Latest / You Didn't Ask For This / 93 | Steveless in Seattle

Transcript

93 | Steveless in Seattle · You Didn't Ask For This

• 0:00
  Eric: matt, do you want to hear about the most baltimore shit that happened to me recently?
• 0:03
  Eric: No, okay, wrap it up.
• 0:06
  Eric: Good night folks.
• 0:06
  Eric: Thank you.
• 0:07
  Eric: Yes, you better tell me I'm eric poach and listen um oh, you're doing both parts.
• 0:14
  Eric: Oh yeah, oh interesting I'll just sit back and watch so I don't know if you or the global community were aware, but recently we had a bit of an upsetting thing happen in baltimore.
• 0:30
  Eric: Indeed, a bridge collapsed, indeed it did, uh, the francis scott key bridge to be exact.
• 0:37
  Matt: Indeed, uh, aka the bridge I have to drive over every single morning to get to work Indeed, and just in real time, to share some good news about that.
• 0:51
  Matt: We are recording this on the day that the full Baltimore channel to the harbor reopened.
• 0:59
  Matt: Yes, so we are open again, baby.
• 1:02
  Matt: Very successful day here in Baltimore.
• 1:05
  Eric: Nothing short of breathtaking, true, like the work that they've put into into fixing this.
• 1:11
  Eric: Truly incredible, all inspiring, breathtaking.
• 1:14
  Eric: Which brings me to my story.
• 1:17
  Eric: Before this event.
• 1:20
  Eric: My commute on a bad day, yes, was like 25 minutes in traffic, not bad, not bad or no traffic.
• 1:29
  Eric: I get to work in 16 minutes.
• 1:31
  Eric: Oh, now, uh, getting to work fine, getting home, hell on earth, I bet.
• 1:39
  Eric: Uh, if I, if I do not leave early, like if I do not leave before 3 o'clock it takes me at least an hour and a half to get home.
• 1:49
  Eric: The worst day of it.
• 1:50
  Eric: Two hours, Two hours, that's a trip to Ocean City, my man.
• 1:54
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:54
  Eric: Two hours to get from one side to the other, yeah.
• 1:58
  Eric: But this has presented me with many opportunities.
• 2:02
  Eric: It has given me an opportunity to better meditate.
• 2:06
  Eric: You know when I am stuck.
• 2:08
  Eric: Oh, it has, you can meditate in traffic Meditate in the sense that I need to let go of my simmering fury, to let go of the rage within me.
• 2:23
  Eric: A chance to center.
• 2:25
  Eric: I'm keeping my eyes open uh, 10 and 2 while I'm, while I'm good, attaining enlightenment uh, uh, but it it has.
• 2:36
  Eric: It has opened me to a breadth of sights and experiences that I otherwise would have missed in my flitting across the bridge.
• 2:47
  Eric: Yeah, of course, previously, I saw the most Baltimore shit ever the other day when I was coming home from work.
• 2:55
  Eric: This was the day.
• 2:56
  Eric: It took me two hours.
• 3:00
  Eric: A two-hour tour Two hours to get home from work I was at the toll plaza of the 895 tunnel.
• 3:11
  Eric: Uh-huh oh, I know it well as I am in bumper to bumper parking lot traffic in the plaza.
• 3:15
  Eric: I've just been sitting there 15 minutes I'm listening to some music.
• 3:19
  Eric: I look over and I see it's like one of those construction trucks where it's like a like a heavy duty pickup truck where the bed of the truck is like a dumpster, you know what I'm talking about.
• 3:31
  Matthew Attenborough: I know what you're talking about.
• 3:33
  Eric: I saw the driver of that truck while we were just stuck in this, open his door, get out of the truck, scramble out of the truck, yeah, and then climb up into the dumpster yeah, he threw himself in the dumpster, got to, got to got to listen.
• 3:55
  Eric: When traffic gets to a certain point, I get it and then a second man oh no, gets out of the back passenger side Okay, runs around the truck.
• 4:07
  Eric: Yeah, gets into the driver's seat, closes the door and that's the end of the story.
• 4:16
  Eric: That's the first.
• 4:17
  Eric: Man never emerged from the dumpster.
• 4:19
  Matt: He's as far as we know, in the dumpster to this day, matt, I followed this truck, I was with this truck, I was locked.
• 4:22
  Matt: You were going in the tunnel, you were know in the dumpster to this day, matt, I followed this truck.
• 4:25
  Eric: I was with this truck.
• 4:26
  Matt: I was locked.
• 4:27
  Matt: You were going in the tunnel.
• 4:29
  Eric: You were behind him in the tunnel.
• 4:30
  Eric: Yes, the entire time.
• 4:33
  Matt: Yes, and for people not familiar with the hellscape that is the 895 Baltimore Harbor Tunnel, you can't or at least you're not supposed to to change lanes once you're in the tunnel.
• 4:45
  Eric: so you are you are locked in to the, the community that you are a part of man got out the car, threw himself in the dumpster passenger, took up his mantle and then the dumpster man never re-emerged.
• 4:58
  Eric: The king is dead.
• 4:59
  Eric: Long live the king.
• 5:00
  Eric: I they did this in front of a cop.
• 5:05
  Eric: Oh, and like that, that and and to be clear, the cops like I don't have time for this bullshit I had to be, absolutely had to be like I, and and this isn't me saying, oh, the cop should have done no, it's just really you'll cops will do all this other shit.
• 5:23
  Eric: No, that's, they'll go after all kinds of shit, but they won't go after this.
• 5:27
  Eric: This was where they drew the line.
• 5:29
  Matt: That absolutely contributes to this being the most Baltimore story of all time.
• 5:35
  Matt: A Baltimore police officer not doing something about this.
• 5:42
  Eric: It was a fever dream.
• 5:43
  Matthew Attenborough: Yeah.
• 5:44
  Eric: I wish I.
• 5:45
  Eric: That's it, that's the's the.
• 5:46
  Eric: That's my story, that's the whole story, huh saw man and and all I could think that all I could now eric?
• 5:53
  Matt: yeah, no, all you could think go ahead uh go on I was just I'll come back to it I was just gonna say what do you think?
• 6:02
  Matt: All jokes aside, yeah, he could possibly have been doing.
• 6:06
  Matt: I have theories and I'm that's.
• 6:10
  Eric: I am literally asking you for them theory one yeah, this is the not fun one, okay.
• 6:15
  Eric: Theory one he saw the cop panicked, uh-huh, might, might have been.
• 6:22
  Eric: Might have been driving without a license, might have been like doing something he wasn't supposed to Something you don't want the cops' attention about and I think he had an animal panic response and did the least rational thing he could think of.
• 6:38
  Eric: He's like I have to get away Got out, threw himself in the dumpster Pretty dumb, yeah, Going in the dumpster gotta hide.
• 6:45
  Matt: Gotta hide by coming into plain sight, Yep.
• 6:48
  Matt: In a hunter orange safety vest, doing the most questionable action possible.
• 6:57
  Eric: That's theory one.
• 6:58
  Eric: Theory two he was done, he was done, he just had it.
• 7:03
  Eric: And that's what I was going to say earlier, as I watched this man like he just tossed himself Like King Tommen in Lord of the Rings In.
• 7:14
  Eric: Game of.
• 7:14
  Matt: Thrones, when he just steps out the window.
• 7:18
  Eric: Just watched the sept of Baelor that was his life erupt.
• 7:22
  Matt: And just went.
• 7:23
  Matt: You know what it's not getting better from here yeetus lapidus.
• 7:29
  Eric: Um so theory three this is the.
• 7:41
  Eric: This is the theory I tell myself.
• 7:42
  Eric: So I I could just not stare at the ceiling at night.
• 7:45
  Eric: Okay, maybe he had a fun little thing happening back there A card game.
• 7:49
  Eric: I shit you not.
• 7:52
  Eric: I imagine he hops back.
• 7:53
  Eric: There's like four or five of his buddies.
• 7:56
  Matt: They got a little poker table set up Him and the other guy who jumped in the driver's seat.
• 8:00
  Matt: They rotate every five miles.
• 8:02
  Eric: Oh yeah, one shift on one shift miles.
• 8:04
  Eric: Oh yeah, they one.
• 8:04
  Eric: One shift on one shift off.
• 8:06
  Matt: Oh, it's great, the only thing that could make that honestly, that could make this story better, eric is if when he got into the the dumpster and I've got the guy in the passenger seat got on the driver's seat.
• 8:18
  Eric: If somebody else got out of the dumpster and went into the passenger seat in some sort of sick rotation yes, at that point that's actually would have lent much more credence to the they're doing something fun back there theory if they had just done like a little, a little fire drill, and just I mean it really speaks to the level of trash when you are dumpster diving in your own dumpster.
• 8:47
  Matt: Yes, that you're carrying on your back like some sort of demented tortoise.
• 8:53
  Eric: That's Baltimore baby.
• 8:54
  Eric: Look, I'm gonna throw myself in the dumpster.
• 8:56
  Eric: But that's my fucking dumpster and I'll throw myself in it if I want.
• 9:00
  Matt: Absolutely.
• 9:01
  Matt: And, speaking of Baltimore-related things, we just it's the most magical time of year, as you know, and finally, lindsay and I got some of them Old Bay goldfish in this house.
• 9:14
  Matt: Oh my God, the bag didn't stand a chance.
• 9:18
  Eric: We murdered it.
• 9:18
  Eric: Okay, now do you fucks with the Old Bay Fisher's popcorn.
• 9:24
  Eric: Am I a living, breathing man?
• 9:24
  Matt: Now do you fucks with the Old Bay Fisher's popcorn.
• 9:26
  Matt: Fuck what.
• 9:38
  Eric: Am I a living breathing man?
• 9:41
  Eric: For those of you not aware, Fisher's Popcorn is like caramel corn, Think Cracker Jacks, but actually good.
• 9:49
  Matt: Yes, technically a Delaware product.
• 9:51
  Matt: But yes, yes, baltimore has a weird thing about snacks.
• 9:58
  Matt: I was trying to end it, but with a nice little clip, but now we're back in it.
• 10:01
  Matt: So perhaps we did the thing where we've started the episode already, so should we do that perhaps.
• 10:09
  Matt: Oh yeah, hello everybody.
• 10:10
  Matt: Uh, welcome to you.
• 10:11
  Matt: Didn't ask for this podcast answering life's least pressing questions.
• 10:14
  Matt: My name is match a.
• 10:15
  Matt: My name is eric poach.
• 10:17
  Matt: Baltimore has a weird thing with snacks.
• 10:19
  Matt: We do, and.
• 10:20
  Matt: But but here's the thing that I don't think you mean what I mean, what I mean as a Pennsylvanian.
• 10:27
  Matt: When I came to this fair city, when I emigrated by attending college here you emigrated.
• 10:38
  Matt: When I emigrated down across the Mason-Dixon line, when I crossed the line, boy, when I crossed the line from free fireworks to no fireworks under any circumstances, yep, when I crossed that line, I was taken aback by a very iconic billboard in the city for a jeweler Smythe Jewelers.
• 11:06
  Matt: Yes, that depicts the old, I'm sorry, the Natty Bow man.
• 11:14
  Matt: Yep, mr Natty Bow On one knee.
• 11:17
  Matt: On one knee, proposing to the Utz potato chip girl.
• 11:22
  Matt: And I was very confused because Utz is a Pennsylvanian snack.
• 11:29
  Eric: Oh, matt, don't let them hear you say that, and I'm still I remain confused as to why Baltimore just thought Utz belongs to us now.
• 11:43
  Matt: And they did the same thing with fisher's popcorn.
• 11:46
  Matt: They're.
• 11:47
  Matt: They're just like oh, we have an installation of it here in ocean city, so this is ours now bro, that is, that is legitimately what we do with everything but uh, but.
• 12:00
  Matt: But whenever I say that people are like um, excuse me, uts is part Part of the Baltimore culture and I was, like that may be, look up where the factory is.
• 12:09
  Eric: Yeah, natty Bow, the beer Not made in Maryland, not for decades at this point, not for decades.
• 12:15
  Eric: Utz, we're big on Scrapple, also a Pennsylvania thing.
• 12:21
  Matt: I have never heard of Baltimore beingimore being a scrapple city it is.
• 12:26
  Eric: It depends, go any diner worth their fucking salt in baltimore, well, any diner worth their salt period is scrapple on the menu.
• 12:34
  Matt: Yeah, our third episode, by the way, goes in depth about scrapple.
• 12:39
  Matt: Yeah, uh, scrapple virgin.
• 12:40
  Matt: Episode three go give it a listen now but.
• 12:44
  Eric: But look at this pattern of history.
• 12:45
  Eric: We took guts, we took Fisher's popcorn.
• 12:47
  Eric: Natty Bow, not Baroud here Got rid of it.
• 12:50
  Matt: but still claim it.
• 12:51
  Matt: We claim Edgar.
• 12:53
  Eric: Allan Poe.
• 12:54
  Matt: Claim Edgar Allan.
• 12:55
  Matt: Poe, for no other reason than he died he died here the inventor of the Ouija board.
• 13:03
  Matthew Attenborough: Yes that's true, also died here.
• 13:06
  Eric: We also claimed him If you die here, we grandfather you in.
• 13:12
  Matt: Now in the defense of Poe.
• 13:14
  Matt: He is still here though.
• 13:17
  Matt: That's the difference.
• 13:20
  Eric: That he bless his bones, his physical bones still reside in the city.
• 13:26
  Matt: So there is a little bit of justification there.
• 13:29
  Eric: What was the other one?
• 13:30
  Eric: There was another one I wanted to bring up, oh, our state flag which, to be clear, to be perfectly blunt I think we've addressed this before.
• 13:41
  Matt: Only a few episodes ago, in fact.
• 13:44
  Eric: Is the greatest flag in the in the union.
• 13:47
  Eric: In the union.
• 13:48
  Eric: It's better than a lot of countries flags.
• 13:51
  Eric: It's better than a lot of countries flags.
• 13:54
  Eric: But that is made up.
• 13:55
  Eric: I'm probably getting this wrong, lindsey, don't at me, because I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, we're just gonna preemptively correct I'm gonna preemptively.
• 14:03
  Eric: Yeah, I'm probably gonna get this wrong, but our flag is made up from two different sets of coat of arms that we just took from the people who came here to say like it is, that's what we do, baby.
• 14:14
  Eric: We just were like, oh that, oh yeah, that's a, that's a, that's a Maryland thing.
• 14:19
  Matt: We claimed Idris Elba have no claim to him, no right to him.
• 14:23
  Matt: But there claim dee driselba.
• 14:29
  Matt: Have no claim to him, no right to him.
• 14:30
  Matt: But there he is, there he's ours.
• 14:31
  Matt: He can in in our defense though.
• 14:31
  Matt: He came to us.
• 14:32
  Matt: Yeah, he did.
• 14:33
  Matt: He came to us.
• 14:33
  Matt: Um, now listen, eric, we got a good show on tap and um, we didn't even get to the old base and expo we we did just go on a completely unrelated tangent what old bay snacks.
• 14:47
  Matt: Do you want to discuss?
• 14:48
  Eric: well, no, we'll, sir.
• 14:49
  Eric: Well there's, there's a sort of cycle to snacks in maryland.
• 14:53
  Eric: We first, we steal your snack yeah we take your set, we take your uts.
• 14:57
  Eric: Yeah, we put old bay on it.
• 15:00
  Eric: Yeah, we take fish's popcorn.
• 15:02
  Eric: Yeah, we put old bay.
• 15:04
  Eric: Put old bay on.
• 15:05
  Eric: We take a goldfish, we put old bay on it.
• 15:08
  Eric: Old bay.
• 15:09
  Eric: For anyone who is not in the know, I don't care about them.
• 15:13
  Matt: We don't.
• 15:13
  Matt: Anyone who doesn't know what old bay is, you should try it, and if you don't know what it is, I don't care about you if, if, maryland israkis Old Bay is the geriatric spice Spice melange.
• 15:27
  Matthew Attenborough: Yes.
• 15:27
  Eric: It is the spice melange it is.
• 15:30
  Eric: We unironically put it on everything, because it is legitimately great on everything.
• 15:37
  Eric: God, it's so good.
• 15:38
  Eric: But, matt, do you want to hear my hottest take?
• 15:40
  Eric: Yeah, it is good on everything.
• 15:50
  Eric: Yeah, hear, my hottest take yeah, it is good on everything.
• 15:51
  Eric: Yeah, and I put that shit on everything, yeah, except for one thing.
• 15:53
  Eric: What's that?
• 15:54
  Eric: Steamed crabs?
• 15:54
  Eric: Don't put it on steamed crabs.
• 15:56
  Eric: You don't use old bay on steamed crabs.
• 15:58
  Eric: Old bay great for shrimp, great for muscles, great for whatever the fuck you want to put on.
• 16:03
  Eric: But for steamed crabs done in the maryland style, everybody knows you use jo spice.
• 16:13
  Matt: I apologize for him.
• 16:15
  Eric: I don't support him Any place you go to get steamed crabs, they're not putting Old Bay on the crabs, they're putting JO Spice on it.
• 16:20
  Eric: I'm just saying Ask them.
• 16:23
  Eric: Ask them what they put on their crabs.
• 16:25
  Matthew Attenborough: Next time you get steamed crabs from somewhere.
• 16:27
  Eric: ask them what they put on there.
• 16:28
  Eric: I guarantee you they will tell you it's JO Spice, oh yeah, and what is sitting on the table air?
• 16:33
  Eric: Oh, it's old bay.
• 16:34
  Eric: Yeah, that's gonna be your, that's your tape, that's that's your daily driver.
• 16:37
  Eric: But when you get steamed crabs, jo spice listen, I've never steamed crabs.
• 16:43
  Matt: I've never.
• 16:44
  Matt: I've never asked how the sausage is made.
• 16:45
  Matt: Necessarily, I'm parting the veil for you right you, eric, are the native marylander.
• 16:50
  Matt: I respect.
• 16:50
  Matt: I respect that.
• 16:51
  Matt: Um, I don't respect what you've said.
• 16:54
  Matt: Yeah, I don't respect you putting it on this podcast without my permission.
• 16:59
  Matt: Yeah, and you know I don't want to believe what you just said is true.
• 17:09
  Eric: If it makes you feel any better, it won't.
• 17:11
  Eric: Jo Spice is basically just Old Bay, but with a higher proportion of rock salt added to it.
• 17:18
  Eric: It's just much saltier old bay which goes, which just goes better on crabs.
• 17:22
  Matt: All right, well, join us soon for our new segment, will it old bay?
• 17:27
  Eric: Yes.
• 17:27
  Matt: When, uh, when, we do our next live episode spoiler it will, because if you've never had salt.
• 17:35
  Matt: If you've never had old Bay salted caramel ice cream, my friends, you haven't lived.
• 17:41
  Eric: Put it on your pizza, put it in your soup, put it on your salad, put it on you could straight up put it on vanilla ice cream.
• 17:46
  Eric: It's so good on vanilla ice cream.
• 17:49
  Eric: It's great on it If you would put salt or pepper on it, or if you would just put salt, or if you would ever be like man.
• 17:56
  Eric: This needs something old day.
• 17:58
  Matt: Now, listen, we got to get going because not only do we have some good questions here, we can't talk about old bay all day.
• 18:04
  Matt: We, we, we.
• 18:06
  Matt: I mean we can, it's, we're, it's, we're capable of it.
• 18:09
  Matt: Yeah, because not only do we have some good questions to get to, we have what I have only told Eric is a surprise game.
• 18:20
  Matt: And that is all I know, that's all you know for the closing segment, because an astute listener will recall that last time around I promised that this episode we were going to have a special guest, but life happened and some scheduling issues came up.
• 18:35
  Matt: Yes, special guest, but life happened and some scheduling issues came up, yes, and so this is why I shouldn't discuss our schedule on the recorded line.
• 18:42
  Matt: So hopefully, unless that happens again, that'll be the next episode, which means Google Gripes is getting pushed down the line a little bit, so I wanted to scratch the game itch, you know, yes.
• 18:55
  Matt: So I had an idea I'm going to run it by you.
• 18:57
  Matt: But before we do any of those things, we got a little surprise gift the other day, you and I.
• 19:03
  Matt: Yes, we did so.
• 19:05
  Matt: As many of you know, as I've mentioned before, I am a Survivor super fan.
• 19:12
  Matt: I have seen every single second of every single season that has ever been published on Survivor.
• 19:22
  Matt: Before we started recording, I went on a 20-minute diatribe about the strategies involved in the new game.
• 19:31
  Eric: He became an Eagle Scout, just so he could learn to make fire.
• 19:35
  Matt: Truly.
• 19:35
  Matt: So that is a little bit background.
• 19:39
  Matt: I've mentioned Survivor many times on this podcast and a good friend and I have to say his full name because it's mentioned in what we're about to play for you Michael Zaccardi.
• 19:51
  Eric: Good friend of the pod.
• 19:52
  Matt: Good friend of the pod, also a big Survivor super fan, baltimore cryptid.
• 19:57
  Matt: I mean he could be a local legend truly Without any prompting.
• 20:03
  Matt: We received on Facebook not you, daft, but just me and Eric personally a post that featured a cameo from Q.
• 20:16
  Matt: Anyone who is, uh, who does watch survivor q on this latest season of survivor, um, it now has a cameo and michael and I'm assuming his rates are reasonable uh, I looked, I looked up what mike zaccardi paid for this.
• 20:34
  Eric: You want to know I can tell you I I want to know what mike sacardi paid for this I'll bleep it, mike, don't worry, it's okay, okay, so hell, that's okay.
• 20:44
  Matt: We're very grateful for it's very nice, and I think we would be remiss, eric, to not play the audio.
• 20:52
  Matt: Oh yeah, this cameo without any other context, um, because this was a gift to both of us.
• 20:59
  Matt: It was therefore a gift to the podcast, so please enjoy.
• 21:04
  Q: Matt and Eric, what's up?
• 21:06
  Q: Man, this is your boy, q, from Survivor, and I got a little shout out that I want to do for you.
• 21:12
  Q: Congratulations on getting married.
• 21:16
  Q: Look, love birds, love birds, that's what you are.
• 21:21
  Q: And, man, I'm so happy that the big day is here.
• 21:26
  Q: Don't let anybody steal your joy.
• 21:29
  Q: And if anybody tried to, big mistake, we're going to show up, show out and show them why we, as a duo trio, defeat anybody.
• 21:42
  Q: Speaking of beating anybody.
• 21:43
  Q: You know season 46, we had a winner, but the true winner.
• 21:49
  Q: You all know who it is.
• 21:49
  Q: Come on, not you bitch, the party.
• 21:52
  Q: Hopefully.
• 21:53
  Q: I said that right would definitely win the island.
• 21:56
  Q: You know, hopefully, I said that right would definitely win the island.
• 21:58
  Q: You know, hopefully I get another shot at 50.
• 22:01
  Q: But this is not what this is about.
• 22:02
  Q: This is about celebrating you two.
• 22:04
  Q: Celebrating you two lovebirds.
• 22:07
  Q: Thank you, Q.
• 22:08
  Q: And wishing you nothing but the best in your journey.
• 22:11
  Q: No, marriage is easy.
• 22:14
  Q: Nope, but you two will make it look easy because of the love that you possess for one another, so I appreciate you guys.
• 22:22
  Eric: I wish y'all well, I appreciate you Congratulations, thank you.
• 22:25
  Q: Everybody put a drink in their eye and toast to.
• 22:27
  Q: Matt Amen, raise it up and Matt Love y'all Peace.
• 22:32
  Eric: Love you too, buddy.
• 22:33
  Eric: Okay, it's just delightful.
• 22:36
  Eric: So, hugh Burd, love you too, buddy.
• 22:40
  Eric: Okay, it's just delightful, so you burdette.
• 22:40
  Eric: Ladies and gentlemen, I think we can establish he was both of our best man.
• 22:43
  Eric: He was the best man.
• 22:45
  Eric: He was the best man of the wedding.
• 22:47
  Eric: He was the only man we didn't want you all to find out like this.
• 22:51
  Matt: We wanted to make a formal announcement no, but you know so just lind.
• 22:57
  Eric: Lindsey and I are now sister wives you yes, indeed, it's great, um and q.
• 23:07
  Matt: You don't need any context about him.
• 23:08
  Matt: He's a crazy man.
• 23:09
  Matt: He will be on seasons 50 of survivor, which was announced to be a returning player season.
• 23:14
  Matt: Um, because he was quite the personality.
• 23:18
  Matt: Oh yeah, I'll say this about.
• 23:21
  Matt: Q.
• 23:21
  Matt: I'll say this about Q.
• 23:22
  Matt: Go on, say it, I'll say it, I'll say it, say it.
• 23:25
  Matt: He was good TV.
• 23:27
  Matt: He was not necessarily a good Survivor player, but he was good TV.
• 23:35
  Eric: Yeah, god, a good survivor player, but he was good TV.
• 23:37
  Eric: Yeah, God, I, I, I.
• 23:38
  Eric: Luckily I did know who Q was prior to viewing this.
• 23:43
  Matt: Cause I'm a survivor super fan.
• 23:45
  Matt: You are not.
• 23:46
  Matt: But next, next year, on next year's bingo card, I've already told you this you come.
• 23:51
  Matt: You're calling that shot preordained next January in our bingo card episode my I'm going get eric into this is going to be survivor I and and we haven't reached our bingo checkup car uh episode yet we got I you know, we got, we got a little ways we got a couple weeks yet.
• 24:11
  Matt: I mean we're only in june, so we'll get there, don't you worry, but we, because we'll go over what we're supposed to get people into.
• 24:18
  Eric: But this is also a good time to just mention on the tails of this.
• 24:22
  Eric: You know, if y'all ever want to just buy a cameo for me and Matt, absolutely Please Feel free.
• 24:28
  Eric: Like, just go nuts.
• 24:31
  Matt: I say again you can submit anything, anything, anything.
• 24:36
  Eric: Anything, not any goddamn thing.
• 24:38
  Matt: This was such a sweet, funny, absurd really it really was, and it he posted it to us at like 8 am it was like true zaccardi fashion, like apropos of fucking no context no, hey, I'm gonna do this.
• 24:53
  Matt: Just I opened facebook one day, was tagged in a video and this was yes yes, thank god, zaccardi is on our side yes, thank you, mike uh.
• 25:04
  Eric: Michael, thank you very much for the thank you, mike, thank you, thank you megan yes, of course, megan uh.
• 25:10
  Matt: Stanton zaccardi uh, wife of michael zaccardi and former guest of the show.
• 25:15
  Matt: Yes, thank you for those things, and Eric, we are dangerously close to half an hour into this episode.
• 25:23
  Matt: Yeah, we got to.
• 25:23
  Matt: Should we answer?
• 25:25
  Eric: Yeah, we should probably answer some questions.
• 25:26
  Matt: Okay, well, we have to keep the audio clips a coming.
• 25:32
  Matt: We have a question from the Thoughtline Eric, yes, we do.
• 25:38
  Matt: Are you ready for it?
• 25:39
  Eric: Baby, I'm ready.
• 25:40
  Eric: Hey there, you didn't ask for this.
• 25:42
  Eric: This is Stephen Cullen from Seattle, and I have a question for you.
• 25:46
  Matthew Attenborough: If due unto others, as you would have them due?
• 25:48
  Eric: unto you is the golden rule.
• 25:50
  Eric: What are the bronze and silver rules?
• 25:54
  Matt: Goodbye Stephen.
• 25:56
  Matt: I got to say I love the efficiency of this question.
• 25:59
  Eric: This steveless in seattle.
• 26:02
  Eric: Goodbye, let me tell you this, steveless, thank you.
• 26:07
  Eric: Sometimes you gotta let it marinate for just a second, just gotta.
• 26:09
  Eric: Uh, this is perfect, got to intro.
• 26:14
  Eric: Introduction Like introduction.
• 26:16
  Eric: Yeah, clearly stated purpose.
• 26:18
  Eric: Question.
• 26:20
  Matt: For just a moment there, you made me feel like I was a real radio host.
• 26:27
  Eric: Steven, I felt so fucking cool just the way you were phrasing it.
• 26:30
  Eric: There's a tone that we take when we call into a radio station or something.
• 26:36
  Matt: I felt like Fraszier Crane just now, and anytime someone makes me feel this way, I have to say I am in love with you.
• 26:44
  Eric: Yes, yes, thank you, steven.
• 26:46
  Eric: And also just baller question.
• 26:48
  Eric: Let's get into this shit.
• 26:49
  Eric: So we all know the golden rule yes, do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
• 26:56
  Matt: Now some religions, eric, use the inverse of this to be the quote.
• 27:04
  Matt: Unquote silver rule the do not do unto others.
• 27:09
  Eric: Ah, yes.
• 27:10
  Matt: I know that that is out there, but is that not lame?
• 27:16
  Eric: That is, that's easy street.
• 27:17
  Eric: No, no, no, no, no, no.
• 27:18
  Eric: Now, as we, before we get into our rules, do we want to follow the structure of do onto blank, as you would, blank onto blank.
• 27:31
  Matt: That is a good question Do we have to?
• 27:35
  Eric: We don't have to, I'll say I'll be clear about that.
• 27:37
  Eric: We don't have to, that I'll.
• 27:37
  Eric: I'll say I'll be clear about that.
• 27:38
  Eric: We don't have to do anything.
• 27:40
  Matt: No absolutely not.
• 27:42
  Matt: We don't uh what.
• 27:43
  Matt: What should we do?
• 27:44
  Matt: What do you think it is prudent of us to keep to this sort of biblical uh cadence?
• 27:53
  Eric: I think so.
• 27:55
  Eric: So here's my thinking gold, silver, bronze yeah means you came respectively first, second and third place in a common, in a competition towards a common goal, like we were all trying to go the fastest, get to the finish line first.
• 28:10
  Eric: What have you?
• 28:11
  Eric: I got there first, you got there.
• 28:12
  Eric: So I think we should.
• 28:14
  Eric: It should be the.
• 28:16
  Eric: It should be in terms like if the golden rule is like well, we could all agree, this is the best, yeah At at, I guess, the goal here, being a good person, being a good person, yeah.
• 28:29
  Eric: What is?
• 28:29
  Eric: What is silver and bronze?
• 28:31
  Eric: What is second and third place, look like when it comes to the rules for being a good person?
• 28:36
  Eric: Because I can.
• 28:37
  Eric: I can think of a couple off the top of my head.
• 28:39
  Q: By all means, eric go.
• 28:41
  Eric: If due unto others as you would have them due unto you as gold, maybe bronze is something like if you sprinkle, when you tinkle, be a sweetie, wipe the seedy.
• 28:50
  Eric: You know what I mean.
• 28:54
  Eric: It's just like that's like bare minimum If it's yellow, let it mellow.
• 28:59
  Matt: If it's brown, flush it down.
• 29:01
  Eric: That's like bare minimum decency.
• 29:03
  Eric: I think that should be like the floor is bare minimum decency, okay, okay.
• 29:10
  Matt: All right, so bare.
• 29:11
  Matt: Do we need to maybe work our way up Like we know what the gold standard?
• 29:17
  Eric: is.
• 29:17
  Eric: I think silver is gonna be harder, is gonna be like the hardest one nailed down like.
• 29:21
  Matt: Finding the middle ground feels tough out the gate, so do we find so, to your point, what is the baseline of decency?
• 29:30
  Eric: I think that, oh, I think, because many would argue it's the golden rule.
• 29:33
  Eric: Uh, I, I, I think, for me personally, that should be your baseline, you know me paragon of virtue, but for others it might not be as easy to you know, to be a saintly, so I couldn't even make a joke.
• 29:49
  Matt: I couldn't even make a joke.
• 29:50
  Matt: I was stunned into silence by what you said uh, I think here's my good baseline.
• 29:55
  Eric: Okay, I think this is a common denominator.
• 29:57
  Eric: This is truly the bronze medal of if you do this, congratulations.
• 30:02
  Eric: You're a decent member of the human race.
• 30:05
  Eric: You've met the bare not even decent.
• 30:07
  Eric: You have met the bare minimum, congratulations.
• 30:09
  Eric: You did it Return unto the shopping cart, as you would have shopping carts returned unto you, eric.
• 30:15
  Eric: That is the bare minimum, as you would have shopping carts returned unto you, eric.
• 30:17
  Matt: That is the bare minimum I can't tell you the level of rage that I get filled with when I witness someone not return a shopping cart to a caddy.
• 30:31
  Eric: That is legitimately, without a trace of irony in my voice.
• 30:34
  Eric: I, that is my litmus test for, like just oh, are you a contributing member of society?
• 30:41
  Matt: Have you seen the guy?
• 30:43
  Matt: I know you're not a big tick tocker.
• 30:44
  Matt: Uh, although we did just start a tick tock, of course, at you didn't ask, pod might've ticked some talks.
• 30:50
  Matt: Um, I know you are not a big tick tocker, but have you seen the guy on tiktok who?
• 31:00
  Eric: does the like shopping cart police thing who risks his life, I, I, I was gonna say I was like a I immediately.
• 31:04
  Eric: When you say shopping cart police, I that's.
• 31:06
  Eric: I know his entire shtick now yeah, his.
• 31:09
  Matt: His shtick is the following but b, he probably gets swung on oh, he sure does he.
• 31:14
  Matt: So he'll put the cart like behind people's cars as they're trying to back out.
• 31:19
  Matt: But then he'll also put a magnetic sticker, like a bumper sticker, a magnet that he'll fling on the side of your car, and I forget exactly what it says, but it's something innocent Like I'm a big dum-dum who doesn't return carts like it's something.
• 31:35
  Matt: It's something of that nature.
• 31:37
  Eric: Now, point of clarification for me when he puts a cart behind someone's car, I am assuming it was their cart and they didn't return it to the correct.
• 31:45
  Eric: Okay, good he is, he is just, correct, is just, and he is morally and objectively correct in doing what he's doing and he's.
• 31:52
  Matt: he speaks in this like saccharine sweet tone to them, Like he's so nice, Like he's militantly polite, you know.
• 32:03
  Eric: Matt, you and I could be walking through the parking lot of a shopper's Like we just got back from our honeymoon.
• 32:10
  Eric: Yeah, we're stocking up on groceries.
• 32:14
  Matt: You're taking me to shoppers.
• 32:16
  Matt: Oh, come on now.
• 32:18
  Eric: Oh, come on now, oh, come on now.
• 32:19
  Eric: I mean like Questioning everything now.
• 32:23
  Matt: Harris Teeter.
• 32:23
  Matt: Okay, we're getting a little bit more rich.
• 32:26
  Eric: Well see, if I take us to Harris Teeter, then you're like, oh, we have Harris Teeter money.
• 32:31
  Matt: Okay, sure, here I thought we had Wegmans money, but what?
• 32:35
  Matt: Am I discovering in this marriage.
• 32:37
  Matt: Well, I'll D, no don't take me there, god damn.
• 32:43
  Eric: I have standards, but we could be walking through the parking lot of Wegmans and an assassin could drive by and shoot you through the neck with his little silence like Walther PPK set.
• 32:57
  Eric: Whatever the fuck is it.
• 32:58
  Matt: Walther PPK set.
• 32:58
  Eric: whatever the fuck is it, Walther PPK, you were right there, walther, ppk, the one that goes and you take a bullet through the neck.
• 33:03
  Eric: You're like, oh God, Matt, as I'm dragging you to our car for safety, I would still be like aiming our cart at the caddy.
• 33:11
  Eric: I would just shove it at the cat.
• 33:14
  Eric: I would throw the cart in the general direction.
• 33:16
  Eric: Well, actually, would just shove it at the cat.
• 33:19
  Eric: I would throw the cart in the general direction.
• 33:20
  Eric: Well, actually, I would throw you in the cart.
• 33:21
  Eric: I would throw you in the cart.
• 33:21
  Eric: I would bum rush our the, the assailant with you in the cart.
• 33:24
  Eric: I would try to, like, you know, like, like, play chicken with him.
• 33:27
  Eric: Uh, once I've scared him off, uh, or like, temporarily, you know, got him away from us, I would heft you over my shoulder, shove the cart towards the caddy and I, before I put you in the car, I would confirm, I would watch it, because I've, if you, if you haven't been a child, if you haven't done the classic running, launch the cart and try to thread that needle.
• 33:51
  Eric: Oh, in the parking lot, you have not child, I do it to this day, thank you, someone had to say it.
• 33:56
  Eric: Um, and once I've confirmed that the cart has landed in the caddy, I would slam the door shut.
• 34:01
  Eric: Yeah, you have not Child.
• 34:02
  Eric: I'd do it to this day.
• 34:03
  Eric: Thank you, someone had to say it and once I've confirmed that the cart has landed in the caddy, I would slam the door shut, drive us out of there While I'm bleeding out in the back seat.
• 34:10
  Matt: Oh, like it's Reservoir Dogs now.
• 34:10
  Eric: Yeah like I'm Reservoir Dogs.
• 34:11
  Eric: I was trying to think of his color, if I'm being honest.
• 34:13
  Matt: Like you're Mr Pink.
• 34:14
  Matt: It wasn't Mr Pink, though.
• 34:15
  Matt: That's Steve Buscemi.
• 34:17
  Eric: Oh.
• 34:17
  Matt: Mr Orange.
• 34:18
  Matt: I think it's Mr Orange, mr Orange.
• 34:20
  Eric: Yeah, you're Mr Oranging, all over the backseat of the car.
• 34:23
  Eric: Yes, yes, You're not gonna die.
• 34:25
  Eric: You're not gonna die.
• 34:27
  Eric: Oh my God, good, harvey Keitel, thank you, thank you.
• 34:30
  Eric: It's my favorite part of the movie.
• 34:38
  Eric: There's what a great.
• 34:39
  Eric: Not not a man bleeding dead.
• 34:39
  Eric: The backseat is just Harvey Kurtel going.
• 34:40
  Eric: You're not going to die.
• 34:41
  Eric: Yeah, truly, that that's what I mean.
• 34:42
  Eric: Like, right, like that is my litmus test for when I'm out in this jungle of society, when I've got clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, I'm just trying to return my cart.
• 34:52
  Eric: Yeah, there, I am stuck in the middle with you.
• 34:56
  Matt: Thank you, cart yeah, you know, there I am stuck in the middle with you.
• 34:58
  Matt: Thank you, and, and I think I think this is good, I think a bronze rule, because like yeah, it's specific of, like thou shalt return one's cart, yeah, but it it speaks to a greater, the collective.
• 35:13
  Matt: Yeah, it's a metaphor, right.
• 35:15
  Eric: It's in keeping with the theme of the golden rule, because the golden rule is for the benefit of all Right, and so by returning your cart, all you're really doing is not creating a problem, you know.
• 35:30
  Eric: Yes.
• 35:30
  Matt: Like you are doing the very bare minimum to cover your own impact.
• 35:37
  Matt: I brought this car into this world and I am taking it.
• 35:41
  Eric: Yes, I have taken personal ownership and responsibility of the social contract for a moment, but do unto others as as you would have them do unto you.
• 35:53
  Matt: That is so universal and so grandiose, so simple yet so grand.
• 36:00
  Eric: Yeah, and I think this is good bronze rule territory, because it's so easy to not do.
• 36:04
  Eric: It's so easy to not do, it's the easiest thing in the world to not do it takes you two seconds.
• 36:10
  Matt: And, by the way, if you're sitting there thinking like, oh, they're talking about people who leave it in the middle of the street, I pop it up.
• 36:17
  Matt: Two wheels on the curb, you're the problem.
• 36:20
  Matt: Let me tell you something Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you you can go fuck, you can go fuck.
• 36:26
  Eric: For people like that, their version of like cleaning, like oh yeah is they take all the garbage and trash off of like the table and they just move it to another table.
• 36:38
  Matt: they haven't like they haven't actually cleaned anything no, no and uh, you are describing my cleaning method, so fuck you.
• 36:47
  Matt: But oh no, I buddy, buddy lindsey won't notice it here so yeah, no I'm just careful, just playing tetris with my, with my stress piles this is a true confession and I also know she's absolutely able to hear me out there, uh, but, but there are times when I'm cleaning the house that I will focus on what lindsey will see when she gets.
• 37:15
  Matt: Yes, yes, yes, like that, yes, like that, yep, because if there's not visible progress, I'm in trouble.
• 37:22
  Eric: Yeah, no, like it's like, oh fuck.
• 37:24
  Matt: I was like you, gotta have visible.
• 37:26
  Eric: I was like I have to shoot and let me guess you start burst cleaning, like maybe in like an hour or two before she gets home.
• 37:32
  Matt: Well it depends how long she's going to be gone.
• 37:34
  Matt: Ah, yes, how much time I have what I have time for, I should say I can't reveal all my tricks, Eric.
• 37:42
  Matt: No, no, no, not here, not now, not like this Next thing, you're going to be asking me for where I hide gifts, and that's sacred knowledge.
• 37:53
  Matt: And now I have a home, so I have all kinds of other options Back in the apartment I to.
• 37:59
  Matt: I had very few options and I had to get very creative.
• 38:01
  Matt: So so we were talking about rules.
• 38:02
  Matt: So the silver rule is what is our bronze rule?
• 38:05
  Matt: We have the bronze rule, we have the golden rule.
• 38:08
  Eric: So what is the?
• 38:09
  Eric: What it's got to be the connective tissue between return, return onto your cart, as you would have a cart returned onto you to human dollars, which is a metaphor, which represents a mindset of taking care of one's community and indeed, making yourself not the problem, yes, whereas do unto others, as you would have it do unto you.
• 38:34
  Matt: That is such a universal thing.
• 38:36
  Matt: It applies to all things.
• 38:37
  Matt: Yes, right, and it do unto you.
• 38:38
  Matt: That is such a universal thing.
• 38:38
  Matt: It applies to all things.
• 38:39
  Matt: Yes, right, and it's vague, even right.
• 38:42
  Matt: Yes, it's very broad.
• 38:44
  Matt: So we need something in the middle of those two goalposts.
• 38:49
  Matt: Oh, I think what we got to do is we got to talk it out a little bit.
• 38:53
  Matt: Got to talk it out, we got to talk it out a little bit, okay.
• 38:56
  Matt: So if we're starting with this like metaphor, this representation of something greater, yes, and we're getting to a very great, grand, overarching rule, yes, what can we say?
• 39:12
  Matt: That is maybe not so much a metaphor but is like a legitimate rule, right.
• 39:18
  Matt: But doesn't necessarily apply to like literally all situations and scenarios.
• 39:25
  Eric: Yeah, it's a, it's OK.
• 39:26
  Eric: Ok, oh, in a similar I think, in a.
• 39:30
  Eric: I don't think it should be this, but I think it should be in a similar vein.
• 39:33
  Eric: To be kind Rewind, explain.
• 39:36
  Eric: Well, you know, be kind Rew.
• 39:37
  Eric: Well, you know, be kind rewind, it's in.
• 39:39
  Eric: I remember the old ways yes, the old ways of the vhs, you know, and you would rent a videotape but does not be kind rewind a little bit of return your cart that's what I mean.
• 39:50
  Eric: I think it should, I think I think it should like follow in that sort of vein, but maybe it shouldn't apply to like a.
• 39:58
  Eric: Yeah, maybe we should step out of the realm of shopping and commerce, maybe we should move to a more of a, maybe a social.
• 40:06
  Eric: I think here we go, okay.
• 40:09
  Matthew Attenborough: So he's cooking we've got.
• 40:11
  Eric: Bronze is just bare metal.
• 40:13
  Eric: Social contract Does not require any sort of camaraderie or like connection?
• 40:19
  Eric: No, there's no interaction here, really Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
• 40:23
  Eric: That is the universal language of compassion and empathy you are creating, generating kindness and patience and understanding.
• 40:34
  Matt: I do want to point out that Lindsay has texted me.
• 40:37
  Matt: Don't make me out to be the villain, so hypothesis that she can hear me confirmed.
• 40:43
  Matt: Okay okay, and to which I'd say I'm not doing that.
• 40:48
  Matt: Yeah, I'm not doing that If that's the end result.
• 40:52
  Eric: Here.
• 40:53
  Eric: You should say something particularly loudly that just makes it abundantly clear that you're on her team.
• 40:59
  Eric: Hmm, oh shit, ooh, I did it for the lols I did it for the lols.
• 41:12
  Q: Yeah you got it when it's right there.
• 41:15
  Eric: It was an easy bit, easy Low-hanging bit, low-hanging bit.
• 41:16
  Eric: You gotta when it's right there.
• 41:17
  Eric: It was an easy bit, low hanging bit.
• 41:19
  Matt: When you're hitting, you know these low hanging bits.
• 41:22
  Matt: They're hitting you in the face.
• 41:24
  Eric: Matt.
• 41:24
  Eric: Tell me the silver rule yeah, commit to the bit fucking air.
• 41:31
  Eric: You didn't ask for this.
• 41:32
  Matthew Attenborough: This is steven oh my god, I threw my mouse and now?
• 41:35
  Matt: steven's playing again settle down the silver rule I threw my mouse for a fun sound effect, uh, and instead got a real one.
• 41:45
  Matt: So listen, eric, that's really good.
• 41:50
  Matt: That's really good because it's a little bit of both worlds, little bit of both.
• 41:55
  Matt: It's metaphorical in, we're not necessarily talking about a literal bit.
• 42:02
  Matthew Attenborough: Yeah.
• 42:03
  Matt: But the mentality of committing to the bit speaks to a greater human issue.
• 42:11
  Matt: I feel, yes, don't you think?
• 42:13
  Matt: Yes, it's saying like, commit to others, commit to this conversation.
• 42:19
  Eric: Commit onto bits, as you would have bits onto you.
• 42:23
  Matt: Sure, that's one way of saying it, that's a thing, that's a thing, that's a phrasing I like just commit to the bit, commit to the bit.
• 42:30
  Matt: Thou shalt commit to the bit commit to thou shalt commit to, commit to the bit that.
• 42:34
  Matt: I think we have a question from from another person about 10 commandments, uh, and what we would add, and if we answer that question, this has to be one of them, that one thou shalt commit to the bit.
• 42:46
  Eric: Because commit to the bit is so nice?
• 42:49
  Eric: Because it is.
• 42:50
  Eric: It is like hey when someone's putting themselves out there, yeah for you, meet them halfway, that's all, that's all commit to the bit is asking you.
• 43:00
  Eric: It's not asking you to shoulder all this responsibility or to go above and beyond the compassion, and it's just a hey, meet me halfway on this bit.
• 43:08
  Matthew Attenborough: Yeah.
• 43:10
  Eric: If I say knock, knock, you gotta who's there.
• 43:15
  Matt: You gotta, who's there me?
• 43:18
  Eric: You gotta who's there?
• 43:20
  Matt: You're not gonna leave me hanging like that, are you?
• 43:24
  Eric: It's such a.
• 43:24
  Eric: And here's the thing.
• 43:26
  Eric: If someone doesn't return a shopping cart, I'm mad at them, yeah.
• 43:30
  Eric: If someone doesn't commit to the bit, I'm mad at them, yeah.
• 43:33
  Matt: If someone doesn't commit to the bit, I'm hurt.
• 43:35
  Matt: Yeah, I'm embarrassed, I'm a little insulted.
• 43:37
  Eric: It's that mixture of like.
• 43:38
  Eric: I am now both insulted, self-conscious.
• 43:43
  Matt: I'll guarantee you this If I tried a bit with you and you don't commit to the bit you don, entertain the bit you don't, you don't, yes, and me, whatsoever you have, and this is a guarantee you have.
• 43:58
  Matt: You have spiked my anxiety because it is the we're theater majors this is the worst thing that could happen to us not only did I do something that I was like, oh, I'll do this, this will be funny, and then you didn't participate, I've gone straight past.
• 44:14
  Matt: Oh, they don't think this is funny to.
• 44:16
  Matt: Oh, I have offended them.
• 44:20
  Eric: Oh, they are insulted by, they are mad and they hate me, they hate me they hate me now this isn't to say and this is why I think it's silver medal territory, because this is also like it's more situational, like golden rule literally never not applies, no, it is always.
• 44:39
  Eric: It's always there, always lurking, always.
• 44:41
  Eric: You know, commit to the bit is a good silver rule because it requires both parties to kind of shoulder some responsibility.
• 44:50
  Eric: A you got to commit to the bit, but B I, as the bit instigator, the bitstigator, the bitstigator.
• 44:57
  Eric: I have to make sure that I am reading the room.
• 45:01
  Matt: You're reading the room you have to.
• 45:03
  Matt: One must bit responsibly.
• 45:06
  Eric: Yes, yeah.
• 45:07
  Eric: Is that a good candidate for another bronze rule?
• 45:11
  Eric: Is, is the bronze rule?
• 45:13
  Eric: Read the room bronze rule.
• 45:17
  Eric: Read the room.
• 45:18
  Eric: Silver rule.
• 45:20
  Eric: Commit to the bit golden rule.
• 45:23
  Matt: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, okay eric, perhaps yes, maybe I s yes and you yes because, oh, eric, perhaps yes, maybe I ask yes and you yes Because, like we're in our interfere with your lineup just now, you're interfering with what is preordained as the golden rule.
• 45:38
  Matt: So I have a proposal.
• 45:41
  Matt: Hit me with it.
• 45:42
  Matt: I didn't know I was going to propose this.
• 45:43
  Matt: I didn't come into this locked and loaded, but here we go.
• 45:47
  Matt: Bronze rule Thou shalt return one shopping card.
• 45:51
  Matt: Silver rule read the room Now a little bit more intimate, of a setting in this story.
• 46:00
  Matt: Right, yeah, you're taking care of other people, if only from a things you don't say.
• 46:12
  Eric: Yes, oh, my God, yes, yes, I'd give out a silver medal for that.
• 46:14
  Eric: Like, hey, buddy, you didn't open your mouth.
• 46:15
  Matt: Silver medal, uh, the, the golden rule thou shalt.
• 46:17
  Matt: Uh, you know, do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
• 46:21
  Matt: That implies an action and a and a desired reaction right, so the golden rule becomes no, that's the golden rule.
• 46:30
  Matt: The platinum.
• 46:33
  Eric: The platinum rule is commit to the mat.
• 46:37
  Eric: I love because, because, when you're okay, I because commit to the bit, what else?
• 46:43
  Matt: how else could you verse?
• 46:44
  Matt: Commit to the bit?
• 46:45
  Matt: Be true to yourself yes be true to yourself and committing to the bit.
• 46:51
  Eric: Honestly, committing to bits takes energy.
• 46:53
  Eric: It takes spoons, it takes energy.
• 46:54
  Eric: It takes commitment Doing onto others as you would have them do onto you Again.
• 46:58
  Eric: That's like we discussed this earlier.
• 47:00
  Eric: We kind of hold that standard for ourselves by default.
• 47:04
  Eric: Yes, Committing to the bits, it takes that extra mile.
• 47:09
  Matt: I'll tell you what it takes.
• 47:10
  Matt: Eric it takes, love it takes love.
• 47:13
  Eric: Oh my God, if I don't love you, if I don't love you, I can't commit to your bits.
• 47:25
  Matt: It takes compassion.
• 47:25
  Matt: Yes, do unto others as you would have do unto you.
• 47:27
  Matt: That's a compassionate task as well.
• 47:28
  Matt: Yes, but committing to a bit is also an offering of oneself.
• 47:33
  Matt: I'm putting myself out on the line with you to do this.
• 47:38
  Matt: Yes, yes, and you can.
• 47:41
  Matt: And you can still take it metaphorically right, you can still say exactly what I just did commit to oneself to oneself, commit to an idea, commit to this conversation, commit to the fucking bit Cosign, cosine, cosine, cosine.
• 47:55
  Matt: I hope that sound of me hitting my desk got picked up because I kind of hurt my hand.
• 47:58
  Eric: I'm going to tell you something, matt.
• 48:00
  Eric: I'm going to tell you something really cute and really vulnerable.
• 48:04
  Eric: Fucking tell me, baby Alyssa and I.
• 48:05
  Eric: You know what we tell each other.
• 48:07
  Eric: Sometimes we say I love you and all that, but sometimes All that bullshit.
• 48:11
  Matthew Attenborough: You know what we tell each other?
• 48:12
  Matthew Attenborough: Tell me.
• 48:15
  Matt: I tell her you're the commit to my bit, Eric.
• 48:17
  Matt: I know that you say this because when Alyssa called into the thought line she did say very slyly he's the commit to my bit, and I thought that's very funny, Very good.
• 48:28
  Matt: Thank you, that's very funny, very good, thank you, that's very cute, it's very cute, it's very fucking cute, and it speaks to the level of commitment you have for each other.
• 48:37
  Eric: And that is platinum level baby.
• 48:40
  Matthew Attenborough: Yeah.
• 48:41
  Eric: I love this.
• 48:41
  Eric: I think that, matt, that's brilliant, that's fucking brilliant.
• 48:44
  Matt: We nailed it Because, like, listen, I'll tell you this here.
• 48:51
  Matt: You know, from time to time, of course you know some I better whisper this since she's on us, but you know from time to time we make jokes about Lindsay and you know things like that, and I'll just say, if I ever fucking catch someone doing that, who's not, me, who's not?
• 49:10
  Matthew Attenborough: me, I's not me.
• 49:11
  Matthew Attenborough: I'm going to commit to kicking your fucking ass.
• 49:15
  Matthew Attenborough: Okay, Got him, Got him.
• 49:20
  Matt: That's my bit to commit to, okay, okay, okay, you can see yourself out of this bit.
• 49:27
  Matt: I'm going to have to get committed.
• 49:31
  Matt: I'm going to have to get committed.
• 49:33
  Matt: I'm going to have to get committed.
• 49:35
  Eric: I don't know what we're doing the headlines go two bits.
• 49:37
  Eric: You say Two bits you say Drill bits eh, have you seen Reservoir Dogs?
• 49:48
  Matthew Attenborough: I'm going to cut off your ear.
• 49:52
  Matt: We have completely lost control of this podcast, the timer of our recording.
• 49:57
  Matt: It won't be this in real time, but it says 55 minutes.
• 50:01
  Eric: It's about to turn to and we have done one question, but many life lessons, but it's a big question.
• 50:08
  Eric: It's a big question and Stephen, stephen, I thank you for it.
• 50:11
  Eric: I think we have answered it.
• 50:12
  Eric: I think we nailed it's a big question.
• 50:12
  Eric: It's a big question and Steven, steven, I thank you for it.
• 50:13
  Eric: I think we have answered it.
• 50:13
  Eric: I think we nailed it.
• 50:14
  Eric: Steve-less in Seattle.
• 50:15
  Eric: Steve-less in Seattle.
• 50:17
  Eric: Thank you so much for calling me.
• 50:18
  Eric: I call him Steve-less in Seattle because I'm assuming, because he introduced himself as Steven, that he does not like going by Steve.
• 50:23
  Eric: Therefore, he is Steve-less.
• 50:34
  Matt: He's Steveveless in seattle.
• 50:34
  Matt: He's without steve's, without steve in in seattle.
• 50:35
  Matt: Thank you so much for the question.
• 50:36
  Matt: You're a champion.
• 50:37
  Matt: You're a champion, eric.
• 50:37
  Matt: What do you think we were only gonna do?
• 50:39
  Matt: One other question today?
• 50:41
  Matt: We could do it, or we could skip to the surprise game, since we're already surprised game.
• 50:47
  Matt: I want to give me a surprise game and I like that because you know it's such a big question it deserves to stand alone, and by alone I mean next to half an hour talking about old bay baltimore snacks old bay.
• 51:03
  Matt: Uh, we really bullshitted this one.
• 51:04
  Matt: Uh, all right, so let's get to a new segment.
• 51:08
  Matt: Oh my, my.
• 51:10
  Eric: God, I'm so fucking stoked.
• 51:11
  Matt: A new segment where I or or Eric surprise one with a game.
• 51:16
  Matt: And because this is one side, it's a little bit of a of a quiz, so I am calling this segment pop quiz.
• 51:22
  Matt: Okay, pop quiz, hot shot, to quote Dennis Hopper.
• 51:27
  Eric: And speed, get me those plumbers to quote dennis hopper and super mario brothers.
• 51:34
  Matt: Go on anyone who's listened to this show for any amount of time knows one thing about eric, and that's he fucking loves birds.
• 51:42
  Matt: Okay, jesus he can't get enough of birds.
• 51:46
  Matt: He's constantly talking about how much he knows about birds to quote myself holy shit, look at that fucking bird.
• 51:54
  Eric: He loves a bird, I love a bird.
• 51:58
  Eric: And so for today, buddy, I'm committing to your bitch I love god.
• 52:04
  Matt: He can't get enough of every episode.
• 52:06
  Matt: I I gotta constantly tell him to stop talking about birds, yapping and flapping yapping and flapping over here, flip flop fly.
• 52:16
  Matt: Go on, feed me mama so so for today's pop quiz.
• 52:21
  Matt: I'm calling today's pop quiz bird or bluff.
• 52:25
  Matt: Oh fuck, eric, I have in front of me 25 names of birds.
• 52:33
  Matt: Some of them are real, allegedly, some of them are real and some of them I have manufactured.
• 52:42
  Matt: I love this, eric.
• 52:45
  Matt: The rules of this game are quite simple.
• 52:47
  Matt: I'm going to say a name of a bird and you're going to tell me if it's a bird or a bluff.
• 52:52
  Matt: And I got some sound effects even to go with your answers.
• 53:00
  Matt: To go with your answers, if you get it right, if you say it's a bird, and it is a bird, you're going to hear a familiar sound.
• 53:10
  Eric: Oh my God, Is that an eagle?
• 53:11
  Eric: No, no, it isn't and if you get it wrong, eric, oh man, I this is.
• 53:23
  Eric: I love everything.
• 53:24
  Eric: This is my ideal game.
• 53:25
  Eric: I didn't have to prepare anything.
• 53:27
  Matt: I just get to say yes or no it, or you get to say bird or bluff, bird or bluff.
• 53:31
  Matt: And I'm gonna start out with what I feel is easy, but maybe I'm wrong.
• 53:36
  Matt: Okay, all right, eric.
• 53:38
  Matt: So this is it, this is this.
• 53:40
  Matt: All.
• 53:40
  Matt: It is okay, this is are you prepared for this?
• 53:43
  Eric: I am so fucking ready for this.
• 53:46
  Matt: I love birds the blue-footed booby Bird Correct, eric Obviously Nailed it Of the Galapagos the blue-footed booby.
• 53:57
  Matt: Everybody loves it.
• 53:59
  Matt: What do you feel about?
• 54:00
  Matt: How do you feel about a yellow-bellied sapsucker?
• 54:06
  Eric: Bird.
• 54:06
  Eric: I know that's a bird because we have markings on our tree out front from a yellow-bellied sapsucker it's signature.
• 54:17
  Matt: Little holes around the trunk of the.
• 54:18
  Matt: And look at that.
• 54:18
  Matt: You do know birds.
• 54:20
  Matt: What can I?
• 54:20
  Eric: say Matt, I fucking love birds, you're a fucking bird guy over here.
• 54:25
  Matt: All right, big bird, Let me ask you this Long-feathered tickler Bluff.
• 54:30
  Matt: Eric, you are nailing this.
• 54:33
  Matt: You're three for three babe.
• 54:35
  Eric: Okay.
• 54:35
  Eric: So if I get a Will, if I say Bluff and I get a Wilhelm scream, that means I got it right.
• 54:39
  Matt: Yeah, I mean, I'm just confirming for you that it's correct.
• 54:42
  Eric: If it's a Bluff, it'll Wilhelm Okay.
• 54:45
  Matt: If it's a Bluff, it will Wilhelm.
• 54:46
  Matt: Yes, it will Wilhelm.
• 54:47
  Matt: Yes, it will helm Sad fly catcher.
• 54:51
  Eric: Bird.
• 54:54
  Matt: Yes, correct, eric, it's a bird baby, the tufted titmouse, oh, bird, yeah, In retrospect I should have put that earlier.
• 55:04
  Matt: That's a well-known bird, dick sizzle Bird.
• 55:11
  Eric: Well done, Eric.
• 55:12
  Eric: What can I say?
• 55:13
  Eric: I fucking love birds.
• 55:15
  Eric: You are rocking, You're batting the thousand babe, I'm just committing to a bit Purple pricked tit the fuck did you just say to me.
• 55:30
  Matt: I said purple pricked tit oh bluff I love everything about this yes, that is in fact fake.
• 55:44
  Matt: What about the rueful swamp swallow?
• 55:50
  Eric: Rufal, swamp, swallow, bluff.
• 55:52
  Eric: Eric, I didn't think you'd get this deep being perfect, bro, I'm.
• 55:57
  Eric: You know what can I say?
• 55:59
  Eric: All right, hold on, you know what?
• 56:01
  Matt: I'm giving it away.
• 56:02
  Matt: I'm laughing too much.
• 56:03
  Matt: Let me get serious.
• 56:04
  Matt: Okay, Let me get serious.
• 56:05
  Matt: Let me get the Actually hold on a second.
• 56:12
  Eric: Let me get the NPR, you know vibe, going.
• 56:13
  Eric: Oh yeah, yep yep, yep, okay, I'm also, I'm gonna close my eyes because I okay, so I can enter the bird my, my bird palace enter the bird's nest, if you will.
• 56:20
  Matt: Thank you, you're welcome.
• 56:22
  Matt: The eerie of my mind, hot and taut, button quail bluff okay, I'm afraid it's a bird, eric the hot button.
• 56:34
  Eric: Quail is real, even gods can bleed exclamatory paradise, wider bird yeah, yeah the erudite Seattle crane.
• 56:52
  Matt: Oh, I'm trying to remember what erudite means Erudite?
• 56:56
  Matthew Attenborough: Seattle crane Bluff.
• 56:59
  Matt: Oh yeah, that's just my little nod to Frasier, Okay.
• 57:03
  Eric: Erudite, seattle crane Erudite.
• 57:05
  Eric: Oh, that was very good.
• 57:08
  Matt: Matthew.
• 57:08
  Matt: Basically means pompous, by the way, there we go.
• 57:13
  Eric: Oh, that's a very good joke, Matt.
• 57:15
  Eric: Thank you.
• 57:15
  Eric: I just 10 out of 10.
• 57:18
  Eric: 10 out of 10 jokes.
• 57:19
  Eric: Thank you very much.
• 57:21
  Matt: You know what?
• 57:22
  Matt: I worked hard on it.
• 57:23
  Matt: Yeah, andean, cock of the rock.
• 57:28
  Matthew Attenborough: Bluff.
• 57:30
  Matt: I'm afraid it's a real bird, Eric.
• 57:31
  Matt: I'm afraid it's a real bird, Eric.
• 57:31
  Matt: I'm afraid it's a real bird.
• 57:32
  Matt: The Andean Cock of the Rock is a bird.
• 57:37
  Matt: Okay, so you've gotten two wrong.
• 57:41
  Matt: You've only gotten two.
• 57:43
  Eric: Yeah, I'm.
• 57:45
  Matt: And we're just about over halfway.
• 57:47
  Matt: I think this is just in a word, doc, they're not numbered.
• 57:49
  Matt: So I think we're over halfway, just about over halfway, I think you know.
• 57:51
  Eric: This is just a word, doc.
• 57:52
  Eric: They're not numbered.
• 57:53
  Eric: So I think, look, man city came for me and and I'm about to unite it all up in this very good reference to the 2024 fa cup final era very good I got him into soccer.
• 58:04
  Matt: Everybody, you got me into soccer.
• 58:05
  Matt: Satanic night jar bird.
• 58:09
  Matt: Yeah, yeah, yeah, baby, yeah, yeah, that's something a scientist named that that's kind of my lit.
• 58:17
  Eric: That's kind of not my litmus.
• 58:18
  Eric: That's that's kind of my barometer is the dudes who name birds are kind of fucking nuts.
• 58:24
  Matt: Would they have come up with a red-capped sky demon Bird?
• 58:29
  Matt: Damn, I'm afraid not Eric.
• 58:32
  Matthew Attenborough: One can hope.
• 58:32
  Eric: One can dream.
• 58:33
  Matt: One can dream.
• 58:35
  Eric: God, I fucking love birds.
• 58:36
  Matt: Yeah, so three wrong now.
• 58:37
  Matt: Rufflenecked Salamagooks Bird it is Eric, a bird that was made by Dr Seuss.
• 58:47
  Matt: It's a Dr Seuss bird.
• 58:50
  Matt: Oh yes, had to throw in a salamagooks.
• 58:52
  Eric: I was so sure it was a bird, because it sounded like you were trying to get a pronunciation correct.
• 59:03
  Matt: I was, oh my God.
• 59:05
  Eric: I'm crying.
• 59:06
  Eric: Sure it was a bird, because it sounded like you were trying to get a pronunciation correct.
• 59:10
  Eric: I was, oh my God, I'm crying Fuck.
• 59:14
  Matt: Yellow-rumped warbler Bird yeah, that's a bird.
• 59:18
  Matt: That's definitely a bird Fluffy-backed tit babbler Bluff Nah baby, that's real.
• 59:29
  Matt: Every time, think like bird scientists can't get any goofier you can get out there, find a tree and take a look at the fluffy back tit babbler today okay, can you do the same for the red-tailed hot to trot corn husker bird.
• 59:54
  Matt: It's a bird of my imagination, my man can you fly twice as high as a rough-faced shag?
• 1:00:09
  Eric: That's a bird, that is 100% a bird.
• 1:00:11
  Eric: Yeah, that might fucking work.
• 1:00:13
  Eric: It's a bird baby.
• 1:00:14
  Eric: It's a bird baby.
• 1:00:15
  Matt: How do you feel?
• 1:00:16
  Matt: Okay, all right, so you got that.
• 1:00:17
  Matt: I think you've gotten four wrong.
• 1:00:20
  Matt: Is that right?
• 1:00:21
  Matt: I've lost track, four, maybe five.
• 1:00:23
  Matt: I've lost track of my own game.
• 1:00:25
  Matt: Okay, it doesn't matter.
• 1:00:26
  Matt: Oh, yes, it most certainly does.
• 1:00:32
  Matt: He's gotten five wrong.
• 1:00:33
  Matt: This game is really to both entertain and to educate, isn't that not what we're about?
• 1:00:37
  Eric: I have tears running down my face from how hard you're making me laugh.
• 1:00:42
  Matt: So, yes, this is the greatest gift you could give me Eric, and this one, I think, will speak directly to your heart Gang, gang, cockatoo.
• 1:00:53
  Eric: Look, I gotta, just because I need it, bird Gang Gang.
• 1:01:00
  Matt: So it was Gang Gang, that one's for you, gang Gang, that one's for you.
• 1:01:04
  Matt: Tickle Toad McCall.
• 1:01:08
  Eric: Bird Damn you.
• 1:01:14
  Matt: No, damn you.
• 1:01:15
  Matt: That one's for for me, that one's for me to you, that one's for me to you.
• 1:01:17
  Matt: The tickle toad macaw I love this the gray go away bird bird yeah, indeed, it is, yeah, indeed it is.
• 1:01:27
  Eric: That's my baseline.
• 1:01:28
  Eric: The more flummoxed I am by a name, the more is is directly proportional to how likely it is that it's a bird the southwest facing crane.
• 1:01:38
  Matt: That's a bluff from dr seuss.
• 1:01:41
  Matt: Once more, it's the southwest facing crane.
• 1:01:43
  Matt: I knew it.
• 1:01:45
  Eric: Yes, once again it is not one, but two crane jokes absolutely.
• 1:01:50
  Matt: How do you feel about the perplexing scrub wren?
• 1:01:54
  Eric: I feel like that's a bird.
• 1:01:56
  Matt: I feel like you're fucking right, man and Eric, we've reached the end.
• 1:02:00
  Matt: We've reached my final bird.
• 1:02:02
  Matt: Oh man, Tiny tyrant mannequin.
• 1:02:07
  Eric: The tiny, tiny tyrant mannequin Bird or bluff matt.
• 1:02:17
  Eric: Just just because it's the last one, could you give it to me, not in a sentence, but as if you had just spotted one and were pointing it out to a friend?
• 1:02:26
  Matt: absolutely, absolutely.
• 1:02:27
  Matt: I'll do you know what, eric, I'll do you one better.
• 1:02:30
  Eric: Yeah, are you going to commit to my bit?
• 1:02:35
  Matthew Attenborough: Here preparing itself for display, Finding the perfect location to display its plumage.
• 1:02:44
  Matthew Attenborough: We see the tiny tyrant mannequin.
• 1:02:47
  Matthew Attenborough: The tiny tyrant mannequin, watch him as he stands, perfectly still, perfectly still to attract a perfectly aroused female.
• 1:02:57
  Matthew Attenborough: Oh, he's caught one's attention.
• 1:03:05
  Eric: She's moved on With that.
• 1:03:07
  Eric: I've.
• 1:03:07
  Eric: I need bird.
• 1:03:14
  Matt: I need it to be a bird, and so it was.
• 1:03:17
  Matt: The tiny tyrant mannequin is a bird.
• 1:03:19
  Matt: I did good.
• 1:03:21
  Eric: You did, I fucking.
• 1:03:23
  Eric: I said it once, I'll say it again I fucking love birds.
• 1:03:36
  Matt: I fucking love birds, dog.
• 1:03:36
  Matt: Every episode in episode, episode out, you're over here talking about when can we stop recording so I can go look at my birds?
• 1:03:40
  Matt: I just I need my birds.
• 1:03:41
  Matt: Eric, you did really well and lindsey has just walked into the studio.
• 1:03:47
  Matt: Ladies, and and gentlemen, On and out the commit to my bit, the love of my life.
• 1:03:53
  Matt: I have to ask you what do you want?
• 1:03:56
  Matthew Attenborough: I'm so sorry to interrupt.
• 1:03:59
  Matt: I just want to play Dr Mario, but I didn't want to.
• 1:04:01
  Matt: She didn't want to disrupt my save.
• 1:04:02
  Matt: I wanted to make sure you saved Zelda.
• 1:04:05
  Eric: That's a wife.
• 1:04:05
  Eric: This is precious as fuck.
• 1:04:07
  Eric: So for those of you who didn't catch it, dr lindsey bar wanted to play some dr mario one doctor to another and she wanted to come in and ask make sure that matt had saved his game on the switch so she would not overwrite his save.
• 1:04:23
  Eric: That is true, fucking love that's a woman listeners that is committing to the bit that that is precious as that's love that's love, ladies and gentlemen, and and with and with that.
• 1:04:39
  Matt: That ends this inaugural edition of pop quiz bird or bluff the greatest.
• 1:04:47
  Eric: this is my new favorite segment of all time.
• 1:04:49
  Eric: Okay, you like?
• 1:04:51
  Matthew Attenborough: this idea, this pop quiz.
• 1:04:53
  Matt: Matt, I love this so fucking much so you must know that the next time we do pop quiz, you'll be popping a quiz to me, yes, oh and oh, I, and again listeners.
• 1:05:07
  Matt: This is real.
• 1:05:08
  Matt: We didn't discuss this, Matt.
• 1:05:10
  Eric: I already know my category.
• 1:05:12
  Eric: It's going to be perfect.
• 1:05:14
  Matt: I'm excited.
• 1:05:14
  Matt: I'll tell you what, eric.
• 1:05:16
  Matt: I'm excited for any content in this show that I don't have to arrange.
• 1:05:22
  Matt: That's always attractive to me, but I do think that'll about do it for this episode, this one question episode of you Didn't Ask For this.
• 1:05:33
  Matt: As always, you can submit those questions to us a variety of ways.
• 1:05:37
  Matt: You didn't ask for this at gmailcom that's all spelled out.
• 1:05:40
  Matt: Or at you Didn't Ask Pod, on Instagram, twitter, facebook and, of course, tiktok.
• 1:05:48
  Matt: We do have a TikTok now.
• 1:05:50
  Matt: We've been sharing some clips.
• 1:05:51
  Matt: Hundreds of people have been exposed to us that haven't been in the past and to them I apologize.
• 1:05:58
  Matt: And, of course, in the episode description, you can now send us a text message.
• 1:06:04
  Matt: Just click on the link there and, kabam, you'll get us a text message.
• 1:06:08
  Matt: Or you can call the thought line, like like Steve Listen, seattle did like Steve Listen.
• 1:06:15
  Matt: Seattle.
• 1:06:15
  Matt: Like Steve Listen, seattle.
• 1:06:17
  Matt: You can call in.
• 1:06:18
  Matt: Make us feel like we have a real terrestrial radio show and we will answer your questions that way.
• 1:06:28
  Matt: That number is 410-9 2 9, 5, 3, 2, 9.
• 1:06:33
  Matt: Give us a call today, eric.
• 1:06:35
  Matt: What did I miss?
• 1:06:37
  Eric: You.
• 1:06:37
  Eric: I think you nailed it.
• 1:06:40
  Matt: Did I?
• 1:06:40
  Matt: You got top to bottom, all right.
• 1:06:42
  Matt: Well then, for all of us here at you didn't ask for this.
• 1:06:46
  Matt: My name's Matt Jay.
• 1:06:48
  Eric: My name's Eric poach.
• 1:06:49
  Matt: And listen.
• 1:06:49
  Matt: You didn't ask.
• 1:06:51
  Eric: But this shit is for the birds.
• 1:06:54
  Eric: I apologize, you gave that to me.
• 1:06:58
  Matt: I apologize to you.
• 1:06:59
  Matt: Listener, that's who I am.
• 1:07:01
  Matt: I apologize to you and to me.
• 1:07:04
  Matt: Bye.