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Think Twice · Everyone Has An Ex

• 0:10
  Speaker 1: You're listening to a Mother Me podcast, Muma Me, your
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: acknowledges the traditional owners of the land and waters. This
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: podcast is recorded on. This episode deals with discussion of
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: depression and suicide. Listener, discretion is advised. We've all heard
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: this saying, if it seems too good to be true,
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: it probably is. But isn't that a terrible way to
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: look at life, because if you go into everything with negativity,
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: you might miss the best thing that's out there waiting
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: for you.
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: With my first marriage, because he was so absent emotionally
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: and physically in that marriage that when I was with Luke,
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: he was there all the time.
• 0:53
  Speaker 3: We did everything together.
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: He was so emotionally available, we were so connected that
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: it made my fears of a found marriage go. I
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: felt safe, I felt secure in this relationship. I didn't
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: have any doubts. I was like, this is my one,
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: this is the one that I was supposed to be
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: with from the start.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: But dear listener, the saying is a common saying for
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: a reason. What if sometimes when your gut is telling
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: you this may all just be too good, it is.
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: I remember just looking at him one day in the
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: eye and I said, look, you need to just be
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: honest with me. I can't keep healing or trying to
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: heal and then getting another blow and finding out something Alice,
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: you need to rip it off like a band aid.
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: I'm Georgia Love and this is everyone has an Ex.
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: Come with me as we dive into a collection of
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: unconventional stories about relationships past through the eyes and the
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: hearts of the very people who lived them. Madison's story
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: is about a guy named Luke, but before we meet him,
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: we need to delve a little into Madison's backstory. You see,
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: she was married before Luke came along. As they say,
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: everyone has an.
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: Ex I met my first husband in my early twenties,
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: and about six months into that relationship I did for pregnant.
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: We didn't plan on that pregnancy at all. I do
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: have a history of Andrew metrosis, so that's why I
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: guess the pregnancy. We armed an ard and then we thought, no,
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: I really wanted to be a mum and this might
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: be my only opportunity to have a baby, and I
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: think we had the family pressure of getting married, so
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: we followed through with that. Shortly after we got married,
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: we then did try for another baby, so we had
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: two beautiful children, and we had a home together. Everything
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: looked perfect, but it was quite a tumultuous marriage. He
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: was a big party boy, he was never home. I
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: felt like a single mum the whole time, and it
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: kind of just ran its course. So in twenty eighteen
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: we called it quits. In total, we were together for
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: ten years before we decided to split. Then the end,
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: it just got too hard and I needed to make
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: the break. I did feel heartbroken, more disappointed. I didn't
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: want to let my parents down. I didn't want to
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: let my children down. I didn't want to let just
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: society down. Like that's a huge shame around a broken marriage,
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: especially being so young. I was the first of my
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: family to ever go through a divorce, after first of
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: all my friends to ever go through it, so it
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: was difficult in that perspective, Like I knew it was
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: a marriage that wasn't right and that love wasn't there,
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: but it was a big hurdle to get over the
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: shame of having a broken marriage.
• 3:42
  Speaker 3: I also put that off.
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: The table of ever getting married again, because the fear
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: of ever going through another marriage breakdown was just too
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: hard for me to even manage or cope with or
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: even imagine that could be a possibility. So as much
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: as I wanted it, the marriage part of it, I
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: just I kind of blocked that out and thought I
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: just wouldn't do that again.
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: But that certainly didn't mean she didn't want love again.
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: I'm a hopeless romantic love love. I had dated often
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: on a little bit, but no one really got my attention.
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: I didn't really have that sparkle, that connection, or I
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: didn't really say future with anyone until I laid eyes
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: on Luke. It was this instant connection like I had
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: never felt before, and I was like, wow, this is
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: what they describe in the movie. Is that feeling when
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: you just know? And people used to say when you know,
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: you know, and I was like, whatever I did. I
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: looked at him and I was like, oh my gosh,
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: this guy's an absolute angel. So it was at my house.
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: They say that don't come knocking on your door, but
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: apparently they no. I was having a bit of a
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: party at my house, just a few people around, and
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: one of my friends had advised Luke to come over
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: and he just randomly rocked up. I just saw him
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: and I was like, Oh my god, who is this guy?
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: And we started talking, and I didn't really think much
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: of it. But from there I just suddenly saw him
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: everywhere at my local cafe, or turn of around and
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: he's at the local Ida shop.
• 5:12
  Speaker 3: I'll turn around and he's there.
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: Just randomly, all the time, I'd see this guy, and
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: sometimes I can be a bit woo woo, and I
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: can be a bit like, oh, it's a sign. And
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: I took that as a sign, and I was like,
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: maybe this guy's meant to be in my life. He
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: ended up finding me on Instagram and messaging me and saying,
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: why don't you stop stalking me and just let me
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: take you out for a date. And I was like okay.
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: I was like, that's so cheeky, like charming, and I
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: was like, okay, you win, Let's go on a date.
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: So we went on a date, and literally from that
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: first date we were inseparable.
• 5:48
  Speaker 3: I thought he was the hardest thing I've ever seen.
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: He was like this bad boy image but had like
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: a golden retriever personality. He looked like he'd be naughty,
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: he looked like you'd driver Harley, but then he also
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: had this beautiful soft interior. He had these big puppy eyes,
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: and I just fell in love with He was really charming.
• 6:10
  Speaker 3: He got me. It felt like he just understood me.
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: If I would say I was having a bad endo
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: flare up, he would drop a hot wadi ball at
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: my door. I'd go out for dinner with my girlfriends
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: and he'd bring up the restaurant and pay for my dinners.
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: He would do all these beautiful things.
• 6:29
  Speaker 3: Randomly.
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: He'd call me at work and I'd like, oh gosh,
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: we're just talking that. Me and my girlfriend we were
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: saying how much we were craving cheeseburgers. Next minute, Uber
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: Eats comes with cheeseburgers. He was just perfect. My first
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: husband was so emotionally absent and was never available and
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: was never there. So when I was getting this from
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: a guy, I'd never had it and it was all
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: I ever wanted before my first husband. So I just
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: literally lapped it up. I was like, Wow, this is
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: all I ever wanted. He was a little bit younger
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: than I was, about two years younger. He didn't have
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: any children, he didn't have a relationship with his mother.
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: I think that that is something that he when he
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: saw me being that mum roll. When he was introduced
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: to the girls. It was kind of like he did
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: like that side of me. It was an attractive side
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: that he enjoyed of me. He's used to say to
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: me that he always envisioned himself with a person that
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: had children. He never really wanted them or had an
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: earning for them. So he said, I never envisioned myself
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: to have children of my own. I always thought I
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: would have step children. So he was fine with the
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: fact that I had two girls. I was really cautious
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: about inviting anyone into my children's lives, so I would
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: only see him when the girls were with their father,
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: so that was every second weekend, but every second weekend
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: we were joined at the hips. It was probably about
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: five months into relationship when I thought, Okay, I see
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: a future of this guy. He's shown me great qualities,
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: he's patient. I will introduce him to the girls. The
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: break up wasn't great with my first husband, and I
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: would get quite nasty and aggressive emails now and again,
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: and I was telling Luke that I had another one,
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: and Luke knew where my ex husband went to the gym.
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: So Luke went to the gym when my ex husband
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: would be there, knowing that he would be there at
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: that time to confront him, and he said, look, I'm
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: with Madison now. If you write her any more emails,
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: I'm going to be who you need to speak to.
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: I have her back now, so you can basically piss off.
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: And to me, I was like, oh my gosh, I've
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: never had a man stand up for me or have
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: my back like that, Like this guy's got me. This
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: guy's protecting me like I've never been protected before. So
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: that was another reason why I kind of was like,
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: this guy is someone who I went in my life forever.
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: He's showing me all the traits that I want in
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: a partner and that he would be someone that I
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: would want to invite into their lives.
• 8:58
  Speaker 3: I just wanted that.
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: Picture perfect family, and especially for my girls. They didn't
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: deserve to have a broken family, and I wanted to
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: have that family unit for them. I wanted to go
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: on family hall, I wanted to go to family barbecues.
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: I wanted them to have that father figure at home
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: for them, and it just wasn't the three of us.
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: So yeah, I really did want to have a family
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: again for them.
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: So the time came, Madison's girls were six and eight,
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: and had never met a parent's partner before. She had
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: no idea how it would go.
• 9:31
  Speaker 3: Kind of was a big do, to be honest.
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: So my mom and dad, who were quite involved in
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: my life, they're huge in my children's lives as well,
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: so we were really tight family. It was a public holiday,
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: and I remember we all had the day off and
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: my sister and her husband her two children also came
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: and we went to a Lama farm and we had
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: this big picnic and we drove there and my youngest
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: was actually cassick in the way there and we had
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: to pull over and Luke ran across the road to
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: the petrol station to go get her a bottle of
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: water to go get her a bucket and some wet
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: wives and was looking after her as I was by
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: the side of the road as well with her. But
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: the way he just took control, pulled the car over,
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: ran and got all this stuff for her, and I
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: was like, oh my gosh, this is so sweet. Then
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: we got to the Lama farm and I remember always
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: thinking in my head that my youngest is probably going
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: to be the hardest one to crack. And there was
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: a moment at the Lama farm we were all together,
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: and Luke had to go back to the car to
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: get something, and my youngest went, I'll go with you,
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: and they started to walk off, and she grabbed his
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: hand and they walked off together, hand in hand, and
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: I remember just looking at my mom and we both
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: had tears in our eyes. He would show up for
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: them was unbelievable. He would turn up to their netball games,
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: cheering them. On some days during the school holidays, I'd
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: have to go to work and he was like, don't worry, baby,
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: I'll work from home today.
• 10:58
  Speaker 3: I've got the girls. You go to work.
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: Just little things. I remember it was my eldest tenth birthday.
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: I said, do I want to do something special? And
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: he was like, what do you want to do? And
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: I went to work. When I got home, he had
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: hand built a tpee bed around her bed, put fairy
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: lights all in her room, made this sign happy Birthday,
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: and this room was incredible. It was like a tent
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: that he built while we were working at school. And
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: she came home to this massive surprise that I even
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: didn't have any idea about, and I just burst into
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: tears on my sword. I was like, oh my goodness,
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: you spent all day and all your money to put
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: together this beautiful surprise.
• 11:39
  Speaker 3: They just adored him.
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: He couldn't have been a better step parent to my children.
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: The way I saw him with my girls and the
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: way that they looked at him, it just made me
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: fall in love with him so much. The love I
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: had for him was just so much stronger, because you're
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: not just going to take on me, but you're taking
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: on two little ones like I come into the package
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: deal and if someone can do that, then I just
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: have so much respect for them. And he just treated
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: them so beautifully. Even as a partner. I couldn't have
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: faulted him. He was so attentive, so beautiful. He would
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: go over to my mom's house and just drop over coffee. Randomly.
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: He would take my dad to the movies because he
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: knew that my dad wanted to see Top Gun and
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: no one wanted to go with him, so he'd be like,
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: I'm going to take your dad to gold class and
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: take him to the movies. He was just adored by
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: my parents, my friends, my kids. He was perfect. You
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: couldn't have written a better guy. He was picture perfect.
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: I had him on a pedestal. I couldn't have loved
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: that man anymore if I tried.
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: The next step, of course, was to move in together.
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: It was only six months into our relationship and his
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: lease was up and we were spending every night together.
• 12:46
  Speaker 3: Anyway.
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: I don't know who kind of brought up the idea,
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: but it was mentioned that he would move in, so
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: I agreed. But a week before he was supposed to
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: movie and I pulled the pin. I just started to think, no,
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: I don't want to get trapped again. I'd got a
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: bit scared. I got coffee. I said no, actually, you
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: can't move in. Two weeks later he just would be like, yeah, cool, okay,
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: oh no, that's fine. If you don't like, if you're
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: not ready, that's fine. And then two weeks I was like, no,
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: I'm ready. He's like, okay, I'm packing my stuff again.
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: Moving in felt so normal, nothing changed. He was so
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: easy to live with, The girls loved him. He was
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: there all the time anyway, so really like it was
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: just really no different, to be honest, but yeah, just
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: seamlessly nothing went wrong at all. Everything was completely fine.
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: He would sometimes see the school drop offs for me,
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: sometimes the school pickups for me. Our little triangle of
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: me and the two girls just turned into a square
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: so perfectly. It just worked so well. We never had
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: disagreements on anything. We actually never fought. We never had disagreements.
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: We were always laughing and carrying on and being goofy,
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: and we'd go out to parties and people would be like,
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: you guys, a couple goals like you two just get
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: along so well. He made the boring life tasks fun,
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: like grocery shopping with him was fun, like walking the
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: dogs was fun because we were so we're just best
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: friends and we loved each other's company that it was
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: never a boring moment.
• 14:13
  Speaker 3: Everything was fun.
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: We know what would usually come next. But Madison was
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: staunch on the fact she didn't want to get married again.
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: It was October twenty twenty one and we were on
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: a holiday in Queensland and he proposed to me. I
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: was a little taken aback, and because I had this
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: big fear of having a found marriage, I was like
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: a little hesitant. But then I thought, no, this Ben
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: is so perfect. There's absolutely no way I shouldn't be
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: marrying this man. So of course I said yes. He
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: knew my biggest fear was having another fouled marriage. That
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: was quite vocal. I would always stay like, I'm so
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: scared of this happening again. I just don't think I
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: could live through like another failed marriage. I'm not even forty.
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: Imagine having another fouded marriage, the humiliation and the feeling
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: of failure. I just wouldn't be able to cope with
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: that again. He just alay reassured me. I just never
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: really felt like there was going to be an issue there,
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: our communication, our trust. I couldn't have faulted any of it.
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: There was nothing lacking for me to ever second guess it.
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: We were so in love, like so in love that
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: if he probably said, like, there's a chuffle down the rod,
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: let's get married up, I would have been like, yeah,
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: okay at that time because of just how persulted I
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: was that it kind of took away that fear being
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: with him, took away the fear of it failing, because
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: he was so perfect that he didn't give me any
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: reason to everything that that wasn't going to be forever.
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: After behind that proposal, I felt safe. I felt secure
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: in this relationship. I didn't have any doubts. I was like,
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: this is my one, this is the one that I
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: was supposed to be with from the start, but just
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: came later in life. So I had money from the
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: sale of my first house from my first marriage, so
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: I had quite a lump sum to put a deposit
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: on a house. Came with nothing but a suitcase.
• 16:11
  Speaker 3: But I didn't care.
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: That honestly didn't mean anything to me. I just loved
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: him so much. He could have been homeless for all
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: I cared. I really didn't. So I wanted to have
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: our family a house. I wanted to have that beautiful
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: family unit. So I bought a house for us and
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: put his name on it as well as mine. So
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: we went through that process of buying a house, and
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: in that time, a few months later was our wedding.
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: He said vowels and gave my two children promise rings,
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: and that brocked me. So the vows basically were was
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: to be there for the children for the rest of
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: their lives, that he loved them, that he's always going
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: to love their mum and them equally, and it was
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: just the most beautiful moment. The night before our wedding,
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: we had an airbnb there where I would be getting
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: ready the morning of the wedding, so we stayed there
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: together the night before, just the two of us, and
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: I remember he was just out on the chair because
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: we were at the water and he just was on
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: his phone all night and I was like, are you okay,
• 17:15
  Speaker 2: and he's like, yeah, no, I'm just kind of processing everything.
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: And I kind of feel a bit sad that I
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: don't have any family that will be attending the wedding tomorrow.
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: And I said, okay, fair enough, and he's like, I'm
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: just going to take some time. So I didn't press it.
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: I'd just let him be and I just thought, Okay,
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: he's just processing this is a huge moment for both
• 17:32
  Speaker 2: of us tomorrow, and he doesn't have family coming or relatives.
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: He didn't have a good relationship with his mum. His
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: mom was an alcoholic and was abusive, so he left
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: her when he was twelve to go find his father
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: who lived in Queensland. And his father was a drug
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: user and addict, and he would steal money to feed himself.
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: And I used to say to him all the time,
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: I'm so proud of you. I'm so proud of the
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: person that you are. You could have ended up either
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: in jail or doing the same things as what your
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: parents are and look at you. You're amazing. You've got
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: a beautiful family that love you, you have your head
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: screwed on. You're an amazing person. You have a career, you
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: have goals and you go get them like you're incredible.
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: You should be so proud of yourself. And I would
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: telling him all the time how proud I was of
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: him for getting through the life that he had gone through.
• 18:25
  Speaker 3: He did.
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: It was like a grandmar like figure to him. It
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: was his mother's boyfriend's parents when he was growing up,
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: so wasn't a biological relative who he still spoke to.
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: But during our relationship, he told me that he cut
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: her off because she disliked me because I was a
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: single mom and I was taking advantage of him. So
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: I got really hurt by that because I said, look,
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: this is the last sort of relative that you have.
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: I don't want you to cut her off because of me.
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: I can handle that. I didn't want to be responsible
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: for you losing that person.
• 19:00
  Speaker 3: In your life.
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: So he did speak to her now and again, but
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: it did really dwindle. I had a beautiful family and
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: I thought, wow, my family will love you the way
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: that you were meant to be loved. And we have
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: enough love to go around for everyone, so comeing to
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: our family. You don't need to worry about that anymore.
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: At the end of the day, they had each other.
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: They were each other's family, and while they had already
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: been for two years, now it was official.
• 19:24
  Speaker 3: The first year in marriage was strange.
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: He was working a lot, and he would say that
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: he was working a lot for our family, so I
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: didn't question it. I was like, Okay, that's beautiful, but
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: we never really saw any of that value, any money
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: or anything like that. He began to work his normal
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: full time job, and then on the two days that
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: he would have off, he would do cash work for
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: his friends. So he was working seven days a week,
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: so I barely saw him. He was at home at night.
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: He had a job in sale, so he was always
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: on his phone. And I was going through a little
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: bit of stress with my eldest daughter at school as well,
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: so I was probably a little bit preoccupied with getting
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: her sorted at school. So I think we both kind
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: of were busy and we kind of drifted away a
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: little bit. But I thought our roots are so connected,
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: we're so in love, that this is just one of
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: those marriage or bumps that you know you go through.
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: And I used to say to him, things are really
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: hard at the minute with like my eldest and all
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: the rest of it. But as long as I got you,
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: I know that everything's okay. And I remember to say
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: that to him all the time, and that would be
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: my way of thinking.
• 20:34
  Speaker 3: I was like, Okay, I can get through this. I
• 20:36
  Speaker 3: have Luke.
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: Luke and I are so solid and we can get
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: through anything together, So this little bump will soon pass
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: and we'll be fine. So a relationship at such never
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: really had issues, Like we never fought or anything, but
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: it was like kind of like the external factors of
• 20:52
  Speaker 2: life that was just getting us kind of like down
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: a little bit. But we had each other all the time,
• 20:56
  Speaker 2: and with the less time that we spent together, like
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: I really didn't like not having him around all the
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: time because I loved his company and whenever I was
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: with him, I felt this instant boost of happiness.
• 21:08
  Speaker 3: He was like my of dopamine.
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: We still went on our little holidays away together. We
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: were still doing our dinner nights and things like that.
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: But yeah, I think life was just so busy. That's
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: the thing. Like we still had this mental love for
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: each other and still wanted to be with each other,
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: take the dogs for walks, and our little things that
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: we did together were still there, but we were just busy.
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: Life was really busy. He was working away, and it
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: came up to our first anniversary. So we were saying,
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: what should we do for this anniversary, like gift wise,
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: let's do something different, something a bit weird. Let's do
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: something a little bit that not everyone else would do.
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: So we decided to get tattoos matching tattoos. It was
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: half a heart. I had one, half he had the other.
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: It had the restaurant name, the restaurant name where he proposed.
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: So we were getting these tattoos together. And the night
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: before that he called me when he was away still
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: and he was acting a little bit strange, and I
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: just kind of didn't really think much of it. He
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: was going out to have drinks with the boys they
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: just knocked off from the job, and I was like, awesome,
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: you've worked so hard, go have drinks or see you tomorrow,
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: And that's what happened. He came home the next day
• 22:15
  Speaker 2: we went to go get our tattoo study and was
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: acting super sheepish, really weird. He wouldn't look at me
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: in the eye. He was just being odd, and I
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: just put it down to the fact that he was hungover.
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: He wasn't someone that often had a boy's night and
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: would leave to go out with the boys. So I
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: actually encouraged him to do that that night. I was like,
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: go out with the boys, let your hair down. I
• 22:35
  Speaker 2: just thought, you know, you're hungover, you're tired, you're probably
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: just feeling like shit today, and that's fine. So we
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: went and got these tattoos done, and then the next
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: day I had a girlfriend's fortieth so I went away
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: on a girl's weekend with our girlfriends. The next morning,
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: I was at a cafe with one of my best
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: friends having breakfast. We were driving home from where we
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: were at the fortieth and I got a DM message
• 23:01
  Speaker 2: from a random girl and it was one of those
• 23:04
  Speaker 2: hey girls, and you know that message isn't going to
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: follow through with anything good. And she's like just saying,
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: you know your husband's got Tinder. Not one percent of
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: me believed. I was like, oh my god, Babe.
• 23:16
  Speaker 3: I called him.
• 23:16
  Speaker 2: I was like, Babe, there's a fake Tinder profile of you.
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: And I was like, this girl just messaged me saying
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: that she was speaking to you on Tinder and you've
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: got Tinder, and he just calmly and coolly, was like,
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: I'm just gonna have a shower, call you back in
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: a sec my pardon. So I sat there at this
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: cafe which seemed like forever before he called me back,
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: and he finally called me back and he goes, you, no,
• 23:38
  Speaker 2: it was me, and I just remember.
• 23:41
  Speaker 3: I was just shell shock.
• 23:42
  Speaker 2: It's like the world was spinning and I was just
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: standing there still, and I had to drive home for
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: about forty five minutes to get home, and I remember
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: I pulled over because the girls were at home and
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: he was at work, and I called my mom and
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: I just couldn't get the words out. I was hysterically
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: crying to my mum and she's like, what is wrong?
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: And I said Luke cheating on me and she was
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: like no, and I was like, yeah, he's just submitted
• 24:16
  Speaker 2: to it. And she came over and took the girls
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: back to her house. So I was there alone. When
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: Luke got home from work. He basically was like, yeah,
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: that was me, and I was like, are you kidding me?
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: You have a Tinder account? Actually, his excuse was, oh,
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: with the boys last night, they wanted to see if
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: the old boy still had it because he worked with
• 24:38
  Speaker 2: younger guys, so that was his excuse. He put it
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: on the other guys kind of like as a joke.
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: We did it, and I just looked at him. I
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: was like, how could you've ruin this? He used to
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: say to me all the time, what we have is
• 24:51
  Speaker 2: so perfect. No one else has what we have. He's like,
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: I look at my mate's relationships with their wives and
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: they don't have half of what we have. And I
• 24:59
  Speaker 2: was like, then you've just gone and ruined it. You've
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: got a Tinder account and ruined everything. And then that's
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: when he kind of broke down and said, all I
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: just feel so sad and I unappreciate. I needed someone
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: to vent too, and I needed to talk to a
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: stranger about how I was feeling. I'm so but you
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: don't get Tinder for a penpal.
• 25:17
  Speaker 3: I'm not that dumb.
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: I said, well, I need you to get out because
• 25:22
  Speaker 2: you know how I feel about cheating because I have
• 25:25
  Speaker 2: been cheated on in every relationship I've ever had, and
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: he's known that, so I have this huge thing about
• 25:31
  Speaker 2: cheating my first husband cheated on me every relationship I've
• 25:34
  Speaker 2: ever had, and I used to always say, like, I
• 25:37
  Speaker 2: feel like every male dangled the cart in front of
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: will cheat. And he was like, no, You've got to
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: stop thinking that way. So he did exactly what I
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: feared he would do, and I told him that he
• 25:52
  Speaker 2: had to leave because I couldn't look at him. He's
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: made me so disgusted and so angry that he could
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: do this to not just me, but his stepchildren, my girls.
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: And then he packed a bag and he went to
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: his mate's house for a few weeks. The weeks that
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: he was away, I didn't really hear much from him,
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: which I found a little bit strange.
• 26:10
  Speaker 3: He kind of just went really cold towards me. Yeah,
• 26:13
  Speaker 3: I felt abandoned.
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: I felt betrayed, and like, he's not even fighting for this.
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: I kind of was expecting he would be at least
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: groveling or apologetic or trying to speak to me and
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: try and fight for this, but it was just radio silence.
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: It just was a cold shoulder. I remember I reached
• 26:32
  Speaker 2: out to him, going, do you want to talk about
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: what's going on? And he goes, oh, I can give
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: you ten minutes so it was like I was fighting
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: for him even though he had done the betrayal to me.
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: He kind of just was brushing it off like it
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: wasn't a big deal, like it wasn't an issue, like
• 26:50
  Speaker 2: get over it. And the way he kind of just
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: dismissed it and made my feelings feel irrelevant, I kind
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: of thought, maybe I just need to shut up and
• 26:59
  Speaker 2: let this go. I just wanted him home. Basically, I
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: was just like, I just want you home. I just
• 27:04
  Speaker 2: want my loke back. I just want that person that
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: was my best friend, and my husband and the girls
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: were where's Luke sort of thing, and I just didn't
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: want to break their hearts either. So it kind of
• 27:14
  Speaker 2: got to a point where I was like, just come home.
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: So it was three weeks after things were still tense
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: because I still felt I felt icky. I've just felt
• 27:21
  Speaker 2: yuck about the situation, and I really felt yuck about
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: his response to my finding out. I said to him, like,
• 27:28
  Speaker 2: if you had done what you have done and then
• 27:31
  Speaker 2: the way you then approached this and apologized and tried
• 27:36
  Speaker 2: to make things better than things would be, okay, it's
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: the way that you've just dismissed this and made my
• 27:41
  Speaker 2: feelings feel irrelevant. So in that time, I thought I
• 27:44
  Speaker 2: need to get away for a little while and just
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: clean my head. So I went and stayed with a
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: girlfriend who lives about two hour drive away. Because I
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: was so embarrassed and humiliated by his behavior, I didn't
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: tell anyone. I didn't tell anyone that I worked with.
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: I didn't tell any of my friends. I didn't tell
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: my family. But I told my one girlfriend that lived
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: two hours away. So I was like, I'm just going
• 28:07
  Speaker 2: to go spend the weekend with her so I can
• 28:10
  Speaker 2: have a real girl to girl talk about this and
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: just event to one of my friends. And whilst I
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: was at her house, she had more information for me.
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: So she sat me down and said that at their wedding,
• 28:21
  Speaker 2: which was only about a year prior, Luke was tuning
• 28:26
  Speaker 2: one of the girls at the wedding, and then after
• 28:29
  Speaker 2: that was sliding into her DMS. And then that's when
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: I found about his cheating spree. When he was away
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: with his friends for those three weeks that he was out.
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: After I found out about the Tinder, he would message
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: my friends and acquaintances stuff like I had a sex
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: dream about you last night. It was really graphic. Don't
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: tell anyone but Madison and I broke up. I've always
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: thought that you were hot. Do you want to come around?
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: So there'd be girls that he was just dming, telling
• 28:58
  Speaker 2: them that he was thinking about them in the shower,
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: or he would be talking to girls while we were
• 29:04
  Speaker 2: out and saying I wish I was going home with
• 29:06
  Speaker 2: you instead of Madison. Tonight, I just broke down. And
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: I remember calling him when I was away and I said,
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: I know about all these other girls, and his response
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: was just so cold. He was like, yeah, what I said? Sorry,
• 29:22
  Speaker 2: what do you want me to do? I drove home sobbing,
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: like unconsolably crying, and I don't even remember the drive,
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: Like I don't even know how I made it home.
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: But when I got home, instead of him being like
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: I'm so sorry, or let's talk or anything, he was
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: sitting there at the kitchen table just eating a steak
• 29:41
  Speaker 2: and he just looked at me and went, hey.
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: Madison couldn't believe what was happening. Who was this man
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: where he had a loving, supportive, trustworthy, caring husband gone.
• 29:50
  Speaker 2: He said to me, I was a pig in those
• 29:52
  Speaker 2: couple of weeks, and what I did was piggory. His
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: words were that, he said, I was just disgusting and
• 29:58
  Speaker 2: I acted like a pig in those weeks. But there
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: was never like an apology for it. It wasn't he'd
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: be like, yeah, I'm sorry, but it was a hollow apology.
• 30:06
  Speaker 2: It's like no depth to it. There was no understanding
• 30:08
  Speaker 2: of the damage that he had done. It was just like,
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: I've done what I've done. Get over it. So that's
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: what she tried to do. Get over it.
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: If she wanted this marriage to work, she thought that
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: was up to her.
• 30:19
  Speaker 2: I always thought like if I just loved him harder,
• 30:22
  Speaker 2: if I was a better wife, if I was more present,
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: then that would make him feel better in himself that
• 30:29
  Speaker 2: he wouldn't need to be going to get this validation
• 30:31
  Speaker 2: from other people. My life felt like it had just
• 30:37
  Speaker 2: been torn apart. I felt like I was losing my
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: best friend, my husband, my family, my kid's stepdad. The
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: biggest fear that I thought about having this marriage breakdown
• 30:47
  Speaker 2: was it felt like it was coming true, like my
• 30:50
  Speaker 2: marriage is breaking down. This is the one thing that
• 30:52
  Speaker 2: I was so scared of. I can't do this to
• 30:54
  Speaker 2: my children again. I can't do this to my family.
• 30:57
  Speaker 2: And I ended up having such severe anxiety and panic
• 31:02
  Speaker 2: attacks that I couldn't leave the house, I couldn't work anymore,
• 31:08
  Speaker 2: I couldn't open my phone because every time I opened
• 31:11
  Speaker 2: my phone, I felt like I was going to get
• 31:13
  Speaker 2: another text from someone else that I just couldn't handle.
• 31:15
  Speaker 3: One more blow to.
• 31:17
  Speaker 2: The point where I didn't see any light out. There
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: was just darkness. And I've never suffered from any depression
• 31:25
  Speaker 2: in my life before, and I never quite understood it
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: until I hit rock bottom and I didn't see a
• 31:32
  Speaker 2: light at the end of the tunnel. I just I
• 31:34
  Speaker 2: woke up every morning feeling so empty and so lost.
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: My pain in my heart was just so unbearable and
• 31:46
  Speaker 2: overwhelming that I got to a point where it's like,
• 31:50
  Speaker 2: I can't do this one more day. My parents had
• 31:53
  Speaker 2: cotton on at this point. They knew what Luke had done,
• 31:58
  Speaker 2: and they knew that I was broken. My family are
• 32:02
  Speaker 2: so they're so loving and forgiving. My dad even took
• 32:07
  Speaker 2: Luke aside and he said, look, Luke, my daughter loves you,
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: My kids love you. We love you like a son.
• 32:13
  Speaker 2: Good people make mistakes. We can get through this as
• 32:16
  Speaker 2: a family. Just tell us what you need from us.
• 32:19
  Speaker 2: And we will be around you to get through this.
• 32:22
  Speaker 2: But they knew that I was struggling really really badly.
• 32:24
  Speaker 2: They knew that I had to stop going to work.
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: I would sleep the days away. I just hear rock bottom,
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: I really did. And so the day that I decided
• 32:32
  Speaker 2: I couldn't do it any longer, it was just this
• 32:36
  Speaker 2: overwhelming guilt that I had let my kids down again,
• 32:40
  Speaker 2: that they were going to have to go through something
• 32:42
  Speaker 2: that I didn't ever want them to go through again.
• 32:44
  Speaker 2: And I thought that they were all better off without me,
• 32:47
  Speaker 2: because I felt like I was the one that was
• 32:49
  Speaker 2: destroying their lives because of my decisions. I think my
• 32:53
  Speaker 2: parents had gotten on to me being suicidal, which I
• 32:57
  Speaker 2: didn't know. I was flagged with a mental health team,
• 33:01
  Speaker 2: which I didn't know about.
• 33:03
  Speaker 3: So the day that I decided that I.
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: Wasn't that I couldn't do it anymore, my phone just
• 33:09
  Speaker 2: kepturing it and ringing and ringing, and it was Luke.
• 33:13
  Speaker 3: I didn't answer Luke's call.
• 33:15
  Speaker 2: Because I was just so angry and I was so
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: determined that I just wanted this to stop.
• 33:21
  Speaker 3: So my dad.
• 33:24
  Speaker 2: Started calling me and calling and calling and calling, and
• 33:27
  Speaker 2: I think that's when my brain went, what are you
• 33:30
  Speaker 2: doing like your poor dad?
• 33:32
  Speaker 3: And I answered the phone in the fear of my
• 33:34
  Speaker 3: dad's voice. I'll never forget it.
• 33:36
  Speaker 2: Who was just he was so scared he was going
• 33:40
  Speaker 2: to lose me, and I was like, oh, I can't
• 33:42
  Speaker 2: do this to them. I was taken away by ambulance,
• 33:47
  Speaker 2: and stupidly, all I want was Luke beside me. So
• 33:50
  Speaker 2: I remember sitting there in the hospital bed and there
• 33:53
  Speaker 2: was a psychologist there and he was trying to talk
• 33:56
  Speaker 2: to me about getting over what I'd just gone through,
• 34:00
  Speaker 2: and he was really angry that Luke was there, and
• 34:03
  Speaker 2: I just was like, I just want that person. It's
• 34:05
  Speaker 2: hard when the one person that's just drawing you as
• 34:08
  Speaker 2: the one person that you want to comfort you, it's
• 34:11
  Speaker 2: this weirdest feeling you. He was just my rock and
• 34:15
  Speaker 2: my person, and whoever I would go to when things
• 34:18
  Speaker 2: were great, I'd go to him.
• 34:19
  Speaker 3: When things weren't great, I'd go to him.
• 34:21
  Speaker 2: He just knew what to do and say to make
• 34:24
  Speaker 2: things perfect again, and stupidly, that's all who I wanted
• 34:28
  Speaker 2: at that time.
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: Luke sat with her and helped her feel strong again,
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: and eventually they went back home together. Things had to
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: change and they both agreed to work on the marriage
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: and try to get back to where and who they
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: were before.
• 34:41
  Speaker 2: I was trying anything to hold our marriage together. I
• 34:44
  Speaker 2: was just whatever I could do to make things better
• 34:49
  Speaker 2: between us. I'd often apologize for making him feel like
• 34:52
  Speaker 2: he had to cheat because I obviously had failed him
• 34:54
  Speaker 2: as a wife for him to feel like he needed
• 34:57
  Speaker 2: to go elsewhere. I was doing anything I could to
• 35:00
  Speaker 2: try and rebuild our relationship. I just wanted that old
• 35:02
  Speaker 2: Luke back, like that look that I met and fell
• 35:04
  Speaker 2: in love with would never have done this to me,
• 35:06
  Speaker 2: Like just bring him back.
• 35:08
  Speaker 3: So it just kept trying to stay together.
• 35:11
  Speaker 2: He used to say that he just loved me too much,
• 35:15
  Speaker 2: like that was his things like I just love you
• 35:17
  Speaker 2: too much.
• 35:18
  Speaker 3: He wanted to stay together.
• 35:19
  Speaker 2: But also in the same breath he'd be like, I
• 35:21
  Speaker 2: just think too much has happened.
• 35:23
  Speaker 3: And in that anger.
• 35:24
  Speaker 2: Stage where I'd find out who's cheating, I would say
• 35:26
  Speaker 2: things like which I do regret, but in the heat
• 35:28
  Speaker 2: of the moment, you say things. I remember saying, you
• 35:31
  Speaker 2: don't deserve a family. If this is what you're going
• 35:34
  Speaker 2: to do to us, you don't deserve us. And he
• 35:36
  Speaker 2: held on to that and he was like, you told
• 35:38
  Speaker 2: me I don't deserve a family, so why wouldn't I
• 35:40
  Speaker 2: think we were done? And he used to say to
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: me things like I can't forgive you for your reactions.
• 35:46
  Speaker 2: So I just learned to be silent just to keep
• 35:48
  Speaker 2: going with it. So, yeah, we did try. It was bumpy,
• 35:53
  Speaker 2: but I didn't want to give up. If I just
• 35:55
  Speaker 2: loved him harder, if I was a better wife, if
• 35:59
  Speaker 2: I was more present, then that would make him feel
• 36:03
  Speaker 2: better in himself, that he wouldn't need to be going
• 36:05
  Speaker 2: to get this validation from other people. For his birthday,
• 36:08
  Speaker 2: after theater and we were better, we went away for
• 36:12
  Speaker 2: his birthday with the girls. I booked a holiday for us,
• 36:15
  Speaker 2: and he was down in the pool with the girl swimming,
• 36:18
  Speaker 2: and I went up to the bathroom and I said
• 36:20
  Speaker 2: to him, I don't want you to have social media anymore,
• 36:23
  Speaker 2: because that's your gateway to most of your cheating. And
• 36:27
  Speaker 2: he said, no, that's fine, I don't want it anymore anyway.
• 36:30
  Speaker 2: And I never checked his phone. I just always just
• 36:32
  Speaker 2: trusted what he said. So I went up to the bathroom.
• 36:36
  Speaker 2: In the room and I went to look at the
• 36:38
  Speaker 2: time on his phone, and he had Instagram notifications. I
• 36:41
  Speaker 2: was like, that's strange because you don't have Instagram. So
• 36:44
  Speaker 2: I opened it up, and the whole time that we
• 36:47
  Speaker 2: were away in a holiday, he had been sexting a
• 36:50
  Speaker 2: girl whilst lying in bed with me.
• 36:54
  Speaker 3: And this had been going on.
• 36:55
  Speaker 2: For months and months and months and months, to the
• 36:57
  Speaker 2: point where I think they had a relationship. They were
• 36:59
  Speaker 2: telling each other they loved each other, that they can't
• 37:02
  Speaker 2: wait to see each other, that he loved her, she
• 37:06
  Speaker 2: loved him. There was graphic images. I was a lot
• 37:10
  Speaker 2: of it. I also found Snapchat and again the same
• 37:14
  Speaker 2: stuff on Snapchat, just girls after girls after girls. Every
• 37:18
  Speaker 2: girl had a different story about me, so they all
• 37:21
  Speaker 2: knew he was married. But there one was told that
• 37:24
  Speaker 2: I was a psyclhoney sleeps with one I open at night.
• 37:27
  Speaker 2: One was told that I was cheating on him. Another
• 37:29
  Speaker 2: one was told I was in love with my first husband,
• 37:32
  Speaker 2: so there were kind of always reasons for to validate
• 37:35
  Speaker 2: him cheating on me. When I had his phone in
• 37:38
  Speaker 2: my hand, he walked in the room and his face
• 37:42
  Speaker 2: just dropped because he knew that I had found what
• 37:45
  Speaker 2: I was looking at. He kind of lunged at me
• 37:48
  Speaker 2: and ripped the phone out of my hand, but in
• 37:51
  Speaker 2: the process he ripped my fingernail out in one go.
• 37:55
  Speaker 2: So yeah, we kind of rolled around on the floor
• 37:57
  Speaker 2: while he was tackling me to get the phone out
• 37:59
  Speaker 2: of my hand, and I had bruises and bumps all
• 38:02
  Speaker 2: over me. That night was scary. That night was everything
• 38:06
  Speaker 2: changed that night. It just went really really downhill. It's
• 38:09
  Speaker 2: kind of like his mask had finally fallen off and
• 38:13
  Speaker 2: he wasn't even going to pretend to be the old
• 38:15
  Speaker 2: Luke anymore. This was the real raw Luke, this ugly
• 38:19
  Speaker 2: version was who he truly was.
• 38:21
  Speaker 3: So we had to go to.
• 38:23
  Speaker 2: The doctor for my finger, and obviously we lied and
• 38:25
  Speaker 2: said I slammed it in the door. I just wasn't
• 38:28
  Speaker 2: wanted to protect him. I didn't want anyone to know
• 38:30
  Speaker 2: what was going on. I didn't want anyone to know
• 38:31
  Speaker 2: that he had done this to me, so I just
• 38:34
  Speaker 2: lied and everyone thought I slammed it in the door.
• 38:38
  Speaker 2: And you'd think that's where the cheating would stop, but
• 38:40
  Speaker 2: it just kept going. Weeks would go by and I'd
• 38:45
  Speaker 2: find out about another girl that he's sexting, and then
• 38:47
  Speaker 2: another girl, and I think that once one person told
• 38:51
  Speaker 2: me and people started to hear that I had known
• 38:55
  Speaker 2: about a few they were like, oh, I'm not the
• 38:57
  Speaker 2: first person to tell us, so now they felt more
• 39:00
  Speaker 2: comfortable telling me more because she's already hurt. It's not
• 39:04
  Speaker 2: like I'm breaking it to her for the first time.
• 39:07
  Speaker 3: I feel like everyone knew about it but me.
• 39:10
  Speaker 2: There was a point where we went to a barbecue,
• 39:12
  Speaker 2: to one of my closest friends barbecues, and Luke was
• 39:16
  Speaker 2: set beside me and he was messaging a girl that
• 39:18
  Speaker 2: was at this barbecue, right under my nose, right in
• 39:21
  Speaker 2: front of me, and I had no idea. It probably
• 39:24
  Speaker 2: was another couple of months before I started to get
• 39:27
  Speaker 2: myself on track again. I was seeing a psychologist. I
• 39:30
  Speaker 2: was really trying to get back out there. My panic
• 39:33
  Speaker 2: attacks were getting less. The tremors that I had was
• 39:36
  Speaker 2: still there, but I was just trying to get my
• 39:38
  Speaker 2: life back on track for my kids. I really had
• 39:40
  Speaker 2: to do it for them. We went to marriage counseling.
• 39:44
  Speaker 2: He sat there in lied and I didn't correct him
• 39:47
  Speaker 2: at all. It got to the third counseling session that
• 39:50
  Speaker 2: we had and I had this major panic attack in
• 39:53
  Speaker 2: the session and the session obviously ended, and the counselor
• 39:58
  Speaker 2: that we had was so lovely, and he was really
• 40:00
  Speaker 2: concerned for my welfare. He called me the next day
• 40:03
  Speaker 2: and said, Madison, like, this is probably outside of my
• 40:06
  Speaker 2: scope and I probably shouldn't call you and do my
• 40:08
  Speaker 2: personal opinion, but this man's I've been doing this for
• 40:11
  Speaker 2: years and I can see narcissism and abuse when I
• 40:16
  Speaker 2: see it, and I'm really.
• 40:18
  Speaker 3: Concerned for your welfare.
• 40:20
  Speaker 2: And that night Luke actually smashed a glass frame over
• 40:25
  Speaker 2: my head and broke his knuckles. We were kind of
• 40:28
  Speaker 2: just having a disagreement and having an argument just about everything,
• 40:31
  Speaker 2: and just about his behavior and his response to his behavior,
• 40:36
  Speaker 2: and his lack of empathy and just not giving a
• 40:38
  Speaker 2: shit about it, just being so cold, and it just
• 40:43
  Speaker 2: got so heated, and he just got so angry and
• 40:46
  Speaker 2: so enraged with his anger, and he just picked up
• 40:51
  Speaker 2: a glass frame while we were fighting and just lost
• 40:54
  Speaker 2: it and smashed it and it went flying over my
• 40:56
  Speaker 2: head and my.
• 40:57
  Speaker 3: Poor little dog.
• 40:59
  Speaker 2: We went to the hospital and led and said that
• 41:01
  Speaker 2: it was because he was boxing. But after that, I
• 41:05
  Speaker 2: think that's when I kind of was like, I'm out.
• 41:08
  Speaker 2: This is not okay. He doesn't give a shit about me.
• 41:13
  Speaker 2: He's never going to change he's got no remorse for
• 41:16
  Speaker 2: what he's done.
• 41:19
  Speaker 3: He doesn't care. There's no empathy for what he's.
• 41:21
  Speaker 2: Put me through, for my family, my girls, there's no
• 41:25
  Speaker 2: accountability of what he's done. It's all excuses. So yeah,
• 41:32
  Speaker 2: I just thought that's it, and I think he thought
• 41:35
  Speaker 2: the same.
• 41:36
  Speaker 3: I think we were just exhausted.
• 41:39
  Speaker 2: My girls knew about some of the betrayal because they
• 41:42
  Speaker 2: were getting to the point. My elders is nearly fifteen now,
• 41:45
  Speaker 2: so they were getting to the point where they were
• 41:46
  Speaker 2: They knew because he was just going missing for weeks,
• 41:49
  Speaker 2: like when we were in our bad period, and they'd
• 41:52
  Speaker 2: be like, where's Luke, And they saw me crying, and
• 41:55
  Speaker 2: they saw me not getting out of bed, and they
• 41:57
  Speaker 2: saw me not going to work. So they saw me
• 42:00
  Speaker 2: at my darkest. And my eldest is smart, she caught
• 42:04
  Speaker 2: on to what was going on. I mean, it's really
• 42:06
  Speaker 2: hard to have arguments. Although we kept it away from children,
• 42:10
  Speaker 2: they kind of consents what's going on. My youngest in particular,
• 42:13
  Speaker 2: was like, I don't want Luke to go, mom, Like
• 42:15
  Speaker 2: I love him so much, can he stay? And my
• 42:18
  Speaker 2: eldest was just quiet, And I remember Luke got up
• 42:21
  Speaker 2: and went to go and get some dinner for us.
• 42:24
  Speaker 2: And while he was away, I said to my eldest,
• 42:27
  Speaker 2: how are you feeling, what are you thinking?
• 42:28
  Speaker 3: What's going on?
• 42:29
  Speaker 2: And she was like, Mom, if he does this one
• 42:30
  Speaker 2: more time, he's out. So she had already been like
• 42:35
  Speaker 2: this is enough. So I think when I got to
• 42:39
  Speaker 2: that end point, I was like I kind of listened
• 42:42
  Speaker 2: to her.
• 42:44
  Speaker 3: I kind of was like.
• 42:45
  Speaker 2: My pep talk with my eldest, kind of sunk in,
• 42:48
  Speaker 2: and I was like, yeah, you know what, this is enough,
• 42:50
  Speaker 2: this is bullshit. We don't need him. I'm a better person,
• 42:54
  Speaker 2: I'm a happier person for my girls if he's not here.
• 42:59
  Speaker 2: He's destroying me bit by bit every day. And he
• 43:03
  Speaker 2: got to the point where he almost robbed my children
• 43:05
  Speaker 2: of their mum. So then I woke up and had
• 43:08
  Speaker 2: a wake up corner. You know what, I'm not going
• 43:10
  Speaker 2: to let that man do that to my kids. And
• 43:14
  Speaker 2: that was a point where I was like, I'm done.
• 43:16
  Speaker 2: There wasn't really a sit down conversation about it, but
• 43:19
  Speaker 2: I think we both were just done at our wits end,
• 43:22
  Speaker 2: and it wasn't spoken, but I guess he knew and
• 43:25
  Speaker 2: I knew, and he just packed a bag and he
• 43:27
  Speaker 2: went stayed with friends again. He was kind of like
• 43:30
  Speaker 2: toying back and forth with messages about seeing the dogs
• 43:34
  Speaker 2: and things like that, and he would write messages going,
• 43:37
  Speaker 2: I still love you. So it was kind of like
• 43:40
  Speaker 2: he was still trying to make me believe that there
• 43:44
  Speaker 2: might be hope. So it was like this tuggle wall
• 43:47
  Speaker 2: between my head and my heart. So one day I'd
• 43:49
  Speaker 2: be really strong, like, no, I'm not ever going to
• 43:51
  Speaker 2: go back there, and then the next day my heart
• 43:52
  Speaker 2: would be like I miss him so much. So as
• 43:56
  Speaker 2: his back and forth, he came over one day and
• 43:58
  Speaker 2: we had an argument and then he said to me,
• 44:02
  Speaker 2: I'm done. He's like, I can't, Like we're done. He said,
• 44:06
  Speaker 2: too much has happened. And I was like, what have
• 44:08
  Speaker 2: you done? And he just wouldn't it's me. And then
• 44:12
  Speaker 2: he drove off that day and that night he had
• 44:15
  Speaker 2: blocked me, my number, my email or social media accounts.
• 44:21
  Speaker 2: He blocked my parents, my daughter's phone numbers were blocked,
• 44:25
  Speaker 2: my friends were blocked. He completely erased himself from our lives.
• 44:31
  Speaker 2: I knew I was blocked, but I was just hoping
• 44:32
  Speaker 2: that one day he would unblock me and I would
• 44:35
  Speaker 2: send him a photo of either him and one of
• 44:38
  Speaker 2: the girls, or him and I or the family and us,
• 44:42
  Speaker 2: and I would write like about the memory of that day,
• 44:45
  Speaker 2: and I would say, whenever you're ready, your girls are
• 44:47
  Speaker 2: waiting for you to come home. And it got to
• 44:50
  Speaker 2: a month of me doing that every single day, and
• 44:52
  Speaker 2: I was like, you're just hurting yourself. His disrespect, his silence,
• 44:59
  Speaker 2: his blocking, is enough closure for you to get out,
• 45:02
  Speaker 2: Like what are you waiting for? Like this man doesn't
• 45:05
  Speaker 2: love you. And I never saw him again and heard
• 45:10
  Speaker 2: from him again. The only time I ever heard anything
• 45:13
  Speaker 2: was from the lawyers. I was ghosted by my husband.
• 45:20
  Speaker 2: Didn't hear from him at all, but I had no
• 45:22
  Speaker 2: way of contacting him either until I had a lawyer's
• 45:26
  Speaker 2: letter in my emailse from a lawyer that he had
• 45:29
  Speaker 2: engaged with, and that was to get money from the
• 45:33
  Speaker 2: house that I bought. Because his name was on the
• 45:35
  Speaker 2: house title, he had every right to sell the house
• 45:40
  Speaker 2: or sell and split the profits. I was absolutely gutted,
• 45:45
  Speaker 2: like another punch in the guts, like you have just
• 45:49
  Speaker 2: destroyed me. You've watched my mental health go down the drain.
• 45:53
  Speaker 2: We've gone through all this trauma.
• 45:56
  Speaker 3: I've found out multiple.
• 45:58
  Speaker 2: Cheating you've now left and ghosted me, and now you're
• 46:01
  Speaker 2: like one final punch, I'm gonna rip the house that
• 46:03
  Speaker 2: you and the girls live in from you. What have
• 46:06
  Speaker 2: I done to you for you to hate me this much?
• 46:10
  Speaker 1: This was three months after Madison had last seen or
• 46:13
  Speaker 1: heard from him, not a word to her and all
• 46:15
  Speaker 1: the girls. The way she saw it, she had two options.
• 46:18
  Speaker 1: She could fight, show evidence that it was her money
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: alone that had purchased the house, that he didn't have
• 46:24
  Speaker 1: any custody rights over the kids and this was their home,
• 46:27
  Speaker 1: or she could just give him what he asked for
• 46:29
  Speaker 1: and let this all be over.
• 46:31
  Speaker 2: I just didn't have the energy to fight, So it
• 46:33
  Speaker 2: is what it is. He didn't get half, thank god,
• 46:36
  Speaker 2: but yeah, he did get money that he shouldn't have.
• 46:40
  Speaker 2: I just felt completely comment. I was just like, I've
• 46:44
  Speaker 2: just been done so hard. Why marry me? Like, do
• 46:48
  Speaker 2: this to me, Don't do this to my children, Don't
• 46:52
  Speaker 2: do this to my family. They didn't deserve not that
• 46:54
  Speaker 2: I deserved it, but my poorness and children did nothing
• 46:57
  Speaker 2: but love you.
• 46:58
  Speaker 3: On Father's Day. They would give him Father's Day presents.
• 47:01
  Speaker 2: They would go out to the shops and buy him things,
• 47:03
  Speaker 2: say they they adored him.
• 47:04
  Speaker 3: They didn't deserve this. I just felt so rocked.
• 47:09
  Speaker 2: I was like, my biggest fear is my reality Again,
• 47:13
  Speaker 2: I am not even forty yet and I am going
• 47:16
  Speaker 2: to have two divorces under my belt. So I didn't
• 47:20
  Speaker 2: hear anything. I didn't even know where it was living.
• 47:23
  Speaker 2: I've heard that he's in a different state with one
• 47:26
  Speaker 2: of the girlfriends that he had during our relationship. So
• 47:31
  Speaker 2: that day that he up and left was a year
• 47:32
  Speaker 2: ago and I still haven't ever heard a word from him,
• 47:35
  Speaker 2: not a peep. I'm still blocked on everything. Not one
• 47:39
  Speaker 2: message to the girls, nothing for their birthdays, anything like that.
• 47:43
  Speaker 2: He's just completely vanished. What is interesting is though his
• 47:48
  Speaker 2: grandma like figure that he mentioned disliked me because I
• 47:52
  Speaker 2: was a single mother, has reached out to me, sent
• 47:56
  Speaker 2: me a text message saying that she wanted to talk
• 48:00
  Speaker 2: to me and that she felt really saddened by what
• 48:04
  Speaker 2: I had gone through, which I'm not quite sure how
• 48:06
  Speaker 2: she knew, but it was a text message, and I
• 48:09
  Speaker 2: just at this point don't trust anyone, and I was like,
• 48:11
  Speaker 2: I don't know who's behind this text message. It could
• 48:13
  Speaker 2: be Luke, I don't know. So I never responded and
• 48:17
  Speaker 2: then months later, just recently, she called me and she
• 48:23
  Speaker 2: said to me, Madison, I'm so sorry that you've gone
• 48:27
  Speaker 2: through what you've gone through. I hear that you've gone
• 48:29
  Speaker 2: through hell with Luke. I'm so sorry that I couldn't
• 48:32
  Speaker 2: have been there for you and the girls. No one
• 48:34
  Speaker 2: should go through what he has done to you, and
• 48:37
  Speaker 2: I'm wishing you all the love in the world. So
• 48:40
  Speaker 2: from someone who apparently hated me and I'd never met
• 48:43
  Speaker 2: to reach out that many times to a complete stranger
• 48:46
  Speaker 2: to make sure they're okay, it makes me wonder exactly
• 48:49
  Speaker 2: what he has done to his family and to the
• 48:51
  Speaker 2: people that did love him. His sister's also reached out
• 48:54
  Speaker 2: to me, his biological sister, to apologize for what I
• 48:57
  Speaker 2: had gone through as well. So there's huge question marks
• 49:01
  Speaker 2: around what I was told at the start of our relationship.
• 49:05
  Speaker 2: It was validation, but it also sadness that this person
• 49:08
  Speaker 2: is so damaged that he's doing this to so many people.
• 49:11
  Speaker 2: But then I also thought, oh gosh, what beautiful people
• 49:14
  Speaker 2: there in the world that his grandmother and his sister,
• 49:17
  Speaker 2: who had never met me and didn't know me from
• 49:19
  Speaker 2: a Bara Syrup, had reached out to see that we
• 49:22
  Speaker 2: are okay, so sad the fact that he's this evil,
• 49:27
  Speaker 2: but grateful that there's beautiful people in the Welsh. The
• 49:30
  Speaker 2: Luke that I met is a character. It's not who
• 49:34
  Speaker 2: he actually is. It was an act. So the Luke
• 49:37
  Speaker 2: that I had at the end was the real Luke.
• 49:40
  Speaker 2: So getting the Luke that I met is just a
• 49:43
  Speaker 2: fictional character. It's like I got catfished.
• 49:48
  Speaker 3: I don't know.
• 49:48
  Speaker 2: If it's the family that freaked him out, because he's
• 49:52
  Speaker 2: never been brought up in a tight knit family. I
• 49:55
  Speaker 2: always said to him, I feel like you're a lone wolf.
• 49:58
  Speaker 2: You need to be on your own, and you know,
• 50:00
  Speaker 2: family to me means everything. Family bond and having my
• 50:03
  Speaker 2: mom and dad and my sister and my children and
• 50:05
  Speaker 2: everyone around means so much to me. We're always having
• 50:08
  Speaker 2: family barbecues and dinners, and he's never had that. He
• 50:11
  Speaker 2: never got brought up with that. So I don't know
• 50:14
  Speaker 2: if it just got too much that he just couldn't
• 50:17
  Speaker 2: handle being around people all the time. I'm not sure.
• 50:20
  Speaker 2: I don't know why. After the marriage, I don't know
• 50:21
  Speaker 2: if it's because it was so final. It turns out
• 50:24
  Speaker 2: that apparently he was cheating on me before. The whole
• 50:26
  Speaker 2: marriage anyway, So I don't know what his benefit was
• 50:29
  Speaker 2: to get married. When we first were together, everyone kept
• 50:33
  Speaker 2: telling him how amazing he was to take on a
• 50:37
  Speaker 2: single mom and two children. So I feel like he
• 50:40
  Speaker 2: got gassed up a lot by people going, Oh, you're
• 50:42
  Speaker 2: so amazing for doing this and whatever. And I don't
• 50:45
  Speaker 2: know if that just gave him this ego boost all
• 50:47
  Speaker 2: the time and gave him the validation that he was needing.
• 50:49
  Speaker 2: And I was giving him all that as well, telling
• 50:51
  Speaker 2: him how proud of him I was, and he was
• 50:55
  Speaker 2: getting all the validation and the ego boost that he did.
• 50:57
  Speaker 2: And I think once you get married and all that
• 50:59
  Speaker 2: kind of like fades away into normality and you start
• 51:01
  Speaker 2: going to normal life, people stopped telling him how amazing
• 51:05
  Speaker 2: it was to taking me on, I guess, And I
• 51:07
  Speaker 2: guess with our busy lives and how we kind of
• 51:09
  Speaker 2: just got really caught up in our work and things
• 51:12
  Speaker 2: like that, I probably stopped telling him how much I
• 51:15
  Speaker 2: admired him as well, So I think he doesn't needed
• 51:18
  Speaker 2: to get validation from external sources, and that's why it
• 51:22
  Speaker 2: was happening. Why I found out all of a sudden,
• 51:25
  Speaker 2: I don't know. I don't know if it was the
• 51:26
  Speaker 2: universe trying to be like, let's just throw it all
• 51:29
  Speaker 2: at you at once, because I feel like if you
• 51:31
  Speaker 2: just get told a few things, you'll probably stay. I
• 51:33
  Speaker 2: don't know and which I did, so I don't know,
• 51:36
  Speaker 2: but like I said, I think that once one person
• 51:40
  Speaker 2: kind of knew that I found out about a few them,
• 51:42
  Speaker 2: they were kind of like floodgates opened, and then everyone
• 51:45
  Speaker 2: was like, oh, well, she kind of knows about some
• 51:46
  Speaker 2: now we might as well tell her what we know.
• 51:49
  Speaker 2: Like to this day, I still find out things. I
• 51:51
  Speaker 2: ran into a girl the other day and she said, oh,
• 51:54
  Speaker 2: do you remember when you're at this certain bar? And
• 51:57
  Speaker 2: I said yeah, and she's like, we ran into you
• 51:59
  Speaker 2: and Luke and I was like, yeah, you know I remember.
• 52:01
  Speaker 2: She goes, yeah, you went to the toilet and he
• 52:02
  Speaker 2: told me he wanted to take me home to me.
• 52:05
  Speaker 2: It still hurts, but I'm also like I'm not even
• 52:08
  Speaker 2: surprised anymore, or like I'm just like another one. It's
• 52:13
  Speaker 2: not like the hurt when I found out about the
• 52:15
  Speaker 2: first Tinder account and all the rest of that that
• 52:18
  Speaker 2: I'm kind of numb to it now, Like it just
• 52:20
  Speaker 2: makes me more angry that I trusted him than I
• 52:22
  Speaker 2: got so conned into loving someone so hard and putting
• 52:26
  Speaker 2: them on a pedestal when there was zero respect or
• 52:29
  Speaker 2: love there given from him to me.
• 52:31
  Speaker 3: I'm still healing.
• 52:33
  Speaker 2: I will never be the same person again, and that's okay.
• 52:37
  Speaker 2: I worry that my trusting people has gone my second
• 52:41
  Speaker 2: guess everything that people tell me now, I'm like, are
• 52:43
  Speaker 2: you telling me the truth? But maybe that was for
• 52:45
  Speaker 2: the best because I think I was way too forgiving
• 52:48
  Speaker 2: and way too naive. Maybe I just thought people had
• 52:53
  Speaker 2: good intentions and everyone was telling the truth. And now
• 52:56
  Speaker 2: I kind of I don't have that side of me anymore.
• 53:00
  Speaker 2: I'm stronger though, I'm more assertive. I'll just stand up
• 53:03
  Speaker 2: for myself now, which is good. I ended up getting
• 53:06
  Speaker 2: back into work and starting my own business at that time,
• 53:10
  Speaker 2: so I just really concentrated on that. I have absolutely
• 53:14
  Speaker 2: beautiful friends, Like, my friends are amazing. I went on
• 53:18
  Speaker 2: a holiday to Bali with one of my girlfriends and
• 53:20
  Speaker 2: have their time of my life. My friends have just
• 53:23
  Speaker 2: kind of made me see that I'm okay, Like I
• 53:26
  Speaker 2: am a good person. I don't need that person in
• 53:29
  Speaker 2: my life. I'm back to myself again. I'm happy. I'm laughing.
• 53:34
  Speaker 2: I'm just still just doing one day at a time,
• 53:36
  Speaker 2: and I've done a lot of healing.
• 53:37
  Speaker 3: Classes, a lot of energy work.
• 53:39
  Speaker 2: I really love my pilates, so it's just about me
• 53:43
  Speaker 2: and my girls. My youngest I do feel like she
• 53:46
  Speaker 2: has a bit of abandonment issues, which breaks my heart.
• 53:49
  Speaker 2: Her and I have gotten so much closer. We were
• 53:53
  Speaker 2: already so close, but if we could get any closer,
• 53:56
  Speaker 2: we have. My eldest is kind of at that fifteen
• 53:59
  Speaker 2: year old stage where she's kind of too cool and
• 54:00
  Speaker 2: hangs out with her friends a lot. But the three
• 54:02
  Speaker 2: of us are just so tight and they mean the
• 54:05
  Speaker 2: world to me, so I'll do anything to make sure
• 54:08
  Speaker 2: that their happiness is at the top, and they're my
• 54:11
  Speaker 2: priority no matter what. I think they were more worried
• 54:14
  Speaker 2: about me than themselves, so.
• 54:17
  Speaker 3: They were really worried about how I was.
• 54:20
  Speaker 2: My youngest slept with me every night and she would
• 54:22
  Speaker 2: pat me to sleep, So I think we just had
• 54:26
  Speaker 2: each other. We just the three of us just really
• 54:28
  Speaker 2: rallied around and we had each other. And I would
• 54:31
  Speaker 2: much take the relationship that I have with my daughters
• 54:33
  Speaker 2: over trying to rekindle anything with him. I've been through
• 54:38
  Speaker 2: a lot, and I've gotten through it, so I mean,
• 54:42
  Speaker 2: I'm proud of where I am today. I could have
• 54:45
  Speaker 2: ended it, and I'm so glad I didn't. My girls
• 54:48
  Speaker 2: need me and I need them, and I'm just still
• 54:52
  Speaker 2: on that healing process and that journey and that's okay,
• 54:55
  Speaker 2: and I don't know how long that will take, but
• 54:57
  Speaker 2: I'm committed to being a better person and being stronger
• 55:01
  Speaker 2: from this.
• 55:02
  Speaker 3: I still love love. I'm a sucker for.
• 55:05
  Speaker 2: Love, but it, honestly, in the same breath makes me
• 55:08
  Speaker 2: feel ill. Like I've watched movies and I watch shows
• 55:13
  Speaker 2: like I cried my eyes out the other day watching
• 55:15
  Speaker 2: love on the spatrum. I'm like, oh, and I'm like,
• 55:20
  Speaker 2: I'm such a sucker for love. But I just feel
• 55:26
  Speaker 2: like the one thing that I love so much and
• 55:28
  Speaker 2: want in my life is the one thing that I
• 55:30
  Speaker 2: fear the most, and it's the one thing that can
• 55:32
  Speaker 2: hurt me the most. So I don't know if I'll
• 55:34
  Speaker 2: ever be ready for a relationship.
• 55:36
  Speaker 3: I don't know.
• 55:37
  Speaker 2: I don't know what the future brings. It's not even
• 55:40
  Speaker 2: in my vision right now. I don't need that happy
• 55:45
  Speaker 2: ever after marriage anymore because I'm already happy. You're gonna
• 55:48
  Speaker 2: live happily ever after with my two girls.
• 56:05
  Speaker 1: Everyone Has An Eggs it's a Minty Media production and
• 56:08
  Speaker 1: proudly part of the Mama A Network. It's written and
• 56:11
  Speaker 1: narrated by me Georgia Love and produced by Linda Scott.
• 56:15
  Speaker 1: If you like what you've heard, support the podcast by
• 56:17
  Speaker 1: hitting subscribe, writing a review, and leaving us five stars.
• 56:21
  Speaker 1: You can also follow us on Instagram at Everyone has
• 56:24
  Speaker 1: an X. And if you have a story you'd like
• 56:26
  Speaker 1: to share, you can contact us at Everyone Has an
• 56:28
  Speaker 1: X at mintimedia dot com dot you, or submissions at
• 56:32
  Speaker 1: momamya dot com dot you with the word submission in
• 56:35
  Speaker 1: the subject field. And while you're waiting for the next episode,
• 56:38
  Speaker 1: why not check out my other podcast, Not Another Crime Podcast,
• 56:42
  Speaker 1: where I discuss with my co host, comedian Sammy Peterson,
• 56:45
  Speaker 1: the true crimes we find them most fascinating. Search Not
• 56:49
  Speaker 1: Another Crime Podcast on your favorite podcast app.