41:23
  Speaker 7: such a different background. And going into those sessions, I
• 1:41:25
  Speaker 7: try to spend a minute or two before I log
• 1:41:28
  Speaker 7: in virtually typically nowadays, and I sit with that, I
• 1:41:32
  Speaker 7: kind of review the notes and I'm sitting with like
• 1:41:34
  Speaker 7: who am I logging into and how do I prepare
• 1:41:36
  Speaker 7: for that that session with them? Because that's going to
• 1:41:40
  Speaker 7: be different than how I prepare for my session before
• 1:41:43
  Speaker 7: that ye or my session after that. Yeah, I don't know.
• 1:41:47
  Speaker 7: I don't have a great solid answer. I have to
• 1:41:50
  Speaker 7: think about that.
• 1:41:51
  Speaker 5: The best thing you've learned from your clients, Oh, don't
• 1:41:53
  Speaker 5: give them much too much reverb on stage and the
• 1:41:57
  Speaker 5: outage full backs. The clients are going to ask you
• 1:42:00
  Speaker 5: for more reverb in the on stage fold backs.
• 1:42:02
  Speaker 1: Don't give it to them.
• 1:42:03
  Speaker 7: This is all a foreign language.
• 1:42:06
  Speaker 1: Okay, Yeah, yeah, I think that's exactly what I would
• 1:42:09
  Speaker 1: have said.
• 1:42:11
  Speaker 7: Stage.
• 1:42:12
  Speaker 2: I think so I don't like my clients to have
• 1:42:13
  Speaker 2: too much reverb.
• 1:42:14
  Speaker 1: No, give them the amount that you know is correct.
• 1:42:16
  Speaker 5: Don't give them no reverb, but don't give them as
• 1:42:18
  Speaker 5: much as they want, because they're gonna ask for too much.
• 1:42:20
  Speaker 2: They're going to other things up and they don't know
• 1:42:22
  Speaker 2: what they're they mean. So you've got to read between
• 1:42:25
  Speaker 2: the lines.
• 1:42:25
  Speaker 1: That's right, you gotta you gotta help them get what
• 1:42:27
  Speaker 1: they're looking for. I like that as you wrap all
• 1:42:31
  Speaker 1: of our clients there, it is of course, Yeah, we
• 1:42:33
  Speaker 1: all mutually understand feeding reverb into our clients. Well honestly metaphorically. Anyways,
• 1:42:40
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  Speaker 2: Saying that wasn't so bad, wasn't it was absolute ship?
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