Latest / Just Heal with Dr Jay / Men Need Healing Too with Beleaf

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Men Need Healing Too with Beleaf · Just Heal with Dr Jay

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Welcome to jess Hell with Doctor J, a production of
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: the Black Effect Podcast Network and iHeartRadio. Welcome back to
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: another episode Just Heal with Doctor J. And I'm your host,
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: Doctor J. Barnett. Listen. If you have been easdropping and
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: listening here and there trying to see what we're talking
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: about over here in the healing community, I will encourage
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: you to subscribe and listen and follow us on our
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: YouTube channel, Just Heal Doctor J. And you can also
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: listen audibly on Spotify, the Black Effect Network, iHeart Podcast,
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your podcast. We're having an
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: amazing time over here in this healing community, having conversations
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  Speaker 1: that are changing people perspective. I'm bringing real people with
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  Speaker 1: real stories who are sharing their healing journey as you
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  Speaker 1: are hearing me to continue to share my experience of
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: healing as well. So subscribe. All right, So today I'm
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: excited about our guests. This brother is no stranger. You know,
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  Speaker 1: he's got over a million five I was on YouTube,
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  Speaker 1: four hundred and some thousand on Instagram. I don't know
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  Speaker 1: what he's doing over there Facebook, but I'm sure he's
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: doing a whole lot over there. This brother here is amazing.
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  Speaker 1: I came to know his work by someone sending me
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  Speaker 1: something about him sharing the story of him as a son,
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: and he was speaking about his mother. I believe in
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  Speaker 1: the episode that someone sent to me. But I'm excited
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: to welcome my brother Glenn aka Belief and man, we
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  Speaker 1: got so many people in common that I didn't even know,
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  Speaker 1: Like all the people that we knew were locked there
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  Speaker 1: and we hadn't coming. Man locked in. But I'm gonna
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  Speaker 1: tell you how God works. So his team reached out
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  Speaker 1: about having him on the show. I said, yes, we
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  Speaker 1: just had to make it happen, and I went to
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  Speaker 1: San Diego to retreat for about five six days. Y'all
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: know I go out there often. My therapist is out there,
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  Speaker 1: so I love to go sit with her in person.
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  Speaker 1: And I just so hit him up and chop it
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  Speaker 1: up with him, and I was like, bro, where are
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  Speaker 1: you from? And He's like, I'm from San Diego. I
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  Speaker 1: was like what, And I'm like, I'm out here to
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  Speaker 1: San Diego for like a week. And we met in
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  Speaker 1: person men and had lunch and brother we locked in
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  Speaker 1: and broke.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, man, we broke bread.
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  Speaker 1: We talked.
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  Speaker 3: It was a really deep discussion and it was like
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  Speaker 3: we had to end because I had to go back home,
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  Speaker 3: but I was like looking forward to talking again. Man.
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  Speaker 3: So thank god so much for having me on the show.
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  Speaker 1: Bro Absolutely, man, thank you for your work, Thank you
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  Speaker 1: for what you're doing for us as men and as
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  Speaker 1: a father. Yeah, man, And we'll get deep into how
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  Speaker 1: you think, the ways in which you think, how you
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  Speaker 1: process as a husband, as a father, as a son. Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: And what I'm excited about is how you process as
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  Speaker 1: a man. Yeah, because those other things are tyrants right.
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  Speaker 3: Right, and some people will call them callings, right because
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  Speaker 3: these are things that we don't necessarily know that we're
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  Speaker 3: going to encounter as a man, but experiencing them through
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  Speaker 3: the lens of like a healed man is different from
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  Speaker 3: how you start. So we could break it down here,
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  Speaker 3: you want to you know what I'm saying, Let's let's
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  Speaker 3: get started. Let's get absolutely Okay. So I'm from Baltimore originally,
• 3:08
  Speaker 3: so I got to correct you.
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  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying.
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  Speaker 3: So I'm a Baltimoreian.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, Baltimorean.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, he lives and live in say yea, well he's
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  Speaker 3: a Baltimourian. Yeah, absolutely, So yeah, I've been I've been
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  Speaker 3: out here for about twenty years now and really found
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  Speaker 3: a lot of connection and like love while redefining family
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  Speaker 3: for myself. Right, I grew up in a broken home.
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  Speaker 3: Mom was sixteen, she had me. Dad moved away to California.
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  Speaker 3: They had that joint custody thing. So I experienced half
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  Speaker 3: of my life in Baltimore, well mostly nine months of
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  Speaker 3: my life in Baltimore, and the summers was in California,
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  Speaker 3: and going back and forth to different homes and two
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  Speaker 3: different cultures because my dad lived you know, grew up Trenty, right, Trinidadian,
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  Speaker 3: but he married white woman, you know what I'm saying,
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  Speaker 3: So there was different from my mom, who was like,
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  Speaker 3: you know, single parent, you know Section eight, you know
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  Speaker 3: what I'm saying. So we had a totally different experience
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  Speaker 3: going back and forth, just myself. But yeah, like I've
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  Speaker 3: redefined family in my experience being a husband and a father,
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  Speaker 3: you know what I'm saying. And so it's so interesting that,
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  Speaker 3: you know, because I was also at nineteen, you know,
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  Speaker 3: on the verge of committed suicide, you know what I mean.
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  Speaker 3: I got to the point where I just kept messing
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  Speaker 3: up every relationship and you know, I got kicked out
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  Speaker 3: my grandma house. So when you get kicked out your
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  Speaker 3: grandma house, it's a rat like your grandma don't want you,
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  Speaker 3: don't nobody wants.
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  Speaker 1: You, you know, because Grandmama, grandmother got your back, and nobody
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  Speaker 1: had your back.
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  Speaker 3: Lee exactly. So I just was wilding out nineteen tripping,
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  Speaker 3: and in called my father and just basically was saying
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  Speaker 3: bye to him, really asking for permission to end it all,
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  Speaker 3: you know, thinking that no one really cared, and I
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  Speaker 3: wanted to know if he cared. I was just like,
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  Speaker 3: it's a rabbit. I can't do this anymore. And he
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  Speaker 3: was like, you know, if you could just try one
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  Speaker 3: more chance to start over, and you can come sleep
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  Speaker 3: out here on my floor and start over in CALLI
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  Speaker 3: And so I accepted the invitation and I flew myself
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  Speaker 3: out and I've been trucking every since.
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  Speaker 1: Wow. Yeah, m hm. You know. September is suicide prevention month. Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: And it's one of those months, unlike May, which is
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  Speaker 1: mental health awareness. It's one of those months that any
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  Speaker 1: conversation around suicide and not to say that it is
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  Speaker 1: less relevant in May, which is mental health month. Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: but in the month of September. There is a pause
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  Speaker 1: that has to take place, which is almost like in
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  Speaker 1: the Bible when it says the word sailor right, it's
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  Speaker 1: that it's something that represents this sort of in time
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  Speaker 1: of just solid stillness. And as you were sharing that,
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  Speaker 1: you made that call when I was getting ready to
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  Speaker 1: attempt for a second time, I was on a call
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  Speaker 1: with my father. Wow. And I haven't shared this much,
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  Speaker 1: but the conversation with he and I and along with
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  Speaker 1: my mother triggered me to say, all right, I'm done.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: So when I hear you say that you call him
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  Speaker 1: just to see if he cared. I stayed on the
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  Speaker 1: phone with my father to see if he cared, because
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  Speaker 1: normally it was just like all right, I don't want
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  Speaker 1: to talk to him.
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  Speaker 3: And I think that is so interesting because it speaks
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  Speaker 3: to the power of the relationship between a father and
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  Speaker 3: a child. In our company, we have the Infinity Hands.
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  Speaker 3: It's a forever looping continuation from a father's hands to
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  Speaker 3: the child's hands. That's the logo for our company. I
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  Speaker 3: believe in fatherhood. And the thing is like I thought
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  Speaker 3: that when I turned eighteen, like my dad would stop
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  Speaker 3: fathering me. He thought that too, and at nineteen, as
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  Speaker 3: he's calling me back and saying, hey, you can start
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  Speaker 3: over here. There was a level of shepherding that I
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  Speaker 3: didn't know that he even had in him, and he
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  Speaker 3: didn't know I required. So that was like my first
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  Speaker 3: lesson in fatherhood was that like, oh, fatherhood is forever.
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  Speaker 1: It's not.
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  Speaker 3: It doesn't end at a certain place. And that spoke
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  Speaker 3: to me as I became a dad. I was like, oh, oh,
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  Speaker 3: these kids don't need to be cuddled until they're well
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  Speaker 3: into their teens. I didn't know that. And black men
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  Speaker 3: don't share that part. No, we don't. We don't know
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  Speaker 3: that it's true. I think now it's becoming a little
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  Speaker 3: bit more acceptable, But I don't think I've seen being
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  Speaker 3: held as a part of my process as a you know,
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  Speaker 3: forty year old man now. But I was even talking
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  Speaker 3: to my wife about, you know, everybody around me. I'm
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  Speaker 3: supposed to provide security for my employees, my kids, you right,
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  Speaker 3: like everybody, I'm like, who was holding me? You know
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  Speaker 3: what I'm saying. And so it came to a point
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  Speaker 3: where I would she'd be like, hey, I need a hug,
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  Speaker 3: and I rab my moms around a squeezer. You know
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  Speaker 3: what I'm saying. And then she would go, Okay, now
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  Speaker 3: your turn, and she makes me put my arms now,
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  Speaker 3: and she tries so best to get our arms around
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  Speaker 3: me and squeeze as tight as she can. And we
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  Speaker 3: do group hubs hubs as a family now. And that
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  Speaker 3: part is healing to my inner child, because if I
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  Speaker 3: would have been held by my father early, I may
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  Speaker 3: have never even had that thought that I wasn't good
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  Speaker 3: enough or accepted or the things I was going through
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  Speaker 3: wasn't normal.
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  Speaker 1: You know, brother, when I tell you you are You're
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  Speaker 1: in it. You're in the vain of what so many
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  Speaker 1: of us as men need to hear, particularly black men,
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  Speaker 1: because there is a element of life that you cannot
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  Speaker 1: experience until you have been fathered. Well. Yeah, there is
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  Speaker 1: a part of you that can't become until you truly
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  Speaker 1: have been received well as a son.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: I never forget this, man. I have talked about this.
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  Speaker 1: I wasn't hugged a lot, and I have gone on
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  Speaker 1: podcasts and talked about the studies and the articles and
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  Speaker 1: the research that is centered around why boys need to
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  Speaker 1: be hugged, why it's important for boys to develop the
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  Speaker 1: emotional language for receiving and not just giving. Why is
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  Speaker 1: it important for boys to understand the power of their
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: words of I need Yes, you know what I mean.
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  Speaker 1: And I never forget. I hate to say x man,
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  Speaker 1: because we had an experience man that was life changing
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  Speaker 1: for the both of us. But Yeah, she was a
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  Speaker 1: hugger and she loved a hug. She would always come in, Jay,
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  Speaker 1: come on, give me a hug. Yeah, And she would
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  Speaker 1: be like, come on, man, give me a hug, man.
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  Speaker 1: And I'd be like, I'm like, man, I was like,
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  Speaker 1: what is it with you in these hugs?
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  Speaker 3: Yeah?
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  Speaker 1: And she's like, Jay, hugs allows you to feel, embrace, love,
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  Speaker 1: connected and all these different things She's like, And I
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  Speaker 1: was just like, yo, man, I just ain't. And one
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  Speaker 1: day she hugged me and I felt something glad and
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: it scared the hell out of me to say more.
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  Speaker 1: And when I felt it, I was like, what was that?
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  Speaker 1: She said to Jay. That's connection. I felt like there
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  Speaker 1: was this energy that was exchanging that you don't get insects,
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: and for these brothers to watch it, you don't get
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: this an exchanging bodily fluid. It's an exchange that your
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: energy has been synchronized into this person's care, this person's thoughts,
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: and this person's concern and this person's value system for
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  Speaker 1: you because when she hugged me back, I felt like
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  Speaker 1: everything had became.
• 11:39
  Speaker 3: Like wow, you say when she hugged you, everything became
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  Speaker 3: light now, So here is my theory. The hard part
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  Speaker 3: about that is that have you been able to find
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  Speaker 3: a hug like that since?
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: No? What you go do that? Bro?
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: I'm trying to tell you, bro, why so sorry? Man,
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: I gotta challenge this because because my therapist was like,
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  Speaker 2: have you talked to her?
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  Speaker 1: Lady?
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, Bro, I'm curious. So not Okay, I'm not trying
• 12:13
  Speaker 3: to spark up nothing. The channel YouTube channel subscribe right now.
• 12:17
  Speaker 3: I'm trying to let you know I'm not trying to
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  Speaker 3: spark up nothing. But I understand that there is a
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  Speaker 3: there is a way that I can feel cared for
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  Speaker 3: that nobody else can make me feel.
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  Speaker 1: And here's the thing.
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  Speaker 3: It's not and you're right, it's not sexual. You know,
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  Speaker 3: even even when my children are hugged me, there's a
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  Speaker 3: certain grip that I'm like, I needed that. So my
• 12:40
  Speaker 3: sister passed away in twenty twenty one, like seriously, jack
• 12:43
  Speaker 3: me up, Like I've never been the same since, mainly
• 12:46
  Speaker 3: because she was the only woman from my childhood that
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  Speaker 3: loved me consistently.
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  Speaker 1: Wow.
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  Speaker 3: Okay, so she dies twenty twenty one. I haven't felt
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  Speaker 3: the hug since. I'm gonna promise you this, bro, uh snatario,
• 13:02
  Speaker 3: I can promise you this. At times, she would visit
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  Speaker 3: me in my dreams and squeeze me in my dreams.
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  Speaker 3: I long I get hugs in my dreams.
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  Speaker 2: Bro, you know what I'm saying.
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  Speaker 3: So, even if y'all are exes or whatever, I think
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  Speaker 3: there's something there to where that type of that type
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  Speaker 3: of way that you have allowed yourself to be. Uh,
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  Speaker 3: Like you're released in that hug, that ex hill. It's
• 13:30
  Speaker 3: hard to find that again. And it's hard to accept
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  Speaker 3: that from other people.
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  Speaker 1: Man, God, dude, why are you my business? Sorry? Man?
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  Speaker 3: Sorry man, It's supposed to be about me.
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  Speaker 2: Man, But this is what we're here for. We hear
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: in the day.
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  Speaker 1: So, Bro, she's always said, come here a big guy.
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  Speaker 1: And I recently just saw her parents. Yeah and uh
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: and we And it was crazy because my therapist is
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: always because of what we went through, my therapist is
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: always like, you know, when the last time we talked
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: to her, he checked on and this and that no,
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: man like we have agreed that what happened was very dramatic,
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: you know, and losing having a miscarriage, yes, child Like
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: we had this conversation. At the time, there was so
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: much transitioning in my life. Not that I wasn't there,
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: but I just didn't understand what was going on In
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: the way that I was there was also the only
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: way that I understood how to be there at that moment.
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: And when you talk about not feeling that, I consciously
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: try not to think about it because I don't. I've
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: never thought about like we talked about like rekindling and reconnecting,
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: but we have really gone our separate ways. She's pursuing
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: her career doing well and I'm doing my thing. And
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: the reason I say consciously because I don't know. I
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: don't want to live in this world where it's like
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: what could be and it's not and close the door
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: for someone else, Yeah, to provide that, but to answer
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: your point or your question. The way she embraced me
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: was different because she ended up having a conversation with
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: my sister and my baby sister says, she says, like,
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: what's wrong with Jay man, Jay don't. Like. She was like, man,
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: you got to understand what our brother went through. She's like,
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: he wasn't hub. He was doing the giving when our
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: parents divorced, he was doing the parenting, he was doing
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: the overseer, and he was doing the cooking. He was
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: big brother and a father figure to us. Yeah, so
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: there was no one there to embrace him, but he
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: was embracing us. And so when she said that, it
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: gave her a deeper understanding. And she says, Jay, I
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: get it, and mean personally, bro, Like at this age,
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: at forty three, I there's sometimes I'm just like, man,
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: I don't need sex. And I'm saying this because I'm
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: being transparently, because I want men to really expand their minds,
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: like because sometimes we're limited to just this sexual prowess
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: and just this oppression and just this this testationem that
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: we just gotta be all proud and looking for it
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: like that, ain't it. I still got the bark and
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: the dog and just this the you know, the testaeum,
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: which is that that grit that's that's not going anywhere.
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: But Bro, there's some days on this journey of ploying
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: and helping others I just want to be hugged, bro,
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: So I'm gonna say this this h I was, no,
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: I'm not gonna say that because I don't have to
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: deal with people's comments.
• 16:57
  Speaker 3: Later though, Yes, because I'm like, I gotta get it.
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: Though. Yeah, I'm gonna say this. I was on the
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: road one night. I was on the road speaking and
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: I called her and she asked. It was like two
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: in the morning, and Bro, I was just crying and
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: she's like, Jane, what's wrong? And I was just like, man,
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: I just and it wasn't that I missed her and
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: I did. She's like what what like? Cause she was like, dude,
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: what's going on? You calling me at two thirty one
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: in crime. I said I need a hug man, and
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: she was like okay. I said, no, I need a
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: hug from you, and she was like, dude, I'm like
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: two thousand miles away from you. I came up right now.
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: And she started crying because she had never felt that
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: from me. And she just talked to me and she said,
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: do you want to talk about what we went through?
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: And I said do you mind? She says no, Oh, listen,
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: and she beginning to hug me with a word yeah, yeah,
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: because some embraces may not happen physically, but our words
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: can embrace. And bro, I never forget that, and I'll
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: never forget There's some people, man, that you have experiences
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: with that you'll never forget because it changed a part
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: of you. And like now in a relationship, you know
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: what I mean, Like I don't like I'm not afraid
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: to hug anymore, and I mean even hugging my brothers
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: and yeah, you know what I mean, my sisters. Like
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: I was just very it was abnormal for me to
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: just be like openly hugged.
• 18:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah, how did you get to the point where you
• 18:43
  Speaker 3: were able to say I need a hug, because it
• 18:45
  Speaker 3: seems like that would have been a challenge for you
• 18:47
  Speaker 3: as well.
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: It was right, I think, being at that place where
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: I needed one.
• 18:52
  Speaker 3: And you could communicate that's what you needed.
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: Yes, because there was time that she would hug me
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: and I would feel better. But I was afraid to
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: say that I felt better from the hug, because sometimes
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: you don't know what you need until you get it.
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: But then when we had separated and were gone, and
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: I remember, like, you know, trying to move on to
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: date to other people, and I just and it was
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: just like, oh, they don't eat acts the hugs. Yeah,
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: because because now I had again this was new information
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: and then understanding what hugs does to our nervous system,
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: you know that connection, that that serotonin, like you need
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: that Yeah and uh and like today, man, I'm I'm
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: now like I'll call my mom and like hey, I'm
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: just come hang out with you, old girl and just
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: get a hug from me. You know. So it really
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: changed me.
• 19:46
  Speaker 3: Man, Yo, let me I'll tell you a quick story
• 19:49
  Speaker 3: about the four kids, the chocolate babies. Okay, so I
• 19:53
  Speaker 3: have three boys, one girl, the youngest. Three are very
• 19:57
  Speaker 3: good at communicating what they want, what they a Naya
• 20:01
  Speaker 3: my my daughter. She would just always ask can I
• 20:04
  Speaker 3: can I have love? And love could be anything from
• 20:07
  Speaker 3: a hug, a kiss, or cuddling or playing whatever game
• 20:11
  Speaker 3: she wants to play. UZI will follow his sister's footsteps.
• 20:14
  Speaker 3: He's the youngest. He'll come in and ask for a
• 20:16
  Speaker 3: hug sometimes, or he'll just you'll be sitting here doing something,
• 20:19
  Speaker 3: he'll climb all over you. My second oldest, he is
• 20:26
  Speaker 3: he's got a sensory thing where he he has he
• 20:30
  Speaker 3: has to like have a weighted blanket has to be
• 20:33
  Speaker 3: hugged all the time. So he'll come up and be like,
• 20:35
  Speaker 3: can I have a hug? Especially when he's going homeschool,
• 20:37
  Speaker 3: he'll get a math problem and be like, I need
• 20:39
  Speaker 3: a hug. Now, you know what I'm saying, because it's
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: difficult my oldest want to ask, and I was sitting
• 20:44
  Speaker 3: here trying to figure out. But he wants to be pursued.
• 20:48
  Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying, Like he wants to be chased.
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: And I'm oldest, right, so.
• 20:54
  Speaker 3: You should know what I want is what he's saying
• 20:56
  Speaker 3: to me, right, And I'm not always gonna know that.
• 21:01
  Speaker 3: I can't read your mind. As a father, I think
• 21:04
  Speaker 3: that I'm in tune. But because i'm also you know,
• 21:08
  Speaker 3: a healing person, I'm also not thinking about you.
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying.
• 21:12
  Speaker 3: I'm trying to think about myself and what I need
• 21:13
  Speaker 3: as well, and trying to convince myself that I can
• 21:15
  Speaker 3: ask for what I need because I got my own stuff.
• 21:18
  Speaker 3: So I did this exercise, but them we went for
• 21:20
  Speaker 3: a run. We do like pe and stuff like that,
• 21:22
  Speaker 3: and I had them we all carry like these weighted
• 21:25
  Speaker 3: you know, there was like weight balls and strow up
• 21:27
  Speaker 3: and now stuff like that. It was five pounds, ten pounds,
• 21:29
  Speaker 3: and we went for a run, and I said, the
• 21:31
  Speaker 3: goal is to say you need help. So we're running
• 21:35
  Speaker 3: and every you know, two of them are carrying a
• 21:36
  Speaker 3: ball and one of them isn't and two of them aren't,
• 21:39
  Speaker 3: and I'm saying, hey, the only thing you need to
• 21:40
  Speaker 3: do is communicate, hey, I need help. So they have
• 21:42
  Speaker 3: to say I need help, so the other person to
• 21:44
  Speaker 3: take the weight. I was like, sometimes in life, you're
• 21:47
  Speaker 3: gonna need someone to help you carry your weight, right,
• 21:50
  Speaker 3: and I need you to be able to communicate that.
• 21:52
  Speaker 3: And so the fact that you were able to communicate
• 21:54
  Speaker 3: that is brilliant. A lot of our brothers don't know
• 21:58
  Speaker 3: how to say I just really need a hug big.
• 22:00
  Speaker 3: We just we get frustrated, or just say hey, I
• 22:02
  Speaker 3: really need to have sex. Like that is something that
• 22:05
  Speaker 3: you need to communicate. And I'm not saying you're always
• 22:08
  Speaker 3: gonna get it, but some of us, we spend our
• 22:11
  Speaker 3: time just being so frustrated that.
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: It's not to cut you all. Yeah, do you think
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: a lot of merit mens struggled with saying to me?
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: Said absolutely?
• 22:17
  Speaker 3: I did for the longest time too, because my wife.
• 22:20
  Speaker 3: She was pregnant for like six years straight or something
• 22:23
  Speaker 3: like that. He was always pregnant. I was like, what
• 22:25
  Speaker 3: the heck is going on? And so she'd always had
• 22:27
  Speaker 3: people like either breastfeeding or people on her are needing
• 22:31
  Speaker 3: a hug. And I'm just watching these kids kind of
• 22:32
  Speaker 3: mall her, and I'm like, you know, I'll leave you alone.
• 22:36
  Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying. I won't bother you because
• 22:38
  Speaker 3: I can see the strain on your body. Your body
• 22:41
  Speaker 3: is going through many transitions, and you're always complaining about
• 22:45
  Speaker 3: your tire. And so I would have a hard time
• 22:48
  Speaker 3: asking for my own needs to be met, just because
• 22:51
  Speaker 3: I didn't communicate effectively, and it wasn't something that you know,
• 22:57
  Speaker 3: growing up in a very like sheltered Christianness Christian household,
• 23:00
  Speaker 3: sex was always like a no, no, you can't even
• 23:04
  Speaker 3: talk about it, and you know, keep your let's clothes,
• 23:06
  Speaker 3: don't do it, da da da da. And then when
• 23:08
  Speaker 3: you get married to kind of like, well have fun,
• 23:10
  Speaker 3: you know. And she didn't even know anything about it.
• 23:12
  Speaker 3: So on our wedding night, we were just looking at
• 23:13
  Speaker 3: each other and I was like, well, it's time to
• 23:15
  Speaker 3: take off your clothes now. It seems like why, Like
• 23:19
  Speaker 3: she was like didn't She was like, didn't know nothing
• 23:22
  Speaker 3: about anything, and so it was a very hard transition
• 23:26
  Speaker 3: for us to have like a healthy sex life. And
• 23:28
  Speaker 3: so even after all that, like six years of just
• 23:31
  Speaker 3: terrible sex, terrible sex, and you know this is admitted.
• 23:35
  Speaker 3: We talk about this on our podcast as well. But
• 23:39
  Speaker 3: we got to the point where she was like, hey,
• 23:42
  Speaker 3: we actually schedule sex, so no matter what is happening
• 23:45
  Speaker 3: into the three tides a week, you know what I'm saying,
• 23:47
  Speaker 3: Because she was like, hey, she came to a point
• 23:50
  Speaker 3: where we were having such a hard time. She was like,
• 23:53
  Speaker 3: I know, God has called you to serve men, and
• 23:56
  Speaker 3: I don't want to be a hindrance to that favor.
• 24:00
  Speaker 3: So I want to make sure that I'm at least
• 24:03
  Speaker 3: understanding my own body and not like like even having
• 24:08
  Speaker 3: you think about anything else. Wow, it was very mature
• 24:12
  Speaker 3: of her. Yeah, she's good people's man. So how did
• 24:19
  Speaker 3: you guys navigate out of the years of bad sex
• 24:22
  Speaker 3: like that?
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: That? Was that a conversation that you initiated or something
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: that you both like came to this this this this
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: moment of just like awakening like hey, right, it's not
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: what it should be for us.
• 24:34
  Speaker 3: So it comes to having like a good community, right.
• 24:38
  Speaker 3: So I was complaining to one of my homeboys. I
• 24:40
  Speaker 3: was like, look, man, I don't know how long I
• 24:42
  Speaker 3: can do this for, you know what I'm saying, Like,
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: in mind, we were absent before, like she was virgion,
• 24:48
  Speaker 3: I was absent of for like five years, and I'm
• 24:50
  Speaker 3: thinking like, guys, like, you know you're gonna hook me
• 24:52
  Speaker 3: up obviously, I'm just an idiot, like thinking that God
• 24:54
  Speaker 3: owes me a good sex, like because I was obedient,
• 24:58
  Speaker 3: you know what I'm saying. And so man, I'm sitting
• 25:01
  Speaker 3: here like yeah, this will be great, you know. And
• 25:04
  Speaker 3: then after like five six years, I'm like, oh man, lord,
• 25:08
  Speaker 3: I'm really having a hard time. I started lamenting, you
• 25:11
  Speaker 3: know what I mean, Like why would why would this
• 25:13
  Speaker 3: be a struggle? You know what I'm saying, Like I
• 25:16
  Speaker 3: just don't understand. I was very confused, very entitled, but
• 25:20
  Speaker 3: very confused. And I was lamenting to a friend of
• 25:22
  Speaker 3: mius just like, look, bro, like I don't know what's
• 25:24
  Speaker 3: going on. And so he talked to his wife and
• 25:27
  Speaker 3: then she called my wife, and it just turned out
• 25:30
  Speaker 3: my wife didn't know anything about her body and didn't
• 25:33
  Speaker 3: know that sex was supposed to be pleasurable for her
• 25:36
  Speaker 3: as well, right, And I was trying to explain it
• 25:39
  Speaker 3: to her, but she wouldn't listen to me because I'm
• 25:42
  Speaker 3: the guy trying to get into the door. You know
• 25:45
  Speaker 3: what I'm saying is She's like, I don't trust you, fool.
• 25:47
  Speaker 3: You're just trying to get me to you know what
• 25:48
  Speaker 3: I'm saying. You're just trying to put another baby in me.
• 25:50
  Speaker 3: I'm like, listen, I'm promising here, you know. And so
• 25:53
  Speaker 3: she ended up talking to a friend of hers who
• 25:54
  Speaker 3: sent her like a care package with like loub and
• 25:57
  Speaker 3: like all these like books and stuff like that that
• 25:59
  Speaker 3: helped cater and then like we would just read the books.
• 26:02
  Speaker 3: And she was like, I want to do a twenty
• 26:04
  Speaker 3: five day sex challenge, but we have sex every night.
• 26:06
  Speaker 3: And I was like, well, dang, that's a huge jump
• 26:09
  Speaker 3: from like barely doing it at all, and like it
• 26:12
  Speaker 3: was like eleven days in. I'm like, this is a lot.
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: Like we doing a lot right now, you know what
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: I'm saying, you know what I'm saying. And she was
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: just like yeah, yeah, yeah, after the four kids.
• 26:23
  Speaker 3: This is notices, this is after shot hum.
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: Or two shot them too. Yeah, that's so so she like.
• 26:29
  Speaker 3: So that is when she started to like take ownership
• 26:33
  Speaker 3: of her of her like, oh, this is for me,
• 26:36
  Speaker 3: you know what I mean. And so we went from
• 26:38
  Speaker 3: like you know, cause I couldn't even say like, hey,
• 26:41
  Speaker 3: do you like this or does this feel good? Then
• 26:43
  Speaker 3: she's like, now put me up like this and do
• 26:45
  Speaker 3: this right here, and do this go this way. And
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: I'm like, now she's giving me direction. I'm like, perfect right,
• 26:49
  Speaker 3: because I'm naturally I want to please my woman, you
• 26:52
  Speaker 3: know what I'm saying. And so it was very difficult
• 26:55
  Speaker 3: at first, and then as soon as that switch, it
• 26:57
  Speaker 3: just was like consistent, you know. And there have been times,
• 27:01
  Speaker 3: you know, babies being born, super amount of stress at work,
• 27:05
  Speaker 3: you know, a lot of changing the home, us moving,
• 27:07
  Speaker 3: a lot of stuff like that where we kind of
• 27:08
  Speaker 3: fall off a little bit, but we always come back
• 27:10
  Speaker 3: to our schedule and we make it. We may happen.
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: Man, bro. When I listen to you, Glenn, my heart,
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: the little boy is smiling because I'm like, wow, man,
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: he is giving out these instructions and he's given out
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: this blueprint because most men must little boys that are
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: stuck emotionally. Yeah, most men that I talked to, most
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: men that I treated in therapy, they were all little
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: boys emotionally because they didn't get the understanding. So either
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: their understanding of sex was that it's only pleasurable for
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: the man, or is they are objectifying women, their women,
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: they're a white person whomever. It's just like, well, I
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: just got to get to this this, I just got
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: to conquer this quest, yeah and reach this ape and
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: it's done. And there isn't a level of understanding. Oh
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: where did you learn that? And how where did you learn? That?
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: Shows up in your relationships? And what I'm loving about
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: how you express how you are so deliberate, you and
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: your wife and you guys share your journey of marriage,
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: parenting so transparently. Man. That's what we need more of. Man.
• 28:26
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I think it's I think the reason why we
• 28:29
  Speaker 3: don't hear it is because it's kind of embarrassing, you
• 28:33
  Speaker 3: know what I'm saying, Like, it's kind of embarrassing to
• 28:35
  Speaker 3: be like, yoh, I struggle with sexual with my wife
• 28:39
  Speaker 3: for sex years and then you hear somebody you know
• 28:41
  Speaker 3: who may be on a little bit more shallow end
• 28:43
  Speaker 3: of the spectrum. Man, that's because he wasn't hitting it
• 28:46
  Speaker 3: right or that's because you know what I'm saying, And
• 28:48
  Speaker 3: it's like, all right, well that's fair for you to assume.
• 28:51
  Speaker 3: But I still have this person to shepherd, I still
• 28:55
  Speaker 3: have this heart to shepherd. I still have to be
• 28:57
  Speaker 3: an example. And so I think the the crazy thing
• 29:01
  Speaker 3: about it is that I used to like be so
• 29:03
  Speaker 3: upset about, like like why is this my story and
• 29:07
  Speaker 3: the way my wife has switched. I have more faith
• 29:10
  Speaker 3: that other things can change, Like I'm like I believe
• 29:13
  Speaker 3: in people different. Now I'm like, oh, anybody can change this,
• 29:16
  Speaker 3: you know what I mean? Like she has, she has,
• 29:18
  Speaker 3: and I know that even like right now, if we
• 29:21
  Speaker 3: have a disagreement, I know that, well, either she'll figure
• 29:25
  Speaker 3: it out or I'll figure it out. We'll be fine
• 29:27
  Speaker 3: because I've seen her do work. I've seen her like
• 29:31
  Speaker 3: believe something and be like I can't do this, I'm
• 29:33
  Speaker 3: scared of this and then step into it with confidence
• 29:35
  Speaker 3: like she's and she has like redefine how I see women,
• 29:41
  Speaker 3: you know what I mean, Like there there is you
• 29:45
  Speaker 3: know in my story, you know. Unfortunately, like my my
• 29:49
  Speaker 3: first opposition was my mother, you know what I'm saying,
• 29:53
  Speaker 3: Like she it was hard for me and her, and
• 29:57
  Speaker 3: it never got better, you know what I'm saying, Like
• 30:00
  Speaker 3: I work, like I worked really trying to heal and
• 30:05
  Speaker 3: like get over stuff quickly, and it just never got better.
• 30:09
  Speaker 3: So if my initial relationship with a woman's so tumultuous,
• 30:14
  Speaker 3: like how am I gonna accept my wife? Yes, you
• 30:19
  Speaker 3: know what I'm saying. So the things that was going
• 30:21
  Speaker 3: on with me and my mom was creeping up with
• 30:23
  Speaker 3: my wife where I'm like, oh, I don't trust women
• 30:25
  Speaker 3: at all, Like I had to.
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: I had to say that, like I.
• 30:27
  Speaker 3: Don't trust women at all, you know, And I wasn't
• 30:31
  Speaker 3: expecting the amount of healing to take place. It just
• 30:35
  Speaker 3: happened like twenty twenty four.
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: Wow, it's about a year ago. Then. Yeah, the shift
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: took place.
• 30:41
  Speaker 3: Yeah, the shift took place because even though I couldn't
• 30:45
  Speaker 3: trust her, I still was called the server, so it
• 30:48
  Speaker 3: didn't matter. I wasn't gonna leave because I ain't trst her.
• 30:51
  Speaker 3: I just was like, well, I'm putting up. I'm protecting myself.
• 30:53
  Speaker 3: So I'm with you to serve you, but I won't
• 30:56
  Speaker 3: let you in too far because I got a wall up.
• 30:57
  Speaker 3: Now I've learned that I can't trust you. And once
• 31:01
  Speaker 3: she agreed and was like, oh you have you have
• 31:03
  Speaker 3: you actually have license not to trust me. I've done
• 31:05
  Speaker 3: some untrustworthy things over the course of our relationship. Like
• 31:10
  Speaker 3: we realized that if I don't begin to trust her,
• 31:14
  Speaker 3: then the only person, because God took the only other
• 31:17
  Speaker 3: person I trusted, right women as a child dumb person
• 31:22
  Speaker 3: that would have to deal with that is my daughter.
• 31:24
  Speaker 3: My daughter would have to be the one that put
• 31:26
  Speaker 3: the broken little boy back together because we didn't do
• 31:31
  Speaker 3: the work. I didn't do the work or whatever the
• 31:33
  Speaker 3: situation is. And so once someone was able to say
• 31:37
  Speaker 3: that to my wife, and it was another woman, it
• 31:41
  Speaker 3: was another woman, right, an older woman who walks on
• 31:45
  Speaker 3: her truth and has a solid relationship with her husband,
• 31:47
  Speaker 3: was able to like help with emotional intelligence. She was like, well,
• 31:51
  Speaker 3: I'm not putting that on my daughter for nothing, you
• 31:53
  Speaker 3: know what I mean. We were able to really walk
• 31:55
  Speaker 3: through and work on healing and I could say, hey,
• 31:59
  Speaker 3: this is a part of the reason why why I
• 32:01
  Speaker 3: have trust issues here, and she was able to accept
• 32:03
  Speaker 3: it and not even take it personal because it wasn't personal.
• 32:06
  Speaker 3: It was my experience.
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: Bro, as you're sitting there talking, I'm just like I
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: think about the conversation CJ and I often because there
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: is a group of men that I feel are ready
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: to share their experience, but there is an apprehension because
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: I don't know how you're going to process the experience
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: that I'm going to share, for the fear that you
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: may internalize this and make it personal, make it about you.
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: And now I have to give up how I feel
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: about what I feel because I have to be concerned
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: about how you feel about what I share.
• 32:53
  Speaker 3: Talking about that's how women feel? Is that what you're saying?
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: And I'm saying that there's a group of men that
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: are ready to share their experience, but they fear that.
• 33:01
  Speaker 3: Yes, absolutely, I was. I was talking to my dad
• 33:07
  Speaker 3: and I was just going talking to him about some things,
• 33:10
  Speaker 3: and I just was like, you know, there were things
• 33:13
  Speaker 3: that he vet my wife and I were experiencing, and
• 33:18
  Speaker 3: I was scared to say to her because I was
• 33:22
  Speaker 3: trying to protect her, right, And my homegirl goes, well,
• 33:27
  Speaker 3: what are you trying to protect her from? And I
• 33:30
  Speaker 3: was like, well, saying things that she might not like, right,
• 33:34
  Speaker 3: And then the homegirl goes, well, you only protect someone
• 33:37
  Speaker 3: if there's danger involved. Are you Is there danger involved, right,
• 33:42
  Speaker 3: I'm like, no, there's no danger, but I care for
• 33:46
  Speaker 3: her and I don't want her feelings to be hurt.
• 33:48
  Speaker 3: And that's when it was like, you know, sometimes feelings
• 33:51
  Speaker 3: have to get hurt so hearts don't get broken. Sometimes
• 33:56
  Speaker 3: you gotta sometimes you gotta hurt some feelings so hearts
• 33:59
  Speaker 3: don't get broken.
• 34:03
  Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying.
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: That's a card tier moment.
• 34:07
  Speaker 3: Once I realized that, I'm like, Okay, I have to
• 34:12
  Speaker 3: tell you the truth. I don't know if my fears
• 34:14
  Speaker 3: that I want to help you, but I think the
• 34:18
  Speaker 3: truth is gonna hurt you. But I'm not gonna sit
• 34:19
  Speaker 3: here and try to keep you from hurt, right, because
• 34:23
  Speaker 3: the truth is more important than that. So I explained.
• 34:26
  Speaker 3: I explained that to her. You helping somebody bro well,
• 34:28
  Speaker 3: and I'm gonna tell you this because it helped my dad.
• 34:30
  Speaker 3: He was sitting in my garage and we were talking
• 34:32
  Speaker 3: and I was like, are there things in your life
• 34:36
  Speaker 3: that you're scared to say to your wife because of
• 34:38
  Speaker 3: how she might accept it? He goes, yeah, because I
• 34:41
  Speaker 3: know that from him, because he's a very protective man.
• 34:43
  Speaker 3: If somebody walks into the house and don't speak to her,
• 34:44
  Speaker 3: he got a problem with her. So if he's trying
• 34:46
  Speaker 3: to protect her from someone who doesn't even need no harm,
• 34:48
  Speaker 3: of course he's going to try to protect her for yourself,
• 34:50
  Speaker 3: because we have also understood that men and our desires
• 34:56
  Speaker 3: are primal and inherently bad because there's natural we can't
• 35:00
  Speaker 3: control it, right, And so I know that's not true
• 35:04
  Speaker 3: because my son also has the nerve to fight me,
• 35:10
  Speaker 3: and that's not a bad thing. You know what I'm saying.
• 35:12
  Speaker 3: He's trying to get aggressing out and have fun. Those
• 35:14
  Speaker 3: are just natural things that we do.
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 35:16
  Speaker 3: So I'm like, you know, what I do instinctually isn't
• 35:20
  Speaker 3: bad because you know, I'm a man or whatever, but
• 35:22
  Speaker 3: it should. I should be able to explain that to
• 35:25
  Speaker 3: you and you should be able to trust me. And
• 35:27
  Speaker 3: I think the hard part is this is the thing
• 35:30
  Speaker 3: that like, I think it's most profound, is that we
• 35:33
  Speaker 3: have to admit that we don't trust our partners with themselves.
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 35:39
  Speaker 3: So if I say, right, so this comes like, you know,
• 35:42
  Speaker 3: my wife, you shouldn't know nothing about nothing. We get
• 35:46
  Speaker 3: into the car, I'm asking, I'm abstinate. We get into
• 35:49
  Speaker 3: the car, it's like, let's hold hands, I'm abstinate five
• 35:55
  Speaker 3: years nothing. I hold her hand, I get an erection
• 35:58
  Speaker 3: type of nikads are ection off of a handhold. Right,
• 36:01
  Speaker 3: So I'm feeling real like I'm like, what in the
• 36:04
  Speaker 3: heck is going on? My hormones is out there?
• 36:06
  Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying.
• 36:06
  Speaker 3: I'm going crazy right now? Right, She's like, what's going on? Like,
• 36:10
  Speaker 3: let's get up in and I'm like, now, let me
• 36:12
  Speaker 3: chill for a second. You know what I'm say, Because
• 36:13
  Speaker 3: I ain't trying to walk around because we had a park.
• 36:14
  Speaker 3: I'm trying to walk around off the herd in the
• 36:16
  Speaker 3: freedom park, you know what I'm saying. So she's like,
• 36:19
  Speaker 3: I'm trying to tell her about my body and how
• 36:21
  Speaker 3: things react, but she don't trust me, right, So I
• 36:23
  Speaker 3: have to explain it to her slow. She gets it
• 36:25
  Speaker 3: eventually later on. You know what I'm saying. I tell her, Hey,
• 36:30
  Speaker 3: this relationship with my mother, I have to deal with
• 36:32
  Speaker 3: it like this. You but that's your mom. No, no, no,
• 36:35
  Speaker 3: I'm trust me. I have to deal with it like this.
• 36:39
  Speaker 3: No no, no, no.
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 36:40
  Speaker 3: So what does she do? She wants to heal the relationship,
• 36:43
  Speaker 3: so she she she invites my mom to come visit
• 36:46
  Speaker 3: out out of nowhere, and I have a I have
• 36:49
  Speaker 3: an external reaction, you know, breath gets shallow, start to
• 36:55
  Speaker 3: stress out, and she's like, all right, you know, maybe
• 36:59
  Speaker 3: I should I should trust you a little bit more.
• 37:01
  Speaker 3: It takes a while for us to trust our partners
• 37:03
  Speaker 3: with themselves. But I think as far as women are concerned,
• 37:09
  Speaker 3: I think, you know, they can do a better job
• 37:12
  Speaker 3: trusting their partners with themselves. Because if I say that's
• 37:15
  Speaker 3: not good for me, it's not good for me, you
• 37:17
  Speaker 3: know what I mean? Yeah, man, and that is that's
• 37:25
  Speaker 3: hard to accept. That's easy to accept from a man
• 37:28
  Speaker 3: to a woman. And I'm saying, hey, I want to
• 37:30
  Speaker 3: protect you, but I have.
• 37:32
  Speaker 2: To tell you the truth.
• 37:33
  Speaker 3: It's easy.
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: It's easier for us to do with our kids.
• 37:35
  Speaker 3: And my therapist was like, why don't you start treating
• 37:39
  Speaker 3: everybody like they're your kids? And that's when things got
• 37:44
  Speaker 3: a little sticky for me because I had to admit
• 37:47
  Speaker 3: that I was a better father than I wasn't anything else. Wow, Okay,
• 37:54
  Speaker 3: so I was a patient dad, but I wasn't a
• 37:56
  Speaker 3: patient husband. I wasn't a patient. I was a patient
• 38:00
  Speaker 3: with me. I could always encourage my children, I could
• 38:02
  Speaker 3: encourage myself. I had to realize that the heart, you
• 38:06
  Speaker 3: know what I'm saying, like the heart of who I
• 38:09
  Speaker 3: am as a father, like it can spread out to humanity,
• 38:14
  Speaker 3: like the rest of the world can be blessed by
• 38:16
  Speaker 3: what I've become to my children. Not to say that
• 38:19
  Speaker 3: I'm responsible for everybody's actions or I need to, you know,
• 38:22
  Speaker 3: shepherd the world, but when they come in contact, will
• 38:25
  Speaker 3: be there. Come into contact with a father. I can't
• 38:27
  Speaker 3: even see how when you and I interact, I feel
• 38:31
  Speaker 3: like you let your guard down. You're like, man, I'm
• 38:34
  Speaker 3: like when we first talked, it was like we were
• 38:35
  Speaker 3: talking like we've been friends for a while, right, because
• 38:39
  Speaker 3: there was a certain guard that's let down where I'm like, look, man,
• 38:42
  Speaker 3: we were extremely honest with each other. The first time
• 38:44
  Speaker 3: we met. It was like, yo, that's what I deal with,
• 38:46
  Speaker 3: and it was all right, here we go. You know
• 38:47
  Speaker 3: what I'm saying. But there is there is something important
• 38:51
  Speaker 3: about fathering yourself First, which is the book that I've
• 38:54
  Speaker 3: been working on for the past ten years. But father
• 38:57
  Speaker 3: yourself First. I realized that I was doing a better
• 39:00
  Speaker 3: job being a father to my children than actually fathering me,
• 39:05
  Speaker 3: like telling myself what to do encouraging myself and say, hey, man,
• 39:08
  Speaker 3: you're gonna be okay. You can get through this. You're
• 39:12
  Speaker 3: not gonna die because you fell and hurt yourself like
• 39:16
  Speaker 3: I because my mom would kicking the door, throw all
• 39:20
  Speaker 3: my books across a yelling screen, you know what I'm saying,
• 39:23
  Speaker 3: Like I still think people want to do that to me.
• 39:25
  Speaker 3: Now it's like, you're not gonna let nobody be that
• 39:27
  Speaker 3: to you, you know what I'm saying, Like you got
• 39:29
  Speaker 3: to relax. And so there's been this journey that I've
• 39:33
  Speaker 3: I've fallen in love with like dang man, Like I
• 39:35
  Speaker 3: really am a protector, Like I protect the people around me.
• 39:38
  Speaker 3: People people feel safe around me and my presence and
• 39:41
  Speaker 3: they can breathe slow and let their guard down, you
• 39:44
  Speaker 3: know what I'm saying. And I don't know if everybody
• 39:47
  Speaker 3: understands that value.
• 39:49
  Speaker 1: You know, as you're talking, I'm taking myself down through
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: the journey as a teenager, who I was in my twenties,
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: who I was in my thirties, and who I'm becoming
• 40:07
  Speaker 1: in my forties.
• 40:07
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: There's a quote that I often say, or statement that
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: I often make. I say, I say, mothers determine will
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: will determine what a child remembers. A father determines what
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: a child believes. Wow, And as you were, as you
• 40:29
  Speaker 1: were speaking and you were talking about fathering yourself, I
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: said to myself, that's what I've been doing and I
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: didn't even know it. Yeah, talking to myself in such
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: a way that I can begin believing differently beyond what happened,
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: changing the story, Yeah, rewriting the narrative, deconstructing thoughts about
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: myself that had developed from not having a consistent father
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: in my life to now having men who pour into
• 41:04
  Speaker 1: me consistently and having a mentorship, but also understanding that
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: my voice was always prominent. Yeah, Because even when I
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: didn't know that I was fathering, as you just explained it,
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: I was fathering myself from an unhealthy place, talking about
• 41:24
  Speaker 1: I'm not good enough and that I can't do this
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: because I didn't have that, I won't become this because
• 41:28
  Speaker 1: I'm not this and I'm not that. And the way
• 41:31
  Speaker 1: that you just expound on what you had to do
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: to yourself. Yeah, And this is why I love the
• 41:36
  Speaker 1: title father yourself first. And I'm hoping that men understand
• 41:41
  Speaker 1: that there may be a lot that you didn't have,
• 41:44
  Speaker 1: but there's a lot that you can give yourself. Yes,
• 41:47
  Speaker 1: you don't have to be what you at and you
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: don't have to be what you're at. Yeah, and bro,
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: you just broke something in me because it's what I've
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: been doing and I didn't know it.
• 41:57
  Speaker 3: Yeah, Bro, you've been fathering yourself. First, I need to
• 42:00
  Speaker 3: know what was the catalyst for the shift in that
• 42:05
  Speaker 3: inner voice? Like how did you change that?
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: I think I was sitting in therapy once, Yeah, and
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: I realized that my therapist has said I shared something
• 42:16
  Speaker 1: that I like, well, this is what I was told
• 42:19
  Speaker 1: or this is you know what was said? And my
• 42:21
  Speaker 1: therapist said, well who said it? She said, let's go
• 42:27
  Speaker 1: back to who said it? Now look at the person
• 42:31
  Speaker 1: who said it. How do you view them today from
• 42:34
  Speaker 1: this lens rather than how you're building them from the
• 42:36
  Speaker 1: lens you had then. And when she said that, she says, now,
• 42:41
  Speaker 1: how is it that they still have some level of
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: authority in who you are today? From what they said? There?
• 42:49
  Speaker 1: You got to look at the source. And it challenged
• 42:52
  Speaker 1: me to begin to break the whole that I had
• 42:57
  Speaker 1: on what they said, because sometimes it's not that the
• 43:00
  Speaker 1: thing has a hold on you. You have a hold on
• 43:03
  Speaker 1: what was said, yes, and then you hold on to
• 43:08
  Speaker 1: what you believe about what they said. And that's what
• 43:11
  Speaker 1: drives your action and drives your beliefs and drives.
• 43:13
  Speaker 3: Your throne, and it becomes your identity.
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: And it becomes your identity because now what is happening
• 43:18
  Speaker 1: your your neurological pathways are pushing the messages from what
• 43:23
  Speaker 1: you've heard. Yeah, so until you redirect and reframe and
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: reframe it. And I want to say this for people reframing.
• 43:31
  Speaker 1: When we do reframing and there, I'm never changing your story.
• 43:34
  Speaker 1: What I'm doing is I'm pulling you out of it
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: so you can see it different. So now the frame
• 43:40
  Speaker 1: has changed, which is what is reframing.
• 43:43
  Speaker 3: Okay, that's interesting, all right.
• 43:46
  Speaker 1: I didn't change your story. I just pulled you out
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: of it so you can see it differently. Because now
• 43:51
  Speaker 1: when you change position, if we were to go up
• 43:54
  Speaker 1: here and shoot from up there, the frame has to change. Yeah.
• 43:59
  Speaker 1: So it's no longer this close up shot where we
• 44:01
  Speaker 1: have a three camera where you got a wise shot
• 44:03
  Speaker 1: and then you have your individual shots. The frame has
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: changed because you change positions.
• 44:12
  Speaker 3: I got a question about your work and when you
• 44:18
  Speaker 3: experience like when you're doing your therapy work with men,
• 44:23
  Speaker 3: I what is the percentage that are struggling? And I
• 44:28
  Speaker 3: don't know if you can even answer this because of
• 44:30
  Speaker 3: whatever hippopot I don't, But what is the percentage of
• 44:33
  Speaker 3: men that are struggling with like foundational like family issues?
• 44:40
  Speaker 1: Is it? Like?
• 44:41
  Speaker 3: Is that the majority of.
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: The majority majority? Yeah? You, and you would be surprised
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: that a lot of it is what I just said.
• 44:49
  Speaker 1: It's where they learned it, it's where they heard it,
• 44:53
  Speaker 1: it's where they experience. Because if you don't heal, or
• 44:59
  Speaker 1: if you don't move beyond where it was said, who
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: said it, when, how it happened, where it happened, you
• 45:08
  Speaker 1: remain at that stage. Yeah. Yeah, And a lot of
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: men are stuck at that stage because no one gave
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: them permission to leave. No one gave them permission to graduate,
• 45:25
  Speaker 1: to move on. In fact, because no one said anything,
• 45:31
  Speaker 1: it reinforced that you sting it is probably the best thing. Yea.
• 45:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's where you belong.
• 45:39
  Speaker 1: That's where you belong, So you don't graduate from it,
• 45:44
  Speaker 1: and now it becomes a part of who you are,
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: It becomes a part of what you believe. And when
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: it becomes a part of who you are and what
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: you believe is not a part of your function. So
• 45:55
  Speaker 1: the settings are all tailored and manufactured or according to
• 46:05
  Speaker 1: this event, this experience, this encounter, yeah, this person, this
• 46:10
  Speaker 1: time in your life. Yeah, and that's why this book, Yeah,
• 46:14
  Speaker 1: for men, it's critical.
• 46:17
  Speaker 3: I think that this book comes in in six parts, right,
• 46:22
  Speaker 3: and it ends in like the fellowship in the community, right,
• 46:27
  Speaker 3: So it talks about family and extended family. Last chapter
• 46:29
  Speaker 3: is these are our people, So it's becoming expectations, legacy, engaging,
• 46:36
  Speaker 3: adventure and family.
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 46:37
  Speaker 3: So the acronym is belief, of course, but it goes
• 46:39
  Speaker 3: through all these different stories. One of the questions in
• 46:42
  Speaker 3: the book is what would happen if we as fathers
• 46:49
  Speaker 3: considered our living room being the biggest stage we'll ever
• 46:52
  Speaker 3: stand on, like our children being our most impacted audience
• 46:59
  Speaker 3: that will ever be in from and then instead of
• 47:04
  Speaker 3: only applying that to them, it applies to the friends
• 47:07
  Speaker 3: in their community, the neighborhood. Yeah, you know what happens
• 47:11
  Speaker 3: then we actually we literally change society because if family
• 47:16
  Speaker 3: is the most important unit on earth, and a disconnection
• 47:19
  Speaker 3: the family leads to despair. Right, Fathers are the leaders
• 47:23
  Speaker 3: of the family. Right, So if we are able to
• 47:26
  Speaker 3: just for seconds, spend a little bit more time playing,
• 47:29
  Speaker 3: a little bit more time pursuing, a little bit more
• 47:34
  Speaker 3: time listening, trying to understand, trying to be captivated, just
• 47:39
  Speaker 3: showing interest, investigating where there is room to be invited
• 47:44
  Speaker 3: by your children. You always are getting invitations all the time,
• 47:48
  Speaker 3: all right, even in business, like you probably got six
• 47:50
  Speaker 3: different things you're supposed to do tonight, because you're not like,
• 47:53
  Speaker 3: you know what I'm saying, like, hey, you want to
• 47:54
  Speaker 3: come here? You want to come here, right, and if
• 47:56
  Speaker 3: you're Atlanta, it's a whole nother thing, right. And so
• 48:00
  Speaker 3: our children are sending us invitations all the time. And
• 48:03
  Speaker 3: I got a rule. I'll say no twice, and then
• 48:05
  Speaker 3: I have to say yes. I say no twice because
• 48:09
  Speaker 3: usually I'm busy, right, So I'll be like look in
• 48:12
  Speaker 3: a little bit, and they'll be like, oh da, can
• 48:14
  Speaker 3: you do it now? Yes? But after this and they
• 48:16
  Speaker 3: ask if they ask me one more time, I got
• 48:18
  Speaker 3: to do it right, So tomorrow I'll be playing Madden.
• 48:22
  Speaker 3: My daughter asked me that she could pay my fingernails.
• 48:25
  Speaker 3: I'm absolutely saying yes, you know what I mean, because
• 48:28
  Speaker 3: I don't want her, and I don't want them to
• 48:31
  Speaker 3: know me as someone that always put my work before
• 48:35
  Speaker 3: my relationships. It don't work. It doesn't work that way, right,
• 48:40
  Speaker 3: Like imagine if you invited God the Father into prayer,
• 48:46
  Speaker 3: he said, I'm gonna give you give me five minutes.
• 48:50
  Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying, Like, like.
• 48:53
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean?
• 48:53
  Speaker 3: Like we there's an invitation as fathers that we can accept,
• 48:57
  Speaker 3: and we're always being invited, and I think that's one
• 48:59
  Speaker 3: of the most important things. And then it goes to
• 49:03
  Speaker 3: thinking about or when's the last time you took yourself out.
• 49:06
  Speaker 3: What's the last time you actually invited yourself to go
• 49:08
  Speaker 3: do something. So when you was like, yo, let's go
• 49:11
  Speaker 3: to lunch, that was an invitation. I was like, man,
• 49:14
  Speaker 3: I told you. When we got in the car, I
• 49:16
  Speaker 3: was like, man, I didn't. I didn't did this and
• 49:18
  Speaker 3: this and this and this and this for all my
• 49:19
  Speaker 3: whole family, and then my wife's to do is put
• 49:22
  Speaker 3: something together for the kids. I cut hair, I'm got
• 49:25
  Speaker 3: kick it with jail for a little bit, you know
• 49:26
  Speaker 3: what I mean? That was an invitation for me, And
• 49:29
  Speaker 3: so I think there is a version of us as
• 49:33
  Speaker 3: men where we accept every invitation from the world right,
• 49:36
  Speaker 3: and we're always outside because you know, we got to
• 49:40
  Speaker 3: make sure we stay on the algorithm, you know. But
• 49:43
  Speaker 3: then there's another part where we completely deny every invitation
• 49:47
  Speaker 3: and serve our family only, and so we got to
• 49:49
  Speaker 3: find that middle ground.
• 49:51
  Speaker 1: Bro. The wisdom that you was sharing today, man, is
• 49:57
  Speaker 1: it's just so profound. The depths and the opulence of
• 50:03
  Speaker 1: it is so necessary because for the man that is
• 50:11
  Speaker 1: out there watching, I want to challenge you, and particularly
• 50:15
  Speaker 1: for men, because I'm going to speak to husbands, but
• 50:19
  Speaker 1: for the man that's not married, I want to challenge
• 50:22
  Speaker 1: you to accept an invitation for yourself to grow beyond
• 50:29
  Speaker 1: who you are today, an invitation to grow, to allow
• 50:35
  Speaker 1: yourself to hop on the Potter's wheel, to be made over,
• 50:40
  Speaker 1: to allow yourself to go through the pain of growing,
• 50:45
  Speaker 1: and to go through the pain of becoming. Because there's
• 50:49
  Speaker 1: a pain that comes with becoming, because it's stretching you.
• 50:52
  Speaker 1: That's why bones aches when kids are hitting puberty, because
• 50:57
  Speaker 1: our body is changing. But I want to challenge you
• 51:00
  Speaker 1: to accept that invitation. Man to the husband, to the father,
• 51:05
  Speaker 1: maybe your wife is inviting you into her domain, not
• 51:11
  Speaker 1: just her body, but her domain of how she lives
• 51:15
  Speaker 1: in her world because you can be married, but you
• 51:19
  Speaker 1: both have your own worlds, and yet you have your
• 51:21
  Speaker 1: worlds together. Accept that invitation to the brother who has children.
• 51:27
  Speaker 1: Maybe your children are inviting you just to sit with
• 51:30
  Speaker 1: them longer, just to put your phone down, just to
• 51:33
  Speaker 1: not take another call and not take another zoom, just
• 51:36
  Speaker 1: to forego an obligation, just to sit with them, because
• 51:41
  Speaker 1: as Glenn is sharing that that invitation to that stage
• 51:47
  Speaker 1: is where it really matters.
• 51:48
  Speaker 3: And sometimes they run out. They don't get that. You
• 51:52
  Speaker 3: don't get an invite no more because they're busy. Them
• 51:56
  Speaker 3: kids are busy. Your wife got a new craft or
• 51:59
  Speaker 3: whatever she wants to do, or a new relationship that
• 52:02
  Speaker 3: she wants to you know, be girlfriends with or whatever.
• 52:04
  Speaker 3: I was talking to a buddy of money. He was
• 52:08
  Speaker 3: telling me, don't forsake your sacred circle. There's a group
• 52:13
  Speaker 3: of man in your life that you may you may
• 52:15
  Speaker 3: have aged out of or whatever, but they know you well.
• 52:18
  Speaker 3: Those people are important, like keep them around. You need
• 52:21
  Speaker 3: men in your life to catch you, you need men
• 52:24
  Speaker 3: to hold you, and you need people to uplift you.
• 52:26
  Speaker 3: It's like douggling. Yeah, right, And so I would definitely
• 52:31
  Speaker 3: ask some of you guys to get into a system
• 52:34
  Speaker 3: in the community, because I feel like that's what we're
• 52:36
  Speaker 3: really lacking.
• 52:37
  Speaker 1: That's what we're lacking, man, That's why it's such as
• 52:39
  Speaker 1: that's why this epidemic of men being lonely and male
• 52:43
  Speaker 1: loneliness is growing. Yes, because there's no community.
• 52:47
  Speaker 3: Yes, And I don't know. I know you're not going
• 52:50
  Speaker 3: on tour no time soon.
• 52:53
  Speaker 2: I know you're not going on tour on time soon.
• 52:54
  Speaker 3: But if there is a reason for you to bring
• 52:57
  Speaker 3: men together, I would love to be invited. Not just
• 53:02
  Speaker 3: because I'm like I want to be in a room,
• 53:04
  Speaker 3: but I do think that there's some people in life
• 53:08
  Speaker 3: that like they just need to listen and they need
• 53:11
  Speaker 3: to be heard, and I just want to be a
• 53:14
  Speaker 3: part of that movement, you know what I mean. As
• 53:16
  Speaker 3: far as met is concerned, I think it's really important.
• 53:19
  Speaker 3: So thank you so much man for this space. Bro,
• 53:21
  Speaker 3: You're creating a space where they can fall apart. And
• 53:24
  Speaker 3: you know what I'm saying, I'm trying to hold back
• 53:25
  Speaker 3: to this as I sit here, you know what I mean,
• 53:27
  Speaker 3: because it's comforting being in the presence of a therapist
• 53:31
  Speaker 3: and someone who is doing the work you know what
• 53:32
  Speaker 3: I'm saying, but I also know what you hope a
• 53:34
  Speaker 3: long for. So even as I like I listen to you,
• 53:37
  Speaker 3: I'm hoping for you right because all this obedience need
• 53:41
  Speaker 3: to go somewhere.
• 53:42
  Speaker 2: It need to be shared with somebody understanding me.
• 53:45
  Speaker 1: Listen, you understand me? Yes, yeah, it needs to man.
• 53:49
  Speaker 1: And when I have conversations like this with you, CJ.
• 53:54
  Speaker 1: You know, we we have this banter, man, and like
• 53:57
  Speaker 1: people are often like you know, especially like we're doing
• 54:00
  Speaker 1: the podcast, like I'll call out his name or say something.
• 54:04
  Speaker 1: But what CJ has given me is the opportunity to
• 54:09
  Speaker 1: be encouraged as a brother. Okay, me being the only
• 54:14
  Speaker 1: boy yep, and having to always be a brother. But
• 54:18
  Speaker 1: I'm encouraged as I am walking with a brother. Yes,
• 54:22
  Speaker 1: you know, CJ is like my right hand man, and
• 54:25
  Speaker 1: I'm encouraged from you as a brother who as a
• 54:29
  Speaker 1: friend watching your journey, I'm encouraged from his journey. CJ
• 54:33
  Speaker 1: has two kids and watching how he's balancing fatherhood and
• 54:39
  Speaker 1: a career, watching you balance fatherhood, a career and being
• 54:44
  Speaker 1: a husband, and also as we share being a father
• 54:47
  Speaker 1: all over again to me to yourself, Yeah, yeah, absolutely,
• 54:52
  Speaker 1: it's encouraging to watch because it continues to expand my
• 54:56
  Speaker 1: capacity of understanding the constant nuances that we're going to
• 55:05
  Speaker 1: experience in this life if we're open to it.
• 55:12
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I want to challenge you a long way. Okay,
• 55:17
  Speaker 3: you ain't gonna like this one though. What you got
• 55:19
  Speaker 3: gla So I don't even know if I can say this,
• 55:22
  Speaker 3: but whatever, Y'll set it out, cut it out. This
• 55:25
  Speaker 3: ain't working for the for the narrative. So I remember
• 55:30
  Speaker 3: we was in the car, we were walking back from lunch,
• 55:33
  Speaker 3: and you were saying, I need to find someone who
• 55:36
  Speaker 3: can hold all of me. Okay right, so he so
• 55:43
  Speaker 3: he goes, yeah, I really want to find someone who
• 55:47
  Speaker 3: can hold me, hold all of me. So then I go, Man,
• 55:51
  Speaker 3: that don't come standard, that don't come stop. That's not
• 55:55
  Speaker 3: something that you get just off of meeting somebody. You
• 56:00
  Speaker 3: have to build with someone to get them to be
• 56:03
  Speaker 3: able to hold you. And then at the beginning of
• 56:06
  Speaker 3: the podcast you talk about somebody.
• 56:08
  Speaker 1: Who has held you.
• 56:10
  Speaker 3: So I'm just trying to figure out what the hell
• 56:13
  Speaker 3: going on we have?
• 56:16
  Speaker 2: What's going on with you? What is happening, bro? What's
• 56:21
  Speaker 2: going on? What are you look at it growth?
• 56:23
  Speaker 1: What are you.
• 56:23
  Speaker 3: Looking for, like what are you because I'm thinking like, man,
• 56:27
  Speaker 3: if you have trained someone and taught them how to
• 56:29
  Speaker 3: hold you, you can't find that again. Not to say
• 56:34
  Speaker 3: that is the person, but how do we how do
• 56:37
  Speaker 3: we continue to build up that person in your life?
• 56:41
  Speaker 3: And how long does that learning process take?
• 56:45
  Speaker 1: I think, And that's that's a great challenge and and man,
• 56:51
  Speaker 1: it's gotta I think I'm at the place now that
• 56:58
  Speaker 1: I'm open to building that. Yeah, as I am yet building.
• 57:05
  Speaker 1: I think in previous years, man, I just lacked the capacity. Yes,
• 57:11
  Speaker 1: you know, I was on tour, I was finishing school,
• 57:16
  Speaker 1: I was navigating, and when I was on a tour, man,
• 57:23
  Speaker 1: there was a lot of resentment that I had. Okay,
• 57:27
  Speaker 1: but I'll share. You know. We were on tour three years,
• 57:31
  Speaker 1: thirty three cities, eighteen thousand men. Yeah, yeah, and my
• 57:35
  Speaker 1: resentment and you and I talked about this, right, My
• 57:38
  Speaker 1: resentment was like, dang, they get a me and I
• 57:43
  Speaker 1: never got a meet. My resentment was like, man, they
• 57:49
  Speaker 1: getting poured into Yeah you know what I'm saying, like
• 57:52
  Speaker 1: they getting their cups field. Yeah, they'll sing yeah empty
• 57:58
  Speaker 1: and I'm empty.
• 57:59
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 58:00
  Speaker 1: And I would try to date you know what I'm
• 58:03
  Speaker 1: saying and try to build. But it was so challenging
• 58:07
  Speaker 1: because it was hard to articulate that to somebody who
• 58:13
  Speaker 1: who met me at my apex or met me at
• 58:19
  Speaker 1: my You know what I'm saying, moment of elevating, Yes,
• 58:23
  Speaker 1: And I'm trying to understand where God has taken me
• 58:27
  Speaker 1: into while also understanding what I have to leave behind
• 58:31
  Speaker 1: because I'm mourning. You can't do this, Bishop Jakes Man,
• 58:38
  Speaker 1: He's been so pivotal at this point in my career.
• 58:42
  Speaker 1: And I remember we were talking one day, man, and
• 58:44
  Speaker 1: he said, you know, life never be the same, everything
• 58:50
  Speaker 1: gonna change. And I was like, man, Bishop, but you
• 58:54
  Speaker 1: know when I can get there? Man, I and he
• 58:59
  Speaker 1: were sitting like this talking. I'm like yelling for us
• 59:02
  Speaker 1: right here, and you know what I'm saying, And the
• 59:05
  Speaker 1: reality of it is like this voice is just like
• 59:09
  Speaker 1: he's like, stop looking for there.
• 59:10
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you're gonna always be a rock.
• 59:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you never get there. And and when you said
• 59:20
  Speaker 1: just now like building that person, I had to accept
• 59:26
  Speaker 1: that I won't get there. And I don't think they're
• 59:30
  Speaker 1: gonna come in ready. Yes, I think they don't. They're
• 59:35
  Speaker 1: not gonna come in ready, man. Coin So now. My
• 59:38
  Speaker 1: prayer is that the person has the capacity to hold
• 59:45
  Speaker 1: who I am now and build when we build, a
• 59:48
  Speaker 1: capacity to who I am becoming. Because what you just
• 59:52
  Speaker 1: shared about, Hey man, what you doing man, I've gotten
• 59:54
  Speaker 1: two words, two prophetic words, three days in a row. Okay,
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 1: this thing from me, man, she's just talking about other day.
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 1: It was this Friday Wednesday night. A brother called me
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 1: who said, I want to get behind you financially. I
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 1: need to. He said, I need you to do something
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 1: for about twenty thousand men. He said, I'm in my fifties.
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 1: I need to be remembered for what I poured into
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 1: those who are coming behind me. He's sick, you're coming
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 1: behind me. Yeah, and he said you're the one. He
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 1: kept saying you're the one, and bro, and again it's
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 1: like somebody else can hear that. They like, yeah, I'm here,
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, dude, I don't want that type of pressure.
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 1: I don't want the responsor. Yeah yeah, yeah, but God
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 1: is really shifting my mind. Like had you said this,
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 1: like yo, bro, whatever you're doing, I'd have been like
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 1: in my head, I look like I ain't doing nothing. Yeah.
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 1: When you said it, I'm like, Okay, it's a confirmation. Yeah,
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 1: build it absolutely, because the generals are leaving.
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 1: So when you think about fatherhood, I think about Glenn.
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 1: When I think about manhood, I think about Jason Wilson.
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. When I think about men's
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 1: and mental health, I come to mind, you know what
• 1:01:19
  Speaker 1: I mean. When I think about who's next, you know,
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 1: as its voice in the faith, I think about my
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 1: best friend, Joe, your pastor so all of these different things.
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 1: And so okay, how do we begin establishing which we
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 1: already have established a brand, but now how do we
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 1: begin establishing other men?
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah, the ones coming behind us.
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 1: Exactly and appear mentorship. So I'm encouraged by what you shaid, bro,
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 1: and I accept the challenge man, and I'm in prayer
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 1: about that, you know, that whole relational thing, because I
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 1: know it's time and I don't feel rush. And I
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 1: also what is when I left Flantego, I did leave
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 1: what they with a sense of ease that I can
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 1: be patient and continue to build. I know that and
• 1:02:12
  Speaker 1: not feel haste and yeah, steal like I gotta get
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 1: it today, I'm not. I've realized the fathering and me
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 1: said to myself the other day. You're not running out
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 1: of time.
• 1:02:22
  Speaker 3: Praise God. That's good because that was the question I
• 1:02:25
  Speaker 3: asked you, was exactly, do you feel like you're missing something?
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 1: Exactly? And I had to say to myself, you're not
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 1: missing nothing.
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you a whole. Yes.
• 1:02:34
  Speaker 1: Not having this doesn't mean that you are incomplete, right,
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 1: It just means that you don't have that now. But
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 1: that does not equate to you lacking because you have
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 1: everything that you need. And Bro, that thing just steal
• 1:02:48
  Speaker 1: because that conversation I sat with, what we talked about
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 1: and just really just just just chewed on that man,
• 1:02:55
  Speaker 1: and to glean from you was what's what was soul
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 1: of it? Man was necessary for me. Bro. So, brother,
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 1: I appreciate you, Mary, and I thank you Monard.
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 3: Bro, thank you appreciation you.
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 1: Listen, you have just heard this powerful conversation on fatherhood,
• 1:03:16
  Speaker 1: understanding your spouse. You just heard a powerful conversation on
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 1: me sharing what hugs meant to me, us talking about
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 1: being hugs from your kids. You've heard us have a
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 1: dialogue that's centered around men becoming more than what we've seen.
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 1: And this brother Glenn has a heart for fathers. Yeah,
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 1: and because he has a heart for fathers means which
• 1:03:41
  Speaker 1: means he has a heart for sons. And many of
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 1: us as sons, are still longing to be father. And
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 1: maybe your father has transitioned. Maybe your father's still around
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 1: and there's no relationship with him. Maybe there is a
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 1: relationship with your father, but not the relationship that you desired.
• 1:04:01
  Speaker 1: But just maybe you have to father yourself. So I
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 1: want to say, go out and grab this brother's book,
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 1: Father yourself first. Give to you what you can give
• 1:04:18
  Speaker 1: to others, and you can't give to others until you
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 1: give it to yourself. This book by Glenn Henry, the
• 1:04:23
  Speaker 1: creator of belief in fatherhood Man. Follow this Brother on YouTube, Instagram, Spotify,
• 1:04:31
  Speaker 1: the podcast. I mean, this brother is a true creator,
• 1:04:36
  Speaker 1: true creator, And so I want to say thank you again,
• 1:04:39
  Speaker 1: Thank you, Bro. I speak blessings over your movement and
• 1:04:42
  Speaker 1: over your book, to everything you touch prosper Yes, that
• 1:04:47
  Speaker 1: your family is well, no sickness, no disease, That everything
• 1:04:53
  Speaker 1: that you believe in God for financially, contracts, partnerships, relationships,
• 1:04:58
  Speaker 1: and even the rel relationship with your father. Yes, I
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 1: thank God that He's put in you everything that you
• 1:05:05
  Speaker 1: need and you don't lack anything for if the season
• 1:05:08
  Speaker 1: has come for you to expand beyond your own imagination
• 1:05:13
  Speaker 1: and that God is going to give you the clarity,
• 1:05:15
  Speaker 1: He's going to give you the wisdom and the ingenuity
• 1:05:18
  Speaker 1: on how to accomplish it. Brother. So my prayer for you,
• 1:05:21
  Speaker 1: man is that you receive it all. Thank you because
• 1:05:24
  Speaker 1: you're well deserve it up man. Yeah, I appreciate you
• 1:05:26
  Speaker 1: so much, man, Thank you. This is this has been
• 1:05:28
  Speaker 1: healing for me. And anytime you call me up here
• 1:05:30
  Speaker 1: on coming immediately. Yes, sir, thank you, Bro. I love you,
• 1:05:33
  Speaker 1: Love you to bro. Listen, Guys, go click subscribe to
• 1:05:38
  Speaker 1: the Healing Community. As always, healing is a journey and
• 1:05:43
  Speaker 1: wholeness is the destination. Until next time, take care of
• 1:05:47
  Speaker 1: yourself and be blessed. Just here over Doctor J, a
• 1:05:50
  Speaker 1: production of the Black Effect podcast Network. For more podcasts
• 1:05:54
  Speaker 1: from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever
• 1:05:58
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• 1:06:01
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• 1:06:05
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