Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / When a NARCISSIST thinks you have figured them out

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When a NARCISSIST thinks you have figured them out · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people?
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  Today we're going to be talking about what happens when a
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  narcissist knows that you figured them out.
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  What happens when a narcissist knows that you know about them?
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  Well, you know who they are. If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist. And welcome to another episode
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  of The Narcissist Code. Back.
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  Welcome back, welcome back. Yes, yes, yes.
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  I'm sitting in my car recording, y'all, I'm not living in my car.
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  Every time I record outside or something like that, people
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  always ask me like, are you living in the car now, lady?
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  Did you finally get put out? Good, good.
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  You narcissist, You deserve to be outside.
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  No, y'all. No, no, no, no.
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  Narcissistic people, toxic people hate when people know who
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  they are. They hate when people have quote
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  UN quote figured them out. They cannot stand it.
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  It's like the biggest hate, the biggest it they really, they
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  really cannot stand it, y'all. But a lot of narcissistic people
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  when you, when they figure, when they think that you figured them
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  out, they start acting weird. They would absolutely start
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  acting weird towards you. They'll start acting strange
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  towards you and whatnot. Some of them out when they think
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  you figured them out, some of them will get angry at you.
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  It's crazy. Like when like this is just
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  personal experience right here. My wife and she didn't know she
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  was doing this. And I didn't know at the time.
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  I was like, like, it was, it was an unconscious thing that I was
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  doing. But she was like, oh, you're so
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  she told me you're so predictable.
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  I know everything about you. And I took offense to that.
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  So some narcissists out here, right, will take offense to you
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  if you, if they think you know who they are.
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  Like it's just like we've been, we spend so much of our, our
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  lives masking and pretending to be someone else and acting like
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  someone else that we damn near forget who we actually are,
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  right? We lose sight of who we actually
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  like, who we actually are. And we think we, we, we get, we
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  get so good at tricking people and confusing people that when
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  somebody says, Hey, I know who you are.
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  Hey, I know everything about you.
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  Hey, I, I got you figured out. But we think they have us
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  figured out. We lose, some of us lose it.
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  It's like disrespectful towards us.
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  Like I'm such a good masker that how dare you figure me out.
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  How dare you expose, expose who I am.
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  You see what I'm saying? And a lot of narcissists hate.
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  I used to hate when my wife says that I was so acting weird
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  towards her. I wouldn't get mad or anything
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  towards her. It was it wasn't like any like
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  kind of anger. I was trying to trying to harm
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  her, but I would be what I would do is kind of disconnect a
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  little bit, right? This I would start doing
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  different things. I would start switching my
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  personality up, switching up my likes and dislikes because I
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  thought, because I thought like, you think you know me.
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  Guess what? You think I like Usher.
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  I'm going to listen to country music.
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  Listen this Luke Combs hurricane, one of my favorite
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  songs right now, listening to this, this Luke Bryan, listen to
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  listen to me. I'm I'm listening to strip it
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  down and Chris Young and stuff like this.
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  What you saw? Listen to this, what you saw?
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  Listen to country music, man, Like I've always liked country
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  music. I thought you knew everything
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  about me. I thought you had me all figured
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  out. You see, some of them will
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  switch it up and like this is like little minor stuff about my
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  personality, right? Some narcissists, if you say,
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  hey, I got you figured out, they automatically think that you
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  have been figured out for like cheating or lying or whatever it
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  whatever it is. If they're doing something bad
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  to you, they think you mean that they think that you've done
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  something you you've discovered there's been kind of like their
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  secret life or their the stuff that they're doing behind the
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  scenes. They think you figured them out
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  that way. And then y'all, I'm just telling
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  you, if they think you discovered they're a fair
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  partner or you know who they've been cheating on you with or
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  whatever, they could absolutely lose it again as well.
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  You know, that's one of the things that happens.
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  They're like, OK, you figured me out.
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  What do you mean by figuring me out?
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  Explain to me what you mean. Explain to me what you mean by
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  figuring it out. Because if you, if they think
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  that you're on to them, they switch it up, they switch it up,
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  they switch up the meeting times.
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  If they're, if they're cheating on you, they'll switch up,
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  they'll switch up the meeting times, they'll switch up the
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  locations, they'll switch up the, the money spent, the credit
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  cards that they put in on whatever they do, whatever their
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  routine is, y'all, they will change their entire routine
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  because they think you figured them out or you tell them that.
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  Like narcissistic people, a lot of us, I'll say us because this
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  I fall into this category. Walk around paranoid as hell,
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  y'all. We while we already are paranoid
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  as hell, like delusional paranoid as hell.
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  And it and it sucks to be this paranoid.
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  So it sucks to walk around all the time thinking that the world
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  is out against you or everybody's eyes are on you or
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  something like that. It absolutely sucks.
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  I hate it. It's like you can't, I can't be
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  myself because I'm always walking around thinking that I
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  somebody's watching that somebody's watching me or
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  thinking that I'm overthinking things, thinking that I'm going
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  to fail, thinking that I'm going to look bad.
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  So I'm already paranoid as hell. So when you say something to me
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  like, Oh, I got you figured out. Oh, I know everything about you.
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  Oh, you're so predictable. It makes me it makes me
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  paranoid. Like who else out here knows me?
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  Who else out here has me figured out?
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  Who else who told you, you know, and it can drive us crazy.
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  It can make us lose our minds. It's one of those things that
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  happened so much out. You can make you lose.
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  We can lose our minds in this scenario, in this situation, in
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  these equations, we can lose it. We can absolutely lose it.
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  So I want every narcissistic, every person that's out there
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  dealing with a narcissist, like you don't have to tell them that
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  you figured them out, y'all? You don't have to tell them.
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  You said, I'm saying you don't have to tell them.
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  And if I tell people that you figured them out, like you don't
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  need a confession from them. You don't want to give them the
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  opportunity to switch up if you have them figured out, whatever
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  that means to you. You don't have to tell them.
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  You don't need a confession from them.
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  You you like. If you want to leave, make a
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  plan. If you want to stay, make a
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  plan. Because you don't have to tell
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  them because telling them could could cause them to get angry.
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  Telling them could cause them to switch it up and delete all
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  kinds of evidence and things like that that you might have
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  had. You see what I'm saying?
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  Telling them could make them lose their minds and make them
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  go crazy. You know who I am.
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  What the hell do you mean by that?
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  I'm already paranoid. I'm already into a bunch of
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  conspiracy theories. I'm not a conspiracy theories
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  but some of y'all partners might be, you know they will lose
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  their damn minds. So narcissistic people who think
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  that you know who they are tend to switch up who they are
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  because they don't want you to know them.
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  Like it's a great benefit to narcissists to not have people
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  know who we truly are. Because if we think, we think if
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  you knew who we truly were, who we truly are, you wouldn't want
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  to be with us, right? That's the mindset because a lot
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  of us struggle with self love and appreciating ourselves.
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  So we can't we, we struggle to love ourselves and appreciate
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  ourselves. Why would you love us and
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  appreciate us? You know what I'm saying?
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  If you, if we are ourselves are struggling to appreciate
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  ourselves, why would you appreciate us?
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  So we can't affect we it's like some of us can't fathom that
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  other people will can love us and care for us.
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  We can't. We can't fathom that.
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  That doesn't make sense to us. You see what I'm saying?
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  So if you know us, you don't love us.
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  That's what we mean. It's like your rejection when
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  you know us. Oh no, you know the real me.
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  So that means you're going to reject me.
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  So now I have a fear, like if I have a fear of abandonment and I
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  think you're about to reject me, I that could make me want to
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  leave you. Now you say you.
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  Oh, you know who I am for real. That can make me paranoid as
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  hell to the point where now I feel like I got to dip out.
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  Now I feel like I got to leave because I think you know me.
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  I think you know too much. I think you, you know you
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  something. I think you know too much about
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  me now. So now I'm super paranoid now
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  I'm losing my mind now things are just kind of going crazy
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  here. So I'm telling you as a person
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  that's trying to help so many people heal from narcissistic
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  abuse and also try to reach the narcissist that I can.
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  It's not on you to try to change this person to help this person.
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  They you like you can't. It's like you can't quail the
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  paranoia. If they're paranoid, they're
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  going to them. There always be paranoid.
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  You can't make the paranoia go away.
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  And like I said, when you're trying to reassure this person,
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  hey, I hey, I know everything about you.
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  You're so predictable. Even if it like even if you
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  present that in a a good tone, it doesn't matter to them.
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  They don't care about the tone. They just care about how like
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  you knowing them. I don't think anybody loves me
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  or truly loves me because I'm not, I don't truly love myself
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  deep down, right? So when you tell me that you
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  know me, I think it means that you about to fall out of love
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  with me. Were you about to break over me
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  or something like that as well? It's like when you say I figured
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  you out, I know everything about you.
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  It can mean so many different things to narcissistic people,
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  right? And very rarely does it mean
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  anything positive to that narcissist, right?
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  You knowing me like doesn't mean anything positive to me because
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  I don't love myself. You know, I'm saying I just like
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  it. It's a, it's a, a grand
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  struggle. So if you're telling the
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  narcissistic person in your life something similar, like I know
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  you, I know everything about you.
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  You know, even if it's coming from a place of compassion
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  trying to help this person, they don't take it as you trying to
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  help them. They don't take it as you come
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  up from a place of compassion. They take it as you might be
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  getting ready to leave them or you might have discovered who
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  they actually are or what they're actually doing behind
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  the scenes. They take it as a damn near a
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  form of disrespect. And some of them will absolutely
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  leave you based on the fact that you know who they are.
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  And yeah, and it's crazy about it is right here.
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  And I'll wrap this up and keep it up too long.
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  I know it's, it's hiding this car is the fact that they will
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  leave you because like some of them will leave you because that
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  you know who they are and the fact that after the relationship
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  ends, the statement I didn't know who that I never really
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  knew this person is, you know, is said by so many people that
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  are trying to heal from toxic narcissistic abuse.
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  So many people that are trying to heal from these toxic
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  relationships say that statement.
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  I don't really know this person. I don't know this person anymore
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  or I never really knew this person.
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  That statement comes out of so many people's mouths.
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  It is crazy because you never really truly know, truly know
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  who they are because they always protecting themselves.
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  They're always trying to guard themselves.
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  They don't want to be vulnerable in front of it.
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  Hardly anybody. Vulnerability is not straight to
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  a narcissist. It's weakness.
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  So that's why they are very rarely vulnerable to anybody
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  unless they're drunk or high or something like that.
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  They're very rarely going to espouse any vulnerability or any
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  type of sentiment, any type of compassion unless they, you
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  know, there's some type of benefit in it for them.
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  You know, I'm out here in this heat.
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  But yeah, I hate the fact that so many people have to go
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  through this and have to experience this, y'all.
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  It sucks so badly. Like I was saying, my camera
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  damn when it overheated, y'all? I was saying that like so many
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  people have to go through this and experiences.
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  I hate that for so many people out here, y'all.
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  But if you haven't already, y'all, make sure to check out my
• 10:49
  support group, the Mental Healers.
• 10:51
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• 10:55
  recorded, they're not posted anywhere.
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  People come on and speak their stories, share their stories,
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  make friends and get around people to actually understand
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  what you're going through. You can find it at
• 11:03
  courses.mentalillness.net. I have a few other courses
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  coming out as well. If you're taking my first
• 11:08
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• 11:11
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  channel Let the hood. This is out.
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  Peace. Thank you so much for making it
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  to the end of my video. I am extremely grateful for you.
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  you've been through. Thank you so much again.
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  I will see you in the next video.
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  Peace.