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Episode 394: She Thinks We're Just Fishin' with Emerson Lowder · The Growth Project

• 0:00
  looking at you and seeing you fearfully and wonderfully made with all the gifts God has given you, and your passion and your perseverance and your grit and your wisdom and your creativity and your curiosity and your love and your joy. You have such a great sense of humor, and it's been such a great joy being your father.
• 0:22
  Hello, and welcome to the Ghost Project. This is doctor Milt. Louder. And if you're new to the podcast, you know this podcast exists as part of amplify, which is now powered by Elliot Davis. To really help you be better perceived better for the things in your life. And we hope to bring you content that is relevant.
• 0:39
  That is interesting, that encourages you,
• 0:42
  to be the best for the people that matter most to you and to be your best for the things that matter most to you. And so, in the spirit of tradition, a very special guest today, my baby girl, Oh, gosh. Yeah, we're we're dropping you off at college tomorrow.
• 1:01
  The nest is becoming empty. This is something we did with the older brother who just graduated from Clemson. Your sister is a junior.
• 1:07
  Emerson Lauter, is my guest. Our youngest girl, affectionately known as literally. Welcome to the show. Thank you for having me.
• 1:17
  Yeah. It's so, Man, it's hard to believe that this is where we are, in our stage of life and in the last week have just been flooded by memories of you.
• 1:28
  I don't know if you've that happened to you or not.
• 1:31
  you know, what this podcast is really about is this kind of reflecting back on some of those memories, some of those lessons along the way, some of the challenges you've experienced is, what advice would you give to young parents with young daughters today who are entering middle school or high school or even before then?
• 1:48
  What are some of those dreams for the future? And I think the hard question is, hey, as parents, what did we do that that went well and what did we do that didn't go well? You know, our all conversation around the dinner table was the best thing that happened. What's the worst thing that happened? What God teach you today.
• 2:03
  And maybe that's the way we'll frame that.
• 2:05
  you know, I had so many memories going through my mind this week of you and, you know, one that started out in my mind was when you busted out the rap, you know, gone in fifth grade.
• 2:16
  What were you running for of class president, your own free class president, and you put the blame. Go on. And can you rap that? You remember how it started? My name is Emerson. I'm really cool. My name is Emerson, a runner, and the school name is Emerson. I'm going to be your president. My name is Emerson. So let me represent.
• 2:32
  Oh, it was something you just. Roberts
• 2:35
  I remember, you know, on soccer was probably not your sport, but 3 or 4 years old at the Y where we didn't have a goalie. And as soon as the team would cross the other line, you would run to the goal, to not let the other team score.
• 2:49
  And then I think all of our two going to match ups over the years, that's what I was thinking up. Yeah. So what stood out to you? It was Jay and McKee against you and me. Well, it helps when you have the all time referee on your side.
• 3:01
  Just wiffle ball. I love with a ball. I feel like I never could hang with Mickey or Jay, but.
• 3:08
  Oh, yeah, you were. I give them a run for their money sometimes, basketball games. Those are always fun. I think we've ball is my favorite, though. Yeah, we had some. That ball was fun. I feel like you going against Mickey is always a challenge. Oh, you and Mickey coming your out on the. Well, I called Mickey Terry today, but you and Mickey would rock each other's world.
• 3:28
  I can still a Maury Rogers. Oh, yeah. Number three, Scott or Davis start with our Davis or Vic. Vic and then our Davis, and then Amari. The number three jersey. Willie corn, may start even with Willie corner way back when. When Jay when he was quarterback for J. What are some of the memories that stood out to you?
• 3:49
  I think those are all big ones. Any I mean, growing up going all those Clemson things, I feel like that was a highlight or childhood learning. Mickey, the first time I remember that was one that stood out to me is we one of the bunny slope like one time beaver. Great. Well, and then you think you just went around the curve and just were going over them and never, never hit the brakes?
• 4:09
  That was always so fun. I think, Lewis so, so is each one of our children have mentioned Lewis. What what is Lewis for our for our listeners, Louise would be when we were younger, all of us had a different name. I was a little cram and we all had our blankets and dad would be Lewis and he chases around and he try to go for our blanket.
• 4:32
  Mickey was Maria. Maria, what is your J was Sebastian Sebastian. And so it was born out of the Little Mermaid. For the scene where the sheriff chases around Sebastian the Crab. And I don't know why you play that game every night. Oh, yeah. That was so fun. Yeah, that was one of my favorite memories. And I think that's what sometimes parents, I would say, putting so much pressure on, creating the perfect experience, having the opportunity that it has to be scheduled, structured, extravagant, over-the-top.
• 5:03
  And I think one of the things you all three have mentioned on this podcast is Louise, and there were no rules. I don't know how the game ever ended is that maybe you guys had to go to bed? Probably, yeah.
• 5:15
  But at the Clemson, what was one of your favorite memories in Clemson? I mean, they were amazing experiences.
• 5:21
  I think going on the field. I remember being in that room watching Hunter Renfroe, the special, I mean, that's a highlight. And being I remember being so excited to find you on the field after running out there with McKee. I think honestly, just being Jay McKee to those whole experiences, I remember, you always want to be Maria Taylor.
• 5:43
  Oh, yeah. Meeting her was a highlight. Yeah, that was in Phoenix. And I remember she sent you a video and she said, hey, Emerson, this is Maria. You know, who are you, like, 9 or 10? And I'll never forget what she said. She said, hey, you don't have to worry about being me. You just got to be you.
• 6:02
  You got to be literally. And I thought that was a really neat moment. Kelly Bryant, Trevor Lawrence debate.
• 6:09
  You would get so mad at your guys at Augusta Circle because they want to. They want to, Trevor. And may only be KB was one of the nicest young men I've ever had towards me that Clemson football. And and if there's one thing you're loyal and you would come home from school, I don't know what grade you were in in third.
• 6:31
  You were so mad at the guys in your school because they wanted Trevor Lawrence to start. And they also thought that we didn't know anything. Oh yeah, that would make me so mad as girls, like, I loved football and no one think you good. No one thought you could hang with them. Oh yeah. Yeah. No I yeah, you were, you were my sports girl.
• 6:48
  The fine flamingos. That's, that I was going to say that
• 6:52
  What is the fight? Flamingos for our team. That's been our church ball team since I was in kindergarten. I think all this special memory. Having you as a coach is hard at times. I feel like I'd be the one to fight back the most.
• 7:09
  It was frustrating at moments because you were the hardest on me, but you always pushed me, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Like, I don't think I would have nearly enjoyed it as much if you weren't our coach. Well, one of the best texts I received from you I still got it was, we had the championship game this year and I had to fly to I mean, I flew out of Atlanta that night all night.
• 7:28
  And then I got this wonderful text from you about what that experience and what those moments. And, you know, my life is changing so much. But this will be a good 34 church basketball teams and and I'm I'm retired from the coaching. So so a glimpse into that I will come back to this. But as your coach, you said it was hard.
• 7:47
  What was what was hard about me as a coach? Well, I feel like I'd finish a game and you'd always be on me. Like our whole team would do something wrong, and I feel like I'd get a little bit of that, which I. You know what? How do we finish each game? What do we talk about? What was your biggest takeaway?
• 8:03
  What did you learn? Yeah, yeah. Where did you learn? And I learned a lot. I mean, I loved it. I wouldn't have it any other way. But being the coach's daughter, I felt like sometimes I'd get a little bit more of the intensity. Well, that is another I probably. I've never been accused of not having intensity. What if we probably shouldn't say this on the podcast?
• 8:22
  But one memory I was thinking about when I. Oh gosh, I know exactly what you're gonna say. Yeah. When I, when I got the double technical and and ejected from the gym, because like I always it was basketball season for you because you just had bruised knees. Your legs, I mean, you would get on the floor, scrappy.
• 8:40
  Your mom was telling the story when you were five, and, you were playing at First Press, and this little boy was kind of coming through in balls, everybody around and telling everybody what to do. And he's doing it. And you just you just took the ball from him, and and he started bawling, crying. But that specific game, we were just getting beat up, beat up, beat up and and my tone of voice was probably not great with the referees.
• 9:05
  And you went for a layup and just got killed and I got laid out. Oh yeah. And I and I'm yelling at the young ref and and he gave me a technical. He said, he said, one more word out of you. And I look over and you're back playing defense and you have blood. Oh yeah. And they're dripping down.
• 9:23
  And I'm like, can I go check on my daughter? And I'm sure I didn't say it that night. And next thing you know, I'm out the game. Walk of shame. I remember seeing you in the car talking. Our whole team is dying laughing because there's a small window and he's just walking right over all of us. They're like, there's a coach, man.
• 9:41
  Interesting times. Those are fun. What else? Anything else sticks out to you? Memories was birthday breakfast. Saturday is a special one. Yeah, that's been a highlight as well. So again, back to keeping it simple. And what I love about you, Jay and Mickey were Ham House forever was the different one. And from the moment you could talk, you wanted to do your own thing.
• 10:02
  You would do what? Waffle House, waffle House, and and so with the importance of birthday breakfast, and this is if there's one thing that I think Lewis was and one thing I think I've done well, the birthday breakfast has been the highlight to my year to talk to our listeners about that.
• 10:18
  There's something special, like just waking up on your birthday.
• 10:21
  I knew that that was the time I got with you. I was one day, like, carved out intentionally where he had a breakfast. Now, whenever you pull his iPad out, we'd go reflect on the past. And I love setting goals with you for the future. I felt like you did a good job of highlighting, like, okay, this is what you want do this year.
• 10:40
  This is how you grew this year, and then you really pushed me. How can this year you grow into more of the person that God created you to be? And I think it was just it made you feel special, like getting that time, because there never was a doubt on your birthday, if I woke up and I was like, oh yeah, I know birthday breakfast, it was like, okay, wake up, first thing I'm doing is birthday breakfast.
• 11:03
  Well, as long as I'm alive and it may have to be the day before, day after, and I got breath, I'll be there for a birthday breakfast. So third child, you know, May 30th, 2008. You got Jay. That's, you know, 4 or 5 years older, I guess. Mickey, what what was it like being the third? Because I was the third child forever.
• 11:23
  I was the baby forever until, Jim came along ten years later. What what what how would you describe that?
• 11:29
  It's an interesting dynamic. Being the third. I felt like Jim. Mickey. Mickey was always the tomboy. Like, she'll go hard. So she and Jay would, like, do their two perfect. And like, I just the only thing I wanted to do was play like, Barbies or play with my dolls.
• 11:49
  So a little bit was like, I'm in Mickey. This is typical Mickey. She'd make me bribe her if she'd want to do it. Be like Emerson, you have to do this if you want me to come play Barbies with you. But, I mean, I love being the third, especially the past two years. So the best two years you've been in home by yourself?
• 12:05
  It was. What does that mean? Like it's been an adjustment. It was hard at first because you go from having a full house. I think each year got harder, like starting with like Jay going to college. He was the only boy. And that was hard because it changed everything. But Mickey was my sister and like, you know, she's who I was closest with.
• 12:25
  So that was harder for me than Jay, I think. But then going from being just me, I mean, the first couple of months were challenging. But I started to love it. And, like, that's what I think it's going be so hard to leave is. I mean, it gets there's some kind of BS at home being able to watch TV, right.
• 12:44
  What you've kind of got your routine down, right? Yeah. I think just getting special time with you, mom, over the past two years has been really helpful. And like, I think all of our relationships together have grown. And so, I mean, I to be the best years for anything. Yeah. You've really grown, the last two years. And so if you think back, those those are great memories.
• 13:07
  They just go through my mind, your determination, you know, you get accused of being as much like me. Well, there's some good in that. There's some bad in that. There's some passion and fire. But you think about. Okay. What were some of the early lessons you learned, some of the contributors to your growth, who were some of those contributors to your growth?
• 13:28
  The lesson I think the lesson that is fundamental to our family is lawyers never quit. And I think you really taught me that. And you pushed me that from a young age. I feel like I didn't do a good job in our early games. I'd be the first on the clip. Yeah. You sure? Yeah. What if it did not go your way?
• 13:46
  Early tennis matches were were a struggle. They're brutal because he hit spin shots trying to beat me. And I wasn't eight trying to just go that I either had a left handed forehand or a sliced backhand. And you made me so mad. The goal was to win. Yeah, I wanted to win. I know what you win, but part of my job as a dad is to make sure that that you, my children, can do difficult things, that you can do tough things.
• 14:11
  And so part of that is, you know, we talk so much about self-esteem versus self efficacy and self esteem was important, but it doesn't really matter in the long run. Furthermore, it's not biblical. It's self-efficacy means I believe I have what it takes and so when those moments I mean, I look back at your running, I look back at your sports early on, it was about winning for you and you would get so you get so, I get so loud.
• 14:37
  Has never quit. Means what it means. Never give up. Like you told me. I was stronger than I think I could. Stronger than I thought I was. And like I'd be someone who it is easy for me to want to give up. But I mean, even in cross-country meets, you were the person I. I never won my race.
• 14:56
  I was really struggling. And I looked at you and I just started bawling, crying because I knew I couldn't. I didn't want to give up, but my my body had reached its limit. But I think just knowing that like and trusting in myself, believing in myself and pushing myself to do hard things. Yeah, I think cross-country was so much fun to watch where you had never been a cross-country family until you, Mickey, ran the first time.
• 15:20
  But, I remember both of your first races. Your first? You both PR at every race, and then your last race at state championship was an epitome of of your perseverance and your grit. You were hurt. You couldn't go, you thought I was going to kick you because I tried to run with you on the course for a brief moment, but I think that ladder's never quit.
• 15:43
  Doesn't mean you're going to accomplish what you set out to accomplish. It means you have to be proud of how you compete. Yeah. What about about other early, memories or contributors to your growth or who kind of helped help shape you? I think your mom have really helped. I mean, y'all have been great parents. I'm not just saying that, but I mean, you've taught me what hard work and determination looks like.
• 16:10
  You've taught me what it means. Like chase after your dreams, especially in alpine. Like to not set. No. It's like the lesson I've learned for me is, like to set no limits on what God can do through you. For you. Okay, so where does that come from?
• 16:22
  Ephesians 320, which says, what now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than you can ask or imagine? According to the power of Jesus Christ at work within you? And then for one is you have to prove yourself worthy of the calling you receive.
• 16:37
  Have a girl that next to your Bible that a girl. Yeah. And so. And beside that I have no limits, no regrets, and I love. So what does that mean to you? Not setting limits and means like me. Trusting in the Lord, knowing that like he's going to do what he wants with my life. And for me, I think it goes back to like surrendering to him and letting him work, because there's things I want to do in my life, but to not set any like limit to what he can do.
• 17:04
  Like to let my life, like let him work through me for his glory. This is going to be a tough question. So. So
• 17:10
  how do we tend to set limits on ourselves?
• 17:13
  To me, I have expectations. Yeah. And I think those expectations lead to limits like, oh, I can only do this. I can only I think a lot of it was like growing up comparing myself to Jim McKee. I needed to be just like them is what I always thought as the younger. So I think I put a limit on myself being trying so hard to be like them.
• 17:35
  Yeah, instead of being who you were created to be. And I think that's what's beautiful about three children. Same genetics, same family with different gifts. Because me gimmicky could not be more different. Yeah I guess no, no. And but I think there's expectations and then how we think about ourselves and even how we think about God. Okay, so who else would you say as you look back on your life of now, give mom a shout out?
• 17:59
  Yeah, I feel like mom's been an amazing role model as just the woman of the house. She's taught me. I think she's really helped my faith grow, and I've learned so much about God through her. And I mean, she's been. I hope to be the mother that she's been to me. Jim McKee. She's been very selfless, with her time, with her talents like she's stewarded, the gifts she's been given and.
• 18:24
  Well, and I think, she's just been an amazing role model. I think gamma has been another amazing role model for me. She's always been there for me through it all, and she's also someone who I've learned a lot about my faith through the way she lives. I feel like she's one of the most faithful people that I know.
• 18:42
  I think Jen. Jen is another one. She's always been there for me, and she's someone who I've learned what hard work and dedication looks like. I think also coming from you, too. I mean, she chased her dreams, and, I mean, look what she's done now.
• 18:57
  Yeah. And still is still working. Yeah. Which is crazy. Yeah. Still working, which is amazing to me. And then I hate McKee. I feel like that's an obvious one. I think she your sister? Yeah, she's. I mean, she's my role model. She's my best friend. I mean, she's I've learned a lot about life through her. I think she's the one who's taught me a lot.
• 19:21
  What about teachers? Coaches? You know, I think it's also been neat to see, to watch the little community at bar that you and McKee have been around and, and how those ladies have modeled for you and poured into you and invested in you. That's been neat to watch as a dad and the people you babysit for.
• 19:39
  What wonderful families, have cared so much and poured so much into into y'all. And I think that's such a blessing. As a father, you just pray that other people will come into your children's life, and be not only examples, but encouragers. Oh, yeah, the Barrington's are huge on the margins. They chestnuts that you care. You know, there's families up for so much into the lives of me and McKee.
• 20:03
  So that sugars. Let's talk a little bit about your about row. So so tell them about row. So row is a little boy babysit for who is blind and babysat him. He's the first family I really babysat for, and I babysat him starting in eighth grade. And I've kept him now until since I'm leaving for college. And I always he.
• 20:28
  When you started keeping him for maybe, I think four, I remember there I went over there with Mickey because he's a first a lot of times. Is McKee be the first one and then I'd sneak in and, I remember going over to their house and Mickey is pushing him on the swing, and that was the first time I really got to know him.
• 20:49
  And, I mean, he's been a huge blessing. In my life. He's he's amazing. Yeah. I think what I loved, you know, what's so been great about my career? When you think you're helping other people that are really helping you. Oh, yeah. And you think you're looking out for ro, but what he's told you and what you've learned through him, has been such a blessing in your life and a joy to watch as a dad.
• 21:15
  So. So what are some of the challenges, that you faced? I feel like a lot of the challenges I've faced come from the pressure I've placed on myself.
• 21:29
  Pressure of what? To be perfect. I, like we talked about, I give my all on everything I do, but I feel like that comes at a cost with some things.
• 21:41
  Just with school, with sports. Like, I give it my all. But I feel like sometimes it takes away the joy when I put too much pressure to perform a certain way. Yeah. You're. You know, I love watching you work. I mean, from a young age, you were committed. Whatever. You did it. You did it with all your heart.
• 21:59
  But there were some, you know, it now. It it paid off in terms of you never made a B, your AP exams were awesome. But but how are you trying to balance some of those expectations as you go into college? I think for this next chapter, like, I really want to find more joy and really work on enjoying like the little things and letting myself get involved in other things and not letting myself be dominated, like by the idea that I need to be perfect in my grades, that I need to.
• 22:30
  I mean, having all A's is great, but I feel like that consumed too much, like studying with thing. So I want to like, really care more about those relationships in my life. Especially like making new friends, because I think that that's always what people say, like, and all those things. It's like, what do you look back on and what's the most important thing?
• 22:46
  And it's like, because relationships are the things that will really fill you too. So I think getting more involved, finding those friendships and just really finding more joy in like taking the pressure off because like, I love to read. I love to do things like that. You love to learn. Yeah, yeah. And I love to run. But it's like, at what point, what cost does that come at when I start to put the pressure on.
• 23:09
  So helping just take the pressure off and dad's motto for me was good is good enough. So I think that's I said sometimes, sometimes. But yeah, yeah, all you got to do is be the best you can be. And hopefully that's good enough to accomplish your dreams and pursue your goals. So as you have, you face some of those perfectionist tendencies and the stress that comes from that, what have you leaned on or who have you leaned on to try to help help you deal with some of that and find more joy and find more peace?
• 23:40
  I mean, I think really I lean on God. I mean, I lean on people in my life, but I mean, he's the one who got me through the hardships, and he's the one who's helped me through it all. I mean, but in my life, I'd say you've helped me a lot. You give me a lot of perspective. You just love that.
• 24:00
  You you love that advice. No, I don't I if I don't want it, I don't put it here. But I mean, when I need it, I think you're very wise person who you and mom, I believe can come to you and you'll tell it to me straight, which sometimes is frustrating, but, I mean, y'all have really, especially this year.
• 24:17
  I think, like what you've said has started to stick with me until I think a lot of the times I ain't hear myself like I good is good enough for like a lot of your common sayings, I think Mickey's been a person to help me take the pressure off. She's really tried to teach me that.
• 24:35
  your brother does a pretty good job.
• 24:36
  He's good at it. And I think he's. He's helped me, too, because I see, like, the joy that he has. And he lives pretty, pretty free. Like, he doesn't have much stress. He lives with. He has it. Well, yeah, he hides it well. And so I think seeing how he hides it well and seeing how he lives with the fullness of life has been inspiring to me.
• 24:57
  What about so so what are some verses or things you lean on when times are tough? One of the things you wrote I thought was great in yourself a year you won the the award. I believe the Holistic guide to anxiety, mind, body, spirit. So what are some of the things you learned that helped you that may help our our parents help their children as well?
• 25:18
  I think the biggest thing that helped me with anxiety is perspective. I think bringing my self back to like, okay, who am I? What can I can't, what can I control, what can I control? Where does this like how is this, where are you going to play in the grand scheme of things? Well, you always talked about perspective and so I think I get that perspective.
• 25:40
  I think a lot from God knowing like okay, like there's a reason he's placing this in my life and like the worry of today, like it says, do not be anxious about tomorrow because tomorrow's enough troubles of its own, like today is what the Lord has given you. And so I think leaning on that verse has really helped me knowing that, like, okay, tomorrow's going to come with new troubles.
• 26:02
  But today, like the Lord is giving me what he thinks he gained, what I can get through today. And then it's like even when I'm like stressed about a test, I think reminding myself like that perspective would be like, it's not the end of the world. What's the worst thing that's going to happen? I think you've helped me see that, like going through like, what's the worst thing that's going to happen is that actually true or not?
• 26:23
  A lot of cognitive therapy there. Yeah, I saw I'm laughing because I'm remembering the story that you said, you're going to call your parents and tell them you failed the test. Oh, yeah. So so what happened there? Well, all my friends are talking. They're like, oh, my parents that I can't fail this. My parents like, can't do this.
• 26:39
  And whenever I get a bad grade I'll be like, oh, my parents can be so happy. They're going to say, oh, you've taken the pressure off. Not saying that like, y'all are happy when I fail, but saying like,
• 26:51
  failure? Like have success is pursuing a worthy goal. What's failure?
• 26:55
  Not pursuing it. Yeah. And so you have your mother and I ever been upset at when you gave your best effort and didn't live up to your expectations? Yeah. And so I think that's the peace thing. You call this one time or whatever when you, you set a bet in ninth grade, my by honors class, I remember I was like, oh, dad, if I fail this, if I got below or like a 70 or something, can I get like a pair of shoes you like, you're like, yeah or no.
• 27:26
  And I think I got like an 80 and I was like, dang it.
• 27:30
  so you talk about some, you know, stress and challenges you had to overcome. You know, you're still I mean, you just turned 18, but but thinking about an a middle school was hard. High school was difficult. What encouragement you can give to parents of young girls with some of the challenges and pressures they're facing.
• 27:50
  What what one what are some of those challenges and pressures young girls are facing, and what advice would you give to young girls or their parents? I think the challenge is I think everyone's trying to be loved, especially in middle school. You go from elementary school where it seems like you have all these great friends, and I mean, everything just feels lighthearted.
• 28:09
  And you go to middle school and I think the pressure to fit in, the pressure to like, fit the standards of the world, the pressure to just find friends and really have it figured out hits you hard. And I think it's a time of uncertainty for a lot of girls. I think the biggest advice for parents during that time is just to be there for your daughters to check on them, because, I mean that your daughter needs need someone to care for.
• 28:35
  And I think just a parent checking in always, like when your mom would do that for me, that always meant a lot. And like being able to know that I could come to y'all and open up when I was having a hard time because I knew that you are always there, but sometimes you just you don't want to go to anyone out to.
• 28:51
  I think. I mean, the moments when you talk to me, I think that mattered most. And that's what helped me, is it's a hard it's an isolating time. And I think it's so hard for parents to understand what you're going through and the lies that are percolating through your mind about whether you're you're pretty enough, whether you're attractive enough, whether you're loved enough, whether you whether you fit in.
• 29:15
  And I think as a child, you forget your parents went through that too. And so do they. Yeah. They forget what it felt like. So, I mean, honestly, whenever your mom would relate to me, I feel like, wow, that meant a lot. It's like, okay, I'm I'm don't feel like I'm the only one going through this because it does feel that way.
• 29:32
  Yeah. But when you look back, like so many people were like, oh yeah, middle school is awful. But like to me it just felt like I was the only one struggling. Yeah. I think that's a common theme. Is especially as girls, you think you're the only one struggling, but that's not true at all. So I think like parents, shedding light on that is something that can be really helpful.
• 29:53
  Yeah, I think that is so difficult when you feel like something's wrong with me.
• 29:58
  when we when we think through the lens, I get JH in the back of my mind right now, I think we need to talk about, that experience. That was probably one of the highlights. Yeah. That week with you out there.
• 30:12
  And so Jay Ranch is a camp based out of Birmingham, but in Northern California, you've been there 3 or 4 times, but we kicked it off with a sweet week. It was a father daughter week. And and what's in my mind was the trust. Well, we got that. Oh and and so I don't I don't want to spoil it.
• 30:32
  Anybody who may be taking their child there but you know, you've got directions and there's different stages to where you're, you're you're blindfolded and the first set of steps, you know, I got my hand on you and and I'm telling you what to do. And the second step is I'm just telling you. And the third step, I don't say a word.
• 30:57
  And the directions were at the beginning were, you can ask me anything. I'll never leave you or forsake you. You only listen to my voice. And there were 1 or 2 other ones, and it really represents the stages of us as a parent. Yeah. That, you know, early on we were caretakers, and then we become a cop, and then we become a coach, and then we become a consultant.
• 31:25
  And I think what hit me so hard is, you know, the person had you stick. And you just carry the stick. You know, you just sat there, you didn't, you know, you could ask me, you I can tell you anything. No. And you just got the stick and you just sat there. I mean, for like ten minutes I felt so bad.
• 31:48
  And I'm standing right, right here. And I'm like, Emerson just asked me about this stick. And I think the hardest part for me is a dad, one that represented to me, you needed me more than I thought because I always see you as so strong and independent. And the other piece, what you just mentioned, is the hardest thing for me as a dad is to watch you or Jay or Mickey or Caroline or anybody that I love be in pain and you can't take away the pain.
• 32:18
  And I think that stood out to me as one you need to me. And two is like, I'm I'm right here, but I can't say anything. And so when you think about we can talk about that experience overall, but when you think about like the role that you're walking into right now, like at Clemson, where I'm not seeing you every day or when I'm in town, how do we break through that?
• 32:43
  I think that's hard. And I think for me just to know that, like, you're still there and to do a better job of reaching out to you, not just when I need you, but each week, because it's going to be hard not having you and mom there. But yeah, now you're gonna make me cry. But, like, I know you're always there.
• 33:08
  I mean, I've never doubted that, but especially going into college, just kind of the same lessons through middle school. Like you're going to be there for me through it all that you like. You're relatable, like you all went through this college season. This season I'm about to go through, y'all went through on all the uncertainties that I've gone through.
• 33:28
  So it's like leaning on y'all more and not just asking for help when I need it, but like for asking for help. But I think going back to what you said about middle school and high school, sometimes if I don't, if I don't ask the questions or I don't understand or you don't have the confidence or freedom to come tell me anything, then it's a it's a two way street that you're that you're in pain and I'm and I'm right here.
• 33:48
  But but without knowing so. So now, you know, tough questions. Expose us a little bit. We'll talk about us as parents. You know, some of my favorite conversations around the dinner table. Say, what's the best thing that happened? What's the worst thing to happen? What did God teach you today? So if you think about being parented by Milt and Caroline.
• 34:09
  Louder, what were the what were the good things? What were some of the good things that that you think we did? Well, I mean, your great parents, y'all did a great job of teaching us what's really important in the, in life. I think we all really did a great job of modeling what it looks like to live with the faith daily, and I think that's something important to me.
• 34:30
  Jay McGee of all learned from mill. Y'all were really present for, I mean, really present, like, in our try to, like, growing up. Like there was no doubt they are going to be there. And, I mean, you were busy working and I mean, mom had a lot going on, but I just see like I see mom reading books with me, like she was always there.
• 34:52
  I see you playing Louise and like, you have fun with us. And I mean, you're always they're always there to talk to you, even I wasn't I wasn't always there. You always there like to talk. Yeah. And I'm saying like, at night you weren't there in the day, but, but I was, I was, I was busy, you know, actually, as a child.
• 35:13
  Yeah. As a child though, like when I came home, like, I don't remember you being working like I remember Louise. Yeah. And like, as I've gotten older, I've seen different sides. But, I mean, growing up, when I see you coming home, I see you playing, Louise. I see you playing with us. And taking all to school was one of the greatest joys of my life.
• 35:31
  Like, I see those moments. Yeah, well, good. Yeah. I mean, it was y'all did great with us. And so now maybe the, the the easier question for you where did where do we fail? Where could we have done better? What were some of the things you wish we did better. I mean, it's a hard question. I think for you sometimes not be so distracted.
• 36:03
  I think it's easy to be distracted, especially like your iPad work. And it's like, I know, like childhood, you're always there in middle school and high school, I've known you're always there. But I mean, sometimes I think, like I've been approached you because I think you're distracted. And now it's also been on me too. But I think I think that's the part that I knew was coming as a dad, that that was really hard.
• 36:26
  And I don't think we've kind of mastered it. When you were in, in elementary school and middle school, that was easy for me as a dad to, to be fun, to be present, to be engaged. And as you started maturing and having different interests and different opportunities, it was harder to connect, you know, to where you know.
• 36:47
  But that perspective of, you know, you're doing your own thing, you're busy, you're this you're perspective. I'm doing my own thing that I don't think we state is engage the the coffees, the conversation, some of those things I think that's a part that there are I didn't do a good enough job, in those moments. But I also didn't either.
• 37:06
  Yeah, okay. What else could we have done better? I.
• 37:12
  Think you're kind of like, help them take some pressure off. I mean, I think you all did a good job of that, but I still felt pressure from you. To do what? To prove myself, I think. So. So I think with, like, you know, that wasn't coming from us to prove yourself to anything, but where how did you feel that y'all have.
• 37:41
  A certain intensity, I'd say. With, like, yes, we give our all in everything we do. But I think at sometimes I got that confused with and needed to look a certain way. And like, especially in sports, like I didn't want let y'all down or I didn't want to, like, let you down. The sports like mom, like fake other things.
• 38:05
  I didn't want to let her down until I think I felt some pressure there. So so even think we'll go ahead, you know, to always what I mean. Just like to always perform a certain way because, I mean, y'all are strict parents, which is a good thing, but it's just sometimes the strictness makes me feel more reserved from, you
• 38:27
  but even though, like what? What do you think we really cared about when you were in school or in sports? I mean, y'all cared about, I mean, giving my all, but I think an attitude and effort. But you you felt it was maybe how could we have communicated better? That's what was really important because we never got bad mad at your performance.
• 38:48
  Really? What what triggered me was your attitude and your effort. And that's what I would take as my performance, because when I had the worst attitude and worst was when I did the worst. Yeah. You know, and so you equated me getting on you about the attitude and effort as your performance. You know, I feel like mom didn't really care about that.
• 39:10
  But I think one thing I wish mom was, was, like, sometimes more approachable because I, I mean, I always talk to her about everything, but I think that would have been more helpful because she's very mature in her emotions. And I think sometimes she forgets what it's like to be a high school or middle school girl going through some of these struggles.
• 39:32
  So I think that's my biggest thing for her and for you is just to shocked and and intensity. So you said were strict, so less like strict on what?
• 39:44
  Y'all have I mean your strict and how we lived which I mean I'm not saying there's anything bad, but y'all are pretty strict. Have we had screen time all growing up? I mean, I tell y'all very discipline heavy. Okay, but but but strict on things that we thought that mattered, which. Yes, but which is great. But like I'd say, my friends think you are the most, which is a good thing.
• 40:10
  But y'all are also, like, both very tense, like the intense and strict can be like kind of interchangeable. Yeah, that's what people see. Okay, well, thanks for the, for the feedback. So, so we're thinking about I mean, you're going to God, I just however, I can't even think about it tomorrow. It's crazy. But but when you hear the statement college or high school is the best time of your life, what do you think about what does that.
• 40:41
  What do you think that means? Now that I've heard you say it too much? Like I always think of what you say, which is what? Which is when he says, like, if college or high school is the best time of your life, then how sad is that? That your past is your best. Yeah. Like what? But what does that mean to you as you enter it?
• 40:57
  To me, I really hope high school isn't my best. Yeah. Because if it was, and that would be really sad. I mean, high school was good, but I think it it was hard. It was hard. Yeah, it was really hard. And I think there's a reason that this is the season I'm moving into. And I think just continuing to not place that pressure in college because yes, college is a great time.
• 41:20
  But I mean, think of how many great things there are after college. Yeah. And so I think going into it is like I hope it's the best time of your life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think the word is. Yeah, that that we put so much we talked about pressure and expectations that you have to be a certain way, that it needs to be a certain way.
• 41:38
  And college was a really difficult time in my life. It's shaped who I am. But I pray your mother and I pray like this is the best time of your life yet. And so I think that's what's what's important to me. So when you think about your goals for college, what do you.
• 41:53
  And I think kind of going off like having fun, letting myself find more joy and like really get involved, I want to be, like, be a part of things. Like, be part of something greater than myself. Like what we talked about to really get involved in, like Clemson community, get involved in ministry, get involved in different churches, really and find new friendships.
• 42:15
  I think that's a big one for me, is to go in and just meet new people, be open. I want to push myself to to like, do hard things to succeed and like to give it my all, but I, I really want this to be a time of just enjoying it and growing like where I'm at, where I'm at.
• 42:37
  Because, I mean, this is the only four years I have left. Like really at like, I mean, it's just crazy to think about. I mean, I had high school, but I mean, college is only a period of four years of my life. And so I really want to make the most of it because I was already thinking about that as I go freshman year.
• 42:56
  And like, it's crazy, but it will go fast. And I only have three more years of college after that. So I think it's like living each day intentional. What do you say tomorrow has enough worry of its own? That's true. Yeah. There we go. So. So here we go. Emerson, louder. 100 day bucket list. I want to go to college.
• 43:16
  Yes. No, it's a number one 100 day. But before I am 100 years old, this is kindergarten or first grade. This is what I want to go to college. I want to have. Your spelling was not too great. I want to go to college. I want to have children. I want to go to college. And I want to work for bestie.
• 43:34
  I want to get married. I want to read 100 books. I'm gonna go to the mountains. Australia. I want to have a lake house. I want to live in Charleston and have a husband. I want to have a car. So we got a lot of things still left to do. What to do? If you if you if you think about some of those dreams that you have right now, what are some of those dreams?
• 43:54
  I mean, some of this, they have the same, I want to go to a New York or a big city after college. I think I really have like a year before I settle down. I mean, a big dream. And to have a family of my own. I think seeing our own families in the babysitting families, like.
• 44:15
  I'd love that. I feel like that's a big dream. I don't really know what I want to do with my career yet. So I think that's hard to. You're supposed to. I know, but it's just you have so many opportunities and but but when you have opportunity and you have so many interests. Yeah. I want to run a marathon.
• 44:34
  I want to do half this year again, but I want to do a marathon when I finish college, I want to travel more. I'd love to go to Europe. I think that'd be really fun. There's a lot is a lot of, like, different things I want to do. Okay. So what what, what questions do you have for me as we start wrapping up here?
• 44:56
  I really don't want this to finish because. Because it it just means, so much. But but do you have any questions for me? I mean, what was your hardest? What was the hardest thing about raising me? Jimmy G and what is the biggest lesson you learned from all of us? Oh, I think that I love the creativity and challenge of trying to parent.
• 45:21
  I think the busyness of my life and the pace with which I live my life, trying to be present for you, in J. And McKee for your mother, to try to do and build a practice. And in the work and the opportunities that I had in front of me to to try to find that balance, between loving you and supporting you and encouraging you, but also being disciplined with you.
• 45:53
  I think, again, when you're struggling and hurting and in pain, not quite knowing how to take away the pain, not quite knowing how to, really get it being present in people's pain. And sometimes as a dad. And there's so much pressure to take away the pain that you sometimes try to find solutions. Yeah. And and yeah, the other taking that I g and tell you what, what to do instead of just letting you be I think that's the hardest part.
• 46:28
  To that you don't get your priorities out of whack that, that trying to provide for you financially was, was coming at a great cost. You, my, my triggers around negativity and no effort. And God did a good job with this and disrespect. I still haven't kind of mastered those with my patients. And so I think that was the hardest part is, is, disciplining you guys without the emotion.
• 47:00
  And so I probably did a poor job of modeling. Here's how you respond. You know, I'm not very aware of my tone of voice, as your mother likes to point out to me often. See your intensity. Yeah. And so passion is is a useful part, is that. Yeah, passion is a euphemism for intensity. Stick with passion. What else?
• 47:23
  I mean, how can I be there for you the next four years and then you're going empty nest. I think you've already had a lot of ideas and shared your encouragement for your mother. And, I think I think this is this is a time for you to go be you. Yeah, but, I mean, I'm still your daughter, and that's going to look differently.
• 47:41
  But I know, so you can check in on this and make sure that I'm a monitoring God. I'm honoring your mother, that we reconnect in a meaningful way, that that for 23 years.
• 47:57
  It's a really this has been our life and is the greatest blessing of our life. And so, yeah, you just pray that we reconnect, as husband and wife and, and, and have our priorities in order there.
• 48:19
  The role you want for us to play in your life for these next four years, maybe get scaled back to just the coach being there for me or push me. I think, I mean, all I hear is just be there for me through it all. And I want, you know, to push me to continue to grow and to continue to grow into the person who God's created me to be.
• 48:48
  And just show yourself that you are always there for me. We will never leave you. We will never forsake. You were always there for you. Okay, so we got two songs, right? So. So tell me what they mean to you. You know that I've picked out songs for each of you. You had two. She thinks we're just fishing.
• 49:11
  What does that mean to you? I mean, growing up was like, oh, this is just a fun song with dad. And I feel like I didn't think much of it. But as I've grown up and like listening to the words, it's like she's, But it's like, time together is so much more like waffle House. Louise with ball, all that.
• 49:33
  So we wouldn't just doing that. It's about the time that I have with you and help meaningful it is and how fast it goes. And then. Yeah, the other one that came out when you were born was I saw God today. And that probably has more meaning for me than for you. But but the guy takes a break and comes back and he sees this beautiful little girl.
• 49:56
  And every time I think about, I think about
• 50:00
  looking at you and seeing you fearfully and wonderfully made with all the gifts God has given you, and your passion and your perseverance and your grit and your wisdom and your creativity and your curiosity and your love and your joy. You have such a great sense of humor, and it's been such a great joy being your father.
• 50:29
  And I can't wait to see what God has in store for you. Thank you, I love you. Want me to. Oh.