Latest / The Mentor Sessions / The Unexpected Power of Just Two True Friends in a Life Full of Acquaintances
Transcript
- speaker-0: I said something about Well, I've got a million friends and you've got two. He's like, I've got a million acquaintances. I have two friends. I have two people that'll carry me. He's like, one day you'll understand that. speaker-1: Welcome to the Mentor Sessions. I am your host, Big Mike. ⁓ and today I'm here joined by my friend Leon Taylor. Leon I Leon and I ⁓ met recently playing poker, but through an organization we both ⁓ are members of called the Idaho Dad Tribe. So Leon, thanks for joining me today. speaker-0: Hey big Mike, thanks for having me out here, buddy. speaker-1: So go ahead and tell me a little bit about yourself, Leon. speaker-0: So I'm a single dad of three kids, ⁓ martial artist. I've trained martial arts since I was about eleven years old. ⁓ I am a coach for several different sports, softball, wrestling. I coached baseball for a short period. And ⁓ that's that's basically the s the quick sum up of who I am. speaker-1: ⁓ yeah. speaker-0: So growing up, my dad was big in basketball. He ⁓ played his entire life, played college, and then when he had me, he pushed me into basketball at a young age, and as I got a little older I like, ⁓ I don't really care for basketball. Wasn't really my jam. So I eventually fell into wrestling, loved wrestling, and I was fifth grade when it started for me. And then as it kinda progressed I was getting in trouble and I couldn't pull my head out of my butt. And ⁓ My whole a lot of people in my family had gone to a gym called Sidekicks. It's actually the oldest gym in Idaho that as far as I I don't quote me on that, but as far as I'm aware of, it's one of the oldest gyms. And ⁓ I decided to give that a try. My grandfather helped me get into it and it started changing my life for the better. I mean, I still made a lot of mistakes growing up, but if it wasn't for martial arts I'd probably would have been in jail a few times. speaker-1: Just part of growing up, I think. You know, we all make mistakes and I know when I was on the job I'd see PC statements and which are the probable cause why people get arrested and sometimes I'd call my buddies and like, ⁓ did you realize we could get arrested for that and to jail? You know, and thankfully growing up in a time pre cellphones and pre cameras everywhere, we were able to there's a lot of ⁓ deniability you know to that. So you say you're a single father. That's something I didn't know. speaker-0: I I s I'm not single per se. I have a girlfriend, but she she lives in Boise, I live in Nampa. We don't have kids together or anything, but ⁓ yeah, I I raise my oldest on my own. She's fourteen. I've got a twelve year old boy I split custody with, and then I have a eight year old daughter I split custody with. So I'll s kind of start a little background on all of them. Yeah. ⁓ my oldest I had split custody from the get go and about three years old her mom went off the rails. She couldn't pull her life together. She fell into drugs, math and heroin and just plummeted. And she called me one day and said, Hey, I don't live in Idaho anymore. I'm gone. I took the kids and ⁓ she'd got remarried to another guy who at the time was also on the same path. They moved to Dallas, Texas. I was mad. She's like, I'm going there to live with my mom and we're gonna pull our life together. We're really gonna work on this. Said, okay, if this is what's best for you to be a better mother and a better person, I'm gonna I'm gonna allow it and we'll work out arrangements. A couple years goes by, find out she has not been keeping to her word. Her mom doesn't let her live there. She fell so far into drugs that it wasn't there was no coming back at the time. ⁓ she had given birth even though she was married She had gotten pregnant by their roommate. She gave birth to kid in Dallas. They test you test the child for drugs right away. ⁓ the child tested positive heroin in the hospital. She said, Hey, you gotta come down here and get all the girls. The other two were not even my kids. She's like, if you don't, CPS is taking ⁓ So that night I was in Rexburg working. Drove down, picked up my daughter or drove down, caught a flight to Dallas, ⁓ got them an Uber to get the girls to me, flew Three girls from bo ⁓ Dallas, Texas, back to Boise. Two of one of them I'd never even met. The other one I had known a little bit. And then my daughter and ⁓ the other two went to their grandparents on their dad's side. And then from there I'd have had my oldest daughter the entire time. She hasn't seen her mom in probably five or six years now. Mom's in and out of prison. ⁓ Then there was my son and ⁓ when we split sh when I split with with my ex wife, they were all My kids were really young. ⁓ my son, we split up really young and I had custody of him, split custody for a short period, nothing legal. And I don't know why. She had moved to Dallas or down to Dallas. And ⁓ she said she was trying to different mom, yeah. And I mean this was before my oldest daughter's mom had moved, so technically my son's mom was the first one to move. ⁓ she said I'm going to Dallas to live with my dad to get my life together. Well then a few months go by and her dad calls me and says, Hey, she's not pulling her life together. She's on more drugs than she was when she was in Idaho. I said, Okay, ⁓ I'll drive down there. My lawyer said, You've gotta go get your son within the month. Otherwise, six months he has residence there. So I drove down twenty four hours, drove there, picked him up, came straight back. ⁓ and then as time went on, she pulled her life together and got remarried and I went from 100% custody to 70% to 50%. She was paying me child support. When we hit 50%, I was like, I don't want your child support. And now for the last five years probably, she's been one amazing mom. And her husband and her are my best friends. We hang out all the time. We do everything together. We go family camping trips. They're good people. They she just needed a chance to redeem herself and she's earned every bit of it. speaker-1: The person she's with now, is that the person she went to Texas with or? speaker-0: She just went there with her dad. She ⁓ was down there with no one. I she'd met her husband now through drugs. He was also on a downward spiral. ⁓ but man, they have they are living proof that if you put this foot forward, you can change your life. I I was been proud of them since the moment they changed. speaker-1: Yeah. That's one thing I always when I worked with cons and stuff like that, I always tried to tell people like this does not define you. When you're ready and when you choose to, you can change your life. Absolutely. And thankfully there's been a few that it stuck. Other things stuck as well. It's not just my words, but you could tell those that seeing that One, someone invested time to talk to them and and remind them of their worth. And also and not just me, but their family, their their network that stood by ⁓ through addiction. ⁓ not enabled ⁓ but told ⁓ you know, when you're ready to change, I'm here for you. ⁓ how much that really impacts people. And ⁓ so there's there's that aspect, but then there's also the aspect of ⁓ You've gotta you you can't get clean until you're ready to get clean. And you know, people tell I would hear people say all the time, ⁓ I'm I'm going to XYZ to get clean. You know, I just need to get out of this I need to get out of ⁓ the community. And it's like I know I can go anywhere and find something and I'm Absolutely. And so, you know if speaker-0: Not hard. speaker-1: But a addiction is a hard it's hard, you know, and people don't understand it. Okay, so now your third child. speaker-0: ⁓ so my third one was a total different page. ⁓ we'd met online, somebody had introduced us online and she lived in northern Idaho, about eight hours away. Thought she was cute, within the three days, I said, Alright, I'm driving up there. Drove up there, met her, liked her right away. Within the month she moved down. Within another month I said, I don't really care for this relationship. You need to move home. Like I will I will help you get home. And that weekend she told me she was pregnant. I said, Well, we're not doing this. We're not breaking up. We're gonna create a perfect life for our children the best we can. We're gonna fight through it and make it happen. We lasted just shy of seven years together. neither of us were happy. We we fought all the time and honestly I was I was a piece of shit husband. I was not good. I I don't have a drug addiction. I I've struggled with alcohol. It was never an alcohol issue though. It was an anger issue. I was angry with the world. I was angry with myself. And I took it out on her. I I didn't grow up the best. I felt like I never had someone that actually loved me. I feel like nobody was there to support me. I had an older cousin, two older cousins that were like brothers to me. And they were the only ones that ever seemed to care. But they were so much older than me that it wasn't like they were always around. They tried. And I I I can blame it on everything in the world, but to really get down to the root cause I don't know why I was so angry. And I took it on her and it wasn't fair to her. ⁓ and then seven years goes by and we bought a house. I don't even remember who in instigated it, but one of us was just like, This is this is over. And ⁓ she lived with me for about another month or so and she started dating someone within the month, maybe two months. And I said, That's fine, but You're not allowed to take my daughter around this person. Not until you move out of my house. Like it's just disrespectful to me if you're seeing this person and living under my roof. She slept on the couch, I slept on the bed. And then ⁓ she moved out and still she's getting married to the guy in August. I've gotten another guy, he's pretty good guy, straight path, owns his own business. She's doing better, she's happier. I give her a a hard time just as friends, because we're still good friends. But I've done a lot of soul searching. I've gone to counseling. I've gone to anger management. I've changed who I am. And I've apologized to her. And even my girlfriend now, we talk about the past and I'm like, I I can sit there and try and blame it on my ex wife. It wasn't her. I was a piece of shit. So I'm just glad that I was able to recognize it and change who I was. But we've had fifty fifty from the get go and she collected child support for a while and then she's like, I don't want your child support. We make good money, you make good money, we can provide for our child. I've never had to ask you to buy something or beg you to buy something for our daughter. You're always on it. Just like let's just keep it fifty fifty and just be friends. So we're we're super close. speaker-1: I'll tell you, man, having worked in the court systems that is something really rare. Because that's what's best for the kids. I I saw so many ⁓ divorces that were just horrible. And the way they used kids as pawns against each other just broke my heart and made me sad. You know, I remember when I got transferred to the courts as a bailiff speaker-0: Absolutely. speaker-1: Coming home from my first nasty divorce, observing it and telling my wife, If you want to go, go and she's like, What are you talking about? I'm like, I know you don't, but if you ever do, you can have it all. We do not own anything worth that kind of pain and that kind of anger towards each other. So kudos to you and your exes for finding that we can work together to raise the child. And give that child that co parenting experience. speaker-0: And that's what it's about. It's about the kids. I mean I I've had people on ⁓ my ⁓ my son's mom, she her friends have came to us and asked us, How did you guys become so close? And I always start by telling ⁓ Don't get it wrong. Five years we hated each other for the first five years. Like it was we wanted to end each other's ability to see the kids or the kid. And then one day we're like, ⁓ what is this really about? It's about what's better for our son. after five years of hating each other we're like, you know what, what's what's best for our son? To sit here and fight and think I'm right or you're right or who cares who's right. Let's work together. We're on the same goal to make a good human being. And then it finally clicked. So that's all I usually tell people is you gotta go through the hate first. You gotta get past that. And realize your opinion doesn't matter and his opinion doesn't matter. What matters is what's best for the child. speaker-1: For sure, for sure. ⁓ so you said you're a martial artist, and I know as we've talked, you've talked about how you are an MMA fighter. ⁓ tell me how you got into that. speaker-0: So I started at sidekicks about eleven, bounced around j gyms as I got older. ⁓ trained with SBG Idaho. I've trained with Jet House for a little while. I've trained at ⁓ Team No Excuse for quite a while, that's where I'm currently at. So I was Twenty one. I was about twenty-one. And ⁓ my mom at the time was my aunt. She was she's my dad's sister and she raised me for a while. I got kicked out of my dad's house and I was on probation and my aunt and uncle took me in. So twenty-one, my aunt was dying. She had a brain aneurysm out of nowhere. ⁓ Sorry, that one still hurts. she was the greatest woman I've ever known. ⁓ I was went to Jet I was training at Jet House. I'd gone there to let out some stress. And ⁓ there were some fights coming up and then a couple of weeks. And one of their fighters was getting ready for a fight. And they wanted me to help get him ready. ⁓ so I got in the cage and we're just going round after round. And with me having such a long history. With me having a a longer history of martial arts, I ⁓ I was putting in the work on him. And well come to find out the people that were watching were the owners of ⁓ CFS Combat Fight Series. And they said, Who is this guy? Where where does he come from? Has he fought? Wh what's his fight record? And my coach, ⁓ Jose Rex Arch was like, He's never fought before. He's Been training a long time. He works hard, but he just has never competed. Well they're they said, Well, we're gonna pay for him to get his licensing, his blood. We want him on the card. I said, Okay, let's do it. So two weeks go by, I'm in the on the card. I win my fight with a guy that's already had a few fights. I beat him in minute and a half to a rear naked choke. And then it just sh took off. I just fell in love with the sport. speaker-1: Just out of curiosity, what's your specialty? speaker-0: ⁓ jujitsu. Jiu Jitsu. Now I'm not a black belt. I'm actually technically I'm a f second stripe white belt because I've never stayed in Ghee classes long enough to belt up. I do have gold medals in white belt, which I've got a lot of crap for. I've got a lot of I am an expert level in ⁓ no gi. ⁓ last time I competed I competed at ⁓ ⁓ I'm trying to of the correct word. It's the about the middle of the pack. ⁓ I competed there and I took gold again. And I took second in open division which is all weights. And I want to go up in level, but I I need to be at a gym that is gonna g belt me up. So I'm kinda taking a break on it. But Jits is definitely where I I won all my fights. ⁓ but I do love Muay Thai as well. I have trained a lot of Muay Thai with ⁓ Chris Raina over at Sidekicks, that's their expertise. speaker-1: in your fighting, going from kind of an angry kid as we talked about, and you finding martial arts to help balance and release that, would you say that's a good way to describe it? Or I'm sure you've had like a lot of coaches and stuff like that. So tell me about that experience, what you've learned from some of those coaches. speaker-0: Absolutely. speaker-1: So let me clarify let me clarify that question. Tell me what you've learned from those coaches. that you've been able to take from the mat to your life. speaker-0: Master Chris has really helped me become a man over the years. ⁓ he helped put me on the straight path. So and he's also given me opportunities. He's seen where I've failed in life and he has allowed me to make mistakes and still come into the gym and work harder and prove myself. He he shows me that just because you make a mistake doesn't determine who you are. That you can always restart. ⁓ and I've restarted a lot in my life. ⁓ and then you've got coaches like Coach Johnny, who is just an ultimate badass, but he's the kindest person I've ever met. And he's humble. So just because you're elite level at anything in life doesn't mean you need to be arrogant. Doesn't mean you need to be a mean person or think you're better than anyone. So it's it's helped me really stay humble and realize that kindness wins. I mean I have great connections in the fight world with promoters and matchmakers all across the US and in Hawaii and I don't say that it's because I'm good or because I post a lot of social media stuff. I say it's because I make friends with these people. And Johnny's helped me really reel in from being an arrogant person and just be a good person. speaker-1: Tell about that making friend aspect. That seems really interesting to me. Like these are your competitors, these are your competition, but it sounds like you see them more as friends than competitors. speaker-0: Absolutely. There so just from recently, ⁓ I fought a guy named ⁓ Almond Garcia. But as soon as the fight ended, I still follow him and I I message him and I ask him questions and I tell him, Hey, good luck on this fight. There there's no reason that I got my butt kicked for me to be mad at him for it. We're both competitors, we're both in there trying to make a name and give our best show and put on our a a show for the the spectators and show people what the sport's about. I went down and he hit me one solid hit in the face, right in the button, and I'm done. It was one solid hit. He was so talented. And most of the time when you hit somebody and they go down, you jump on. You're ready to ground and pound. He hit me, he saw I went to the ground, he stepped back. It was over. So I still message him and talk to him about it. Guys like Teague Vigil, he is he had a couple losses. Didn't seem like he was gonna keep climbing, and then he just skyrocketed. Talk to him all the time. I talk to other fighters all that I don't even know, guys that have fought people I'm about to fight. I'll message them and ask them their opinion on it. I just I want to be friends with everybody. ⁓ Steven Stirwalt like my biggest back and forth, I guess. I mean I've lost both times to him. I lost the first time. He got me in a triangle choke and I just kept dropping elbows and I his eye was almost exploding and he'd never touched me. But I was arrogant and I was like, I'm just gonna put him to sleep. And he just locked in that triangle chip, me to sleep. We stayed friends for years. And one day I was like, Hey, it's time for a rematch. Let's this. He's like, I guess, I mean you're not really at my level. I'm like, Okay, well, we'll see. We went out, we went three full rounds of just beating the crap out of each other. Heel hooks, takedowns. I mean, we just we wanted to finish that match. And I run into him all the time on the streets now. And it's just so nice to talk to him. Him and his wife are just great people. speaker-1: That's awesome, dude. It's it's you know, that's funny 'cause with the football team, so last year, our quarterback threw an interception and I was trying to make the pursuit on the guy running the ball. And last second I look out of the corner of my eye and I get just lit up and I land and I crash. And ⁓ walking off the field I looked at the dude. You're at the end of the game, I was Man, that was a hit and he's Dude, I'm so sorry. And I was like, That's football. Like, that's what we being a a pay to play league, that's what we pay to pay money for. You know? And people don't understand, like in comp in competition, there's it's not about like hey for some, for those that have like understand their purpose and why they're there, you know, fighting's one of ⁓ Football's another one. It's like this is what we're signed up to do and we enjoy the competition of it and and the the love of the game and the love of the support. You talked about Master Chris and what he's taught you and Master Johnny and what he's taught you. ⁓ what other coaches have really had an impact on your life? speaker-0: Sean Riley and that was high school. He was the head coach for Parma Wrestling. I had wrestled in Middleton and I grew up in Middleton. I got originally started school first through fourth grade in Parma. We moved away, moved to Cuna, moved to Middleton. ⁓ I got in trouble after it was my f sophomore year. It was a my end of my freshman year I got in trouble. Sophomore year I got in more trouble and was either it was either go to jail or go to juvie or move with my aunt and uncle. ⁓ So I moved in with my aunt uncle and they helped keep me on the straight and narrow. And I wasn't a I wasn't able to go to Parma because my classes were not matching with Parma's schedule at the time. So I went to a school called Casa Academy, which is a school for troubled kids. And it wasn't because I was troubled at the time that I went there, it was just because the classes weren't matching up. But it was easier for me anyways. And being an athlete, I just it helped. ⁓ they didn't want to let me wrestle for Parma and by they I mean the the district didn't want me to because they were calling it recruiting because I had just came from Middleton and I was a cheerleader. ⁓ so I had to drop cheer for Middleton and 'cause wrestling was my passion anyways. And Coach Riley was having to battle the board and battle the district and the school to get me to come wrestle for Parma. And I don't I don't know why. He didn't know me. He had met me once or twice. But he wouldn't stop trying. And eventually it got approved. I they just explained. I'd I'd moved to Parma to get out of trouble and I'm here for good. And he he believed in me and he helped me. I bounced back and forth between varsity and J V. I'd never bounced when I was in the other school. But when I went to Parma they were a whole different class of wrestlers. So I had to really earn my spot, but he never stopped believing in me. He wanted me there, he pushed me to be there. And ⁓ He had a lot of faith in me. My family didn't come to my wrestling stuff, but he was always in my corner. Unfortunately he passed away shortly after I left high school to a heart attack while hunting. Now his boys who I grew up with, ⁓ they're the coaches over in Parma now. speaker-1: Coming from where you came from, the struggles and the trials that you had, getting into trouble, not feeling supported at home, having him there in your corner and knowing that you finally had someone in your corner, what impact did that have on you? speaker-0: helped me believe in myself. I mean, I may have started martial arts young, but it was on and off for me. But having someone believe in me helped me believe that I could I could go further than I ever thought. ⁓ I made some amazing friends, thanks to him pushing for me to be there. And our goal was to make it to the UFC. Never happened. But wrestling was the start of me getting somewhere and I would have stopped wrestling if it wasn't for Coach John Riley. He He changed my life in a lot of ways. speaker-1: Give me some of those ways. Tell me about speaker-0: I mean I wouldn't have turned into a martial artist that or I wouldn't turn into a cage fighter for one. ⁓ had I moved to Parma and not been able to wrestle, that would've been the end of it for me. ⁓ I wouldn't have believed in myself in any ways. I would've I fullheartedly believe I would have just kept going down a spiral. I was already on probation. I wasn't gonna pull it together, even with an aunt and uncle who were trying to keep me on the straight and narrow. ⁓ but his his belief in me helped me believe I could be a better person. speaker-1: Tell me about your relationship with your aunt and uncle. speaker-0: ⁓ my aunt's the one that passed away. ⁓ I'm sorry. Thank you. ⁓ No, that was it's been a while now. My son's twelve, so it would have been ten years ago. Roughly ten years ago, but it's still I I deal with a lot of depression. ⁓ I've diagnosed with severe depression issues. ⁓ and that's always one that hurts the most. I was just talking to my older cousin who was like a brother to me the other day and we were talking about speaker-1: Was that recent? speaker-0: I was talking how life is so unfair that we get stuck with people that don't care as much and that aren't there and that aren't supportive for our kids and us. But the one person that believed in us and that wanted us to do good and and wanted to just love us is the one person that was taken from us. She held our family together. I didn't have a family until she brought me in. I I love my dad. My dad has always been a superhero to me. He's a He was an RN my whole life, then became a a paramedic, and then at almost 60 years old, he was like, I want to be a firefighter. So he became a firefighter. So was he a hero to the world? Absolutely. Did I see him as a hero? Absolutely. Was he emotionally supportive and supportive in my life and being there? He he wasn't. And for helping keeping the family together, he wasn't. But he was always busy. He wanted to make sure we always had everything that we wanted, but it came at a cost. With my aunt and uncle, we didn't have everything. My uncle worked his butt off. He he farmed, he worked on cars, he owned a a thrift store, they owned a coffee shop. My uncle worked his butt off, so did my aunt. But they we lived in a small town, they didn't have everything that we always wanted. But they were able to show me support and love. Even if they didn't come to wrestling prac wrestling matches because they it's boring. Unless you're a wrestler, you don't really enjoy going to wrestling matches, everyone'll agree to that. ⁓ but just having that connection and that family again. I mean they they helped push me there. My uncle told me one thing growing up. We got in a fight and ⁓ ended up kicking me out of the truck as he was picking me up from school and we lived in the middle of nowhere and I had to walk. And I mean I only walked. maybe a block before he pulled over and let me get back in. And I said something about, Well, I've got a million friends and you've got two. He's like, I've got a million acquaintances. I have two friends. I have two people that'll carry me. He's like, one day you'll understand that. And as I've gotten older I have a million acquaintances. I have people I really enjoy being around. But I have two or three friends. People that I fullheartedly believe in will be there through the end. And these are lessons I wouldn't have learned if it wasn't for my aunt uncle. And I can't even imagine how far I would have spiraled if it wasn't for them as well. Just like Coach Riley. I mean, he helped once my aunt uncle took me in, they got me to that point, and then Coach Sean Riley was able to help keep me going. But if they'd not taken me in, I mean, my stepmom didn't care for me. I wasn't her kid. My dad was too busy working. I was doing drugs. I was drinking. I was partying. Lighting trees on fire at a library. I mean, we were out roaming the streets at two, three AM buying drugs and I was a wild kid. So if it wasn't for my uncle taking me in, I would have I'd be in prison right now. speaker-1: your own past and seeing your kids' mom spiral that way, what impact did that have on you? speaker-0: It's opened up my emotional side a lot more. And I mean, that also came after my last divorce. But I anybody that becomes a parent and anybody that has young kids, I always tell ⁓ You're gonna be a shitty parent. You're never gonna think you're good enough. But if you can be one percent better than your parents were to you, you're winning. And I've I've always tried to just be every day be one percent better than what I had. speaker-1: something my sister and I talk about is we've learned that being a parent is trying to screw up your your kids a little less than you were screw. Yeah. So like we said the same thing just differently and I I think that's the key. And I tell people about being a parent, I'm like it's the craziest thing in the world, man. You wanna drive a car, you gotta go take classes. You gotta prove you can drive a car. speaker-0: Absolutely, that's exactly what I'm saying. speaker-1: You wanna have a kid, you do the work, you wait nine months, and then they're like, You have a car seat? Yeah, we got car seats. Okay, well, good luck. And you know, my wife talks about she and the twids, the newborn twins, would just be laying on the ground crying. And my wife realizing no one's coming. It's up to me to get these kids fed, it's up to me to get these kids dressed. And that's the tricky thing about it. Like they don't give you a book and it's like, Okay, what didn't I like? What did I like? What did I want from my parents? And you try to provide that and it's still not right. Raising your oldest daughter as a single father, ⁓ and I know you've had your other wives that came in and probably helped a lot of that, but now that she's a teenager, what's that been like for you? speaker-0: Pulling my hair out, is that an answer? ⁓ slamming my head against the wall most of time. Let let let me be serious. speaker-1: Just tell you this though, having a partner ⁓ in my wife with a teenage with two teenage daughters, it's the same effect. So you know speaker-0: ⁓ I'm gonna flex on her for a minute. She's one of the greatest kids I've ever seen. She is I I my dad is was a genius. My dad was so smart growing up, or his whole life. my daughter took after him. She's a straight A student. And I'm like, How do you pull this up? I give them rewards. They're if if you can bring me straight A's, you get a golden pass. Things that dad would normally never say yes to. It's yes. If it's a thousand dollar item, that's not happening. She wanted highlights one time. That was expensive. We took care of that. She wanted a double ears piercing. I've let her do that and I would never s I would never say yes. She wants her tongue pierced, her she wants her nose pierced. Those aren't things I would ever say yes to. You bring me straight ears, I'm gonna say yes. Not only is she a genius, she's an athlete. That comes from me. No, I gotta flex myself a little bit, but she is an elite softball player. She plays on one of the best teams in Idaho. And I coached her for many years, so I Feel like maybe I had something to do with that, or she was just talented. She ⁓ did her first year of volleyball for s middle school this year. ⁓ they put her on the B team because she's very shy at first. It takes a minute to open up. And then beginning of the season, her coach is like, Why why are you on B team? Like, you're so talented. She never set a single game. She was always on the court. I'm like, You're so good, kid. ⁓ this is her first year doing track. She did track and field. While she's doing club softball. Club softball goes year round, there is no stopping for her. ⁓ She's got some work to do on track and field, but she's like, Dad, I am just doing it for conditioning and to stay in shape while we're not pushing hard. And I'm like, All right, I won't push you as hard, but I still expect you to keep up And she does it. She tells me, I got a PR today, Dad. Got my longest jump today. I took first in my heat. I'm like, Dude, you can't from like the back all the way to the front. She is An amazing kid and I hope that I have helped her become that. And her going she has seen so much stuff that she didn't need to see as a kid with her mom. She has been in trap houses. She's lived in cars. She's lived in garages with rats and and ⁓ cockroaches and she has told me some stories about living with her mom. And she's changed, she doesn't want to be like that. She doesn't talk to her mom. She doesn't take calls from her mom. Her mom writes her letters. And she doesn't want to write letters back. She's like, You don't change. So it's it's hard knowing what steps I'm supposed to take, but we've done counseling and I'm trying to just be as supportive as I can. I'm a jerk. I'm not always the nicest dad. I push her really hard. But we bond so well. And she is my ride or die. We hang out all the time. She helps me coach kids with me. She's just an awesome kid. It it's been hard. And yeah, I have I've had my ex wives who still help out to this day. They still help out. ⁓ my girlfriend, my daughter loves her to death. She I can't get time with my girlfriend alone if my daughter's there. She always wants to hang out with her 'cause she's so supportive. ⁓ my older cousin ⁓ I say brother a lot, but he's actually my cousin, but my older brother, he ⁓ him and his wife and kids, my daughter loves to go over there and hang out for the weekend. They're the almost the same age as their kids. ⁓ I I have I feel like now I have a a large support system. But it's it still has its difficulties. She's still a teenager. She still is demanding and she's still sassy and a brat at times and we get into it. But we always make sure if we g if we get into screaming matches, but within the twenty, thirty minutes to an hour, we sit down at the co at the kitchen table. If we're eating, we're eating. Doesn't matter, we sit down. She hears me out, I hear her out. I decide what I need to do, even if I'm in the right, but how can I adjust to be better and more supportive? And what can you do to meet me in the middle? So we we have a great relationship. speaker-1: think it's one of those interesting challenges of becoming an adult in our lives where we transition from being the student to the teacher. And I wanna say that I think it's harder when the student is our own child because we're so emotionally invested in them and this is our our blood, this is our life, and then we see them like Dude, don't do that. Why? I'm not you. Alright. You know, my kids are now at that age where thankfully I've gotten a few of those like you are right. You know. I don't think my son wants to admit it as much as my daughter's willing to admit it, but you know, and my kids have grown up to be great adults, you know, and and now it's fun watching them at that stage, you know, where they're now parents, they're they now have kids. And I think one of the biggest I think one of the biggest misunderstandings in life is that ⁓ it's so much easier when they get older. It's not. You know, it's not. It gets it just it's a whole different kind of hard. speaker-0: They're a baby, they're a toddler, they're little kids, they're they're right here, they're in the backyard, they're they're controllable. They ⁓ teenagers they don't wanna hang out. All right, go hang out with your friend. Well what are you doing with your friend? Why do I have to track your location to see where why are you not at your friend's house where you said you were? We don't have that kind of control once they're teenagers. speaker-1: Well, even being my twins turn thirty next week. you don't want to do that. It's fine. Okay. Whatever moment in your life a mentor pulled you back and said, Don't go down and stubbornness of being a young man, you actually took time to listen and you Look back and like Holy hell man, he he literally saved my life. speaker-0: I put it on both the coaches, both both Riley and Chris Raina. ⁓ they both helped me pull away from some of my bad habits. You know, and my uncle too, like he didn't grow up the best and grew up with drugs around his life and he went through his whole drug life and he's helped pull me in the right direction. And I mean, even though I've married people that have fallen down that passion of drugs, because these people pulled me back and said, Hey, you're on a slippery slope like Careful you don't step off. It's helped prevent me from going that. I would give it credit to all three of them. My uncle, my my martial arts instructor and my wrestling coach. speaker-1: What's been the toughest lesson that they that you've been taught from a mentor? speaker-0: I'm gonna use just a recent one. ⁓ not to jump the gun on things, not to let emotion take you to make you let you make bad decisions because of your emotions. ⁓ Amon Garcia, I wasn't supposed to fight him. I actually had another fight offer come up at the same time, like just before that, the day before that. And I thought this is a great option for me. It's at 135 pounds. I'll have to cut eight more pounds. That's fine. I fought at 135 before. ⁓ let's do it. I sent it to my coach. He's like, Hey, let me look into this. But it was a filler spot, so they needed an answer then. They they said, We're gonna hold off a little bit because it's you. Like we want you on this car. We don't anyone else, we want you. speaker-1: That was the Garcia fight or the other Hawks? speaker-0: a fight before it. And I said, okay, let me let me try and get this one. Let me get this worked out. Coach wasn't able to look at it because he had two other fighters that he's actually on a card. They've been working for three months. It's around the corner. He's focused on them. And I was being greedy. I wanted my attention. I wanted it to be focused on me. And he didn't look into it. Didn't look into it. They found someone to fill that spot. Two days. And they said sorry we wanted you. You didn't get us an answer best enough. So I got mad. I wasn't happy with it. I said, okay. I messaged the the ⁓ promotion that our other fighters were on. Said, hey, what what do you got available? I want on now. Put give me a fight. They said, Well, we got a guy at one fifty five, one one and one. I know that's ten pounds heavy than what I was fighting. I said, You know what, can he can he come to one forty five? They No, he won't do it. Can he come to one fifty? Well, if we're already at one fifty five and you're already walking around close to that, what's it matter? I'm like, ⁓ man, you know, maybe I could do it. But I'm I'm still mad. I'm still mad that I didn't get the fight I wanted. So I said, ⁓ I'm in, let me let me talk to my coach. I said, Listen, if if you take this fight, we're gonna offer you more money. I'm gonna give you a two fight contract, so the next fight, who you want, when you want, where you want it. We're gonna give it to you. Right then is a key that this isn't a good option. This is not a good option. If they're offering me so much, why is everybody backing out of this fight? So I sent it to my coach before he even Gave me a response. I said, I'm taking this fight. So my coach said, I don't think this is good. This is a bad decision. But if you're gonna do it, I'm gonna back you. I will be there. Said, okay, well I'm doing it. I did it. I looked him up two or three days later and realized this was a ⁓ horrible decision. The guy is so talented. He's so far out of my league. I'm seven years out of retirement. What am I doing? I have I have ⁓ been a manager of so many fighters. I have helped fighters get a great ⁓ record going. I know how to look into fights. I know how to how to match fights up. Why did I use in my emotions of being mad at my coach because I didn't get the fight I wanted because I was being selfish. Why did I let that determine what I was gonna do? And guess what? I went out there, I got my ass kicked. Quickly. We went to the ground, 'cause I'm a ground guy. Went to the ground, he kicked his foot loose, said get up. Said alright, I'll get up. We locked up, went to the ground again, pulled him on his leg, kicked me off, he said, Get up. I said, This is a horrible decision. Right then and there I realized this is not a good idea. Get up, and he throws a left. I block it, I drop my hand just below the jaw. Comes through with that right, right down the pipe, knocks me out. At that point I was like Coach knew what he was talking about. He knew not to let me take that fight. I was arrogant, I was mad, and I got humbled real quickly. speaker-1: What was his reaction to you after the fight? speaker-0: I d I wish I could say I know. ⁓ I was so concussed that I don't remember anything until me and my buddy went to get dinner that night. I have slight memory of like going to coach's room. speaker-1: So I don't I don't mean the immediate after. I mean as as you go back and you're watching the fight and you're reviewing and you're talking about about it with him, what was his reaction towards you? speaker-0: And we haven't really talked about it, unfortunately, because I quit training after that. It wasn't because of the fight that I quit training. I took two weeks off to heal. Then I was sick. So I took another week off. Then I didn't want to go in. And then it just spiraled where I'm like, I've been in twice since then. So we haven't really talked about it. I haven't got to review the footage with him. ⁓ he has other fighters he's gotta get ready. He knew it was a bad decision. I didn't listen, so I mean there's not much more he has to explain. speaker-1: What do you think his reaction would be? speaker-0: I think he would chuckle a little bit. I think he would have been like, I told you, I know what I'm doing. You let your arrogance take it you went you fell back down a path that we pulled you so far away from and you learned a lesson from it. So now we need to focus on how to put you back to where you need to be mentally and physically. So he's he's super supportive, but he's not gonna let me just walk over him and say, Well, that was my decision. So I mean he He he'll be supportive. If we set down a toft, I guarantee he'd be supportive, but he would still tell me I made the bad call. ⁓ February sixth. speaker-1: Was this fight? This last February? ⁓ speaker-0: So it was pretty recent. Yeah. ⁓ no, this was yeah, just a couple months ago. speaker-1: Not long after I just met you. Are you one of the are coaching fighters now? speaker-0: So I'm not coaching fighters, I'm coaching ⁓ kids, kids softball. When I took seven years off, I got to my heaviest weight I've ever been at, which was over two hundred and twenty pounds, and I fight at one forty five and one thirty five. So the reason I got back in was so I could lose that weight. I don't want to go back up and lose weight or gain weight, and I want to continue and I want to be that guy. I want to go back to the guy I used to be seven years ago. But wanting to and having the time is hard. I didn't put enough dedication into the gym this time around. Not like I used to. I'm too focused on my kids, which is I would rather be focused on them. I don't plan on being done. I'm hoping October when softball and baseball slows down. Will it happen? I don't know. I want it to happen. But I also want to make sure that I put enough time into my children and into the girls that I'm coaching so that I can build them up to be not just great athletes, but to be great people. So yeah, I I would love to be back in the gym and I want to and I plan it, but I don't know how soon. speaker-1: So you bring up a great concept not concept. You bring up a great kind of I don't know. You bring up something really cool. ⁓ You grew up having coaches. You grew up having all these, ⁓ you know, Coach Riley, your your wrestling coach, and and then the as you got into the gyms those coaches and and and now here you are coaching ⁓ younger kids, coaching girls. What's that experience been like for you? speaker-0: So my my start to coaching was baseball. Now I've never played baseball or softball growing up, so I didn't hardly know anything about it, but I coached my son his first year in machine pitch. And that was great. It was awesome to watch these kids and to learn the sport myself and to jump into it. I didn't stick with it because my son's stepdad plays baseball. He's phenomenal at it. So he was able to take that side where I could step in and help my oldest daughter. Now I I'm working with these girls from ten U up to twelve U. And I've made some great relationships with these girls, with these parents, ⁓ and I still have some of them come up to me and still call me coach. And I have some of them that have written me letters saying that I was that that are high school softball and saying I'm the best coach they've ever had. And it wasn't because I played the sport and it wasn't because I am an athlete. It was because I took the time and invested in these girls. And I invested in myself to learn the sport. I study all the time. I'm always doing research. ⁓ there was it's it's been an eye opener of how you can help change someone's life and how you can help I've seen girls that have bad home lives and I've taken them in and helped them on the field with emotional sides along with physical and athletic sides. ⁓ just a giant eye opener to to be part of something so great in someone's life and giving back to the community. Now I a f my daughter got old enough. My oldest daughter got so advanced and so good that I'm like, I can't coach you anymore. I'm only gonna like desell you if I keep coaching you. So she went club. My youngest daughter I still coach wrestling and I love that too. ⁓ I'm just an assistant coach at Hawks Club. ⁓ my youngest daughter's like, Dad, you spent all this time with Emmett. You spent all this time with Sophia. When are you gonna coach me? Alright, it's my turn. I'm gonna step back in. And right now she's finishing up Babe Ruth. speaker-1: Yeah. speaker-0: her last season, Babe Ruth, and I get to help out there even as a just a parent helper. The head coach lets me come in and help these girls. And it's again an eye opener of how much you can do for the community and watch their progress emotionally and physically, becoming good humans and becoming good athletes. speaker-1: what do you try to bring to them? Kind of like I I asked you about Coach Riley, you know, what did he give you that you were able to take off the mat? What do you try to take give to them that they can take off the field? speaker-0: hope to give them an enjoyment for the sport for one. Like the you have to love the sport. I d I during all my tryouts it's I tell ⁓ it I'm not looking for the most athletic and I'm not looking for the most knowledgeable at s at this sport. I'm looking for who enjoys it and tries harder than everyone else. You could be the worst player out there. If you're willing to listen and try, that's what matters. I want them to walk away with a sense of ⁓ belief in themselves, faith in themselves that they can do it. I want them to come out enjoying it and having a smile on. Win or lose, doesn't matter. Did you learn something? I want them to be able to push forward every step. We lose a game, we go out, we try harder. We don't get the result we want. We push it to the side. We learned a lesson. Now we go and try harder. We don't give up on ourselves. speaker-1: That's what I've comparatively so when I got into the Idaho Contact Football League, I just wanted to play ball again, you know. Feeling that I was able to play ball at fifty, fifty one was amazing to me. And you know actually being out there on the field was great. Then when I bought the team and now I've kind of moved into kind of a a coaching role. And that's part of why I ha I did is like I started seeing a lot of these guys, good dudes that they and we talked about it earlier before we turned the show on. Good dudes who they've got a lot of trauma in their life. And they need that outlet. Just like you did with fighting. Anyhow, as I've moved into the coaches role, feeling that you might have And it's like when I was in law enforcement, just a small impact. And getting those letters, getting those recognitions. kind of help you believe in the process again. I don't want to say it's all about that. Because at the end, if you don't get a letter or not, it doesn't matter. But seeing that relationship you have you build with someone to where they trust you. Cause they're not gonna learn from you on the field if they don't trust you. Cause just like in the mat when your coach is trying to teach you a new takedown or teach you how to reverse a hold or something like that. You gotta trust that this guy knows what he's talking about. And trust is such an important part in the program of and I don't mean like a set program, but in the in the process of Learning and also coaching and teaching. ⁓ think of the relationship you have with your kids versus the relationship maybe you had with your dad or even your uncle. You know, when your uncle you talked about that fight you had with your uncle about ⁓ I've got a million friends, you've got two, so fuck you. You know, I that's how I'm picturing the conversation kind of went and he's like No you've got it backwards because it's quality over quantity. ⁓ and I think that's one of the distractions we as kids really get is we think we need everything and we need everyone. But as adults, just having one or two people that you know will be there for everything? That's life changing, man. That's absolute life changing. Let let's go back to that moment you had with your uncle. 'Cause that's such a powerful moment. That probably it sounds like you were probably a teenager when that happened. speaker-0: Yeah. speaker-1: That was such a misunderstanding about life that you had at that moment. And now that you're coaching and you have kids that are in that age bracket now, that I know everything age bracket. But as you look around at work, on the streets, what do you think people misunderstand the most about success? speaker-0: People that I talk to, ⁓ the younger generation, as you get older you learn a lot more, but and I'm still pretty young, but I think I've lived enough hard enough life that I've learned a lot. ⁓ a lot of people think it's based on money. People think if I'm making all this money, that's success. If I own this, that's success. If people are always looking up to me and people are always trying to see what I've got going next, that's success. If I've got followers on Facebook and Twitter and TikTok. That's success. None of that's success. I once answered a question on Facebook of what marks the value of a man and I say it's the children that you leave behind. My value and my success to me is knowing that my children are good people, that they don't value money and items over the life of others. They would rather be a good person. My daughter just came to me the other day with an issue at school. ⁓ some boy at school was saying some really inappropriate bad things about a girl that we know. I know her dad very well. I mean some threatening things about her behind her back. And my daughter's not really friends with this girl anymore. They are almost towards enemies. And she came to me, she's like, Dad, I don't agree with this. This me and her may not be friends. Doesn't matter to me. She's like, but these are horrible things he's saying. We need to get hold of her father. And ⁓ you know, being aware of it and you need to go to the school and talk to the school and talk to the SRO officer. And I'm like, even though you guys aren't friends, she's like, it doesn't matter. It's it's a person's val it's it's someone I that I did care about and that I still want them to be safe. So to me that means I'm succeeding. My son does the same stuff. My son puts value of people over s success or items or popularity. My success to me is knowing that I'm raising good human beings. Do I want them to be athletes? Absolutely. Do I want them to be smart? Yes. Do I want them to have jobs that people can only dream of and be wealthy? Absolutely. But I prefer them to just be good human beings. To me that's all the success I need in my life. speaker-1: Why why is it that you want them to be athletes? speaker-0: Like it's tradition in my family. I I hate to say it, but everybody in my family on my mom's side, on my dad's side, are all athletes. Everybody has been successful in sports. We have people that have played NFL. My cousin ⁓ Sean Turner was from Idaho. He played for the Vikings. I mean, this was, you know, a long time ago. ⁓ athletes are important. ⁓ it also helps keep you out of trouble. I mean, if I had not found sports Who knows how much further down the spiral I would have went. But sports were something I enjoyed and they helped keep me going. So if my kids can find that same passion for sports, that it's better to be out on the field making friends than it is to be running the street with friends and breaking and entering and getting into alcohol and drugs, I want them to be athletes. And it it's what my family's always been about. speaker-1: thing I really have learned to value about athletics is the discipline it teaches you, and that success comes from discipline. You don't see the amount of discipline that goes into being an elite level athlete. The late night studying, the early mornings in the gym, the nutrition. And what all that takes, you know, I think kids see Someone hit the field and now, you know, they get drafted number one, they get drafted number ten, you know, they get these huge contracts with huge signing bonuses, and they don't see everything it took, along with all the heartache it took in that ⁓ and to get to that point and the discipline and also the failures that we have. You know, for you to become a such a competitive fighter. had to get gotten knocked on your ass a time or two. speaker-0: A lot more than a time or two. Taking some beatins. speaker-1: those beatings in life that help us get to where we achieve more because it's those beatings in life, it's like, okay, now you're down, what are you going to do? Now you're down, what are you going to do? Are you going to stay down or are you going to get up and change it? Are you going to get up and learn from this? And if the elite athletes, they're the ones who they get beat down. And then they get back up and they're like, All right, let's do it again. I I see that in football practice, you know, ⁓ a player will you know, and these are grown men, a lot of them haven't played the game for years. They're getting back into it and they miss a block, they miss a tackle. And I like to watch to see, okay, what are you gonna do now? And you can tell the ones who go, I wanna run it again. Because it's like these are the ones that are gonna be successful. Hey, show me that again. Show me how that works. Versus the ones that just get back in line, ⁓ or kinda scoot off to the sidelines, go to the corners, probably in your world and they're not willing to try it again. ⁓ that hurt. Yep. That's life. You know, that's the hardest thing as a parent one of the hardest things as a parent we get to teach our kids is that hurts. It's gonna hurt. But, you know, the earliest lesson that's popping in my head is teaching a kid to ride a bike and they fall down, scrape their knee. Okay, now you gotta do it all over again. But it hurt. I remember my youngest daughter teaching her how to ride a bike, and I remember it so vividly because when she got it, my wife was pulling up the road. So my wife got to see her. And that memory is so locked in my head, is such a beautiful memory between my youngest daughter and myself of one, I taught her this. You know, I got to teach her this. My my parents they didn't teach me how to ride a bike. They just gave me a bike and you'll figure it out. Yeah, you know, I didn't even get training wheels on it. I spent a lot of time walking my bike trying to figure out how to ride it. But I couldn't. But then I eventually f figured it out after falling down a lot of times. Okay, we figured it out. And I loved riding my bike. Once I figured it out 'cause the bike was the first step to freedom. Tell me about a failure that changed your view on the world. speaker-0: Alright, I gotta recent one. And it was a failure that I'd caused myself. And it I worked for a a company that I I still really love the company. I would love to go back. They put time and money into their employees. They sent me to Missouri for a leadership development training class. I was supposed to become the next project manager. I was getting out of the field, gonna become the project manager working in the office, which I've always wanted to do was be an office person instead, but while making good money and doing something I believe in. And ⁓ I was getting right close to that and I had an issue with a guy at work on a job site. And I tried to keep my calm. I got angry and then ⁓ I tried to fight the guy. So I didn't get in trouble. I didn't get fired. I didn't actually throw hands with the guy. I called him out and I walked off the job site. So this is it, I'm not coming back to this job site. Well, because of that I was had to be on the road. Well, I just became a single dad with no girlfriend living with me, no one with me. Like I can't travel. So I lost my opportunity. Because of my ignorance of getting angry over something that was so petty, I lost my opportunity to become the person I wanted to and have an office job and do something I believe in. speaker-1: What lessons were you taking? back with that idea that like this was this wasn't that dude who may or may not be a an asshole and needs a beat down. What lessons were you able to draw on that? Like this was me? speaker-0: That if you take if you take just a few minutes to think about it, you know, before you act on your emotions, you can have a total different outcome. I mean, he didn't do it he didn't want to fight me. He kept his calm. He knew if he fought me it was gonna be the end of his job and my job. So he kept calm and just said, Do what you want. You wanna fight me? Then you can just leave. So at that point it's kinda like, who else's fault could it be? Had I just kept calm I wouldn't have lost the things I wanted. I mean I I definitely learned that gotta stay calm. I gotta stay cool. I don't can't let the minor things affect my f my future. If I take ten minutes to just think about it. speaker-1: Were there other stressors in your life at that time that helped bring that attitude out. speaker-0: Yes, so I had been single for a little while after me and my youngest daughter's mom had split. And then I was on Facebook dating for a minute and I had seen a girl. I'd messaged her. She messaged me back and she's like, I know you and I'm like, You do? She's like, We grew up together. Well, I've known this girl my whole life. ⁓ she was a grade younger than me. I went to school with her brother my whole life, basically. And I was like, ⁓ little so and so 'cause she was the little sister. We fell in love. I mean, it took six months of me messaging her before she would even respond. And then she responded and then we went and got coffee and then fell in love. Moved in together. Things I thought were great, but there were so many underlying issues that I wasn't seeing. And then just before that, she's like I had just went to leave for ⁓ Twin Falls for work. I was halfway to Twin Falls, she messaged me, Hey, I'm gonna stay here till you get home this week. But after that I'm moving out and we're splitting up. And I thought this was the one, I mean I thought this was the woman I was gonna spend my life with because we had known each other our whole lives. Why would this not be a perfect setup? I didn't want to acknowledge the underlying issues. So I was o now I'm stressed that I can't keep my job because I can't travel. But I can stay at the I was at the meta facility. This'll keep me here for a couple of years, but man, what if I need someone for this or I need someone's help with this or I gotta go home and be alone again? I don't wanna be alone. I've gotta raise kids on my own. I've did this for a little bit, but it's not easy. So now I'm stressed about everything in life and trying to figure it out. And she just left. And that was all there was. There wasn't trying to figure it out, trying to work on it. We had one more interaction where I had her mail and I told her about it and then she was not very nice about coming to get it. So I'm dealing with the stress of her leaving and me having to figure out what I can do for work 'cause I can't travel. I've gotta be home with my kids. It all just kinda came on me at once. And I I shouldn't have allowed myself to get so far mentally in the dump about it that I was gonna let affect my work. This may even have been the same week that that happened, that I had then gotten tried to fight that guy. speaker-1: Would it have been helpful to you to have someone you felt like you could go to with all this stress and talk about? speaker-0: There were people I could go to. I I have my older brother, once again the guy I call my cousin. Or I call my other cousin. ⁓ and my son's stepdad. But I was holding everything in. It would have saved me a lot had I just looked inside. It took me a few months of I went off the deep end, next thing you know I am at parties every night. I am drinking every night. Alcohol's always been my weakness, but I had pushed away from it for so long. But now I'm heartbroken. without completely recognizing it or acknowledging it and just turning into a different person that I didn't need to be. And then I realized not only am I doing all these things I don't need to be doing, now I'm depressed. Now I want to kill myself. It's all because of the stuff I h I held in after she left. It was all the stress, all the emotional abuse, all the the childhood trauma. And instead of going to my brother right away when it first happened just held it in. So yeah, had I had I just looked inside and realized there's something wrong now. There's something wrong with me mentally and emotionally that I need to work past. So then eventually I went to counseling and I quit drinking again. I would have saved my job and I would have I'd be in the office right now, doing what I want to do. And I looked for help first. But I was I was too wrapped up in myself. I was too wrapped up in thinking I'm okay, men are okay, we don't need to deal with this. And actually it wasn't it wasn't till that I went off the deep end that I realized there's a lot more things wrong with me. speaker-1: So was this your first trip into therapy? Yeah. speaker-0: ⁓ so during my son or my youngest daughter's mom, the one I was with for seven years, ⁓ I did a little bit then. I it didn't do any good. They say a counselor's not like one size fits all. You have to find the right counselor. speaker-1: You you do, yeah, one hundred percent. speaker-0: the person I went to, he wasn't the right one. I rolled my eyes constantly. Like, okay, we're here. I did a little bit of anger management with him. Okay, whatever. I quit being as angry, but I didn't resolve what was deeply bothering me in my life. What po ⁓ previous issues I had. So I after she left, I went so far off the deep end, wanted to kill myself and I found a good counsellor. And she she did some stuff that I was like, You're voodoo magic. This this isn't real. She wanted me to lay down on the couch and I'd close my eyes and she'd talk about these inner pieces of myself that I need to find and who is there protecting me and who's there for this and next thing I know I'm bawling like a baby on her couch and I'm like, What what did you just do? This isn't this isn't me. Crying is not me. How did you just open this page? Had to find out that it's okay to vent to people, it's okay to open up to people. So as as crappy as it was to go through and lose the the position I wanted and lose the girl I wanted and to get back into alcohol and party and it saved me. It it hurt, it sucked, it saved me. It pushed me into counseling. speaker-1: If anyone had talked to you during this time, like, Hey, brother, you're going down the wrong path again, do you think you would have listened to him? speaker-0: few people tried. They didn't go as far as wanting to continue a conversation. They'd be like, ⁓ no, like probably isn't the right thing. And then it'd be dropped. I don't think I would have listened. And I think that's the reason it was dropped from them is because I didn't care. I didn't believe ⁓ I I'm just fine. I'm raising three kids. Coaching sports no. No, I don't think it was coaching at the time. I think I'd stepped away for a moment. But I was like I'm I'm working. I'm here forty hours a week. Fine. Nothing's wrong with me. So even people wanting to reach out, I didn't want to to listen to them. speaker-1: Coach Sean was at in your life at that time. And he said to you, Hey, Leon, knock it off. speaker-0: You know what? It would have changed a whole lot differently. Because I can remember in wrestling I was kicking myself because I'd lost a match and it was a team duel and we needed the points and I lost it and I was down on myself and I was mad at the world. And he did exactly what you just said. Knock it off. It's a team duel. You're not making the right decision. Put your head back in the game and let's restart. It would have changed everything for me, had he been there now. I would have stopped and said, Sh you're right. You're not saying it just to say something to me. You're saying 'cause you believe in me. 'Cause you have faith that I can become something different. speaker-1: People come into our lives when we need ⁓ the most. Either for them or for us, we need that person in our life. And then sometimes we drift away and we lose those friendships not out of anger or hostility, just okay, they're gone. And I think we need to always keep people around us that keep us in that check, in that place of like This is not you. This is not the d the direction you want to go. You're not going out this weekend. speaker-0: Absolutely. That's exactly what we need. speaker-1: We're almost at our time and I appreciate you taking the time with me today. One thing I like to ask, if there's a mentor in your life right now, someone that you want to say publicly shout out and thank for being there. Someone that like if they caught this or if you told ⁓ it would surprise them maybe you saying thank you for being there. speaker-0: I would say there's two right now. Coach Johnny. He's believed in me when no one else would. I he helped push me so far to get back to who I I wanna be. He believed in me. It he's the kindest person I've ever met. And my older brother. While I try to push him away, and I try to push him away when I'm in my my spirals, he's always the guy that's like, Shut up. Get over here, we're doing family dinner. We're doing family breakfast. We're What is going on with you? My older brother and Coach Johnny are some of the people in my life that I'll I'll owe my entire life to. I owe them all the respect and love in the world. speaker-1: And is there any other message you think you'd like to share or you want to get back to before we close up for the night? speaker-0: I would like to say just to the people that on the outside, the people that are watching their friends go through it, and their friends are just acting normal, like nothing's bugging them, it's because they don't wanna show, especially when it comes to guys. Let's be real. We're we grew up and I'm sure we talked believe we said this earlier, that we're not supposed to we grew up believing we're not supposed to show our emotions and we're not supposed to cry and we're not we're this and we're that and we're supposed to brush it off. If you got one of those friends that is a guy that's like that Break him down. Ask him. Tell him. Let's go do something. Just because he's acting normal, but you know he's going through our time doesn't mean that he's normal, that he's fine with everything that's going on in life. He needs somebody to push him to that point of actually opening up. He just isn't gonna tell it to you right away. speaker-1: One percent. Leon, thanks for joining us today. Thanks for sitting down, taking the time out of your your schedule ⁓ to come and share with us and talk to us and tell us about the those people in your lives and that have helped you as a fighter and to help you grow as a person. And I think the best point you made today, ⁓ that I hope people take with them is we have a million acquaintances. But we only have a handful of friends. speaker-0: Mike, I appreciate you having me on here and it really opened my eyes just getting all this off my chest and talking about it and and reflecting, man. This has been an amazing experience. speaker-1: Thanks for coming. I appreciate it. So this has been the mentor sessions. ⁓ I'm your host, Big Mike. And thank you, Leon, for being with us today.