Latest / Hurdle with Emily Abbate / 210. Nikki Hiltz, Professional Runner

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210. Nikki Hiltz, Professional Runner · Hurdle with Emily Abbate

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Speaker 1: I definitely like, Yeah, I have leaned into my what
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Speaker 1: makes me different, and I love myself and I love
0:05
Speaker 1: talking about it to anyone because also the more I
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Speaker 1: get to talk about it, people might be listening and
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Speaker 1: learning things that they've never thought about before.
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Speaker 2: Hey, everybody, Emily Abadi here.
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Speaker 3: You are listening to episode two hundred and ten of Hurdle,
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Speaker 3: a wellness focused podcast where I connect with everyone from
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Speaker 3: your favorite athletes to top experts and industry CEOs about
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Speaker 3: their highest highs, toughest moments, and everything in between. We
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Speaker 3: all go through hurdles in life, and my goal through
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Speaker 3: these discussions is to empower you to better navigate yours
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Speaker 3: and move with intention so that you can stride towards
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Speaker 3: your own big potential.
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Speaker 2: And of course have some fun along the way.
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Speaker 3: Today, I am so amped to bring you my conversation
1:02
Speaker 3: with Nicki Hilts. They are a professional runner and have
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Speaker 3: a massive announcement recently joining Lululemon as their newest global ambassador.
1:16
Speaker 3: I'm catching up with Niki today for the show. They're
1:19
Speaker 3: telling us all about how that came together and how
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Speaker 3: meaningful it is to them finally having a sponsor that
1:27
Speaker 3: supports their next move Niki tells us about how they
1:32
Speaker 3: went for many months without a sponsor and did a
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Speaker 3: fundraiser of sorts selling track Club T shirts, of which
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Speaker 3: all of the proceeds went to fund their season. Now
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Speaker 3: you may notice that I am using the pronouns they
1:48
Speaker 3: them there, and that is because Nicki is transgender. They
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Speaker 3: came out in twenty twenty one, and we talk about
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Speaker 3: what that was like for them. Last year, Nikki came
2:00
Speaker 3: out for the first time as gay in twenty sixteen,
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Speaker 3: and they talk about how the two experiences were drastically different.
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Speaker 3: The first time that journey a lot more supported, excited,
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Speaker 3: feeling super accepted, whereas last year coming out really felt
2:20
Speaker 3: as though it affected their performance and had some truly
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Speaker 3: difficult mental repercussions as well. Really really excited for this conversation,
2:31
Speaker 3: grateful for Nicky's openness vulnerability. They have so many great
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Speaker 3: takeaways for anyone else who may be in a place
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Speaker 3: where they are confronting either coming out or their gender
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Speaker 3: expression and identity. And I think one of my favorite
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Speaker 3: questions that I ask Nikki in today's episode is how
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Speaker 3: they feel about this being a topic that they speak
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Speaker 3: on so frequently. I bring up the example of Scout Bass,
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Speaker 3: a paralympian who was recently on the show, and how
3:03
Speaker 3: clearly that is one of the things that she talks
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Speaker 3: about so much in her interviews.
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Speaker 2: So bringing that full.
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Speaker 3: Circle to Nicki's circumstance, they get real with me about
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Speaker 3: what it feels like to talk so openly about this
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Speaker 3: specific topic all of the time. Again, huge, huge congrats
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Speaker 3: to Nicki on this new partnership global.
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Speaker 2: Ambassador for Lulu. I'm in such a.
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Speaker 3: Major deal, so excited to see what you do next.
3:33
Speaker 3: Make sure you are subscribed to the weekly Hurdle newsletter,
3:37
Speaker 3: and if you want to interact with fellow hurdlers in
3:41
Speaker 3: the community, We've got an awesome Facebook group for you
3:44
Speaker 3: to do just that.
3:45
Speaker 2: The link to join in is in the show notes.
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Speaker 3: And last, but not least, if you have not yet
3:51
Speaker 3: rated and reviewed the show, it would mean the world
3:53
Speaker 3: to me. Do it in Apple Podcasts or wherever you
3:57
Speaker 3: get your podcasts, tell them why love being a hurdler.
4:02
Speaker 3: One last little bit of housekeeping here. I am excited
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Speaker 3: to announce that I am going to be in Eugene,
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Speaker 3: Oregon for the World Championships of Track and Field this
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Speaker 3: coming July. I've got more details, more info coming to
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Speaker 3: you asap. But if you are going to be there,
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Speaker 3: I want to know, feel free to shoot the Hurdle
4:23
Speaker 3: account a dm over at Hurdle podcast. I'm over at
4:26
Speaker 3: Emily Abodi. I am so excited to post up for
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Speaker 3: the week and to interact with all of you who
4:32
Speaker 3: may be there. I are l and with that, let's
4:37
Speaker 3: get to hurdling.
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Speaker 2: Today.
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Speaker 3: I am sitting down with Nikki Hilts. They're a professional
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Speaker 3: distance runner and the CEO of the Pride five k. Which,
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Speaker 3: how are you feeling right now? Because it's kind of
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Speaker 3: a big day for the pro I had five k.
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Speaker 1: It is it's literally like five minutes ago we opened registration,
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Speaker 1: So is it going bonkers? I put my phone on
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Speaker 1: do not disturb, and you know, I'm just gonna that
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Speaker 1: last year. I remember I opened it and then I
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Speaker 1: just went for a run because I'm like, I don't
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Speaker 1: even want to know. So yeah, I'm like, I don't
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Speaker 1: know one to know if there's like issues logging in,
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Speaker 1: like just don't ignorance is bliss?
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Speaker 2: Well, I have good news. I went to go check
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Speaker 2: it out.
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Speaker 3: I realized in doing so, and maybe you can answer
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Speaker 3: a question that someone listening to this show has the
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Speaker 3: same question. If you are running the Pride five k virtually,
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Speaker 3: which kudos to you, this is the first year that
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Speaker 3: you're having an in person event as well. Super exciting
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Speaker 3: on that. But if you're running it virtually, do you
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Speaker 3: have to run it on October second?
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Speaker 4: That's a great question. Yeah, we haven't set up that way.
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Speaker 1: That's kind of how we've done it the past two years,
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Speaker 1: is on that day, like everyone comes together and runs
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Speaker 1: and posts about it, just so it's one big exciting day.
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Speaker 1: But I mean we have laid around with like making
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Speaker 1: it a week or like, yeah you have a week
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Speaker 1: or ten days to run it, but yeah, I think
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Speaker 1: we're sticking to the just one day, just full send it.
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Speaker 1: Everyone from around the world collectively is going to do
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Speaker 1: it on the same day.
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Speaker 4: So yeah, I love this.
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Speaker 3: The only reason I ask is because I'm probably one
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Speaker 3: of the few people listening to this right now that
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Speaker 3: may be running the London Marathon.
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Speaker 2: So can I do like a double dip here?
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Speaker 4: Stop? Oh my gosh.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, if you're running a marathon, there's tons of five
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Speaker 1: k's within.
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Speaker 2: A marathon, so totally counts. Yeah, totally totally counts. Okay,
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Speaker 2: good to know.
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Speaker 3: I will register as soon as we get off of
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Speaker 3: this podcast. So tell us why does the Pride five
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Speaker 3: K mean so much to you?
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Speaker 4: Oh my gosh.
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Speaker 1: I mean I feel like it's so fresh in my
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Speaker 1: mind because we've been like making all this content for it.
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Speaker 1: But it just it was just this idea that me
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Speaker 1: and a couple of friends had, like back in twenty
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Speaker 1: twenty when the world shut down, and it was just
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Speaker 1: like it's so crazy to look back and think about,
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Speaker 1: Like we're like, yeah, we'll just put on a race,
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Speaker 1: like you know, it's quarantine. People are getting into running,
7:15
Speaker 1: like I really want to raise money for the Trevor Project.
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Speaker 4: Like we'll just do it and see see what happens.
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Speaker 1: And it's so wow to look back now of like
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Speaker 1: it just like we were messing around in my garage
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Speaker 1: in San Diego and like that we were making shirts
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Speaker 1: and stuff and we made that's where we designed the
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Speaker 1: first Pride five K shirt. It's just like so crazy
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Speaker 1: to think, like even that first summer, we had nearly
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Speaker 1: two thousand.
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Speaker 4: People sign up and it was like what is going on?
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Speaker 4: Like this, Oh, this is a thing.
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Speaker 1: You know, people want it, people are excited about this
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Speaker 1: and want to do it and so and then obviously
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Speaker 1: the past two years it's been virtual, and I feel
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Speaker 1: like we've created this community of like like I.
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Speaker 4: Have friendships from this.
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Speaker 1: Like the first year, four people came out, and the
8:02
Speaker 1: next year I was like, Okay, I want to talk
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Speaker 1: to these people, and so we did podcasts with them
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Speaker 1: and I like formed these relationships with them, but I've
8:08
Speaker 1: never I've met one of them in person, but I
8:10
Speaker 1: haven't met the other three. And it's just like I'm
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Speaker 1: so excited to meet them in person and like hug
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Speaker 1: them and like you know, talk to them and run
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Speaker 1: with them. And so it's just I don't even know,
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Speaker 1: there's no words to describe. It's just all good, fuzzy,
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Speaker 1: warm feelings and like to me personally, like I obviously
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Speaker 1: am part of the LGBTQ community, and like for me,
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Speaker 1: just creating that safe space and especially through running to
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Speaker 1: you know, find a place for myself and others within
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Speaker 1: the sport that I love, Like that's what it means
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Speaker 1: to me.
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Speaker 4: It's like, you know, it's it's just there's no words.
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Speaker 1: Like.
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Speaker 3: There's no words, and it's it's really just so beautiful
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Speaker 3: the community as you articulated so well that you've built
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Speaker 3: through this and the community that you've cultivated through the
9:00
Speaker 3: way that you communicate on social media.
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Speaker 2: On social media, we have been able to.
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Speaker 3: Follow along as you've gone through so much change. Also
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Speaker 3: during this time last spring, you came out as transgender
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Speaker 3: non binary.
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Speaker 2: You also moved to flag Staff.
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Speaker 3: For so many people, change can be really, really difficult, and.
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Speaker 2: It seems to be something that at.
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Speaker 3: Least on the surface, you're making it seem like you
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Speaker 3: are okay with Is that true?
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Speaker 4: Yeah, that's a good question.
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Speaker 1: I mean, change, no matter what is hard, Like even
9:36
Speaker 1: if it's good change, right, You're like you have to
9:38
Speaker 1: adjust and your body and your mind and hearts, like
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Speaker 1: what's going on? But yeah, I think I've just kind
9:44
Speaker 1: of with every decision I made throughout my career, I
9:48
Speaker 1: kind of just go with my gut, and like I
9:50
Speaker 1: think my gout was just pulling me to the mountains,
9:52
Speaker 1: like and then yeah, of course, with like coming out,
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Speaker 1: it was like I'm ready for this. I finally have
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Speaker 1: you know, the proper language to accurately articulate what I've
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Speaker 1: been experiencing with my gender my whole life. And so
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Speaker 1: I was like, Okay, I'm ready, And yeah, I think
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Speaker 1: I just kind of go with my gut and make changes.
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Speaker 1: Like in college, I transferred schools after two years and like, yeah,
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Speaker 1: I'm definitely not someone that shies away from change.
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Speaker 3: I guess that's someone who shies away from change. And
10:25
Speaker 3: you mentioned even you yourself having to get to a
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Speaker 3: place where you felt as though you have the language
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Speaker 3: to express how you.
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Speaker 2: Feel what's going on.
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Speaker 3: I know there has been some conversation and you even
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Speaker 3: comment on it recently on your social navigating other people
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Speaker 3: also kind of having to go through the motions and
10:48
Speaker 3: understand how to speak correctly using your correct pronouns. Talk
10:53
Speaker 3: a little bit about what that process has been like
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Speaker 3: for you, because I know at times towing the starting line,
11:02
Speaker 3: when someone's saying, all right, ladies, are you ready to go?
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Speaker 3: It definitely doesn't feel super homey.
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Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, definitely not affirming. Yeah, it's it's so funny.
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Speaker 1: I mean every race it's like okay, ladies, listen up,
11:18
Speaker 1: ladies like ladies on your mark, and it's just like
11:21
Speaker 1: why are officials obsessed with that word? And it's like runners,
11:26
Speaker 1: like it's such a quick fix to or like athletes,
11:29
Speaker 1: you know, But yeah, It really does come back to
11:33
Speaker 1: like the language we use, and like just changing our
11:36
Speaker 1: words can help dramatically in making someone feel safe and
11:40
Speaker 1: affirmed in their gender. And like that's been something that
11:44
Speaker 1: I myself have had to like learn and unlearn, and
11:47
Speaker 1: so I do feel like I have kind of a
11:50
Speaker 1: great deal of empathy for those still slipping up and
11:54
Speaker 1: saying you know, defaulting to she her instead of the them.
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Speaker 4: So yeah, I do have because it's something I.
12:01
Speaker 1: Had to learn too, right, Like I had to unlearn
12:03
Speaker 1: everything I've ever learned about gender and like, you know,
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Speaker 1: really dive deep into what it means to be gender fluid.
12:10
Speaker 1: Like I the more I learn and like learn about
12:13
Speaker 1: myself and grow, It's like I think that there's as
12:16
Speaker 1: many genders as there are people on earth, you know,
12:19
Speaker 1: I think it's such a fluid thing, and like just
12:22
Speaker 1: these two boxes of like male and female feel so
12:25
Speaker 1: like limiting and constricted and like, yeah, so I think
12:29
Speaker 1: right now I'm kind of just in a space where
12:31
Speaker 1: where I'm learning and I want to share my learning
12:34
Speaker 1: with others, and yeah, and then also you know, have
12:37
Speaker 1: empathy for when people mess up, but like also kind
12:40
Speaker 1: of call them out and be like it's important that
12:43
Speaker 1: we get this right. It's important that we make space
12:45
Speaker 1: for people, and you know that we try.
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Speaker 3: Even owning up and saying that you went through a
12:50
Speaker 3: period where you had to kind of better understand it
12:54
Speaker 3: as well, that takes vulnerability, that takes you coming from
13:01
Speaker 3: a place of understanding that maybe others don't approach it with.
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Speaker 3: So even coming from that lens, I think is really respectable.
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Speaker 4: Yeah, no, for sure.
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Speaker 1: And it's like I think it's also when it comes
13:14
Speaker 1: to like understanding something versus like having compassion or empathy
13:19
Speaker 1: for it. It's like I think people if they don't
13:22
Speaker 1: understand it, they're like.
13:25
Speaker 4: I don't know.
13:25
Speaker 1: They're like I don't get it. And it's like you
13:27
Speaker 1: don't actually need to have comprehension for something to have
13:31
Speaker 1: compassion for it, right, Like if someone's telling you, like, hey,
13:35
Speaker 1: I know, like my birth name is Dominique, for example,
13:38
Speaker 1: but I've never gotten by Dominique. I've always been Nicki,
13:40
Speaker 1: But like.
13:41
Speaker 2: You, who picked NICKI?
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Speaker 4: I don't know? Well, more question is who picked Dominique?
13:46
Speaker 4: If you were just.
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Speaker 1: I think that was my dad. But my dad got
13:52
Speaker 1: to name me, but I don't know. It's kind of like, hey, Okay.
13:56
Speaker 1: If I had a substitute teacher right and be like
13:58
Speaker 1: Dominiqe Kilts, and I would just raise my hand and
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Speaker 1: be like, I go by Nikki and then it was
14:01
Speaker 1: like okay, and then that was it.
14:03
Speaker 4: And it's kind of like the same thing now.
14:05
Speaker 1: It's like she heard's like, actually I want to use
14:08
Speaker 1: say them like those are my new pronouns, and and
14:10
Speaker 1: it should be like, oh, okay, cool, you know, not
14:13
Speaker 1: like I don't understand why you want to be called
14:16
Speaker 1: but or I don't understand why you want to be
14:17
Speaker 1: called Nikki.
14:17
Speaker 4: Your name's Dominique. It's like no.
14:19
Speaker 1: It's like people can change and like ask to be
14:22
Speaker 1: called something that they feel affirmed in. You know.
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Speaker 3: Yeah, I that's a really helpful and great illustrative example.
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Speaker 3: I would say, I love. It's like you wouldn't ask
14:34
Speaker 3: me why, you just be like okay.
14:36
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, and be like, oh, you don't you
14:40
Speaker 1: look like a Rebecca or something.
14:41
Speaker 2: It's like that it's not my name, but that's not it.
14:46
Speaker 2: That's not it.
14:47
Speaker 3: Okay, Well, let's wind it back a little bit here
14:51
Speaker 3: to get people that might be listening to this right
14:53
Speaker 3: now a little bit more understanding of your journey to
14:57
Speaker 3: get to this point. So you have been running for
15:01
Speaker 3: quite some time, but your love for running actually started
15:04
Speaker 3: on sand is that correct?
15:07
Speaker 4: Yes?
15:07
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah. I'm from Santa Cruz, California. So it's like
15:11
Speaker 1: a small, you know, central coast town, and there's this
15:16
Speaker 1: program called Junior Guards where a bunch of beaches in
15:20
Speaker 1: California basically basically every beach like in the summer has
15:24
Speaker 1: a has a junior guard program. And so I did
15:28
Speaker 1: guards like you could. The first year you can do
15:31
Speaker 1: it is when you're six years old, and my first
15:33
Speaker 1: year I was seven, And yeah, it's where I fell
15:36
Speaker 1: in love with running, but it also definitely really ties
15:39
Speaker 1: into my gender identity journey. So I have an older sister,
15:43
Speaker 1: Mikayla shout out, she's the best. She's two years older
15:48
Speaker 1: than me. And so when I was I was like
15:52
Speaker 1: what five, mikail was seven, she was doing guards, and
15:55
Speaker 1: I was like, Okay, the next year, like I'll be six,
15:57
Speaker 1: like I'll be able to do it.
15:59
Speaker 4: But I I didn't want to wear when.
16:01
Speaker 1: I was six and I could finally do guards, I
16:03
Speaker 1: didn't want to wear the girl's bathing suit. And it's
16:06
Speaker 1: like that's all I saw on the beach, right, I
16:09
Speaker 1: saw like little girls wearing one.
16:12
Speaker 4: Pieces and two pieces and then.
16:13
Speaker 1: Like the boys wearing board shorts, and I was like,
16:15
Speaker 1: I don't want to wear that, but I really want
16:17
Speaker 1: to do this, and so like I didn't. I sat
16:20
Speaker 1: out that summer because it was more important to me
16:22
Speaker 1: to feel like myself than like to do something in
16:26
Speaker 1: like literally just like clothing right that I didn't want
16:29
Speaker 1: to wear. And so the next year, I remember we
16:32
Speaker 1: were in the O'Neil surf shop, like picking out the
16:36
Speaker 1: red bathing suit and there's like the boy section, girl section,
16:40
Speaker 1: and I'm with my mom and sister, and I'm like,
16:42
Speaker 1: I see these like board shorts and like a rash guard,
16:45
Speaker 1: which is basically just a T shirt that is waterproof
16:48
Speaker 1: that you can wear. And I was like, Mom, if
16:50
Speaker 1: I wear like these board shorts and rash guards, like
16:52
Speaker 1: can I do guards too?
16:54
Speaker 4: And she was like of course.
16:55
Speaker 1: And so like that summer, seven year old Nikki just
16:58
Speaker 1: like walked on the beach and like in my rash
17:02
Speaker 1: guard and shorts and like short hair, baseball cap and
17:05
Speaker 1: just like fell in love with running, you know, playing
17:09
Speaker 1: played in the ocean on the sand with like all
17:12
Speaker 1: my best friends, and yeah, I guess that's where my
17:16
Speaker 1: running journey started. And also it was like I didn't
17:19
Speaker 1: see a space for myself, so I've made one, you know,
17:21
Speaker 1: And I feel like that has kind of been a
17:24
Speaker 1: theme for mine for the past year of like I
17:26
Speaker 1: don't really see anyone that looks like me in track
17:28
Speaker 1: and field, or like I don't see anyone using data
17:31
Speaker 1: and pronouns, but like I'm just gonna do it because
17:34
Speaker 1: like I know that that's me, and like, yeah.
17:37
Speaker 3: I feel like this has been a theme in different
17:40
Speaker 3: instances lately and a lot of the conversations that I've
17:43
Speaker 3: been having, it's like, in.
17:46
Speaker 2: Order to see them, sometimes you have to be them.
17:50
Speaker 3: And so you may not have had these individuals to
17:54
Speaker 3: look to in the sport of track and field coming
17:57
Speaker 3: up just yet, but now younger athletes are going to
18:01
Speaker 3: see you and envision that they too could toe the
18:05
Speaker 3: line despite maybe themselves being fluid with their gender.
18:09
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly, And I think that's that's what definitely motivates
18:13
Speaker 1: me to keep going of like, and that's the power
18:16
Speaker 1: of representation too, Like, you know, there's so many I
18:20
Speaker 1: think it's something like twenty percent of gen Z identifies
18:23
Speaker 1: as something other than straight. And it's not because all
18:26
Speaker 1: of a sudden there's this gay gene that gen Z has.
18:29
Speaker 1: It's like, no, there's there's representation now and people can
18:32
Speaker 1: see themselves represented in all aspects and yeah, no, it's
18:37
Speaker 1: It's definitely something that's really important to me.
18:40
Speaker 3: It's interesting also that you mentioned not quite feeling comfortable
18:46
Speaker 3: with the outfit or the bathing suit situation. Can we
18:50
Speaker 3: apply that to running uniforms and how maybe you've had
18:54
Speaker 3: to think about that or reshape your views on that
18:57
Speaker 3: over time.
18:58
Speaker 1: Absolutely, yeah, I think it's it's very so I obviously
19:04
Speaker 1: went through the NC double A and then now I'm
19:06
Speaker 1: a professional runner. And what I hate the most about
19:09
Speaker 1: it is like what like in college we got there
19:14
Speaker 1: was not there was an options. It was like okay,
19:16
Speaker 1: buns and like this singlet, and it was like, okay,
19:20
Speaker 1: can we get split shorts? Can we get like other things?
19:23
Speaker 2: You know?
19:23
Speaker 1: And then I think finally like we did or like
19:26
Speaker 1: we did have that option, but I know like other
19:29
Speaker 1: schools out there, Like I've gotten messages from people that
19:31
Speaker 1: are like my school only like makes me wear buns
19:35
Speaker 1: and like that's not comfortable for me, and like I'm
19:37
Speaker 1: like we need to change that because like the so
19:39
Speaker 1: much of track and field, and like sport in general,
19:42
Speaker 1: is about how your confidence and your mentality and like,
19:45
Speaker 1: you know, if you're if you're feeling powerful, like you're
19:48
Speaker 1: going to perform well, and like so much of that
19:50
Speaker 1: comes back to like clothing and like what you feel
19:53
Speaker 1: comfortable in. And yeah, I think I love having options
19:58
Speaker 1: and I love like, Okay, some days I want to
20:01
Speaker 1: wear a crop top in buds, but like other days
20:03
Speaker 1: I want to wear looseling and split shorts. Some days
20:06
Speaker 1: I want to wear like the biker shorts.
20:07
Speaker 4: You know.
20:08
Speaker 1: It's like I love having because my gender is so fluid,
20:11
Speaker 1: I want and need like my closet to be fluid
20:14
Speaker 1: in that way as well.
20:15
Speaker 3: When did you come to and understanding that this was
20:19
Speaker 3: going to be something that you were going to share
20:22
Speaker 3: with your firstly immediate circle and then broader than that.
20:26
Speaker 4: Yeah, it was.
20:27
Speaker 1: It was honestly like twenty twenty, like I think that,
20:30
Speaker 1: you know, my running was stopped like so many other things,
20:34
Speaker 1: like you know, the season got canceled, and I feel
20:36
Speaker 1: like I had the time and space and energy to
20:40
Speaker 1: like honor my gender identity and ways I hadn't before.
20:44
Speaker 1: And honestly, it was like through TikTok. I got a
20:48
Speaker 1: TikTok like at the beginning of the pandemic, and like
20:52
Speaker 1: the for you page like really says for you, right,
20:55
Speaker 1: I was getting all these like trans like creators and
21:00
Speaker 1: like non binary, and that's where I was like, oh,
21:02
Speaker 1: this is That's where I discovered the language. Like it's
21:05
Speaker 1: so crazy that just this like social media platform was
21:07
Speaker 1: where I kind of, you know, first heard it and
21:10
Speaker 1: then I did my own research and I was like
21:11
Speaker 1: that's me, Like oh my gosh, this is me. And yeah,
21:16
Speaker 1: I mean my girlfriend, Emma Gee is like incredible and
21:19
Speaker 1: we were getting to know each other that summer of
21:21
Speaker 1: twenty twenty and and like she if anyone that knows Emma,
21:25
Speaker 1: like she just asked questions, and she asked like really
21:29
Speaker 1: good questions, and she's like like very early on it
21:32
Speaker 1: was just like, so, what's your gender, Like what's your
21:35
Speaker 1: journey with that? And like we just kind of went
21:37
Speaker 1: there like and we got deep and like it was
21:39
Speaker 1: just really easy for me to open up about it
21:41
Speaker 1: and talk about it. And then after talking with her,
21:43
Speaker 1: it was like, Okay, I want to do that again.
21:45
Speaker 1: But with like my friends and my family, and so
21:47
Speaker 1: I did. And then once I felt safe enough with them,
21:50
Speaker 1: I was like, Okay, I'm ready to come out because
21:52
Speaker 1: no matter what happens, I have my people and they
21:54
Speaker 1: have my back. And so anyone that's you know, queer,
21:58
Speaker 1: I think can can attest. It's that it's like this
22:00
Speaker 1: journey that's not just this one you come out one
22:03
Speaker 1: day and then it's over, right, It's like a continuous thing,
22:06
Speaker 1: and like for me, that was kind of like my
22:09
Speaker 1: process with it.
22:10
Speaker 2: Two things to double click on.
22:12
Speaker 3: The first thing is I love how on this journey
22:15
Speaker 3: of exploration you took small hurdles to get to the
22:21
Speaker 3: place where you are ready to chat about it on
22:24
Speaker 3: a big scale. That really demonstrates the importance of really
22:29
Speaker 3: feeling confident in where you are and how you feel
22:32
Speaker 3: before you use something that's going on in your life
22:35
Speaker 3: to maybe help somebody else. Because if you don't feel
22:38
Speaker 3: at peace or cool or ready to fully dive into
22:41
Speaker 3: it and answer questions and that makes you feel frazzled,
22:44
Speaker 3: then sharing it isn't going to help you, not until
22:47
Speaker 3: you're truly on that page. So I really love how
22:50
Speaker 3: you exemplified what your journey looked like, because I think
22:53
Speaker 3: that's a really important point.
22:54
Speaker 4: Yeah, definitely.
22:56
Speaker 2: And then the.
22:57
Speaker 3: Second thing really that I have a question about then
22:59
Speaker 3: is you came out in twenty sixteen. Talk to me
23:02
Speaker 3: about the difference between coming out in twenty sixteen and
23:06
Speaker 3: announcing where.
23:06
Speaker 2: You were with your gender later on.
23:09
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think I kind of publicly came out twenty sixteen. Yeah,
23:12
Speaker 1: and it was definitely scary. Like I was going to
23:17
Speaker 1: school in Arkansas, you know, I'm from California, Like it was,
23:22
Speaker 1: you know, I had a girlfriend and I wanted to
23:24
Speaker 1: like post about her and like like all my you know,
23:28
Speaker 1: straight teammates were posted about their partners. I was like,
23:31
Speaker 1: I want to do this too, and it was just
23:33
Speaker 1: like I was kind of like we're talking about I
23:35
Speaker 1: was ready. So I did it, and like it was
23:38
Speaker 1: it was like incredible the weight that was lifted off
23:41
Speaker 1: of me. Like, you know, I told my parents and
23:44
Speaker 1: they were like so supportive, and they were also like, duh,
23:48
Speaker 1: we've known. And then I like told you know, teammates
23:52
Speaker 1: obviously new and like it was just really cool to
23:55
Speaker 1: have that support. And I think it's because I wasn't
23:58
Speaker 1: like expecting yet ever since then I was like I
24:01
Speaker 1: want to keep coming out like this is incredible, Like
24:04
Speaker 1: having those vulnerable conversations with people, like it allowed me
24:09
Speaker 1: to be vulnerable with them and then them to.
24:11
Speaker 4: Be vulnerable with me back. I think it just.
24:13
Speaker 1: Created such strong connections to people in my life, and yeah,
24:19
Speaker 1: I really wasn't getting like pushed back from it, and
24:22
Speaker 1: so yeah, that made me happy, right Like I'm yeah,
24:26
Speaker 1: it was this really authentic thing that I was sharing
24:28
Speaker 1: and then I was getting like support from it, and
24:31
Speaker 1: then you know, my running also took off, and I
24:34
Speaker 1: don't think that was a coincidence, right, Like it felt
24:37
Speaker 1: like this weight was lifted and I could finally like
24:39
Speaker 1: be myself. And so I think that I was kind
24:44
Speaker 1: of thinking the same thing when I was going to
24:46
Speaker 1: come out about my gender identity. I was like, Oh,
24:48
Speaker 1: it's gonna be the same thing, Like I'm going to
24:50
Speaker 1: get all this support, like I'm going to be like
24:53
Speaker 1: light as a feather on the track, like let's do this.
24:56
Speaker 1: And I think if we look at just pull it
25:00
Speaker 1: where our country was in twenty sixteen versus like now
25:04
Speaker 1: it's it's and in those two things right like sexuality
25:09
Speaker 1: and trans being, like gender identity, it's so so crazy
25:14
Speaker 1: like that we were almost more progressive back then, Like
25:18
Speaker 1: I remember twenty was it twenty fifteen gay marriage got
25:21
Speaker 1: legalized and like yeah, so when I came out twenty sixteen,
25:24
Speaker 1: it was like yeah, like that's awesome. And then if
25:27
Speaker 1: you look at in I came out in March twenty
25:30
Speaker 1: twenty one and like get a new way of twenty
25:32
Speaker 1: twenty one is when it like all the anti trans
25:35
Speaker 1: bills started, and it was just kind of this fear
25:38
Speaker 1: amongst like a bunch of states and politicians that it
25:41
Speaker 1: was like trans people are going to take over and
25:44
Speaker 1: like ruin our you know, society that we've built, and
25:48
Speaker 1: like so when I came out, I think there was
25:51
Speaker 1: like people saw the word transgender and there was just
25:54
Speaker 1: like fear and they were like upset about it. And
25:56
Speaker 1: then especially the fact that I'm an athlete, They're like no, no, no,
26:00
Speaker 1: And it was very jarring, I would say, the response,
26:04
Speaker 1: because I mean there was a ton of like support
26:07
Speaker 1: and that was incredible too, but I think I just
26:09
Speaker 1: wasn't prepared for like the pushback that came. I was like, oh, whoa,
26:14
Speaker 1: Like we're not ready for this, Like yeah, so very
26:19
Speaker 1: different coming out stories, but Yeah.
26:23
Speaker 2: Can you talk a little bit about what some of
26:25
Speaker 2: that pushback was like?
26:28
Speaker 4: Yeah, it was.
26:28
Speaker 1: Definitely like confusing because I think, like and I also
26:32
Speaker 1: really tried not to look at it, but it was
26:34
Speaker 1: just when you're tagged and things, you know, you're like what.
26:37
Speaker 4: Is this and you read it, You're like, I didn't
26:39
Speaker 4: need to read that.
26:40
Speaker 1: But it was like things were like, oh, well that's
26:45
Speaker 1: not fair, Like Nikki's going to be on testosterone now,
26:47
Speaker 1: and it's like when did I say that? Like, or
26:50
Speaker 1: it's like I think there was an article that came
26:53
Speaker 1: out they talked about on the broadcast at the Olympic Trials,
26:56
Speaker 1: like Nicky Hillt's transgender, and people literally thought that I.
27:00
Speaker 1: I was like, they saw me, they saw they were
27:02
Speaker 1: trans under they saw Nikki, and they saw like competing
27:04
Speaker 1: in the woman's fifteen hundred, and they thought I was
27:07
Speaker 1: like a trans woman and they were like you're a man,
27:10
Speaker 1: like you know, just like all the terrible backlash that
27:12
Speaker 1: like trans woman have to face. I was like, oh whoa,
27:15
Speaker 1: Like I'm I'm not a trans woman. Like it's it
27:19
Speaker 1: was just confusing because I was like people are taking
27:22
Speaker 1: see this word or see this whatever, and they're applying
27:24
Speaker 1: something to it that's like not accurate, and so I
27:27
Speaker 1: felt like there was kind of this weight on me
27:30
Speaker 1: to be, Okay, I need to explain this, I need
27:32
Speaker 1: to overexplain myself. I need to be like I literally
27:35
Speaker 1: I'm just myself. I'm just asking to be called referred
27:38
Speaker 1: to as they them like not she heard, you know.
27:40
Speaker 1: And it felt kind of exhausting to like kind of
27:43
Speaker 1: have that pressure on to you know, be the one
27:46
Speaker 1: to educate everyone around me. And it was definitely like heavy,
27:50
Speaker 1: like it was the opposite of what I was expecting.
27:53
Speaker 4: Like I felt like I was like there was this
27:54
Speaker 4: weight on me.
27:56
Speaker 2: Do you still feel that weight on you? Yeah?
27:58
Speaker 4: It definitely like comes goes.
28:00
Speaker 1: I think, you know, being a year now out is
28:04
Speaker 1: I like I feel like I'm in such a better place,
28:06
Speaker 1: Like I've you know, high fad tools to like deal
28:09
Speaker 1: with things, like I've meditated a lot that it's like
28:13
Speaker 1: it's just a feeling like it's going to pass. And
28:15
Speaker 1: like I've also reframed it as like what an opportunity
28:19
Speaker 1: to educate people or like we were talking about, like
28:22
Speaker 1: what an opportunity to be that representation for you know,
28:26
Speaker 1: a little trans kid growing up who likes to watch track, Like,
28:29
Speaker 1: I've definitely had to reframe things and do a lot
28:32
Speaker 1: of work to like undo the anxiousness that happens when
28:37
Speaker 1: but like, yeah, I think I think it's just a journey.
28:40
Speaker 1: And I also am like I'm so happy that I'm out,
28:45
Speaker 1: you know, It's like I can't imagine.
28:49
Speaker 4: Still being in the closet about this.
28:51
Speaker 1: Like even though the yes people get my pronouns wrong
28:53
Speaker 1: or people are ignorant or like don't understand, It's like
28:56
Speaker 1: I'm actually so much happier, like for the people that
28:59
Speaker 1: do get it right, Like I can be myself in
29:01
Speaker 1: front of like my teammates, my coach, my girlfriend, my family.
29:04
Speaker 1: Like it's like that's what's worth it.
29:06
Speaker 4: To me every time.
29:12
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32:24
Speaker 2: This is an important conversation.
32:25
Speaker 3: Obviously, we've spent a little chunk of time talking about
32:29
Speaker 3: gender and coming out and your story thus far. I
32:32
Speaker 3: recently had Scout Bassett on the podcast, and as you know,
32:36
Speaker 3: she is a Paralympic athlete, and I asked Scout when
32:41
Speaker 3: we started speaking, I said, does it bother you that
32:44
Speaker 3: this is one of the first things that people want
32:47
Speaker 3: to talk to you about? And so I'll pose that
32:50
Speaker 3: to question to you right now. Does it bother you
32:54
Speaker 3: that a lot of times when you speak to someone,
32:57
Speaker 3: whether it's me on a podcast or maybe even someone
32:59
Speaker 3: you walk by on the street, they want to talk
33:01
Speaker 3: to you about coming out and your gender identity.
33:05
Speaker 4: Oh that's a good question.
33:07
Speaker 1: I don't know if bother is the right word, but
33:10
Speaker 1: it's definitely like I have to prepare for it, and
33:14
Speaker 1: like I know, like I know that my competitors, don't
33:19
Speaker 1: you know, or like whenever when I finish a race,
33:21
Speaker 1: like I know the media like indoors.
33:24
Speaker 2: You know.
33:24
Speaker 4: I was wearing Protect Trans Kids logo.
33:27
Speaker 1: And I was just like, like, I know that when
33:29
Speaker 1: I cross the line, my interview is not going to
33:31
Speaker 1: be about how I did.
33:32
Speaker 4: It's going to be about like what I'm wearing and what.
33:34
Speaker 1: I stand for and who I am, which it's kind
33:36
Speaker 1: of cool to me, Like I think I part, yes,
33:39
Speaker 1: part of me could be like woe is me? But
33:41
Speaker 1: like I lean into it, you know, I like that.
33:43
Speaker 1: I definitely like, yeah, I have leaned into my what
33:46
Speaker 1: makes me different? And I love myself and I love
33:49
Speaker 1: talking about it to anyone because also the more I
33:52
Speaker 1: get to talk about if people might be listening and
33:54
Speaker 1: learning things that they've never thought about before or like,
33:57
Speaker 1: but I think what would bother me is if is
33:59
Speaker 1: if they just stopped there, you know, if they didn't
34:01
Speaker 1: try to get to know me as an athlete or person.
34:04
Speaker 1: Right it was just like tell me about your advocacy
34:06
Speaker 1: or you know, let's talk about it here. But it
34:09
Speaker 1: always in podcasts, like we always you know, I'm a
34:12
Speaker 1: whole person, and.
34:13
Speaker 4: I feel like we always cover it. So yeah, that's
34:16
Speaker 4: a great question though.
34:17
Speaker 2: Oh well, thank you Nikki for you mentioned the frustration.
34:23
Speaker 3: Maybe that came hand in hand with feeling that you
34:27
Speaker 3: became That's what this came became about for you in
34:31
Speaker 3: twenty twenty one after coming out, and obviously twenty twenty
34:35
Speaker 3: one also a year for the Olympics.
34:39
Speaker 2: Let's talk a little bit about how.
34:42
Speaker 3: That frustration, how you navigated that frustration after showing up
34:47
Speaker 3: on the track and competing.
34:49
Speaker 2: What was that like for you?
34:51
Speaker 4: Oh, it's hard. It was really hard.
34:54
Speaker 1: I think I'm not someone I've never been an athlete
34:58
Speaker 1: who can like kind of hide what's going on off
35:03
Speaker 1: of the track. Like, whatever is happening in my life
35:05
Speaker 1: off of the track, it's always going to translate onto it,
35:07
Speaker 1: and like that can be my greatest gift and superpower
35:12
Speaker 1: of like I'm an incredible place in my life and
35:14
Speaker 1: I feel really supported and affirmed and happy and like
35:17
Speaker 1: I'm going.
35:18
Speaker 4: To run insanely well because of this.
35:20
Speaker 1: And then the other way it's like, oh I have
35:22
Speaker 1: all this fear, I'm uncertain, people hate me like boom.
35:25
Speaker 4: Of course, like.
35:26
Speaker 1: As soon as it gets hard, that's going to like
35:28
Speaker 1: hit you. So yeah, it was very much hard to
35:33
Speaker 1: kind of go through that, be in that space in
35:35
Speaker 1: life and then also try to perform.
35:37
Speaker 4: But yeah, I, like I've said, I've been like working
35:39
Speaker 4: through it.
35:40
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm in such a better place now,
35:42
Speaker 1: and like it kind of sucks that like that had
35:45
Speaker 1: to happen in such an important year in season. But yeah,
35:50
Speaker 1: I mean I also as an athlete that like learns
35:52
Speaker 1: from my mistake, So I don't even know if it's
35:54
Speaker 1: a mistake, but like we're always learning and growing and
35:56
Speaker 1: like figuring out ways to be better.
35:58
Speaker 4: So yeah, but it was. It was last year was rough.
36:03
Speaker 3: What did you do tell to recover from the brunt
36:08
Speaker 3: of this overwhelm and not getting the performance that you
36:13
Speaker 3: had hoped for.
36:15
Speaker 1: I've definitely like re Like I feel like I just
36:20
Speaker 1: keep saying reframe, but like it's such a good word
36:22
Speaker 1: of like I'm reframing, like I kind of went back
36:26
Speaker 1: to like my roots of like Okay, I started this
36:30
Speaker 1: sport because I loved it and it was so fun
36:32
Speaker 1: for me, and so I'm just going to bring that
36:34
Speaker 1: attitude every day to like practice like this. I'm not
36:38
Speaker 1: going to be so outcome oriented. I'm going to be
36:40
Speaker 1: like daily oriented and I'm like, am I having fun?
36:43
Speaker 4: Like you know?
36:44
Speaker 1: And I think that's like kind of been my attitude
36:48
Speaker 1: twenty twenty two and it's just been awesome, Like I
36:51
Speaker 1: feel like when before the race even starts, I've already won, right,
36:55
Speaker 1: Like I live in the mountains, a beautiful Like I
37:00
Speaker 1: get to go to practice every day and run with
37:03
Speaker 1: like my best friends. I have an incredible dog and
37:05
Speaker 1: girlfriend and like and I get to go run and
37:08
Speaker 1: I'm at work, you know, like I've already won.
37:13
Speaker 4: Yeah.
37:14
Speaker 3: I also hear in what you're saying this lesson that
37:20
Speaker 3: my life coach talks to me about all the time,
37:23
Speaker 3: which is asking yourself, why is something happening this way
37:27
Speaker 3: for me, even when it's not how I wished it
37:31
Speaker 3: would happen, And sometimes it takes me a minute to
37:34
Speaker 3: you know, accept why it's happening this way for me.
37:37
Speaker 3: Things are happening for you in a way that sometimes
37:40
Speaker 3: you just kind of have to like throw your hands
37:42
Speaker 3: up in the air and be like, well this is
37:43
Speaker 3: how it is now.
37:45
Speaker 1: Yeah, and also like removing the like it's it might
37:49
Speaker 1: not even be about you, right, Like if you go
37:51
Speaker 1: to get coffee and they're like out of coffee. You know,
37:55
Speaker 1: you get so easy to oh my day, like this
37:57
Speaker 1: ruined my day or like me, but it's like, actually
38:01
Speaker 1: that has nothing to do with you. There, that's just
38:03
Speaker 1: like the supply chain of this coffee, Like you.
38:07
Speaker 3: Know what I mean, Like, don't make it about you
38:11
Speaker 3: exactly Damn's coffee supply chain fair fair. So now we
38:19
Speaker 3: started this podcast talking a lot about change, and you
38:23
Speaker 3: are no stranger to it. You have a new change
38:27
Speaker 3: this episode coming out after you make a big announcement.
38:32
Speaker 2: Do you want to talk about what that announcement might be?
38:34
Speaker 4: Yes, I'm so so excited. I can't believe we haven't
38:38
Speaker 4: talked about it yet here we are.
38:39
Speaker 2: I know we've been covering a lot of ground here.
38:43
Speaker 1: Yes, I'm so excited to like announce and like finally
38:47
Speaker 1: be official as like Blue Lemons. Yeah, most recent global ambassador.
38:52
Speaker 1: It's it's so exciting. It's like the dream brand, you know.
38:57
Speaker 1: And yeah, I can't believe, Like I I don't honestly
39:00
Speaker 1: like couldn't believe it when it was like when I
39:02
Speaker 1: had my first room call with them, I was like, wait, is.
39:05
Speaker 4: This really happening?
39:07
Speaker 1: But yeah, I guess that's that's the t's the that's
39:10
Speaker 1: the news news.
39:11
Speaker 3: Well, I do have to tell you that I own
39:14
Speaker 3: a track club T shirt.
39:16
Speaker 4: Ah yay.
39:17
Speaker 3: Can we talk a little bit about where you are
39:19
Speaker 3: now versus where you were when you were making that
39:22
Speaker 3: T shirt and with the story of the T shirt.
39:25
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, totally.
39:26
Speaker 1: So my contract was up at the end of twenty
39:30
Speaker 1: twenty one and going into like a new year, I had, Yeah,
39:35
Speaker 1: I just had opportunity to make a change, and I
39:38
Speaker 1: was like, I want to do that. But there was
39:41
Speaker 1: also obviously like contracts, it's not like January first, here's
39:46
Speaker 1: a contract and like there you go. It's it's you know,
39:48
Speaker 1: it's a lot of negotiating. It's a lot of like
39:50
Speaker 1: brands are figuring out their budget or whatever for whatever reason.
39:54
Speaker 1: It's it's not a very timely thing sometimes. And so
39:59
Speaker 1: I was like, Okay, I'm in limbo right now, and
40:01
Speaker 1: I think I'm going to be in limbo for a while,
40:03
Speaker 1: and so I you know, I'm like I it was
40:08
Speaker 1: it was definitely scary, kind of like being like I
40:11
Speaker 1: don't have an income, right, Like I.
40:14
Speaker 4: Don't have a sponsor anymore, Like how am I going
40:16
Speaker 4: to do this? And so I've.
40:17
Speaker 1: Always wanted to like have my own merch and like
40:20
Speaker 1: sponsorships don't like allow that, or at least.
40:24
Speaker 4: My last one didn't.
40:25
Speaker 1: So I was like, oh my gosh, now I can,
40:27
Speaker 1: and so I was like I'm going to sell these
40:30
Speaker 1: shirts and I don't know, maybe like my mom will
40:33
Speaker 1: buy one and like my grandma. Like I was like
40:35
Speaker 1: maybe I'll sell two, like who knows. And I just
40:39
Speaker 1: kind of threw it up on my story like hey,
40:40
Speaker 1: I'm unsponsored. If you want to help like a queer
40:42
Speaker 1: athlete out like while they navigate this time, like buy
40:46
Speaker 1: a Prack Club shirt, and it just kind of like
40:48
Speaker 1: blew up and it was just so awesome.
40:51
Speaker 4: I felt like I was kind of in a dark place.
40:54
Speaker 1: Of like I honestly kind of want to quit this
40:57
Speaker 1: for it, Like you know, part of me was like,
40:59
Speaker 1: no one's making you do this. You don't have to
41:01
Speaker 1: do this anymore, and like that was honestly like tempting
41:04
Speaker 1: at times. But I think something deep inside me was like,
41:08
Speaker 1: no people care about you, and you also care about this,
41:11
Speaker 1: you know, like kind of pushing back on that doubt.
41:14
Speaker 1: And so that selling those shirts, like I just like
41:18
Speaker 1: resurrected by like hope in this sport and like, you know,
41:22
Speaker 1: all these people that were like willing to support me
41:25
Speaker 1: when like no brand could or would. It was like
41:28
Speaker 1: incredible and like I will always like if every time
41:32
Speaker 1: I see a track Club shirt. I'll just be like
41:34
Speaker 1: so happy because I'm like, Okay, you were my sponsor
41:37
Speaker 1: for like six months, Like you supported me, you you
41:40
Speaker 1: wanted me to keep going, and like, yeah, it was
41:43
Speaker 1: just incredible. I'm so so grateful for everyone that's that's
41:46
Speaker 1: bought a shirt.
41:48
Speaker 3: What I love about this story is you opening up
41:53
Speaker 3: about how you really felt completely.
41:58
Speaker 2: Down and out, so down and out.
41:59
Speaker 3: That you debated to completely leave something that had at
42:04
Speaker 3: one point given you so much joy. And I think
42:07
Speaker 3: that that is a story in one way or another
42:10
Speaker 3: that a lot of people listening to this right now
42:13
Speaker 3: can really really relate to. So what did you lean
42:17
Speaker 3: into or what did you do when you were in
42:20
Speaker 3: the thick of that hurdle moment of sorts to realign yourself.
42:25
Speaker 3: I mean, aside from the fact that you had eventually
42:28
Speaker 3: all these great people supporting you, that's not the case
42:31
Speaker 3: all the time. So how were you kind of giving
42:33
Speaker 3: back to you to hopefully get through that rut?
42:38
Speaker 4: Yeah, no, that's a good question.
42:40
Speaker 1: I Mean I was like, when I think about brands
42:45
Speaker 1: and like the kind of space I was in of like, Okay,
42:49
Speaker 1: if I have to work with a brand that is
42:51
Speaker 1: so determined on like your performances and like if you
42:55
Speaker 1: don't make the team, you're reduced or like dropped or
42:58
Speaker 1: you know, like I don't want to do this, Like
43:00
Speaker 1: that's not why I signed up to do this, like
43:02
Speaker 1: I And so that like walking away from resigning with
43:08
Speaker 1: like a brand like that was scary because it was
43:10
Speaker 1: like I, I don't know, like this doesn't feel I
43:14
Speaker 1: want to do this, but I don't want to do
43:16
Speaker 1: it that way, you know, And so I was really
43:19
Speaker 1: holding on hope that there would be a brand out
43:22
Speaker 1: there that saw my value on the track and off
43:24
Speaker 1: of the track, and like I was like, I think
43:27
Speaker 1: that there's one out there, you know, and like the
43:29
Speaker 1: people in my life, like my coach Macfleet at the time,
43:32
Speaker 1: was like there definitely is one, like you know, and
43:34
Speaker 1: like my girlfriend was like yes, like you know, just
43:38
Speaker 1: like it might be a little you might have to
43:40
Speaker 1: be a little patient.
43:41
Speaker 4: But like I think it's going to happen.
43:43
Speaker 1: And like, so I think I would say leaning into
43:45
Speaker 1: the people like and then also holding onto that hope
43:48
Speaker 1: of like I know that there's a brand out there
43:51
Speaker 1: that that values the same things I do. And so yeah,
43:55
Speaker 1: I think I think it was just kind of really
43:57
Speaker 1: leaning in the hope, and then I.
43:59
Speaker 4: Was also still running, like running has.
44:01
Speaker 1: Always been my escape and safe space, even if like
44:05
Speaker 1: maybe the track and field industry sometimes doesn't feel safe
44:08
Speaker 1: or like just simply going on a run though, will
44:12
Speaker 1: always like resent to me and ground me. And so
44:15
Speaker 1: you know, I never like stopped running, like I continue
44:17
Speaker 1: to train, and like I think it was just kind
44:19
Speaker 1: of thoughts of doubts of like, wow, I really could quit,
44:21
Speaker 1: you know, no one's holding me.
44:22
Speaker 4: To this anymore.
44:24
Speaker 1: But yeah, I think also like it really I was like,
44:28
Speaker 1: no one is making me do this, but I still
44:29
Speaker 1: want to do this, So like that's a good sign.
44:33
Speaker 2: That's a good sign. I'm gonna pivot a little bit.
44:35
Speaker 3: And this question might be a little controversial, but I'm
44:37
Speaker 3: actually really interested in your feedback on it. You know,
44:41
Speaker 3: lula'man included a lot of brands making and designing sneakers
44:45
Speaker 3: specifically built around a woman's foot.
44:48
Speaker 2: Right now, how does that make you feel? Like, what
44:51
Speaker 2: do you cause?
44:52
Speaker 3: Obviously anatomically it makes sense, but I'm just kind of
44:56
Speaker 3: curious about how you feel about the fact that like
44:59
Speaker 3: this kind of category is something that's like really buzzy
45:02
Speaker 3: and tech at the moment, No.
45:03
Speaker 4: I think it's I think it's incredible.
45:05
Speaker 1: Like I think that I'm never gonna as someone who's
45:09
Speaker 1: gender fluid and like doesn't identify as a woman, I'm
45:13
Speaker 1: still never I always feel, I guess, really affirmed in
45:17
Speaker 1: spaces that are centered around inclusivity, and like that was
45:20
Speaker 1: the whole goal around making a shoe for a woman's foot, right,
45:24
Speaker 1: it was like, this doesn't happen, right, all of our
45:27
Speaker 1: sizing is based on men's products, Like, right, we're gonna
45:30
Speaker 1: make a woman's shoe first and then the men's will
45:32
Speaker 1: come later. Like that's they're gonna have to figure out, Right,
45:36
Speaker 1: We're always trying to figure out, Okay, well what size
45:38
Speaker 1: am I in a men's And it's like a man
45:40
Speaker 1: has never had to do that, Like, you know, it's incredible,
45:44
Speaker 1: and so I think that it's a great thing. And
45:47
Speaker 1: as someone who hads a litlement's foot, I'm like, this
45:50
Speaker 1: is sick.
45:51
Speaker 3: And while we're on the topic of lu La meandear,
45:56
Speaker 3: you have to let us know what your favorites are
45:57
Speaker 3: at the moment.
45:58
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, the like sense and it stuff is incredible.
46:02
Speaker 1: Like, I I think product for me is always something
46:06
Speaker 1: that like I don't I want it to be like
46:09
Speaker 1: so comfortable.
46:09
Speaker 4: They don't want to like even think about it, and
46:12
Speaker 4: like right, like I don't even want.
46:14
Speaker 1: To notice it's there, like and I feel like the
46:16
Speaker 1: sense of that stuff is like that it's like it's tight,
46:19
Speaker 1: like it feels good, like it's it's incredible.
46:21
Speaker 4: I think.
46:22
Speaker 1: I'm I also love like the fact back to like
46:25
Speaker 1: gender fluidity, there's so many, so much option. I can
46:29
Speaker 1: wear whatever I want and like I have It's not
46:32
Speaker 1: like I just get sent a box and it's like
46:34
Speaker 1: here's the girl shipment wear it. It's like Nikki, you
46:37
Speaker 1: get to pick what you want to wear, and I'm
46:39
Speaker 1: like hell yeah. And so I think I love all
46:42
Speaker 1: their like tights and half ties like anyone who's ever
46:46
Speaker 1: lou love and like they've gone tights, you know, and
46:48
Speaker 1: like I feel like the short like the half tips.
46:51
Speaker 4: That I wear and the quarter tights and like, yeah,
46:54
Speaker 4: big fan.
46:55
Speaker 3: What are you it's aside from this new partnership ambassadors
47:00
Speaker 3: with lul Lemon, what are you excited about right now?
47:04
Speaker 1: Oh gosh, I'm excited to run at USAYS next week.
47:10
Speaker 1: And I'm especially excited because, like we were talking about
47:13
Speaker 1: I'm someone who kind of takes what's happening in my
47:16
Speaker 1: life off of the track and it translates onto it.
47:18
Speaker 1: And I think, just right now I'm in such a
47:21
Speaker 1: like happy good place, like we just opened up Pride
47:24
Speaker 1: five K registration, Like I'm just announcing that I'm with
47:27
Speaker 1: the coolest brand ever. Like it's just I think I'm
47:31
Speaker 1: just excited to keep riding that wave of like good
47:34
Speaker 1: momentum vibes, and then I get to race, which I
47:38
Speaker 1: you know, I love racing, like that's training is fine
47:41
Speaker 1: and fun and workouts are cool or whatever, but like
47:43
Speaker 1: I live to like I live for that last two
47:46
Speaker 1: hundred meters of a fifteen hundred, So I'm excited just
47:49
Speaker 1: to race at Usas for sure.
47:52
Speaker 3: What would you say over the last let's say, like
47:56
Speaker 3: six eight months navigating that kind of profan that went
48:01
Speaker 3: hand in hand with not having a sponsor, wondering if
48:03
Speaker 3: you wanted to continue, was perhaps some of the best
48:07
Speaker 3: advice that you received to get you through that difficult time.
48:12
Speaker 1: I don't know if it was advice, but like I
48:15
Speaker 1: think I get asked Ale, like, oh, what would you
48:17
Speaker 1: tell younger Nikki, you know, and I think it was
48:21
Speaker 1: kind of like that younger Nikki, Like Okay, would younger
48:24
Speaker 1: Nikki be like proud of you?
48:26
Speaker 4: Or like would they you know, I don't know.
48:29
Speaker 1: I feel like I always kind of got back to
48:31
Speaker 1: them and like they just had so much courage to
48:35
Speaker 1: just be like, yeah, I'm gonna straut on the beach
48:38
Speaker 1: and like wear this and like I'm going to show
48:41
Speaker 1: y'all how like I can swim and run. Like I
48:44
Speaker 1: feel like I've been trying to get back to that
48:46
Speaker 1: like little.
48:47
Speaker 4: Nikki and that like confidence that like they exuded.
48:49
Speaker 1: And like so I think, you know, I like I
48:54
Speaker 1: was never going to walk away from the sport because
48:57
Speaker 1: I knew like deep dog like little Nicky would ever
48:59
Speaker 1: love me. I know, of like this is something like
49:02
Speaker 1: I think I heard it. It's like stop letting insignificant
49:05
Speaker 1: people have significant impact on your life. It's just like
49:08
Speaker 1: this is a dream that you've had, like to be
49:10
Speaker 1: a professional writer, to make World and Olympic teams. Like
49:14
Speaker 1: why are you letting an insignificant person like get to you?
49:17
Speaker 1: And like I think that was like a quote that
49:19
Speaker 1: really that I heard that I was like, yeah, that's
49:22
Speaker 1: a good one.
49:23
Speaker 2: You mentioned world chams.
49:26
Speaker 3: Obviously you a World Championships finalist yourself. Can we talk
49:29
Speaker 3: a little bit about what that experience was like for you?
49:33
Speaker 4: Yeah, No, that was incredible.
49:34
Speaker 1: I mean twenty nineteen, it was just like going into
49:38
Speaker 1: usas I was like, I think I could do it.
49:40
Speaker 4: You know, it's never it's never certain.
49:43
Speaker 1: There's you know, the US is so deep right now,
49:45
Speaker 1: and I'm it's so fun to be a part of it,
49:48
Speaker 1: like this time in track and field. But yeah, I
49:52
Speaker 1: just believed in myself and then I had a good
49:54
Speaker 1: race and I ended up being top three. And then yeah,
49:58
Speaker 1: when I was there, I was like, my goal, I'm here.
50:00
Speaker 1: There's three rounds. I was like, oh my god's to
50:02
Speaker 1: make the final. I'm not here just to be here,
50:04
Speaker 1: you know. And so I think that was really cool
50:07
Speaker 1: to achieve not only achieve the golf, making the world team,
50:10
Speaker 1: but then also making the world final.
50:12
Speaker 4: Yeah, it was crazy.
50:13
Speaker 1: It was in Doha, like I don't think I would
50:16
Speaker 1: ever pick to vacation there, Like it's like I'm only
50:21
Speaker 1: here because of track and field, and that was a
50:23
Speaker 1: really cool thing of like I get to go places
50:26
Speaker 1: that I don't know, like the Middle East that I
50:28
Speaker 1: would never go to, but like track and Fields brought
50:31
Speaker 1: me here and like it was really cool me, you know,
50:35
Speaker 1: just to represent team USA, and like, I think it
50:38
Speaker 1: was really cool to be, like, yeah, I'm a super
50:40
Speaker 1: queer person representing the US, Like it's track and field
50:44
Speaker 1: is so cool because there's like so many different sized
50:47
Speaker 1: people and like so many different ethnicities and like heights
50:51
Speaker 1: and like, you know, it's just I feel like it's
50:53
Speaker 1: like a melting pot of the US, like the track
50:56
Speaker 1: and field team specifically, and so it was really cool
50:59
Speaker 1: to kind of represent the LGBTQ community on.
51:02
Speaker 4: That team as well.
51:04
Speaker 2: Yeah.
51:05
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, I'm going to World Championships myself this year,
51:08
Speaker 3: not as an athlete.
51:09
Speaker 2: Let's just make sure that we put that out there.
51:11
Speaker 2: But I'm going out there this year to do some work.
51:13
Speaker 3: And I wouldn't mind if it had happened to be
51:16
Speaker 3: I don't know, like somewhere amazing and exotic.
51:18
Speaker 2: But Eugene will do.
51:20
Speaker 3: It's fine, Yeah, Eugene will do.
51:24
Speaker 2: I'll show up.
51:26
Speaker 3: I don't know, though, I would say that Eugene might
51:28
Speaker 3: be a little bit better for me than Doha.
51:31
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was hot question for you.
51:34
Speaker 3: Right now, someone goes to your Instagram page, they see
51:37
Speaker 3: someone who is so strong a person that's a professional
51:43
Speaker 3: track and field athlete with more than thirty five thousand followers.
51:46
Speaker 3: When you look in the mirror, what is it that
51:48
Speaker 3: you see looking back at you?
51:50
Speaker 1: Gosh, I mean I see someone who is I think
51:57
Speaker 1: constantly like working on themselves. I love personality tests or
52:03
Speaker 1: like I'm diving deep into what makes people people, and like.
52:08
Speaker 4: I feel like I'm I don't know. I feel like
52:10
Speaker 4: I'm just kind of someone.
52:11
Speaker 1: That's always like learning and growing, and like I can
52:14
Speaker 1: always look at myself and like take confidence in that.
52:17
Speaker 1: Then I'm like, I'm always gonna look back on myself
52:20
Speaker 1: in two years and be like, oh wow, I've grown
52:22
Speaker 1: a lot from since then.
52:23
Speaker 4: Yeah.
52:24
Speaker 1: I also feel like I'm cute. I'm like, oh, that
52:27
Speaker 1: person's cute.
52:28
Speaker 2: Who are cute?
52:32
Speaker 3: You're like, I'm not sitting here fishing for compliments, But also,
52:35
Speaker 3: aren't I cute?
52:39
Speaker 2: Okay? Okay?
52:40
Speaker 3: But people also want to know how do you recover?
52:44
Speaker 3: What's your recovery routine? Look Like, I know, like training
52:48
Speaker 3: can be like an exciting thing to talk about, but
52:50
Speaker 3: maybe more relatable is what you do when you're off
52:53
Speaker 3: the track. So run us through the motions. What do
52:55
Speaker 3: you prioritize, what do you do?
52:57
Speaker 1: I'm definitely like a big sleeper naps. I have a dog, Scout.
53:03
Speaker 1: I love like taking her on walks. I don't know
53:06
Speaker 1: if that's like recovery, but like I guess it's just
53:08
Speaker 1: something I do when I'm not running. But yeah, norma
53:11
Speaker 1: tech big. I like ice, you know, when I have
53:14
Speaker 1: a little sore or something.
53:16
Speaker 4: But yeah, honestly, I just recently it's been planning the.
53:20
Speaker 1: Frid five K with Emma and like both working together
53:23
Speaker 1: on something that we're both just so passionate about, which
53:26
Speaker 1: is like creating safe spaces for queer people, and like
53:29
Speaker 1: that's been so fun to like do this this year's
53:33
Speaker 1: project with her. And it's like we have no business
53:36
Speaker 1: putting on an in person race. Like I'm a professional
53:39
Speaker 1: runner and she's like BYU ex Mormon who like leads
53:44
Speaker 1: into advocacy too.
53:45
Speaker 4: It's like what, like who are we?
53:47
Speaker 1: But we're just figuring it out together and like it's
53:50
Speaker 1: so fun, Like you know, we're like emailing the police
53:54
Speaker 1: and like talking to like other race directors or like
53:58
Speaker 1: you know, trying to find brand who want to sponsor it,
54:01
Speaker 1: and like it's just been a really fun project to
54:04
Speaker 1: like figure out together and like, you know, this is
54:07
Speaker 1: something we want to step into, you know, once our
54:09
Speaker 1: careers are over and like do really full time. So
54:12
Speaker 1: it's definitely a fun way to like recover, I guess
54:15
Speaker 1: mentally from like you can't all the time be like
54:18
Speaker 1: visualizing your race or like you know, running like it's
54:21
Speaker 1: exhausting and like you wouldn't be a good runner or
54:24
Speaker 1: at least I want it if I didn't have balance.
54:26
Speaker 3: So yeah, yeah, I was going to ask you what
54:29
Speaker 3: the most difficult part of putting together and in person
54:33
Speaker 3: race would be. My guess would be the permitting and
54:37
Speaker 3: that note you said about the police, But am I wrong?
54:41
Speaker 1: Yeah? I think it's the logistics stuff for sure. But
54:44
Speaker 1: that's the other thing the Flagstaff community has been. You know,
54:47
Speaker 1: we moved here in March like three months ago, and
54:49
Speaker 1: they've just been so excited and like willing to help. Like, yeah,
54:53
Speaker 1: we were talking to like we have to have a
54:55
Speaker 1: kind of an EMT person on site, and so we're
54:58
Speaker 1: talking like the.
54:58
Speaker 4: Hospital the other day and they were like, oh, what's
55:00
Speaker 4: this form.
55:01
Speaker 1: We're like, oh, we're in money for the tarbor project,
55:03
Speaker 1: and like, oh, that's so awesome, Like well, we can
55:06
Speaker 1: come for free, and we're like what, like, you know,
55:08
Speaker 1: just like really awesome and like run flaxapp is the local,
55:12
Speaker 1: you know, running store here and they were like, hey,
55:16
Speaker 1: we asked for their timing system and they're, you know,
55:18
Speaker 1: going to help us out with that. And then they're
55:20
Speaker 1: also they were like, oh, we also have a course
55:22
Speaker 1: for you, and we're like what like So it's definitely
55:25
Speaker 1: been like incredible the kind of willingness of this community
55:29
Speaker 1: to help.
55:30
Speaker 4: So they definitely make it easy.
55:31
Speaker 1: But yeah, I would say typinicely like the permits and
55:34
Speaker 1: cops and like figure it out, but Emma does all
55:36
Speaker 1: that stuff.
55:37
Speaker 3: So I do like the brains and good lucks I'm
55:45
Speaker 3: getting I'm kidding. Well, I'm so so happy that we
55:49
Speaker 3: were able to connect today, and like I said earlier,
55:52
Speaker 3: a good chunk of our conversation talking about coming out
55:56
Speaker 3: not just once but twice for you now, I think
55:59
Speaker 3: it would be so helpful if you have any advice
56:02
Speaker 3: or words of wisdom that you would offer to someone
56:05
Speaker 3: who may be going through a similar transition in their life,
56:09
Speaker 3: going through that hurdle moment.
56:10
Speaker 2: What advice would you offer them?
56:14
Speaker 1: Oh, I mean, it's so hard and it's so chucky
56:17
Speaker 1: with with things like coming out because you know, so
56:20
Speaker 1: much of it is like Okay, am I safe enough
56:22
Speaker 1: to do this? And like I think if you're in
56:24
Speaker 1: a position where you are safe to come out, like
56:27
Speaker 1: I would tell someone like start small and like tell
56:31
Speaker 1: someone that you really trust and kind of if you
56:34
Speaker 1: can vet them even of like, so, how do you feel.
56:37
Speaker 4: About gay people? You feel like.
56:40
Speaker 1: Just like or you know, like someone that you're really
56:42
Speaker 1: close with that like, well, you know you you maybe
56:45
Speaker 1: know it's going to accept you. Like that's like just
56:47
Speaker 1: telling one person is enough, right, and like you can
56:50
Speaker 1: then go from there. It doesn't have to be this
56:53
Speaker 1: huge like social media post or like extravagant coming out thing.
56:58
Speaker 1: Like just start small and then and then go from there.
57:01
Speaker 1: I think would be my advice with it. But I
57:04
Speaker 1: mean I also think for me, I can only speak
57:06
Speaker 1: to like me and my experience. But for me, I
57:08
Speaker 1: had so much built up anticipation that it was going
57:11
Speaker 1: to be like the worst thing ever. If I told
57:13
Speaker 1: someone I was gay and it was like it wasn't
57:15
Speaker 1: bad at all, So you know, kind of try to
57:17
Speaker 1: go in with like not I guess preconceived ideas of
57:21
Speaker 1: what's going to happen?
57:22
Speaker 4: Because like people can surprise.
57:23
Speaker 2: You, people can surprise you. I love it. I'm so
57:26
Speaker 2: grateful that we were able again to connect today. Nikki.
57:29
Speaker 3: How do the hurdlers follow along with you? How do
57:32
Speaker 3: they keep up with you? Give us your information?
57:35
Speaker 4: Yeah? Follow me at Nicky Hilts.
57:39
Speaker 1: I'm on Instagram, TikTok Twitter and then yeah, Pride five
57:45
Speaker 1: k on Instagram to get you know, all the latest updates.
57:49
Speaker 4: I hope registration hasn't crashed yet.
57:52
Speaker 2: Wait, do you want to do you want to peep it? No,
57:55
Speaker 2: it's fine, I'll do it like No, I don't want
57:58
Speaker 2: to look at it.
57:59
Speaker 4: I don't want know.
58:00
Speaker 2: Oh my god, Well, thank you so much.
58:03
Speaker 3: I'm over at Emily Abadi at Hurdle Podcast Another hurdle conquered.
58:08
Speaker 2: Catch you guys next time