Latest / Your Money, Your Rules | Financial Mastery, Wealth Mindset, Leadership Principles, Intuitive Decision-Making, Human Design / 192 | Success Isn’t Going to Make You Feel Better

Transcript

192 | Success Isn’t Going to Make You Feel Better · Your Money, Your Rules | Financial Mastery, Wealth Mindset, Leadership Principles, Intuitive Decision-Making, Human Design

0:00
Erin Gray: Welcome back to Your Money, Your Rules podcast with me, your host, Erin Gray.
0:04
Erin Gray: Today I want to talk about something that I hear almost every client say to me.
0:08
Erin Gray: I've also been there too.
0:10
Erin Gray: I probably was just there this past week, so I'm calling myself out here too.
0:14
Erin Gray: And I think, you know, we're all human.
0:15
Erin Gray: We fall back into this place at sometimes.
0:17
Erin Gray: And the important thing is to recognize it and then to move from it.
0:22
Erin Gray: So in a nutshell, we are all thinking that we're waiting to feel a feeling until something happens in our business.
0:29
Erin Gray: Something happens in our lives.
0:30
Erin Gray: We say things like, Well, when my business is at XYZ, or when I get to this point, then I'll slow down.
0:36
Erin Gray: Like it's a lot of what I hear from my clients is I'll slow down, or then I'll feel more calm, or I'll feel more secure.
0:44
Erin Gray: And it's this belief that these feelings are created outside of you.
0:48
Erin Gray: And that when you get somewhere, wherever that somewhere is going, wherever we're trying to go with that somewhere, that you'll finally feel and be free to feel what you're actually wanting to feel.
0:59
Erin Gray: And it doesn't work that way.
1:01
Erin Gray: It's something that we have been sold that it doesn't work like that.
1:04
Erin Gray: And so let's talk about today our feelings, what we actually want to feel, and how to create that on the daily so that your journey, your business, and your life feels fun along the way.
1:15
Erin Gray: Okay, I want to share because I'm always, I feel like I'm really authentic, is that, you know, this is how I probably spent the first 20 working years of my life.
1:24
Erin Gray: Like I call myself Erin previous, like 1.0 and now Erin 2.0.
1:28
Erin Gray: So Erin 1.0 six years ago, this is how I spent the majority of my life.
1:33
Erin Gray: And I call it like moving the goalpost, right?
1:36
Erin Gray: So I want you to think back when you started your business, you might have been thinking, like, just imagine that first time you actually like open the doors or online, whatever your business is.
1:45
Erin Gray: And like when I make my first thousand, I'm like that, I'm gonna be so proud of myself.
1:50
Erin Gray: That's gonna feel so incredible, right?
1:51
Erin Gray: Like that first client or however your business was structured back then in order to generate that money, right?
1:58
Erin Gray: And then you get there, and instead of feeling grateful and so proud of yourself and maybe going out and celebrating and just acknowledging all of the work that you did in order to generate that amount of money, you blow right by it and you have a new target.
2:15
Erin Gray: Or if you're like me, what I used to do is like before I even accomplished one goal, I was already on to the next and already thinking about the next thing.
2:24
Erin Gray: So I've already, you know, abandoned and when I say abandon, not like let that goal glow, but like I'm not even focused on that anymore.
2:30
Erin Gray: It's like, oh, next thing already.
2:31
Erin Gray: So that when I, you know, finally achieved that first goal, I'm not even acknowledging it because I'm already focused on the next thing.
2:38
Erin Gray: So then maybe you go to 10K months, 50k months, whatever it is, on and on.
2:42
Erin Gray: And then you start moving to things like, okay, well, when I have more consistency or when I build a team and you look up and you've created so much that you're not acknowledging it, you're not feeling grateful and in pure appreciation.
2:57
Erin Gray: You're looking at, I view it as like you're looking at how far you're on, you want to climb Mount Everest and you're looking at how far I've had to go.
3:06
Erin Gray: You're not looking at look at my gosh, look at how far I've come.
3:09
Erin Gray: And that feeling that I think that is one of ultimately it is of lack.
3:15
Erin Gray: And I think it's like one of the worst feelings to feel as we are building and creating something.
3:22
Erin Gray: You know, you are withholding the fun, you're withholding joy and calmness and peace and success, whatever that looks like to you.
3:32
Erin Gray: Love, love for yourself, love for your business, love for all of the things, right?
3:36
Erin Gray: In your clients, your team, all of it from yourself.
3:40
Erin Gray: You're whole, you're withholding this until a later date.
3:43
Erin Gray: And what we are doing is we are training the brain, the neural pathways, and our body to keep going for that next thing, to never actually practice the feelings that we are feeling after.
3:54
Erin Gray: And and I'm gonna get into like that's actually not how we create what we want in our life.
3:58
Erin Gray: Don't get me wrong, you can totally create everything that you want from that feeling of hustle and not good enough and lack, because that is what I have done.
4:05
Erin Gray: And I will say that it feels a lot better in the body when you come from that place of gratitude and joy and fun and enjoying the process versus thinking, okay, I'm gonna wait to give myself love and admiration and joy and calmness until I get to that place.
4:21
Erin Gray: And like I said, at its core, ultimately, like is this sense of lack.
4:25
Erin Gray: And it has you on this hamster wheel and not actually being the owner and the founder that you are meant to be.
4:31
Erin Gray: So I'm not saying not to have goals.
4:34
Erin Gray: What I am saying is that having goals, knowing where you're going, having your vision while appreciating where you are is a vastly different feeling in your body than having goals and feeling like where you are isn't enough.
4:48
Erin Gray: Now we can chalk this up to maybe, you know, when we were growing up, we had parents that kind of told us like no matter what we did, it was never enough.
4:56
Erin Gray: That's some stuff that we've got to work through, right?
4:58
Erin Gray: Like we have to parent ourselves.
5:00
Erin Gray: We have to be that person for us that maybe we'd never had.
5:04
Erin Gray: And we've got to do that internal work so that where we actually start giving ourselves the atta girls that we deserve all along the way.
5:12
Erin Gray: And this really comes back to like a deeper question.
5:15
Erin Gray: This is coming from this understanding or this belief system that we think that the feeling is outside of us, right?
5:21
Erin Gray: So when we say, I'm going to feel more successful when my business reaches this level, or I'll slow down when my business or when I hire so-and-so, or I'll feel more calm when, first of all, you have to start actually, I always say like words are so powerful.
5:36
Erin Gray: You have to start actually defining what these words mean to you.
5:40
Erin Gray: What does success actually look like?
5:42
Erin Gray: Because success, at the expense of ignoring your family and your body and getting to wherever you're going, if success is just a money number to you, but all along the way you've denied your joy, you've denied your body, you have not spent much time with your kids.
5:58
Erin Gray: Like, is that what success means to you?
6:00
Erin Gray: And if it is, okay, that's fine.
6:01
Erin Gray: But we really have to start to define what success means to us.
6:06
Erin Gray: You know, when we are saying we're gonna slow down, what does that actually mean?
6:09
Erin Gray: What does slowdown mean?
6:10
Erin Gray: Slowdown to me means something very different than someone who's been used to going 90 miles an hour is gonna slow down to 60.
6:17
Erin Gray: Previous Erin was at the 90 miles.
6:19
Erin Gray: Now Erin 2.0 is like at like 10 miles an hour, right?
6:23
Erin Gray: So you have to really start asking yourself, what does that actually mean?
6:27
Erin Gray: What does calm mean?
6:28
Erin Gray: And so when you are asking yourself these questions, for a lot of people, it really comes back to like, okay, what are these feelings?
6:36
Erin Gray: Right.
6:36
Erin Gray: It is, I want to feel calm.
6:38
Erin Gray: Okay, what does that feel like in my body?
6:40
Erin Gray: What does that actually look like?
6:41
Erin Gray: Do I even know what calm looks like?
6:43
Erin Gray: Like I said, if you're used to going 90 miles an hour, now you're going 60, well, that is calm to you.
6:48
Erin Gray: But like, how can you even take it even further?
6:52
Erin Gray: What does success look like for you?
6:53
Erin Gray: Like, I know that when I came back and building my business, I'm building it from my way.
6:58
Erin Gray: Like I could grow it maybe on social media or whatever, but that's not how I want to grow it.
7:04
Erin Gray: Like I would not feel successful if I abandon my intuition and what I wanted to do and the way I wanted to grow my business.
7:11
Erin Gray: So when we say we're, you know, we want to feel success, it's not just about the money.
7:15
Erin Gray: It always comes back to with this feeling.
7:17
Erin Gray: Maybe it's confidence that you want to feel.
7:19
Erin Gray: Maybe it's more freedom or more secure, or having this sense of pride or accomplishment or at a girl, this peace of mind, this calmness in our nervous system.
7:29
Erin Gray: And I think a lot of us have bought into this lie that we have been sold, you know, with the business worlds that like emotions happen outside of you.
7:37
Erin Gray: Go get the thing, and then you can feel the feeling.
7:40
Erin Gray: And like, oh, when you hit X in your business, then you'll feel successful.
7:44
Erin Gray: Like we've been taught to look at the effect, not actually at the root cause.
7:48
Erin Gray: And those feelings aren't going to just magically show up just because your revenue changes, just because your business has grown, just because you've hired more people.
7:57
Erin Gray: You're going to take yourself wherever you go.
7:59
Erin Gray: So there are plenty of people, and I'm sure you know them, I know plenty of them that have the business that they've always wanted, millions of dollars in the bank, and they still feel stressed, they still feel insecure, and they still feel like that they're like either falling behind or they're haven't caught up yet.
8:15
Erin Gray: We all know somebody or multiple people.
8:17
Erin Gray: I used to be one of them.
8:18
Erin Gray: I've shared that before.
8:20
Erin Gray: And I always say, you've got to come back to the identity.
8:22
Erin Gray: Go back and listen to episode 186 about how your identity is your actual strategy to gain more insight on what I think that you need to be thinking and feeling about yourself and like how that is actually everything that drives all of our actions.
8:36
Erin Gray: So I want to talk about like the energy that you bring to your business, the way that you feel about yourself, your self-concept, how you identify yourself, right?
8:45
Erin Gray: What you think and feel about yourself, how you think and feel about your business, how you think and feel about your money, all of that has an impact on how you create the results that you want.
8:56
Erin Gray: It affects how you talk to potential clients.
8:59
Erin Gray: It affects how confident you are to share your ideas and to lead your team.
9:04
Erin Gray: It affects how creative you are and whether you trust yourself.
9:08
Erin Gray: Like the identity that I have built up in myself is like I trust myself and I trust my intuition.
9:12
Erin Gray: That wasn't always the case.
9:14
Erin Gray: Sometimes my intuition does not match what someone else is advising me to do, but I always follow my intuition.
9:20
Erin Gray: So it affects every area in your life, the risks that you're willing to take.
9:23
Erin Gray: If you don't believe that you're gonna make the money back and you're betting on yourself, and that is better than any silver, gold stock market, crypto, real estate, whatever it might be, that is going to affect how you show up.
9:34
Erin Gray: So I want you to start thinking about where I am postponing feeling a certain way because I'm putting it somewhere out there, and I have to get that thing in order to feel a certain way.
9:46
Erin Gray: So decide today what are those feelings that I'm chasing?
9:49
Erin Gray: What do I actually want to feel?
9:51
Erin Gray: And I think most everybody wants to feel more calm.
9:54
Erin Gray: We want to feel more peaceful.
9:56
Erin Gray: And I just want to say here, I don't do this perfectly.
9:58
Erin Gray: I was having a whole thing yesterday, but I saw it.
10:02
Erin Gray: I allowed myself, I don't take any action when I am in that state, but I saw what was happening.
10:07
Erin Gray: I allowed myself to feel it and then get back into actually how do I want to feel?
10:11
Erin Gray: I want to feel calm.
10:13
Erin Gray: I want to feel peaceful.
10:14
Erin Gray: I want to have a lot of fun and move from that place.
10:17
Erin Gray: So the thing I think also that you have to remember is that you are already doing this.
10:23
Erin Gray: You are already this person somewhere else in your life.
10:26
Erin Gray: Maybe you're already calm and chill with your spouse.
10:29
Erin Gray: Maybe you're already calm and chill, you know, for the most part with your kids, whatever it might be.
10:34
Erin Gray: You already know how to do this and you already know how to feel this way.
10:37
Erin Gray: The question becomes how practiced are you at doing it in your business and with your money?
10:42
Erin Gray: And all of this is always a practice.
10:44
Erin Gray: I talk about deadlifting, right?
10:46
Erin Gray: We practice this over and over again.
10:48
Erin Gray: If you're new to weightlifting, I'm not gonna teach you how to deadlift with a bar and 45-pound plates on each side.
10:54
Erin Gray: I'm gonna start off with a broomstick.
10:55
Erin Gray: So, where are you along this process?
10:57
Erin Gray: This is a practice, and the more that we practice, the better we get at it.
11:01
Erin Gray: And I wanna say that it is a lot more fun.
11:04
Erin Gray: There's not a wrong way and a right way to do this, but it is a lot more fun to build something and to grow something from those feelings of fun and joy and success and love and like vibrancy and life force energy and certainty and calm than it is to do it from stress and not enough time and not good enough and inadequacy and lack and fear and all of that kind of stuff.
11:27
Erin Gray: And so I always think about like focusing on the vision and where you're going versus looking at the problems that you have.
11:34
Erin Gray: When you're thinking about how can I have more fun, that isn't focused on, okay, these are all of the issues that I'm having in my business, right?
11:40
Erin Gray: It's where am I going?
11:41
Erin Gray: What do I want to create?
11:43
Erin Gray: What is important to me?
11:44
Erin Gray: What are my values in my business, my mission, all of that?
11:48
Erin Gray: So, how do we actually do this?
11:50
Erin Gray: Everything starts in the mind.
11:51
Erin Gray: Obviously, you've got to be processing your emotions.
11:54
Erin Gray: And I talk about emotion release therapy and tapping in all the different ways, but like it starts in our minds first.
12:00
Erin Gray: What are we currently thinking and feeling on the daily?
12:02
Erin Gray: This is where you have to be like a hawk.
12:04
Erin Gray: You have to be so clear on what are the words that are coming out of my mouth, what are the thoughts that I'm saying, what are the feelings that I am feeling?
12:12
Erin Gray: Notice what are those three things that are happening, being so vigilant, for lack of a better word, of them.
12:19
Erin Gray: Sometimes I'll hear clients say, like, I'm such a mess, or you know, like you've got to be really, really mindful about the words that you're saying.
12:27
Erin Gray: And you have to become very intentional about the words that are coming out of your mouth.
12:31
Erin Gray: So start with the identity and then start noticing where you already feel calm and successful and you're already having fun and you're already feeling peaceful.
12:39
Erin Gray: And if you're like, Erin, I don't feel any of those things, great, perfect.
12:44
Erin Gray: Love the awareness.
12:45
Erin Gray: Okay, how do I want to start feeling that way?
12:48
Erin Gray: Right?
12:48
Erin Gray: How do I want to, when my child says something to me that I typically get really upset about, how do I want to remain calm?
12:54
Erin Gray: How do I want to practice feeling calm and not reacting?
12:57
Erin Gray: I want to respond.
12:58
Erin Gray: And maybe responding means, hey, honey, I need a minute right now, right?
13:02
Erin Gray: How when I look at my bank balance or I look at my QuickBooks, how do I not want to react?
13:07
Erin Gray: I want to practice feeling more calm.
13:09
Erin Gray: Okay, then that means I'm gonna get on and intentionally practice the feeling of feeling calm when I look at my numbers or when my bookkeeper gives me my reports.
13:18
Erin Gray: And another thing that I want to say here is that sometimes we're so focused on revenue or profit that we forget all of those changes that we have made in order to get to that point, right?
13:28
Erin Gray: Before all that stuff shows up, we have become a completely different person.
13:32
Erin Gray: And so, really starting to focus on like I sometimes like get a little zingy when it comes to like enjoy the journey, right?
13:40
Erin Gray: Or like the process, but it really is true.
13:42
Erin Gray: Like I have to even remind myself of that.
13:44
Erin Gray: Like, it is the process.
13:45
Erin Gray: Like I get into my head sometimes and I'm like, oh, okay, this is where I'm going, and I'm just so focused.
13:50
Erin Gray: So I'm not sitting over here on my little high horse saying that I do this perfectly, but I notice, like, oh my gosh, what was I rushing for all of those years?
13:57
Erin Gray: You know, like every single day is such a precious day to be alive, to be able to work in your business, to grow yourself as a founder.
14:06
Erin Gray: Like, look at those things as well.
14:08
Erin Gray: Like, look at all of those tiny little micro moments that you are having and experiencing as you are going to wherever you're getting to go to.
14:16
Erin Gray: And think about like how have you already changed?
14:18
Erin Gray: Like you had to become someone entirely different to be who you are right now.
14:21
Erin Gray: How have you been more decisive?
14:23
Erin Gray: How have you been less of a bottleneck, more of a leader?
14:26
Erin Gray: You literally have to take the time to do this and to think about this to get your brain to be thinking in that way versus what it is on default, which is like not enough, not there yet, you know, bash in on not having enough fun, all those things.
14:39
Erin Gray: Like this is a skill, just like growing a business is a skill.
14:42
Erin Gray: So start celebrating.
14:44
Erin Gray: I say celebrate the 1%.
14:45
Erin Gray: I think it's everything.
14:47
Erin Gray: Celebrate everything, every little thing, celebrate it.
14:50
Erin Gray: You've got to show your brain all the ways that you are already doing this.
14:53
Erin Gray: Learn to appreciate every win of that allows you to be on this beautiful journey that we are on.
15:00
Erin Gray: And, you know, when we can relax into that, when we can sink and anchor into that, like it's so much fun to have to move through life in that way versus withholding the love.
15:10
Erin Gray: I think really what we're doing is we are withholding the love from ourselves when we are not enjoying all of those moments as we're getting to where we are going.
15:18
Erin Gray: So if you take anything away from this episode, don't wait for your business to reach a certain level, which like it's not going to give you that feeling, right?
15:27
Erin Gray: You've got to allow yourself to feel proud and to feel joyful and calm.
15:31
Erin Gray: Like what I see in my clients is this calmness, slowing down, having more self-trust, more love.
15:39
Erin Gray: Even when your brain tells you you fucked it all up, where is the love?
15:42
Erin Gray: Like, this is where we get to go even deeper on the self-love and the self-trust with our intuition.
15:48
Erin Gray: So think about the identity.
15:50
Erin Gray: Like that is always what is creating what you want in your life.
15:54
Erin Gray: So being very mindful of what your thoughts are acting from, you know, when you have decided, okay, I'm going to be more calm.
16:00
Erin Gray: It's stopping yourself when you want to make a quick decision and being like, no, that's not what someone who acts and moves through calm is.
16:07
Erin Gray: When you're saying I want to slow down more, then that's actually giving yourself time to go to the restroom and drink water throughout the day.
16:14
Erin Gray: That's giving yourself time to journal, like putting some times in your calendar to do that.
16:19
Erin Gray: Okay.
16:20
Erin Gray: That's all I have for you today.
16:21
Erin Gray: I know it sounds so cliche, but like you really have to enjoy the journey.
16:25
Erin Gray: You have to choose what are those feelings that you want to have and feel.
16:30
Erin Gray: What are you chasing?
16:31
Erin Gray: Start feeling those feelings now.
16:34
Erin Gray: And that comes from our thinking.
16:36
Erin Gray: Okay, I love you all.
16:37
Erin Gray: I'll see you in the next episode.