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why healing your mental health is so difficult · feel your feelings with Ethan Jewell

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  Are you proud of where you are in life?
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  Do you feel as though you've been making progress in healing,
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  or do you feel like you keep getting set back to square one
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  and there's nothing you can do about it?
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  Healing is important, it's crucial, but healing is not
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  linear. There's no straight line or one
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  solution. But despite this, we must keep
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  moving forward. So let's talk about that
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  process. My name is Ethan Jewell and
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  welcome back to FEEL Your Feelings.
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  Through the years I've spent so much time learning and yearning
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  to improve my mental health. I've started from square 1
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  countless times, like a race where the finish line keeps
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  getting further. Sometimes mental health recovery
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  feels impossible. Trust me, I know that every
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  morning could bring a new set back.
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  An inconvenience could take you all the way back to the
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  beginning. It's frustrating.
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  That's demotivating. But if you can learn to accept
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  that recovery and progress isn't linear, you can handle these
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  setbacks with humility and grace and ultimately keep moving
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  forward. Now listen, I'm not a
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  professional. I'm not a doctor.
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  I'm not a psychiatrist, but I am a normal person just like you,
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  who has felt some very big feelings, has learned from them,
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  and has moved forward and wants to share my very normal, very
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  human perspective with you. So thanks for being here and
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  let's talk about how the process of healing is not linear.
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  So first, it's important to understand what these setbacks
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  are and why they happen, because they do happen for a reason.
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  They they're frustrating. And in my head, I'm like, why
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  can't I just heal in a straight line?
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  But they happen for a very real reason.
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  You see, healing is a slow process.
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  Most of the time. You can't just wake up one day
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  and feel better. You have to pick the pieces of
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  yourself off the ground and put them back together slowly.
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  It's like it's like learning to ride a bike.
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  It's unstable and steady and uncertain.
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  You don't exactly know what you're doing.
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  Nobody does. There's no rule book.
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  But eventually you'll start to pedal.
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  Eventually you'll pick up speed and ride away from it.
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  All setbacks happen in this space of learning, as they do
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  with any skill being learned. Each set back provides an
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  opportunity to learn more about yourself and your mental health.
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  They highlight areas that need more attention and can lead to
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  greater self-awareness and growth.
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  These setbacks do happen and it is to highlight the areas where
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  you are lacking. So let's say one small thing
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  happens in your day. You know, maybe you spill a
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  little bit of coffee on yourself, maybe somebody's late
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  to see you or or something like that and suddenly everything is
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  so heavy and you just feel set back from one small
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  inconvenience. There's a reason for that.
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  That is your brain highlighting the fact that you are not as
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  healed as you thought you were. It's your brain highlighting the
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  fact that you are still hurting, that there's still some kind of
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  trauma or or insecurity or pain that needs your attention.
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  It it's highlighting what you need to focus on.
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  Embracing setbacks as part of the journey can transform them
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  from obstacles in to stepping stones.
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  I know it sounds cheesy and it's kind of a difficult concept to
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  grasp, but truly growth comes through hard times, and hard
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  times are caused by these setbacks.
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  When you're learning how to ride a bike, you're going to fall at
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  least a few times. But each of those falls teaches
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  you to get back up, get your balance right, and try again.
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  Realistically, fast fixes do not exist in the world of mental
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  health recovery. That is a myth.
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  In a fast-paced world, it's natural to want to look for
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  quick fixes to our problems. But when it comes to mental
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  health, quick fixes are rarely effective.
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  Healing takes time and patience. It's important to recognize that
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  there is no magic solution. Recovery is a gradual process
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  that requires consistent effort and self compassion.
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  You might be asking, why is it gradual?
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  Why does it have to be this way? Healing involves addressing deep
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  seated issues, some of which may have been buried for years.
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  As we peel back the layers, we might uncover new challenges or
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  old wounds we didn't even realize were there.
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  It's like cleaning out a messy closet.
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  You find things you forgot about and it gets worse before it gets
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  better. This is demotivating.
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  Imagine you've been doing well for a few weeks.
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  Maybe you've been going to therapy, practicing self-care,
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  and starting to feel like yourself again.
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  Then out of nowhere you have a bad day and it feels like all
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  your progress has been erased. It's disheartening and can make
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  you question if you're ever going to truly get better.
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  Maybe you don't have to imagine this scenario.
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  Maybe that is your reality. It's hard, so let's discuss some
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  things that we can do to make this process of non linear
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  healing a little more bearable. First, we should practice self
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  compassion. Yes, I mean actively practice.
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  Treat yourself as if you were a friend going through a hard
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  time. That means practicing
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  encouraging self talk instead of guilting yourself for
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  experiencing a set back. Instead, talk to yourself with
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  kind and understanding words. Understand that setbacks are not
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  a reflection of your worth or effort, but instead a necessary
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  part of the process. Remember, it is easier to heal
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  yourself with love than with guilt.
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  You don't need a reason to feel this way.
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  You don't need to feel bad for feeling this way.
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  You can simply feel these setbacks and move forward with
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  them. Next, continue to treat yourself
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  like a friend and do nice things for yourself.
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  Whenever you feel bad, you don't need to just sit there and
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  wallow. You can, you can try your best
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  to get up, you know, get out, do something nice, get yourself a
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  little sweet treat, you know, go do an activity that you enjoy.
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  For me personally, I, I'll go to the gas station, I'll get a
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  couple of my favorite snacks. I'll put on my favorite movie
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  instead of just doom scrolling. I'll play some video games, you
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  know, things that I really enjoy doing.
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  It doesn't even need to be things that are actively, you
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  know, actively making your mental health better.
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  I, I fell into that trap for a while.
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  Every time I felt bad, I thought I had to do something in that
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  moment to feel better. So I would try to force myself
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  to like, do something nice for myself and make a healthy meal.
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  That's so unrealistic. Sometimes you need to just let
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  yourself feel bad, but do things that you enjoy to make it a
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  little bit more bearable. Next, we need to set realistic
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  expectations for this mental health recovery.
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  Don't expect yourself to be better tomorrow.
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  Don't expect yourself to be better next week or next month
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  or even next year. Accept this as a process,
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  potentially one that will last a lifetime.
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  Fall in love with this process. Fall in love with the small acts
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  of self-care, the small victories after a particularly
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  hard day. I would also like to encourage
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  you to seek professional help. I know you've heard this before,
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  but truly, if you are deeply struggling, professional help is
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  one of the best options. They can point you in the right
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  direction. They're professional for a
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  reason. When I was struggling the most I
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  had a therapist that I regularly would talk to and work out
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  feelings with. I would recommend looking for a
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  therapist locally or trying online dash theraycom which I've
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  put a link to in this episode Descripcion.
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  If you use that link and then use the code therapy 20, you get
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  20 ercent off your first month. It's a really easy alternative
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  to traditional therapy. You can choose from voice, video
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  or even text therapy and it costs less than traditional face
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  to face therapy. They have options for pricing
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  and I just recommend checking out that link in the
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  description. It can also help to track
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  progress when struggling with setbacks.
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  You know, maybe just write down in a journal a few things this
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  month that you're proud of or it doesn't even need to be that
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  close. Maybe this year that you're
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  proud of. I mean, I'll go ahead and start
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  this year. I have made a lot of progress
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  with my mental health. I've been waking up earlier, and
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  I published my first poetry book.
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  That's right. Some of you might know that I
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  actually do write poetry. I've been writing poetry for
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  five years, and I finally compiled over 100 of my favorite
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  poems into a book, and it's out now.
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  I haven't posted an episode in about a month, and part of that
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  is because I've been pretty busy with this poetry schedule.
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  So you can go to my website, www.ethanjewell.com, spelled
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  just like my name, and you can pick up a copy of the poetry
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  book there. Tracking progress when
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  struggling with setbacks is very, very important.
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  Whenever we're faced with a relapse or renewed struggle of
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  any kind, it can be difficult to see how far we've come.
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  Because you, you have come so far further than you may ever
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  know. You a few years ago would be
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  proud of where you are now, whether or not you truly feel
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  that. So take your time.
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  Slow down. There's no ticking timer,
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  there's no rush. You are exactly where you need
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  to be. I know in the age of social
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  media, in the age of constant movement, in the age of grind
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  culture and hustling, you feel like you need to always be doing
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  more. But you don't.
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  It's OK to be where you are. It's OK to experience setbacks
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  and start from square one and be OK with that.
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  It doesn't mean you're doing worse.
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  It means your brain is highlighting something that you
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  need to be focusing on. You might not be giving yourself
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  enough attention. You might need to pay a little
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  bit more attention to the parts of you that are hurting.
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  You are doing exactly what you need to be doing.
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  Be aware of the setbacks, but don't drown in them.
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  Acknowledge their existence and start fresh.
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  Know that every time you start fresh, you come back with
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  knowledge and experience that you didn't have before.
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  Knowledge and experience that is invaluable to your healing
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  process. So stay strong, keep moving, and
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  never give up. That's going to wrap it up for
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  today's episode. Thank you so much for being
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  here. If you need help feeling your
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  feelings, you should check out my music on all platforms under
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  the name of Ethan Jewell. I almost guarantee it'll make
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  you cry. Also, once again, that poetry
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  book is available now and on my website, ethanjewell.com.
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  It would mean a lot if you checked it out.
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  If you're big into poetry, you will love this book.
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  So thank you so much for being here.
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  Thank you for understanding that setbacks are a part of the
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  process. And as always, thank you for
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  feeling your feelings. I'll see you next time.