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Transcript

What Happens When Cancer Meets Unstoppable Family Support · The Eye Believe Podcast

• 0:00
  everybody
• 0:00
  Welcome.
• 0:00
  Thank
• 0:00
  you
• 0:01
  guys for
• 0:01
  being here.
• 0:02
  And, Carol,
• 0:02
  I'm
• 0:02
  going to
• 0:03
  let you
• 0:03
  start
• 0:04
  things off
• 0:04
  and then
• 0:04
  introduce
• 0:05
  the
• 0:05
  panelists.
• 0:07
  Thank you.
• 0:08
  I'm just so
• 0:08
  grateful
• 0:09
  for this
• 0:09
  opportunity,
• 0:10
  I'm
• 0:10
  really honored.
• 0:10
  I feel like
• 0:11
  I'm in the
• 0:11
  presence of
• 0:12
  heroes
• 0:12
  right here.
• 0:13
  And so I'm
• 0:14
  super
• 0:14
  honored to
• 0:15
  be able
• 0:15
  to do this.
• 0:16
  I
• 0:17
  consider
• 0:17
  this
• 0:17
  more of
• 0:18
  a
• 0:18
  roundtable.
• 0:19
  I don't think
• 0:19
  the things
• 0:19
  I have to
• 0:20
  share
• 0:20
  are any
• 0:20
  more
• 0:21
  important
• 0:21
  than things
• 0:21
  that the
• 0:22
  panelists
• 0:22
  have to
• 0:23
  share.
• 0:23
  So I'm just
• 0:23
  kind of one
• 0:24
  of the
• 0:24
  panel
• 0:25
  in a sense.
• 0:26
  so today,
• 0:27
  yes,
• 0:27
  our topic
• 0:28
  is coping
• 0:28
  with the
• 0:29
  impact of
• 0:30
  ocular
• 0:30
  melanoma
• 0:31
  on the
• 0:31
  family.
• 0:32
  And I
• 0:32
  will be
• 0:32
  referring
• 0:33
  to it
• 0:33
  as om
• 0:34
  because
• 0:34
  it's less
• 0:35
  of a
• 0:35
  mouthful
• 0:36
  to say.
• 0:37
  and since
• 0:37
  danet
• 0:38
  already
• 0:38
  introduced
• 0:39
  me,
• 0:39
  I will
• 0:39
  share a
• 0:40
  little bit
• 0:40
  more about
• 0:40
  my journey
• 0:41
  throughout
• 0:42
  our
• 0:42
  conversation
• 0:43
  today.
• 0:44
  we're going
• 0:44
  to be
• 0:44
  really
• 0:45
  focusing on
• 0:46
  two things
• 0:47
  we've all
• 0:47
  heard on
• 0:48
  the pages,
• 0:49
  om pages
• 0:50
  that cancer
• 0:51
  is a family
• 0:51
  disease.
• 0:52
  We hear that
• 0:52
  a lot.
• 0:53
  We also
• 0:53
  hear,
• 0:54
  that cancer
• 0:55
  doesn't
• 0:55
  have to
• 0:55
  define you.
• 0:56
  And I'm
• 0:56
  going to
• 0:56
  broaden
• 0:57
  that to
• 0:57
  cancer
• 0:57
  doesn't
• 0:58
  have to
• 0:58
  define
• 0:58
  your family.
• 0:59
  those are
• 1:00
  the kind of
• 1:00
  the two
• 1:00
  things
• 1:01
  that we're
• 1:01
  going to
• 1:01
  look at.
• 1:02
  And as
• 1:02
  far as,
• 1:03
  cancer
• 1:04
  as a family
• 1:04
  disease,
• 1:05
  we're
• 1:05
  going to
• 1:05
  look
• 1:05
  specifically
• 1:06
  at
• 1:07
  communication
• 1:07
  within the family
• 1:08
  and what
• 1:09
  that looks
• 1:09
  like,
• 1:10
  and also,
• 1:11
  support
• 1:12
  within
• 1:12
  the family
• 1:13
  or not.
• 1:13
  I think
• 1:14
  that it's
• 1:14
  really
• 1:15
  important
• 1:15
  to remember
• 1:16
  that every
• 1:17
  family
• 1:17
  is
• 1:17
  different.
• 1:18
  There are four
• 1:18
  of us
• 1:19
  here
• 1:19
  on the screen,
• 1:20
  or actually
• 1:20
  there's
• 1:21
  three,
• 1:21
  four,
• 1:21
  six of us
• 1:22
  on
• 1:22
  the screen.
• 1:23
  Every
• 1:23
  family
• 1:24
  is
• 1:24
  different
• 1:24
  that
• 1:24
  every family
• 1:25
  has its
• 1:25
  own
• 1:25
  demographics.
• 1:26
  And so
• 1:27
  the things
• 1:27
  we say
• 1:27
  today
• 1:28
  are not
• 1:29
  prescriptions
• 1:29
  for
• 1:30
  thats
• 1:30
  listening.
• 1:31
  They are
• 1:31
  just,
• 1:32
  our
• 1:32
  experience
• 1:33
  is and
• 1:34
  I hope that
• 1:34
  the
• 1:34
  diversity
• 1:35
  of our
• 1:35
  experiences
• 1:36
  helps
• 1:36
  people
• 1:37
  recognize
• 1:37
  there's
• 1:38
  also.
• 1:38
  But I
• 1:39
  hope that
• 1:39
  there are
• 1:40
  valuable
• 1:40
  threads of
• 1:41
  what is
• 1:41
  shared
• 1:42
  that can be
• 1:42
  applied to
• 1:43
  each context.
• 1:44
  So
• 1:44
  I just
• 1:45
  hope
• 1:45
  there's a
• 1:45
  good
• 1:45
  takeaway
• 1:46
  for every
• 1:46
  person
• 1:47
  listening
• 1:48
  somewhere
• 1:48
  in all of
• 1:49
  this
• 1:49
  content
• 1:49
  today.
• 1:50
  This is a
• 1:50
  massive
• 1:51
  topic.
• 1:51
  And I
• 1:52
  started
• 1:52
  looking at,
• 1:52
  I thought,
• 1:53
  oh, I could
• 1:53
  write
• 1:53
  a book
• 1:53
  on this
• 1:54
  actually.
• 1:55
  But we will
• 1:55
  not cover
• 1:56
  everything
• 1:56
  I have
• 1:57
  already
• 1:57
  prepared
• 1:58
  to discuss.
• 1:59
  but
• 1:59
  we will.
• 2:00
  We'll
• 2:00
  get as far
• 2:01
  as we can.
• 2:03
  It's super
• 2:04
  important
• 2:04
  to remember
• 2:05
  we all,
• 2:05
  every
• 2:05
  family
• 2:06
  has its
• 2:06
  own
• 2:06
  demographics
• 2:08
  and
• 2:08
  dynamics,
• 2:09
  their own
• 2:09
  strategies
• 2:10
  for coping
• 2:11
  with stress
• 2:13
  and coping
• 2:13
  with
• 2:14
  difficulty.
• 2:15
  also
• 2:16
  their own.
• 2:16
  every
• 2:17
  person has
• 2:17
  their own
• 2:18
  baggage,
• 2:19
  their own
• 2:20
  coping
• 2:20
  skills
• 2:21
  and even
• 2:21
  their own
• 2:22
  emotional
• 2:22
  health
• 2:23
  are
• 2:23
  unhealth
• 2:23
  And every
• 2:24
  family
• 2:24
  system
• 2:25
  has its own
• 2:25
  emotional
• 2:26
  health
• 2:26
  and,
• 2:26
  health.
• 2:27
  And then
• 2:27
  all of
• 2:27
  a sudden
• 2:27
  into that
• 2:28
  basket of
• 2:29
  messiness,
• 2:31
  this
• 2:31
  disease
• 2:32
  drops down
• 2:32
  and
• 2:33
  all of a
• 2:33
  sudden
• 2:33
  we have to
• 2:34
  how to
• 2:34
  navigate
• 2:34
  this thing
• 2:35
  that
• 2:35
  nobody ever
• 2:36
  even
• 2:36
  heard of.
• 2:36
  So it gets
• 2:37
  really
• 2:37
  complicated.
• 2:38
  I think
• 2:39
  that
• 2:39
  we need
• 2:39
  to just pay
• 2:40
  attention
• 2:41
  to that.
• 2:41
  You know,
• 2:42
  danet
• 2:42
  already
• 2:42
  mentioned
• 2:43
  that I'm
• 2:43
  in a
• 2:44
  blended
• 2:44
  family.
• 2:45
  And so
• 2:45
  I've got
• 2:46
  three
• 2:47
  daughters
• 2:47
  of my own.
• 2:48
  My husband
• 2:48
  has five.
• 2:49
  There's
• 2:49
  various
• 2:50
  marriages
• 2:51
  in there
• 2:51
  and spouses
• 2:52
  and
• 2:52
  partners
• 2:52
  and ten
• 2:53
  grandchildren.
• 2:54
  Well,
• 2:54
  number ten
• 2:55
  is
• 2:55
  on the way.
• 2:56
  but I'm
• 2:56
  so much
• 2:56
  closer to
• 2:57
  my own
• 2:57
  children.
• 2:58
  I am
• 2:58
  to my stepchildren.
• 3:00
  So that
• 3:01
  that makes
• 3:01
  that's a
• 3:02
  dynamic
• 3:02
  there also.
• 3:03
  So
• 3:03
  everybody's
• 3:04
  going
• 3:04
  to get
• 3:04
  a little
• 3:04
  bit of
• 3:04
  a chance
• 3:05
  to share
• 3:06
  a piece of
• 3:06
  their story.
• 3:07
  I want,
• 3:08
  our panelists
• 3:08
  now to
• 3:09
  go ahead
• 3:09
  and
• 3:09
  introduce
• 3:10
  themselves
• 3:11
  and
• 3:11
  your name,
• 3:12
  the date of
• 3:13
  your
• 3:13
  diagnosis,
• 3:14
  your tumor
• 3:15
  classification,
• 3:15
  if you know
• 3:16
  it.
• 3:16
  Because
• 3:16
  that
• 3:17
  matters for
• 3:18
  many
• 3:18
  people,
• 3:19
  whether
• 3:19
  or not
• 3:20
  you have
• 3:20
  metastatic disease
• 3:22
  and
• 3:22
  then your
• 3:22
  family
• 3:23
  demographics
• 3:24
  at the time
• 3:24
  of
• 3:24
  diagnosis
• 3:25
  And
• 3:25
  if that's
• 3:26
  too much
• 3:26
  to
• 3:26
  remember,
• 3:26
  I'll remind
• 3:27
  you so.
• 3:28
  And whoever
• 3:29
  wants to go
• 3:29
  first
• 3:30
  can jump
• 3:30
  in.
• 3:30
  So I'm
• 3:31
  Ashley
• 3:31
  McCleary,
• 3:32
  and I
• 3:32
  was
• 3:32
  diagnosed,
• 3:33
  in 2012
• 3:34
  when I
• 3:34
  lived in
• 3:35
  Memphis,
• 3:35
  Tennessee.
• 3:35
  I had my right
• 3:36
  eye
• 3:37
  enucleated
• 3:38
  just
• 3:38
  because
• 3:39
  the tumor
• 3:39
  was so
• 3:40
  large.
• 3:40
  I at
• 3:41
  the time
• 3:41
  was 42
• 3:42
  years old.
• 3:43
  And my
• 3:43
  children,
• 3:43
  I have
• 3:44
  four
• 3:44
  children
• 3:44
  and
• 3:45
  married.
• 3:45
  I've been
• 3:45
  married.
• 3:46
  That'll be
• 3:46
  32 years
• 3:47
  in March.
• 3:48
  but
• 3:48
  at the time
• 3:49
  of
• 3:49
  diagnosis,
• 3:50
  my children
• 3:51
  ranged in
• 3:51
  age from
• 3:52
  I do better
• 3:53
  with grades
• 3:54
  that went
• 3:54
  from first
• 3:55
  grade
• 3:55
  to junior
• 3:56
  in high
• 3:56
  school
• 3:57
  and,
• 3:57
  very busy
• 3:58
  time
• 3:58
  for mom,
• 3:59
  especially
• 3:59
  considering
• 4:00
  they were
• 4:00
  at three
• 4:01
  different
• 4:01
  schools,
• 4:02
  all
• 4:02
  involved
• 4:02
  in sports
• 4:03
  and
• 4:03
  activities
• 4:04
  and church
• 4:04
  music and
• 4:06
  all the
• 4:06
  things.
• 4:07
  And, and I
• 4:07
  worked
• 4:08
  full time
• 4:08
  at the time
• 4:09
  as well.
• 4:10
  So,
• 4:10
  fast
• 4:11
  forward
• 4:11
  eight years
• 4:11
  and I
• 4:12
  had, the
• 4:13
  disease
• 4:13
  spread to
• 4:14
  my liver
• 4:14
  in October
• 4:15
  of 2020.
• 4:17
  we moved
• 4:18
  when
• 4:19
  we were
• 4:19
  in a new
• 4:20
  city.
• 4:20
  wasn't new
• 4:21
  to us,
• 4:21
  but
• 4:21
  it was new
• 4:22
  to my kids.
• 4:23
  we live
• 4:23
  in Auburn,
• 4:23
  Alabama
• 4:24
  now, and,
• 4:25
  my children
• 4:25
  are now
• 4:26
  ages 19
• 4:27
  to 28.
• 4:28
  So,
• 4:29
  freshman
• 4:29
  in college,
• 4:30
  a senior
• 4:31
  in college,
• 4:32
  a son
• 4:32
  that's
• 4:32
  married,
• 4:33
  and, does
• 4:34
  not live
• 4:34
  in town,
• 4:35
  and one
• 4:35
  that lives
• 4:36
  in
• 4:36
  Nashville,
• 4:36
  Tennessee.
• 4:37
  So,
• 4:38
  definitely
• 4:38
  life
• 4:39
  changing
• 4:39
  from being
• 4:39
  in my home
• 4:40
  watching me
• 4:41
  deal
• 4:41
  with this
• 4:41
  to outside
• 4:42
  of my home
• 4:43
  for the most part,
• 4:44
  and how we
• 4:44
  deal with
• 4:45
  this.
• 4:45
  for
• 4:45
  those of
• 4:46
  you
• 4:46
  who know
• 4:46
  me,
• 4:46
  I travel to
• 4:47
  Philadelphia,
• 4:47
  Pennsylvania
• 4:48
  once a week
• 4:48
  for
• 4:49
  treatment.
• 4:50
  I'm usually
• 4:50
  there
• 4:50
  every
• 4:51
  Sunday
• 4:51
  through
• 4:51
  Tuesday,
• 4:52
  and, could
• 4:53
  definitely
• 4:53
  talk about
• 4:53
  the impact
• 4:54
  of that
• 4:54
  on family
• 4:55
  and on our
• 4:56
  relationships
• 4:57
  and
• 4:57
  whatnot.
• 4:57
  But, that's
• 4:58
  kind of
• 4:58
  the
• 4:58
  dynamics of
• 4:59
  our family
• 4:59
  right now.
• 5:00
  Okay.
• 5:00
  Thank you.
• 5:01
  That was a
• 5:02
  that was a
• 5:02
  lot.
• 5:02
  You remembered
• 5:03
  it.
• 5:03
  Well,
• 5:03
  thanks.
• 5:04
  I was
• 5:04
  diagnosed
• 5:05
  September
• 5:06
  29th,
• 5:07
  2021,
• 5:09
  here in
• 5:10
  Houston.
• 5:11
  And, I
• 5:11
  had
• 5:12
  brachytherapy
• 5:13
  November
• 5:13
  1st.
• 5:14
  plus two
• 5:15
  prime
• 5:15
  negative.
• 5:16
  That was a
• 5:17
  medium
• 5:17
  sized
• 5:18
  tumor.
• 5:19
  like 13
• 5:20
  wide
• 5:21
  by two. Hi.
• 5:23
  and I'm
• 5:24
  married
• 5:24
  with 36
• 5:25
  years
• 5:25
  this year,
• 5:26
  Jim,
• 5:27
  and have
• 5:28
  two
• 5:28
  children.
• 5:29
  Emily
• 5:29
  being the eldest.
• 5:30
  and then
• 5:30
  we have
• 5:31
  a son also.
• 5:32
  Couldn't be
• 5:33
  here today.
• 5:34
  And how
• 5:35
  old are
• 5:35
  Emily and
• 5:36
  your son?
• 5:37
  Emily is 30
• 5:38
  and a son
• 5:39
  is 27.
• 5:41
  And so they
• 5:42
  were in
• 5:43
  their mid
• 5:45
  20s ish.
• 5:46
  Yeah.
• 5:46
  And
• 5:46
  diagnosis.
• 5:47
  And do
• 5:48
  you have
• 5:48
  metastatic
• 5:48
  disease
• 5:49
  or not.
• 5:50
  And no
• 5:50
  mets
• 5:50
  Awesome.
• 5:51
  Well
• 5:51
  my name
• 5:52
  is danet
• 5:52
  Peterson
• 5:53
  and I
• 5:53
  was
• 5:54
  diagnosed
• 5:54
  I guess I'm
• 5:55
  from Phoenix,
• 5:56
  so I'm in
• 5:56
  the
• 5:57
  Scottsdale
• 5:57
  Mesa area.
• 5:58
  yeah.
• 5:58
  So
• 5:59
  different areas,
• 5:59
  but I was
• 6:00
  diagnosed
• 6:01
  in July of
• 6:02
  2020 and,
• 6:03
  I think
• 6:04
  probably
• 6:04
  came across
• 6:05
  ashley
• 6:05
  story
• 6:06
  pretty
• 6:06
  darn fast
• 6:06
  on social
• 6:07
  media and,
• 6:08
  have
• 6:08
  followed
• 6:08
  her journey
• 6:09
  since then.
• 6:10
  But I
• 6:10
  was
• 6:10
  diagnosed
• 6:11
  in 2020.
• 6:11
  At the
• 6:12
  time,
• 6:12
  my husband
• 6:13
  and I have
• 6:13
  been
• 6:13
  married.
• 6:15
  Oh,
• 6:15
  goodness.
• 6:16
  8 or 9
• 6:17
  years.
• 6:17
  Somewhere
• 6:17
  around
• 6:17
  there, I'm
• 6:18
  starting to
• 6:18
  lose count.
• 6:20
  but my baby
• 6:22
  was nine
• 6:22
  months old
• 6:23
  and my
• 6:23
  oldest was.
• 6:25
  I mean,
• 6:26
  this was
• 6:26
  the
• 6:26
  height of
• 6:26
  Covid,
• 6:27
  right?
• 6:27
  So my
• 6:27
  oldest was,
• 6:28
  I believe,
• 6:28
  going into
• 6:30
  first grade,
• 6:30
  but he was
• 6:31
  going into
• 6:31
  first grade
• 6:32
  digitally.
• 6:33
  Like,
• 6:33
  he didn't
• 6:33
  even finish
• 6:34
  all of
• 6:34
  kindergarten
• 6:34
  because
• 6:35
  everything
• 6:35
  shut down.
• 6:36
  And,
• 6:36
  you know,
• 6:36
  March
• 6:36
  of 2020
• 6:37
  before
• 6:37
  I was like,
• 6:38
  you know,
• 6:38
  diagnosed.
• 6:39
  So I was
• 6:40
  dealing
• 6:40
  with the
• 6:40
  dynamic of
• 6:41
  the
• 6:41
  pandemic
• 6:42
  and having
• 6:42
  little kids
• 6:43
  at home
• 6:43
  and my
• 6:44
  husband
• 6:44
  working
• 6:44
  from home,
• 6:45
  adjusting
• 6:46
  to my home
• 6:47
  life as a,
• 6:47
  you know,
• 6:48
  work from
• 6:48
  home,
• 6:48
  stay at
• 6:49
  home.
• 6:49
  I was already
• 6:49
  a stay at
• 6:50
  home mom.
• 6:50
  But like
• 6:50
  trying to
• 6:51
  also work
• 6:51
  while being
• 6:52
  mom and
• 6:53
  doing
• 6:53
  school,
• 6:54
  it has made
• 6:55
  me very
• 6:55
  much,
• 6:56
  not sure
• 6:56
  I could
• 6:56
  handle
• 6:57
  homeschooling
• 6:58
  things,
• 6:59
  but, fast
• 7:00
  forward
• 7:00
  and I
• 7:01
  have now
• 7:01
  been
• 7:02
  navigating
• 7:02
  this
• 7:02
  diagnosis
• 7:03
  for over
• 7:03
  three
• 7:04
  and a
• 7:04
  half years,
• 7:05
  and in
• 7:06
  November
• 7:06
  of 2022,
• 7:07
  I got
• 7:08
  confirmation
• 7:08
  that I
• 7:08
  had
• 7:09
  metastasized
• 7:09
  thanks to
• 7:10
  a class
• 7:11
  two prame
• 7:12
  positive
• 7:12
  diagnosis.
• 7:14
  or
• 7:15
  prognosis,
• 7:15
  I guess
• 7:16
  is the
• 7:16
  better word
• 7:16
  for it.
• 7:17
  But,
• 7:18
  I spent
• 7:18
  a couple
• 7:18
  of years
• 7:19
  pretty
• 7:19
  darn
• 7:20
  scared.
• 7:20
  I remember
• 7:21
  the first year
• 7:21
  I was
• 7:22
  diagnosed,
• 7:22
  I bought,
• 7:23
  you know,
• 7:23
  a coat,
• 7:24
  and I
• 7:25
  remember
• 7:25
  buying
• 7:25
  this coat
• 7:26
  for my
• 7:26
  daughter,
• 7:26
  who is now
• 7:27
  almost
• 7:27
  eight.
• 7:28
  She'll be
• 7:28
  eight
• 7:28
  next week.
• 7:29
  And she was
• 7:30
  maybe,
• 7:31
  what, 4
• 7:32
  or 5, like,
• 7:33
  not even
• 7:33
  in
• 7:33
  kindergarten.
• 7:34
  She was
• 7:34
  finishing
• 7:34
  another
• 7:35
  year
• 7:35
  preschool
• 7:36
  and I
• 7:37
  just
• 7:37
  remember
• 7:38
  getting
• 7:38
  that coat,
• 7:38
  looking
• 7:39
  at it
• 7:39
  and going,
• 7:39
  I don't even know
• 7:40
  if I'm
• 7:40
  going to
• 7:40
  see her
• 7:41
  wear this
• 7:42
  because her
• 7:43
  being
• 7:43
  eight saw
• 7:44
  that far
• 7:44
  away.
• 7:45
  and, you
• 7:45
  know, now,
• 7:46
  you know,
• 7:46
  my
• 7:46
  my oldest
• 7:47
  is ten
• 7:48
  and he is
• 7:49
  quite
• 7:49
  the smart,
• 7:50
  smart,
• 7:50
  smart child
• 7:52
  and also
• 7:52
  has
• 7:52
  many things
• 7:53
  to say
• 7:54
  that maybe
• 7:54
  are not
• 7:54
  the
• 7:54
  smartest
• 7:55
  things
• 7:55
  to say,
• 7:55
  but I value
• 7:57
  his opinion.
• 7:58
  and I hope
• 7:58
  that
• 7:58
  he knows
• 7:59
  that.
• 7:59
  And I
• 8:00
  have an
• 8:00
  almost
• 8:00
  eight
• 8:00
  year old
• 8:01
  and my baby
• 8:02
  is now
• 8:02
  four.
• 8:02
  And so,
• 8:04
  you know,
• 8:04
  we've had
• 8:05
  we've had
• 8:05
  kind
• 8:05
  of the,
• 8:05
  the
• 8:06
  children
• 8:06
  growing up
• 8:07
  within
• 8:08
  this
• 8:08
  diagnosis
• 8:08
  and within
• 8:09
  the stress
• 8:10
  that it
• 8:10
  brings to
• 8:11
  our family.
• 8:12
  and my
• 8:12
  husband
• 8:12
  and I
• 8:12
  have now
• 8:13
  been
• 8:13
  happily
• 8:13
  married
• 8:13
  for, oh,
• 8:15
  goodness,
• 8:15
  almost
• 8:16
  13 years.
• 8:18
  And I
• 8:18
  will say,
• 8:19
  in my
• 8:19
  story,
• 8:20
  my children
• 8:21
  were all
• 8:22
  adults,
• 8:23
  over 20
• 8:24
  at
• 8:24
  the time of
• 8:24
  my
• 8:24
  diagnosis.
• 8:25
  And also
• 8:26
  my husband's
• 8:26
  kids were
• 8:27
  all adults.
• 8:28
  actually,
• 8:29
  my
• 8:29
  diagnosis
• 8:29
  was two
• 8:30
  and a
• 8:30
  half weeks
• 8:30
  before my
• 8:31
  daughter's
• 8:31
  wedding,
• 8:31
  so that was
• 8:32
  like having
• 8:33
  a bomb
• 8:34
  drop.
• 8:35
  And
• 8:35
  I think
• 8:35
  it's really
• 8:36
  important
• 8:36
  to pay
• 8:36
  attention
• 8:37
  that for
• 8:37
  all of us,
• 8:37
  we're
• 8:38
  just
• 8:38
  clipping
• 8:38
  along
• 8:38
  at life,
• 8:39
  doing
• 8:39
  all the
• 8:39
  things,
• 8:40
  all the things,
• 8:41
  and
• 8:41
  maybe
• 8:42
  more than
• 8:42
  we should
• 8:42
  have been
• 8:43
  anyway.
• 8:44
  And then
• 8:44
  this drops
• 8:45
  in a cancer
• 8:45
  diagnosis.
• 8:46
  Absolutely
• 8:47
  is
• 8:47
  traumatic.
• 8:47
  The ground
• 8:48
  shifts
• 8:48
  under
• 8:48
  your world
• 8:49
  as you
• 8:49
  knew it,
• 8:50
  and your
• 8:50
  projected
• 8:51
  future
• 8:51
  as you
• 8:52
  anticipate
• 8:52
  it
• 8:52
  suddenly is
• 8:53
  just kind
• 8:53
  of up
• 8:54
  for grabs.
• 8:55
  And so,
• 8:56
  this
• 8:56
  takes a
• 8:56
  big
• 8:57
  emotional
• 8:57
  toll on us
• 8:58
  as patients,
• 8:59
  and it also
• 9:00
  takes
• 9:00
  a toll on
• 9:01
  our
• 9:01
  marriages,
• 9:02
  our kids,
• 9:03
  extended
• 9:04
  family
• 9:04
  members.
• 9:04
  I think
• 9:05
  danet
• 9:05
  mentioned
• 9:05
  my 94 year
• 9:06
  old father
• 9:07
  lives
• 9:07
  with us.
• 9:08
  so he was.
• 9:10
  Not that
• 9:10
  old, but
• 9:11
  he was 80.
• 9:11
  It was late
• 9:12
  80s
• 9:12
  at the time.
• 9:13
  and
• 9:13
  and
• 9:13
  it also
• 9:14
  took a toll
• 9:14
  on the way
• 9:14
  our system
• 9:15
  functions.
• 9:15
  So for
• 9:16
  each of you
• 9:17
  panelists,
• 9:17
  how has you
• 9:18
  how have you
• 9:19
  experienced,
• 9:20
  as a family
• 9:21
  disease
• 9:21
  and your
• 9:22
  situation,
• 9:22
  like,
• 9:23
  what was the
• 9:23
  impact
• 9:24
  at the time
• 9:24
  of
• 9:24
  diagnosis,
• 9:26
  and
• 9:26
  has that
• 9:26
  impact
• 9:27
  changed
• 9:27
  over time?
• 9:28
  Have things
• 9:28
  settled down
• 9:29
  or
• 9:29
  they gotten
• 9:30
  heightened
• 9:30
  because of
• 9:31
  metastatic
• 9:31
  disease?
• 9:32
  Or,
• 9:32
  you know,
• 9:33
  just to
• 9:33
  kind of
• 9:34
  fill us in
• 9:34
  on that
• 9:35
  briefly.
• 9:38
  so I will
• 9:38
  I'm going
• 9:39
  to tell
• 9:39
  you,
• 9:39
  there's
• 9:39
  some raw
• 9:40
  stuff
• 9:40
  and
• 9:41
  probably
• 9:42
  in my
• 9:42
  situation
• 9:43
  because,
• 9:43
  my kids
• 9:44
  were at
• 9:45
  least
• 9:45
  two of them
• 9:45
  were younger,
• 9:46
  when I was
• 9:47
  first
• 9:47
  diagnosed,
• 9:48
  and we had
• 9:48
  just had
• 9:49
  a friend
• 9:49
  of ours
• 9:49
  passed away
• 9:50
  from
• 9:50
  pancreatic
• 9:50
  cancer
• 9:51
  that was in
• 9:51
  high
• 9:51
  school,
• 9:52
  and my
• 9:52
  children
• 9:53
  had all
• 9:53
  gone to
• 9:54
  that
• 9:54
  funeral
• 9:54
  a week
• 9:55
  before
• 9:55
  I was
• 9:55
  diagnosed.
• 9:56
  We were all together
• 9:57
  witnessing
• 9:57
  this,
• 9:57
  and so
• 9:58
  we had
• 9:58
  talked
• 9:59
  about,
• 9:59
  cancer
• 10:00
  and we had
• 10:00
  talked
• 10:01
  about
• 10:01
  death.
• 10:01
  We talked
• 10:02
  about
• 10:02
  heaven.
• 10:02
  We talked
• 10:03
  about
• 10:04
  all kinds
• 10:04
  of things
• 10:05
  because
• 10:05
  they
• 10:05
  were kind
• 10:06
  of facing,
• 10:06
  for
• 10:07
  the first time,
• 10:07
  someone
• 10:08
  that was
• 10:08
  their age,
• 10:09
  that that
• 10:10
  passed
• 10:10
  away.
• 10:11
  And so
• 10:11
  when my
• 10:12
  diagnosis
• 10:12
  came along,
• 10:13
  all of that
• 10:14
  was really
• 10:14
  raw, even
• 10:15
  with my youngest,
• 10:16
  who was
• 10:16
  seven
• 10:17
  at the
• 10:17
  time.
• 10:18
  And I can
• 10:19
  remember,
• 10:20
  my husband
• 10:20
  and I,
• 10:21
  you know,
• 10:22
  sitting in
• 10:22
  the car
• 10:23
  after the
• 10:23
  diagnosis
• 10:24
  came,
• 10:24
  being told
• 10:25
  that I
• 10:25
  would have
• 10:26
  to have
• 10:26
  my eye
• 10:26
  enucleated
• 10:27
  and,
• 10:28
  I
• 10:28
  don't know
• 10:28
  where this
• 10:29
  came from.
• 10:29
  It's kind
• 10:30
  of like
• 10:30
  what Katie
• 10:30
  was saying.
• 10:31
  Like,
• 10:31
  sometimes
• 10:31
  you're just
• 10:31
  resilient.
• 10:32
  When you're
• 10:32
  just
• 10:33
  resilient,
• 10:33
  you don't
• 10:34
  even know
• 10:34
  where it.
• 10:35
  And for me,
• 10:36
  you know,
• 10:36
  I know that
• 10:37
  a lot of
• 10:37
  my strength
• 10:38
  comes from
• 10:38
  my faith.
• 10:39
  And so Dave
• 10:39
  and I
• 10:39
  literally
• 10:40
  prayed
• 10:40
  about
• 10:41
  going in
• 10:41
  to talk
• 10:42
  to our
• 10:42
  children
• 10:42
  about,
• 10:43
  about what
• 10:44
  I'd be
• 10:44
  facing
• 10:44
  or words
• 10:45
  to say
• 10:45
  and how
• 10:45
  to dispel
• 10:46
  any fear
• 10:47
  that
• 10:47
  might be
• 10:47
  because
• 10:48
  the other
• 10:48
  was so raw.
• 10:49
  So we did.
• 10:50
  We,
• 10:51
  we ended up
• 10:51
  meeting
• 10:51
  with
• 10:51
  each of
• 10:52
  our
• 10:52
  children.
• 10:52
  Of course,
• 10:52
  we have
• 10:53
  four.
• 10:53
  And because
• 10:54
  they're so
• 10:54
  different,
• 10:54
  we met with
• 10:55
  each
• 10:55
  of them
• 10:55
  individually
• 10:56
  and
• 10:57
  told them
• 10:57
  of the
• 10:57
  diagnosis.
• 10:58
  And, my
• 10:59
  oldest was
• 10:59
  very matter
• 11:00
  of fact
• 11:00
  and was
• 11:01
  like, mom,
• 11:02
  are you going to
• 11:02
  die?
• 11:03
  And I was
• 11:04
  like, well,
• 11:04
  you know,
• 11:05
  we we're
• 11:05
  all going
• 11:06
  to die
• 11:07
  one day.
• 11:08
  And I said,
• 11:08
  but this is
• 11:09
  one of
• 11:09
  those
• 11:10
  things that
• 11:10
  we don't
• 11:11
  know.
• 11:11
  And I knew
• 11:12
  nothing
• 11:12
  about
• 11:12
  ocular
• 11:13
  melanoma,
• 11:13
  this was
• 11:13
  literally
• 11:14
  the day
• 11:14
  I was
• 11:14
  diagnosed.
• 11:15
  And so
• 11:15
  we have got
• 11:15
  a lot
• 11:16
  to learn.
• 11:16
  but we will
• 11:17
  always be
• 11:18
  honest
• 11:18
  with you
• 11:19
  because
• 11:19
  what I said
• 11:19
  is we'll
• 11:20
  always
• 11:20
  be honest
• 11:20
  with you
• 11:21
  and be
• 11:21
  part of it.
• 11:22
  And then
• 11:22
  he was
• 11:22
  like, well,
• 11:23
  if you're
• 11:23
  not going
• 11:23
  to die,
• 11:23
  I'm good.
• 11:24
  And he was
• 11:24
  out
• 11:25
  the door.
• 11:25
  I went
• 11:25
  play
• 11:25
  basketball.
• 11:26
  And then my
• 11:27
  second son,
• 11:28
  who is
• 11:28
  very
• 11:29
  detailed,
• 11:29
  he wanted to know
• 11:30
  he had
• 11:30
  questions.
• 11:31
  He want to know
• 11:31
  answers.
• 11:32
  He was
• 11:33
  a junior
• 11:33
  in high
• 11:33
  school.
• 11:34
  He was
• 11:34
  very,
• 11:35
  tender
• 11:36
  and clingy
• 11:37
  and, yeah,
• 11:38
  he just
• 11:38
  wanted
• 11:38
  to be
• 11:38
  around me.
• 11:39
  Okay.
• 11:39
  And then
• 11:40
  my daughter
• 11:40
  was
• 11:40
  the kind
• 11:41
  that was like,
• 11:42
  I love you,
• 11:42
  mom.
• 11:42
  And she's
• 11:43
  like me.
• 11:43
  Notes.
• 11:44
  Write me
• 11:44
  letters.
• 11:45
  And,
• 11:45
  you know,
• 11:45
  even in
• 11:46
  the moment,
• 11:46
  she just wanted
• 11:47
  a hug and,
• 11:48
  you know,
• 11:48
  just
• 11:49
  kind of
• 11:49
  process it
• 11:49
  on her own.
• 11:50
  She didn't
• 11:50
  have a lot
• 11:51
  of
• 11:51
  questions.
• 11:52
  She she,
• 11:52
  I remember
• 11:53
  her saying
• 11:53
  she would
• 11:53
  trust us
• 11:54
  and
• 11:54
  whatnot,
• 11:54
  but
• 11:55
  then, ben
• 11:56
  he just
• 11:56
  read my
• 11:56
  heart out.
• 11:57
  He was my youngest.
• 11:58
  Seven.
• 11:59
  You don't
• 12:00
  make
• 12:00
  me cry.
• 12:03
  Okay.
• 12:04
  Because,
• 12:06
  I mean.
• 12:06
  He just
• 12:07
  he just
• 12:07
  asked.
• 12:09
  He said
• 12:09
  if you die
• 12:11
  like Trey,
• 12:12
  died would,
• 12:13
  will you be
• 12:14
  like
• 12:14
  an angel
• 12:14
  that
• 12:15
  you can
• 12:15
  still
• 12:15
  see me?
• 12:18
  Well.
• 12:19
  And
• 12:19
  then just
• 12:20
  fast
• 12:20
  forward,
• 12:20
  just so
• 12:21
  you know,
• 12:21
  we were
• 12:22
  able to
• 12:22
  kind of
• 12:23
  deal with
• 12:23
  all that,
• 12:23
  and, Dave
• 12:24
  and I
• 12:24
  knew that
• 12:25
  just,
• 12:25
  again,
• 12:26
  collectively,
• 12:26
  I just
• 12:27
  said, we're
• 12:27
  just going
• 12:27
  to we're
• 12:28
  just going
• 12:28
  to live
• 12:29
  by faith
• 12:29
  through
• 12:29
  this and,
• 12:30
  and learn
• 12:31
  as much as
• 12:32
  we can and,
• 12:34
  not take
• 12:34
  anything
• 12:34
  for
• 12:34
  granted.
• 12:36
  we
• 12:36
  we began
• 12:36
  doing
• 12:37
  special
• 12:37
  things
• 12:37
  with our
• 12:37
  family,
• 12:38
  whatnot,
• 12:38
  which I'm
• 12:38
  sure we'll
• 12:39
  get back
• 12:39
  to.
• 12:39
  But then
• 12:39
  fast
• 12:40
  forward to,
• 12:41
  being
• 12:42
  diagnosed
• 12:42
  metastatic
• 12:44
  and, again,
• 12:45
  for one,
• 12:46
  my sisters
• 12:46
  and I are
• 12:47
  very close.
• 12:47
  My
• 12:47
  parents are close,
• 12:48
  and I'm,
• 12:49
  back,
• 12:49
  coming
• 12:49
  back in
• 12:49
  to have to
• 12:50
  tell our
• 12:50
  children
• 12:51
  that
• 12:51
  this has
• 12:51
  come back.
• 12:53
  one of
• 12:53
  the things
• 12:54
  that we all
• 12:54
  will say
• 12:55
  is kind
• 12:55
  of a,
• 12:56
  a hard
• 12:56
  thing is we
• 12:57
  look fine,
• 12:58
  I look
• 12:59
  fine, I
• 12:59
  look
• 13:00
  healthy,
• 13:00
  I have my hair.
• 13:02
  and so
• 13:03
  I say that
• 13:04
  to say
• 13:04
  that I
• 13:04
  can
• 13:04
  remember
• 13:05
  coming
• 13:05
  to them
• 13:05
  and them
• 13:06
  looking at
• 13:06
  me,
• 13:06
  thinking,
• 13:07
  you don't
• 13:08
  look sick.
• 13:09
  And,
• 13:09
  you know,
• 13:09
  at this
• 13:10
  point,
• 13:10
  you know,
• 13:10
  my children
• 13:11
  were,
• 13:11
  you know,
• 13:11
  again,
• 13:12
  older,
• 13:13
  and some
• 13:13
  in college,
• 13:14
  some out of college
• 13:15
  and but
• 13:15
  anyway,
• 13:16
  I have
• 13:16
  an attempt
• 13:16
  to them
• 13:16
  in 2020
• 13:17
  and say,
• 13:18
  this has
• 13:18
  come back
• 13:19
  and, and
• 13:20
  the hard
• 13:21
  part
• 13:21
  for us,
• 13:22
  those of
• 13:22
  you
• 13:22
  who know
• 13:23
  my story,
• 13:23
  know that
• 13:24
  there were
• 13:24
  I was surrounded
• 13:25
  by people
• 13:26
  and
• 13:26
  and
• 13:27
  there was a
• 13:27
  lot of
• 13:27
  media
• 13:28
  attention
• 13:28
  on these
• 13:29
  women who,
• 13:30
  had
• 13:31
  metastatic
• 13:31
  disease
• 13:32
  that went
• 13:32
  to Auburn.
• 13:32
  And we had
• 13:33
  done a lot
• 13:33
  of, news
• 13:35
  media,
• 13:36
  and two of
• 13:36
  those women
• 13:37
  had passed
• 13:37
  away prior
• 13:38
  to at
• 13:39
  least six,
• 13:39
  nine months
• 13:40
  prior
• 13:40
  to my
• 13:40
  diagnosis.
• 13:41
  So, again,
• 13:42
  my children
• 13:42
  know
• 13:43
  the reality
• 13:44
  like
• 13:44
  they knew
• 13:44
  probably
• 13:45
  too
• 13:45
  much about
• 13:46
  they
• 13:47
  knew the
• 13:47
  statistics
• 13:48
  and,
• 13:48
  I mean,
• 13:48
  Caroline
• 13:49
  even saying
• 13:49
  one of
• 13:50
  the funerals.
• 13:50
  and so
• 13:51
  I think
• 13:51
  that was
• 13:52
  there was
• 13:52
  another
• 13:53
  sense of
• 13:55
  okay, we,
• 13:56
  we thought
• 13:56
  you were,
• 13:57
  you know,
• 13:57
  you're
• 13:58
  eight
• 13:58
  years out,
• 13:58
  so
• 13:59
  we thought
• 13:59
  you were
• 13:59
  fine and
• 14:00
  you're not.
• 14:01
  And so
• 14:01
  again,
• 14:02
  as adults,
• 14:02
  they all dealt
• 14:03
  with it
• 14:03
  differently.
• 14:04
  Once again,
• 14:04
  the oldest
• 14:05
  kind of
• 14:05
  not really
• 14:06
  denial, but
• 14:07
  like, hey,
• 14:07
  the kind of
• 14:08
  talk
• 14:08
  about it,
• 14:09
  you're
• 14:09
  going to
• 14:10
  be fine.
• 14:10
  Very
• 14:10
  optimistic.
• 14:11
  Jackson,
• 14:11
  again,
• 14:12
  asking
• 14:12
  every
• 14:12
  question of
• 14:13
  the book,
• 14:13
  is
• 14:13
  just like
• 14:14
  my husband.
• 14:15
  Caroline,
• 14:15
  once again,
• 14:16
  it's so
• 14:16
  funny
• 14:16
  how just
• 14:17
  even as adults,
• 14:18
  they were this
• 14:18
  way, but
• 14:18
  very tender
• 14:19
  hearted,
• 14:19
  very sweet.
• 14:20
  Very much
• 14:21
  so.
• 14:21
  I want to be
• 14:22
  there
• 14:22
  for you.
• 14:23
  What?
• 14:23
  What do you need
• 14:23
  for me?
• 14:24
  What can I
• 14:24
  do to help
• 14:25
  around
• 14:25
  the house?
• 14:26
  And then,
• 14:27
  you know,
• 14:27
  was was
• 14:28
  this is
• 14:29
  again 2020,
• 14:30
  like danet
• 14:30
  was saying.
• 14:31
  And we're
• 14:32
  dealing
• 14:32
  with school
• 14:33
  and
• 14:33
  distractions
• 14:33
  and
• 14:34
  whatnot.
• 14:34
  It wasn't
• 14:34
  that
• 14:35
  he wasn't
• 14:35
  caring,
• 14:35
  but
• 14:36
  he also,
• 14:37
  thankfully
• 14:38
  had the
• 14:38
  distractions
• 14:39
  of all
• 14:40
  that was
• 14:40
  going on
• 14:40
  in
• 14:40
  his world.
• 14:41
  And and
• 14:42
  we just
• 14:42
  kind of
• 14:42
  talked
• 14:42
  about it
• 14:43
  and
• 14:44
  made a plan.
• 14:44
  And I think
• 14:45
  that was
• 14:45
  one of
• 14:45
  the things
• 14:46
  that helped
• 14:46
  us is
• 14:47
  that Dave
• 14:47
  and I are
• 14:47
  very calm
• 14:48
  people.
• 14:49
  Anyway.
• 14:49
  I'm
• 14:49
  extremely
• 14:50
  optimistic
• 14:50
  and
• 14:51
  positive
• 14:51
  and, and
• 14:52
  again,
• 14:53
  honest,
• 14:54
  and because
• 14:55
  we had
• 14:55
  been honest
• 14:56
  and
• 14:56
  transparent
• 14:56
  with
• 14:57
  our kids
• 14:57
  the whole time,
• 14:58
  I think
• 14:58
  there was
• 14:58
  a sense of
• 15:00
  of trust
• 15:00
  there
• 15:01
  knowing
• 15:02
  that,
• 15:02
  in
• 15:02
  the moment,
• 15:04
  we did
• 15:04
  not know
• 15:04
  what was
• 15:05
  going to
• 15:05
  happen.
• 15:05
  So
• 15:05
  in the moment,
• 15:06
  it's like
• 15:06
  we have
• 15:07
  the grace
• 15:07
  for
• 15:07
  right now.
• 15:08
  We have grace
• 15:08
  for this
• 15:09
  conversation.
• 15:09
  Right now,
• 15:10
  we have
• 15:10
  grace for,
• 15:11
  the decisions
• 15:12
  that are
• 15:12
  going to
• 15:12
  be made.
• 15:13
  we're going
• 15:14
  to
• 15:14
  prayerfully
• 15:14
  go into it
• 15:15
  and,
• 15:15
  and
• 15:16
  even just
• 15:16
  showing
• 15:16
  our kids
• 15:17
  how to live
• 15:17
  through
• 15:18
  difficulty
• 15:19
  and how we
• 15:19
  respond
• 15:20
  and, is it
• 15:21
  going
• 15:21
  to be,
• 15:21
  fear or
• 15:21
  is it
• 15:22
  going to
• 15:22
  be in faith
• 15:24
  And for us,
• 15:25
  it was
• 15:25
  in faith.
• 15:25
  We,
• 15:26
  we prayed
• 15:27
  together
• 15:27
  as a family
• 15:28
  and
• 15:28
  and then
• 15:29
  move
• 15:29
  forward.
• 15:30
  So that's
• 15:30
  kind of how
• 15:30
  we dealt
• 15:31
  with the
• 15:31
  whole
• 15:32
  finding
• 15:33
  out,
• 15:33
  sharing it
• 15:34
  with our
• 15:34
  kids.
• 15:35
  and just
• 15:35
  being
• 15:36
  honest
• 15:36
  in
• 15:36
  the moment.
• 15:38
  I know
• 15:38
  we'll
• 15:38
  get back
• 15:38
  to this,
• 15:39
  but
• 15:39
  each one of
• 15:40
  them deals
• 15:40
  with it
• 15:40
  differently
• 15:41
  now because
• 15:42
  I've had
• 15:42
  several,
• 15:42
  you know,
• 15:43
  I've been
• 15:43
  up and down
• 15:45
  and, that
• 15:45
  if
• 15:45
  anything,
• 15:46
  it's made
• 15:46
  us more
• 15:46
  intentional.
• 15:47
  Definitely
• 15:47
  more
• 15:48
  intentional
• 15:48
  as a
• 15:48
  family.
• 15:49
  And in
• 15:50
  terms of
• 15:50
  spending
• 15:50
  time one
• 15:51
  on one,
• 15:52
  and making
• 15:52
  sure
• 15:53
  Steve me
• 15:53
  that that
• 15:54
  nothing
• 15:55
  is left
• 15:55
  unsaid.
• 15:57
  nothing's
• 15:57
  left and
• 15:57
  forgiven.
• 15:58
  nothing is
• 15:59
  left,
• 16:00
  you know
• 16:00
  that I,
• 16:01
  I don't
• 16:01
  want to
• 16:01
  have any
• 16:02
  regrets,
• 16:02
  and I
• 16:02
  don't want
• 16:03
  any regrets.
• 16:03
  And so
• 16:04
  we that's
• 16:04
  kind of how
• 16:05
  we approach
• 16:05
  our
• 16:06
  relationship
• 16:06
  now.
• 16:08
  Thank you.
• 16:09
  And I you
• 16:09
  touched
• 16:10
  on things
• 16:10
  that
• 16:10
  actually
• 16:11
  lead right
• 16:11
  into
• 16:11
  the next
• 16:12
  where
• 16:12
  we're going.
• 16:13
  So I'm not
• 16:14
  going
• 16:14
  to expect
• 16:14
  that
• 16:14
  everybody
• 16:15
  is going
• 16:15
  to answer
• 16:15
  every question
• 16:16
  I think
• 16:17
  that you
• 16:17
  touched on
• 16:17
  this really
• 16:18
  important
• 16:18
  piece
• 16:19
  and
• 16:19
  we have to
• 16:19
  look at
• 16:20
  there's two
• 16:20
  slides.
• 16:21
  One is the
• 16:21
  grief
• 16:22
  cycle.
• 16:22
  That slide
• 16:23
  one,
• 16:24
  we have to
• 16:24
  pay
• 16:24
  attention
• 16:25
  that,
• 16:25
  most of us
• 16:26
  have seen
• 16:26
  this
• 16:26
  diagram
• 16:27
  somewhere
• 16:27
  along
• 16:28
  the line.
• 16:28
  Maybe
• 16:28
  it was
• 16:28
  college
• 16:29
  psychology
• 16:29
  101,
• 16:30
  they've
• 16:30
  identified
• 16:31
  these
• 16:31
  different
• 16:32
  stages of
• 16:33
  going
• 16:33
  through
• 16:33
  grief,
• 16:34
  and usually
• 16:35
  they're
• 16:35
  identified
• 16:36
  as denial,
• 16:37
  anger,
• 16:37
  bargaining,
• 16:38
  despair,
• 16:39
  acceptance
• 16:40
  and hope.
• 16:40
  and at
• 16:41
  the time
• 16:41
  of
• 16:41
  diagnosis,
• 16:42
  we go
• 16:42
  through this.
• 16:42
  But so
• 16:43
  to our family
• 16:44
  members
• 16:44
  and
• 16:44
  we have to
• 16:45
  remember
• 16:45
  that we are
• 16:45
  not
• 16:46
  the only
• 16:46
  one going
• 16:46
  through it.
• 16:47
  And we also
• 16:49
  have to
• 16:49
  remember
• 16:49
  that it's a
• 16:50
  not a neat
• 16:51
  linear
• 16:51
  process.
• 16:52
  This
• 16:52
  diagram was
• 16:53
  just,
• 16:53
  you know,
• 16:54
  somebody
• 16:54
  drew it
• 16:54
  out, but
• 16:55
  they kind
• 16:55
  of didn't
• 16:55
  draw it
• 16:56
  from
• 16:56
  their own
• 16:56
  personal
• 16:57
  experience
• 16:58
  because if
• 16:58
  they had,
• 16:58
  it would
• 16:59
  look like
• 16:59
  the next slide,
• 17:00
  which is
• 17:01
  I call it
• 17:02
  the grief
• 17:02
  spaghetti.
• 17:03
  That's
• 17:03
  how the
• 17:04
  grief
• 17:04
  cycle
• 17:04
  really
• 17:05
  looks like.
• 17:05
  It's not
• 17:06
  even it's
• 17:06
  not even
• 17:06
  a cycle.
• 17:07
  It's just
• 17:07
  spaghetti.
• 17:08
  And so
• 17:09
  and I think
• 17:09
  that we
• 17:10
  go through
• 17:10
  that
• 17:10
  process
• 17:11
  again
• 17:11
  and again
• 17:12
  if there's
• 17:12
  new
• 17:12
  developments
• 17:13
  in
• 17:13
  treatment
• 17:14
  or,
• 17:15
  you know,
• 17:15
  for people
• 17:15
  who are
• 17:15
  suddenly
• 17:16
  losing
• 17:16
  their
• 17:16
  vision
• 17:17
  and things
• 17:17
  are getting
• 17:18
  more
• 17:18
  complicated
• 17:19
  or losing
• 17:20
  their eye
• 17:20
  suddenly
• 17:20
  when
• 17:21
  they did
• 17:21
  only had
• 17:22
  it
• 17:22
  initially,
• 17:22
  and
• 17:23
  certainly
• 17:23
  when there
• 17:23
  is
• 17:24
  progression
• 17:24
  to
• 17:24
  metastatic
• 17:25
  disease,
• 17:25
  then boom,
• 17:26
  there
• 17:26
  we are
• 17:27
  going
• 17:27
  through
• 17:27
  the grief
• 17:27
  cycle again
• 17:28
  and also
• 17:29
  every
• 17:29
  every
• 17:29
  person
• 17:30
  in our family.
• 17:31
  so I think
• 17:31
  we have to
• 17:32
  remember
• 17:33
  that even
• 17:34
  within the
• 17:34
  family
• 17:34
  system,
• 17:35
  we're not
• 17:36
  all moving
• 17:36
  through it
• 17:36
  at the same
• 17:37
  timetable
• 17:38
  or in the
• 17:39
  same way,
• 17:39
  you know,
• 17:40
  and
• 17:40
  everybody
• 17:41
  has
• 17:41
  their own
• 17:41
  coping
• 17:42
  mechanisms.
• 17:43
  So I'd like
• 17:43
  to hear
• 17:44
  a little
• 17:44
  bit from
• 17:45
  some of you
• 17:45
  how what
• 17:46
  helped
• 17:46
  you give
• 17:47
  space
• 17:48
  for others
• 17:49
  in
• 17:49
  your family
• 17:50
  to be in
• 17:50
  different
• 17:50
  places,
• 17:51
  mentally
• 17:51
  or
• 17:52
  emotionally,
• 17:53
  than you
• 17:53
  are
• 17:54
  in dealing
• 17:54
  with
• 17:54
  your own cancer
• 17:55
  So I just
• 17:56
  wanted
• 17:56
  to touch,
• 17:57
  I guess, on
• 17:57
  this,
• 17:57
  mostly
• 17:58
  just
• 17:58
  because
• 17:59
  at the time
• 17:59
  that I
• 17:59
  was
• 18:00
  diagnosed
• 18:00
  and also
• 18:01
  the time
• 18:01
  that my
• 18:01
  kids, are,
• 18:02
  that I was
• 18:03
  diagnosed
• 18:03
  with
• 18:03
  metastatic
• 18:04
  disease,
• 18:04
  my kids
• 18:05
  were still
• 18:06
  super
• 18:06
  young.
• 18:07
  Like,
• 18:07
  I mean,
• 18:07
  I have
• 18:08
  I have,
• 18:09
  you know,
• 18:09
  as young
• 18:10
  as a baby
• 18:10
  who had no
• 18:11
  concept of
• 18:12
  what was
• 18:12
  going on.
• 18:13
  and to now
• 18:14
  she's four
• 18:15
  and she
• 18:16
  still
• 18:16
  really
• 18:16
  doesn't
• 18:17
  have
• 18:17
  a whole lot
• 18:17
  of a
• 18:17
  concept of
• 18:18
  what is
• 18:18
  happening
• 18:19
  and
• 18:19
  in this,
• 18:20
  in
• 18:20
  this realm.
• 18:20
  But
• 18:20
  I've also
• 18:21
  had kids
• 18:21
  who went
• 18:22
  from zero
• 18:23
  understanding
• 18:24
  to now
• 18:24
  they have a
• 18:24
  greater
• 18:25
  understanding.
• 18:26
  And
• 18:26
  as a parent
• 18:27
  of young,
• 18:27
  young kids,
• 18:29
  I think
• 18:30
  it's been
• 18:30
  learning
• 18:31
  to,
• 18:32
  learning
• 18:32
  to just
• 18:33
  kind of
• 18:33
  follow
• 18:34
  their lead
• 18:34
  in some
• 18:35
  ways
• 18:35
  and
• 18:35
  learning,
• 18:36
  kind of
• 18:36
  learning
• 18:37
  their cues.
• 18:37
  I'm still
• 18:38
  a young parent.
• 18:39
  And so
• 18:39
  I think
• 18:40
  it also
• 18:40
  comes
• 18:40
  with a lot
• 18:41
  of grace
• 18:41
  for myself
• 18:42
  as a parent,
• 18:43
  because
• 18:43
  I'm not
• 18:43
  going
• 18:44
  to know
• 18:44
  exactly
• 18:45
  what they
• 18:45
  need.
• 18:46
  I'm not
• 18:46
  going
• 18:46
  to know
• 18:46
  exactly how
• 18:47
  they might
• 18:47
  respond,
• 18:48
  because
• 18:48
  we're still
• 18:49
  learning
• 18:49
  that,
• 18:49
  like
• 18:49
  they're
• 18:50
  still in
• 18:50
  those key
• 18:51
  areas of
• 18:51
  development
• 18:52
  where
• 18:52
  they're
• 18:52
  developing
• 18:53
  these
• 18:53
  patterns
• 18:54
  of how
• 18:54
  they're
• 18:54
  going
• 18:55
  to respond
• 18:55
  to
• 18:55
  traumatic
• 18:56
  things
• 18:56
  in the
• 18:56
  future.
• 18:57
  And so,
• 18:58
  a lot of
• 18:58
  that
• 18:58
  has come
• 18:59
  with,
• 18:59
  you
• 18:59
  know, me
• 18:59
  trying to
• 19:00
  just
• 19:00
  listen.
• 19:01
  And and
• 19:02
  I don't
• 19:02
  just mean
• 19:02
  listen
• 19:03
  with my
• 19:03
  ears.
• 19:03
  I mean,
• 19:04
  like,
• 19:04
  listen
• 19:04
  and watch
• 19:05
  and
• 19:05
  observe.
• 19:06
  And
• 19:06
  my husband
• 19:06
  is also
• 19:07
  really he's
• 19:07
  a very
• 19:07
  observant
• 19:08
  person.
• 19:08
  And so this
• 19:08
  has been
• 19:09
  really
• 19:09
  helpful in
• 19:09
  our family.
• 19:10
  Same with
• 19:11
  my
• 19:11
  siblings.
• 19:11
  My family.
• 19:13
  sometimes,
• 19:13
  you know,
• 19:14
  I notice
• 19:14
  I notice
• 19:15
  my kids,
• 19:16
  tend to be
• 19:16
  a little
• 19:17
  bit more
• 19:17
  riled up
• 19:18
  and
• 19:18
  they just
• 19:18
  they're
• 19:19
  a little
• 19:19
  more on
• 19:19
  edge.
• 19:20
  They're a
• 19:20
  little more
• 19:21
  easily,
• 19:21
  you know,
• 19:22
  driven
• 19:22
  to anger
• 19:23
  with
• 19:23
  each other.
• 19:23
  Or maybe
• 19:23
  they're
• 19:23
  fighting
• 19:24
  about every
• 19:24
  little
• 19:25
  thing.
• 19:25
  And it's
• 19:25
  driving me
• 19:26
  insane
• 19:26
  because,
• 19:27
  you know,
• 19:27
  contrary
• 19:27
  to what
• 19:28
  you might
• 19:28
  think,
• 19:29
  I am not
• 19:30
  this
• 19:30
  constantly
• 19:31
  patient,
• 19:32
  guilting
• 19:32
  myself
• 19:32
  into
• 19:33
  thinking
• 19:33
  I should
• 19:33
  never
• 19:33
  be
• 19:34
  frustrated
• 19:34
  with
• 19:34
  my kids
• 19:35
  person.
• 19:35
  I
• 19:36
  experience
• 19:36
  frustration
• 19:37
  like on
• 19:38
  a day
• 19:38
  to day
• 19:38
  basis,
• 19:39
  and that
• 19:40
  level of
• 19:40
  heightened
• 19:41
  emotion
• 19:41
  that I feel
• 19:42
  usually
• 19:42
  comes
• 19:42
  around
• 19:43
  scans.
• 19:43
  When I have
• 19:44
  that
• 19:44
  extra fear
• 19:45
  and that
• 19:45
  layer of
• 19:46
  of worry
• 19:46
  of, okay,
• 19:47
  what's
• 19:48
  next?
• 19:48
  Like,
• 19:49
  what am I
• 19:49
  going
• 19:49
  to have to
• 19:50
  adjust to
• 19:50
  if
• 19:51
  anything?
• 19:52
  and my kids
• 19:53
  feel that.
• 19:53
  And I
• 19:54
  definitely
• 19:54
  notice
• 19:55
  that
• 19:55
  as a mom,
• 19:55
  they feel that.
• 19:56
  And so
• 19:57
  sometimes
• 19:58
  when I'm so
• 19:59
  caught up
• 19:59
  in it
• 19:59
  myself,
• 20:01
  it takes
• 20:01
  my support.
• 20:02
  People
• 20:02
  around
• 20:02
  me, right?
• 20:03
  It takes
• 20:03
  my husband,
• 20:03
  and
• 20:03
  it takes
• 20:04
  the school
• 20:04
  therapist
• 20:05
  who talks
• 20:05
  to my kids
• 20:06
  on a weekly
• 20:06
  basis.
• 20:07
  it takes
• 20:07
  the teachers
• 20:08
  or even
• 20:08
  making the
• 20:09
  teachers
• 20:09
  aware of
• 20:09
  what's
• 20:10
  happening
• 20:10
  to know
• 20:11
  so
• 20:11
  that they
• 20:11
  know, hey,
• 20:12
  you know,
• 20:12
  I'm
• 20:13
  learning
• 20:13
  that Josh,
• 20:14
  my ten year
• 20:14
  old, he's
• 20:15
  a very
• 20:15
  anxious
• 20:16
  kid.
• 20:16
  I've known
• 20:16
  that
• 20:16
  about him.
• 20:17
  He and my
• 20:18
  my
• 20:18
  youngest,
• 20:18
  they're
• 20:18
  very
• 20:19
  anxious
• 20:19
  kids,
• 20:19
  and I know,
• 20:20
  I know it
• 20:20
  because
• 20:21
  they fight
• 20:21
  bedtime.
• 20:22
  That's
• 20:22
  how I know.
• 20:23
  but telling
• 20:24
  his
• 20:24
  teachers,
• 20:25
  hey,
• 20:25
  some of his
• 20:26
  anxiety
• 20:26
  might
• 20:27
  come out.
• 20:27
  What
• 20:27
  I'm observing
• 20:28
  at home
• 20:28
  is that
• 20:28
  he's he's a
• 20:29
  little
• 20:29
  more chatty,
• 20:30
  and
• 20:30
  he might
• 20:30
  be a
• 20:31
  little more
• 20:31
  chatty
• 20:31
  at school.
• 20:32
  And so
• 20:32
  the last time
• 20:33
  I got some
• 20:34
  my last
• 20:34
  round of
• 20:34
  scans,
• 20:35
  I just,
• 20:35
  I got
• 20:36
  some notes
• 20:36
  home from
• 20:37
  the teachers
• 20:37
  basically
• 20:37
  saying
• 20:38
  he was,
• 20:38
  you know,
• 20:38
  being
• 20:39
  disruptive.
• 20:39
  And I just
• 20:40
  I just told
• 20:40
  them, look,
• 20:41
  I normally
• 20:42
  I normally
• 20:43
  communicate
• 20:44
  with the
• 20:44
  teachers,
• 20:45
  you know,
• 20:45
  what
• 20:45
  exactly is
• 20:46
  going on,
• 20:46
  but
• 20:46
  I haven't
• 20:47
  ever really
• 20:47
  considered
• 20:48
  that maybe
• 20:48
  I should
• 20:48
  do it
• 20:49
  every time
• 20:49
  I have
• 20:50
  scans.
• 20:50
  And so
• 20:51
  now I'm
• 20:51
  like
• 20:51
  rethinking
• 20:52
  that.
• 20:52
  And I
• 20:52
  just tell
• 20:53
  them, look,
• 20:53
  moving
• 20:53
  forward,
• 20:53
  I will let
• 20:54
  you know,
• 20:54
  because I
• 20:55
  think that,
• 20:55
  I mean,
• 20:56
  he has
• 20:56
  grown up
• 20:57
  with this.
• 20:58
  That's
• 20:58
  that's
• 20:58
  really
• 20:59
  what has
• 20:59
  happened.
• 20:59
  He's
• 20:59
  grown up
• 21:00
  with this.
• 21:00
  He's
• 21:00
  grown up
• 21:01
  with
• 21:01
  feeling
• 21:01
  all of
• 21:02
  the
• 21:02
  undercurrent.
• 21:03
  And
• 21:04
  and like
• 21:05
  you said
• 21:05
  about the
• 21:05
  grieving
• 21:06
  cycle,
• 21:06
  there's
• 21:06
  a part
• 21:06
  of me as
• 21:07
  a parent
• 21:07
  that
• 21:07
  grieves
• 21:08
  that,
• 21:10
  Yeah.
• 21:11
  Yeah.
• 21:14
  but.
• 21:15
  I know that
• 21:15
  as his
• 21:16
  parent
• 21:16
  and knowing
• 21:17
  that
• 21:17
  about him,
• 21:17
  I can also
• 21:18
  support him
• 21:19
  in that.
• 21:19
  I can't
• 21:20
  take it
• 21:20
  away.
• 21:20
  I can't
• 21:21
  make it
• 21:21
  any better.
• 21:22
  I can't,
• 21:22
  you know,
• 21:23
  solve
• 21:23
  all the
• 21:23
  problems
• 21:24
  magically
• 21:24
  and never
• 21:25
  have to
• 21:25
  deal with
• 21:25
  this ever
• 21:25
  again
• 21:26
  in our lives.
• 21:26
  But I can
• 21:27
  support him
• 21:28
  in that.
• 21:28
  And so
• 21:29
  I think
• 21:29
  just for
• 21:29
  me, it's
• 21:30
  it's been
• 21:30
  learning,
• 21:31
  learning
• 21:31
  to observe
• 21:32
  what
• 21:32
  my kids
• 21:32
  need at
• 21:33
  the times
• 21:33
  that
• 21:33
  they need
• 21:34
  it, when
• 21:34
  they maybe
• 21:34
  can't help
• 21:35
  themselves.
• 21:36
  And,
• 21:37
  and then
• 21:37
  communicating
• 21:38
  with the
• 21:38
  people
• 21:38
  who can
• 21:39
  best
• 21:39
  support
• 21:39
  them.
• 21:41
  so.
• 21:41
  I will
• 21:41
  leave it
• 21:42
  at that.
• 21:42
  Thank you
• 21:43
  for sharing
• 21:43
  that.
• 21:44
  I think
• 21:44
  that you
• 21:44
  bring up
• 21:45
  a good point.
• 21:45
  We just have
• 21:46
  to be
• 21:47
  really
• 21:47
  paying
• 21:47
  attention
• 21:48
  to our kids
• 21:48
  and
• 21:49
  their own bent.
• 21:50
  and
• 21:50
  what they
• 21:51
  are
• 21:51
  signaling
• 21:52
  they need from
• 21:52
  us,
• 21:52
  even if they don't
• 21:53
  have words
• 21:53
  for it.
• 21:54
  And younger
• 21:54
  children
• 21:54
  often don't
• 21:55
  have words
• 21:55
  for it.
• 21:56
  But
• 21:56
  honestly,
• 21:57
  adults
• 21:57
  don't
• 21:58
  either.
• 21:58
  While
• 21:58
  all of
• 21:58
  my clients
• 21:59
  just don't
• 21:59
  even know
• 22:00
  what
• 22:00
  they're
• 22:00
  feeling in
• 22:00
  the moment,
• 22:01
  unless
• 22:01
  we just
• 22:01
  kind of sit
• 22:02
  and wait
• 22:03
  for them
• 22:03
  to start
• 22:03
  to feel
• 22:04
  their
• 22:04
  feelings.
• 22:04
  So, yeah.
• 22:05
  and I
• 22:06
  was going
• 22:06
  to say to
• 22:06
  my, sorry,
• 22:07
  I
• 22:07
  forgot this,
• 22:08
  but
• 22:08
  my sister
• 22:09
  like
• 22:09
  and really,
• 22:09
  my sisters
• 22:10
  are so
• 22:11
  my kids
• 22:11
  aunts
• 22:12
  right
• 22:12
  there,
• 22:12
  there are
• 22:13
  some of the
• 22:13
  most
• 22:13
  observant
• 22:14
  and
• 22:14
  they're
• 22:14
  just really
• 22:15
  good at,
• 22:16
  you know,
• 22:16
  if I'm
• 22:16
  in this
• 22:17
  heightened
• 22:17
  state of
• 22:17
  anxiety,
• 22:18
  they are
• 22:18
  really good
• 22:19
  at
• 22:19
  grounding
• 22:19
  me back
• 22:20
  as a parent
• 22:21
  to say,
• 22:21
  hey,
• 22:22
  you know,
• 22:22
  have you
• 22:22
  thought
• 22:22
  that maybe
• 22:23
  Tatum's
• 22:23
  just
• 22:23
  missing
• 22:24
  you?
• 22:24
  Or maybe
• 22:24
  Josh is
• 22:25
  just
• 22:25
  anxious.
• 22:26
  Maybe
• 22:26
  they're
• 22:26
  just a
• 22:27
  little bit
• 22:27
  worried
• 22:27
  because
• 22:28
  they have
• 22:28
  a greater
• 22:28
  understanding
• 22:29
  as of the
• 22:29
  last year,
• 22:30
  their
• 22:30
  bubble.
• 22:31
  You know,
• 22:31
  Ashley,
• 22:32
  you
• 22:32
  mentioned
• 22:32
  this idea
• 22:33
  that,
• 22:33
  you know,
• 22:33
  your kids
• 22:33
  bubble
• 22:34
  of this
• 22:34
  idea
• 22:35
  that cancer
• 22:35
  could
• 22:35
  hurt you.
• 22:37
  It hadn't
• 22:37
  really
• 22:37
  popped
• 22:38
  for my kids
• 22:39
  until
• 22:39
  I was
• 22:40
  diagnosed
• 22:40
  with
• 22:40
  metastatic
• 22:41
  disease.
• 22:41
  We hadn't
• 22:42
  ever had
• 22:42
  an
• 22:43
  experience
• 22:43
  with with
• 22:44
  death,
• 22:44
  that was associated
• 22:45
  with cancer.
• 22:46
  We had lost
• 22:46
  my grandma,
• 22:47
  but
• 22:47
  that was it.
• 22:47
  And
• 22:48
  they were
• 22:48
  little,
• 22:48
  little,
• 22:48
  little they
• 22:49
  they didn't
• 22:49
  really
• 22:50
  grasp
• 22:50
  that then.
• 22:51
  So I think
• 22:53
  just
• 22:53
  recognizing
• 22:53
  kind of
• 22:54
  a shift
• 22:54
  in that
• 22:54
  dynamic
• 22:55
  too, has
• 22:55
  been
• 22:56
  important
• 22:56
  for us this
• 22:56
  last year.
• 22:59
  Thank you.
• 23:00
  I
• 23:00
  mentioned
• 23:00
  to Heather
• 23:01
  earlier
• 23:02
  before
• 23:03
  our session
• 23:03
  started,
• 23:04
  that this
• 23:05
  morning
• 23:05
  I woke up
• 23:05
  to an
• 23:06
  article on
• 23:07
  my BBC
• 23:08
  news page,
• 23:08
  which is
• 23:08
  my home
• 23:09
  news page
• 23:10
  about,
• 23:11
  this woman
• 23:11
  who has
• 23:12
  ocular
• 23:12
  melanoma.
• 23:13
  It's it's
• 23:13
  one of
• 23:14
  their top
• 23:14
  stories
• 23:15
  in today's
• 23:15
  news.
• 23:16
  And, she's
• 23:17
  a 31 year
• 23:17
  old, om
• 23:18
  patient.
• 23:19
  And,
• 23:19
  she found out
• 23:20
  a year
• 23:21
  after her
• 23:21
  diagnosis
• 23:22
  that
• 23:22
  she now
• 23:23
  has
• 23:23
  metastatic
• 23:23
  disease.
• 23:24
  And so,
• 23:25
  and the
• 23:25
  article
• 23:26
  was like,
• 23:26
  how
• 23:26
  what what
• 23:27
  how she
• 23:28
  learned to
• 23:29
  think about
• 23:29
  life
• 23:30
  differently.
• 23:31
  and there's
• 23:31
  this quote
• 23:32
  she had.
• 23:32
  Well,
• 23:33
  I copied it.
• 23:34
  It says
• 23:34
  you do need
• 23:35
  to have
• 23:35
  realistic
• 23:36
  expectations
• 23:37
  of people.
• 23:38
  Just
• 23:38
  because
• 23:39
  I may
• 23:39
  be
• 23:39
  comfortable
• 23:40
  talking
• 23:40
  about
• 23:40
  it doesn't
• 23:41
  mean my
• 23:41
  partner
• 23:42
  or mom
• 23:42
  or dad
• 23:43
  are
• 23:43
  comfortable
• 23:44
  talking
• 23:44
  about it,
• 23:44
  she said.
• 23:45
  You have
• 23:45
  to adapt to
• 23:46
  other people
• 23:47
  because
• 23:47
  they're
• 23:47
  grieving
• 23:48
  for
• 23:48
  all the life
• 23:49
  they
• 23:49
  thought
• 23:49
  I was going
• 23:49
  to have,
• 23:50
  as well
• 23:50
  as knowing
• 23:51
  they will
• 23:51
  have to
• 23:52
  eventually
• 23:52
  grieve
• 23:52
  for me
• 23:53
  not being
• 23:53
  here.
• 23:54
  It's very
• 23:54
  complex
• 23:55
  and dang,
• 23:56
  we didn't
• 23:56
  get a
• 23:56
  script
• 23:57
  for how to
• 23:57
  walk
• 23:57
  through
• 23:58
  this,
• 23:58
  did we?
• 23:58
  Nobody.
• 23:59
  Our kids
• 23:59
  didn't
• 23:59
  come with
• 24:00
  scripts
• 24:00
  like to
• 24:01
  begin with.
• 24:01
  And then
• 24:01
  all of
• 24:02
  a sudden
• 24:02
  there's
• 24:03
  this,
• 24:03
  right?
• 24:04
  So but so
• 24:04
  much of life
• 24:05
  we are
• 24:06
  our job
• 24:07
  as parents
• 24:07
  is
• 24:07
  really
• 24:07
  to teach
• 24:08
  our
• 24:08
  children
• 24:09
  how to live
• 24:10
  and how
• 24:10
  to live
• 24:11
  well.
• 24:11
  And part
• 24:12
  of living
• 24:12
  is also
• 24:13
  embracing
• 24:14
  difficult,
• 24:15
  hard,
• 24:16
  sometimes
• 24:16
  catastrophic
• 24:17
  things
• 24:17
  that come
• 24:17
  along
• 24:18
  and how
• 24:18
  to navigate
• 24:19
  those
• 24:19
  things.
• 24:20
  And so,
• 24:21
  you know,
• 24:21
  that's such
• 24:21
  an
• 24:22
  important
• 24:22
  thing,
• 24:23
  to keep
• 24:24
  in mind
• 24:24
  that big
• 24:24
  picture.
• 24:25
  Okay.
• 24:25
  This
• 24:26
  is part
• 24:26
  of my job
• 24:26
  now.
• 24:27
  Now we're
• 24:27
  going to
• 24:27
  talk about
• 24:28
  how to deal
• 24:29
  with
• 24:29
  these big,
• 24:30
  big kinds
• 24:30
  of things
• 24:31
  and danet
• 24:32
  And,
• 24:33
  ashley
• 24:33
  have had
• 24:33
  to have
• 24:34
  those
• 24:34
  conversations
• 24:35
  with
• 24:35
  their kids
• 24:36
  as
• 24:36
  they have
• 24:36
  dealt
• 24:36
  with mets.
• 24:37
  But
• 24:38
  I loved it
• 24:38
  that she
• 24:39
  says,
• 24:39
  you have
• 24:39
  to adapt to
• 24:40
  other people.
• 24:41
  And
• 24:41
  sometimes
• 24:42
  as
• 24:42
  a patient,
• 24:43
  you can get
• 24:43
  really
• 24:43
  self-centered
• 24:44
  and think,
• 24:45
  it's just
• 24:45
  about me
• 24:46
  and
• 24:46
  my disease,
• 24:47
  and then
• 24:48
  I want
• 24:48
  everybody
• 24:48
  to get it
• 24:48
  and
• 24:49
  understand.
• 24:49
  And
• 24:49
  actually,
• 24:50
  it's
• 24:50
  not just
• 24:51
  about me,
• 24:51
  it's about
• 24:52
  everybody
• 24:53
  that is
• 24:53
  around me
• 24:54
  also.
• 24:54
  And
• 24:54
  together
• 24:55
  we are
• 24:55
  moving
• 24:56
  through
• 24:56
  this and
• 24:56
  coping
• 24:57
  with it,
• 24:57
  and I hope
• 24:58
  we'll hear
• 24:58
  a little
• 24:59
  bit from
• 25:00
  Emily
• 25:00
  and Jim
• 25:00
  down
• 25:01
  the road
• 25:01
  too,
• 25:01
  because
• 25:02
  you have
• 25:02
  a voice
• 25:03
  in this,
• 25:03
  you know,
• 25:04
  you can
• 25:04
  you can
• 25:04
  speak
• 25:05
  to how
• 25:05
  it is
• 25:06
  not being
• 25:07
  the patient
• 25:07
  but
• 25:08
  being around
• 25:08
  it.
• 25:09
  we're going
• 25:10
  to move
• 25:10
  forward
• 25:11
  into a
• 25:11
  section
• 25:12
  about,
• 25:12
  the issue
• 25:13
  of
• 25:13
  communicating
• 25:14
  with your
• 25:14
  family.
• 25:15
  And,
• 25:15
  I did not do
• 25:16
  a slide of this,
• 25:16
  so
• 25:17
  I drew a picture
• 25:17
  instead.
• 25:18
  And danet
• 25:19
  and I
• 25:19
  discussed
• 25:20
  this a
• 25:20
  couple
• 25:21
  ways.
• 25:21
  I didn't
• 25:21
  know how to
• 25:21
  draw a
• 25:22
  slide of
• 25:22
  this, but,
• 25:23
  for those
• 25:23
  of you
• 25:23
  who are
• 25:24
  listening,
• 25:24
  I want you
• 25:24
  to get
• 25:24
  a blank
• 25:25
  piece
• 25:25
  of paper.
• 25:26
  and
• 25:26
  if you don't
• 25:26
  have one,
• 25:27
  just do it
• 25:27
  mentally.
• 25:28
  and on
• 25:28
  that blank
• 25:29
  piece of
• 25:29
  paper,
• 25:30
  you're
• 25:30
  going to
• 25:30
  draw
• 25:30
  yourself
• 25:31
  in the
• 25:31
  middle
• 25:31
  there,
• 25:31
  okay?
• 25:32
  And
• 25:33
  that's me
• 25:33
  with
• 25:33
  my long
• 25:34
  curly hair.
• 25:35
  And then
• 25:35
  you're
• 25:35
  going to
• 25:36
  draw an X
• 25:37
  for your
• 25:37
  different
• 25:37
  family
• 25:38
  members.
• 25:38
  Now
• 25:39
  later on
• 25:39
  you also
• 25:40
  might want
• 25:40
  to add
• 25:41
  in other
• 25:42
  marks
• 25:42
  for close
• 25:43
  friends
• 25:43
  who I
• 25:43
  consider
• 25:44
  family.
• 25:44
  They're not
• 25:45
  biologically
• 25:46
  related,
• 25:46
  but
• 25:46
  they are
• 25:46
  family
• 25:47
  right
• 25:47
  in your heart.
• 25:48
  So drawn
• 25:49
  X around
• 25:50
  you and
• 25:51
  for each of
• 25:52
  these people.
• 25:52
  But
• 25:53
  put them
• 25:54
  either
• 25:55
  close
• 25:55
  or far
• 25:56
  away groups
• 25:56
  to your
• 25:57
  image,
• 25:57
  based on
• 25:59
  the
• 25:59
  emotional
• 25:59
  closeness
• 26:00
  you have
• 26:00
  with
• 26:00
  that person.
• 26:02
  And
• 26:02
  you will know
• 26:02
  and,
• 26:04
  and maybe
• 26:04
  also
• 26:05
  based on
• 26:06
  whether
• 26:07
  or not
• 26:07
  you would
• 26:07
  turn to
• 26:08
  that person
• 26:08
  for
• 26:08
  emotional
• 26:09
  support,
• 26:09
  you'll see
• 26:10
  a whole
• 26:10
  slew of
• 26:11
  little X's
• 26:12
  over here.
• 26:13
  Those are people
• 26:14
  I feel
• 26:14
  very
• 26:14
  emotionally
• 26:15
  close to,
• 26:15
  but
• 26:15
  I would not
• 26:16
  turn
• 26:16
  to them
• 26:16
  for
• 26:17
  emotional
• 26:17
  support.
• 26:17
  They are
• 26:18
  my
• 26:18
  grandchildren
• 26:19
  and only of
• 26:21
  only three
• 26:21
  of my
• 26:22
  grandchildren.
• 26:22
  Even knew
• 26:23
  about my
• 26:24
  cancer
• 26:24
  because,
• 26:25
  two years
• 26:25
  after my
• 26:26
  diagnosis,
• 26:26
  my
• 26:27
  granddaughter
• 26:27
  got cancer
• 26:29
  and so
• 26:29
  her family
• 26:30
  was into
• 26:30
  the soup
• 26:30
  of dealing
• 26:32
  with
• 26:32
  cancer.
• 26:32
  And so
• 26:33
  cancer
• 26:33
  was a
• 26:33
  common
• 26:34
  conversation.
• 26:34
  And
• 26:34
  we had to
• 26:35
  we can
• 26:36
  easily talk
• 26:36
  about it.
• 26:37
  And I could
• 26:37
  identify
• 26:37
  with Gwen
• 26:38
  because
• 26:38
  we both
• 26:39
  had cancer.
• 26:40
  hers was
• 26:40
  terminal,
• 26:41
  like from
• 26:42
  the get go.
• 26:43
  so anyway,
• 26:44
  so draw
• 26:44
  this,
• 26:45
  and then
• 26:45
  after you
• 26:45
  draw this,
• 26:47
  I want you
• 26:47
  to just
• 26:48
  take
• 26:48
  your marker
• 26:49
  and then
• 26:49
  just draw
• 26:49
  a circle.
• 26:50
  So
• 26:50
  this would be
• 26:51
  my inner
• 26:51
  circle
• 26:52
  right here.
• 26:53
  And then
• 26:53
  there's
• 26:53
  another
• 26:54
  circle
• 26:54
  here.
• 26:55
  and then
• 26:56
  there's
• 26:56
  the people
• 26:56
  in the
• 26:56
  outside.
• 26:57
  This other
• 26:57
  circle,
• 26:58
  for
• 26:58
  instance,
• 26:58
  that X
• 26:59
  represents
• 26:59
  my father.
• 27:00
  He's 94.
• 27:02
  Now,
• 27:02
  there are
• 27:02
  things I'm
• 27:03
  just not
• 27:03
  going to
• 27:04
  weigh
• 27:04
  him down
• 27:04
  with my
• 27:05
  diagnosis,
• 27:06
  but
• 27:06
  I would not
• 27:06
  take him down
• 27:06
  with
• 27:07
  because
• 27:07
  he was 89.
• 27:08
  And I
• 27:08
  just hate
• 27:09
  to see
• 27:09
  my 89
• 27:10
  year old
• 27:10
  father's
• 27:10
  heartbreak.
• 27:12
  there are
• 27:12
  questions
• 27:13
  he asked
• 27:13
  my husband.
• 27:14
  That's
• 27:14
  okay.
• 27:14
  They can
• 27:14
  have that
• 27:15
  conversation
• 27:15
  that they
• 27:16
  want.
• 27:16
  these
• 27:16
  become
• 27:17
  your
• 27:17
  circles
• 27:17
  of who
• 27:18
  you're
• 27:18
  going to
• 27:18
  lean
• 27:19
  on most
• 27:19
  for
• 27:20
  communication
• 27:21
  and for
• 27:21
  support.
• 27:22
  I could
• 27:22
  tell my
• 27:23
  father, oh,
• 27:24
  the appointment
• 27:24
  went well,
• 27:25
  but I'm not
• 27:26
  going to
• 27:26
  go
• 27:26
  into
• 27:26
  some of
• 27:27
  the details
• 27:27
  and
• 27:28
  right now
• 27:28
  he has
• 27:29
  he's on
• 27:29
  hospice
• 27:30
  and he's on
• 27:31
  complete
• 27:31
  bedrest.
• 27:31
  And
• 27:32
  if I get mets
• 27:33
  I'm not
• 27:33
  telling him
• 27:34
  because
• 27:35
  he doesn't
• 27:35
  need to
• 27:36
  know that
• 27:36
  and he'd
• 27:36
  probably
• 27:36
  forget it
• 27:37
  by tomorrow
• 27:37
  anyway.
• 27:38
  So I'm
• 27:38
  not having
• 27:39
  that
• 27:39
  conversation.
• 27:40
  so pay
• 27:40
  attention
• 27:41
  to those
• 27:42
  circles
• 27:43
  of
• 27:43
  communication
• 27:44
  and
• 27:44
  of support
• 27:44
  because
• 27:45
  they help
• 27:45
  you
• 27:46
  think about
• 27:48
  your own
• 27:48
  expectations.
• 27:49
  Like not
• 27:50
  everybody
• 27:50
  in your
• 27:51
  family
• 27:51
  circle
• 27:52
  is going
• 27:52
  to
• 27:52
  understand
• 27:53
  you or
• 27:53
  get this,
• 27:54
  and
• 27:54
  they don't
• 27:55
  actually
• 27:55
  need to.
• 27:56
  You
• 27:56
  actually
• 27:56
  need some
• 27:57
  people,
• 27:57
  safe people
• 27:58
  who are
• 27:58
  outside
• 27:59
  of it
• 27:59
  a little bit.
• 28:00
  But you can
• 28:00
  just go
• 28:01
  and have
• 28:01
  conversations
• 28:02
  about
• 28:02
  all
• 28:02
  the rest
• 28:03
  of life
• 28:03
  with.
• 28:04
  And
• 28:04
  you don't
• 28:04
  have to
• 28:05
  revolve
• 28:05
  all of it
• 28:06
  around
• 28:06
  cancer.
• 28:08
  So,
• 28:08
  I'll just
• 28:08
  ask Heather
• 28:09
  and her
• 28:10
  family
• 28:10
  to jump
• 28:10
  in a
• 28:10
  little bit,
• 28:11
  because
• 28:12
  they didn't
• 28:12
  get
• 28:12
  a chance
• 28:13
  to share
• 28:13
  yet.
• 28:13
  think about
• 28:14
  what
• 28:14
  boundaries
• 28:15
  you might
• 28:15
  have needed
• 28:16
  in
• 28:16
  communicating
• 28:17
  with family
• 28:18
  members
• 28:18
  about your
• 28:19
  ocular
• 28:20
  melanoma.
• 28:21
  maybe
• 28:21
  to protect
• 28:22
  younger
• 28:22
  children,
• 28:23
  or if
• 28:23
  there are
• 28:24
  people
• 28:24
  with mental
• 28:24
  health
• 28:25
  issues
• 28:25
  or seniors
• 28:26
  like
• 28:26
  my father.
• 28:27
  or to
• 28:27
  protect
• 28:28
  your own
• 28:28
  well-being.
• 28:29
  Or maybe
• 28:30
  there's,
• 28:30
  like,
• 28:31
  there's
• 28:31
  some
• 28:31
  there's
• 28:31
  an X
• 28:32
  on there
• 28:32
  for
• 28:32
  a family
• 28:33
  member
• 28:33
  who would give me
• 28:34
  advice that
• 28:35
  I,
• 28:36
  you know,
• 28:36
  it's just
• 28:36
  not going
• 28:37
  to.
• 28:37
  She's
• 28:38
  well-meaning,
• 28:38
  but
• 28:39
  it's
• 28:39
  just not
• 28:39
  going to
• 28:39
  work.
• 28:40
  So she's
• 28:40
  she's in my
• 28:41
  second
• 28:41
  circle,
• 28:41
  even though
• 28:42
  I love
• 28:42
  her dearly.
• 28:43
  what kind of
• 28:44
  boundaries
• 28:44
  did
• 28:44
  you need in
• 28:45
  order to,
• 28:47
  choose who
• 28:47
  you're
• 28:47
  going
• 28:47
  to share
• 28:48
  how much
• 28:48
  with,
• 28:49
  and also
• 28:50
  protect
• 28:50
  yourself
• 28:51
  from
• 28:51
  your own
• 28:51
  expectations
• 28:52
  of support
• 28:53
  from others
• 28:53
  that might
• 28:54
  be
• 28:54
  unrealistic.
• 28:57
  I mean, I
• 28:57
  think with,
• 28:58
  two
• 28:58
  children
• 28:58
  being
• 28:59
  adults and,
• 29:00
  you know,
• 29:00
  living
• 29:01
  close by
• 29:01
  and being
• 29:01
  understanding,
• 29:02
  it was very easy
• 29:03
  to share.
• 29:04
  And,
• 29:04
  you know,
• 29:05
  we told
• 29:05
  them
• 29:06
  immediately,
• 29:07
  like
• 29:07
  all of us,
• 29:10
  but
• 29:10
  the words
• 29:11
  not naive,
• 29:11
  but,
• 29:11
  you know,
• 29:12
  you
• 29:12
  go into it
• 29:12
  just
• 29:12
  thinking
• 29:13
  it's this
• 29:13
  little cancer
• 29:14
  and
• 29:14
  it turns
• 29:15
  into a
• 29:15
  this
• 29:15
  complex,
• 29:16
  long thing
• 29:16
  which
• 29:17
  we didn't
• 29:17
  know
• 29:17
  at the time.
• 29:18
  So it just,
• 29:18
  you know,
• 29:19
  grows
• 29:19
  a little.
• 29:20
  But,
• 29:20
  and then
• 29:21
  the rest
• 29:21
  of our
• 29:23
  family,
• 29:24
  of course,
• 29:24
  not all
• 29:25
  of our
• 29:25
  friends,
• 29:25
  but
• 29:26
  many of them
• 29:26
  live in
• 29:27
  different
• 29:27
  states
• 29:28
  or
• 29:28
  countries.
• 29:30
  And so,
• 29:31
  it was a
• 29:31
  little
• 29:31
  while
• 29:32
  before
• 29:32
  telling,
• 29:34
  you know,
• 29:34
  some people,
• 29:36
  but
• 29:36
  there wasn't
• 29:37
  there
• 29:37
  wasn't
• 29:38
  really
• 29:38
  anybody
• 29:40
  that that
• 29:41
  we have
• 29:41
  that
• 29:42
  I needed
• 29:43
  the right
• 29:43
  words,
• 29:44
  protected
• 29:44
  or
• 29:44
  needed
• 29:45
  to put
• 29:45
  a boundary.
• 29:46
  I feel that
• 29:47
  everyone,
• 29:47
  I mean,
• 29:48
  obviously
• 29:48
  like you,
• 29:48
  you've
• 29:49
  got here
• 29:50
  in a but
• 29:50
  there was
• 29:51
  a point
• 29:51
  and I think
• 29:52
  it was
• 29:54
  at least
• 29:55
  it might
• 29:56
  have been
• 29:56
  getting
• 29:56
  close to
• 29:57
  a year
• 29:57
  after
• 29:59
  diagnosis
• 30:01
  when I've
• 30:01
  kind of
• 30:02
  let it
• 30:02
  go out to
• 30:04
  anybody
• 30:05
  that I
• 30:05
  could think
• 30:05
  of friends
• 30:06
  and
• 30:06
  whatever.
• 30:07
  I'm in
• 30:07
  contact
• 30:08
  with
• 30:08
  so many
• 30:08
  a very big
• 30:09
  circle of,
• 30:11
  very close
• 30:11
  friends
• 30:12
  and, and
• 30:12
  relatives.
• 30:13
  So it took
• 30:14
  a while
• 30:14
  for it
• 30:15
  to go
• 30:15
  to
• 30:15
  everybody.
• 30:16
  And
• 30:17
  that was
• 30:17
  only
• 30:17
  because if
• 30:17
  people say,
• 30:18
  how are you
• 30:18
  doing?
• 30:19
  I didn't want
• 30:19
  to.
• 30:20
  So
• 30:20
  I kind of
• 30:20
  wrote
• 30:21
  a whole
• 30:21
  long thing
• 30:22
  and put it
• 30:23
  out there
• 30:23
  for
• 30:23
  everybody
• 30:24
  to see.
• 30:24
  But I don't
• 30:25
  remember
• 30:26
  ever
• 30:27
  feeling
• 30:27
  that I
• 30:27
  had anybody
• 30:28
  that I
• 30:28
  didn't
• 30:29
  need.
• 30:29
  I don't
• 30:29
  have young
• 30:29
  children,
• 30:30
  didn't have
• 30:31
  anybody
• 30:32
  to elderly
• 30:32
  or, or
• 30:33
  dealing
• 30:34
  with
• 30:34
  something
• 30:34
  else like.
• 30:36
  So
• 30:36
  it wasn't,
• 30:37
  it wasn't,
• 30:38
  too
• 30:38
  difficult.
• 30:38
  There.
• 30:40
  And for
• 30:41
  danet and
• 30:41
  Ashley, did
• 30:42
  the
• 30:42
  boundaries
• 30:42
  change once
• 30:43
  you did
• 30:45
  get
• 30:45
  metastatic
• 30:46
  disease,
• 30:46
  did
• 30:47
  you feel
• 30:47
  like you
• 30:47
  had to
• 30:49
  share that
• 30:49
  with your
• 30:50
  with all
• 30:51
  your family
• 30:52
  members,
• 30:52
  or were
• 30:52
  some of
• 30:53
  them
• 30:53
  actually,
• 30:54
  you know,
• 30:54
  you
• 30:54
  also had
• 30:54
  elderly
• 30:55
  parents?
• 30:56
  yeah.
• 30:56
  How did you
• 30:57
  navigate that.
• 30:59
  So I guess
• 30:59
  I would say
• 31:01
  initially
• 31:02
  diagnosis,
• 31:02
  you know,
• 31:03
  I diagnosis
• 31:04
  primary
• 31:04
  diagnosis.
• 31:05
  My kids
• 31:06
  didn't
• 31:06
  really know
• 31:07
  fully.
• 31:07
  You know,
• 31:08
  they didn't
• 31:08
  really know
• 31:08
  what was
• 31:09
  going on.
• 31:09
  And
• 31:09
  my family
• 31:10
  members,
• 31:10
  I was
• 31:11
  pretty open
• 31:11
  with,
• 31:11
  you know,
• 31:12
  anyone
• 31:12
  who was
• 31:12
  really
• 31:13
  an adult
• 31:13
  in my life.
• 31:14
  but
• 31:14
  I even had
• 31:15
  at the time
• 31:16
  that I was
• 31:16
  diagnosed,
• 31:17
  you know,
• 31:17
  I had
• 31:17
  a freshman
• 31:18
  in high
• 31:19
  school,
• 31:19
  brother
• 31:20
  and a
• 31:20
  junior in
• 31:21
  high school
• 31:21
  sister.
• 31:22
  So, like,
• 31:22
  there was
• 31:23
  even a
• 31:23
  layer
• 31:23
  of wanting
• 31:24
  to protect
• 31:24
  them,
• 31:25
  you know,
• 31:25
  on some
• 31:26
  level from
• 31:27
  from
• 31:27
  some of
• 31:27
  the weight
• 31:28
  of this.
• 31:28
  Not not
• 31:29
  necessarily
• 31:29
  from all
• 31:29
  the
• 31:30
  information,
• 31:30
  but
• 31:30
  just from
• 31:31
  some of
• 31:31
  the
• 31:31
  emotional
• 31:31
  weight that
• 31:32
  came
• 31:32
  with it.
• 31:34
  And that
• 31:34
  has, you
• 31:35
  know,
• 31:35
  shifted
• 31:35
  over time
• 31:36
  the older
• 31:36
  they've
• 31:37
  gotten,
• 31:37
  you know,
• 31:37
  these,
• 31:38
  these
• 31:38
  siblings
• 31:38
  of mine,
• 31:39
  I, I am
• 31:40
  pretty
• 31:40
  proud of
• 31:41
  my
• 31:41
  relationship
• 31:42
  with
• 31:42
  my siblings.
• 31:42
  but
• 31:43
  I can also
• 31:43
  recognize
• 31:44
  that
• 31:44
  my sisters
• 31:45
  and my
• 31:45
  mom are
• 31:45
  probably
• 31:46
  the people
• 31:46
  that I am
• 31:46
  the most
• 31:47
  vulnerable
• 31:47
  with,
• 31:48
  and my
• 31:48
  brothers
• 31:48
  and my dad.
• 31:49
  You know,
• 31:50
  I may
• 31:50
  communicate
• 31:50
  with them.
• 31:51
  I may
• 31:51
  be honest
• 31:51
  with them,
• 31:52
  but I
• 31:53
  don't feel
• 31:53
  maybe the
• 31:54
  same sense
• 31:54
  that net of
• 31:55
  emotional
• 31:56
  safety
• 31:56
  that I feel
• 31:57
  with my
• 31:57
  sisters or
• 31:58
  my mom and,
• 32:00
  but you
• 32:00
  know,
• 32:00
  again, my
• 32:01
  my high
• 32:02
  school
• 32:02
  sister,
• 32:03
  I wouldn't
• 32:03
  have put
• 32:04
  quite
• 32:04
  as much on her
• 32:05
  then as I
• 32:06
  maybe
• 32:07
  would now,
• 32:07
  or because
• 32:08
  she just
• 32:08
  she wasn't
• 32:09
  in a place
• 32:10
  that I felt
• 32:10
  comfortable
• 32:11
  trying to
• 32:12
  ask her
• 32:12
  to carry
• 32:13
  that
• 32:13
  with me in
• 32:13
  that way.
• 32:15
  but the
• 32:16
  other side
• 32:16
  of it, too,
• 32:17
  is that the
• 32:17
  older kids
• 32:18
  get,
• 32:18
  the older
• 32:18
  the people
• 32:19
  in my life,
• 32:20
  or they
• 32:20
  really,
• 32:20
  the longer
• 32:21
  that we
• 32:21
  have
• 32:21
  weathered
• 32:22
  this
• 32:22
  together,
• 32:23
  the more
• 32:23
  that
• 32:24
  I think
• 32:24
  the people
• 32:25
  in my life
• 32:25
  that are
• 32:25
  the closest
• 32:26
  that are
• 32:26
  maybe in
• 32:27
  my inner
• 32:27
  circle of,
• 32:28
  of
• 32:28
  communicating
• 32:28
  with or
• 32:29
  just
• 32:29
  sharing,
• 32:30
  the more
• 32:31
  that they
• 32:32
  communicate,
• 32:33
  maybe what
• 32:33
  they need
• 32:34
  to me,
• 32:34
  if
• 32:34
  that makes
• 32:35
  sense.
• 32:35
  And so,
• 32:36
  like,
• 32:36
  I just,
• 32:36
  I just think
• 32:37
  that
• 32:37
  there's
• 32:37
  been this
• 32:37
  give
• 32:37
  and take
• 32:38
  in, in
• 32:39
  how news
• 32:39
  has been
• 32:39
  shared,
• 32:40
  whether
• 32:40
  it's
• 32:40
  been via
• 32:41
  text
• 32:41
  message,
• 32:41
  like I,
• 32:42
  I can
• 32:42
  tell that,
• 32:43
  you know,
• 32:43
  sometimes I
• 32:44
  don't have
• 32:44
  the energy
• 32:45
  to just
• 32:45
  text every
• 32:45
  single
• 32:46
  person
• 32:46
  and try
• 32:46
  to remember
• 32:47
  every
• 32:47
  person in
• 32:47
  every text
• 32:48
  thread
• 32:48
  there
• 32:49
  ever was.
• 32:50
  So
• 32:50
  sometimes I
• 32:50
  just put
• 32:50
  a social
• 32:51
  media post,
• 32:51
  especially
• 32:52
  when
• 32:52
  stuff is
• 32:52
  happening
• 32:53
  rapidly,
• 32:53
  because
• 32:54
  when I
• 32:54
  was
• 32:54
  diagnosed
• 32:55
  with
• 32:55
  metastatic
• 32:55
  disease,
• 32:56
  it was like
• 32:56
  bam,
• 32:56
  bam, bam.
• 32:57
  And same
• 32:57
  with when
• 32:57
  I was first
• 32:58
  diagnosed.
• 32:58
  There was
• 32:58
  like
• 32:59
  there was
• 32:59
  a new thing
• 33:00
  every week,
• 33:01
  if not
• 33:01
  every couple
• 33:01
  days.
• 33:02
  And so
• 33:03
  the
• 33:04
  the energy
• 33:04
  that it
• 33:04
  would take
• 33:05
  to try
• 33:05
  to call
• 33:05
  the call up
• 33:06
  everybody
• 33:06
  on
• 33:06
  the phone,
• 33:07
  I didn't
• 33:08
  have
• 33:08
  the ability
• 33:09
  to do that,
• 33:10
  and
• 33:11
  my family
• 33:11
  just had
• 33:12
  to kind
• 33:12
  of adapt
• 33:13
  with me
• 33:14
  to getting
• 33:14
  the news
• 33:15
  the way
• 33:15
  that I
• 33:15
  could
• 33:15
  give it.
• 33:17
  and that
• 33:18
  I think
• 33:18
  in some
• 33:19
  ways,
• 33:19
  you know,
• 33:19
  that comes
• 33:19
  at a cost
• 33:20
  for some
• 33:21
  of the
• 33:21
  people that
• 33:21
  you that
• 33:22
  maybe
• 33:22
  that maybe
• 33:23
  kind of
• 33:24
  have
• 33:24
  to flip
• 33:24
  what
• 33:25
  you said
• 33:25
  that as
• 33:25
  a patient,
• 33:26
  you think
• 33:26
  maybe that
• 33:26
  you're
• 33:27
  you're
• 33:27
  entitled
• 33:28
  to be
• 33:28
  the one
• 33:28
  that is
• 33:29
  at the
• 33:29
  center
• 33:29
  of this.
• 33:29
  And,
• 33:30
  and I think
• 33:30
  that the
• 33:31
  other
• 33:31
  people in
• 33:32
  our lives
• 33:32
  also feel
• 33:33
  that right,
• 33:34
  that that
• 33:34
  they're at
• 33:35
  the center.
• 33:35
  You're
• 33:35
  their
• 33:36
  best
• 33:36
  friend.
• 33:36
  You're
• 33:36
  their sister.
• 33:37
  I remember
• 33:38
  my sister
• 33:38
  told me
• 33:39
  for
• 33:39
  like a year
• 33:39
  she was in
• 33:40
  grad
• 33:40
  school,
• 33:40
  and
• 33:41
  she would
• 33:41
  just say,
• 33:41
  well,
• 33:41
  my sister
• 33:42
  has cancer.
• 33:43
  I can't do
• 33:43
  that. Like,
• 33:44
  because
• 33:45
  my sister
• 33:45
  has cancer.
• 33:46
  So, like,
• 33:46
  I became
• 33:47
  the
• 33:47
  scapegoat
• 33:47
  or my
• 33:48
  diagnosis
• 33:48
  did because
• 33:49
  it was
• 33:50
  such an
• 33:50
  emotional
• 33:50
  thing
• 33:51
  for her.
• 33:52
  and so
• 33:53
  I think
• 33:53
  just
• 33:54
  recognizing
• 33:54
  we all
• 33:54
  have that.
• 33:55
  But that it
• 33:56
  feels
• 33:56
  like this
• 33:56
  huge,
• 33:57
  monumental
• 33:57
  thing
• 33:57
  to each
• 33:58
  of us
• 33:58
  as
• 33:58
  individuals
• 33:59
  at
• 33:59
  different
• 33:59
  times.
• 34:00
  And I guess
• 34:01
  I would ask
• 34:01
  Emily
• 34:01
  and Jim,
• 34:02
  do you
• 34:02
  guys do
• 34:03
  you guys
• 34:03
  feel like
• 34:03
  you guys
• 34:03
  have felt
• 34:04
  that a
• 34:04
  different
• 34:04
  times,
• 34:05
  like a,
• 34:05
  I guess
• 34:05
  an
• 34:05
  ownership
• 34:06
  of this
• 34:07
  in some
• 34:07
  ways,
• 34:08
  definitely.
• 34:09
  Yeah, yeah.
• 34:11
  I,
• 34:12
  it's
• 34:12
  actually
• 34:13
  it's kind.
• 34:13
  Of it's
• 34:14
  kind of
• 34:14
  funny.
• 34:14
  Because I
• 34:15
  have
• 34:16
  definitely.
• 34:16
  Used.
• 34:16
  That excuse
• 34:17
  like, oh,
• 34:18
  I'm sorry,
• 34:19
  my mom
• 34:19
  has cancer.
• 34:20
  You
• 34:20
  know, it.
• 34:21
  It's not
• 34:21
  it's.
• 34:22
  Not a joke
• 34:23
  at all,
• 34:23
  obviously.
• 34:24
  But humor
• 34:26
  is such
• 34:26
  an easy
• 34:27
  way to.
• 34:27
  Deal with.
• 34:28
  Such a
• 34:29
  heavy
• 34:29
  topic.
• 34:31
  and I kind.
• 34:32
  Of
• 34:32
  wanted
• 34:32
  to just
• 34:33
  really
• 34:33
  quick
• 34:34
  get back
• 34:34
  to the
• 34:35
  grief
• 34:35
  spaghetti.
• 34:36
  Because
• 34:36
  when you
• 34:37
  showed the.
• 34:37
  Initial,
• 34:38
  you.
• 34:38
  Know,
• 34:39
  little.
• 34:39
  Yeah.
• 34:40
  So that
• 34:41
  I was like.
• 34:42
  I don't
• 34:42
  remember.
• 34:43
  Going
• 34:43
  through it
• 34:44
  that.
• 34:44
  Way at all.
• 34:45
  And then
• 34:45
  you're.
• 34:45
  Like.
• 34:46
  Actually
• 34:46
  more like
• 34:46
  this.
• 34:47
  And I was
• 34:47
  just
• 34:48
  speaking
• 34:48
  with my
• 34:48
  friend,
• 34:49
  this morning,
• 34:50
  I was
• 34:50
  like, hey,
• 34:50
  I have to
• 34:51
  go.
• 34:51
  I have to go
• 34:52
  back home.
• 34:52
  I'm going
• 34:53
  to do this
• 34:53
  little
• 34:53
  webinar
• 34:53
  for ocular
• 34:54
  melanoma
• 34:55
  with my,
• 34:55
  my parents.
• 34:56
  I,
• 34:56
  you know,
• 34:57
  I was like,
• 34:57
  yeah,
• 34:58
  I, I'm
• 34:58
  not really
• 34:59
  sure.
• 34:59
  Like,
• 34:59
  you know,
• 35:00
  I feel like
• 35:00
  I'm
• 35:00
  handling it
• 35:01
  really well
• 35:01
  and
• 35:01
  everything.
• 35:02
  And she
• 35:02
  goes.
• 35:04
  You didn't
• 35:06
  you did not
• 35:07
  handle
• 35:07
  it well.
• 35:08
  When we
• 35:08
  first.
• 35:09
  Got
• 35:09
  the news
• 35:10
  and I
• 35:10
  was like,
• 35:11
  yeah,
• 35:11
  I must have
• 35:12
  already
• 35:12
  blocked
• 35:12
  that out
• 35:13
  a little
• 35:13
  bit.
• 35:13
  So total
• 35:14
  grief
• 35:14
  spaghetti.
• 35:16
  Yeah, yeah.
• 35:17
  And it does
• 35:17
  change
• 35:18
  with time.
• 35:18
  Yes.
• 35:20
  So Jim,
• 35:21
  did
• 35:21
  you have
• 35:22
  anything
• 35:22
  to add.
• 35:26
  I didn't
• 35:27
  have it at
• 35:27
  the issues
• 35:28
  like that.
• 35:28
  It was
• 35:29
  more of
• 35:30
  just a
• 35:30
  one on one
• 35:31
  personal
• 35:32
  feeling
• 35:33
  between the
• 35:33
  two of us.
• 35:34
  It was very
• 35:35
  earth
• 35:36
  shattering
• 35:36
  and mind
• 35:38
  blowing
• 35:38
  that
• 35:38
  it even
• 35:39
  came about.
• 35:40
  but more,
• 35:41
  more of
• 35:41
  it is just
• 35:42
  understanding
• 35:43
  what
• 35:43
  Heather's
• 35:44
  feeling
• 35:44
  and the
• 35:45
  grief
• 35:46
  of that
• 35:46
  not knowing
• 35:47
  how her,
• 35:48
  how she
• 35:48
  feels
• 35:48
  every day,
• 35:49
  how
• 35:50
  it feels
• 35:50
  after that
• 35:51
  I
• 35:51
  injection.
• 35:51
  And
• 35:52
  how does it feel
• 35:52
  with your
• 35:53
  eyesight
• 35:53
  changing?
• 35:54
  I can't
• 35:55
  see that.
• 35:56
  I don't
• 35:56
  know
• 35:56
  what that
• 35:56
  feels like
• 35:57
  and that
• 35:57
  that hurts
• 35:58
  the most.
• 36:00
  Yeah.
• 36:01
  And we
• 36:01
  have to pay
• 36:02
  attention
• 36:02
  to other
• 36:03
  things
• 36:03
  going on
• 36:03
  in
• 36:04
  the family
• 36:04
  system
• 36:04
  also.
• 36:05
  And, and
• 36:05
  how they
• 36:07
  play off
• 36:07
  of
• 36:07
  all of it.
• 36:08
  My
• 36:08
  husband's
• 36:09
  first wife
• 36:10
  died from
• 36:10
  cancer.
• 36:10
  She was
• 36:11
  actually
• 36:11
  a good
• 36:11
  friend
• 36:12
  of mine.
• 36:12
  She died
• 36:13
  from cancer.
• 36:13
  So when
• 36:14
  I got
• 36:14
  a cancer
• 36:15
  diagnosis
• 36:15
  like oh
• 36:16
  my gosh,
• 36:16
  wife number
• 36:17
  two cancer,
• 36:18
  you know,
• 36:18
  and then
• 36:19
  our
• 36:19
  granddaughter
• 36:20
  got cancer
• 36:20
  two years
• 36:21
  later
• 36:21
  and she got
• 36:22
  the same
• 36:22
  cancer
• 36:23
  that my
• 36:23
  husband's
• 36:24
  first
• 36:24
  wife got.
• 36:25
  And so then
• 36:25
  my husband
• 36:26
  went
• 36:26
  through
• 36:26
  the season
• 36:26
  where
• 36:26
  he got
• 36:27
  angry
• 36:27
  with God.
• 36:28
  And,
• 36:29
  he just
• 36:29
  had to kind
• 36:29
  of wade
• 36:30
  through
• 36:31
  a lot
• 36:31
  of
• 36:31
  spiritual
• 36:32
  issues
• 36:32
  and
• 36:33
  questions
• 36:33
  and such
• 36:33
  that
• 36:34
  I didn't
• 36:35
  always have
• 36:35
  the,
• 36:36
  bandwidth
• 36:36
  to be able
• 36:37
  to help him
• 36:38
  with.
• 36:38
  And he
• 36:38
  actually,
• 36:38
  honestly
• 36:39
  didn't
• 36:39
  always want
• 36:40
  my help
• 36:40
  because I'm
• 36:41
  the therapist
• 36:41
  and
• 36:41
  he didn't
• 36:42
  want that.
• 36:42
  So yeah,
• 36:43
  I didn't
• 36:44
  pay
• 36:44
  attention
• 36:44
  to all the
• 36:45
  all the
• 36:45
  things
• 36:46
  that
• 36:46
  can play
• 36:47
  off of
• 36:47
  this.
• 36:48
  I would do
• 36:48
  want to.
• 36:49
  I'm looking
• 36:49
  at our time.
• 36:49
  We have
• 36:50
  20 minutes
• 36:50
  left.
• 36:51
  Actually,
• 36:51
  we only have
• 36:51
  about 15
• 36:52
  minutes
• 36:52
  left
• 36:52
  because
• 36:53
  we're going
• 36:53
  to take
• 36:53
  some questions.
• 36:54
  So
• 36:54
  I do want
• 36:55
  to,
• 36:55
  touch on
• 36:55
  this piece
• 36:56
  with young
• 36:56
  children.
• 36:57
  I'm
• 36:57
  thankful
• 36:57
  that that's
• 36:58
  already
• 36:58
  been
• 36:58
  addressed
• 36:59
  some to.
• 36:59
  We don't
• 36:59
  have to go
• 37:00
  as deeply
• 37:01
  now, but,
• 37:02
  you know,
• 37:02
  children do
• 37:03
  pick up our
• 37:04
  emotions
• 37:04
  of fear
• 37:05
  and
• 37:05
  anxiety.
• 37:06
  They also
• 37:06
  pick up on
• 37:07
  our confidence
• 37:07
  and
• 37:07
  our hope
• 37:08
  and our
• 37:08
  joy.
• 37:09
  And I think
• 37:10
  it's super
• 37:10
  important
• 37:11
  to be
• 37:11
  paying
• 37:11
  attention
• 37:12
  to
• 37:12
  what are we
• 37:13
  communicating
• 37:14
  to our kids
• 37:15
  about
• 37:16
  dealing
• 37:17
  with
• 37:17
  these big,
• 37:17
  hard
• 37:17
  things?
• 37:18
  You know
• 37:18
  what?
• 37:19
  What's the,
• 37:20
  primary
• 37:20
  emotion
• 37:21
  that's
• 37:22
  circulating
• 37:22
  in our
• 37:23
  household?
• 37:23
  And yeah,
• 37:24
  scan time.
• 37:25
  Maybe
• 37:25
  that's it's
• 37:26
  everything's
• 37:27
  kind of
• 37:27
  ratcheted
• 37:28
  up a bit.
• 37:28
  I know
• 37:29
  for me,
• 37:30
  when I was
• 37:31
  diagnosed,
• 37:31
  a week of
• 37:32
  different
• 37:33
  appointments
• 37:33
  at UT
• 37:33
  southwestern,
• 37:35
  seeing a
• 37:35
  doctor
• 37:36
  after six
• 37:36
  different
• 37:36
  doctors
• 37:37
  before the
• 37:37
  next week,
• 37:38
  I landed
• 37:38
  with Doctor
• 37:38
  Fuller
• 37:39
  in Dallas.
• 37:40
  And
• 37:40
  he's not
• 37:41
  part of ut
• 37:42
  southwestern.
• 37:42
  But
• 37:42
  the second
• 37:43
  day,
• 37:43
  Tuesday,
• 37:44
  I had
• 37:44
  an appointment
• 37:45
  with my
• 37:45
  daughter
• 37:46
  to
• 37:46
  figure out
• 37:47
  how to
• 37:47
  do her hair
• 37:47
  for her
• 37:48
  wedding
• 37:48
  because
• 37:48
  she wanted me
• 37:48
  to be
• 37:49
  the one
• 37:49
  to do
• 37:49
  her hair.
• 37:49
  So I'm
• 37:50
  at the doctor's
• 37:50
  office,
• 37:51
  and then
• 37:51
  I'm going
• 37:52
  back to
• 37:52
  home,
• 37:53
  and we're
• 37:53
  sitting at
• 37:54
  my vanity
• 37:54
  trying to
• 37:55
  do her
• 37:55
  hair.
• 37:56
  And then
• 37:56
  I'm back
• 37:56
  at the
• 37:56
  doctor's
• 37:57
  office,
• 37:57
  and
• 37:57
  while I'm
• 37:57
  doing her
• 37:58
  hair,
• 37:58
  she says,
• 37:59
  so what did
• 38:00
  the doctor
• 38:00
  say?
• 38:01
  Well,
• 38:02
  that
• 38:02
  morning,
• 38:03
  the
• 38:03
  the person,
• 38:04
  the assistant
• 38:05
  person
• 38:06
  who
• 38:06
  shouldn't
• 38:06
  have ever
• 38:06
  said this
• 38:07
  dropped the
• 38:07
  cancer
• 38:08
  bomb.
• 38:08
  She said
• 38:09
  something
• 38:09
  about
• 38:09
  cancer
• 38:10
  and I just
• 38:10
  lost it,
• 38:11
  you know,
• 38:11
  I was like,
• 38:11
  hold on.
• 38:12
  Nobody
• 38:12
  has
• 38:13
  called this
• 38:13
  cancer yet.
• 38:14
  So
• 38:15
  when my daughter
• 38:15
  asked me
• 38:16
  that,
• 38:16
  that was not
• 38:17
  the time
• 38:18
  to drop
• 38:19
  that bomb.
• 38:19
  And I
• 38:20
  didn't have
• 38:20
  a clear
• 38:20
  diagnosis
• 38:21
  yet,
• 38:22
  and it
• 38:22
  certainly
• 38:22
  wasn't
• 38:23
  the time
• 38:23
  for me
• 38:23
  to share
• 38:24
  anything.
• 38:24
  And I
• 38:24
  just said,
• 38:26
  he said
• 38:26
  that I need
• 38:26
  to come
• 38:27
  back this
• 38:27
  afternoon
• 38:28
  and see
• 38:28
  another
• 38:28
  doctor.
• 38:29
  That's all
• 38:29
  I told her,
• 38:30
  because
• 38:30
  this girl
• 38:31
  is,
• 38:32
  you know,
• 38:32
  her wedding
• 38:32
  is two
• 38:32
  and a half
• 38:33
  weeks out.
• 38:33
  She didn't
• 38:34
  need all
• 38:34
  this.
• 38:35
  Now, I did
• 38:36
  get it.
• 38:36
  Diagnosis
• 38:37
  by the end
• 38:37
  of the week.
• 38:38
  My husband
• 38:38
  actually
• 38:39
  was the one
• 38:39
  that told
• 38:39
  the family
• 38:40
  because I
• 38:40
  was a
• 38:41
  basket case
• 38:41
  by the end
• 38:42
  of the week.
• 38:43
  And so
• 38:43
  he told
• 38:44
  my father
• 38:44
  and my
• 38:45
  daughters
• 38:45
  and the
• 38:46
  long
• 38:46
  distance
• 38:46
  ones were
• 38:47
  on zoom or
• 38:47
  something,
• 38:48
  and,
• 38:49
  I couldn't
• 38:49
  be there.
• 38:50
  I could not
• 38:51
  I did not
• 38:51
  want them
• 38:52
  to see
• 38:53
  my distress
• 38:53
  over this,
• 38:55
  and I,
• 38:56
  I just
• 38:57
  needed him
• 38:57
  to get
• 38:57
  the words
• 38:58
  out.
• 38:58
  And then
• 39:00
  my
• 39:00
  daughter,
• 39:00
  the that's
• 39:01
  getting
• 39:01
  married.
• 39:01
  Robin
• 39:02
  came back
• 39:02
  to my room
• 39:03
  and
• 39:03
  she gave me
• 39:03
  a big hug.
• 39:05
  And I
• 39:05
  said,
• 39:05
  Robin,
• 39:06
  we are not
• 39:06
  letting
• 39:07
  this steal
• 39:07
  our joy.
• 39:08
  You are
• 39:08
  getting
• 39:08
  married.
• 39:09
  This is your
• 39:10
  wedding
• 39:11
  and cancer
• 39:12
  might
• 39:12
  try to take
• 39:12
  my health.
• 39:13
  It
• 39:13
  might even
• 39:13
  try to take
• 39:14
  my life.
• 39:15
  It is not
• 39:15
  taking
• 39:15
  our joy.
• 39:16
  That's your
• 39:16
  wedding.
• 39:17
  No, no, no.
• 39:18
  And,
• 39:18
  that was
• 39:19
  actually a
• 39:20
  really
• 39:20
  good.
• 39:20
  Well,
• 39:20
  her
• 39:21
  response
• 39:21
  was amazing
• 39:22
  because she
• 39:22
  said, mom,
• 39:23
  it's
• 39:23
  perfect
• 39:24
  timing
• 39:24
  because
• 39:25
  God knew
• 39:25
  that you
• 39:26
  would have
• 39:26
  all your
• 39:26
  closest
• 39:27
  friends
• 39:27
  and family
• 39:28
  around you
• 39:28
  at our
• 39:28
  wedding.
• 39:29
  Isn't that
• 39:29
  great?
• 39:30
  And so,
• 39:31
  you know
• 39:31
  what a
• 39:32
  blessing
• 39:32
  that was
• 39:33
  to me.
• 39:33
  What a
• 39:33
  gracious
• 39:34
  response
• 39:34
  that was
• 39:35
  on her part.
• 39:36
  But it also
• 39:37
  was to
• 39:38
  speak
• 39:38
  these
• 39:39
  things out
• 39:39
  loud.
• 39:40
  That became
• 39:40
  kind of
• 39:41
  the way
• 39:41
  I navigated
• 39:42
  with lots
• 39:43
  of things.
• 39:43
  No,
• 39:44
  this was
• 39:44
  our family
• 39:45
  vacation.
• 39:45
  I'm not
• 39:46
  I am not
• 39:47
  thinking
• 39:47
  about scans
• 39:48
  that are
• 39:48
  happening
• 39:48
  afterwards.
• 39:49
  Cancer does
• 39:50
  get to
• 39:50
  steal our
• 39:50
  vacation.
• 39:51
  You know
• 39:52
  whether
• 39:52
  your kids
• 39:53
  are older
• 39:53
  or younger.
• 39:54
  You get
• 39:54
  to choose
• 39:55
  how much
• 39:55
  you're
• 39:56
  going
• 39:56
  to let
• 39:56
  this be
• 39:57
  the center
• 39:57
  of your
• 39:58
  conversations.
• 39:59
  I'm just
• 40:00
  going to
• 40:00
  jump down
• 40:01
  to this
• 40:01
  whole
• 40:02
  business
• 40:02
  of living
• 40:02
  with
• 40:03
  uncertainty,
• 40:04
  because
• 40:04
  every
• 40:04
  omie talks
• 40:05
  about
• 40:05
  how hard
• 40:06
  that is,
• 40:07
  and it's
• 40:07
  hard on
• 40:07
  everybody
• 40:08
  in
• 40:08
  the system.
• 40:09
  And yet
• 40:10
  we don't
• 40:11
  want our
• 40:13
  especially
• 40:13
  younger
• 40:13
  children.
• 40:14
  We don't
• 40:14
  even want
• 40:15
  we don't want
• 40:15
  all
• 40:15
  the people
• 40:16
  around us
• 40:16
  to be
• 40:16
  walking on
• 40:17
  eggshells,
• 40:17
  struggling
• 40:17
  with all
• 40:18
  this
• 40:18
  uncertainty.
• 40:18
  Like,
• 40:19
  how did you help yourself
• 40:21
  and
• 40:22
  help your
• 40:22
  family
• 40:22
  members,
• 40:23
  live well
• 40:24
  in today
• 40:25
  without
• 40:26
  carrying
• 40:26
  the burden
• 40:27
  of
• 40:27
  uncertainty?
• 40:27
  Some of those
• 40:28
  burdens are
• 40:28
  certainly
• 40:28
  way too big
• 40:29
  for young
• 40:29
  children
• 40:30
  to carry.
• 40:30
  And,
• 40:30
  you know,
• 40:31
  I see
• 40:31
  people
• 40:31
  in my office
• 40:32
  who grew up
• 40:34
  with
• 40:34
  parents
• 40:35
  who had
• 40:35
  diseases,
• 40:36
  etc.
• 40:36
  and they,
• 40:37
  you know,
• 40:37
  just
• 40:38
  they
• 40:38
  brought
• 40:39
  all that
• 40:39
  anxiety
• 40:39
  from
• 40:40
  childhood.
• 40:40
  And they're
• 40:40
  into
• 40:41
  my office
• 40:41
  20 years
• 40:42
  later.
• 40:42
  That's
• 40:42
  really
• 40:43
  hard.
• 40:43
  Some of it
• 40:44
  can't be avoided,
• 40:45
  but
• 40:45
  we can also
• 40:46
  equip
• 40:47
  our kids
• 40:47
  to deal
• 40:48
  with
• 40:48
  uncertainty
• 40:48
  and
• 40:49
  give them
• 40:49
  reassurances,
• 40:50
  etc.
• 40:50
  that they
• 40:51
  need,
• 40:51
  just like
• 40:52
  we need
• 40:52
  reassurance.
• 40:52
  So to
• 40:53
  the people
• 40:53
  around us.
• 40:54
  So what are
• 40:54
  some things
• 40:55
  that
• 40:55
  you did
• 40:55
  to help
• 40:56
  people in
• 40:57
  your family
• 40:58
  live
• 40:58
  well today
• 40:59
  without
• 40:59
  carrying
• 41:00
  the burden
• 41:00
  of
• 41:00
  uncertainty?
• 41:01
  And
• 41:01
  some of that,
• 41:01
  as
• 41:02
  I already
• 41:02
  alluded to,
• 41:03
  some of
• 41:04
  that is
• 41:04
  just not
• 41:04
  telling
• 41:04
  them.
• 41:05
  Some things
• 41:05
  at certain
• 41:06
  times.
• 41:06
  It's
• 41:06
  just
• 41:06
  not the
• 41:07
  right time
• 41:08
  to drop
• 41:08
  that bomb
• 41:09
  on them.
• 41:10
  one of the
• 41:10
  things that
• 41:11
  kind
• 41:11
  of ties
• 41:12
  in exactly
• 41:12
  what
• 41:12
  Carol's
• 41:13
  talking
• 41:13
  about,
• 41:14
  especially
• 41:14
  when
• 41:14
  you do,
• 41:15
  regardless
• 41:15
  of the age
• 41:16
  of your
• 41:16
  children,
• 41:17
  and even
• 41:17
  your
• 41:18
  spouses,
• 41:19
  everybody's
• 41:19
  got
• 41:19
  their own
• 41:20
  stuff
• 41:21
  going on,
• 41:22
  their own
• 41:23
  crap,
• 41:24
  just not to
• 41:24
  use a
• 41:25
  or harsh
• 41:25
  word.
• 41:26
  And,
• 41:27
  one of
• 41:27
  the things
• 41:27
  that I have
• 41:28
  have had
• 41:29
  to do
• 41:29
  is go,
• 41:30
  like,
• 41:31
  you know,
• 41:31
  we're not
• 41:31
  the center
• 41:32
  of
• 41:32
  attention.
• 41:33
  And,
• 41:33
  you know,
• 41:34
  my daughter
• 41:34
  may be
• 41:34
  having
• 41:35
  friend
• 41:35
  issues
• 41:35
  and my son
• 41:36
  may be
• 41:36
  having,
• 41:37
  you know,
• 41:38
  he didn't
• 41:38
  get on the
• 41:38
  basketball
• 41:39
  team.
• 41:39
  And then
• 41:40
  you've got,
• 41:40
  you know,
• 41:40
  a husband
• 41:41
  who's
• 41:41
  struggling
• 41:42
  with a job
• 41:42
  and or
• 41:43
  whatever.
• 41:43
  So there's
• 41:44
  just
• 41:44
  always,
• 41:46
  always
• 41:46
  in life
• 41:47
  you're
• 41:47
  going
• 41:48
  to have
• 41:48
  disappointments.
• 41:49
  And so
• 41:49
  for me,
• 41:50
  part of
• 41:51
  what I
• 41:51
  would try
• 41:51
  to do
• 41:52
  is dealing
• 41:53
  with
• 41:53
  uncertainty
• 41:54
  or,
• 41:54
  you know,
• 41:54
  dealing
• 41:55
  with
• 41:55
  certainty
• 41:56
  is, is
• 41:57
  is show
• 41:57
  how to
• 41:58
  how
• 41:58
  could I
• 41:59
  walk
• 41:59
  through
• 41:59
  that with,
• 42:00
  with grace
• 42:01
  and, and
• 42:02
  use it
• 42:02
  as a
• 42:02
  teaching
• 42:02
  moment,
• 42:03
  but also
• 42:03
  a moment
• 42:04
  where
• 42:04
  I can say,
• 42:06
  look, it's
• 42:07
  okay.
• 42:07
  We're
• 42:08
  we're not
• 42:08
  always
• 42:08
  going
• 42:08
  to be okay
• 42:09
  all the time,
• 42:10
  you know,
• 42:10
  and we're
• 42:10
  going to
• 42:11
  have
• 42:11
  to talk
• 42:11
  about it.
• 42:11
  And,
• 42:12
  and like
• 42:12
  danet
• 42:13
  was saying,
• 42:13
  when my kids
• 42:13
  are younger,
• 42:13
  I mean,
• 42:14
  I was
• 42:14
  have to
• 42:14
  look for
• 42:14
  kind of
• 42:15
  peripheral
• 42:15
  things that
• 42:16
  they
• 42:17
  weren't
• 42:17
  so overt,
• 42:18
  they
• 42:18
  weren't
• 42:18
  able to
• 42:19
  put words
• 42:19
  with how
• 42:20
  they felt
• 42:20
  and what
• 42:21
  they did.
• 42:21
  I'm a
• 42:21
  big person
• 42:22
  that,
• 42:22
  you know.
• 42:23
  Yes.
• 42:23
  I totally
• 42:24
  agree
• 42:24
  with Carol
• 42:24
  that you
• 42:25
  sometimes
• 42:26
  are guarded
• 42:26
  at the
• 42:27
  timing in
• 42:27
  which you
• 42:28
  tell
• 42:28
  somebody
• 42:28
  something,
• 42:29
  but I also
• 42:29
  think,
• 42:30
  gosh,
• 42:30
  if you can
• 42:30
  bring it
• 42:31
  to light,
• 42:31
  the fear
• 42:32
  that
• 42:32
  surrounds
• 42:33
  uncertainty
• 42:35
  can
• 42:35
  oftentimes
• 42:36
  be
• 42:37
  you can get
• 42:37
  rid of it.
• 42:38
  So instead
• 42:39
  of,
• 42:39
  ignoring
• 42:40
  a conversation,
• 42:40
  I may say,
• 42:41
  you know,
• 42:42
  let's
• 42:42
  let's go
• 42:43
  get some
• 42:44
  coffee,
• 42:44
  Caroline,
• 42:45
  and let's
• 42:45
  talk
• 42:45
  about what
• 42:46
  this means
• 42:46
  and or
• 42:48
  or maybe
• 42:48
  even
• 42:48
  not that
• 42:49
  like, I'm
• 42:50
  I can be
• 42:50
  very silly
• 42:51
  and
• 42:51
  very funny.
• 42:52
  I think
• 42:52
  humor, as
• 42:53
  Heather
• 42:53
  was saying,
• 42:53
  or some I'm
• 42:54
  saying is
• 42:54
  just so
• 42:55
  important.
• 42:56
  And,
• 42:56
  I've done
• 42:57
  that too,
• 42:57
  where,
• 42:58
  I actually
• 42:58
  took
• 42:58
  my eye out
• 42:59
  one time
• 43:00
  and put it
• 43:00
  next to my,
• 43:01
  my son's
• 43:01
  bed,
• 43:02
  who was
• 43:02
  going
• 43:02
  through
• 43:02
  something
• 43:03
  difficult
• 43:03
  and, and
• 43:04
  actually
• 43:04
  said, hey,
• 43:05
  I've got
• 43:05
  my eye
• 43:05
  on you.
• 43:06
  I'd like
• 43:07
  to talk
• 43:07
  talk to you
• 43:08
  about this later.
• 43:08
  And
• 43:09
  he thought
• 43:09
  that was
• 43:09
  hysterical.
• 43:10
  And it led
• 43:11
  us into us
• 43:11
  being able
• 43:12
  to have,
• 43:12
  you know,
• 43:13
  that kind
• 43:13
  of
• 43:13
  conversation.
• 43:14
  But anyway,
• 43:15
  I think
• 43:15
  dealing
• 43:16
  with
• 43:16
  uncertainty,
• 43:16
  for one,
• 43:18
  I,
• 43:18
  I had to know
• 43:19
  how I
• 43:19
  was going
• 43:20
  to deal
• 43:20
  with that
• 43:20
  and
• 43:21
  articulate
• 43:21
  that.
• 43:22
  And then
• 43:22
  just as
• 43:22
  a mom
• 43:23
  and
• 43:23
  as a wife,
• 43:24
  you know,
• 43:24
  we haven't
• 43:25
  even
• 43:25
  brought
• 43:25
  this
• 43:25
  up yet,
• 43:26
  and I'm
• 43:26
  sure you're
• 43:26
  probably
• 43:26
  going to,
• 43:27
  but with
• 43:28
  each,
• 43:28
  with each
• 43:29
  one
• 43:29
  of my kids
• 43:30
  and my
• 43:30
  husband,
• 43:31
  there's
• 43:31
  been an
• 43:31
  issue of me
• 43:34
  recognizing
• 43:34
  that
• 43:35
  they want
• 43:35
  to fix it
• 43:36
  and
• 43:37
  they can't,
• 43:38
  and me
• 43:39
  having
• 43:39
  the
• 43:39
  tenderness
• 43:40
  of heart
• 43:40
  to go.
• 43:41
  I think
• 43:42
  sometimes
• 43:42
  it's harder
• 43:42
  to be
• 43:43
  the
• 43:43
  caregiver.
• 43:44
  Sometimes
• 43:44
  it's even
• 43:45
  harder to
• 43:45
  be
• 43:46
  the child.
• 43:46
  Because
• 43:46
  at least
• 43:47
  when I'm
• 43:47
  sitting in
• 43:47
  the chair
• 43:48
  like I,
• 43:49
  I get
• 43:49
  to hear
• 43:50
  from
• 43:50
  the doctors
• 43:50
  what's going
• 43:51
  on, and
• 43:52
  I get to
• 43:52
  process it,
• 43:53
  and I
• 43:53
  get to be
• 43:53
  in the
• 43:54
  decision
• 43:54
  making day.
• 43:55
  They just have
• 43:56
  to watch it
• 43:57
  and I have
• 43:58
  to be
• 43:58
  sensitive
• 43:59
  to go,
• 44:00
  to
• 44:00
  make sure
• 44:00
  I ask
• 44:01
  questions
• 44:01
  or make
• 44:02
  sure that I
• 44:03
  make myself
• 44:04
  emotionally
• 44:04
  available
• 44:05
  and,
• 44:06
  and
• 44:06
  physically
• 44:06
  available
• 44:07
  to go.
• 44:08
  How
• 44:08
  how are you
• 44:09
  dealing
• 44:09
  with this?
• 44:10
  And are you
• 44:10
  okay?
• 44:12
  and
• 44:12
  that can be
• 44:12
  tricky,
• 44:12
  too,
• 44:12
  because
• 44:13
  sometimes
• 44:13
  I'm not.
• 44:13
  Okay,
• 44:14
  you know?
• 44:15
  Yeah,
• 44:15
  but I
• 44:16
  do think
• 44:17
  I do
• 44:17
  think to
• 44:18
  to kind of,
• 44:19
  you know,
• 44:19
  bring
• 44:19
  something
• 44:20
  to light
• 44:21
  dispels
• 44:21
  the darkness
• 44:22
  and,
• 44:23
  will help
• 44:24
  everybody
• 44:24
  be able
• 44:24
  to deal
• 44:25
  with it
• 44:25
  instead of
• 44:25
  feeling
• 44:26
  like
• 44:27
  everybody's
• 44:27
  got to walk
• 44:27
  on
• 44:28
  eggshells
• 44:28
  and
• 44:28
  suppress it
• 44:29
  and act
• 44:29
  like
• 44:29
  everything's
• 44:30
  fine and
• 44:30
  be strong
• 44:31
  for mom
• 44:32
  and and
• 44:32
  all
• 44:32
  those things.
• 44:33
  I think
• 44:33
  sometimes
• 44:33
  we just
• 44:33
  have to
• 44:34
  say,
• 44:35
  you know,
• 44:35
  this is
• 44:35
  crappy,
• 44:36
  but let's
• 44:37
  talk about it
• 44:37
  and then
• 44:38
  let me
• 44:38
  let me
• 44:38
  talk
• 44:39
  to you.
• 44:39
  How about
• 44:40
  steps on
• 44:40
  how you're
• 44:41
  always
• 44:41
  you're
• 44:42
  going to
• 44:42
  have
• 44:42
  something
• 44:42
  you're
• 44:43
  going to
• 44:43
  go through.
• 44:45
  In life.
• 44:46
  And it
• 44:46
  could be
• 44:47
  death
• 44:47
  or divorce
• 44:48
  or you know
• 44:49
  a loss
• 44:49
  of a job
• 44:50
  or
• 44:50
  whatever.
• 44:50
  And when
• 44:51
  those
• 44:51
  circumstances
• 44:51
  come how,
• 44:52
  how are you
• 44:53
  going
• 44:53
  to handle
• 44:53
  it.
• 44:54
  And
• 44:55
  hopefully I
• 44:55
  can live
• 44:56
  by example
• 44:57
  and show
• 44:57
  how to do
• 44:58
  that.
• 44:58
  But just
• 44:58
  acknowledging too
• 45:00
  that
• 45:00
  they've
• 45:00
  got stuff
• 45:00
  going on.
• 45:01
  We all do.
• 45:02
  I think
• 45:02
  that's
• 45:03
  important
• 45:03
  in the
• 45:04
  midst
• 45:04
  of what
• 45:04
  we're
• 45:04
  dealing
• 45:05
  with,
• 45:05
  recognize
• 45:06
  everybody's
• 45:06
  got their
• 45:07
  stuff.
• 45:08
  Yeah.
• 45:09
  I was just
• 45:09
  going
• 45:09
  to say
• 45:10
  to add to
• 45:10
  what you
• 45:10
  said,
• 45:12
  every time,
• 45:12
  every time
• 45:13
  I hear
• 45:13
  someone
• 45:13
  talk about
• 45:14
  this idea
• 45:14
  that
• 45:14
  talking
• 45:15
  about it
• 45:15
  like,
• 45:15
  right,
• 45:16
  bringing it
• 45:16
  to light,
• 45:17
  that just
• 45:17
  not
• 45:18
  leaving it
• 45:18
  in
• 45:19
  in the dark,
• 45:19
  so to
• 45:19
  speak.
• 45:20
  it always
• 45:20
  brings
• 45:21
  to mind
• 45:21
  like
• 45:21
  kind of
• 45:22
  the mindset
• 45:22
  that I
• 45:23
  adopted
• 45:23
  at the
• 45:23
  beginning
• 45:23
  of my
• 45:24
  diagnosis
• 45:24
  because I
• 45:25
  am such
• 45:25
  a Harry
• 45:26
  Potter
• 45:26
  fanatic,
• 45:27
  Emily.
• 45:27
  And we can
• 45:28
  we can nerd out
• 45:29
  here.
• 45:30
  but
• 45:30
  it's just
• 45:31
  this idea
• 45:31
  that fear
• 45:31
  of a name
• 45:32
  increases
• 45:32
  fear of a
• 45:33
  thing
• 45:33
  itself.
• 45:34
  And so that
• 45:34
  idea of
• 45:35
  like,
• 45:35
  you know,
• 45:36
  that
• 45:36
  sometimes
• 45:36
  we we carry
• 45:37
  that level
• 45:38
  of
• 45:38
  avoidance
• 45:38
  or almost,
• 45:39
  almost
• 45:40
  a fear
• 45:40
  to make
• 45:40
  it real.
• 45:41
  Right?
• 45:41
  But
• 45:41
  talking about
• 45:42
  it makes it
• 45:42
  real.
• 45:43
  But
• 45:43
  it's it's
• 45:44
  the making
• 45:44
  it real
• 45:45
  sometimes,
• 45:45
  like
• 45:45
  when
• 45:45
  you have
• 45:46
  a
• 45:46
  nightmare,
• 45:46
  right.
• 45:46
  When you're
• 45:47
  I,
• 45:47
  I always
• 45:47
  tell
• 45:47
  my kids
• 45:48
  like, hey,
• 45:48
  did you have
• 45:48
  a bad
• 45:49
  dream?
• 45:49
  Like,
• 45:49
  tell me about it?
• 45:50
  Because I
• 45:50
  remember
• 45:50
  as a kid
• 45:50
  I had
• 45:51
  a bad dream
• 45:52
  and
• 45:52
  it would
• 45:52
  it was
• 45:53
  this
• 45:53
  recurring
• 45:53
  bad dream,
• 45:54
  but it was
• 45:54
  only
• 45:55
  recurring
• 45:55
  until I
• 45:56
  talked
• 45:56
  about it.
• 45:57
  And then
• 45:57
  once I
• 45:57
  processed
• 45:58
  it
• 45:58
  verbally,
• 45:59
  once
• 45:59
  I talked
• 45:59
  about it
• 46:00
  with
• 46:00
  somebody
• 46:00
  else
• 46:00
  outside of,
• 46:01
  you know,
• 46:01
  the dream
• 46:02
  world
• 46:02
  of my mind.
• 46:03
  then
• 46:03
  it became
• 46:04
  less scary
• 46:05
  and not
• 46:05
  the cancer
• 46:06
  becomes
• 46:06
  less scary
• 46:07
  because you
• 46:07
  talk
• 46:07
  about it,
• 46:07
  but
• 46:08
  it becomes
• 46:09
  maybe less
• 46:10
  burdensome
• 46:10
  in
• 46:11
  some ways,
• 46:11
  because
• 46:11
  you can
• 46:12
  carry it
• 46:12
  differently
• 46:13
  when you're
• 46:14
  no longer
• 46:14
  trying to
• 46:14
  hide it,
• 46:15
  or you
• 46:15
  no longer
• 46:15
  feel like
• 46:16
  you're
• 46:16
  carrying it
• 46:16
  alone
• 46:17
  and
• 46:17
  nobody can
• 46:18
  carry it
• 46:18
  with you.
• 46:19
  And I think
• 46:19
  that's
• 46:19
  maybe part
• 46:20
  of what
• 46:20
  we're
• 46:20
  talking
• 46:20
  about here
• 46:21
  is that,
• 46:21
  you know,
• 46:21
  it is
• 46:22
  a family
• 46:22
  diagnosis,
• 46:23
  but
• 46:24
  it is only,
• 46:24
  you know,
• 46:25
  and I say
• 46:25
  family
• 46:25
  loosely
• 46:26
  because
• 46:27
  we we
• 46:27
  I think all
• 46:28
  can
• 46:28
  recognize
• 46:29
  that not
• 46:29
  everybody
• 46:30
  has a
• 46:30
  loving
• 46:31
  husband and
• 46:32
  wonderful
• 46:32
  kids or,
• 46:33
  you know,
• 46:34
  young kids
• 46:34
  or the
• 46:35
  same family
• 46:35
  picture.
• 46:36
  Right?
• 46:36
  Everybody's
• 46:36
  family
• 46:37
  picture
• 46:37
  looks so
• 46:37
  different.
• 46:38
  But just
• 46:39
  those ideas
• 46:39
  of
• 46:40
  relationships
• 46:41
  that are
• 46:41
  so key
• 46:42
  and
• 46:43
  important
• 46:43
  and special,
• 46:44
  we all have
• 46:45
  that,
• 46:45
  and
• 46:45
  we all have
• 46:46
  the
• 46:46
  capacity
• 46:46
  to continue
• 46:47
  to grow
• 46:47
  those
• 46:47
  relationships,
• 46:49
  or to
• 46:49
  grow
• 46:49
  new ones
• 46:50
  if needed.
• 46:51
  But as
• 46:52
  far as
• 46:53
  the dealing
• 46:53
  with the
• 46:53
  uncertainty
• 46:54
  goes,
• 46:55
  I, I had to
• 46:56
  pop my
• 46:57
  kids bubble
• 46:57
  and I
• 46:57
  kind of
• 46:58
  did it
• 46:58
  on accident
• 46:59
  in some
• 46:59
  ways.
• 47:00
  My son
• 47:00
  overheard
• 47:00
  a
• 47:00
  conversation
• 47:01
  that I was
• 47:02
  really
• 47:02
  emotional
• 47:02
  and I
• 47:03
  was not
• 47:04
  maybe
• 47:04
  guarding
• 47:04
  my words
• 47:05
  as well.
• 47:05
  And I
• 47:05
  realized
• 47:06
  because I
• 47:06
  saw his,
• 47:07
  like,
• 47:07
  wide eyes,
• 47:08
  like I just
• 47:08
  saw him
• 47:09
  looking
• 47:09
  at me
• 47:09
  with this
• 47:10
  like
• 47:10
  big, wide
• 47:11
  deer in the
• 47:11
  headlights
• 47:11
  look.
• 47:12
  And I
• 47:13
  had just
• 47:13
  I had
• 47:13
  been pretty
• 47:14
  blunt in
• 47:14
  some of
• 47:15
  the things
• 47:15
  I've been
• 47:15
  talking to,
• 47:16
  maybe
• 47:16
  my mom
• 47:17
  or my
• 47:17
  sister.
• 47:17
  And I
• 47:18
  had this
• 47:18
  realization
• 47:19
  that day
• 47:19
  that, like,
• 47:19
  I think he
• 47:20
  heard me.
• 47:21
  Like,
• 47:21
  I think
• 47:21
  that,
• 47:22
  you know,
• 47:22
  whether
• 47:22
  or not
• 47:23
  he fully
• 47:23
  understood
• 47:23
  it.
• 47:23
  I think
• 47:24
  he heard
• 47:24
  me,
• 47:25
  even though
• 47:25
  I thought
• 47:25
  he was
• 47:26
  zoned out
• 47:26
  on the
• 47:26
  computer or
• 47:27
  playing,
• 47:27
  you know,
• 47:28
  playing
• 47:28
  with his
• 47:28
  sisters
• 47:29
  or
• 47:29
  whatever.
• 47:30
  And so
• 47:31
  I made
• 47:31
  the decision
• 47:31
  after
• 47:32
  talking
• 47:32
  to a few
• 47:33
  other
• 47:34
  adult
• 47:34
  children
• 47:35
  who had
• 47:35
  parents
• 47:36
  with
• 47:36
  a cancer
• 47:36
  diagnosis,
• 47:37
  whether
• 47:37
  their
• 47:37
  parents
• 47:38
  survived
• 47:38
  or not.
• 47:39
  and their
• 47:40
  their
• 47:40
  advice
• 47:40
  to me
• 47:41
  was just
• 47:41
  this idea
• 47:42
  that,
• 47:42
  you know,
• 47:43
  it helps
• 47:43
  to know
• 47:44
  maybe not
• 47:44
  every detail,
• 47:45
  but just to
• 47:45
  at least
• 47:45
  know what
• 47:46
  was going on
• 47:47
  and maybe
• 47:48
  the
• 47:48
  severity
• 47:48
  and the
• 47:49
  weight
• 47:49
  of it
• 47:49
  on
• 47:49
  some level,
• 47:51
  so that I
• 47:52
  didn't keep
• 47:53
  thinking
• 47:53
  it was
• 47:53
  my fault,
• 47:54
  that my mom
• 47:54
  was upset
• 47:55
  because
• 47:56
  that's
• 47:56
  what kids
• 47:56
  do, right?
• 47:57
  Kids tend
• 47:57
  to
• 47:57
  internalize
• 47:58
  things
• 47:58
  in such
• 47:58
  a way
• 47:59
  that it
• 47:59
  it becomes,
• 48:00
  something
• 48:01
  that their
• 48:01
  internal
• 48:01
  belief
• 48:02
  system
• 48:02
  starts
• 48:02
  to program
• 48:03
  them
• 48:03
  to say,
• 48:04
  this is my fault,
• 48:04
  I did this,
• 48:05
  my mom is
• 48:06
  upset
• 48:06
  at me,
• 48:06
  my mom is
• 48:07
  mad at me,
• 48:08
  and it's
• 48:08
  my fault.
• 48:09
  And so,
• 48:10
  I just
• 48:10
  remember
• 48:10
  having
• 48:11
  a conversation
• 48:11
  and it was
• 48:12
  more of an
• 48:12
  asking
• 48:13
  questions.
• 48:13
  Right?
• 48:14
  Like
• 48:14
  the way
• 48:15
  that I
• 48:15
  have
• 48:15
  handled,
• 48:15
  you know,
• 48:16
  Santa Claus
• 48:16
  and the
• 48:17
  Tooth
• 48:17
  fairy,
• 48:17
  like just
• 48:18
  this idea
• 48:18
  that,
• 48:19
  you know,
• 48:19
  what do you think?
• 48:20
  And what
• 48:21
  did you
• 48:21
  hear?
• 48:22
  And just
• 48:23
  trying to
• 48:23
  just probe
• 48:24
  for those,
• 48:24
  those answers
• 48:25
  so that
• 48:26
  I can
• 48:26
  understand
• 48:26
  just
• 48:27
  how much
• 48:27
  he was
• 48:28
  understanding.
• 48:29
  So
• 48:29
  I didn't
• 48:29
  want to
• 48:30
  overexplain.
• 48:30
  Right.
• 48:31
  Because
• 48:31
  he was
• 48:32
  still
• 48:32
  young.
• 48:32
  He was 9 barely
• 48:35
  and so
• 48:36
  popping
• 48:36
  that
• 48:36
  bubble,
• 48:37
  though came
• 48:38
  a
• 48:39
  little bit
• 48:39
  at a cost.
• 48:40
  And it came
• 48:41
  in this
• 48:41
  moment
• 48:41
  where,
• 48:42
  you know,
• 48:42
  they
• 48:42
  were just
• 48:42
  brushing
• 48:42
  teeth
• 48:43
  and we were
• 48:43
  just
• 48:44
  I just asked
• 48:44
  them,
• 48:45
  you know,
• 48:45
  can you
• 48:45
  just tell
• 48:45
  me, like,
• 48:46
  Josh,
• 48:46
  you have
• 48:46
  questions.
• 48:47
  And Tatum
• 48:47
  was
• 48:47
  listening
• 48:48
  and I just
• 48:48
  said, you
• 48:48
  know, it's
• 48:48
  okay
• 48:49
  for it's
• 48:49
  okay for
• 48:50
  Tatum
• 48:50
  to be here.
• 48:50
  Like,
• 48:51
  I need her
• 48:51
  to talk
• 48:51
  to me
• 48:52
  about this
• 48:52
  too,
• 48:52
  because
• 48:52
  I want to
• 48:53
  know.
• 48:53
  I want to know
• 48:54
  what you
• 48:54
  guys are
• 48:54
  worried
• 48:54
  about.
• 48:55
  I want to be
• 48:55
  able to
• 48:55
  communicate
• 48:56
  with you.
• 48:56
  but
• 48:57
  at the end
• 48:57
  of this
• 48:57
  really hard
• 48:58
  conversation
• 48:59
  and,
• 48:59
  you know,
• 48:59
  just
• 49:00
  moments of
• 49:01
  lots of
• 49:01
  tears
• 49:02
  and tears
• 49:02
  for me
• 49:03
  and tears
• 49:03
  from her
• 49:04
  and
• 49:04
  and tears.
• 49:05
  Maybe
• 49:05
  not tears
• 49:05
  from Josh,
• 49:06
  but
• 49:06
  I could
• 49:06
  tell that
• 49:06
  he was
• 49:07
  he was
• 49:07
  taking
• 49:07
  on that
• 49:08
  big brother
• 49:08
  role.
• 49:08
  Right.
• 49:09
  And he just
• 49:10
  told me at
• 49:10
  one point
• 49:11
  he said,
• 49:11
  mom,
• 49:11
  I think
• 49:11
  we should
• 49:12
  not talk
• 49:12
  about this
• 49:12
  anymore.
• 49:13
  because
• 49:14
  my daughter
• 49:14
  was so sad
• 49:16
  and I
• 49:16
  get just
• 49:17
  sorry.
• 49:18
  I'm trying
• 49:18
  to cry.
• 49:19
  You guys
• 49:19
  a promise.
• 49:20
  You guys
• 49:20
  just
• 49:20
  bring it out.
• 49:21
  but I
• 49:22
  just
• 49:22
  remember
• 49:22
  she just.
• 49:23
  She just
• 49:23
  said, mom,
• 49:24
  are you going to
• 49:24
  die?
• 49:24
  that was
• 49:25
  why
• 49:25
  that was
• 49:25
  so familiar
• 49:26
  when you
• 49:26
  said that,
• 49:26
  actually,
• 49:27
  because
• 49:27
  I heard
• 49:27
  those exact
• 49:28
  same words
• 49:28
  from my
• 49:29
  six year
• 49:29
  old, and.
• 49:31
  And I,
• 49:32
  you know,
• 49:32
  my logic
• 49:33
  brain
• 49:33
  wanted
• 49:33
  to say,
• 49:34
  well, yes,
• 49:35
  one day.
• 49:36
  But what
• 49:37
  I ended up,
• 49:38
  you know
• 49:38
  what?
• 49:38
  I ended up
• 49:38
  telling her
• 49:39
  to help
• 49:39
  them cope
• 49:40
  with
• 49:40
  the uncertainty
• 49:41
  was just
• 49:41
  this idea
• 49:42
  that, you
• 49:42
  know what,
• 49:44
  like to
• 49:44
  to try
• 49:44
  to instill
• 49:45
  confidence,
• 49:45
  right?
• 49:46
  That
• 49:46
  confidence
• 49:47
  that maybe
• 49:47
  I didn't
• 49:47
  fully
• 49:48
  believe
• 49:48
  in yet
• 49:49
  because I
• 49:49
  didn't know
• 49:50
  if I
• 49:50
  was even
• 49:50
  going to
• 49:51
  be here
• 49:52
  today
• 49:53
  like a year
• 49:53
  from now
• 49:54
  or a year
• 49:54
  from
• 49:54
  that point.
• 49:55
  But I just
• 49:55
  had to
• 49:56
  tell her,
• 49:56
  you know,
• 49:56
  mommy's
• 49:57
  doctors
• 49:57
  are doing
• 49:57
  everything
• 49:58
  they can
• 49:58
  to make
• 49:58
  sure that
• 49:59
  I'm
• 49:59
  healthy.
• 49:59
  The cancer
• 50:00
  that was in
• 50:00
  my body
• 50:01
  is gone
• 50:01
  because at
• 50:02
  the time
• 50:02
  we had had
• 50:02
  an
• 50:03
  ablation,
• 50:03
  and so
• 50:03
  literally
• 50:04
  there was
• 50:04
  no cancer
• 50:05
  in my body.
• 50:06
  And
• 50:06
  the reason
• 50:06
  I was
• 50:06
  having this
• 50:07
  conversation
• 50:07
  was because
• 50:08
  I was about
• 50:08
  to have
• 50:08
  my eye
• 50:09
  removed,
• 50:09
  like two
• 50:09
  days later.
• 50:10
  And so
• 50:11
  there was
• 50:11
  just it was
• 50:11
  just bam,
• 50:12
  bam, bam,
• 50:12
  right after
• 50:13
  another,
• 50:14
  and it had
• 50:14
  been six
• 50:15
  months
• 50:15
  of this
• 50:15
  with these
• 50:16
  guys,
• 50:16
  and I just
• 50:16
  knew that
• 50:16
  this was
• 50:17
  I could
• 50:17
  just sense
• 50:17
  that
• 50:18
  this was
• 50:18
  the time
• 50:18
  that we
• 50:18
  needed to
• 50:19
  talk
• 50:19
  about it
• 50:20
  and
• 50:20
  maybe
• 50:20
  not talk
• 50:21
  about
• 50:21
  everything,
• 50:21
  not talk
• 50:22
  about all
• 50:22
  of the
• 50:23
  heaviness.
• 50:23
  But
• 50:23
  we needed
• 50:24
  to talk
• 50:24
  about it.
• 50:25
  And
• 50:26
  and I
• 50:26
  just ended
• 50:27
  the
• 50:27
  conversation
• 50:28
  with the
• 50:29
  mantra
• 50:29
  that I had
• 50:29
  adopted.
• 50:30
  And it was
• 50:30
  just that,
• 50:31
  you know,
• 50:31
  that
• 50:31
  mommy's
• 50:31
  here today,
• 50:32
  and I
• 50:32
  promise I'm
• 50:33
  going to
• 50:33
  be here
• 50:33
  tomorrow.
• 50:34
  Like most
• 50:34
  likely.
• 50:36
  But I
• 50:36
  promise
• 50:36
  them to
• 50:36
  be here
• 50:37
  tomorrow.
• 50:37
  Like,
• 50:37
  I'll be
• 50:38
  here
• 50:38
  when you wake
• 50:38
  up.
• 50:39
  And
• 50:40
  and I like
• 50:41
  just
• 50:41
  told them
• 50:41
  like.
• 50:41
  And I
• 50:42
  believe
• 50:42
  those
• 50:42
  tomorrows
• 50:43
  will
• 50:43
  add up.
• 50:45
  And really
• 50:45
  just
• 50:45
  kind of
• 50:46
  like
• 50:46
  giving them
• 50:46
  that layer
• 50:47
  of
• 50:47
  assurance
• 50:47
  that that
• 50:48
  even if I
• 50:49
  maybe
• 50:49
  didn't
• 50:50
  fully
• 50:50
  believe it
• 50:50
  at the time
• 50:51
  and wasn't
• 50:51
  really sure
• 50:52
  exactly
• 50:52
  what
• 50:52
  the future
• 50:52
  could hold,
• 50:53
  that I
• 50:53
  could,
• 50:54
  I could try
• 50:54
  to
• 50:54
  give them
• 50:55
  that shred
• 50:55
  of
• 50:55
  certainty
• 50:56
  and just
• 50:57
  just
• 50:57
  something
• 50:58
  to hold on
• 50:58
  to.
• 50:58
  And really
• 50:59
  it's
• 50:59
  we say
• 50:59
  certainty,
• 51:00
  but really
• 51:00
  it's more
• 51:01
  just
• 51:01
  that hope
• 51:01
  and that
• 51:01
  faith
• 51:02
  in the future.
• 51:03
  and just
• 51:03
  just to
• 51:04
  share that
• 51:04
  I did
• 51:05
  have that,
• 51:06
  that I
• 51:06
  believed
• 51:07
  in that
• 51:07
  kind
• 51:07
  of slim
• 51:08
  piece
• 51:08
  of hope,
• 51:08
  even if
• 51:09
  and that
• 51:09
  I would,
• 51:10
  you know,
• 51:10
  try to
• 51:10
  magnify it
• 51:11
  as much
• 51:11
  as I could
• 51:12
  and
• 51:12
  exaggerate
• 51:12
  it because,
• 51:13
  you know,
• 51:14
  it didn't
• 51:14
  necessarily
• 51:15
  have to be
• 51:15
  small
• 51:16
  to them.
• 51:18
  so I hope
• 51:18
  that helps.
• 51:19
  I mean,
• 51:19
  it's so at
• 51:20
  our stage
• 51:21
  in our
• 51:21
  lives,
• 51:22
  we're
• 51:22
  looking to
• 51:23
  at
• 51:23
  retirement.
• 51:23
  We travel
• 51:24
  a lot.
• 51:25
  We,
• 51:26
  we've
• 51:26
  talked
• 51:26
  about,
• 51:27
  living
• 51:27
  somewhere
• 51:28
  else.
• 51:28
  And so
• 51:29
  it's, it's
• 51:30
  put
• 51:30
  a bit of
• 51:31
  the kibosh
• 51:32
  on that,
• 51:32
  like,
• 51:33
  because,
• 51:34
  you know,
• 51:36
  even if we
• 51:37
  move
• 51:37
  somewhere
• 51:37
  within
• 51:38
  the United States
• 51:39
  and we want
• 51:39
  to make
• 51:39
  sure
• 51:40
  there's
• 51:40
  good health
• 51:41
  care
• 51:41
  for me,
• 51:42
  you know,
• 51:43
  and so
• 51:44
  it's just
• 51:45
  it's
• 51:45
  change.
• 51:45
  That
• 51:46
  kind of thing.
• 51:46
  I mean,
• 51:47
  the other
• 51:48
  side of
• 51:48
  it is
• 51:49
  if I
• 51:50
  get those
• 51:50
  every time
• 51:51
  I get
• 51:51
  a scan,
• 51:52
  it's good,
• 51:52
  like three
• 51:53
  months.
• 51:53
  Good.
• 51:53
  And
• 51:53
  where are we going
• 51:54
  and
• 51:54
  what are we doing?
• 51:55
  And
• 51:55
  I really do
• 51:56
  think
• 51:57
  I can,
• 51:58
  for the
• 51:58
  most part,
• 51:58
  I mean, it
• 51:59
  probably
• 51:59
  comes into
• 52:00
  my
• 52:00
  conscience
• 52:00
  every day
• 52:01
  at some point,
• 52:02
  but
• 52:03
  I do really feel
• 52:04
  I've put it
• 52:04
  behind me
• 52:06
  a lot of the time.
• 52:07
  And we just
• 52:08
  I just
• 52:10
  really try
• 52:10
  to have
• 52:12
  the best life.
• 52:12
  But it is,
• 52:13
  it
• 52:14
  has made
• 52:14
  it.
• 52:14
  And that's
• 52:15
  what you
• 52:15
  think to
• 52:16
  right
• 52:16
  about.
• 52:17
  Yeah.
• 52:17
  Uncertainty.
• 52:18
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 52:18
  Obviously
• 52:19
  uncertainty
• 52:20
  is probably
• 52:20
  the most
• 52:21
  popular
• 52:22
  word for
• 52:23
  any of
• 52:23
  this.
• 52:24
  Any from
• 52:24
  anybody
• 52:25
  that
• 52:25
  speaks.
• 52:26
  It's
• 52:26
  one of the
• 52:26
  first
• 52:27
  things that
• 52:27
  comes
• 52:27
  to mind is
• 52:28
  what's happening
• 52:28
  and what's
• 52:29
  going to happen.
• 52:31
  We have a future
• 52:32
  of,
• 52:32
  you know,
• 52:32
  retirement
• 52:33
  and trying
• 52:34
  to figure
• 52:35
  out where
• 52:36
  we want to
• 52:36
  be,
• 52:37
  what do we want
• 52:38
  to do?
• 52:39
  And it's
• 52:39
  it's it's
• 52:40
  a hard
• 52:40
  decision
• 52:40
  to make
• 52:41
  because
• 52:41
  we have
• 52:42
  a very
• 52:42
  good system
• 52:43
  of care
• 52:44
  here in
• 52:44
  Houston.
• 52:45
  And it's
• 52:45
  a it's
• 52:46
  a difficult
• 52:47
  decision
• 52:47
  to make to,
• 52:48
  to move
• 52:48
  away from
• 52:49
  that,
• 52:50
  even though
• 52:50
  there are
• 52:50
  a lot
• 52:50
  of
• 52:51
  indicators
• 52:51
  that show
• 52:52
  that
• 52:52
  we should
• 52:53
  be
• 52:53
  moving away
• 52:53
  from
• 52:53
  Houston
• 52:54
  at times
• 52:55
  for
• 52:55
  many reasons.
• 52:56
  but we have
• 52:58
  our
• 52:58
  families
• 52:59
  here, here
• 53:00
  in Texas
• 53:01
  for now,
• 53:01
  our close
• 53:02
  family,
• 53:02
  our son
• 53:03
  and daughter.
• 53:04
  so it's a
• 53:04
  really
• 53:05
  difficult
• 53:05
  thing to
• 53:06
  to try
• 53:06
  and figure
• 53:06
  out.
• 53:07
  Not
• 53:07
  knowing.
• 53:08
  I mean,
• 53:08
  yeah,
• 53:09
  every time
• 53:09
  we have
• 53:09
  a scan
• 53:10
  come up
• 53:11
  there
• 53:11
  is that,
• 53:12
  tense
• 53:13
  feeling.
• 53:13
  I know
• 53:14
  Heather
• 53:14
  feels it,
• 53:14
  I feel it.
• 53:16
  you just
• 53:16
  don't know.
• 53:20
  and the
• 53:20
  results are
• 53:21
  always good
• 53:21
  when
• 53:21
  they're
• 53:21
  negative.
• 53:22
  that's
• 53:23
  the best
• 53:23
  part
• 53:23
  about it.
• 53:24
  We go back,
• 53:24
  like
• 53:25
  Heather
• 53:25
  said,
• 53:25
  we go back.
• 53:26
  All right.
• 53:26
  Negative,
• 53:27
  negative
• 53:27
  results.
• 53:28
  What's
• 53:28
  on the
• 53:28
  what's on
• 53:28
  the agenda
• 53:29
  for the
• 53:29
  next three
• 53:30
  months?
• 53:30
  What are we doing?
• 53:31
  And we're
• 53:32
  we're
• 53:32
  living
• 53:33
  three
• 53:33
  months
• 53:33
  at a time.
• 53:34
  If
• 53:34
  you really
• 53:34
  want to
• 53:34
  put it
• 53:35
  down to
• 53:36
  a science,
• 53:37
  it's a
• 53:37
  three month
• 53:37
  life.
• 53:38
  Every time.
• 53:40
  and I
• 53:40
  if we have
• 53:41
  to do it
• 53:41
  for the
• 53:41
  rest of
• 53:42
  however,
• 53:43
  then that's
• 53:43
  how we're
• 53:43
  going to
• 53:43
  do it,
• 53:44
  just a
• 53:44
  matter of
• 53:45
  where
• 53:45
  are we going
• 53:45
  to be?
• 53:46
  I mean, we
• 53:46
  we can't
• 53:47
  make up
• 53:47
  our minds
• 53:48
  what
• 53:48
  we're going
• 53:48
  to have
• 53:48
  for dinner
• 53:48
  some nights.
• 53:49
  So making
• 53:50
  a decision
• 53:50
  on where
• 53:51
  you want
• 53:51
  to be
• 53:51
  in life
• 53:52
  in the next
• 53:53
  year or
• 53:54
  two years
• 53:55
  is major
• 53:56
  with this
• 53:57
  diagnosis
• 53:58
  hanging
• 53:58
  over our
• 53:59
  head.
• 54:00
  And so
• 54:00
  yeah
• 54:01
  sometimes
• 54:01
  it does
• 54:02
  change.
• 54:02
  Like what
• 54:03
  you thought
• 54:03
  your future
• 54:04
  was going
• 54:04
  to look
• 54:04
  like
• 54:05
  theoretically
• 54:06
  but also
• 54:06
  very
• 54:06
  practically
• 54:07
  like oh
• 54:07
  maybe we
• 54:08
  can't move
• 54:08
  like we
• 54:09
  thought
• 54:09
  we would.
• 54:09
  Retirement's
• 54:10
  not going
• 54:10
  to look
• 54:11
  like
• 54:11
  we thought
• 54:12
  it would.
• 54:12
  that's
• 54:13
  a very
• 54:13
  real thing.
• 54:14
  You know,
• 54:14
  most
• 54:14
  a lot of
• 54:15
  women,
• 54:15
  a lot of people
• 54:16
  are
• 54:16
  diagnosed
• 54:16
  this around
• 54:17
  with this
• 54:18
  around
• 54:18
  age 60.
• 54:19
  And so
• 54:19
  suddenly
• 54:20
  they're
• 54:20
  facing
• 54:20
  your
• 54:20
  retirement
• 54:21
  years and
• 54:22
  might
• 54:22
  not happen
• 54:22
  the way
• 54:23
  they thought
• 54:23
  it would.
• 54:24
  for me,
• 54:25
  I don't
• 54:25
  carry
• 54:26
  my life is
• 54:27
  so bursting
• 54:29
  full.
• 54:29
  I don't
• 54:30
  carry
• 54:30
  a lot.
• 54:32
  Like
• 54:32
  I don't
• 54:32
  project a
• 54:33
  lot ahead
• 54:34
  in any area
• 54:35
  of my life.
• 54:35
  I just
• 54:36
  kind of do
• 54:36
  what's on
• 54:37
  my calendar
• 54:37
  for that
• 54:37
  day, and I
• 54:38
  pay
• 54:38
  attention
• 54:38
  to what's
• 54:39
  coming
• 54:39
  that week.
• 54:40
  So
• 54:40
  I don't even
• 54:40
  tell
• 54:41
  my kids
• 54:41
  what my
• 54:42
  scans are
• 54:43
  until
• 54:43
  it's like,
• 54:44
  oh, that
• 54:44
  week,
• 54:45
  or maybe
• 54:45
  the day
• 54:45
  before
• 54:46
  or the day,
• 54:46
  oh, it's
• 54:46
  like,
• 54:47
  oh, by
• 54:47
  the way,
• 54:47
  I'm having
• 54:47
  scans
• 54:48
  because
• 54:48
  that's what
• 54:49
  that's
• 54:49
  what's
• 54:49
  popped up.
• 54:50
  and then I
• 54:50
  reassure
• 54:51
  them
• 54:51
  that I'll
• 54:51
  let
• 54:51
  them know
• 54:52
  how
• 54:52
  it turns
• 54:52
  out.
• 54:53
  But,
• 54:54
  I think
• 54:55
  that that's
• 54:55
  actually
• 54:55
  been good
• 54:56
  for them
• 54:56
  because
• 54:57
  they don't
• 54:57
  they
• 54:57
  you know,
• 54:58
  if I told
• 54:58
  them the
• 54:58
  beginning
• 54:58
  of January
• 54:59
  of scans
• 54:59
  the end of
• 55:00
  January,
• 55:01
  they might
• 55:01
  spend
• 55:01
  the month
• 55:02
  of January
• 55:03
  thinking
• 55:03
  about that,
• 55:03
  and why
• 55:04
  bother?
• 55:04
  Like that's
• 55:05
  wasting
• 55:05
  their
• 55:06
  emotional
• 55:07
  energy.
• 55:07
  They don't
• 55:07
  need to
• 55:08
  know that.
• 55:09
  So
• 55:09
  I've kind
• 55:09
  of had
• 55:09
  a mindset
• 55:10
  of telling
• 55:10
  my kids
• 55:11
  what
• 55:11
  they need
• 55:11
  to know,
• 55:12
  when
• 55:12
  they need
• 55:12
  to know it,
• 55:13
  and that
• 55:14
  I don't
• 55:15
  know what
• 55:15
  I don't
• 55:15
  know until
• 55:16
  I do
• 55:16
  know it.
• 55:17
  So
• 55:17
  even if I
• 55:17
  have scans,
• 55:19
  I don't
• 55:19
  sit there
• 55:20
  biting my
• 55:20
  fingernails
• 55:21
  until I see
• 55:21
  my doctor
• 55:22
  a week
• 55:22
  later.
• 55:23
  I just keep going
• 55:24
  and I
• 55:24
  figure
• 55:25
  there's
• 55:25
  something
• 55:26
  she has to
• 55:26
  tell me
• 55:26
  right away.
• 55:27
  She'll
• 55:27
  tell me
• 55:27
  right away.
• 55:28
  And usually
• 55:29
  if I don't
• 55:29
  hear
• 55:29
  from her,
• 55:29
  that's
• 55:30
  actually a
• 55:30
  good sign.
• 55:31
  So that's
• 55:32
  just kind
• 55:32
  of how
• 55:32
  I cope
• 55:33
  with stuff
• 55:34
  I just
• 55:34
  have.
• 55:35
  I live life
• 55:36
  close to
• 55:36
  the margins
• 55:37
  in my day
• 55:37
  to day
• 55:37
  life,
• 55:38
  so I just
• 55:38
  don't have
• 55:39
  a lot
• 55:39
  of spare
• 55:40
  emotional
• 55:40
  energy
• 55:41
  to deal
• 55:41
  with
• 55:41
  all this.
• 55:42
  But some of
• 55:43
  you have
• 55:43
  touched on
• 55:43
  some really
• 55:44
  important
• 55:44
  things
• 55:44
  about
• 55:45
  antidotes
• 55:46
  to stress
• 55:47
  and anxiety
• 55:48
  and fear
• 55:48
  and
• 55:49
  uncertainty.
• 55:49
  And
• 55:49
  honestly,
• 55:51
  everybody
• 55:51
  lives
• 55:51
  with
• 55:52
  uncertainty.
• 55:53
  We make
• 55:53
  lots of
• 55:54
  assumptions.
• 55:55
  We assume
• 55:55
  we get on
• 55:56
  that plane,
• 55:56
  we're going
• 55:56
  to get off
• 55:58
  in
• 55:58
  one piece,
• 55:58
  and we're
• 55:59
  going to
• 55:59
  get off
• 55:59
  at the
• 55:59
  right
• 55:59
  destination.
• 56:00
  We assume
• 56:01
  when we
• 56:01
  drive
• 56:01
  to work
• 56:02
  that we'll
• 56:02
  come home
• 56:02
  that night.
• 56:03
  We all live
• 56:04
  with lots
• 56:04
  of
• 56:04
  assumptions
• 56:05
  that are
• 56:06
  actually
• 56:07
  embedded
• 56:08
  in a lot
• 56:08
  of
• 56:08
  uncertainty.
• 56:09
  We just
• 56:09
  don't pay
• 56:09
  attention
• 56:10
  to it.
• 56:10
  So
• 56:10
  honestly,
• 56:12
  when we
• 56:13
  are giving
• 56:13
  our kids
• 56:14
  these life
• 56:15
  skills
• 56:15
  about
• 56:15
  living with
• 56:16
  uncertainty,
• 56:17
  we're, you
• 56:18
  know, for
• 56:18
  the younger
• 56:19
  ones, we're
• 56:19
  preparing
• 56:19
  them
• 56:20
  to live
• 56:20
  with that
• 56:20
  uncertainty
• 56:21
  about where
• 56:21
  they're
• 56:21
  going
• 56:21
  to get
• 56:21
  accepted
• 56:22
  to college
• 56:22
  or where
• 56:23
  what
• 56:23
  they're
• 56:23
  going to
• 56:23
  major in
• 56:24
  or who
• 56:24
  they're
• 56:24
  going to
• 56:24
  end up
• 56:25
  marrying
• 56:25
  if they
• 56:25
  marry
• 56:26
  things
• 56:26
  like that.
• 56:27
  It's just
• 56:27
  a basic
• 56:28
  life skills
• 56:28
  learning
• 56:29
  how to
• 56:29
  live with
• 56:30
  uncertainty,
• 56:31
  the unknown.
• 56:31
  So but
• 56:32
  as as
• 56:33
  we talk
• 56:33
  as I do
• 56:34
  want to
• 56:34
  try to wrap
• 56:35
  this up,
• 56:35
  think about
• 56:36
  some
• 56:36
  of the,
• 56:36
  antidotes
• 56:37
  to stress
• 56:38
  and anxiety
• 56:39
  and fear
• 56:40
  that have
• 56:40
  been
• 56:41
  helpful.
• 56:41
  Like,
• 56:41
  I think
• 56:41
  actually
• 56:42
  mentioned
• 56:42
  humor.
• 56:43
  I mentioned
• 56:44
  focusing on
• 56:44
  what I do
• 56:45
  know
• 56:45
  instead
• 56:45
  of on
• 56:46
  what is
• 56:46
  uncertain.
• 56:49
  danet
• 56:49
  mentioned
• 56:50
  she has
• 56:50
  mantras.
• 56:51
  I have a mantra.
• 56:52
  Stay in
• 56:52
  today.
• 56:52
  I have to
• 56:53
  stay in today
• 56:53
  because I
• 56:54
  today's
• 56:54
  big enough.
• 56:55
  what other
• 56:56
  what other
• 56:56
  antidotes
• 56:57
  do you have
• 56:58
  to dealing
• 56:59
  with
• 56:59
  stress,
• 57:00
  anxiety,
• 57:00
  fear that
• 57:01
  are helpful
• 57:01
  not just
• 57:02
  to you,
• 57:02
  but to
• 57:02
  your
• 57:02
  family?
• 57:04
  I love what
• 57:05
  Jim said.
• 57:05
  I know
• 57:06
  like you,
• 57:06
  you said,
• 57:07
  you know,
• 57:07
  we're
• 57:08
  living
• 57:08
  living life
• 57:09
  in this,
• 57:09
  in
• 57:09
  between the
• 57:10
  in between
• 57:10
  the scams.
• 57:11
  And I
• 57:11
  can totally
• 57:11
  relate
• 57:12
  to that.
• 57:12
  But I think
• 57:14
  you
• 57:14
  you maybe
• 57:15
  have
• 57:15
  I've said
• 57:17
  that
• 57:17
  sometimes
• 57:17
  you have,
• 57:18
  you know,
• 57:18
  you're
• 57:18
  planning,
• 57:18
  you're
• 57:19
  planning
• 57:19
  for the
• 57:19
  next big
• 57:19
  thing,
• 57:20
  you're
• 57:20
  planning
• 57:20
  for the
• 57:21
  next,
• 57:22
  the next
• 57:22
  experience,
• 57:23
  so to
• 57:23
  speak,
• 57:23
  in life
• 57:24
  that life
• 57:24
  could have
• 57:25
  to offer,
• 57:25
  whether
• 57:25
  it's
• 57:25
  traveling,
• 57:26
  I mean,
• 57:26
  and I
• 57:27
  and I
• 57:27
  would say
• 57:27
  it doesn't
• 57:28
  necessarily
• 57:28
  have to be
• 57:29
  big.
• 57:30
  Like
• 57:30
  sometimes
• 57:31
  the
• 57:31
  most fun
• 57:31
  is to plan
• 57:32
  like a trip
• 57:33
  or to
• 57:33
  to plan
• 57:34
  something
• 57:35
  that
• 57:35
  you get
• 57:35
  to look
• 57:36
  forward to.
• 57:36
  Right.
• 57:36
  But I think
• 57:37
  finding
• 57:37
  ways that
• 57:37
  we can
• 57:38
  look
• 57:38
  forward to,
• 57:39
  to the
• 57:39
  little
• 57:39
  things
• 57:40
  or to,
• 57:41
  just the
• 57:41
  simpler
• 57:41
  things also
• 57:42
  is helpful.
• 57:43
  I don't know,
• 57:44
  I love
• 57:44
  decorating,
• 57:46
  so, like
• 57:46
  when
• 57:46
  I get to
• 57:47
  redecorate
• 57:47
  something
• 57:48
  or when
• 57:48
  I get
• 57:48
  to redo
• 57:49
  something
• 57:49
  at my house
• 57:50
  that I've
• 57:50
  been
• 57:50
  wanting to
• 57:51
  kind of
• 57:51
  restructure,
• 57:52
  restyle.
• 57:53
  That
• 57:53
  to me is
• 57:54
  is in
• 57:54
  some ways
• 57:54
  therapeutic,
• 57:55
  and it's
• 57:55
  helpful
• 57:56
  to kind of
• 57:57
  bring
• 57:57
  my mind
• 57:58
  out of
• 57:58
  a
• 57:58
  heightened
• 57:58
  stress
• 57:59
  point.
• 57:59
  I know
• 57:59
  after
• 58:00
  my last
• 58:00
  set of
• 58:01
  scans,
• 58:01
  I decided
• 58:02
  to have
• 58:02
  an entire
• 58:02
  Harry
• 58:03
  Potter
• 58:03
  birthday,
• 58:03
  and I spent
• 58:04
  months,
• 58:04
  like,
• 58:04
  making
• 58:05
  a bunch
• 58:05
  of stuff
• 58:06
  for this
• 58:06
  party,
• 58:06
  like
• 58:06
  decorations.
• 58:07
  but it was
• 58:09
  it was
• 58:09
  like, done
• 58:10
  almost
• 58:10
  as if
• 58:10
  not even
• 58:11
  almost.
• 58:11
  It was
• 58:11
  intentional.
• 58:12
  Like it was
• 58:12
  very much.
• 58:12
  It has
• 58:13
  it has
• 58:13
  become this
• 58:14
  intentional
• 58:14
  pattern
• 58:15
  that
• 58:15
  whether
• 58:16
  or not
• 58:16
  whether
• 58:16
  or not
• 58:17
  the results
• 58:17
  of the
• 58:17
  scans
• 58:18
  or the
• 58:18
  results
• 58:19
  of the
• 58:19
  doctor's
• 58:19
  appointment
• 58:20
  go up
• 58:22
  or down,
• 58:23
  that I
• 58:23
  still plan
• 58:24
  to live
• 58:24
  after
• 58:25
  and that
• 58:26
  I plan
• 58:26
  to live
• 58:27
  through it
• 58:27
  and
• 58:27
  with it,
• 58:28
  whatever
• 58:28
  it is.
• 58:31
  And I
• 58:31
  like that
• 58:32
  that word
• 58:32
  intentional
• 58:32
  has come up
• 58:33
  several
• 58:33
  times,
• 58:34
  I know
• 58:34
  for us
• 58:35
  I told my kids
• 58:36
  early
• 58:37
  on like
• 58:37
  right away
• 58:38
  love
• 58:39
  time is
• 58:39
  my love
• 58:40
  language
• 58:40
  and I want
• 58:41
  time
• 58:42
  with them
• 58:42
  more than
• 58:42
  anything
• 58:43
  else.
• 58:43
  It doesn't
• 58:43
  have to
• 58:43
  be a big
• 58:44
  fancy trip,
• 58:44
  although
• 58:45
  that would be
• 58:45
  fun.
• 58:46
  It can just
• 58:46
  be
• 58:47
  a weekend
• 58:47
  together
• 58:48
  at
• 58:48
  their home
• 58:49
  or
• 58:49
  whatever.
• 58:49
  But time
• 58:50
  that's I'm
• 58:51
  logging
• 58:51
  time.
• 58:51
  I did that
• 58:52
  with my
• 58:52
  granddaughter
• 58:52
  also when
• 58:53
  she was
• 58:54
  when she
• 58:54
  had cancer.
• 58:55
  I know
• 58:56
  creative
• 58:56
  outlets
• 58:57
  like danet
• 58:57
  mentioned
• 58:58
  and
• 58:58
  creative
• 58:58
  outlets
• 58:58
  get all
• 58:59
  the good
• 58:59
  endorphins
• 59:00
  going.
• 59:00
  We we
• 59:00
  actually,
• 59:01
  we actually
• 59:02
  really need
• 59:03
  to do
• 59:03
  creative
• 59:04
  things
• 59:04
  that might
• 59:04
  be don't
• 59:05
  know,
• 59:05
  I feel
• 59:06
  terribly
• 59:06
  creative,
• 59:06
  but
• 59:07
  sticking
• 59:07
  flowers
• 59:07
  into a pot
• 59:08
  and because
• 59:09
  that's a
• 59:09
  creative
• 59:10
  outlet
• 59:10
  or planting
• 59:11
  something
• 59:11
  and
• 59:11
  watching it
• 59:12
  grow or
• 59:13
  redecorating
• 59:14
  or
• 59:14
  crocheting
• 59:15
  or,
• 59:15
  you know,
• 59:15
  whatever
• 59:16
  or whatever
• 59:17
  creative
• 59:18
  things
• 59:18
  that
• 59:18
  you can
• 59:19
  engage in
• 59:19
  that gets
• 59:20
  really good
• 59:21
  endorphins
• 59:21
  going in
• 59:22
  your system.
• 59:23
  And that's
• 59:23
  and
• 59:24
  your kids
• 59:24
  see you
• 59:25
  finding
• 59:26
  joy.
• 59:26
  You know,
• 59:27
  I tell
• 59:27
  my clients,
• 59:28
  make a
• 59:28
  list of
• 59:29
  4 or 5 life
• 59:30
  giving things
• 59:31
  and do
• 59:31
  one of them
• 59:31
  every day,
• 59:32
  no matter.
• 59:33
  And my kid,
• 59:34
  my clients
• 59:34
  come to me
• 59:34
  in trauma,
• 59:35
  severe
• 59:36
  trauma,
• 59:37
  and
• 59:37
  this is
• 59:38
  one of
• 59:38
  their
• 59:38
  disciplines,
• 59:38
  to just
• 59:39
  keep
• 59:39
  them out
• 59:40
  of
• 59:40
  depression
• 59:41
  and
• 59:41
  keep them
• 59:41
  out of
• 59:42
  getting
• 59:42
  stuck
• 59:43
  and be
• 59:44
  connect
• 59:44
  with things
• 59:44
  that are
• 59:45
  meaningful
• 59:45
  to them
• 59:46
  and
• 59:46
  give them
• 59:46
  joy.
• 59:47
  And I think
• 59:47
  as we
• 59:49
  choose
• 59:49
  those
• 59:50
  things,
• 59:50
  it doesn't
• 59:51
  mean, oh,
• 59:51
  we're just
• 59:52
  into toxic
• 59:52
  positivity.
• 59:53
  No,
• 59:54
  we're
• 59:54
  just kind
• 59:54
  of
• 59:54
  balancing
• 59:55
  the scales
• 59:55
  a
• 59:55
  little bit
• 59:55
  because
• 59:56
  this get
• 59:56
  this size
• 59:57
  scales
• 59:57
  kind of heavy.
• 59:58
  So this can
• 59:58
  I'm just
• 59:58
  gonna add
• 59:59
  some joy
• 59:59
  over here
• 1:00:00
  and do
• 1:00:00
  those
• 1:00:00
  things
• 1:00:01
  that are
• 1:00:01
  life
• 1:00:02
  giving.
• 1:00:02
  So
• 1:00:02
  I really encourage
• 1:00:03
  people to,
• 1:00:04
  to find
• 1:00:04
  the things
• 1:00:05
  that
• 1:00:05
  give them
• 1:00:05
  joy.
• 1:00:06
  And so
• 1:00:06
  the clients
• 1:00:07
  will say,
• 1:00:07
  I have no
• 1:00:07
  idea.
• 1:00:08
  I'm
• 1:00:08
  just busy
• 1:00:09
  taking care
• 1:00:09
  of my
• 1:00:09
  family.
• 1:00:10
  I'm like,
• 1:00:10
  well,
• 1:00:10
  go find it.
• 1:00:11
  Come back
• 1:00:11
  with your list.
• 1:00:12
  So
• 1:00:13
  and
• 1:00:13
  I encourage
• 1:00:13
  them to
• 1:00:13
  like 45
• 1:00:14
  minutes
• 1:00:14
  a day,
• 1:00:15
  just,
• 1:00:15
  and
• 1:00:15
  if one of
• 1:00:16
  the things
• 1:00:16
  on the list
• 1:00:17
  isn't
• 1:00:17
  working,
• 1:00:17
  move on
• 1:00:18
  to
• 1:00:18
  the next thing.
• 1:00:19
  And.
• 1:00:19
  Yeah,
• 1:00:20
  you know,
• 1:00:20
  not
• 1:00:20
  every day
• 1:00:21
  you can do that.
• 1:00:21
  But
• 1:00:22
  if you can
• 1:00:22
  do it,
• 1:00:22
  you know,
• 1:00:23
  three out
• 1:00:23
  of 7 or 4
• 1:00:24
  out of
• 1:00:24
  seven days,
• 1:00:24
  that's
• 1:00:25
  that's
• 1:00:25
  good.
• 1:00:26
  does
• 1:00:26
  anybody
• 1:00:27
  like,
• 1:00:27
  if you had
• 1:00:27
  if you
• 1:00:28
  could
• 1:00:28
  say one
• 1:00:28
  sentence
• 1:00:29
  of your
• 1:00:29
  the takeaway
• 1:00:30
  you would want
• 1:00:31
  for families
• 1:00:33
  as they are
• 1:00:33
  coping
• 1:00:34
  well
• 1:00:34
  what's one
• 1:00:35
  if you
• 1:00:35
  could
• 1:00:35
  distill
• 1:00:36
  one
• 1:00:36
  takeaway
• 1:00:37
  for
• 1:00:37
  families
• 1:00:37
  that are
• 1:00:38
  listening.
• 1:00:38
  What's
• 1:00:39
  the one
• 1:00:39
  takeaway?
• 1:00:40
  And I
• 1:00:40
  hope that
• 1:00:40
  I'll hear
• 1:00:41
  from Emily
• 1:00:41
  and Jim
• 1:00:42
  also
• 1:00:43
  on this
• 1:00:43
  one, it's
• 1:00:44
  it's worth
• 1:00:45
  just one
• 1:00:45
  sentence.
• 1:00:46
  Give yourself
• 1:00:46
  some time
• 1:00:47
  to think
• 1:00:47
  about that.
• 1:00:48
  the same
• 1:00:48
  as yours.
• 1:00:48
  It's time
• 1:00:49
  is the
• 1:00:50
  most
• 1:00:50
  precious.
• 1:00:50
  It always
• 1:00:51
  was.
• 1:00:52
  And now
• 1:00:53
  it's
• 1:00:53
  more so.
• 1:00:54
  I'm always
• 1:00:54
  at time.
• 1:00:55
  I always
• 1:00:55
  like time.
• 1:00:56
  Well,
• 1:00:57
  try to do
• 1:00:58
  you know.
• 1:00:58
  So mine is
• 1:00:59
  time.
• 1:00:59
  It doesn't
• 1:01:00
  have to be
• 1:01:01
  just.
• 1:01:01
  You
• 1:01:01
  can just be
• 1:01:02
  coming over.
• 1:01:03
  But I just.
• 1:01:04
  It's time
• 1:01:04
  with the,
• 1:01:05
  the people
• 1:01:06
  that are
• 1:01:06
  most
• 1:01:06
  dear to
• 1:01:06
  me that's.
• 1:01:09
  time is my
• 1:01:11
  love
• 1:01:11
  language
• 1:01:11
  as well.
• 1:01:12
  Quality
• 1:01:12
  time.
• 1:01:13
  and so.
• 1:01:15
  It goes
• 1:01:16
  both ways
• 1:01:16
  here.
• 1:01:17
  And I
• 1:01:18
  adore my.
• 1:01:19
  Mother
• 1:01:20
  and my
• 1:01:20
  father.
• 1:01:21
  And so
• 1:01:21
  spending
• 1:01:21
  time
• 1:01:21
  with them
• 1:01:22
  is always
• 1:01:22
  a joy.
• 1:01:23
  But
• 1:01:23
  it's just
• 1:01:24
  extra
• 1:01:24
  special.
• 1:01:25
  You know
• 1:01:25
  like you
• 1:01:26
  said, we're
• 1:01:26
  logging in.
• 1:01:28
  but and
• 1:01:29
  I would.
• 1:01:29
  Say.
• 1:01:31
  I'm
• 1:01:31
  probably
• 1:01:31
  not the
• 1:01:32
  best
• 1:01:32
  listener,
• 1:01:34
  but I have.
• 1:01:34
  Been trying
• 1:01:35
  very hard
• 1:01:36
  to listen
• 1:01:37
  and be
• 1:01:37
  as
• 1:01:37
  supportive
• 1:01:38
  in that way
• 1:01:38
  as I can.
• 1:01:39
  for my.
• 1:01:39
  Mom, too.
• 1:01:40
  So,
• 1:01:43
  To be able
• 1:01:44
  to.
• 1:01:45
  Give
• 1:01:45
  over to
• 1:01:46
  the humility
• 1:01:47
  and the
• 1:01:47
  humbleness
• 1:01:48
  of just
• 1:01:48
  being
• 1:01:49
  human,
• 1:01:49
  not be
• 1:01:50
  give away
• 1:01:51
  your
• 1:01:51
  self-centredness
• 1:01:52
  to
• 1:01:52
  somebody else
• 1:01:53
  and
• 1:01:53
  somebody else
• 1:01:53
  that needs
• 1:01:54
  that care
• 1:01:55
  needs those
• 1:01:56
  thoughts.
• 1:01:58
  because
• 1:01:58
  sometimes
• 1:01:58
  because
• 1:02:00
  right now
• 1:02:00
  Heather
• 1:02:01
  does not
• 1:02:01
  have
• 1:02:01
  metastasis.
• 1:02:02
  It's it's
• 1:02:02
  a, it's
• 1:02:03
  a single
• 1:02:03
  diagnosis
• 1:02:04
  that was
• 1:02:04
  addressed
• 1:02:05
  through the
• 1:02:06
  Reiki
• 1:02:06
  therapy.
• 1:02:07
  But we have
• 1:02:08
  the scans
• 1:02:08
  and we have
• 1:02:09
  that
• 1:02:09
  constant
• 1:02:10
  concern.
• 1:02:10
  And to be
• 1:02:12
  able to
• 1:02:12
  take a
• 1:02:13
  step back
• 1:02:13
  and put
• 1:02:14
  myself in
• 1:02:14
  her
• 1:02:15
  position
• 1:02:16
  more,
• 1:02:17
  that's
• 1:02:17
  something
• 1:02:17
  that I
• 1:02:17
  think
• 1:02:18
  everybody
• 1:02:18
  out there
• 1:02:19
  that's on
• 1:02:19
  the outside,
• 1:02:20
  not
• 1:02:20
  a patient
• 1:02:21
  as a family
• 1:02:22
  member
• 1:02:22
  or spouse
• 1:02:23
  or a child,
• 1:02:24
  to give in
• 1:02:25
  to that
• 1:02:25
  thought,
• 1:02:26
  make sure
• 1:02:26
  you're
• 1:02:26
  thinking
• 1:02:27
  that
• 1:02:27
  because
• 1:02:27
  sometimes
• 1:02:28
  you lose
• 1:02:28
  track of it.
• 1:02:28
  I mean,
• 1:02:29
  we have a
• 1:02:29
  lot going
• 1:02:30
  on in our
• 1:02:30
  lives
• 1:02:31
  every day.
• 1:02:32
  That's
• 1:02:33
  that's
• 1:02:34
  something
• 1:02:34
  I'd rather
• 1:02:34
  share
• 1:02:34
  with
• 1:02:35
  everybody.
• 1:02:36
  I think for
• 1:02:36
  me, it's
• 1:02:37
  it's
• 1:02:37
  definitely,
• 1:02:38
  definitely
• 1:02:39
  not taking
• 1:02:39
  things for
• 1:02:39
  granted.
• 1:02:40
  And I know
• 1:02:40
  that's
• 1:02:41
  so cliche.
• 1:02:41
  I don't take
• 1:02:42
  anything
• 1:02:42
  for granted
• 1:02:42
  and
• 1:02:42
  whatnot,
• 1:02:43
  but to to
• 1:02:44
  live in
• 1:02:44
  the moment,
• 1:02:45
  to, I
• 1:02:46
  have to
• 1:02:46
  live in
• 1:02:46
  the moment.
• 1:02:47
  Because,
• 1:02:47
  like,
• 1:02:47
  y'all,
• 1:02:48
  sometimes
• 1:02:48
  I, I,
• 1:02:49
  I will
• 1:02:50
  admit that
• 1:02:50
  there have
• 1:02:50
  been times
• 1:02:51
  I've really
• 1:02:51
  struggled
• 1:02:52
  about
• 1:02:52
  making long
• 1:02:54
  term,
• 1:02:55
  you know,
• 1:02:56
  plans or
• 1:02:57
  whatever.
• 1:02:58
  And,
• 1:02:58
  and then
• 1:02:58
  I have to
• 1:02:59
  stop
• 1:02:59
  and say,
• 1:02:59
  okay, we
• 1:03:00
  we need to
• 1:03:01
  wherever
• 1:03:02
  your feet
• 1:03:02
  are
• 1:03:02
  planted,
• 1:03:04
  we're going
• 1:03:04
  to live
• 1:03:05
  in that
• 1:03:05
  moment
• 1:03:05
  and do it.
• 1:03:06
  But then
• 1:03:06
  I also
• 1:03:07
  don't
• 1:03:08
  want life
• 1:03:08
  to get away
• 1:03:09
  from me.
• 1:03:09
  And
• 1:03:09
  with the busyness
• 1:03:10
  of life,
• 1:03:12
  if you're
• 1:03:12
  not
• 1:03:12
  intentional,
• 1:03:13
  that word
• 1:03:13
  keeps
• 1:03:14
  coming up.
• 1:03:15
  I
• 1:03:15
  definitely
• 1:03:15
  think
• 1:03:16
  the silver
• 1:03:16
  lining to
• 1:03:16
  this is,
• 1:03:17
  when you
• 1:03:18
  do have
• 1:03:18
  to kind
• 1:03:18
  of face
• 1:03:18
  your own
• 1:03:19
  mortality
• 1:03:19
  or whatever
• 1:03:21
  is is
• 1:03:21
  you
• 1:03:21
  don't
• 1:03:22
  put off
• 1:03:22
  to tomorrow
• 1:03:23
  something
• 1:03:23
  you can
• 1:03:23
  do today,
• 1:03:24
  but
• 1:03:24
  you have to
• 1:03:24
  be
• 1:03:24
  intentional
• 1:03:25
  to make
• 1:03:25
  it happen
• 1:03:26
  today.
• 1:03:27
  And, I've,
• 1:03:28
  I've
• 1:03:28
  enjoyed
• 1:03:28
  watching,
• 1:03:29
  some very
• 1:03:30
  intentional
• 1:03:30
  things
• 1:03:30
  happen
• 1:03:31
  in all of
• 1:03:31
  your lives
• 1:03:31
  as I've
• 1:03:32
  gotten
• 1:03:32
  to know
• 1:03:32
  each each
• 1:03:33
  one of you,
• 1:03:34
  but like
• 1:03:34
  danet
• 1:03:34
  did
• 1:03:34
  something
• 1:03:35
  really
• 1:03:35
  special
• 1:03:36
  this past
• 1:03:36
  year,
• 1:03:36
  I think
• 1:03:37
  a year
• 1:03:37
  half ago,
• 1:03:37
  you know,
• 1:03:38
  renewing
• 1:03:38
  her vows
• 1:03:39
  with her
• 1:03:39
  children
• 1:03:39
  there, or
• 1:03:40
  we did take
• 1:03:41
  a special
• 1:03:42
  trip,
• 1:03:42
  with our family,
• 1:03:43
  to do
• 1:03:43
  something
• 1:03:44
  extremely
• 1:03:44
  intentional,
• 1:03:45
  especially
• 1:03:45
  with
• 1:03:45
  my kids
• 1:03:46
  being
• 1:03:46
  older.
• 1:03:47
  me having
• 1:03:48
  not just
• 1:03:49
  my friends
• 1:03:49
  go to
• 1:03:49
  Philadelphia
• 1:03:50
  with me,
• 1:03:50
  but one on
• 1:03:51
  one time
• 1:03:51
  with my
• 1:03:52
  children,
• 1:03:52
  with my husband,
• 1:03:53
  again,
• 1:03:54
  not leaving
• 1:03:54
  anything
• 1:03:55
  less
• 1:03:55
  unsaid,
• 1:03:56
  and then
• 1:03:57
  note
• 1:03:57
  writer,
• 1:03:58
  I'd like
• 1:03:58
  to make
• 1:03:58
  sure that
• 1:03:59
  that I
• 1:04:00
  acknowledge
• 1:04:00
  things,
• 1:04:00
  that
• 1:04:01
  I see them
• 1:04:02
  and I hear
• 1:04:02
  my kids,
• 1:04:03
  my husband,
• 1:04:04
  in ways
• 1:04:04
  that,
• 1:04:05
  you know,
• 1:04:05
  we just
• 1:04:05
  live in
• 1:04:06
  the moment.
• 1:04:06
  You know,
• 1:04:07
  I,
• 1:04:08
  I
• 1:04:08
  definitely
• 1:04:09
  think
• 1:04:09
  that's
• 1:04:09
  important
• 1:04:10
  not to
• 1:04:11
  not to
• 1:04:11
  wallow in,
• 1:04:12
  in this.
• 1:04:12
  And,
• 1:04:13
  and it is
• 1:04:14
  very easy
• 1:04:14
  to get
• 1:04:15
  into that
• 1:04:15
  mindset
• 1:04:15
  too,
• 1:04:16
  because I
• 1:04:16
  can do this
• 1:04:16
  going,
• 1:04:16
  okay.
• 1:04:17
  I don't
• 1:04:17
  have scans
• 1:04:17
  now
• 1:04:18
  for nine
• 1:04:18
  more weeks.
• 1:04:18
  I've got
• 1:04:19
  nine weeks
• 1:04:19
  of
• 1:04:20
  whatever,
• 1:04:20
  but
• 1:04:21
  we're not
• 1:04:21
  guaranteed
• 1:04:22
  tomorrow.
• 1:04:23
  You know,
• 1:04:23
  we're not
• 1:04:23
  guaranteed
• 1:04:24
  tonight.
• 1:04:24
  And so I,
• 1:04:25
  I have
• 1:04:25
  started
• 1:04:26
  just
• 1:04:26
  looking
• 1:04:26
  at going,
• 1:04:27
  gosh,
• 1:04:28
  what it
• 1:04:28
  what do we need
• 1:04:29
  to do today
• 1:04:29
  to make
• 1:04:30
  today
• 1:04:31
  memorable
• 1:04:32
  and or
• 1:04:32
  special or
• 1:04:34
  mundane,
• 1:04:35
  whatever.
• 1:04:36
  What do we need
• 1:04:37
  to do
• 1:04:37
  today?
• 1:04:38
  And
• 1:04:38
  I think you
• 1:04:38
  bring
• 1:04:38
  up such
• 1:04:39
  a
• 1:04:39
  good point.
• 1:04:39
  You
• 1:04:40
  started out
• 1:04:40
  talking
• 1:04:41
  about,
• 1:04:41
  gratitude.
• 1:04:42
  And
• 1:04:42
  gratitude
• 1:04:43
  is a great
• 1:04:43
  antidote
• 1:04:44
  to
• 1:04:44
  depression
• 1:04:45
  and
• 1:04:45
  gratitude.
• 1:04:46
  They say
• 1:04:46
  that cancer
• 1:04:47
  patients
• 1:04:47
  who
• 1:04:47
  practice
• 1:04:48
  humor
• 1:04:48
  and
• 1:04:48
  gratitude
• 1:04:49
  actually
• 1:04:49
  have better
• 1:04:50
  outcomes.
• 1:04:50
  Studies
• 1:04:51
  show.
• 1:04:51
  So those,
• 1:04:52
  you know,
• 1:04:52
  those are
• 1:04:52
  things
• 1:04:53
  to pay
• 1:04:53
  attention
• 1:04:53
  to.
• 1:04:54
  I'm going
• 1:04:54
  to close
• 1:04:55
  with,
• 1:04:55
  this quote
• 1:04:56
  from this
• 1:04:57
  British
• 1:04:57
  woman
• 1:04:58
  who has,
• 1:04:58
  it was it's
• 1:04:58
  at the end
• 1:04:59
  of her
• 1:04:59
  article,
• 1:04:59
  and they're
• 1:05:00
  asking her
• 1:05:00
  how she
• 1:05:00
  wants to
• 1:05:01
  be
• 1:05:01
  remembered.
• 1:05:01
  She said,
• 1:05:02
  I want to
• 1:05:03
  remind
• 1:05:03
  people
• 1:05:04
  to stop
• 1:05:04
  and pause,
• 1:05:05
  put
• 1:05:05
  the phone down
• 1:05:06
  and
• 1:05:06
  take the time
• 1:05:07
  with the
• 1:05:08
  people
• 1:05:08
  around you.
• 1:05:09
  I feel like
• 1:05:09
  we're
• 1:05:10
  always
• 1:05:10
  striving
• 1:05:10
  for more,
• 1:05:11
  a bigger
• 1:05:11
  home,
• 1:05:12
  a bigger
• 1:05:12
  car, a
• 1:05:13
  bigger
• 1:05:13
  this and a
• 1:05:13
  bigger that.
• 1:05:14
  But
• 1:05:14
  we forget
• 1:05:15
  to see what
• 1:05:15
  we actually
• 1:05:16
  have in
• 1:05:17
  front of
• 1:05:17
  us.
• 1:05:18
  I want to be
• 1:05:18
  a reminder
• 1:05:19
  of what
• 1:05:19
  we have,
• 1:05:20
  and so just
• 1:05:20
  learning
• 1:05:21
  to treasure
• 1:05:23
  what we
• 1:05:23
  have been
• 1:05:23
  given,
• 1:05:24
  you know,
• 1:05:24
  in
• 1:05:24
  the Psalms
• 1:05:25
  it says,
• 1:05:25
  teach us
• 1:05:26
  to number
• 1:05:26
  our days,
• 1:05:26
  that we may
• 1:05:27
  gain
• 1:05:27
  a heart
• 1:05:28
  of wisdom.
• 1:05:29
  And
• 1:05:29
  if we can gain
• 1:05:30
  wisdom
• 1:05:30
  through
• 1:05:30
  this
• 1:05:31
  journey
• 1:05:31
  by being
• 1:05:32
  mindful
• 1:05:32
  of our
• 1:05:33
  own
• 1:05:33
  mortality,
• 1:05:34
  we get to pass
• 1:05:35
  that on to
• 1:05:35
  our families
• 1:05:36
  and we get
• 1:05:36
  to,
• 1:05:37
  you know,
• 1:05:37
  we're
• 1:05:37
  we're
• 1:05:38
  downloading
• 1:05:38
  to
• 1:05:38
  our families
• 1:05:39
  all the time.
• 1:05:40
  what's
• 1:05:40
  that?
• 1:05:40
  What the
• 1:05:41
  priorities
• 1:05:41
  are,
• 1:05:41
  what
• 1:05:41
  matters,
• 1:05:42
  how to
• 1:05:42
  live,
• 1:05:43
  you know,
• 1:05:43
  all of that.
• 1:05:44
  And so
• 1:05:45
  it we have
• 1:05:46
  been given
• 1:05:46
  a unique
• 1:05:47
  opportunity
• 1:05:47
  to download
• 1:05:48
  really
• 1:05:48
  important
• 1:05:49
  things
• 1:05:49
  about
• 1:05:49
  really
• 1:05:50
  big things
• 1:05:51
  for
• 1:05:51
  our families
• 1:05:51
  that some
• 1:05:52
  kids don't
• 1:05:53
  ever have
• 1:05:53
  to grapple
• 1:05:54
  with until
• 1:05:54
  they are
• 1:05:55
  adults,
• 1:05:56
  our ages.
• 1:05:56
  So yeah,
• 1:05:57
  that's
• 1:05:57
  kind of how
• 1:05:58
  I wanted
• 1:05:58
  to end
• 1:05:59
  that danet
• 1:05:59
  Did you have
• 1:05:59
  anything
• 1:06:00
  you want
• 1:06:00
  to add?
• 1:06:01
  We have.
• 1:06:02
  There's
• 1:06:02
  questions.
• 1:06:02
  I think
• 1:06:03
  Carol, I,
• 1:06:05
  I just
• 1:06:05
  want to say
• 1:06:06
  thank you
• 1:06:06
  to
• 1:06:06
  everybody.
• 1:06:07
  as far as
• 1:06:07
  I can see,
• 1:06:08
  I'm seeing
• 1:06:08
  lots of
• 1:06:09
  thank you's
• 1:06:09
  in
• 1:06:09
  comments,
• 1:06:10
  but no
• 1:06:10
  specific
• 1:06:10
  questions.
• 1:06:11
  I do agree
• 1:06:12
  with you
• 1:06:12
  that
• 1:06:12
  I think
• 1:06:13
  we could
• 1:06:13
  easily
• 1:06:14
  cover 4
• 1:06:14
  or 5 hours
• 1:06:15
  just on
• 1:06:15
  this topic.
• 1:06:16
  Yeah.
• 1:06:17
  so we
• 1:06:17
  definitely
• 1:06:17
  recognize,
• 1:06:18
  you know,
• 1:06:18
  just both
• 1:06:19
  between
• 1:06:19
  Carol
• 1:06:20
  and myself
• 1:06:21
  in hosting
• 1:06:21
  this
• 1:06:21
  session
• 1:06:22
  and hosting
• 1:06:22
  the eye
• 1:06:23
  on mental
• 1:06:23
  health
• 1:06:23
  that this
• 1:06:24
  discussion
• 1:06:24
  is not over
• 1:06:25
  and kind of
• 1:06:26
  like what,
• 1:06:27
  what
• 1:06:27
  Ali said
• 1:06:28
  in her
• 1:06:28
  panel
• 1:06:29
  or in
• 1:06:29
  her
• 1:06:29
  discussion,
• 1:06:30
  there's
• 1:06:30
  not really
• 1:06:31
  a
• 1:06:31
  destination
• 1:06:32
  here.
• 1:06:32
  It's this
• 1:06:33
  living,
• 1:06:34
  breathing
• 1:06:36
  experience
• 1:06:37
  that
• 1:06:37
  we're all
• 1:06:37
  going
• 1:06:37
  through,
• 1:06:38
  and we all
• 1:06:39
  are going
• 1:06:39
  to
• 1:06:40
  experience
• 1:06:40
  it
• 1:06:40
  differently.
• 1:06:41
  I love what
• 1:06:41
  Katie said
• 1:06:42
  about just
• 1:06:43
  being okay
• 1:06:43
  with the mess.
• 1:06:44
  so I think
• 1:06:45
  that,
• 1:06:45
  you know,
• 1:06:45
  as we're
• 1:06:45
  kind of,
• 1:06:46
  as we're
• 1:06:46
  wrapping
• 1:06:46
  up, as
• 1:06:47
  we're
• 1:06:47
  concluding,
• 1:06:47
  as we're
• 1:06:48
  moving on
• 1:06:48
  with
• 1:06:48
  our day
• 1:06:49
  this week,
• 1:06:50
  our rest
• 1:06:51
  of
• 1:06:51
  our month,
• 1:06:51
  whatever
• 1:06:52
  we have
• 1:06:52
  that we're
• 1:06:52
  facing in
• 1:06:53
  the next
• 1:06:53
  few weeks,
• 1:06:54
  the rest
• 1:06:54
  of this
• 1:06:54
  year,
• 1:06:55
  I just hope
• 1:06:56
  that
• 1:06:56
  you guys
• 1:06:57
  can, can
• 1:06:57
  take away
• 1:06:58
  a lot
• 1:06:58
  of what
• 1:06:58
  really
• 1:06:59
  everyone
• 1:06:59
  has shared
• 1:06:59
  on some
• 1:07:00
  capacity.
• 1:07:00
  And that's
• 1:07:00
  just
• 1:07:01
  to give
• 1:07:01
  yourself
• 1:07:01
  grace.
• 1:07:02
  Like you're
• 1:07:02
  not you're
• 1:07:03
  not going
• 1:07:03
  to handle
• 1:07:03
  this
• 1:07:04
  perfectly.
• 1:07:05
  You're not.
• 1:07:05
  There is no perfect
• 1:07:07
  way
• 1:07:07
  to handle
• 1:07:07
  it.
• 1:07:08
  I think is
• 1:07:08
  what Katie
• 1:07:09
  really
• 1:07:09
  touched on
• 1:07:09
  is just
• 1:07:10
  this idea
• 1:07:10
  that it's
• 1:07:11
  messy
• 1:07:12
  and
• 1:07:12
  that it's
• 1:07:12
  okay for it
• 1:07:13
  to be messy.
• 1:07:14
  And
• 1:07:14
  if there are
• 1:07:14
  the days
• 1:07:15
  that you
• 1:07:15
  carry
• 1:07:15
  yourself
• 1:07:16
  well
• 1:07:16
  and you
• 1:07:16
  are
• 1:07:17
  positive
• 1:07:17
  and
• 1:07:17
  you feel
• 1:07:18
  hopeful
• 1:07:18
  and you
• 1:07:19
  feel like
• 1:07:20
  you know
• 1:07:20
  you've
• 1:07:20
  got it
• 1:07:20
  figured
• 1:07:21
  out, then
• 1:07:22
  embrace
• 1:07:22
  those days.
• 1:07:23
  But
• 1:07:23
  if you don't
• 1:07:23
  have it,
• 1:07:24
  then also
• 1:07:25
  don't
• 1:07:25
  get down
• 1:07:25
  on yourself
• 1:07:26
  for that.
• 1:07:27
  This is
• 1:07:27
  very much
• 1:07:27
  a process,
• 1:07:28
  and it's
• 1:07:29
  it's
• 1:07:29
  something
• 1:07:30
  that we're
• 1:07:30
  always
• 1:07:32
  ebbing and
• 1:07:32
  flowing
• 1:07:33
  and and
• 1:07:33
  like
• 1:07:33
  I've said
• 1:07:34
  at the
• 1:07:34
  beginning,
• 1:07:34
  we're
• 1:07:34
  riding
• 1:07:34
  these waves
• 1:07:35
  right?
• 1:07:35
  We're
• 1:07:35
  riding
• 1:07:36
  the waves
• 1:07:36
  of hope
• 1:07:36
  and fear.
• 1:07:37
  And
• 1:07:37
  they come
• 1:07:38
  and they go
• 1:07:38
  and
• 1:07:39
  they come
• 1:07:39
  and they go
• 1:07:39
  all of the time.
• 1:07:42
  and they
• 1:07:42
  probably
• 1:07:42
  will for
• 1:07:43
  the rest
• 1:07:43
  of our
• 1:07:43
  lives,
• 1:07:44
  whether,
• 1:07:44
  you know,
• 1:07:44
  whether
• 1:07:45
  we deal
• 1:07:46
  with this
• 1:07:46
  diagnosis
• 1:07:46
  and
• 1:07:47
  survive it
• 1:07:48
  or we deal
• 1:07:48
  with this
• 1:07:48
  diagnosis
• 1:07:49
  and it ends
• 1:07:49
  up, you
• 1:07:50
  know, being
• 1:07:50
  being
• 1:07:51
  the thing
• 1:07:51
  that
• 1:07:52
  brings us
• 1:07:52
  to that
• 1:07:52
  point
• 1:07:53
  where
• 1:07:53
  we have
• 1:07:53
  to accept,
• 1:07:54
  you know,
• 1:07:54
  moving on.
• 1:07:55
  but I
• 1:07:56
  just think
• 1:07:57
  it's so
• 1:07:57
  important
• 1:07:57
  to honor
• 1:07:58
  that space
• 1:07:59
  and honor
• 1:07:59
  to honor
• 1:08:00
  the
• 1:08:00
  journey.
• 1:08:00
  I think,
• 1:08:01
  so that's
• 1:08:01
  that's all
• 1:08:02
  I would
• 1:08:02
  say.
• 1:08:02
  And in
• 1:08:03
  addition to
• 1:08:03
  just
• 1:08:03
  thinking
• 1:08:04
  everybody
• 1:08:04
  who's
• 1:08:04
  participated,
• 1:08:05
  Heather,
• 1:08:06
  Emily, Jim,
• 1:08:07
  thank you
• 1:08:07
  so much
• 1:08:08
  for being
• 1:08:08
  here
• 1:08:09
  and just,
• 1:08:09
  for being
• 1:08:10
  for
• 1:08:10
  being part
• 1:08:10
  of this
• 1:08:10
  discussion
• 1:08:11
  as a
• 1:08:11
  family,
• 1:08:12
  too.
• 1:08:12
  I think
• 1:08:12
  it's
• 1:08:12
  I think
• 1:08:13
  it's so
• 1:08:13
  helpful
• 1:08:13
  just
• 1:08:13
  to have
• 1:08:14
  a couple
• 1:08:14
  of people
• 1:08:14
  from,
• 1:08:15
  from within
• 1:08:16
  a family
• 1:08:16
  circle
• 1:08:16
  who can
• 1:08:17
  say, hey,
• 1:08:18
  you know,
• 1:08:18
  this is how
• 1:08:19
  I've been
• 1:08:19
  feeling
• 1:08:19
  about this,
• 1:08:20
  or this is
• 1:08:20
  how I've
• 1:08:20
  been
• 1:08:21
  experiencing
• 1:08:21
  this.
• 1:08:22
  And I,
• 1:08:22
  I hope
• 1:08:23
  that
• 1:08:23
  you guys
• 1:08:23
  have found
• 1:08:23
  this
• 1:08:23
  helpful.
• 1:08:24
  and
• 1:08:24
  everyone
• 1:08:25
  who's
• 1:08:25
  listening
• 1:08:25
  as well.
• 1:08:26
  And,
• 1:08:26
  Ashley,
• 1:08:26
  thank you
• 1:08:26
  for
• 1:08:26
  being on.
• 1:08:28
  I don't know
• 1:08:28
  where
• 1:08:29
  I think
• 1:08:29
  she
• 1:08:29
  might have
• 1:08:29
  had to jump
• 1:08:30
  off, but,
• 1:08:30
  I am going
• 1:08:31
  to go ahead
• 1:08:31
  and
• 1:08:31
  pull up my
• 1:08:32
  slides
• 1:08:32
  again
• 1:08:32
  just to wrap up
• 1:08:33
  some,
• 1:08:33
  some things.
• 1:08:34
  Unless
• 1:08:34
  you wanted
• 1:08:34
  to say
• 1:08:35
  anything else
• 1:08:35
  to close?
• 1:08:36
  Carol.
• 1:08:36
  I just wanted
• 1:08:37
  to
• 1:08:37
  thank you
• 1:08:38
  for putting
• 1:08:38
  this whole
• 1:08:39
  big thing
• 1:08:39
  together.
• 1:08:40
  Your life
• 1:08:40
  is very,
• 1:08:41
  very busy
• 1:08:41
  and
• 1:08:41
  complicated,
• 1:08:42
  and I
• 1:08:43
  just
• 1:08:43
  appreciate
• 1:08:44
  all the time
• 1:08:44
  that
• 1:08:44
  you put
• 1:08:45
  into
• 1:08:45
  getting
• 1:08:46
  this all
• 1:08:46
  set up
• 1:08:46
  for
• 1:08:47
  everybody
• 1:08:47
  to enjoy.
• 1:08:48
  It
• 1:08:48
  was a real
• 1:08:48
  gift to
• 1:08:48
  the whole,
• 1:08:49
  community.
• 1:08:51
  So.
• 1:08:51
  Well,
• 1:08:52
  like I have
• 1:08:52
  said
• 1:08:52
  before,
• 1:08:53
  this is
• 1:08:53
  recorded.
• 1:08:54
  Thankfully,
• 1:08:54
  I did
• 1:08:54
  hit
• 1:08:55
  record on
• 1:08:55
  every
• 1:08:55
  session
• 1:08:56
  for the
• 1:08:56
  most
• 1:08:56
  important
• 1:08:56
  parts.
• 1:08:57
  but it is
• 1:08:58
  recorded.
• 1:08:58
  We will get
• 1:08:59
  these
• 1:08:59
  recordings
• 1:08:59
  up,
• 1:09:00
  give us a
• 1:09:00
  couple
• 1:09:00
  of weeks.
• 1:09:01
  It's
• 1:09:01
  usually
• 1:09:01
  it takes
• 1:09:02
  a little
• 1:09:02
  bit of time
• 1:09:02
  with all of
• 1:09:03
  the back
• 1:09:03
  and
• 1:09:03
  forth of
• 1:09:04
  production,
• 1:09:04
  but give us
• 1:09:05
  a few
• 1:09:05
  weeks.
• 1:09:05
  We are going
• 1:09:06
  to pull
• 1:09:06
  these up
• 1:09:07
  for
• 1:09:08
  recordings,
• 1:09:08
  and
• 1:09:08
  we would
• 1:09:09
  love
• 1:09:09
  for you
• 1:09:09
  to share
• 1:09:09
  these share
• 1:09:10
  with other
• 1:09:10
  people
• 1:09:11
  or, newly
• 1:09:11
  diagnosed
• 1:09:12
  patients
• 1:09:12
  and
• 1:09:13
  those of you
• 1:09:13
  who are
• 1:09:13
  joining us
• 1:09:14
  today,
• 1:09:14
  be gentle
• 1:09:15
  with yourselves.
• 1:09:15
  You may need
• 1:09:16
  to recover.
• 1:09:17
  You may
• 1:09:17
  need some
• 1:09:17
  space from
• 1:09:18
  for
• 1:09:19
  a couple
• 1:09:19
  of days
• 1:09:19
  after after
• 1:09:20
  just
• 1:09:21
  how much
• 1:09:22
  we covered
• 1:09:22
  today
• 1:09:22
  and
• 1:09:23
  how much
• 1:09:23
  ocular
• 1:09:23
  melanoma
• 1:09:24
  was the
• 1:09:25
  center of
• 1:09:25
  the whole
• 1:09:26
  conversation.
• 1:09:28
  it's
• 1:09:28
  okay
• 1:09:28
  to need
• 1:09:28
  that space.
• 1:09:29
  So if
• 1:09:29
  you need
• 1:09:29
  to,
• 1:09:30
  you know,
• 1:09:30
  set those
• 1:09:31
  boundaries
• 1:09:31
  with yourself
• 1:09:31
  and go
• 1:09:32
  set your
• 1:09:32
  diagnosis
• 1:09:33
  aside
• 1:09:33
  for
• 1:09:33
  the rest of the day
• 1:09:34
  and go
• 1:09:35
  do
• 1:09:35
  something
• 1:09:35
  silly.
• 1:09:36
  Go do
• 1:09:36
  something
• 1:09:36
  creative.
• 1:09:37
  Go read
• 1:09:37
  a book
• 1:09:38
  that has nothing
• 1:09:39
  to do
• 1:09:39
  with cancer
• 1:09:40
  or personal
• 1:09:40
  growth, or,
• 1:09:41
  you know,
• 1:09:42
  any
• 1:09:42
  of the books
• 1:09:42
  we recommended
• 1:09:43
  earlier.
• 1:09:43
  Don't read
• 1:09:43
  those
• 1:09:44
  books.
• 1:09:44
  Just just
• 1:09:45
  do
• 1:09:45
  something
• 1:09:45
  that is fun
• 1:09:46
  and joy
• 1:09:46
  giving.
• 1:09:47
  because
• 1:09:47
  it's
• 1:09:47
  important
• 1:09:48
  to feel
• 1:09:48
  those
• 1:09:49
  things.
• 1:09:52
  Anyway,
• 1:09:52
  all right.
• 1:09:52
  Well, I'm
• 1:09:53
  going to
• 1:09:53
  go ahead
• 1:09:53
  and dismiss
• 1:09:53
  our
• 1:09:53
  panelists,
• 1:09:54
  and I
• 1:09:54
  will
• 1:09:54
  pull up
• 1:09:55
  our screen,
• 1:09:56
  just
• 1:09:56
  so that
• 1:09:56
  I can share
• 1:09:57
  just a
• 1:09:57
  special
• 1:09:58
  thanks
• 1:09:58
  again
• 1:09:59
  to
• 1:09:59
  our sponsors.
• 1:10:00
  We are
• 1:10:01
  so
• 1:10:01
  incredibly
• 1:10:02
  fortunate
• 1:10:02
  to have
• 1:10:02
  sponsors
• 1:10:03
  who are
• 1:10:03
  backing,
• 1:10:04
  events
• 1:10:05
  like this.
• 1:10:06
  And so,
• 1:10:06
  you know,
• 1:10:07
  those
• 1:10:07
  of you
• 1:10:07
  who are
• 1:10:08
  joining us
• 1:10:09
  or who are
• 1:10:09
  listening,
• 1:10:09
  please,
• 1:10:10
  you know,
• 1:10:10
  just
• 1:10:10
  recognize
• 1:10:11
  that we
• 1:10:11
  can't
• 1:10:11
  do this
• 1:10:11
  without
• 1:10:12
  sponsors.
• 1:10:13
  we we are
• 1:10:15
  entirely,
• 1:10:16
  you know,
• 1:10:16
  funded
• 1:10:16
  by
• 1:10:17
  sponsors.
• 1:10:17
  And these
• 1:10:18
  kinds of
• 1:10:18
  events
• 1:10:18
  are put on
• 1:10:19
  because of
• 1:10:19
  these
• 1:10:19
  sponsors.
• 1:10:20
  so we are
• 1:10:21
  so thankful
• 1:10:21
  for Castle
• 1:10:22
  Biosciences
• 1:10:23
  to
• 1:10:23
  continuing,
• 1:10:23
  their
• 1:10:24
  sponsorship
• 1:10:24
  and, and
• 1:10:25
  every year
• 1:10:26
  that they
• 1:10:26
  sponsor us,
• 1:10:27
  we're
• 1:10:27
  thankful
• 1:10:27
  for
• 1:10:27
  immunocore
• 1:10:28
  and ideaya
• 1:10:29
  biosciences
• 1:10:29
  aura
• 1:10:30
  bioscience
• 1:10:30
  trisalus
• 1:10:31
  life
• 1:10:32
  sciences
• 1:10:32
  and delcath
• 1:10:33
  systems.
• 1:10:34
  You can
• 1:10:34
  see posts
• 1:10:35
  from us
• 1:10:35
  and,
• 1:10:35
  various
• 1:10:36
  different
• 1:10:36
  things
• 1:10:36
  that we
• 1:10:36
  share
• 1:10:37
  news from.
• 1:10:37
  And
• 1:10:37
  we do try
• 1:10:38
  to keep you
• 1:10:38
  as up
• 1:10:38
  to date
• 1:10:39
  as possible
• 1:10:39
  from these
• 1:10:40
  bio
• 1:10:40
  companies,
• 1:10:40
  as they
• 1:10:41
  have
• 1:10:41
  updates on
• 1:10:42
  trials and
• 1:10:43
  research
• 1:10:43
  to share.
• 1:10:47
  Subscribe
• 1:10:48
  to YouTube
• 1:10:48
  if you
• 1:10:48
  would
• 1:10:48
  prefer to
• 1:10:49
  listen
• 1:10:49
  there.
• 1:10:50
  but
• 1:10:50
  we would
• 1:10:50
  love to
• 1:10:50
  have you
• 1:10:51
  follow
• 1:10:51
  along
• 1:10:51
  so that
• 1:10:51
  you get
• 1:10:52
  all of
• 1:10:52
  the up
• 1:10:52
  to date
• 1:10:53
  news on
• 1:10:55
  on
• 1:10:55
  the slides
• 1:10:56
  or on
• 1:10:57
  the podcast
• 1:10:57
  episodes.
• 1:10:58
  just a
• 1:10:58
  final call.
• 1:10:59
  If you have
• 1:10:59
  not yet
• 1:11:00
  joined
• 1:11:00
  the insight
• 1:11:01
  Registry
• 1:11:01
  and you're
• 1:11:01
  new to
• 1:11:02
  your
• 1:11:02
  diagnosis,
• 1:11:03
  put this on
• 1:11:03
  your radar.
• 1:11:04
  check out
• 1:11:04
  your new
• 1:11:04
  patient
• 1:11:05
  packet.
• 1:11:05
  And if you
• 1:11:06
  are, you
• 1:11:06
  know,
• 1:11:06
  coming
• 1:11:07
  across this
• 1:11:07
  as a newly
• 1:11:08
  diagnosed
• 1:11:08
  patient
• 1:11:09
  or just as
• 1:11:09
  a seasoned
• 1:11:10
  patient,
• 1:11:10
  and you
• 1:11:10
  haven't
• 1:11:10
  ever joined
• 1:11:11
  the
• 1:11:11
  registry,
• 1:11:11
  consider
• 1:11:12
  joining the
• 1:11:12
  registry
• 1:11:13
  to provide
• 1:11:13
  your story
• 1:11:14
  to
• 1:11:15
  research.
• 1:11:15
  we are coming up
• 1:11:16
  on,
• 1:11:17
  I believe,
• 1:11:17
  our fourth
• 1:11:17
  year with
• 1:11:18
  the
• 1:11:18
  registry.
• 1:11:19
  We're
• 1:11:19
  coming up
• 1:11:19
  on a
• 1:11:19
  four year
• 1:11:20
  anniversary.
• 1:11:20
  I could be
• 1:11:21
  wrong
• 1:11:21
  on the date,
• 1:11:21
  but
• 1:11:22
  basically
• 1:11:22
  we get to
• 1:11:22
  a certain point
• 1:11:23
  and
• 1:11:23
  this data
• 1:11:24
  becomes
• 1:11:24
  usable,
• 1:11:25
  and, data
• 1:11:26
  is only
• 1:11:26
  usable
• 1:11:26
  if it's
• 1:11:27
  actually
• 1:11:27
  updated.
• 1:11:28
  So
• 1:11:28
  those of
• 1:11:28
  you who
• 1:11:28
  are part of
• 1:11:29
  the
• 1:11:29
  registry,
• 1:11:29
  those of you
• 1:11:30
  who have
• 1:11:30
  joined it
• 1:11:31
  in the past,
• 1:11:31
  make sure
• 1:11:32
  you're
• 1:11:32
  filling out
• 1:11:32
  your
• 1:11:33
  surveys.
• 1:11:33
  You're
• 1:11:33
  continuing
• 1:11:34
  to answer
• 1:11:34
  the questions
• 1:11:35
  and just
• 1:11:35
  be in
• 1:11:36
  the know.
• 1:11:36
  You don't
• 1:11:37
  have to
• 1:11:37
  spend
• 1:11:37
  all day,
• 1:11:37
  every day
• 1:11:38
  in it.
• 1:11:38
  But,
• 1:11:39
  you know,
• 1:11:39
  consider
• 1:11:39
  maybe
• 1:11:40
  setting
• 1:11:40
  a goal
• 1:11:40
  of 30
• 1:11:41
  minutes
• 1:11:41
  a month
• 1:11:42
  where
• 1:11:42
  you just
• 1:11:42
  really sit
• 1:11:43
  down,
• 1:11:43
  you answer
• 1:11:43
  a few questions,
• 1:11:44
  and
• 1:11:44
  you just
• 1:11:44
  update
• 1:11:45
  where
• 1:11:45
  you are
• 1:11:45
  in your
• 1:11:45
  medical
• 1:11:46
  journey
• 1:11:46
  with ocular
• 1:11:46
  melanoma.
• 1:11:51
  So stay
• 1:11:51
  tuned and
• 1:11:52
  we will see
• 1:11:52
  you next
• 1:11:52
  time.
• 1:11:53
  Have a good
• 1:11:54
  day guys.