Latest / Hurdle with Emily Abbate / 232. Molly Seidel, Marathoner & Olympic Medalist

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232. Molly Seidel, Marathoner & Olympic Medalist · Hurdle with Emily Abbate

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: I was supposed to have been fixed, and I am
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: very much not fixed. And it's like I very much
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: felt that I was letting a lot of people down
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: and that was the hardest thing.
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: Hey, Hey, what's shag and Hurdler's Emily Abadi.
• 0:25
  Speaker 3: Here.
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  Speaker 4: You are listening to episode two hundred and thirty two
• 0:28
  Speaker 4: of Hurdle, a wellness focused podcast where I connect with
• 0:31
  Speaker 4: everyone from your favorite athletes to top experts and industry
• 0:35
  Speaker 4: CEOs about their highest highs.
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: Toughest moments, and everything in between.
• 0:40
  Speaker 4: We all go through hurdles in life, and my goal
• 0:42
  Speaker 4: through these discussions is to empower you to better navigate
• 0:45
  Speaker 4: yours and move with intention so that you can stride
• 0:49
  Speaker 4: towards your own big potential and of course.
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: Have some fun along the way.
• 0:55
  Speaker 4: I could not be more grateful to have the Olympian
• 1:01
  Speaker 4: Molly Sidle back on the show today. Mollie, I, before
• 1:07
  Speaker 4: I even talk about what we're going to talk about,
• 1:09
  Speaker 4: I need to say thank you for your openness and
• 1:12
  Speaker 4: your honesty and also just making the time we met
• 1:16
  Speaker 4: for the first time after Molli ram the Olympic trials
• 1:20
  Speaker 4: in Atlanta in twenty twenty. As we talk about in
• 1:24
  Speaker 4: today's episode, the last trip I took before the pandemic
• 1:28
  Speaker 4: really hit full force was up to Boston to record
• 1:31
  Speaker 4: with Mollie in her living room, and so, man, it
• 1:35
  Speaker 4: was just what a crazy moment for us to sit
• 1:39
  Speaker 4: back down knowing how much has happened. I mean, this
• 1:42
  Speaker 4: woman since we last recorded for the show, she has
• 1:46
  Speaker 4: not only gone to the Olympics, but become an Olympian,
• 1:50
  Speaker 4: set tons of new personal bests, including an unreal showing
• 1:55
  Speaker 4: at the twenty twenty one New York City Marathon, and
• 1:59
  Speaker 4: now today fast forward, we're talking about what's really happened
• 2:03
  Speaker 4: since then.
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: If you have been staying up to date with what's
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: going on.
• 2:08
  Speaker 4: In the world of running, and you may have caught
• 2:10
  Speaker 4: the article that came out in Runner's World in October
• 2:13
  Speaker 4: really detailing how Mollie has been navigating crippling anxiety and
• 2:18
  Speaker 4: a relapse in her eating disorder. For today's episode, we're
• 2:22
  Speaker 4: chatting about what that looked like when she felt like
• 2:25
  Speaker 4: she was truly struggling the most, the catalyst for her
• 2:29
  Speaker 4: finally seeking out treatment, how she feels about running these days,
• 2:34
  Speaker 4: saying that she is doing much better, which just makes
• 2:38
  Speaker 4: me so so happy, And yeah, I mean, we talk
• 2:41
  Speaker 4: about it all. We talk about how it feels to
• 2:44
  Speaker 4: experience such traumatic events on a world stage, the hard
• 2:48
  Speaker 4: conversation she has to have with her family, and what
• 2:53
  Speaker 4: success will look like for Mollie going forward again. Loved
• 2:58
  Speaker 4: this combo, adore Mollie and think there just really is
• 3:01
  Speaker 4: that resonating through line that you just don't know what
• 3:04
  Speaker 4: someone is navigating unless you sit.
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: Down and take the time to hear it straight from them.
• 3:11
  Speaker 4: As mentioned, we do talk about some difficult topics in
• 3:14
  Speaker 4: today's episode, including eating disorders. I'm going to list some
• 3:18
  Speaker 4: resources in the show notes. If you or someone you
• 3:21
  Speaker 4: know is struggling, there is help for you.
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: And you are certainly not alone.
• 3:26
  Speaker 4: Make sure you're following along with Hurdle over on social
• 3:29
  Speaker 4: It's over at Hurdle Podcast. I am at Emily a
• 3:33
  Speaker 4: body and caveat the I can't even make this up
• 3:36
  Speaker 4: if I tried. The USADA drug testers showed up at
• 3:39
  Speaker 4: the end of our recording, so it does.
• 3:41
  Speaker 3: End a little abruptly.
• 3:43
  Speaker 4: Oh my goodness, the life of being a professional athlete.
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: So have some grace with us.
• 3:50
  Speaker 4: I guess we'll just have to get Molly on the
• 3:51
  Speaker 4: show again as a p with that.
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: Let's get to it. Let's get to hurdling today.
• 4:03
  Speaker 4: I am sitting down once again with the ever lovely
• 4:07
  Speaker 4: Molly Cidel.
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: How are you doing, ma, I'm doing great.
• 4:10
  Speaker 3: It's so exciting to be.
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: Back, so exciting to be back.
• 4:13
  Speaker 4: I see, Okay, but you say, like, I'm doing great, But.
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: Are you doing great compared to how the last couple
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: of months have been. Yes, I'm legitimately doing great right
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: now in proportion to where I was in like June.
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: Let's just say, obviously there's always the ups and downs
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: and whatnot, but just like on the whole, like I'm
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: back into full marathon training right now. We've got this
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: awesome team going on out here in fly staff Is
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: he's actually visiting my sisters here in Flag right now.
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: So honestly, things have been really great the last few weeks.
• 4:45
  Speaker 4: Oh that makes me so happy, so happy to hear
• 4:48
  Speaker 4: It's it's funny for me right now, like kind of
• 4:50
  Speaker 4: a full circle moment because you were probably like one
• 4:54
  Speaker 4: of the last humans I saw in person pre pandemic
• 4:57
  Speaker 4: when we recorded for the show the first and hung
• 5:00
  Speaker 4: out in your living room and now, God, so much
• 5:03
  Speaker 4: has changed since March twenty twenty.
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: It is really wild to think back to that of
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: like that was on it. You were the last person
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: who was in our apartment for basically probably until like
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: that fall, when the next humans that were in our
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: apartment were the USADA drug testers that came from my
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: auto or out of comp drug testing, when I was like,
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: are you guys allowed to be here?
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: Is this safe for anyone involved?
• 5:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: It was terrible, but yeah, so basically that was like
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: the last human interaction I had for a while.
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: I'm so happy I could bring you that joy.
• 5:40
  Speaker 4: I also, you know, I mean, obviously since we've talked
• 5:43
  Speaker 4: so much has happened, primarily the fact that you became
• 5:47
  Speaker 4: an Olympian. You came in third at the Olympics, and
• 5:50
  Speaker 4: now so much of what we're going to talk about
• 5:52
  Speaker 4: today opening up kind of about your journey and what's
• 5:56
  Speaker 4: really been going on behind the scenes since gosh, the
• 6:00
  Speaker 4: last time we spoke. I'm glad to hear that you're
• 6:02
  Speaker 4: doing great slash better than the last few months, because
• 6:05
  Speaker 4: the last few months have been a lot, right, It's.
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: It's been a ton and I think a lot of
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: it has been kind of just like dealing with the
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: aftermath of the Olympics and the pandemic and a lot
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: of things that I'd kind of been shelving for a
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: really long time. That it's like you realize that you
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: shelve things for long enough and you're eventually going to
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: have to like actually get around to tackling them. You
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: can't just put it off forever. And so that's kind
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: of been what the last few months have been for me,
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: is like dealing with just everything since the pandemic started. Yeah.
• 6:37
  Speaker 4: Yeah, And I think a lot of people are in
• 6:39
  Speaker 4: this boat now as we quote unquote get back to
• 6:41
  Speaker 4: real life, even though like gestures loosely, there's still some
• 6:45
  Speaker 4: aspects of a pandemic happening, but we're all just trying
• 6:48
  Speaker 4: to navigate, like what does this new version of our
• 6:51
  Speaker 4: life look like now?
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: And what is it that we really want?
• 6:55
  Speaker 4: And this will kind of like lead me into this
• 6:58
  Speaker 4: discussion with you, because I know that you have spoken
• 7:01
  Speaker 4: now so openly about what you've been through navigating your
• 7:05
  Speaker 4: eating disorder adhd et cetera, and saying that you know
• 7:09
  Speaker 4: that you want to feel good in your body, and
• 7:13
  Speaker 4: despite feeling that way, that doesn't mean that like you
• 7:16
  Speaker 4: can just get out and like escape all of the
• 7:20
  Speaker 4: things that are causing these problems in the first place.
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: No, exactly, And I think I think a lot of
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: it was is just kind of like expecting that maybe
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: when I got the diagnosis, that like all of this
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: stuff would go away, and it's like that's not how
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: it works, or even that this shocking revelation to me
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: that winning an Olympic medal doesn't somehow fix everything that's
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: going on. And so it's kind of been dealing with
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: that aftermath of it's like what do you what do
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: you do when you've achieved everything you ever dreamed and
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: you're still the same, very flawed person that you were beforehand.
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  Speaker 1: And it's kind of like overcoming that little bit of
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: cognitive dissonance and like working past that. And I think
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: that's been the hardest part of all of this, of
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: trying to rationalize like, Okay, I accomplished this really big thing,
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  Speaker 1: but I still have a lot of work to do
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: on myself.
• 8:11
  Speaker 4: Yeah, do you think that when you won bronze at
• 8:16
  Speaker 4: the Olympics that it meant as much as you thought
• 8:20
  Speaker 4: that it would, knowing like all this other stuff you
• 8:23
  Speaker 4: were dealing with behind the scenes.
• 8:26
  Speaker 3: I think it.
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: It did, like, don't get me wrong, Like coming across
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  Speaker 1: that line was one of the greatest moments of my life,
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: and just like for what it meant not only for me,
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: but for the entire team around me, and what it
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: meant for everything that we'd been through to get there,
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: training through a pandemic, like qualifying for the team and
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: then heading straight into a global pandemic, not knowing if
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: the Olympics were going to happen, dealing with injury. I
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: actually had gotten like a sacral stress reaction the march
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: before the Olympics, so we were really worried about just
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: what it was even going to be. And so it
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: was just this huge moment of like, oh my gosh,
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  Speaker 1: I can't believe that this actually happened, that I was
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: able to accomplish this. But the come down was really
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: really difficult, and the come down and the wondering of
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: just like, man, like, how do I make any sort
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: of sense of this in the scheme of like who
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: I am, what my career is, what this means going forward,
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: and the mental adjustment that it has taken since then
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  Speaker 1: has been really really difficult, and I think probably one
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: of the greater challenges in my running career.
• 9:35
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I want to dive in to the feeling there,
• 9:40
  Speaker 4: something that I've been trying to do over the last year.
• 9:42
  Speaker 4: I started working with a life coach in January of
• 9:45
  Speaker 4: twenty twenty two, and talking about my feelings is something
• 9:49
  Speaker 4: that I thought that I did before, but realized I
• 9:51
  Speaker 4: didn't do it all until someone started asking me how
• 9:55
  Speaker 4: different things actually made me feel. So you say that
• 9:59
  Speaker 4: it was one of the most difficult times of your
• 10:02
  Speaker 4: professional career and that come down was so hard during
• 10:06
  Speaker 4: that time period, talk to me about how it felt.
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: I mean, it was so we got back from the
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: Olympics and already it was like I think I slept
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: for like three days straight just because like the sheer
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: amount of stress that I experienced during that time, from
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: like landing in Tokyo through to the end of the
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: Olympics is insane. Looking back, I honestly don't know how
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: any of us did it, because it was just like
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: the entire time, you're worried that like if you're even
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: like if you're within six feet of someone who tests positive,
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: you're out of the Olympics. Like until I was on
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: that start line, I did not know whether or not
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: I would be racing that day, and so it's just
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: constant stress, constant stress, and then just like the excitement
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: and everything. I got back and it was like coming
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: off of just this like like every brain chemical was
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: maxed out and then having to build right back up
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: after this enormously difficult experience right for New York, when
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: I was dealing with just so much stuff, I was like,
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: that was right when I had like really fallen back
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: into the eating disorder, and so like things were really bad.
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: And we actually questioned whether or not to go back
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: and eat treatment that fall, and it was like a
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: fifty to fifty kind of thing of whether we would
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: or wouldn't, and we ultimately decided we didn't, which I
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: look back to now is I'm like that might have
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: been the wrong decision, because it just it was just
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: taking all of these negative feelings and not actually like
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: reflecting on any of them. It was just like shelve it,
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: like just push it down, go do another marathon.
• 11:46
  Speaker 3: Build.
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: It was just taking all of these negative feelings, just
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: these feelings of just utter exhaustion. It felt like rats
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: had been chewing on the wires of my brain and
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: then there was just nothing left I could barely get
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: out of bed in the morning, and then knowing that
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: I had to like build up for another marathon right
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: away for New York, and just like deep what I
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: realized now was just deep, deep depression of just lack
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: of motivation, just sadness, and like it was so hard
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: to rationalize because I had just come off like the
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: greatest accomplishment of my career. I'm like, why do I
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: feel like this? And then that just spirals you feel
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: the guilt of like like this is selfish for me
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: to feel this way, And so it was kind of
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: just like pushing all of it down, push all of
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: it down, Like I'm from the Midwest. I feel like
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: we're really good at doing that. But yeah, we don't
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: talk about our feelings. I know, we don't talk about
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: our feelings. We just cover them in layers of cheese.
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: And so it was it was this kind of thing
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: where it was very much of just like, just get
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: to the next thing, Just get to the New York marathon.
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: All I just need to keep not actually processing what
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: I've been through. I just need another race to focus on.
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: And New York work went so well, very surprisingly actually
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: based on what that build was. I think it was
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: just kind of carrying through the residual fitness from the Olympics,
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: because like it was a very abridged build and so
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: between that and then like training through the pain of
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: the broken ribs and like all of that, it was
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: just so hard that I think my brain just went
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: over and edge that it couldn't come back from. And
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: I think then we started to really see how much
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: that was going to affect me when we tried to
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: start the Boston build and it was just like, oh
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: my god, something is really really wrong here.
• 13:36
  Speaker 4: You were top American and that's your current PR, right
• 13:39
  Speaker 4: that New York City Marathon two twenty four forty two,
• 13:42
  Speaker 4: which is just like insanity, truly insanity.
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's kind of crazy to think of that, of
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: just like it's wild to think that is my PR
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: in the marathon one because like I don't really see
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: New York as like a PR type of course. But
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: then also of just like what that Like, I've had
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: far better builds than that, and it's kind of like
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: one of those things we're just like, I don't know
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: how that came out to be what it is.
• 14:07
  Speaker 3: And it's the same reason that it's like I.
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: Really want to try and go and like do the marathon,
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: build right and like be mentally healthy and like do
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: all this stuff because I'm like, I just feel like
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: that wasn't really representative of what I'm capable of here.
• 14:18
  Speaker 4: Yeah, something else I've been thinking a lot about lately
• 14:21
  Speaker 4: is this concept of going from good to great, which
• 14:25
  Speaker 4: is something that you've touched on, I've heard you speak
• 14:27
  Speaker 4: on a little bit in so many ways. Is just
• 14:31
  Speaker 4: like you have learned now how to be how to
• 14:36
  Speaker 4: excel in your words as a good athlete and do
• 14:41
  Speaker 4: very well, but now going through this next kind of
• 14:46
  Speaker 4: iteration of treatment, and we'll talk about what that looks like,
• 14:48
  Speaker 4: but going through this next iteration of treatment, envisioning what
• 14:52
  Speaker 4: it could be like to be a great version of yourself,
• 14:57
  Speaker 4: because showing up as a good version of yourself has
• 15:00
  Speaker 4: it's been pretty good.
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: For you so far. So this idea of like what
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: that would feel like, Like what does good to great
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: feel like?
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: I guess that is kind of what this next phase
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: in my career is, because I am kind of looking
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: at this as like the next phase of what this
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: is that like how I was doing things before in
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: a very like frankly a mentally unhealthy way and like
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: not treating my body right, not treating my head right.
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: I maxed at like I fully maxed out at what
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: I could do, like that American course record in New
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: York and the Olympic medal were the best it was
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: ever gonna get of Molly with an eating disorder, because
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: after that, like it's just not sustainable, Like I can't
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: go past that. That's the threshold of two twenty four
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: on the New York course, which is like pretty good,
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: like not gonna lie like a bronze medal is very
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: very very good. But realizing of like okay, like I
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: wasn't doing things the right way and I wasn't doing
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: things the sustainable way, and it was like if I
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: kept doing things like that, it was never going to
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: get better than that.
• 16:01
  Speaker 3: That's the peak of it.
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: And so I guess that's something that we've been really
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: working on through this current iteration of therapy and really
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: taking a deep, hard look at how I've been doing
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: things and having to almost like in a sense, like
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: break down every part of who I am and like
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: rebuild it back up of being like okay, like what
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: is it going to look like from here, like is
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: it like will I ever be able to be that
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: good again?
• 16:30
  Speaker 3: Like being fully healthy?
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: And I think that's the fear, that's the eating disorder
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: in my head, of just being like, you will never
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: be that good again without the eating disorder, because it
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: just has this funny way of just latching on. But
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: it's like, but I could never be better than that
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: with the eating disorder. That's as good as it was
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: going to get. And I've got these really big goals
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: in the sport, and it's just like I'll never know
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: if I keep doing things that way, Like I have
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: to become a totally different person if I want to
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: proceed past that.
• 16:56
  Speaker 3: And I'm not gonna lie. It's really scary.
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: It's super super scary because you just don't know what
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: it's going to be on the other side.
• 17:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and that's totally understandable.
• 17:05
  Speaker 4: I mean, we're always scared of the unknown ray And
• 17:08
  Speaker 4: it's as almost it's kind of like we choose to
• 17:12
  Speaker 4: linger in good because good is comfortable and great is frightening,
• 17:17
  Speaker 4: but we want great. So where is that line drawn?
• 17:22
  Speaker 4: Where is the line drawn where you say I am
• 17:25
  Speaker 4: at my wits end with being good? I am ready
• 17:28
  Speaker 4: to embrace that next level of uncomfortable to be great.
• 17:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and I think not even that.
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: It's just like it's realizing that I want more out
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: of this than just what that was, because like it's
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: really cool to go and win the Olympic medal, but
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: then realizing like, okay, I really had to sacrifice so
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: many other like I had to live a life that
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: was frankly hollow and empty outside of that. I know,
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: there's this like idea in running media that I'm just
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: like this super fun, like crazy beer girl.
• 17:59
  Speaker 3: All the time time. Like there was this article after
• 18:01
  Speaker 3: the Olympics that it was.
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: Like people were worried Molly's side wasn't going to finish
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: the Olympic marathon because she was having too much fun
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: at the Olympics, and.
• 18:08
  Speaker 3: It's like, what the fuck does that mean?
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: And so there is this image of just like Molly's
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: title is the fun beer Girl, but it's like the
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: reality of it was like no, like eating disorder had
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: hollowed out my entire world. I didn't have space to
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: be able to have a real relationship. I didn't have
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: space to like be able to be the friend that
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: I wanted to be to people. Frankly, I hated myself
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: a lot of the time. Like when you deal with bulimia,
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: it just strips everything away from you, and that's the
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: honest truth of it. All you have left is running.
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: And I just kind of woke up a little bit
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: and I'm realized, like I want more than just this,
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: and I think it can be better outside of just this.
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: It's the same thing I went through in college when
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: it's like, it's just so funny because it's like my
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: life is just this repeating four year cycle of like
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: these things of like go through treatment, get better, and
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: then just fall right back into it. And it's like,
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: how do I break that cycle? Because I'm sick of
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: being at this point where I'm sitting at the bottom
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: of the well and I've got nothing left other than running,
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: and I'm holding on to running so tightly, and even
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: that breaks and then it's like, who the hell am
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: I outside of this?
• 19:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah? Thanks for sharing that, you know, it's funny.
• 19:18
  Speaker 4: It was like Malley Sidle the beer Girl, and then
• 19:21
  Speaker 4: like when you placed at the Olympic Trials, it was
• 19:25
  Speaker 4: like Molly Cidle the Barista. I think You've had so
• 19:29
  Speaker 4: many iterations of like media coverage for Molly Cidyl.
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but I think I like, I almost like like
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: my ego and whatnot has almost latched onto that in
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: a way too much, because it is that way of
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: like that like the fear of letting go of the
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: good in order to be great. It's almost this like
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: I think our egos have a really good job of
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: like do a really good job of like trying to
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: protect ourselves and always being like, oh like if I'm
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: just the barista or I'm just the fun beer girl,
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: I'm not fully invested in this. So if I fail,
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: well it does it it's not a true failure. It
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: means that I just wasn't trying fully.
• 20:04
  Speaker 4: It's another identity, right, You're talking about latching on to
• 20:08
  Speaker 4: being this excellent, superb runner, but this other identity is
• 20:12
  Speaker 4: something else that you can kind of hold onto, to
• 20:16
  Speaker 4: your point.
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly, of just like having this thing outside that
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: isn't necessarily like a true identity, but that I can
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: use as an excuse to be just like, oh yeah,
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: well I was also working at the coffee shop, so
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: it's fine and like and so I kind of want
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: to get away from that, and it's like I want
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: to be able to say, like, no, like I am
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: all in on this, like this is I have other
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: things outside of it, and like I'm not just a runner,
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: but at the same time, like I'm fully invested in this,
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: so like if I fail, if I don't make it,
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: I can only blame myself on it. But it doesn't
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: like it doesn't mean I'm a failure. It's just like
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: that's just what it is. Like I can try as
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: hard as I can, and I might not. I might
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: not make it, but at least I tried.
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: What does making it look like to you?
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: Oh, I think it's hard. Like I've struggled with this
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: idea a lot. I don't know because I go back
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: and forth on that whole thing, Like don't use like
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: physical outcomes to like define your success. But it's like
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: this is the sport where it's like winning like winning
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: does matter, like times do matter. That's just the god
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: honest truth of it. But I think at the end
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: of the day, the reason that we do sport is
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: in order to learn more about ourselves, as cheesy as
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: that sounds, and I think for me, making it is
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: being able to say that I took this thing as
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: far as I physically could take it with like my healthy,
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: like clean body and being able to say, like, I
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: went to the physical maximum of what my brain and
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: my body were capable of in this sport, and knowing
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: that I was able to take it to an Olympic
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: bronze while not being fully healthy and just being like,
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: what can I be capable of when I'm firing on
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: all cylinders? And so I think that's the exciting thing
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: and the scary thing about it. But yeah, I guess
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: you just never know. Like I have big goals in
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: the sport. I don't usually share my goals with people.
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: It is just the kind of thing of like, I
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: just truly want to see how far I can take
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: this thing because I know in my mind what I'm
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: capable of, and it's just like, yeah, let's just see
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: what we can do when I'm not like self sabotaging myself.
• 22:36
  Speaker 4: So what you're saying is that despite winning an Olympic bronze,
• 22:41
  Speaker 4: you haven't accomplished your goal.
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: No, And that's the thing I think, Like the Olympic
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: bronze was a really good, like a really great marker
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: of being able to show me, hey, like you deserve
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: to be running at this level. I think it's hard
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: for me to rationalize in my head when like the
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: best women in the world are running like two four
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, well, I'm still a two twenty four marathon,
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: or like like who the fuck do you think you are?
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: Saying that you could run with them, but being able
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: to see a two fourteen woman less than like twenty
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: seconds in front of me and just being like, hey,
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: like I might like I might not be there yet,
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: but it's like I can see that, and I'm the
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: it might be a matter of like getting the right
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: conditions on the right day, because like, let's be serious,
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: like the conditions really played into my favor that day.
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: But it's just like knowing, like, hey, I can see
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: it right there. I know that, like I might not
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: be doing this fully healthy right now, but I'm clean
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: and I'm that close, Like I want to see what
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: I can do.
• 23:41
  Speaker 4: When you think about accomplishing the goal that you haven't
• 23:46
  Speaker 4: so explicitly stated here, how does that make you feel
• 23:53
  Speaker 4: if you were to do it exactly? How you are
• 23:56
  Speaker 4: insinuating clean and being recovered from this eating disorder. So
• 24:02
  Speaker 4: many of the mental hurdles that have burdened you up
• 24:05
  Speaker 4: until this point, I.
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: Think it would come with this feeling of less of
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: like the shocked elation that came with the bronze of
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: the Brons was just so shocking that it was just like,
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: oh my gosh, that seemed to come out of nowhere.
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: And I think being able to do these things like
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: healthy and like in a fully aware, like healthy brain,
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: it comes more of the like the quiet confidence of
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: being like, I know I'm capable of this, and I'm
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: going to go out and execute. One of my favorite books,
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: it's like The Rock Warrior. I'm flubbing the title on it,
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: but it's basically a climbing book like for rock climbers
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: that basically incorporates a lot of Zen principles and a
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: lot of that is is kind of like bringing on
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: that mentality of never saying like I'm going to try
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: it's like I'm going to do it because you're when
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: you go out like you intend to put out your
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: best effort and the conditions might not be there. You
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: can't control the other people in the race, But going
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: out and saying like I'm going to give my maximal
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: effort and I know that I can accomplish these things
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: and so I think it's taking that mentality into it
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: of just like I'm not going out and trying for
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: these things. I'm not going out and hoping and wishing
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: that the right day comes. It's going out and knowing, like, hey,
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: I am giving everything I possibly can to this, and
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: it might not always be my day, but once in
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: a while it's going to be.
• 25:34
  Speaker 2: Two things.
• 25:35
  Speaker 4: One, it's called the Rock Warriors Way mental training for climbers.
• 25:38
  Speaker 3: That's it too.
• 25:39
  Speaker 4: If you give it all you've got on that day,
• 25:42
  Speaker 4: despite what the outcome is. Should the outcome not be
• 25:46
  Speaker 4: perhaps that you come in first, then what you're saying
• 25:49
  Speaker 4: is knowing that you truly gave it all you've got
• 25:53
  Speaker 4: is the only thing that matters exactly.
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: Okay, my best races have been that. That's what the
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: only trials was. I didn't have in my mind that
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: I wanted to go out and get second place in
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: that because I didn't even know that it was possible yet.
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: But it was just like, I'm just going to race
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: as hard as I freaking can here, and we're just
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: gonna like I'm just happy to go out and know
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: that I'm like here and I'm ready to just absolutely
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: ball out and balling out was getting second and making
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: an Olympic team, and so.
• 26:23
  Speaker 2: It's absolutely balling out.
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And so it's that I think it's like letting
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: go of these ideas in our mind of like, based
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: on past performance is what we could be, or even
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: like letting go of this idea that I'm an Olympic
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: bronze medalist and just showing up every time and just
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: being like, I'm not going to change how I race
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: because of any of this. I'm not going to like
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: think that I'm better than I am like because of it,
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: Like frankly, like that race that I just did in Boston,
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: like I'm not going to the line thinking like I'm
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: an Olympic bronze medalist.
• 26:50
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna win this.
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: Knowing full well that I'd had no training going to that.
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: I knew full well I was gonna get my ass
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: handed to me on a silver platter. But I gave
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: my best effort on the day. And so it's like
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: going out and knowing that I tried as hard as
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: I could, like that's the goal here.
• 27:05
  Speaker 3: And I know it's all very like hippie.
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: Dippy ethereal, and I know I'm gonna get shit from
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: the let's run people of just like all of that,
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: But like, at the end of the day, that's what
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: it is. Like, nobody fifty years from now is going
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: to care. Like half the people, like ninety nine percent
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: of the people in the world don't care that I'm
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: going out and running or whatnot. It's just like, at
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: the end of the day, we do this so we
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: can learn about ourselves.
• 27:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah, for sure.
• 27:32
  Speaker 4: Now you said earlier that you in retrospect, may have
• 27:37
  Speaker 4: made a better decision if you went into treatment for
• 27:40
  Speaker 4: ed the fall before the New York marathon where you
• 27:43
  Speaker 4: got your PR Why didn't you choose to enter treatment
• 27:48
  Speaker 4: after that marathon.
• 27:50
  Speaker 3: I don't think i'd hit rock bottom yet.
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: I think I fully needed to hit rock bottom and
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: just realized that I had nothing left.
• 27:58
  Speaker 4: So rock bottom comes for you when you go for
• 28:01
  Speaker 4: the athlete screening for Worlds?
• 28:03
  Speaker 2: Is that right?
• 28:04
  Speaker 3: That is correct?
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: That was absolute rock bottom after having dropped out of Boston,
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: Like my body was broken, my brain was broken. I
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: just I was at my wits end and we had
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: considered pulling out of Worlds a couple times because things
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: had gotten so bad and the fact that the sacram
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: went like in conjunction. I truly believe in like the
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: mind mind body connection and that like if you weren't
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: willing to shut yourself down, your body's going to It
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: was just like everything was on fight or flight mode,
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: and my body just knew it was like hey, like
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: like bitch, you are done right now. And so it
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: wasn't until getting out there and just realizing like I
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: physically can't do this anymore and just realizing like something
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: has to change, because like this is all going to
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: go away if I don't actually take this year now.
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: And I don't think I was in that place yet.
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: Last fall, things were bad.
• 29:04
  Speaker 3: But they weren't that bad.
• 29:10
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  Speaker 4: checkout for ten percent off. The rock bottom place is
• 32:11
  Speaker 4: such a difficult place to be, not only because emotionally
• 32:16
  Speaker 4: we're just like completely drained, but it's also this location,
• 32:20
  Speaker 4: so to speak, proverbial location where you have to accept.
• 32:25
  Speaker 2: That change has to happen.
• 32:28
  Speaker 4: And I spoke recently about navigating depression at the top
• 32:33
  Speaker 4: side of this year. And for me, like I had
• 32:36
  Speaker 4: this distinct moment where I like pulled a pan out
• 32:39
  Speaker 4: of the cabinet, all the pants full on the floor,
• 32:42
  Speaker 4: and in that moment, I collapsed onto the floor next
• 32:45
  Speaker 4: to the pans, and I just started sobbing. And I
• 32:48
  Speaker 4: knew in that moment that it had nothing to do
• 32:50
  Speaker 4: with the pans, and just sheerly the fact.
• 32:53
  Speaker 2: That like I couldn't do it alone anymore.
• 32:56
  Speaker 4: I couldn't carry around this burden and not articulate my
• 33:01
  Speaker 4: feelings and what I was navigating. So for you, after
• 33:05
  Speaker 4: hearing from the people at the USOPC that this isn't
• 33:12
  Speaker 4: happening for you, what does that moment look like for you?
• 33:17
  Speaker 4: What's your sitting on the floor surrounded by the pots
• 33:20
  Speaker 4: and pans moment look like my sitting.
• 33:22
  Speaker 3: On the floor showing by pots pants.
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: So it wasn't even a matter of like the I
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: think like if I truly like said like hey, like
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: I'm going to compete, they would have let me compete.
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: It's not kind of like a thing where it's like
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: they ban you, but it was things had been so
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: bad for so long. The eating disorder was really bad. Mentally,
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: I was in that pots and pants on the floor,
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: just like every little thing was setting me off, and
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: I had gone like I was the adderall was basically
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: just like propping me up. After I'd been diagnosed with ADHD,
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: I'd like started taking the adderall and then just kind
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: of realizing, like one that was only making the eating
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: disorder way way worse. I lost a ton of weight
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: on it, and then it was just like artificially keeping
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: me going when like my body needed to stop. And
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: so I had gone off of it going into Eugene,
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: and it was just like all the things together where
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: it was like, for the first time in a long time,
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: doing that questionnaire and going through the questionnaire and just
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: like actually answering honestly, because I think for a long
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: time I'd been just bullshiting it. I'd been bullshiting it
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: to every single podcast. I was doing like everybody expects
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: me to be this mental health advocate, so I'm saying
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: all the right things and I'm not actually doing any
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: of them. And it was for me answering honestly to
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: the questionnaire and slowly getting that like this relief of
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: actually just saying it out loud of like yeah, like
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: I'm throwing up multiple times a week. I'm like I'm
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: not okay, Like I like, I just feel like like
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: everything is worthless and whatnot. And then when it came
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: back and they're like, hey, we really want you to
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: talk to a therapist, and I went outside the building
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: and I think they expected me to be on the
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: phone for like ten minutes, and I was on there
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: for over an hour, just literally sobbing in full public
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: in the middle of Eugene. That was the moment of
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: just realizing like needing to almost hear it back to
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: myself to realize like, like girl, you need to stop
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: right now and you need to get this figured out.
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: And it was just like knowing like okay, like I
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: can't fix this myself. I think, like I haven't done
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: a whole lot of like like AA type stuff, but
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: I know the general protocol. And I think the first
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: like step of that is kind of like seating the
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: fact that like you cannot fix it yourself. And I've
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: been trying so so so hard to fix it myself
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: for so long of like doing all this stuff, doing
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: the therapy, like trying to like be on the right
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: medication and just being like, no, I can fix this,
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: and being just like no, like you're not going to
• 35:59
  Speaker 1: fix it. You need help. And that was it of
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: just being like, yeah, I'm never going to fix this
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: on my own.
• 36:06
  Speaker 4: Why do you think that's the opportunity you chose to
• 36:11
  Speaker 4: finally be honest, I.
• 36:16
  Speaker 3: Think I was just tired.
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: I was just so tired of just trying so hard
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: and holding onto this thing so tightly to make the
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: world chance happen, to make like holding onto this idea
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: like if I just keep moving, everything's going to be fine.
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: And even that morning, like when I had flown in,
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: John picked me up and I was supposed to go
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: and do a run on the marathon course and I
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: couldn't even make it a mile. I like my body
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: was so tired, my head was just so tired, and
• 36:44
  Speaker 1: I was just sick of it. Like I told John
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: that morning, I'm like I hate running right now. And
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: like that made him worry because it's like when I
• 36:51
  Speaker 1: don't want to run, that's like a real warning sign,
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: and because it's like I always want to run, like
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: a Yeah, it was just that it was like my
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: body was just sick of trying so hard and just
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: never getting the results and just feeling like a failure
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: that I couldn't do this on my own.
• 37:11
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it's so understandable being at that level, being that
• 37:15
  Speaker 4: tired and being like my hands are in the air.
• 37:18
  Speaker 4: I truly have absolutely nothing left to give.
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like you feel like you're just like you're
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: spinning out like your car on the edge of like
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: a cliff, and no matter how fast you drive, you
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: just feel yourself slipping backwards constantly. And I think that's
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: the hardest part of just being like I'm giving everything
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: I can right now and I'm just going nowhere, I'm
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: going backwards.
• 37:42
  Speaker 2: What does ED treatment look like for me?
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: This one has been pretty different, actually, So.
• 37:50
  Speaker 5: I basically went up and spent the summer in Salt
• 37:55
  Speaker 5: Lake getting treatment up there with a doctor and like
• 37:59
  Speaker 5: a die aetitian and all that that was set up
• 38:02
  Speaker 5: up there.
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: Because my boyfriend Matt, who we'd started dating in the spring,
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: he's been super supportive of this, and for me, a
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: lot of it is like being able to be like
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: in a safe environment and around people that I trust
• 38:15
  Speaker 1: in kudos to him for like me basically being like
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: we'd only been dating a few months and like basically
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: USOPC was like, hey, like we have like we have
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: a doctor and like a facility up in Salt Lake
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: that you could go to, Like do you have a
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: place to stay? And so I like called him up
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, hey, Matt, like I know we've like
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: really only just like recently made this official, but like
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: could I stay with you at Salt Lake to like
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: get treatment for an eating disorder? And like, God bless
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: that man.
• 38:44
  Speaker 3: He was just like all in, like just immediately like yep,
• 38:47
  Speaker 3: let's do it.
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: And I think I'm always going to be very grateful
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: for that of just like how supportive he has been
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: of it. But yeah, it was like working with doctors
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: up there, didn't go into like a full impatient treatment clinic,
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: but yeah, it's been a very different type. We've been
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: doing some very different types of treatments that I've never
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: done before that and like just exploring different avenues of
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: what this looked like and realizing like I had to
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: get off the adderall just from a neurotoxicity standpoint and
• 39:17
  Speaker 1: just because it was enabling me to just not eat,
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: which is really not good. And so it's just like
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: having to figure out now of like Okay, how do
• 39:28
  Speaker 1: I treat ADHD without stimulants, which is already very very difficult.
• 39:34
  Speaker 4: Yeah, you were you scared to ask Matt to stay
• 39:38
  Speaker 4: with him?
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: Oh, I thought that was going to be the end
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: of the relationship. So I actually, to this day is
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: the only fight we have had. I had not told
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: him how bad things were because I was very, very
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: scared of just what opening up like that, Like John
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: was effectively the only person who knew the extent of it,
• 39:58
  Speaker 1: or my coach, John, who is also my I remained
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: he knew the extent of it, and he was having
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: to manage a lot of this. And so after trials,
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: when all this like shit went down, Matt was kind
• 40:08
  Speaker 1: of wondering.
• 40:08
  Speaker 3: He is like, what the hell is going on?
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: Like Molly isn't really calling me, Like I'm wondering, like
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: if something's wrong, And John kind of told him me.
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: He was like, hey, like Molly's like basically having a
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: crisis right now. She's like not really in a place
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: to talk about it, but like she needs help and
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: she's going to be seeking ed treatment and Matt like
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: called me and like.
• 40:29
  Speaker 3: Actually like really called me out.
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: I'm just like, hey, like, if you want this to work,
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: like you have to be open with me about this
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: kind of stuff, because it's like I can't I can't
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: help you and I can't be here for you if
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: you aren't willing to tell me. And it was the
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: first time anyone had ever done that and not seen
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: me as just like a broken thing of like like
• 40:46
  Speaker 1: just this mental health baggage bringing in. It was just like, hey,
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: like I want to help you with this, I want
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: to be here with you. And yeah, it was the
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: kind of thing where it was like until he said that,
• 40:57
  Speaker 1: I figured that like nobody would ever want to be
• 41:00
  Speaker 1: with me because of this, and it was just like, oh,
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: like he's willing to accept all of this, and like
• 41:05
  Speaker 1: honestly made getting through some of the worst months that
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: I've had in a really long time, like really bearable.
• 41:12
  Speaker 4: I think so often someone will say something like that
• 41:15
  Speaker 4: to us, it's like I want to be there for you,
• 41:18
  Speaker 4: and even though they say that, we just assume that
• 41:21
  Speaker 4: they're lying. Like we're wired to not want to be
• 41:24
  Speaker 4: an inconvenience to somebody else, and for so long as
• 41:27
  Speaker 4: you articulated you made it such a priority to try
• 41:31
  Speaker 4: to manage this on your own, so not only did
• 41:34
  Speaker 4: you hear him, but letting him in to actually help you.
• 41:39
  Speaker 3: Was a huge step. Yeah.
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: It was that fear though, of like the fear of
• 41:44
  Speaker 1: opening up and actually showing people like who you are,
• 41:47
  Speaker 1: because I think I'd gotten so used to that. Any
• 41:50
  Speaker 1: time I actually showed who I was, whether it's to
• 41:53
  Speaker 1: the media or to people, like everyone shies away from
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: that because it's a lot, Like that's a lot to
• 41:57
  Speaker 1: bear and like you don't want to burden people with it.
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: But it's like there is just the reality of showing like, hey,
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: like this is what it is. I'm sorry, like it
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: is what it is, and him like seeing me like
• 42:11
  Speaker 1: fully who I am and just being like hey, like
• 42:13
  Speaker 1: I want it anyway, and it's like that that was
• 42:16
  Speaker 1: a really big moment for me, and I think honestly
• 42:19
  Speaker 1: part of me, like going through all this treatment was
• 42:22
  Speaker 1: like being in the place this spring where I was
• 42:24
  Speaker 1: starting this relationship with someone who I'm like, I really
• 42:27
  Speaker 1: like this person and I really want this to work,
• 42:29
  Speaker 1: and I'm not in a place right now where I
• 42:31
  Speaker 1: can do that. I'm not mentally healthy that I can
• 42:34
  Speaker 1: like be everything I need to be in this relationship.
• 42:36
  Speaker 1: And part of that hitting rock bottom was just be like,
• 42:38
  Speaker 1: if I don't figure this out, like I'm going to
• 42:40
  Speaker 1: lose something that's really important to me.
• 42:43
  Speaker 4: Yeah, but how special is it that that's something was
• 42:47
  Speaker 4: bigger than running?
• 42:49
  Speaker 3: Oh my gosh.
• 42:49
  Speaker 1: That And I think that's what was pretty amazing to me,
• 42:52
  Speaker 1: is that like I really want something outside of just
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: this sport, and like it was actually really funny.
• 42:57
  Speaker 3: There was when I was up in Salt Lake.
• 42:59
  Speaker 1: It was actually this spring, so it was after Boston,
• 43:01
  Speaker 1: so I was already like in a pretty negative place.
• 43:03
  Speaker 1: That was the first time I went up there and
• 43:05
  Speaker 1: I ran a workout and it went really really well,
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: like shockingly well, way better than other workouts had been.
• 43:10
  Speaker 1: And I called John and I was just like, it's crazy,
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: like I'm like happy, but I'm actually like running well.
• 43:16
  Speaker 3: And he's like, are you trying to say that You're
• 43:18
  Speaker 3: shocked that.
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: Like being happy will lead you to run Okay, because
• 43:22
  Speaker 1: I think in my mind I had this idea of
• 43:23
  Speaker 1: like you have to be miserable and alone in order
• 43:26
  Speaker 1: to run well, Like you can't have both of these things.
• 43:30
  Speaker 2: We can't have it all. You can't have it all?
• 43:35
  Speaker 3: Are you even that?
• 43:35
  Speaker 1: Like you don't have to just be in like this
• 43:37
  Speaker 1: negative like running is the only thing that I have
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: because I'm like, the workout went super well and I
• 43:41
  Speaker 1: was just like I'm excited to get done with the
• 43:43
  Speaker 1: workout so i.
• 43:43
  Speaker 3: Can go hang out with like Matt.
• 43:46
  Speaker 1: It's like it shouldn't be this shocking thing, but I
• 43:49
  Speaker 1: think a lot of us runners make it more complicated
• 43:52
  Speaker 1: than it needs to be. Of just like if I
• 43:54
  Speaker 1: give any sort of space to anything outside of running,
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to be good.
• 43:57
  Speaker 3: And it's like maybe it'll be better.
• 44:00
  Speaker 4: It could be better, And I actually think that this
• 44:02
  Speaker 4: is a takeaway I've heard from Emma Bates and the
• 44:05
  Speaker 4: girls that train with Team Boss, because it's like the
• 44:08
  Speaker 4: more of them that started to like kind of get
• 44:10
  Speaker 4: together over there, the more supportive they felt, and like
• 44:13
  Speaker 4: the better they felt about being able to do what
• 44:15
  Speaker 4: they love while still maintaining friendships, which classically is so
• 44:18
  Speaker 4: difficult for not just women but athletes as a whole.
• 44:22
  Speaker 4: As you go on and chase your dreams, it's like
• 44:24
  Speaker 4: this assumption that my dreams are going to require me
• 44:26
  Speaker 4: to miss out on so many things, but what if
• 44:29
  Speaker 4: you could choose to do both to some extent, which
• 44:32
  Speaker 4: is what now you're doing over in Flagstaff exactly.
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: And that's very much what it's been of realizing over
• 44:38
  Speaker 1: the last few months of coming out of this hole
• 44:41
  Speaker 1: and like just being in a mentally much better space
• 44:43
  Speaker 1: and now having like a great supportive boyfriend. I've got
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: John who is like my ride or di best friend coach,
• 44:50
  Speaker 1: and now we've got this team growing as well with
• 44:53
  Speaker 1: Jessic Hansen and Grace and Murphy, and just realizing like wow,
• 44:57
  Speaker 1: like this is awesome getting to do this with people,
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: because so much of my career has just been doing
• 45:02
  Speaker 1: this solo and I think that's contributed to a lot
• 45:04
  Speaker 1: of it. And it's just like wow, like it really
• 45:07
  Speaker 1: is a lot better when you've just got people who
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: you vibe with.
• 45:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, for sure.
• 45:12
  Speaker 4: And now I want to touch on the Runner's World
• 45:16
  Speaker 4: article coming out on October sixth of this year when
• 45:20
  Speaker 4: it came out and literally the headline Molly's sidel still Struggles.
• 45:26
  Speaker 3: That headline actually really caught me. I did not like
• 45:28
  Speaker 3: the headline on that.
• 45:30
  Speaker 4: Talk to me about the feelings after the Runner's World
• 45:33
  Speaker 4: article comes out, because this is you kind of like
• 45:36
  Speaker 4: you had your rock bottom moment you admit to yourself
• 45:40
  Speaker 4: like I'm not well. This is really truly the first
• 45:43
  Speaker 4: time you admit to the masses that you're not well.
• 45:46
  Speaker 2: How does it make you feel?
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: It was hard because it came out a lot earlier
• 45:49
  Speaker 1: than I was expecting it to. Basically, there had been
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: like rumor or I guess not rumors they were true,
• 45:57
  Speaker 1: but like people knew what was happening, and people had
• 46:01
  Speaker 1: started to talk and say things that were just not right.
• 46:05
  Speaker 1: I think one of the going like theories on Let's
• 46:08
  Speaker 1: Run was just that I was a raging alcoholic that
• 46:10
  Speaker 1: I was in like alcohol treatment centers and I'm like,
• 46:13
  Speaker 1: oh okay, And so there was all of this stuff
• 46:17
  Speaker 1: going around and then like it did break that like
• 46:20
  Speaker 1: I'd been in ed treatment again, and so I was
• 46:23
  Speaker 1: being contacted by reporters and it was like, well, I'm
• 46:27
  Speaker 1: gonna have to say something eventually. This is earlier than
• 46:29
  Speaker 1: I thought I was ready for it, but let's just
• 46:33
  Speaker 1: go for it. I'd rather be able to speak my
• 46:34
  Speaker 1: piece than have people saying like untrue shit everywhere.
• 46:40
  Speaker 3: And so I spoke to Sarah Lursh.
• 46:41
  Speaker 1: Butler, who I do have a good relationship with I
• 46:44
  Speaker 1: really think she does quality journalism for the sport and
• 46:46
  Speaker 1: so someone who I'm like, I know she's gonna do
• 46:49
  Speaker 1: like a good job on this and really respect my,
• 46:52
  Speaker 1: like my point of view on it. But it was
• 46:54
  Speaker 1: it was really really hard talking about him being that
• 46:56
  Speaker 1: brutally honest, dealing with the blowback that inevitably came. I'm
• 47:02
  Speaker 1: just always shocked too by the people that react when
• 47:06
  Speaker 1: I say these things of just like, oh, she's just
• 47:08
  Speaker 1: lying to try and get attention. I'm like, there are
• 47:10
  Speaker 1: far better ways for me to get attention than.
• 47:13
  Speaker 4: Just exemplify the blowback. Aside from like she's lying.
• 47:18
  Speaker 3: The I think there's just this like.
• 47:23
  Speaker 1: I don't know if it's just like a sort of
• 47:25
  Speaker 1: like hatred that there is against like women or people
• 47:28
  Speaker 1: who deal with this stuff, or this fact that like
• 47:31
  Speaker 1: I was supposed to have been fixed and I am
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: very much not fixed, and it's like this idea and
• 47:37
  Speaker 1: that I very much felt that I was letting a
• 47:39
  Speaker 1: lot of people down. And that was the hardest thing
• 47:43
  Speaker 1: of just seeing like I think like people probably feel
• 47:45
  Speaker 1: a similar thing when they like rehab or like relapse
• 47:48
  Speaker 1: with drugs or alcohol, like eating disorder is much more
• 47:52
  Speaker 1: similar to addiction than a lot of people actually realize.
• 47:56
  Speaker 1: It's a similar mechanism in the brain, and so, like,
• 47:59
  Speaker 1: relapse is just a part of what recovery is a
• 48:02
  Speaker 1: lot of times. And so, but there is that fear
• 48:06
  Speaker 1: of just like, man like, are people going to see
• 48:07
  Speaker 1: me as a fraud? Are people going to see me
• 48:09
  Speaker 1: as a failure? Like saying that I was still dealing
• 48:13
  Speaker 1: with this at the Olympics, Like I'm disappointing a lot
• 48:15
  Speaker 1: of people, and I think that's the hardest thing to
• 48:18
  Speaker 1: deal with.
• 48:18
  Speaker 4: Ultimately, what do you feel is more difficult disappointing other
• 48:24
  Speaker 4: people or disappointing yourself?
• 48:28
  Speaker 3: Mm, I think I think it's probably equal.
• 48:32
  Speaker 1: I think it's just like it's this like it's just
• 48:35
  Speaker 1: this deep shame that I felt that was the hardest
• 48:37
  Speaker 1: part of it all of like this shame that like
• 48:41
  Speaker 1: I failed, I fell right back into it, like I
• 48:44
  Speaker 1: should be better than this, And I know should is
• 48:46
  Speaker 1: like the worst word in the world, but it's like
• 48:50
  Speaker 1: this feeling of like, man like, I thought that by
• 48:52
  Speaker 1: the time I would get to the place of being
• 48:54
  Speaker 1: an Olympic medalist, that I wouldn't be dealing with this anymore,
• 48:58
  Speaker 1: that I wouldn't still deal with body image shiff, that
• 48:59
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't still deal with just the like how much
• 49:04
  Speaker 1: this takes over your life. And I think that's just
• 49:06
  Speaker 1: really hard, Like I never imagined that for myself. I
• 49:08
  Speaker 1: never wanted that for myself. And yeah, then just knowing like, hey,
• 49:13
  Speaker 1: I don't want I don't want younger girls to see
• 49:16
  Speaker 1: me and think like this is what it takes to
• 49:17
  Speaker 1: run at this level because it's not like it's it's
• 49:20
  Speaker 1: only hurt my career. It has not helped my career,
• 49:23
  Speaker 1: and if anything, it's almost ended my career multiple times.
• 49:26
  Speaker 1: And so it's like, I think that's the hardest thing
• 49:28
  Speaker 1: of just realizing how persistent eating disorders are in the
• 49:32
  Speaker 1: sport and how insidious they are that it's like it's
• 49:35
  Speaker 1: kind of like a whack a mole. Every time you
• 49:37
  Speaker 1: think you've gotten it done, like two more pop up
• 49:40
  Speaker 1: in different locations and in different ways.
• 49:43
  Speaker 4: When it came to being upfront with your family about
• 49:48
  Speaker 4: this relapse, did you find it to be equally as
• 49:52
  Speaker 4: challenging to open up about.
• 49:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it's really difficult for me to talk
• 49:58
  Speaker 1: about mental health stuff with my family.
• 50:01
  Speaker 3: And I think even like being.
• 50:02
  Speaker 1: Public about it is like pretty difficult for my parents
• 50:07
  Speaker 1: to bear, so I've tried to like shield them from
• 50:10
  Speaker 1: a lot of it. So I think that was the
• 50:13
  Speaker 1: thing that article coming out was a really difficult thing
• 50:17
  Speaker 1: for our family. Yeah, and I and that's really hard
• 50:21
  Speaker 1: as well of just like.
• 50:24
  Speaker 3: Me kind of like speaking my peace on it and knowing.
• 50:28
  Speaker 1: That, like my parents aren't going to handle it so
• 50:32
  Speaker 1: super well is difficult. But ultimately it's like, I'm an adult.
• 50:38
  Speaker 1: How I talk about my mental health in my life
• 50:41
  Speaker 1: is my choice, and how I handle my treatment is
• 50:45
  Speaker 1: also my choice as well, and so it's kind of
• 50:49
  Speaker 1: just like, yeah, it's just one of those things I
• 50:53
  Speaker 1: have to deal with, but it's nice having like it
• 50:55
  Speaker 1: is nice ultimately having a lot of support and just
• 51:00
  Speaker 1: like being able to feel that like, no matter what
• 51:02
  Speaker 1: choice I make, like I'll be supported in it.
• 51:06
  Speaker 4: I think that's the most interesting thing about navigating mental
• 51:10
  Speaker 4: health challenge, adversity, et cetera. Is at the end of
• 51:15
  Speaker 4: the day, it is up to us to do what's
• 51:18
  Speaker 4: in the best interest for ourselves, and that doesn't mean
• 51:21
  Speaker 4: that you can't be considered or take into account how
• 51:25
  Speaker 4: your decisions may make other people feel, but it is
• 51:29
  Speaker 4: not our responsibility, nor are we capable of coping with
• 51:35
  Speaker 4: how it makes them feel.
• 51:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, And I think that's it is like I
• 51:39
  Speaker 1: grew up in a family where we don't talk about
• 51:42
  Speaker 1: mental health stuff, we don't talk about our emotions, and
• 51:45
  Speaker 1: I think part of that has made it difficult. Like
• 51:47
  Speaker 1: when I was a kid, I didn't I didn't express
• 51:50
  Speaker 1: my parents how bad things were and how much I
• 51:53
  Speaker 1: was really struggling and same thing. So it was like
• 51:57
  Speaker 1: when I got to college and all of this stuff
• 51:59
  Speaker 1: really started coming out and coming to a head, it
• 52:01
  Speaker 1: was hard for them to deal with it. And I
• 52:03
  Speaker 1: think it was really hard for them because like for
• 52:06
  Speaker 1: my mom, it's like she like obviously just wants me
• 52:10
  Speaker 1: to be healthy and happy, but she's like, I'm trying
• 52:13
  Speaker 1: to think of the right way to say this. It's
• 52:16
  Speaker 1: like it's not anything they did wrong as parents. It's
• 52:19
  Speaker 1: just like it's just who I am. And so it's
• 52:22
  Speaker 1: like trying to take it away from that of not
• 52:25
  Speaker 1: making it a pejorative thing and just being like, hey,
• 52:27
  Speaker 1: this is something that I'm going to deal with forever,
• 52:30
  Speaker 1: and it's not a reflection on how you parented me.
• 52:32
  Speaker 1: It's just who I am, but I just need your
• 52:34
  Speaker 1: support and being able to talk about this. So I
• 52:36
  Speaker 1: think that was actually kind of the thing. When this
• 52:38
  Speaker 1: article came out. I did have an argument with my
• 52:40
  Speaker 1: mom about whether or not this was appropriate to talk
• 52:42
  Speaker 1: about publicly, and then she actually started getting a lot
• 52:47
  Speaker 1: of messages from like people in our community, people around,
• 52:51
  Speaker 1: people who have followed me throughout my career and like
• 52:55
  Speaker 1: how much it did really help them, a lot of
• 52:56
  Speaker 1: people who have been diagnosed with like adult ADHD or
• 53:00
  Speaker 1: a lot of people who have dealt with depression and
• 53:02
  Speaker 1: stuff like that, and that it hearing about it really helped.
• 53:06
  Speaker 1: And I think it like and she did express that
• 53:09
  Speaker 1: to me, and we did have a pretty like heartfelt
• 53:11
  Speaker 1: conversation about that of just like what it meant about,
• 53:15
  Speaker 1: like hearing from those people about how much it mattered
• 53:18
  Speaker 1: to them, just because like I wish that I'd had
• 53:22
  Speaker 1: role models when I was young that were able to
• 53:25
  Speaker 1: speak out like this, and maybe I would have told
• 53:27
  Speaker 1: my parents about it sooner. I would have told them
• 53:29
  Speaker 1: about like just all the things that I was experiencing
• 53:33
  Speaker 1: as a kid that I never dealt with that I'm.
• 53:35
  Speaker 3: Now dealing with.
• 53:37
  Speaker 4: Well, I can tell you that There are certainly people
• 53:39
  Speaker 4: listening to this and people that look to you, as
• 53:41
  Speaker 4: you've stated before, for a sense of guidance, for just
• 53:45
  Speaker 4: like their true admiration, for the fact that you're so
• 53:49
  Speaker 4: upfront about what you're still navigating. I'm not going to
• 53:53
  Speaker 4: say Molly's sidel still struggles. I'm going to say what
• 53:56
  Speaker 4: you are navigating.
• 53:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 53:58
  Speaker 1: I just I hated that headline because it just seems
• 54:01
  Speaker 1: so much like the Molly's title wants you to know
• 54:04
  Speaker 1: she still struggles. It's like, I don't want you to
• 54:06
  Speaker 1: know anything.
• 54:07
  Speaker 3: I'm just like, Oh, we couldn't find a better headline.
• 54:11
  Speaker 4: Oh my gosh. Well, you know how I do here.
• 54:14
  Speaker 4: The last time I had to do on the show,
• 54:15
  Speaker 4: I asked you this question. So I'm gonna ask it
• 54:17
  Speaker 4: to you again right now. You have an opportunity right
• 54:21
  Speaker 4: now to someone comes to your Instagram page they see
• 54:24
  Speaker 4: a pro runner for Puma with over two hundred and
• 54:27
  Speaker 4: thirty thousand followers. You look in the mirror, what is
• 54:32
  Speaker 4: it that you see looking back at you these days?
• 54:35
  Speaker 1: Hmmm, I think I'm seeing a person that I'm like
• 54:41
  Speaker 1: that is very much a work in progress, but that
• 54:45
  Speaker 1: is working really, really, really hard and I think that's
• 54:49
  Speaker 1: where I'm trying to have a little bit more self
• 54:51
  Speaker 1: compassion of just like I think maybe that's like the
• 54:55
  Speaker 1: legacy that I would like to have is that, like
• 54:58
  Speaker 1: I have worked really really hard at all of this,
• 55:00
  Speaker 1: and I might not be the most exceptional athlete out there.
• 55:04
  Speaker 1: I kind of always have seen myself as like a
• 55:06
  Speaker 1: slightly like subpar athlete. Also, the USADA drug testers are
• 55:12
  Speaker 1: here right now, so I actually might need to go shoot. Okay,
• 55:15
  Speaker 1: we brought it on by me talking about USADA drug
• 55:17
  Speaker 1: testers at the beginning.
• 55:19
  Speaker 4: I did I warn you or did I warn you
• 55:29
  Speaker 4: that it was going to end abruptly? For those of
• 55:32
  Speaker 4: you that aren't in the loop on how drug testing works, USADA,
• 55:36
  Speaker 4: as reference stands for the US Anti Doping Agency, Every
• 55:40
  Speaker 4: professional athlete has to file whereabouts information with USADA, and
• 55:45
  Speaker 4: then athletes can be tested at any time three sixty
• 55:49
  Speaker 4: five days a year without advanced notice. The purpose for this,
• 55:53
  Speaker 4: as you may or may not know, health and epics.
• 55:55
  Speaker 4: I mean, we want to have a clean sport, and
• 55:59
  Speaker 4: doping is both a.
• 56:00
  Speaker 2: Health issue and an ethics issue.
• 56:02
  Speaker 4: So these random drug tests are all a part of
• 56:06
  Speaker 4: the funness that pros go through.
• 56:08
  Speaker 2: To compete at their level. That's it for now.
• 56:13
  Speaker 4: Make sure you're following Mollie over on social Her account
• 56:16
  Speaker 4: is bygolly dot Mollie and also follow along with Hurdle
• 56:21
  Speaker 4: It's over at Hurdle podcast, I Am over at Emily
• 56:24
  Speaker 4: a Body, Another hurdle conquered.
• 56:27
  Speaker 2: Catch you guys next time