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Episode 15: Understanding the Highly Sensitive Person · Feedbag with Nat Lauzon

• Nat Lauzon: ⁓ So ⁓ today I wanted to talk about a little something ⁓ HSP. ⁓ What's HSP, Nat? Well, I'm glad you asked, All ⁓ HSP is highly sensitive person ⁓ he's actually the one taught me what HSP was. I was the one who... heard your personality when I first met you and I think I think you might be HSP. do you want to I'll take a stab at I think in that book ⁓ by Elaine Aaron, the highly sensitive person, ⁓ they mentioned about 20 percent of the people. are HSP and that means they just are more sensitive to external stimuli and they get overwhelmed because they absorb a lot more from the nervous system. it's an actual physiological difference in the nervous system. And I think a lot of people ⁓ might perceive if someone calls HSP, they may think you're like, ⁓ you know, I'm so sensitive. I'm sensitive. Like I'm special. You have to be delicate with me. Yeah, that's why apparently This is something I read at one point. They were trying to change the name or the term HSP to something STS or something like that. Something with a stimulation sensitivity. make it sound more because just sounds like, well, I'm highly sensitive. It just sounds like a A character trait. Yeah, but it's not. It's actual physical difference. so I'm just going about my life, just doing my thing. And then meet this guy and he's like, have you ever heard of HSP? And I'm like, I have no idea what that is. ⁓ But why did you think that I was HSP? Well, I had history with HSP. My last girlfriend was ⁓ HSP and we kind of discovered that together. ⁓ She would get extremely ⁓ in certain situations and ⁓ down and needed to be alone and recharge and be in the dark even in some times and just needed to get away from all the stimuli. And then ⁓ as I met you when we were chatting, think before we actually met even, I was noticing that you had a lot of the same things you didn't like, the things that would make you ⁓ I don't like that. It's too much. And I started to wonder if you were. And so then I gave you the test, right? do you want to give the audience a test? Ask them questions. let's do the test. Elaine Aaron wrote two, well, two, I think only two, I don't know, but about the highly sensitive person. This is the second book. And you bought me this too, the highly sensitive person in love. But the test is in here too. Oh good. Yeah. Because this one is more for how to navigate relationships if you're with a highly sensitive person or right. it's the same HSP test. Oh good. you want me to ask you the questions? Yeah. Ask me the questions. There's like something like 20 questions or something or, and it's just true or false. So I add up all the trues. You ready to go? Yeah. I seem to be aware of subtleties in my environment. True. Other people's moods affect me. True. I tend to be very sensitive to pain. Unsure. It's hard to know because you've only ever been you, but I think you are not particularly sensitive to pain. You're pretty tough and you keep your mouth shut about a lot of pain. You're kind of stoic like that, like a dog doesn't say anything when they're hurt. the... also scoot on the carpet. ⁓ Yeah. Is that part HSP? ⁓ Cool. think it's question Okay, we'll get to it. I find myself needing to withdraw during busy days into bed or in a darkened room or any place. where I can have some privacy and relief from stimulation. Yes. Bathroom in a busy place, restaurant at a party. Yeah. Okay. I am particularly sensitive to the effects of caffeine. Hell I am easily overwhelmed by things like bright lights, strong smells, coarse fabrics, or sirens close by. Yeah. Yeah. All of that. Right. I have a rich... complex inner life. Yes. Why don't you count the ones that you say no to? It'll be easier. So far you're only at one. Okay, I'll count my no's I'll count my no's. I am made uncomfortable by loud noises. Yep. I am deeply moved by the arts or music. Yes. I am conscientious. Yes. I startle easily. Yes. I get rattled when I have a lot to do in a short amount of time. Yes. Yes, you do. When people are uncomfortable in a physical environment, I tend to know what needs to be done to make it more comfortable, like changing the lighting or the seating. Yes. That's true. You do. I am annoyed when people try to get me to do too many things at once. Yes. It's funny. It's like... You could have written this. I try hard to avoid making mistakes or forgetting things. Yes. I make it a point to avoid violent movies and TV shows. Yeah, we talked about this. So I currently avoid them, but sometimes I do if if it's like entertaining and I want to see it. I don't know. It's not your favorite. It's not my favorite. So do I avoid them? Well, say no. Mostly I would say I mostly avoid them, but I sometimes avoid them. Like some people never avoid that. I do avoid them. Yeah. Okay. But not entirely. Well, of course not. Let me how could you because okay. So that's a yes then. Okay. It's yes, but not a hard yes. It's soft yes. I become unpleasantly aroused when a lot is going on around me. Yeah. Changes in my life. Shake me up. Yes. I notice and enjoy delicate or fine sense, tastes, sounds and works of art. Yes. I make it a high priority to arrange my life to avoid upsetting overwhelming situations. Yes. ⁓ You definitely do. Two more and then we're done. ⁓ When I must or be while performing a task, I become so nervous or shaky that I much worse than I would otherwise. ⁓ I don't know about much worse, but I don't like being observed. Does it mess up your performance? Yes. I guess that counts then. When I was a child, my parents or teachers seemed to me as sensitive or shy. Yes. ⁓ Really? OK. So yeah. There's 22 questions. You got 20 out of 22. That's pretty high. You want to know what that is? So, no, I'm highly sensitive. Yeah, but you're like, high highly sensitive. I think if I took this, I'd probably have like, Maybe five yeses. can you tell when I'm overstimulated? Absolutely. 100%. ⁓ Because I now know what HSP Like before ⁓ my ex girlfriend I, well, figured it out. She was told before it was figured out, it was like, why are you like crazy right now? And she even probably felt it like, cause she just did, get super overwhelmed would have to get the hell out of a situation. All of a sudden it was like life or death for her. And it's like, what's going on? And then ⁓ you don't understand it. ⁓ yeah. So I had to recognize signs. And so with you, it's cause I kind of seen it before, I see the same things. But the one difference I noticed with you is that you kind of have already structured your life to avoid most of these situations. Like you already kind of knew, I don't like this and then you just don't do it. that's key in managing. over stimulation, which I never knew was happening to me. So I just kind like created my life in a way that I didn't have to do those things or do them for too long, or I had enough recovery time and rest time and all that ⁓ stuff. I knew how my body needed to go. Right. And I kind of noticed that the things that make you like, I don't like that. I don't like this. I don't like this. We're all kind of like things that an HSP doesn't like. Like what? okay, hey, do you want to come to the Formula One with me? No way. you don't, well, first of all, you don't care about sports, but that's nothing to do with HSP, but loud cars. I don't even think that would be the biggest problem for you. I think it would be the crowds and how many people you just got to wade through. And it's just the noise and there's all the smells. Yeah. the lineups for the Metro and it's all crowded and waiting. And it's like, right. No. Right. Like. Like a lot of these music festivals and stuff, you don't like those. I remember in my 20s, I went to a music festival. We used to have Bourbon North. Street North, up north. Yeah, it used to be like Blue Rodeo and Cool Band, you know? And so I remember I used to go to that in the summer, as part of the radio station I worked for. And I went, I was like, I must have been 24 or something. And I went to this music festival I was so sick by the end of it, not from drinking, just by being in the open, in the hot sun, probably not hydrating enough. And I vomited on the way home and I wasn't even drunk. It was just so much like stimuli and like heat and not taking care of my body. another thing about you is like side effects with drugs. You're likely to get the side effect. What drugs? Hi, mom. No, not those kind of drugs. Medications. Yeah. Yeah. I like to do like half doses of things because it works just as well. They'll affect you. Yeah. And if there's a side effect, you probably get it. And if I'm hungry, like I'll get wobbly fast. ⁓ And even weird things like parking your in the driveway backwards. Yeah. Like to me, that's a sign of somebody who wants to get the hell out of there. I always to bring my car places. when my body says, you've got to pull the pin. It's fast. Right. And it's like, I got my car bye and I ghost. once I'm overstimulated to the point of I can't, it happens fast. And so I got have my car and my little bubble and I can just retreat home and... I can't go through all the goodbyes and stretch it out. I can't. No. But ⁓ you know, you are the only boyfriend that I ever had who ⁓ Number one knew about this because you taught me about it. But never me it I always felt like, why can't I just go, go, go like other people? Like, why can't I do this? Or why don't I want to go to this event? Like, what's wrong with me? Nothing's wrong with you. Like you just have ⁓ a different ⁓ nervous system that It likes to be calm a lot. And it shows up in different things. Like some visuals of something will be enough to make you like, I don't want to like, I'm trying to think of like certain landscapes, ⁓ yesterday when we watched Age of Attraction. Yeah. Remember when they were playing soccer ball? They were kicking the soccer ball. Yes. Yes. Okay. Age of Attraction is a show on Netflix. And there was a scene where there's a couple and they're just kicking a soccer ball on the beach. ⁓ And you were like, do you think, you asked me, do you think I would like what's happening here? And I was like, no. And then I knew you wouldn't, but I wasn't sure of all the reasons why. you're like, tell me all the reasons why I would hate this. I think you just don't like sports and you would feel, I don't know. was anyway, you tell us why you don't like. Well, yeah, they were kicking around a soccer ball and I saw that beach. And first of all, there was no shade. I was like, it is so hot on that sand right now. Secondly, as they were kicking the soccer ball, I just saw the sand fly up like into a little dust cloud. And I went, ugh. That's gonna like, it feels hot. Like the heat of the sun, can feel how hot that sand is. So the hot sun and the hot sand being dusty and getting in my throat, sports, don't want to do it. Being observed when in a competitive environment. observed and like when I'm doing sports. Yeah, so I didn't like any of that aspect. Right. And I was watching, oh look, they're kicking the on the beach. That looks like fun. But do you know how many times my whole life I'm like, what is wrong with me for not liking that? course. and highly sensitive children are often kind of like criticized by their parents as being shy or... You know, like introverted. it's just, but a highly sensitive person takes longer to process shit and make decisions is harder. Like you have to really think about all the possible outcomes where other people are more like, let's just go. Oh yeah. Like if I have an argument with someone or a disagreement, I'm like, you got to give me time because I need to think about it. I need to think about it and process and then come back. Like I'm not going to in the moment. I can't do it. It's too much in there. I have to separate it. make little pie charts and do a PowerPoint for myself and get an abacus and a calculator and figure it all out. It's kind of true. it'll be like the shy kid who doesn't want to, and I feel bad about this now because I only learned about it later in life. And I'm like, well, maybe one of my kids was a little more sensitive, didn't want to do You're like, come on, because all the other kids are doing it. Right? You're not really thinking about them being individual. ⁓ you're not. Like, it's like, why won't you do what all the other kids are doing? All the kids are doing what's wrong with my kid, you know? But it's like, there's nothing wrong with you. It's just there are things you don't like. Like, I remember my daughter, for example, I don't know if she's HSP or not. I think she might be. Like fireworks, when she was a child, forget it. She hated them. Where's my other kids? ⁓ fireworks, right? But she hated all of it and It's a lot of noise and lights and crowds. meet people. Yeah, so she wasn't I can understand that big time. is why I say you're the best boyfriend like you never push me to do something. Like I've been dated people before where they're like, why don't you? want to do this or why aren't you this like this person's girlfriend? And I'm like, what? it's just not me. And then I feel like what's wrong with me. But you, you never ever once have been like, why won't she come? Why won't you come to this concert or why won't you do this or what? Never once And you do a lot of things and you ask me to do a lot of things. I bought tickets today for something that knew you would like. And then I'll tell them about the bonus for it. OK, I'm going to Avenged Sevenfold to give you an idea on August 8th. ⁓ They're playing in Montreal on August 8th. I'm going to see Avenged Sevenfold. His favorite band. My favorite band in the whole world with my three kids, which is awesome. That's super great. Super I would have loved to have seen concerts with my dad. Like you're the coolest dad. Well, they're cool kids because they like the same music that I do sometimes. Anyway, so we're all going to Avenged Sevenfold and that's like, it's like, Avenged Sevenfold is like if Metallica and Guns N' Roses had a baby, is how I describe them. Right. And then the next day I'm doing something very similar as I'm going with Nat to a play. And the play is the Golden Girls on tour. But it's not the real Golden Girls. Some of them. That would be difficult. Yeah. How many of them are dead? ⁓ All. They're all dead. Yeah. It'd be like very weekend at Bernie's. can't go see them. Be Arthur's dead. They're all dead. Rue McClanahan's dead? Dude. I'm just seeing if I know all their names. Estelle Getty. got all four. She died first. And she was not the oldest. Not the oldest. Okay, well anyway, we're going to see Golden Girls. Played by men. Played by men But after I bought the tickets, because I knew they were on a Sunday, it's like, ⁓ we can go. I bought the tickets. Then I saw. And when I told her, I was so excited to tell her. my God, it's at three o'clock in the afternoon. And she's like, my God. And then we can go out and have an early supper Exactly. This like combining so many of my favorite things. Number one, Golden Girls defining show of my childhood. Love that show. Never watch an episode. You'll to brush Number two, ⁓ seeing like a performance, a play. Right at my speed. Reserve seating. Don't have to jostle anyone. Perfect. Three in the afternoon. What? Early dinner? Hell yeah. This guy knows how to make me happy. She doesn't take much. No, all those things are like great for me. You want to know something I really liked about you when we were first talking and I was like, who is this? Like used to snowboard a lot, a lot, not lot, but a lot. Okay, but you snowboard. You enjoyed snowboarding. And then I asked you when we were first like just chatting, hey, do you like? snowboard and you were like, ⁓ no way. And I was like, man, fuck all my favorite activities. But then ⁓ when I said, but how would you feel if I wanted to go snowboarding? ⁓ And we and I we went for a weekend to go snowboarding, but you're not snowboarding. And you said, I mind. I'd go. and I would just walk around while you were snowboarding. I would love that. you after you've done snowboarding. And I would love that. And I'm like, this is a trick. This is a test. No woman speaks like that. Yes, they do. Maybe they do. Yeah. OK. But at the time, I was like, this is a trap. Who would actually do that? Like, we're going to go snowboarding for the weekend, but I'm not going to snowboard. I'll just hang around in the. and wait. well not wait. I'll hang around and read or I'll go for a walk. I'll take photos. I'll like enjoy nature. All the things I love. Well, I'm like woohoo down the hill. See, that sounds like great. It's like really? You do that? I was shocked. I'm like you would really like do that? ⁓ Yeah. Like it's not something you wanted, you know, but you were fine with it. I was just really impressed that there was an activity that I liked. Not only would you like not impede it, which some people do in relationships. just shitty people. Yeah, that's never gonna last. But not only would you not impede it, but you would also like not like slow it down in any way. You'd be like, yeah, let's go. I'm not gonna snowboard. I'm gonna go do this. It's like, oh. But also same with you. could just as easily have said, well, then no. then we're not going, like if you're not going, or like be like, come on, just take some lessons or like really, and the thing that I hate most is when people do that. Come on. Just try it. No. That makes me dig my heels in even more. But there's a line to like get you out of your comfort zone versus doing that, what you just said you hate. Yeah. Well, that's a shitty thing to do. But no, the comfort zone thing, no, that's a good thing. To encourage you, like, come on and try it, but see, there's a line where it becomes annoying to you. Because if I know flat out, don't, I have to have an interest in. ⁓ like a mild interest in being encouraged. yeah, yeah. But there are some strengths to being HSP. ⁓ yes. Yeah. It's kind of like superpower. Like it is. What do you talk about? Okay, so, ⁓ I think I'm really good at reading people. I think I'm really good judge of people and I can tell pretty quickly if you're like a decent human or not. Right? Yep. Why you were going to say something? I was going to say piece of shit. okay. I'm glad I paused for that. I think that I being HSP makes me ⁓ a lot more like creative. True. And ⁓ curious about things. And I like that aspect of me. I like learning and I have a curiosity and I'm interested in animals and dinosaurs, which you just learned about me. like dinosaurs. Yeah. Weird chick, think being HSP makes me take better care of my health. because I feel so, I feel the effects of things so quickly. I learned early how to balance those systems so I don't go off kilter too much. little ecosystems, fragile systems so that if you introduce a new food or a new supplement or something, it's like. Yeah, and I got to be easy with it. But I think that it made me take better care of my body. I don't know. I think HSP is a great way to be. But, you know, there are some things that I wish I wasn't. But we all have that anyway. But also HSP, they're higher in empathy. Because you're just more aware of other people's emotions. There's a lot of advantages to it. I thought maybe you want to talk about your socks when you were a kid. ⁓ when I was a child, this was a big HSP thing, but I didn't know. My parents didn't know either. ⁓ So know on your sock at the toe, there's a seam and I would lose my if the stitching at the toe of my sock was just a little under my toes. Like if I could feel that seam under my toes instead of above it, I would ⁓ and I called them grumpy socks. It was the only... word I knew how to describe. My socks are grumpy. My socks are grumpy. And I'd be like to my mom and dad, my socks are grumpy. And yeah, I would cry until they fixed my socks. And I also hated, I live in them now, but I hated jeans because they were so rigid. Like denim was so rigid and it felt bad, rough against my skin. yeah, but yeah, grumpy I just thought of that kid Jeremy. Yeah. I tell them the story. Okay. I used to coach my kids in their sports and especially hockey. My eldest son, when he was like, I guess this is like, he's like six or five. And the way it used to do the kids were too young to their own skates. So up to a certain age, parents would go in the room and tie the skates of the kids. And there's a lot of kids. But sometimes the parents just kind of drop the kid in the room and leave. So I had to tie this kid's skates and this kid's name was Jeremy. And he spoke very, very soft. And he had his skates and the thing was, was you were doing up his skates, he would like complain about them, but he would complain so delicately. He'd be like, I'll do it in French there. He'd be like, which is French for it's too tight. And I'd be like, oh, okay. And then I'd like trying to adjust the skate. I'd loosen it a bit. And then he'd be extremely specific. You know how a skate has probably about 20 eyelets on each side. He'd be like, And he'd point to one eyelet, but not here. And here it's too tight. Like he'd individually point to each eyelet on his skates to see if they were too tight or fine. I'd be like, so eventually I got to the point where I just kind of just would jiggle them a bit and I'd like, Oh, is that better? And he'd be like, yes. And so finally I'd get Jérémie onto the ice. and all the other dads knew don't do Jeremy skates because it takes like 20 minutes. So none of them would do Jeremy skates. And I always be the last dad in the room. And then it'd be like, Hey, Rupert, I'd be like, any kids need their skates done? And there would always be Jeremy in the corner. Okay, let's go. And I'd be like 20 minutes doing his skates, poor Jeremy. That's so nice, it's so sweet. Now I think about that he's probably an HSP kid, Yeah, really sensitive about it. And you were the only one who listened. I was the only one who bothered to at least pretend to adjust. pretend to do it. He just wanted to be heard. Yeah, poor Jeremy. I always think about that kid. That's really sweet. A lot of kids in sports, see it when they're like, now I see it knowing that, that's probably just an HSP kid, you know? The kid isn't into sports, doesn't like all the noise, all the brouhaha. But as know, parents were like, what's the matter with you? I only knew as an adult, even though I was managing it and not knowing. like, when I talk about this on my Facebook page, ever since I met you, occasionally I'll speak about it. And a lot of other people are like, I just took the quiz. Holy moly. I never knew it explained so much about how I grew up. So I would encourage anyone to take that quiz. So the book is The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aaron. And she also wrote The Highly Sensitive Person in Love.