Latest / Something Extra / Finding Hope in Life’s Valleys w/ Steve Sewell

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Finding Hope in Life’s Valleys w/ Steve Sewell · Something Extra

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1:44
Lisa Nichols: I'm excited to have Steve Sewell on the show today.
1:47
Lisa Nichols: Steve is a speaker, an author, and a grief specialist.
1:50
Lisa Nichols: Well, Steve, welcome to the Something Extra podcast.
1:53
Lisa Nichols: I am so delighted that we were able to make this happen.
1:56
Lisa Nichols: You and I were introduced many, many months ago by our
2:00
Lisa Nichols: mutual friend, Jim Bechtold.
2:03
Lisa Nichols: And, yeah, I it it's taken us a while to figure
2:07
Lisa Nichols: out our schedules, but we, we've we're doing it.
2:10
Lisa Nichols: So I'm excited to have you on the show today.
2:12
Steve Sewell: I'm delighted to be with you, and, any friend of Jim
2:17
Steve Sewell: is a friend of mine in my opinion.
2:19
Steve Sewell: So, he's just, been a fantastic,
2:25
Steve Sewell: friend and a partner.
2:27
Lisa Nichols: Yes.
2:28
Lisa Nichols: I could not agree more.
2:29
Lisa Nichols: We could probably spend our whole podcast
2:32
Lisa Nichols: just talking about Jim Bechtold.
2:34
Lisa Nichols: I tell you, that guy, he's just he's amazing.
2:37
Lisa Nichols: His energy level is just on another level.
2:40
Lisa Nichols: Don't you think?
2:41
Steve Sewell: I love his energy, and I also love the fact that he's a connector.
2:46
Steve Sewell: He really does do a really great job of connecting you to the person
2:50
Steve Sewell: that you need to see or need to see or hear from.
2:54
Steve Sewell: Somebody had word for you or something like that, and that's been the case.
2:59
Lisa Nichols: Yeah.
3:00
Lisa Nichols: Yeah.
3:00
Lisa Nichols: And just his positivity and his encouragement type
3:05
Lisa Nichols: spirit.
3:05
Lisa Nichols: I tell him all the time, you're my CEO.
3:07
Lisa Nichols: You're my chief encouragement officer.
3:09
Lisa Nichols: Yeah.
3:10
Lisa Nichols: That's right.
3:10
Lisa Nichols: He's just so encouraging.
3:12
Lisa Nichols: I'll get just a random text from him, you know, saying I'm praying for
3:15
Lisa Nichols: you, or I saw this or that, made me think of you.
3:18
Lisa Nichols: You know?
3:19
Lisa Nichols: So, I do.
3:20
Lisa Nichols: I just really, really appreciate appreciate Jim.
3:23
Lisa Nichols: Well, you know, gosh, Steve, we got a lot to talk about here.
3:28
Lisa Nichols: I mean, you are goodness.
3:30
Lisa Nichols: You are an author.
3:31
Lisa Nichols: You are a speaker, a grief specialist, a chaplain, founder
3:36
Lisa Nichols: of Encouraging Hope.
3:36
Lisa Nichols: We're gonna talk a lot about that.
3:39
Lisa Nichols: You know, you've got books out there.
3:41
Lisa Nichols: I've got one of your books.
3:42
Lisa Nichols: You also I think your newest one is " When the Whistle Blows."
3:45
Steve Sewell: Yeah.
3:45
Lisa Nichols: At a Loss or here, you know, and, yes, " When the Whistle
3:49
Lisa Nichols: Blows," I think, is your last one.
3:51
Lisa Nichols: Then you've got a book called " At a Loss,"
3:54
Lisa Nichols: that's brought many, you know, healing to a lot of countless people.
3:58
Lisa Nichols: But, you know, let's let's just just start by let
4:02
Lisa Nichols: me ask you this.
4:03
Lisa Nichols: I know your entire life, Steve, has been centered around walking people
4:07
Lisa Nichols: through loss and helping them find God in the middle of that
4:11
Lisa Nichols: loss.
4:12
Lisa Nichols: What was that moment or that season of your own life
4:16
Lisa Nichols: where that awakened this calling in you?
4:19
Lisa Nichols: And it's a calling.
4:21
Steve Sewell: Oh, absolutely.
4:22
Steve Sewell: I'm so glad you said that because I was gonna mention that in the
4:25
Steve Sewell: very beginning.
4:26
Steve Sewell: I really believe that my calling to walking
4:30
Steve Sewell: with people during the darkest days of their life or during the hardest
4:35
Steve Sewell: portion or seasons of their life.
4:37
Steve Sewell: I think it actually started when I was in elementary school when
4:41
Steve Sewell: I was a friend to,
4:46
Steve Sewell: the kids that nobody wanted to be friends with.
4:51
Steve Sewell: That carried me on into some junior high days where
4:55
Steve Sewell: I probably needed a friend because Mhmm.
4:59
Steve Sewell: I was not,
5:01
Steve Sewell: on the right path.
5:03
Steve Sewell: And then,
5:05
Steve Sewell: when I got to high school,
5:09
Steve Sewell: I came to
5:11
Steve Sewell: a a a decision of faith that really made a
5:17
Steve Sewell: a a gravity
5:20
Steve Sewell: type of of of, position for me.
5:24
Steve Sewell: It really changed my whole entire life.
5:27
Steve Sewell: And with that also came a calling that
5:31
Steve Sewell: I sense God was going to lead me in for
5:37
Steve Sewell: for the rest of my life and I thought that it would be something
5:41
Steve Sewell: like you know, counselor or a teacher,
5:46
Steve Sewell: but it actually became a youth pastor and
5:50
Steve Sewell: so I guess it's because I I really like playing
5:54
Steve Sewell: games and eating pizza,
5:57
Steve Sewell: but there was something really, really special about what
6:01
Steve Sewell: God was doing in my life at that time and and still.
6:04
Steve Sewell: And and when I when I got married
6:08
Steve Sewell: and and we had children and
6:12
Steve Sewell: I entered a really kind of a dark season of my life with
6:16
Steve Sewell: cancer.
6:17
Steve Sewell: And
6:19
Steve Sewell: there again, it just showed me how I was
6:24
Steve Sewell: positioned for something so much more than just
6:28
Steve Sewell: kinda wallowing in my own pain, which God accepted.
6:33
Steve Sewell: But there's something really beautiful about all of that.
6:36
Steve Sewell: And going back to high school,
6:40
Steve Sewell: my my peer counselor, mister Paulson,
6:44
Steve Sewell: who has retired now for a long time because I'm I'm old,
6:48
Steve Sewell: and,
6:51
Steve Sewell: he and I and a group of other students in nineteen eighty
6:55
Steve Sewell: five or eighty six, I graduated high school in eighty six, we started
6:59
Steve Sewell: a peer counseling group that's still in existence today at Monte Vista
7:03
Steve Sewell: High School.
7:04
Steve Sewell: And so it's so exciting.
7:06
Steve Sewell: And I was just assigned
7:09
Steve Sewell: to help freshmen and sophomores when I was a senior.
7:12
Steve Sewell: And it was a beautiful thing that happened that started this whole train a
7:16
Steve Sewell: rolling.
7:18
Lisa Nichols: That is so cool.
7:19
Lisa Nichols: So you you kinda started that mentoring coaching kinda thing
7:24
Lisa Nichols: even when you're in high school.
7:25
Lisa Nichols: Well, I think this happened in high school too, but I remember because you
7:29
Lisa Nichols: talked about your faith.
7:30
Lisa Nichols: You came to faith, and that was very transformational for you.
7:35
Lisa Nichols: I think I read,
7:37
Lisa Nichols: that you had gone away on, like, a youth camp kinda thing.
7:42
Lisa Nichols: Yeah.
7:42
Lisa Nichols: And, you know, one of the youth pastor, I think,
7:47
Lisa Nichols: like, called you out and said, Steve, come over here.
7:49
Lisa Nichols: I wanna talk to you.
7:50
Lisa Nichols: And you said, oh, no.
7:51
Lisa Nichols: What have I done wrong?
7:53
Lisa Nichols: Immediately Yeah.
7:54
Lisa Nichols: Thought, oh, no.
7:55
Lisa Nichols: I'm gonna get in trouble for something.
7:57
Lisa Nichols: I but he just wanted to get to know you.
7:59
Lisa Nichols: Right?
8:00
Steve Sewell: Yeah.
8:01
Steve Sewell: I thought I was going home for the stuff I brought.
8:05
Steve Sewell: And, but,
8:08
Steve Sewell: he really, you know, it's interesting as, Johnny, my youth pastor at the time,
8:12
Steve Sewell: I just got a text today from him, and he sends me these
8:16
Steve Sewell: scripture verses or, you know, sermons that he,
8:20
Steve Sewell: has heard or whatever and he still is very, very important to me.
8:24
Steve Sewell: But, yeah, he came to me, and he says, hey, I want you to
8:27
Steve Sewell: come talk to me and I was like, oh, brother.
8:29
Steve Sewell: My dad finds out that I brought some stuff.
8:32
Steve Sewell: I'm gonna be in trouble.
8:35
Lisa Nichols: In trouble.
8:36
Steve Sewell: And, but he and I basically told on myself.
8:40
Steve Sewell: I said, well, Johnny, I'm really sorry.
8:42
Steve Sewell: I brought this and I brought this and here's what I was doing.
8:44
Steve Sewell: And he's like, no.
8:46
Steve Sewell: I don't.
8:47
Steve Sewell: I wasn't gonna talk to you about that.
8:49
Steve Sewell: But now that you talk to me about that, what should we do?
8:52
Steve Sewell: And I
8:52
Lisa Nichols: was like, I don't
8:55
Lisa Nichols: know.
8:56
Lisa Nichols: Confession.
8:56
Lisa Nichols: You were confessing before you really knew that that was a thing.
9:00
Lisa Nichols: Right?
9:02
Lisa Nichols: That's so funny.
9:03
Lisa Nichols: Wow.
9:04
Lisa Nichols: But I think, I think later that night or a little
9:09
Lisa Nichols: while later, you asked Jesus into your heart and, you know,
9:13
Lisa Nichols: everything changed from there.
9:14
Lisa Nichols: So it doesn't surprise me that you.
9:17
Lisa Nichols: What's that?
9:18
Lisa Nichols: I'm sorry.
9:18
Steve Sewell: It was that night that I asked Jesus into my heart. Yeah.
9:20
Lisa Nichols: That night.
9:23
Lisa Nichols: Yeah.
9:24
Lisa Nichols: But it doesn't surprise me, Steve, hearing that story and how,
9:29
Lisa Nichols: poignant of a time that was for you and and him in
9:33
Lisa Nichols: your life, you know, that you would become a youth pastor.
9:36
Lisa Nichols: I think that that's really amazing.
9:38
Lisa Nichols: Well, let me ask you this.
9:40
Lisa Nichols: You know, you you already talked about facing cancer, but, you
9:44
Lisa Nichols: know, how did that facing your own mortality deepen
9:48
Lisa Nichols: your understanding about grief?
9:50
Lisa Nichols: And how did that shape the way you approach
9:55
Lisa Nichols: others and show up for others today even?
9:57
Steve Sewell: You know, the the passageway
10:01
Steve Sewell: of grief in a person's life is such an important one.
10:06
Steve Sewell: And I didn't realize
10:08
Steve Sewell: that when I was at a weak place in my life
10:12
Steve Sewell: and I needed some additional help processing things.
10:17
Steve Sewell: I remember the counselor shared with me,
10:21
Steve Sewell: that he had noticed that I was trying to avoid
10:26
Steve Sewell: any kind of suffering,
10:28
Steve Sewell: And he called me on it.
10:30
Steve Sewell: He's like, hey, Steve.
10:31
Steve Sewell: Where do you see in your bible where avoiding
10:36
Steve Sewell: trouble
10:39
Steve Sewell: is going to advance you in your life?
10:43
Steve Sewell: And I thought for a minute, I tried to speculate.
10:46
Steve Sewell: I tried to spiritualize.
10:48
Steve Sewell: I tried to do all the other things that start with the letter s.
10:51
Steve Sewell: You know?
10:52
Steve Sewell: And and I just started to just try to work it out.
10:56
Steve Sewell: And I realized that God actually is interested
11:00
Steve Sewell: in using suffering.
11:04
Steve Sewell: Mhmm.
11:05
Steve Sewell: That was the beginning point.
11:07
Steve Sewell: When I got my cancer diagnosis,
11:11
Steve Sewell: I literally said to the Lord, I don't get cancer,
11:16
Steve Sewell: God.
11:16
Steve Sewell: I help people who have cancer.
11:20
Steve Sewell: And I remember asking.
11:22
Steve Sewell: I remember calling my friends together for a prayer circle, and
11:27
Steve Sewell: let's eradicate this cancer, God.
11:29
Steve Sewell: Let's move.
11:31
Steve Sewell: I wanna be victorious.
11:32
Steve Sewell: I wanna I wanna have a a a a
11:36
Steve Sewell: not only, you know, a cancer debt free, but I I wanna
11:40
Steve Sewell: I wanna I wanna live in the in a in a spectacular,
11:45
Steve Sewell: victorious.
11:47
Steve Sewell: And Mhmm.
11:47
Steve Sewell: I remember the Lord saying, no.
11:49
Steve Sewell: I'm not gonna eradicate this the way that you want me to.
11:52
Steve Sewell: I'm going to use this.
11:54
Steve Sewell: And that is exactly what's happened with my divorce and
11:58
Steve Sewell: with several other things.
12:02
Lisa Nichols: Yeah.
12:03
Lisa Nichols: You know, somebody was telling me the other day
12:07
Lisa Nichols: that, like, you know, the valleys of our life, Steve, the flowers
12:12
Lisa Nichols: grow in the valleys.
12:13
Lisa Nichols: Uh-huh.
12:14
Lisa Nichols: Because the valleys are fertile.
12:16
Lisa Nichols: Mhmm.
12:16
Lisa Nichols: Right?
12:16
Lisa Nichols: Where those seeds can take root and real transformation and
12:20
Lisa Nichols: growth and change can happen, but, boy, they're not fun, and we certainly
12:25
Lisa Nichols: don't wanna pray for those.
12:26
Lisa Nichols: We don't wanna pray that we have those things.
12:28
Lisa Nichols: But yet in the other, you know, vein of that,
12:33
Lisa Nichols: you god is such a loving god that he's not going he doesn't want
12:37
Lisa Nichols: to us to stay stuck where we are.
12:39
Lisa Nichols: So I was just telling someone this morning.
12:42
Lisa Nichols: I said, you know, it's it's so hard when you're walking through things like
12:46
Lisa Nichols: that.
12:46
Lisa Nichols: But number one, god is not surprised by it.
12:50
Lisa Nichols: Number two, there's purpose in the pain even when we don't see it.
12:54
Lisa Nichols: You know?
12:54
Lisa Nichols: So
12:55
Steve Sewell: Absolutely.
12:55
Steve Sewell: Yeah.
12:56
Steve Sewell: And I think the purposes are sometimes,
12:59
Steve Sewell: placed in the seasons of our life that look like gifts.
13:05
Steve Sewell: Mhmm.
13:05
Steve Sewell: And then other times, they're they are looking
13:09
Steve Sewell: more like guidance where, you know,
13:13
Steve Sewell: gifts are exciting and they're fun to open and they're they're they they
13:17
Steve Sewell: usually have something to do with, bringing a smile on
13:22
Steve Sewell: your face.
13:23
Steve Sewell: But guidance is more sometimes a little more directional.
13:26
Steve Sewell: It's a little more, hey.
13:28
Steve Sewell: You're on the wrong path.
13:29
Steve Sewell: Let me help you.
13:32
Steve Sewell: And I don't believe God gave me cancer.
13:34
Steve Sewell: I don't believe God, does things like that.
13:37
Steve Sewell: But I know that this world is hard and life is difficult, and,
13:41
Steve Sewell: he doesn't promise us all honey and no bees.
13:45
Steve Sewell: You know?
13:46
Lisa Nichols: That's right.
13:47
Lisa Nichols: That's right.
13:48
Lisa Nichols: Well, without the bees,
13:52
Lisa Nichols: the flowers, you know, we don't have, you know, the flowers
13:56
Lisa Nichols: or any of that, right, with pollen in there.
13:59
Lisa Nichols: So,
14:00
Lisa Nichols: Steve and, you know, I just think that this is gonna be so helpful
14:03
Lisa Nichols: for our people, but because everybody is carrying something,
14:07
Lisa Nichols: right, and going through things.
14:09
Lisa Nichols: But, you know, you've sat with hundreds of people walking through
14:14
Lisa Nichols: crisis and families having to say final goodbyes.
14:17
Lisa Nichols: What surprised you the most about what people need in those sacred
14:21
Lisa Nichols: moments?
14:24
Steve Sewell: You know, I
14:26
Steve Sewell: think each one has its own uniqueness.
14:31
Steve Sewell: I think what I'm
14:35
Steve Sewell: seeing more and more now than ever is that
14:39
Steve Sewell: hope
14:41
Steve Sewell: has a way of materializing
14:44
Steve Sewell: in the most mischievous and most mysterious
14:50
Steve Sewell: places that hope has a way
14:54
Steve Sewell: of showing up in the most amazing places.
14:59
Steve Sewell: So
15:01
Steve Sewell: helping people see
15:04
Steve Sewell: that while they're paying attention to the process of grieving and
15:08
Steve Sewell: mourning,
15:10
Steve Sewell: hope does a wonderful thing of giving that guidance,
15:14
Steve Sewell: and later,
15:16
Steve Sewell: it shows up in gifts.
15:20
Lisa Nichols: That's really beautiful.
15:21
Lisa Nichols: That's really beautiful.
15:23
Lisa Nichols: Well, you know, one of the things that you teach is grief isn't
15:27
Lisa Nichols: just about death.
15:29
Lisa Nichols: It's not about death.
15:30
Lisa Nichols: There's all kinds of things that we can grieve on, you know, any
15:34
Lisa Nichols: significant change.
15:35
Lisa Nichols: So let's talk about if you wouldn't mind, let's just talk about
15:40
Lisa Nichols: some of those forms of grief that sometimes we overlook.
15:43
Lisa Nichols: And, you know, it's it's a a loss in a way, but, you
15:47
Lisa Nichols: know, can you describe a few of those, and then, we'll talk
15:51
Lisa Nichols: about a lot more things.
15:53
Steve Sewell: Yeah.
15:53
Steve Sewell: Yeah.
15:53
Steve Sewell: I think some of the, points of grief are,
15:58
Steve Sewell: you know, we tend to look at it just like you said.
16:01
Steve Sewell: We tend to look at it, as of, as a death,
16:06
Steve Sewell: and something.
16:06
Steve Sewell: But there's disenfranchised,
16:09
Steve Sewell: grief as well when there's a home loss or when there's a job
16:13
Steve Sewell: change, when there's a manager that comes in, and
16:17
Steve Sewell: just does things so different than the way that you like it to be
16:21
Steve Sewell: done.
16:22
Steve Sewell: Mhmm.
16:23
Steve Sewell: There's there's the budget
16:26
Steve Sewell: that, is totally
16:29
Steve Sewell: malfunctioning in your mind.
16:32
Steve Sewell: And all of those things kind of form
16:37
Steve Sewell: a breakdown or if you will, like, almost like a
16:41
Steve Sewell: broken heart.
16:42
Steve Sewell: And because your ideas are not being materialized, your expectations
16:46
Steve Sewell: are not being met.
16:47
Steve Sewell: And any of those kinds of things, you know, first, you know, our first
16:50
Steve Sewell: thought is to sulk or to pout,
16:54
Steve Sewell: and, you know, and then that's a normal thing.
16:56
Steve Sewell: You know?
16:57
Steve Sewell: Something that a lot of people don't realize is that grief is not just,
17:03
Steve Sewell: you know, a normal thing that happens, but it's also very natural, and it's
17:06
Steve Sewell: also very necessary.
17:09
Steve Sewell: And so those three n's, normal, natural, and necessary, those
17:13
Steve Sewell: things really
17:15
Steve Sewell: help us understand the the process of grief and
17:19
Steve Sewell: what happens when we experience it.
17:21
Steve Sewell: The disbelief, the unhappiness, the sadness,
17:26
Steve Sewell: the anger that comes in, the frustration in our own minds
17:30
Steve Sewell: about how things work, and then we begin to question everything.
17:35
Steve Sewell: And that's a very big part of what we see happening.
17:40
Steve Sewell: It's what happened to me,
17:43
Steve Sewell: going through the loss of my son, going through the loss of a
17:47
Steve Sewell: of a job change.
17:49
Steve Sewell: That's very, very real.
17:50
Steve Sewell: And when we acknowledge that, when we name it,
17:54
Steve Sewell: the whole doors are opened at that point.
18:02
Lisa Nichols: Yeah.
18:03
Lisa Nichols: I mean, it takes many forms because I'm just thinking, you know, it could
18:06
Lisa Nichols: be a dream that you've had for, you know, as long
18:10
Lisa Nichols: as you can remember a dream unrealized.
18:19
Lisa Nichols: You know, I mean, it could be a number of things and but I
18:22
Lisa Nichols: like what you said, you know, you gotta name it.
18:24
Lisa Nichols: I'm I'm I need to walk through the stages of grief with this.
18:28
Lisa Nichols: So,
18:30
Lisa Nichols: you know, what I mean, lot of people, you know, that
18:34
Lisa Nichols: are in pain.
18:35
Lisa Nichols: I mean, what's the thing that you think people are desperately
18:40
Lisa Nichols: longing for during that time?
18:42
Lisa Nichols: And I'm just you know, we've had a couple of,
18:46
Lisa Nichols: really dear friends lose children, and I just I got
18:51
Lisa Nichols: some counsel from Focus on the Family.
18:54
Lisa Nichols: Steve, during that time, you know what?
18:56
Lisa Nichols: I mean, there's really sometimes just nothing you can say.
19:00
Lisa Nichols: Sometimes it's a hug, right, or just your presence.
19:03
Lisa Nichols: But, you know, what have you seen?
19:05
Lisa Nichols: I mean, instruct our listeners, you know, and how can they
19:09
Lisa Nichols: recognize when somebody is grieving,
19:13
Lisa Nichols: and then how could they approach that situation in a really thoughtful, kind way?
19:18
Steve Sewell: Yeah.
19:18
Steve Sewell: You know, I think we often find that silence
19:22
Steve Sewell: is so uncomfortable for us.
19:25
Steve Sewell: Mhmm.
19:26
Steve Sewell: But I think, you know, the scripture is really clear about, you know, God's
19:30
Steve Sewell: voice, and sometimes it thunders, and sometimes it's quiet
19:34
Steve Sewell: and still, and gives us that comfort
19:38
Steve Sewell: and that peace that everyone wants.
19:41
Steve Sewell: And, you know, the first question you asked me there was was what are
19:45
Steve Sewell: people looking for?
19:46
Steve Sewell: And they're really looking for an anecdote.
19:49
Steve Sewell: They're looking for something that they can do.
19:54
Steve Sewell: But what my,
19:58
Steve Sewell: counsel has always been is to come alongside them and what,
20:02
Steve Sewell: doctor Alan Wolfelt describes as companioning.
20:07
Steve Sewell: So my job is not to fix you.
20:09
Steve Sewell: My job is not to bring you some wonderful
20:14
Steve Sewell: antidote or some medicine or some kind of tip
20:18
Steve Sewell: or, essential oil or or a plant
20:22
Steve Sewell: or a walk or you know, it it has nothing to do with all
20:25
Steve Sewell: those things.
20:26
Steve Sewell: Those things are nice gestures, but those are not
20:30
Steve Sewell: what people are looking for.
20:32
Steve Sewell: What people are looking for is that
20:35
Steve Sewell: peace,
20:37
Steve Sewell: that Mhmm.
20:38
Steve Sewell: Quietness
20:39
Steve Sewell: that comes alongside and says, I've got you in
20:43
Steve Sewell: the palm of my hand.
20:45
Steve Sewell: And sometimes,
20:47
Steve Sewell: the body of Christ, we as Christians, people who follow Jesus, we
20:51
Steve Sewell: have an opportunity to be the incarnate Jesus who went
20:55
Steve Sewell: to be his hand and feet.
20:57
Steve Sewell: That's kinda like an old phrase that we've used, but it's really, really true.
21:01
Steve Sewell: And so we can stop the the
21:05
Steve Sewell: nuisance of trying to say that right thing.
21:10
Steve Sewell: You know?
21:11
Steve Sewell: I think that's what happened in the early four, forties, late
21:15
Steve Sewell: late, forties, early fifties when someone coined the
21:19
Steve Sewell: phrase, I'm sorry for your loss
21:23
Steve Sewell: or my condolences to you.
21:28
Steve Sewell: You know, a long time ago, words were
21:31
Steve Sewell: made up different.
21:32
Steve Sewell: And so maybe at the time, those words were so
21:36
Steve Sewell: pivotal.
21:37
Steve Sewell: They meant something more, but now they don't mean as
21:41
Steve Sewell: much.
21:42
Steve Sewell: And even when you see it in a card, it's like, is that the
21:46
Steve Sewell: only thing you could say?
21:47
Steve Sewell: Yeah.
21:48
Steve Sewell: And so there's something about peace and being able to
21:52
Steve Sewell: offer something more than just a casserole, more than just,
21:57
Steve Sewell: you know, comfort.
22:00
Steve Sewell: Presence is something that is, high
22:04
Steve Sewell: on my list to provide.
22:07
Steve Sewell: And I remember one time I was with a a grieving family.
22:10
Steve Sewell: They had just lost their grandmother.
22:12
Steve Sewell: This grandmother was the
22:17
Steve Sewell: matriarch of the family for.
22:19
Lisa Nichols: Of the family.
22:20
Steve Sewell: They she she was the one that held all things together.
22:25
Steve Sewell: And, and she was well known in the community.
22:29
Steve Sewell: And so the world
22:32
Steve Sewell: in this little town was
22:35
Steve Sewell: really shaped and really shaped.
22:38
Steve Sewell: Shaken shape.
22:38
Steve Sewell: Up.
22:40
Steve Sewell: And I remember just sitting with the son
22:44
Steve Sewell: and the daughter and one of their children
22:48
Steve Sewell: that was sitting on my lap.
22:50
Steve Sewell: I had already had a couple of visits with this family,
22:54
Steve Sewell: and so I had befriended this little this little girl.
22:58
Steve Sewell: And she was probably oh, I think probably three or four.
23:02
Steve Sewell: She had a really bubbly personality.
23:05
Steve Sewell: And I, of course, you know, used to be a youth pastor, so I'd
23:08
Steve Sewell: be, like, all about the fun and games, you know.
23:10
Steve Sewell: And so I'd I'd reach out to her, and I'd show her a book,
23:14
Steve Sewell: and I'd read it with her as I'm listening to the others.
23:17
Steve Sewell: And I'm trying to do all these other things, and I'm just trying to
23:19
Steve Sewell: be a presence.
23:20
Steve Sewell: You know?
23:21
Steve Sewell: And
23:24
Steve Sewell: this this, brother and sister came up to me, and
23:28
Steve Sewell: their little their little girl,
23:31
Steve Sewell: came up, sat on my lap, and I said nothing.
23:36
Steve Sewell: I said nothing.
23:37
Steve Sewell: I I I really don't remember saying anything.
23:40
Steve Sewell: I just remember holding this little girl on my lap,
23:45
Steve Sewell: and I I think I put my hand on his shoulder.
23:48
Steve Sewell: I think I put, I I I nudged
23:52
Steve Sewell: her on her,
23:54
Steve Sewell: arm right here.
23:55
Steve Sewell: And I, I think if I said anything, it was probably something like,
24:00
Steve Sewell: I'm so sorry that this is happening.
24:04
Steve Sewell: And I remember at the funeral, I I I
24:08
Steve Sewell: I officiated the funeral.
24:09
Steve Sewell: And some of the people came up to me, and they said, Steve, we're
24:14
Steve Sewell: so appreciative of what you did and what you said.
24:19
Steve Sewell: And I kept thinking, man, I hope I said something really good.
24:23
Steve Sewell: Yeah.
24:25
Steve Sewell: But I didn't.
24:26
Steve Sewell: I was just there.
24:27
Steve Sewell: And I think that's what people want.
24:29
Steve Sewell: People want to know that when they're in the dark,
24:34
Steve Sewell: there's light.
24:37
Lisa Nichols: That's so good.
24:38
Lisa Nichols: That's so good.
24:39
Lisa Nichols: So, yeah, so just being being
24:44
Lisa Nichols: present, not presence in terms of gifts, but
24:48
Lisa Nichols: being present is
24:51
Lisa Nichols: one of the most powerful things I think that we can do.
24:53
Lisa Nichols: Just that person knows that they're not alone.
24:55
Lisa Nichols: Right?
24:55
Lisa Nichols: So so good, Steve.
24:57
Lisa Nichols: Well, we do need to take a quick break, and we'll be right back
24:59
Lisa Nichols: with Steve Sewell on the something extra podcast.
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25:32
Lisa Nichols: Well, welcome back, everyone, to the Something Extra podcast with Steve Sewell.
25:36
Lisa Nichols: So, Steve, I've got your book here, " Hearing F rom God: F orty days in the
25:40
Lisa Nichols: Psalms."
25:41
Lisa Nichols: It really invites people to calm their soul during this
25:45
Lisa Nichols: the during the storm.
25:47
Lisa Nichols: One of my favorite Psalms is Psalm 23 .
25:50
Lisa Nichols: And even sometimes at night when I'm having trouble falling
25:54
Lisa Nichols: asleep, I'll just recite that that Psalm in my mind, you know,
25:58
Lisa Nichols: but that I know that that is, the Psalm that was the scripture at
26:02
Lisa Nichols: my mom's, you know, funeral service and but, you know, what
26:06
Lisa Nichols: what has God taught you personally about listening
26:10
Lisa Nichols: to him and hearing his voice in seasons of chaos?
26:15
Steve Sewell: You know,
26:17
Steve Sewell: when you go through something really heavy, you need something
26:22
Steve Sewell: light.
26:23
Steve Sewell: And when you go through seasons of time where things are
26:27
Steve Sewell: just light and and easy,
26:31
Steve Sewell: god almost says, okay.
26:32
Steve Sewell: I wanna give you a little something heavier now.
26:36
Steve Sewell: So what the Psalms are, I love them because they
26:40
Steve Sewell: have so much weight,
26:44
Steve Sewell: yet they carry so much peace.
26:47
Steve Sewell: You know, one of my one of my favorites Psalms of all
26:51
Steve Sewell: is Psalm one nineteen, and nobody ever talks about Psalm 119
26:55
Steve Sewell: because it's.
26:55
Lisa Nichols: I love Psalm 119 .
26:57
Lisa Nichols: It's the longest chapter in the Bible, r ight?
27:01
Lisa Nichols: I love Psalm 119 .
27:02
Steve Sewell: It is so good.
27:04
Steve Sewell: And I think I have
27:09
Steve Sewell: I remember I remember getting ready to
27:13
Steve Sewell: think through what God was going to do in me with the Psalms.
27:17
Steve Sewell: I didn't know exactly what it was gonna come out to be.
27:20
Steve Sewell: Like, what was it gonna be a book or
27:23
Steve Sewell: a sermon or a series or something like that?
27:25
Steve Sewell: And so I did what the Lord told me to do.
27:28
Steve Sewell: He says, Steve, I want you to read through the Psalms.
27:30
Steve Sewell: So I did.
27:31
Steve Sewell: I read through them really quickly.
27:32
Steve Sewell: Okay.
27:34
Steve Sewell: And God said, hey.
27:37
Steve Sewell: I thank you for your compliance,
27:40
Steve Sewell: but can you read again?
27:42
Steve Sewell: So I took a little more time and I read through it.
27:45
Steve Sewell: And he goes, Steve, A+ .
27:49
Steve Sewell: Thanks so much for doing that.
27:51
Steve Sewell: But can you slow this down so that I could show you amazing
27:56
Steve Sewell: things that's in my word?
27:58
Steve Sewell: And so for the next nine months, I
28:02
Steve Sewell: went through the book of Psalms, and I felt like I gave birth to
28:05
Steve Sewell: something.
28:06
Lisa Nichols: Right.
28:07
Steve Sewell: You know?
28:07
Steve Sewell: I mean, how does that even happen?
28:09
Steve Sewell: But, I mean, it was so amazing.
28:11
Steve Sewell: And so, like, one of my favorites, Psalm 119:54,
28:15
Steve Sewell: your statutes have been the songs of my night.
28:20
Steve Sewell: I will remember your name in the my pilgrimage.
28:24
Steve Sewell: Oh, lord, I will keep your laws.
28:27
Steve Sewell: And then over in Psalm 119 verse 105 ,
28:31
Steve Sewell: your word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.
28:35
Steve Sewell: I can't think of the Psalms for the storms of life than
28:39
Steve Sewell: those.
28:41
Lisa Nichols: Oh, I love that.
28:42
Steve Sewell: They had something of substance for me
28:46
Steve Sewell: that really birthed in into that whole book.
28:50
Lisa Nichols: Yeah.
28:51
Lisa Nichols: It's so beautiful.
28:52
Lisa Nichols: And, of course, King David wrote a lot of the Psalm.
28:55
Lisa Nichols: Right?
28:55
Lisa Nichols: And sometimes he is in the pit.
28:58
Lisa Nichols: Sometimes he's in the valley of despair, and then other times he was dancing
29:01
Lisa Nichols: and on the mountain top.
29:03
Lisa Nichols: Right?
29:03
Lisa Nichols: He's so so real, but I could not agree more.
29:05
Lisa Nichols: Well, I'll tell you one of my favorite, Psalm 119
29:11
Lisa Nichols: is 33-37 .
29:13
Lisa Nichols: It says, teach me, lord, the way of your decrees Yes.
29:15
Lisa Nichols: That I may follow it till the end.
29:17
Lisa Nichols: Give me understanding so I may keep your law and obey it with all
29:20
Lisa Nichols: my heart.
29:21
Lisa Nichols: Direct me in the path of your commands for there I find my delight.
29:25
Lisa Nichols: Turn my heart toward your statues and not towards selfish gain.
29:29
Lisa Nichols: Turn my eyes from worthless things.
29:32
Lisa Nichols: Preserve my life according to your word.
29:35
Lisa Nichols: And I have always loved that song because, you know, I love that
29:39
Lisa Nichols: even the one turn my eyes away from worthless things.
29:42
Lisa Nichols: Right?
29:43
Lisa Nichols: Because there is so much noise in the world, Steve.
29:46
Lisa Nichols: And there's so many things that we can turn our attention, our
29:50
Lisa Nichols: talent, our time, our treasure into.
29:53
Lisa Nichols: Right?
29:53
Lisa Nichols: But I don't want the worthless things.
29:55
Lisa Nichols: I want the things that matter to him most.
29:58
Lisa Nichols: Right?
29:58
Lisa Nichols: So if you are a listener out there and you've never read the Bible
30:02
Lisa Nichols: and this is, we've kind of sparked something in you, start with the
30:06
Lisa Nichols: Psalm.
30:07
Lisa Nichols: I promise the Psalms are beautiful.
30:09
Lisa Nichols: I promise you you will come away, and there will be
30:13
Lisa Nichols: treasures.
30:13
Lisa Nichols: There will be nuggets of gold, you know, in in those Psalms
30:17
Lisa Nichols: that, it's just a great place to start, I think, if if you have
30:21
Lisa Nichols: not read the scriptures.
30:22
Lisa Nichols: But thank you so much.
30:24
Lisa Nichols: Well, you already answered my question because I was gonna ask you, what's your
30:26
Lisa Nichols: favorite Psalm?
30:27
Lisa Nichols: And, and we just talked about it, so I love that.
30:32
Lisa Nichols: You know, what about this, Steve?
30:33
Lisa Nichols: For someone that's listening today who just feels really overwhelmed and just
30:37
Lisa Nichols: stuck in grief, just stuck in grief that they cannot get past.
30:41
Lisa Nichols: Is there one small simple step that they could take
30:45
Lisa Nichols: toward moving toward hope?
30:47
Steve Sewell: Yeah.
30:48
Steve Sewell: You know, that's a such a great,
30:52
Steve Sewell: such a great question because that's where a lot of people, you know,
30:56
Steve Sewell: they feel like everything is happening.
30:59
Steve Sewell: So how do I even start?
31:00
Steve Sewell: It's like, you know, getting into a, you know, a
31:04
Steve Sewell: whole a whole, barbecue restaurant there in in, Saint
31:08
Steve Sewell: Louis or in the Midwest, you know, and then trying to pick out, do
31:11
Steve Sewell: I get brisket?
31:12
Steve Sewell: Do I get ribs?
31:13
Steve Sewell: Should I get burnt ends? W hich is what you should do.
31:16
Steve Sewell: But Right.
31:17
Steve Sewell: You know, and so all these things.
31:19
Steve Sewell: So yeah.
31:20
Steve Sewell: I think the
31:22
Steve Sewell: most important thing that we can start with is
31:27
Steve Sewell: saying,
31:28
Steve Sewell: god, I wanna give you
31:31
Steve Sewell: my time for the next ten minutes.
31:35
Steve Sewell: Would you just speak to me?
31:37
Steve Sewell: And sometimes, it's us saying a lot of words
31:42
Steve Sewell: and then giving god the rest, or it's saying
31:46
Steve Sewell: nothing and having my pen out and journaling
31:50
Steve Sewell: what I feel god is saying or what I sense.
31:53
Steve Sewell: So I think it's a starting point of saying God,
31:57
Steve Sewell: would you come and would you meet me?
32:01
Steve Sewell: And then my second thing is probably very, very
32:05
Steve Sewell: practical, and a lot of pastors and preachers are like, oh, yeah.
32:08
Steve Sewell: This is really good.
32:10
Steve Sewell: But I always say, I need
32:15
Steve Sewell: a journal
32:17
Steve Sewell: to keep my brain from frying.
32:21
Steve Sewell: In other words, I need to keep my to do list handy because if
32:25
Steve Sewell: the devil can't make you bad, he'll he'll help you remember
32:29
Steve Sewell: all the things you're not doing.
32:32
Steve Sewell: So
32:35
Steve Sewell: I keep my to do list handy on one side,
32:39
Steve Sewell: and on the other side, I keep my journal open for
32:43
Steve Sewell: God to speak to me.
32:45
Steve Sewell: And those two things saying, yes, Lord, would
32:49
Steve Sewell: you come in and would you rescue me?
32:51
Steve Sewell: Would you speak to me?
32:53
Steve Sewell: Would you I'm giving my permission
32:57
Steve Sewell: for you to come, and then it's keeping
33:01
Steve Sewell: the things straight.
33:05
Lisa Nichols: I'm so glad that you mentioned that because I do know from reading about
33:08
Lisa Nichols: you, reading in your book, you are a big journaler.
33:11
Lisa Nichols: You're a big journaler.
33:12
Lisa Nichols: I am too.
33:13
Lisa Nichols: I've journaled since I was a little girl, and I love it.
33:17
Lisa Nichols: For that listener out there, Steve, that may be, well, what do you even
33:21
Lisa Nichols: write in your journal?
33:23
Lisa Nichols: What do you do you just talk about your day?
33:26
Lisa Nichols: Is it like a diary?
33:27
Lisa Nichols: I mean, what would you say to that person?
33:29
Lisa Nichols: How could they get started with the discipline of journaling if
33:33
Lisa Nichols: they're not a journaler?
33:34
Steve Sewell: Yeah.
33:35
Steve Sewell: So that's also a really great question.
33:38
Steve Sewell: And when I when I talk about journaling, I always say,
33:42
Steve Sewell: write what you believe God is saying to you.
33:45
Steve Sewell: Start there.
33:46
Steve Sewell: And sometimes, I have said also,
33:51
Steve Sewell: write out your prayer.
33:53
Lisa Nichols: Yes.
33:54
Steve Sewell: There will be times when my writing is so
33:58
Steve Sewell: small
34:00
Steve Sewell: and so,
34:03
Steve Sewell: it's pointed.
34:04
Steve Sewell: It's focused.
34:05
Steve Sewell: It's very meticulous.
34:07
Steve Sewell: And then there's other times where I write four or five words
34:11
Steve Sewell: per line because I'm hopping mad, and I all like what's
34:15
Steve Sewell: going on, and I don't like the fact that I've just stepped on Allego,
34:19
Steve Sewell: and I just and I I have to, I have to terminate this
34:23
Steve Sewell: this person, or I have to change the focus of
34:27
Steve Sewell: some positions, and people are not gonna be happy about that, or I'm taking
34:31
Steve Sewell: away money, which people are getting really frustrated about.
34:35
Steve Sewell: So I'm like, lord, you better be here because if I'm if you're not,
34:38
Steve Sewell: then I am I'm gonna toast this thing.
34:41
Steve Sewell: I'm gonna burn it down.
34:42
Steve Sewell: And Yeah.
34:43
Steve Sewell: So I'm just writing my feelings toward
34:48
Steve Sewell: the things I'm writing.
34:49
Steve Sewell: And then when I get deeper into my journal, I'm actually writing down what
34:53
Steve Sewell: God's word says to me.
34:55
Steve Sewell: So I'm actually writing the verse out, and then I'm saying,
34:59
Steve Sewell: okay.
35:00
Steve Sewell: So now what?
35:01
Steve Sewell: Or so who cares?
35:03
Steve Sewell: And then I'm writing that, that's why I use the word soap
35:08
Steve Sewell: in my devotions, which wasn't created by me.
35:11
Steve Sewell: It was rated by my friend, Wayne Cordero.
35:14
Steve Sewell: But, in that soap, it really does have a way of cleansing
35:18
Steve Sewell: us.
35:20
Steve Sewell: We go about our devotions.
35:22
Lisa Nichols: Yeah.
35:23
Lisa Nichols: Well, I love that you said that too.
35:26
Lisa Nichols: I mean, really writing out your emotions, writing out how you're feeling, it
35:30
Lisa Nichols: it's not a surprise to god.
35:32
Lisa Nichols: It's not a surprise to him, so it is totally okay to do
35:36
Lisa Nichols: that.
35:37
Lisa Nichols: Well, let I've got I've just got a few more questions here, and then
35:41
Lisa Nichols: we're gonna talk about something extra.
35:43
Lisa Nichols: But, your latest book, " When the Whistle Blows," really is a blend
35:47
Lisa Nichols: of sports, loss, personal resilience.
35:49
Lisa Nichols: What inspired you to write that book, Steve?
35:53
Steve Sewell: I have people laughing at me all the time.
35:56
Steve Sewell: If you knew me, you would know that I am no athlete at
36:00
Steve Sewell: all.
36:01
Steve Sewell: I know how to bounce a ball.
36:03
Steve Sewell: I know I played a little bit of basketball in junior high and high
36:06
Steve Sewell: school in, like, intramural.
36:08
Steve Sewell: I played volleyball.
36:09
Steve Sewell: I ran track.
36:11
Steve Sewell: That's it.
36:11
Steve Sewell: But if you really wanna know the reason why I ran track was because
36:15
Steve Sewell: there were some amazing girls in my group.
36:19
Lisa Nichols: Girls?
36:19
Lisa Nichols: That's the, I knew you were gonna say that.
36:21
Lisa Nichols: That's so pretty.
36:22
Steve Sewell: I was like, sure.
36:23
Steve Sewell: I'll run as long as so and so is in front of me.
36:27
Steve Sewell: You know?
36:27
Lisa Nichols: Sure.
36:28
Lisa Nichols: Sure.
36:28
Lisa Nichols: Sure.
36:28
Steve Sewell: So I was like, okay.
36:30
Steve Sewell: Well, let's do it.
36:31
Steve Sewell: And then I was running because my buddies were in it.
36:35
Steve Sewell: But I'm no runner.
36:36
Steve Sewell: My wife, Karen, she's a runner, and she's always saying, hey.
36:40
Steve Sewell: You know, maybe you come out with me.
36:42
Steve Sewell: I'm like, maybe I'll have a pizza.
36:45
Steve Sewell: But there there's something amazing about the fans
36:51
Steve Sewell: and the coaches.
36:53
Steve Sewell: All through my kids'
36:57
Steve Sewell: life,
36:59
Steve Sewell: especially when they were younger, I supported them in sports.
37:03
Steve Sewell: They ran track, they had soccer, they played basketball, volleyball,
37:08
Steve Sewell: gymnastics,
37:11
Steve Sewell: we tried hockey for about two weeks, I think.
37:15
Steve Sewell: There were all kinds of things, wrestling.
37:19
Steve Sewell: And so I showed up.
37:22
Steve Sewell: And I was trying to be the dad that I wanted to be for
37:25
Steve Sewell: them, but then I started realizing who I was also showing up for.
37:29
Steve Sewell: It was the other moms and dads on the fence.
37:31
Steve Sewell: It was the other moms and dads in the field.
37:33
Steve Sewell: Yeah.
37:34
Steve Sewell: I was taking some of their cookies, you know, on
37:38
Steve Sewell: in the bleachers.
37:39
Steve Sewell: But, and drinking some of their iced tea and long,
37:43
Steve Sewell: tennis matches in the middle of, you know, May
37:45
Lisa Nichols: Right.
37:47
Steve Sewell: There was something amazing that was going on during those
37:52
Steve Sewell: matches and those events and those games and those tournaments.
37:57
Steve Sewell: And I started wondering, I wonder, I wonder if there's
38:01
Steve Sewell: anything out there that is written for athletes and
38:05
Steve Sewell: coaches and fans about grief.
38:07
Steve Sewell: And, you know, I couldn't find very much.
38:10
Steve Sewell: So I asked God, and I journaled.
38:13
Steve Sewell: And I came back with this, I'm no
38:17
Steve Sewell: athlete, but I sure love athletes.
38:21
Steve Sewell: And I Mhmm.
38:22
Steve Sewell: Coaches, and that's the reason why I made it.
38:25
Steve Sewell: I've got a buddy who lives in Saint Louis, Jeff.
38:27
Steve Sewell: I'm shout out to Jeff.
38:29
Steve Sewell: He, he tells me all the time, Steve, don't talk
38:33
Steve Sewell: sports with anybody who knows sports.
38:37
Lisa Nichols: Oh, that's so funny.
38:39
Steve Sewell: And , you know, and you know, you know, and, and
38:43
Steve Sewell: he laughs at me, but he's my coach.
38:45
Steve Sewell: He's my Mhmm.
38:46
Steve Sewell: When I'm when I'm at a game, I'm like, you know, okay.
38:49
Steve Sewell: Hey.
38:49
Steve Sewell: Did you see that call?
38:50
Steve Sewell: What was that call all about?
38:52
Steve Sewell: Don't talk about it, Steve.
38:53
Steve Sewell: You know?
38:54
Lisa Nichols: No.
38:55
Lisa Nichols: That's funny.
38:56
Lisa Nichols: That is funny.
38:57
Lisa Nichols: People yeah.
38:58
Lisa Nichols: That's funny.
38:59
Lisa Nichols: Well, that's really that's interesting.
39:01
Lisa Nichols: And, you know, just for our listeners, I mean, Steve has also written a
39:05
Lisa Nichols: book for children,
39:07
Lisa Nichols: about dealing with grief and finding hope.
39:10
Lisa Nichols: But let let's talk about this, and then I've got just a couple more
39:13
Lisa Nichols: questions for you, and then we're gonna talk about something extra.
39:17
Lisa Nichols: Steve, now you're helping companies navigate change, transition,
39:22
Lisa Nichols: burnout, see if, loss.
39:24
Lisa Nichols: You, you got you do several keynotes,
39:28
Lisa Nichols: and one of them is Banish management burnout, taking
39:32
Lisa Nichols: care of yourself and your team.
39:35
Lisa Nichols: Talk to me about that.
39:37
Lisa Nichols: Are you do you are you seeing some burnout
39:40
Lisa Nichols: with with teams and
39:43
Lisa Nichols: leaders?
39:44
Steve Sewell: We are seeing
39:46
Steve Sewell: amazing amounts of crash and burns
39:51
Steve Sewell: because people are trying to do everything with
39:55
Steve Sewell: something that they have.
39:57
Steve Sewell: And it's employers are asking more.
40:01
Steve Sewell: They're giving less
40:04
Steve Sewell: Team members, managers, foreman, supervisors,
40:10
Steve Sewell: they're they're all trying to follow the rule of the road, and
40:15
Steve Sewell: their their their their teams or people are just falling apart.
40:18
Steve Sewell: And so what I've discovered is that if we can
40:23
Steve Sewell: avoid trying to burn both ends of the candle
40:30
Steve Sewell: you know, someone told me once that if we're if we're burning both ends
40:35
Steve Sewell: of the candle, we're not as bright as we think we are.
40:38
Steve Sewell: And so Right.
40:40
Steve Sewell: When we can be all in,
40:44
Steve Sewell: but still have a life.
40:46
Steve Sewell: And I've said this for years now.
40:48
Steve Sewell: Let's go to work, but live at home.
40:53
Lisa Nichols: Oh, that's good.
40:55
Lisa Nichols: Say that again.
40:56
Lisa Nichols: Say that again.
40:56
Lisa Nichols: That's gold.
40:57
Steve Sewell: When we can go to work
41:02
Steve Sewell: and live at home, our life has more
41:06
Steve Sewell: meaning.
41:07
Steve Sewell: We are never going to be given more than twenty four hours in a
41:11
Steve Sewell: period of time.
41:12
Steve Sewell: And so we ought to be living
41:15
Steve Sewell: at home and going to work.
41:18
Steve Sewell: And when our employees just say, you know, hey.
41:20
Steve Sewell: Can you give extra?
41:22
Steve Sewell: We can say, I can give extra this time, but I don't
41:26
Steve Sewell: want it to be something where you're asking me to stay twelve hours every
41:30
Steve Sewell: day.
41:31
Steve Sewell: But I'm happy to stay twelve hours,
41:34
Steve Sewell: on this occasion.
41:36
Lisa Nichols: Yeah.
41:36
Steve Sewell: Let's not make it a habit.
41:39
Steve Sewell: Right.
41:39
Steve Sewell: Not it's not saying anything negative.
41:42
Steve Sewell: It's putting your place into it it it's it's setting
41:46
Steve Sewell: the investment into the into the organization.
41:51
Steve Sewell: Burnout, stress is super high.
41:55
Steve Sewell: So I'm bringing some humor.
41:57
Steve Sewell: I'm bringing some story.
41:59
Steve Sewell: I'm bringing some, some real life.
42:02
Steve Sewell: But, you know, burnout and stress really has its roots
42:06
Steve Sewell: in some suffering and grief.
42:09
Steve Sewell: And so we're talking about that too.
42:11
Steve Sewell: So it's funny how we I can bring
42:15
Steve Sewell: the grief education part into the corporation.
42:18
Steve Sewell: And go back.
42:19
Steve Sewell: Oh, holy smoke.
42:20
Steve Sewell: I didn't realize this was happening.
42:22
Lisa Nichols: Yeah.
42:25
Lisa Nichols: I think this one is really, you know, I think it's so
42:30
Lisa Nichols: poignant right now and because it is the anxiety and stress, they say,
42:34
Lisa Nichols: is an all time high even with children and,
42:38
Lisa Nichols: you know, teenagers and children even very young,
42:42
Lisa Nichols: because I think you're right.
42:43
Lisa Nichols: We're, number one, burning the candle at both ends, very high expectations
42:48
Lisa Nichols: of ourself and others.
42:50
Lisa Nichols: Right?
42:52
Lisa Nichols: You know what okay.
42:54
Lisa Nichols: So you already talked about one.
42:55
Lisa Nichols: Don't burn the candle at both ends.
42:57
Lisa Nichols: Make sure you're getting plenty of sleep.
42:58
Lisa Nichols: But, you know, you talk about five tactics to
43:02
Lisa Nichols: stop feeling overloaded, overwhelmed, or overlooked.
43:07
Lisa Nichols: Give me a couple more of those, Steve.
43:10
Lisa Nichols: What are some real practical things if somebody's feeling
43:14
Lisa Nichols: that right now?
43:15
Lisa Nichols: They feel like they're just overwhelmed.
43:18
Lisa Nichols: What's one or two things that they can do in addition to making sure
43:22
Lisa Nichols: they're getting proper sleep and eating well.
43:25
Steve Sewell: Yeah.
43:25
Steve Sewell: So besides those those types of things, eating well, sleeping well
43:29
Steve Sewell: is really good.
43:30
Steve Sewell: I think my number one
43:33
Steve Sewell: point of interest to tell our
43:37
Steve Sewell: folks who are just
43:41
Steve Sewell: stretched thin.
43:43
Steve Sewell: I always help them see the need for a mentor.
43:49
Steve Sewell: And a lot of people think, well, you know, why why would I need
43:52
Steve Sewell: a mentor?
43:53
Steve Sewell: Why would I need another meeting to go to?
43:56
Steve Sewell: Or why do I need to have another Zoom call or another time
44:00
Steve Sewell: where I'm sitting across when I don't have enough time to do the
44:05
Steve Sewell: work that I'm supposed to be doing, especially if it's like a manufacturing type
44:09
Steve Sewell: setting.
44:10
Steve Sewell: But here's where the beautiful thing or the art
44:14
Steve Sewell: of mentoring comes into place, is that someone else
44:18
Steve Sewell: can say to you,
44:21
Steve Sewell: you're an idiot. And g
44:23
Steve Sewell: et away with it.
44:24
Steve Sewell: I Right.
44:26
Steve Sewell: I love it when my band of brothers will come
44:30
Steve Sewell: to me and they say, Steve, I'm concerned about something
44:34
Steve Sewell: that I'm seeing you do.
44:37
Steve Sewell: Are you aware of it?
44:39
Steve Sewell: And then I'm thinking to myself,
44:43
Steve Sewell: what?
44:43
Steve Sewell: I didn't even know I was going that way.
44:47
Steve Sewell: I didn't know that I was coming home
44:50
Steve Sewell: at the end of my rope every single day so that my kids
44:55
Steve Sewell: get zero of my enthusiasm.
44:59
Steve Sewell: Mhmm.
44:59
Steve Sewell: My spouse gets zero of my passion and my communication
45:04
Steve Sewell: and my compassion for them.
45:06
Steve Sewell: Because I'm using it all at work.
45:10
Steve Sewell: And so when a mentor comes alongside you, there's
45:14
Steve Sewell: something really special,
45:17
Steve Sewell: that happens is they can point things out, and they can say, hey.
45:21
Steve Sewell: I'm concerned for you.
45:23
Steve Sewell: And because I'm a friend to you and because you want
45:27
Steve Sewell: to be better, I wanna point it out.
45:31
Lisa Nichols: Yeah.
45:31
Lisa Nichols: Oh, that's so good.
45:32
Lisa Nichols: Yeah.
45:32
Lisa Nichols: Sometimes we need that mirror, right, because we can't see.
45:36
Lisa Nichols: Right?
45:36
Lisa Nichols: And that mentor, that trusted advisor can be that mirror
45:40
Lisa Nichols: to say, hey.
45:41
Lisa Nichols: I'm seeing this and helping point out blind spots.
45:44
Lisa Nichols: That's really good.
45:45
Lisa Nichols: So that's one thing that they can do, and I think that's a really
45:49
Lisa Nichols: good one.
45:49
Lisa Nichols: Well, Steve, let me ask you this.
45:51
Lisa Nichols: This is called something extra.
45:53
Lisa Nichols: What do you believe is this something extra that every leader needs?
45:58
Steve Sewell: I believe that if we pay attention to the grief we carry,
46:06
Steve Sewell: we actually help
46:09
Steve Sewell: the other people in our lives carry their grief too.
46:13
Steve Sewell: So our personal losses when they're unknown, they're unspoken,
46:18
Steve Sewell: they shape how we live.
46:19
Steve Sewell: They shape our pace, our rhythm, our cadence,
46:23
Steve Sewell: and a lot of things.
46:24
Steve Sewell: And,
46:26
Steve Sewell: what happens is that when we carry our grief well,
46:31
Steve Sewell: we actually mentor, using that word again, mentor
46:36
Steve Sewell: to others.
46:37
Steve Sewell: Because constantly, we are coming up against people
46:41
Steve Sewell: who are saying, you know, you did something the other day that
46:45
Steve Sewell: really
46:47
Steve Sewell: spoke to me,
46:50
Steve Sewell: or you did something the other day that really hurt me.
46:54
Steve Sewell: I thought you were better than that.
46:57
Steve Sewell: And so it's this having the the the, you know,
47:01
Steve Sewell: it's kind of a good news about loss, if you will.
47:04
Steve Sewell: When you acknowledge your loss and your grief, that
47:08
Steve Sewell: loss becomes like a mentor.
47:11
Steve Sewell: And so my hope is that people listening today,
47:16
Steve Sewell: and people listening tomorrow when I speak, in a in a in a conference
47:21
Steve Sewell: tomorrow, that they'll see
47:24
Steve Sewell: why their grief is important to name, to work through
47:30
Steve Sewell: for them.
47:31
Steve Sewell: But then the second
47:33
Steve Sewell: wave of that is that it helps other people.
47:37
Lisa Nichols: For others.
47:38
Lisa Nichols: Wow.
47:38
Lisa Nichols: That's really beautiful.
47:41
Lisa Nichols: Out of three hundred and seventy episodes, nobody has ever said that,
47:45
Lisa Nichols: Steve.
47:46
Lisa Nichols: So that's a very unique and a first, so I love it.
47:49
Lisa Nichols: I love it.
47:50
Lisa Nichols: Well, thank you so much for making the time to be on the show.
47:53
Lisa Nichols: I'm glad that we can make this work.
47:55
Lisa Nichols: Again, shout out to our dear friend, Jim Bechtel, for connecting us,
48:00
Lisa Nichols: and just wish you the very best.
48:01
Lisa Nichols: Keep being a shining light and helping people,
48:06
Lisa Nichols: you know, with your the conference tomorrow and, just blessings to you.
48:10
Steve Sewell: Well, thank you so much for everything that you do and for all of
48:14
Steve Sewell: the podcasts you've had.
48:16
Steve Sewell: Wonderful.
48:16
Steve Sewell: Congratulations.
48:18
Steve Sewell: And it's a beautiful opportunity to be with you.
48:21
Announcer: Thank you for listening to today's show.
48:23
Announcer: Something extra with Lisa Nichols is a Technology Partners production.
48:27
Announcer: Copyright Technology Partners Inc two thousand and nineteen.
48:30
Announcer: For show notes or to reach Lisa, visit tpi dot co
48:34
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48:35
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48:40
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