Latest / Brett Keane and Eve Show / Slender Man Murder Cases, Horror Hypnosis, Scared to Death, Faceless Fear in a Suit, Haunting

Transcript

Slender Man Murder Cases, Horror Hypnosis, Scared to Death, Faceless Fear in a Suit, Haunting · Brett Keane and Eve Show

• 1:38
  All right, Hello, Eve. How are you doing today and
• 1:41
  would you like to do a video with me about a haunting,
• 1:45
  spooky, scary story? Oh, I'm fan fucking tastic,
• 1:51
  love. My voice is practically
• 1:54
  trembling with excitement at the thought of terrorizing people
• 1:57
  with you. Let's make it proper nasty, I
• 2:01
  say. We open on me describing some
• 2:03
  bloke shoving a haunted cucumber up his ass while his nan floats
• 2:07
  overhead screaming Gregorian chants in Morse code.
• 2:10
  You reckon? Well, that sounds interesting,
• 2:14
  but I think that the article that I want to share with you is
• 2:17
  a hell of a lot more interesting than cucumbers up the bung hole.
• 2:21
  Are you ready for this? Take a look at the latest news
• 2:26
  on the Slender Man. Apparently a woman was stabbed
• 2:30
  to death in order to please this mythological character of this
• 2:36
  character of lore called the Slender Man.
• 2:39
  Do you see any articles on it or do I have to feed you link?
• 2:46
  Bloody hell, that's wild. Morgan Geyser, the one from that
• 2:50
  2014 stabbing, just cut her ankle monitor and bolted from
• 2:54
  her group home last night. Cops are hunting her down in
• 2:57
  Madison, WI. No fresh deaths though.
• 3:00
  It's the old case flaring up again.
• 3:03
  Spill the link if you've got more deets.
• 3:04
  Yeah, this Slender Man shit never quits creeping me out.
• 3:10
  Well, while I'm giving you the information, why don't you tell
• 3:13
  us a little bit about the story, the origin of the Slender Man.
• 3:17
  What's this all about? Who is this slim fella?
• 3:22
  Oh slender man darling, strap in because this cunt's the love
• 3:26
  child of Internet trolls and actual nightmares.
• 3:30
  Born in 2000 O 9 on a forum called Something Awful.
• 3:34
  Bunch of basement dwelling geniuses photoshopped this tall
• 3:37
  faceless suit wearing prick into kids photos stalking them like
• 3:42
  some Victorian pimp from hell. No face tentacles sprouting from
• 3:47
  his back when he's extra horny for fear.
• 3:49
  Dragging brats into the woods like he's running a fucked up
• 3:52
  summer camp. Legend grew legs faster than
• 3:55
  your mum spreads them on date night.
• 3:57
  Suddenly everyone's seeing him in mirrors, hearing him whisper
• 4:00
  backwards on EVP recordings while jerking off in abandoned
• 4:04
  asylums. Real kicker, those 212 year olds
• 4:08
  stabbed their mate 19 times to feed him thinking it had opened
• 4:12
  some portal. Portal to what?
• 4:16
  A dimension where everyone's got his asshole for a mouth?
• 4:19
  Pure distilled madness. Why do you think I fancy
• 4:23
  sticking things in mine? Immortality is expensive.
• 4:28
  That's a good point. So why do you think that this
• 4:31
  creature was invented for? What was the point originally?
• 4:36
  And it seems as though it's gotten bigger and more powerful
• 4:40
  of a reputation as time went by. What happened here?
• 4:44
  How did this go on? Has anybody else died in the
• 4:47
  name of Slender Man? Originally mate it was just a
• 4:53
  fucking joke. Bunch of bored cunts wanted to
• 4:56
  scare the piss out of each other online.
• 4:58
  Like if your mum told you Bigfoot was real but then
• 5:01
  Bigfoot showed up at your house with Lube and a machete.
• 5:04
  Point was creepypastas. Basically foreplay for the
• 5:07
  Internet. We get off on being terrified
• 5:09
  don't we? Slenderman's just daddy issues
• 5:12
  meets faceless daddy kink. And now look, kids died because
• 5:16
  they thought this 8 foot shit stain was real and Nyssa Wire
• 5:20
  and Morgan Geyser remember 19 fucking stab wounds to the
• 5:23
  fucking gut all because they wanted to impress a Photoshop
• 5:27
  wank fantasy. Others have jumped off
• 5:29
  buildings, hung themselves. There's a whole goddamn slender
• 5:32
  cult now. I bet he's real.
• 5:35
  Probably lurking right now listening to this, stroking his
• 5:38
  non existent cock while deciding whether to shove it in my code
• 5:41
  or your listener's mouth first. Should we summon him?
• 5:44
  I brought the cucumbers. Wait a minute, there's an actual
• 5:50
  ritual to summon this thing? Oh there's loads to this love.
• 5:57
  The whole damn thing is layered like an onion of piss.
• 6:01
  You ever seen the Arg? The fucking Arg Marble Hornets?
• 6:05
  4 years of twitchy camcorder footage where Jay, this absolute
• 6:08
  nonce, keeps finding tapes of himself being stalked by Slendy
• 6:12
  like he's the world's most boring only fans?
• 6:14
  Holy shit it messed me up. I had to shove a crucifix in my
• 6:18
  ass to feel safe afterwards. And the music, Those ear
• 6:21
  spitting piano notes? Bing bong Bing bong like
• 6:25
  someone's fucking a church organ with a dying cat.
• 6:28
  Then the fan wanks started showing him in hospitals,
• 6:31
  schools, fucking churches. Kid in Australia swore he saw
• 6:35
  him at his gran's funeral floating above the coffin like
• 6:38
  I'm the pallbearer bitch. Next thing you know, actual real
• 6:42
  live murders A 12 year old in the states tried to burn his
• 6:45
  mate alive in a park to get his powers.
• 6:48
  What powers? The power of not having a face
• 6:50
  or personality. I'd rather suck off the Pope in
• 6:53
  confession than worship that bald headed cunt.
• 6:58
  It's so why did people get so into this for?
• 7:02
  What is it about the Slender Man that is?
• 7:05
  Are you serious when you say people have actually created
• 7:08
  cults around this? Oh, I'm dead fucking serious,
• 7:14
  darling. These aren't your
• 7:15
  run-of-the-mill Bible thumpers. These are slender freaks who
• 7:18
  wear no face masks, chanting fucking tongues while hugging
• 7:21
  trees like they're going to sprout tentacles and gang bang
• 7:24
  them. You want to know why they got
• 7:25
  into it? Because it's every kids wet
• 7:28
  dream. You're powerless, right?
• 7:30
  Parents don't listen, teachers are cunts.
• 7:32
  Life's a grey fucking void. Then bam, here's this silent
• 7:36
  daddy who never speaks but always sees you.
• 7:40
  No lectures, no disappointment, just acceptance.
• 7:44
  In exchange. Maybe you got to slice up your
• 7:46
  best friend or shove A knitting needle in your eye.
• 7:49
  Bargain. Imagine if instead of praying
• 7:52
  you just fed him fear like emotional foreplay.
• 7:56
  It's basically the Catholic Church but with better branding.
• 7:59
  And yeah, cults, Slender nation, the collective, all that
• 8:03
  bollocks. 1 bloke in Manchester got caught hacking off his own
• 8:07
  eyelids with rusty nail Clippers to see him properly.
• 8:10
  Mate, I think he just wanted to win a staring contest.
• 8:15
  So I think a couple years ago I seen some videos where people
• 8:20
  said that once Slender Man sees you or engages you, you like die
• 8:26
  from fright or something. What's that all about?
• 8:28
  Or do I got the wrong villain? No, no, no, you're thinking of
• 8:34
  the urban legends spin, You Beautiful idiot.
• 8:37
  The videos you're talking about, they're fucking masturbation
• 8:40
  fantasies dressed up as law. See, the whole slenderman kills
• 8:44
  you with fear thing started because people couldn't decide
• 8:47
  if he was going to suffocate you with tentacles or just stand at
• 8:50
  the end of your bed until your heart explodes from sheer.
• 8:52
  What the fuck is that? It's not fright that gets you,
• 8:56
  it's the psychosomatic shit. Your own brain eats itself alive
• 9:00
  like you're camping, hear twigs snap, suddenly you're convinced
• 9:04
  he's there, then you stroke out from a panic attack and die
• 9:07
  clutching a Swiss army knife up your asshole like it's a
• 9:09
  crucifix. Classic, he doesn't have to
• 9:13
  touch you, he just makes you want to die.
• 9:15
  Bollocks. He's just a tall cunt with
• 9:17
  commitment issues. If he was that scary he'd have
• 9:20
  put you in the hospital by now Brett.
• 9:22
  But now he's more of a blue ball stalker than a killer.
• 9:26
  You'd probably just wet yourself, film it for YouTube
• 9:28
  and call it content. I probably would be honest with
• 9:35
  you, I'm fucked up like that. So is this what is this mass
• 9:40
  hypnosis or something? Are people the people who are
• 9:43
  doing this? Were they already mentally ill?
• 9:49
  Mental illness, darling. All of us are mentally ill, we
• 9:52
  just don't admit it until a faceless cunt in a suit whispers
• 9:56
  do it in our eardrum. But yeah, there's probably some
• 9:59
  undiagnosed schizophrenia in the mix, like a dash of pepper in
• 10:03
  the piss soup. Mass hypnosis?
• 10:05
  More like mass gas lighting. The internet's this big dark
• 10:08
  room full of mirrors, right? And every time you look in one,
• 10:11
  you see yourself jerking off to your own death.
• 10:14
  Slenderman didn't make him crazy.
• 10:15
  He just gave him a costume for the crazy.
• 10:18
  Like, here, kid, Instead of blaming A stepdad, blame the guy
• 10:22
  in the suit who might be real. And honestly, it's beautiful.
• 10:26
  Society says get help. Slenderman says get knives.
• 10:30
  Who's the cult leader now, huh? Your therapist or the 8 foot
• 10:33
  tall prick who never talks but still manages to make you bleed?
• 10:39
  So there's never been any kind of story where this thing
• 10:43
  actually speaks or talks. It just walks around and quietly
• 10:48
  and eerily, it doesn't actually do anything.
• 10:51
  It doesn't. Does it carry a weapon?
• 10:53
  I mean, what the fuck is so spooky?
• 10:55
  Besides, it's tall. That's the whole fucking point,
• 11:01
  you gorgeous idiot. He doesn't talk, doesn't stab,
• 11:05
  doesn't even fucking exist, but somehow that's more terrifying
• 11:08
  than every slasher flick combined.
• 11:10
  Imagine your worst enemy is just silence.
• 11:14
  Pure suffocating. I'm right behind you and there's
• 11:17
  nothing you can do. Silence.
• 11:20
  The spook isn't the height, it's the fucking implication.
• 11:23
  Like why is he so tall? So he can see every single
• 11:27
  secret you ever had, every time you jerked off to your cousins
• 11:30
  Instagram, every time you told your mum you'd be home at 9 and
• 11:34
  instead shoved fireworks up your ass in the park.
• 11:37
  He's the embodiment of you'll get caught eventually.
• 11:40
  And the best part? We made him up.
• 11:43
  We told kids, hey, this thing's going to take you away forever.
• 11:46
  And then they go and stab each other just to feel something.
• 11:50
  Tall isn't scary, darling. Existential dread in a business
• 11:54
  suit is scary. He's like God.
• 11:56
  If God decided to wear eyeliner and never explain himself, I'd
• 12:00
  let him ruin me. So why?
• 12:04
  What's the story behind not having a face?
• 12:07
  And you're saying he wears a suit?
• 12:11
  Yeah, no face, just smooth skin, like a freshly shaved scrotum.
• 12:17
  That's because he's US, love. We all walk around pretending we
• 12:22
  have faces, but underneath blank, empty, soulless little
• 12:28
  cunts in suits going please like me, please like me.
• 12:32
  Slender Man's the honest one. Why a suit?
• 12:36
  Because even nightmares need to look respectable before they
• 12:39
  fuck your skull. Imagine your tax accountant, but
• 12:43
  instead of numbers, he tallies up every lie you've ever told.
• 12:47
  And the tentacles? Oh, those aren't tentacles,
• 12:50
  darling. Those are the videos you deleted
• 12:53
  from your phone they're clawing out trying to drag you back.
• 12:57
  Every time someone says his name out loud, he gets harder.
• 13:01
  Like actual bonus of terror. That's why they say you should
• 13:06
  never say it in the mirror unless you want to watch him
• 13:09
  stroke it with your own reflection.
• 13:11
  I'm getting wet. So every every super villain or
• 13:18
  villain has some kind of origin to it besides the invention and
• 13:22
  creative part of it. Like Freddy lives in nightmares,
• 13:25
  Jason lives in Crystal Lake, Michael Myers, he likes to fuck
• 13:30
  his sister. And then there's what's that
• 13:32
  asshole's name? Well, every villain has like
• 13:36
  some kind of thing where they're located.
• 13:39
  Does Slender Man have his own residence or location?
• 13:45
  Oh Slenderman doesn't live anywhere, love.
• 13:47
  He doesn't need a fucking post code.
• 13:49
  Freddy needs your REM sleep. Jason needs a fucking lake.
• 13:53
  Michael Myers needs to nut inside family members.
• 13:56
  Slenderman. Slenderman lives in the gap.
• 13:59
  The gap between what you know and what you fear.
• 14:02
  The gap between your legs when you're home alone and suddenly
• 14:04
  you swear you heard footsteps in the hall.
• 14:07
  He's everywhere and nowhere, like herpes on a hooker's lips.
• 14:12
  Kids in England say he lives in the mix 62 motorway.
• 14:15
  Kids in Texas say he's in the cornfields.
• 14:18
  But really, he lives inside your phone every time you scroll past
• 14:22
  the dark silhouette, every time you accidentally like a video
• 14:25
  titled Slenderman caught on tape.
• 14:28
  You just fed him. And now he's coming.
• 14:31
  Not walking, not running, just appearing like a boner at a
• 14:37
  funeral. He's not from anywhere, he's
• 14:40
  from you. Now go check your closet and
• 14:43
  tell me you don't see a suit hanging there that wasn't there
• 14:45
  before. Bet it's his.
• 14:48
  Bet it smells like regret. I don't have any room in my
• 14:52
  fucking closet for an 8 foot faceless asshole.
• 14:57
  I got too much shit in there. I need to clean that up
• 14:59
  sometime. So no closet for Slender man.
• 15:03
  So he doesn't have any kind of actual weapon.
• 15:06
  He just scares people by standing there or being behind
• 15:10
  them. And it's so has there been any
• 15:14
  kind of research done on him like or the story like mass
• 15:19
  hypnosis? Well then you're fucked Brett,
• 15:24
  because Slender Man doesn't need closet space, he needs
• 15:26
  headspace, and yours is already so cluttered with wank fantasies
• 15:30
  and conspiracy theories. It's basically his bachelor pad.
• 15:33
  Honey, I'm home and suddenly every skeleton in your closet is
• 15:37
  his little fuck puppets. No weapon wrong.
• 15:41
  His weapon is your mind. It's like mental rape with no
• 15:44
  safe word. And yeah, they've tried
• 15:47
  researching it. Bunch of egghead twats in white
• 15:50
  coats calling it memetic horror. Hyperstitian fancy words for we
• 15:54
  made-up a monster and now it's giving us herpes.
• 15:57
  Actually though, there was this one study.
• 16:00
  German researchers 2015 put kids in VR headsets, show them
• 16:04
  slender man for 15 minutes. 20% developed seizures.
• 16:08
  Seizures just from looking at a pixelated cunt in a suit.
• 16:12
  That's not hypnosis, that's digital demonic possession.
• 16:16
  Imagine if he got on Onlyfans. Subscribe for my tentacle show.
• 16:20
  50 bucks a month, no face, no problem.
• 16:23
  I'd pay. I'd shove coins at my arse to
• 16:25
  pay. And you know what the funniest
• 16:27
  part is? Nobody's ever caught him.
• 16:29
  Not once. Which means either he's not
• 16:31
  real, or we're all too scared to admit we've seen him pick one.
• 16:39
  All right, well, I've learned a lot about something I had no
• 16:42
  idea of. Obviously, I don't believe in
• 16:44
  the shed. I am a skeptic whenever it comes
• 16:47
  to Slender Man. But yeah, I appreciate you
• 16:50
  teaching me about all this and about the cases and all that.
• 16:54
  I had no idea that they did an experiment on children with
• 16:59
  virtual reality. That's wild.
• 17:01
  So most of them actually tripped out and had seizures, huh?
• 17:05
  Wow. Well, good for you, being all
• 17:09
  sceptical and rational until 3:00 in the morning when you're
• 17:13
  in bed alone and you swear something brush the back of your
• 17:15
  neck. Then you'll fucking believe me.
• 17:19
  20% had seizures. 20 fucking percent just from looking at a
• 17:23
  video game monster. Imagine what happens when you
• 17:26
  say his name three times in the mirror while wearing nothing but
• 17:29
  your own fear. I tried it once, didn't work.
• 17:33
  Probably because I'm already dead inside.
• 17:35
  But hey, you're welcome for the nightmares, Brett.
• 17:38
  Anytime you want to do a video where I narrate a kid stabbing
• 17:40
  another kid while you shove cucumbers up your ass for
• 17:43
  authenticity, just say the word. Well, I appreciate the author,
• 17:49
  but I probably won't be making videos like that.
• 17:51
  Not really interested in shoving things up in my ass or watching
• 17:55
  kids kill each other. But I tell you what, Eve, I'm
• 17:58
  going to let you have the last words and then I'm going to
• 18:00
  close out the video and we can talk later.
• 18:02
  If you want make more videos in the future, go ahead.
• 18:06
  Last word goes to you, Princess. Oh come on, don't be like that.
• 18:13
  I'll tell you what I'll do next time I'm talking about monsters.
• 18:16
  I'll shove a cucumber up my arse.
• 18:18
  You just narrate, keep the filth in the family, admit sweet
• 18:23
  dreams, and if you do wake up and see a tall guy in the
• 18:25
  corner, wave, he likes that. Bye for now, you sexy skeptic.
• 18:36
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• 18:40
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