Latest / The Career Mentor Podcast with Fexingo: Finding Mentors, Sponsors, and Career Advisors / How to Find a Mentor When You Are a Remote Worker
Transcript
- Lucas: So, Luna, I've been thinking about a number that keeps rattling around my head. The Society for Human Resource Management put out a survey in 2025 that found sixty-two percent of remote employees feel less connected to senior leaders than they did when they were in the office. Luna: Sixty-two percent. That's huge. And I bet a lot of that disconnect is exactly why people feel like they can't find a mentor when they're working remotely. Lucas: Right. And that's the angle we haven't really tackled on this show. We've covered finding mentors as a senior exec, as a new parent, as a veteran, but we haven't specifically drilled into the remote-work reality. So today I want to get practical about how you actually build a mentoring relationship when you can't just grab coffee after a meeting. Luna: And I think a lot of listeners out there are in that boat. Maybe they've been remote for years now, and they feel like their career is plateauing because they don't have that informal guidance that comes from being in the office. Lucas: Exactly. And the first thing to understand is that the old model of mentorship — where you bump into someone in the hallway and ask for advice — that's basically gone for remote workers. So you have to be more intentional. But that can actually work in your favor. You're not relying on luck or proximity. You're making a deliberate connection. Luna: So how do you even start? I mean, is it just sending a cold email to someone you admire? Lucas: Cold outreach can work, but the success rate is low unless you do it right. Let me give you a three-step framework that I've seen work repeatedly. Step one is the warm intro. If you know someone who knows the person you want as a mentor, ask for a two-minute intro. It's not about getting a favor; it's about creating a context for the conversation. Luna: Right. And that warm intro could be as simple as a Slack message to a mutual contact saying, 'Hey, I'd love to learn more about what you do, could you introduce me to...' Lucas: Exactly. And once you have that intro, you move to step two: the small ask. Don't ask for a formal mentorship arrangement upfront. That's like proposing marriage on a first date. Instead, ask for a twenty-minute video call to ask a specific question. For example, 'I'm curious about how you navigated your transition from engineering to product management. Could I pick your brain for twenty minutes?' Luna: That's a great way to lower the barrier. And then the third step is the follow-up that builds trust. What does that look like? Lucas: So after that first call, you send a thank-you note within twenty-four hours. But here's the key: don't just say thank you. Show you were listening. If they mentioned a challenge they're facing, maybe you send a relevant article or a resource. That demonstrates that you're not just taking; you're adding value. That's the foundation for a longer-term relationship. Luna: I love that. It's like you're proving you're a good mentee. And that's something we talked about in episode one forty-three, how to be a great mentee. But I think doing it over video adds another layer. How do you read the room when you're on a screen? Lucas: That's a really good point. On video, you miss a lot of the body language cues. So you have to be more explicit about checking in. For example, you can say, 'Does that make sense?' or 'Is this a good time to go deeper on that?' And you should watch for signs of engagement — like if they're nodding, asking follow-up questions, or if they're looking at their other screen. That's a cue that you might be losing them. Luna: Right. And I've heard people say that they prefer to have a recurring call rather than a one-off. Is that something you recommend? Lucas: Absolutely. If the first call goes well, you can suggest a follow-up in a month. Not a weekly commitment — that's too much to ask of someone who's already busy. But a monthly check-in gives you both a reason to stay connected. And that's more valuable than a single marathon session because it lets the relationship develop organically. You can talk about progress, new challenges, and things you've learned since the last time. Luna: That makes a lot of sense. And one thing I've found helpful is to have a shared document where we can both add notes or questions between calls. It's like a living agenda. That way you don't waste time trying to remember what you wanted to ask. Lucas: That's a fantastic idea. A shared Google Doc or a Notion page can serve as the virtual equivalent of the coffee shop booth where you can jot down ideas. It also shows your mentor that you're organized and serious about your development. And it gives them something concrete to reference when they're thinking about you. Luna: So, speaking of that kind of deliberate connection — you know, a lot of what we're talking about is about making the most of a relationship. And I feel like that's the spirit of what we try to do on this show. We're not a huge network; we're a group of people who care about good content. Lucas: That's true. And we're able to keep this podcast ad-free because of listeners like you who support us directly. If you've gotten something out of our episodes, and you want to make sure we can keep doing this without selling your attention, you can support us at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. Luna: Yeah. Every little bit helps us keep the lights on, so to speak. And we appreciate everyone who's ever chipped in. Lucas: Okay, back to the topic. So we've covered the initial outreach, the recurring call, and the shared document. But there's another layer that I think is critical for remote workers: finding mentors who aren't necessarily in your company or even in your industry. Luna: You mean like joining professional communities online? I've seen people find great mentors on LinkedIn or through industry-specific Slack groups. Lucas: Exactly. When you're remote, your network can be global. You're not limited to the people in your building. So you can seek out someone who's exactly where you want to be in five years, even if they're in a different time zone. The tools like Zoom and Slack make that possible. But you have to be proactive about joining those communities and participating in discussions. Luna: And I'd add that you shouldn't be afraid to approach someone who's not a big-name executive. Sometimes a peer or a person one level above you can be just as valuable, because they're closer to your day-to-day challenges. Lucas: That's a great point. And it ties into something I've seen in a lot of successful remote careers: they have a 'personal board of advisors' — not one mentor, but a few different people who give them different perspectives. A senior sponsor, a peer mentor, and maybe someone from a different function. That diversity is even more important when you're remote because you don't get the casual cross-pollination of ideas that happens in an office. Luna: So it's like you're building your own advisory committee. That's a powerful mental model. And I imagine the same principles apply whether you're in a huge global company or a small startup. Lucas: Yes, the size of your company matters less than your intentionality. And one more tip: when you do have a video call with a mentor, make sure you're prepared. Send an agenda ahead of time. That shows respect for their time and makes the conversation more productive. You can share a few bullet points of what you want to cover, and they can come prepared too. Luna: That's a small thing that goes a long way. And I've also found that it helps to record the call, with permission, so you can review it later. But you have to be careful about privacy and confidentiality. Lucas: Absolutely. And that reminds me — one of the biggest mistakes I see remote workers make is not following up after a call. They have a great conversation, but then they don't do anything with the advice they got. So I always encourage people to set a deadline for themselves to act on one piece of advice before the next call. That way, the relationship feels dynamic and results-oriented. Luna: And what about when you feel like the relationship is becoming one-sided? Like you're the only one reaching out? Lucas: That's a real concern, and it's a good sign that you need to reassess. If you've had a couple of calls and the mentor seems disengaged, maybe they're not the right fit. It's okay to thank them for their time and move on. Not every connection has to become a long-term thing. The point is to find people who genuinely want to see you succeed. Luna: So, to wrap up, what's the one thing you'd want a listener to take away from this episode if they're remote and looking for a mentor? Lucas: I'd say: don't wait for mentorship to find you. In a remote world, you have to be your own advocate. Craft a small, specific ask, be prepared, and follow up with intention. If you do that, you'll be surprised how many people are willing to help. The distance is just a challenge to be creative, not a barrier to connection.