Latest / LAUNCH: Parenting Tips for Raising Adult Children & Building Better Relationships / #46: 8 Confidence Building Strategies for Adult Children | The Key to Independence

Transcript

#46: 8 Confidence Building Strategies for Adult Children | The Key to Independence · LAUNCH: Parenting Tips for Raising Adult Children & Building Better Relationships

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: If you're a parent of an adult child, worried and frustrated because they are struggling to become independent, responsible, and find purpose in their life, or you want to know what to do to prevent it, you're in the right place.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: This is Launch, a podcast that helps you guide your adult child to launch confidently into adulthood.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Sherry Jones, author, educator, and co-parenting consultant, taking a deep dive into the ongoing challenges that you're faced with as you watch your adult child struggle.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: Each episode will deliver actionable steps and strategies that you can take to help your young adult become confident, motivated, and self-sufficient.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: Parents, if you want your adult child to achieve a life of independence, thrive in this world, and reach their full potential, then listen in to launch.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Shari Jonas, and this is Launch.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: Every parent I talk to who has an adult child that isn't thriving shares a similar story.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: Their child has so much potential, but they just can't seem to move forward.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: In almost every case, it comes down to one or more of these five common issues.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: Low self-confidence, fear of failure, lack of motivation, anxiety, or being overly dependent on them.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: But here's the good news.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: Of all the challenges your young adult may face, low self-confidence is one of the easiest for you as a parent to help improve because the way you communicate, encourage, and respond to them every day can either build up their belief in themselves or quietly chip away at it.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: In today's episode, I'm sharing eight proven strategies, all backed by research, that will help you boost your adult child's self-confidence and start helping them to make positive changes.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: But before we jump into the strategies, let's talk about what confidence actually means.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: Because it's one of those words we throw around a lot, but when you think about it, it's not always easy to explain or identify.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: Confidence is the trust we have in ourselves, in our own judgment, in our ability to make decisions, and our capacity to handle life as it unfolds.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: It's the belief that even when the future is unknown or uncertain, that we'll figure it out along the way.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's not that we aren't afraid.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: Fear is normal, but we don't let that fear stop us because we know we will get through it.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: And here's the key confidence grows through repeated actions.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's built by trying, struggling a little, and then realizing, you know what?
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: I can do this.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: So when it comes to our kids, if we're constantly stepping in, even with the best of intentions, we're actually doing more harm than good.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: We are taking away their chance to build that trust in themselves.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: How can you tell if your young adult is struggling with low self-confidence?
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I ask this question because many parents don't realize that is what is holding them back.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's not always obvious.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it's hidden in how they respond to you or even in what they don't do, specifically in the choices or actions that they are avoiding.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: The reason why your adult child is not making the effort is because they don't believe they can.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to read between the lines and pay attention to these five cues and listen to the words they use when they aren't willing to try.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: One, self-doubt.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: They avoid doing new things because they doubt they'll even succeed.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe they refuse to apply for a job because they're sure that no one will hire them.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: That's when you'll hear them say, I don't think I can do that.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not good enough.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: Two, insecurity.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: They constantly compare themselves to others and are often making self-deprecating statements like, no one would want to hire someone like me.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: Third, fearfulness.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: They back out when opportunities come up and avoid risk or change because they're scared of failing or looking bad.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: For example, they might avoid taking their driving test or signing up for a course or applying for a job because they're scared of rejection.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: What if I try and I mess up?
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: Would be a common statement here.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: Four, low self-esteem.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: They struggle to see their own value and often downplay anything they've achieved.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: Even when they've succeeded at something, they brush it off or discount it.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: You might hear them say things like, I'm not that qualified.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: Anyone would have could have done that.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: And the fifth is helplessness.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: They rely on you or others to make their decisions and manage their responsibilities because they don't believe they're capable.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: Helplessness sounds like, why bother trying?
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: It won't make a difference either way.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: When your adult child's confidence is healthy, what you see is action, risk taking, and resilience when things mess up.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: When their self-confidence is low, you'll see avoidance, inaction, excuses, and reliance on you.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if any of those statements or behaviors sound familiar, don't worry.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: Confidence is something that can be rebuilt and learned through experience and encouragement.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why I'm talking about it today.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: Because you, as their parent, can play a huge role in that process.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: So let's talk about how.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: Here are eight proven strategies to help your adult child start rebuilding their confidence.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: First, celebrate the small wins.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: When confidence is low, big leaps can feel overwhelming.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: What rebuilds confidence are the small wins, the simple, achievable steps that prove to them I can.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to encourage those small, achievable goals that your adult child can accomplish, because each successful step restores belief in their own ability.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: So instead of saying you need to get a job, say let's just start with one application today.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: That one win is how their confidence starts to grow again.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: Second, let them handle it.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: Every time you step in to fix something, you're sending a message that says, I don't think you can manage this.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: Confidence builds when they do the handling themselves, especially if it's uncomfortable.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: You've got to let them take ownership of their tasks and deal with the outcomes.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: The struggle is part of their growth.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: Doing everything for them weakens their confidence.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: So stop jumping in.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: Step back and allow them to take on their responsibilities and then deal with the consequences, and there should always be consequences.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: Third, treat their mistakes as lessons.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: When mistakes happen and they will, resist the urge to judge or jump into rescue mode.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: Help them see that their mistakes are part of growth, not a sign of weakness.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: Their confidence increases when their failure is reframed as a learning experience.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: So when something didn't go as planned, say this, what should you try to do differently the next time?
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: That removes the feeling of failure and replaces it with a fresh new approach.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: Fourth, notice the effort, not just the results.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: Confidence comes when you acknowledge their effort, their persistence, or their follow-through.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: That reinforcement actually builds their confidence.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: So offer praise during the process, not just the outcome.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: For example, say, I can see how much time and thought you put into preparing for that interview.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: That type of recognition gives them a boost.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: Fifth, ask questions, don't offer solutions.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: When you always give the answers, you train your kids to become dependent and feel incapable.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: When you ask questions, you encourage them to think for themselves.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: My guest Janet Krebs from episode 44 said she always asked her kids what they think they should do whenever they asked her what to do.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: This developed their solving problem skills and that built their self-confidence.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: So the next time this happens to you, ask them to come up with a solution.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: Say this what do you think your next step should be?
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: It shifts the ownership back to them and reminds them that their ideas matter.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: 6.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: Focus on their progress.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: Confidence grows when your kids can see how far they've come.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: Most young adults forget the small improvements along the way.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: Your job is to remind them by helping them to look back at their progress from the past so they can feel good about what they've already done and overcome.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: You can say, you know, a month ago you wouldn't have made that call.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: Well look at you now.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: Seven is model self-confidence.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: You alone can be a powerful example of this.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: When they see you take risks, face challenges, or admit mistakes without shame, they learn that confidence isn't about being perfect, it's about persistence and the belief in one's potential.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: Never hold back from sharing your own stories of trial and error and be willing to admit I didn't know what I was doing at first, but I figured it out.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: That gives them permission to try too.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: Show them how you handle your own setbacks with resilience and confidence.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: And the last one is encourage self-mastery.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: Confidence grows when they experience success on their own.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: Each time they complete something or solve something independent of your help, they're proving to themselves, I did this.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: It might be as simple as cooking a meal or sending an application, making a phone call, that every time they succeed, they feel more empowered and more hopeful.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: That's self-mastery.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: And that's essential to self-confidence.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: Each of these eight strategies will give your adult child a chance to see a new version of themselves as someone who is capable, confident, and strong enough to handle life.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: If this episode hit home and you want to put these strategies to work, you can download my free confidence boosting cheat sheet.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's a quick recap of what I mentioned here.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to seriously consider making these changes and how you communicate with them and see them because I believe you can help your adult child build real confidence, one small win at a time, and what a difference it will make.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: I've seen too many young adults living life in fear, self-doubt, and uncertainty, all because of their low self-confidence.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: The link is waiting for you in the show notes, and it's free.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Sherry Jonas, and this is launch.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: Please don't forget to hit the follow or subscribe button so you never miss an episode.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: And share this with someone, another parent, who might need to hear it.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: As always, thank you for being here today.