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Transcript

Time is Running Out · I Hate Talking

• 0:29
  I Hate Talking: Welcome to episode 26 of I Hate Talking.
• 0:33
  I Hate Talking: Hi everyone.
• 0:34
  I Hate Talking: So today's word or phrase is a word that we used in the show notes last week as we described our podcast, emblematic.
• 0:44
  I Hate Talking: Emblematic.
• 0:46
  I Hate Talking: I don't know what that means.
• 0:48
  I Hate Talking: And I think it is, at least in usage that I've heard recently becoming more frequently used.
• 0:56
  I Hate Talking: I don't know if that's just because of uh the circles that I'm in or if it actually is gaining popularity.
• 1:04
  I Hate Talking: Or you're more aware of it maybe.
• 1:06
  I Hate Talking: Or it's the frequency bias now that I've been listening for it that I'm hearing it more often.
• 1:11
  I Hate Talking: But basically it serves as a symbol of a particular quality or concept.
• 1:17
  I Hate Talking: And the root word emblem, it would be something that you could consider that if something is emblematic of how it is in general, that a particular thing is an emblem of how that thing either represents the quality or concept of that symbol.
• 1:37
  I Hate Talking: So we use that in the show notes last time because we were all over the place in terms of our subject matter.
• 1:44
  I Hate Talking: And that was emblematic of our podcast in general.
• 1:48
  I Hate Talking: OK, awesome.
• 1:49
  I Hate Talking: So you haven't heard that word used ever or have you seen that increase in usage over the last couple of years?
• 1:59
  I Hate Talking: Yeah, I would say I've never heard the word in full disclosure, I've never read the word, which means I didn't read our show notes.
• 2:08
  I Hate Talking: And there you have it.
• 2:10
  I Hate Talking: So maybe now we are proliferating the usage of Emblematic just because we are using it as a description of our podcast.
• 2:18
  I Hate Talking: There you go.
• 2:18
  I Hate Talking: And I'll read the description next week, I promise.
• 2:21
  I Hate Talking: Indeed, This last week, I was able to um Go away for a little mini retreat, if you want to call it that.
• 2:33
  I Hate Talking: And I went to a conference, and it was geared towards moms, and then specifically for homeschool moms.
• 2:40
  I Hate Talking: And um there were amazing authors that were there speaking and I loved uh just gleaning information from them.
• 2:50
  I Hate Talking: And so I was sharing with you a couple key takeaways I had, and one of them you didn't agree with.
• 2:58
  I Hate Talking: So I think it would be good to talk about that and um the phrase That um I wrote down that you didn't agree with said, time is not running out.
• 3:11
  I Hate Talking: It is building up That's correct.
• 3:15
  I Hate Talking: That was the phrase that you quoted and I still do not seem to have any agreement with that particular outlook, um, but perhaps with some more explanation and conversation, maybe I'll change my mind or perhaps, uh, you will change your mind and find that uh that's not actually a good quote after all.
• 3:36
  I Hate Talking: Maybe.
• 3:37
  I Hate Talking: So what is your initial pushback?
• 3:40
  I Hate Talking: Why do you have this instant rejection of it?
• 3:43
  I Hate Talking: So time is running out.
• 3:45
  I Hate Talking: You only have a certain amount of time to do things or to accomplish certain things within one's life to be able to fulfill your purpose, as it were, that you have a limited timeline to be able to do what you need to do in this life.
• 4:03
  I Hate Talking: The build up, I guess I would need to maybe have more explanation on time as a buildup because that even represents some negative connotations in my mind when something builds up that it will burst or break or has to be removed because there is such a build up of something that is negative and perhaps it could be spun in the positive, maybe.
• 4:33
  I Hate Talking: Experience as a buildup, you're building up experience or you're building up some sort of nest egg or savings or something for retirement might be a good connotation of buildup, but the initial reaction to that phrase build up, whether it be time or otherwise, has a negative connotation in my mind.
• 4:53
  I Hate Talking: Interesting, but what about the scripture says like building one another up in love.
• 4:58
  I Hate Talking: Yeah, I would not see that as a Physical accumulation of something.
• 5:04
  I Hate Talking: Hm.
• 5:05
  I Hate Talking: So what is it then?
• 5:07
  I Hate Talking: Building one another up would be making each other stronger and smarter and more apt to deal with the things that one must deal with in their life.
• 5:20
  I Hate Talking: And that is how you're building one another up.
• 5:24
  I Hate Talking: Interesting, but you don't see that as the same way as building up time.
• 5:28
  I Hate Talking: No, but I think maybe we're even using time as a.
• 5:33
  I Hate Talking: Different interpretation and definition.
• 5:38
  I Hate Talking: OK, well, The visual that I have seen before representing this concept of time.
• 5:47
  I Hate Talking: Um, you're not losing time, you're building it, is thinking of like an hourglass.
• 5:54
  I Hate Talking: And with the sand that goes through the hourglass, people will be like, oh, look, we're running out of time, when they see that top part, it's getting lower.
• 6:02
  I Hate Talking: But if you think of each one of those grains of sand building up, And you're actually building that relationship, you're building that experience.
• 6:11
  I Hate Talking: You're not losing anything, you're actually gaining the experience or relationship.
• 6:18
  I Hate Talking: Right, and that was actually even an example that I used is that when you are building up experience, that that would be maybe a positive connotated usage of the word or phrase build up, but that phrase time building up presupposes that you're using your time wisely, whereas the time running out is going to happen to everyone whether you're using your time wisely or not.
• 6:45
  I Hate Talking: Right.
• 6:46
  I Hate Talking: And um I think in general, they're not saying like how many hours of the day or something.
• 6:52
  I Hate Talking: They're using it.
• 6:53
  I Hate Talking: Again, it was a conference for moms, and it was trying to be encouraging for our relationship with the children and as a family, because so often in our culture, you're told like, oh, just enjoy it.
• 7:09
  I Hate Talking: They're only home for 18 summers, and things like that, and they can just feel like, oh, like, I wasted the summer apparently, cause we didn't do all these things, and now I only have so and so amount of summers left.
• 7:22
  I Hate Talking: But what they're saying is like, you can build that relationship, and you're not losing.
• 7:27
  I Hate Talking: It's true they won't be in your home forever, like they are currently.
• 7:32
  I Hate Talking: But you're building that relationship, and those bonds and that friendship, so that in the future, you can still have each other, even if it's a different way.
• 7:44
  I Hate Talking: I suppose so, but the time still must be spent with the children in some form of activity, otherwise you won't be building that relationship, and therefore you're wasting your time and time is running out nonetheless.
• 7:56
  I Hate Talking: But Could it be a more abstract thought and just actual time on a clock?
• 8:02
  I Hate Talking: It could be memories, it could be that bond instead of actual, I only spent 20 minutes looking at my kids face to face today.
• 8:12
  I Hate Talking: Yes, if you're actually building those memories or spending that time and building that relationship.
• 8:19
  I Hate Talking: Then it's being built up and you're using that time.
• 8:23
  I Hate Talking: So I think I'm getting tripped up on just the word usage of time, because in all the examples that you are repeating back to me, time has nothing to do with it.
• 8:33
  I Hate Talking: It's actually the usage of the time, either building a memory, spending time together, building a relationship, and so on and so forth.
• 8:40
  I Hate Talking: Right.
• 8:41
  I Hate Talking: I think the problem is that time is not the way that the speaker was using it or the way I was hearing the speaker use it.
• 8:49
  I Hate Talking: It was not a literal clock.
• 8:52
  I Hate Talking: And that was her point, that it's not about a literal clock.
• 8:56
  I Hate Talking: It's about this relationship you're building.
• 8:58
  I Hate Talking: And perhaps if you would phrase it more in terms of quality over quantity, it's not necessarily the quantity of time that you're spending with one another, but rather the quality of the time that you're spending with one another, then I would agree with that phraseology, but again, time is a, in our experience, a finite thing that we experience in this lifetime.
• 9:23
  I Hate Talking: And I would take a more quantitative approach to the measurement thereof and still not really agree with this phrasing though I can understand the concept behind it, but I think there's much better ways that this could be described in terms of a single.
• 9:42
  I Hate Talking: phrase that would be used and that would be to avoid the use of time altogether in the buildup phrase.
• 9:49
  I Hate Talking: OK, so how would you reward it if you were going to give a speech to a bunch of moms?
• 9:54
  I Hate Talking: Or a bunch of dads.
• 9:56
  I Hate Talking: You can think about it like in your demographic.
• 9:59
  I Hate Talking: What would you tell them?
• 10:01
  I Hate Talking: As we're always told constantly, oh, enjoy this moment, your baby's crying in your arms, and like, oh, enjoy it, cause they won't be little forever.
• 10:09
  I Hate Talking: Which is true, but it's super hard to Enjoy that moment, and then you have the guilt of, oh, now they're not little, I didn't enjoy it.
• 10:20
  I Hate Talking: So how could you encourage a parent?
• 10:24
  I Hate Talking: So it's an interesting thing that you bring up about enjoyment because that's altogether, I think a different thing than what is in my mind when you're talking about time and time spent because I would, I think in my own vernacular say that time is running out, use it wisely and therefore, still having that concept that time is a finite resource that we have to use and that Rather than Using it unwisely, we should use it wisely.
• 10:59
  I Hate Talking: And we can use our time to build each other up and to build up those relationships.
• 11:04
  I Hate Talking: But I think that time itself is not being built.
• 11:10
  I Hate Talking: OK, so, um, on that note, what you were saying, it reminded me a book that was recommended to me over the weekend at the conference is called Anti-Tim Management by Richie Norton.
• 11:23
  I Hate Talking: And I haven't read it yet, but I put it on my list to read, and then you said that you have it on your list to read too, right?
• 11:30
  I Hate Talking: Yep, the subtitle of that book actually, uh, because I think it's useful, is reclaim your time and revolutionize your results with the power of time tipping, um, and it was on a list of potential reads for my workplace, uh, typically we read and discuss as a team at least one book a year, sometimes more.
• 11:55
  I Hate Talking: Uh, this was on the candidate list and was cut for some reason, uh, I don't remember exactly why.
• 12:01
  I Hate Talking: Um, maybe it'll be back on the list for next year, uh, but nonetheless, yes, I had heard of this, but, uh, I had not read it at this point in time.
• 12:10
  I Hate Talking: Yeah, well, maybe we should read it then since we both have it on the list, and I think that maybe that would help both of us come together, possibly on our understanding of time and what it means.
• 12:22
  I Hate Talking: The quote attributed to the book that the individual uh was saying to me was when he said you have I'm paraphrasing because I have not read the book.
• 12:33
  I Hate Talking: It was by somebody who read it and telling me, but from my memory, what she said it was, do you have 10 years of experience doing something?
• 12:45
  I Hate Talking: Or do you have 1 year times 10?
• 12:48
  I Hate Talking: And um I just like that thought of we're building, right?
• 12:53
  I Hate Talking: We're not just doing the same thing over and over for the sake of doing it.
• 12:57
  I Hate Talking: We are intentionally building.
• 13:03
  I Hate Talking: Our experience, building our relationships, building.
• 13:07
  I Hate Talking: Our muscles building whatever we're doing, and we can do it intentionally.
• 13:13
  I Hate Talking: Or we can do it haphazardly or not even paying attention at at all, and the outcome will probably be less successful or less ideal.
• 13:24
  I Hate Talking: Right, and even some of the description within the book and some of the concepts that the descriptions say the book is about is not necessarily time spent but where your attention is, so.
• 13:40
  I Hate Talking: Again, I think it still is an absolute fact that time is a finite concept that we Use and is running out, but that where we put our attention and what we do with our time is the critical thing that is in question here.
• 14:00
  I Hate Talking: OK, yeah.
• 14:01
  I Hate Talking: And I am sympathetic to what you're saying because goodness knows that our physical capabilities from 1020 years ago are very different.
• 14:15
  I Hate Talking: We're not old at all, but even at our age, we can tell our bodies are getting older.
• 14:23
  I Hate Talking: It's not as easy to do a quick workout as it used to be 15 years ago for us.
• 14:28
  I Hate Talking: So, I understand what you're saying, like, time is going on.
• 14:32
  I Hate Talking: So I'm sympathetic to that physical concept.
• 14:36
  I Hate Talking: Uh, we only have a certain amount of days on the earth, period before we die.
• 14:42
  I Hate Talking: Everybody has a finite amount of days.
• 14:45
  I Hate Talking: But I think it's more of an abstract idea of what are we doing with that?
• 14:50
  I Hate Talking: Are we going to sit there and meditate on that and what we're losing?
• 14:55
  I Hate Talking: Like, oh, I did not work out today.
• 14:58
  I Hate Talking: I lost some muscle and I'm really bummed that I messed up, so.
• 15:03
  I Hate Talking: I'm gonna be really grumpy about that, or can I move on and say, tomorrow I can pick up where I left off and keep trying?
• 15:11
  I Hate Talking: Or I could.
• 15:13
  I Hate Talking: Be grumpy still and say, well, I'm gonna eat that Oreo because I might as well.
• 15:18
  I Hate Talking: I messed up yesterday, I'm gonna mess up today, it doesn't matter.
• 15:21
  I Hate Talking: And so I think that's where the intentionality comes in, is, are we dwelling on what we're losing, or are we dwelling on what we're gaining in that process?
• 15:33
  I Hate Talking: And I do think that's also maybe something that I'm bumping up against when I'm considering these things in these little snippets or in some of these concepts that these people and authors are describing is that there is some sort of final destination with contentment.
• 15:53
  I Hate Talking: Where you are arriving at a particular achievement that you have dreamed of, which I'm all for setting goals and making sure that we are doing things in a way that we are on a path forwards and upwards.
• 16:11
  I Hate Talking: However, I think I disagree perhaps with their Basic premise of the worldview that they will at some point arrive and be completely content in their achievements because I don't think that's true.
• 16:29
  I Hate Talking: I think that at some point we can experience those little successes, but that we will never experience true contentment in this lifetime from a one singular pinnacle achievement.
• 16:43
  I Hate Talking: Right, yeah.
• 16:45
  I Hate Talking: I agree with that, and I don't know if that's my takeaway that I don't feel like that's what these individuals are saying, or that's not the way I've taken it, if that is what they mean.
• 16:57
  I Hate Talking: Cause I agree with you.
• 16:59
  I Hate Talking: I don't think that there's this like utopia, euphoric moment in time where like You've gotten to the best part of your parenthood, or your career, or your physical fitness, or anything like that, like, or your best sourdough bread.
• 17:17
  I Hate Talking: You know, like you can have great sourdough bread, and it might be the best one you've ever made, but You can keep going, there might be more or Like you might make a better one later.
• 17:29
  I Hate Talking: I don't think that there's like this aha moment here on Earth, while we're still alive.
• 17:35
  I Hate Talking: But I don't think that that means that we can't think positive and instead of dwelling on what we're losing, dwelling on what we're gaining in the process.
• 17:46
  I Hate Talking: Yeah, I guess it's somewhat of a outlook, right?
• 17:51
  I Hate Talking: Whether you're looking at things positively in terms of what you are doing with your time and what you are achieving versus a negative outlook with what you may be missing because you didn't.
• 18:02
  I Hate Talking: Meet a certain time requirement or particular achievement.
• 18:07
  I Hate Talking: But the reason that I mentioned some of those things is that there's some quotes in the description of the book even which I guess we have to read it to actually determine if this is even an accurate description of the book.
• 18:19
  I Hate Talking: But one of the things that it says is what would life look like today if you had already achieved what you wanted.
• 18:24
  I Hate Talking: How does the author live with no regrets and how attention prioritization and time creation are learning skills to fight hardships.
• 18:33
  I Hate Talking: So there is a mix there of where this person is experiencing hardships and maybe using some of these particular skills and outlooks to overcome those things, but also I think there's a little bit mixed in there with not having any regrets or living in a way that you've already achieved what you wanted.
• 18:52
  I Hate Talking: Again, that may be an outlook thing or it may be that they have this actual pinnacle of success that they consider complete and I don't think that you could find true contentment in necessarily whatever that particular thing is.
• 19:06
  I Hate Talking: Yeah, interesting.
• 19:08
  I Hate Talking: That's interesting.
• 19:09
  I Hate Talking: I can definitely see that.
• 19:10
  I Hate Talking: And I Understand where you're coming from then on that.
• 19:15
  I Hate Talking: I think maybe part of it too is the difference.
• 19:17
  I Hate Talking: I heard someone recently talk about the difference between an optimist and somebody who's hopeful.
• 19:23
  I Hate Talking: Would you have, um, off the top of your head, do you think there's a difference between an optimist and a hopeful person?
• 19:30
  I Hate Talking: And if so, what would you think that the dividing line would be on them?
• 19:34
  I Hate Talking: Yeah, I think there's probably some nuance there.
• 19:38
  I Hate Talking: I would have to maybe think a little bit more about it or even look up some definitions, but I think the Hopeful person is perhaps trusting in something that they're hoping in, uh, whereas maybe the optimist is more just generally has a rosy outlook on things and that's not necessarily based on any Reality or fact, but maybe the hopeful person is actually looking to something just besides their pure outlook on a particular situation.
• 20:13
  I Hate Talking: Versus the pessimist, which is, I think the often quoted opposite of the optimist.
• 20:20
  I Hate Talking: And then there's a third category which I consider myself the realist.
• 20:24
  I Hate Talking: No, no.
• 20:27
  I Hate Talking: So when I was hearing this person talk about an optimist versus um someone who's hopeful, an optimist would have like rose colored glasses on.
• 20:39
  I Hate Talking: They would um be like, it's all gonna work out, no problem, like, uh, Pollyanna and just ignore any negatives.
• 20:50
  I Hate Talking: Where a hopeful person is not ignoring the negatives.
• 20:54
  I Hate Talking: But there's still, it's hard not to use the word hopeful.
• 20:57
  I Hate Talking: There's still.
• 20:59
  I Hate Talking: Assuming or believing, they're believing that it's gonna work out.
• 21:04
  I Hate Talking: Versus just like a bulldozer, everything's good, it's working out.
• 21:09
  I Hate Talking: This person says it's tough, but I believe it's gonna work out.
• 21:15
  I Hate Talking: So one's more of like a belief system versus an outlook.
• 21:19
  I Hate Talking: Yep, I think there is.
• 21:22
  I Hate Talking: Definitely some truth to that and that again, maybe that realist category could be somebody that is hopeful because they are looking at reality and not just glossing over things or like you said, wearing rose colored glasses and ignoring some of the hardships within life, but they still can remain hopeful and have that positive outlook on life.
• 21:45
  I Hate Talking: So that would be, I think, again, Not necessarily just purely the outlook, whether that's positive or negative, but where the outlook is coming from in terms of just ignoring reality or accepting reality, but still being positive for the future.
• 22:05
  I Hate Talking: Right.
• 22:06
  I Hate Talking: And I think like the opposite of that is like a pessimist would be similar to an optimist, right, where they just bulldoze it all, like it's all terrible.
• 22:15
  I Hate Talking: And like a cynic, if you're cynical, Then you have a belief that this is bad, or that people aren't trusted, or that sort of thing.
• 22:27
  I Hate Talking: So I feel like a cynic and a pessimist, that's the opposite of a hopeful person versus an optimistic person.
• 22:36
  I Hate Talking: On the reverse side, you have the cynic or the pessimist.
• 22:41
  I Hate Talking: Right, and the pessimist might be negatively focused regardless of the reality.
• 22:46
  I Hate Talking: Whereas the cynic may be negatively focused and have a negative outlook because of reality and the fact that people are untrustworthy.
• 22:55
  I Hate Talking: So again, I think you're proving my point that the best place to be is a realist.
• 22:59
  I Hate Talking: Ideally, but I don't know how.
• 23:03
  I Hate Talking: I feel like almost in everything, it's better to be the middle ground.
• 23:07
  I Hate Talking: Very rarely do I see one side or the other of anything as a good thing.
• 23:14
  I Hate Talking: So, yes, as a stance, I would like a realist.
• 23:17
  I Hate Talking: I would like somebody in the middle ground.
• 23:19
  I Hate Talking: But I also think that's really hard to do, and most people don't do it.
• 23:24
  I Hate Talking: And I think that my point with being a realist is that in some occurrences, there is going to be a valid reason to be a cynic and have a negative outlook on a particular situation and in other instances, there will be the hopefulness because of you looking at things that have positive connotations within the scenario that you're experiencing.
• 23:51
  I Hate Talking: OK.
• 23:53
  I Hate Talking: So like talking back about the quote about time not running out, it's building up.
• 24:00
  I Hate Talking: Would you just say that's too hopeful or optimistic to say?
• 24:05
  I Hate Talking: Your cynical brain.
• 24:07
  I Hate Talking: What are you thinking?
• 24:08
  I Hate Talking: Well, I guess to put it in those terms, the first part of that phrase where it is, quote, time is running, time is not running out.
• 24:18
  I Hate Talking: See, I'm even saying it wrong, where the quote is, time is not running out.
• 24:22
  I Hate Talking: That is not a reality-based statement because time is running out.
• 24:27
  I Hate Talking: So that's #1 and #2.
• 24:30
  I Hate Talking: Say it for me.
• 24:32
  I Hate Talking: Time is not running out, it's building up.
• 24:36
  I Hate Talking: Time is building up.
• 24:38
  I Hate Talking: Yeah, I guess I would maybe be more understanding of that particular phrase because Again, you're putting a positive spin on how you use your time.
• 24:49
  I Hate Talking: So, that's my takeaway.
• 24:52
  I Hate Talking: -- What -- if we reworded the sentence and said, your parenthood is not running out, it's building up.
• 25:00
  I Hate Talking: That would be, I think, much more acceptable in my mind.
• 25:06
  I Hate Talking: Because you.
• 25:08
  I Hate Talking: Parenthood is building up, right, you're accumulating experiences of being a parent, of having children and building those relationships as you said.
• 25:18
  I Hate Talking: I still see life as a linear thing.
• 25:22
  I Hate Talking: And it's hard to see it as not being consumed as you go along.
• 25:27
  I Hate Talking: And actually running out as it were.
• 25:30
  I Hate Talking: But I guess that The building up part, I would agree more with.
• 25:36
  I Hate Talking: OK, so if we're using the example of parenthood, cause this is where it was in the context of The person also was saying, like, the example of you only have 18 summers with your child.
• 25:48
  I Hate Talking: So she jokingly was like, well, little did my mom know she'd have 47 summers with me, cause they live in the same town, they're very close.
• 25:57
  I Hate Talking: And not only do they like spend time together constantly, But she has children, so this like mom, now is a grandmother, and spends all her time with her grandkids.
• 26:09
  I Hate Talking: So, when she went, I don't know how many siblings this individual had.
• 26:13
  I Hate Talking: So let's say if she had 3 siblings.
• 26:16
  I Hate Talking: And each one of those have 3 kids.
• 26:19
  I Hate Talking: The grandmother now has 9 grandkids, so it is building up.
• 26:23
  I Hate Talking: She's getting the kids, the 3 children of hers, plus her 9 grandkids.
• 26:28
  I Hate Talking: That is 12 individuals plus in-laws that she gets to be with.
• 26:33
  I Hate Talking: Which is a lot more and could be really wonderful.
• 26:38
  I Hate Talking: Versus just having those 18 years with 3 people.
• 26:42
  I Hate Talking: Yup, so definitely parenthood for that particular person was building up.
• 26:48
  I Hate Talking: I think that is somewhat of an ideal situation.
• 26:52
  I Hate Talking: I don't think everybody's going to have that situation.
• 26:54
  I Hate Talking: Um, but that's a different story for a different topic, I suppose.
• 26:59
  I Hate Talking: So I'm still grappling with the, the running out phraseology of this particular thing, I suppose, but I think The most important takeaway.
• 27:09
  I Hate Talking: From all of this discussion is that it is important how we spend our time and we want to do things with our time that do build up.
• 27:20
  I Hate Talking: Parenthood and relationships and each other.
• 27:23
  I Hate Talking: Yeah, I think that's the most important part is, are you looking at that hourglass thinking I'm losing things, I'm wasting things, or are you looking at it and saying, wow, look what I've accomplished, or I'm proud of what I've done.
• 27:37
  I Hate Talking: Indeed.
• 27:39
  I Hate Talking: So speaking of time, I think we're out of time for this episode.
• 27:43
  I Hate Talking: So from your friends at I hate talking, until next time, remember, it is only through talking that we begin the journey to understanding.