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You Can Love People and Still Keep Your Distance : Proverbs 4:23 and Romans 12:18 · If Bibles Could Talk

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  Speaker 1: Welcome to today's deep dive. Today, we are jumping into
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  Speaker 1: excerpts from a text called Guarding the Heart. And our
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  Speaker 1: mission for you listening is to explore this really tough question. Like,
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  Speaker 1: if someone repeatedly hurts you, does loving them mean you
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  Speaker 1: still owe them unlimited access to your life?
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, that is such a difficult thing to navigate because, well,
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  Speaker 2: we often feel this immense guilt when we pull away
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  Speaker 2: from people, right? Like, we just assume true love requires
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  Speaker 2: an unconditionally open door. But this text challenges that right away,
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  Speaker 2: starting with Proverbs 4.23, which says to guard your heart.
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  Speaker 1: Right, guard your heart, which, I mean, on the surface,
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  Speaker 1: that sounds a bit defensive, doesn't it?
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  Speaker 2: It really does sound defensive at first, but the text
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  Speaker 2: frames it beautifully. It's not about being cold or, you know,
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  Speaker 2: selfish or unwilling to forgive. It's recognizing that your emotional
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  Speaker 2: and spiritual well-being requires actual wisdom.
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  Speaker 1: And that wisdom really means accepting the limits of what
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  Speaker 1: you can control. I know the text points to Romans 12,
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  Speaker 1: 18 for this, right? Exactly.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah. Romans 12, 18 advises us to live at peace
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  Speaker 2: with everyone. But there is a massive qualifier there, which
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  Speaker 2: is as far as it depends on us.
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  Speaker 1: Wow. Yeah. As far as it depends on us. That
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  Speaker 1: is a tough pill to swallow because it means you
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  Speaker 1: have zero control over the other person's behavior.
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  Speaker 2: You really don't. Even Jesus, in Luke chapter 5, he
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  Speaker 2: regularly withdrew from crowds to protect his own peace. And
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  Speaker 2: Proverbs 22.3 notes that a prudent person recognizes danger and,
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  Speaker 2: you know, actually takes precautions.
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  Speaker 1: Okay, let's unpack this with an analogy for the listener.
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  Speaker 1: It's kind of like owning a house. Like, you can
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  Speaker 1: love everyone in your neighborhood, but.
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  Speaker 2: But that doesn't mean you just hand them all a
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  Speaker 2: key to your front door. Exactly.
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  Speaker 1: You are responsible for the locks. Forgiving someone is letting
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  Speaker 1: go of your anger after they trash your living room.
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  Speaker 1: But wisdom is changing the locks so they can't come
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  Speaker 1: in and do it again.
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  Speaker 2: That distinction is so crucial. Setting a boundary is just
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  Speaker 2: practical prudence.
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  Speaker 1: Right. So moving from the theory of that to a
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  Speaker 1: real historical example, the text brings up David and Saul
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  Speaker 1: from 1 Samuel. And talk about the ultimate toxic dynamic.
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  Speaker 2: Oh, absolutely. I mean, Saul was the king and he
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  Speaker 2: was actively trying to kill David. Total breakdown of trust there.
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  Speaker 1: Literal life or death.
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  Speaker 2: Yes, literal life or death. But David's response is a
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  Speaker 2: masterclass in boundary setting. He had opportunities to retaliate, but
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  Speaker 2: he refused to repay evil with evil. He actually respected
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  Speaker 2: the king's position.
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  Speaker 1: Right, but he didn't just move back into the palace
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  Speaker 1: and pretend everything was fine, you know. He kept his distance.
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  Speaker 1: But here is where I want to push back just
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  Speaker 1: a little bit.
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  Speaker 2: Sure, go ahead.
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  Speaker 1: So David was dodging actual literal spears. How do we
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  Speaker 1: map that extreme survival tactic onto, say, a toxic friendship
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  Speaker 1: or a family conflict for someone listening right now?
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  Speaker 2: That is a great question. The scale of danger is
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  Speaker 2: obviously different, but the mechanics of emotional safety are basically identical.
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  Speaker 2: You know, constant boundary violations erode your well-being just like
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  Speaker 2: a physical threat would.
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  Speaker 1: Oh, I see. So the underlying wisdom applies to everyday life, too. Yeah, exactly.
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  Speaker 2: Exactly. You can genuinely wish a family member well and
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  Speaker 2: refuse to hold a grudge while still recognizing that keeping
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  Speaker 2: your distance is completely necessary for your survival.
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  Speaker 1: Which brings us to this trap we all fall into,
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  Speaker 1: you know, conflating forgiveness with restoration. We are just so
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  Speaker 1: psychologically wired to think if we forgive someone, everything instantly
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  Speaker 1: goes back to normal.
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  Speaker 2: It is the most common emotional pitfall. We assume forgiveness
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  Speaker 2: means handing that front door key right back to them.
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  Speaker 2: But the source makes a very sharp distinction here.
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  Speaker 1: Right. You can forgive someone without immediately restoring the relationship.
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  Speaker 1: Because rebuilding trust takes a completely different currency, doesn't it?
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  Speaker 2: It really does. True restoration requires three specific things. Honesty, accountability,
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  Speaker 2: and consistent change over time.
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  Speaker 1: Without that consistent change, you are just inviting chaos back
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  Speaker 1: into your living room.
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  Speaker 2: Precisely. Loving someone doesn't mean ignoring reality.
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  Speaker 1: So if you are listening right now and agonizing over
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  Speaker 1: taking a step back from someone, remember this. Loving people
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  Speaker 1: does not require you to abandon wisdom. You are allowed
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  Speaker 1: to protect your peace.
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  Speaker 2: The text actually poses a brilliant question for you to
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  Speaker 2: reflect on. Are you maintaining that difficult relationship because it's
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  Speaker 2: genuinely healthy or simply because you feel guilty about establishing boundaries?
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  Speaker 1: Oh, that hits hard. It's so easy to mistake guilt
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  Speaker 1: for obligation. So to wrap up our deep dive today,
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  Speaker 1: I want to leave you with a final thought to
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  Speaker 1: ponder on your own.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, something to take away.
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  Speaker 1: Exactly. If guarding your heart is truly essential for your well-being,
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  Speaker 1: I want you to look at your own front door today.
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  Speaker 1: Think about it. How much of your daily exhaustion is
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  Speaker 1: actually just the cost of unpaid emotional tolls from people
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  Speaker 1: you should have taken the keys back from long ago?