Latest / The Trauma Therapist / Carl Waggett. First Responders, Trauma & Healing: from the archives

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Carl Waggett. First Responders, Trauma & Healing: from the archives · The Trauma Therapist

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Or Today we even another episode from the Art Gives with one of my incredible
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guests, enjoy or Welcome back to the Trauma Thevers podcast. My name is
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Gaming Person. My mission is to help trauma therapists be their incredible selves,
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to be human, to be real, not just a clinician. I'm a
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big believer in who we are is more important than what we know, and
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this requires cultivating authenticity, genuineness, and vulnerability, and that requires intention.
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Can learn more about my courses and workshops by going to the Trauma Therapist Project
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dot com. That's the Trauma Therapist Project dot com. Let's get started a
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right, guys. Welcome back to the Trauma Theorist Podcast. Very excited to
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have back. Carl, wag it, Carl Brother, what's up? Thank
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you so much for having me back? Are you kidding? Look the last
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time I was on, I've waited for this invitation and so as soon as
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I got this message in mind bought in my mailbox there I went, Yes,
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absolutely, whenever you're available. So thanks so much for having me on
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your show. You're welcome. I just want to remind everyone that Car has
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been a full time firefighter for the past fourteen years now, probably it's a
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little different, but it was an acting captain for four of them. After
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a fellow firefighter and close friend of Carl's ended his own life, Karl removed
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himself from the frontline trucks, only to be diagnosed with PTSD short time afterward.
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Carl says he's been learning that there are many sides to this very intelligent
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quote unquote disorder and would simply like to share his experiences and the hope that
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others understand that PTSD is more of a winnable battle than you think. Carl
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started his own podcast, PTSD Bunk of Gear of Your Brain. He's got
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an amazing Facebook live series of videos going on, and I just wanted to
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have you back because I really appreciate what you're doing. I find it inspiring
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and just to get your energy back here on this podcast. So welcome.
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Thanks so much. Yeah, like I said, it's it's well, I've
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kind of forced gut my way through this. I've said that once before,
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I really didn't have any game plan, so, you know, to end
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up at this point almost two years later, I'm amazed by it. I'll
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be honest with you. So let's what would you add to that short bio
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that I kind of presented anything you want to tweak or I mean, well,
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you know, it's funny because you know that that bio what it doesn't
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really kind of explains where I started out from, and you know, my
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life in particular and especially my family. It's kind of it's weird. It's
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been put on hold while I've been doing this, well, this kind of
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crusade, if you will. I mean, it's it's you know, you
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see this kind of stuff in the movies, where you know, somebody gets
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an interest in something and they go after it. And while I was lucky
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enough to actually experience that, so over the past two years, I really
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haven't noticed any difference in my life. It's just I've constantly been putting out
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content with this, uh, this mental health thing for the simple reason every
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time I learned something about it, I realized that I really don't know anything.
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So it's this constant, vast information that you know, the Internet gives
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us access to and podcasts like Yourself, where I can see this incredible population
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that that dedicate their lives to, you know, helping the general public,
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people they've never met before, and they seem to sacrifice their own personal life
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for it. And I think when you all of a sudden see information that
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you go, wait a minute, this can actually help. It seemed to
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supersede everything in my life, and while, for lack of a better term,
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while I became obsessed with it, I really did. So, just
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to kind of reiterate you, a close friend of yours committed suicide, you
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realize that, you know, you had your own experience going on. You
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stopped. You started your own healing journey in a sense, which obviously you're
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continuing. I'm sure this is your own process too. Incredible. Yeah,
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let me ask you this, Carl, what have what have you learned in
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this process? And before you answer that, to share with with our listeners
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here interviewers, what are you doing so you started PTSD bunker gear, give
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us a little synopsis, and then I want to get into what you've been
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what's been unfolding for you in terms of your learning. Yeah, well,
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you know, like I said, I started, I meet that giant leap
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where I actually went for help, Okay, and that's something that a lot
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of people in the emergency services don't do. So when I started seeing the
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psychologist, I see doctor story in Burlington at Fantastic Lady. The more I
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learned about it, well, I had this desire to get this information out
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right, So that's really what I was doing, for lack of a better
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term, I was poaching very expensive information and giving it to individuals that didn't
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necessarily want it. You know, it's not the greatest business plan, I'll
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be honest with you, But like I knew there was a need for this,
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you know. And the more that I learned about while the human mind
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and how much it actually controls your entire body. And you know, this
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isn't something that unfortunately, they teach in in normal elementary school, junior high,
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high school. So as soon as I start to understand this, it
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was like this light turned on. And I'll be honest, the biggest thing
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that I've gotten through looking at this mental health information is just the sheer capabilities
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of what a human being can accomplish, you know, and and unfortunately how
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sometimes the mind can turn around on an individual. Now, the interesting thing
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is is that you know, as far as I'm concerned, this is the
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this is the ultimate power for making somebody durable, you know, making somebody
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strong. I know, you know, up until this point, we've we've
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really concentrated on, you know, the physical appearance of somebody as far as
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strength is concerned. But when I started to understand the capability of the mental
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side of it, I thought, my goodness, how we can apply this
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to the emergency service is incredible because you know, we always hear about you
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know, you know, emergency service workers should get paid like professional athletes too.
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Well, you know, if you can find a hundred thousand people to
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watch me catch a hydrant, then I would get paid like a professional athlete.
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But the fact of the matter is, you know, that just doesn't
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happen. But there's nothing that states that we can't have emergency service workers performing
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like professional athletes. You know, you know, you take anybody who watches
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major sporting events, whether it's Game seven of the Stanley Cup or or the
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World Series, can you imagine the pressure that those individuals are are overcoming.
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Well, if we could apply that to the emergency service workers, I saw
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this an incredible well, for lack of a better term, at light come
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on. So probably the biggest thing that I understood from this mental health information
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was, well, the capabilities of a human being, right, and you
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know, unfortunately I thought while. When I was on your show last time,
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I said that, you know, I really didn't believe in this whole
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depression anxiety PTSD. You know, I was. I was raised with the
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mentality that if something hurts you wake you know, you get up, you
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put some dirt on it, and you'll be fine. Right. But the
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thing is, I started to realize that that's that's really not the case.
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That if something does happen with the brain itself, well, it doesn't matter
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if you're two percent body fat, right, it doesn't matter how great of
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an athlete you are. If your mind is not going to let you move,
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then guess what you're not going to So even though I didn't necessarily believe
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in this, I started to research it for the simple reason I was going
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through it. And you know what I found was, you know, no
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different than trying to give you a pill to a dog or a cat.
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You got to wrap it and blown your cheese. Well that's the only way
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that I started to understand this information. Right, I would have never sat
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down and learned about mental health if I thought it had to do with my
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feelings. I'll be entirely honest with you. But when I started to understand
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where this information was being used and how it was being used, and how
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it was making people more durable, whether it be professional athletes or top executives
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of Fortune five hundred companies or astronauts for NASA. You know, you know,
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when when NASA starts using information like this, I think people should start
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paying attention. Right, So this really kind of you know, it doubled
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down every time I learned more and more about it because I saw more application
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for this information. So you're and correct me if from wrong targeting in a
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sense, your your audience are are those people people who are working in the
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emergency services field? And how so how are you kind of wrapping that information
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in the slab of bology and s right? Yeah, I mean obviously you're
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your presence, you you do it. But but and how is it being
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received? Well? You know, the fastest way that I go about it
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is is every single time that I sit down and I record a podcast,
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I think of myself heckling myself, I really do, right, So every
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time that I say something, I'll think, Okay, Carl, you know,
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would you sit in the crowd and go okay, this is crap?
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Like seriously, and trust me. I've done lots of podcasts where I've got
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tennis and I've just deleted it, right because I went on, Carl,
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you blow a hole in that in half a second. Right. So,
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one I really started to notice is that if you go into any kind of
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emergency services or any business, you know, any culture whatsoever, and you
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start talking about mental health and the importance of understanding feelings, You're going to
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get a certain glazed overlook. Now, I don't believe that's disrespect. I
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just think mental health is a very scary subject to a lot of people.
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Okay, So I think as soon as you say mental health, that's when
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people start going, well, you know, let's just get through the forty
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five minutes of training and we'll get back to work. Now, if you
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do that in a firehouse or please or ems or anything, you're going to
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get that same that same kind of response. But me personally, if somebody
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was to walk into a room and say, okay, look, guys,
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the information that I'm about to give you is not exactly available to the general
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public. Okay, this is very very expensive information I'm giving you, and
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the information that I'm going to share with you is the same information that professional
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athletes use, NASA, Fortune five hundred companies, all that stuff. What
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we're gonna work on is making you more durable and stronger because for the simple
10:09
reason, anybody in the emergency work, anybody in the emergency services knows exactly
10:13
what it feels like to not be strong enough. And I'm not talking about
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from a mental standpoint, I'm talking physically. Right, you know, a
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house fire will push you past what you can physically do. So what happens
10:24
is is when adrenaline gets dumped into your body, you you supersede what you
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can do. And that's where you go, oh my gosh, I can't
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believe I lifted that right, And that's that's where that kind of comes from.
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But if you go to any house fire, you'll find a bunch of
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firefighters out on the front law and going, oh my gosh, I gotta
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get cardio into me. You know, I gotta start working out, because
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we all know what it's like not to be strong enough. So if all
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of a sudden, you start to wrap this information in the mindset of this
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is going to make you more durable for what you're going up against, that's
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when you'll hear a pin drop in a room. Because there's two ways so
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you can get firefighters to do training without any question. One is a brand
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new truck. Okay, you'll always get people out to look at a new
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truck. And second is a piece of gym equipment. And that's just the
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way it works, because at the end of the day, everybody wants to
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be physically stronger. Now, what I find interesting is, look over the
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past seventy years, we've made incredible gains in the physical sense. You know,
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if you were to google a weightlifter in the nineteen fifties, you would
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get an image of and you know, a big lad, you know,
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a big person. But if we were to google an image of a weightlifter
11:28
in twenty nineteen, well that individuals can look a little bit different, right,
11:33
a little bit more defined, you know, less less fat, more
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definition. Now it's it's kind of insulting to suggest that the person in twenty
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nineteen just worked harder than the guy in the nineteen fifties. The fact is
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there's more technology, right. You know, we understand supplements, you know,
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we don't you know, eat raw eggs instead of you know, creatine
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now and whatever. You know, whether you believe in it or disagree with
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it. There's this been this massive move in the physical sense. I always
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talk about basketball players in the seven you know, they were all arms and
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legs, and now look at them, they're they're massive human beings. Right,
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So we've seen this incredible jump in the physical standpoint. But me personally,
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I really think something's happened in the past ten fifteen years where we're starting
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to understand that, look, you can do so much more if you make
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an individually mentally stronger. Now, unfortunately, this I think it's always been
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covered up behind Well, we're gonna talk about feelings today, are we feelings?
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But you know, you think about special operations military, you know,
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some of the situations that they're able to get through. That's no longer strength,
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you know, that's that's a mental capacity to overcome something. You know,
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And you know, when we start to look at baseball, and I
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always say this about stigma, you know, I always say this about stigma.
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You know, as soon as money comes into place, stigma goes out
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the window. Every single time. You know, you can take a eighteen
12:50
nineteen year old kid in Wyoming that throws one hundred and seven mile an hour
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fastball in the seventh. You know, this kid's arm has been touched by
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God. The New York Yankees have to have them, have to have this
13:00
kid, so you know, they sign him to UP. Oh, I
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don't know, A twenty million dollars DAI a year for five years with a
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fifteen million dollars signing bonus. Right, that's pretty reasonable for a prodigty child.
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So what people don't understand is that the New York Yankees are now into
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this kid, this eighteen year old kid f one hundred and fifteen million dollars.
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You know, there's investors. This isn't a joke anymore. So they're
13:20
not going to fly this kid from Wyoming to New York and just hope he
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doesn't choke, right, I mean, they're gonna have you know, psychologists
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working with this person to make sure that when he does stand in the Yankees
13:30
field that he doesn't crumble, right, because he has the ability, but
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does he have the mental capacity. Well, when there's that much money on
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the line, people don't question it. You know, we make it happen.
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You know, that's all there is to it. But the problem is
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is when we're in a society or sorry, when we're in a service like
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the emergency services where there doesn't seem to be any money, you know,
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benefiting from taking the stigma where we go back to feelings, don't we Now,
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I think the fastest way to get rid of this is, you know,
13:56
to go to the cities and say, look, I can help you
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with sick days. Because as soon as you say that to a city,
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that's when everybody goes, whoa, whoa, whoa? Did you say sick
14:05
days? Because that is that's the biggest problem in the emergency services, you
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know, and rightfully so, it's a very physically demanding job. We're really
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starting to understand the mental capacity or the mental draw that it takes on people.
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So you know, as far as I've returned, this is no different
14:20
than physiotherapy in the eighties, because that's what really suggesting a kind of whole
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paradigm shift in how individuals are trained. Well, you know, and I
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guess the way that I answer that is, how's the training working now?
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Right? It's not? You know, and you know the definition of insanity.
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I think we all know how that quote goes, right, So at
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some point it's going to take somebody to go okay, look, here's the
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gig. Okay, people are killing themselves. Okay. You know what it
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used to be was, you know, emergency service workers who used to just
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go through two or three divorces in a time when people didn't get divorces,
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you know, and they just get drinking problems and that's it. But now
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we're getting healthy individuals that are well committing suicide. You know, when people
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want questions, you know, when you've got somebody who is physically fine but
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can't seem to get themselves out of bed anymore. You know, this is
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when, unfortunately, it translates into dollars because people are staying home sick.
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So, you know, in order to fix something like this, and I
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mean the proof is in the pudding. Everybody knows that this is you know,
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it's not made up stuff about feelings. You know, they're starting to
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understand how trauma does affect the brain and how it can affect it will just
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simply sleep And I always go back to that example, you know, just
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to keep things simple. If I was to cut your sleep out, what
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would happen to you? You know eventually you crack, right? Is that
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that's what would happen? You know? The US government found out that they
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could, you know, define tortures as waking somebody up every two to three
15:43
hours, you know, in guantanam obey. And the thing that frightened me
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is when I heard that that was my sleeping pattern, Like the US government's
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classing my sleeping pattern is torture, but but I class that as normal,
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right, right. So I think as soon as we start to understand,
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or once we start to playing to managers, chiefs, h sergeants, excuse
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me that, imagine how much more manageable your staff would be if they were
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able to get eight hours sleep. So, so are you so you've got
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your podcasts PTSD here for your brain, okay, and you're obviously delivering this
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information on your podcast and you're doing Facebook live videos that's right, yeah,
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okay? And are you planning on taking this to a different level or what
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what's in? What's yeah that you know what? That is a great question
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because look, I think the thing that's most frustrating for me is, look,
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I'm a firefighter. Okay, I break stuff for a living, you
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know, Honest to goodness, I have absolutely no knowledge in anything that I'm
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doing, right, but I think this is something that the emergency service workers
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are really good at because well, you show up the scenes that you've just
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never seen, you make them work, right. So that's what I've done
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with this. So I'm starting to understand that the information that I've got is
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well, it's it's it's you know, were starting to pick it up,
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which is really really cool. But I've hit this terrible roadblock where I don't
17:03
know where how to take it any further, you know what I mean.
17:07
So what I do is I do three podcasts a week, and I do
17:11
my three Facebook lives and the problem is is that I don't have the knowledge
17:15
yet to be able to reach a larger base, if you will, right,
17:19
So, you know, that's obviously something that it consumes my mind because
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to have this kind of information and still read about people that are you know,
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going through separations, you know, their careers are being lost or you
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know, unfortunately suicide or all this stuff unfortunately does cross my desk because well,
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that's the kind of job I'm in. It is frustrating to read stuff
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like that and go, well, I unfortunately I don't have the money or
17:41
the knowledge. So you know, let's put it this way. If I
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got a phone call tomorrow to say, hey, Carl, would you like
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to do this? My answer is always yes. You know, any kind
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of opportunity that comes down to shoot, I definitely take. But as for
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a game plan, I wish I had one for you, I really do,
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but unfortunately I don't. Well, let's you can talk about that maybe
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when we were done here. Well, oh, I mean, you know
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what, Here's the thing. This is the brilliant thing about admitting right out
18:08
of the gates you don't know anything, right, because you can actually take
18:11
knowledge in, you know, And that's one thing that I pride myself on,
18:15
is it. Look when I don't know, I don't know. And
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well I'm not saying I do know, but I'm saying we can talk about
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oh yeah, and any knowledge. Are you kidding me? I'll drink it
18:26
in. No problems there, All right. Let me let me kind of
18:29
shift gears here, and I want to talk a little bit more about your
18:32
own h your own process and your own experience. You know, you've talked
18:37
a lot about the day to day and what you're doing, and up front,
18:41
you know, in the beginning you started saying, well, your kind
18:45
of family, your life is on hold in a sense as you've been doing
18:48
it, talk a little bit more about that. Sure, Yeah, well,
18:52
like I said, you know, this this stuff that I that I
18:53
passed along to everybody else. Hey, I'm learning at the same time.
18:57
Like it's there's times I'll be doing podcasts and I only learned about it twenty
19:02
four hours before, but I try to get the information out. So the
19:06
thing is is that it's it's been this incredible journey. And you know what,
19:11
the word journey always used to make me cringe, right because they always
19:14
sounded very movie like. But you know, unfortunately that's well, that's your
19:18
life is some one of a journey. It has to be right, but
19:19
you learn and you move forward. Right. So when I say that my
19:23
life has been put on hold, especially this is a problem that emergency service
19:27
workers deal with quite a bit, is not looking after themselves. You know,
19:30
they look after everybody else. So when I started to learn about this,
19:34
this self care and and this understanding of how this mental health does affect
19:38
your body, well, this is something that I turned around and worked on
19:42
myself. It's it's the first time in forty three years that I've ever paid
19:47
any attention to myself. Right as far as your diet, moisturizing cream.
19:52
Oh, don't get me started on moisturizing cream. That's stuff said from the
19:56
angels. I didn't know. Look, I got scratchy skin, something fierce,
20:00
and it's incredible. So you know, all this information that I've kind
20:03
of found through this has well, I just I keep going along with it
20:08
because while I'm using myself as a guinea pig, right, and the things
20:12
that I find is I used to be that guy that used to say,
20:15
look, why would you ever spend time, you know, moisturizing your skin
20:19
or looking after yourself or diet or anything like that, And all of a
20:22
sudden I found is guys, I hate to admit it, but it's the
20:26
keys to the kingdom, like it really really is when you start to understand
20:32
that, you know, this mental health information is to truly improve yourself,
20:37
you know, and not improve yourself in a sense where people go, oh,
20:40
look Carl's doing good, you know, but doing it because you feel
20:44
it yourself. This is well, this is how you slowly pull yourself out
20:47
of it. Right, And you know, I learned a lot about stuff
20:51
doesn't happen in one day, you know, it really doesn't so you know,
20:55
if you learn how to take an overwhelming situation and break it down,
21:00
well you you can do this right. And the problem is is I think
21:03
depression, PTSD, anxiety will whisper in your ear that trust me, this
21:07
problem is way too big. And this is the biggest thing that I found
21:11
is that it is entirely smoking mirrors and if you truly understand how you know
21:15
your brain goes about it and how you can fuel that right and how you
21:19
actually can up your odds and it's not a luck game that I feels pays
21:26
the biggest dividends. So for me anyways, over over the past two years,
21:30
between that and the doctor and the support, I I don't think it
21:34
would have been a favorable outcome if I didn't. So you're you're still or
21:40
are you still like in treatment or therapy or what or what? Yeah?
21:45
Yeah, And you know, look, I I still see doctor story,
21:48
you know, once a week, and I've really had my brain kind of
21:52
turned around on this one, right because you know, I always thought this
21:56
therapy was very negative. Look as sooner you can get into it, as
21:59
sooner you can get out of it, the better. Right. But I'm
22:02
starting to understand Why wouldn't everybody want to do this? All right? The
22:07
stuff that psychologists and therapists can let you in on will improve your life in
22:12
ways that you cannot possibly imagine. Okay, look, let me put this
22:15
in a different way that maybe people will understand it easier. Would you like
22:18
a personal chef to work at your house? Right? That'd be incredible?
22:22
Right? How about how about a personal trainer? Yeah? I mean you
22:26
know, most people that I talk to you say, look, if I
22:27
ever won the lottery, that's one thing I would do is I would have
22:30
a personal trainer. Right. Well, a psychologist can do all of that.
22:34
You know, a therapist can do all of that. What I started
22:37
to understand is it when you start pressing the right buttons in your brain.
22:41
What this does is this causes interest. Okay, and interest is a is
22:45
a magical thing and something that you want to follow. Okay, because like
22:49
we're talking about diet for instance. Okay, Well, if all of a
22:52
sudden, if you're talking to a good therapist or a good psychologist, you
22:56
really start to understand how your brain is working. Well, all of a
23:00
sudden, what I found, personally is that I found interests and stuff that
23:03
I never had in before, like cooking, right, you know, and
23:07
and and doing stuff like this, because what these therapists do, if you
23:11
will and and like I said, what I found anyways is they opened the
23:15
most amazing doors that you thought were well did shut and you were never ever
23:19
going to get back into them again. So as for being in therapy,
23:22
look, I'll be honest with you, if I could afford to do this
23:26
every week for the rest of my life, I think it would be crazy
23:30
not to. Right, you're literally pulling the resources if somebody with so much
23:36
information that can help you in so many different ways, you know. And
23:40
I think it's unfortunate that this was stigma or whatever you want to call it,
23:44
has really taken this information and kind of put a shame side on it
23:48
where if you do talk to these people, it's will because something's broken,
23:52
right, instead of improving. I mean, the capabilities of the average human
23:57
brain is staggering, absolutely staggering. Right. So that's the biggest thing that
24:03
I've picked up from this, uh this two years that I've really been studying
24:07
this, and I think that's where the enthusiasm comes from, because it's it's
24:10
like, well, this is real, you know you can apply this information
24:14
and once you apply it, you can take your life to extraordinary heights that
24:18
you really can. What's interesting to me, carl In you're kind of the
24:25
entirety of your story is that, you know, you said you were kind
24:30
of one person as you kind of started this, and you've slowly kind of
24:33
unpeeled the layer, the onion and to discover the multifaceted person that not only
24:44
you are, but we all are. But having said that, I mean,
24:48
obviously, you know people get into ems and and and special forces in
24:53
a sense, not to generalize, but there's a certain type. I mean,
25:00
there there is the yes, right, there has to be yeah.
25:03
And is it? Do you feel or are you concerned that with your message
25:12
or you might be people might feel you're threatening a part of who they are.
25:18
M yeah, well, hey, listen, I tell you what I
25:22
would have been threatened. I think that's an excellent question. You know,
25:25
I think whenever you dig too deep, that is a problem. Right there,
25:30
There's no doubt. So as for threatening, this is where I think
25:34
people get a little confused. And this is where I got confused. You
25:38
see, this PTSD depression anxiety is it is a real kind of badge as
25:42
you can't make it right. And the way that I understand this PTSD is
25:48
it's it's really connected to your level of empathy. Because you know, if
25:53
you spend fourteen fifteen years in the emergency service, you're you're gonna see some
25:56
You're gonna see some bad things, right, that's what's gonna happ And if
26:00
you have an enormous amount of empathy, which more than likely got you into
26:03
this line of work in the first place, because it wasn't the money,
26:06
Let's be honest, right, you got in to help people that Like,
26:08
that level of empathy allows you to relate to people. Now, I truly
26:15
believe that none of this stuff would bother you if you couldn't care less for
26:17
people, Like seriously, you would watch somebody who would had a terrible loss
26:21
and you go, well, better you than me who cares. Right.
26:25
But what I don't think people understand is it, okay these people that suffer
26:27
from the PTSD depressed anxiety. It's your level of empathy, and that's something
26:32
that you don't ever want to lose, okay. And the thing that I
26:37
found is that, trust me, life was so much easier at work when
26:40
I didn't feel anything right, it really really was, So the last thing
26:42
I wanted to do was talk about feelings like please, Look, there's no
26:47
way you would want to go do a job like that and actually feel when
26:51
you're doing it. I can attest to that. It's it's terrible situation.
26:53
You can't think straight, right, you really can't because you start thinking,
26:56
oh my gosh, what if that was my daughter? And you just have
26:59
those talks in your right. So the problem is is that if somebody comes
27:02
into a room and offers to crack that box a little bit and let the
27:04
feelings out, Look, nobody wants that to happen, all right, But
27:08
one I'm kind of suggesting is, look, we can we can use that,
27:12
okay, And that level of empathy is not something that you want to
27:15
get rid of, okay, because look, we all know what it's like
27:18
to feel nothing, okay, and that's that's it's terrible, terrible feeling.
27:23
And you think that would be a superhero feeling right, to not feel anything,
27:27
which is great if all you ever do is work. But the problem
27:30
is when you don't feel anything, that doesn't work out so good. When
27:33
you're set across from your significant other, right, and you're trying to have
27:37
a dinner and you can't feel anything, right, So yes, I think
27:41
people do get very, very threatened by it because look, instead of being
27:45
depressed, people will be angry. It's just easier, right, the last
27:48
thing, I'll get angry before I cry, right, And most people I
27:52
find are like that. So when you're getting to something as personal as what
27:55
these men and women have seen in this line of work, yeah, I
27:57
can definitely see where people say, now, thank you, Okay, I'll
28:00
deal with feelings after I retire. But what I don't think these people understand
28:06
is it looks. It's it's a sense of processing something, you know,
28:11
and look, we all see stuff, okay, and that's fine, and
28:14
that's no problem, right, But the problem is when you see certain stuff,
28:17
look, your brain's going to give you a pass on it if it's
28:18
really catastrophic. Right. I've definitely been to car accidents where look, I
28:22
didn't feel anything, and I remember leaving the call going, how could I
28:26
not, like I didn't even give it the old Oh my god, I
28:29
can't believe that, right, I was completely cold to the situation. Well,
28:33
the problem is is what I find is that look that memory doesn't leave
28:36
your head. You know, a memory that you had a two years old
28:38
believe it or not, it's still stuck in your head. Which I find
28:41
it incredible. I really really find that incredible. Well, over twenty year
28:45
career, you can't suggest to me that you haven't seen things in your mind
28:48
just can't quite figure out, you know. And and once you start to
28:52
see it as that, you start to understand why people will made me do
28:56
it. Problem sleeping because look, when your brain goes to sleep, it's
28:59
no different than a firehouse working night shift. You know, the grass has
29:03
gone home, you know, order the pizza guy, you know, let's
29:04
let's get the movies going here. And your brain does the same stuff,
29:07
as far as I'm concerning it, tries to figure this stuff out that well.
29:11
During the day, it's a little busy transfer or understanding the information that
29:15
your five senses are taking in. But when you go to sleep, your
29:18
brain doesn't really have anything to do but think. So the problem is is
29:22
me. I didn't have nightmares at all, right, I used to wake
29:25
up every two to three hours. I never understood why. But when you
29:29
know, when you're trying to figure stuff out, well, you know what
29:32
forget PTSD to press the anxiety. If you're waking somebody up every two to
29:34
three hours, they're going to be a miserable bugger, you know, they
29:37
just and you know, and and if you're miserable, well, how are
29:41
your relationships gonna suffer? So it's really this domino effect. And I think
29:45
once people in the emergency services start to see, okay, well, if
29:48
you know the knee bones connected to the hip bone and the hip bones connected
29:52
to the you know whatever, they start to go Okay, well, yeah,
29:55
I don't mind opening that box now, right, you know, but
29:57
if you're just telling me to open the ball because I need to feel stuff,
30:02
I think I'll pass, right, I'll stay cold. Right. So
30:04
that's I think me personally, that's where the fear came from from me.
30:07
When people started talking about feelings, right, I'd be like, no,
30:11
no, no thanks, no thanks, I'm going to pass on this one
30:14
because we've all nobody talks about it, but we all have those quiet nights
30:18
where nobody's around, where yeah, we do think about those calls, right,
30:22
and the last thing we want is those coming up at like two thirty
30:25
in the afternoon when we're at the grocery store, right, I don't know
30:29
anybody who would want that, So, yeah, I really I do think
30:32
it's a I think it's a sales thing with this stigma, I do.
30:33
I think it's a I think it's a dialogue, and I think it's you
30:37
know, it's changing the way we look at it. Me personally, anyways,
30:41
wouldn't mind everyone that I'm speaking with Carl Waggett his podcast as PHSD Bunker
30:45
Gear for your Brain. Let's wrap up, and where can people contact you?
30:51
What's the best way? You know, the best way to get a
30:52
hold of me is on my Facebook page PTSD Bunker Gear for your Brain.
30:57
That's that's where I run most of it. Like I said, I'm sure
31:00
there's much more savvier ways to go about it, but right now I just
31:03
run off Facebook. I also have a support group called the Bunker Room.
31:07
It's a it's a private group, but you know what, if you send
31:10
me a friendship request to Carl Waggett, I'll send you an invitation. And
31:12
basically what that room is is to help with perspective. Right, you get
31:15
to read other people's stories, because I think that's what PTSD depression really does.
31:19
As it messes with a person's perspective. So that's the whole purpose for
31:23
that, okay. And who who's ideal for that? Who who would want
31:27
to join that? You know what? These I think the people that would
31:30
want to join the support group are the ones that aren't really even comfortable about
31:33
telling their loved one yet, you know. And I think it's also ideal
31:37
for family members that are have people they're going through depression anxiety PTSD and well
31:42
it's so frustrating because they just don't know what to say. Well, you
31:45
know, if you go in there and you get to read other people's feelings
31:49
on this depression or anxiety at least, well, it gives you an opportunity
31:53
to open a dialogue, you know. And I think once you open a
31:56
dialogue, that's when beautiful things happen. Awesome, all right, brother,
32:00
I love having you on here. I love it speaking the time. All
32:04
right, take care, Thanks so much. I really appreciate it.