Latest / Your Money, Your Rules | Financial Mastery, Wealth Mindset, Leadership Principles, Intuitive Decision-Making, Human Design / 81 | Networking for Introverts: Transforming Social Anxiety into Genuine Connections (with special guest Rob Giardinelli)
Transcript
- 0:00Rob Giardinelli: There was a little bit more relationship building, just kind of in the day-to-day world.
- 0:03Rob Giardinelli: But it's really easy to just make everything really transactionally oriented and I can tell you the people who are successful at those events understand that you can't develop relationships if you treat people like a transaction.
- 0:16Rob Giardinelli: People, first and foremost.
- 0:18Rob Giardinelli: They want to be seen, they want to be understood, they want to be heard, and if you do those things, that requires not looking at people transactionally.
- 0:28Erin Gray: You're listening to Generate a Life Well-Lived podcast.
- 0:31Erin Gray: I'm your friend and confidant, erin Gray.
- 0:33Erin Gray: On this podcast, we will explore all things money, business and self-development, including human design.
- 0:38Erin Gray: I hope you enjoy the journey where I share everything that I know and am continuing to learn along the way, as I honor my heart's desires while inspiring and encouraging you to do the same.
- 0:48Erin Gray: Do you want to network in a way that doesn't feel exhausting?
- 0:52Erin Gray: Would you consider yourself an introvert that gets overwhelmed in big crowds?
- 0:59Erin Gray: This week on the podcast, I invited Rob Giordinelli, founder of Event Mindset, to share how he supports his clients, boost their confidence, grow deeper relationships and increase sales by attending events, galas, cocktail parties and fundraisers.
- 1:14Erin Gray: Rob is an expert in understanding what it takes to create successful events.
- 1:19Erin Gray: Over the past 15 years he's attended over 2000.
- 1:22Erin Gray: Yes, 2000.
- 1:25Erin Gray: On the podcast, we discuss why being an introvert can be your superpower to connect with people and stand out, along with strategies to leave a conversation when you're feeling ready to move on.
- 1:38Erin Gray: It's a fascinating conversation.
- 1:41Erin Gray: I enjoyed it so much.
- 1:42Erin Gray: I think you're going to love it as well.
- 1:44Erin Gray: Let's dive in.
- 1:45Erin Gray: Hey, my friends, how are we today?
- 1:47Erin Gray: So I've got Rob on the podcast.
- 1:49Erin Gray: Thank you, rob, for coming on and sharing your time with us.
- 1:51Rob Giardinelli: I am thrilled to be here.
- 1:52Rob Giardinelli: Thank you so much for having me.
- 1:54Erin Gray: Yeah, so do you want to tell the listeners just a little bit about your backstory?
- 1:58Erin Gray: I think it's kind of interesting even though I would consider both of us introverts, but I think it's really interesting of how many events you've been to and things of that sort.
- 2:08Rob Giardinelli: Glad to share, erin.
- 2:09Rob Giardinelli: So I have a.
- 2:09Rob Giardinelli: You know, I'm probably one of those people.
- 2:12Rob Giardinelli: It'd probably be the last combination of things you would ever expect one person to have in a career.
- 2:16Rob Giardinelli: So I spent 15 years in a bunch of different corporate roles and I was always the introverted salesperson.
- 2:23Rob Giardinelli: I was never kind of one of those people that was this brash life of the party or anything like that.
- 2:28Rob Giardinelli: But I was also very good at what I did.
- 2:30Rob Giardinelli: I was very competent and very good as an account manager and about a decade into doing that, I met my now husband, who he's run luxury lifestyle magazines for the last 20 years or so and his job basically was to go to all kinds of fundraising events, social events, openings, brand activations you name it, those types of things.
- 2:51Rob Giardinelli: So I kind of got thrust into this, and I was never the kid that was invited to cool parties in high school or anything like that.
- 2:57Rob Giardinelli: So I didn't really have, even though I've always been fascinated with people, I never really had experience to that world and I never really thought I'd be in it either.
- 3:05Rob Giardinelli: But about I don't know, four or five months, you know, after we got together, he was like have you ever considered writing about the events in Austin that you go to, and I had not.
- 3:14Rob Giardinelli: You know, I had a major in communication, so it wasn't like I didn't know how to write.
- 3:18Rob Giardinelli: So I started writing about events in Austin, even though we would go to events all throughout the state of Texas, so not just Austin but also in Dallas and Houston and San Antonio and some other cities.
- 3:28Rob Giardinelli: And for about five years I was basically doing the corporate gig during the week and then I'd have fly wherever for three or four days, come home, throw on a tux, throw on a suit, sometimes go to an event in Austin, sometimes have to drive, you know, three hours to any one of those other cities to go to something.
- 3:45Rob Giardinelli: And after about five years of that I really started to get burned out.
- 3:49Rob Giardinelli: But what I noticed along the way in that five years was the more events that I went to, kind of in this weekend moonlighting job that I was doing, the less tolerance I had for going to professional events, because they were often really poorly run.
- 4:04Rob Giardinelli: No one knew why they were there, they just weren't fun, they felt like a chore and I had just never been in a situation where it was like, okay, you can actually do something business oriented and have fun doing it.
- 4:15Rob Giardinelli: And it got to the point where in my last year in the tech industry I would, let's say I had client meetings in New York and a dinner I would deliberately like stay in Philadelphia or Boston and say sorry, I got to take the train, you know, and you know hightail it out of the city to avoid going to it.
- 4:31Rob Giardinelli: So after about five years of that's, when I kind of transferred into the publishing business and you know, was an associate, you know a COO, and you know, in addition to writing and covering all these events, and I realized, coming out of COVID, you know, in addition to writing and covering all these events, and I realized, coming out of COVID, that most everybody, even people who I was like oh gosh, they are such good entertainers Everyone was a little bit rusty and I really, you know, and a lot of people really struggle, coming off COVID with social anxiety because it was, you know, for a lot of people it was an excuse to unplug from the world and cocoon yourself and not have to deal with anybody if you didn't want to.
- 5:04Rob Giardinelli: So I started my practice event mindset where I basically fused what I did in going to all these social events with my corporate background to really help people who are anxious or feel awkward at business or networking events, really improve their confidence, help them grow their sales and their pipeline and, most importantly, develop deeper relationships with other people.
- 5:30Erin Gray: Yeah, I think what you said at the very end, the deeper relationships.
- 5:34Erin Gray: I think people look at networking.
- 5:36Erin Gray: I don't know if you, I would love what you have found with your clients, but I think people hear networking and they think it's like a means to an end versus like who can I actually connect with and build true, real relationships?
- 5:50Erin Gray: How can I serve them, support them?
- 5:52Erin Gray: And it doesn't necessarily mean you're buying their thing, it just means like how can we like old school the way it used to be, I think, right, like when my dad and my my uncle would be like the good old boys.
- 6:02Erin Gray: You know like in the terms of like, right Like when my dad and my my uncle would be like the good old boys.
- 6:05Erin Gray: You know like in the terms of like you actually like, how can I support you?
- 6:07Erin Gray: What do you need?
- 6:08Erin Gray: And that was true connection versus I want to build up, like you said, your sales pipeline, but from a, from a very give me, get, get, get energy versus how can I give and how can I support other people in my network?
- 6:25Rob Giardinelli: Yeah, Well, I'm glad you mentioned the good old days because that's kind of you know, it's a lot of business events.
- 6:33Rob Giardinelli: A lot of people approach them very transactionally.
- 6:36Rob Giardinelli: Yes, and you know, in the good old days, like you know now, you can just order something online, whereas in the good old days, you know in the good old days, you'd have to drive there, you'd wait in line, you'd probably have to strike up a conversation with whoever you were in line in front of the cashier, whoever it was.
- 6:54Rob Giardinelli: So there was a little bit more relationship building, just kind of in the day-to-day world.
- 6:57Rob Giardinelli: But it's really easy to just make everything really transactionally oriented.
- 7:01Rob Giardinelli: And I can tell you, the people who are successful at those events understand that you can't develop relationships if you treat people like a transaction.
- 7:10Rob Giardinelli: People, first and foremost they want to be seen, they want to be understood, they want to be heard.
- 7:16Rob Giardinelli: And if you do those things, that requires not looking at people transactionally.
- 7:22Rob Giardinelli: It really requires you to have a good two-way conversation.
- 7:26Rob Giardinelli: If I can give an example, one thing that I always recommend if you're ending a conversation with somebody, never say can I get your contact information?
- 7:36Rob Giardinelli: Do not say that, say can we exchange contact information, can we share contact information.
- 7:42Rob Giardinelli: That way it feels like you've both got stakes in the game and you're not just there to get something out of them, because people are like, oh, I just want to close the sale, but they're like, well, they may actually want to get to know you.
- 7:53Rob Giardinelli: And people want to be in relationships that are two-sided, not one-sided.
- 7:58Rob Giardinelli: And if you say, can I get yours, even if they're of a client and they want to be taken care of it, does people buy stuff from people that they like?
- 8:06Rob Giardinelli: So if you're not sharing or divulging things about you and you're, you know you've got to really make it a two way street.
- 8:12Rob Giardinelli: And that's why you know, instead of doing I and you do we, you'll get a lot further.
- 8:18Erin Gray: Yeah, I always like to ask, like, how can I support you, which really surprises people a lot of times because they actually don't know what to say, because I think what you're saying they're so used to like.
- 8:28Erin Gray: Oh, what are you going to try?
- 8:34Erin Gray: to sell me or what are you going to try to get me to do or get on my email list or you know, that kind of stuff versus like I genuinely had if you did right.
- 8:40Erin Gray: There are people that I'm like you're not for me, and you know I leave it at that.
- 8:42Erin Gray: But for the ones that I truly connect with, I do want to stay connected.
- 8:45Erin Gray: And how can we, you know, how can I support you?
- 8:48Erin Gray: And maybe that just looks like, hey, I'm really looking for this an insurance agent, do you know?
- 8:54Erin Gray: Or a CPA, and I'm like, oh yeah, I've got plenty of people I can refer you to, you know, and I think, like you're saying, that we have been a transactional society for a little while, but I think we're going back to a relationship because we're like this doesn't feel good.
- 9:11Erin Gray: The other thing that I wanted to say is that I have I don't know if you feel this way, but I, when I used to, when someone would ask me can I get your contact number, I wouldn't feel strong enough to say, no, I don't want to give that to you, so I would give it to them.
- 9:28Erin Gray: Versus how many people actually feel safe in their bodies to be like, no, I don't want to, versus they're doing it from like an obligated place and then you're already creating that energetic exchange.
- 9:41Erin Gray: Versus like what you're saying is, you know, let's exchange numbers or how can I support you, which feels very much so like oh, it's almost like.
- 9:50Erin Gray: Oh, wait, hang on, rob, wait, I want to learn more about you because you're not.
- 9:54Erin Gray: It's like the boyfriend that just wouldn't leave you alone.
- 9:58Erin Gray: You know in high school, or like you know what I mean when you're in that energy.
- 10:03Erin Gray: People don't want that.
- 10:04Erin Gray: It's very pushing away energy.
- 10:05Erin Gray: So I'm curious if that's kind of been your experience.
- 10:11Erin Gray: Or, like you, you know you talk to clients about that because we think and we've been taught from the business world it's like, oh, make the sale, but the sale is like what happens at the very end, right, it's like there's this whole interchange and trust and liking and, you know, knowing about someone before that even happens.
- 10:30Erin Gray: And I think you have to earn that and you have to.
- 10:32Erin Gray: You have to.
- 10:33Erin Gray: People can sense that even though you may not be saying the words, they energetically can tell if you care, if you just you're just trying to get something from them.
- 10:44Rob Giardinelli: Exactly, and you know what I.
- 10:46Rob Giardinelli: You know, one thing that I work with individuals on is you know I'll ask you know, well, what did you all talk about?
- 10:51Rob Giardinelli: And you know they'll say we talked about this.
- 10:54Rob Giardinelli: You know, cause it's not all business.
- 10:55Rob Giardinelli: I'll talk about some other things, and one thing that I have found to be extremely successful in relationship developing is, if you're reading an article online and you talked about that topic, send that to them and just say hey, you know, I knew we had this conversation.
- 11:08Rob Giardinelli: I thought you'd find this interesting.
- 11:09Rob Giardinelli: It doesn't need to be.
- 11:10Rob Giardinelli: You're not selling, but you're also in a.
- 11:13Rob Giardinelli: In one way, you're nurturing, but you're nurturing the relationship, but you're also you're making them feel special because you remembered your conversation with them, because we, you know, when you're at a networking event, you're sometimes talking to 15, 20, 30 people.
- 11:28Rob Giardinelli: So to be able to remember, oh, we talked about that.
- 11:31Rob Giardinelli: Or even if they don't remember, they're like.
- 11:32Rob Giardinelli: You know, I really do like that topic.
- 11:34Rob Giardinelli: I don't remember that we talked about that, but, wow, how cool that that person remembered that we talked about those things.
- 11:41Rob Giardinelli: That's a really easy way to build trust and a lot of the time it may be, you know, on a place you both travel to together, or a movie that you both liked, or an author that you.
- 11:51Rob Giardinelli: It can be any one of a number of things.
- 11:53Rob Giardinelli: It doesn't have to be about the end result at hand.
- 11:56Rob Giardinelli: Now, if that happens, great Cause that's.
- 11:58Rob Giardinelli: You know, that's a goal, because that's really reminding them why you're together.
- 12:02Rob Giardinelli: But people want to be seen as three-dimensional.
- 12:05Rob Giardinelli: So send things that are more than just about the ultimate I don't want to say goal but the ultimate thing that is, in a lot of business, people's minds about.
- 12:14Rob Giardinelli: You know, I want the transaction, I want the revenue, I want the sales secured.
- 12:18Erin Gray: Yeah, and I think it also, without doing this on purpose, it it does point you or, like, highlight you, because a lot of people don't stay in contact with who they talk to or they don't remember the name or they don't remember what they talked about.
- 12:34Erin Gray: So it sounds so simple and so little, but it's such a big thing that I don't think a lot of people do anymore.
- 12:43Erin Gray: Um, and I want to talk about.
- 12:46Erin Gray: You said introvert.
- 12:48Erin Gray: I would probably consider myself an introvert, but then when I get around people that I like hanging around, like you know, I love being with people.
- 12:56Erin Gray: So what do you say to the people that are like, oh, I do not want to have to go to these types of events, or I don't, I'm not great at it, or they have a lot of stories around how they are at events like this?
- 13:10Rob Giardinelli: So here's the deal with not being great, and I've mentioned this when I was talking about kind of how I got to where I am now.
- 13:16Rob Giardinelli: You don't have to be the life of an event, and in fact I've never been to a successful event that didn't have a mix of introverts and extroverts, because a good event is like earth.
- 13:26Rob Giardinelli: Earth has oxygen and hydrogen to you know.
- 13:31Rob Giardinelli: Those two together create the right amount of air for life to live.
- 13:34Rob Giardinelli: And if you have a room with a hundred introverts, there's no oxygen in the room and plants die.
- 13:39Rob Giardinelli: If you have a hundred extroverts in the room, there's too much oxygen in the space.
- 13:43Rob Giardinelli: And anyone who's watched any thriller movie knows what what happens when there's too much oxygen in the room.
- 13:50Rob Giardinelli: So you need that balance.
- 13:51Rob Giardinelli: So for any introvert, I always start with saying there is a place for you, because the extroverts need somebody to talk to.
- 13:59Rob Giardinelli: Because if everyone was just talking, that's when fights happen, that's when real housewives moments happen, that's when all those things happen.
- 14:07Rob Giardinelli: So you know, know that there is a place for you.
- 14:10Rob Giardinelli: And once you realize that it takes so much of the anxiety Now, maybe not the awkwardness, but it does reduce the anxiety greatly as a first step, once you realize that.
- 14:21Erin Gray: Yeah, and people love to talk about themselves.
- 14:23Erin Gray: Like I'm the person in the corner that people grav, yeah, and people love to talk about themselves.
- 14:25Erin Gray: Like I'm the person in the corner that people gravitate to and I'm just like, tell me about you.
- 14:29Erin Gray: And they love to talk.
- 14:30Erin Gray: And I think, like you said, in a world where everyone's trying to get something, it's really nice to have someone genuinely listen to you and hear what you have to say and have that as a like a tennis match right Versus this one-sided um thing that occurs.
- 14:53Erin Gray: And I think that when you, for those of us that are more and I think I mean I go home sometimes and I'm like, ooh, I love all the humans and I need my own space, you know it's like a lot of energy.
- 15:06Erin Gray: So I always say, like, honor your energy, protect your energy and know where.
- 15:10Erin Gray: Like okay, maybe maybe you don't stay the entire time or maybe you do give yourself a break, you know, and I also think for those of us that are more on the quiet side, it gives us a chance to to shine in a way that the spotlight isn't directly on us, because I think for a lot of us that feels a little intense.
- 15:33Erin Gray: But I love one-on-one because I get to have deep heart conversations and I get to hear all of the things and I get all of the information out of people and it's really intimate, you know, and and yet.
- 15:46Erin Gray: And it's a place where you get to also practice like truly being who you are, versus I think a lot of the business world be interested in your thoughts on this.
- 15:55Erin Gray: A lot of the business world is like this facade right you have like the person that you're trying to be, versus truly who you are, versus integrating that Like you are who you are, you take yourself everywhere you go.
- 16:10Rob Giardinelli: Absolutely, and here's what I'll say about that.
- 16:12Rob Giardinelli: So I think there is a lot of pressure on people to show up authentically as their whole self all the time, and what I work with clients on is that in and of itself is anxiety inducing.
- 16:22Rob Giardinelli: So what I, what I tell people that I work with, is do you work out?
- 16:27Rob Giardinelli: And they'll say yes.
- 16:28Rob Giardinelli: And I say, do you do shoulder presses?
- 16:29Rob Giardinelli: Yes, and they'll I'll ask how?
- 16:31Rob Giardinelli: You know how many days a week do you do them too?
- 16:33Rob Giardinelli: Well, why don't you do them 365 days a week?
- 16:34Rob Giardinelli: Do you do them Two?
- 16:34Rob Giardinelli: Well, why don't you do them 365 days a year?
- 16:36Rob Giardinelli: Well, my muscles would tear and it's like if you use all your muscles all the time, they're going to tear and you're just going to get fatigued.
- 16:44Rob Giardinelli: So I view when you go to an event, you're exercising social muscles, so it's just like a workout routine, but it's for your social muscles, so it's okay.
- 16:54Rob Giardinelli: I don't want to say that there's a facade there, but there are certain authentic parts of yourself that you can more organically present in certain situations than others, and I think that's true with any, whether it's professional or personal, and, quite frankly, with social media now and LinkedIn and Facebook and all that you know, personal and professional, bleed over way more than they ever did.
- 17:15Rob Giardinelli: You know, than they, than they ever did 15 or 20 years ago, that's for sure.
- 17:19Erin Gray: Yeah, for sure I like that.
- 17:21Erin Gray: You said that because it's not like, yeah, I think it's like where you have to.
- 17:26Erin Gray: It's not the let it all hang out, but it's also like practicing, like if someone does say something that maybe you're like I don't necessarily agree with that, how can we have that conversation versus?
- 17:43Erin Gray: I think in the past what I've tried to do or what I have done, is like just not say anything at all, not speak up at all, versus oh, tell me, like you having that more open, tell me more about like an understand and kind of engage that conversation and then you get to say how you feel versus I'm just not going to say anything at all because I don't want to rock the boat, I don't want to upset anybody and you're not used to speaking up, you know saying saying what you think and what you feel.
- 18:08Rob Giardinelli: Exactly, it depends on kind of the situation too.
- 18:11Rob Giardinelli: There's certain situations where you can challenge and then there's ones that aren't what I often and this actually kind of ties into something I work with introverts on so a lot of times they're like well, what do I say next?
- 18:21Rob Giardinelli: And a lot of times in those situations that you were just talking about, erin, is kind of when someone's talked for five or six minutes nonstop and they've kind of gotten there.
- 18:33Rob Giardinelli: So what I always tell introverts in particular, because they're like what am I going to say next?
- 18:36Rob Giardinelli: Think about the first thing that they said in their response to you that you wanted to ask a question on, and what you find is that the extroverts, who are intuitive, will be like I talked about that 10 minutes ago.
- 18:48Rob Giardinelli: You know, when you ask that question, one, they think you're really listening, but two, you can even kind of tune them out if you want to, if you're kind of engaging or you don't completely understand.
- 18:59Rob Giardinelli: But it allows you to kind of steer the conversation back to something where you may have common ground and that way you're able to kind of create, you know, create a synergy and a dialogue.
- 19:09Rob Giardinelli: For that, and especially in a social situation, you know, if you're in a boardroom, in a meeting and you don't agree, that's a different context than you know, with you all holding cocktails.
- 19:17Rob Giardinelli: So there's ways to do that.
- 19:19Rob Giardinelli: Now, that's not to say if someone really is off the rails, you know, you can definitely feel free to challenge them, but it just kind of depends on what that is.
- 19:27Rob Giardinelli: And if there's something else that you know, your conversation, a different place it could have gone, you know.
- 19:34Rob Giardinelli: So it's, it's, it's important to you know, you know, to you know, to you know, to recognize those things too.
- 19:40Erin Gray: To feel it out.
- 19:41Erin Gray: I always tell people I talk out of both sides of my ass because on the one hand, it's like, yes, absolutely be who you are.
- 19:47Erin Gray: And also like, know your audience and know like I'm not I'm never um, what's the word I want to use, denying who I am.
- 20:01Rob Giardinelli: But I also know I don't need to poke a bear who isn't ready to have that conversation.
- 20:03Erin Gray: You know, it's like.
- 20:03Erin Gray: You know, like sometimes my kid will be like mom, you should have said I'm like they weren't ready to receive the message.
- 20:07Erin Gray: There's no sense in even having the conversation.
- 20:08Erin Gray: So it's like knowing where people are.
- 20:11Erin Gray: I wrote down head versus body and I'm curious how many people, when they come to you are.
- 20:18Erin Gray: So I call it heady, right.
- 20:20Erin Gray: It's like what do I say?
- 20:21Erin Gray: Like they're you know, you're you?
- 20:23Erin Gray: You just said, like they're asking you.
- 20:24Erin Gray: Like what do I say?
- 20:24Erin Gray: What do I say?
- 20:25Erin Gray: Cause they want to air quotes for those of you listening, do it right Versus getting into the body and like actually just connecting with someone and not having an agenda.
- 20:36Erin Gray: I think when we try to have an agenda or we try to do it, so right, air quotes, right then we almost like don't allow our magic to come out because we think that there's a right way or a wrong way to connect with someone or to do this or to network and things of that sort.
- 20:53Rob Giardinelli: Well, and I always say you know, net events are like fingerprints.
- 20:56Rob Giardinelli: There are no two that are alike.
- 20:58Rob Giardinelli: So there isn't ever going to be a right way in every instance or a wrong way in every instance.
- 21:04Rob Giardinelli: It's just not.
- 21:05Rob Giardinelli: And you got to remember, we're human beings.
- 21:07Rob Giardinelli: There's 8 billion of us and we've each got our own thoughts and feelings.
- 21:10Rob Giardinelli: So to think that there's going to be some template for 8 billion people just isn't.
- 21:15Rob Giardinelli: You know, that's not real.
- 21:17Rob Giardinelli: As as lovely as that sounds, it's just not.
- 21:20Rob Giardinelli: It's not something that's going to happen and that's okay.
- 21:23Rob Giardinelli: And what you know, and people who get caught up in, oh what if this person doesn't like me?
- 21:28Rob Giardinelli: I ask every single person that I work with think about the last 100 people you met.
- 21:33Rob Giardinelli: Did you like all 100?
- 21:38Rob Giardinelli: And I don't know.
- 21:38Rob Giardinelli: I have yet to ever meet a person, and not just in my coaching practice, but anyone who's ever answered that question.
- 21:43Rob Giardinelli: Yes, there are going to be people you're going to vibe with and there are going to be people you don't vibe with, and that is absolutely okay.
- 21:50Rob Giardinelli: In fact, that's healthy, and especially if you're an introvert and you have a bad conversation with somebody.
- 21:56Rob Giardinelli: Remember, there's not.
- 21:57Rob Giardinelli: If you're in a room with a hundred people.
- 21:58Rob Giardinelli: There's 98 other people that you can talk to, and don't get hung up on that and that's where people get tripped up is it's one rejection, but there's dozens of other people that they can go talk to in a given space.
- 22:11Erin Gray: So what do you suggest for people that are like, okay, I'm open to it, like I do you know.
- 22:13Erin Gray: So what do you suggest for people that are like, okay, I'm open to it, like I do you know, I'm not digging social media all the time.
- 22:17Erin Gray: I do want to get out, I do want to connect in life with real humans.
- 22:21Erin Gray: How do I, where do I start?
- 22:24Erin Gray: How do I, you know, from a nervous system standpoint, where I'm not just like thrown into something that's like too much for me, and also, how do I, where do I even get started?
- 22:41Rob Giardinelli: So what I always say is and I did this when I moved I moved to Austin 20 years ago and did not know a soul, but walked up the jet bridge and I felt like Oprah when she went to Chicago and was like I just need to be here.
- 22:47Rob Giardinelli: And that's kind of what my, what my feelings about you know, austin Texas, austin, texas were get involved.
- 22:54Rob Giardinelli: That can mean you can join a board.
- 22:56Rob Giardinelli: That means you can volunteer.
- 22:58Rob Giardinelli: If you love animals, volunteer at your local animal shelter.
- 23:02Rob Giardinelli: If you had a child that recently had a serious illness and children's medical charities are your thing, go do that.
- 23:11Rob Giardinelli: If you were abused as a child and you want to, you know, want to pay it forward and help help other children in need, do that.
- 23:17Rob Giardinelli: If you love the arts, if you love ballet, if you love music, go volunteer for you know a monthly or weekly event that they have or their annual fundraising gala, just get involved.
- 23:28Rob Giardinelli: But if you do it with something that you already like and enjoy in a room with other people that you like and enjoy, you've already got something in common in a room with other people that you like and enjoy, you've already got something in common.
- 23:42Erin Gray: So is it through the volunteering I mean obviously a board, they probably have events, but, like, is it through the volunteering that it kind of naturally gravitates to?
- 23:47Erin Gray: They probably have some type of events or fundraising events to support the nonprofit or yeah, that's absolutely the case, and a lot of the times with the volunteers it's.
- 23:57Rob Giardinelli: You know, you find out where your professional background's in and it's like, oh, we need a board member with that background set, like, if you're an accountant, they may want that, for you got to remember a board member.
- 24:08Rob Giardinelli: It's just like an event.
- 24:09Rob Giardinelli: You can't have 15 alphas on a board.
- 24:11Rob Giardinelli: So just because you may be, you know, a middle manager, doesn't mean there's not a place on you with a board if there's some high powered CEOs and I know plenty of top boards around the state of Texas where there are CEOs and then there's, you know, individual contributors on the same board, because each of them is going to bring something unique and different to the table.
- 24:33Erin Gray: I love that I actually was.
- 24:34Erin Gray: I'm not on on the board, but I attended the board meeting of my kids school yesterday night and I actually thought of you.
- 24:41Erin Gray: I was like, oh, this is so interesting.
- 24:42Erin Gray: It was three hours long.
- 24:44Erin Gray: Um, yeah, I'm like how nobody ever I did it online.
- 24:49Erin Gray: You can either go physically there or be online.
- 24:51Erin Gray: I chose to be online and I'm like nobody ever went to the bathroom for three hours.
- 24:54Erin Gray: I'm like I can't.
- 24:55Erin Gray: But it was interesting to see, like I definitely you know finances, my background, so I was totally checking out the numbers and I was, you know, writing down my questions and you could see some people like you just said they, or what they were asking questions about was not even I would not even bat an eye over that, you know, and so it's really interesting.
- 25:15Erin Gray: It's like I would not even bat an eye over that, you know, and so it's really interesting.
- 25:18Erin Gray: It's like we all do all of us make, you know, um, it all, it all works right, Like we all need each other.
- 25:22Erin Gray: We all need different, uh, characteristics and qualities, um, for all of us to to make it work, you know.
- 25:31Rob Giardinelli: And what I always like to say is a great event or a great engagement.
- 25:35Rob Giardinelli: It's a tapestry and everyone's got their part in it and, like with an introvert in particular, if you look at this big, beautiful tapestry that could be on a wall at a church, let's just say you're a part of it, you're not, the spotlight is not on you and I know that with a lot of people, especially coming out of COVID, they just feel if they do one little thing wrong at an event there's like this big, bright, beaming, shining light.
- 25:57Rob Giardinelli: And I've been to over 2000 events and I can tell you the only instances where someone I don't want to say made a fool of themselves, but where something bad happened, the only ones I remember, is when someone made a big deal about it.
- 26:09Rob Giardinelli: And the person who it happened to made a big deal about it.
- 26:13Rob Giardinelli: If other than that, I don't remember if other to made a big deal about it.
- 26:15Rob Giardinelli: Other than that, I don't remember.
- 26:16Rob Giardinelli: If other people make a big deal about it, I think that reflects more on them, because there's a lot that goes into an event.
- 26:23Rob Giardinelli: There's no such thing as a perfect event, and any person who's like, oh well, I can't believe that happened, it's like well then, you've never hosted an event, because all of us have had something bad happen at any event that we've hosted.
- 26:34Rob Giardinelli: So that's really the only time that I ever remember and you know I have the type of thing because I write about it on the eyes and ears.
- 26:41Rob Giardinelli: You know that I've seen so many like.
- 26:44Rob Giardinelli: You know, like deer in headlights looks at me when something's happened and I'm like it's okay, how about you take me over here and we get a photograph together, like, like I know how to kind of diffuse that situation now, but it's, you know, just press on, you know, because it's people are just as much as we'd like to think that we're the center of the universe, we're not and people are just, they're going to forget.
- 27:09Erin Gray: Yeah, yep, that's what I tell my kids.
- 27:11Erin Gray: You're so special and you're not special at all because you know people.
- 27:15Erin Gray: Nobody's paying attention and you know.
- 27:17Erin Gray: But you are really special and it is true, like we we do.
- 27:20Erin Gray: We do think that, right, we think everyone's watching us, which is really like a reflection, like we're watching ourselves.
- 27:27Erin Gray: We're judging ourselves.
- 27:28Erin Gray: We are the one putting so much pressure on ourselves.
- 27:30Erin Gray: Nobody remembers those things.
- 27:32Erin Gray: They remember how you treated them.
- 27:33Erin Gray: They remember how you felt when they or how they felt when they were with you.
- 27:36Erin Gray: Those are the things they remember.
- 27:39Erin Gray: Um, so I wrote down slow and I want to know.
- 27:43Erin Gray: You said, like where to start if you want to get your feet wet, and I want to know what do you see in terms of?
- 27:50Erin Gray: When I say slow, like time, I think a lot of times people think, oh, I'm going to go do these things and I'm going to have these immediate results, versus I'm building these long-term relationships.
- 28:00Erin Gray: So, like, what would you say to people like that are thinking, okay, I want to start doing this, but kind of, I don't want to say setting expectations, but also, this isn't something that I think you just go do and then you expect to get business.
- 28:15Erin Gray: You know, from that event, it's not overnight.
- 28:18Rob Giardinelli: 90% of life is showing up, but you can't show up just once.
- 28:21Rob Giardinelli: Yes, you have to show up over and over again.
- 28:24Rob Giardinelli: And you know because you know, when I went to my first event, I did not own a tux, I own one suit and didn't own a single sport coat.
- 28:30Rob Giardinelli: Now I, you know, have a much bigger wardrobe than I used to.
- 28:34Rob Giardinelli: But you know, there were some people that took to me right away and there were other people that were cool to me and eventually I became great friends with everyone's, just kind of got their own pace with stuff.
- 28:44Rob Giardinelli: So there's not a.
- 28:46Rob Giardinelli: I'm going to do the exact same thing with this and that's what I work with people a lot on, cause a lot of people get really tied up on, well, work with this person.
- 28:53Rob Giardinelli: Why didn't it work with this person?
- 28:54Rob Giardinelli: I'm like because, well, what did?
- 28:56Rob Giardinelli: How are these two people different?
- 28:57Rob Giardinelli: And they'll be like well, this person, you know, you know, likes to go party until 3am and this person's in book clubs.
- 29:05Rob Giardinelli: And I'm like, well, why would you think the exact same approach would work with both of them?
- 29:09Rob Giardinelli: So you know, you, you just, you need to just make sure that you're keeping, you're being grounded in that, with your expectations, and that one size you know one size doesn't fit all.
- 29:22Rob Giardinelli: I always like to say that I treat everybody with dignity, kindness and respect, but at the same time, I cannot treat them all the same.
- 29:30Rob Giardinelli: Yeah, because that's not fair to me, or or you or anybody else.
- 29:37Erin Gray: Yeah, yeah, and I think too the word that came to mind is like unattached or detached.
- 29:43Erin Gray: I think with you when you go in with these expectations, I mean we've kind of already said this a little bit, but it's like you're putting pressure on yourself.
- 29:50Erin Gray: You're probably also in your head and not in your body.
- 29:54Erin Gray: You're also probably not able to just show up as who you are because you have all of these expectations.
- 30:03Erin Gray: Versus just going and having a good time, like if you didn't attach business to it, if you just were like I'm just going to have fun and see who I can connect with, how much less pressure would you feel if you just showed up and just connected with people?
- 30:19Erin Gray: Versus here we go back to that getting versus giving energy.
- 30:24Rob Giardinelli: Absolutely, and what I always do with the clients that I work with is there's three types of goals, and what I do initially with them is there's three types of goals, and the first event you're going to go to you're going to do one of each type, and the three types are confidence, purpose and joy.
- 30:38Rob Giardinelli: So you want to give yourself confidence that I deserve to be here, and a lot of people struggle with that, with their insecurities.
- 30:45Rob Giardinelli: Purpose is that's going to be your business.
- 30:47Rob Giardinelli: And transactionally, more transactionally oriented goal, I want to drive my career.
- 30:52Rob Giardinelli: But you have to have a joy goal, and the reason for that is most people view going to a business event as a chore.
- 30:59Rob Giardinelli: But if there is something that makes you look forward to going, I'll give you a good example.
- 31:08Rob Giardinelli: So let's say, someone throws an amazing Christmas party every year and they have these awesome, huge chocolate chip cookies.
- 31:12Rob Giardinelli: Well, you're going to want to make sure that you get there timely, because they're going to all be gone pretty quickly because you want to get one of those darn cookies.
- 31:17Rob Giardinelli: Well, you're going to want to make sure that you get there timely, because they're going to all be gone pretty quickly because you want to get one of those darn cookies.
- 31:20Rob Giardinelli: So you know that can be your joy, that you get to eat this wonderful thing, you get to savor this moment and savor this delicious piece of food that you want to have.
- 31:28Rob Giardinelli: So the joy can be as something as simple as that.
- 31:31Rob Giardinelli: It doesn't even have to be about joy with others.
- 31:34Rob Giardinelli: It can be if it's more comfortable for you, if you need to feel joy within yourself to spread it to others, do that and start with that, and start with you and and go, go out from there.
- 31:45Erin Gray: Yeah, I think that's actually how it has.
- 31:47Erin Gray: I think that's how it has to be right, like we have to.
- 31:50Erin Gray: It has to be an internal thing that comes and boils up out of us, versus we're trying to get Um, you said about earlier, about how it has to.
- 31:58Erin Gray: You have to go to multiple and I'm curious just like any skillset right, the more you do it, the better you get, the less in.
- 32:07Erin Gray: Um, intense is the word that comes to mind Like, oh, you know, nervous, I guess, is the word I'm looking for.
- 32:12Erin Gray: And so after people work with you, is it that like that skill set gets built, that it's like, huh, okay, you know, like this feels fun, this feels engaging.
- 32:27Erin Gray: I enjoy this.
- 32:28Erin Gray: This is part of I mean.
- 32:29Erin Gray: They use that basically, as their call it, a marketing strategy, for lack of a better word but it's become this thing that they do, and when I say that, I mean who they be now right.
- 32:46Rob Giardinelli: Exactly, and it goes into kind of the more you show up, the more you're known, and I'll give you a good example of that.
- 32:53Rob Giardinelli: So when I first started going to events, a lot of times I would go to a gala, which was a cocktail hour followed by a seated dinner, and I would say the first six months to a year that I went to them, I just wanted to get to the table.
- 33:05Rob Giardinelli: I was like this is so overwhelming.
- 33:08Rob Giardinelli: I don't want to be a cocktail hour and I just I want this anchor to keep me afloat, which is, you know, the, the table where I can go and sit.
- 33:20Rob Giardinelli: Now the anchor is kind of the thing that weighs me down.
- 33:21Rob Giardinelli: Now I don't really want to go to the dining table.
- 33:23Rob Giardinelli: I want to mingle at cocktail hour, because I know that, because I've been doing it for a while, I know a good amount of people in the room that you know.
- 33:33Rob Giardinelli: I know that I could have more conversations, but when I'm seated I can only talk to the immediate, maybe two to six people, depending on how the table's set up around me.
- 33:42Rob Giardinelli: So just keep those.
- 33:46Rob Giardinelli: Just remember.
- 33:48Rob Giardinelli: It's an evolution, it's not something that's gonna happen overnight, but, just like with anything you do.
- 33:53Rob Giardinelli: If you practice and you show up, the results will come.
- 33:58Rob Giardinelli: But you have to show up.
- 33:59Rob Giardinelli: It's not a one-time thing.
- 34:01Rob Giardinelli: Anyone who's ever worked out or lost weight or trained for a marathon you weren't running 26 miles on that first run, I guarantee you.
- 34:10Rob Giardinelli: You have to build up to it.
- 34:13Erin Gray: Yeah, I love that you said that, because I think that's the key in anything right.
- 34:16Erin Gray: It's consistency.
- 34:17Erin Gray: In any area of your life, whatever, it's just like you're the person that shows up, whether that be with your business, whether that be you know, to events, whether that be working out, whether that be with your family, like you're just the person that shows up as that's the identity that you carry with you.
- 34:34Rob Giardinelli: Um, yeah, and and I one thing and that you carry with you, yeah, and I know I have one thing, and that you want to be there.
- 34:39Rob Giardinelli: Well, yeah, People sense that from them.
- 34:41Rob Giardinelli: But people sense that from a million miles away, Like and I've gone to enough events now where it's like I'm just like I can feel a dark presence of somebody.
- 34:50Rob Giardinelli: I'm like I'm going to go to this part of the room.
- 34:52Rob Giardinelli: Yep, you can just feel it and sense it.
- 34:54Erin Gray: Yep, you can just feel it and sense it so clearly.
- 34:55Erin Gray: We're talking to the people that are like hey, I want to do something other than social media.
- 34:58Erin Gray: What are some other ways we're talking to you?
- 35:01Rob Giardinelli: That's who we're talking to.
- 35:03Erin Gray: Because if you don't I mean here's the thing If you don't want to, it's like like what Rob said, it's going to show up like people, since, whether they are intuitive or not, that energy can be felt.
- 35:13Erin Gray: And so, if it's one thing to be like, I want to do this and I'm a little nervous and I don't know where to start very different than I hate doing this, but Aaron and Rob says that this is another way to build my business, so I should know like it has to come from that genuine desire.
- 35:31Rob Giardinelli: And I'll give you a good example.
- 35:32Rob Giardinelli: Like an introvert, I can always tell if an introvert wants to be there versus doesn't want to be there, because if I start talking, a one word answer becomes a phrase, becomes a sentence, becomes a paragraph.
- 35:42Rob Giardinelli: Someone who doesn't want to be there?
- 35:43Rob Giardinelli: It's one word answers and that's at the point where you know you gracefully exit the conversation and go on to the next person.
- 35:50Rob Giardinelli: That's one of those.
- 35:51Rob Giardinelli: You know.
- 35:51Rob Giardinelli: If you're in a room of 100, that's probably one of the 10 or 15 that you're just inherently just not going to vibe with in a room.
- 35:58Rob Giardinelli: That's just.
- 35:58Rob Giardinelli: That's just human nature.
- 36:00Rob Giardinelli: For that, yeah totally.
- 36:02Erin Gray: Is there anything else that you want to add that I haven't asked you, or you wanted to, to comment on?
- 36:07Rob Giardinelli: So when you show up to an event, one thing that I recommend everybody do, no matter how introverted or extroverted you are, is, when you walk in, scan the room.
- 36:16Rob Giardinelli: You want to scan the room for all kinds of things when are the bars, is there a food station?
- 36:21Rob Giardinelli: Are there experiential activations like photo booths and whatever other experiences there are?
- 36:27Rob Giardinelli: Where are the bathrooms?
- 36:28Rob Giardinelli: And even in the most crowded spaces there is always a quiet pocket.
- 36:32Rob Giardinelli: So, especially if you're an introvert, where is that quiet pocket in that space?
- 36:36Rob Giardinelli: Because it just never ceases to amaze me no matter how crowded or packed or fun a room is, there's always a quiet spot.
- 36:42Rob Giardinelli: So that way you've kind of got a lay of the land and you can go ahead in.
- 36:47Rob Giardinelli: And if you're an introvert, in particular when you did that, scan the first place, you're going to go and you're going.
- 36:53Rob Giardinelli: You're not going to like me for saying this, but you go to the bar with the longest line and you stand there and the goal and I have done this, probably literally, I've probably done it a thousand times over the years and you've got someone in front of you and you've got someone behind you in that longest line.
- 37:11Rob Giardinelli: And the great thing about that is, is that the conversation is going to have an art, an automatic end date.
- 37:17Rob Giardinelli: There there is a natural expiration date because when that person in front of you gets to the bar or you get to the bar, the conversation ends and I will tell you, in all the years I've done it, I've maybe gotten two you know contacts out of it.
- 37:30Rob Giardinelli: It's not about that, it's really.
- 37:31Rob Giardinelli: It's almost like you know, almost like if you live in the North I grew up in the North If you live in the North and you want to, you know, get acclimated to the swimming pool, you go down step by step.
- 37:41Rob Giardinelli: That's really your way of kind of going step by step, instead of doing a cannonball on the deep end and just start with what brought you here tonight.
- 37:48Rob Giardinelli: How do you know the event host?
- 37:50Rob Giardinelli: It's just a really simple question because, remember, you all have a common thread or something in common by being there with whatever, if it's the organization, the business, the trade, industry, the school, whatever it is.
- 38:03Erin Gray: Oh, I love that because for us introverts we're like, oh gosh, where do we go?
- 38:07Erin Gray: I mean, I don't like inserting myself in conversations and also hanging out.
- 38:12Erin Gray: So I love that tip because it's like anybody can.
- 38:15Erin Gray: Like you said, you're sandwiched between two people and you have an opportunity to, kind of it's soft start is what comes to mind, right, like you gradually work yourself up into it versus being thrown in it.
- 38:31Rob Giardinelli: Yeah, it's like if you live in a place that's really cold and you have to heat up the car and let it run for five minutes before you can drive in the morning.
- 38:36Rob Giardinelli: That's essentially what you're doing, and those of you who live in Minnesota will understand.
- 38:42Erin Gray: I love it, Rob.
- 38:43Erin Gray: Thank you so much.
- 38:43Erin Gray: Where can people find out more about you or connect with you?
- 38:47Rob Giardinelli: So, aaron, thank you for having me.
- 38:48Rob Giardinelli: So you can go to eventmindsetcom, email me at info at eventmindsetcom and if you visit my website, um, I have a um six ways to gracefully exit any conversation.
- 38:58Rob Giardinelli: Cheat sheet that you can download.
- 39:01Erin Gray: We didn't talk about that, but exiting.
- 39:04Rob Giardinelli: There's lots of ways to do it.
- 39:05Rob Giardinelli: So it's basically six kinds of common situations and ways that you can.
- 39:09Rob Giardinelli: You know you can exit the conversation and go on with your, go on with your evening and everyone's happy.
- 39:16Erin Gray: Oh my gosh, I love this Cause.
- 39:17Erin Gray: Okay, I know we said we're stopping, but now I'm like okay, I have one more question, because for the people that aren't aware that, just talk at you, that we kind of talked about like protecting your energy, but like also really gradually or gracefully leaving when you feel like you're being talked at and they aren't aware that they are just talking at you, you know.
- 39:40Rob Giardinelli: Absolutely true.
- 39:41Rob Giardinelli: Remember, if you're at, if you're at something for four hours and there's a hundred people there, that would mean you could talk to everyone for about two minutes each.
- 39:47Rob Giardinelli: So it's about you know moving it along.
- 39:51Rob Giardinelli: So don't ever feel bad about ending a conversation at any event like that, because there's so many people that you can mingle with.
- 39:58Erin Gray: I love it.
- 39:59Erin Gray: Thanks, rob, I appreciate it.
- 40:00Rob Giardinelli: Thank you for having me.