Latest / Side Note... / From CA to TX: Elephant in the Room, Family and God
Transcript
- Melissa: Yeah. Welcome to Side Note. This is episode two, where I'll be talking about the question that I get a lot in my store nearly every day. And that is how did you get from Santa Barbara, California to Johnson City, Texas? ⁓ and I can almost hear my customers' voices when they ask it because it's a little bit of a chuckle, and of course they say it with a lovely Texan accent, which I will not imitate, but It's lovely. And they'll say, they'll ask, now, how does one get from Santa Barbara, California to Johnson City, Texas? And it is pretty specific because it's not like I moved to Dallas or Austin. so there is a reason why it's Johnson City specifically. ⁓ but it's a pretty simple question, but of course I've got a long story with lots of Details to share with you before we go into those details. If you've ever felt an urge or a desire to make a change, but it seemed illogical, not practical, maybe irresponsible, or maybe it was. The opposite of all those. Maybe it was a very logical move. Maybe it would have been really responsible or practical. And it can be really scary. The unknown is scary. What's gonna happen? What if? What if this happens? What if that happens? So even in the most uncomfortable positions and situations, it can keep us stuck. Fear. So I want you to think about that the reasons. Now I will tell you, and anybody who knows me. And you'll get to know me as you listen to the episodes. But for me, I'm kind of an odd bird. I thrive on change. This is a thread through my life. ⁓ I've learned how to embrace it. And they often ask me, How could you do that? And I'll share with you in all of my episodes why I did it and how I did it. And it's not rocket science, it's actually Really easy, but when it comes to the head and the heart and all of the good stuff, sometimes we get stuck. So I want you to ponder that again in your own life. When you've wanted to do something, did you do it? What did it look like? Did you not do it? How did it make you feel? But so let's go back to the question, the how and why of ⁓ me moving to Johnson City, Texas. I would like to preface first. First, before I get into those reasons, I mentioned this in episode one about my love for California and how I love California. So I don't want that to get lost. I don't want that to get misunderstood because even though as I share with you the the reasons and the answers as to why I moved to Texas, it might and it will sound like there are negative aspects to California. I mean, that's no surprise. Come on. That's every place, right? So I'm gonna share that, but I don't want it to get lost because it's so important to me, just in my heart, that it's understood that I loved California, still love California. And the experience that it gave me, I would not change it. I mean, wow, the the the character development alone of living in California. has served me well. I was contemplating this the other day as far as like I felt like it's sort of an analogy of being in a relationship with somebody. And you know, whether a love relationship, an intimate relationship, this love affair. And, you know, you get into these relationships and it it serves you well. They're giving to you, you're giving to them, you're putting into the relationship. It's healthy and it's good and you're thriving. And then sometimes things happen and things change and it's no longer serving you. It's no longer good for you. It doesn't feel right in your head or your heart or your spirit. And in those moments, we have an opportunity to make a decision, to get out of the relationship, to change. And I mean, maybe that sounds overly dramatic, that analogy to me having a relationship with California, because I really do feel like I had this love affair with this amazing, beautiful place that was in many respects out of my league for mostly financial reasons, but it gave a lot to me and I gave a lot back to it. And then it got to a a place where It wasn't feeling good to me anymore. I've had lots of time to reflect on this question that I get every day in my store. So let's talk about those reasons. Let's talk about the reasons that I moved to Texas. So these are the reasons that I moved to Texas, these are actually in the order of importance. ⁓ so the number one reason why I left, okay, we'll get to that. So reason number three why I left California is let's just say a cultural or societal shift. Okay. That's maybe the soft way of putting it, but we could also just call it politics. Now let's just let's just say it. There is an elephant in the room. And People don't like elephants in the room, but I do. I see the elephant in the room and I want to go up to it and I want to pet it and I want to talk to it and I want to figure it out. So the elephant in the room is politics in California versus politics in Texas. I'm sharing that with you because this is my truth. And I felt that shift or that. extreme difference ⁓ because of the fields that I worked in also. I worked in higher education and I worked in mental health. So these are industries that in California can be, you know, pretty far on the side of, again, generally speaking, let's say liberal thinking, which is exactly where I used to be. But as I was getting older and the experiences that I'd had in my life in California, and then when COVID happened, and in episode one, I talk about my COVID experience. This was all shifting my mind and my heart. This all of this was. And I'd had some pretty intense conversations with friends, now former friends, that were really unfortunate and discouraging and surprising to me. I'd observed certain things with other people. and just everything that was going on in my world here in California, I just often was scratching my head going, what? No, no, no, no, no. I don't no. I don't agree with that. Or really? And as far as the topics, again, elephant in the room, you know what I'm talking about. That's a whole different ⁓ podcast, but you know what I'm saying. So it was those things that shift a little bit before COVID and definitely after COVID that just made me go, I don't like this. I don't agree with this. I don't feel good about this. This is not serving my purpose. This is not helping me. This is feeling really heavy to me. So yes, yes, the elephant in the room is the political landscape in California changed in such an extreme way that at least that's how it felt to me. A lot of people will say, Well, that's California. Well, yes, it is. And that's actually why I moved here in my twenties because I loved those aspects of it, of it being free spirited and different and and all of that. But it changed so much. And I also got older and we change as we get older that I just said, okay, what's going on here? This is not feeling good. And so that's kind of what got me started thinking about. This option of moving, ⁓ which is crazy. So, but that's that's reason number three. Also, I have to say, again, you can get this through the threads of my episodes. I'm curious. I'm a creative, I'm a writer, I get bored. This is why I I thrive in change. And so with California, I had conquered it, so to speak. I'd conquered my dreams. I had accomplished more than I ever thought I would or that I, you know, just could dream of. I'd gone to graduate school. I ⁓ published a couple of books. I became a lavender farmer and so many other things. So I definitely conquered. And then there were things that I never conquered. in California that just kept me down and stressed and ⁓ I just couldn't get ahead. So that feeling like okay I conquered well enough and then I got curious and then I got bored and you know I wanted to change. And again, mind you, I didn't grow up in California. I was in Colorado. And then I made the move to California. And then, you know, 20 something years later, I made a move to Texas. And in between those times, I'd also lived in Wyoming for a short time and Italy for a short time. So this move for me wasn't completely out of the norm because of my my ways of thinking about change. The other reason that I moved to Texas that really stands out for me is family. And this goes back to why I chose Johnson City specifically. ⁓ my brother married a Texan, my sister-in-law Daniela. And they lived in Austin and then they moved to Johnson City. So I'd been visiting them for about 12 years. Now, mind you, not Once when I visited them did I think, ⁓ this is a cute little town. I want to move here. Not once. I didn't think anything negative of it, but the the idea of living in Texas didn't enter my head for those years that I was visiting them. I mean, it just never. I was going to be in California for my whole life, as far as I was concerned, ⁓ up to a certain point. And so, but that's why specifically Johnson City. But I have to tell you though, when I decided to move to Texas, I didn't automatically choose Johnson City because my brother lived there. I was actually looking at other towns and You know, it was really important that I I moved to Texas for family because my brother moved there and my mom and my stepdad also had moved there ⁓ I don't know, five, six years ago from Wyoming. So they moved there to be closer to my brother. And so I just wanted to be closer to my family. But I'll tell you this little secret that not even my brother and my sister-in-law know. Until they listen to the podcast. ⁓ I was still in California. I this was three and a half years ago when I was thinking when when this little thought entered my mind about moving. I didn't tell anybody because it was blowing me away. I was like, what? Would I really? And then I shared my thoughts and my concerns about Living in California with a friend, John David, a very good friend of mine in Santa Barbara, through the years. And I shared that with her and she gave me some really good advice. And she said, Look, this is what you need to do. She said, Go to Texas. She said, I have a house in Austin. I want you to go there for a week. You can stay in the house. There's a car in the garage. I don't want you to tell anybody that you're going. You just go and you stay in the house for a week. You get in the car, you drive around to all these places that you're thinking about moving, that you've heard about, and you don't tell anybody. And so I shared this with my best friend. And we did a little secret trip out to Texas. And we drove to all the towns. that I had heard that the Californians were moving. Georgetown, Bernie, Dripping Springs, Granberry, Weatherford, New Braunfels, sorry if I'm not saying that right. I still haven't figured it out. All these places. And actually go there in person and get a feel and see if you want to if you want to live there. So that's what I did. I did this little secret trip. And after the trip, we visited all those places, I didn't know where I was going to go. But once I got back, all I knew for sure is that I had to move to Texas. A month later, I was moved out, sold everything in my little cottage in Lompoke where I was living. And I moved to Texas. And I stayed with my brother and my sister-in-law for, well, first I stayed at the house in Austin for three months. So grateful for that. Then I moved in with my brother, my sister-in-law. And it was my brother who found the location for my store. And so it just happened to work out that I got to live, get to live in Johnson City, where my brother lives, and my mom, not too far away either. So I was open to other places in Texas. But when I got back from my little secret trip, and it was such great advice, you know, to go and look at something. Don't tell anybody. Just don't tell anybody that information. Just figure it out on your own. Pay attention to your intuition and what you feel. And I said, I'll I'm I'm gonna be gone in a month. And so that's what I did. And I'm so happy about that. So with family being a big part of my decision, the first half of my life, I moved to Santa Barbara, California to to pursue my dreams and to take care of me. And that was really important. And that's why I did that. I don't regret that. I did all the things. I put myself first. And then there came a time when I thought, okay, now I'm at the time before I moved to Texas, I was in my late 40s and I thought, I'll be 50 in a few years. And you know what? I want to live the second half of my life being near my family because I have not been close to them in the first half of my life. And in other episodes, I'll share with you why. That was important that I did my own thing. If you've read Cowboy Dad, you know why. You know why I left. I gotta tell you, not to over spiritualize things, but reason number one that I moved to Texas is totally a God thing. This is what God wanted. And in fact, it's kind of crazy because all of those reasons I gave you that are very Understandable, logical, they make sense, my family, curiosity, things going on in California that weren't comfortable for me anymore. You can forget all that. It was God. God is almost like used those things to shift my perspective and to shift me towards looking at Texas because my mind changed, my spirit changed, my heart changed. It is so clear to me. Even though it wasn't clear to me when I first moved to Texas what I was gonna do, but it's so clear to me now that this was divine intervention, this is what God wanted. And so I felt that and knew that ⁓ when I made the move. And I did not move to Texas because of the cost of living in California. That's another reason a lot of Californians have moved out. But that was not my reason, although it should have been. I struggled too many years financially because of the cost of living in California. But I'd almost just gotten used to the stress and being unemployed and then having three jobs and then trying to catch up and like it was just. all the time for 20 something years. So that was a bonus for me when I moved to Texas. That was a bonus. and feeling this relief, this burden, ⁓ my gosh, the the cost of gas, the cost of groceries, and everybody's like, well, yeah, of course, of course it's going to be less expensive. And I knew that, but it wasn't until I got there that I felt it, that I felt relief. I felt hope. That I could get ahead. I felt hope that I could save for my future. I felt hope that I could get out of debt, all kinds of things. And again, it's about perspective. I remember when I first moved to Texas and the Texans were complaining about the cost of gas. And I just thought, ⁓ Lord, are you serious? Like this is amazing. But I was definitely the Californian in Texas. I mean, I remember living in Austin at the house and Heard on the news that there was going to be a hail storm, and I'm out there, you know, putting blankets and padding on my car. And I think the neighbor's like, ⁓ must be a Californian, because I was so worried about the hail messing up my car, which eventually it just happens. And sure enough, five months into living in Texas, big hail storm. I didn't get to cover my car in time. And for those of you who remember the lavender van or the lavender mobile, which I do not have anymore, ⁓ got all kinds of hail damage. So, but it's just the way of life in Texas. So it was a God thing. It was definitely a divine intervention in why I went from California to Texas. So yeah, so Johnson City, Texas is my home now. And I love it. And it's what God wanted. So I mean, of course I'm gonna love it. I mean, I'm just thriving. And I mean, I've got six rescue cats, two rescue bunnies. I have the most amazing store, which is also a bonus. Guys, I did not go to Texas to open a store. Now again, a lot of Californians with businesses said, ⁓ we are taking our business out of state. This is crazy. We're we're moving our business out of state. And they did it for very understandable reasons: taxes, cost of living, income taxes, etc. That wasn't me. I just said, I'm going to Texas. I don't know what I'm going to do. Maybe I'll use my higher ed degree. Maybe I'll use my aesthetician license and work in a spa. I don't know. I mean, when I first moved here, I was applying to be an H E B. driver like ⁓ delivering groceries. I'm not even joking you. ⁓ and they didn't hire me. So it was like I was willing to do anything. And then I knew that I would have to come back to California to harvest the lavender if I did something with that. But my brother found my store Available for rent. And for those of you who have been there, you know it's such a spiritual hub. It's such a perfect spot for me. maybe that'll change, maybe that won't, but ⁓ it's perfect. And it was my brother that found it. And so I that's the other bonus. Not only cost of living and being able to live comfortably and make a living and support myself, but I've got this amazing little store in Johnson City at the old lumber yard. And I live above my store. Like I it always blows my mind. It's it's yeah, two and a half bath, full kitchen, a beautiful porch upstairs and downstairs. And I always think, ⁓ my gosh, in Santa Barbara, this would cost thousands of dollars. And I can afford it. And ⁓ it's just it's like it's like living in a Hallmark movie. I've got my little store. I live upstairs. It's like a little tree house. but it's an actual full-size apartment, and I've got my cats and my bunnies, and life is so beautiful and so good. And you know, I talk about this with my customers ⁓ on a daily basis. This why did you move from Santa Barbara to Johnson City? And so we have this conversation and I love it. I love the conversations that I get to have in my store. It's different than the conversations oftentimes that I had in California, even with folks who might be visiting from Austin. And we have different opinions. But let me tell you something. Talking about those different opinions in my store in Texas is a lot different. Because you don't even you don't do that. Here in California. Again, generally speaking, I'm speaking from my lived experience. You don't ask questions, you don't. If you say certain things, you're like you're the bad person. These are conversations that I've had in my store with people with opposite opinions of mine, and everything is fine and ⁓ lovely. So I have to say, too, with the conversations I've had with the Californians, it's also I think a spiritual thing because it's almost like a group therapy for the Californians that have come into my store. There have been several situations where let's say there's eight to ten people in my store and they're all with different groups or not all together, but we get to talking and we realize that all of us in there at the same time are all Californians that have moved to Texas. And we get to talking and sharing our lived experiences, our life before Texas, and our life after moving to Texas. And it truly is like healing for us. Because if you're not a Californian, you may not understand this, but the change for us and the folks that I've talked to, you know, there were some traumatic things that happened and ⁓ ways of thinking and believing. And then just being able to talk to somebody else who has experienced that and understands that, you just feel so comfortable. And yeah, it's it's been really nice to meet other Californians in my store ⁓ to talk about that. And also when we come back to California, I thought I was the only one that was feeling like weird or odd or like uncomfortable sometimes when I'm here. Again, please don't misunderstand me. I love being here with my lavender and frolicking in my lavender, but it's not all frolicking, I'll tell you that. And again, I'm super sensitive. So there are things that I'm feeling. Well, when I talk to other Californians, they said, you know, that's really weird because when I go back home to visit family, we feel the same way. We're excited to get back to Texas. And so it's really nice to hear somebody else say that and feel that. And then the Texans, the Texas customers, ⁓ I love them. So lovely, so welcoming. But you know, every day I'm explaining I'm a California lavender farmer and they want to know why. And as soon as I explain to them why, they get it. They're so welcoming. I think out of the thousands of customers I've had at this point, I've had three that were not so positive. I had to ask them to leave my store because. and that was on both sides of the aisle. Like it was like, you know, one was upset that I was a Californian growing ⁓ bringing in California lavender. another one was upset because of the reasons I wanted to move to Texas, being a conservative, perhaps. But other than that, those I think two, maybe three, ⁓ the Texans hear my story. They're They're so welcoming. They say, Well, welcome to Texas. We're glad you're here. And when they say that, I believe them. I feel it. It feels and sounds authentic. they've been so supportive of my business and and of me. And ⁓ I really, really, really love that. So those are my reasons. Again, that's my lived experience. Loved my experience in California, but now. Texas is my home. And I'm sitting here recording and I'm just thinking about I can't wait to get back. Number one, because I'm freezing. So as soon as I get back to Texas, I'm sure I'll be like, it's so hot. I miss my cats. I miss my store. I miss my customers and I miss my family. But it has been fun frolicking in the lavender. And I get to see some of my ⁓ beautiful people while I'm here. So those are the reasons ⁓ why I moved from Santa Barbara to Johnson City. And I just want to go back to kind of the original, you know, pondering question I asked you. And that is, you know, in your life, have you had a similar situation where you were thinking about doing something that's kind of a big move, a big decision, a big change. And I would just, you know. Sort of the advice I would give you is just to observe your surroundings, observe other people, take note of things. How does it make you feel? Like check in with your with your body, check in with your heart, your anxiety. Do you have anxiety? Do you not have anxiety? When you hear this, when you see this, when you when you feel this, so just observe and pay attention. I am surprised at how many people are not paying attention, not only to the things around them, but to their own feelings and to the clues that the universe or that God is is giving you. I mean, we're not talking little clues here. These big things that people miss, that they don't see. They're not paying attention. Observe, pay attention. I also think that, you know, prayer is important, praying about these things is important, but pondering is praying. I just do. I'm like pondering and w wondering all the time. And I really think that that's a form of prayer. And you know, higher power God hears that. I think on a more like practical note as far as advice, I I never want to feel regret because I've felt that before and it doesn't feel good. And it feels so bad for me that it's I can take myself back to that feeling and remember it and go, ooh, ooh, ooh, I don't want to regret. So I ask myself the consequences. Okay, if you don't do this, how are you gonna feel? If you do do this, how are you gonna feel? Like literally close your eyes, imagine that decision. How is it making you feel? Are you like, ⁓ no, no, no, no, no, no, not gonna do that? Or is it cringe? I mean, whatever it is, imagine yourself in that situation, making that decision. What are the consequences if I do or if I don't? And how does that make you feel? A lot of people are afraid, what if I make the wrong decision? And part of me just says, What if you do? Like Who cares? I I mean, I don't want to make it sound too simple, but in my case, if I moved to Texas and I got there and I was like, what the hell did I just do? Then you move back. You know, I also some people view this as a negative thing, but for me it's always helped, so I'm gonna share it. And that is I think worst case scenario. Okay, worst case scenario, I do this. Okay, what's my fear? Around doing that. Why am I not moving on that? Because I'm afraid X, Y, and Z will happen. Okay, so then I go, well, what if X, Y, and Z happens, these negative consequences? What would I do? Well, then I come up with a solution. Most of the time, the negative consequences aren't gonna happen. The worst case scenario isn't going to happen. The chances are better that you're gonna do this thing and it's gonna turn out really wonderful. But think about the worst case scenario. Okay, if that does happen, what would I do? And then I have a plan. I go, well, that's not that bad. That's not that hard. Okay, why am I freaking out about this? That's not that bad. So you think about what do you have to lose? What's gonna happen? And you realize you're getting caught up in your fear, and you realize it's not that bad. Even if it doesn't work out, you can always change things. The other thing is. A timeline, this idea of a timeline, again, this has worked for me. So you probably realize, at least you should have by now, that as we get older, time goes by faster. And that to me is a constant reminder that I cannot sit on something too long. I can't contemplate too long. Because if I'm thinking about doing something that's going to be ultimately better for me. And even if it's not better for me, at least I tried and I found out. But if I don't make a move, then before you know it, another year has gone by. And you think, wow, I was thinking about this last year and I still haven't done anything about it. And now I'm a year older. So I think of that timeline and I ask myself, okay, Melissa, you're wanting to do this. If you don't do it, Imagine how you're gonna feel a year from now when you go, Wow, I was asking this question last year. How's that gonna make you feel? You're gonna go, ⁓ my God, I just wasted another year. So give yourself a timeline, whether it's a month or five months or a year. You go, by this time next month, or by this time in six months, or by this time next year, I will have done this, I will have decided this. So give yourself a timeline. It doesn't have to be high pressure. It can be a very realistic timeline, but give yourself a timeline so you can put a little bit of push on yourself. And also, I think probably the last thing I would say is to be okay with not knowing the outcomes. Now, this takes some faith, right? Be okay with not knowing the outcomes. So again, for me with Texas, and also this goes with my move to Santa Barbara, and you know this from reading Cowboy Dad or listening to episode one. I didn't know what I was getting myself into. I did not know the consequences. All I knew was that I felt a calling to go to Santa Barbara in my 20s, to go to Texas in my late 40s. I felt it. Once I got there, then things started happening. Now I had to put in some hard work and some other things. I did my part, but you do your part and then you're rewarded by God, by the universe, whatever it is, however you you view that. ⁓ but be okay with not knowing the outcomes. If you think about my bonuses of just going to Texas and not knowing. I I didn't know where I was gonna live. I didn't know how I was gonna make a living. ⁓ I got a job in Austin. I'm moving to Texas. No, I got an amazing place to live. I got an amazing store. I am financially in a much better position. All of these things I did not plan for. If they happened. So that's how I would encourage you if you're contemplating a big change or a move. ⁓ and For me, I think it stayed in the obvious. I'm so happy about following my heart and my gut and my intuition. So I am a few days out before I finish my harvest. I'm here in California. I definitely am enjoying being in the lavender, seeing people that have played an important part in my story. And I get to sit down with them and have conversations with them. And yeah, just smell the flowers, the jasmine, the sweet peas. It's it's everywhere here. And I love that. And ⁓ meditate with the lavender and the bees, of course, the bees. But I'll be going home to Texas in a few days. And I'm very excited to go home. So thank you for listening to this podcast. This episode. And I just want to encourage you to keep pondering and wondering. And also just a recap on episode one. first of all, it's not on YouTube yet. Please be patient with me regarding that. But I just want to thank you for the encouragement that I've already gotten from episode one. I got texts, I got messages on Instagram. And just saying that you're listening and you love it, and that makes me really happy. ⁓ my favorite comment was from ⁓ Juanita V. Hill. She lives in Monta Vista, Colorado. She sent me a message on Facebook. And Monta Vista is near Del Norte, where I grew up. And Juanita said, ⁓ this reminds me of your days as a DJ. And it may or may not surprise you, but I got my FCC license in high school and I was a DJ in high school. Another story, another time, another episode. So again, thank you everybody for listening and keep pondering and wondering. And also just a recap on episode one. first of all, it's not on YouTube yet. Please be patient with me regarding that. ⁓ but I just want to thank you for the encouragement that I've already gotten from episode one. I got texts, I got messages on Instagram, and just saying that you're listening and you love it, and that makes me really happy. ⁓ my favorite comment was from Juanita V. Hill. She lives in Monta Vista, Colorado. She sent me a message on Facebook. And Monta Vista is near Del Norte, where I grew up. And Juanita said, ⁓ this reminds me of your days as a DJ. And it may or may not surprise you, but I got my FCC license in high school, and I was a DJ in high school. Another story, another time, another episode. So again, thank you everybody for listening and keep pondering and wondering.