Latest / The D.L. Hughley Show / DLHS Hour 2 | Should a parent keep a child from their other parent
Transcript
- 0:00Speaker 1: It is the deal. You can show you a twenty
- 0:01Speaker 1: twenty sixth edition.
- 0:03Speaker 2: Remember that if you were going to be in Cincinnati,
- 0:05Speaker 2: I will be at the Liberty City Funny Bone this
- 0:07Speaker 2: Friday and Saturday to Friday to Saturday.
- 0:10Speaker 1: Come check me if you take a notion, take a
- 0:12Speaker 1: listen of this audio.
- 0:13Speaker 3: My parents were married and then they had me.
- 0:17Speaker 4: I guess their marriage was difficult, so they later got divorced.
- 0:21Speaker 5: I don't know why.
- 0:22Speaker 4: I don't know the details. All I know is that
- 0:24Speaker 4: they separated. So I used to be with my mother
- 0:27Speaker 4: one week, and then I'll go be with my father
- 0:30Speaker 4: the next week. Okay, so back and forth. One week,
- 0:35Speaker 4: my dad never showed up to come and pick me up.
- 0:37Speaker 4: I sat by the door, literally waiting and waiting. He
- 0:41Speaker 4: never showed up. The following week, I did the same thing.
- 0:43Speaker 4: I did this for months. Okay, he never came.
- 0:47Speaker 3: So I felt so rejected.
- 0:50Speaker 6: Okay, I still quite literally turn into that little girl
- 0:54Speaker 6: when I.
- 0:54Speaker 1: Talk about it.
- 0:55Speaker 6: It has changed the traductory of my life.
- 0:59Speaker 7: Okay.
- 1:00Speaker 6: So I didn't find out until literally recently as an
- 1:04Speaker 6: adult that my father did not abandon me. My mother
- 1:09Speaker 6: cut him off because she was afraid that he was
- 1:12Speaker 6: going to take me from her.
- 1:15Speaker 1: Now, we have discussions like this all the time. Sanders.
- 1:18Speaker 2: Obviously, we come at this from two different perspectives based
- 1:22Speaker 2: on our own individual experiences.
- 1:24Speaker 1: So you think, what about this?
- 1:26Speaker 8: Like I said, I know, from a legal perspective, there's
- 1:29Speaker 8: really not a lot that can be done unless it's
- 1:33Speaker 8: a court ordered situation. If it's court ordered custody or
- 1:37Speaker 8: a visitation plan is in place and you violate that,
- 1:40Speaker 8: there are consequences.
- 1:42Speaker 5: Outside of that, Legally, nothing you can do.
- 1:46Speaker 8: I do think it's unfortunate because I know for sure
- 1:49Speaker 8: there are cases where you're upset or the father is
- 1:53Speaker 8: upset and you use the child as a pond.
- 1:56Speaker 5: I don't know what you could.
- 1:58Speaker 8: Do to deter that. I mean mature relationships. I mean,
- 2:02Speaker 8: I have no idea. But again, I do think when
- 2:05Speaker 8: the child gets older and they realize that you have
- 2:08Speaker 8: lied to them, I think there will be a lot
- 2:11Speaker 8: of damage done to that relationship, and I think that
- 2:14Speaker 8: that might end up being punishment enough.
- 2:16Speaker 5: I just I don't know. It's a difficult thing.
- 2:19Speaker 2: You know, I have a very I don't see I
- 2:23Speaker 2: can call it nuanced, and you guys might think it's simplistic,
- 2:25Speaker 2: But don't. I think laws exist because people saw there
- 2:30Speaker 2: was a need for something to change in the dynamic. Right,
- 2:36Speaker 2: That's why laws exist. It wasn't always against the law
- 2:39Speaker 2: not to pay child support. It wasn't always against the law.
- 2:42Speaker 2: Some of the laws we have in place, all of
- 2:43Speaker 2: them came as a remedy, right, correct, Right, And I
- 2:47Speaker 2: think that there is an inherent way that society looks
- 2:54Speaker 2: at somebody who's not financially responsible for a child. There's
- 2:58Speaker 2: an inherent way they look at that. And what they
- 3:00Speaker 2: did was they had a legal remedy for that.
- 3:02Speaker 9: Right.
- 3:04Speaker 2: I don't think that there's a requisite, uh you know,
- 3:08Speaker 2: a view of that in terms of the emotional damage
- 3:11Speaker 2: that their parents doudn that we have a laws against abusing.
- 3:15Speaker 2: So I think that because we know that things like
- 3:19Speaker 2: this happen, we write laws to remedy societal eels to
- 3:23Speaker 2: some degree.
- 3:25Speaker 5: Right, and so, but I think I think.
- 3:33Speaker 7: Carry on.
- 3:35Speaker 1: So here's the audio.
- 3:36Speaker 6: So I literally had to grow up without a father,
- 3:40Speaker 6: thinking that my father didn't love me. So I would
- 3:43Speaker 6: go on dating these men who were amazing to me.
- 3:47Speaker 6: I've had wonderful relationships, and I would literally feel like
- 3:52Speaker 6: the love was never enough because my father didn't love me,
- 3:55Speaker 6: how could another.
- 3:56Speaker 1: Man love me?
- 3:58Speaker 2: What do you think the remedies for that should be, Julius,
- 4:01Speaker 2: what do you think it should be?
- 4:02Speaker 10: Well, these are always touching something, I mean, because they
- 4:06Speaker 10: are variables involved that you know, we're not exactly sure of,
- 4:09Speaker 10: you know, because depending on how the severity of the
- 4:11Speaker 10: breakup was or the trauma involved, you know, like say,
- 4:14Speaker 10: for instance, if it was a rape or something you know,
- 4:17Speaker 10: you just don't know, you would you would not share
- 4:19Speaker 10: that with a child, right, make up an inappropriate story.
- 4:22Speaker 10: But if it's just pure malice, then there should be
- 4:25Speaker 10: some kind of.
- 4:28Speaker 1: It can't just be nothing.
- 4:29Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that if it were, if it were whenever,
- 4:32Speaker 2: something like.
- 4:33Speaker 1: This is perpetrated and this is regardless of that.
- 4:36Speaker 2: If it's a man perpetrating a thing, society tends to
- 4:39Speaker 2: think that that needs.
- 4:40Speaker 1: A legal remedy.
- 4:41Speaker 2: Yeah, When if a woman is primarily perpetrating a thing,
- 4:45Speaker 2: it has a different nuanced view. The law feels like, well,
- 4:48Speaker 2: that's just something that I have to say. But I know,
- 4:50Speaker 2: for me, for years and years and years, my mother
- 4:53Speaker 2: told me what a horrible man my father was, and
- 4:56Speaker 2: when I met him, I had only her version of it.
- 5:00Speaker 2: And when he died, she when my mother called me
- 5:02Speaker 2: and you remember the Sanders like Mike like boohooing, And
- 5:07Speaker 2: when she I was I was in New York.
- 5:09Speaker 1: I'll never forget. She's like, your father died, and I
- 5:11Speaker 1: was like, I was crying.
- 5:12Speaker 2: I mean, she was beside herself and I was like
- 5:15Speaker 2: my daddy, and she said, I gotta get home. She's like,
- 5:20Speaker 2: oh no, no, your biological father. And I'm like, what
- 5:23Speaker 2: why you grab for him? But you called me with
- 5:27Speaker 2: this cry for this And then she told me she
- 5:30Speaker 2: had always had a relationship with him and he wasn't
- 5:32Speaker 2: as bad as she thought she had put on. Wow,
- 5:35Speaker 2: now that to me, I'm angry with her now because
- 5:38Speaker 2: not only she treated my father crazy, the one who
- 5:41Speaker 2: raised me, but she denied me an opportunity to know
- 5:44Speaker 2: that man who had been looking for me.
- 5:46Speaker 10: The whole time and shaped your opinion of him and
- 5:50Speaker 10: shaped my pinion of the world.
- 5:52Speaker 2: Yeah, Like I always wanted to be a huge guy,
- 5:55Speaker 2: never was a huge I found out that the name
- 5:57Speaker 2: I had, the people that I come from literally only
- 6:01Speaker 2: area I live in now, they came from the South.
- 6:04Speaker 2: They built there's a place now like called Baller Mountain,
- 6:08Speaker 2: they call it mount and change the battle. But those
- 6:10Speaker 2: forefellas that is five minutes fromhere I live. So you
- 6:13Speaker 2: took my birth right away from me.
- 6:17Speaker 5: That's not to me, the fortunate part. It's hurtful. It's horrible.
- 6:22Speaker 8: It's a horrible thing to do, not only to a child,
- 6:25Speaker 8: but to a young man and certainly an older man period,
- 6:27Speaker 8: whenever you find.
- 6:28Speaker 5: Out the lie.
- 6:29Speaker 8: Unfortunately, lying is not a crime. We just been by
- 6:33Speaker 8: the world that we live in.
- 6:34Speaker 7: No, it's not.
- 6:35Speaker 5: Inherently it is not a crime.
- 6:37Speaker 8: The only way it is a crime is that if
- 6:38Speaker 8: you commit perjury, if you lot of federal officials, if
- 6:41Speaker 8: you file a false police report, or fraud to obtain money,
- 6:45Speaker 8: property benefits or anything like that, or any kind.
- 6:47Speaker 5: Of id lying.
- 6:48Speaker 8: But in terms of lying about whether or not this
- 6:52Speaker 8: person is this or that, in terms of their character,
- 6:55Speaker 8: that is not a lie.
- 6:56Speaker 5: It's a horrible thing now it should be, and.
- 7:00Speaker 2: And a lot of things weren't laws until somebody made
- 7:03Speaker 2: them that way. The laws like that have champions. There
- 7:07Speaker 2: are people who champion a law that happened. They go
- 7:10Speaker 2: for Congress, they tell stories, they supplicate bill makers.
- 7:14Speaker 1: So just because it isn't a law doesn't mean it
- 7:16Speaker 1: shouldn't be.
- 7:17Speaker 8: Yeah, oh absolutely, but I think you you you hit
- 7:20Speaker 8: the hand the nail on the head, and that is
- 7:22Speaker 8: someone has the lobby for that right. No one has
- 7:25Speaker 8: done it there because there's no extensive stuff done.
- 7:31Speaker 7: I'm not going to be to start it off.
- 7:33Speaker 8: Okay, okay, okay, you want somebody else to do the
- 7:36Speaker 8: heavy I'm just saying.
- 7:37Speaker 2: I'm just saying I think that it is it is
- 7:40Speaker 2: unreasonable to say that this doesn't have something that I
- 7:44Speaker 2: think they should be a legal remedy for. Even there
- 7:49Speaker 2: could be a civil situation.
- 7:51Speaker 1: But you can't.
- 7:52Speaker 5: No, I totally.
- 7:54Speaker 2: You can be reck You reckon people's lives and and
- 7:56Speaker 2: and there's no reconpuens.
- 7:57Speaker 1: I think that that's untenable. Take a listen to this audio.
- 8:01Speaker 3: My parents were married and then they had me.
- 8:04Speaker 4: I guess their marriage was difficult, so they later got divorced.
- 8:09Speaker 5: I don't know why.
- 8:09Speaker 3: I don't know the details. All I know is that
- 8:12Speaker 3: they separated.
- 8:14Speaker 4: So I used to be with my mother one week,
- 8:16Speaker 4: and then I'll go be with my father the next week. Okay,
- 8:19Speaker 4: so back and forth. One week, my dad never.
- 8:23Speaker 3: Showed up to come and pick me up. I sat
- 8:26Speaker 3: by the door, literally waiting and waiting. He never showed up.
- 8:29Speaker 4: The following week, I did the same thing. I did
- 8:31Speaker 4: this for months. Okay, he never came. So I fell
- 8:36Speaker 4: so rejected.
- 8:37Speaker 6: Okay, I still quite literally turn into that little girl when.
- 8:42Speaker 7: I talk about it.
- 8:43Speaker 6: It has changed the trajectory of my life.
- 8:47Speaker 7: Okay.
- 8:48Speaker 6: So I didn't find out until literally recently as an
- 8:52Speaker 6: adult that my father did.
- 8:54Speaker 3: Not abandon me.
- 8:56Speaker 6: My mother cut him off because she was afraid that
- 8:59Speaker 6: he was take me from her.
- 9:02Speaker 1: What do you think the remedy for that shit be
- 9:05Speaker 1: going right to the phones.
- 9:06Speaker 11: I feel very sad for the young lady that has
- 9:09Speaker 11: happened to. I can imagine not knowing my father. I
- 9:14Speaker 11: couldn't imagine it. I know I knew both of my parents.
- 9:16Speaker 11: They raised me and all my siblings, and I just
- 9:19Speaker 11: couldn't imagine being in that situation. But I do have waned.
- 9:23Speaker 11: I did want to say that I learned a very
- 9:26Speaker 11: long time ago not to get involved in that revenge game,
- 9:29Speaker 11: because it feels like that's what happened with her parents.
- 9:32Speaker 11: They are playing some kind of revenge game or you know,
- 9:35Speaker 11: or whether they meant to do it.
- 9:37Speaker 12: Or not.
- 9:37Speaker 11: It affected her in a in a in a very
- 9:40Speaker 11: negative way. And I feel like what should happen is
- 9:44Speaker 11: what is already happening, which is that now the other
- 9:48Speaker 11: living parent is going to have to deal with how
- 9:50Speaker 11: this child feels about what they did, what about what both.
- 9:54Speaker 13: Of them did.
- 9:54Speaker 11: Now both of them can't confront it. Now it's just
- 9:56Speaker 11: one parent that has to confront what has happened. I
- 9:59Speaker 11: hope that this and this young lady does confront the
- 10:01Speaker 11: other parent. I hope that she finds, you know, peace
- 10:04Speaker 11: and all that.
- 10:05Speaker 14: But I learned a long time.
- 10:06Speaker 11: Ago you don't play this rezinge game. I'm a Christian,
- 10:10Speaker 11: so I believe vengeance is the lords.
- 10:12Speaker 12: So I just got in my car and I heard
- 10:15Speaker 12: the conversation, and I can resonate with that because I
- 10:18Speaker 12: have two daughters who are one is in her latter
- 10:21Speaker 12: thirty thirties and the other ones in their younger thirties,
- 10:23Speaker 12: and both of their mothers withheld them from me for
- 10:27Speaker 12: thirty plus years, and you both came to me. One
- 10:30Speaker 12: came to me about five years ago and said, my
- 10:33Speaker 12: mom finally admitted that she lied about you, and she
- 10:36Speaker 12: kept me away from you, and the other one did
- 10:39Speaker 12: the same thing, said, my mom admitted that she lied
- 10:41Speaker 12: about you and kept me away from you. So I'm
- 10:44Speaker 12: going through the same thing that you know, most of
- 10:46Speaker 12: men are going through in that situation. And I understand.
- 10:48Speaker 12: I heard the girls, the young lady's pain who was
- 10:51Speaker 12: speaking out on it, So I understand, and yeah, so's
- 10:56Speaker 12: it's wrong. And right now I'm trying to bridge the
- 10:58Speaker 12: gap with my daughters and the relationship after thirty years.
- 11:03Speaker 15: My husband is actually going through something similar to that.
- 11:07Speaker 15: When we got together, he leaned everything to me and
- 11:11Speaker 15: how his child's mother has him on child support, and
- 11:15Speaker 15: how the arrears and everything, and how he was in
- 11:18Speaker 15: He was in his child's life for the first little
- 11:22Speaker 15: bit of her life, and then the mother just up
- 11:26Speaker 15: and left and pretty much told the courts.
- 11:28Speaker 12: That she was scared for her life.
- 11:31Speaker 15: And made everything private. And he didn't know he's right
- 11:36Speaker 15: up until I mean honestly, when we got together and
- 11:40Speaker 15: we got a church and we found out what you know,
- 11:43Speaker 15: he actually had his rights were, and you know, hey,
- 11:48Speaker 15: they've got him on false alligate or they not false allegations.
- 11:52Speaker 15: He can he wanted to take her to court for
- 11:54Speaker 15: false allegations for a child alienation, his child to speact
- 11:57Speaker 15: that he's sixteen years old and he hasn't got to
- 12:01Speaker 15: see her that she was Bob. We did our research
- 12:05Speaker 15: and we found out what we can do.
- 12:06Speaker 5: We can't do.
- 12:08Speaker 15: Court, and it's just a whole lot of mess that's
- 12:11Speaker 15: going on. When you all were talking about on the Ready,
- 12:12Speaker 15: I was like, dang, Like, that's exactly.
- 12:15Speaker 12: What my husb's going through right now.
- 12:16Speaker 1: So here is a scenario.
- 12:18Speaker 3: My parents were married and then they had me.
- 12:22Speaker 4: I guess their marriage was difficult, so they later got divorced.
- 12:26Speaker 3: I don't know why.
- 12:27Speaker 4: I don't know the details. All I know is that
- 12:30Speaker 4: they've separated. So I used to be with my mother
- 12:33Speaker 4: one week and then I'll go be with my father.
- 12:35Speaker 3: The next week. Okay, so back and forth.
- 12:39Speaker 4: One week, my dad never showed up to come and
- 12:42Speaker 4: pick me up. I sat by the door, literally waiting
- 12:46Speaker 4: and waiting.
- 12:46Speaker 3: He never showed up.
- 12:47Speaker 4: The following week, I did the same thing. I did
- 12:49Speaker 4: this for months. Okay, he never came. So I felt
- 12:54Speaker 4: so rejected.
- 12:55Speaker 6: Okay, I still quite literally turned into that little girl
- 13:00Speaker 6: when I talk about it. It has changed the trajectory
- 13:04Speaker 6: of my life. Okay, So I didn't find out until
- 13:09Speaker 6: literally recently as an adult, that my father did not
- 13:13Speaker 6: abandon me. My mother cut him off because she was
- 13:16Speaker 6: afraid that he was going to take me from her.
- 13:20Speaker 6: So I literally had to grow up without a father, thinking.
- 13:24Speaker 7: That my father didn't love me.
- 13:26Speaker 3: So I would go on dating.
- 13:28Speaker 6: These men who were amazing to me. I've had wonderful relationships,
- 13:33Speaker 6: and I would literally.
- 13:34Speaker 3: Feel like the love was never.
- 13:36Speaker 6: Enough because my father didn't love me.
- 13:39Speaker 3: How could another.
- 13:40Speaker 4: Man love me?
- 13:41Speaker 1: What do you think the remedy for that should be?
- 13:43Speaker 1: We go right to the phones.
- 13:44Speaker 13: My son is going through the same situation. He pays
- 13:48Speaker 13: child support every week, he's caught up on his rears,
- 13:52Speaker 13: but he can't seem to talk to the kids. And
- 13:55Speaker 13: it's been some months now. I think the last time
- 13:57Speaker 13: the kid has been over to my house here Nanna
- 14:00Speaker 13: was last last year in the summertime, and that was
- 14:04Speaker 13: the last time when we saw them, the last time,
- 14:07Speaker 13: and the mom she has this, I don't know, some
- 14:10Speaker 13: sort of vendetta against all because she want my son
- 14:13Speaker 13: to be with her and the kids. But I have
- 14:16Speaker 13: a funny feeling that she's seen the kids a lot
- 14:18Speaker 13: of negativity about their dad, and when the.
- 14:20Speaker 5: Only thing my son.
- 14:22Speaker 13: He won't reach out or anything. I mean, he has
- 14:24Speaker 13: been reaching out, but it's like it's like, well, I
- 14:27Speaker 13: guess I have to wait until the kids get older
- 14:29Speaker 13: in order for them to accept me. I said, But
- 14:31Speaker 13: whether they don't accept you because of what she's.
- 14:33Speaker 16: Seeding them, Well, basically, I'm one who's going through it myself,
- 14:38Speaker 16: dealing with a woman that is, you know, basically keeping
- 14:42Speaker 16: me from my child. I've been going through this for
- 14:45Speaker 16: about three years, four years now, and still there's no
- 14:49Speaker 16: consequence in the courtroom at all. He's violated plenty of
- 14:54Speaker 16: times and I've never gotten any remedy over. And I
- 14:57Speaker 16: tell her all the time that you're going to present
- 15:01Speaker 16: you when he gets older, because he's going to find
- 15:03Speaker 16: out that I've never abandoned him. Stay fighting. I stay
- 15:07Speaker 16: fighting all the time, and I'm not going to stop.
- 15:10Speaker 16: But there needs to be some kind of consequence to this.
- 15:14Speaker 14: Wow, you know what I was thinking. That is so
- 15:17Speaker 14: you know, this is why the mother doesn't realize. And
- 15:20Speaker 14: I was a daddy's girl and my father's deceased. I
- 15:23Speaker 14: can't imagine not being able to have a chance to
- 15:26Speaker 14: ask questions and have closure, and what she's what she
- 15:30Speaker 14: did was rob this child of having a bonding experience
- 15:35Speaker 14: that could damage her ability to trust in the near future,
- 15:39Speaker 14: not just with a possible mate, but with anybody else.
- 15:43Speaker 14: Because your parents are your first to the world, and
- 15:46Speaker 14: when you don't have the type of bonding relationship, that
- 15:50Speaker 14: affects future relationships. So that's a very uncomfortable conversation that
- 15:56Speaker 14: you know that needs to be taking place with mama.
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