Latest / Women Who Lead: Leadership, Career & Influence / Stop Apologizing for Rest: Why Radical Relaxation is Your Career’s Secret Weapon | Women Who Lead
Transcript
- You are not tired because you’re weak; you’re tired because you’ve been running on a treadmill that doesn’t stop, and you’re the only one who forgot to hit pause. Let’s get real for a second: the belief that exhaustion is a badge of honor is quietly dismantling your career, your health, and your joy. I want you to think about the last time you felt truly relaxed. Not the kind of relaxation where you scroll through social media while feeling guilty that you should be answering emails, but actual, deep, unapologetic rest. When was that? If you have to think hard, or if the answer is 'never,' then we need to talk. For years, I operated under the assumption that my value was directly proportional to my output. I thought if I wasn’t sweating, I wasn’t working. I thought if I wasn’t stressed, I wasn’t important. This is a lie. It is a dangerous, expensive lie that keeps women in leadership roles exhausted, brittle, and ready to snap. We have been sold this narrative that high performance requires constant friction. That if you aren’t grinding, you’re slipping. But here is the truth that took me too long to learn in those boardrooms: sustainability is not a nice-to-have. It is the core mechanic of longevity. You cannot drive a car at full speed forever without destroying the engine. Yet, we treat our bodies and minds like they are made of steel and spare parts. We push past fatigue because we think it builds character. It doesn’t. It builds burnout. And burnout is not a personality trait; it is a systemic failure of how we manage energy. There is a huge difference between passive rest and radical relaxation. Passive rest is what most of us do when we collapse on the couch after a long day. We watch TV, we zone out, but our brains are still processing the day’s anxieties. We are physically still, but mentally active. This is not recovery. This is just pausing the noise. Radical relaxation is different. It is intentional. It is a strategic decision to disconnect from the pressure to perform, to achieve, and to prove. It is giving yourself permission to exist without producing anything of tangible value. I know this sounds terrifying. For ambitious women, especially those of us who climbed out of humble beginnings or had to fight twice as hard to get half as far, stopping feels like failing. It feels like letting go of the wheel. But let me ask you: What’s the cost of that silence? The cost of never relaxing is that you lose access to your best ideas. Creativity does not happen in the panic of deadline-driven survival mode. It happens in the spaces between. It happens when you are washing dishes, walking in the park, or sitting in silence with a cup of tea. When you deny yourself radical relaxation, you are cutting off the supply line to your own innovation. You are trying to draw water from an empty well and wondering why you are thirsty. We need to address the elephant in the room: guilt. Oh, I see it every single week in my coaching sessions. A woman takes an afternoon off. She goes for a walk. She doesn’t check her phone. And within ten minutes, she is spiraling. Did I miss an email? Is my team struggling? Am I being lazy? This guilt is a conditioned response. It is the voice of every boss, every industry standard, and every internalized critic that told you that your worth is tied to your utility. But I am here to tell you that your utility has a shelf life. If you keep pushing past your limits, you will eventually break. And when you break, it won’t be a gentle decline. It will be a crash. And that crash costs more than taking a few hours to breathe. Think about the financial and professional cost of a medical leave versus the cost of a weekend away from screens. The math is simple, even if the emotions are messy. You don’t have to do it all at once, but you do have to start doing something differently. You have to reframe rest not as a reward for good behavior, but as a requirement for continued operation. It is maintenance. You wouldn’t skip oil changes on your car because you drove it nicely this month. Why would you skip mental maintenance because you met your Q3 goals? Here is the part that surprises people. Embracing radical relaxation makes you a better leader. I used to think that showing vulnerability—admitting I needed a break, admitting I was overwhelmed—was a sign of weakness. In the corporate world, weakness is often equated with incompetence. So I hid it. I smiled through the panic. I nodded in meetings while my brain was screaming. But what happened? My team noticed. They saw the tension in my shoulders, the sharpness in my tone, the lack of creativity in my strategy. They didn’t respect my endurance; they feared my instability. When I finally started modeling healthy boundaries—when I said, 'I’m stepping away for an hour to recharge so I can come back with fresh eyes'—something shifted. My team didn’t think less of me. They trusted me more. Because they saw that I valued myself enough to protect my energy. And by extension, they felt safe to protect theirs. This is authentic influence. It is not about having all the answers or being the strongest person in the room. It is about creating a culture where humanity is allowed to exist. When you normalize radical relaxation, you give your colleagues permission to be human. You break the cycle of performative busyness that plagues so many organizations. You show them that success is not a sprint to the finish line, but a marathon where pacing matters more than speed. So, how do we actually do this? How do we move from theory to practice? First, you have to schedule your relaxation like you schedule a client meeting. Put it in the calendar. Block out time where you are unavailable. Treat that time with the same respect you would treat a CEO’s request. Second, define what radical relaxation looks like for you. For some, it is meditation. For others, it is reading fiction, gardening, or taking a hot bath. It must be something that engages your senses but not your ambition. No podcasts about productivity. No audiobooks about business growth. Just pure, unadulterated presence. Third, notice the urge to check in. When you are relaxing, your phone will buzz. Your mind will whisper, 'Just one quick look.' Acknowledge the whisper, thank it for trying to keep you safe, and ignore it. You are safe. The world will not end if you are unreachable for sixty minutes. Finally, forgive yourself for the guilt. It will come. It will try to drag you back into the old patterns. Gently guide it back to the present moment. Remind yourself that this is not laziness. This is strategy. This is investment. You are investing in the most valuable asset you have: yourself. We are standing at a crossroads. One path leads to the same old grind, the same exhaustion, the same quiet resentment that builds up over years of ignoring our needs. The other path leads to a new definition of success. One that includes peace. One that includes clarity. One that includes joy. Choosing the second path is radical. It goes against the grain of every system designed to extract value from us until there is nothing left. But it is necessary. It is not luxury. It is necessity. Without it, we cannot lead effectively. We cannot love deeply. We cannot create meaningfully. So I invite you to make a promise today. A small one. Promise yourself that you will take one moment, however brief, to truly relax. To step out of the machine and into your life. You don’t have to overhaul everything overnight. You just have to start. Start by believing that you are worthy of rest simply because you exist, not because you earned it. Let’s get real for a second: you have earned it. You have worked hard. You have fought battles. Now, it is time to rest. Not as a pause, but as a power move. Own it. Claim it. Breathe it in. Thank you for listening, for trusting me with your time, and for choosing to prioritize yourself. I’ll be right here next week, ready to dig deeper. Until then, breathe easy. You’re doing better than you think. Bye for now.