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BONUS: The Terrible 2s & Mom Guilt · Untraditionally Lala

0:05
Speaker 1: Hello, my loves, Welcome to the bonus episode of Give
0:10
Speaker 1: Them La La. I'm super hyped. We were sitting here
0:13
Speaker 1: going like, what should the topic of this bonus episode be?
0:18
Speaker 1: And I was like, wait, I feel like me and
0:22
Speaker 1: jess and even Teach have been talking about like guilt
0:25
Speaker 1: we've been feeling. And I was like, I know that
0:27
Speaker 1: we can't be the only people who on a regular
0:30
Speaker 1: basis feel guilt about being a mom, or a bad
0:36
Speaker 1: friend at the moment, or not the greatest wife. Like
0:39
Speaker 1: Stossy is constantly telling me like I could definitely have
0:42
Speaker 1: sex with Boemore. Yeah, that's a guilt for me. So
0:46
Speaker 1: that is the topic today. You guys wrote in It
0:48
Speaker 1: was really fantastic. I can't wait to talk about what
0:52
Speaker 1: you guys wrote in about your little guilts, not little
0:56
Speaker 1: they but you know, yeah, sometimes it is the smallest moment.
0:59
Speaker 1: That's what I saw.
1:00
Speaker 2: Many people wrote in such common everyday things that it's like,
1:04
Speaker 2: I feel guilty.
1:05
Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel guilty that I had an extraciice of
1:07
Speaker 1: cake when I told myself that I wouldn't. And you
1:09
Speaker 1: obsessed and obsess and obsess, Jessica, what's your guilt?
1:13
Speaker 2: My guilt is friendship guilt, which is I've been struggling
1:18
Speaker 2: with lately being feeling like a bad friend because.
1:22
Speaker 3: Last year I really focus.
1:25
Speaker 2: I remember Lala and I used to talk about I
1:28
Speaker 2: was not socializing at all, like to an un I
1:31
Speaker 2: guess maybe not unhealthy, but it was just like it
1:33
Speaker 2: was home work, and that's it.
1:35
Speaker 3: That's all I wanted.
1:36
Speaker 2: And I told myself, I'm gonna socialize with friends.
1:40
Speaker 3: I have to, I have to get out.
1:41
Speaker 2: So I really focused on that, and I think other
1:44
Speaker 2: areas suffered for a little bit.
1:47
Speaker 3: And now I'm focused.
1:50
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm focusing on work, my relationship and activity
1:57
Speaker 2: jiu jitsu right now. I shock it, I know, and
2:01
Speaker 2: now I feel like and I feel so good and
2:03
Speaker 2: hopeful and excited, and I love it. This is like
2:06
Speaker 2: where I thrive is when I focus on those things.
2:08
Speaker 2: But my friendships are now suffering. I'm getting like I've rescheduled,
2:13
Speaker 2: you know, four times with my friend Alexis shout out,
2:16
Speaker 2: I'm so sorry, just like brunchure and thank god I
2:19
Speaker 2: have good friends are also patient. But like Adam and
2:21
Speaker 2: Cole sent us an engagement gift of like pasta making
2:25
Speaker 2: kids months ago, and we're like we'd love to do
2:28
Speaker 2: it with you, and I've just like push been pushing
2:30
Speaker 2: it off. And thank God, like I said, I have
2:33
Speaker 2: understanding friends.
2:35
Speaker 3: Nick and Joe. We were like after Hawaii, they're the
2:37
Speaker 3: guys we went to Hawaii with.
2:39
Speaker 2: I'm like, we gotta go get food and they check
2:42
Speaker 2: in and I'm like, I'm so sorry.
2:44
Speaker 3: I just I've not been a good friend.
2:47
Speaker 2: Texts are going unread and I just feel very guilty
2:50
Speaker 2: and I need to be better at that.
2:52
Speaker 3: I do. I need to find a balance.
2:54
Speaker 1: No, it's very hard when you come home from work
3:00
Speaker 1: and you're exhausted and you know that you also need
3:02
Speaker 1: to like get workouts in and you don't want certain
3:06
Speaker 1: emails to go on read. And by the time the
3:09
Speaker 1: day is over, it is like I can't even form
3:11
Speaker 1: a sentence.
3:13
Speaker 4: Please do this, we.
3:15
Speaker 1: Get another screen right, It's like this can this will
3:19
Speaker 1: be looked at tomorrow.
3:21
Speaker 2: And I think I had to talk with Laala about
3:24
Speaker 2: this like last year, just about balance and stuff, and
3:27
Speaker 2: I think I'm gonna find a balance with the friendships.
3:29
Speaker 2: The positive is when I focus on what I'm focusing
3:32
Speaker 2: on now, it is where I thrive.
3:34
Speaker 3: So I'm happy.
3:36
Speaker 2: But I also would never want my friendships to suffer,
3:39
Speaker 2: especially friendships that I really help to create last year.
3:45
Speaker 1: So do you think that if instead of like like,
3:48
Speaker 1: I'm not a texter and if you text me more
3:51
Speaker 1: times than not, like unless you're my family or it's
3:53
Speaker 1: a work text, I will not respond to you. I'm
3:58
Speaker 1: much more I'm like a caller, Like, let's just say
4:02
Speaker 1: what we need to say. Get it on the books, And.
4:05
Speaker 2: That's a great that's a great solution because it's like, yeah,
4:10
Speaker 2: on the.
4:10
Speaker 4: Phone, you to tell me. That's the other thing, but
4:13
Speaker 4: we don't need to talk.
4:14
Speaker 1: Like do you know how annoying it is to sit
4:16
Speaker 1: there and be like, hey, how are you? I'm so sorry,
4:19
Speaker 1: and then you wait for the text coming and then
4:20
Speaker 1: you respond, what is your plan tomorrow night? We can
4:24
Speaker 1: get on the phone it's like what is your plan
4:25
Speaker 1: tonight or tomorrow night and get an immediate response.
4:28
Speaker 3: That's so true, or just like I could FaceTime every.
4:31
Speaker 5: Time I do that though they're like, well let me
4:33
Speaker 5: check my schedule. Well this night doesn't work.
4:35
Speaker 1: Great, I love check your schedule. Get back to me. Yeah,
4:39
Speaker 1: I love a ball in your court.
4:41
Speaker 3: Yeah, like last night yes for me, no, but this.
4:44
Speaker 5: Night I want to do something, let me know, call me,
4:47
Speaker 5: and now it's up to you to call me. I
4:49
Speaker 5: always do. I really will do that because I'm not
4:51
Speaker 5: one that wants to call you and.
4:52
Speaker 4: Figure this shit out. I hate planning.
4:54
Speaker 5: But what I will do is I'm going here it
4:56
Speaker 5: this time. Let me know your schedule, call me if
5:01
Speaker 5: it works. If I don't hear from them, I did
5:03
Speaker 5: my part. If you call me, I'll answered.
5:05
Speaker 2: That's the thing, though, I'm they're doing their part because
5:08
Speaker 2: it's just last night I canceled.
5:11
Speaker 3: I was supposed to go to dinner with a Lexus.
5:14
Speaker 1: Three weeks ago.
5:15
Speaker 2: I rescheduled it three times, and last night she goes
5:18
Speaker 2: and I was texting her and then she's like, do
5:20
Speaker 2: you want to just reschedule again? It's totally fine, like
5:22
Speaker 2: I said, thankfully I have And I said, yeah, I
5:24
Speaker 2: want to do a brunch and I didn't.
5:26
Speaker 1: Want to daytime. I love daytime stuff.
5:28
Speaker 3: I was on four hours asleep, you know that.
5:30
Speaker 1: So I'm just like, eleven to three is my window, babe.
5:32
Speaker 2: See, so we're going to do that. I'm going to
5:36
Speaker 2: be a better friend. And I love a good cancel, though,
5:39
Speaker 2: oh I love a good reschedule. That is constantly being
5:43
Speaker 2: pushed and they all know it.
5:45
Speaker 1: It's a cancel and they're all like, do you want
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Speaker 1: to I've started?
5:48
Speaker 4: That was my other thing. I've just started. Can you go.
5:50
Speaker 4: I'll let you know, I'll let you know. I never
5:52
Speaker 4: give them a firm.
5:55
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've give me a few hours to decide that.
5:58
Speaker 1: I feel like that's something.
5:59
Speaker 4: I want to do.
6:00
Speaker 5: You could ask me right now and I feel like,
6:02
Speaker 5: yeah tomorrow and I am so down. But when I
6:04
Speaker 5: wake up or with I could wake up and still
6:06
Speaker 5: want to do it in minutes before I could go,
6:09
Speaker 5: why am I doing this? And then I don't want
6:11
Speaker 5: to do it, So then I cancel.
6:13
Speaker 2: And I'm excited to get into because a lot of
6:14
Speaker 2: people say they cancel for mental health, and it's like,
6:17
Speaker 2: well where do you Yeah, you feel mentally, but law
6:20
Speaker 2: you said you've been feeling guilty about something.
6:22
Speaker 1: Oh, I have the worst mom guilt right now. It's insane.
6:26
Speaker 1: Why because I I feel like I really like I
6:34
Speaker 1: really kill it at being a mom. I feel like
6:36
Speaker 1: I'm a pretty good mom right.
6:39
Speaker 4: But my daughter.
6:41
Speaker 1: As I've told you, guys like, I don't want to
6:42
Speaker 1: sugarcoat it. I'm never the type of person where it's
6:45
Speaker 1: like she's incredible, She's so magical. Do I love my
6:48
Speaker 1: child more than anything? Yeah? She a bad bitch, let
6:51
Speaker 1: me tell you what. And I'm so, like insanely obsessed
6:56
Speaker 1: with her. But it is extremely difficult right now. She
7:00
Speaker 1: is not easy. She kicks my ass, and it's hard
7:05
Speaker 1: because I don't have her full time. I have her
7:08
Speaker 1: the majority of the time, but there are times where
7:12
Speaker 1: it's like I need a break from you. And I know,
7:16
Speaker 1: and I hate saying this to my friends who have
7:18
Speaker 1: their kids all the time. They're like, you need a break,
7:20
Speaker 1: Like you get a break sometimes, you know. But when
7:24
Speaker 1: I have her, I'm like, this is exhausting. And sometimes
7:27
Speaker 1: when the morning comes, I'm like, no, right, we have
7:31
Speaker 1: to do this again, because it is a constant battle.
7:35
Speaker 1: It is a battle brushing her teeth, it is a
7:37
Speaker 1: battle getting her dressed, it's a battle getting her to
7:41
Speaker 1: eat something. Everything is a friggin battle right now. She
7:46
Speaker 1: doesn't listen, she doesn't She cusses a lot, and I
7:54
Speaker 1: try to correct it, and I try to discipline.
8:00
Speaker 4: Terrible twos.
8:01
Speaker 5: Terrible twos, that's the thing. She's got to get it
8:04
Speaker 5: out now, and she's gonna be fine, Like I rather
8:07
Speaker 5: have her cussing now and getting it out than starting.
8:10
Speaker 4: To cuss at six seven.
8:12
Speaker 5: And but I feel like you, I think you do
8:17
Speaker 5: put a lot on you.
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Speaker 1: I think it's less about that, and it's like, I like,
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Speaker 1: I want to enjoy her, and I feel like I'm
8:27
Speaker 1: constantly having to like discipline her and it breaks my heart. Right,
8:33
Speaker 1: I have to like put her in time out constantly,
8:38
Speaker 1: and like even that's not helping. And it's hard because
8:42
Speaker 1: there's no consistency, you know, and like I don't have
8:46
Speaker 1: a co parent, it's impossible to like have consistency. And
8:53
Speaker 1: I like, I feel bad, And.
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Speaker 2: You know that's not on you, but it doesn't it
8:59
Speaker 2: doesn't negate you feeling bad.
9:01
Speaker 3: You feel bad. It makes you feel bad, feel that
9:05
Speaker 3: you feel.
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Speaker 2: Even though you you know a lot of people say
9:07
Speaker 2: you shouldn't and you're such an amazing mother and I
9:11
Speaker 2: know you know that, Thank you, producer John. But you
9:14
Speaker 2: are feeling bad about it, and that's gonna go away,
9:17
Speaker 2: Like your mom says.
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Speaker 5: Yeah, I feel like every mother goes through this, this
9:22
Speaker 5: guilt or this feeling, no matter if your child.
9:25
Speaker 4: Is two, three four.
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Speaker 5: I feel like every mother kind of goes through this
9:28
Speaker 5: because I've seen moms talk how you talk the stand
9:33
Speaker 5: up comedian talking about the five. You're not alone, and
9:37
Speaker 5: you do a lot, and I feel like you you
9:39
Speaker 5: don't give yourself enough credit.
9:41
Speaker 1: I try to give myself credit. And Ocean. Let me
9:44
Speaker 1: tell you something about Ocean. She's two and a half,
9:47
Speaker 1: but that girl is so intelligent, Like she doesn't seem
9:52
Speaker 1: like a two and a half year old, Like we
9:54
Speaker 1: have full conversations. She talks like an adult. She understands
9:58
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. And I think that's what also makes
10:02
Speaker 1: it difficult is sometimes I'll like discipline her, and then
10:07
Speaker 1: I'll ask my mom, like was I too tough on her?
10:10
Speaker 1: But then like I feel like I have to be
10:12
Speaker 1: tough on her because it's not ending and she's gonna
10:15
Speaker 1: go to school someday and I don't want the school
10:17
Speaker 1: calling me being like your daughter did X, Y and Z.
10:20
Speaker 1: And I'm like, I'm trying to fix it, but I
10:23
Speaker 1: don't really know how.
10:25
Speaker 3: There's no fixing it.
10:26
Speaker 4: Hearing like, here's the other thing.
10:28
Speaker 5: You can't stress about something that hasn't happened yet, so
10:31
Speaker 5: you can't worry about her going to school and you
10:34
Speaker 5: getting these phone calls, because you have to think what
10:37
Speaker 5: if you go what if you get the phone calls
10:39
Speaker 5: of we love your daughter being here and the way
10:42
Speaker 5: she's playing with others is me Yeah, So you know,
10:44
Speaker 5: why can't that be your mindset instead of you feeling
10:47
Speaker 5: like this is it. Yeah, she's not learning, but she
10:49
Speaker 5: I want you.
10:50
Speaker 4: To know she is.
10:51
Speaker 1: That's the thing though, is I'm like, I know, you know,
10:54
Speaker 1: you're not supposed to say this. Like the other day
10:56
Speaker 1: she had like pretty much cussed me out, went to
10:59
Speaker 1: time about four hundred and fifty seven times, told me
11:03
Speaker 1: that she hated me.
11:04
Speaker 4: Whatever.
11:05
Speaker 1: And then we're driving and randomly she goes, it gonna
11:09
Speaker 1: be nice the rest of the day to you, mom,
11:12
Speaker 1: And I was like, that is so great, and she goes, yep,
11:15
Speaker 1: I don't hate you, I don't hate Gigi. I'm gonna
11:18
Speaker 1: be nice the rest of the day. Mom. I'm like,
11:20
Speaker 1: you know that you're making my life difficult right now,
11:25
Speaker 1: I think. And then I take her out in public.
11:27
Speaker 1: I take her out in public. Oh freaking gem angel,
11:31
Speaker 1: Angel Angel. I take her to the doctor's office and
11:34
Speaker 1: they're like obsessing over her. She's the sweetest little.
11:38
Speaker 3: Thing, Thank you so much.
11:40
Speaker 5: The other thing like that I want you to see,
11:42
Speaker 5: Like in her little ballet class, in her tab class,
11:45
Speaker 5: I think all of those things. She went up and
11:48
Speaker 5: they were touching the same thing. She kind of pulled
11:50
Speaker 5: the girl's hand down.
11:52
Speaker 1: She certainly did. She did.
11:54
Speaker 5: The teacher went up, did it. She didn't do it again.
11:57
Speaker 5: Sometimes you're gonna need a teacher or someone else to go.
12:00
Speaker 5: I do need to fall in line and understand because
12:03
Speaker 5: I can't do I can't talk back to them. She
12:06
Speaker 5: will start to understand that we have She's going into
12:08
Speaker 5: her she's two and a half. She's going into these classes.
12:10
Speaker 5: She's going to be playing with other kids. She's going
12:13
Speaker 5: to see other kids sharing. She's going to start imitating.
12:16
Speaker 1: My kid's a great share.
12:18
Speaker 4: Your kid is unreal.
12:19
Speaker 5: She just does a couple of things to irritate you
12:21
Speaker 5: and me. And the thing that is irritating and frustrating
12:23
Speaker 5: for you that I don't think you give yourself credit on.
12:26
Speaker 4: She knows she's doing it.
12:28
Speaker 5: She's so everything that you should be doing smart, is
12:31
Speaker 5: so smart, and she doesn't know the apple does not
12:34
Speaker 5: fall far from the tree.
12:35
Speaker 3: But that's at the end of the day. You are
12:37
Speaker 3: an amazing, amazing.
12:41
Speaker 5: I just want you to give yourself some credit because
12:43
Speaker 5: when I see you crying and things like that, Like
12:45
Speaker 5: I went to the nine to five jobs, I saw
12:48
Speaker 5: the moms have to do what they did. You spend
12:51
Speaker 5: an incredible amount of time, even heavy.
12:54
Speaker 1: But I don't even think it's about that I'm a
12:56
Speaker 1: working mom. There's a lot of working moms. It's about
12:59
Speaker 1: like just feeling guilty where it's like ocean. Please just
13:04
Speaker 1: listen to me so we can enjoy each other. I
13:06
Speaker 1: don't want to put you in time out. I don't
13:07
Speaker 1: want to be tough on you smart, So I just
13:11
Speaker 1: hope that like my kid likes me.
13:14
Speaker 3: Yeah, no, And that's.
13:15
Speaker 4: That's the thing.
13:16
Speaker 5: I was driving when I'm always when I was driving
13:19
Speaker 5: her every time, I'm just with me and her walking
13:21
Speaker 5: to your place, walking to mine because he wants to
13:23
Speaker 5: go see the dogs.
13:25
Speaker 4: I want my mama. Well we're going to see the
13:28
Speaker 4: dogs like you wanted to. Well, is my mama. She's
13:31
Speaker 4: at home. We didn't have to leave her. Let's go back.
13:34
Speaker 2: And also, by the way, it's just from two to five,
13:37
Speaker 2: I was a nightmare for my dad, best friends with
13:39
Speaker 2: my mom and then and then I became best friends
13:42
Speaker 2: with my dad from I think, oh god, from nine
13:45
Speaker 2: to twelve, and he wouldn't mind me saying this. From
13:47
Speaker 2: nine to like thirteen, my brother Jason and my I mean,
13:50
Speaker 2: it was like awful.
13:51
Speaker 3: They never got along. Now best friends, just happy, yes.
13:56
Speaker 1: All right, yeah, but what are other people? I love you, guys, sorry.
14:01
Speaker 5: And I just want you to give yourself a little
14:03
Speaker 5: bit of credit here, And I do want you for
14:05
Speaker 5: you to give yourself credit where credit is due.
14:08
Speaker 4: You're an amazing mother.
14:09
Speaker 5: Yes, she's difficult. Guess what else? Every other two and
14:12
Speaker 5: a half year old is difficult. You're not alone. You're
14:14
Speaker 5: doing everything that every other mother is doing. Crying on
14:17
Speaker 5: how the hell do I do this? Yeah, you're not alone.
14:20
Speaker 1: And I just want you just watching credit other kids
14:24
Speaker 1: who are two and a half being like whiny and
14:27
Speaker 1: two and a half year old, where my child is
14:30
Speaker 1: sitting here saying what the fuck is this? He's stupid batch,
14:34
Speaker 1: I'm like what what? Who's talking this way? Like? Yes,
14:41
Speaker 1: I talk this way, but are you listening to the podcast?
14:44
Speaker 1: I don't understand. It's like boss baby, like I don't
14:49
Speaker 1: talk this way around you. I actually make sure like
14:52
Speaker 1: I don't even have adult conversations when you're like in
14:55
Speaker 1: the vicinity.
14:56
Speaker 3: In the same building. I do have to tell you.
14:59
Speaker 2: A ton of people just mom, gil, mom Gail everywhere.
15:02
Speaker 2: This is one I sometimes have the guilt of being
15:06
Speaker 2: a single parent for my son, having to always be
15:09
Speaker 2: good cop, bad cop.
15:10
Speaker 3: So I wanted to read that just because of what
15:12
Speaker 3: you just Who sent that? This is one thing I
15:17
Speaker 3: do want to say. There's some personal stuff in here.
15:19
Speaker 3: Do we read?
15:19
Speaker 1: Okay, we don't need to. I'm just gonna say, like,
15:22
Speaker 1: whoever sent that, I so feel you. It is Annie, Annie.
15:26
Speaker 1: It is the hardest. It's by far the hardest job
15:31
Speaker 1: I've ever had in my entire life. It is exhausting.
15:34
Speaker 1: You don't get to tap out. You have to show
15:37
Speaker 1: all the love in the world, yet you have to
15:39
Speaker 1: be tough as nails. I so see you.
15:48
Speaker 3: Wanting to eat alone. I have two kids and a man.
15:51
Speaker 3: This is so common.
15:52
Speaker 2: This is so common wanting because I saw also wanting
15:58
Speaker 2: down here somewhere.
15:59
Speaker 3: But I'll just say it.
16:00
Speaker 2: Wanting to be alone even though I'm in a happy relationship.
16:03
Speaker 2: A lot of guilt for people just wanting their alone time.
16:07
Speaker 1: I think that is so totally normal to feel guilty.
16:13
Speaker 1: But how freaking healthy, are you guys? That's the thing
16:16
Speaker 1: I was to be like, I just want to be
16:17
Speaker 1: alone and you.
16:19
Speaker 5: Have to Here's the thing I feel like, if you
16:21
Speaker 5: like you want to be alone, I feel like you
16:23
Speaker 5: have to do that for yourself and you have to
16:25
Speaker 5: tell your partner because you are in a healthy relationship.
16:28
Speaker 4: For me to be the to continue to be.
16:30
Speaker 5: The best me, I need alone time, whether that be
16:34
Speaker 5: going to dinner by yourself or getting in the tub
16:37
Speaker 5: and putting a TV on with a dinner tray and
16:40
Speaker 5: eating it like a sloppy mess in the tub.
16:43
Speaker 4: Do you taking that time?
16:47
Speaker 5: Because honestly coming from somebody, like if I were in
16:50
Speaker 5: a relationship and my significant other came up to me
16:53
Speaker 5: and was like, hey, to get the best me, I
16:55
Speaker 5: need a little me time.
16:57
Speaker 1: Well, to be fair, even though you're not do to
16:59
Speaker 1: get that right, But even though you're not in a relationship,
17:01
Speaker 1: we have a very unconventional thing going on. But our mother,
17:05
Speaker 1: for example, oh yeah, wants constant time. Oh she's extrovert.
17:11
Speaker 1: She does not she does not want to be alone ever. Ever, Wait,
17:15
Speaker 1: you're going out to dinner. Maybe I'll call Easton, Maybe
17:17
Speaker 1: maybe I'll go with a friend I'm like, why don't
17:20
Speaker 1: you take a hot bathroom, light a candle and watch
17:22
Speaker 1: a good show?
17:23
Speaker 2: Right?
17:23
Speaker 1: Like, However, I don't know what it's like to have
17:27
Speaker 1: my husband die. And I remember someone saying to me
17:31
Speaker 1: it is easy to be alone when you know you're
17:32
Speaker 1: not alone. Okay, I a couple weekends ago didn't have ocean.
17:38
Speaker 1: Over the weekend, Easton and my mom were going to
17:40
Speaker 1: Palm Springs. I was invited. I said, why did you
17:45
Speaker 1: guys go? And I had the best weekend ever. It
17:50
Speaker 1: is so important, I think saying exactly what Easton said,
17:53
Speaker 1: save your partner. In order for me to be the
17:55
Speaker 1: best version for you, you've got to leave me like
17:59
Speaker 1: I need however many hours and then to just do you.
18:04
Speaker 3: And say it kindly. Kyle and I, by the way,
18:06
Speaker 3: do this all the time.
18:07
Speaker 2: We're both extroverted introverts highly highly and we need our
18:12
Speaker 2: alone time up into uh, Kyle will We'll each tell
18:16
Speaker 2: each other all the time.
18:17
Speaker 3: I'll say, hey, I'm gonna go.
18:18
Speaker 2: That's a lot of times too, like I'm gonna go
18:20
Speaker 2: read a book for a couple hours.
18:22
Speaker 3: I'm gonna Oh.
18:23
Speaker 2: We understand, but he will go as far and I'm
18:26
Speaker 2: fine with this, some people might be horrified.
18:29
Speaker 3: He's such an extroverted introvert.
18:31
Speaker 2: He'll say if I'm if he comes home and I'm talking,
18:34
Speaker 2: he goes, hey, this is I'm gonna need like a
18:36
Speaker 2: good forty five minutes to decompress, So can we not
18:40
Speaker 2: talk for forty five minutes?
18:41
Speaker 1: And I go, great, what a dream cut?
18:43
Speaker 3: I love that too, because I'm like, okay, great, and
18:46
Speaker 3: he goes write it.
18:47
Speaker 2: Down if you have something important, and I'm like, great,
18:49
Speaker 2: I say that to him now too.
18:50
Speaker 3: I'm like, hey, about to.
18:52
Speaker 5: Say somebody like it starts paving a road of like
18:55
Speaker 5: so nice.
18:56
Speaker 4: I'm gonna do this for myself.
18:58
Speaker 5: You kind of are like, holy shit, I can do
19:00
Speaker 5: that too, and then you kind of like I don't
19:03
Speaker 5: want to talk. You kind of give them the upper
19:05
Speaker 5: hand of like if you don't want to talk either,
19:06
Speaker 5: you can tell me.
19:07
Speaker 4: I'm mean, if I can do it to you, you
19:09
Speaker 4: can do it to me.
19:10
Speaker 3: Yeah.
19:10
Speaker 1: Sometimes I'm driving with my mom and I just want
19:13
Speaker 1: to listen to music, so we'll turn it up to
19:15
Speaker 1: give her like a hint to please be quiet, and
19:19
Speaker 1: she'll go, oh my gosh, did you see this. I'm
19:23
Speaker 1: like over the music and I'll turn it down and
19:26
Speaker 1: I'll be like, I don't want to talk. I just
19:29
Speaker 1: want to listen. I just want to listen to music.
19:31
Speaker 1: If I just want to listen to music, I don't
19:32
Speaker 1: want to have a conversation. That is they're being rude.
19:37
Speaker 5: I was just about to say the best part is
19:38
Speaker 5: this will happen and I'm in the back just like
19:41
Speaker 5: here you go.
19:42
Speaker 4: And then Lisa will just wasn't she just like really
19:45
Speaker 4: rudies with your music backup.
19:47
Speaker 1: It's like I'm trying, yes, but I love my mom,
19:52
Speaker 1: but I'm like, girl.
19:55
Speaker 2: Girl, yes, no, but if saying it, just saying it
19:59
Speaker 2: is a thing. And also you do it with I
20:01
Speaker 2: do it with I've had if Kyle's had a long
20:04
Speaker 2: day and he's bitching to me about something, and in
20:06
Speaker 2: my mind, I go, I could see where the other
20:09
Speaker 2: person was right. I'll then ask him, I'll say, hey,
20:11
Speaker 2: do you need to vent? Or are you looking for
20:13
Speaker 2: a solution? And he'll go, oh, I just need to
20:15
Speaker 2: vent because I you know, okay, yeah, but this one's
20:19
Speaker 2: very deep. So survivor's guilt. I survived cancer twice and
20:24
Speaker 2: many I know have not. I know I'm lucky. Yeah,
20:28
Speaker 2: so they struggle. I've heard this is this is a
20:31
Speaker 2: lot with a lot of things.
20:33
Speaker 1: So obviously I cannot I've never had an illness like that.
20:40
Speaker 1: I can only relate to when I go into my
20:46
Speaker 1: AA meetings and I hear the rock bottoms of other people,
20:54
Speaker 1: some who you know multiple d wys. Someone was killed,
20:59
Speaker 1: and I'm like, I've had drinks and decided to drive
21:06
Speaker 1: home hundreds of times and nothing ever happened to me.
21:10
Speaker 1: Why I don't under like what was so special about me?
21:15
Speaker 1: But this person's rock bottom who did the exact same
21:19
Speaker 1: shit that I've done. So I can understand that that guilt,
21:24
Speaker 1: and I think the way to like get past that
21:27
Speaker 1: is to maybe talk to a professional or people who
21:30
Speaker 1: are struggling in the same way that you are, because
21:35
Speaker 1: that is that is a tough one, Like I can't
21:39
Speaker 1: imagine surviving cancer, But then you look at all of
21:42
Speaker 1: these people who weren't as lucky, and you're like, but
21:45
Speaker 1: I don't understand, like I'm not superior in any way.
21:49
Speaker 1: Why me? That's a really tough one. And I'm actually
21:53
Speaker 1: really grateful that she felt comfortable to write that.
21:55
Speaker 2: Yeah, so many of you have written such personal, beautiful things,
21:58
Speaker 2: which by the way is why we're not reading the
22:00
Speaker 2: names just in case, but thank you. So a lot
22:04
Speaker 2: of these, so I'm just gonna read one, but a
22:06
Speaker 2: lot of these not being present enough when spending time
22:11
Speaker 2: with my parents while they're still here.
22:14
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna get mad at you. Okay, I know,
22:19
Speaker 1: I know you feel guilty, But that's one that you
22:22
Speaker 1: can that you can absolutely change. If there's one thing
22:28
Speaker 1: that I'm so grateful about, it's that when my dad
22:32
Speaker 1: passed away, I had zero guilt. I didn't think I
22:35
Speaker 1: should have spent more time with him. I should have
22:37
Speaker 1: called him more, should have checked in more, like I
22:40
Speaker 1: felt fabulous. Nothing went unsaid. Ever, So if you're feeling
22:46
Speaker 1: guilty about something like that, that is a change that
22:50
Speaker 1: you can absolutely make. You say, Okay, every night, at
22:54
Speaker 1: five pm or or later, whatever, I'm putting my phone away.
23:00
Speaker 1: This is when you had landlines, though, so you don't.
23:04
Speaker 1: You wouldn't put your phone away, you'd actually pick it up.
23:07
Speaker 1: Don't put them on speaker, because now that's the annoying
23:10
Speaker 1: thing is you could be on speaker and scroll whatever
23:13
Speaker 1: you want in Google. You don't even have to be present.
23:18
Speaker 1: Make a conscious effort to put your phone up to
23:22
Speaker 1: your freaking ear and don't do anything except for participate
23:26
Speaker 1: in a conversation with your mom and dad, put the
23:29
Speaker 1: phone away when they come over. I cannot imagine having
23:33
Speaker 1: guilt about not spending time with someone who is no
23:37
Speaker 1: longer here and you can't change it.
23:38
Speaker 5: I will say that was one thing about Whitney Rose
23:41
Speaker 5: that I liked and are talking after sixteen years.
23:44
Speaker 1: Yes, very beautiful, very beautiful, very beautiful.
23:48
Speaker 2: But yeah, no, I think yeah, yeah, yes, a lot
23:53
Speaker 2: of guilt over depression or I'm just sort of there's
23:58
Speaker 2: a lot of these, So not being able to get
24:00
Speaker 2: out of bed all day, guilt over watching TV all
24:03
Speaker 2: day in bed, guilt over.
24:06
Speaker 3: Just basically not getting up. And what I say to
24:09
Speaker 3: that is sometimes being.
24:11
Speaker 2: Alive is the best you can do for a day,
24:14
Speaker 2: and bravo, you fucking did it.
24:15
Speaker 1: I love that jazz.
24:17
Speaker 3: Well, sometimes that's all.
24:18
Speaker 2: If you're alive and you've you've survived another day, Bravo,
24:22
Speaker 2: that's all you can do.
24:25
Speaker 4: My homie Taylor app good after dad passed. Yeah, he
24:28
Speaker 4: was the one.
24:28
Speaker 5: He was like, dude, I was like, I feel terrible,
24:31
Speaker 5: like I'm not doing anything, and he was like, you
24:32
Speaker 5: woke up.
24:33
Speaker 4: You walked up the stairs and you had a bagel.
24:35
Speaker 1: He gets it's a win.
24:37
Speaker 4: You're up.
24:38
Speaker 5: He goes tomorrow, maybe you'll do one more thing. But
24:40
Speaker 5: like you think, as long as you can get up,
24:43
Speaker 5: and even if you go and brush your teeth, that
24:45
Speaker 5: day you did something. Yeah you did something. Tomorrow, brush
24:49
Speaker 5: your teeth and then do something else. Yeah, I'm just
24:51
Speaker 5: making things up, obviously, but yeah, go outside, take a
24:54
Speaker 5: two minute walk, doesn't have to be a mile, Yeah,
24:57
Speaker 5: walk around somewhere.
24:58
Speaker 4: It's what.
24:58
Speaker 1: Yeah, But sometimes I like the thing when I'm doing
25:00
Speaker 1: things like that, I'm like, there are people that would
25:03
Speaker 1: kill to have a day in bed. Like I'm going
25:05
Speaker 1: to enjoy this because it doesn't happen that often.
25:09
Speaker 4: But it's a mental thing.
25:10
Speaker 1: It's completely mental. It's completely mental.
25:14
Speaker 4: Because I would like today. Yeah, obviously, I don't know.
25:16
Speaker 5: If you can hear it in my nose, you will,
25:19
Speaker 5: but I would have loved for another bed day. I
25:22
Speaker 5: don't know, but that's the thing. Yeah, I don't know
25:26
Speaker 5: until you you know, until you're in that other word.
25:28
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, I just want to day. I just want
25:32
Speaker 1: to lay in bed all day. Yeah. And then you
25:35
Speaker 1: get that and you're like I'm a lazy fuck you
25:38
Speaker 1: feel good, get out of here. No, you cannot win.
25:40
Speaker 1: That's why I say being a person is so freaking hard. So,
25:45
Speaker 1: like Jessica said, sometimes just being alive is the best
25:47
Speaker 1: you can do. And you know what, take the w
25:49
Speaker 1: and move on.
25:50
Speaker 2: Yes, and on the days that you only have five
25:52
Speaker 2: percent to give, if you give five percent, you give.
25:56
Speaker 1: I love that too.
25:58
Speaker 2: That's a meme that I saw, so I can't take
26:00
Speaker 2: credit for that. Kyle shared it.
26:02
Speaker 1: Okay, I only have five percent to give, and I
26:04
Speaker 1: gave five percent. So technically.
26:08
Speaker 2: Spending time with my partner doing things and not just being.
26:14
Speaker 3: In the same room with them, that's a good one.
26:16
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, you're in a productive and healthy partnership.
26:19
Speaker 3: Thank you.
26:20
Speaker 1: You shed it light on this.
26:22
Speaker 2: Something that we getting in the new year twenty twenty
26:25
Speaker 2: four is exactly what we're focused on.
26:27
Speaker 3: Last year I did a lot of that.
26:29
Speaker 2: I was in the same room as Kyle, but we're
26:31
Speaker 2: both on our phones emailing, not paying attention to one another,
26:35
Speaker 2: and I thought, well, it's fine because we're in the
26:36
Speaker 2: same room.
26:37
Speaker 3: No, you have to be proactive in your relationship.
26:39
Speaker 2: So now we're doing the thing where we do this
26:42
Speaker 2: on and off, but I love when we do it.
26:43
Speaker 2: We schedule the date, nights, we schedule no phones, talking
26:47
Speaker 2: to each other, no TV.
26:48
Speaker 3: So that is to me very important.
26:51
Speaker 1: I love that to connect. I love that so much.
26:56
Speaker 2: A lot of saving money guilt, So saving money in
26:59
Speaker 2: my twenty and thirties, I just want to experience life.
27:03
Speaker 2: But I do feel guilty not saving. That's a good one.
27:06
Speaker 1: I know. It's such a hard thing to do because
27:09
Speaker 1: you're like, life is so short, and like, no matter
27:12
Speaker 1: how much I save, like me and Kim Kardashian and
27:18
Speaker 1: the guy who sits outside of seven to eleven and
27:22
Speaker 1: asks me for a hot dog, We're all going to
27:25
Speaker 1: the same place, right, Like the end game is all
27:28
Speaker 1: the same for everybody. So sometimes you're like, screw it,
27:32
Speaker 1: But we do have to save because there's gonna be
27:35
Speaker 1: a day where you don't want to work anymore, right,
27:37
Speaker 1: and you have to have something to lean on, Like
27:41
Speaker 1: I obviously have the luxury of having a team behind
27:44
Speaker 1: me help me. You know, the money comes in, they
27:48
Speaker 1: see it, they place it where it needs to go.
27:51
Speaker 1: But my dad always told me to like take x
27:55
Speaker 1: amount percent that you can afford out of your paycheck,
27:59
Speaker 1: and save that. So you look, you know how much
28:02
Speaker 1: you make. You say, Okay, I can spend x amount
28:04
Speaker 1: on meals, I can shop this, spend this much on shopping.
28:09
Speaker 1: This is what I have to live on, and then
28:11
Speaker 1: whatever is left over you save.
28:14
Speaker 5: Yeah.
28:15
Speaker 2: Yeah, for me, that is like, uh, I know you
28:19
Speaker 2: want to.
28:19
Speaker 3: Live because I do that too. I'm like, but I
28:21
Speaker 3: want to go on trips.
28:22
Speaker 2: I'm saving, and Kyle and I are saving for a
28:24
Speaker 2: house eventually, but I also want to go to Europe.
28:27
Speaker 2: Like we should just yellow and spend money on Europe.
28:30
Speaker 2: But it's like what I do to kind of curb
28:33
Speaker 2: that craving right now. Once a month, I allow myself
28:36
Speaker 2: to get a new and it changes all the time,
28:38
Speaker 2: but a new workout outfit because that's what I'm in
28:40
Speaker 2: right now, comfies and cozy. So like once a month
28:43
Speaker 2: I will get a full like a new hoodie and
28:45
Speaker 2: new sweatpants, and I feel like I'm treating myself and
28:48
Speaker 2: still living. Or like twice a month, Kyle and I
28:51
Speaker 2: go on a date. We're going out to eat and like,
28:53
Speaker 2: so you're doing little things that allow you to save,
28:55
Speaker 2: but you're not like blowing it all and going on.
28:58
Speaker 3: A trip and then maybe once a year you do
28:59
Speaker 3: go on a trip live and.
29:01
Speaker 1: Say, but again, that's how you that's it's all about
29:03
Speaker 1: the budget and the balance. Yeah, you know how much
29:07
Speaker 1: you make and you say, you know what, this is
29:09
Speaker 1: the year that I'm going to blow it out the ass.
29:12
Speaker 1: So I need to shove money away before we get
29:17
Speaker 1: to that year, you know, like planning it out twenty
29:19
Speaker 1: twenty five. I want to go to Europe, So twenty
29:21
Speaker 1: twenty four, I need to shove this much away. Yeah,
29:24
Speaker 1: in order to do that. I don't know. Money's just tough.
29:28
Speaker 3: And it's hard.
29:29
Speaker 2: No, it's hard to because you save and then hit
29:32
Speaker 2: comes up all the time, and like the second I
29:34
Speaker 2: feel ahead and I'm like.
29:36
Speaker 4: My car fixed right, well, like I need I want
29:38
Speaker 4: to go to Europe.
29:39
Speaker 5: I need to save X amount. It's like, well, I
29:41
Speaker 5: only get paid X amounts. I got to get a
29:43
Speaker 5: second job. And then when I have the money to
29:44
Speaker 5: do it, are they going to even.
29:45
Speaker 4: Let me go to on the job.
29:46
Speaker 5: It's all fuck, I know, I know what you can,
29:49
Speaker 5: but it's like you are just up for grabs on anything.
29:52
Speaker 4: It's like you got the money to do it, well,
29:54
Speaker 4: now we'll they.
29:56
Speaker 6: Oh, no, I just wanted to come in tribute to
29:59
Speaker 6: the conversation.
30:00
Speaker 1: Oh hey, guys, you were saying the mics were too close.
30:05
Speaker 1: I was like, well, we're at thirty minutes. You couldn't
30:07
Speaker 1: have told us before.
30:09
Speaker 6: One thing my grandma told me. Set up a separate
30:12
Speaker 6: bank account and take money out of that check so
30:14
Speaker 6: you never see it. Oh, just get that check. Yeah,
30:19
Speaker 6: money goes into the out into the other account. You
30:22
Speaker 6: don't even know. You know, two hundred dollars, one hundred
30:25
Speaker 6: and fifty dollars, however much it is, you won't even
30:28
Speaker 6: know you have it. Just in a separate account. Have
30:30
Speaker 6: someone you trust run that account, Make sure it's in there,
30:32
Speaker 6: make sure everything's there so in case an emergency comes up.
30:35
Speaker 6: Boom boom, See I want you're good.
30:38
Speaker 1: What would grandma do?
30:40
Speaker 4: Wait?
30:41
Speaker 1: Thank you, Johnny, thank you.
30:44
Speaker 3: Kylie. You're about to be running that account for I.
30:45
Speaker 4: Know you're about to say, Gigi, I were doing this.
30:49
Speaker 1: Gigi would be a good one to watch. She's great
30:51
Speaker 1: with money.
30:52
Speaker 5: Actually, I don't know how what do you mean like
30:55
Speaker 5: she's very because what do you mean?
30:58
Speaker 1: What you mean?
30:59
Speaker 5: She's up in the night every other day, But when
31:01
Speaker 5: it comes to numbers, she becomes goodwill hunting.
31:04
Speaker 3: Oh oh god, she.
31:06
Speaker 4: Becomes very different. Trust me, I know.
31:10
Speaker 1: Someone's been watching Seinfeld a lot. All right. I think
31:14
Speaker 1: this was a very productive episode. Thanks for letting me
31:18
Speaker 1: sob That was beautiful. I totally needed that. Thank you
31:21
Speaker 1: guys for being vulnerable and writing in. It's so nice
31:24
Speaker 1: to know that, like, you're not alone in your guilt
31:28
Speaker 1: and misery.
31:29
Speaker 4: Yeah.
31:29
Speaker 3: Love that.
31:30
Speaker 1: Love when we're all guilty and miserable together altogether. Again,
31:34
Speaker 1: if you're listening to this, you can also watch it
31:37
Speaker 1: today on YouTube and it's going to be in the
31:39
Speaker 1: same place that you find all the other give them
31:41
Speaker 1: Lalla podcast episodes. I love you, guys, and I will
31:44
Speaker 1: catch you on the next Honerific bonus episode.
31:48
Speaker 3: Oh