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5 Ways To Glow Up Your Conversations · Two Broke Chicks

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: This podcast is recorded on Gadigal land. Always was, always
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: will be Aboriginal land.
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: Hey chicks, I'm Elle. And I'm Sal.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: And this is Two Broke Chicks, a show that shares
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: life lessons and tips to help make you rich in life.
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: And I hope you're ready for a yap. Yeah. Because
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: we're talking the gift of the gab. We are. Literally.
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: We're going to teach you how to glow.
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: Up your conversations.
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: How to ask better questions, tell better stories, listen, and
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: also how to end a conversation perfectly, which I feel
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: like is like the hardest part.
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: Of all of it, really.
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: It is.
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: It's a fine art. Exactly.
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: So I'm very excited because, you know, there's been new
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: research that has come out that we're talking less.
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: Can't.
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm like, surely we're the outliers in that data.
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: I don't actually reckon, but maybe we can, we'll talk
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: about that a little bit later.
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: But of course, before we start, we have to discuss
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: our obsessions of the week. And this obsession of the
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: week is brought to you by the QV Ceramides range.
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: But Al, before I get into my obsession, I want
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: you to kick us off with yours. Okay.
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: I don't know where I align on the obsession meter.
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Okay.
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: Okay. So I don't know.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: When I look at obsessions of the week, sometimes I'm
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: like the obsession is like that it's living in my
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: brain rent free. It's not that I'm necessarily like, oh,
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: my God, I love this. You can be obsessed with
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: things that you don't like. Yes. Right.
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: So that's the thing is I don't know where I'm
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: sitting on the obsessometer.
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: Oh, okay.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: We're coining that, by the way.
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: I love that. Yeah.
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: Obsessometer. Okay. But I'm calling it now. Royal purple is
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: about to be everywhere.
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: I know. Royal purple is the new it colour.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: We've had burgundy and I think the natural progression of
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: like the maroon, the burgundy and the brown, we're about
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: to have purple. Yeah.
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: I think I've been seeing this pop up as well.
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: Hot girl purple summer.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Both in terms of just like content that I've
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: been consuming from like influencers and fashion creators, but also
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: I feel like I've seen it. From some of like
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: the fashion publications that we follow. So I feel like
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: I have a pretty convincing trail of evidence.
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: Oh, the paper trail hit me.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: So for the last few years, we've watched fashion move
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: through like very rich colors. So like the cherry red,
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: the burgundy, chocolate brown, deep plum, if you will. And
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: now the like saturation is kind of getting turned up.
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: We're seeing a lot more loud colors like, you know,
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: the turquoise aqua.
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: The orange apricot vibes. Coral. Yes, that's the word I
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: was looking for.
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: But Royal Purple was all over the fall 2026 runway,
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: showing up in Celine, Valentino, Tory Burch, Balenciaga, Mugla.
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: Mugla. Mugla. Mugla.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: Mugla.
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: There's also one in here that I don't know.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: L-O-E-W-E.
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: Loewe.
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: Loewe.
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: Do you know what we need to do?
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: That trend of being like things I don't think my
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: best friend can pronounce.
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: Let's do that. And I will win. Perfect. Or lose,
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: depending on how you look at it.
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: But it's also not just designers that have decided purple
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  Speaker 1: is cool. There is a fashion forecasting company and they
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  Speaker 1: found that vivid regal purple called Rasmick Berry grew 10%
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: year on year in the second quarter of 2026. And
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: Pinterest has also seen the searches for dark plum jumped 220%.
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  Speaker 1: That's so interesting. I think as well, we've already started
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  Speaker 1: seeing it filter down into, you know, the mid-level fashion
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: stores and also like the more like affordable slash fast
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: fashion stores. Like, you know, it's in Zara, it's in
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: Princess Polly. And so like once that's happened, I'm like, okay,
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: the trend is here.
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  Speaker 2: We're on. We'll be seeing it in Kmart in about
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  Speaker 2: a month.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah. And the interesting part is that purple hasn't disappeared
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: from the next season because we're already seeing violet shades
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  Speaker 1: coming through the spring 2027 collections at Prada.
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  Speaker 2: Gucci and Tory Burch.
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  Speaker 1: So we've got the runways, the trend data, the Pinterest searches.
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  Speaker 1: And now celebrities like Jennifer Lawrence and Zoe Kravitz wearing it.
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  Speaker 2: Oh, shit, we're done for. Yeah, exactly. Once Zoe Kravitz
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: has got it on. I know. So, yeah, like maybe
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: burgundy was just our gateway drug to purple. Yeah, I
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: can see that. But I won't be wearing it. Yeah,
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: I don't know. Maybe I'll have a little bit of
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: a play. It's in my colour palette.
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: It's in my season. Maybe you should give it a go. Yeah.
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: I might give it a crack.
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: I could say in like a very camp, like things
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: like a royal purple or an electric blue, I don't
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: mind if it's in like a camp scenario. Like it's
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: supposed to be like overtly in your face.
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah. And like maybe a little bit ugly. See, I
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: don't mind if like a purple, when you look at
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: it and you go, is that purple or is that maroon? Well,
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: that's sort of my net.
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: I can fuck around with that. Yeah.
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: As with all trends, I'm excited to see how other
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: people style it. Just because it's trending doesn't mean you
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: have to subscribe into it.
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: You don't know where you are on the Obsessometer, that's okay.
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: Totally. Neither do I.
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: And I can also admire from afar. Yep. And still
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: get a little dopamine hit. If you don't know if
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: it's your color, borrow something from a friend.
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: If they have like a purple outfit or whatever color,
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  Speaker 1: you're like, I don't know if I would wear that.
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: Borrow it from a friend and, like, see how you
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: would style it in your wardrobe. And if you're like, yes, oh,
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: my God, this goes with everything I already own, slay.
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: All right. What about your obsession of the week? Bit
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: of a ride or die for you.
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: So my obsession of the week is the QV Ceramides cream.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: You chickies would have heard us talking about this before
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: because we have done some work with QV in the past.
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: But I'm a dry skin girly and– Especially like because
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: we've been in the cooler months and you and I
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: have been doing a fair.
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: Bit of traveling and whatnot. Also we fake tan.
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: We fake tan.
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: Also I shave my legs every day. That is still
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: wild to me. I know. I think I would scratch
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: all of my skin off if I shaved every day.
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: But that's just.
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: I'm one of the only people I know who does that.
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: I wish I could. How long does it take?
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: Not long.
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: Like two seconds. What the fuck?
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: I'm also not doing it as, like, a full– I'm
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: probably not doing– It's just, like, part of the process.
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: It's part of the process. Like, there's definitely, like, the
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: back of my knees are hairy, all of that stuff. Oh,
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: I have about four hairs.
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: On my ankle that never get touched. No, they're part
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: of me. We're, like, old friends. I'm, like, Mary, John, Kevin.
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: How are you guys doing?
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: It would be, like, the Samson effect. If I shaved
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: them off, I would lose all my power.
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: There's, like, two characters in Big Mouth that are, like,
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: the two pubes.
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: Like, that's my ankle hairs. Yeah, totally.
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: They are characters within your story. But anyway, as I
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: was saying, I am a dry skin girly and I've
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: spoken about that quite a bit on the show. So
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: I really do like a very thick hydrating moisturiser and
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: like the QV Ceramides cream definitely fits into this because
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: it is designed to be a very rich and deeply
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: hydrating moisturiser. It has... triple ceramides and like a triple
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: moisturizing cream formulation in it. And it also has niacinamide,
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: which is good for your skin barrier, which is obviously
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: very important.
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: You can use it on your face and your body,
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: can't you? Which I love.
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: I think I've spoken about that before. I think that's
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: the ultimate hack, whether you're traveling or even if you
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: just want to save space in your skincare routine and
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: in like your.
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: Cabinet, you because I was the same.
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: I would have a night cream, a day cream, and
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: then a moisturizer for my body. I'd have one that
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: was a little bit thicker for winter and then one
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: that was a little bit lighter for summer, which power
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: to you if also you want to do that and
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: you want to have like a 17-step skincare routine. But
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: I think I've gotten to the point in my life
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: where I just don't have the time or money or space.
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: For that.
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: So that is another thing that I do genuinely love
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: about this cream is that you can use it on
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: your face and your body.
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah. And it's affordable. That's my obsession of the week.
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: The entire range of QV Ceramides products, including the QV
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: Ceramides Cleanser and QV Ceramides Lotion, are all available to
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: purchase at your local supermarket or pharmacy.
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: Love it. All right, let's get into the episode.
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: Woo.
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: Okay. The yapping recess. The yapping recession.
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: Mm-hmm.
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: I loved the yapping recess that really just notched in
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: my brain.
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: But you might have heard of this term.
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: The yapping recession.
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: It's basically a way of saying that we're not talking
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: to each other as much anymore or even that we're
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: having fewer meaningful conversations. Even if we're talking as much,
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: maybe we're not getting as deep. I was talking to
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: my boyfriend this morning when I was telling him that
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: we were doing this as an episode and he was like,
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: oh my God, he was like, oh, I can't wait
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: to listen because he was like, I completely agree. So
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: the yapping recession isn't like what you're saying, just that
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: we should talk more. It's that we need to focus
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: on like what we're saying and how we're communicating because
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: we're actually not talking out loud in person as much anymore.
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: So it's not that we're not like communicating. It's not
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: that people have like less access to each other.
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: We probably communicate more than ever in a way.
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: But people are talking out loud and to each other
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: less often.
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: So do you want to know a terrifying stat?
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: Always.
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: Are you ready? He looked in. So Gen Z is
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: now spending a third of their year on their phones.
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: Shit yeah so constant communication is like everywhere effortless and
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: it's kind of like ruining relationships great a third of
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: the year I can say that that made me want
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: to like throw my phone into a river yeah honestly
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: down to the river when you think about it like
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: that because we just pick up our phones and it
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: might only feel like you're on it for a little
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: bit but obviously it's like.
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: The compounding time yeah seriously so being able to like.
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: Tell anyone anything at any time like it might make.
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: Us feel like we're more connected.
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: And like we obviously have access to people at all times,
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: but like what's the quality of that access really?
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: Because as well, I feel.
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: Like, you know, our love is kind of measured by
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: how much you text someone and like how quickly they
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: text you back. Yeah, I think that's also, it's so
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: interesting because it's so easy to communicate with people, right?
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: But then there's also this whole conversation about like, how
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: much pressure we feel to even send or reply to
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: texts and like that feeling when you're like, fuck, like
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: I haven't replied to this message. So it's like, yes,
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: it feels really easy, but it's also exhausting at the
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: same time. And I'm like, I was going to be like,
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: do you ever feel this way? But I know that
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: you do. I like as well, because I'm just really
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: forgetful too. And it's not like a measure of whether
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: or not I care about a person that it's like, I,
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: if you text me, like, let's say for example, one
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: of my best friends, like, She will text me like
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: three times in a row.
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: She doesn't get a– like she might not get a
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: single response.
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: But every single morning I talk to her in the car. Yeah.
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: On the way to work. Hands free, obviously.
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: But like, yeah, like that and like that. And it's
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: out loud in person and it's just so much better.
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: But there's obviously like a few reasons as to why
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: we're in a yapping recession.
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: Social media, texting, AI, blah, blah. But there was actually
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: a study.
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: That over the past 14 years has shown that we're
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: saying fewer words every single year. So more than 2,000
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: participants across the U.S., Mexico, Europe, and Australia took part
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: in the study where ambient recordings of their lives were
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: analyzed with the intention of tracking their spoken words every day.
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: Wow. I would be like, delete the tapes. I know.
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: I was going to say the people who put their
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: hands up for this study are better than me.
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: Must be like the nicest people in the world, honestly.
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: Or the people that were listening.
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: Tee. No.
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: Roll the tapes. You get some juicy goss. Yeah, exactly. However,
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: the results were quite scary.
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: And they showed that in 2019, we spoke 28% fewer
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: words than we did in 2005. And over the years,
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: we were speaking like two to three minutes less out loud,
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: which is, doesn't seem like a lot, right? But if
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: you try and speak for two to three minutes straight,
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: like into a voice memo, right?
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: Just out of the blue. It's a lot. It feels
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: like a lot of time, right? So do you feel
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: like you speak less now? Less or more? And you
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: can't include me in that.
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: I mean, probably.
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: Part of me also wonders, like, I'm like, is that
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: a part of getting older as well?
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: Like, I feel like I definitely.
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: Was more chatty and loud when I was younger. Yeah.
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: But is it because we were in school and we're
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: always around people?
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: Or is it because like at that time we weren't
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: like using, we didn't have as much access to digital communication.
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: So I'm like it's hard to know what the reason
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: for that is.
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: But I think so.
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: I think we are because the one thing that made
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: me like confirm my stance on this is how it's
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: like socially acceptable to kind of sit there on your
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: phone when you're with someone. Yeah. When you're like maybe
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: you're getting a coffee and you'll be like, oh, one sec.
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: Or like you'll even maybe just scroll next to each
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: other that like that was kind of the thing that
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I feel like 10 years ago if someone
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: did that, you'd be like, wow, they're a fucking asshole.
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: I know.
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: And as well, like we have been, we have encouraged like,
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: parallel scrolling and quiet time and cage time. See, I'd
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: still stand by that, but that's when you've had a
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: whole day of talking and you're traveling and then you
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: need one hour to be like, please, I need nonverbal time.
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: But yeah, I'm trying to think of for myself, if
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: maybe that has slipped into times when that isn't the case,
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: where I'm on having coffee with somebody and then like
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: I see a work email come up or even just
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: like I open my TikTok out of habit and I
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: find myself scrolling and I'm like, I definitely think that
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: I've done that and that's the thing it's like these
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: things are so gradual yeah it's hard to to pick
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: up on them yeah so we're going to share our
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: top five tips to get the spark back into your
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: chat and I'm very very proud to say that not
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: a single one of the tips is get off your
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: phone because that's obvious like it's very obvious that it's
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: like yeah let's let's stop scrolling I'm like yeah okay
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: Janice that's fine but like how do we have like
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: a good conversation where you walk away you're like.
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: How do we get the spark back?
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we're going to give some tips on how to
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: spin a good yarn. And the reason that we want
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: to do this is because there's a phenomenon called neural
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: coupling that actually indicates the success of a conversation. And
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: it's basically the syncing between speakers and listeners in a discussion.
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: And a study from Princeton University has shown that the
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: brain activity of a speaker and a listener in a
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: discussion is actually mirrored. So when we fail to communicate
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: and we're not on that same wavelength, the neural coupling disappears.
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: I think when we met, we neural coupled and we
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: never detached.
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: Like, I feel like we're the horse and the avatar. Avatar,
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: you've never seen it.
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: But they, like, put their ponytail in the horse's little
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: tail and, like, that's us. That's the goal. The connection. Yeah,
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: that's the goal with chats. Yeah. So.
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: We're going to teach you how to start a conversation,
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: how to contribute, how to listen and how to relate
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: and then how to end it because all good conversations
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: must come to an end.
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: I know, sadly.
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: I know. All right. Tip number one and probably one
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: of the most important, we'll say that for every single one,
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: but is to delete how are you from your vocabulary.
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: Get specific and get fun because I know that I
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: am so guilty of always asking the how are yous
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: or like the one word question, the one word answer questions, right?
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: So like escaping the how are yous and ask the
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: questions that'll keep the conversation going. So specificity creates intimacy, right?
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: So when you're saying like.
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: How are you? You're going to get good. What have
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: you been up to? Like, how's work? Oh, busy.
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: And like the goal of finding better questions is, to
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: stop getting one word answers and especially the same ones.
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: So like if you're on autopilot for the entire conversation,
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: you won't achieve that like flow state that is a
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: good conversation with the person. And so when you're trying
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: to get out of those like kind of standard questions,
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: the goal is to get like really specific to who
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: you're talking to, but like open the conversation up to
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: multiple opportunities. So you can kind of, find ways to
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: flip questions.
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: And I have like a boring questions audit. Oh, okay. Okay.
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: So the reason why you do this is because one
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: specific question can, does more work than like 10 generic ones.
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: And it kind of.
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: Forces the person that you're talking to, to actually think
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: about their answer rather than also falling upon like the
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: easy go-tos of like good or busy. So instead of saying,
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: how are you? You can ask, what's been happening in
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: your world lately?
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: I like that. Right? Like you wouldn't be like, good. Yeah,
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: like you can't, you have to give at least a sentence.
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah. What do you do for work? Instead of saying this,
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: you say, what's your favorite.
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: Part of your work?
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: Or least, if you want the tea, if you want
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: to have a winch. Instead of saying, how was your weekend? Asking,
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: what was the best part of your weekend? Instead of saying,
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: what have you been up to?
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: Saying, what are you obsessed with at the moment? Love
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: that one.
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: And then this is my personal favorite is instead of saying,
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: how was your day asking, what was the highlight of
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: your day? So I was watching a video and it
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: was with this expert in like connection and conversation. And
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: she was saying that they studied like all these different
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: conversations in a room and they had like microphones that
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: kind of measured the excitement of the conversations.
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: And they had like six questions. This is paraphrasing. So
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: I might get some little details.
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: Wrong, but. The number one question that created the most
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: exciting conversations because they would hear it in terms of
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: like a boring conversation was like, like that's how it
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: sounded on the mics. Whereas like one of the excited
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: conversations was like.
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: You can see the peaks in the audio. Yeah, yeah.
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: And it was what was the highlight of your day. Wow.
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: Because and like that was the number one question that
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: created like connection in all the groups because it forced
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: you to one, think about your day. find something that
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: was like niche to the day to be excited about.
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: But also you're talking about something that.
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: Brought you joy, which.
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: Brings like excitement and light to a conversation because it
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: was something that made you happy. And also as a
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: listener in a conversation, obviously there's a time and place
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: for conversations that are a little bit more negative or whatever. Yeah.
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: But it's fun.
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: Like it's fun to hear somebody talk about something that
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: they're passionate and excited about. And you're also more likely
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: to perhaps be engaged and be able to throw something
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: else in. Yeah.
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: My two favorites is what are you obsessed with at
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: the moment? And then what was your highlight of your day?
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: I feel like that creates such.
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: Good conversation because, you know, you can be like recommendations
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: of a show that you're watching or if you went,
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: you know, and watched a sports game or something like that.
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: Sports game.
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: Matt.
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: Match. Sports match. Very good.
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: But yeah, I think looking at your questions, doing a
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: boring questions audit and having those like five questions, it's
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: only five in your arsenal to like be able to
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: have a good chat and stop asking questions that have
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: one word answers.
• 20:40
  Speaker 2: Delete how are you from your vocabulary.
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: Tip number two, bring something to the table. A good
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: conversation isn't just an interview. So if you're only asking
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: questions and waiting for the other person to like respond
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: and entertain you, you're not exactly bringing heaps to the conversation.
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: So if you're going into a social situation, like if
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: you're going to a dinner or drinks or a date
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: or even just like coffee with a friend, have a
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: few things in your back pocket that you genuinely want
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: to talk about.
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: I think it's like part of me.
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: when we were like doing research and reading up for this,
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: I was like it feels so earnest being like have
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: these in your back pocket, like ready to go because
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: I'm like I don't want to do homework.
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: Before having a chat. Do you feel like it feels
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: like a bit dorky to be like what will I
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: talk about?
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: Or like in a movie or a TV show and
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: somebody has like written on their hand like talking points.
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: But I'm like this is a very relatable thing.
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: I think so. Sometimes you go into a conversation and
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: you're like– You're pulling– I was going to say you're
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: shooting blanks, but like you can't.
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: You're shooting blanks. You are shooting blanks. Absolutely.
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, in the conversation department.
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: And then when you're like, fuck, like what do we
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: talk about?
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: Then like your head, instead of going to like things
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: that you actually want to talk about, you're being like, fuck,
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: I'm awkward.
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like when someone says, what have you been
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: up to lately? And you go, who am I? What
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: have I been up to? Yeah. Yeah.
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly.
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: Exactly. So instead of shooting blanks, some of the things
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: that you can.
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: Prep beforehand, it could be like a weird thing that
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: you noticed this week or like you were saying, like
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: something that you read, watched or listened to that you
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: have an opinion on.
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: Like it doesn't even have to be something that you
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: necessarily loved. It could be something that you're like, I've
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: got a hot take or did you see this? Or
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: something that you're like, all right, I want to have
• 22:32
  Speaker 2: a debate. Let's go.
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: Or it can be a recommendation that you are genuinely
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: excited about a story that happened to you, like an
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: embarrassing thing that you did that week. Or even just
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: like a question that you've been thinking about lately. We
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: love also like even just having in the arsenal, which
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: like I need to stop saying that this episode. Keep
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: making me laugh. Or even just having like the things
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: where you can both contribute. Like we'd love a would
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: you rather.
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: We love a, like, fuck, marry, kill.
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: And you can both kind of bring that and it
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: just stimulates the conversation, like has that.
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: Flow on effect.
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and is also something that you can apply to, like,
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: any situation.
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that you can be like, okay, I think I
• 23:16
  Speaker 2: have a new crush. Yeah. But, like, give me your thoughts. Yeah. Yeah, exactly.
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: And conversation researcher Alison Woodbrooks actually recommends preparing topics in advance.
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: So it's backed by research, okay? We tend to think
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: that this would make us feel rehearsed, like I was saying,
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: or you might feel a bit dorky, but it just
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: is good to have something prepared so that you don't
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: then fall back to the default of boring small talk or, like,
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: falling into that awkward silence and then reaching for.
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: your phone or just stopping the conversation, you know.
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: But the key here is that you can have talking
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: points but don't have the script memorized of what you
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: want to say.
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: You don't need palm cards.
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, like you basically just want something that you can
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: contribute and also something that you're genuinely interested in that
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: you feel like you would want to talk about and
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: also that you want to hear somebody else's opinion or
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: reaction or response from.
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Because.
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, like the best conversations are the ones when it
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: isn't just one person.
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: Asking all the questions.
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: 1,000%.
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: And I think I really love that we included this
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: tip in here. So, like, good job, girls, us.
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: But, like, when we think about having good conversations, I
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: do think we sometimes think about how, like, it does
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: fall a lot onto the questions to ask, right, which
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: is very, very important. And we're actually going to get
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: into that into our third tip as well. But it
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: is just as much of what you bring to the
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: conversation because I do think as well there have definitely
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: been conversations in my life where I feel a little
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: bit like it's like dance, like come on, put on
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: the show.
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: That you're the only person contributing. You feel like you're
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: the only person contributing. Yeah.
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: And you're like, can someone, does anyone else want to talk?
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: Because I feel like I've been talking. For too long,
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: someone else tell a story, please.
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly. And it's like sometimes people are shy and
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: I get that. Like that's fine. But I love when
• 25:09
  Speaker 2: it is balanced and it's mirrored.
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: And in like all the studies, that is the measure
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: of a successful conversation. Like when you have those, when
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: you mirror each other and you both have like balanced
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: time on the mic, let's say. You're both giving each
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: other something to work with.
• 25:24
  Speaker 2: It's push and pull. I feel like we just like
• 25:26
  Speaker 2: talk at the same time half the time.
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: Literally.
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: We can literally speak at the same time and respond
• 25:30
  Speaker 2: at the same time. It's actually sick. It's unwell.
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: Okay. But what I was kind of saying brings us
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: to tip number three and it's called follow the threat.
• 25:45
  Speaker 2: So this was.
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: Something that came up in so many articles, so many
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: like CEOs and celebrities and people that just literally talk
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: for a living and talk to people for a living
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: have said this is a strategy that they rely on
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: a lot. So researchers found that people who ask more
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: questions are better liked by their conversation partners, but follow-up
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: questions were particularly powerful. So obviously at the start we've had,
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: you know, questions to start the conversation, but the power
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: actually lies in the secondary aspects Because this signals that
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: you're listening, understanding, and actually interested in what the other
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: person is saying. And so the effect has showed up
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: in like speed dating conversations. Or which would have to
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: be some of the toughest context to have a conversation.
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: So it's quite straightforward, but it's like, putting the follow
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: up questions in there to gently press for more details
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: to be like, yes, you're telling me about something.
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: I've listened and I want to know more, you know.
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: What's the tea? Yeah, people just want to feel heard.
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: Like people just want to feel like they have their
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: life and they're interesting and that people like.
• 26:59
  Speaker 2: Listening to them, you know.
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: So in a nutshell, it's like treating other people how
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: you would want to be treated. Like if someone came
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: to you and said, how was your weekend or whatever,
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: even that like if someone was like oh what was
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: your favorite show and you're like oh my favorite show
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: is the vampire diaries and they go okay cool like
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: my favorite show is like oh and you'll be like
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: okay like i did answer the question but they go
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: oh really like who's your favorite character yeah you'd be
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: like i've never seen it or they're like oh team
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: team stephan or day when you're like how long do
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: you have yeah exactly you know you you're you spark
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: up you know and so like for example if someone
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: says to you i hated my first year living in
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: melbourne Instead of saying, oh, really, where do you live now?
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: You could say like.
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: What made that first year so bad? Or what did
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: you hate about it? Because you're like, no, let's go.
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: Tell me, tell me about that. Exactly.
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: And it's like a gentle pressing for more details as well.
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: Because the thing is, is that in most scenarios, like
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: somebody is telling you something as like a jumping point
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: because they probably want to talk about it more.
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: So then you're like gently pressing for more details.
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: But then also, you know, if there's a scenario where
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: it's like, maybe they don't want to divulge Yeah.
• 28:06
  Speaker 2: Everything.
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: You're kind of giving them the option to maybe steer
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: the conversation elsewhere.
• 28:10
  Speaker 2: Exactly.
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: Because this is the part in like how to have
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: good chats that it's like, you know, tip number one
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: is how to start the conversation. Tip number one is like, okay,
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: let's have a chat. Let's start with the strong first question.
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: Tip number two is like, okay, how do I contribute
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: to the conversation? And tip number.
• 28:25
  Speaker 2: Three is more about listening. Like follow the thread is
• 28:29
  Speaker 2: more about like leaning.
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: Into how to listen to someone to continue the conversation
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: and So before changing the subject, ask one more question
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: about the current one.
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, I really like that.
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: But tip number four, I wanted to talk about story
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: topping versus being relatable, which I think that this is–
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: Everyone could.
• 28:52
  Speaker 2: Relate to this one.
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: Probably on both sides, to be honest. Yeah.
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: I was going to say like pun unintended, but this
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: is so fucking relatable because when somebody is telling us
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: a story, one of the most natural ways we feel
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: like we can connect is to think of a time
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: when something similar has happened to us. So if somebody
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: is telling you something that happened to them, like say
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: they missed their flight, And you're like, oh, my God,
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: that happened to me. But I was in Europe. And
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: then that meant I missed my connecting flight here.
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: And Pitbull was on the plane. And then we sang
• 29:25
  Speaker 2: Give Me Everything Tonight. And then I went and met
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: Princess of Wales.
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: Honestly, a story worth telling. But the problem is, is
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: that it can very quickly turn into story topping. That's
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: when somebody shares something and then you immediately respond with
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: your own version that's like bigger or worse or more dramatic.
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: And I do think that sometimes like you might genuinely
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: be trying to relate. I think a lot of the
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: time people are genuinely trying to relate. Especially like, um,
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: neurodivergent people, like, this is very much a common thread of, like, how,
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: you know, they try to relate and, like, we try
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: to relate in those conversations. Yeah, totally, which I do
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: think is very important to acknowledge.
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: And, like, that's the thing as well. It's like a
• 30:17
  Speaker 2: knee-jerk reaction. You're like, yes, that happened to me.
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Whatever, like, and you genuinely want to connect with someone. Also, like,
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: if you are maybe even, like, a little bit socially.
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: Anxious because you're like, okay, well, let me fill the air.
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: I know how to do that. I've got a story too,
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: so I'll jump straight in. So this isn't– it isn't
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: like a– Not saying you're a beard person. There definitely
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: are people who just do it and it's really annoying. Yeah.
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: And they do it every single time and you're like, please.
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: But it's more like you might be doing this and
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: maybe you didn't realize.
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: Exactly.
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And I do think that there is like a
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: slight difference between maybe that and story topping. So you
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: might genuinely be trying to relate, but if you do
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: it too often, then the other person can feel like
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: their story was basically just a launch pad for you
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: to talk about yourself. And there's actually a broader term
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: for this and it's conversational narcissism. So that doesn't mean
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: that you're a narcissist, but it describes a habit of
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: repeatedly pulling the focus of a conversation back to Sociologist
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: Charles Derber described the difference between support responses, which keep
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: attention on the person speaking, and shift responses, which redirect
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: the conversation back to you. I feel like that perfectly
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: puts it. Like the difference between like relating versus story topping.
• 31:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah. And the difference is mostly where the focus lands.
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: So being relatable says, I've experienced something similar, so I
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: understand where you're coming from. You might briefly mention your
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: own experience, but the conversation still stays centered. on them
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: story topping says that happened to me too but it
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: was bigger worse more intense your story takes over and
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: their original point gets lost so instead of jumping straight
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: into your story stay with theirs for a little longer
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: ask questions also see like just listen yeah and see
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: if the story comes to a natural end um and
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: then you also can like you know maybe lob in
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: oh that happened to me And if they're like, oh,
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: my God, really? Yeah. Then you're like, cool, they want
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: to hear about it so I can jump in. So
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: a good rule is support.
• 32:18
  Speaker 2: First and then relate second.
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 32:21
  Speaker 2: I like that.
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: And, again, I think we can probably all hold up
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: our hands and say we've probably done that a couple
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: times in our lives. Yeah.
• 32:29
  Speaker 2: And I don't think it makes anyone a bad person.
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: It's when you're constantly doing it that it's like– and
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: I reckon we all probably know someone– That does that.
• 32:38
  Speaker 2: And to talk to you like, I actually just.
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: Don't want to tell a story because you're just going
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: to not listen. Yeah, I'll waste my breath.
• 32:44
  Speaker 2: Exactly.
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: So, you know, those are probably a whole other kettle
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: of fish to break down.
• 32:50
  Speaker 2: But maybe if you do end up with.
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: That person that always wants to talk about themselves, never
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: asks you a conversation and it's just a bad chat,
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: or maybe you've had a good chat and you're like, well,
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: It's time to wrap up.
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: I've got to go. Yeah, exactly. Here's how to end
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: a conversation perfectly. It doesn't matter if it's a bad conversation.
• 33:08
  Speaker 2: It doesn't matter if it's a good conversation.
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: It's how to end the conversation with no awkward silences
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: where you're like, well.
• 33:14
  Speaker 2: Then they start telling a secondary story. You're like, damn it.
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: That's when oversharing happens.
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Oh, I saw this thing that apparently oversharing in
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: the first 10 minutes of a conversation makes.
• 33:25
  Speaker 2: People like you less. I can say that.
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah. So it's like they did like some study and
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: it was like when you self-disclose within 10 minutes of
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: a conversation with someone, you're less liked than if you
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: were to self-disclose later in the conversation. Yeah.
• 33:41
  Speaker 2: You need to build that trust.
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: Exactly.
• 33:43
  Speaker 2: I know.
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: Anyway, so no awkward silences, but they spoke, like we
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: often talk about how first impressions are like really important.
• 33:56
  Speaker 2: And I'm always a little bit like, okay, smiling energy, blah, blah, blah.
• 34:00
  Speaker 2: And they'll say their name and I'm like, damn it.
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 34:02
  Speaker 2: Can you do that again? Yeah. I was too focused
• 34:04
  Speaker 2: on if I was standing up straight.
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: But we don't kind of focus as much on maybe
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: how we leave the conversation, how we say goodbye. Like
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: there's so much pressure on first impressions that we don't
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: think about the last impression too. And that's the one
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: that you leave people with. So the strategy is called
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: the graceful exit. And it's got the future cue and
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: I'll put the– the credit for this in the show
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: notes as well because it's super interesting. But the future
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: cue plus a compliment or an action. So if you
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: want to wrap up the conversation, your future cue is
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: acknowledging something in the future. So like what are you
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: up to this weekend? Do you have any fun plans
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: this month?
• 34:42
  Speaker 2: Like something that is like not current, not now, it's
• 34:47
  Speaker 2: over there. So true.
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: It's over there because then it starts like the brain
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: like switches into, she was saying like, future mode.
• 34:56
  Speaker 2: It's like not now. So you're like, okay.
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: And like from that point, they, the example she said
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: was like, you know, the person says, oh yeah, I'm
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: going to like a wine bar. And she goes, oh,
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: that sounds so fun. I'm, I'm such a Chardonnay girl.
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: Like you should let me know if I should try it. Um,
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: and then you wrap it. So you acknowledge what they're
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: doing and then you wrap with like a compliment or
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: an action or maybe even both. And then you say, Well,
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: I had a lovely time talking to you. I've got
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: to go grab a coffee now, but have fun at
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: the wine bar. And that's how you wrap it.
• 35:30
  Speaker 2: I love that.
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: Right? And I do think that that happens naturally in
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: a conversation. When somebody is like, oh, so like are
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: you getting up too much after this?
• 35:38
  Speaker 2: Or, oh, what are you doing this weekend?
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: I'm like, this bad boy is almost over. We're in
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: the final scene and the credits are about to start rolling.
• 35:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: But I do, I like that as well with like
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: wrapping it with the compliment and like even like a, well,
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: I'll let you get to it. Yeah.
• 36:00
  Speaker 2: I love that. I love that. I'll leave you to
• 36:02
  Speaker 2: it kind of vibe too.
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Because sometimes you're like, oh, well, I'm going to
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: walk this way.
• 36:08
  Speaker 2: What do I say? Always check which way you're both walking.
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 36:12
  Speaker 2: Because which way are you heading?
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 36:15
  Speaker 2: It's so much better than, oh, we're going the same way.
• 36:18
  Speaker 2: I hate it. Do you know what, though? I do
• 36:21
  Speaker 2: think in all of this, exercising a little bit of.
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: Like, imperfection and vulnerability in conversations will always lead to
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: less awkwardness.
• 36:30
  Speaker 2: So, like, I feel like especially.
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: In conversations that I've had, I don't aim, like, for
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: perfection because, like, if you acknowledge– Maybe something that's awkward.
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: It makes it 10 times less awkward. Like if you
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: forget someone's name, which I always, I don't mean to
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: do it.
• 36:47
  Speaker 2: It's just my brain.
• 36:47
  Speaker 1: Moves a million miles an hour and I'm concentrating on
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: like saying hi, smiling and shaking their hand.
• 36:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: That they'll tell me their name and then 10 minutes
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: later I'm like, fuck. And I'll be like, I'm so sorry.
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: I was so focused on smiling and having good energy
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: when I saw you that I've completely forgotten your name.
• 37:01
  Speaker 2: Would you tell me again?
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 37:03
  Speaker 2: And they're always like, oh my God, same. Yeah. And
• 37:06
  Speaker 2: that like, I swear nine times out of 10, someone's like, oh,
• 37:09
  Speaker 2: my God, yes, I am. Like, what was your name again?
• 37:11
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, perfect. Love that.
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: And then, like, if you do say bye and you
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: are walking the same way, be like, oh, well, you've
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: got five more minutes with me, aren't you lucky? Yeah, exactly. Like,
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: just not feeling like it has to be the most, like,
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: perfect interaction and being a little bit more vulnerable and
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: a little bit more human in it actually makes the
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: conversation more fun. Yeah. You know, like, I do understand that.
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: I think having, like, you know, these tips and being like,
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: knowing what topics, you know, a fun little topic you
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: want to discuss, having stronger open, like questions, following up,
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: not story topping.
• 37:47
  Speaker 2: Like those are all really, really good tips.
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: And I think they're so helpful to have in your
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: back pocket, but also knowing that like there's going to
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: be moments in conversations where you're like, oh, Yeah, when
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: you run out of things to say or something flops
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: or you're just a bit awkward and acknowledging that is
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: so human and also I think only fosters further connection
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: to somebody.
• 38:09
  Speaker 2: And, like, if there is an awkward silence, don't go, well,
• 38:11
  Speaker 2: this is awkward. I don't mean, like, imagine.
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: But, like, yeah, I feel like that's half the fun
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: of just being, like, talking. Like, when we hang out
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: or when I talk to anyone, there's no, like, agenda of,
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: You know, we just talk. It's what's ever in the
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: internal monologue, you know.
• 38:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so true.
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: And you don't have to talk to people all the time.
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: I think a good conversation doesn't need to be an
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: hour as well. Like a five-minute, you can have a much,
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: with these tips in mind, you can have a stronger
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: five-minute conversation than you would have in an hour.
• 38:46
  Speaker 2: Conversation without these tips, in my opinion. Yeah, totally. Well,
• 38:51
  Speaker 2: that is a wrap.
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: For today's episode, I hope everyone's ready to have a
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: good chinwag with all their besties after listening to this.
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: I know I am.
• 38:59
  Speaker 2: Just had one.
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. Also, if you chicks have any good icebreakers,
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: any good like questions that you always ask or like
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: conversation games that you play with your.
• 39:10
  Speaker 2: Friends, please put them in the comments. Yeah. Because we're
• 39:13
  Speaker 2: always open. I love doing those.
• 39:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 39:17
  Speaker 2: All right, chicks. Well, that's a wrap.
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much for having us in your ear holes.
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: We love to be here.
• 39:23
  Speaker 2: And we'll see you on Thursday. Talk to you later.
• 39:25
  Speaker 2: Talk to TTYL. Love you. Bye.
• 39:28
  Speaker 1: Bye.