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Why Do Narcissists Move On So Fast? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on beautiful folks.
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  Today we're going to be asking the question how in the world do
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  narcissists move on so fast? Like how do they hop from
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  relationship to relationship? Well, without any time they just
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  think or pause they just from 1:00 to the other quickly.
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  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a diagnosed narcissist and welcome to another episode of
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  The Narcissist Cope. Welcome back, folks.
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  Welcome back, welcome back. Yes, the toxic narcissistic
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  person and how fast and elusive aloof they are when it comes to
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  moving on from relationships. Yeah, it can get kind of crazy.
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  I know there's a lot of people like my, I think most people who
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  follow me have dealt with a narcissistic person in some type
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  of way, right? Typically it's like the, the,
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  you know, boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife type of dynamic
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  marriage or whatever. But like sometimes it's the
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  parents. But yeah, one of the main
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  questions that I do get across all my platforms is likely, how
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  in the hell are they just moving on so quickly?
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  Like how it's not fair, Like I have to sit right here and heal.
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  I have to sit and feel this pain and they can just move on like
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  nothing mattered, like nothing happened.
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  Like this is just, it was all a dream.
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  Like nothing ever mattered at all.
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  Yeah. And it is true.
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  So I'm going to say this right here.
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  Y'all. Yeah, it's cold outside.
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  Y'all see, I just got left the gym.
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  I got my, my tank, my, my sleeve shirt on in my car heart, my
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  jacket. Right.
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  But it's true that a lot of narcissists move on very, very
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  quickly. And moving on quickly doesn't
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  necessarily mean that you're a narcissist.
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  Y'all, I'll say that right? But I would say that most
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  narcissistic people do move on quickly.
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  They just move on like it's not fair.
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  It's it's seemingly not fair because after the relationship
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  ends, you are taking time to grieve, like you are taking time
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  to heal. You are taking time to be by
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  yourself and maybe even wait on him to try to come back.
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  You maybe you're thinking about like you're, you're even
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  considering reconciling with the person you like.
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  Well, maybe we can reconcile if things have just changed, things
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  will get better. This is that this day and the
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  third, like you're, you're considering it and weighing all
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  options, right? You're doing that.
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  But for narcissistic people, it just doesn't work that way,
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  right? For narcissistic people, the way
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  a narcissist mind works is like, we don't want to sit with it.
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  We don't want to sit with the pain or the manipulation or not
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  necessarily manipulation. We don't want to sit with the
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  pain or the thought, you know, the, the hurt or the thoughts
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  that we're going through. We don't want to sit right there
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  by ourselves and have to deal with this.
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  Whatever's going on in our, in our mind, the shame of getting
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  caught, the shame of getting rejected, whatever is going on,
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  we don't want to sit with it, right?
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  We can't like, and I tell this to people, people all the time,
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  like, like most narcissists, right?
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  Narcissists, people need constant validation, need
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  constant supply. They can't get that when they're
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  by themselves, right? As you can see, most of the
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  like, most of a narcissist biggest fears is being by our
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  like being by themselves, like being alone for an extended
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  period of time. Like we don't want to be by
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  ourselves. Like I wrote this on Facebook
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  like 15 years ago. When we are alone with our
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  thoughts, when a narcissist is alone with their thoughts, they
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  typically become their enemies. Like our thoughts attack us.
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  Like, it's just crazy how it works.
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  Like our minds literally go on the offensive against us.
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  Our own brains start to attack us in a lot of different ways
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  and it's crazy how it works. Like, so we don't want to be by
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  ourselves. We don't want to feel that pain.
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  We don't want to feel that hurt. We don't want to feel everything
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  that we're feeling. We don't want that at all.
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  So we move on quickly instead of dealing with the issues that may
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  have presented or caused the downfall of our previous
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  relationship. We don't want to deal with that.
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  So instead of dealing with that, we move on to someone else.
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  We just do. It is.
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  I know a lot of people just wait.
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  Well leave this. Damn, they moved on so quickly.
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  Does that mean they never cared about me?
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  Did I say that? Did I say that?
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  Was that said by me? Did you hear me say that?
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  No, it doesn't mean they didn't care about you.
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  It just means that most narcissists don't want to be by
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  themselves. Most narcissists don't want to
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  sit alone and be alone by themselves.
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  They just don't like really, really don't want that.
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  So in order to not be by myself and not sit with the shame, not
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  have to sit with the thoughts of everything that I'm going
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  through, I move on. I throw myself into an entirely
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  different relationship so that I don't have to fill these fields
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  that I felt with you. And I know it's understandable
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  that that's not fair to the person that the the the to the
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  to the survivor, the thriver, the victim, you know who has
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  dealt with the narcissist. It doesn't seem fair, but
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  they're not healed. They're not happy.
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  Y'all. I just think that's this, this
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  is something to be. It blows my mind.
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  Ah bit my lip. It blows my mind.
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  It blows my mind, but I also understand it, right.
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  I also understand, like it blows my mind and people like you
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  think that they moved on two days after your relationship is
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  ended and somehow they're happy. No, they're not happy.
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  They're throwing themselves into a new relationship or into a new
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  person, into a new situation, ship into a new supply,
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  whatever, right? In order to just not have to
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  deal with the previous stuff. You know what I mean?
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  Not had to deal with the previous stuff.
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  And yeah, like a lot of people online will tell you that this
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  person might not be new. The new supply is not always
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  going to be new, right? It's might be new to you, but
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  the new supply might have been around for a while.
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  The new supply might be one of your friends or family members.
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  Yeah, I don't. Yeah.
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  I really want to be knowing y'all be getting these these
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  devious, deceptive as friends and family members.
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  They will talk to your ex and start dating your ex.
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  Those are some I just don't. I yeah, maybe I was just born in
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  a different generation, but I just don't.
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  My mind don't work that way. This is like, oh, you broke up
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  with you. Oh, you've been married to this
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  person for 20 years and y'all just broke up?
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  Y'all just got separated. I'm going to go date them.
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  I yeah, we, yeah, me and you've been friends the entire time.
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  But I like them more. I'm willing to throw our
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  friendship in the trash for your old Boo.
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  And yeah, a lot of narcissists will take on that burden of your
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  friend. You can't.
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  Feel it. You can't help who you feel for
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  you can't help who you can't feel this for.
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  Feelings you. You can't help who you care for.
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  You can't help who you care about.
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  Or you love is out of love is out of control you love is love
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  you. I thought we were friends.
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  If if you can't be happy for me, then we were never really
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  friends in the first place. Imagine your friend telling you
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  some crazy ass stuff like that, that we if you're not happy that
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  they're dating your ex or married to your ex or clapping
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  cheeks with your ex, that you somehow are not a good friend,
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  Get the hell out of here. They will try.
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  Your friends will try to gaslight you.
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  Your family members will try to gaslight you, your brother and
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  sister. Every people try to gaslight you
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  into thinking that it's OK to date your like again.
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  I'm not. Yeah, that's what that's just
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  this beyond the scope of my mind, how my mind works, but
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  that's how a lot of people do. That's what happens to a lot of
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  people when you're dealing with a narcissist.
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  They will absolutely go out to your friends and family members
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  after a relationship. Like, and this is the part where
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  so many people getting so twisted up right here.
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  I don't like, you know, if the using the word downgrade makes
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  you feel better, OK, I guess. But I don't like when people say
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  the word downgrade. I think I went over this in one
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  of my previous videos. They're like the the new supply
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  is not always going to be like using the word downgrade to
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  describe them. If you don't know them.
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  You see what I'm saying how it kind of like caddy.
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  That is right. There's like caddy for men and
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  women. That's caddy.
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  The new supply is fat. They're ugly, they're a whale.
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  They never met you. They never met you.
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  They don't even know you exist. You see what I'm saying that we
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  we're not stupid to that level. Now if they now, if they know
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  you exist, cats away claws out right, the claws are out.
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  If they know you exist and they still did what they did, claws
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  are out. All bets are off.
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  Downgrade below grade no grade whatever ungradable.
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  Say what you want to say. You know what I mean That's just
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  my mentality right there. But narcissistic people, y'all,
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  they love moving on quickly because it it also validates
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  them. This is another reason that
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  you'll get a lot of narcissists. They move on quickly because it
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  validates them. It validates the narcissist in
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  their own existence, right? It validates just like, well,
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  you know what, I'm validated because of this right here.
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  I feel good. I feel validated because this
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  happened right here, right? You know what I mean?
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  They feel validated or vindicated, whatever the
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  whatever the case may be, because they move, they can move
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  on because like this is the mindset right here.
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  If regardless of what they've done to you, regardless of what
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  they've put you through, right, they could sometimes feel
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  vindicated because somebody else wants them.
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  Even if the new person has no idea what they've done to you or
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  what they've put you through or who they actually are, they can
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  still feel vindicated. We're like, well, I somebody
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  else wants me, so you must be the problem.
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  You see right there what I'm saying, like some, well,
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  somebody else wants me, I'm wanted by somebody else.
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  So the problem must be you. It has to be you because they
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  want me. So you have to be the problem
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  here, right? Am I right?
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  Am I right? You see how silly that sounds
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  right there, right? This is what happens, like
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  because of things, because of things that are happening,
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  things that are going on, they consider, they think it's
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  validating to have a new person, to have a new supply.
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  Even after you left, right, you've left them, you're done
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  with them. You're like, you're finished
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  with them. But they feel like, OK, well,
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  somebody else wants me, so you must be the issue.
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  So This is why a lot of times they move on fast because again,
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  they fill that gap. They fill that void to get new,
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  to get some type of new validation, new supply and to
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  keep things moving forward. This is what they, yeah, this is
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  what narcissists do. You know, this is what a lot of
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  narcissistic people do. They want to feel validated.
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  They want to feel vindicated. They want to feel something.
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  So in order to feel that they keep doing the type of stuff
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  that they've been doing, they really do.
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  So this is what I this is what I try to put into your heads.
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  Like just because they move on fast isn't does not mean that
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  they are happy. You know what I mean?
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  Well, they, it's not fair. Yo, I, I y'all know, I'm big on
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  trying to reframe your experiences, right?
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  At least you get the feel, right?
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  I'm not, I'm not trying to say, hey, it's OK that you got abuse.
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  I'm not saying that, but at least you have the heart and
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  emotions to feel, to heal and to love, to truly love and be
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  loved, right? I don't think most narcissists
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  have that ability. So they're just moving on trying
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  to find that or you're healing and you're going to eventually
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  find that after the after you heal, after you allow yourself
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  to move on. You know you won't find it.
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  Oh, it's going to be a very it's going to be very rare that you
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  are able to find that if you're still dealing with this person,
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  right. Even if y'all have broken up,
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  like they'll move on quickly in order to try to validate
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  themselves and make you feel like the problem and they'll
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  tell you that you're the problem.
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  Hey, look, I got a new Boo. So you you must be the issue.
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  Look how single you are. Nobody's going to want you.
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  You're the problem here. And when I say you're the when
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  they say you're the problem here, you might they might
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  actually start to convince you that you're the problem.
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  And guess what? Now you might be willing to even
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  try to fight to get them back in a relationship with you because
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  they have somebody else. They use the new so they can use
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  the new supply to try to make you jealous.
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  I know that sounds kind of wild, but this is what happens.
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  They can absolutely use the new supply to try to make you
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  jealous as hell and do this type of stuff.
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  They really, really can. They'll use that the new supply,
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  the new person and they'll be like, well, this is what's going
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  on. This is what happened.
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  Like it's on, it's on you like everything was going, everything
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  is good in our relationship. And then who you come right that
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  you must be the problem because this person wants me.
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  This person loves me. So you must be the problem.
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  You know, you must be the issue because you're the problem.
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  You'll do that, you'll do this, you'll do that, you do this.
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  So they'll they'll blame you. And sometimes they look in
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  people will people will start to believe it.
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  And once you start to believe it, they feel like they got you
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  right. Once they once you start to
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  believe it, they feel like they got you.
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  And then they'll mess with your mind over and over again.
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  They'll keep doing the same things.
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  And they'll keep like say they'll keep you on the hook and
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  not allow you to move on. And you want to be able to move
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  on. You absolutely do you want to be
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  able to heal. You want to be able to grow.
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  You want to be able to seek peace and have some type of, you
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  know, some type of you want to be able to rectify stuff and be
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  happy later on. You know, so you can, you don't
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  have to, you don't like, you want to get to the point where
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  you don't need the narcissist validation, right?
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  You get to the point where you don't need that.
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  So you, it allows you the space to move on, to heal and to grow.
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  And it's just be the best version of yourself because at
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  the end of the day, that's one of the most important things is
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  to be the best version of yourself, regardless of what
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  that looks like. You know what I mean?
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  Being the best version of you is important, being to getting to
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  being the best version of you. It's not.
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  It's like it doesn't require you to compare and contrast yourself
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  to your narcissistic partners or your narcissistic ex's new
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  partner. You don't want to get into that.
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  You like, you don't want to get into that, into that pit, that
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  pit right there. You absolutely do not want to
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  because there's there's nothing at the bottom of that pit.
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  I promise you, there's nothing down there.
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  There's nothing down there. That pit, the pit of the pit of
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  narcissists, you want to get down in in the weeds with them,
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  the narcissistic people, they're going to move on fast and
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  they're going to make you feel like they're happy and healing
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  quickly. And just, you know, sharing
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  pictures on social media, doing everything that you wanted.
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  They're going to do that type of stuff because again, sometimes
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  they can get a new supply. They move on quickly just to
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  punish you because they know you still care.
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  Believe it believe. Does that mean that they still
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  care? But they might still care a
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  little bit, y'all, because they, they, they still care somewhat
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  because they're trying to antagonize you.
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  You know what I'm saying? Just because I'll say this,
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  y'all, because I some people I'll be getting to try to try to
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  twist my words. Just because they care doesn't
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  mean that they will treat you better or that the relation is
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  worth going back to them. You see how they you see how
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  they treat you when they care, they're antagonized.
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  They're being intentionally antagonistic.
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  They're doing a lot of horrible things to you.
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  Do you want somebody to care for you like this?
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  That's a question you have to ask yourself, y'all.
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  This really is. Anyway, y'all, I have to hop off
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  here and do a one-on-one here in just a couple seconds.
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  One on ones, coaching courses, everything is available at
• 14:38
  mentalillness.net. Make sure I'll subscribe to the
• 14:40
  channel because I guess we find out about Tick Tock tomorrow.
• 14:43
  We'll see y'all. Hopefully Tick Tock will stay
• 14:44
  around, but if not, hit the subscribe button.
• 14:46
  Longer videos over here regardless and it's always
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  y'all, this is out. Peace.
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  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
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  I am extremely grateful for you have no idea.
• 14:55
  If you haven't already, make sure you go ahead and subscribe
• 14:57
  to the channel. Help us reach more people and
• 14:58
  click on the screen to watch another video or to browse to
• 15:01
  another playlist. There's also a link on the
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  screen to check out my courses and my support groups to help
• 15:05
  you heal and understand what you've been through.
• 15:07
  Thank you so much again. I will see you in the next
• 15:09
  video. Peace.