Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / THE TRAP: Decoding a Narcissist’s Dating Profile

Transcript

THE TRAP: Decoding a Narcissist’s Dating Profile · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:01
  Woo, so you're online, right? You, you and your little dating
• 0:05
  app hands tender bumble, whatever your own right?
• 0:08
  You see the perfect profile. He's handsome, he loves his
• 0:12
  Mama, loves his daddy. He's God fearing and he just
• 0:17
  wants to find his queen. His queen.
• 0:21
  You think you found the one. Don't you think you found the
• 0:23
  perfect profile? But I'm I'm here to tell you you
• 0:27
  just found the love bombing manual.
• 0:30
  I'm Lee hammock and I'm a diagnosed narcissist.
• 0:32
  And today I'm showing you how narcissists build the perfect
• 0:37
  trap and you walked into it online.
• 0:40
  We're going to look into the anatomy of a narcissistic dating
• 0:43
  profile. Woo oh intro heat.
• 0:48
  Please welcome to the live stream.
• 0:51
  Y'all welcome, welcome, welcome Ladonna.
• 0:53
  What's going on girl? How you doing?
• 0:55
  Dating apps for all my singles out there, dating apps, dealing
• 0:58
  with narcissists and whatnot, dealing with narcissistic
• 1:01
  people. If I was single and on a dating
• 1:04
  app, this is what my profile would look like.
• 1:07
  This is something similar to what you might see like that.
• 1:10
  Am am I saying that every profile that I describe or what
• 1:13
  what I say is a narcissist? No, but it could be red flaggy.
• 1:19
  Yeah. I don't know.
• 1:19
  It's it's a little look, it's a little at least a little bit red
• 1:25
  flagy. Drop a red flag in the chat.
• 1:26
  If y'all, if y'all feel me, drop a red flag in the chat in the
• 1:31
  box. If you think so, like just drop
• 1:33
  a red flag there. Tammy, Tammy, Tammy, Tammy,
• 1:36
  what's going on, girl? But yeah, yeah, we talk about
• 1:39
  narcissistic dating profile. So the first thing you want to
• 1:42
  look for, right, is the pictures.
• 1:45
  The pictures, of course pictures are going to get you like you're
• 1:47
  not going to match on a profile with no picture.
• 1:49
  That's very rare that you do that.
• 1:51
  If you if you match on a profile with no picture, we got a we, we
• 1:54
  need to take a deeper look at ourselves then, right?
• 1:56
  Why are we matching this? You like what you see.
• 1:58
  You like what you read, but not what you see, right?
• 2:04
  You like what you read but not what you see.
• 2:06
  If you look on there and you say no, this is not going to be 100%
• 2:10
  accurate, y'all, this is got look.
• 2:12
  We got some accuracy to it. If you look on there and you see
• 2:14
  the gym pictures, the gym profile pictures, the gym
• 2:17
  selfies, the car photos, the the expensive watches, the
• 2:22
  necklaces, the diamonds, the grills.
• 2:24
  We want you to see the status before you see the character.
• 2:29
  They're leading with status. They're leading with the status.
• 2:33
  Who's gonna meddle me? They're leading with the status.
• 2:35
  Status. And not who they actually are.
• 2:39
  Not who they really are. The status.
• 2:42
  The status. Status got a tie at the end.
• 2:44
  The status. They want you to see the status.
• 2:48
  And does that work? Yeah.
• 2:50
  Y'all see the y'all see the nice little car.
• 2:52
  You see the you see the grill. Y'all some of y'all.
• 2:54
  They'll be turning some of y'all on.
• 2:55
  I like a good. I like a diamond grill.
• 2:58
  I love I love AI love a a a nice bust down watch or whatever
• 3:03
  y'all let me let me getting some of y'all.
• 3:05
  I I can get it. I understand.
• 3:06
  I get it. I get, I trust, trust me, I get
• 3:09
  it. But you got to watch out for the
• 3:11
  type of stuff. Still sit this.
• 3:14
  Sit this. Hey, that's a good one.
• 3:21
  Right stuff. See, I like your sister Huber
• 3:24
  right there. I like your sister Huber right
• 3:27
  there. I love that.
• 3:28
  I love that. I love your sister Huber right
• 3:30
  there. That is what I'm talking about.
• 3:34
  I love that. I love it.
• 3:36
  But yeah, yeah, they want, they want to lead with the status.
• 3:39
  They want to lead with that, right?
• 3:41
  That's what I would do. You would see me on the you see
• 3:43
  me on a dating app. I would have.
• 3:44
  I'll be, I'll post a picture in the I'll post a picture in the
• 3:47
  gym. I'll be flexing.
• 3:48
  I'll be doing that type of stuff.
• 3:50
  Right. And no, does gym, do gym
• 3:52
  pictures automatically make you a narcissist?
• 3:54
  No, that's not what I'm saying. But if it's the center of who
• 3:57
  they are, if it's the center of who they are, then, yeah, you
• 4:01
  got to kind of watch out there. There's this vanity.
• 4:03
  You see what I'm saying? It's it's good to show your
• 4:04
  progress in the gym. But you got to watch out for the
• 4:06
  vanity, right? Yeah, Yeah.
• 4:08
  Watch out for the vanity. She said you too fine to be an
• 4:10
  art. You you are too fine to be true.
• 4:12
  No disrespect. I'm go ahead and get out of
• 4:14
  there. That's how you get you right
• 4:16
  there. The next thing you want to look
• 4:17
  for after the pitchers, after the pitchers, you want to look
• 4:21
  for what they refer to as borrowed wholesomeness.
• 4:27
  Borrowed wholesomeness? What does that mean, Lee?
• 4:30
  What do you mean by borrowed wholesomeness?
• 4:32
  You know, OK, I'll see you. I'll probably talk to you in a
• 4:36
  little bit. I know.
• 4:38
  But borrowed wholesomeness, you got to watch out for the puppy
• 4:43
  and kid photos, the pictures of the little cat, pictures of me
• 4:46
  holding my cat, right? Pictures of me nuzzling my cat
• 4:49
  or my hamster or my rodent or my gerbil, right.
• 4:54
  Watch off of that type of stuff right there.
• 4:56
  Look, if it's not, especially if it's not his or her kid or their
• 5:02
  dog, if they borrowed, yeah, if they took a picture and posted
• 5:06
  with somebody else's kid, even if it's their niece or nephew,
• 5:09
  they're just using them as props to make you think that they are
• 5:12
  safe. It's it's calculated empathy.
• 5:16
  It's calculated empathy. A little gerbil.
• 5:19
  Yeah, it's calculated right there.
• 5:25
  It's like if they post pictures of somebody else's kid on a
• 5:27
  dating app, they it that's calculated somebody else's dog.
• 5:31
  They they ain't even that dog. Imagine, imagine you match with
• 5:34
  somebody on a dating app, you get to that crib because you,
• 5:37
  they got a golden retriever, right?
• 5:38
  You love a golden retriever. You love that you're like, where
• 5:41
  is the golden retriever? You get to that house.
• 5:43
  Where is the golden retriever at?
• 5:45
  And they like, oh, that's what it is.
• 5:47
  That's not even my dog. That's my, that's my friend's
• 5:49
  dog. I hate dogs.
• 5:51
  I'm actually allergic to them. They got you.
• 5:56
  That's borrowed empathy right there.
• 5:57
  Yeah, that's borrowed wholesomeness.
• 5:58
  They just want you to think that they are a good person.
• 6:00
  They want you to think that they are safe.
• 6:02
  That's a that's a trap. Joey said they're looking for
• 6:07
  their queen bee. Yes.
• 6:09
  Oh yes. They tell people they are family
• 6:11
  oriented. Yep, Yep, Yep.
• 6:13
  The next thing you want to look for in the pictures and things
• 6:15
  like that, y'all is what they refer to as the authority shot
• 6:19
  right? They can post a photo in a suit
• 6:22
  or at a podium in front of a conference or something like
• 6:24
  that. As a narcissist, we want you to
• 6:27
  see us as a leader like before we even say something to you,
• 6:31
  before we even match with you, before we even say something to
• 6:33
  you. We want you to see us as a
• 6:35
  leader right. You see me all you see me
• 6:37
  standing on a on a daily app like this on the stage, pointing
• 6:40
  in front of people you like. Oh, oh, Leah, Leah, Leah is a
• 6:44
  leader. I want him, right?
• 6:47
  I want that guy. I want him.
• 6:49
  I I ain't even I ain't even hear them talk.
• 6:52
  I ain't even hear them talk. And I want him because you see
• 6:54
  the pictures and stuff like that.
• 6:55
  Lee with pictures, it's, you know, it's like, say you got to
• 6:58
  match with somebody that you are physically attracted to.
• 7:00
  That's what ends up happening, of course, but you want to just
• 7:02
  look for this type of stuff going on right there.
• 7:05
  I start having the dating profile as a red flag.
• 7:08
  No, not at all. Not the dating profile.
• 7:10
  It really is how you tailor it, man.
• 7:11
  For real. Yeah.
• 7:13
  Not the golden retriever. I'm going to said Jack Russell
• 7:16
  terrier. You waiting for the Jack, the
• 7:18
  Jack the Jacobi over there? What not?
• 7:20
  So you got to be what? Be careful with the pitchers,
• 7:22
  man. Now we're going to go to the
• 7:24
  bio. Let's go to the bio right now.
• 7:27
  We're going to cross into the bio.
• 7:29
  What the bio of a narcissist might say, again, might say,
• 7:39
  might say OK, might type might in the comment section.
• 7:45
  So we type the word might in the comment section to make sure we
• 7:48
  not missing look might what the what the bio might say, right?
• 7:56
  They would all lie. And the dog, the dog died.
• 7:58
  Hell yeah. Fido Fido's gone.
• 8:04
  This is what the bio might say, and this is the to me, this is
• 8:07
  one of the biggest red flag. I need a bigger red flag.
• 8:09
  I need a red. I need a red sheet for this one.
• 8:10
  I don't even need a red flag. I need a red sheet for this one.
• 8:12
  Right here, the God fearing label in the bio, If I put
• 8:21
  religion or God or Jesus God first, whatever it is, right?
• 8:25
  If I put that front and center on my bio, I what I'm doing, I'm
• 8:29
  doing two things right. I'm telling you that I'm
• 8:32
  trustworthy. I'm telling you you can trust
• 8:35
  me. Look at this.
• 8:36
  I got God in my bio. You can trust me.
• 8:39
  I can't. I I got Jesus.
• 8:40
  I made a look. I made a cross with my fingers.
• 8:43
  You can trust me. I got a cross.
• 8:45
  I made a cross with my fingers and on my necklace.
• 8:48
  You can trust me. Like I'm telling you that I'm
• 8:50
  trustworthy. And I'm looking for someone with
• 8:53
  traditional values, traditional submissive values, right?
• 8:58
  That's a shield for my behavior. That's a shield for my bad
• 9:01
  behavior. Like yeah, I'm telling you
• 9:03
  straight up this the the scripture trap.
• 9:06
  Absolutely yes, the scripture trap.
• 9:08
  Yes, they will try to get you if you see OK, cat pictures and
• 9:13
  song sing it to his God. Dear Lord, if you see the if you
• 9:18
  see yo the what's going on Damien?
• 9:22
  If you see, I'm not again, might go back to might I, if I was out
• 9:29
  here on dating apps, I would put Jesus or Christianity in my bio
• 9:33
  or I would do that or, or put my religion in my bio.
• 9:35
  I would leave with that because I want you to think I'm
• 9:36
  trustworthy. I want you to think I you can
• 9:38
  trust me and I'm a good I'm a good boy, right?
• 9:41
  But if I was on the other end, if I were on a dating app
• 9:44
  looking for people, I would not do that.
• 9:48
  I'm not matching with somebody who has their religion in their
• 9:51
  bio. I'm not doing that.
• 9:54
  I'm that's just without what I'm doing, I'm not going to be able
• 9:57
  to do that because I don't trust you.
• 9:59
  I can people lead with religion because they're fake it most
• 10:02
  people who do that on dating apps or fake as hell.
• 10:04
  They be the most evil, despicable bastards on this
• 10:07
  planet. They do some evil ass stuff and
• 10:13
  have you know they'll be look they'll be married on a dating
• 10:16
  app and have Jesus in the bio. They'll be married, cheating on
• 10:19
  earth partner and have Jesus or Christian and they dated on a
• 10:22
  dating app on a dating profile. I thought you I thought you were
• 10:28
  a Christian. Christian is my middle name.
• 10:33
  I'm not really a Christian. Christian is just my middle
• 10:35
  name. I'm not a Christian.
• 10:38
  So watch out for the God fearing label.
• 10:39
  The next thing you want to watch out for in the bio is the nice
• 10:43
  guy or the drama free. If they say that in the bio man,
• 10:46
  please watch out. If a man or a person has to tell
• 10:50
  you that they're a nice guy, they are not you going to know
• 10:54
  I'm a nice guy because of how I behave, not because I put it in
• 10:57
  my bio. God fearing nice guy.
• 11:00
  Come on now. Those are double red flags.
• 11:02
  Have I ever seen any? Like typically if you see nice
• 11:05
  guy in a bio, he's hiding a mountain of resentment and drama
• 11:11
  free. They put drama free in their
• 11:12
  bio. That means don't hold me
• 11:13
  accountable when I act out, when I, when I misbehave, don't hold
• 11:17
  me accountable. There's the there's that drama.
• 11:19
  I said I was drama free. I said I was drama free.
• 11:24
  I ain't never hear there's some socks in their pants.
• 11:26
  That's a bit if imagine going home on a first date with
• 11:28
  somebody and they got and not a first date.
• 11:30
  Y'all, you get to know somebody, right And you get home and you
• 11:34
  like I said, you like I I noticed that I noticed that
• 11:36
  bulge in your in front of your jeans.
• 11:39
  Can't wait to see what that is. And then you stand up and they
• 11:41
  pull their pants down and some socks fall out.
• 11:44
  The A roll A roll of socks or cucumber hits the ground or
• 11:48
  falls out right. Roll the socks or cucumber
• 12:06
  hitting the ground. That'd be so damn embarrassing
• 12:09
  man. It absolutely would.
• 12:10
  So watch out. Watch out for the nice guy or
• 12:13
  the drama freak. And also, y'all, this is one of
• 12:16
  the big ones. If they put soulmate, if they,
• 12:18
  if they start using the words like soulmate or queen or
• 12:22
  searching for my king or finally looking for the real thing, like
• 12:26
  y'all, come on, y'all, that's pre that's that's, that's like
• 12:29
  the damn near pre love bomb, right?
• 12:32
  They want you to feel special before they even know who you
• 12:34
  are, right, before they even know who you are.
• 12:38
  You Oh, I was looking for you're everything I was looking for,
• 12:42
  right? You're everything that I was
• 12:44
  looking for. That's what goes on, you know
• 12:48
  what I mean? They'll tell you you're
• 12:49
  everything that they were looking for.
• 12:50
  You know what I mean? But it's just you know, it's
• 12:54
  fake. It's fake.
• 12:55
  Y'all don't know how many people I've done one on ones with and
• 12:58
  I've done one on ones with people over Zoom, right?
• 13:00
  And they said they met their partner on a dating app and
• 13:02
  their partner was married the whole time.
• 13:04
  And then when they found out that they were married, it's
• 13:06
  like I didn't know how to tell you I really liked you.
• 13:10
  I and I know if I were to tell you the truth, that you would
• 13:13
  leave me. I know if I told you the truth
• 13:18
  about what I had going on that you would leave me.
• 13:22
  You see what I'm saying? That's insane.
• 13:25
  I'd lie. I had to lie to you because I
• 13:28
  have to tell you. I couldn't tell you the truth.
• 13:30
  All my exes live in Texas and they're crazy.
• 13:32
  So honestly, truth be told, truth be told, if you, if
• 13:37
  somebody were to ask me where the most narcissists are located
• 13:41
  in America, I would say Texas. Like I promise you, I would say
• 13:44
  Texas. One day when I first started
• 13:46
  doing one-on-one, I used to, I used to do, I used to do a lot
• 13:48
  in a day. Right when I first started doing
• 13:51
  one on ones one day I had 6, I had 6 calls.
• 13:56
  Every person was from Texas. Every single person that said
• 13:59
  they were dealing with a narcissist was from Texas.
• 14:01
  And No2, no two people were in the same city.
• 14:05
  No two people in the same city. I was like, where you from?
• 14:08
  I'm from Dallas, I'm from Texas. I'm from Fort Worth.
• 14:10
  What I was like, damn, you said North Carolina, I'm in North
• 14:16
  Carolina. It go to me, it would go Texas,
• 14:20
  California, New York, Florida. That's how it would go right
• 14:24
  there. That would be that's what I
• 14:26
  would say right there. You mean that's what I would say
• 14:28
  right there. So it just like said and the
• 14:34
  next thing you want to look for y'all and the next red flag you
• 14:36
  want to look for in a dating profile.
• 14:38
  If it says open to short term or long term, But what the hell do
• 14:42
  you want? Like this is keeping all options
• 14:45
  open. Like this is like this is the
• 14:47
  ultimate keep my options open like tag, tagline.
• 14:52
  It really does mean I'm here for supply right now.
• 14:55
  But if you're good enough, I might still keep you around.
• 14:59
  I'm here for a good time, maybe a long time.
• 15:02
  I might stay, I might leave. It's a way to keep you
• 15:05
  auditioning for the role of my partner over and over again.
• 15:09
  You keep auditioning for the same role over and over again
• 15:11
  because I picked you. You know what I'm saying?
• 15:13
  That's what ends up happening. You end up going for the same
• 15:16
  role over and over again because I picked you and now we got to
• 15:19
  keep doing the same, singing the same song and dance over and
• 15:22
  over again. That's how it goes.
• 15:25
  I'm I'm dance here. That's literally how it goes.
• 15:27
  The same song and dance. Seriously, you short term, the
• 15:31
  long term. If anybody hear that, just drop
• 15:32
  in the comments. Just do a thumbs up in the
• 15:34
  comment section if you've seen on there short term and long
• 15:36
  term. And then also just drop in the
• 15:38
  comment section where you think the most narcissists are, like I
• 15:41
  said, because everybody's going to have their own implicit bias.
• 15:44
  Like I said, I would say North Carolina because I live in North
• 15:46
  Carolina, right? I'm from North Carolina, but
• 15:48
  I've just talked to so many people over the last few years
• 15:50
  and I would say definitely say Texas.
• 15:51
  Texas is a hot spot for narcissistic people.
• 15:55
  So, yeah, if you feel like I'm going to say this, if you feel
• 16:00
  like the profile is too good to be true, it probably is, It's
• 16:03
  because it's manufactured, right?
• 16:05
  Healthy people don't market themselves like a product.
• 16:08
  They show up as human beings. They don't, they don't, they
• 16:10
  don't market themselves like a, you see what I'm saying?
• 16:12
  Like a, just like a, like a can of Diet Coke right here, right.
• 16:16
  So if you have dealt with, if you have met a narcissist on a
• 16:19
  dating profile, drop the dating, drop the dating app that you met
• 16:22
  your narcissistic partner on, right?
• 16:25
  Florida's my close second. I know 2 in Florida.
• 16:28
  Yeah, they, they of course, narcissists are everywhere,
• 16:30
  right? Because I, I went to, I've been
• 16:31
  to, I've been to Australia and like I did a workshop.
• 16:38
  I did like a little meet up and I, I went to Australia to be on
• 16:40
  the TV show a few years ago, right?
• 16:42
  And while I was there, I just did like a quick post I made AI
• 16:46
  made a few quick posts and said, Hey, I'm in Australia.
• 16:50
  If you follow me, you want to hang out, come to the Sydney
• 16:53
  Opera House And like 20 people showed up.
• 16:55
  I was like damn, y'all follow me from y'all in Sydney, y'all in
• 17:00
  Australia, damn everywhere, everywhere and Makai said how do
• 17:07
  I book a session? You can check out my site right
• 17:08
  here. My site is Oh no, not that long.
• 17:12
  My site is damn it, come on y'all, sorry.
• 17:16
  My site is mental illness.net. You can check it out right
• 17:19
  there. Mental illness.net for my site
• 17:21
  and whatnot. Lee Go and you, I'm at an ARC at
• 17:25
  a conference. Yep.
• 17:26
  And you and you and yours have a very similar interest, right?
• 17:28
  You and yours have very similar interests.
• 17:31
  Y'all have very similar like career things.
• 17:32
  I know you better than him at it and whatnot.
• 17:35
  But like, I got time for a few questions.
• 17:37
  I'm going to do AQ and go enter the Q and A part of it.
• 17:39
  So drop your questions in the comment section and let's get it
• 17:43
  free for free. Free for free question date.
• 17:46
  And that's what you met yours at.
• 17:48
  I share your stuff all the time. I really appreciate that, Zen.
• 17:51
  I really appreciate it. So yeah, see, Cathy met hers at
• 17:55
  a conference in real in person. So she met hers face to face in
• 17:59
  person. A lot of poisonous reptiles down
• 18:02
  under. Yeah.
• 18:02
  That's one of the things I never, ever wanted to go to
• 18:04
  Australia because I had, again, I had this implicit bias about
• 18:07
  Australia being a dangerous continent because I watched the
• 18:10
  Discovery Channel too much. You know, the Discovery Channel
• 18:13
  literally had so much like you A everything is they may seem like
• 18:20
  everything in Australia could bite you and hurt you or
• 18:23
  something like that, right. So I was afraid to go to
• 18:24
  Australia until I actually went and it's one of my favorite
• 18:26
  places I've ever been 12 years. Oh my goodness, I'm glad you
• 18:29
  survived that. I'm glad you so Facebook meet
• 18:34
  me, plenty of fish, hilly, all of them.
• 18:37
  If people were to ask me to rate the dating apps, I would say the
• 18:41
  worst dating app for meeting narcissist from my experience.
• 18:44
  What I'm I'm talking about right from this is just me talking to
• 18:47
  everybody doing my one on ones for years, right?
• 18:50
  Doing my one on ones for years is going to be Facebook dating.
• 18:54
  I have not heard a success story from Facebook dating.
• 18:57
  I've only heard horror stories. I had this one woman right that
• 19:00
  I did a one-on-one with she met her she met her narcissistic ex
• 19:04
  or partner. She met him on Facebook dating
• 19:06
  and his name was Michael something right, But then she
• 19:10
  said she was she like he. He said he deleted his profile
• 19:13
  because after I meant the love of my life, I I don't need this
• 19:16
  profile no more. She said her friend sent her his
• 19:20
  other profile. He had three Facebook dating
• 19:23
  profiles, all with different interests, different likes,
• 19:25
  different dislikes. He had Michael, Mike and Mikey,
• 19:30
  all different interests, all different like different like
• 19:34
  cities. I meant like I said y'all, y'all
• 19:35
  don't know this. So I'm in North Carolina, right.
• 19:37
  So it's kind of like there's three cities within like close
• 19:41
  range of each other. He had like Reedsville, Eden and
• 19:44
  Greensboro all within close range of each other with a
• 19:46
  different name. It was crazy as hell.
• 19:49
  I've never heard a success story.
• 19:51
  You should bring back your entry music.
• 19:53
  Love it. Yeah.
• 19:54
  So I'm still. I'm still doing other things
• 19:55
  here. Grinder.
• 19:57
  You had a narcissist on Grinder. I can imagine that.
• 19:59
  I can imagine a lot of narcissists on Grinder and
• 20:03
  Tinder. I can imagine that.
• 20:05
  I was on Facebook dating for two days.
• 20:07
  It was terrible. Yep.
• 20:09
  Yep Zeon Zion. Oh you must have done something
• 20:12
  else. My narc ex and I have just
• 20:14
  separated for six months and not divorced yet and was already on
• 20:17
  dating sites. Three days after asking for
• 20:19
  divorce my 13 year old told me he already has new supply he met
• 20:22
  online. He downgraded from what I
• 20:23
  understand. So the downgrades.
• 20:25
  I actually just did a video about that.
• 20:28
  I actually did live. I think my last live was
• 20:30
  actually about that. Honestly I forgot what it was.
• 20:32
  My last live was about narcissist and transitional
• 20:35
  supply. Like moving on very quickly
• 20:37
  because they can't stand it by themselves.
• 20:39
  My last live video was literally about the exact same topic right
• 20:42
  there. Literally about it.
• 20:45
  What did it say? The last live was the rebound.
• 20:49
  It's called the rebound trap. Go check my last live.
• 20:50
  I'll drop I'll I'll copy the link and drop it into the chat
• 20:54
  for you. This is the link to my last
• 21:00
  live. Anna says Facebook is the worst.
• 21:04
  I saw one with several with different profiles.
• 21:07
  Yep Yep, Yep, that'd be happening.
• 21:08
  I'm telling you. I mean bring the tides when it
• 21:11
  gets warmer actually. What happened?
• 21:12
  Did I misuse what you said earlier?
• 21:14
  There's a lot of comments coming in y'all hands.
• 21:16
  I've never is hands. Which one is the app that you
• 21:18
  have to the girls have the message first that Bumble.
• 21:20
  I didn't just bumble right? I didn't just bumble.
• 21:25
  I might bring the tides when it gets warmer, actually.
• 21:27
  OK, might bring them. OK.
• 21:31
  I mean, OK, do do do, do, do, do, do.
• 21:34
  Yeah, they all say they delete it and never do.
• 21:36
  Yeah, some of them will absolutely tell you after you
• 21:39
  meet them on a dating app, they'll tell you that they
• 21:41
  deleted the the dating app, right.
• 21:43
  But they actually didn't. And then if you catch them on it
• 21:46
  or somebody sees them on it, they'll just say, oh, I must
• 21:50
  have forgot. I deleted the actual app, but
• 21:52
  not my profile. I deleted the app for my phone,
• 21:55
  but not my actual profile. OK, sorry.
• 21:59
  Or, or they'll, yeah, yeah, or they'll hit the, they'll hit the
• 22:04
  crazy one, the crazy, the crazy one.
• 22:06
  They'll say right. They'll use the the old.
• 22:09
  I was trying to see if you were still on there.
• 22:12
  Yeah, if you on Facebook or like YouTube, y'all make sure y'all
• 22:14
  hit the like button. Hit the like button.
• 22:16
  More people like it. The more people will see it, the
• 22:18
  more people we help. Seriously.
• 22:19
  I appreciate that, Zen. I always appreciate you.
• 22:22
  Mine saw me using LinkedIn and a week later accused me of being
• 22:26
  on a daily app. Yeah, he might be on there.
• 22:30
  The predator acts as they're willing to do everything in
• 22:32
  their power to make you feel good and secure.
• 22:34
  It's an act. Are they capable of real love?
• 22:36
  I don't think most I I think some narcissistic people are
• 22:39
  capable of real love, but I think most are only can go can
• 22:43
  go surface level. I don't think they can go very,
• 22:45
  very deep. Right.
• 22:46
  Hello. Can see what up, What up, what
• 22:47
  up. So true.
• 22:50
  Oh yeah, TikTok is one of the worst.
• 22:51
  TikTok is not even a dating app, but I've heard so many horror
• 22:53
  stories of people meeting people because yeah, this is the thing
• 22:56
  about social media apps, not even dating apps, social media
• 22:59
  apps in general. Meeting people on social media
• 23:01
  is just like, it could be one of the worst things that you do
• 23:04
  because social media allows people to have different
• 23:06
  personas. I have here, yeah, it's
• 23:09
  countless number of times I'll be scrolling on TikTok and I'll
• 23:12
  see a Horror Story on there. Just like I met this person that
• 23:16
  that has this authentic image online.
• 23:19
  They make this seem like they're a good person.
• 23:20
  They read Bible verses on live every night.
• 23:23
  I met them and they beat my ass on the first day.
• 23:26
  What they were mean. They demanded some some booty.
• 23:32
  They try to just they try to, they I hear horror stories.
• 23:36
  Horror. Hinge.
• 23:37
  You have to message first. Oh, it's Hinge.
• 23:38
  OK. Oh, OK.
• 23:40
  I thought it was Bumble for some reason.
• 23:43
  See, I don't know. I mean, I, I, I, I don't know
• 23:45
  these dating apps. If I were to download a data
• 23:47
  app, it would be just for research purposes because I've
• 23:49
  been married since the dating apps came out.
• 23:52
  They create a lot of pages, all on Facebook, Instagram.
• 23:54
  Yep, Yep, Yep. That's crazy and how they do it.
• 23:59
  What about speed dating? You know, I've never even
• 24:01
  thought about that, but I feel like speed dating is an easy way
• 24:03
  to meet a narcissist because typically speed dating, you
• 24:06
  don't really talk a lot. You don't really talk fast,
• 24:08
  right? I mean, you don't really get
• 24:10
  deep into detail. Mainly it's going to be based on
• 24:13
  physical appearance. Like you don't unless they sit
• 24:15
  right there and tell you that, OK, I'm rich and famous and then
• 24:18
  you fall for that and that's different.
• 24:20
  But of course, most times it's like going to be based on
• 24:22
  physical appearance. You don't like, they don't see
• 24:24
  some, they don't like your body or your face.
• 24:27
  And then you go from there. They can just lie, you know,
• 24:31
  crying hurt you and cheat and try steal.
• 24:33
  Yeah, it's Bumble. I would say it's Bumble.
• 24:38
  So I don't. I'd say again, I have no idea.
• 24:40
  Oh, I didn't tell you. Monarch ex was a pastor and was
• 24:43
  flirting with women at church and then went on to the dating
• 24:45
  sites. He was heavily into corn and
• 24:47
  blamed me for no intimacy when I was willing.
• 24:49
  He was. Yep.
• 24:50
  There you go. I'll tell you, I hate the I I
• 24:55
  hate is a strong word, but I I really dislike the pastoral or
• 24:59
  the religious narcissist. I cannot stand that I hate them.
• 25:03
  I can't, I can't stand them. I really, really cannot.
• 25:06
  I cannot stand a manipulative religious narcissist, especially
• 25:10
  ones that are pastors and just evil because they just, they
• 25:13
  just twist religion so much. They twist it so much that it
• 25:17
  just like makes people turn, turns people away.
• 25:19
  People get it turns good people away from religion, right,
• 25:23
  because you get these manipulative, lying, cheating
• 25:26
  bastards. They be a head of churches and
• 25:28
  organizations that just be just dirty as hell.
• 25:31
  Man. What's going to miss more?
• 25:33
  Let you be dirty as hell. And this is my website right
• 25:38
  here. Y'all mental illness.net from my
• 25:40
  my one on ones, my coaching my courses, my yo check out my
• 25:44
  courses mental illness. I mean courses.mentalillness.net
• 25:48
  for my courses. You can enter the code mothers
• 25:51
  or fathers and get 50% off my courses or you can just join my
• 25:54
  support group that's on there as well.
• 25:58
  This is what my link looks like. Look, it's
• 25:59
  courses.mentalillness.net. He turned the whole church
• 26:03
  against me and I went to the Bishop about cheating and corn
• 26:06
  and didn't believe me. Yep, Yep, Yep.
• 26:07
  Because they don't care like as long as they keep the, the
• 26:09
  passage, the the church is great.
• 26:11
  Worries about those fake churches were about numbers,
• 26:14
  attendance and stuff like that. They're not really worried about
• 26:16
  the actual congregation. They were about numbers and
• 26:19
  attendance and tithes and offerings.
• 26:21
  They're not thinking about the actual heart of the people that
• 26:24
  attend. You know, they don't care about
• 26:26
  that. They really are only worried
• 26:27
  about themselves. That's what happens when you get
• 26:29
  a narcissist at the head of a church.
• 26:31
  That's literally what be happening.
• 26:34
  Religious hypocrisy is scary stuff.
• 26:36
  They need that holy water. They need to drink before you go
• 26:38
  into church. They need they need to make you
• 26:39
  drink holy water. They didn't make you drink the
• 26:43
  holy water. You you need to take a shot of
• 26:44
  holy water before you go into the church, right.
• 26:47
  There's little what you may need to make you do.
• 26:49
  He's like here. You want to be you want to be
• 26:51
  the pastor of this church. Drink this holy water right
• 26:55
  here. Just take a take a sip and see
• 26:57
  how see how your body reacts. If they refuse, I'm not going to
• 27:01
  drink that holy water. I know of God got my heart.
• 27:05
  If they refused, you know something's going on with them.
• 27:13
  Hey, what's going on? Dine of thirst?
• 27:15
  Yeah. Supply collection.
• 27:17
  Yeah. Nothing you do for narcissism
• 27:18
  will ever be enough for them. Do you think it's OK to show a
• 27:22
  narc your video to show them that narcissism is real and and
• 27:25
  a man like them owned up to it and worked hard to be where so
• 27:29
  it can be it it that can work out one of two ways typically,
• 27:32
  right. I've talked to a lot of men on
• 27:34
  my one on ones that from this exact situation right here, like
• 27:37
  you just said, I've talked to a lot of men one-on-one like that.
• 27:40
  But are some of them faking? Yeah, some of them are just
• 27:44
  talking to me so they can tell their partner.
• 27:46
  They talk to me and they just buys them more time in a
• 27:48
  relationship. They can just lie about what I
• 27:49
  said. They can just say, well, Lee
• 27:50
  told me that you're the narcissist and they he said I'm
• 27:53
  the victim here. You said people, it just this is
• 27:55
  it could be a dangerous game to mess you up.
• 27:59
  I bless myself each morning with holy war.
• 28:01
  Yeah, got to dab it on. Badu narcs tell you about them
• 28:10
  having a new partner or moving on, especially if they ask you
• 28:13
  because they want, they want to rub it in right here.
• 28:15
  They want to make sure they want to rub it in.
• 28:16
  They want to hurt you. They want to make you feel
• 28:18
  something, you know what I mean? They want to make you try to
• 28:21
  make you jealous and see if you're still interested in them.
• 28:23
  That's what you know. Everyone welcome.
• 28:28
  Hit the like button, hit the like button, hit the like or
• 28:37
  drop a comment. I'm typing y'all, but also
• 28:40
  y'all. I'm also going to start.
• 28:43
  I'm thinking about starting doing my my live show where I do
• 28:46
  interviews. Would y'all like me to do
• 28:47
  interviews with people live? I had my podcast, but I'm
• 28:51
  thinking about starting doing interviews live and whatnot,
• 28:54
  right? Just to help kind of build it
• 28:57
  up, you know what I mean? I think I want to start doing
• 28:59
  interviews live and all this other stuff like I used to.
• 29:02
  I have fun doing it, I just don't want people to do stuff
• 29:05
  like that. The most finest man I would have
• 29:09
  done anything for, but rather love me.
• 29:10
  Yeah, 'cause sometimes when you want to do things for people,
• 29:14
  that's what goes on. So if I'm gonna do these live
• 29:16
  interviews, y'all gonna have to show up.
• 29:17
  I'm gonna say I'm not asking you to be on the live, I'm just
• 29:20
  asking y'all to show up and support, right?
• 29:23
  Because sometimes I'll be doing a live interview, it'd be like 5
• 29:25
  people in the chat like. So I'm going to.
• 29:29
  So I'm going to schedule the first one for next week,
• 29:32
  probably next Tuesday morning, Tuesday afternoon, right,
• 29:36
  because you got to see get a feel for it.
• 29:38
  I get a feel, get a feel for it to see who all going to come
• 29:42
  show up and just do interview. I just you don't have to turn
• 29:44
  your camera on. Just want to do interviews.
• 29:46
  Don't give them mercy is what I've learned.
• 29:48
  Forgiveness is a yeah, forgiveness can be a losing
• 29:50
  tactic. It really just depends on how
• 29:52
  you what your what your perspective is on forgiveness.
• 29:55
  Some people take forgiveness as permission to continue to treat
• 29:58
  you horribly. Make sure you guys hit the
• 30:05
  notification bell and hit all yes, please hit the notification
• 30:08
  bell and turn on all notifications because I I'm not
• 30:11
  I don't overload. I used to overload people with
• 30:13
  notifications. I understand that I used to post
• 30:15
  like 8 videos a day, but I'm down to one or two.
• 30:18
  You know what I'm saying one or two.
• 30:20
  I'm so glad there's so many people that showed up today.
• 30:22
  I really appreciate that. But anyway, I do have to hop off
• 30:26
  this thing. I have to do some calls in a few
• 30:30
  minutes. I actually have a couple calls.
• 30:31
  I got to do my one to ones and stuff like that.
• 30:34
  Like I said, check out my courses.
• 30:35
  Everything is available at mentalillness.net.
• 30:37
  You can get the courses, my 2 course, I'm working on another
• 30:41
  one too called the path. I'm working on a digital course
• 30:43
  called the Path to Peace about leaving a narcissist.
• 30:46
  I have understanding the seven stages of a narcissistic
• 30:49
  relationship, which helps you understand what you went
• 30:52
  through. I have a course called Finding
• 30:53
  your Why, which helps you heal. But I need, I'm making a course
• 30:57
  called the Pathway to Peace, which helps you leave, which
• 31:01
  helps you get together what you need to in order to leave safety
• 31:04
  wise and things like that. It's called the pathway to
• 31:05
  peace. It's a digital 1, you know what
• 31:07
  I mean, but check out my website mentalillness.net for everything
• 31:10
  y'all. If I look good on video, I would
• 31:13
  start narco awareness talks. You was like like you, you it
• 31:17
  don't matter what you look like. You just listen to that.
• 31:18
  People can start narco awareness talks like it's you.
• 31:20
  It's just you sharing your story.
• 31:22
  Everybody here anyway, y'all, I appreciate y'all joining.
• 31:24
  I'm so thankful for I'm so thankful for you.
• 31:27
  I was just so. I'm so thankful for every single
• 31:29
  one of y'all. I'm grateful.
• 31:31
  Gratitude is leaking from my eyes.
• 31:33
  I'm so grateful for you. And I'll also, yeah, I'll be in
• 31:36
  New York. I'll actually be in New York
• 31:37
  City next week next Thursday, next Thursday afternoon evening.
• 31:42
  So I might do like a little pop up, like meet up, like a little
• 31:44
  meet, meet and greet type of thing at like a little bar or
• 31:48
  something. If I can find something I just
• 31:50
  I'm working with, I'm working with a girl that she said she'll
• 31:53
  help me set it up. So nothing, nothing to be not
• 31:55
  going to be huge, but I'm coming back to New York in June.
• 31:59
  So I might actually do a big workshop in June when I'm back
• 32:02
  in New York. So she's got a dependent job.
• 32:04
  So hit the subscribe button if you haven't already.
• 32:06
  I appreciate everything. I'm grateful for you and we will
• 32:09
  chat later. Peace, Tammy.