Latest / How Hard Can It Be? with Diana Maria Riva / Taylor Dayne on Why Turning 50 was Brutal, the Joys & Heartbreak of Motherhood, and Swiping Right in Midlife

Transcript

Taylor Dayne on Why Turning 50 was Brutal, the Joys & Heartbreak of Motherhood, and Swiping Right in Midlife · How Hard Can It Be? with Diana Maria Riva

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: You know how growing up, by the time you were
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: a teenager, you thought you had life completely figured out.
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: You know, kind of like how the cast of Breakfast
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: Club did when they walked away from campus, only to
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: discover that life has its own scheduling. Well, my next guest,
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: despite being a pop and R and B superstar, still
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: had to learn the art of self acceptance. We'll talk
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: about everything from the sledgehammer of turning fifty, surviving parent
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: care while caring for yourself, and dating app success. I mean, seriously,
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: how hard can it be? Welcome to the new episode
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: of How Hard Can It Be? I'm your host Diana
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: Maine Ariva, and we are here with gen X women
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: and other women should pay attention to navigating midlife's most
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: fantastic bullshit. I am your host Diamite Reva, and I
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: am here today so excited with a multi Grammy nominated,
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: multi award winning pop dance R and B icon. The
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: anthems that this woman puts out back in the day
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: and still today. My sexy gen xis we have the
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: icon of sexy gen xs. Taylor Dane is.
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: He yay, babe? That was lovely? That was fabulous.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: Let me tell you how I got her to be
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: on this show. I quite point blank slid into her
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: DMS and said, hey girl.
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: Hey, well we met so this is this is wonderful.
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: We met once, but she meets people every day. And
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: you said yes. And let me tell you the fact
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: that you're sitting here today. If you had told me
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: back in nineteen eighty eight when I was at the
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: University of Cincinnati and I went to see you. You
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: were in town, you played at a venue around U See,
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: and then I went to our favorite club, dance club
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: called Burgundy's, and you showed up after your show and
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: you were wearing a gorgeous fusia leather on some and
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: I mean this was I wanted to be you, like
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: I just what detailed? I no, because because it was
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: so stunning and you look so gorgeous leather.
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, sure, I'm just I'm wearing a vintage leather today
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: actually from probably like eighty eight eighty nine Elaia. But no,
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: that's not I'm trying to remember. But you know the
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: beautiful thing is you remember.
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: I do remember. I do remember because there were things. Okay,
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: first of all, you've done Broadway, you've done you've written,
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: you're an icon who has written songs for icons. You
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: wrote a song for Tina Turner.
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: I wrote it for me. Anything I write, I write
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: for myself. And it wasn't put on one of my records,
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: and it was passed on by my label thinking it
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: wasn't a hit. And then Tina scooped it up and
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: with Trevor Horn and made it a number one record
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: for her. She resonated, She resonated with you, it's just beautiful. Yeah,
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: it's beautiful.
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: You have done Broadway, You've done television, You've done film.
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: You've written songs that have ended up on the soundtracks
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: for films like Fried Green Tomatoes, and you've won a
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: multi Avarce. You've written books. But the thing that really
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: jumped out to me, we can love you for all
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: those reasons, but you've done so many things that you've
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: decided to You decided a while back to use those
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: experiences to speak up and speak out for women. You
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: empower women. Thank you, you do, Thank you you do.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: No you do, and that's we remember you for. You know,
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: tell her too much like I would just sing that
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: whenever I was angry or happy at a guy. Powerful
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: and prove your love and I'll always love you. And
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: by the way, she's on tour, you should see her
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: because this woman's range has not changed a bit. It
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: is just so powerful.
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: That's my that's my jam right there. Live shows, and
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: you know, anytime I can sit and be human and
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: have conversations and talk about who I am behind the curtain,
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: you know what I mean, that's always a plus. But
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: I'm so grateful that I get to be the voice
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: for a lot of women in the sense that they
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: find it very powerful hearing some of my story and
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: it resonates for them, and thank you.
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: That's and the fact that you share empowers us. So
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: let me ask you about that realities of life. I'd
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: like to start with a little icebreaker, which is what
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: was your Oh shit, is this midlife moment? Like I
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: always use kind of the same one. I'm like, oh,
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: you know, I have eyebrows that are I'm losing, but
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: I've got chin hair coming in hot. So what midlife?
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: You mean?
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: Midlife? Yeah? Did you have an earning fifty? Turning fifty
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: was brutal for me? Really? Yeah, And so it's.
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: Brutal birthday I've ever had.
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: What'd you do?
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: I was dating somebody that I really loved, and it
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: was quite new, and he was ten years younger than me,
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: and I felt it. And suddenly I was turning fifty.
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: There's no going back from fifty. Fifties Like, you know, forties,
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: I kind of like, you know, I had a kids.
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: I you know, my forties was all my children and
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: everything about that and being in LA and being a
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: single mom and just everything. I you know, everything. There
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: are always choices, choices, but they were very, very specific,
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: clearly identifiable choices that only my crazy person would make.
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: But at the same time, fifty was just like whoa.
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: I really felt like I should have been married by then.
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: I should have I put a lot of shitus on
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: myself and it was really scary.
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: Did you celebrate?
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: Did I?
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: What did you celebrate? Did you celebrate?
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: Quietly? I went away with him, We took we took
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: a quiet I said, we're doing this really on the
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: DL and just I don't want to talk about fifty
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: and you know, from forty nine to fifty that was
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: an interesting birthday. But I did. I was with him
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: and we went away. I no, I didn't do anything celebratory.
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: Did Was there a turning point after that where you're
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: like I I feel that our generation we hold our
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: feet over up the fire like none other, especially with expectations,
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: but do or society's expectations, because this is what I
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: think about midlife, is that we are so accomplished, we
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: have so much on our plate. When we get to fifty,
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: society would like to tell us things are wrapping up.
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: Our bodies are throwing us curveballs, not anymore. But we're
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: telling us we're wrapping up anymore because we know we're not.
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: We're not.
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: We definitely there was no room for me to choose that.
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: I don't I feel fifty wasn't about It's just that
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: I thought I would be somebody, not different, but I'd
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: have a few more things in my saddle. That's what
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: I thought.
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: It isn't interesting that you thought that that timeline meant
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: that at fifty since you didn't reach it, is that it?
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: I mean, what did you expect?
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: Scary?
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: It's scary. Did you get to a place then where
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: you pivoted from that?
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: Absolutely? Okay what happened, But years of therapy, going back
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: and forth, non committal relationship with the same person for
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: almost ten years, Like, really, you don't you know I'm
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: live and learn, you know, raising children by myself, my twins,
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: you know, being a powerful mom being, but also never
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: turning my back on my career and knowing what my
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: priorities are and as a person and your you know, morals,
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: and my integrity and my music and a million things
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: like just eventually you stand around long enough, you get
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: to sit down. Sounds like an interesting quote and sounds
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: like when you sit down, you're just oh, wow, that's
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: the break, But there is no There is no break.
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: Oh I'm sitting down. It's just a matter of you
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: take a breath and Okay, you smile in the mirror
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: when you wake up this time, you have gratitude in
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: your heart. That's the shift. The shift always comes to
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: a spiritual place and reset of your vegus. You know,
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: your nerves and your nervous system for me.
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: In your perspective essentially, and I definitely well you and
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: I can resonate on this a lot because I was
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: a single mom and I raised my kids predominantly for
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: most of their lives by myself in a town in
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: Los Angeles. Why I didn't have other families. I was
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: in the entertainment business, didn't lose that, but had to
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: make a lot of decisions along the way to make
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: sure that even though my career meant everything to me,
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: it didn't mean to me more than my children. How
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: did you?
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: But I found, which I hope you resonate with this,
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: that it was easier for me to do it here
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: in La with a collective women, a force of women,
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: powerful women that was still in an industry, not New York,
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: where I'm born. I'm born and raised and I'm not
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: even saying the city, but how can you have children
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: in New York City? I struggled with that, and I
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: had an apartment on fifteenth and Fifth, and I just
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: didn't feel so, you know, I don't work out in
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: La Los Angeles for years, my videos, you know, TV
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: pro everything, But that deliberate move that was my late
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: thirty early forties and fifty really challenging saying I'm a
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: single mom. I am all my girlfriends are somehow here,
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: not here, circling through here. Everybody was going back and
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: forth from New York and somehow we were all in
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: the cycle of motherhood and doing what we were doing
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: and still having our careers, and that meant the world
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: to me. Then being isolated on this island, you know,
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: from Long Island to any place where I had my
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: houses out of the city, and I just felt very isolated.
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: I felt, here's where I can have community and raise
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: my children with a village without having a family here. Really,
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: as you say, my friends and my family.
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: It's I had to rely on the same thing. And
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: I remember many times calling and saying, I can't pick
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: them up exactly on time after baseball, can you pick
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: them up? Or after truck and the village would come
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: in and you have to find that village. And that
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: was very clear to me. Yeah, yeah, and I did.
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: I've developed that over the years. It's one of the
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: proudest things I can ever say, is my women, My
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: tribe is fantastic.
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: What do you think you do differently now in this
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: chapter of life that you do better being a mother,
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: being a woman? I mean, there's a lot. The list
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: can be long.
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: And this now my sick now it's sixty turning, being
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: in my sixties. What do I do better? I just
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: make sure communication and it's so much easier now cell
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: phones and you know everything else, But I mean I
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: make sure that you know one conversation's going here my
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: New York tribe, you know, my Miami tribe, my La tribe,
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: my Santa Barbara tribe. Like you know, I really I
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: dip my stick and say, who haven't I spoken to it?
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: And like really put the effort in. That's it, and
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: that's that's everything. Because those ten minutes you can say,
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: you know, I haven't seen some people there, like I'm
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: going to come to the Seattle show, and I have been.
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: You think I've been in Seattle all the time. Nobody
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: had a show there. One thing about my career is
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: it takes me all over the world and people friends
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: travel all over the world. People my friends are all
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: over and quite frankly, that's been part of the plus.
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: I've made families and extended my family to all you know, Portugal,
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: to France, you know UK of course, the children's father,
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: you know, I mean, it goes on and goes on.
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: How did you balance your career with raising children?
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: I hired twenty four to seven, and that is no lie.
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: I had the Monday through Friday team, and then I
• 11:15
  Speaker 2: had the set. I mean, there was nothing I do
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: with twins. Yeah, I went for one, I got, we
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: got and too I'm like, holy crap immaculately right, Yeah,
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: that's the only way I can possibly say it. And
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: then of course, you know, my parents came in, but
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: they could are family members whatever you want to say.
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: But yeah, I raised them out here in La. It
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: was very different upbringing they ever could have possibly had
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: for them. For me, yeah, just hysterical. I still look
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: at him. I go, dude, you know you uber eat
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: what do you dude? We had to get on a bicycle.
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: Then you had to go around the corner. Like I mean,
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: I'm like half the crap. I just sa like a
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: comedy show to me. But like I talked, I talked
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: to them like my daughter just laughs like you know,
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: but it's good. We have healthy relationship.
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: And how do you take care of Like we'll talk
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: about some of the things that you've been through in
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: your life, but when you're going through it and self
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: care is about most important so that you can be
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: there for your daughter, your father, your family. How do
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: you keep your how do you take care of you?
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: I don't know. Can we talk about it?
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: Let's talk about it.
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: Well, I'm not great at it. I learned a lot
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: of different modalities. I had cancer about three and a
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: half years ago. Now I guess colon cancer. I was diagnosed,
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: but I've been going since my early fifties for colonoscopy.
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: So I was a candidate of getting a lot of
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: polyps and so I was going then pretty regularly, like
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: every this one surgeon have me coming every six months
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: to do colon and they were constantly biopposing. And so
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: after five years, you know, six years, he goes. We
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: got a real aggressive guy. So anyway, long story short
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: is tackling that when my body gave out on me,
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: like something my body has doesn't give out. My body
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: doesn't give out, you know. And I was deep in
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: my fifties. It was really kind of earth shattering. You know,
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: you work out, you do what you need to do.
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: So then I was in oxygen hyperbaric chambers. Then I
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: learned about red light therapy. I you know, vitamin drips
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: to hyperb like I said, hyperbaric to Now you know,
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: you hear everybody just talks about, you know, the injections
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: everybody's doing.
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: You know, uh, what is it called the likent like
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: those empics some kinds.
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: Now ozpic, but it is another tide of protein. It's
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: a oh god, I'm having a brain fart. Everybody's laughing
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: right now.
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: No, no, everybody in our category, Like, I get it.
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: It's the mott Si, it's the peptize, the peptizes, peptides.
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, okay, we're working out. And every day I
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: say to myself, what did you do today for yourself?
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: And like that's who thinks like that?
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: Have you always been that way? Well?
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: I learned to meditate at quite a young age from
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: my mom. My mother. My father left, walked out at
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: some point my mother ended up living in an ashram.
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: I mean, this is just backstory that's so weird. Only
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: the seventies could bring cap like this. He's like, she's
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: been taken by the moonies. I want out of this relationship.
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: But they never got divorced and they were together up
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: until my father passed and they are still together.
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: But I mean I have to say, like, yeah, I
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: wanted to see where my life brother was living. My
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: father insisted on it, and it was a shrump with
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: a guru and all this stuff, alp atlanox Massachusetts, and uh,
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: by default, I learned how to meditate up there, and
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: I was like doing all these Cundellini moves and yoga
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: and stuff, and I go, man, this is itself. I
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: was taking some deep breaths and I feel like a regulation.
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: What does that think? Go, that's your vagus nerve and
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: like you're resetting your nervous system. I'm like, oh whatever,
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: and then you go eat the vegan food and it
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: just everything just just kind of started falling into place.
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: But it's just one lesson after the next after the next.
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: Yes, I don't think we ever finished learning self care.
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: I mean, I think there's people that are better at
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: it than others. Meditation I agree with, I believe in.
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: I don't really quite get how it works, but I
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: know that when I when I'm consistent, I feel like
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: I'm walking through life in a protective bubble and everything
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: is nice and steady. Amen, even when something like unsettles me.
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I don't indulge in the stimulants that much.
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: Like coffee, for instance, is really very rarely, although I've
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: been up since five so today there was a little bit.
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: But I mean because that also touches on, you know,
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: an anxiety for me, or pushes buttons and you know,
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: you just everybody's system is so delicate and made up
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: so differently it is.
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: And I do think that we have to pay attention,
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: don't you think to the chain changes of our center
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: nervus system. It changes.
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: My body was so different in my forties because I
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: had already done so much fertility. I did everything, and
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: by the time I hit forty, when my children were
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: born thirty nine forty, I was like I had a
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: layer on me that I couldn't get rid of, Like
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: that whole what we're all learning now, you know about
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: you know, gpl one and GP and just why are
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: sugars changed? Why everything? You know? So I started learning
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: more about hormone replacement therapy and just anything I could
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: and still to this day how I can replace and
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: you know, recharge and rejuvenate because my job is to
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: sit here and be of service to women of you
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: and you and you and you, and to really be
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: the voice of you know, those that are still trying
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: to make a difference. And really it's a sacred place
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: and balance for me, and I really resonate for that.
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: I'm grateful that I can still be here to.
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: Do that, and it shows, it shows when you're here.
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: I sent you a note the first time I saw
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: you here in my you know, not my college life,
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: but here in la and I sent you a note
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: just telling you how beautiful you are on stage, not
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: just physically, but that you bring so much love to
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: your art, and you bring so much love to sharing it.
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: It's clear that after all of these years of this work,
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: you have never severed that tether from what it means
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: to you that you're not it's grown. Oh I love that. Oh,
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: it's grown love hearing that you know when you're.
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: Really young, which I'm grateful I broke at a very
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: young age. You're tied up in the fame. Like there's
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: this things this, this is this locomotion and it's a
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: train and it's a subway train and it's going and
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: you're on the express line. There's no stops, and nobody's
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: listened to the sexual harassment. There's nothing like that. This
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: is the eighties, ladies. Like eighties. I was in high school.
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: I'm sorry, I was in high school through the eighties.
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: Like I went and had a career because I mean
• 17:55
  Speaker 2: I was a very determined kid and knew what I wanted,
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: which is also a blessing of itself. Yeah, So the
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: gratitude that I have to be able to sit here
• 18:05
  Speaker 2: today and watch how it's grown. The sacred knowledge of
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: knowing that my voice is my instrument truly and it's
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: also in service now and it's a it's that's what
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: you get and I now can receive from my audience,
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: where before it was just like you just give out
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: to you lay down and like a lot of artists,
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: you see, they're just completely worn out. They don't know
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: how to recharge their bubble that you know, reach out
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: the vaz. You know, it's very important this well.
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: I love that you bring up the vegas nerve too,
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: and how of recentering that just through things like breathwork,
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: meditation and whatnot. Because I went to a thing the
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: other day where they were like, they gave me like
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: an electronic and they said, here, you pinch it under
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: your ear and you do this vibrating thing and it
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: resets your vegas nerve. And I was like, okay, I
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: can do that, but I can also I should also
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: meditate because I know that what it does for the
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: cells on a cellular level, right, And the fact that
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: you know, I see you, you're beautiful and as youthful
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: as ever, Thank you listen. I made them work on
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: these lights until I'm like, you, guys, please do not
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: age me, give me some lights. But I think that
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: it comes from with them. That's what I'd love to
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: hone in on you, with you, because it's clear to
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: me when you're on stage and when you're sitting here
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: that it's clearly coming from within. And I think that
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: over time, as women, as hard as we work, as
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: career driven as we are, as as much caretakers. And
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: we're in this chapter where we're taking care of our
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: aging parents and our children that are still at home.
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: Chapter.
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: It's a big chapter of continuing to tap into within
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: and what do we do with that?
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: And well, I mean, I just lost a parent, which
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: is you know, I've had friends for many is who
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: had My father left at ninety four, like every days,
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: you know, I'm in gratitude about it. So it's my
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: job as his dutiful daughter, it was my job. I
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: felt a large responsibility for my father's passage and how
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: it was handled.
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: He felt responsibility for his post.
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, meaning not in a bad way or good way.
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: I felt like my mother had been his partner for
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: seventy sixty eight years, but they had but ninety year
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: old woman like this was something physical that I needed
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: to physically be there, mentally emotionally responsibly and everything and
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: walk this through and have the right people in care
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: and like, I felt hugely because this was the love
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: of my life. Mister, my father was the love of
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: my life. And sometimes it wasn't very pretty. It was brutal,
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: you know, but that's what I sit in. I think
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: you see a bit pretty like, But boy did I
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: have to do a lot of therapy to work on
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: myself during his transition.
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: What about in this in this discussion about choosing you,
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: choosing you in love and finding love and you didn't
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: have a traditional career that would give you the kind
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: of time and hours to have it.
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: But obviously so true and so not true. I believe,
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: I believe and know that my childhood had so much.
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: My parents were so codependent and so enabling and so
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: fucking fucked up. Be honest that I had a plan
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: since I'm four, I'm like, oh, man, looks better to
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: be on that rolling stone cover even if it was
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: that or who's that coming through this Ceevie wonder? Oh
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: he's he's he's blind and he's living a better life
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: than me. I'm gonna get on that radio, whatever it takes,
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna get on that radio, sell a lot of
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: records and make money and get the hell out of
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: Long Island. That was my jam, you know. Or I'm
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: gonna play hoop as hard as I can or hit
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: the ball or whatever it was. But I had a plan.
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: My plan was way in place. But my parents, oh no,
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: every mistake possible. They grew up with the do you
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: understand you have children, You're supposed to grow them up,
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: not you at our expense, you know. So I've always
• 22:15
  Speaker 2: been in that position, of that role of feeling like
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: I am hyper vigilant on taking care of myself. The
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: good bread and the ugly comes with that.
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: So yeah, but you chose, you made the beautiful decision
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: of getting what you wanted in life and what you
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: needed in life, and you wanted a family, and you
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: have a family.
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah, not traditionally and not what a family looks like.
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: And you know, I hired a surrogate once I found
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: out I didn't have to adopt children, because I didn't
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: even think I could carry it. If anybody knows my history,
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: I'm kind of cut from here to hear. No guarantee
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: that I could carry. But so it was a real
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: blessing because that's when I was like yan and it
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: was really before it was really really known. It was
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: only legal I think in California at the time time,
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: because my kids are twenty four. I was on a
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: waiting list for a year and a half. So this
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: was twenty five years ago.
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: You were on a waiting list. First surrogate, so you
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: know how you mentioned that hospice people are angels. Surrogate
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: our angels, and you found one that you connected with,
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: resonated with.
• 23:16
  Speaker 2: No I went through an agency. By then, I had
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: enough gay friends that had probably bought the egg and
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: the womb and that's a wrong way to glue it,
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: you know, and had enough problems. I'm like you, you
• 23:31
  Speaker 2: take something of your own and put it in a
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: rental space, and you love who you're doing it with,
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: but at the same time, there's no relationship there, gotcha.
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: It's really more science. And it was just I was
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: ever grateful that it was there, and I went for one,
• 23:45
  Speaker 2: like I said, and then there were twos. Well this
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: was twenty five years ago.
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: But this is what I loved about what you decided
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: for you that maybe a more common decision that we
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: see today. And you went on to speak about it.
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: I read that you go when you have done ted
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: talks and stuff, empowering the woman to make those decisions.
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I want my friends to know. And I told them,
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: I said, guys, this isn't for everybody, Like we all
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: know that here's Levi, here's Astaria. All this is not
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: but nothing was ever so meant to be than my kids.
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: But I have to say to you, during nine to eleven,
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: I found out that I wasn't having two boys. During
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: nine to eleven. Those three days after nine to eleven,
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: I had just come off Broadway. I was letting the
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: woman out here was pregnant not and I was in
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: New York City, just left the number one show on
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: Broadway and was just thinking. I was packing up my
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: apartment and coming back to LA while she was, you know,
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: to have the delivery three months later and they go,
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: you're having You're not. There's a two it's not two boys,
• 24:44
  Speaker 2: it's a girl and a boy. So the miracles landing
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: on me, like I said, I saw two penises, like
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: you know, we get the Holy Grail. I flew in twice.
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: I came in on a dark day from Broadway, you know,
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: on Monday, and they're like, no, bitch, here you go.
• 24:59
  Speaker 2: And I was like, how is this? These are the dreams,
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: my dreams, you know, the things you always you always
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: dream of and wanted. But the relationship shifted. It's just
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: the relationship, that one relationship, the one I've had multiple
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: the ones, if you will, and not multiple in a
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: bad way, but I've had I've been deeply in love.
• 25:21
  Speaker 2: I would say four to five times.
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: All right, just goes to show women that you don't
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: have one real love in your life, you can have many.
• 25:30
  Speaker 2: That hasn't been my experience, but that doesn't mean anything.
• 25:33
  Speaker 2: I also have him put in the time and work
• 25:36
  Speaker 2: or whatever to give up my career or to back
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: seat for somebody else's career. Although there were times like
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: at forty where I totally would have because my children
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: were eight and this was a guy I would totally
• 25:45
  Speaker 2: backseat it for. But he wouldn't. Okay when we get married,
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: like I felt like I was at clock. When we
• 25:52
  Speaker 2: get married, you know, it was just a nag after
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: it was just stupid and I go, I'm not that girl,
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: so stop, Like what do you have to do?
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: Go back to.
• 26:02
  Speaker 2: Go back to therapy to figure out how you're going
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: to get through this love loss. Yeah, many times I've
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: been that girl. Usually for every decade, you find yourself
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: intensely involved in something to help you navigate through it.
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: That's what I found.
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: What's your impetus for this decade?
• 26:20
  Speaker 2: Health and wellness? Okay, And my relationship is easy breezy
• 26:23
  Speaker 2: right now, meaning I am in relationship. I did swipe
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: left or right or whatever the hell you.
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: Want to start dating app. Okay, I needed to come.
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: I'm doing it before anybody was doing it. I would
• 26:32
  Speaker 2: be like, go on match dot com. I mean it
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: was the easiest thing. I couldn't even imagine. Everybody's like,
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: how are you dating? What are you doing? I'm like, well,
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: you guys think if you just sit here and wait
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: at a bar like.
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: I gotta tell you two things. First of all, one
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: of my oh shit is this midlife moments was the
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: week before I turned fifty. I woke up one morning
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: and opened my emails and I had two emails, one
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: from the AARP and the other one from Silver Singles.
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: From Silver fucking Singles.
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: I'm like, first of all, who told you and heard
• 27:04
  Speaker 2: of it?
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: It's it's a dating apping.
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: So I'd offended. I was offended.
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: First of all, did I say that I was single?
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: I didn't tell you I was single.
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: I was on no dating app.
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: Somebody put you in some they must have, and so
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, maybe they're considering fifty a silver person.
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: And I look, I'm like, everybody looks like my parents.
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: Everybody on here looks like my parents. Why am I
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: on this group? But I've been tell you, I.
• 27:24
  Speaker 2: Learned, girl. I I've been looking at photos for my
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: entire life and taking them. So you got to learn,
• 27:28
  Speaker 2: first of all, never go one picture, two picture. You
• 27:31
  Speaker 2: have to make sure they have five.
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: It was a whole regular No.
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: Wait, we need to touch on that first. Well, let
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: me just bring this up first really quick. So I
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: went on my first dating app ever, and the guy
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: that I met is the man that i'm with now.
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: And he told me at.
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: One point that he saw you on the day possibly.
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: But I never said I was tailored. I never I
• 27:48
  Speaker 2: never give up pool.
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: He didn't say you were, but he was just like
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: that looks his eyes were and he could.
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: Not bring himself to reaching out.
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: He said you, I'm like was she beautiful? Like, of
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: course she was beautiful. So I was like, well, okay,
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: we need to confirm that that was actually here. But anyway, I.
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: Just that might have been about four if it was recently,
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: that could have only been about four years.
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: It was like about five years, four or five years ago.
• 28:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, So so Mike, I've been with the guy I
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: I yeah, listen, anytime soon, I'd be having a.
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: War with him. Four years too, Yeah, I'm for four years.
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: So if it was any time recently, like he and
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: not gonna have to talk, Yeah no, but he It
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: was just so beautiful to me because I think that
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: women go through there at this age when they want
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: to find love again. We're not sitting at a bar
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: and waiting for someone to just come up like hey girl,
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: and we we what are these datings appenents? And we're
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: gonna meet weirdos? Okay, So you started to give advice
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: on how to put yourself up on a dating app.
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: I lost a bet from a girl with a girlfriend
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: and she said, if you lose, you got to go on,
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: and I started.
• 28:46
  Speaker 2: So, you guys were so many of my I will
• 28:49
  Speaker 2: never a lot of a lot of my girlfriends out
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: of New York. Actually have uh have been encountering dating
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: you know, coaches or people that are going back to
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: you know, meeting people through through actually dating services.
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: And I can't imagine. Like I reached out to one
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: friend of mine who's are children, I'm in the dating
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: coach thing. I'm like, oh great, all.
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: Like Patti Sanger. But I mean this time, this.
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: Thing costs twenty five grand. I'm like, I'm the no. Well,
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: there you go a month for the dating app, there
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: you go.
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: My point is that you have to learn, Like my
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: girlfriend's so like, I'm only dating professional. I go, then
• 29:25
  Speaker 2: what are we doing in this loser place? You want
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: only dated professional? Then what are we doing over here
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: having like I'd rather be with my girl? You know,
• 29:32
  Speaker 2: you have to know who you are. So if you
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: are just like I have girlfriends that haven't dated in years,
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: I have other ones that are doing it all the
• 29:39
  Speaker 2: time or married and you know whatever, whatever I mean,
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: think about it years and years and years the same guy.
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: Or I've been the third wheel, the fifth wheel, the
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: eighth wheel, you name it, for a million events. And
• 29:52
  Speaker 2: that's where you just have to check and balance with yourself.
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: But I did a lot of swiping.
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: That's important though, knowing who you are and what you
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: and I was there when I went on. I was like,
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: you know what, let me just decide, I'll find you.
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: And I kept just figuring swiping. But what it did,
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: I will say and tell me if you felt the
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: same way. When I finally did go on the dating app,
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: there were men reaching out and they may not have
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: been my type, but they were perfectly viable gentlemen, and
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: I thought that made me feel good. I hadn't been
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: in the dating scene in years, and when I said,
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: I was like, you know what, these are very nice
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: looking gentlemen. They do good things whatever. Not my type,
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: but at least I know, like, Okay, maybe there is
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: something that's another clue you're learning.
• 30:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but yeah, how many unless you organically sit someplace
• 30:38
  Speaker 2: or meet somebody organically, which hello, that happens to me
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: sometimes sometimes, But that's that rare ware chemistry and glittering
• 30:47
  Speaker 2: fabulouses and lights and shining I mean, god, I had
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: that every other week when I was like fifteen to
• 30:52
  Speaker 2: eighteen twenty seven. Is like I just lived with everybody. Oh,
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: let's live together. We all just lived together. I'm like,
• 30:57
  Speaker 2: there was no option to live at home. See, these
• 30:59
  Speaker 2: kids are messed up because they don't just want to
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: live with me. I like, I put my kids in
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: their own apartment.
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: Here you go.
• 31:05
  Speaker 2: You're gonna learn what paying rent and give you nine
• 31:07
  Speaker 2: months of rent and pay and then you guys are
• 31:09
  Speaker 2: gonna learn what having an apartment is. Get out.
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: You know what I told my daughter, I sent my
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: son and daughter. I said, you get one year of
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: college and if your grades or if your your dedication
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: and focus does improve it, then you can quit college.
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: You can find a job, you can pay rent if
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: you have to live at home, but I'm not giving
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: you my retirement to do years of bullshit and smart mom,
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: both of them were focused, but I just wart woman.
• 31:33
  Speaker 2: It's a smart woman heads up. Well, there's a lot
• 31:35
  Speaker 2: of dire situations now. They just won't leave the nest.
• 31:38
  Speaker 2: And it's not just about a nest. It's about independence,
• 31:41
  Speaker 2: about learning to be independent, responsible, And that's a big
• 31:45
  Speaker 2: part of my culture of how it is raised.
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: What was it? What do you think has been the
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: best gift that you have from your life and from
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: your childhood and what you got from the love of
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: your life, your father and your mother's exploration of meditation
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: and self centeredness. What is the best gift that you
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: think that you've given your children today?
• 32:13
  Speaker 2: Ooh, there's a tenacity. There's also a no bullshit. And
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: what my daughter tells me now, because my daughter had
• 32:25
  Speaker 2: to go through rehab and that was a very recent thing,
• 32:28
  Speaker 2: and I said to her, I promised her. I said,
• 32:33
  Speaker 2: I promise you. What it's going to take if you
• 32:37
  Speaker 2: kick this can down the road and you don't deal
• 32:39
  Speaker 2: with this now of six months of pain, of six
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: months of internal work will turn into two years of
• 32:47
  Speaker 2: internal work. It's just I promise you. You'll be blame
• 32:50
  Speaker 2: me for month one and month two. By the end
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: of that you're like, so sick of blaming me. You
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: go inside yourself. Then you get two months of that.
• 32:57
  Speaker 2: You'll be done with yourself in six months, you'll be
• 32:59
  Speaker 2: so tired of this shit. And sure is shit. She
• 33:01
  Speaker 2: sure was. She was just like, wow, So I know
• 33:07
  Speaker 2: one of my I guess the word is I know
• 33:10
  Speaker 2: that I walk the walk and they see that. So
• 33:14
  Speaker 2: my son, if he knows he's doing things that I'm
• 33:18
  Speaker 2: not cool with, it doesn't mean I'm like you're you're out,
• 33:21
  Speaker 2: Like you know, I don't put no Italian hex on.
• 33:23
  Speaker 2: I'm in a Jewish hex or anything. I'm everything, part
• 33:26
  Speaker 2: of everything. I just go. You know, he knows that
• 33:30
  Speaker 2: there can't be much happiness in me if he's living
• 33:33
  Speaker 2: a lifestyle and do he's making choices that you know,
• 33:36
  Speaker 2: and that is sad. But it's also the reality that
• 33:39
  Speaker 2: you can't control those outcomes. And that's a hard thing
• 33:43
  Speaker 2: as a mom to really really really eat that. Even
• 33:47
  Speaker 2: with my daughter, I was like, it's painful to watch.
• 33:51
  Speaker 2: You can only be a mother so many times for
• 33:53
  Speaker 2: your children when they fall and how they fall. And
• 33:58
  Speaker 2: I came there, I said, let me be your mother,
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: not your best friend again, let me be your mother.
• 34:04
  Speaker 2: And so if you get through these six months, you're
• 34:05
  Speaker 2: a brave girl. I say that to anybody she chose
• 34:09
  Speaker 2: because she could have walked out of any any center,
• 34:11
  Speaker 2: anything on her own. So bravery is a big part
• 34:14
  Speaker 2: of it. And that's all about. Any time you're doing,
• 34:18
  Speaker 2: you know, therapeutic work on yourself, Yeah.
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: You're splitting the hair, though you're splitning the hair so
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: beautifully and letting them see and experience what help and
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: support looks and feels like, but also not enabling them
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: you're giving them that clarity of or explaining to them
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: the clarity of why they need to choose themselves. Why
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: I say to my daughter all the time.
• 34:38
  Speaker 2: I'm so graves you and I think I tried. I
• 34:41
  Speaker 2: did my best. I mean, I know, I know they're
• 34:42
  Speaker 2: gonna blame me. I know there's a million things, but
• 34:45
  Speaker 2: they even they even stop saying, you know, eh, it's
• 34:48
  Speaker 2: so boring to keep talking about. And then because they
• 34:51
  Speaker 2: know I'd help them go through anything they needed to
• 34:53
  Speaker 2: do if they asked, and if they really were going
• 34:56
  Speaker 2: through it. Like even my son, I say to them
• 34:58
  Speaker 2: any time ago, just flip the switch. You know where
• 35:01
  Speaker 2: I am. But I'm not not my job anymore, and
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: I can't. You know, even when you were of that
• 35:07
  Speaker 2: age where I could have flipped the switch, I wonder
• 35:10
  Speaker 2: if I really would have. I mean I I was
• 35:12
  Speaker 2: pretty I was a New York mom. It was tough,
• 35:16
  Speaker 2: but I also was very much on the road.
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: So when you let me ask you personal question, when
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: you are in those places of fear, yeah, what do
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: you do knowing that you can't control?
• 35:30
  Speaker 2: What do you do for I take boose bar, I
• 35:32
  Speaker 2: take prozac. You either know my daughter I went right
• 35:41
  Speaker 2: into a recovery program that would be alongside her program,
• 35:46
  Speaker 2: so I could understand what work you know, have addiction is.
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: Yes, I get it.
• 35:53
  Speaker 2: I had to do it. Yeah, it wasn't pretty, and
• 35:56
  Speaker 2: it wasn't pretty being around her or just hearing things.
• 36:00
  Speaker 2: But I mean, man, most kids walked in with two parents,
• 36:04
  Speaker 2: and I went in there as one parent. And the
• 36:06
  Speaker 2: men were so unbelievable to talk to. After moments where
• 36:11
  Speaker 2: they separated us, they said, this is what this job
• 36:14
  Speaker 2: is for the father of the fact, you know, the
• 36:16
  Speaker 2: proet or the protective of it, and this is the
• 36:18
  Speaker 2: job of Like it was so wild, and it really
• 36:23
  Speaker 2: got me through a lot of the horror of it
• 36:25
  Speaker 2: because a man's mercy and compassion when I really was
• 36:30
  Speaker 2: pushing on myself so hard about certain things that I
• 36:33
  Speaker 2: just didn't naturally provide. You know, we think about that
• 36:37
  Speaker 2: as a single mom, you know, yes, I really do. Yeah,
• 36:41
  Speaker 2: everything's not enough. Your children can always have more of anything,
• 36:44
  Speaker 2: and that's usually time, you know, mostly I think it's time.
• 36:50
  Speaker 2: It's time spent with them doing things that you love
• 36:55
  Speaker 2: to do. So my children were always around what I
• 36:57
  Speaker 2: love to do, whether they chose to love what I
• 36:59
  Speaker 2: do is something else. They were like everybody else was
• 37:02
  Speaker 2: like even arise because ma, get out of the risk
• 37:05
  Speaker 2: I saw that yesterday, or get out like like they
• 37:08
  Speaker 2: play in my in my award room. I'm like, get
• 37:11
  Speaker 2: the don't hit the glass.
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: Like the gold out platinum house, like the get out
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: of the entire backyard.
• 37:17
  Speaker 2: They don't even care. Oh no, no, no way, my
• 37:20
  Speaker 2: guest house. They were like whatever, okay, whatever. At least
• 37:25
  Speaker 2: it wasn't that my my kind of fame was in
• 37:27
  Speaker 2: a circle like crazy craziness. My daughter dated a very
• 37:30
  Speaker 2: famous a very daughter of a very famous person, and
• 37:35
  Speaker 2: we live in LA and boy, oh boy, it came
• 37:39
  Speaker 2: with challenges. Yeah, just to even be the mom to
• 37:41
  Speaker 2: help them navigate that that's first love. I was like, bitch,
• 37:45
  Speaker 2: you couldn't even like fix fix like get Tommy baseball
• 37:47
  Speaker 2: hat or something like the star the track team Star,
• 37:50
  Speaker 2: Like we gotta go this route. Okay, Yeah, I know
• 37:54
  Speaker 2: what my last name is. Yeah, thank you so much.
• 37:56
  Speaker 2: Yes I know what his is too.
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: Thank you. You bring up something though. I do feel
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: that I think parents in general, mothers all the time,
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: single mothers constantly where we think we question whether or
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: not I have my son is twenty four, almost twenty five,
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: and my daughter's twenty one, and I've had middle of
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: the night wake ups where my mind is spinning and
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: I'm thought, have I given my son enough?
• 38:19
  Speaker 2: Not? Yeah?
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: I was both the mother and the father for the
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: majority of their lives growing up, and I remember teaching
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: him how to the first time he needed to wear
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: a tie to school. I'm like, I don't know. I'm
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: one of three daughters. I'm like, we googled that shit.
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: We're like watching YouTube and I'm like, hey, you got
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: what do you want?
• 38:36
  Speaker 2: Like, well, where's your brother? Why didn't your brother help us?
• 38:39
  Speaker 2: Like they I never brother.
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: He has a sister, So it was that. And at
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: some point he learned how to shave because there was
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: shaving equipment in the bathroom. I'm like, he must have
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: googled that shit too, and now Amazon the sun. But
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: I was like, have I given him enough? And you know,
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: one day he said to me in the last few
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: years because everyone and Someone'm like, justin, have I given me?
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: And He's like, Mom, I got everything I needed from you.
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: And he is a resilient young man doing his adult life.
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: But you said, there's always what did you say? I
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: love this quote. There's always room to have given them more,
• 39:11
  Speaker 1: like we can have always given them more.
• 39:12
  Speaker 2: We're always going to do that.
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: We're always going to think.
• 39:14
  Speaker 2: That, just like my parents probably thought that. But my
• 39:17
  Speaker 2: mother is just you know, in whatever space she's in,
• 39:22
  Speaker 2: they're just much more. What I find is that we
• 39:25
  Speaker 2: are just so much more uh embedded in us is
• 39:29
  Speaker 2: to pick ourselves apart. We are real dissectors of our
• 39:33
  Speaker 2: own shame and dissectors of really bringing out our own
• 39:36
  Speaker 2: self disappointment a lot as opposed to champiing ourselves. More
• 39:40
  Speaker 2: negative dialogue goes in, then positive dialogue goes in, And
• 39:44
  Speaker 2: that's just the nature of us wanting to be good
• 39:47
  Speaker 2: and be loved and be you know, be the good
• 39:50
  Speaker 2: girl beloved.
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: Is it also that you do for yourself to champion
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: when you hear that stinking thinking or that little voice
• 39:58
  Speaker 1: in there, that's that's.
• 39:59
  Speaker 2: Such I was at the early stages. I used to
• 40:01
  Speaker 2: have a rubber band. Rubber bands really are helpful. Something
• 40:05
  Speaker 2: to snap and you stop it and you and you know,
• 40:09
  Speaker 2: Louise Hay is one of the greatest self help you
• 40:11
  Speaker 2: know people. If you even started with her affirmations were
• 40:15
  Speaker 2: really the ground but you know, building blocks for my
• 40:17
  Speaker 2: even learning and aug Mandino, these books and these writers
• 40:23
  Speaker 2: were you know, the artist's way. It's all repetition. Really
• 40:30
  Speaker 2: putting yourself, you know, writing your pages before you even
• 40:34
  Speaker 2: get out of bed, making yourself have this time for
• 40:36
  Speaker 2: yourself before you jump into the day. It stops you
• 40:39
  Speaker 2: from igniting and stressing. And that's that's that pause, as
• 40:46
  Speaker 2: Oprah would call it, is essential. She calls it gratitude.
• 40:51
  Speaker 2: She takes the pause. I call it. Okay, What am
• 40:54
  Speaker 2: I to do with these ten minutes?
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: Breed all?
• 41:00
  Speaker 2: Oh, you know all the tools I have? Now, you know,
• 41:02
  Speaker 2: put the my pulsetto that I put on my vegas nerve,
• 41:06
  Speaker 2: make sure it's set. That's at night.
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: I mean, you do so many good things though you.
• 41:12
  Speaker 2: Just get your tool, just keep going. It keeps going,
• 41:14
  Speaker 2: it never stops.
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: This is why I saw you on stage and saw
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: and thought to myself, she glows from the inside because
• 41:22
  Speaker 1: of that work that you do consistently for you and
• 41:25
  Speaker 1: you don't you clearly don't look at it as I
• 41:28
  Speaker 1: just need to do this and I'm done. It's ongoing.
• 41:30
  Speaker 2: It's on all that that that that's checked out. That's
• 41:33
  Speaker 2: not true. No, it's not. You do it and you're done.
• 41:36
  Speaker 2: That's clear not to.
• 41:39
  Speaker 1: No, especially as long as we're most used to well given.
• 41:43
  Speaker 2: Out of my kids, you know, like my kids are like,
• 41:45
  Speaker 2: I'm like, well, I you know, I can't treat them
• 41:49
  Speaker 2: like you treated them at fourteen or eighteen or night.
• 41:52
  Speaker 2: You know. That's my job to work on myself.
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you know.
• 41:55
  Speaker 2: And then I also can be honest with them too.
• 41:59
  Speaker 1: That's the part when they're adults too, and you can
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: tell them you're adult, you know.
• 42:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, But I'm always here for you. And you know
• 42:07
  Speaker 2: that made my son. I just said, you know, this
• 42:09
  Speaker 2: is your family. There was a death, there was this,
• 42:12
  Speaker 2: and I am asking you to man up for me
• 42:14
  Speaker 2: to stay someplace like I asked something very big of him,
• 42:16
  Speaker 2: and he couldn't do it. And there was a level
• 42:19
  Speaker 2: of that mixture again of disappointment shame because he's conflicted
• 42:25
  Speaker 2: on another thing with the relationship he's in and where
• 42:27
  Speaker 2: he's supposed to be. And there's no conflict for me
• 42:30
  Speaker 2: of where I'm supposed to be.
• 42:32
  Speaker 1: Does that make sense, Yes, it does.
• 42:34
  Speaker 2: So he's challenged, he's having a challenging time in his life.
• 42:37
  Speaker 2: But I'm not challenged and where I'm supposed to be.
• 42:41
  Speaker 1: That is the key. You know who you are, you
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: know who you are to them, and if you stay
• 42:47
  Speaker 1: here in that consistent place, they know what to do.
• 42:51
  Speaker 2: They know it too.
• 42:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 42:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And it proved itself right to my point where
• 42:55
  Speaker 2: my son was like damn, I said, you can only
• 43:01
  Speaker 2: be here. And that's what I learned, even from this
• 43:05
  Speaker 2: last growth spurt with my father and passing, and I
• 43:09
  Speaker 2: was there, and that's everything being there, being present, Yeah,
• 43:15
  Speaker 2: And so that's what's being on stage to me now,
• 43:18
  Speaker 2: is being present that audience that night, that people, those people,
• 43:21
  Speaker 2: that moment doesn't get greater, it doesn't. It's higher than
• 43:25
  Speaker 2: a kite.
• 43:26
  Speaker 1: I believe it.
• 43:27
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean, you get higher than a
• 43:29
  Speaker 2: kite with them and they I go, this is what
• 43:31
  Speaker 2: it feels like, like you know surf jone, you know, Pitt.
• 43:35
  Speaker 2: I don't do that as much anymore, but I mean,
• 43:37
  Speaker 2: like I run out there, you know, I just go
• 43:39
  Speaker 2: out there.
• 43:40
  Speaker 1: I'm like you in those heels and you haven't not
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: go and you go.
• 43:45
  Speaker 2: This is what it feels like. It's a collectiveness that
• 43:47
  Speaker 2: we're raising the energy. We're raising it together like a guru,
• 43:50
  Speaker 2: like a chant like a chant, like a chance, and
• 43:52
  Speaker 2: we're raising the vibration in the room. And that's holy,
• 43:56
  Speaker 2: that's sacred. That's worth sitting here and telling you all
• 43:59
  Speaker 2: my secret.
• 44:00
  Speaker 1: But those are you know what? We got them a secrets,
• 44:03
  Speaker 1: but they are truth that we should we we could
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: all have. They're free, they're in our back free. It's
• 44:09
  Speaker 1: whether or not we like you said, it's brave, it's bravery.
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: We hold our feet over a fire because we want
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: to be good and we want.
• 44:17
  Speaker 2: To be there free. We're all little girls.
• 44:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm going to end this on something fun, okay,
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: because this has been so good, this has made my
• 44:26
  Speaker 1: heart so happy here, So this is our our little
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: How hard can it be? And I'm going to read
• 44:33
  Speaker 1: off a couple of topics and you're gonna tell me
• 44:35
  Speaker 1: how hard or easy can it be? By using one
• 44:38
  Speaker 1: of the titles of your songs, which I've picked out.
• 44:41
  Speaker 1: So I'll give you an example. Working out staying in shape,
• 44:44
  Speaker 1: is it unstoppable? Or don't rush me?
• 44:49
  Speaker 2: Don't rush me?
• 44:50
  Speaker 1: Really I would have.
• 44:52
  Speaker 2: I mean I always get to it, okay, but don't
• 44:54
  Speaker 2: fucking rush me. There ain't no trainer in the world.
• 44:57
  Speaker 2: And you could ask them they've just tried me at
• 44:58
  Speaker 2: five am and less life find up for the TV
• 45:00
  Speaker 2: series where I'm the most competitive person. If I'm on
• 45:03
  Speaker 2: a competitive series, if you just known it, I usually
• 45:06
  Speaker 2: come in the top four or three. Like I am leaving,
• 45:10
  Speaker 2: don't rush me, like, no, no, no, no no. I'll
• 45:12
  Speaker 2: go up on my trails and love it.
• 45:15
  Speaker 1: That's perfect, Okay. Letting go of a friendship that no
• 45:18
  Speaker 1: longer serves you, I'll wait.
• 45:20
  Speaker 2: Or upon the journey's end, huh, letting go of something
• 45:26
  Speaker 2: a friendship that's on the journey's end.
• 45:27
  Speaker 1: Upon the journey's end, Yeah, love it, love it. That's
• 45:31
  Speaker 1: where we need you.
• 45:31
  Speaker 2: But there is our I'll wait sure, No, like I
• 45:34
  Speaker 2: don't no judgment. I'm not gonna hammer it down. I
• 45:39
  Speaker 2: mean if I said something that might have offended you
• 45:41
  Speaker 2: or whatever, but all wait is like I'm willing to
• 45:46
  Speaker 2: talk about it.
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: That's a good woman being a good woman to other women.
• 45:49
  Speaker 2: Though. That's my jam though, love it. That's that I
• 45:51
  Speaker 2: got from my mom.
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: There's things there, okay, blind date, dance with a stranger,
• 45:58
  Speaker 1: or say a prayer.
• 46:04
  Speaker 2: That's changed over the decades. Now it used to be
• 46:07
  Speaker 2: say a prayer, like they're never gonna come out with anything,
• 46:14
  Speaker 2: but I'm so much more just roll with it, like
• 46:17
  Speaker 2: dance with a stranger? Whatever? Why not one song? Get
• 46:20
  Speaker 2: the hell out of that love that's it though, you
• 46:23
  Speaker 2: get one chance. Yeah, I did that Golden basharette and
• 46:26
  Speaker 2: that guy said we went on a date, and go, dude,
• 46:28
  Speaker 2: you're not here for me. I'm gonna get guest singer
• 46:30
  Speaker 2: like go talk to the woman like I remember that
• 46:32
  Speaker 2: so vividly, and I was like, I don't remember going
• 46:34
  Speaker 2: on a date with this guy. What are you doing
• 46:36
  Speaker 2: talking to me? Like? Don't cut off? It was very funny.
• 46:39
  Speaker 2: So again, dance with a lot of strangers.
• 46:41
  Speaker 1: Perfect all right? And midlife sex up all night or
• 46:44
  Speaker 1: Ain't no good? It might be too severe, slice of pizza,
• 46:49
  Speaker 1: midlife sex.
• 46:51
  Speaker 2: Oh, midlife sex up all night or Ain't no good?
• 46:55
  Speaker 2: Up all night? If you can get it? Did anybody
• 46:58
  Speaker 2: watch Vladimir's That last episode was worth the first seven.
• 47:03
  Speaker 2: That's it. That's it. But she everything she did it was,
• 47:07
  Speaker 2: it was fantastic.
• 47:08
  Speaker 1: That's where he's supposed to be. Yeah, absolutely, wells in
• 47:11
  Speaker 1: our prime of absolutely.
• 47:14
  Speaker 2: But I mean I could take it to leave it too.
• 47:15
  Speaker 2: I get it, I get it, but I'm not like
• 47:18
  Speaker 2: this so badly divorced in manner.
• 47:22
  Speaker 1: I love men, you know, I think sometimes it's either
• 47:25
  Speaker 1: it's what's happening to a woman in their body, but
• 47:27
  Speaker 1: you know, in their minds. But I know that when
• 47:29
  Speaker 1: I started dating again, I'm like, I don't want to
• 47:31
  Speaker 1: be naked. I'm afraid of getting naked. It's been too
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: many years. Take my braws off, my tits fall on
• 47:36
  Speaker 1: the floor, and I'm like going walling back up. But
• 47:38
  Speaker 1: you know what, when you find someone who loves you, yeah,
• 47:42
  Speaker 1: it picks up his tits for you and he puts
• 47:44
  Speaker 1: it back in it.
• 47:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, oh my god, yeah it's yeah.
• 47:49
  Speaker 1: Of course you are such a glowing, beautiful soul. And
• 47:52
  Speaker 1: I can't tell you the beautiful, so full circle moment
• 47:56
  Speaker 1: that this is for me to sit here. I watched
• 47:58
  Speaker 1: you on stage when I was at that Carvenu, saw
• 48:01
  Speaker 1: you at the nightclub, saw you a couple of years
• 48:03
  Speaker 1: ago on stage at here at at the Greek and
• 48:07
  Speaker 1: but to sit and have this very soulful, meaningful conversation
• 48:10
  Speaker 1: with you is such a gift to me. So thank
• 48:13
  Speaker 1: you for answering my DM and sharing this side of
• 48:20
  Speaker 1: yourself that we wouldn't all know, but you are clearly
• 48:24
  Speaker 1: so open to sharing.
• 48:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, thank you, Yeah.
• 48:28
  Speaker 1: Amen, thank you, thank you, thank you. Oh amazing? How
• 48:32
  Speaker 1: hard can it be? With the Anamide Ariva is a
• 48:35
  Speaker 1: hyphen Media group production and partnership with Iheart'smichael Pura podcast network.
• 48:39
  Speaker 1: For more of your favorite shows, visit the iHeartRadio app,
• 48:42
  Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts