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Afraid to Look at Your Finances? Stop Avoiding Money Today · Rock My Finances

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Speaker 2: Welcome to the Rock My Finances show on k FORHD
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Speaker 2: Radio and Talk for TV, where we put the fund
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Speaker 2: in finance. Join Powerhouse Jeffer josp CDFA CMC and private
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Speaker 2: Wealth Advisor as she collaborates with you to create clarity,
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Speaker 2: control and compience with your money, your way. It's not
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Speaker 2: about the heroes, So what is it all about? Let's
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Speaker 2: find out.
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Speaker 1: Now.
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Speaker 2: Here's your host and weekly friend, Jennifer Jose.
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Speaker 1: Hey, y'all, welcome back, say we are going to be
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Speaker 1: talking about being afraid to look at your finances and
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Speaker 1: just stop avoidan today anxiety, financial anxiety, right and a
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Speaker 1: lot of people don't understand what's happening. And I'm going
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Speaker 1: to tell you right now, it is not about the money.
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Speaker 1: It is not about the money. Financial anxiety isn't just
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Speaker 1: in your head. It's actually in your body as well.
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Speaker 1: Your chest tightens, your thoughts start racing. You suddenly see
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Speaker 1: something very simple and you open it up a statement,
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Speaker 1: and you start to get overwhelmed. You might not even
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Speaker 1: realize that you might just get mad at your spouse
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Speaker 1: or get mad at your kids. You might not even
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Speaker 1: realizing that you have anxiety around your money. Your brain
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Speaker 1: does what it is designed to do. It actually protects you.
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Speaker 1: It says, don't look at that right now, do it later,
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Speaker 1: And that avoidance actually gives you temporary relief and that
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Speaker 1: stress and that anxiety, which is why it becomes a pattern.
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Speaker 1: Financial anxiety isn't just about the money. It's about how
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Speaker 1: your body and your mind respond to uncertainty, how it
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Speaker 1: responds to fear, how it responds to past experiences, and
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Speaker 1: how you're connected to money. You might have gone through
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Speaker 1: a divorce divorces are you know, there's a lot of
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Speaker 1: issues there around money. Usually I'm also a certified for
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Speaker 1: divorce financial analyst, so I see it a lot. We
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Speaker 1: also have inheritance. You might have stepped into a big
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Speaker 1: lum sum of money, which a lot of my clients
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Speaker 1: have done that as well, and they feel guilty about it.
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Speaker 1: They want to make sure that they honor their family
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Speaker 1: and they feel guilty that they just are now a
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Speaker 1: multimillionaire right now, what am I to do with this money?
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Speaker 1: So it is your brain and your body that's trying
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Speaker 1: to protect you. When you feel anxious about your finances.
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Speaker 1: Your brain is not seeing the numbers, It actually sees
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Speaker 1: the potential threat. The part of your brain called the
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Speaker 1: amygdala activates and sends signals something isn't safe here. Whoop woop,
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Speaker 1: as we used to say, danger Will Warbinson, Danger Will Robinson.
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Speaker 1: We see that playing cards all the time, sequence all
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Speaker 1: the time. It's hilarious, okay. And your body responds to
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Speaker 1: that danger immediately. You get cortisol You get thoughts that
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Speaker 1: come in your head to make you deflect whatever you're
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Speaker 1: doing about your money and to avoid it, to go
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Speaker 1: do something else. Your mind creates or financial anxiety creates
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Speaker 1: a loop in your mind, right, thoughts like I don't
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Speaker 1: want to see this anymore. What if it's worse than
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Speaker 1: I think, or what if I should have done better?
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Speaker 1: And it just triggers the avoidance, the avoidance of behavior
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Speaker 1: which is okay, And then that creates more stress, thinking that,
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Speaker 1: oh my god, nothing's getting addressed, and you just, you know,
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Speaker 1: put all your bills on bill pays and I don't
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Speaker 1: even have to open up your mail. You just know
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Speaker 1: that the lights are gonna stay on, the water is
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Speaker 1: going to be good. And so the avoidance creates more anxiety,
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Speaker 1: which creates more avoidance, which creates more anxiety. Right. So
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Speaker 1: in your body it shows up as tension, fatigue, brain fog,
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Speaker 1: even trouble sleeping. I don't know about you all, but
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Speaker 1: when I'm stressed, I have trouble sleeping for sure. Sometimes
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Speaker 1: I don't even know what it's about. So that's when
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Speaker 1: we need to look internally. When your system is in
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Speaker 1: that low level stressed state, it is really kind of
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Speaker 1: hard to focus. It's hard to make decisions, and it's
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Speaker 1: harder to actually take action. Like you might have a
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Speaker 1: friend that just I'm so indecisive. I never know, I
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Speaker 1: can never tell. Well, there's reasons for that. When we
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Speaker 1: cannot make a decision easily, hell yus or a hell no.
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Speaker 1: We all should be able to do that. And I
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Speaker 1: like when I'm meeting with somebody for the first time
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Speaker 1: or the second time or the third time, and they're
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Speaker 1: deciding that they want to hire me to be their
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Speaker 1: advisor or their money coach. I want you to be
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Speaker 1: a hell yes or a hell no. But we're going
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Speaker 1: to keep talking and tell you are a hell yes
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Speaker 1: or a hell no, because it's all about making that
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Speaker 1: decision right, and our brain tries to keep us from
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Speaker 1: doing that. Our brain tries to keep us out of
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Speaker 1: the day comfort. So we're just gonna run from it.
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Speaker 1: We're just gonna avoid it. Ostriches out there. I'm talking
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Speaker 1: to you, so don't blame yourself. Your body's just kind
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Speaker 1: of take over. Is about willpower saying oh, I need
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Speaker 1: to look at my statements. I need to meet with
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Speaker 1: my advisor. I need to talk to my husband or
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Speaker 1: my wife about money. I need to talk to my
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Speaker 1: kids about money. All these things that we need to do. Now,
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Speaker 1: let's face it, y'all, we touch money ten times a day.
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Speaker 1: So it is real. It is real. The anxiety is real,
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Speaker 1: like the struggle is real, as they say, So this
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Speaker 1: is something. If you're gonna do anything at all for
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Speaker 1: your life, you're gonna get this in check. So what
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Speaker 1: do we need to do. We need to slow down
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Speaker 1: our thoughts. We can actually look at our finances without
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Speaker 1: the wave of overwhelmed taking over. This is where clarity starts.
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Speaker 1: So number one, slow down, don't have to do everything
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Speaker 1: right away. We're just look at maybe one thing. If
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Speaker 1: you've been feeling anxious around many, there's nothing wrong with you. Your
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Speaker 1: system is just responding to a stress trigger. And once
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Speaker 1: you understand that, you can start working with it instead
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Speaker 1: of fighting against it, and stop blaming yourself and beating
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Speaker 1: yourself up. This is just why your body is trying
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Speaker 1: to take care of itself. Doesn't that make more sense?
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Speaker 1: I hope that makes more sense for you, because it
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Speaker 1: made a lot more sense for me. Another big piece
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Speaker 1: is lack of clarity. If your finances feel messy or
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Speaker 1: scattered or confusing, it's really hard to know where do
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Speaker 1: I even begin. So instead of starting small, your brain
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Speaker 1: just says it's all too much time out of here,
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Speaker 1: I can't even do it, and your brain shuts down
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Speaker 1: before I even get to one step. I do have
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Speaker 1: a financial planning seminar, and I have a box a drawer.
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Speaker 1: You know, we have our junk drawers. So I have
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Speaker 1: a picture of that pulled out and it has like
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Speaker 1: a four here, a ROF here, insurance over here, an
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Speaker 1: old FORROWEK here, like a savings account here, a CD here,
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Speaker 1: maybe some crypto, some precious metals, and it just looks
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Speaker 1: like a big old junk drawer. Well, I have to
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Speaker 1: tell you most of Americans that's what their finances look like.
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Speaker 1: So you are not alone. And to pull open that
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Speaker 1: junk drawer and to actually look at that stuff is scary.
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Speaker 1: And our body's just taking care of us. So that's
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Speaker 1: where we start is clarity. One of the biggest drivers
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Speaker 1: in financial anxiety isn't even about the numbers. It actually
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Speaker 1: is that clarity. So we're going to do little things.
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Speaker 1: When you don't have a clear picture of what's really happening,
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Speaker 1: your mind fills in the gap. And this happens with everything. Right,
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Speaker 1: If we don't know our kids are, our mind goes
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Speaker 1: crazy with where do we think our kids are? If
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Speaker 1: we don't know what's happening ahead of us in the
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Speaker 1: in the road for traffic. Our mind fills that gap in,
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Speaker 1: Like right now, I'm caring for my ninety three year
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Speaker 1: old mom, lover to death. She's in an assisted living here,
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Speaker 1: and my mind is filling in you know, I haven't
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Speaker 1: heard from her. Did she fall? You know? Is she
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Speaker 1: in bad mood? Is something hurting?
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Speaker 2: Like?
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Speaker 1: It's just our mind is just always filling in things.
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Speaker 1: So we want to get clear about our money. I
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Speaker 1: call it the three c's. We want clarity, which builds confidence,
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Speaker 1: which puts us in control with our money. And it
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Speaker 1: is okay control freaks to be in control because we're
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Speaker 1: going to do it the right way for sure. So
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Speaker 1: we often fill those gaps with something that's way worse
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Speaker 1: than we think it is. That's where we make the
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Speaker 1: mistakes of not getting clear, because we think that staying
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Speaker 1: away from it and avoiding it is going to make
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Speaker 1: us feel better. When actuality, our brain is still filling
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Speaker 1: in the gaps, and so it's making it worse than
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Speaker 1: it is. I can tell you a majority of the
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Speaker 1: time that I meet with someone and we go through
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Speaker 1: every dime in their household together, with support. They always say,
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Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I thought it was so much worse
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Speaker 1: than this, Like that's just a statement, right, So when
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Speaker 1: things feel unclear, you might have multiple accounts everywhere like
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Speaker 1: that junk drawer. You might even have statements that you've
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Speaker 1: never unopened. I literally had a person come to me,
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Speaker 1: a married couple come to me that they didn't have
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Speaker 1: an advisor. They brought me a garbage bag full of
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Speaker 1: unopened statements. They had plenty of money, they had accounts everywhere,
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Speaker 1: and they felt completely overwhelmed. They felt completely judgmental to
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Speaker 1: themselves as a married couple, to themselves. You know, it's
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Speaker 1: who they are, completely stressed because they didn't even know
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Speaker 1: what was going on, and they were just scared because
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Speaker 1: they didn't open anything, and when they did, they couldn't
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Speaker 1: read it. They couldn't understand anybody in that boat like
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Speaker 1: oh yeah, okay, I'll look at my statement. What that
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Speaker 1: does it mean? Right? So we got to go over that.
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Speaker 1: We got to learn what our statements mean. Then our
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Speaker 1: numbers that we don't even understand what does this mean?
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Speaker 1: Our brain reads it as uncertainty. The uncertainty creates stress.
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Speaker 1: So instead of thinking logic that our mind starts asking
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Speaker 1: what am I missing? Is this worst? And I think
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Speaker 1: I'm in trouble. I don't even know what's happening. I'm
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Speaker 1: not gonna have enough money, I'm gonna live at the
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Speaker 1: bag lad, I'm gonna end up eating cat food. Right,
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Speaker 1: those questions do not lead to anything positive. They do
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Speaker 1: not lead to the next best that. They do not
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Speaker 1: lead to calling for a financial advisor, listening to the
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Speaker 1: news to learn about money. All that leads to is overwhelmed.
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Speaker 1: So we want to avoid that part. Right, So, without clarity,
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Speaker 1: everything feels much bigger than it actually is. It feels
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Speaker 1: unmanageable when it actually is a very manageable situation. So
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Speaker 1: we want to completely get clear and get in control.
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Speaker 1: All of it is because we just don't have it organized,
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Speaker 1: and we might need support getting it organized. And when
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Speaker 1: something feels out of control, our body goes right bick
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Speaker 1: into that stress response of the chest raising thoughts, the avoidance,
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Speaker 1: not being able to sleep. You're going to pick up
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Speaker 1: a carb or a cookie or a drink, or we're
11:07
Speaker 1: going to go shopping retail therapy. We might be hiding
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Speaker 1: things from our partners or our spouses. You know, there's
11:14
Speaker 1: lots of negative things that come about in our life
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Speaker 1: that trickle down in our life when we don't have
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Speaker 1: just clarity and control of our money. So I'm glad
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Speaker 1: you're here, Glad you're listening, because we're going to start now.
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Speaker 1: The lack of clarity isn't just there, It actually amplifies everything.
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Speaker 1: It increases anxiety, increases shame, and it increases avoidance because
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Speaker 1: now you're going to just stay away even longer because
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Speaker 1: that face feels so much more heavy because you haven't
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Speaker 1: looked at it in so long. Clarity calms your system,
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Speaker 1: not because everything's perfect by any means. No one is
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Speaker 1: ever where they need to be or they think they
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Speaker 1: need to be. Even if they are totally flush with money,
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Speaker 1: they're never going to be able to spend all the
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Speaker 1: money that they have. They still are searching for how
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Speaker 1: can I do it better? There is still some things
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Speaker 1: out there that they want to keep a handle on,
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Speaker 1: which is great and I love it. But we're not
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Speaker 1: searching for perfection because we can't even see it. Even
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Speaker 1: if we had the perfection, even if the numbers aren't
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Speaker 1: where you want them to be, having a clear picture
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Speaker 1: reduces the mental noise, reduces the chaos and our brain,
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Speaker 1: and it gives our brain something solid to work with
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Speaker 1: instead of just plain old fear, just plain old shame
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Speaker 1: and fear. It literally tells us what we're going to
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Speaker 1: do next. That's why the goal isn't to fix everything
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Speaker 1: right away. The goal is to create clarity because once
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Speaker 1: you see your situation clearly, it totally settles your body down,
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Speaker 1: settles your mind down, and you can actually see just
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Speaker 1: the next best step. That's all we want without this huge,
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Speaker 1: overwhelming feeling. Clarity doesn't solve everything, but it does make
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Speaker 1: everything feel much more manageable. And this is where control
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Speaker 1: really starts is when we're clear, and then we're not
13:02
Speaker 1: doing it alone. When you don't have anyone guiding you,
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Speaker 1: are you just sitting with all of this overwhelmness by yourself,
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Speaker 1: it feels so much, it feels much more heavier, So
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Speaker 1: I love for you to step in with some support
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Speaker 1: with someone. One of the biggest reasons financial anxiety and
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Speaker 1: avoidant stick around is because you're trying to carry it
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Speaker 1: all by yourself, and when you're alone, your finances feel
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Speaker 1: so much heavier than it actually is. When it's just you,
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Speaker 1: your thoughts go unchecked. So no one is sitting here
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Speaker 1: going okay. So you feel really bad about that decision
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Speaker 1: that you made, and you lost the money on that
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Speaker 1: stop that you purchased. So maybe you weren't smart enough
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Speaker 1: or whatever you're telling yourself, Right, I really should have known.
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Speaker 1: I shouldn't have wasted that money. You don't have somebody
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Speaker 1: else going you know what. That was a good idea
13:50
Speaker 1: at the time, and where you were at that time,
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Speaker 1: you never know, because if that would have done better,
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Speaker 1: you'd be feeling great right now. So you took a chance.
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Speaker 1: You actually had confidence in yourself and your decision, making
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Speaker 1: feel proud of that. No one is there giving you
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Speaker 1: another direction and another perspective on your thoughts. The going
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Speaker 1: art alone is pretty tough, right. Your brain is in
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Speaker 1: protection mode and not problem solving mode, and so when
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Speaker 1: you take that action, you get into that freeze and
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Speaker 1: to delay avoid. So when you have someone else talking
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Speaker 1: to you about it, reframing those thoughts, it helped so much.
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Speaker 1: There's also an emotional side to this. Money isn't just
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Speaker 1: about the numbers, y'all. I know I say it all
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Speaker 1: the time. It's not about the zeros. It's actually tied
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Speaker 1: to trust it's tied to past experiences. Sometimes it's tied
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Speaker 1: to pain. I mean, I'm from California and I've a
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Speaker 1: certified divorce financial analyst, and I've been through some nasty
14:48
Speaker 1: divorces with my clients for sure, But coming here to
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Speaker 1: North Carolina, I've met so many women that lost so
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Speaker 1: much during their divorce. I need to dive into it
14:59
Speaker 1: here and just able to help more people out here,
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Speaker 1: because it does cause pain. They're starting over, they're renting,
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Speaker 1: they don't even get their house, like, there's so many things,
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Speaker 1: and when you've gone through something difficult like that, like
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Speaker 1: a huge divorce or a really big loss, trying to
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Speaker 1: handle everything alone just brings all of that back up
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Speaker 1: again and your system pulls away from it. It runs
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Speaker 1: away from it, so of course you're avoiding looking at things.
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Speaker 1: Support doesn't have to give you actual information. It just
15:29
Speaker 1: helps you be stable, just helps you feel a little
15:34
Speaker 1: bit more secure, so you can actually look at things.
15:37
Speaker 1: So you're not alone with your finances. Your mind tends
15:40
Speaker 1: to when you are alone with your finances, it's spirals right.
15:43
Speaker 1: When you're not alone, it tends to look practically at things,
15:48
Speaker 1: but the moment someone else is present, you feel calm,
15:53
Speaker 1: more clear, more grounded. You actually can be proud of
15:57
Speaker 1: yourself for some things because our brain again and it's
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Speaker 1: filling gaps with all the negativity instead of the positive
16:03
Speaker 1: things that you've accomplished. So your nervous system begins to settle.
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Speaker 1: You literally can feel it. Your breathing shows it. It
16:11
Speaker 1: slows down, it gets more like a deep breath. Your
16:16
Speaker 1: mind calms down. We call it monkey mind. Right, we
16:20
Speaker 1: sleep better, and what we've felt overwhelming actually starts to
16:25
Speaker 1: feel manageable. It actually starts to feel like, oh, I
16:29
Speaker 1: can do that, I can do that. One next step.
16:32
Speaker 1: Support also gives you a perspective. When you're inside your
16:35
Speaker 1: own situation, everything just feels so much bigger and more emotional.
16:39
Speaker 1: But when somebody else looks at it with you, they
16:42
Speaker 1: can separate the facts from the fear that you have created.
16:45
Speaker 1: So they could say, okay, wait, that might feel that way,
16:48
Speaker 1: but in actuality, all you did was take a chance
16:51
Speaker 1: on this and you lost this, so that's gone right off.
16:56
Speaker 1: In a taxable situation, whatever it might be, they might
16:58
Speaker 1: have another perspective for you to look at that completely. Right.
17:02
Speaker 1: That's what we do as money coaches, right, so what
17:05
Speaker 1: you thought of was a crisis actually might be something
17:08
Speaker 1: that can be worked through step by step. The shift
17:11
Speaker 1: alone can reduce anxiety immediately. What I do with my
17:14
Speaker 1: clients is bring up a situation. Let's take it my
17:19
Speaker 1: car that I sold my car. I signed on the
17:21
Speaker 1: wrong side of the pink slip, so she sold it,
17:23
Speaker 1: walked away. I had to sew her. She followed bankruptcy,
17:26
Speaker 1: lost all my money right, made a big mistake. I
17:29
Speaker 1: signed on the wrong side of the pink slip. So
17:31
Speaker 1: I felt so much shame and embarrassment around that. Here
17:34
Speaker 1: I am a successful business owner and I don't even
17:36
Speaker 1: know how to sell a car correctly. So it took
17:38
Speaker 1: me a while to talk myself, do my forgive myself,
17:41
Speaker 1: do the whole thing. And now I can look at
17:43
Speaker 1: that and go, hey, you know what. I learned so
17:46
Speaker 1: much about our legal system and suing someone and how
17:50
Speaker 1: that feels, and the paperwork that I needed, and that
17:53
Speaker 1: they can fill bankruptcy and wipe it all out. Then
17:55
Speaker 1: I learned how to forgive myself. So I had an
17:59
Speaker 1: amazing edge there. It was a ten thousand dollars education,
18:02
Speaker 1: and it was a great education because I'm not perfect
18:06
Speaker 1: none of us are perfect, and it's okay to get
18:09
Speaker 1: that education around that. So I switched that whole thinking
18:12
Speaker 1: right now I can share that with other people. It
18:15
Speaker 1: also creates structure when we have somebody else that we're
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Speaker 1: talking to. Instead of just staring at everything at once.
18:21
Speaker 1: When someone's helping you, you can focus on one thing at
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Speaker 1: a time, one account, one maybe old for OW and
18:28
Speaker 1: K one decision, one step, what's the next best step
18:33
Speaker 1: I need to do? And that structure creates clarity out
18:37
Speaker 1: of your confusion, and that's all we want, right There's
18:41
Speaker 1: also accountability when you have support around something. It's not
18:44
Speaker 1: even in a harsh way, but in a supportive way.
18:46
Speaker 1: And if you if you're getting it in a harsh way,
18:48
Speaker 1: you dump that supportive person and you go find someone else.
18:51
Speaker 1: Because I'm your champion, I'm your hero. I'm making sure
18:54
Speaker 1: you see yourself in an amazing light. And all of
18:57
Speaker 1: that just attracts more abundance, more clarity, more control, more fun,
19:02
Speaker 1: more joy. It's just so fun. So when you know
19:04
Speaker 1: someone is walking this with you, through this with you,
19:08
Speaker 1: you're more likely to follow through with something because you
19:11
Speaker 1: just told them. Same thing with dieting, exercising. You know,
19:14
Speaker 1: I play pick a ball. I want to get better.
19:16
Speaker 1: We are meeting every week now with a group. I
19:18
Speaker 1: love it. So we're having a great time, but we're
19:20
Speaker 1: all working on certain things weekly as well. Accountability is
19:24
Speaker 1: wonderful and it's fun. It doesn't have to be stressful,
19:27
Speaker 1: not because you're being pushed, but because you don't feel
19:30
Speaker 1: alone anymore. So it's kind of fun to tell somebody
19:34
Speaker 1: where you've been. And maybe the most important support of
19:38
Speaker 1: support replaces shame with understanding when you're When you hear
19:43
Speaker 1: this is way more common than you thought. When you hear,
19:46
Speaker 1: you're actually way better than you thought. When you hear,
19:51
Speaker 1: when you stop seeing yourself as the problem and start
19:53
Speaker 1: seeing yourself as the path forward, your body relaxes. You
19:56
Speaker 1: step out of shame and blame and fear, and you
19:58
Speaker 1: step into confidence and empowerment. Nothing is better than feeling
20:02
Speaker 1: empowerment around your money because guess what, it trickles into
20:06
Speaker 1: every single thing in your life. Your relationships get better,
20:09
Speaker 1: Abundance finds you, joy finds you. You drop unwanted weight,
20:15
Speaker 1: You find easier ways to eat. You find a way
20:19
Speaker 1: to free up your calendar to have more space. I
20:22
Speaker 1: find I call it space between the raindrops. My friend
20:25
Speaker 1: people in calls that all the time, you're finding space
20:27
Speaker 1: between the rain drops. When you're not having that monkey
20:30
Speaker 1: mind and that shame and blame going on in your head.
20:33
Speaker 1: We actually show up as better humans. I'm a better mom,
20:37
Speaker 1: I'm a better friend, I'm a better sister, I'm a brother,
20:41
Speaker 1: better mother in law. To be y'all, the wedding's coming
20:44
Speaker 1: up in a couple months. I'm so excited, so I
20:47
Speaker 1: want to be that better person. In order to do that,
20:50
Speaker 1: we have to start from the very beginning and not
20:52
Speaker 1: beat ourselves up for the stress response that our brain
20:55
Speaker 1: has when we feel overwhelmed with anything. Of course, I'm
20:59
Speaker 1: talking about money, but it can be absolutely anything. So
21:02
Speaker 1: taking control does not mean everything at once. It means
21:05
Speaker 1: creating a new experience with the money. I want you
21:08
Speaker 1: to feel calm, clear, manageable. I want you to just
21:12
Speaker 1: really enjoy it, re release all of that tension. And
21:16
Speaker 1: when all of that happens, you're going to be able
21:18
Speaker 1: to walk away and listen to all these podcasts, go
21:22
Speaker 1: back and hear all the other episodes, but you're going
21:24
Speaker 1: to be able to walk away and say I rock
21:27
Speaker 1: my Finances.
21:29
Speaker 2: We appreciate you joining us today and don't forget to
21:32
Speaker 2: subscribe to the rock my Finances YouTube channel for more
21:35
Speaker 2: engagement and bonus content. Tell me what is your money story?
21:40
Speaker 2: Let's find out with Jennifer right here on K four
21:43
Speaker 2: HD Radio and Talk for TV. It's not about the zero,
21:47
Speaker 2: it's about the F word. Feelings, feelings. Jennifer can't wait
21:51
Speaker 2: to explore with you next week. Until then, let's all
21:54
Speaker 2: say I rock my Finances.