Latest / Alive & Kicking: Stories of Waking Up with Kay Eck / Interview with Sarah Starnes | Awakening with Nature

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Interview with Sarah Starnes | Awakening with Nature · Alive & Kicking: Stories of Waking Up with Kay Eck

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Alive and Kicking Podcast.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Kay Eck, and this is where we talk to ordinary people about their extraordinary lives.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to the Alive and Kicking Podcast, everybody.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: I am coming to you from Los Angeles, and my friend Sarah Starns is in southern Illinois in the country.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: And we're so happy to be with you today.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I am so glad to have you here with me, Sarah.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much, Kay.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's great to be here.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's awesome to be with you because it's been quite a while.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I can't remember the last time I saw you, I think it was in or was it in Oregon?
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that was probably, I'm guessing, six years ago, something like that.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, it's been a while.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: And um I want to start by telling a little story about how I met you.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: So I had um opened up a yoga studio in Illinois and up north, and where I was in the process, and one of the biggest challenges that I thought I was going to have was um attracting teachers because I didn't really know that many teachers in that area.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: So I thought it was going to be a big challenge.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: But um, and you were at the top of my list as somebody who I wanted to come to um join the studio as a teacher, and at the time you had just been on the cover of yoga, this beautiful cover on yoga Chicago, and um I felt like I felt like you were like a yoga celebrity, and I was so intimidated to meet you.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: And we met at some like crazy, I don't even remember where it was, but I knew it was somewhere in Oak Brook.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, you came in and I was just like, oh my god, but I really wanted you to join us, and so that was the start, and you were so sweet, and that started the uh started a sweet friendship between us.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_01: Hi, Lark.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_01: Hi, Lady.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I always tried to avoid being looked at as a celebrity in the yoga scene.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_02: That was something that I definitely um didn't enjoy.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but um, but I was just excited to work for someone who had their shit together and had this beautiful, beautiful studio that was all like decorated nice and yeah, clean.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_02: Clean, clean and organized.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it was it was a great space to work out of.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_02: I love that we could, you know, go outside and yeah, just there's been a lot of uh laughter and smiles that have come through that space, thanks to you, and yeah, I'm glad I got to be a part of it.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: You've always been one of my favorite yoga teachers, and you just have such um, I don't I don't even know how to describe it.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: You're you the way the the transformative way that I felt in your classes, and the strength and beauty that you would you would bring and how good my body felt after one of your classes is like such an incredible and rare gift, I find all these years later, after taking probably hundreds of thousands of yoga classes in my lifetime.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm yeah, you're you're wonderful, and I'm I'm happy to be here with you today.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much, Kay.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so when I was reading your bio, um I noticed that you talked about having a wild childhood.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: And so I think it would be awesome to start there since you kind of come full circle back to the wild with your with your baby, gorgeous baby daughter there.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: And um, so I want to hear a little bit about your your childhood.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: How would you describe that wild childhood?
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_02: Sure.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_02: Um, well, I was raised in the suburbs of Chicago in Downer's Grove, Westmont area.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_02: And my mom took me out of school when I was in second grade because I had my desk pushed up against the window and was begging to be outdoors.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_02: And so she just felt like this isn't a good fit for my daughter, so I'm gonna give her something else.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_02: And so we did the homeschooling thing from third through sixth grade, and so that was time where my schooling was done in two hours, and then the rest of the time I was just outdoors playing or doing chores or gardening, picking mulberries and dyeing my hair with them, you know, like whatever, whatever random wild um experience you could have in the suburbs of Chicago, which I found my nature everywhere I could.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_02: I um I really traversed the little forest areas near our house, and there are a lot of backyards that all kind of hook together, and you could be in the wild but be away from the street.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_02: And um, I just have a lot of memories of being alone, building fires and cooking food that I picked from the garden on the fire out in the yard, and just going to the bathroom outside, and you know, just doing everything in a very um different way.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_02: Where when I stepped foot in public school uh in eighth grade, I just got the weirdest looks from all of my uh classmates who I went to first and second grade with because they hadn't seen me in so long.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_02: And I just was this like very disconnected person in terms of clicks and brand names and um, you know, what food brands were eaten commonly or anything, like everything was so different for me because my mom had a food co-op truck drop off our monthly produce and and uh food items.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_02: You wouldn't get down, honey, um instead of eating what the store had, you know, available.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_02: So I always felt really um different from the kids when I got integrated back into public school, and uh it wasn't that wild in the sense that you know we were in the suburbs, but it I made it as wild as I could.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yeah.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: So what were some of the was that re-entry back into public school difficult for you?
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_02: Uh I was excited about it in eighth grade and as a freshman, and then I got transported down to Goreville when I was a freshman in high school, where um suddenly I was in a town of 900 people and living in a very different environment than I was used to, where everyone was um still kind of looking at me like a weirdo and judging me, but instead I was this city girl to all of them instead of being like the homeschooled granola child to the Chicago suburb kids.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_02: Then I was the rich city girl, which wasn't rich, but that that was just their their way of taking me in.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_02: And so I got beat up a lot and uh not treated too well.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_02: So um yeah, it was it was an interesting run, my whole childhood into adulthood journey.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: I I think it's really a testament to how the power of nature that you really don't need that much of it to feel so connected to all of it.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: Because I I also grew up in the suburbs and there was a a field, actually just mentioned this on another podcast, but there was like a field, a strip between the houses and the train tracks near where I lived.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: And it was just incredibly scrubby, it wasn't cared for at all.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: It was just, you know, but to me, it was like the wild, you know, and you could go and build forts and just wander around and feel lost and and be alone, like you said, it's so it's so powerful in that way.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: So, what were some of your favorite memories of your childhood in growing up that way?
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I feel like the real magic for me happened when I would just go out and be ballsy as a kid.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_02: Like I have this memory of um when I was 11, I believe, I had a dream that I was going to um or that I was riding this white horse.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_02: It was flying, but I was flying over snow covered pines on this beautiful white horse, riding it bareback.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_02: And I woke up and I wrote a poem about it, and I said to my mom, I want to go find this horse.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_02: And she threw me in the car and we drove um through Downer's Grove.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_02: Um I would tell her to turn left and turn right and go different ways, just intuitively feeling drawn someplace.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_02: And then I saw this white horse on the side of the road uh in Downer's Grove.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_02: Asked my mom to pull over, went to the front door, knocked on the door.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_02: Old man answered, and I said, Hi, I'm Sarah.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_02: I would like to ride your horse, please.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_02: And he he said, Well, do you know how to ride?
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_02: And I said, Yes, because I had had lessons when I was younger and had riding experience.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_02: I said, Yes, I I do know what I'm doing.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_02: And he said, Well, I've just had a bunch of laser surgery and I can't ride anymore, so I actually need somebody to ride my horse.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_02: Let me go introduce you to my horse and have you sign a waiver.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_02: And he introduced me to his horse, Stryker.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_02: And uh for the next few years, when I lived still in northern Illinois, I just went over and rode this horse whenever I wanted.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_02: And um, there was a pine forest in his backyard, so I could ride him through these snow-covered pines.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_02: It was like right around November when this happened, and we got our first snow, and that was when I took my first ride on Stryker.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_02: So this dream manifested within a day when I was 11.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_02: And that is something that um that type of experience has happened for me time and time again throughout my entire life.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_02: And so I trust so deeply in the power of having a vision, having um a dream, and then being open to it coming into fruition because you never know what life's gonna throw at you.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_02: Like a white horse in the suburbs of Chicago just happened to be there for me, and I got to enjoy it.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_02: So it's really great.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: That's incredible.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: So, how how did your how is it that your mom, because I know you have you have two sisters as well, and so she must have been busy.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: How did she what was it in her that allowed her to take you on this escapade, this adventure?
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_02: Um I have three sisters.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_02: I'm just gonna say that you don't know.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_02: I have I haven't no, it's okay.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_02: This one I didn't even know about her until I was older.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_02: So my mom had her young and put her up for adoption, and we met her later.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_02: She lives in Colorado, but um, and I have a brother too.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_02: But uh so she was always busy, um, but she was always of the mentality that if you had a vision or a dream that you could go for it, and she always supported that.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_02: She always said to me when I was young, you know, if you have something that you um want for yourself, like you can do it, anybody can.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_02: And um, that always rang true in my life.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_02: And my mom was too busy to do much.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_02: But if I was like, let's get in the car, I'm finding this horse, she would drop everything just to go on an adventure now and again, which was really amazing.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_02: But like my childhood for um many years, my homeschooling, I was actually self-schooled because she was too busy to even do my schooling.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_02: So I would take the teacher's manual and read through and then do the assignments and just complete it myself.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_02: So I was sort of a very left alone kid as a child, but uh I guess it was more of an energetic support more than anything, just that sense of like, if you want to do something, go do it.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_02: And I would, I would just, you know, when I was young, I remember walking down the street and meeting a neighbor who was supposedly over a hundred years old, this really, really old woman.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_02: And I would just go into her house and have talks with her a couple times a week.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_02: And my mom never met her or knew her or anything, but I was just a kid who would go randomly meet people and walk in their home and talk with them.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_02: What were what was you talking about with her?
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_02: With her, she would tell me stories about her life, and that was just really exciting for me to hear about a different time, to hear about the world in the early part of the 1900s, um, was really exciting for me as a kid.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_02: So I I always hated history class, but I loved history class with real people in settings like that.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_02: That was um that was how I wanted to get my history education.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_02: Wow, that's amazing.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: So, this time spent by yourself, how did that inform your sense of self?
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_02: I'm really glad that my relationship with myself has always been seemingly um healthy and loving.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_02: I've never felt like the self-sabotage, hateful messages that a lot of people explain in their life and in their headspace.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_02: I think having time alone and being outside for most of that time in nature with animals and plants gave me this um sense of wonder and um inquisitiveness that kept me on a more positive strain of thought most of the time.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_02: Um I I love that I could sit and think about things and not be bored or like I needed to entertain myself with a video game or you know, like all the all the distractions that people gravitate towards when they're trying to um tune out the mental headspace that's naturally there.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like I've always felt a deep sense of peace and love for myself, so that's been comfortable for me.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_02: Um and I'm just grateful for it.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_02: I I don't know what it's like to be like, I hate myself, I want to die.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_02: I don't, I don't think I've ever felt that.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_02: So I know that's what a lot of people feel.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it it's it kind of it's kind of curious, isn't it?
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_00: That when you're not tuned into pop culture and you're not, did I did you guys have a television?
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: Did you watch a lot of TV?
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_02: No, we weren't allowed to watch.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_02: We could watch public television, public broadcasting for a half hour a day, or play.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_02: We had the original Nintendo and we could play a half hour of that or a half hour of television.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_02: Um and um I I missed out on a lot of what TV uh programmed into people's minds growing up, and so I didn't have that sense of like what's in style.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_02: What I was just like, this is my style, this is just my weird like creation, and I never felt in competition with anybody.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_02: That was a big deal, is I feel like kids grow up often being told that they need to compete against their peers to achieve a status, and that's not something that I ever had to do.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_02: I was naturally really good at things though, so there were a lot of people that felt in competition with me and felt intimidated by me, but I was never in it for that.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_02: I always felt like I would just like to explore things and try things, and if I excelled at it, great, but if I didn't, it wasn't a big deal.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_02: I would laugh at myself and move on.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, um, I mean, it really makes you wonder about where that self-loathing uh messaging is coming from, right?
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_00: That it isn't natural to the human being, it's not a natural state, you know.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_02: No, no, because you know, I certainly had my share of trauma growing up, and uh even so that natural state for me that was always so peaceful and loving never went away.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm sure if I had had more trauma, maybe it it would have.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_02: But um, I just don't I I I know so much of it comes from kids being in environments where their parents have toxic dynamics, you know.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_02: But yeah, the the television is well, it's television programming, you know, it's programming the mind to believe certain things, and it's doing that right now around the world, which is unfortunate.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_00: So can you talk a little bit about some of the things that you had to endure that would were challenging for you as a kid?
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: Or the yeah, as a as a kid growing up.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_02: Um well, my mom, who you know I've mentioned multiple times already in this podcast, um, who was very supportive and loving and wonderful, also um played a big part in my traumatic upbringing.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_02: She had a lot of um unhealed um pain and and anger, and so I received a lot of um mental and physical abuse.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_02: Um, you know, not your typical stuff either, just kind of like awkward, weird things that are jarring and stick with you for the rest of your life, but um I'm I'm grateful for going through traumas because I feel like it the level of pain I felt in my upbringing gave me a lot of tools to be able to sit with people who have gone through some really heavy stuff and be able to to really know you know what that's like.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_02: I I very much um felt disconnected from my body because of physical abuse, and that's part of why yoga really drew me in, is it brought me back into feeling my cells.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_02: I used to not want to hug anybody or touch anybody, um, and I've changed so much being you know a body worker and wanting to like get my hands on people all the time.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_02: I I really love touch now, but um that changed for me.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_00: So let's talk a little bit about your yoga journey because I think it's pretty unusual.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_00: You were pretty young when you started.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_00: How did that all come about?
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_02: Well, um, another wonderful thing that my mom did was she brought me to yoga classes when I was 12 years old, and um, our neighbor brought me as well to them.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_02: And uh they were in the basement of a unity church in Evanston.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_02: That was when there were no yoga studios around Chicagoland at all, and uh, so this was just like a candlelit class on a tile floor with um towels.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_02: We nobody had yoga mats, we all had towels, and we just laid on the floor and rolled around basically and stretched.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_02: And um, it was uh it was very uh much a feel-good experience for my body.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_02: I just remember feeling so good and such a nice peaceful relaxation at the end, and that got me wanting to um really get into yoga.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_02: When I was a little bit older, there was no yoga around where I lived in high school, but I was very much into stretching and just exercising and doing stuff outdoors, and then when I was going to college, um I couldn't figure out what I wanted to get a degree in, and I think it was my sister Lisa who said to me one one day, she was like, Why don't you why don't you be a yoga teacher?
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_02: Or no, I'm sorry, I talked to her about it right afterwards, but it was my yoga teacher at the college who said that to me.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_02: She said, Why don't you be a yoga teacher?
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, I never thought of that.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_02: Like I loved yoga and I was in it, but it just never came to mind because I didn't think of that as something that you get a degree in, which I don't really.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_02: And uh so that started my journey of studying around the world and different teachers and taking different trainings and took multiple certifications through many styles of yoga, and I felt like the the gateway into body work from there felt really natural going into massage school and I have always loved teaching from a place of Of just trying to help people, um, however, I can, so it doesn't always come through like other people's yoga classes do, but I try to share authentically from my heart, and um, I am very much into the physical side of it in terms of alignment and helping people really feel what healthy alignment is in their body if they don't know what that you know feels like.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_02: So I appreciate you saying that it felt really good after my classes in your body because I've taken many yoga classes where you don't feel so good afterwards because some of the directions aren't so uh yeah clear or good.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_02: But um yeah, I I think like with yoga now, I love teaching with animals around.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_02: And there was a time when a lot of quote unquote professional yoga teachers were trash talking animal yoga because they said it takes away from it's like the spin-off that takes away from the authenticity of tradition.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_02: But because of how much I've found healing for myself through nature, um, through connect with animals and plants, I feel very drawn to being in a field with alpaca running around while doing a sound healing, or um teaching people how to stretch while on the back of a horse, or you know, laying down and getting people to just watch a bunny up close and learn how to pet them because they're so sensitive and fragile, and um, all of those experiences I feel can um snap people out of their uh their internal focus of how much they might hate themselves.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_02: You know, we talk about the the mind speak, and so many people in yoga class are thinking hateful things about themselves while they're moving their body and breathing, and that's really uh hard to do when there's a really cute bunny in front of you.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_02: You just you you get distracted in a sense, but um it's it's helpful for for the awakening process, I think.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I mean the um yeah, the the the power also of animals is I I've often said that this is like has not been my lifetime for animal connection, it just hasn't been, but the but I but I also have experienced it, you know.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_00: I've had pets and understand that they have they how they serve, and maybe I just haven't needed that particular medicine as much, but I had when I was going through something really difficult, I had a dog and I was very aware of how much the dog was taking on for me because I would like lay on the couch and just put my hand on my dog and my you know I would be able to calm myself because I was my mind was racing and my heart was racing, my body was racing, and uh yeah, so that was like really potent medicine for me.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_00: Can you describe or tell us a little bit about some of those moments that you've either experienced or witnessed with animals?
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, oh so many.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_02: Um gosh.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_02: Well, my horse scout is this big uh half draft pinto, and he is such a personality, he's got like such a um complex mind and uh and such sass.
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_02: And I've just had so many experiences with him where I feel like we understand each other so deeply that it's it's such a beautiful like moment of oh my gosh, like here's a horse and here's a human, and we're connecting and we're really connecting and we really get each other right now.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_02: And that sort of dynamic can happen over and over again when you're training a horse, but it's just those those really magical moments when they come up, um, when an animal trusts you and a lot, it's really all about trust when they trust you so much and allow themselves to be in your care.
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_02: Um and it's a you know 1500-pound beast that could kill you right next to you.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_02: Like that's such a which is what a horse is, and that's such a powerful thing to to experience.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_02: So many people go through their lives terrified of an animal like that and won't touch them and won't get near them.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_02: And I find it very healing to take the time to establish that sort of trusting and loving connection, and then you know, to lay on the ground by my horse's feet, to to crawl underneath his belly, to um to let him uh take me out in a field where I don't have any attack on him, and I'm just on his back, and I just trust that he's not going to hurt me.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_02: And um those are really powerful moments for me.
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_02: So I love having horses that's such a such a healing animal to have around.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_02: And um, healing from the birth of my daughter um is something that riding a horse can help with.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_02: Wow, you wouldn't take that.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_02: I I didn't have my horses where I was when I had her, but had I, I would have possibly got on one of them during the labor to help with the contractions.
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_02: But um, I think that there's some real magic there in terms of pelvic floor uh healing and um emotional trauma relating to the pelvis and um sexual trauma, stuff like that.
• 27:47
  SPEAKER_02: Horses can really help with that.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_00: Hey yeah.
• 27:51
  SPEAKER_01: Hi, Mark.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_00: Um so can you talk a little bit about when you had an awareness that you were on a spiritual path?
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_02: There was never a defining moment for me where things changed.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like all of my memories from as young as I can remember to know have included this sparkly, magical, like wondrous feeling that comes along with what I would identify as spiritual connection.
• 28:32
  SPEAKER_02: Lark will stand outside and just put her hands up and look at the sky and go, wow, wow, wow.
• 28:38
  SPEAKER_02: And that's how I feel like I've always felt in life.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_02: Um, just in awe of the beauty, in awe of um the complexity and the and yet the simplicity of everything and the interconnectedness of everything.
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_02: Um I never felt drawn to going to religious type um ceremonies, although I did experience some of that growing up.
• 29:03
  SPEAKER_02: I always felt like being outside in the woods and hearing the wind blow through the trees was my spiritual experience.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_02: Or um being in the ocean when there's bioluminescence and you see like this like sparkling blue color when you move the water, and it's just this like magic coming out of nowhere in the dark.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_02: Things like that have been um just real present, I guess, my whole life.
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_02: And I um I never was like man, I want to deepen my connection with God.
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_02: Like I never had that sort of feeling.
• 29:43
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like it's just always been happening, it's always been there.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I've spent so much time healing and connecting in a way that I would call spiritually through the years of yoga training.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_02: So when I would sit and chant for hours and meditate and visit Hindu temples and do that sort of thing in my yoga training, I experience a lot of uh spiritual growth in that.
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_02: And moving to Oregon from that point till now, I feel like I've gone through radical, radical transformation and change.
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_02: Not that I wasn't connected spiritually before, but uh the awakening and healing that has transpired has been phenomenal, and so much in part because of um plants, mushrooms, and animals, basically the nature that I've come in contact with out there.
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_00: What about um I know that you're a musician and you have an incredibly beautiful voice.
• 30:47
  SPEAKER_00: I remember used to sing at the end of classes oftentimes, and it was just an incredibly remarkable experience to be in that in that room with you.
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_00: Can you talk a little bit about how music came into your life and what it's meant to you?
• 31:08
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I love sharing through my voice and and instruments, sharing what I feel is like um just that deep connected call to all beings and all things to remind them that we're all we're all in this together kind of thing.
• 31:36
  SPEAKER_02: Like that's like the underlying vibe of when I sing.
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_02: I don't usually uh plan it out ahead of time.
• 31:45
  SPEAKER_02: I don't like practice my songs, I should, but but I just I just wing it most of the time.
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_02: I am I am practicing some instruments.
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_02: I've been learning the banjo, I just started learning the banjo, but um I I love sound healing.
• 32:03
  SPEAKER_02: I love having instruments out and to create different sounds for people while I sing um is such a such an enjoyable offering.
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_02: And I suppose, you know, part of me really wants to get weird with it.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_02: Like I want to paint my face weird and dress weird and then make funky videos of me singing these original pieces that I'm writing, and also I want to be this very anonymous, like voice from the corner in the dark that people don't even recognize where it's coming from, but maybe they hear a sound that helps them to um have a new thought or have a new mindset.
• 32:49
  SPEAKER_02: And I I love creating music with other people, I love um just exploring uh how it can evolve.
• 33:05
  SPEAKER_02: Like with Lark, now we play instruments all the time.
• 33:08
  SPEAKER_02: I'm always creating weird sounds with my voice and encouraging her to do the same.
• 33:14
  SPEAKER_02: And um I want music to be very available for her because growing up, um, my older sister Lisa had a huge guitar that I learned how to play when I was young, and that was that and a piano.
• 33:28
  SPEAKER_02: I I took about 10 years of piano lessons as a kid, those were my initial introductions to music.
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and my mom sang uh a lot.
• 33:38
  SPEAKER_02: She she didn't play any instruments, but she sang music, and my dad would play the trumpet once in a while in the house.
• 33:46
  SPEAKER_00: That's funny.
• 33:47
  SPEAKER_00: That feels like that feels right on for your dad.
• 33:52
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, in the in the past maybe five years or so, you have been sort of on the forefront of, in my opinion, in a true sense, of an awakening process that is unfolding right now in terms of uncovering covered things and speaking about things that were occurring.
• 34:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I I have always felt, and and then to be honest, in the beginning when you first started talking, I was like, oh no, you know, stop you're like, shush, you conspiracy theorist.
• 34:37
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I haven't that that wasn't part of my language.
• 34:40
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think that was part of anybody's language back then, but you know, part of it was like, oh my god, where's she going with this?
• 34:47
  SPEAKER_00: And um, but but in all seriousness, because we can laugh about it now, but um I know that must have cost you something.
• 34:58
  SPEAKER_00: So I want to um hear a little bit about why you felt called to be on the forefront and how you ended up there and what that has gained, what you have gained from that and what it has cost you.
• 35:19
  SPEAKER_02: I um as a baby was uh injured by the vaccines that were given to me.
• 35:28
  SPEAKER_02: I had seizures and I almost died.
• 35:30
  SPEAKER_02: So I grew up with this mentality of like, I don't trust Western medicine at all.
• 35:37
  SPEAKER_02: I don't want anything to do with it.
• 35:39
  SPEAKER_02: I witnessed in my older brother and sister um all sorts of horrible things with their health, where once my mom took them out of the hospital, then they got better and healed from what they were dealing with.
• 35:52
  SPEAKER_02: My brother wouldn't have his leg if my mom didn't not listen to doctors.
• 35:56
  SPEAKER_02: Doctors were telling her to amputate um my brother's leg and because he had an infection on his foot, and she ended up finding a natural way to heal it.
• 36:05
  SPEAKER_02: And um because I witnessed plant medicine working so well my whole life and having that negative experience with the vaccines, like I just originally or initially I'm gonna question everything because there my trust was broken.
• 36:27
  SPEAKER_02: I was not um allowed to live the healthy, perfect, like you know, cellular situation that I was given as a child.
• 36:41
  SPEAKER_02: I had these foreign things injected and my body reacted negatively.
• 36:47
  SPEAKER_02: So, because of that, I know that was a big reason why I studied um the history of different things with uh our society and what is truth regarding pandemics and epidemics of the past and disease and how our body works in relation to disease.
• 37:10
  SPEAKER_02: And um I feel like the hatred and the um negativity that gets thrown at me when I do bring up topics that a lot of people don't want to hear about or discuss, um, I just let it roll off because I feel this deeper calling of I want to help as many people stay safe from dangerous things as possible.
• 37:39
  SPEAKER_02: And if I see this as a threat and as a danger, I want to alert those that are willing to listen about this scenario.
• 37:48
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, I had people around me who also enjoyed discussing um quote unquote conspiracies, things, things that are are not clear in terms of what has historically gone down in the past.
• 38:05
  SPEAKER_02: And I've always just been like, you know, I don't know what the truth is, I'm just interested in talking about it and uh being open to the possibility that what is being broadcasted left and right as truth isn't necessarily truth, because truths will always be replaced by better truths.
• 38:27
  SPEAKER_02: We we learn more always through life, and if we aren't willing to um detach from a belief and be open to the possibility of more, we close ourselves off from growth, and that's not something I'm interested in doing for myself, so I've always just been looking for uh answers, but also taking a step back and saying whatever is is, and I'm not needing to like reach in and necessarily change a bunch of things actively because you can't force change upon people that aren't ready for it, and you it's not my place, but via social media or you know, whatever I'm talking about in a yoga class or you know, a discussion with friends over dinner, I'm going to bring up topics sometimes that make people uncomfortable, and uh and because I don't really ultimately care what people think about me, it's never stopped me.
• 39:33
  SPEAKER_02: I've never been one to be like, oh, I've I'm not gonna talk about that because I don't want people to think that I'm a weirdo or um uneducated or naive or whatever they think, because people assume all sorts of things when you say something that doesn't go along with what their mind believes to be true.
• 39:51
  SPEAKER_02: And because so many humans have different beliefs, we stay so disconnected from everyone when we don't um have those uncomfortable conversations.
• 40:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 40:03
  SPEAKER_00: I think that um if you if you make it a practice to be open to new ideas and new philosophies and whatnot, that you you start to become less triggered by anything that might come across your door.
• 40:26
  SPEAKER_00: And it becomes like constant discovery.
• 40:30
  SPEAKER_00: And there's no like there's no there's nothing, there's no downside to to learning more, you know.
• 40:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's and it becomes such an expansive way of living to to not have such rigid thought forms in your mind and to be open, because if we are creating our reality, then we want to have like the biggest spectrum of possibility that we can, right?
• 40:57
  SPEAKER_00: And the only way to to do that is to like let go, like you said, there's there's no room for the new to come in if it's all clogged up with the old.
• 41:07
  SPEAKER_00: And is that what you find as well?
• 41:11
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, belief belief creates conflict, and when you attach yourself to a belief and your belief differs from the person next to you, and you try to converse with them, there's going to be conflict.
• 41:25
  SPEAKER_02: And if you can work through that conflict with someone, and it doesn't necessarily mean you're gonna agree upon the same belief afterwards, but just to be able to have that conversation with someone, I feel is very beneficial.
• 41:40
  SPEAKER_02: It teaches us about communication.
• 41:42
  SPEAKER_02: I love that I can sit with someone on you know, very different edges of a political spectrum and enjoy a meal with both ends.
• 41:52
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not over here saying I hate all those people over there and I want nothing to do with them.
• 41:57
  SPEAKER_02: I'm just like, hey, we're all just doing our best here.
• 42:00
  SPEAKER_02: Um, as long as I don't witness someone like trying to be a bad person and harming others, I'm gonna probably be okay with their process.
• 42:10
  SPEAKER_02: And um that accepting view gives me that possibility that you said to have like all these magical new experiences because you're not closed off, you're not shutting out those that are you know different than you.
• 42:29
  SPEAKER_02: How how often are we told that you know we're all these little separate boxes fighting with each other, and we all need to like you know get the other side to understand?
• 42:42
  SPEAKER_02: Well, getting the other side to understand where you're coming from may or may not happen even after you sit down and try to talk with people.
• 42:49
  SPEAKER_02: So can't we just be and and you know be open to the fact that everyone is going to be in their own way?
• 42:59
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I would I would like that.
• 43:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I feel like you're such a good model of that because I've seen you in many situations and um you know observed your online profile when we haven't been living in the same state.
• 43:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I I feel like you're on the one hand, you're like unflappable and also extremely open.
• 43:23
  SPEAKER_00: So it's um I've seen that I've seen like how your energy is so inclusive and it's strong, but it's not combative.
• 43:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's just like really special, you hold a special container for that type of growth to occur with people.
• 43:43
  SPEAKER_00: I just wanna say, like, that's awesome.
• 43:46
  SPEAKER_00: That's amazing.
• 43:48
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 43:49
  SPEAKER_00: I want to talk a little bit about motherhood because um you've had you you waited a little while to have a baby.
• 43:56
  SPEAKER_00: You're you had Lark, your daughter, who we've seen in the background and heard.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_00: At 40.
• 44:01
  SPEAKER_00: So tell us a little bit about your journey to motherhood.
• 44:11
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I I never felt like I was or wasn't going to be an actual mother to children.
• 44:21
  SPEAKER_02: I felt like it was always the possibility, but I wasn't super attached to it either way.
• 44:27
  SPEAKER_02: I've never been a big baby person.
• 44:29
  SPEAKER_02: Like I've never been into wanting to hold other people's babies and being around kids is nice, but I've I've just never known either way whether that was in the cards for me.
• 44:40
  SPEAKER_02: I always felt like it was important to have a healthy relationship with a partner before I'd want to even think about that.
• 44:48
  SPEAKER_02: And in my past, I hadn't found someone that I really wanted to have kids with.
• 44:53
  SPEAKER_02: So um having a child at 40 has been amazing in that I love that I lived as much as I did before I have to really zero in and focus on raising somebody.
• 45:07
  SPEAKER_02: Like I love that I had all the life experience with all the traveling and studying so many different things and just being out there before uh needing to really like go in because the whole pregnancy and then giving birth was such an internalizing experience where it was just really about you know me, my body, and this growing being inside, and um the dynamic I have with Brandon.
• 45:37
  SPEAKER_02: My partner has been so supportive in the ways that he shows up and lets me be the wild mother that I am.
• 45:47
  SPEAKER_02: Like that that's the biggest thing I think is um for me having a partner who lets me mother the way I want to mother has been so wonderful.
• 45:59
  SPEAKER_02: Brandon is always so supportive in the um just the way that I want to go about things, which is not a way that a lot of people are very comfortable with or uh understand.
• 46:11
  SPEAKER_02: I get a lot of judgment from people in my family and um and mainly that, but uh and I don't care because I just want to do things my way.
• 46:24
  SPEAKER_02: And uh I'm so happy to be a mother.
• 46:27
  SPEAKER_02: I've always felt like a mother to other people.
• 46:30
  SPEAKER_02: I want to like nurture and feed everybody and take care of them, and so that just feels so in sync with what's naturally happening with Lark.
• 46:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I would think that um I mean, obviously, you don't have anything to compare to because Lark is your first child.
• 46:48
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I would think that the experience of being a mother at 40 is so completely different than being a mother at 30, which is when I started having children.
• 47:00
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, you know 10, you have a decade.
• 47:02
  SPEAKER_00: Well, first of all, you've always known who you were, but you have an extra decade of knowing that.
• 47:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I just I just can't help but believe that that is a huge benefit for her in terms of having a role model who knows who they are and what's up, you know.
• 47:26
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, I'm so excited that I feel at home in who I am and to be able to develop a relationship with her as she grows, where I feel like I want to dedicate my whole life to supporting her in every way I possibly can and giving her the opportunity to develop as deep of a connection with me as she's willing and wanting.
• 47:50
  SPEAKER_02: And that's so exciting to not have the extra stuff of like what I know a lot of mothers go through of what about me and my life and what I need to do, and now I just got this thing taking up all my time.
• 48:04
  SPEAKER_02: I don't feel that at all.
• 48:05
  SPEAKER_02: I just feel so excited and happy and so glad to take her along anytime I want to go do something for me, and she's ready for it.
• 48:14
  SPEAKER_02: So yeah, it's um one of the hanging out, yeah.
• 48:18
  SPEAKER_00: One of the hanging out in the library.
• 48:21
  SPEAKER_00: One of the things that I I have the perspective on since my children are now all in their 20s, is that your children come in with an agenda, and they're gonna learn what they came to learn no matter what you do.
• 48:39
  SPEAKER_00: So you could be the perfect parent, and they could experience something in their childhood that is so traumatic to them because it's what they came to do, what they came to know, what they came to grow through.
• 48:55
  SPEAKER_00: So, in a way, it kind of I like I would like to tell young mothers like, don't worry so much because you could do everything right, and you're still gonna do that one thing that triggers them into the expansion phase.
• 49:08
  SPEAKER_00: And also, like, you know, it it not to be completely um neglectful or anything, but you're not in charge of their journey necessarily, their soul is in charge of their journey, and I that has been hugely not that it lets you off the hook, but it, you know, like I I have heard my children talk about what has injured them as children, and I'm completely blindsided by it because it was not my experience of their youth, you know.
• 49:39
  SPEAKER_00: I thought I was like creating something for them and they didn't experience it that way, you know, and and it I I really encourage mothers who have older children.
• 49:52
  SPEAKER_00: I have started this um process where I have asked my children what they would repeat, what they would carry on or replicate from their childhood, and what they would do differently.
• 50:08
  SPEAKER_00: And it's opened the door to the a discussion of how they really experienced their childhood because you don't know, even as you're going through it, how they're perceiving it.
• 50:21
  SPEAKER_00: You may think it's like fun and joyful, and they're like internally terrified or something.
• 50:28
  SPEAKER_00: So it's it it has been such a fruitful experience for me to to really like open up to how they experienced their childhood and be willing to take a chance that something you did hurt them, harmed them, and to to hear it and to honor it and and and say like damn, sorry.
• 50:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, so um that's huge, yeah, yeah.
• 51:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's been huge and also really beautiful too.
• 51:04
  SPEAKER_02: So I look for I look forward to learning what you know, Lark will think I did wrong.
• 51:13
  SPEAKER_00: You know, like yeah, I can I can only do the best I can, right?
• 51:18
  SPEAKER_00: She could like grow up to be a banker, like on family ties.
• 51:26
  SPEAKER_00: Oh Sarah, how about we switch to um our lightning round now?
• 51:31
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so first question I have for you in our lightning round today is what do you this is actually interesting, kind of segues right into it.
• 51:41
  SPEAKER_00: What do you wish you had known in your 20s?
• 51:48
  SPEAKER_02: I wish I had known how healing cannabis and psilocybin are for me and how much pain relief they offer.
• 52:01
  SPEAKER_02: Because just one example of pain that I dealt with in my 20s was my monthly menses.
• 52:09
  SPEAKER_02: When I had my period, I would get horrible, horrible pain for my whole you know, teenage years and 20s.
• 52:16
  SPEAKER_02: And until I found those two medicines combined, I was unable to get out of that pain.
• 52:22
  SPEAKER_02: And now I know what to do for pain from that or other pain.
• 52:27
  SPEAKER_02: But it's amazing having access to a plant that flowers and a mushroom that grows in the woods, and to have those two things be just what I need to get out of pain, to be able to completely step away from pharmaceuticals or anything and know that these natural things from the field and the forest give me that feeling.
• 52:49
  SPEAKER_02: I wish I would have known that because um I suffered a lot and I wouldn't have had to.
• 52:56
  SPEAKER_02: Oh wow, that's really yeah.
• 53:01
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, second question for you is how do you define happiness?
• 53:10
  SPEAKER_02: Like that.
• 53:13
  SPEAKER_02: Happiness, happiness for me is less of a excited um extreme and more of a deep, peaceful, um, more of a baseline, I guess.
• 53:32
  SPEAKER_02: I I love exciting and um like amazing moments that we would call happy, but I she's getting so vocal.
• 53:47
  SPEAKER_02: Um but I definitely I definitely don't strive for like reaching a happy in the way that a lot of people do.
• 53:57
  SPEAKER_02: I I feel like when I feel relaxed and at peace and out of pain and um just content, like deep contentment, that to me, that to me is ultimate happiness.
• 54:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, I would have described it the same way, like my happiness is turned into conditions, yeah.
• 54:24
  SPEAKER_00: Um, okay, number three, what is your favorite natural wonder?
• 54:32
  SPEAKER_02: In the Clackamas River in Oregon, there's a hot spring that allows you to lay in just enough water to have your face exposed with your head on a flat rock.
• 54:46
  SPEAKER_02: So you're just like in Shabbasana, like a totally reclined, comfortable position, and uh and the water is the perfect temperature around your body, and it's just trees and water and sky that you see, you don't see anything else except for the wacky people that show up at this hot spring, this illegal hot spring.
• 55:05
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and I used to spend multiple nights a week when I lived in Oregon for several years sleeping in that river.
• 55:13
  SPEAKER_02: I would lay in the water overnight and just be there.
• 55:19
  SPEAKER_02: And that was the most amazing heating place I've ever found.
• 55:26
  SPEAKER_02: It's it's really like crazy.
• 55:28
  SPEAKER_02: I've had really scary experiences there where um where people are um trying to take advantage of me because I'm the only person there and uh they think that they've got the power to do that.
• 55:44
  SPEAKER_02: So I've had I've had some some sketchy things go down because it's this um weird phenomenon out in the middle of nowhere where people aren't supposed to be.
• 55:54
  SPEAKER_02: So um, but the natural beauty there and to be able to enjoy it like that is like nothing else I've ever had in my life.
• 56:05
  SPEAKER_02: To wake up and see otters swimming right next to you while you're soaking in the warm water, they're just like swimming and playing in the cold water and just so amazing.
• 56:14
  SPEAKER_00: That that was one of the things that I had wanted to talk to you about was your lack of fear about wild animals, your ability to get on a non-threatening with wild animals.
• 56:32
  SPEAKER_00: I would not be able to live in a river overnight.
• 56:40
  SPEAKER_00: I I I wouldn't have been so excited to see the otters, I would have been freaked out.
• 56:47
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I I I'm still here, so I you know nothing's taken my arm yet or my legs.
• 56:53
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm I'm just willing to take that risk because I've just had so many amazing face-to-face encounters with wild animals that it's worth it.
• 57:02
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I wouldn't go like walking up to a grizzly bear or anything, but yeah.
• 57:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, okay.
• 57:09
  SPEAKER_01: That's okay.
• 57:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, the otters are sweet.
• 57:12
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, um, number four, what would um would you say that you are becoming either more or less emotional as you um ascend and mature and all the things?
• 57:28
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I noticed that grief hits me uh in a way that shifts over time.
• 57:41
  SPEAKER_02: I think I lost a lot of animals, pets that were very dear to me over the last um like seven years.
• 57:51
  SPEAKER_02: And every time one of those really important pets died, I feel like it made it easier to handle the next round, even though it was really hard.
• 58:03
  SPEAKER_02: Um I think I think I have deep, deep emotions that flow through me often because I feel like that's a healthy part of life.
• 58:17
  SPEAKER_02: I don't stifle or hold in emotions.
• 58:20
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like if something's building, I try to work through it and clear it and and feel it fully because otherwise I feel unhealthy.
• 58:30
  SPEAKER_02: Um but I'd say maybe less reactive, but not less emotional, just um less less moody and reactive over time.
• 58:50
  SPEAKER_00: When I was thinking about this question, I was I was realizing that I have more neutrality to things that would have triggered emotional responses to me than I have.
• 59:07
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't mean that I feel less, in some ways I feel more neutral about them.
• 59:14
  SPEAKER_00: Like, oh like oh this is the grief part, like relates, you know, and it's not like all in, I can't see anything else, it's like I can see the grief from outside as well.
• 59:26
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, wow, yeah.
• 59:28
  SPEAKER_01: That that resonates with um what makes you unique?
• 59:36
  SPEAKER_00: What doesn't make you unique, but the question is what makes you unique?
• 59:42
  SPEAKER_00: Oh I don't know.
• 59:49
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like I feel like every human has this experience where they feel like they're different from everybody, just like as a natural part of being a human.
• 1:00:02
  SPEAKER_02: That's just what we're gonna feel, but I don't meet a lot of people that are like me, so I guess I do have some uniqueness.
• 1:00:25
  SPEAKER_02: If someone told me, like, hey, let's let's go crawl around in the woods and act like um I don't know, cougars or something, like I would be game for that as an adult, and maybe not a lot of people would.
• 1:00:41
  SPEAKER_02: I just I like to do weird things, I like to uh do strange, extreme things, um with with mindfulness and safety if possible, and uh I think just the the fact that I'm I'm up for life, whatever it throws at me, and not everybody can do that.
• 1:01:04
  SPEAKER_02: Like a lot of a lot of people are very attached to what they think life needs to look and look like and and show up like for them, and I I roll at the punches better than most people, I think.
• 1:01:17
  SPEAKER_02: Um I've had a a lot of hardship, but I've had a lot of beauty, and I think what makes me most unique, I suppose, is the fact that I've had so many wacky wild experiences that are nothing like what other people describe.
• 1:01:32
  SPEAKER_02: Like I've when I sit and talk with people about weird things that have gone on in life, people are like, your life is really, really weird.
• 1:01:41
  SPEAKER_02: Like, really weird, very different from anything I've ever heard of.
• 1:01:46
  SPEAKER_02: So, yeah, I I guess that's probably what makes me that's awesome.
• 1:01:53
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 1:01:54
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so looks like we might need to wrap up.
• 1:01:57
  SPEAKER_00: So, do you have a question for me today?
• 1:02:01
  SPEAKER_00: I do.
• 1:02:02
  SPEAKER_02: Um do we have to wrap it up?
• 1:02:05
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, we're okay.
• 1:02:07
  SPEAKER_02: We're okay.
• 1:02:08
  SPEAKER_02: Um my question for you, Kay, is uh what are three things that you think are like some of the most valuable things you've learned in life that you want others to know?
• 1:02:27
  SPEAKER_02: Three things.
• 1:02:28
  SPEAKER_02: Three things.
• 1:02:28
  SPEAKER_02: Wow, that's a lot.
• 1:02:30
  SPEAKER_02: Um it can be little things like you know, I use apple cider vinegar to wash my hair.
• 1:02:36
  SPEAKER_02: Like it's whatever.
• 1:02:39
  SPEAKER_00: Um three things that I have learned.
• 1:02:45
  SPEAKER_00: Um, well, I think the the thing that I mentioned before about engaging in a relationship with your children that allows them to talk about their experience as your children is one of the most healing things that you can do in your family because I think that so much of that goes unsaid.
• 1:03:12
  SPEAKER_00: And there's this big expectation that eventually the kids are gonna get over it.
• 1:03:19
  SPEAKER_00: Like you have to get over how your parents parented you.
• 1:03:23
  SPEAKER_00: And to me, that requires so much stifling of your real feelings about things that matter so deeply to you, how you were formed in this life, what powerful things affected you as a child, that um I I think that the benefit of opening up that conversation is allows them an opportunity to heal on a really, really deep level.
• 1:03:50
  SPEAKER_00: And don't get me wrong, it is painful as the parent to know that you damaged your children in in the ways that you didn't expect.
• 1:03:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like you kind of have a feeling of how you know the mistakes that you've made, but what really is shocking to you is the mistakes that you didn't know that you were making, and to take responsibility for those and allow them to be expressed.
• 1:04:14
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's a a huge one um that I've learned recently.
• 1:04:19
  SPEAKER_00: And let's see, I I I guess that um there there's so much that we've been taught that needs to be untaught, and one of those for me has been the power of self-love to I mean not just heal everything, it it to me it has the power to heal everything, but I have seen how that self-love has really made me a more beautiful person, and it's like nothing that I do on the exterior has ever affected my the person that I am.
• 1:05:26
  SPEAKER_00: The the only things that have ever changed or the who I am are the things that I've done internally, and whether that is you know, wearing your hair a certain way or wearing certain clothing or seeking outside support and validation.
• 1:05:47
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, I I wrote in my book, um I was pointing out some of the ways that we have agreed to external validations, and it's like some of the most surprising things.
• 1:06:00
  SPEAKER_00: And it goes back to like being like all of the candy that teachers give children and certifications and um promotions and all these things, they're just ways of giving your power away to external validation.
• 1:06:20
  SPEAKER_00: And if you can really look at some of those things and substitute them with your own validation, your own self-love, then it's such a powerful um experience.
• 1:06:36
  SPEAKER_00: And um the thing that I probably am still learning is where if you are a sensitive person, like where does the resiliency come from and what does it look like?
• 1:06:55
  SPEAKER_00: I sometimes struggle, I'm like really sensitive, and I'm especially sensitive to people being upset with me or um making mistakes.
• 1:07:08
  SPEAKER_00: Um I and over the past you know decade or so that has been a big area of my growth is um becoming more comfortable with being flawed and admitting to it.
• 1:07:23
  SPEAKER_00: And um, but sometimes like the process just destroys me.
• 1:07:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I so I'm I'm learning like I'm trying to figure out where the resiliency comes from.
• 1:07:36
  SPEAKER_00: Obviously, I'm still here, so it's so I'm somewhat resilient, but I would like to be a little tougher, you know.
• 1:07:42
  SPEAKER_00: Like I would like to be a little bit more like stuff just rolls off me, like no big deal.
• 1:07:47
  SPEAKER_00: So I don't that's not a thing I've learned, but things something I'm learning, I'm something I'm trying to learn.
• 1:07:52
  SPEAKER_01: Uh-huh.
• 1:07:54
  SPEAKER_00: So was that three?
• 1:07:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yep, that was three.
• 1:07:57
  SPEAKER_02: Well, the one the last one wasn't the the last one that's uh for me.
• 1:08:03
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like that resiliency builds within myself the more self-care I create for myself.
• 1:08:12
  SPEAKER_02: So even if you don't feel the self-love yet, if you do the self-care acts that really um nurture, nourish, and restore, then that resiliency can come forth.
• 1:08:25
  SPEAKER_02: Because it's like when you think about this vehicle being so good at regeneration, you know, if we get a cut, our body just naturally is regenerating itself.
• 1:08:34
  SPEAKER_02: So if you just give it the right tools and the right scenarios to have some some love and some care, that resiliency has something to to build from, I guess.
• 1:08:47
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, or to come from.
• 1:08:49
  SPEAKER_00: That's been like that's such a good point.
• 1:08:52
  SPEAKER_00: That that really is.
• 1:08:54
  SPEAKER_00: I I um yeah, I mean, when you're creating a cared for vehicle, then it's like working well and it's strong and steady and stable, and yeah.
• 1:09:06
  SPEAKER_02: And then you can be that big container for others when you have that.
• 1:09:11
  SPEAKER_02: That's I love being a healthy container for others to to be able to be a little chaotic.
• 1:09:18
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like if I can if I can be steady and hold space for people, um it's it's a fulfilling job, yeah, that I enjoy.
• 1:09:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you and you do that really well, really well.
• 1:09:31
  SPEAKER_00: So I just want to thank you so much for being with us today.
• 1:09:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's been awesome to speak with you and to share some time and space with you and your cute little family there.
• 1:09:43
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 1:09:43
  SPEAKER_02: I hope Lark wasn't too much of a distraction running around here.
• 1:09:47
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, um, I really appreciate you asking to have me on, and um I'm glad we got an hour to reconnect and be together.
• 1:09:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I hope to see you soon some sometime back in Illinois.
• 1:10:02
  SPEAKER_00: I would love that.
• 1:10:05
  SPEAKER_00: Take care.
• 1:10:06
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, bye.