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Bill's Paper Chase · The Lady of the Barge and other Stort Stories

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Section three of the Lady of the Barge. This is a LibriVox recording.
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All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer,
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please visit LibriVox dot org. The Lady of the Barge by W.
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W. Jacobs Bills paper Chase. Sailormen have their faults, said the night
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watchman, frankly, I'm not denyin of it. I used to have em
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myself when I was at sea, but beIN close with their money as if
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fault as can seldom be brought again em. I'll save some money once two
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golden sovereigns owing to all in my pocket before I got another ship. I
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slept two knights on a door step and add nothing to eat, and I
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found them two sovereigns in the lining of my coat pocket. When I was
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over two thousand miles away from the nearest pub. I only knew one miser
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all the years I was at sea. Thomas Erie his name was, and
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we was shipmates aboard the Bark Granada homeward bound from Sydney to London. Thomas
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was a man that was getting in the years sixty. I think he was
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and old enough to know better'd been saving ard for over forty years,
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and as near as we could make out, E was worth a matter of
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six hundred pounds. He used to be fond of talking about it and letting
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us know how much better off he was than any of the rest of us.
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We was about a month out from Sydney when old Thomas took sick.
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Bill Hicks said that it was owing to a haypenny he couldn't account for.
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But Walter Jones, whose family was always ill and thought he knew a lot
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about it, said that E knew knew what it was, but he couldn't
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remember the name of it, and that when we got to London and Thomas
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saw a doctor we should see as how E was right whatever it was.
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The old man got worse and worse. The skipper came down and gave him
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some physic and looked at his tongue, and then he looked at our tongues
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to see what the difference was. Then he left the cook in charge of
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him and went off. The next day, Thomas was worse, and it
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was soon cleared everybody but him that E was slipping his table. He wouldn't
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believe it at first, though The cook told him. Bill Hicks told him,
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and Walter Jones had a grandfather that went off in just the same way.
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I'm not going to die, says Thomas. How can I die and
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leave all that money? It'll be good for your relations, Thomas says,
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Well, Jones, I ain't got any, says the old man. Well
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you're friends, then, Thomas says Walter. Soft like, ain't got any,
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says the old man again. Yes you have, Thomas, says Walter,
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with a kind smile. I could tell you one you've got. Thomas
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shut his eyes at him and began to talk pitiful about his money and the
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hard work he'd add save it of it, and by and by E got
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worse and didn't recognize us, but thought we was a pack of greedy,
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drunken sailorman. He thought Walter Jones was a shark and told him so,
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and try all he could, Walter couldn't persuade him different. He died the
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day order. In the morning, he was whimpering about his money again and
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angry with Bill when E reminded him that he couldn't take it with him,
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and he made Bill promised that he should be buried just as he was.
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Bill tucked him up order that, and when he felt a canvas spelt tied
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round the old man's waist, he began to see what he was driving at.
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The weather was dirty that day, and there was a bit of sea
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running. Consequently, all An's was on deck, and a boy about sixteen,
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what used to help the steward down aft, was looking ardered Thomas.
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Me and Bill just run down to give a look at the old man.
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In time. I am going to take it with me, Bill says the
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old man. That's right, says Bill. My mind's easy, now,
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says Thomas. I give it to Jimmy to to throw overboard for me,
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what says Bill? Staring? That's right, Bill says the boy. He
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told me to. It was a little packet of bank notes. He gave
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me tuppence for doing it. Old Thomas seemed to be listening. His eyes
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was open, and he looked artful at Bill to think what a clever thing
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he'd done. Nobody's goin to spend my money, he says, nobody's.
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We drew back from his bunk and stood staring at him. Then Bill turned
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to the boy, Go and tell the skipper he's gone, he says,
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An mind. For your own sake, don't tell the skipper or anybody else
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that you've thrown all that money overboard. Why not, says Jimmy, because
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you'll be locked up for it, says Bill. You'd no business to do
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it. You've been an broke the law. It ought to have been left
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to somebody. Jimmy looked scared and ardi e was gone. I turned to
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Bill and I looked at him, and I says, what's the little game?
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Bill? Game? Said Bill, snorting at me. I don't want
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the poor boy to get into trouble, do I? Poor little chap.
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You was young yourself once, yes, I says, But I'm a bit
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older now, Bill, And unless you tell me what your little game is,
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I shall tell the Skipper myself. And the Chap's too. Poor old
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Thomas told him to do it. So where's the boy to blame? Do
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you think Jimmie did, says Bill, screwing up his nose at me.
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That little varmitt is walking about worth six hundred quid. Now you keep your
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mouth shut and I'll make it worth your while. Then I see Bill's game,
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all right. I'll keep quiet for the sake of my half, I
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says lookin at him. I thought he'd a choked. And the language E
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see fit to use was almost as much as I could answer. Very well.
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Then, he says, at last, as it is, it ain't
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robbery because it belongs to nobody, and it ain't the boys because E was
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told to throw it overboard. They buried poor old Thomas next morning, and
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order it was all over. Bill put his hand on the boy's shoulder as
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they walked forward. An he says, poor old Thomas has gone to look
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for his money. He says, wonder whether he'll find it? Was it
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a big bundle, Jimmy, No, says the boy, shaking his head.
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They was six hundred pound notes and two sovereigns, and I wrapped the
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sovereigns up in the notes to make em sink. Fancy throw money away like
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that? Bill seems a sin, don't it. Bill didn't answer him,
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and that afternoon, the other chaps below being asleep, we searched his bunk
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through and through without any luck, and at last Bill sat down and swore
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he must have got it about him. We waited till night, and when
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everybody was snoring hard, we went over till the boy's bunk and went all
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through his pockets and felt the linings. And then we went back to our
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side, and Bill said what he thought about Jimmy in whispers He must tuck
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got it tied round his waist next to his skin like Thomas ad I says.
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We stood there in the dark, whispering, and then Bill couldn't stand
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it any longer, and he went over on tiptoe to the bunk again.
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He was trembling with excitement, and I wasn't much much better, when all
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of a sudden the cook sat up in his bunk with a dreadful, laughing
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scream and called out that somebody was tickling him. I got into my bunk
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and Bill got into his, and we lay there listening while the cook,
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who was a terrible ticklish man, leaned out of his bunk and said what
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he'd do if it happened again? Go to sleep, says Walter Jones,
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your dreaming. Who do you think would want to tickle you? I tell
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you, says the cook. Somebody come over and tickled me with a hand
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the size of a leg of mutton. I feel creepy all over. Bill
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gave it up for that night, but the next day he pretended to think
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Jimmy was getting fat, and he caught hold of him and prodded him all
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over. He thought he felt something round his waist by he couldn't be sure,
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and Jimmy made such a noise that the other chaps interfered and told Bill
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to leave him alone. For the whole week, we tried to find that
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money and couldn't, and Bill said it was a suspicious thing that Jimmy kept
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after a good deal more than he used to, and E got an idea
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that the boy might have hid it somewhere there. At the end of that
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time, however, owing to her being short handed, Jimmy was sent forward
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to work as ordinary seaman, and it began to be quite noticeable the way
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he avoided Bill. At last, one day we got him alone down the
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forecastle, and Bill put his arm round him and got him on the locker
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and asked him straight out where the money he was? Why I chucked it
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overboard? He says, I told you so, afore what a memory you've
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got? Bill? Bill picked him up and laid him on the locker,
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and we searched him thoroughly. We even took his boots off, and then
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we add another look in is bunk while E was putting them on again.
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If you're innocent, says Bill, why don't you call out ah because you
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told me not to say anything about it, Bill, says the boy.
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But I will next time, loud. I will look here, says Bill.
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You tell us where it is, and the three of us will go
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shares in it. That'll be two hundred pounds each, and we'll tell you
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how to get yours changed without getting caught. We're cleverer than you are.
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You know, I know that, Bill, says the boy. But it's
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no good me telling you lies. I chucked it overward. Very good,
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then, says Bill, getting up. I'm going to tell the skipper tell
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him, says Jimmy. I don't care. Then you'll be searched arder you
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step to shore, says Bill, and you won't be allowed on the ship
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again. You'll lose it all by being ready, whereas if you go shares
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with us, you'll have two hundred pounds. I could see, as i'll
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the boy I thought of that, and try as he would, he couldn't
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hide his feelings. He called Bill a red nose shark, and he called
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me something I've forgotten. Now think it over, says Bill. Minds you'll
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be collared as soon as you've left the gangway and searched by the police.
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And will they tickle the cook to you, I wonder, says Jimmy savagely.
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And if they find it, you'll go to prison, says Bill,
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giving him a clump of the side of the head. And you won't like
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that. I can tell you. Why, ain't it nice? Bill,
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says Jimmy, holding his ear. Bill looked at him, and then he
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steps to the ladder. I'm not going to talk to you anymore, my
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lad, he says. I'm going to tell the skipper. He went up
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slowly, and just as he reached the deck, Jimmy started up and called
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him. Bill pretended not to ear, and the boy ran up on deck
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and followed him and arter a little while. They both came down again together.
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Did you wish to speak to me, my lad, says Bill,
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holding his head up. Yes, says the boy, fiddling with his fingers.
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If you keep your ugly amouth shut, we'll go shares. Oh,
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says Bill. I thought you throwed it overboard. I thought so too,
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Bill, says Jimmy, very softly. And when I came below again.
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I found it in my trousers pocket. Where is it now? Says Bill?
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Never mind where it is, says the boy. You couldn't get it.
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If I was to tell you, it'll take me all my time to
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do it myself. Where is it? Says Bill again. I'm going to
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take care of it. I won't trust you, and I can't trust you,
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says Jimmy, if you don't tell me where it is this minute,
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says Bill, moving to the ladder again, I'm off to tell the skipper
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in my hands or at any rate, my share of it. Why not
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sheer it out now? Because I haven't got it, says Jimmy, stamping
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his foot. That's why. And it's all your silly fault. Or you
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came palling through my pockets when you thought I was asleep. I got frightened
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and hid it where says Bill. In the second mate's mattress, says Jimmy.
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I was tidying up down aft and I found a bull in the underneath
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side of his mattress, and I shoved it in there and puted it in
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with a bit of stick. An how are you going to get it?
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Says Bill, scratching his head. That's what I don't know, seeing that
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I'm not allowed aft now, says Jimmy. One of us saw aft to
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make a dash for it when we get to London, and mind, if
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there's any ankie panky on your part, Bill, I'll give the show away
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myself. The cook came down just then and we had to leave off talking,
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And I could see that Bill was so pleased at finding that the money
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hadn't been thrown overboard that he was losing sight of the difficulty of getting at
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it in a day or two. However, E see it as plain as
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me and Jimmy did, and as time went by he got desperate and friendened
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us both by hanging about Aft every chance he got. That companion way faced
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the wheel, and there was about as much chance of getting down there without
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being seen as there would be a taking a man's false teeth out of his
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mouth without his knowing it. Jimmy went down one day while Bill was at
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the wheel to look for his knife what E thought he'd left down there,
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and he hardly got down afore Bill saw him coming up again, owning on
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to the top of a bop which the steward was using. We couldn't figure
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it out no how, And to think of the second mate, a little
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man with a large family, who never had a penny in his pocket,
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sleeping every night on a six underread pound mattress sent us pretty near crazy.
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We used to talk it over whenever we got a chance, and Bill and
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Jimmy could scarcely be civil to each other. The boy said it was Bill's
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fault, and E said it was the boy's. The Only thing I can
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see, says the boy, one day, is for Bill to have a
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touch of sudden stroke as he's leaving the wheel one day, tumble head first
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down the companion way and injure yourself so severely that he can't be moved.
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Then they'll put him in a cabin down aft, and perhaps I'll have to
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go and nurse him. Anyway, he'll be down there. It's a very
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good idea, Bill, I says, Who says Bill, looking at me
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as if he would eat me. Why don't you do it? Then?
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I'd sooner you did it, Bill, says the boy. Still I don't
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mind which it is. Why not toss up for it? Get Away,
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says Bill. Get Away afore I do something you won't like, You bloodthirsty
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little murderer. I've got a plan myself, he says in a low voice,
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after the boy had OpEd off, and if I can't think of nothing
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better, I'll try it and mind not a word to the boy. He
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didn't think nothing better, And one night, just as we was making the
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channel, he tried his plan. He was in the second mate's watch and
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by and by e Leen's over the wheel and says to him in a low
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voice, this is my last voyage, sir, Oh, says the second
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mate, who was a man as didn't mind talking to a man before the
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mast. How's that I've got a berth ashore, sir, says Bill,
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and I wanted to ask a favor, Sir. A second mate growled and
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walked off a pace or two. I've never been so happy as I've been
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on this ship, says Bill. None of us have. We was saying
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so the other night, and everybody agreed as it, owing to you,
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sir, and your kindness to all of us. The second mate coughed,
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but Bill could see as he was a bit pleased. The feeling came over
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me. Says Bill, that when I leave the sea for good, I'd
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like to ask something of yours to remember you by, sir. And it
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seemed to me that if I ad your mattress, I should think of you
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every night of my life. My want, says the second mate, staring
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at him. Your mattress, sir, says Bill, if I might make
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so bold as to offer a pound for it, sir, I want something
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what's been used by you, and I've got a fancy for that as a
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keepsake. The second mate shook his head. I'm sorry, Bill, he
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says Jenna, but I couldn't let it go at that. I'd sooner pay
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thirty shillings than not have it, sir, says Bill, humbly. I
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gave a lot of money for that mattress, says the mate. Again.
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I forget how much, but a lot. You don't know how valuable that
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mattress is. I know it's a good one, sir, else you wouldn't
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have it, says Bill. What a couple of pounds by it, sir.
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The second mate hummed and hard, but Bill was afraid to go any
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higher. So far as he could make out from Jimmy, the mattress was
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worth about eighteenpence to anybody who wasn't particular I've slept on that mattress for years,
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says the second mate, looking at him from the corner of his eye.
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I don't believe I could sleep on another still to a blag you,
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Bill, you shall have it at that if you don't want it till we
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go ashore. Thank you, sir, says Bill, hardly able to keep
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from dancing. And I'll end over the two pounds when we're paid off.
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I shall keep it all my life, sir, in memory of you and
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your kindness, and mind you keep quiet about it, says the second mate,
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who didn't want the skipper to know what he'd been doing, because I
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don't want to be bothered by other men wanting to buy things as keepsakes.
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Bill promised him like a shot, and when he told me about it,
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he was nearly crying with joy and mine. He says, I've bought that
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mattress, bought it as it stands, and it's got nothing to do with
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Jimmy. We'll each pay a pound and have what's in it, he persuaded
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me at last, But that I watched us like a cat watching a couple
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of canaries, and I could see we should have all we could do to
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deceive him. He seemed more suspicious of Bill than me, and he kept
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worrying us nearly every day to know what we were going to do. We
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beat about in the channel with a strong ed wind for four days, and
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then a tug picked us up and towed us to London. The excitement of
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that last little bit was horrible. First of all, we had to get
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the mattress, and then in some way we had to get rid of Jimmy.
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Bill's idea was for me to take him ashore with me and tell him
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that Bill would join us arterwards and then lose him. But I said that
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till I'd got my share. I couldn't bear to lose sight of Bill's on
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his face for half a second. And besides, Jimmy wouldn't have gone all
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the way up the river. He stuck to Bill and kept asking him what
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we were to do. He was half crying and so excited that Bill was
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afraid the other chaps wouldn't notice it. We got to our berth in the
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East India Docks at last, and arder we were made fast. We went
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below to ave a wash and change into our shore, goin togs. Jimmie
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watched us all the time. Then he comes up to Bill, bitin his
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nails, and says, how's it to be done? Bill, hang about
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order the rest have gone to shore, and trust to luck, says Bill,
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looking at me. We'll see how the land lays when we draw our
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advance. We went down aft to draw ten shillings each to go to shore
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with Bill and me got ours fust and then the second mate, who had
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tipp him the wink, folded us out unconcerned like, and handed Bill the
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mattress rolled up in a sack. Here you are, Bill, he says,
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much obliged, sir, says Bill, and his hands trembled so as
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he could hardly owede it, and he made to go off. Afore Jimmy
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come on deck. Then that fool of a mate kept us there while he
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made a little speech. Twice Bill made to go off, but he put
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his hand on his arm and kept him there while he told him how he'd
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always tried to be liked by the men, and I generally succeeded. And
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in the middle of it, up popped Master Jimmy. He gave a start
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as he saw the bag, and his eyes opened wide. And then as
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we walked forward He put his arm through Bill's and called him all the names
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E think of you steal the milk out of a cat's saucer, he says.
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But mind you don't leave this ship till I've got my share. I
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meant it for a pleasant surprise for you, Jimmy, says Bill, trying
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to smile. I don't like your surprises, Bill, so I don't deceive
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you, says the boy. Where are you going to open it? I
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was thinking of opening it in my bunk, says Bill. The police might
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want to examine it if we took it through the dock. Come on,
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Jimmy, old man. Yes, all right, says the boy, nodding
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his head at him. I'll stay up here. You might forget yourself.
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Bill. If I trusted myself down there with you alone, you can throw
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my share up to me, and then you'll leave the ship before I do.
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See go to blazes, says Bill. And then, seeing that the
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last chance I had gone, we went below, and he chucked the bundle
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in his bunk. There was only one chap down there, an arder spending
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best part of ten minutes doing his hair. He nodded to us and went
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off half a minute later, Bill cut open the mattress and began to search
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through the stuffing while I struck matches and watched him. It wasn't a big
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mattress, and there wasn't much stuffing, but we couldn't seem to see that
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money. Bill went all over it again and again, and then he stood
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up and looked at me and caught his breath. Painful. Do you think
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the mate found it, he says in a husky voice. We went through
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it again, and then Bill went halfway up the forecastle ladder and called softly
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for Jimmy. He called three times, and then with a sinking sensation in
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his stomach, he went up on deck and I followed him. The boy
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was nowhere to be seen. All we saw was the ship's cat aven a
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wash and brush up afore going ashore, and the skipper standing aft talking to
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the owner. We never saw that boy again. He never turned up for
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his box, and he didn't show up to draw his pay. Everybody else
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was there, of course, an order. I'd got mine and come outside.
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I see poor Bill with his back up again a wall, staring ard
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at the second mate, who was looking at him with a kind smile and
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asking him how he had slept. The last thing I saw of Bill,
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the poor chap had Gotty's hands in his trousers pockets, and was trying his
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hardest to smile back end of Section three.