Latest / Mic Drop Comedy / CROWD WORK PACK_ MIAMI_ FL

Transcript

CROWD WORK PACK_ MIAMI_ FL · Mic Drop Comedy

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: See the old tugboat driver, do you work here? Oh
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: John John Yes sir, I work here down at the
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: Empire You look like you sing everything you say You
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: had a good day?
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah, my day was all right.
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: What's your name? Garth. Wow. Okay, so black people, there's
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: a famous country singer named Garth Brooks. That's cool that
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: that's your name. So what do you do outside of here, Garth?
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: I do security work. Did you used to be in
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: a singing group?
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: You kind of strike me like you used to dance
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: with a group of singers.
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: You was a what? For who? Are you laughing? Yeah, nigga,
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: don't worry about me.
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: Orlando Little League champions.
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: The OBT Raiders, nigga. You play for somebody, you built big.
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: You was on... No, you're not. I'm medium.
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: Don't start that shit. Motherfucker say, I'm built like you.
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: I'll throw up on you. I'm big, but I ain't
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: never had titties that layer like that. Your titties start
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: right there and go all the way up under your
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: goddamn back. And you got bitties. Those titties go all
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: the way around the back. Built like Mr.
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: Brown. This is your granddaddy. Tell me who you're playing for.
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: Are you playing for the U? Mississippi State. Big country, motherfucker.
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: You was a quarterback? I'm bullshitting. Ain't no goddamn way.
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: What were you, a bowling guard? What'd you play? Defensive
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: tackle and tight end. Hold on. What's wrong with this
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: white lady? Man, what's going on, man? Are you translating?
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: Ole Miss. That's what she said. Ole Miss? Ole Miss.
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: Thank you very much. But what the fuck is going on.
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: Now?
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: She's signing. She's signing. But somebody's supposed to be signing
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: for her. The woman next to her. Do you do
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: it too? Are you signing for her?
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: No. Can you tell her, ask her? I said, I
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: want you to ask her, is everything okay? Based on
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: her mouth, something is wrong. I understand that part. She said,
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: Ole Miss, she from Mississippi, but you don't have to go.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: To say that. Now, I don't mean nothing wrong. Are you, who,
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: who's help? Okay. This is shit I'm talking about. I
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: shut this motherfucker down. I don't deserve this.
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: I just want to tell jokes. Goddamn Theo Juan over
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: there about to have a stroke. Listen, ask him if
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: they both deaf.
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: Ask, you ain't doing anything.
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: Throw some shit up and ask. You both deaf? Which
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: one can hear me? Blue shirt can hear?
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: And so she's translating for her. Okay, but this is
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: the closest translator I've ever seen. You're supposed to be
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: far away so she can enjoy the show and see me.
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: Come up here. Come here. Come right here. Come here.
• 4:15
  Speaker 3: Come here.
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: Come here. Come here, I want you to enjoy yourself.
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah, right on, right on, right on. I love you,
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: I love you too. Oh, that's Nazi shit, but come on. Okay,
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: stay right there like that. And then do it so
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: she can look and enjoy the show.
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: There you go. Look, she's moving over, let me see
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: what the fuck going on. Oh shit.
• 5:00
  Speaker 4: Ah, we got to work through this. Oh, fuck.
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: She coming. Oh, shit. Tell her not to yell. I
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: love you. I love you. It's her birthday? Happy birthday.
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: Y'all should make more noise for that moment. So can
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: we all sing her happy birthday? But here's the thing,
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: I want you to vibrate the room. So I need
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: everybody to sing happy birthday real loud.
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: Uh-oh, shit. We're going to sing you happy birthday. What's
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: her name? We need the part where you say her name.
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: She's like, bring it on. Michelle? No? What's wrong with you? Ma'am,
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: this ain't about you. You're just the hands. Yeah? Yeah.
• 6:25
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 6:28
  Speaker 5: It's crip blood and vice lord. I don't know what
• 6:30
  Speaker 5: she threw up in my face. She was like, damn,
• 6:32
  Speaker 5: my mama tell me everything I love, nigga. All I
• 6:35
  Speaker 5: know is I love you. My name is Michelle. M-I-C-H-E-L-L-E.
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. Okay.
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: Y'all ready to sing happy birthday? We're going to do
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: the white version. So don't start that Stevie Wonder shit.
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: Listen. It's okay, baby. Shit. All right. Y'all got to
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: sing it loud as fuck. Okay? I'm going to kick
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: it off. Happy birthday. Louder. Louder. Happy birthday to you.
• 7:27
  Speaker 3: Happy birthday to you.
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: Thank you.
• 7:41
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: How you say leave?
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: How you say that was a beautiful moment and it
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: has passed.
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but yeah.
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: This comedy shit is amazing. You guys don't understand. I'm
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: just a fat kid from Lacey Washington. I never thought
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: in my life shit like that would happen. How the
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: fuck is, funny translate across, she don't even know what
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: we saying. But she had a good time. Thank you,
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: good night, nonsense folks. That was amazing. But I wasn't
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: sure what in the fuck was about to happen when
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: she got up here. You got to understand, part of
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: me was like, am I going to have to beat
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: this bitch up? Because you know how they ran up
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: on Chappelle. When they ran up, you're supposed to just
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: start swinging. Now I'm in the paper. Nate Jackson beats
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: up Death Lady. She was doing a lot of gang time.
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: I didn't know what she was on. What in the
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: fuck were we talking about before we went to Sesame Street,
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: this bitch?
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: John Keyes, do you remember? Sir or ma'am? Oh, yeah.
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: The goddamn defensive tight end. From Mississippi, oh. Are you
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: fucking this goddamn deaf girl? Why she keep on screaming
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: for you only? Every time I talk to you, she
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: get excited.
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: I'm watching you.
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: You gonna be in there with Diddy. Every time we
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: talk to him, she like, yeah! She supporting her man.
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: What she saying? She's from Mississippi. That's how everybody sounded. Mississippi.
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: She regular in Mississippi. I want you to know that.
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: There's nothing wrong with her in Mississippi. That's exactly how
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: everybody communicates in the great state of Mississippi. All right.
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: So we're going to work through this. Okay. Let me
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: just fuck with somebody else, hopefully. Hopefully it's not another situation.
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: Just move on, I gotta pick somebody out right quick.
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: But ma'am, you went to two shows tonight in a row,
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: and when you went through the meet and greet, he
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: was like, you better get me, nigga.
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: Well, let's talk a little bit, I guess. And what's
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: your name, ma'am? Aaliyah. Aaliyah, ooh.
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: What do you do for money, Aaliyah? A phlebotomist and
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: a part-time what?
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: Hostess. You taking blood at the club? From Crips?
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: She's a little bit of my daughter.
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: Okay, so you take, you draw the blood. Okay, and
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: who you with? Because I didn't see you with... That's
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: your mama? God damn, your mama look kind of good though.
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: You brought your mama here so she could get a man?
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: She about to fuck around and find out. You ever
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: been to a football game at the University of Mississippi?
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: I got a nigga with titties on the front that
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: go all the way around the back. It's like a
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: titty hula hoop. Fuck it, let's just matchmake your mama.
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: What's your name, mama? Kim? Kim... Okay.
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: Let me tell you something, Glorilla. This shit ain't gonna
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: work if you don't keep interrupting. Every time I say
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: something to your mom, you're like, ugh. 100 men versus
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: one gorilla. I don't want to see that. 50 Glorillas
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: versus one gorilla.
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: Ugh.
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: So, Kim, I would like to talk to you for
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: a minute. Your baby, Glorella, you're going to have to
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: be quiet and let your mama win, okay?
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: Do you have a man? I'll hook both of y'all
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: up with somebody.
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: I'll pick people from different generations, and that way both
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: of y'all can get dicked down and be happy.
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: Y'all can talk about life together. You're dating somebody and
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: she's not? Okay, well, you out. Mama, stand up. Let
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: us look at you real quick. We're just going to
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: get a look at you. Let me see what you got.
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: That goddamn baby tried to stand up, too. See? No, no, no, no.
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: You stay up right there. You look good, Kim. Settle
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: into it. They're trying to help your outfit. Pull it back.
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: Show the titties, bitch. Okay, now you can rest your legs.
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: You're starting to wobble a little. Now I'm sitting down.
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: And let's just get to know you some. Okay, so
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: there's an older gentleman in here that sees the attractiveness.
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: I see you got all your teeth, too. Nice smile.
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: Got dimples on the outside of your smile. That means
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: you got a good spirit, too. Dimples mean you're a
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: happy person. You want a man or a woman? I
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: ain't judging. You want somebody to look like both? You
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: want a bofer? I'll get you somebody that's right down
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: the middle. You don't know what's going on. Okay, you
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: want you a man? Big strong man?
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: Hang in there, I got you OG.
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: And how young are you, if you don't mind me asking?
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: It's rude to ask how old, but how young, I
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: can get away with that. You weren't sure? I saw
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: you count. She was like, 50, ah, shit. How old
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: are you? 53? 53, you look fantastic at 53, god damn.
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: Got your smooth skin, forehead all nice, no wrinkles or nothing.
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: All right, okay.
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: Where you work at? You got to speak up, though.
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: A little louder than that. Miami-Dade County government.
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: She got a good job. She can't even be fired.
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: She got to quit.
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: She gonna die at that job. They don't fire nobody down.
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: Miami-Dade government.
• 14:36
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: Y'all chill out. Y'all gonna fuck her? Goddamn. Goddamn dream
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: girls over there. I'm not going anywhere. Now tell me
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: what kind of man you like. What's your dream man
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: look like? Look like.
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: This is physical only. You give me five things. And
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: then if she gonna keep talking soft, I need somebody
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: to pass it up to me. Because I don't want
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: you to have to raise your voice outside of your
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: comfort zone.
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: But this is crazy. I'm gonna pop my ears. What
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: you want me to... Hold on. Where you going? Okay.
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: I thought you were going to try to get her.
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: I was like, nah. You walked through the crowd playing
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: with his nose.
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: What's happening?
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: You work for the government, bitch? Because I got a
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: cousin and he's going to get you.
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: All right, so tell me what you like. Your dream
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: man in case he's in your... Or if he's somebody...
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: Somebody and you got a single daddy and he's... Age range. Yeah, well,
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: matter of fact, you might like a younger man. Let's
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: find out.
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: What you, no, okay. She needs some fun. She needs
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: some fun? Yeah. Okay, well, ma'am, she don't want your
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: help no more. 45 to 60. 45 to 60, okay.
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: That's a long ass range. God damn. That's 15 years, R.
• 16:10
  Speaker 3: Kelly.
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: You need to lock that into a song.
• 16:12
  Speaker 6: 45 to 60 is wild so you could be a
• 16:16
  Speaker 6: sophomore in high school and he born that year alright
• 16:20
  Speaker 6: whatever it's not weird when everybody.
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: Old what do you look like chocolate sorry white man
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: Latino man I'm sorry 18 years okay chocolate what else.
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, just look. You got a lot of help
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: at your table. Issa Rae trying to help you. Good shape?
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: Thank you. You're going to be the relay man. Thank
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: you very much, French Montana. I appreciate that. You got
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: two out of three more. What else do you want?
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: 45 to 60 in good shape.
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: Good shape is subjective. Like, for instance, I think good
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: shape is if a fight break out, you can hold
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: your own for about three to eight minutes until somebody
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: get there. But you can also have titties that go
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: all the way around your goddamn back.
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: A former athlete, you know what I'm saying?
• 17:32
  Speaker 3: If you need a couch or a bed or a
• 17:34
  Speaker 3: n * * * a moved, you can do it.
• 17:39
  Speaker 3: You're moving n * * * a on a couch.
• 17:42
  Speaker 3: Don't even get up, man. Don't even get up.
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: Okay, so good shape. What else? This is your dream man.
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: You don't dream about this man? Your mama blanking out.
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: You need some echinacea. What is it? That's it. Keep going.
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: How about legs? Muscular. Okay, one more. Height. How tall?
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: Minimum six feet. Damn, all the short kings. All the
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: short men at the same time. Man. Old ass. Okay.
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: It sounded to me like you big on the content
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: of his character since your physical list was trash.
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: So tell me about who he is as a person.
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: What's his essence? Give me five things about who he is. Loyal. Responsive. Huh? Handy? Handy. Okay.
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: I said handsy. I'm like, okay. You're appropriate to laugh.
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: You want it to be handsy as well? Touch me. Okay,
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: what else you like? Hello? Where do you keep going
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: in between these questions? It's like.
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: Handy you got one month.
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: Financially stable for himself or for you as well.
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: For you as well so you don't want to work
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: no more even though you can't be fired from your job.
• 19:49
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: You want what? The option?
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: Okay. It's 2025. We just gonna work. You gotta let
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: go of this fairytale.
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: It ain't no old ass nigga gonna run up on
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: a horse.
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: He between 45 and 60, athletic build, he loyal.
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: And he ready to pay for everything in your life.
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: And he six foot. It's not gonna happen. Listen, you
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: gotta open that up.
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: You gotta take like a cleft lift, mission team. When
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: you get older, you just gotta stop some of that,
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: you know, you got a 21 year old woman list.
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: You gotta get, your list should be older.
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: This nigga's gonna have sleep apnea, three children, He's going
• 20:40
  Speaker 2: to be sore all the time. He's going to have
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: carpal tunnel and his knee big as shit at the
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: end of every day.
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: He's going to have fluid on his leg. If he's
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: in here, his back hurts right now. He's exhausted.
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: He's like, why am I still awake?
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: If I didn't work here, I'd be in bed. So
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: I don't know if we're going to be successful.
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: Plus, as I look around, I don't see too many
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: black men that's over six feet that are single.
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: I see everybody's hugged up.
• 21:07
  Speaker 3: Oh, hold on.
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: We got somebody doing bird man hands. Are you just
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: putting on hand sanitizer? He was like, nigga, this is
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: hand sanitizer. I'm like, he was plotting on that old lady.
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: I'm about to set you up. I'm like, okay, Gucci man,
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: you about to turn up?
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: Okay, we got anybody interested in auntie clap twice? Okay,
• 21:31
  Speaker 2: so your daughter tried to support you. And here's the thing,
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: nobody clap.
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: Like, at all. Like, they weren't even thinking about class.
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: That's crazy. Even the deaf girl was like, no, no, no.
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: But it's not because you're undesirable. Like, I'd fuck. I'm
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: going to keep it real. I'd hit.
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: I'd knock your little shit back. So that ain't the issue.
• 21:57
  Speaker 2: It's just that you don't got a lot of options.
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: You painted yourself into a corner. If you want to
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: find a man in that age range, you got to
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: get up in the morning.
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: You got to go get some breakfast. You got to
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: go to IHOP.
• 22:08
  Speaker 7: That's where all the old bitches are. Go to Home Depot,
• 22:11
  Speaker 7: they all in there fixing shit. Yeah, they answering questions.
• 22:15
  Speaker 7: They don't even work there. So you looking for a
• 22:17
  Speaker 7: hitch for a garage door? And all these down here
• 22:21
  Speaker 7: is some bullshit. What you gotta do is get up high.
• 22:24
  Speaker 7: All the good hittin' is up there. There you go.
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah, now put this on the garage and lock your
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: goddamn daughter out the house. Goddamn.
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: So yeah, you need to go wake up early where
• 22:35
  Speaker 2: the older men are. All right, so we passed that moment.
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: let me see if I can help a man because
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: a lot of people you don't want to admit that
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: your love life is in shambles in an environment like
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: this like no man wants to admit I ain't got
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: no bitches and it just.
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: Ain't going good I ain't shit you don't want to admit.
• 23:01
  Speaker 2: That but this is a time to be vulnerable and
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: admit that you got shortcomings in your love life because
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: I can help you I'm good at this shit.
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: Now, orange beanie, everybody is pointing at you.
• 23:16
  Speaker 2: Everybody been pointing at you since I said, who, is
• 23:19
  Speaker 2: there a man with no bitches? They all started pointing
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: at you. You don't have no females in your life?
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: You don't got a work wife? You just got out
• 23:31
  Speaker 2: of a relationship? Fresh out, how long ago?
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: Couple weeks?
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: Have you healed? Nah, she can still fuck him. You
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: gotta get to a place where she be like, you
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: want some pussy? Be like, bitch, I'm beyond that. So
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: I don't know if I can help you because it's
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: too fresh.
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: Is she here? Okay. She live in Miami somewhere? How
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: come y'all broke up? I got time. I ain't doing shit,
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: you know? I'm the nosiest thing in the world.
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: I don't even know, I really, I didn't even know
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: I came over here. My body, as soon as he
• 24:16
  Speaker 2: was like, it's complicated, my body was like, man, we
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: are headed that way. I wasn't even in charge of myself.
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: So it's complicated, and so you and your girl, where's
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: the point of him? Yeah, let's just, let's get close.
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: So you in the orange hat with no bitches, What
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: was her name? Alicia. Damn. And so how come you
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: and Alicia didn't make.
• 24:48
  Speaker 3: It, man?
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: She said what? You were applying too much pressure. What
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: does that mean? You were trying to marry her and shit?
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: You put all that up in him? You gotta use
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: the tip. You can't give him all that.
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: She's like, ooh, I feel something in my stomach. That's
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: the pressure. That's her pressure. That pussy be like, that's
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: her pressure trying to get out. Ain't that right, auntie?
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: She's like, yeah, yeah.
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: I've been fired since Michael Irvin was out this month.
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry. But she has. I can tell she a goer.
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: She used to dance.
• 25:34
  Speaker 2: For Uncle Luca now. She was in the Luke Scarred video.
• 25:40
  Speaker 2: She was the one in the back. So you put
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: too much pressure on your girl? You loved her?
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: What's wrong, bro? Man, stand up, man. Man up. Yeah.
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: What's that on your wristband? What'd they say? You a cutie? Okay,
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: me too.
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: Hold your chest up and your shoulders back and be
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: a goddamn man and talk to me. You don't have
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: to expose your titties like that. Damn, you are not
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: in fighting trim. So what happened to Alicia, man? Talk
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: to me.
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: You went on a trip? You paid for the whole trip? Hello?
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: You did? You did? She paid for some stuff. She contributed.
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: It was an option. It was an option. Auntie, she
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: was an option. And then what happened? Where was the
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: trip to? Arizona.
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: It's a lot to do out there. Was that you
• 26:54
  Speaker 2: trying to go have fun? You was at Scottsdale? She
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: went on a work trip.
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: And you went.
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: And you call that taking on a trip?
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: I'm starting to see why this shit doesn't work. That's crazy, man.
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: You just went with her like some love. And she
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: paid for some stuff? If it's her, then it's her.
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: The company paid for it.
• 27:21
  Speaker 2: Okay, and so once you got out to Phoenix, you
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: were like, hey, let's take it to another level.
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: She was like, I brought you here to fuck you.
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: I'm not fucking with you. You missed the signs? So
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: you got your heart involved in a situation that was
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: just some fucking... Damn, dog. I've been there. I was
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: in seventh grade. And then I grew up. You can
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: sit down. I don't know if I can help you
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: after that story. Any woman within earshot is like.
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: So I'm going to take a picture with you after
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: the show and put you on my Instagram story.
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: And I'm going to be like, this is my dog.
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: He got a big heart. What's your name?
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: Twan?
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: Oh. They got gay bros out here? Oh, yeah, that's Antoine.
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: Hide your kids, hide your wife. Antoine.
• 28:32
  Speaker 3: Antoine.
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: It's okay, twine. Twine. I'm going to put you. Twine.
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: Twine.
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: Twine. Twine the night before Christmas. When you go.
• 28:56
  Speaker 3: Over, T.
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: 20. Okay, the baby breath. So what I'm going to
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: do is I'm going to post a picture of you
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: on my story. How tall are you, T? You what?
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: You don't do social media? Well, put your phone number
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: on there.
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: Fuck it, Mike Jones.
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: I'll give you my number, right? We'll connect. I'll go through.
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: I'll filter through the bitches for you.
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: And I'll pass the ones that I think are good
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: for you. They won't break your heart and hurt you.
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying?
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: I do. I'm a real man.
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: We got to help you, brother. You're in pain. The
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: way you stood up. I'm like, stand up.
• 29:37
  Speaker 3: He's like.
• 29:43
  Speaker 2: I really miss my old man.
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: Even though she gone away. So we gonna help me out, Twine.
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: So I'm going to give you my number, and then
• 29:57
  Speaker 2: I want you to hit me, and then we'll be connected.
• 30:01
  Speaker 2: And after I put you on the story, then I'll
• 30:03
  Speaker 2: talk to a few of them, fill them out.
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: What do you like? What kind of woman do you like?
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: What ethnic background would you like? Black. Okay. Like, how black? Like,
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: African-American or just African-African? What do you say? African-American. Okay.
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: About how tall, short would you like me to look
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: for you? Anything.
• 30:28
  Speaker 7: I don't know if this is going to work. This
• 30:41
  Speaker 7: is very objectified the way. Anything over five. Okay, I
• 30:46
  Speaker 7: think you were calling the number the thing, not the girl, right? Okay, well, Twan,
• 30:52
  Speaker 7: you got to talk carefully. We're listening close to the motherfucker.
• 30:54
  Speaker 7: The whole crowd is on the edge of their goddamn seats.
• 30:58
  Speaker 7: So anything between five five and how tall? And above,
• 31:03
  Speaker 7: six foot five, fuck it. Leslie Jones, you don't give
• 31:07
  Speaker 7: a fuck. I'll get you a female Sasquatch. That gonna
• 31:14
  Speaker 7: be musty though, since you been outside. Okay, five five
• 31:18
  Speaker 7: and above. Is there an age range we talking?
• 31:21
  Speaker 2: 25 and up.
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 31:35
  Speaker 2: What the fuck you doing up? That goddamn baby is
• 31:43
  Speaker 2: in the way. We're trying to get your mama in
• 31:45
  Speaker 2: the dick. Will you stay in the seat? She's like, fuck,
• 31:48
  Speaker 2: I like him, he attractive. No, mama, how low will
• 31:51
  Speaker 2: you go?
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: How old are you? He's 47. You're like, uh, that
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: ain't no 47. No, he's 27.
• 32:02
  Speaker 2: I can't do that. I can't do that. Not knowingly,
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: I can't do that. But when the lights go out,
• 32:07
  Speaker 2: I do what y'all do. Okay, so 27, 5'5. What
• 32:12
  Speaker 2: else you like, black?
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: What else? Give me two more. Hurry up. Sports involved. Okay,
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: I don't know if that's how you say that. What else? Oh, damn.
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: One more.
• 32:29
  Speaker 2: Ambition, because that's a physical trait. Okay, so let's go.
• 32:33
  Speaker 2: All right, let's go to her personality. What about her
• 32:38
  Speaker 2: would you like for your dream woman? This is a
• 32:40
  Speaker 2: whole internet. That's 4.4 million people on TikTok. I'm going
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: to post your big head ass on there, and I
• 32:45
  Speaker 2: need you to know what.
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: You like, because you killing me right now. So tell
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: me five things about your dream woman. Let's just start
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: with one. Let's not rack our brains. Funny? Okay, what else?
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: Goal oriented. Goals. Okay, what else? Accountability. Ain't a girl
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: in this world.
• 33:15
  Speaker 2: We're going to back off that one. I'm trying to
• 33:18
  Speaker 2: help you be successful. You can't just start out with accountability.
• 33:21
  Speaker 2: There's some grown ass women in here married and they're like, accountability.
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: When I'm wrong, I'm right.
• 33:30
  Speaker 2: You don't want to put that in there. Some of
• 33:35
  Speaker 2: these women will not admit they wrong. They will literally
• 33:37
  Speaker 2: back into a car and be like, it's because of
• 33:39
  Speaker 2: you that I did that.
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: I'm at the house. I have nothing to do with
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: what you backed into. Honesty. I like that. They will
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: be honest. They'll be like, that's why I don't fuck
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: with your daughter. Alright, so honesty. Yeah, what else? You forgot?
• 33:59
  Speaker 2: Well, let's say new ones. That way you don't have
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: to remember what you already said. We did say goal-oriented. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,
• 34:08
  Speaker 2: fuck this. There's too many holes in it.
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: What do you think, Trent? Should I push through? Oh. Damn.
• 34:21
  Speaker 2: We're going to put you on the internet, okay? We're
• 34:26
  Speaker 2: going to see what shakes loose. We'll get you somebody.
• 34:30
  Speaker 2: You ain't asking for much.
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: You really not.
• 34:32
  Speaker 8: Once we take accountability out of it, it's like every moment.
• 34:40
  Speaker 8: I'm 0 for 2.
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: Everybody. Can I post you on there too? We'll get
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: you somebody. You with that? Okay. Hold on. Hey, Maxine
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: Shaw from Living Simple. What are you... Just like her too.
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: And we're living in a 90s kind of world. Keep
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: your head up. Keep your head up.
• 35:11
  Speaker 2: There was a TV show back in the day. Because
• 35:14
  Speaker 2: he's like, what the fuck is going on? Listen, white people.
• 35:18
  Speaker 2: There was a sitcom called Living Single. You like Friends, right?
• 35:24
  Speaker 2: This is where they got that concept from. They stole
• 35:26
  Speaker 2: that from us.
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: Okay. As a black people, we be originating shit.
• 35:32
  Speaker 2: And then they take it and then they Elvis Presley
• 35:34
  Speaker 2: the shit.
• 35:38
  Speaker 3: Who?
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: Maxine Shaw. Rise, my queen. Simba.
• 35:50
  Speaker 2: Oh.
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: Oh.
• 35:51
  Speaker 9: Well, I didn't know you had all that on you, baby.
• 35:57
  Speaker 9: You got some big-ass titty boots. You got a booty
• 36:01
  Speaker 9: on your chest. That damn titty butt.
• 36:05
  Speaker 1: Look at her.
• 36:06
  Speaker 3: Look.
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: You getting all the hoes excited. Them yo-hos, they selling
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: shit down there. I can see it.
• 36:18
  Speaker 2: All right, sit down with your little boots. You look beautiful, queen.
• 36:23
  Speaker 2: I like what you're doing. Your skin is beautiful. I
• 36:24
  Speaker 2: don't see a blemish on your skin at all. You
• 36:27
  Speaker 2: don't got no pimples or nothing? No scrapes, scars, nothing?
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: Let me feel your elbow. Put it in my hand.
• 36:33
  Speaker 2: Extend your arm. Damn, you double jointed too? Why you
• 36:40
  Speaker 2: got a black widow tattoo on your arm though? You
• 36:44
  Speaker 2: like spiders. Oh yeah, this interaction is over. Who the
• 36:49
  Speaker 2: fuck like spiders? Who the fuck I look like? I
• 36:53
  Speaker 2: play with roaches.
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: He's my friend. Look, he's going around the world. Come back, Roro. Wow.
• 37:02
  Speaker 2: Sit your goddamn black widow baby ass back down.
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: Fucking Peter Parker in this motherfucker. I did my best.
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: I tried to hook up my auntie. I tried to
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: hook up the Q's. I tried to hook the deaf lady.
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: We didn't even.
• 37:19
  Speaker 2: Oh, ma'am, do your goddamn job. How you just gonna
• 37:22
  Speaker 2: let her fend for herself? Uh, uh, uh, goddamn tight
• 37:28
  Speaker 2: end defensive end, help her out. Help Michelle out, please.
• 37:34
  Speaker 2: She gotta pee. Help her to the bathroom, please.
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: Hurry up before she go. He gonna help you. Ma'am,
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: could you tell her where, okay, she ain't, she needs
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: to be fired. Could you tell her where the bathroom is, please, sis?
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: It's your multilingual self. You're a genius, girl. Hell yeah.
• 37:51
  Speaker 2: You got that shit on your face like the bad
• 37:53
  Speaker 2: guy from the movie 300, though.
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: I don't know what that is. Xerxes!
• 38:05
  Speaker 2: The humpback has told me the way to your kingdom.
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: That's a crazy piercing. Where does it go? It's on
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: your nose and where does it go? Your ear? Fuck
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: yourself up on a seatbelt, huh? Oh, shit.
• 38:24
  Speaker 3: Fuck.
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: I gotta go. Miami, I love you. I love you.
• 38:46
  Speaker 7: Thank you.