Latest / The You Project / #1587 Are You Living In Alignment? - Harps & Tiff

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#1587 Are You Living In Alignment? - Harps & Tiff · The You Project

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: I get a Champs. It's Jumbo and Tiviley Cook, the pugilist,
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: the boxer, the woman on the front of the bloody
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: album of the year, the shy, little, retiring, quiet, humble
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  Speaker 1: wallflower post thirty photos of her head a day on
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  Speaker 1: social media. Oh an ambo going? Can you hear that
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: Ambo going?
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: Pass? I know, because you've got a brilliant market microphone
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: that doesn't capture that or hang on.
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah you can.
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: I might have called a bit of that. Yeah, it's
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: all happening in Hampton.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: It's all happening in Hampton, and bloody you know.
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: What they're out looking for that crazy bloke running in
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: a red singlet in the rain, massive lats.
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: He stole something that's I do. It's a picture seeing
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: me gallop. I'm like, what are those horses called it?
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: Is it a draft horse? Yeah? No, is that what
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: they're called? The super big ones?
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah, the big ones with the big hairy feet.
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: No, there's another name. What are those huge? Let me
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: ask the a Clydesdale. Clydesdale, I'm like a fucking human Clydesdale,
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: just clunking around Suburbia with my big stupid my mom
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: says my back looks like a tortoise shell. Like. I
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: went from massage and yeah, Lla, I went from massage
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  Speaker 1: in this lovely Asian lady who who was going to
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: rub my shit? I took off my T shirt and
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: she goes, I won't do the accent because that's terrible.
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: But she told me in no uncertain terms that my
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  Speaker 1: back was too big. It's like, it's too big. I'm like, well,
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: the only one I have couldn't I couldn't be smaller ones.
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: You're going and get my economy back, She's like, and
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: then she proceeded to get up. This was the time.
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: Have you ever had Did I talk to you about this?
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: The other day I'm having dajavu. Have you ever had
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: one of those massage massages where they walk on you? No?
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  Speaker 2: I haven't.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: Oh my god. The best thing ever. So what they
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: do is they stand up, not all but in sometime massages.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: Well that's my understanding and my experience. So they have
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: like a so whatever direction the bed or the bench
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  Speaker 1: is running above that, they have a pole like under
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: the roof that's running in the same direction. So they
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: stand on you and they hold the pole. So they
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: use the pole to kind of you know, balance and
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  Speaker 1: also maybe even take a little bit of weight off.
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: But I'm like, just fucking run around up there. It's
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: great and it's just go for a jog on my back.
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: That shit feels great and like within reason, the harder
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: the better. And they when they like step on your
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: hamstrings and like all their I'm like, oh god, and then.
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: They step I'm good with back, but hammies and glutes.
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: Once they get nah, that's oh yeah.
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: Once they step on your ass, but not the middle
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: of your ass, like the top outside of your ass,
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: near your iliac crest.
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: You know you're about to rip out some scientific bloody
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: muscle groups.
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: Well you know, you know when you look at like
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: the Mickey mouse is of the pelvis, you know what
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: I mean. That's the that's the that's the ilium, and
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: the tops like the iliac crest and up there, like
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: I think it's glut mead. Oh, that shit gets tight.
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: You could drive your fucking car back and forth on that.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: I'd be so happy. It's like so tight. Oh my god,
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: Elbows don't work, hands don't work. I need feet. I
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: somebody doing some boots scooting up there.
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: You get the crab up there.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: Sometimes fuck, the crab's getting there where near my bottom. Crab.
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: The crab, the crab does not have the skills required
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: to work on my sixty year fucking muscles. I'll give
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: you the tip. I'll give you the tip. Yes, So
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: we were going to chat. We weren't going to chat
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: about massage and asses. We were going to talk about
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  Speaker 1: this idea of It is very often used term these
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  Speaker 1: days in self help, in personal development, in the corporate space,
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  Speaker 1: in health, in wellness, which is living in alignment. And
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  Speaker 1: I get asked a little bit about that, and I
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  Speaker 1: talk about that, and I'm up front going to acknowledge that, Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: it's kind of a wanky term. It's kind of cheesy.
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  Speaker 1: And I don't think there's any like a lot of
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  Speaker 1: ideas and constructs. I don't think there is a universally
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  Speaker 1: agreed upon definition that is this is the only true
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  Speaker 1: you know, And so I think it's open for interpretation.
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: So with that in mind, we actually I was gonna
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: I was going to give what are you looking at
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: on your screen? Well, I thought, what are you looking at?
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  Speaker 2: What is living in a lot?
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  Speaker 1: Don't look at it, don't look at it. You tell
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  Speaker 1: me what you think it is look at you looking
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  Speaker 1: at your screen too late?
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: I already PRESSCO. The worst thing about doing these in
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: the evening with you, My room's a lot darker, so
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  Speaker 2: if I bring up Google, it shines a light on
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  Speaker 2: my face.
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  Speaker 1: I can see when you're cheating. I want you to
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  Speaker 1: be organic. Look at you, you're reading the screen? Stop it?
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  Speaker 2: Well, because well I haven't read it yet.
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: I haven't read Yes, you have you fucking lira? I
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: just saw your scanning your eyes.
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  Speaker 2: No, well, because I was trying to grasp I was
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: trying to grasp the word, but all I was getting
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  Speaker 2: was just big headings and nothing with any substance. And
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  Speaker 2: now I've closed the window, as you can see, because
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  Speaker 2: the light is no longer shining on my face. Living
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  Speaker 2: in alignment It's a funny one because I was going
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  Speaker 2: to go, what do people even mean by that? Sometimes
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  Speaker 2: I think these terms get grabbed hold of and thrown
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  Speaker 2: aware around by so many different people that they we
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  Speaker 2: lose the essence of what the fuck it even means,
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  Speaker 2: even the people saying it. If someone come up to
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  Speaker 2: me and said, are you living in alignment? I think
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  Speaker 2: I just pause and go, what do you mean?
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: What do you mean? By that, Yeah, are you talking
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: about my spine? What are you talking about? Yeah? Yeah, yeah,
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  Speaker 1: yeah yeah. And I think and like I said, this
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  Speaker 1: is open to interpretation. And so what I'm going to
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: share and what you're going to share is just two
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  Speaker 1: people thinking out loud. But so do you want to
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: have a go or do you want me to bang on?
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: I want you to bang on?
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  Speaker 1: Ah, So for me living a life of alignment. And
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  Speaker 1: this is just my interpretation. And what are you reading?
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  Speaker 2: Actually looking deep into your eyes, taking in every word
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  Speaker 2: that you're saying. I'm not reading anything.
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  Speaker 1: All right, Sorry, everyone, this is terrible listening so far.
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  Speaker 1: I'll try and do better.
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: So full attention.
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: Let's zoom out from the personal to the macro, from
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  Speaker 1: the micro to the macro, something more global, which would
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: be a team or an organization. So really easy to
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: understand is most companies have what they call a mission statement,
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: which half of them are complete fucking wanky bullshit because
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  Speaker 1: they think they need to have something. So I'll wear
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: a value driven company. Where a value driven organ are
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: you or you are money? You are money driven organization?
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  Speaker 1: And if you are, that's okay too. It's a commercial world.
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  Speaker 1: But if that company was living in alignment, for one
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  Speaker 1: of a better term, with their mission statement or their
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  Speaker 1: alleged values. Then you would be able to ascertain what
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  Speaker 1: their values care values as an organization are just by
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  Speaker 1: paying attention to how they operate. So, in other words,
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  Speaker 1: the day to day operation and interactions and systems and
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  Speaker 1: communication and culture, an experience of the customer that would
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  Speaker 1: be reflective of or in alignment with who they say
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  Speaker 1: they are as an organization. Right, And I don't think
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  Speaker 1: that's a bad thing. I think if that's real, well,
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  Speaker 1: that's great. And I think I think it's hard to execute,
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  Speaker 1: especially when you have hundreds of employees, because we all
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  Speaker 1: just rock up and roll up our sleeves and do
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  Speaker 1: our thing. We're not running out into the fucking reception
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  Speaker 1: area to look over Donna's shoulder or Brian's shoulder to
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  Speaker 1: see the mission statement behind their head. Are we?
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  Speaker 2: Well?
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  Speaker 1: Hang on, let me just check what's point for? Oh,
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  Speaker 1: that's right, don't call the customer a comp thanks, I'll
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  Speaker 1: note that down all right back to my desk, right,
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  Speaker 1: So that's that's not happening. But no, to sell customer
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  Speaker 1: service must do better. But then on on a personal level,
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  Speaker 1: on a personal level, I this is what I think.
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  Speaker 1: I think. So it starts with identifying your beliefs, or
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  Speaker 1: the beliefs that really are what you would call guiding.
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  Speaker 1: I guess principles, your values, the things that really are
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  Speaker 1: important to you, that matter to you, and then off
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  Speaker 1: the back of that, probably your goals and intentions who
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  Speaker 1: you want to be, how you want to be, and
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  Speaker 1: I guess the things that underline that, like you're driving reasons.
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  Speaker 1: So when we know kind of our drivers, our goals,
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  Speaker 1: our values, our beliefs, which are all self determined, right
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  Speaker 1: I'm so, for example, I might say one of my
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  Speaker 1: values is service, which it is. One of my values
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  Speaker 1: is physical health, which it is. One of my values
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  Speaker 1: is kindness slash love, which it is.
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  Speaker 2: Is it you living in alignment? Bro very time to
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  Speaker 2: me lately?
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  Speaker 1: Really? Really do you want to go into that? Exactly? Exactly?
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  Speaker 2: You know?
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  Speaker 1: So we identify these things that we say, and I
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  Speaker 1: mean it's very easy to say this shit too, isn't it?
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  Speaker 2: Oh?
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  Speaker 1: You know, I'm all about physical, mental, emotional health, service, kindness,
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  Speaker 1: And that's easy to say, but it's not easy to do.
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  Speaker 1: So then the proof in the pudding would be hopefully
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  Speaker 1: that the way that I live, the way that I
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  Speaker 1: treat people, the way that I communicate, the way that
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  Speaker 1: I work, the things that I do to my body,
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  Speaker 1: that all of the things that I do consciously hopefully
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  Speaker 1: would reflect obviously not all of them, but let's hope
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  Speaker 1: the majority of my behaviors, actions, choices, responses, words, communication
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  Speaker 1: are a reflection of my values, our reflection of my principles,
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  Speaker 1: our reflection of my truth of who I want to be,
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: how I want to be. And so then you would say, well,
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  Speaker 1: what's the point. Well, the point is that our values,
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  Speaker 1: our goals, our truth, our intentions, our drivers. They are
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  Speaker 1: kind of the sat Nav for our life, you know,
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  Speaker 1: they are. They are our guidance system for building the
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  Speaker 1: life we want to inhabit and becoming the person that
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  Speaker 1: we want to become in the middle of that life.
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  Speaker 1: And so, despite the cheesiness of the term living in alignment,
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  Speaker 1: I think there is a very real and practical application
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: because what we can do, if we want to work backwards,
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: is we can say, all right, what am I currently doing, Like,
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  Speaker 1: let's do a stock take on my current behaviors, my
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  Speaker 1: current habits, my current life style, my current relationships, and
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: this is self awareness, This is not self hate, and
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: then say, all right, with my relationship with food, my
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  Speaker 1: relationship with money, my relationship with my wife or my kids,
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  Speaker 1: the way that you know, we can do a gentle
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  Speaker 1: kind of self awareness inventory and just check how we're
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  Speaker 1: going without beating ourselves up, and just to acknowledge what
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  Speaker 1: is and what isn't and then hold those things metaphorically
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  Speaker 1: up against the light that is our alleged values and
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  Speaker 1: see whether or not there's congruence, whether or not there's
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  Speaker 1: convergence or divergence, Is there synergy between what I say
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  Speaker 1: is really important to me and how I am actually living.
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  Speaker 1: And then the last piece would be what is the
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  Speaker 1: what is the potential outcome of living out of alignment?
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  Speaker 1: So I've got some thoughts, but what do you think mentally,
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  Speaker 1: emotionally and maybe practically could be the consequences of living
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  Speaker 1: out of alignment?
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  Speaker 2: I think obviously stress and pain and like emotional turmoil,
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  Speaker 2: like as you've been talking about it, and I'm thinking
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  Speaker 2: about it from that self awareness standpoint, and I go,
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  Speaker 2: I think about myself, I go, am I living in alignment?
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  Speaker 2: I'm definitely my intention is living in alignment. I'm pretty
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: clear on my values. I'm pretty self aware. I'm always
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  Speaker 2: checking in and looking. But also if I stepped out
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: of my life and looked from the outside in, would
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: I suggest to the people that I'm teaching, talking to,
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: sharing with, would I let them jump in and drive
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  Speaker 2: the bus? And and no, I wouldn't, And not from
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: a bad place, but from a place of Okay, we're
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: a bit out of balance, you're fatigued at the moment,
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: you're a bit too busy, you haven't stepped out of
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: your life in a long time. It works seven days
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  Speaker 2: a week. That's actually not in alignment, because let's reflect
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  Speaker 2: on some of your values, and that's a mismatch, but
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  Speaker 2: it's not from a bad place. So it's so that's
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: what's been bouncing through my head as you've been talking.
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  Speaker 1: I think it's a really good kind of exercise to do.
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: Theoretical exercise to do, even just in your head, whether
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: or not you jot down stuff on paper or not,
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: or as I do on a whiteboard, is to is
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: to think about like, yeah, like, and am I in alignment? Mostly?
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: Am I out of alignment? Sometimes? Yes? Right? And for
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: me when I'm out of alignment, it's like my energy
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: is different. I don't This is not the right term.
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: It's all I can think of. I don't work as well. Right,
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: There's been times, Okay, let's full disclosure. Let's be honest
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: and vulnerable. So there's been times when my relationship with you,
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: not a lot, and you and I have never had
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: a major problem, but we've had moments because we're both
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: kind of extrovert ish and strong nature and blah blah
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: blah blah blah. There's been times when around you, I
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: haven't been the leader or the mentor or the person
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: or the friend that I thought I should be. And
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: for me, not lots, but a few times where I
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: was out of alignment, where I didn't handle something as
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: well as I should have or could have. I didn't
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: respond a way that you know, in a nothing major,
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: but I'm just aware there were times when I was
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: out of alignment, not out of a lot, not out
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: of line with but just where who I want to
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: be and how I want to be for you, I
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: wasn't that person. And of course I'm human. Of course
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: I'm going to fuck up, and and then I could
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: then I could, you know which, And I've told this
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: story many times where there was a time in my
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: life when I owned three gyms and I was, you know,
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: training lots of people. I had lots of trainers working
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: for me. I had a high profile. I was writing
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: for the Herald's son and my behavior away from the
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: public eye with food and my lifestyle, I was totally
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: out of alignment. I was telling people to do shit
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: that I wasn't doing. And the byproduct of that was
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: I felt like a fraud because I was a fraud.
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: I was terrified that people would find out what I
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: was really like. I thought I was a piece of shit.
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: I had shit self esteem, which I should have. Like
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: there was all this and it was really the main
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: cause was just because I wasn't walking my talk at
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: all at all. And you know that for me, it's
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: been this particular way of looking at it for me anyway,
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: I'm not saying anyone else needs to, but for me,
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: just being able to distinguish and have clarity around you know,
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: forget when people are looking, forget what sounds good, Craig,
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: forget what you should say on it. But really like
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: when you're not talking anyone, when no one's looking, when
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: you're not getting approval, when no one's going oh god,
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: that's clever, Just fucking just you and you what really
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: do you want to do and be? What really matters?
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: And then really not for the fucking show, but really
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: are you doing that? And sometimes the answer.
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: Is no, Kavid? What about? So what makes me curious
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: is then raising the question because I can think of
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: times when I've like it'd like, I think similarly, look
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: at my behavior or reaction even in our relationship over
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: the time. Where and the question, I guess the question
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: for me is well why not? Because because then when
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: as you're saying that, it makes it sound like we're
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: living in alignment is a choice I make about my behaviors.
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: But at the end of the day, what was the
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: what's the thing that has caused you in a moment
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: to not be able to show up and to just
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: nudge yourself into living by alignment is almost self abandonment
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: because for me, you know, I don't know if you
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: remember the time once when we had that conversation you
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: were like, what's going on with you lately? Like sometimes
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: I feel like you resent me? Yeah, and I and
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: it was it was It was hard for me because I,
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: for the first time had to face a difficult conversation
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: and say, look, sometimes I do have this I do
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: and I don't know what it is, and I know
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: it's not congruent and it doesn't match what I know
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: about you, but I'm having this emotional reaction. That's then
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: then we show up on a podcast and I'm not
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: relating to you in that way. Well, it's self abandonment
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: if I just pretend and put on a front and
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: a mark. So I had to sit with that and go,
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: what is going on with me? That's it's causing that?
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: And yeah, so I guess how do we manage that
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: in terms of or how does that reflect against living
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: in alignment?
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah? I think the reason that we live out of alignment,
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: and thank you for that, it is generally it's an emotion,
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: it's a state. It's a moment in time like I'm feeling.
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: Wasn't you, Like, let's get clarity around that, like it
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: was never you. I was like, yeah, I have this
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: feeling of present, but I know logically that you know
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: it's not about you.
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'll tell you an interesting story in a minute.
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: I think it's interesting anyway, but an antity and by
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: the way, everyone, this is not the fucking final word on.
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: This is literally two people really just talking. Honestly. I
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: think like when I live out of alignment, which is
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: reasonably often at moments, hopefully not weeks on end, but
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: it's either it's because I'm fucked i can't be bothered,
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: or I'm a bit angry or pissed off, or I'm
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: a bit lazy, I'm a bit self indulgent, or like
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: we spoke about the run that I went last night
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: in the Pelting sideways rain and the fucking hurricane in Hampton,
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: It's becoming more dramatic every time I retell the story,
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: the blizzard, the snow realized. Fucking hell, I'm like one
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: of the early explorers. I'm so fucking tough. Anyway, Anyway,
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: like by seven point thirty, I hadn't had dinner, I'd
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: just been working, and yesterday was my run day. Oh
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: my god. I had this internal debate and I started
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: to rationalize right and me being in alignment was doing
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: the run right, and you know all the bullshit I say,
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: you know, it's cold, who gives a fuck, you'll survive,
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: it's it's raining, your water proof Shut the fuck up. Well,
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: I was both the client and the trainer and I'm like, no, yeah,
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: but no, my back's hurt. It's a bit and I'm old,
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: and it's a bit late, and I'm hungry and I've
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: got to get up early tomorrow. I've got appointments and
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: you don't understand me, and part of me is like
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: you're a caunt. Shut up, you know. It's like that's sorry, everyone,
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: I've dropped the sea bomb twice. Feel free not to
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: follow us anymore. And I totally understand, and God bless
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: them all the best for the future. So but anyway,
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: I went for the run, you know, and whatever. But
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: for me, that's I have moments like that regularly where
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: I know what I should do, and usually I do
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: do the thing I should do, but not always, and
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: that's usually it's because, you know, an emotion or a
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: fear or you know. The other thing I was going
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: to say is like you were talking about resentment. I
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: won't say who, but I had. I had a session
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: today with somebody that I coach, and I don't coach
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: many people, but you know, I coach a few people
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: and we we were talking about you know, it's funny
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: how like I've and I don't think this is you
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: so I can say it, but it's like I've had
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: in my life a lot of people who wanted to
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: who this is going to sound arrogant. I don't mean
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: it too, because I don't think highly of myself, but
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: for some reason were drawn to me, right they usually
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: and this is not you. Despite the fact that you
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: tell the story about living in the bamboo which is
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: outside my house, everyone kind of me.
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: Everyone, No, it.
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: Wasn't, because if it was, I wouldn't have opened the door,
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: and you wouldn't be working with me the way that
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: you are. If this but people who wanted something from me,
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: and then I'd help them, I'd support them, I'd encourage them,
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: and then i'd you know, open doors for them, I'd
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: mentor them, i'd upskill them, and then eventually, if they
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: didn't achieve the way that they thought they should achieve,
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: it was somehow my fault, right, Yeah, despite the fact
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: that they did seventeen podcasts and then gave up and
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: I did six hundred podcasts making no money. I'm like,
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: do you see the difference, right or you know that
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: they whatever? And it's it's so funny that like I feel,
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: what like we've diverged, But I want to be one
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: of my one of my strong values is loyalty. And
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: you know that, right, I value loyalty because I've had
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: so little of it. I've had it and I love it.
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: And there are people that love me then I don't
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: even deserve their love, right. But you know the amount
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: of people that will genuinely even when you're going through
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: a shit, even when you're a pain in the ass,
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: you know, like be there, you know, And because I've
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: you know, without I don't want to fuck by the way,
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: I have great friends everyone, and I'm very blessed in
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: my life has been awesome. But I've had an inordinate
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: amount of people that I really trusted and loved and
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: value who have kind of done shit things and you
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: know the stories, right, They're not little things, they're significant things.
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: And so because of that, you know, sometimes we learn
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: we can learn from people who are crap because we
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: can learn how not to be.
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: And it's like people used to say to me when
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: they wanted to do work experience for personal training, because
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: you've got to go and do field work or work experience,
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: how do I find someone great or how do I
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: find a great gym? I go just go to any gym,
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: and if they're bad, which they might be, you'll learn
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: how not to be and what not to do. Do
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean. It's like you can go
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: and watch you who are a budding, fledgling, developing professional speaker.
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: You can go and watch someone crash and burn and learn.
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: You can watch a terrible speaker do a terrible job
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: and learn five great things. You might learn more than
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: watching a genius on stage. Yeah, so you know the cheesy,
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: but the world is our classroom and everyone is a
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: potential teacher if you look for the lesson.
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: What gets missed is everyone's selling a system. So we
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: think that there's a system and a way and steps
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: and you know, like doing eight hundred and something conversations
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: over the last four years. When I started doing podcasting
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: and knew nothing about what I was doing doing that
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: with no guidance, no course, no aspirations, I didn't even
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: know what being a good podcast and meant. But all
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: of the attributes and traits and skills, I can't even
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: articulate them, like it's changed me. And the thing is
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: you can't. Everyone wants to know the answers and the
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: tools and the things, but the value is in other places.
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: So you can go and find the best personal trainer
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: maybe in terms of skill set and results, but what
• 27:05
  Speaker 2: about personneality and interpersonal skills and empathy? And I don't know,
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: like there's just so many different things that came something.
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: Well, I've employed some trainers who were technically brilliant. That is,
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: they could teach you how to squad, how to deadlift.
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: They could tell you what muscles were you know, prime movers,
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: what were stabilized, is what plane and movement you're in.
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: They could talk about micros and macros and you know,
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: but they were fucking boring their clients or they didn't
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: like they They couldn't build rapport, they couldn't build trust,
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: they couldn't build respect, and that's not you know, all
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: that other stuff is really good. But you can have
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: vast knowledge, but you don't have great people skills. You
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: can't you're not intuitive or instinctive. You can't read the rooms,
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: so to speak. Like and I've opened a lot of
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: fitness conferences, a lot where I've stood it, and I've
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: done the opening keynote, and I'm doing one in fact
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: for Ignite Fitness for Male Tempers very soon and I've
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: done a version of this where I've said, here's what
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: personal trainers and fitness professionals don't get, you know, and
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: that is if you tick all the boxes but you
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: don't create an experience for a client or a member
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: where they want to come back, then all the rest
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: doesn't matter because they ain't coming back. It doesn't matter
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: how shiny the dumbbells are, doesn't matter, if you've got
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: a million bucks worth of equipment, doesn't matter, if you've
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: got a PhD, doesn't matter if you know functional anatomy
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: inside out. If they don't enjoy the experience, they don't
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: enjoy the culture, they don't enjoy the energy. The rest
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: is redundant. Now it all matters, But your first priority
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: is to one not injure anyone, and then very quickly
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: understand the person and within the body. Like you're not
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: training a body. You're training a person. You're working with connecting,
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: building rapport and understanding a multi dimensional, complicated person who
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: lives in a body. You're not trying to connect with
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: their body. You're trying to connect with their soul, with
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: their spirit, with their personality, with their energy, with their mind.
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: And then you worry about the body, you know.
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel the same about that. Like speaker coaches
• 29:32
  Speaker 2: and when they talk about the tools, the vocal tools
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: and the like, all of those skills and things that
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: the people teach, and I just have a bit of
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: an aversion to a lot of them. Well, it takes
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: away from the fact that it puts the focus on me. Right,
• 29:52
  Speaker 2: the focus is on me. I'm a speaker, But when
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: I'm in there in my head and thinking about the
• 29:58
  Speaker 2: pitch and the thing, and it's this big reduction and
• 30:01
  Speaker 2: I really I think what's important for me, and I
• 30:05
  Speaker 2: would think most speakers, when you hear about their alignment,
• 30:08
  Speaker 2: living in alignment and their values, it's about the people
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: sitting in the audience and learning. Thinking about what pitch
• 30:15
  Speaker 2: and pace and fucking stance that you have on stage
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: gives no fucks about the people sitting in the audience.
• 30:23
  Speaker 2: Who are you? How do you connect with this? What
• 30:25
  Speaker 2: does this mean to you? How do I tap into that?
• 30:28
  Speaker 2: Like that is way more important.
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: And also the thing that formulae don't take into accounts
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: is that everybody's individual and what will work for you
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: on stage would not work for me. Yeah, it would
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: be similar because you and I are similar, but there
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: were other people who they thrive where they you know,
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: a slide, set of slides, powerpoints to videos. I start
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: on this bit, I finish on that, and in between
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: I do these bits and then I've got an activity
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: at the twenty minute mark that goes for three minutes
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: and it's very formulaic, and that's okay, but I would
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: crash and burn doing that because I would just be
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: riffing and then go, fucking hell, I've missed three slides,
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: and I've forgot about the video, and I've told four
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: dick jokes and fuck, I've only got two minutes left right, Like,
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: that doesn't work for me, so we need to It's
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: like going, oh, we should all eat the same food. No,
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: that's fucking ridiculous, and we shouldn't have the same job,
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: and we all shouldn't get married, and we all shouldn't.
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: You know. Some people are attracted to men, some are
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: attracted to women, some are attracted to both. Some people
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: love nuts. Some people fucking die if they eat nuts.
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: Some people need a nine to five. Some people should
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: have their own business. Some people should lift weight. Some
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: people should do more aerobic stuff. Some people need six
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: hours sleep. Some need nine. Like the idea that there's
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: a single best way to do fucking anything is ridiculous,
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: you know, And so it's trying to understand, how do
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: I do this thing best? What's my formula, what's my recipe?
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: You know? Not like the biggest podcaster in the world
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: is Joe Rogan. Joe Rogan has never done one fucking
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: workshop on how to be a podcaster. He has never
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: had any advice from anyone on how to do it.
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: I've never ever done even at five minutes of a
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: speaking workshop or course or program where I learned or
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: I got taught how to be a speaker. I learned
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: how to be a speaker by stepping into the arena
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: and being fucking terrible and paying attention and fucking up
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: and getting up and fucking up and getting up and
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: getting better and getting slightly better and getting metaphorically strangled
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: and choked and punched. And then a year in I
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: wasn't horrible. I was just bad, and two years I
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: was mediocre, and five years in I was okay. You know.
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: It's not like, which is not to say nobody should
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: do a podcasting course or speak It's not to say
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: that it's just to say that these this idea where
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: there is five steps or three steps or eight steps
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: to this outcome for any body or any individual, is
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: a wildly flawed, completely unscientific, completely invalid concept. It doesn't
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: There's about three things that we all have to do,
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: and one of them is breathe right.
• 33:36
  Speaker 2: Most of the time that I have done a course
• 33:40
  Speaker 2: or followed as some sort of a structure, it's put
• 33:43
  Speaker 2: me out of alignment. You know, when I did an
• 33:46
  Speaker 2: online coaching course back in I don't know, I think
• 33:48
  Speaker 2: it was twenty sixteen, and I hit the ground running.
• 33:51
  Speaker 2: It was incredibly successful, but I felt so incredibly out
• 33:55
  Speaker 2: of alignment once I launched it, because all I'd done
• 33:57
  Speaker 2: was follow a formula, and I was like, this does
• 34:00
  Speaker 2: a match my values. My values are so much deeper
• 34:03
  Speaker 2: than this, and I feel like a fraud. And there's
• 34:05
  Speaker 2: no way I'm going to take money off people and
• 34:07
  Speaker 2: do this. Even if they're getting the results they want,
• 34:09
  Speaker 2: they're not the results I want.
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: Hmmm, that's interesting. Well, you and I are similar in that.
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: It's like, I mean, I don't know what we're I
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: don't know what number podcasts this is, but we're heading
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: towards sixteen hundred, and I virtually never promote anything on
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: my own show, like That's Mine. Yeah, like maybe ten
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: times in sixteen hundred episodes I've promoted a workshop or
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: I don't like selling things that because I don't want
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: people to think, oh, I get it. This is just
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: a vehicle FIM to sell his shit to me, because
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: it isn't. If it was, I'm fucking terrible at it.
• 34:48
  Speaker 2: You can get a beanie and a diary online if
• 34:52
  Speaker 2: you get a great Carba dot Man, Well.
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: You can get a beanie, but none of the money
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: goes to me. It goes to the Danny Frawley Foundation.
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: So I'm happy to sell that. I don't take the money. Yeah,
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: the money doesn't even go to me. So buy those
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: motherfuckers out, you know, go to my website. But yeah,
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: but I'm happy to sell you. I'm not happy to
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: sell me because it doesn't look Do I hope people
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: will come to my workshops? And of course when we're
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: going to launch something, which we are soon, do we
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: promote it? Yep, But generally I don't. Either I don't
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: talk about it much on here, or I don't talk
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: about it at all. In fact, often Melissa will say
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: to me, did you mention that we've got up? No,
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: I didn't even think about it. And I'll do that
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: ten episodes in a row and she'll go her head
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: against all. Yeah, she's like, you fuck an idiot. All
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: these people are listening, at least tell them we're doing
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: a workshop in Brisbane or by the way, everyone, I
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: am doing some workshops soon. But that wasn't the reason
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: for this. But yeah, I'm with you. I'm very uncomfortable
• 35:59
  Speaker 1: to do. You know. I've been told by many people,
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: like there's been many times I've had seven hundred people
• 36:05
  Speaker 1: in a room at Deacon and at the end there's
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: no sales pitch and people like, where's the on cell,
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: where's the upsell? I go, there isn't one, And they're like,
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: why I go. That's not the reason for doing this.
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: This is not a thinly veiled marketing exercise. This is
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: just a conference where we want to inspire and educate
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: and inform and hopefully people go away and do all
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: some shits. You know, But I'm not getting them here
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: for a low ticket price to sell them to a
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: higher price. Fucking thing at the end. And I know that,
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: you know, if I'm listening to Alex Hormosy and all
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: the online sales and marketing people, I'm probably doing the
• 36:44
  Speaker 1: wrong thing depending on which lens you're looking through, But
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: for my value system, I'm doing the right thing.
• 36:53
  Speaker 2: Well that's yeah, that's exactly right. We have to be
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: driven by how it feels.
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: If you said to me, and I've said this before
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: four but I was talking to Josh Pittman. I was
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: at Josh, no someone else recently. I saw Josh yes day,
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: but I was talking to somebody else yes day about this. Anyway,
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: it was like I said, if I had the possibility,
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: if I had the option of talking at Votaphone Arena
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: tomorrow to ten thousand people for free, or across the
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: road talking to one hundred people in a small venue
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: for ten grand, I would talk at Votaphone Arena for free.
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: I would love to have ten thousand people live and
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: do a three hour workshop and not sell anything, not
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: have any books, not have any T shirts, not promote
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: the podcast, not nothing. Just give me ten thousand people
• 37:49
  Speaker 1: that I can connect with, that I can invest my
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: energy and my soul into and send them on their way,
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: even if I know that they will never spend one
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: sent at craigorg dot com, rite or whatever I would.
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: That would maybe be the highlight of my life to
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: be able to do that. Yeah, that's how much I
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: don't what's that?
• 38:11
  Speaker 2: You not know your own websites?
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: No? No, no, it's Craigharper dot net. I know that,
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: you see. Anyway, I feel like we've gone in circles
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: and it must be time for a chicken filet and
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: some broccoli. What are you having for dinner tonight? I
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: don't know this is an in appropriate conversation, but I've.
• 38:28
  Speaker 2: Already had mine. I had some Mediterranean chicken tenderloins.
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: Did you cook those or buy those?
• 38:34
  Speaker 2: Absolutely not? Chef in a box? They are brilliant.
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: Chef in a box, speaking.
• 38:40
  Speaker 2: Of homemade like made by Mick. He's amazing hand delivers
• 38:46
  Speaker 2: them and they're delicious.
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: Hey, chef in a box, Craig Harper, No pressure, did
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: I mention chef in a box? Chef in a box,
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: Chef in a box. If I don't get it, at
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: least one fucking meal from that? Hey? Now? Am money kidding?
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: Am I? Though? Thanks? Tim? Thanks hap see everyone? Chip
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: in a box h