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What steps can help me process mixed emotions? · Wellbeing Solutions - Ask A Counsellor

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: What steps can help me process mixed emotions?
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: We are complex.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: What we feel is complex.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: And when we are dealing with emotions that come with grief, these are rarely just sadness.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: Anger and guilt often play a part in our grief process.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: However, the confusion and conflict can be ramped up when we had a difficult relationship with the deceased.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: This can also be felt in a breakup or estrangement from someone, not just in death.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: Firstly, acknowledge the complexity.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: You are allowed to feel conflicting emotions at the same time, which is where the confusion can arise.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: I find it helpful to split the relationship into good and bad, so you can miss, grieve, and feel sadness for the good memories, and allow also for the anger, injustice, unfairness, and regrets to come in which may have been present in the relationship.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: So breaking down your feelings by writing them down can be really helpful.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: If you struggle to name the emotion or connect with your emotions, it's worth having a look online for the emotion wheel tool, something you can print off, something that breaks down all the emotions into different colours and things.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: So this is free and have a look for that by googling the emotion wheel online.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: Allow yourself to feel all the emotions, so do not repress any, especially the difficult ones, and start to think about again the good ones and the bad ones and what each one needs from you.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: Is it acceptance?
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: Is it a focus on the good stuff?
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: You know, whatever you need.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: Be fluid with it.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: Reflect on issues that may have been unresolved in the relationship.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: It is okay to have regrets.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes writing a letter to the deceased can sometimes help to explain how you feel.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: They won't physically hear it, but you will be releasing what you've been carrying, what you've been carrying.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: So gaining acceptance over the difficulties and the situation sometimes is the best that we can do for ourselves.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: We can own our part in any problems and then go on to practice self-compassion by forgiving ourselves for what we did or didn't do.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: If we can't do that, then understanding why we did or didn't do something can be the next best thing.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: Mistakes are a part of our human experience, no matter how hard they can be to take responsibility for.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: If you are struggling with emotions around grief, then please do not hesitate to reach out for support.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: So I'd recommend Cruise Bereavement Support and their national helpline number is 0808-808-1677.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: I would also encourage you to speak to your GP or call NHS 111 if you are struggling to sleep, eat or cope with everyday life as a result of your loss.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: Please take care of yourself and thank you for listening.