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Is Mitch McConnell Alive? I Have Questions. And 40 Tabs On Fire. · You're Not Too Much

• 0:00
  So we had a senator who was MIA for almost a month.
• 0:06
  he was the majority leader in the Senate, which is like a really powerful position.
• 0:10
  He's not anymore because he's 84 fucking years old.
• 0:13
  we know he was taken to the hospital That was a month ago almost.
• 0:18
  We had no signs of life from him whatsoever.
• 0:21
  No contact, and the video that we were able, that, that has surfaced of
• 0:27
  somebody being taken out of his house
• 0:29
  shows a person on a stretcher with no life-saving measures being taken
• 0:38
  after the 911 call specifically said that there was an elderly person in
• 0:44
  cardiac arrest Like bro had to be dead.
• 0:48
  There's just no way that he wasn't dead.
• 0:51
  So they took him to the hospital and they said he was getting quote
• 0:54
  unquote, excellent care Okay.
• 0:57
  first off, they said that he was working remotely.
• 1:00
  And I was like, "Yeah, me too. The only difference is I'm only dead
• 1:04
  inside." but then they said that, he was not running for re-election.
• 1:10
  Is it because dead people can't run for re-election?
• 1:13
  I have questions.
• 1:14
  They're not getting answered.
• 1:15
  and then they said that he was recovering well, but still no signs of life,
• 1:20
  and that he was still hospitalized.
• 1:22
  And I was like, "Does hospitalized include in a refrigerated drawer with a toe tag?"
• 1:31
  Because none of this sounds correct.
• 1:34
  so everybody was talking about Mitch McConnell because
• 1:37
  Mitch McConnell was missing.
• 1:39
  Nobody had seen Mitch McConnell alive.
• 1:41
  people were saying they were talking to Mitch McConnell, but nobody had any proof
• 1:45
  that they'd talked to Mitch McConnell.
• 1:48
  Oh, and Mitch McConnell's wife, three days after he was hospitalized for a
• 1:53
  supposed heart attack, left the country and went to China Not sketchy at all.
• 1:59
  Oh, and then they spotted, flooring people at his house remodeling the floors.
• 2:06
  We also remodeled the floors in my dad's house after he literally died on them.
• 2:13
  So I'm just saying.
• 2:14
  Anyway, all very suspicious.
• 2:17
  All extra suspicious.
• 2:18
  So Saturday, this weekend was like Mitch McConnell jokes galore.
• 2:25
  there's so much stupid, crazy political shit all happening at the same time.
• 2:30
  They're trying to desensitize us to it.
• 2:33
  Instead, I feel like they have just made us sensitive to fucking everything.
• 2:37
  we're sensitive all the time.
• 2:38
  Like always, everything is constant sensitivity.
• 2:42
  I feel like everything is whack-a-mole all the time, and my
• 2:45
  brain is constantly being whacked.
• 2:47
  Anyway, so Saturday I went to bed, I think I went to bed at a normal
• 2:52
  time, though I don't actually recall.
• 2:55
  Woke up in the middle of the night, checked my phone, and saw somebody I
• 3:00
  know posted that Lindsey Graham died.
• 3:08
  And I was like, "Oh, did they finally announce that Mitch McConnell died?" For
• 3:13
  the uninitiated, lots of people confuse Lindsey Graham and Mitch McConnell.
• 3:17
  I looked at the post and saw Lindsey Graham, but read Mitch McConnell,
• 3:21
  and then looked at it again and I was like, "Oh, this guy I know said Lindsey
• 3:24
  Graham when he means Mitch McConnell.
• 3:26
  That's weird." And then I saw another post that said Lindsey Graham, and then
• 3:29
  another post that said Lindsey Graham.
• 3:31
  So of course, I turn on the television to the news box.
• 3:34
  Lindsey Graham died.
• 3:36
  We have confirmation that Lindsey Graham, who was on television healthy
• 3:40
  the day before, died, was supposed to be on Meet the Press the next day.
• 3:45
  He died.
• 3:46
  No confirmation of whether Mitch McConnell is still alive.
• 3:50
  I would like somebody to go into Mitch McConnell's basement and see
• 3:53
  if he has like a creepy portrait of himself that seems to be getting
• 3:58
  older, because that is the only way I can explain what has just happened.
• 4:03
  Lindsey Graham, 13 years younger than Mitch McConnell, still 71
• 4:07
  by the way, and like a hard 71.
• 4:10
  Bro has lived a life.
• 4:11
  but Lindsey Graham is dead, not Mitch McConnell.
• 4:16
  Nobody has confirmed that Mitch McConnell is dead.
• 4:18
  And then the next day, they send out a picture of Mitch McConnell sitting
• 4:23
  next to his wife that was either fully fake or his medical emergency was a
• 4:31
  facelift there's no middle ground.
• 4:34
  None it was the craziest weekend, the whole weekend.
• 4:39
  the thing about Lindsey Graham, and I actually didn't realize this.
• 4:42
  I knew that there was a longstanding rumor that he was gay.
• 4:46
  I knew it.
• 4:47
  I'd heard it, obviously many times.
• 4:49
  But I did not realize that he was a confirmed bachelor.
• 4:53
  I thought that he had like a beard, basically.
• 4:56
  I thought he had gotten married and had a beard.
• 4:58
  No.
• 4:59
  Single his whole life, never been married, no children.
• 5:02
  Now, stories, lots of stories.
• 5:05
  Did you know that NDAs expire when you die?
• 5:08
  They do.
• 5:10
  Every escort in DC has stories about… And I should be
• 5:14
  clear, every male escort in DC.
• 5:18
  I said that Lindsey Graham was survived by a bunch of apps on his phone that
• 5:21
  we're not supposed to know about, because, whew, there are stories.
• 5:25
  I posted on the internet a statement from Lindsey Graham's housekeeper that
• 5:30
  just said, "I do not wear shoes because they make me fall down." and the people
• 5:34
  who got it are my favorite people in the world, and the people who are confused
• 5:39
  cannot be my friend anymore Because that's like baseline, like good culture.
• 5:46
  Like you should know what that means or what that's from.
• 5:49
  but it also led to me watching "The Birdcage" on Sunday, which I
• 5:51
  very much needed in my soul, and I forgot how much I needed in my soul.
• 5:55
  So that was what this weekend was like, was just nonstop whiplash political news.
• 6:03
  like what kind of bitch move is it to preempt your best friend in death?
• 6:08
  And the thing is like he got, he was in Ukraine the day before,
• 6:12
  so it's like, has anybody waved a Geiger counter over that guy?
• 6:15
  Are you ready?
• 6:17
  No So yeah, it was just a wild weekend.
• 6:19
  I'm very tired and my brain is like I had a hangover.
• 6:22
  I did not do anything fun aside from post silly things about Lindsey Graham, and
• 6:27
  I fell back asleep after like two hours.
• 6:30
  Also woke my husband up in the middle of the night and said, "Lindsey Graham died."
• 6:34
  And he said, "No, that's Mitch McConnell." And I said, "No." I
• 6:38
  was like, "I'm-- I understand.
• 6:40
  I understand where you're coming from, but that is not what happened.
• 6:45
  I need you to listen to me." but yeah.
• 6:47
  There's also a question about, like, how does somebody call 911 when
• 6:50
  you live by yourself in a townhouse in DC and there's nobody there?
• 6:55
  And they're saying that he called one of his staffers and said that he was
• 6:59
  having chest pain, and they called 911.
• 7:03
  Anyway, that's my weekend
• 7:06
  Now I wanna watch Birdcage again
• 7:07
  This was a rumor, I don't know if it's true.
• 7:09
  Yesterday people were saying Trump scheduled an address to the nation.
• 7:13
  Somebody reported, I don't know if this is true, but somebody reported
• 7:18
  that he's doing a press conference to announce that the two senators who were
• 7:25
  elected in Georgia, who were elected in 2020, were fraudulently elected
• 7:31
  and that their, elections were a scam.
• 7:33
  and there was rampant voter fraud in Georgia when they were
• 7:37
  elected Just what I just, what?
• 7:41
  the Republicans are down two senators, so let's just oust two Democrats.
• 7:44
  We'll fix the problem that way.
• 7:46
  So every time I'm like, "I'm not gonna post any more politics on the
• 7:49
  internet," this guy does something and I'm like, "This motherfucker."
• 7:52
  It's like I could not hate this man more if I tried, I'm gonna try anyway
• 7:58
  It's my obligation.
• 8:00
  but I will say The Dead Senators would make a really good throwback band name
• 8:05
  So what kind of music would the Dead Senators play?
• 8:09
  That's a really good question.
• 8:10
  I don't know.
• 8:12
  I was thinking like French Regency punk
• 8:15
  A mix of banjo music And also like gay club music
• 8:21
  And maybe together
• 8:22
  But with banjos
• 8:24
  obviously on the banjos, obviously it's like a punk rock minuet.
• 8:29
  That's what it is.
• 8:30
  that's what I hear at least.
• 8:31
  I don't know what that would sound like, but that's what I hear in my head.
• 8:34
  I'm inviting you to come fight with me.
• 8:36
  Seriously, come fight me.
• 8:39
  Okay, not exactly.
• 8:40
  so we have a new thing that we're doing in Quirky, our private community, it's
• 8:43
  Quirky community for the antisocial.
• 8:45
  and we have, this new thing called Daily Fights that we do during the week,
• 8:48
  and we post, like a question about,
• 8:52
  It just, could be anything that people in general disagree upon.
• 8:55
  we started this very early on with, what the best pen is, it got heated.
• 9:01
  It got heated.
• 9:03
  it's a Pilot V10, by the way.
• 9:05
  There's no other answer.
• 9:07
  It's a Pilot V10.
• 9:08
  You can take your G2 and shove it somewhere, but it is a Pilot V10.
• 9:14
  don't bring me a V7.
• 9:15
  those are insufficient.
• 9:17
  It's a Pilot V10, specifically in purple, though we will take
• 9:23
  it in any color we can get it.
• 9:24
  Anyway, this is what we fight about fairly regularly.
• 9:29
  and so we have fights every day about, whether a hot dog
• 9:33
  is a taco and similar things.
• 9:36
  Come hang out with us.
• 9:38
  It's free.
• 9:40
  It's silly.
• 9:41
  It's a bunch of weirdos who, want community but don't wanna ever talk to
• 9:48
  people, and that's kind of how we do.
• 9:51
  So come hang out with us and come fight me you can find us at alwaysquirky.com
• 9:56
  We have a small talk from Kristen in North Carolina.
• 10:00
  " Hi, Lauren.
• 10:01
  I'm a 38-year-old woman with ADHD, and I look fine.
• 10:05
  I have a job and an apartment, and I remember to water my
• 10:08
  plants most of the time.
• 10:10
  From the outside, I am completely indistinguishable from a
• 10:13
  person who has it together.
• 10:15
  From the inside, I am running 40 browser tabs, three of which are
• 10:19
  on fire, and I haven't replied to a text from my sister in 11 days.
• 10:23
  I guess I'm writing because I want someone to say out loud that looking fine
• 10:27
  and being fine are not the same thing.
• 10:29
  Are they allowed to be different?"
• 10:31
  Not only are they allowed to be different, the reality is that they are
• 10:35
  different, what does it mean to look fine?
• 10:38
  What does it mean to look normal?
• 10:40
  What is normal?
• 10:41
  nobody has it together.
• 10:44
  Nobody Listen, I work with doctors all day and I love working with doctors.
• 10:49
  They're some of the smartest people on earth, and also they do some of
• 10:53
  the stupidest shit I have ever seen.
• 10:55
  I had a doctor once who I worked with text me because he could
• 11:00
  not get into his bank account.
• 11:02
  And I was like, What am I supposed to help you with?
• 11:04
  And he goes, I just changed my password and now it's not working.
• 11:07
  And I was like, you changed your password for your bank account?
• 11:09
  No, I changed my password for the EHR.
• 11:12
  That's a electronic health record.
• 11:14
  And I was like, how does that affect your bank account?
• 11:15
  And he was like, doesn't that change all my passwords?
• 11:17
  No.
• 11:18
  Why would you think that?
• 11:20
  No.
• 11:20
  Why no.
• 11:22
  You take scalpels and you cut people, and I justify it by saying
• 11:27
  they have so much science in their brains that they don't have room
• 11:31
  for other stuff, and that's fine.
• 11:33
  We need them to have the science brains and they need people like me who do the
• 11:36
  other stuff because they're so science smart that they're everything else stupid.
• 11:41
  I get that.
• 11:41
  But I'm just saying he's a doctor.
• 11:44
  That person is a doctor.
• 11:46
  He went to school for like 20 something years to get letters
• 11:50
  behind his name that are supposed to mean that he is good at things.
• 11:55
  it is a very limited number of things that doctors are actually good at.
• 12:00
  And I say that as a person who fervently loves doctors, who loves working with
• 12:05
  them, and who will do it for the rest of her career because it's my thing.
• 12:09
  Nobody has it together.
• 12:12
  You might have it together in one area and not at all in
• 12:16
  another area, and that is normal.
• 12:18
  Not only that, nobody knows what they're doing.
• 12:21
  We're all just making shit up as we go.
• 12:24
  There's no manual, there's no guidebook, there's no finish line, nothing.
• 12:29
  just throw you out into this world of raw dog life as if
• 12:32
  there's any way to do it right.
• 12:33
  And then they make you feel like shit all the time.
• 12:36
  If you're not perfect and you don't have a million dollars in your bank account
• 12:39
  from selling crypto, that's not realistic.
• 12:42
  That's not real life.
• 12:44
  So yes, you are allowed to be an outside presenting, an externally presenting.
• 12:52
  put together individual and a hot mess on the inside.
• 12:55
  Not only are you allowed, it is encouraged 'cause it is reality.
• 12:59
  I actually have enough tabs open on my actual computer right now that
• 13:04
  even I was like, whew, this is a lot.
• 13:06
  This is too many.
• 13:08
  I need to close some of these tabs.
• 13:10
  It would not be unheard of for me to have a hundred tabs open.
• 13:13
  That's not an exaggeration.
• 13:15
  And even I was like, we should probably tamp down this number of tabs.
• 13:19
  That's the chaos of this timeline.
• 13:23
  do.
• 13:23
  You don't feel bad about any of it unless you're an actual asshole
• 13:26
  to somebody, then you should feel bad and you should apologize.
• 13:29
  We are all just doing the best we can without a guidebook and certainly without
• 13:32
  a guidebook for like this exact timeline.
• 13:35
  nobody was like, Hey, you have to wake up every morning with the crushing
• 13:39
  reality of fascism pushing down on you.
• 13:42
  When we thought we eradicated that oh, 70 years ago.
• 13:45
  Smile, there's no rules.
• 13:48
  There's no rules.
• 13:49
  It's fun.
• 13:50
  that's gonna be on my fucking tombstone.
• 13:52
  victim of her own success.
• 13:54
  the other day, my kid asked if she could listen to something, and I said,
• 13:58
  "Okay, open iTunes and just type it in." And she looks at me and goes, "iTunes?
• 14:05
  Do you mean Apple Music?"
• 14:07
  And I was like, "Do you mean get out of my house, you little goblin?" Like, what?
• 14:13
  I felt like I was like, "Hold on. please let me go sit in the corner where
• 14:16
  I'm going to disintegrate because my bones are chalk." God, I felt so old.