Latest / Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud / S2 Ep28: From Magic Kingdom to Red Flags

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S2 Ep28: From Magic Kingdom to Red Flags · Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: I love music, I do, uh, but I do hate the band Third Eye Blind.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_01: Mostly because as a Hindu, that's my worst nightmare.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_01: Some of you?
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_01: If you didn't get that joke, your third eye must have astigmatism.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I've been doing musical comedy uh for a few years now.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_01: I hang out with comedians, uh, and they've given me some really cool stage name uh pitches I'm gonna share with you guys.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_01: Uh the first one is uh Rajiv Watts.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, Dark Rebier.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_01: All right, Weird Al-Qaeda.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_01: Are any of these if I had a saxophone, Kenny Jihad?
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_01: I was uh I was born and raised in the state of Iowa, obviously.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, my parents, they immigrated from India to Iowa.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_01: Why?
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_01: To be closer to the cows?
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_01: Like, why do you?
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_01: I just don't imagine the streets in Kolkata being like, yo, bro, come here, come here, come here.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_01: Have you heard of sleep not?
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_01: Dude, there was actually a breakout from a dairy farm last Christmas, and the cows came to our backyard because they knew where they would be safe.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: Oh.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so you know, uh I I'm a brown comedian.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_01: Any Indians in here tonight?
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, what's up, brother?
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_01: Answer the craigslist ad.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_01: I appreciate it.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_01: I appreciate it, man.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, what's your name, dude?
• 1:40
  unknown: Bernard.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_01: Bernard?
• 1:42
  unknown: Bernard.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_01: Bernard.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_01: Whatever.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_01: Very Indian response.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_01: Just two tries and then just don't worry about me ever.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_01: It's cool, man.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I, you know, so I'm I'm a brown comedian, so I'm contractually obligated to have a 9-11 joke.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_01: So I mean, this is kind of just what happened to us after 9-11 U, because we were like the only Brown family around for miles.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_01: So in the eyes of our neighbors, we did 9-11.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_01: It was weird, dude, because like people were afraid, they didn't know what's going on.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_01: And like it got to a point where some parents wouldn't have their kids come over to our house anymore to hang out, which sucked, you know.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_01: My mom, she saw I was struggling with that.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_01: So, as a solution, she decided to hang up on the front door of our suburban home, the Hindu symbol for good fortune and well-being.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_01: Which, if you don't know, folks, is in the shape of a swastika.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, not so much a solution, but more like a final solution.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know, could you imagine how crazy it must have been for our neighbors in Iowa?
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_01: Just hanging out looking across the street, like.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my god.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_01: Honey, get in here.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_01: I think the ghoshes are starting to get it.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_01: It's coming over.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_01: Hey neighbor, good to see you.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yes, this all works.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: Do we like that?
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: Do we like that?
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: Do we like that?
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: Please put your hands up.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: Go ahead, put your hands up, yeah, yeah.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: Go ahead, put both hands up, sir.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, yeah, that's really good.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_01: One hand for each hour.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, not eleven.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, 912 was the day after that day.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_01: Uh I should have written the verse, but it doesn't matter.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we okay, like, yeah.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, I'm not, I'm not gonna, I can't keep making like brown terrorist jokes, right, bro.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_01: Like, that's just that's hat.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not gonna do 9-11, okay?
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_01: Uh okay, but like what if we what if we yeah, yeah, the Pentagon.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, that's that's that song.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_01: Uh so dating's weird.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_01: Uh I went on a date recently and and my date told me that I gave her dad vibes.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, not daddy, but papa.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_01: Cool, man.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_01: I you know, dating's hard because breakups are hard.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_01: You know, like I I had a breakup, my longest relationship was three and a half years, and it ended.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, it's hard, but I think in hindsight, you know, you come out on the better of things.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_01: I think I did because my last ex was actually a Disney adult.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, some of us familiar with these heathens, some of us maybe in here tonight.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_01: That's okay.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_01: Listen, if you're here, if you're here, it's okay, grow up.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_01: But listen, I I don't want to generalize the whole group, but this particular Disney adult did not understand that Disney's not real.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, first of all, y'all, we went to Disneyland once a month for three and a half years.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I have a GoFundMe setup, Bernard, if you want to crazy.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_01: Once a month for three and a half years.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_01: Do you know how embarrassing it is for Donald Duck to know you by first name?
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_01: She just didn't get she didn't get like she didn't get it wasn't real.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_01: She'd run around the park, she'd be like, oh my god, Neil, look.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_01: It's Mickey Mouse.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna go say hi to him.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_01: And I'd be like, babe, that's a depressed theater student from NYU.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_01: I remember the moment too where I was like, this is just this is too much.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_01: Uh we we were, it were uh it was our anniversary.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_01: We were at the merry-go-round at midnight at Disneyland, right?
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_01: She looked up at me and she was like, Neil, I think you're my Prince Charming.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, I think I'm Jofar away from committing.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know if I should you guys seem cool.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_01: This is embarrassing.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_01: Uh that Disney stuff found its way into the bedroom.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_01: I know, nothing weirder than being in the middle of sex and having your partner be like, oh, talk goofy to me.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_01: But you're in love, right?
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_01: That's what I I was just in there like.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_01: And she's like, oh, it's a small world.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_01: Like, wait, what?
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_01: It's a splash mountain.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_01: I was a weird place, man.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_01: Made me fucked up.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_01: Got me weird.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_01: You know, uh politically, it is known as uh uh swing state.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_01: Y'all familiar with this term?
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_01: Swing state.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_01: Basically, it can go either way depending on the year.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_01: We're kind of like the bisexuals of politics.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_01: You know, like we'll try anything once, but we'll probably end up with a white guy.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_01: A lot of bisexuals in the crowd.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I don't think you're gonna like this next one.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_01: There was actually a story out of my hometown recently uh where a group of neo-Nazis, for real, hung up a sign over the highway that said the Holocaust wasn't real.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_01: It's like Iowa has gone too far right.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_01: Because, first of all, that's ignorant and stupid, you know, and then also, how dumb are these neo-Nazis to deny their group's biggest achievements?
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_01: There'd be like a Chicago Bulls fan being like, the 90s weren't real.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_01: Or Martin Luther King Jr.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_01: being like, I don't go to sleep.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_01: Or my family being like, those two towers are still up.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_01: Now I know.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_01: Hello, okay, we're back.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_01: How do we get uh how do I leave?
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_01: Um Bernard, do you wanna you wanna help me, bro?
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_01: You wanna help me on this last one?
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_01: Come up here, man.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_01: All right, dude.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_01: So uh basically just kind of like say some shit, repeat it, whatever's in your heart.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_01: Uh what first of all, uh what do you do with your life, man?
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a software developer.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_01: Software developer?
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_01: Perfect.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_01: It can't be related to that, it doesn't have to be related to that.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_01: Uh but just repeat something and I'll try to get in, okay?
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_01: Keep getting laid off.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_01: Keep getting laid off, keep getting laid off, keep getting laid off.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, hey, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_01: Here we go.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: Key getting laid off from my job as a software developer, keep getting laid off from my job.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: As a software developer, fuck my job.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: Fuck computers as a software developer, Bernard.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: You've gone up far.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: What do you want to do instead of instead of your judge, your judge, your job?