Latest / Outspoken the Podcast / TMG: Aims Connor Speaks Out About The Mum Issue No One Talks About

Transcript

TMG: Aims Connor Speaks Out About The Mum Issue No One Talks About · Outspoken the Podcast

• 0:07
  Speaker 1: Hello and welcome to the mums group you actually want
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: to be a part of.
• 0:11
  Speaker 2: I'm Sophie Torber and I'm Kate Torber and on today's
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: show TikToker aims Connor's bid to break down the stigma
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: around birth injuries, the things we regret introducing to our
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: toddlers and the twin baby surprise But first, who else
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: feels personally victimized by daylight savings? This is obviously an
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: audio visual platform. So Sophie, you can account that I'm
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: putting my hand up.
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: Oh, mine shot up so quickly. And I had a
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: lot of rage over the weekend about daylight savings and
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: it's directed at young people who aren't parents. So on
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: Saturday night, I've spoken about them before. Our neighbors had
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: another party and they were literally screaming at the top
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: of their lungs, singing along to some fucking song that
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: I've never heard of because I'm old now. And One,
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: I was worried they were going to wake Luca up.
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: And two, I was cursing them because I'm like, these
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: pricks don't have to get up early tomorrow, an hour
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: early tomorrow at 6am to get their child up. But
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: I said to my husband when I was getting into bed,
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: furious about it, I said, just wait. I was that person.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: Just fucking wait until they have kids and then they'll
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: get it.
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: It's so bad because I always get so confused. I
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: know that daylight savings is the good one that I
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: look forward to because I love it being lighter for longer.
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: But I couldn't quite wrap my head around it because
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: now I'm like, oh, hang on, you get the hour
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: taken away. But when do I put Jack to bed
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: and when does he get up? And Rhys and I
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: both thought, oh, hang on, we'll keep him up a
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: bit later because then that will make him get up later.
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: But we then realised after keeping him up until about
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: 8.30 that that had actually fucked ourselves over because he
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: was actually going to get up an hour earlier. So
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: he even had less sleep. So the poor thing was
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: so confused. I'm still so confused. I feel bloody tired because,
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: of course, I went to bed at midnight on Saturday night.
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: You know, I'm not going to go to bed earlier.
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: It's funny because I thought that I would be wanting
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: to stay up later because of daylight savings. If anything,
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: I actually wanted to go to bed earlier because I
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: was just so wrecked by having that hour stolen from me.
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: I was livid about it.
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: And I haven't recovered yet.
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: And it's so confusing now because it's weird to put
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: them to bed now when it's light outside. Like I
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: feel out of whack from it.
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: It reminds me of that Simpsons episode. When Bart stayed
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: over at the Flanders house and Rod and Todd were
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: like in bed at like six o'clock and Bart pulled
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: up the blinds and everyone was playing outside. I want
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: to talk to you guys about a viral TikTok where
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: a woman pulls an epic surprise on her twin sister.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: Was this Amy's video from a couple of years ago?
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: Amy actually broke her pregnancy news to me first. This
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: was two years ago. And it was when we were
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: recording an episode of the podcast. And your video did
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: go quite viral, Amy. And it was because a lot
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: of people... thought that I was a bit upset.
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, everyone thought you were spewing. And in actual fact,
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: not that you were spewing, but I think you and
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: your husband were trying at that time to have a baby.
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: Of course, you had Luca nine weeks after me. Yeah,
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: I'd only just got my period and that was after
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: our first month of trying. And I was sort of
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: in my head about the whole thing because it's really
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: hard because you don't really have anyone to talk to
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: about it when it is a bit of a secret.
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: But yeah, that video went quite viral because a lot
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: of people were like, Oh, my God, I think that
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: the sister's upset or she's going through something.
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah, everyone thought you were twins as well. I mean, like, well,
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: you may as well be because you left me out
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: of it. And this was off the back of you
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: guys making such a big deal that I didn't tell
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: you the second I found out I was pregnant. I
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: told everyone at the same time. Look, I think we
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: need to move on swiftly. Kate, can you tell us
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: about this TikTok? Okay, well, I can't even fathom it.
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: But for the entirety of this woman's pregnancy, she and
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: her husband kept it from everyone that she was, in fact,
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: pregnant with twins.
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: What?
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: Now, she didn't even tell her twin sister the news. Wait, wait, wait,
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: hold on.
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: But the twin sister knew that she was pregnant, but
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: just thought it was with one baby.
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so she thought she was having a singleton. For
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: those who haven't seen it, to set the scene, the
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: twin sister waltzes in pretty nonchalantly with a coffee, almost
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: picked up on the vibe that she wasn't that happy. Like,
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: she didn't seem ultra excited. Now, she's gone and picked
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: up the baby for a cuddle, and then she turned
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: around to see her brother-in-law holding the secret baby. Let's
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: take a listen to her reaction.
• 4:10
  Speaker 3: What the fuck?
• 4:13
  Speaker 4: Shut up.
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: You kept this a secret? I made one for you. What?
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: Now you have to keep it a secret.
• 4:42
  Speaker 4: I can't oh my god.
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: What the fuck now what are you.
• 4:50
  Speaker 4: Gonna do like you don't think that i didn't know
• 4:53
  Speaker 4: i was having twins will you.
• 4:55
  Speaker 3: Buy another store.
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: Look i'll give a bit of insight here as a
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: multiple she's pissed because out of anyone in the world
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: her sister should have told her about this first not
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: not never mind about the husband This woman has had
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: a relationship with her twin sister from day dot. Since
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: they were in the womb. They shared the womb together.
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: And there's a special bond between multiples. You can love
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: each other and hate each other at the same time.
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: But when you have big news, you tell your sister first. Like, okay, cool.
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: Keep it a secret from your parents. Keep it a
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: secret from your friends, your neighbor, whoever, your work colleagues.
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: But don't keep it a secret from your twin sister.
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: I would feel betrayed.
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: I mean, this video has racked up over 30 million
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: views and 4.2 million likes. And initially, I was like, oh,
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: this is going to be some really touching video. But
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: I saw it as a moment of betrayal, the ultimate betrayal.
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: The sister looked really pissed off. I mean, she shed
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: a few tears. She was emotional.
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: I think she was shocked. Like, I'd be shell-shocked that
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: you'd be able to keep a secret from me for
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: that long.
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: But also, were there not telltale signs?
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: I mean, as they mentioned in the clip, you know,
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: the sister had to buy two of everything and they've
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: hidden all of the second things. But also, wouldn't have
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: the pregnancy been shorter? Wouldn't have she been carrying a
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: bit larger? Like, you know?
• 6:11
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: What about the scans?
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: What if they seen a picture of said scan? From
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: analysing the reaction, I would say that the twin sister
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: that had the wall pulled over her eyes was the
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: boss of the twins growing up. Like even the way
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: she said, what are you going to do now? Like,
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: have you got two of everything? It was quite funny.
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: Someone in the comments wrote, she's like, I only bought
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: one gift, bitch, which got sent. And another person wrote,
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: She's like, you have secrets with him now? Which got
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: 23,000 likes. That's the other thing.
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: It almost seemed like the sister thought it was also
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: a surprise for the mother. You know what I mean?
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: That's how shocked she was that she kept it a surprise.
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like there's no way you wouldn't have told
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: me about this. Like somehow you've given birth and they're like, actually,
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: there's a second one in there that you did not
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: know about. I reckon the sister was also really pissed
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: at the husband. I felt like there was a bit
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: of off tension.
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: I was going to say I reckon it was the
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: husband's idea. Look, let's have this secret that's special only
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: to us.
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: I kind of get that. But, you know, Jessie Stephens,
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: recently the host of Mamma Mia!, She had twins.
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: And she's a twin and she has siblings who were
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: also twins.
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: Now I can't imagine a world where she wouldn't have
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: told Claire about it. No, it would definitely be so
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: tough to keep that secret to yourself. I mean, I
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: get where maybe they were coming from being like, oh,
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: this is going to be so special in the hospital.
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: But again, that's almost a year of deceptiveness. Like also,
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: is it all just for a good TikTok? Like, I mean,
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: I know that it got 30 million views. I mean,
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: potentially they've made a bit of cash off it. Hopefully
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: they're signed up to the US Creator Fund, but I
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: don't think it's worth it.
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: I feel like the twin sister is now trying to
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: come up with a way to pull one over her.
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: Two well-known mums have bravely opened up about something that
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: is still incredibly taboo. What happens to your pelvic floor
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: after you have children? Last week, both TikToker Ames Connor
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: and UK reality star Ashley James shared their experiences with
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: incontinence following childbirth in a bid to help other women
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: shamed into silence by the condition. Firstly, I just want
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: to say hats off to both of these women. It
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: was so incredibly generous of them to share such a
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: personal thing.
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: And it's already helping so many women not feel so alone.
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: I saw hundreds of women in the comment section saying,
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: this is me. And it's so refreshing to hear people
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: in the public eye actually.
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: Talking about it.
• 8:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: And I saw so many women commenting on Ames' videos
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: about how they actually feel motivated to look into the
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: surgery that she got. So she documented her pelvic floor
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: surgery recovery to her 1.4 million followers. And the day
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: before the surgery, she admitted to her followers that she
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: was feeling really selfish about having the surgery. She said
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: she knows it needs to happen now though, because It's
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: only going to get worse and harder to repair. How
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: mum coded is that?
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: Oh my God, it's just constant mum guilt. The second
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: you have your child, it's just to the next level.
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: And I totally get what she meant when she said this,
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: because even me, I have been banging on since the
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: start of this podcast about this ganglion cyst that I
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: need to have removed from my arm. It is becoming
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: absolutely unsightly and it's just getting in the way of everything.
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: But I feel guilty too.
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: I'm like, how dare I take time away from my
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: child to go and get something cosmetic done? I mean,
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: in this case, this is something that is affecting her
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: day to day and would be incredibly uncomfortable and embarrassing.
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: For those not familiar with Ames, she has four young
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: children and she gave birth vaginally to them. And when
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: she was speaking about her symptoms, this is what she said.
• 9:36
  Speaker 3: It's been sort of like a slow progression to now. Obviously,
• 9:41
  Speaker 3: I've had four children, all natural births. And since the
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: last birth... Whenever I go for a run, I laugh
• 9:50
  Speaker 3: too hard, I sneeze, and I'm not bracing myself, I
• 9:54
  Speaker 3: will leak. Am I embarrassed? Yeah. I'm embarrassed. It's embarrassing.
• 10:01
  Speaker 3: Because I still go for a run, because I still
• 10:04
  Speaker 3: want to do that, but progressively it has gotten worse
• 10:07
  Speaker 3: to the point where it's really uncomfortably embarrassing and I
• 10:13
  Speaker 3: just want to be able to go for a run
• 10:15
  Speaker 3: without having to think ahead. But why is it embarrassing?
• 10:19
  Speaker 3: I mean, obviously, doing that in a public situation is
• 10:26
  Speaker 3: bound to be embarrassing. But it can be fixed, and
• 10:29
  Speaker 3: I want to shed light on that, and I want
• 10:32
  Speaker 3: to share my experience doing this in the hope that you,
• 10:39
  Speaker 3: if you're experiencing it too, might seek help.
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: I totally get why Ames feels embarrassed about it, but
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: it makes me mad that women have to feel embarrassed
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: about something which is actually so common after childbirth, particularly
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: vaginal birth. Roughly one in three women experience incontinence after
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: giving birth.
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but it's because a lot of women don't feel
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: comfortable to talk about it because when you become a mum,
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: you already lose so much of your identity that you
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: almost don't want to add that in there as well.
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: You asked me off mic if I have experienced this before,
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: which is kind of ironic when you think about it
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: that you have to ask me because we are so close.
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: Yet this is something that I may have felt too embarrassed.
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: To tell you about. Luckily, I feel very lucky that I.
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: Haven't yet experienced this. I had a C-section and I
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: think it's less prevalent when you do have a cesarean.
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: You can still experience it when you have a cesarean.
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: It is less likely, but your risk factor actually increases
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: the more pregnancies you have. And, you know, if you
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: give birth vaginally, you are more likely to experience it.
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: But also it's not just something you experience immediately after
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: giving birth, like years later, this can pop up. So
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: I think it's really important to talk about because it
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: may not be affecting someone now, but it could later
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: down the track. And I think one of the reasons
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: why some women don't want to talk about it is
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: because incontinence is really linked to being old. It doesn't
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: seem like it's something that affects women in their 20s
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: and 30s, even though that is the general age when
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: women have children and it affects one in three women
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: who give birth.
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: It's so hard because I think it's something a lot
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: of women don't want to admit that they're experiencing too because,
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: you know, as soon as you get pregnant, you lose
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: all of this control over your body. And when you're
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: a first-time mum, you tell yourself whilst you're pregnant, oh,
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: don't worry, once I have the baby... I'll get my
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: body back. When you're freshly postpartum, that does not happen
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: because most of the time you're breastfeeding and then you're
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: also having to get used to this new body that
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: you find yourself in.
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: Or you just have a baby strapped to you the
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: whole time and can't actually, because I remember being like, oh,
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: it's going to feel so freeing. And then it's like
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: you're either pushing a pram or holding a baby.
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: And that's the thing, you then tell yourself this lie, oh,
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: I'll get back into working out soon if that's something
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: you want to do. You don't have the time.
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: So this is just.
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: Another thing that women have to deal with. That just
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: almost feels so unfair.
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: Well, you touched on this pressure of working out. And
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: I think there's also this pressure of, you know, keeping
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: up with doing Kegels or pelvic floor exercises.
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: I have done zero since giving birth. A big fat zero.
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: Actually, I was a member of Kik and they had
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: a postpartum program. And I was like, oh, I'll do
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: one of them. And it was actually good in the
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: sense that it was Kegels and a lot of like,
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: you know, bringing your core back together. But I did
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: like two.
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: Either I've had a lot going on or I'm not
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: just very educated on this, but I have never, ever,
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: ever thought once to do it.
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: Well, I didn't until I did the workout program. Like
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: it told me to do it. Like I wouldn't have
• 13:32
  Speaker 2: done it otherwise. But I think a lot of women
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: who suffer from incontinence probably think, well, it's my fault
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: because I haven't done enough pelvic floor exercises. But the
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: reality is pregnancy and childbirth involves so many big changes
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: to the pelvic floor. It's not something that is just
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: fixed by doing Kegel exercises.
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: I think there's also this element where women just think
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: that they have to deal with it. And it's just
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: part of having a child because there's always jokes. Oh,
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: when you're pregnant, you need to wee all the time.
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: And then, you know, so many older women would say, oh, yeah,
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: your blood is shot after having a baby. But I
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: don't accept that we should have to just deal with this.
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: I don't think it's fair and I don't think it's right.
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, which was why it was so refreshing seeing Ames going, okay, look,
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: I'm only 41. I shouldn't have to be living my
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: life like this. Okay, I feel a bit selfish because
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: I'm taking time away from my kids. Side note, she
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: should not feel selfish at all. And she's going, I'm
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: actually going to document this whole process for everyone who's
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: thinking about it to see what it's like. And she
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: was really brave when she documented this because she filmed
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: herself two hours post-surgery. And she was not in a
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: good way. She said the pain was 11 out of
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: 10 and she actually burst into tears saying that she
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: was quite scared, which I found really interesting because for
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: those not familiar with her backstory, she's a nurse. Even
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: though she's got 1.4 million followers on TikTok, she still
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: works as a nurse. And she's obviously been in that
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: medical setting before. I mean, it's very different being a patient,
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: but that update was so raw, but she kept it
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: very real for people that are considering having this surgery?
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: Well, one young mum wrote in the comment section, would
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: love to see follow-ups of someone who is 32 going
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: through this after one child and someone absolutely terrified to
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: get further help and look into surgery. This is a
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: topic that is not talked about and it makes me
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: so happy to see someone finally talking about it. Thank you.
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: So you can see that there are so many people
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: who are curious about what they can do and probably
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: who don't even know that there's surgery for this condition.
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: Now, Sophie, I want to talk to you about Ashley James.
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: So she is a UK reality star. She was on
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: Made in Chelsea and her story popped up after I'd
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: seen all of Amy's videos. I was like, oh, hang on.
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: This is super interesting because you've got two high profile
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: people talking about this same issue in the same week.
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: So she suffers from both urinary and fecal incontinence. And
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: last week she posted a now viral photo of her
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: wearing incontinence pads. So she actually posted this photo after
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: she opened up on an Instagram story about her trip
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: to Paris. So she was traveling with her husband and
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: her young son. And she ends up leaving her bag
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: of incontinence pads on the train. And she ended up
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: having to send her husband out to go find some
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: for her. And he came back with the wrong ones.
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: But she was talking about how grateful she was for
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: her partner for never making her feel embarrassed about any
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: of it. So she said, I have birth injuries because
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: I gave birth to our children. And so many of
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: us live with birth injuries with nowhere near enough postpartum care,
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: while somehow being made to feel like the consequences are
• 16:30
  Speaker 2: embarrassing or a failure on our part. They're not. Our
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: bodies go through huge, sometimes permanent sacrifices to bring children
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: into the world and we deserve support, not shame.
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: I've just had this light bulb moment. I think the
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: word incontinence has a lot of taboo around that it
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: is a medical condition that people associate with older people.
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: I think that more and more people should be referring
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: to this like Ashley did as a birth injury because
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: it's exactly what it is.
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: It needs a rebrand, doesn't it?
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: And I think this all raises a much bigger question
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: about how little we're actually told about our pelvic floors
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: after giving birth and even during pregnancy. Once you give
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: birth to your child, the whole focus turns on the baby.
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: I mean, we've spoken about that, how you're like the
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: center of everything when you're pregnant. Like everyone wants to
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: know how you are and how you're feeling.
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: And then as soon as you give birth, the attention
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: is all on the baby, which is completely fine and
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: completely normal. But I do think that from a medical perspective,
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: a bit more attention needs to be given to the mother,
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: particularly with pelvic floor health. I mean, we all know
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: as moms, your needs fall to the absolute wayside. Like
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: it was so difficult to get my son just to
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: his checkups on time. Like to think that you would
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: actually have time. When I went to my initial checkup,
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: my GP was like, oh yeah, you should go to
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: a pelvic floor physio. Here's a referral. Did I ever go?
• 17:51
  Speaker 3: No.
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: The thought of actually having to work around my son's
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: nap time, having to get someone to look after him
• 17:55
  Speaker 2: or bring him there, never did it. Probably should have.
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: It's just so overwhelming to consider doing anything but look
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: after your child when you're in that sort of survival mode.
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: I mean, I always think that too about the mental
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: health checks. You know, when you go to your GP
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: and you kind of think to yourself, it's actually going
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: to cost me more time and energy to say, no,
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: I'm not okay, which is really terrible. And that's how
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: I felt because I'm like, I actually can't even be
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: bothered with this conversation. Then I'm going to have to
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: go and see someone else. I'm sure I'll get better.
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: It's just a stage. But yeah, again, I mean, the
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: fact that Ames has been through four births, four vaginal births,
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: and is only just dealing with this issue now just
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: shows how many sacrifices women make and how we put
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: ourselves last on the list of what's important.
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but how many women do you think legitimately leave
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: hospital after having a baby, feeling empowered with the knowledge
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: for the symptoms to look out for and what to
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: do if they do experience incontinence or issues with their
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: pelvic floor? Not many. As a part of my prep
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: into motherhood, I did the breastfeeding class that was given
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: at the hospital I went to. And it was literally
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: like being transported back into 1980. Like the video presentation
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: actually included vision from 1980. It's like, I swear it
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: was made before I was actually born. And I can't
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: believe they didn't even mention how many times you have
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: to feed your baby. Like I did not know, like
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: I had no idea. It was only once I'd given
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: birth that they're like, oh yeah, so you got to
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: feed the baby around every three hours. I'm like, surely
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: this would have been covered in the breastfeeding class.
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: It's like maybe lead with that. I think that's an
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: important fact to have. But yeah, I don't actually remember
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: my midwife saying anything at all about pelvic floor or
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: my doctor for that matter. It was, as you said,
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: all about the baby, which in those moments, it does
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: need to be that is the at the forefront, what
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: is important, but I think we shouldn't forget about ourselves
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: amongst all of this as well.
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: Do you know what this has also got me thinking about?
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: Like how many mums that we know and also that
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: are just out there in general are secretly dealing with
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: this after having kids? Like, I bet you so many.
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think about our mums generation too of women
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: who have probably just been suffering in silence for 30.
• 19:57
  Speaker 4: 40, 50 years.
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: I mean, for anyone that is listening to this and thinking, well, God,
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: that's me. Like I haven't opened up about this to anyone.
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: I really hope this motivates you even to just go
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: watch Ames' videos to see what it was all about
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: because she ended up posting, I think it was a
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: couple of days ago, a whole overview of exactly what
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: she had done and how she felt all throughout it.
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: Even if it's like, okay, I don't feel up to
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: having surgery yet. Maybe just educating yourself about what you
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: could potentially do when you feel comfortable enough.
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: Byron Bay influencer and nutritionist Alice Bleethman has begged parents
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: to learn from her parenting mistake. Now, she shared a
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: video revealing that she regrets introducing her toddler to the car. Now,
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: when I say introducing him to the car, she let
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: him sit in the front seat and have a bit
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: of a play around as if he was driving the car, obviously,
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: while she was watching him. And now all he wants
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: to do is get in the car. Let's take a
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: listen to what she said.
• 20:56
  Speaker 4: I've made a terrible error, a terrible error. I introduced
• 21:00
  Speaker 4: my son to the car. Um, now he wants to
• 21:04
  Speaker 4: be in a car all day, every day, pressing the buttons,
• 21:07
  Speaker 4: putting the windscreen wrappers on, putting the seatbelts in all
• 21:10
  Speaker 4: the things, which benign, definitely benign, really annoying because like,
• 21:16
  Speaker 4: if I need to do stuff in the house, I
• 21:19
  Speaker 4: don't want to leave him in the car because like hazard, right?
• 21:22
  Speaker 4: So it's got me thinking and I've learned a deep,
• 21:26
  Speaker 4: deep lesson here is that if you don't want your
• 21:29
  Speaker 4: toddler to do something multiple times like go into the
• 21:34
  Speaker 4: car every single day like for the indefinite future do
• 21:37
  Speaker 4: not introduce them to it do not introduce them to
• 21:40
  Speaker 4: the coffee machine okay because they're going to be playing
• 21:42
  Speaker 4: with a coffee machine for the next seven years they'll
• 21:46
  Speaker 4: walk past the coffee machine on the table and they'll
• 21:49
  Speaker 4: see and they go okay.
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: I have to call you out, Sophie. You did the
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: same thing with my son. You're like, let's put him
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: in the front seat. And I was like, no, don't. Fortunately,
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: it hasn't turned into a thing. It nearly did though.
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: And it was very stressful. Oh, I was new to
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: the parenting game.
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: I had no idea that this was a thing, but
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: it seems like a lot of mums are regretting introducing
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: their toddlers to the car. In the comment section, one
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: mum wrote, I feel this in my soul.
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: Ha ha.
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: Learning that the keys unlock and start the car has
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: been a terrible time for us.
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: Ha ha ha.
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: Another said, ha ha. Yes, been there. The novelty has
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: slightly worn off though, which helps. Another said, I hear you.
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: Takes me 20 minutes just to get in the car
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: at the moment. And I was really glad to hear
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: this video from Alice because my son is car obsessed.
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: Like he's always holding a matchbox car and I was
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: tempted to get him in the seat and have some
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: fun and show him the horn. but I don't want
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: to be spending my whole day having to sit outside
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: in the car. I already made the mistake of letting
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: him walk to see some of the neighborhood cars. So
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: my husband and I, we live in the hills and
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: we've got quite a large front yard and backyard area.
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: And I thought, oh, perfect. He's getting to the age
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: now where he's more confident walking around. I'm going to
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: have a little play with him in the front yard.
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: He doesn't want to stay in the front yard. All
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: he wants to do is walk onto the road with
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: me and look at the cars. As in not, I
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: have to point out, I live in a very quiet street.
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: So there are hardly any cars that go by, but
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: we will walk hand in hand to look at the
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: neighbor's cars. And it's a mistake.
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: It's all he wants to do now. It's funny you
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: say that because I think it was before I had Jack.
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: I remember seeing, we've got neighbors who have got, I
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: think it must be like a two and a four
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: year old. And I remember them walking around the neighborhood
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: like slow as, like a tortoise, looking at every car
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: with their son. I was like, what are they doing?
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: And now I totally get it. Do you remember actually
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: growing up? We weren't toddlers. We were much older. But
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: I think it was dad used to let us sit
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: on his lap when he drove the car into the
• 23:45
  Speaker 2: garage and let us put like, I think it was
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: like you could put the car into drive or something
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: and take the handbrake off. And it was so fun.
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, there's all these everyday things that you just take
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: for granted that kids find an absolute blast. Like in
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: this comment section, there were so many funny ones. One
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: mum wrote the vacuum. She wrote, my boy will wake
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: up every morning and go straight to the laundry to
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: grab out the vacuum for a zoom around the house.
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: Another said outdoor taps and light switches. Absolutely obsessed. We'll
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: literally turn on taps anywhere and everywhere we go. Whilst
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: another one said that her child is infatuated by the microwave.
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: She wrote, we find toys in there every single day. Luckily,
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: he hasn't worked out how to actually put numbers in
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: and press start. I'm bringing up a fantastic member of society,
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: a fantastic boy. He loves doing the laundry. So I'll
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: put the laundry in and I'll press start. And he's
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: obsessed with touching all the buttons, but he accidentally adds
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: delays to the washing. So to be like, he'll put
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: a five-hour delay on it and I'll be like, I
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: swear I put this washing on and this is why
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: nothing gets done.
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: That's so funny. See, Jack had an obsession with the
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: vacuum for a while. And his grandparents ended up buying
• 24:51
  Speaker 2: him one of those fake ones. But I'm like, we
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: should really have just got him a real one. It
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: would have been two birds with one stone. One thing
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: that I regret introducing my son to is Spotify. I
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: wish that we got a Yoto first, because with the Yoto,
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: you just put a card in and it can only
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: play those select, you know, 20 songs or whatever it is.
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: But Jack is used to now having a selection of
• 25:14
  Speaker 2: every song on the internet. So we'll be driving in
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: the car and he'll be like, no, no, no. And
• 25:18
  Speaker 2: I have to find the exact song that he wants.
• 25:21
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, back in the day, we would have
• 25:22
  Speaker 2: had a bloody cassette with like two songs on it. Yeah.
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: I saw this other TikTok and it was a really
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: good lesson. It said that kids only know what you
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: want them to know. So for instance, this woman was
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: talking about how one of her friends never allowed her
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: child to eat in the car. So now the child
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: doesn't complain and want food in the car, whereas she
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: did let her child eat in the car and now
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: the seat is trashed. She constantly wants food. Another one,
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: as you touched on, Kate, is the listening to children's
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: songs in the car. She was saying, look, if you
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: never allow them to do it, they don't know it's
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: a thing. And you can go on listening to your
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: podcast or your songs.
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: That you like. It's funny because leading into Hilary Duff's concert,
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: I've been wanting to listen to her album as much
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: as possible. Has that occurred?
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: No.
• 26:05
  Speaker 2: No. I am very much primed for a Play School
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: or Wiggles concert, but not Hilary Duff. And I have
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: tried to sneak her into rotation. I've also tried to
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: listen to Taylor Swift's new songs, even though they're a
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: bit controversial. I still enjoy them. And then as soon
• 26:20
  Speaker 2: as I put Patient Zero on the other day, I
• 26:23
  Speaker 2: like froze. I was like, is he going to accept that? No, mummy,
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: not Taylor Swift, Jackie's songs.
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: I was like, fuck.
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: He won't even let me call.
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: He goes, Siri, hang up on Auntie Soph. And I'm like,
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: come on. Come on. I mean, I'm already getting over
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: him being like today, don't like Auntie Soph, don't like Luca.
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: He doesn't mean it. It's just because you wouldn't let
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: him go inside Amy's house because we had to go.
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: Look, I had to be the baddie in that scenario,
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: but I would love listeners to send in what is
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: something that you regret introducing to your child or showing them?
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: That is all we have time for today. Thank you
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: so much for joining us for this episode. To peel
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: back the curtain before we do leave, Amy did join
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: us for About half a segment. And unfortunately, her son woke.
• 27:04
  Speaker 2: Up whilst we were recording. So that is why she disappears.
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: It's probably pretty confusing for listeners because she wasn't in
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: the intro. We actually record the intro last.
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: Anyway, for anyone who's keeping track there, hopefully she'll join
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: us for the full episode next week. This episode was
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: recorded on the traditional land of the Kaurna people of
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: the Adelaide Plains. We pay respect to elders past and present.