Latest / Unbalanced with Cerys Davage / 62. 24 Life Lessons in 24 years

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62. 24 Life Lessons in 24 years · Unbalanced with Cerys Davage

• 0:10
  Hello everyone, welcome back to another episode of Unbalanced
• 0:14
  with Me, Kerry Savage. It's another sunny glorious day
• 0:17
  down here in Cardiff, but not only because of the weather but
• 0:20
  because it's my birthday. I promise I'm not one for
• 0:26
  attention. OK, maybe I am a little bit
• 0:28
  because I am dedicating today's episode to my birthday because
• 0:33
  you know, we all deserve to celebrate ourselves and 224
• 0:37
  things that I've learnt in my 24 years of living.
• 0:41
  So I turn 24 years old today. I am pre recording it, so it's
• 0:45
  not technically today, but by the time this comes out it is
• 0:48
  today and I thought I'd, you know, make the place look nice.
• 0:53
  If you are watching on video. I've got some nice little pink
• 0:56
  and white flowers. I've got my pink and white mug.
• 0:58
  I even got my nails pink and white flowers as well.
• 1:02
  And I'm wearing one of my favourite outfits for you guys
• 1:05
  that if you watch my YouTube, you've definitely seen before.
• 1:08
  But we're still keeping on theme.
• 1:09
  You know, pink and black are still parts of imbalanced and
• 1:14
  the imbalance kind of colours. So we're definitely staying on
• 1:18
  trend and I thought this would be a nice opportunity because it
• 1:22
  is the height of summer. Everyone's really busy doing
• 1:25
  their own things, living their best lives in the summer, as I
• 1:28
  am right now as well. I thought it'd be a good chance
• 1:31
  to just have some real talk about just important things that
• 1:35
  I've picked up. You know, I'm not saying that
• 1:37
  I'm old and wise and I know everything about life, but these
• 1:40
  are just little things that I know other people will be able
• 1:44
  to agree with or relate to or hopefully take something away
• 1:48
  from this episode as well. It's going to be light, it's
• 1:51
  going to be fun, and I recommend that you stick around for this
• 1:55
  episode because it's going to be a good one.
• 1:57
  I feel it. I can't believe I forgot to on
• 2:00
  this podcast that July was disability pride month.
• 2:04
  I've been raving about it on my Instagram but I forgot to
• 2:07
  mention it on my actual podcast. So I hope you all had a good
• 2:11
  disability pride month and if you didn't know it existed, then
• 2:14
  you'll be prepared for next year.
• 2:15
  So you know there's a bonus there.
• 2:18
  Disability Pride month is still very much needed and very much
• 2:22
  needs to be talked about because we all know about pride month in
• 2:25
  June and I think more noise needs to be made for disability
• 2:29
  pride just as much because it's not like it's some niche thing.
• 2:32
  You know? A lot of people have
• 2:34
  disabilities. Another milestone I reached
• 2:36
  quite recently was that Unbalanced turned 2 years old.
• 2:41
  Woo, a round of applause for Unbalanced.
• 2:45
  I have been basing the birthday of Unbalanced off of when the
• 2:49
  first episode aid which was the 6th of August but the podcast
• 2:53
  was launched in July. So do I change the birthday for
• 2:57
  it to be July? Like that's when I launched it
• 2:59
  that's when the trailer came out for it, but I've been basing it
• 3:03
  off the first episode which was after that.
• 3:06
  So should I should I change it next year?
• 3:08
  Make it sooner? And I think maybe I will drop a
• 3:10
  comment. Let me know what you think.
• 3:13
  But yeah, I've been just reflecting on the past two years
• 3:17
  of Unbalanced and just being extremely grateful for all the
• 3:21
  opportunities that have come from it and all the amazing
• 3:24
  people that I've been able to meet both on and off the
• 3:27
  podcast. It's truly been an incredible
• 3:30
  ride and I can't wait to see where the next couple years go
• 3:33
  and the couple years after that and hopefully we'll just
• 3:36
  continue to grow and grow together.
• 3:38
  And I really want to give Cure LGMD to IA.
• 3:41
  Shout out for sponsoring this podcast over this past almost a
• 3:44
  year now, and to Mufkumri who sponsor my Welsh episodes as
• 3:49
  well. And I also want to give a shout
• 3:51
  out to Dylan Clark and Alex McKenzie for being my editors
• 3:56
  for some of my interview episodes.
• 3:58
  And that's really helped me out while I've been busy just with
• 4:01
  lots of different things and different unbalanced things and
• 4:04
  trying to grow my online content platform as well.
• 4:08
  It's it is a big job to run a podcast and I couldn't do it
• 4:11
  without the other amazing people that help me out every now and
• 4:14
  again. Of course, this podcast wouldn't
• 4:16
  be the same without you guys as amazing support.
• 4:19
  So I really just want to take a second to thank you all for just
• 4:23
  listening and following along on my imbalance journey, whether
• 4:27
  it's been for the past two years or just for the past two weeks.
• 4:31
  I really appreciate every five star review because that really
• 4:34
  helps me out. I say that in every episode and
• 4:37
  every follow, every share with your family and friends.
• 4:40
  It really helps me out and it really helps podcasts like mine
• 4:43
  grow and I really appreciate every single person who's been
• 4:46
  supporting, so thank you. I did mention recently that I
• 4:50
  was due to go to the Eisteddfod with my choir, which is the big
• 4:54
  Welsh festival competition, and I can proudly say that we came
• 4:59
  second in the big choir competition out of eight that
• 5:03
  competed. It was very, very tough
• 5:06
  competition and everyone was amazing and I'm just so grateful
• 5:09
  that our hard work has paid off through having a podium in the
• 5:13
  Estadword. So that's just been a nice
• 5:15
  little cherry on top throughout the summer.
• 5:18
  Another little thing I want to mention before I get into
• 5:21
  today's topic is that I'm hosting A giveaway to celebrate
• 5:25
  two years of unbalanced. All the details are available on
• 5:29
  my Instagram. That's how you enter the
• 5:32
  giveaway. All you need to do is to like
• 5:34
  the post and to tag a friend or a family member or a loved one
• 5:39
  in the comments. Someone you think might benefit
• 5:41
  from this giveaway. I'm giving away a little
• 5:44
  microphone for those of you who want to upgrade your content
• 5:48
  creation toolkit or start a podcast, even like me.
• 5:52
  So I think it'll be a really good opportunity to help someone
• 5:56
  else out there who might want to embark on their podcasting
• 5:59
  journey just like me. So yeah, that's been exciting
• 6:02
  because this is my first ever giveaway and yeah, it's really
• 6:05
  cool. So you guys should enter.
• 6:07
  OK, let's get into today's topic.
• 6:10
  So I have made a list on my phone of 24 things that I have
• 6:16
  kind of picked up the little life lessons.
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  They're a mix of relationship lessons, disability life
• 6:23
  lessons, and just other silly little things that I thought was
• 6:28
  worth mentioning today. So stick around because this is
• 6:32
  a variety and there's something in here for everyone, I promise.
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  I think the last lesson I have here is the most important one,
• 6:38
  so stick around for that. The first one is probably one of
• 6:42
  my favourites and something that I've harnessed a lot recently,
• 6:47
  which is you don't ask, you don't get and it's the same kind
• 6:51
  of vibe as you never know unless you try.
• 6:54
  I think I've had so many opportunities recently and you
• 6:59
  know, over the past couple of years, mostly since starting and
• 7:02
  balanced, that I have just reached out to people.
• 7:06
  If you don't ask for opportunities, if you don't
• 7:09
  reach out to different people and ask to come on your podcast,
• 7:12
  or if I hadn't asked the companies if they want an ad
• 7:16
  slot on my podcast or if they want to sponsor my podcast, you
• 7:20
  wouldn't even have a chance of that happening if you don't ask
• 7:22
  for it. And I think, you know, most of
• 7:26
  the time you may not get a reply or you may get shut down for
• 7:30
  asking, but there might be a little chance that you will get
• 7:34
  something positive out of asking for things.
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  And it's just been such an important thing for me to just
• 7:42
  put myself out there and to message people I don't know and
• 7:46
  to make these connections. And yeah, a lot of good things
• 7:49
  have come from just asking for things.
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  So you don't ask, you don't get. And this is your sign to start
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  asking for things you think you deserve or you know, it could
• 7:59
  apply to work. If you ask for a raise, you
• 8:01
  might get it. I mean, you might not, but you
• 8:03
  know, you don't ask. You don't get right what what
• 8:05
  you going to miss out on if you ask, you know what I mean?
• 8:08
  The second one I have is that community is everything, truly.
• 8:13
  It makes life so much easier knowing that there's someone
• 8:17
  else going through the same thing as you.
• 8:20
  They just provide a support system.
• 8:22
  Like I said, recently I started an LGMD group chat on Instagram
• 8:27
  and that's now got about 130 people in the group and it's
• 8:31
  just crazy. If you compare my life before
• 8:36
  meeting the community, it was really lonely, even though I had
• 8:39
  both my sisters were quite different in different ways and
• 8:42
  I was definitely more progressed and I felt like I was the only
• 8:44
  one going through something. And since finding this
• 8:47
  community, it's just made life so much easier knowing OK, I'm
• 8:51
  not the only one. And since going to the
• 8:53
  conference recently, it's just been so nice to meet people
• 8:57
  that's exactly like you. And it really just does make
• 9:00
  life just a little bit easier to live.
• 9:03
  And you know, you don't feel like the whole world is against
• 9:05
  you because you know that there's someone else who gets it
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  as well #3 is representation is so important.
• 9:13
  If I had had the representation of young people in wheelchairs
• 9:17
  or people online to be able to relate to when I was younger, I
• 9:22
  wouldn't feel so ashamed of using a wheelchair, for example,
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  or just being disabled. I think there's such a negative
• 9:30
  stereotype around it still. And we all, I think, have a bit
• 9:34
  of internalised ableism in us when we grow up because you
• 9:37
  instantly feel sorry for people in wheelchairs or you associate
• 9:41
  them with negative things, or if someone breaks the leg, or if an
• 9:45
  old person loses their mobility. It's just not the same as having
• 9:50
  young people and young disabled representation.
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  And I think now seeing more and more disability representation
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  online, in the media, on telly, you see so much more and it's
• 10:04
  just something you can relate to, right?
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  And I wish I had that growing up because I feel like it would
• 10:09
  have made the journey 1, much less lonely and two, I wouldn't
• 10:13
  have felt so ashamed. I think using a wheelchair can
• 10:16
  be a sign of giving up sometimes, but it's really not.
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  And if I knew that before I had to embark on the journey of
• 10:24
  using a mobility aid myself, I wouldn't have feared it so much.
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  So representation is definitely important and it doesn't just go
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  for disabilities, it goes for everything #4 is letting go.
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  Don't push things that aren't right for you.
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  For example, friendships. I've definitely had some friends
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  in my past that I've really just tried and tried and tried and
• 10:48
  it's just not reciprocated. So it's it can be really
• 10:51
  difficult to learn to let them go, but sometimes you have to.
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  Sometimes you know, when things aren't right for you.
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  And it's the same with jobs. You know, if something's not
• 11:00
  working out for you, this is your sign to leave it and to
• 11:03
  find something that will suit you better.
• 11:06
  You know, life is too short to be stuck in a situation where
• 11:09
  it's just not right for you. And letting go is a really
• 11:13
  difficult thing for me, especially as a people pleaser.
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  But I've really been trying to harness that and to only allow
• 11:22
  things in my life that is right for me.
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  And I know that sounds a bit cringe and a bit strange, but I
• 11:27
  think you just thrive so much better when you've got, for
• 11:30
  example, people in your life that prioritise you or just sit
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  to you find yourself in situations that are right for
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  you. And you don't always get closure
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  when you let go of things, and that's difficult as well.
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  But you got to move on, you know?
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  You got to just focus on what is right for you #5 is the best
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  kind of friendship, is someone who doesn't make you feel like
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  an inconvenience and who recognises your needs with no
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  issues. Same with dating.
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  OK, this is both the same thing. Relationships, friendships,
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  family. You need people in your life
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  that just see you for you and not your disability.
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  You need someone that helps you without even questioning, who
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  offers to carry your bags or to push you around in your
• 12:14
  wheelchair or to help you in any way that they can.
• 12:18
  I think it just shows that's what true friendship is.
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  And I know that you would expect the same from your friends.
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  And I know I would do the same for my friends if they needed a
• 12:28
  bit of extra help, if they needed me to check up on them
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  more than I usually would. You know, it's just showing them
• 12:35
  that you're there for them and that it's not a bad thing.
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  If I go out with my friends and they deliberately look up
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  whether the place is accessible beforehand, that is a massive
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  green flag in a friendship. And I think it just puts you at
• 12:49
  ease as well. Because as the disabled person
• 12:52
  in my friend group, I can often feel like an inconvenience,
• 12:55
  which I know I'm not and I know I'm in safe hands.
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  But you automatically do feel that extra bit of weight on your
• 13:02
  shoulders or just a little bit of a burden maybe.
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  But if you have friends that just don't even factor that as
• 13:09
  an issue, that I think for me anyway, is the bare minimum.
• 13:13
  But I don't know about you guys. If you've had bad experiences,
• 13:16
  I'm really sorry. But you definitely, we all
• 13:18
  deserve friends who would do anything to make sure that you
• 13:22
  feel loved, right? And the same with relationships.
• 13:26
  If someone researches your condition and wants to learn
• 13:30
  about it and doesn't just ignore it and try to shut it off,
• 13:33
  that's a green flag because they're in it with you.
• 13:36
  And that's the thing with friendships or relationships is
• 13:39
  you deserve people in your life that show you that they're in
• 13:42
  this together with you as well. And it's not just you battling
• 13:46
  the condition or disability by yourself.
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  They're there for you as well. Number six, I mean, a lot of
• 13:52
  these are quotes, mind. OK, so this is another quote.
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  The grass is greener where you water.
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  And I think you could easily look at someone else's life,
• 14:00
  especially on social media and want to live their life instead.
• 14:04
  Or you might want to move abroad because you know, that life
• 14:08
  sounds so appealing. And I know a lot of people in
• 14:10
  Wales anyway, and other parts of the UK move to Australia over
• 14:14
  the winter because it's just so much better out there.
• 14:17
  You know that life is so much more chill.
• 14:20
  And I think you always assume that your quality of life will
• 14:23
  be better elsewhere or if you lived a different life.
• 14:28
  But I think if you work hard at your current life, it will
• 14:32
  improve. You know your quality of life
• 14:34
  will drastically improve if you just focus on your own current
• 14:40
  life rather than wishing that you were living another life.
• 14:43
  You can't live all these different lives.
• 14:45
  You may as well just focus on the one that you have now and
• 14:47
  try and make it the most positive, the best kind of
• 14:51
  experience that you can. I think we live in a time where
• 14:54
  we take our lives for granted. And if we look at the current
• 14:57
  state of the world right now, sorry to get a bit deep, but
• 15:00
  there are people out there in different parts of the world
• 15:02
  that are jealous of your life. There are people that would do
• 15:05
  anything to live the life that you're currently living and what
• 15:08
  you're complaining about your life.
• 15:10
  I think we're really lucky and really privileged to be living
• 15:13
  the lives that we are and knowing that, you know, you're
• 15:18
  not the worst off in this world. I think that in itself is
• 15:21
  something to be grateful for and to feel really lucky about.
• 15:25
  So that's another thing that's a little epiphany for you there.
• 15:29
  You know, you might be jealous of other people's lives, but
• 15:32
  there are some people who will be jealous of your life.
• 15:34
  So live it the best you can #7 is call people out or challenge
• 15:39
  to people on things. Nothing will change if you stay
• 15:42
  silent. And I would rather have those
• 15:45
  uncomfortable conversations with people.
• 15:47
  If it's family members or friends and they're just doing
• 15:51
  things that don't sit right with you or don't align morally with
• 15:56
  what you think is right, then I think you should definitely have
• 15:59
  those conversations with people. This is how change happens.
• 16:03
  This is how awareness is raised. I think more of that needs to
• 16:06
  happen. And I think a lot of us can be
• 16:08
  too scared to bring it up or would rather let something go,
• 16:12
  even if it makes them uncomfortable, just to keep the
• 16:15
  peace. But I say let's change that.
• 16:19
  Number 8 is what's meant for you truly will find you
• 16:23
  relationships, jobs, friends. If you don't get a job you
• 16:27
  applied for, it just means that it wasn't meant for you and the
• 16:30
  right thing for you is coming. And I think that kind of
• 16:34
  explains it in itself. I shouldn't elaborate any more
• 16:37
  on that. Number 9 is something that I've
• 16:40
  learnt a lot quite recently, especially over the past year.
• 16:43
  Just post the content, whether it's a vlog or a silly little
• 16:47
  video, just post it. You never know who you're going
• 16:50
  to impact and the opportunities that might come from them.
• 16:55
  And I've learnt this quite recently.
• 16:57
  An example of that is I've been working hard on some videos and
• 17:03
  I've filmed and edited some things for TikTok and Instagram.
• 17:06
  And you know, they've, they've done OK, they've got a few
• 17:10
  views, whatever. But I did one silly little video
• 17:13
  on TikTok and I barely thought about it before filming it and
• 17:17
  it was just something like a disability joke.
• 17:19
  And that's had now over 1 million views.
• 17:24
  How stupid is that? Something that I work really
• 17:27
  hard towards doesn't get that many views, but just a silly
• 17:30
  little video does. And I've gained like so many
• 17:33
  followers from it and it's absolutely just insane.
• 17:36
  But anyway, I'm grateful for it. And it just shows that, you
• 17:39
  know, just post, post it. Why not, you know, And if it
• 17:43
  flops, just wait, you know, it might go viral.
• 17:46
  You never know, I guess it's the same with my podcast.
• 17:49
  If I hadn't started my podcast and started posting my episodes,
• 17:54
  I wouldn't have had all these opportunities that have come
• 17:57
  from making this podcast. So I dread to think what my life
• 18:01
  would have been like if I hadn't actually done the podcast.
• 18:04
  I would have so many regrets. I'd have so many what ifs in my
• 18:08
  head. So I'm so glad that I can sit
• 18:11
  back and enjoy the fact that I have done it #10 is it really
• 18:15
  doesn't matter what anyone thinks?
• 18:17
  Everyone is so focused on themselves and life is too
• 18:20
  short. And I'll say that a lot in this
• 18:23
  episode as well. Just do what you want and don't
• 18:25
  be afraid. I think that goes for content
• 18:29
  online. You can post content and you
• 18:33
  might think people will judge, but in hindsight, they're
• 18:35
  probably thinking about their own content.
• 18:37
  This can go for body image or the way you look.
• 18:41
  Everyone's so focused on the way that they look themselves that
• 18:44
  they're not going to care what other people think.
• 18:46
  And if you do care how other people look and even pass
• 18:50
  judgement on that, you're a terrible person.
• 18:53
  I'm sorry to say it. You just you just don't, it's
• 18:56
  2025. You don't judge other people's
• 18:58
  bodies or the way that they look, even if they've lost
• 19:01
  weight, because I think a lot of people think that losing weight
• 19:04
  is a good thing. Just don't comment on weight at
• 19:06
  all. Just don't comment on looks.
• 19:08
  You know, you look gorgeous, fine, but what's really nice,
• 19:12
  and I know I'm kind of going on a bit of a tangent and not
• 19:15
  really what this point was trying to make, but I really
• 19:18
  like this trend that's been circulating and it's someone
• 19:22
  saying blah, blah, blah, so and so-called you ugly.
• 19:27
  And then you're like, wait, I'm so glad.
• 19:29
  I'm so glad they called me ugly. And they go, why?
• 19:32
  Why would you be glad that someone called you ugly and the
• 19:35
  person replies? Well at least they didn't call
• 19:38
  me self centred, they didn't call me narcissistic, they
• 19:41
  didn't call me a bad friend, they didn't call me rude.
• 19:44
  And it's all personality based. So thank goodness that they're
• 19:47
  just commenting on my looks and not on me as a person.
• 19:51
  So that's really nice. It's nice to shift your mindset
• 19:54
  from something that could be so negative to something positive.
• 19:57
  So sorry, that was just an extra little thing that I just thought
• 20:00
  of and I thought would be nice to share #11 do your research.
• 20:05
  Don't just believe anything you see on social media.
• 20:08
  If you're going to share it, make sure it's correct and the
• 20:11
  sources check out. With AI and everything happening
• 20:15
  these days, it can be scary and you never really know what the
• 20:20
  source is online. So please, it's so easy to make
• 20:24
  a fake video now. It's so easy for AI to pretend
• 20:27
  that something's real. It's easy for us to believe that
• 20:30
  something AI is real. It's easy for people to make up
• 20:34
  accounts and pretend to be other people.
• 20:35
  So just be really, really careful.
• 20:38
  I guess that's my point #12 no one will understand your
• 20:41
  condition more than you. Yes, there are specialists and
• 20:45
  scientists who know it well, but you're the one living with it
• 20:49
  and you have the experiences first hand, so trust your gut.
• 20:53
  I know a lot of people have bad experiences when it comes to not
• 20:58
  getting listened to at the doctors or you know you're being
• 21:02
  doubted for whatever reason. So you know your body more than
• 21:06
  anyone else. So don't let anyone medically
• 21:08
  gas like you #13 is quite a big one for me.
• 21:12
  You can never expect everything to go to plan, learn to adapt.
• 21:17
  I think it's easy to expect something in the future or if
• 21:20
  you've got plans to kind of see in your head what it'll look
• 21:24
  like, but it will never look like that.
• 21:26
  You can expect something to happen in a certain way, but it
• 21:30
  won't. You know, the chances are life
• 21:32
  is like that. Life will throw some unexpected
• 21:34
  twists at us. Even something simple as I was
• 21:37
  supposed to get my hair done today but my hairdresser was
• 21:40
  sick so I've had to wash it myself.
• 21:42
  And this, it's just a bit of a mess right now, but that's fine.
• 21:46
  You know, I think it's easy to get stuck in a certain way or
• 21:52
  want everything to work out for yourself, but you have to be
• 21:56
  open to adapting. And that's a big thing we do
• 21:58
  with a disability anyway, is adapting to different
• 22:00
  situations. But it's a big thing for anyone
• 22:04
  to be flexible enough to not let changes in plans bother you or
• 22:09
  to make you frustrated or angry. Because chances are not
• 22:12
  everything will go to the exact plan that you were expecting.
• 22:16
  So don't let you know something out of your control.
• 22:20
  Control your feelings and control your moods about it.
• 22:23
  Only control your feelings about what you can control or whatever
• 22:26
  they they say. You know what I'm trying to say
• 22:29
  #14 is the importance of advocating for yourself.
• 22:34
  Otherwise people won't know that you need help.
• 22:37
  It's such a big thing. It's a form of self-care to
• 22:40
  advocate for yourself. It's a form of just not being an
• 22:45
  inconvenience to yourself and to not push yourself through things
• 22:48
  that could easily be avoidable if you just ask for help.
• 22:52
  So definitely advocate for yourself where you can.
• 22:54
  And it's a big thing to be open about your disability, but it
• 22:57
  will benefit you in in the long run #15 is mobility aids are
• 23:02
  there to help you, so why refuse them?
• 23:05
  And this goes back to the mentality I was talking about
• 23:08
  earlier of that I always saw them as a weakness and not a
• 23:13
  strength. You know, you're, you're not
• 23:15
  giving up, you're just looking after yourself.
• 23:18
  Again, it's a form of self-care. The fact that you're not pushing
• 23:21
  yourself and you can actually relax into a wheelchair and it
• 23:25
  won't restrict you in life using mobility aids.
• 23:28
  It will give you freedom and independence.
• 23:30
  So why are we, why are we still refusing them?
• 23:33
  Why are we still thinking so negatively about them?
• 23:36
  We need to change that #16 push yourself out of your comfort
• 23:40
  zone. The concept of it is almost
• 23:43
  always scarier than actually doing it.
• 23:47
  I'd rather have tried something and regretted it than be
• 23:49
  wondering what if. I'm just going to leave.
• 23:52
  That there #17 is a hard truth. Being in denial about your
• 23:58
  condition is damaging. We've all been there.
• 24:01
  You know, we've all had those moments where we just don't want
• 24:04
  to know. We want to ignore that we have a
• 24:06
  disability. We want to just be ourselves
• 24:09
  without it, and we try and push it to the back of our minds and
• 24:12
  not give it any attention. But especially for conditions
• 24:15
  like mine, which will progress, which will kind of gradually
• 24:19
  take over, it's much easier to accept your disability and take
• 24:24
  steps to look after yourself, like using mobility aids or
• 24:27
  advocating for yourself, rather than ignoring it and just
• 24:31
  pretending it's not there. Because otherwise it will get
• 24:34
  the best of you eventually. So I think you may as well lean
• 24:37
  into it and accept it now before it's too late and you just feel
• 24:42
  defeated and you don't know where to turn.
• 24:44
  And there's a big community here as well.
• 24:46
  We're ready to welcome you when you're ready to stop being in
• 24:50
  denial. You know, it's a hard pill to
• 24:52
  swallow for sure, and we've all been there.
• 24:54
  So even when you are ready to accept it and maybe not fully
• 24:58
  accept it, but just take steps towards not being in denial
• 25:01
  about it anymore, we're there to relate to you on that one and
• 25:05
  give you some advice. Because yeah, it's something
• 25:08
  that we've all been through. This next one is quite similar
• 25:11
  #18 asking for help is not a weakness, it's a strength.
• 25:16
  It's going out of your way to look after yourself and fighting
• 25:19
  the I'm a burden quote mentality.
• 25:22
  Because you're not a burden. You deserve love, you deserve
• 25:27
  help, you deserve care. So it is a strength to realise
• 25:31
  that and to ask for it #19 it's not your job to educate people
• 25:36
  who misunderstand you or are ignorant about your disability.
• 25:40
  You can if you like. You know sometimes if people
• 25:43
  judge me for using the accessible toilets and I quickly
• 25:46
  say I have a disability. But it's also OK to protect your
• 25:51
  peace and walk away and not have to explain yourself.
• 25:55
  Because it's not your place to explain yourself to these
• 25:59
  horrible people that are making comments or people that just
• 26:02
  don't understand but don't also want to educate themselves.
• 26:05
  That just depending on you to explain it all to them.
• 26:08
  It it's not your job and you already have enough going on,
• 26:12
  you don't need to to do that as well #20 there's no correct
• 26:17
  order to doing life milestones. Everyone's journey is unique and
• 26:21
  yours is just as valid. I think especially now in our
• 26:25
  20s, and I have spoken about this before and we all think
• 26:29
  about it all the time, how much different our lives are in
• 26:32
  comparison to other people our age or other people in their
• 26:35
  20s. You know, some people are having
• 26:37
  kids, some people are just starting out looking for a job,
• 26:40
  some people have gone travelling.
• 26:42
  And it's easy to again compare your life to other people and
• 26:45
  feel like you should be there by now.
• 26:46
  But you know, your path is just as valid if you have never been
• 26:50
  in a relationship that's just as valid as someone who's been in a
• 26:54
  10 year long relationship. It really just varies and you
• 26:58
  have to be OK with being on your own journey and your own path
• 27:02
  and trusting that things will work out for you when they're
• 27:05
  supposed to. Because everyone's different #21
• 27:08
  something we all need to take on board.
• 27:10
  Duvet days should be guilt free. OK.
• 27:14
  If you have a day at home in bed and you don't want to do
• 27:17
  anything, this just as important as productive days.
• 27:20
  I think rest is essential to productivity in a way, isn't it?
• 27:25
  You know it is essential to take breaks and to just reset every
• 27:30
  now and again, or quite often in what can be, for me anyway, a
• 27:34
  very busy and sometimes stressful life.
• 27:37
  So without rest there is no productivity.
• 27:40
  So don't feel guilty for just having a day where you're not
• 27:44
  doing anything because you need it and it's most likely your
• 27:47
  body telling you to slow down and to just take things easy and
• 27:52
  to reset #22 is an important one for me.
• 27:56
  Be the best friend that you can. As we grow older and we have our
• 28:00
  separate lives, I've realised how important it is to check in
• 28:05
  on your friends. Tell them you love them, make
• 28:08
  time for them, get them random little gifts you know.
• 28:11
  Let them know that you will always be there for them.
• 28:13
  And I think in an age where we can be a bit insecure or miss
• 28:18
  our friends because we're not seeing them as often as we used
• 28:21
  to, because we all have adult lives now, it's still important
• 28:25
  to show up for those friends and to show them that you're still
• 28:27
  there for them, even if you don't speak every day, to just
• 28:31
  do random acts of kindness for them because they're not going
• 28:34
  to hate you for it. They're going to be they're
• 28:36
  going to love you even more. If anything, they're going to be
• 28:38
  so grateful for your friendship. And I think it's easy to just
• 28:43
  take things for granted in a friendship or to just expect
• 28:47
  these friends to stick around forever.
• 28:48
  But they might not, you know, friends drift apart.
• 28:51
  Friends move on to other friends.
• 28:53
  So what happened to inconveniencing ourselves for
• 28:57
  our friends? Because they deserve it.
• 28:58
  They deserve love, right? I think it can sometimes feel a
• 29:02
  bit cringe to tell your friends that you love them or that
• 29:05
  you're always there for them or to have those hard conversations
• 29:08
  and or even just say that you're grateful for their friendship.
• 29:11
  But I'm past that. I'm loving and living loud and
• 29:14
  proud and just actually saying those things because life is too
• 29:18
  short. You know, if you if you think
• 29:20
  that you might not see your friend ever again and that
• 29:23
  today's the last day you'll see them, you're going to treat them
• 29:26
  a bit differently. So why not treat every day like
• 29:28
  that? Treat every day like it's the
• 29:30
  last time you're going to see them because they deserve the
• 29:34
  highest love. We're almost there, guys.
• 29:36
  Number 23, accessibility isn't always ramps instead of stairs.
• 29:41
  It's not always an adaptation to a building.
• 29:45
  It's friends offering to help you upstairs, friends offering
• 29:48
  to carry you, friends and family changing plans to suit you.
• 29:52
  For example, you know where the location is or changing the date
• 29:56
  because you're not feeling very well and you need a day in bed.
• 30:00
  You know it's people adapting around you with no issue at all.
• 30:04
  And it's quite similar to the other point I mentioned.
• 30:05
  But just wanted to stress that accessibility or isn't always
• 30:09
  just something in a building. It's it can be a societal thing
• 30:15
  as well. Accessibility can also look like
• 30:18
  having a description of a social media post in the caption for
• 30:22
  blind people to know what's going on in the post.
• 30:25
  It can be a transcript on a video of someone talking.
• 30:28
  It can be so many different things.
• 30:30
  So if you look around, there's accessibility in a lot more
• 30:34
  places than you think. OK, the last one, the one we've
• 30:37
  all been waiting for and something I preach about all the
• 30:41
  time, Mindset, It's everything. Yes, it's good to let your
• 30:46
  emotions out and to grieve some things, or to feel sorry for
• 30:50
  yourself and have a good cry every now and again, especially
• 30:54
  if you're going through a rough time.
• 30:55
  And hey, we've all been there so I get it.
• 30:58
  But you could either feel rubbish after a fall or after a
• 31:01
  bad day and feel sorry for yourself.
• 31:04
  Or you can mentally pick yourself back up and carry on
• 31:08
  knowing that people have it worse off than you and there's
• 31:11
  still so much goodness in life. I think it's all about mentality
• 31:16
  and once you learn to harness that positive mentality of OK,
• 31:20
  yes, I have my struggles, but there are still people who would
• 31:24
  like to live my life and I'm still, you know, capable of
• 31:28
  doing so many things, maybe in different ways than other
• 31:32
  people, but I can still do things that I love.
• 31:34
  I can still love people. I can still speak to people, I
• 31:38
  can still do some hobbies that I love, for example.
• 31:42
  It's all about mindset and focusing on what you can do
• 31:45
  rather than what you can't do. And I had a fall the other day.
• 31:49
  I hadn't fallen for a very long time.
• 31:52
  And I thought I was on a roll. And it's always when I think
• 31:54
  about it, hey, I haven't had a fall for a long time is when I
• 31:57
  jinx it and touch wood. Hey, it happened and it might
• 32:02
  happen again. But I think rather than be like,
• 32:05
  oh, no, like I've I've fallen, the curse is broken.
• 32:09
  Like I've, you know, I feel defeated.
• 32:11
  I was just like, Oh, well, I mean, it was a long time coming.
• 32:14
  I've had the fall got grazed on my knee and I'm not going to
• 32:18
  show you because it's not pretty.
• 32:21
  But you know, it hurt for a while and I was just a bit, I
• 32:23
  felt a bit defeated in the moment.
• 32:25
  But then I was like, you know what, it's happened now, let's
• 32:28
  carry on. And I still had a great day.
• 32:30
  So I think it's all about mindset and I hope that helps
• 32:35
  anyway. And I know it's easier said than
• 32:37
  done, but just try and practise it.
• 32:39
  Even if you're faking it for a while, just fake being happy and
• 32:42
  that'll turn into happiness. I promise.
• 32:45
  It's like that thing, isn't it? You know?
• 32:46
  Like if you, if you pretend to laugh, it'll turn into normal
• 32:51
  laughing or it'll turn into like an actual laugh and that'll make
• 32:55
  you happy. I'm not going to test that out
• 32:57
  here on the podcast, but something for you to try at
• 32:59
  home. Maybe look in the mirror, have a
• 33:01
  practise. But yeah, maybe actually on a
• 33:04
  serious note, look in the mirror and just say like, I'm going to
• 33:06
  have a great day or I've got a good life.
• 33:09
  I'm doing OK. I think that really will help
• 33:12
  your mindset, as cringe as it might be, it is all about
• 33:15
  mindset. Otherwise, your life will just
• 33:18
  not be very good. So I hope that helps.
• 33:21
  Anyway, I hope you enjoyed a few of my random thought bubbles
• 33:25
  that I've jotted down today and just blurted out on the podcast.
• 33:29
  I hope you have a great rest of August.
• 33:32
  I'll be back with you with another interview episode at the
• 33:34
  end of August, but I won't be doing another solo episode
• 33:38
  until, well, four weeks today, which is September, which is
• 33:42
  crazy to think. And I hope that you've had a
• 33:45
  lovely summer. I hope you're still enjoying
• 33:48
  your summer. It's not over.
• 33:50
  I really hate when as soon as August arrives, people start
• 33:53
  thinking about October and Halloween and cosy season.
• 33:58
  I'm like, we've spent so long wishing for summer and looking
• 34:02
  forward to summer, Why are we wishing it away and wanting to
• 34:06
  get back into the dark, cold winter again?
• 34:08
  No, that's not for me. Let's enjoy the summer that
• 34:10
  we've wished for for so long and don't even talk to me about
• 34:13
  Christmas yet, OK? The time will come, I promise,
• 34:17
  but anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed this episode.
• 34:20
  Hope you enjoyed celebrating my birthday with me a little bit.
• 34:23
  I've absolutely loved chatting to you guys for the past two
• 34:26
  years and long may it continue. If you're watching on YouTube,
• 34:29
  don't forget to like this video and subscribe.
• 34:32
  If you're watching on your favourite podcast platform or
• 34:35
  you're just listening, don't forget to follow and balanced
• 34:38
  and to rate it five stars and thank you to kill LGMD 2 I for
• 34:42
  sponsoring this podcast. I'll be back with you guys very
• 34:45
  soon, but for now I'm going to go enjoy my birthday.
• 34:48
  Love you. Bye.