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What To Do When You're Addicted To a Narcissist! · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  So what should you do if you feel like you addicted to a
• 0:04
  narcissist? I I know I I heard that
• 0:09
  statement so much Lee. I feel like it's an addiction.
• 0:11
  Leaving this toxic relationship feels like an addiction.
• 0:15
  I don't know what to do. I don't know how to get over it.
• 0:18
  What should I do? It's whole so hard for me to
• 0:20
  leave. It feels like I'm trying to kick
• 0:22
  a drug or alcohol addiction. Help me, that's what we're here
• 0:26
  for you today, y'all? That's what we're talking about.
• 0:28
  Of course, if you're new here, I'm Lee Hammock.
• 0:29
  I'm a diagnosed narcissist here to give you the perspective and
• 0:32
  inside look at the mind of a narcissist, y'all, And we're
• 0:35
  gonna hop right into it. Narcissistic people want you to
• 0:40
  feel like you're addicted to them.
• 0:41
  Because the more addicted you feel to me, the harder it is for
• 0:45
  you to leave me or them, right? I'm telling I'm doing the third
• 0:48
  person perspective, first person here.
• 0:50
  I alternate sometimes, right? But the more addicted you are to
• 0:54
  me, the more difficult that I understand it is for you to
• 0:57
  leave me. You see what I'm saying?
• 0:59
  So in these instances, in these circumstances, when you are
• 1:03
  dealing with people like this who have the mentality like
• 1:06
  this, who who minds work like this, you have to be the one
• 1:11
  that break it. They're not going to help you
• 1:14
  break an addiction. Start looking at your
• 1:16
  narcissistic partner like a a needle, right?
• 1:18
  Like a damn needle that you inject with that needle needs
• 1:23
  you to inject it. That needle cannot inject
• 1:26
  itself. Have you ever seen a needle?
• 1:27
  And not in the cartoon, not in the movie.
• 1:30
  Have you ever seen a needle get up off the bed and go inject
• 1:34
  somebody? No, it needs to be injected.
• 1:36
  That needle needs you. That narcissist needs you to
• 1:39
  inject them into your life, right, We're here.
• 1:45
  So in order to kick this addiction, you have to be the
• 1:49
  one to do it. Does it?
• 1:51
  You have to understand that in order to break this addiction,
• 1:55
  you first have to acknowledge it.
• 1:56
  Just understand you might be addicted to this person and a
• 1:59
  lot of a lot of times when, when you admit that you're addicted
• 2:03
  to somebody, there comes a lot of shame with it, right?
• 2:06
  So many people feel ashamed of it.
• 2:07
  It's like, well, Lee, I'm so ashamed that I'm AI feel
• 2:09
  addicted to this person. I, I feel so bad that I'm
• 2:12
  addicted to them. I can't, I don't know what to
• 2:13
  do. Like Lee, help me, help me
• 2:15
  please. And I tell people time and time
• 2:17
  again that just like breaking a Dick, an addiction to alcohol or
• 2:21
  drugs, when you kick this addiction, you have to replace
• 2:27
  it with something healthier. You have to replace that
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  addiction with something healthier that serves you
• 2:35
  better. Y'all know how many people, how
• 2:37
  many people I've talked to, right, that have tried to like
• 2:40
  that, that are breaking, that are trying to leave a
• 2:42
  narcissistic relationship, that have kicked other addictions
• 2:45
  before? They'll be like Lee, I was
• 2:47
  addicted to the white powdery substance, right?
• 2:50
  As Ray William Johnson says, we can call it Coca-Cola.
• 2:53
  I was addicted to that white powdery substance.
• 2:56
  Breaking this relationship is harder than that powdery
• 2:58
  substance. But when I kicked that
• 3:00
  substance, I had to start do I started working out, I started
• 3:04
  walking, I started reading, I started writing.
• 3:06
  I said, then what are you doing to replace the narcissistic, the
• 3:09
  narcissistic person? What are you doing to replace
• 3:12
  this addiction? Because if you don't work on the
• 3:16
  if you don't break the ties that bind, you will end up going back
• 3:20
  to this toxicity or, or you'll find someone else that's
• 3:25
  possibly more toxic. You'll find someone else that's
• 3:29
  more abusive. You'll find somebody that treats
• 3:31
  you worse or that treats you just as bad.
• 3:34
  But it's a different form of abuse, right?
• 3:36
  It's a different form. You at first you had an overt,
• 3:39
  just outwardly loud, obnoxious, malignant, abusive narcissist.
• 3:43
  Now you have this passive aggressive gaslighter that you
• 3:47
  that makes you question your reality.
• 3:48
  The other narcissist usually yell and scream at you and throw
• 3:50
  some shit at you. This one right here doesn't
• 3:51
  throw anything. They don't.
• 3:52
  They raise their voice at you, but you know they're being
• 3:54
  abusive. You know they're being
• 3:55
  manipulative. You know they're trying to make
• 3:57
  you question your reality. They've been cheating and lying,
• 4:00
  but they gaslighting you, making it seem like it's your fault,
• 4:02
  making you seem like, oh, I never said that.
• 4:04
  Oh, that never happened. Oh, you're wrong.
• 4:07
  You see how it goes right here. You see the mentality, You see
• 4:11
  what is going on in the heads of these narcissistic people when
• 4:14
  you're trying to break these ties that bind.
• 4:17
  I promise you, this is a part of it.
• 4:19
  This is a huge part of it. This is a mental.
• 4:21
  This is a part of the mental block that you go through when
• 4:23
  you're dealing with toxic, narcissistic, abusive,
• 4:26
  manipulative people. I promise you, right?
• 4:30
  So think about it like this. If you break this addiction, ask
• 4:34
  yourself, what the hell are you replacing it with?
• 4:37
  What are you going to replace it with?
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  Literally breaking this addiction requires you to have
• 4:44
  something, a backup addiction, a backup, something healthier,
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  someone healthier, A support group.
• 4:50
  There's so many people that have joined my support group that
• 4:52
  have had that. Yeah, they join a support group.
• 4:55
  They're there for a little while.
• 4:56
  They meet, they make lifelong friends, They share their
• 4:59
  stories. And then guess what?
• 5:01
  They leave the group. And I got to say, I'm so
• 5:06
  everybody who's joined my support group that has entrusted
• 5:09
  me on this journey to help you break these toxic narcissistic
• 5:12
  addictions, It hurts when I see y'all leave the group, but I'm
• 5:16
  so proud of y'all. If y'all still watching the
• 5:17
  videos, I'm so proud of y'all. Even if you leave the group,
• 5:20
  you're not supposed to be in the group forever, right?
• 5:23
  I'm so proud of y'all. I'm so grateful for you.
• 5:25
  Y'all make my journey. Y'all make this so much worth
• 5:28
  it. I promise you, if y'all want to
• 5:29
  join my support group, check out mental mental illness.net and
• 5:33
  just Scroll down to the join the support group.
• 5:35
  Y'all, it's, it's, I promise you it's worth it.
• 5:37
  You know, I promise you it's worth it.
• 5:39
  And they I helped it. Like the support group becomes
• 5:41
  their new kind of their new kind of vice.
• 5:44
  They when they want to reach, when they want to reach out to
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  the narcissist when they want a bump.
• 5:48
  You said when they want a, a narcissistic bump or a, a, a
• 5:53
  smoke or hit or drink of that narcissism, right.
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  Instead, they write a post in the group.
• 6:00
  They reach out to one of their friends in the group.
• 6:01
  They e-mail me. Find something to replace it.
• 6:05
  Find a divert to find a way to divert that attention.
• 6:09
  Divert it. It doesn't go away.
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  It takes a while to break. It does takes a while.
• 6:14
  Take a while to break. Find something.
• 6:16
  Do something for yourself. What have you want?
• 6:18
  Ask yourself this question, right?
• 6:19
  What have you wanted to do that you could not do while you've
• 6:23
  been in this toxic relationship? What is what is something that
• 6:26
  you've always wanted to do that you found that you could not do
• 6:30
  because you were in, you were enthralled or immersed in this
• 6:33
  toxicity? Go do that.
• 6:35
  It doesn't have to be big, y'all.
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  It doesn't have to be a big, huge thing.
• 6:41
  It could be something small. It doesn't have to be huge.
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  It literally can be something small.
• 6:47
  Something small to help you win, something small to help you
• 6:50
  break free, something small that finally helps you just
• 6:53
  understand what you're going through and what you've been
• 6:55
  experiencing. I promise you, it does get
• 6:57
  better, but you have to find something outside of this
• 7:00
  relationship, outside of them, to help you.
• 7:05
  Right, very like I just came with an analogy on top of my
• 7:10
  head right here. Y'all.
• 7:10
  Y'all know I love my analogies on the spot right here.
• 7:14
  Just imagine rock climbing. I know some of y'all have never
• 7:17
  been rock climbing before, but you know, most rock climbers
• 7:21
  have gear. They have backpacks, they have
• 7:24
  the special shoes, they have clips, they have helmets, they
• 7:28
  have lights, they have snacks. They they go up or with a bunch
• 7:32
  of stuff, they're prepared to climb this rock, to climb this
• 7:35
  mountain, right? Very rarely do you see what they
• 7:39
  call a free climber. They go up there with nothing a
• 7:43
  prayer. It's could they could now, could
• 7:45
  they get to the mountain, the top of the mountain with no
• 7:48
  equipment? Could they get to the top of
• 7:49
  that skyscraper or that building with no equipment?
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  Yes, it's possible, But guess what?
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  It's easier when you have other people there with you or and
• 7:58
  it's easier when you have equipment you had you have that
• 8:01
  helmet because in case you do fall, you hit your head.
• 8:04
  Oh, this, this helmet saved me. Imagine being a solo free
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  climber. You don't have that helmet.
• 8:09
  You slip, you're done. So if you climb in this mountain
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  of leaving the toxic relationship and you don't have
• 8:16
  any equipment, you don't have any tools, when you slip, don't
• 8:18
  you hit your head, you're right back in toxicity.
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  You see what I'm saying? You're right back in it because
• 8:24
  you you had no you had no clip, you had no harness.
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  You had nothing to keep you from falling back into it.
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  So many people can clip into it. Hey, I'm going to put this
• 8:33
  safety clip right here. So if I fall, I'm a this thing
• 8:36
  is going to kick. This clip is going to catch me.
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  This person is going to catch me.
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  I'm going to catch me. I've been, I understand what's
• 8:42
  going on. I'm going to catch myself right
• 8:44
  now. So when you fall, if you fall,
• 8:46
  if you slip, you lose your grip group.
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  The safety clip helps you from hurting yourself.
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  It helps you from falling back into toxicity.
• 8:55
  So could you climb this mountain by yourself with no equipment?
• 8:58
  Absolutely, yes. But don't it sound smarter and
• 9:02
  better and safer to have equipment to have a support
• 9:05
  system there instead? Was that a fire analogy off the
• 9:14
  top of the Dome? Was that what that was?
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  I know y'all get that. I know y'all got it.
• 9:26
  That was on top of the head. That was off top of my head.
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  I know y'all. Just like I'm sweating, dude, it
• 9:32
  took some mental energy and this new light I got y'all was just
• 9:34
  throwing out, it'd be throwing out heat.
• 9:35
  This damn new light be just it'd make you sweat.
• 9:37
  You gonna earn, you gonna earn this video now.
• 9:41
  But seriously, y'all, I just want y'all to be as strong as
• 9:44
  possible. I want y'all to win.
• 9:45
  I want y'all to understand what victory and real true love looks
• 9:48
  like. You can't get true love while
• 9:51
  you're in a Natasha relationship.
• 9:52
  Yeah, you can truly love your kids.
• 9:54
  Yeah, you absolutely can. You can truly love your family.
• 9:56
  But it's very difficult to find a true love for yourself while
• 9:59
  you're inside of a touch of relationship with dynamic.
• 10:01
  Whether it be your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife,
• 10:04
  partner, sister, brother, whoever the narcissistic person
• 10:07
  in your life is, it's very difficult.
• 10:09
  So in order to break that addiction, you need help.
• 10:11
  In order to break that addiction, you have to find
• 10:13
  something healthier to divert your attention or to focus your
• 10:16
  attention on something else, something better.
• 10:19
  Knit. Find knit.
• 10:20
  You'll start knitting. Go join a run club, right?
• 10:25
  Join my support grill. I'm telling you, the mental
• 10:26
  illness y'all, I promise you is worth it.
• 10:28
  We do a lot look, we do every Sunday evening.
• 10:31
  We do a live chat every Sunday evening we do a live group chat
• 10:35
  where we all get together and we like chat and talk about
• 10:38
  everything we've been through through the week, set goals,
• 10:41
  connect people, make friends. It's it's super cool y'all.
• 10:44
  Mental illness.net and my courses are also available at
• 10:47
  mentalillness.net as well. My courses, how to leave a toxic
• 10:51
  relationship and how you even got into it in the first place.
• 10:54
  Into the code Mothers or Fathers for 50% off my courses and into
• 10:58
  the code Mental 15 MENTA L15 for 15% off.
• 11:03
  Even the coaching, the one-on-one coaching stuff y'all.
• 11:05
  I've been doing those for years. I've helped so many people.
• 11:08
  Anyway y'all, I ain't gonna ramble on too much longer.
• 11:10
  I appreciate every single one of y'all.
• 11:11
  Hit the subscribe button if you want to.
• 11:12
  I love y'all. I'm grateful for you.
• 11:14
  How about peace?