Latest / Very Fine Friends / Bonus IMPROV - We Work Puddle Shifts

Transcript

Bonus IMPROV - We Work Puddle Shifts · Very Fine Friends

• 0:00
  welcome
• 0:15
  to very fine friends bonus improv uh joe if you could just hurry up please give us a suggestion
• 0:27
  for a scene. I don't like my parents.
• 0:31
  Oh wait, I don't know why.
• 0:32
  You don't have to show it to us like a secret word.
• 0:35
  Your suggestion is lonely.
• 0:37
  Oh.
• 0:39
  I hope you're lonely.
• 0:41
  Sorry, that was
• 0:43
  mean. I said I was grateful
• 0:45
  for you.
• 0:46
  That was a different episode.
• 0:47
  Yep.
• 0:49
  I said it outside of the podcast.
• 0:52
  I know about
• 0:53
  loneliness.
• 0:54
  I've been very lonely
• 0:58
  I'm sorry
• 1:00
  I've been so lonely
• 1:02
  I never thought I would
• 1:04
  know what it felt like
• 1:06
  to not be lonely
• 1:07
  that's terrible
• 1:10
  let's do some improv
• 1:13
  I hope you don't feel like that anymore
• 1:20
  no I have a dog
• 1:22
  it's not a nice thing to call me
• 1:25
  no I think it's interesting
• 1:28
  what I've noticed is that
• 1:31
  like there's a lot of
• 1:33
  I really don't mind being by myself
• 1:35
  now as like a established adult
• 1:37
  yeah
• 1:38
  but I know a lot of people who are like very bad
• 1:41
  at being alone
• 1:42
  and so it's like I see that
• 1:45
  they don't know how to act
• 1:47
  when they're by themselves
• 1:48
  and it's like their whole goal
• 1:51
  to like just like be in a room with someone or like find someone yeah and i don't relate to that
• 1:56
  because i if i don't like enjoy someone i would rather be by myself yeah totally but there's a
• 2:03
  lot of people who would rather have the company of someone they don't even like yeah weird that is
• 2:08
  weird yeah i am also very comfortable being alone in fact sometimes seek it out uh
• 2:15
  uh,
• 2:16
  you know,
• 2:17
  like,
• 2:18
  yeah,
• 2:18
  but like I'll,
• 2:19
  I go to restaurants alone often.
• 2:22
  Uh,
• 2:22
  and there are just people that don't know how to handle that.
• 2:25
  They don't know how to handle like sitting alone and just like eating and not having,
• 2:29
  and it's,
• 2:30
  it is the worst when you go to a restaurant and like,
• 2:34
  I like to sit at a bar.
• 2:35
  I don't like getting tables.
• 2:37
  As you well know,
• 2:38
  Francis.
• 2:39
  Dude.
• 2:41
  And it's,
• 2:42
  that's the bad,
• 2:42
  the one bad thing about sitting at a bar is that,
• 2:45
  you get these people, these like needy people that they think because you're at a bar,
• 2:50
  doesn matter if you got a book out or you got a computer or like Right it like you fair game to them Yeah exactly The worst is being trapped on an airplane next to one of those people
• 3:03
  And then you're like, how?
• 3:06
  How?
• 3:07
  I'm sorry.
• 3:08
  Did I ever tell you about Kath?
• 3:10
  No.
• 3:11
  I was on a plane going to visit my friend in North Carolina.
• 3:14
  And I was sitting next to this woman.
• 3:16
  So we were in like one of the first rows.
• 3:19
  And she sat next to me and immediately started talking to me.
• 3:23
  and I was kind of like annoyed because I didn't want that.
• 3:25
  But then it was revealed she was very drunk.
• 3:29
  So I was like, okay, I'm interested now because this is getting funny.
• 3:32
  And she was like talking, like she kept talking to me.
• 3:35
  First I was annoyed because I wanted to put my headphones on.
• 3:37
  Then I was like, I'm just going to roll into this.
• 3:39
  And so I just started like being myself and like making her laugh.
• 3:42
  And like I was getting a kick out of it because she was like dangerously drunk.
• 3:46
  And we were like in the air and she was saying something about a hot,
• 3:50
  like, oh, we never get hot flight attendants.
• 3:53
  And so I like leaned in the aisle and I was like, can we get a hot flight attendant, please?
• 3:56
  Like just to her.
• 3:57
  And she like went berserk laughing.
• 4:00
  And then the flight attendant came by and they were like, I need you to be quiet.
• 4:05
  And she didn't quite hear because I was in the aisle.
• 4:07
  And she goes, what did he say?
• 4:08
  And I said, he said you're being too loud.
• 4:11
  And she like was looking at me.
• 4:13
  And then she looked straight forward and put her headphones on and like didn't say another word for the rest of the flight.
• 4:20
  Her name is Kath.
• 4:22
  Kath.
• 4:23
  If you're listening, that one's for you.
• 4:26
  And now, improv.
• 4:34
  Miss Rachel Derry?
• 4:37
  Yeah?
• 4:37
  We're so glad we could get you on this plane.
• 4:40
  Stand by for Christmas.
• 4:41
  Oh, I am so grateful.
• 4:44
  Thank you so much.
• 4:45
  Just come right on up here.
• 4:46
  Okay.
• 4:47
  You are going to be sitting in the jump seat next to me, the lead flight attendant.
• 4:52
  Oh, well, that's exciting.
• 4:54
  Yes.
• 4:55
  And you'll be serving the guests.
• 4:57
  Oh.
• 4:59
  And distributing pillows.
• 5:02
  Oh.
• 5:03
  Oh, I need to work the flight.
• 5:06
  Oh, we can't legally call it work.
• 5:09
  You're volunteering to do a job.
• 5:12
  Oh, okay.
• 5:13
  Here's a pin.
• 5:14
  Oh, oh.
• 5:15
  Yep.
• 5:16
  Oh, you pinned it on for me.
• 5:17
  Thank you.
• 5:18
  Right into the skin.
• 5:19
  Yeah, no, that...
• 5:20
  I know, I'm wearing a tube top.
• 5:24
  Yes.
• 5:25
  Technically, it is a dress code violation, so your pay is going to be docked.
• 5:28
  Wait, I get paid?
• 5:29
  Yeah, well, you get paid less.
• 5:31
  Okay, okay, all right.
• 5:33
  Anyway, Merry Christmas.
• 5:34
  Thank you.
• 5:34
  Well, I mean, anything that gets me home to my family, I'll do.
• 5:37
  I appreciate.
• 5:38
  Yes, in two to three days, you will be there.
• 5:41
  Wait, what?
• 5:42
  Two to three?
• 5:43
  It's Christmas Eve.
• 5:45
  Well, we work puddle shifts, so basically, they get off and we stay.
• 5:50
  You know And we go to the next flat Wait I gotta wait but I going to St Louis The first stop is St Louis No you going to Cincinnati by way of St Louis
• 6:04
  And then you're going to New York.
• 6:06
  And then you're going to Shreveport, Louisiana.
• 6:10
  Staying the night there.
• 6:12
  Then you're going...
• 6:14
  To Colorado.
• 6:18
  Then you're going...
• 6:19
  Two hours outside of St. Louis.
• 6:21
  We just built an airport.
• 6:22
  What?
• 6:23
  Snoot.
• 6:23
  It's far.
• 6:25
  Did you say snoot?
• 6:27
  Snoot.
• 6:28
  Oh, it's new.
• 6:29
  Snoot.
• 6:29
  It's far.
• 6:30
  It's new.
• 6:30
  And then you take a shuttle with the rest of employees and we'll get you to the airport
• 6:36
  and then a taxi will take you home.
• 6:41
  This is so much travel.
• 6:42
  I feel like, but this is the only flight I've been able to get.
• 6:46
  I've been trying for days, and I promised my mom I'd be there.
• 6:51
  Do you need a hug?
• 6:53
  Yeah, that would be.
• 6:54
  Come on.
• 6:55
  Bosom to bosom.
• 6:57
  And squeeze.
• 6:59
  Oh, you just pressed the pin a little bit into my skin.
• 7:02
  That's how we stay awake, because let's be honest, it's a long flight.
• 7:05
  Yeah, these puddles, they ain't going to jump themselves, I guess.
• 7:09
  You're already getting the work humor.
• 7:10
  I love that about you.
• 7:14
  I read your TSA file.
• 7:15
  What?
• 7:16
  it says you have a real problem with authority so is this going to be okay i know you've been
• 7:23
  removed from a few flights no judgment you're not my superior in any way are you i mean as far as
• 7:32
  i can tell we're peers in which case you're not an authority figure so we should be good
• 7:35
  tell me one secret oh that will be proof that we're the same um
• 7:42
  well okay um sometimes i i like to make cakes that look like bombs
• 7:54
  they're really realistic they could be on is it cake i'm your superior and you shouldn't
• 8:03
  have told me that what you tricked me i didn't mean to but a bomb cake is a big gwendoline
• 8:08
  I've
• 8:11
  Oh
• 8:12
  Hey, keep a smile on your face
• 8:14
  Or the people will be mad
• 8:16
  Come on, let's deliver some drinks
• 8:18
  Don't tell me what to do
• 8:21
  Hey, come on, it's a long flight
• 8:22
  We're girls, we're friends
• 8:23
  I'm Gwendolyn
• 8:25
  My mom wasn't expecting me
• 8:30
  God damn it, Gwendolyn
• 8:32
  Please don't say that
• 8:33
  There's religious people on the plane
• 8:34
  Six of them, actually
• 8:36
  Gosh
• 8:38
  darn it Gwendolyn okay all right here you take the craft morning morning morning come on good
• 8:48
  morning no I will throw you off this plane don you dick Gwendolyn Don make me be folksy I opening the hatch No no
• 9:00
  You, well, you want,
• 9:01
  you don't want me to jump out of the hatch
• 9:03
  or you do?
• 9:03
  Because I'm...
• 9:04
  I was going to push you.
• 9:06
  Oh, well, I'm going to cling to this plane.
• 9:08
  You're going to cling?
• 9:09
  Like grim death.
• 9:10
  Look at the first class passengers.
• 9:11
  They're getting pissed.
• 9:14
  So sorry up there.
• 9:15
  Where's my mind?
• 9:17
  I don't know.
• 9:19
  You're making me bad at my job.
• 9:23
  I have a feeling I'm revealing that you were always bad at your job, Gwendolyn.
• 9:27
  You authority figure.
• 9:31
  That's right.
• 9:32
  I went from being real nice to real anti-authority real quick.
• 9:37
  That's a real secret about me.
• 9:40
  That really hurts my feelings.
• 9:42
  And I was going to do something so nice for you.
• 9:44
  So nice you'd never forget it.
• 9:46
  So nice you would name one of your kids after me.
• 9:48
  Now I'm just feeling real bad.
• 9:51
  And I have to fart.
• 9:54
  Well, go ahead, Gwendolyn.
• 9:56
  We're in a tin can.
• 9:58
  That's being bad at your job, which is the only thing you're good at.
• 10:03
  Great.
• 10:05
  A squeaker.
• 10:08
  Well, I hope you know you've broken a heart tonight.
• 10:12
  If you go ahead and look in seat 16B, you'll see what you were going to get.
• 10:16
  oh baby what is this how you treat people oh oh i'm so sorry i can't believe i raised a monster
• 10:28
  mom no this was a big surprise oh mom oh i'm so sorry oh mom but your first forced shift on an
• 10:39
  airplane and we were all going to be here for it.
• 10:43
  Your dad's here too. Oh god, dad.
• 10:45
  Oh wait, no. My baby.
• 10:49
  Is that? She's a bitch.
• 10:53
  Oh no, not
• 10:54
  little cousin Timmy and his crutch.
• 11:00
  Oh, Timmy, I'm so sorry.
• 11:02
  Oh, I used to love you.
• 11:05
  Gwendolyn, why would you do this to me?
• 11:11
  You were supposed to be nice
• 11:13
  You read my TSA jacket
• 11:15
  You knew what my weak points were
• 11:17
  And then you pressed those buttons
• 11:19
  Because we had to know if you were worthy of a beautiful Christmas
• 11:22
  And guess what?
• 11:25
  You ain't worth nothing
• 11:27
  Gwendolyn
• 11:30
  I'm going in the cockpit
• 11:31
  scene