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It's Friday I'm More Than a Type · Friday I'm in Bed

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Hello, welcome to Friday. I'm in bed.
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Podcasts for midlife women living their best life but in
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bed by 10. Hi, so this week on Friday I'm
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in bed, we're going to dive into one big topic, misogyny on Love
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is Blind and what it tells us about in cell culture.
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We're talking about the gap between what men think women
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want, 6 packs, big bank accounts, perfect Instagram
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bodies and what women actually want, which is emotional
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maturity, generally kindness, humour.
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Why are men so convinced that their type is everyone's type?
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And how does dating culture keep reinforcing these outdated,
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often toxic ideas? So grab a cuppa and let's dive
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in. Jen, how are you this week?
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Hi Kate, Well I'm the same as I was the week before because we
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are pre recording this obviously because this you what you're
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currently looking at is past me because present me is in
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Morocco. I know I I am hoping that
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present me is having a wonderful time.
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In Morocco, you are. Hasn't been bitten by any rabid
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dogs. Nope.
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Or like anything like that but I.
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Understand anyway, so it doesn't matter.
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What if you are no. So I've got on a group trip and
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by this point I will have hopefully been sand.
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Sand surfing, I think it's called sand boarding, Yes.
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And ridden a camel and camped, dumped in the desert.
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So I've done all signs, all kinds of wonderful things that
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you will hear about next week. But at the moment I am sitting
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here in chilly old chilly old England, wrapped in wrapped in
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my scarf because it's a bit nippy today.
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Have you been to Morocco before? I have not.
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In fact, the only place I've been outside of Europe is a trip
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to Vegas once. I haven't really been outside of
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Europe before. So I'm, I'm quite excited about
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the like it being a bit of a cultural difference, if you see
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what I mean? Love Morocco.
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I've been to Marrakech quite a few times and my husband has
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just come back from I swear I can't, I can't pronounce it.
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I've seen it written down. Which is on the coast and that
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he's absolutely sold. But he got apparently we're
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going back there next month because it's like Marrakech on
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the beach with surfing. So it's like cool and there's
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like hippies deejaying on the beach, but there's also to jeans
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to eat and Spooks to shop in. So it's like really eclectic.
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It's amazing. You'll have a lovely, lovely
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time, I'm sure. Just know how to barter.
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I'm not very good at that. I'm not very good at that.
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Do you start with like 50 and off would you say?
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Is there like a guide thing well?
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Allegedly they put 50% on what they want, but one thing is it's
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just a little. I'll give you 1 little handy
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hint before we dive in. When you're at one of their
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stalls, if you touch anything, they have decided that you are
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interested and then they're coming at you.
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So the trick is to look at everything without going oh look
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at this, which is really hard to do.
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Yeah, you have to eat because if you act really excited, which I
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generally do when I see knife pretty things, that doesn't go
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well. No.
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Then you have to look like you don't really want this thing.
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And yeah, OK. Oh, I forgot.
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Actually my mom tells me I have been to Morocco.
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I just I just wasn't born yet because apparently my mom found
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out she was pregnant just after she got back from Morocco and
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she was like that explains why I was being sick all the time.
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I thought it was all the red wine.
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Yes, whereas I tell the story about how I went to all these
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gigs and festivals with Herbie in my tummy and that's why his
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music taste is impeccable because he was at or he saw all
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these amazing bands in utero. Anyway, we are direct.
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We have a topic to talk about. Lesson.
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Morocco. I'll tell you about that next.
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Week. Yes.
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Good. So should we get into it?
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Yes. Let's get into it.
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So you have to tell me about this one.
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So we're going to talk what about love is blind, but it's
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not really about love is fine, but this is this is what sort of
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triggered my thoughts. So love is blind.
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Let's just start with explaining what that is to anybody that
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doesn't know what love is blind is.
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It's a dating show, but the difference is you don't see the
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person. So you spend think it's like to
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about 60 hours in these pods chatting to people.
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And the idea is as you create a real emotional connection, you
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talk about all your life, your values, your fears, you talk
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about the future. You know, you really go deep
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with the idea that can love be blind because actually dating
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shows generally it's and particularly dating apps is all
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about the aesthetic and you make a decision if you want to see
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somebody based on a photograph, if you're using Tinder, for
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example, or if you're on Love Island.
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It's about what you look like. You know, it's very, you know,
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appearance LED, but actually what we should be doing is
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connecting on a deep level. So the premise is actually quite
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cool because you're getting to know people, people deep down
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rather than at surface level, IE the visual.
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Obviously the issue potentially is there when when you see them,
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but a lot of the time the attraction is there on day one
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because you've really connected. You really, really want them.
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It doesn't necessarily work out. It invariably doesn't work out,
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but it often doesn't work out because your personalities
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actually clash or something, you know, or there's too much
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distance or. Anyway, the current series is
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American, that's on Netflix right now.
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And there is this couple, Chris and Jessica.
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They connected. They met after the connection.
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They've been getting on really well.
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They have been intimate, as they always say on these programs,
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which basically means they've shagged.
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They've been on honeymoon. They go on a it's not a
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honeymoon. They go on a trip to Mexico and
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they, you know, they get deep duper in their relationship
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physically and mentally. Then they move into a house.
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It's kind of similar to other. Yeah, yeah.
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Anyway, so they get home really, really well.
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She is a doctor. She is incredibly successful.
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She is beautiful. I mean, to be fair, I have to
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also say they're all quite good looking.
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They don't. You don't suddenly arrive and
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they are all good looking. Yeah.
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Anyway, she's amazing. Everything's going swimmingly.
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He goes to her house and she has got a massive house, massive and
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beautiful with personality. If you watched it, she'd be
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like, I want to live in that house.
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And somewhere along the line, he's his feelings change and he
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decides that he's not sexually attracted to her at all.
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And Ulta basically says, I'm not sexually attracted to even
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though we've had sex, I wasn't feeling it.
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And the reason is, is you don't do CrossFit.
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And she was like I told you in the pods, I don't, I'm not fit.
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I'm working in hospital all the time.
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She was on the frontline in COVID.
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She talks about that and how hard it was, you know, like I
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don't really have time. But also she is the UK size 10.
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I'd say the king day. She is tiny.
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You don't do CrossFit every day. And I want a woman that does
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Pilates every day. I want a Pilates woman.
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And of course we all go and she is a queen.
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She just goes, well, I don't do Pilates every day.
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I'm not going to be doing Pilates every day.
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I'm at work. And if you don't like my body
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then she doesn't say it, but she basically says that's a you
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problem. And she dumps him and we're all
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like, yo-yo, yo-yo. Anyway, this has been going
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viral all over, you know, Instagram and stuff because it's
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like, you know what, What? And what basically?
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However, I still think clips of the conversation.
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So yeah, that's like my whole knowledge of it.
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I'm not the reality TV queen like you're but.
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What's been really interesting since is the discovery that this
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is not about Pilates. OK, so this is not about doing
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Pilates every day. Because let's face it, you could
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be really muscly, masculine presenting woman, short hair
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covered in tattoos and do Pilates every day.
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This is not about Pilates. This is not.
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And I've been doing some digging and it's what's been really
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interesting is this is all part of in cell language.
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So that's what we're going to talk about more than love is
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blind, if you know what I mean. So the Pilates Princess is
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irrelevant if she does Pilates or not.
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She is the woman that I see all over TikTok.
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And probably instead, to be fair, she's young, she's blonde,
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she's white, she's thin, she's slim, you know, but she wears
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neutrals, she drinks matcha. She is not dissing her because
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she's great, but she is a type. And importantly, the type is
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white, young, blonde, but also not opinionated.
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She's not political, she's not a feminist.
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She's quite traditional, quite conservative, quite safe.
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And that is what they want. That is the key thing.
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This is really funny because I, I started going to reform a
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Pilates as part of my so I was trying to perk up February, I
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was doing this February fun homework and I went to a
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reformer Pilates class. OK.
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And the whole studio is like, oh, it's, it's very nice, clean,
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fresh space, but it, it's beige. Everything's beige.
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And I've now been to like 3 sessions.
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So obviously I am, I mean, I'm terrible at it.
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I fall over a lot and things, but I'm like, so yesterday I was
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walking around there and I was like, I did a little video when
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I was on my way around there just going, I'm just so you all
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know, I'm a Pilates Princess now I'm going to start buying, I'm
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going to start buying cream cohorts and massive beige
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Stanley cups in which I'm going to drink my matcha lattes.
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So it is. And obviously I was joking
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because even if I bought a cream cohort and all that, I would not
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be a Pilates girly because I am that human being.
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But good. Because what I was kind of
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getting out was, yeah, no, I'm too loud and annoying and
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opinionated. And to that's the key thing
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here. And then what I've since
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discovered it's this whole, it's obviously linked with in cell
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red pill culture about how they want their women.
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And let's face it, they want them in women to be traditional.
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And I've even discovered words that they use or men use in
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their Tinder profiles and what they actually mean.
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So for example, looks after herself basically means you need
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to be a Pilates Princess. But also no drama.
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They talk a lot about no drama. They don't even argue.
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With me. That means, yeah, well, no
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politics, no opinion, no answering back, basically, Yeah,
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so. We know who to.
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Avoid. Well, yeah, exactly.
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Unfortunately, so many men are writing this and that's what
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they want. But then that leads me on to
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because when you read the comments, it's all like, well,
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men, we're allowed to have the right.
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And that's what I'd like to really talk about is this type
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thing because there's a type and then there's I don't know, I
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don't know. Do you?
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Let's start with. Do you have?
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A type. So, yes.
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So bearing in mind that I died, yeah, I've been, I'm rolling my
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brain, but my mind back. I've been married for a long
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time. Like, you know, I always went
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for kind of like the kind of skinny intellectual musos, like,
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you know, dark hair and dark hair and glasses.
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You know, if they were carrying a book or a guitar, I was like,
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oh, hi. Do you know what I mean and that
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kind of thing, I guess I like kind of, but if you ask me my
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type, I will a lot of time talk about more.
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I don't necessarily talk about physical attributes, I guess
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because I will talk about, you know, how I like that kind of
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intellectualism. I like, you know, people who
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think about stuff and that kind of thing more than I will then
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say, you know, I might go for people like purely on looks
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like, you know, dark hair and glasses was always like a little
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thing that I had like that kind of.
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Yeah, there might be a look that if that was all you had to go
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on. But generally, yeah, always much
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more interested in what people are actually like as human
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beings because who'd have thought, you know, that there
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will be people that you do not find physically attractive.
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You know that that is always going to happen.
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But I also think that if if you. Yeah, that's an interesting
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premise for the love of blind thing, isn't it?
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Where, where you've started with discovering those things before
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you see each other physically? Because it's interesting to
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think about what that might suggest if somebody was really,
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you know, not your type completely out of like even down
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to the fact that if you considered yourself heterosexual
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and it turned out to be a woman on the other side like that kind
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of. Well, they don't go.
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To be fair, they don't go. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
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But that's just my, that's my brain leaping around.
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But. I.
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Require topics, but yeah, so I think yeah, my type was I was
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never like, you know, big muscles and, you know, gym Bros
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and I know that kind of stuff. That's more likely to be like a
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massive turn off for me, to be honest.
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Like that kind of that kind of thing.
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I was always more into the, you know, if they read books, I was
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like, oh, hi, let's talk about books.
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That was made with music, I think, and this is this is kind
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of the point is that it's this type thing a I don't want to
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keep going about the in cell culture, but it is very much
13:10
about type. I like this type that is it the
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end. And also they really feel and
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are bogged down by the fact that women want three things a six
13:21
pack them to be tall and for them to earn money, decent
13:24
money. But actually when you speak to
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most women, that is not on the list.
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Well, it might be on the list, but it's it's way down.
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Emotional maturity, openness, humor, kindness, the ability to
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share and be a team player. Yeah.
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And then potentially next layer down into books, into music, you
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know, into we both play football or you know, or whatever, you
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know that that interest and then appearance.
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And of course you can have a tight, you know, like I quite
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like guys with long hair historically, for example.
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But but you can grow hair funnily enough.
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Or you could, you might say, I mean like men with beards, but
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you can grow a beard and actually.
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Yeah, and these things change as well, you know, like 20 years
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you might want to shave your beard off.
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Like you've got to have that kind of basis there.
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It's interesting that that talking about that kind of
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insell culture it because that is that is something that, you
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know, you hear young men saying a lot is that, well, women only
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want, no, women want men that are mean to them or no, they're
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not interested in me because I'm, you know, I'm not this,
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this, this, this, this and this and you, you kind of go, well,
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hey, not all, I hate to say it, but not all women.
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Sure, there will be some women out there.
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Maybe are are thinking like that the same as there are some men
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out there that that are thinking that about women.
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But what women are you interested in?
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If again, if, if, if you're specifically saying, oh, well,
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if I'm going to get a Pilates Princess, I'm going to have to
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be this, then you might go, yeah, fair enough.
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Like if, if if, if you're trying to attract that specific kind of
15:11
shallowness, then maybe you might need to lean into a
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specific shallow. Look yourself.
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Well, I think that I always think back to the six pack
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thing. I was sick because before this I
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was thinking, you know, do I do I find a six pack attractive?
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And it's like, well, yeah. But I also have this feeling
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that if I got with a man that had a six pack and was really
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muscular, knowing how my brain works, I would probably feel
15:35
inadequate because I ain't ever getting a six pack.
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And I got a wobbly tummy and I don't want to feel inadequate.
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Now, you shouldn't, obviously, if you love somebody and they
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love you, you shouldn't. But nobody should make you feel
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inadequate. But I find it like, oh, but if I
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had a six pack, I might want somebody with a six pack.
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I. Don't know, but that might
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suggest that you had similar interests.
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Exactly. You don't get a six pack without
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spending a lot of time in the gym so.
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Exactly. You know, you might find someone
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who also likes to spend time in the gym and isn't that lovely?
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Not my person but exactly. But I think there is this thing
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of, as you said, nobody wants me because they all want 6 pack
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God, but I haven't got a six pack.
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Like it's almost like, so you, you know, why don't you go to
16:19
the gym and then maybe you might meet somebody.
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Yeah, if that's about what you're interested in and it's, I
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say kind of say a lot about it's like, it's like treating women
16:28
as a different species, I think almost like.
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I want a fluffy dog or a small dog.
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A fluffy small dog I can put in my handbag.
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I mean, I don't put Dolly in my handbag, but she's a small
16:40
fluffy dog. But I didn't want a big dog.
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I wanted small fluffy one. But it's a bit like that, isn't
16:45
it? Which is ownership.
16:46
I know you think of them as your baby, you know they're your
16:48
baby, but ultimately, sorry. Yeah, ultimately you end up
16:53
going and picking a dog that fits in with your lifestyle.
16:56
Yeah, and it's really like that, isn't it?
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I want a Pilates Princess even though I this is a status.
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Symbol but this is a status symbol that I get to purchase
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and pick off of the shelf rather than a partnership or a
17:09
relationship that I want to build and have in my life.
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I just want this imaginary thing rather than what I'm looking for
17:16
is a life partner. Perhaps is is is the kind of
17:20
vibe I think that comes off of it.
17:23
Yeah, very, very much so that yeah, women are women are a
17:25
status symbol in a product. They wouldn't say that about
17:28
their, they're friends. They wouldn't necessarily, they
17:31
wouldn't kind of meet a bloke in the pub for instance and be
17:35
like, I'm not sure we can be friends because what I really
17:38
want in a friend is a guy that does Pilates every day.
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And also, you know, I meet a guy in a, you know, I'm a guy and I
17:46
meet another guy and we get on really well actually.
17:48
You've got loads of interests in common and stuff.
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But actually I'm afraid you're only 5 foot 9 and I'm only
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friends with six foot men. Oh.
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Yeah, that's a shame, isn't it? If only could have been so
17:58
beautiful. The irony, not wanting to bother
18:02
shame anybody, but the irony of course, is that Chris on Love is
18:05
Blind, I think is about 5 foot four or something, 5 foot 5.
18:09
Like he's. So unfortunately there's also
18:12
been quite a lot of backlash around him, like aimed at him
18:16
going like again. So you want back to, you said
18:19
about the status symbol, but you're not a status symbol, you
18:23
know, You're not, you know, Yeah, in your dream.
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And also it turns out he's £63,000 in debt on his credit
18:34
card. I think he got sued or he got
18:36
taken to court or something around the debt before.
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Love is blind. And of course he's met this
18:41
woman who he gets on really well with is all over.
18:44
You know, they're they're, they're being intimate.
18:46
They're happy, happy, happy. He sees her house and he
18:49
doesn't. This hasn't been said.
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He doesn't say it, but he changes at that point because of
18:54
course he is actually financially and is that OK?
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I mean, maybe. There's something deeper there
19:02
for him. A sense of what kind of
19:05
inadequate? I think so that sense.
19:09
But is that a problem, do you think, when you're dating types
19:12
of so this whole premise that women only want men that are
19:16
rich or have got a really good job.
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But I mean, to be fair, if a woman wants that and she's got a
19:20
really good job, I mean, it's fine, isn't it?
19:21
Like, you know, you can have two successful people together.
19:24
Is it, do you think you need to be financially aligned for it to
19:29
work? Well, I don't know where that
19:30
one came from. That isn't in my notebook.
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I've just come up with. Well, I mean, that's it because
19:34
I mean, finances are a big cause of arguments in relationships.
19:37
So I would say that I don't think it's necessarily they like
19:39
to be all and end all, but I think maybe you need to have a
19:42
similar attitude to money, even if you don't have like the same
19:46
amount of money, because that's where you end up with problems,
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isn't it? It's like in a situation like
19:50
this, you don't want to then get into something with someone
19:52
who's always building up debt and you're the only person with
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that's making any money in the relationship, you know, because
19:56
by the time you get to the point where you're starting to like
19:59
merge your finances, that's going to that's going to start
20:03
causing problems. If one person is always the
20:05
spender and one is always the earner, then there's going to be
20:07
like an imbalance. It's not called resentment.
20:11
It's not about how. Much money you're bringing in
20:14
it. See, my I've been married before
20:16
and my first husband spent all the money on cigarettes and
20:19
McDonald's and I earned all the money and it was a problem.
20:23
Do you like it or not? It was like you're sitting
20:26
around doing nothing. It did work.
20:29
It did work, but you're just spending it all.
20:32
And interestingly, my current husband.
20:35
I always say that that sounds awful.
20:36
My husband. I love it, keep doing it please.
20:39
Sounds like there's going to be another one, another one on the
20:41
way. A Pilates man, he does not
20:44
believe in borrowing money. We do have a mortgage, but
20:47
absolutely no debt, no credit card, never has.
20:50
If you can't afford it, you don't buy it or you save for it
20:53
or to be favored by a second hand or whatever, or you make
20:56
it. He really is no debt allowed.
20:59
And when I met him, I think I had about maybe about 12 grand
21:02
or 14 grand on my credit card because I was going on shopping.
21:05
I had an amazing shoe collection.
21:07
So we were very, very different. And I, when I got pregnant, we
21:12
decided to sell my house and move it, you know, I mean to
21:15
live together. And he actually said that from
21:20
the money that I've made on my house, I had to pay off my
21:24
credit card. And that sounds awful, doesn't
21:25
it? He told me I had to, but he was
21:28
so right. And I have never borrowed any
21:31
money since. Actually, no, I'm with him.
21:33
Well, I'm not. That's going to say I'm not
21:35
allowed. That sounds awful, doesn't it?
21:36
Like he controls everything he does.
21:38
But the in our house, our mentality and with the kids as
21:42
well, is if you don't, you can't buy it.
21:45
If you don't have it, if you don't have the money to buy it,
21:48
you can't, you know? I wish that was our house
21:50
mentality. Yeah, ours is.
21:53
I mean, if it was up to me, I'd probably be still responding
21:55
money on shoes to be that. So in a way that we were
22:00
different, but we are now aligned and all, but then we had
22:03
so much other things in common. So I suppose is it a deal
22:06
breaker potentially, but we were aligned in everything else.
22:10
It's just I like, I like buying clothes.
22:13
But then now I think this is the this is the importance.
22:16
And I think that this is the thing that that kind of in cell
22:18
culture that sets someone as a status symbol, like a package of
22:23
parts forgets is that a relationship is is a partnership
22:28
and it ends and it's always going to be a discussion.
22:31
You know, you will not ever be aligned on everything.
22:35
But the point is, is that you know that I'm sure that there's
22:38
things that he's changed from being with you.
22:44
Yes, it's way more political and.
22:46
So you end up kind of kind of weighing up these things and,
22:49
you know, if spending loads of money on your credit card and
22:52
having shoes had been a deal breaker issue for you and he was
22:56
like, no, you have to pay that off, then it wouldn't have
22:58
worked. Yeah, exactly.
23:00
However. Spending loads of money on shoes
23:02
you're a bit like, well, I do like doing it, but not as much
23:05
as I like being with you and therefore we can.
23:08
And also, yeah, the debt needed to be paid off because it was
23:10
getting bigger and bigger. You know, we can, we can balance
23:14
that with the fact that I'm buying, I'm buying this sofa
23:19
even though you hate pink or whatever, like, I don't know.
23:22
On that I found the most amazing pink sink and toilet and I was
23:27
hoping he'd buy it for me for Valentine's Day.
23:29
And then he came back. He came back.
23:31
It's on. Toilet for Valentine?
23:33
I need to say nothing. I'm not.
23:34
I'm not going to say where it is because somebody goes and buys
23:36
it. Oh no, this isn't going out till
23:37
next week. And he came back from Morocco
23:39
and said, did you buy that? And I was like, well, I'm
23:41
looking funny. I was kind of hoping you'd buy
23:43
it for me for Valentine's Day. And that I think that made him
23:45
go, maybe I should have bought it.
23:48
But anyway, talking about pink, pink.
23:49
Anyway, the other thing in this is that bodies change, we
23:54
change. So if I wanted as a man with a
23:58
six pack, you know, with a big bank, bank, bank account, a big
24:01
car and B61, you generally don't grow or get smaller a bit maybe.
24:08
Unless your spine disappears. Just saying.
24:13
But that would have been all right for that period of time,
24:16
wouldn't it? Because 20 years on, sorry,
24:19
husband doesn't listen to the podcast.
24:21
He did have a six pack. He doesn't have one now.
24:24
Do I love him any less? No, because the six pack it was,
24:28
yeah, like, you know, it was attractive, but that isn't why I
24:32
fell in love with them, you know?
24:34
Not why you stayed in a relationship.
24:36
Yeah, and it was more because I wouldn't just fall in love with
24:39
just a six pack because like unless you saw that 6 pack 24/7,
24:44
literally you're not even going to see it anyway.
24:46
So the point is, is we change. And as women, I mean, men's
24:50
bodies change to women's bodies really change, especially with
24:52
hormone changes, menopause, and for many of us, we have babies
24:57
as well. So I was a Pilates Princess.
25:01
I mean, I was always a bit goth. I mean, to be fair, I wasn't.
25:04
I think just you have going to Pilates, you have to be that
25:07
doesn't make you a Pilates Princess.
25:09
Pilates Princess comes with all the I.
25:11
Was yoga. They're not Pilates.
25:12
I was doing yoga about four times a week and I was a bit of
25:15
a yoga Bunny. But my body has changed and
25:18
that's OK. That's normal.
25:19
So these guys that want the Pilates Princess, what are they
25:22
going to do? So they also want babies, don't
25:25
they? This is the game.
25:26
They all want babies, but they don't want our bodies to change.
25:31
But you see that I've seen podcast clips all the time of
25:33
them going, Oh, well, if she doesn't immediately snap back
25:36
after she's had a baby, you know I'm going to put my foot down
25:38
like she should be back in the gym and the oh, have you?
25:42
Seen there's a like a tweet or whatever about Rihanna that's
25:45
going round and there's a picture of Rihanna, yeah, like
25:48
when she first starts. So she was a teenager or she's
25:51
in her early 20s and she obviously looks she looks really
25:54
young because she is really young.
25:56
And then next to it is a picture of her recently.
25:59
I mean she's still, I don't know, she's in her 30s, you
26:01
know, yeah. Which is there was a.
26:03
Way she had no makeup on and stuff as well.
26:04
She had no makeup on, but she's also had three kids.
26:07
And she also, it was, you know, like a professional or whatever,
26:10
you know, like a publicity shot versus her with her kids.
26:14
And it was basically something it says something about like,
26:17
you know, this is the problem with women type of thing.
26:19
Look at Annette. It's, I think what it said is
26:21
This is why men wants men want younger women.
26:24
Look what happened to Rihanna. Look.
26:25
What happened to Rihanna? But then they also want to carry
26:29
on their gene pool and asked to have babies and are talking
26:32
about potentially taxing us for not having babies but your body.
26:36
So it's like which one do you want?
26:38
But I mean, it's a trope though, isn't it, of, you know, men
26:41
trading in their wives for a younger model because
26:45
essentially they get the trophy wife and then the trophy wife
26:48
has babies and turns into, you know, a wife and mother.
26:51
And then the men are off making money and doing their successful
26:54
men things and they get to trade them in for a younger model.
26:57
So that's, you know, a massive kind of cheesy stereotype, isn't
27:01
it? But make kind of, if you have
27:03
that attitude that you're not, you're not looking for a
27:07
partnership, you're not looking for a life partner, you're
27:10
looking for a status symbol, then that's the kind of ultimate
27:15
outcome of it, isn't it is that I have all these things and
27:18
therefore, like can trade you in for a younger model at any time.
27:22
I did. I think The thing is, is that
27:24
that's always been there, hasn't it?
27:25
You know, I'm successful, I'm rich, I go to the gym and you
27:28
know, I'm going to trade you in. I'm going to, you know, men
27:30
sleeping with their younger secretaries at work.
27:32
And that's always been there as like a massive cliche.
27:36
I feel like one of the things I'm seeing now, which feels
27:38
different about that in cell culture is the entitlement from
27:43
men who maybe aren't meeting on living up to that stereotype
27:48
aren't part of that cliche. So they don't have, you know,
27:51
the big car and the fancy job and the money and a six pack.
27:56
So they don't have all of that. And they are framing it like
28:00
it's women's fault that they don't get to live the stereotype
28:04
of getting a trophy wife and then trading her in for a trophy
28:07
girlfriend. Like that was ever a good thing,
28:10
for starters, but also like it was something to aspire to.
28:14
And now they're not allowed to do that, even though they're not
28:16
even living up to their side of this.
28:20
Does that make sense? I know that sounds like I'm like
28:22
justifying it or in some way, but that's not the intention.
28:25
It's that that kind of idea that it's an entitlement to have a
28:29
trophy, a trophy. Obviously, because there are
28:32
guys on the Internet making podcasts telling them that
28:37
that's the way, you know, you deserve A10 and A10 equals XY
28:43
and Z and you deserve it and you're not getting it.
28:46
So it's her fault. But what's so upsetting about
28:49
this is if these guys just spoke to some people outside of that
28:55
bubble, they talk to their mum or their aunt or their sister or
29:00
other guys who have realized that, you know, they've got
29:04
their partner and they're, you know, they are discovering life
29:09
isn't just about 6 packs or whatever and Pilates, they would
29:13
realize that none of that matters.
29:16
And this is what I find so frustrating. 6 packs and flashy
29:19
cars and six foot nurse doesn't matter and we know that and a
29:25
lot of men thankfully know that. But these guys who have been red
29:29
pilled won't believe it. But then they're saying, well
29:32
then if that's the case, why don't I have a girlfriend?
29:36
Why don't I have a girlfriend? If all of that stuff that I
29:39
don't have doesn't matter, why don't I have a girlfriend?
29:43
Because they need to come out of that bubble and stop listening
29:45
to that podcast and speak to some real people and some women.
29:49
Because you need to a stop focusing on the idea that you
29:53
know the only girlfriends you want are the ones with this
29:55
collection of trophy attributes and actually speak to women as
29:59
if they're human beings and friends before you can build
30:02
that kind of relationship with it.
30:04
That's why you don't have a girlfriend.
30:07
And I think for young. Yeah, yeah.
30:11
Just just sorry, that kind of that kind of like, like derailed
30:14
me then. Yeah.
30:15
Is that, you know, because that's that's the question
30:16
they're asking is that's what I'm saying, is that that.
30:18
But I don't have any of those things and I don't have a
30:20
girlfriend. So why?
30:22
And you go because you're looking for the wrong things and
30:24
you're not treating women like human beings.
30:26
And what they actually want is to be treated like human beings
30:28
rather than your potential future trophy wife.
30:31
So they want to find someone that they can just talk to
30:34
without this being like, I'm in some kind of competition to
30:37
prove that I fit your your criteria.
30:41
I don't think it's just an age thing.
30:44
So I think I do hear, you know, well, you're 53 and you will
30:47
think differently. And when I speak to my daughter,
30:51
she's 15. And, you know, if I'm not to ask
30:54
her, you know, what are you looking for in a boy?
30:56
She would say, I want one. That's not a Dick.
30:59
I mean, that's the bar guys. She doesn't say I want him to be
31:05
taller than me. I want him to a part time job.
31:07
Obviously. She's 15.
31:08
I want him to be clever at school.
31:10
I want him not to be in trouble at school or I want him to be in
31:13
trouble. You know, like she's not.
31:15
She's not. I mean, yeah, she has a physical
31:17
attraction towards you and not you because we have eyes.
31:21
That's how things like that do work.
31:23
She might go, he's she definitely goes.
31:25
He's fit, but that's more like she'll watch a video of somebody
31:29
or a pop star or whatever and she's like, he's fit.
31:32
But when it comes to who do you want to date?
31:34
The bar that I don't want a Dick.
31:37
And it's like, wow, you know that?
31:40
I mean, when I think back to being that age, I could remember
31:43
sometimes, you know, there were guys that you would get chatting
31:46
to people and you would be like, even if it wasn't an initial
31:49
attraction, if you chatted to people, like over time you might
31:52
be like, there's something there.
31:53
But there was also people where you were like, oh, you're cute.
31:56
And then you were like, Oh no, God, you're awful and a bit of a
32:00
Dick. So that that does happen.
32:03
But you also see boys that these like in that kind of in cell
32:06
culture talking about like the friend zone thing as well.
32:08
So that's one of the things that with that kind of claim that,
32:11
you know, when women say they don't want a Dick, well, I'm not
32:13
a Dick, so why aren't they dating me?
32:14
And you kind of go, maybe that just didn't evolve in this
32:18
particular instance. Maybe you were pushing it too
32:20
hard. Maybe you were a Dick and you
32:21
didn't realize it because you were thinking, oh, because all
32:24
the time you were thinking of this as a potential relationship
32:28
rather than building relationship.
32:31
I have. I have.
32:32
Read a lot of people complaining that she's friend zoned me and
32:37
and comments underneath going well congratulations you've got
32:41
a friend. Yeah, what's wrong with?
32:43
That like, you know, turns out you can be friends with women.
32:47
I know, and that's a. Really good thing, yeah.
32:49
I mean, I thought we'd understood that since, like, you
32:51
know, Harry met. Sally and maybe that's what they
32:53
need to do is watch that anyway. So love is blind still on if you
32:57
want to yeah. And there is so much you could
33:00
talk about for all the other guys as well.
33:02
It seems to be I feel like each series is like it might be the
33:06
girls, the women that are really toxic or the men.
33:08
There seems to be like it goes. It's not just the men, but this
33:12
year it appears to be quite a few of the men.
33:15
But Married at First Sight start the week you get back from
33:18
Morocco and there was this. Do you think I've watched?
33:20
That this time. Well, you don't have to because
33:22
I can watch it for you because I will be.
33:24
But again, they love talking about type.
33:27
She's not my type. That's not what I ordered.
33:30
In fact, I think somebody actually said that once, but
33:32
it's a bit like I ordered. It's like no, the again, the
33:35
premise, I'm course, let's face it, the premise is it's just for
33:38
entertainment and and drama art. The premise is supposed to be
33:42
this is my type in all ways, and it's not worked.
33:46
I need something different. I need to look at love through a
33:49
different lens. So they go, OK, this is these
33:52
are your values. This is what's important to you.
33:54
These are your likes. As in I like Pilates.
33:57
Let's let's lock them in. You know, they do that, but then
34:00
they turn up and go, she's not my type.
34:02
That's not what I ordered. It's like.
34:04
But anyway, okay. Well, I can't wait to hear about
34:08
Mary The. 1st. Time I've cried back then.
34:10
Well, have a great trip. Thanks.
34:11
Just ending meeting have a trip and I'm not jealous, I'm very.
34:15
Excited. I've got Moroccan nails and
34:17
everything. Don't come back with a lamp, a
34:20
carpet, a statue of something and because you won't get to put
34:25
it into your case. No, I've only got a little
34:27
suitcase. I need a hand took.
34:29
Pictures and there's this big like footstool and I'm like, Oh
34:33
my God. And he was like, I know.
34:42
OK, no furniture. I will do and we'll see you
34:46
next. Week See you next week.
34:48
Thank you for joining us for another roundup of midlife chat,
34:51
hot takes and occasional moaning.
34:53
Well, quite a bit of moaning. Make sure you hit subscribe so
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35:02
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35:16
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