Latest / Reality TV Cringe / 154: Vanderpump Rules and The Valley RECAP (S11E14 / S1E7)

Transcript

154: Vanderpump Rules and The Valley RECAP (S11E14 / S1E7) · Reality TV Cringe

0:10
Hello, and welcome to Reality TV Cringe. I am one of your hosts,
0:15
Dulia here with my Real Tight Homegirl and my daughter in law Beatrice.
0:21
What's up everybody? Welcome? Hi. We are here to talk vander Pump
0:26
Rules and the Valley. We're going to combine them. We've been separating them
0:31
up to now. But like this last episode of vander Pump Rules was so
0:36
freaking boring. I've freaking told you nothing happening, nothing, and I just
0:41
cannot commit to a forty to fifty minute podcast on that horseshit. I'm not
0:47
going to bless them with our commentary. You know what I'm pissed about.
0:50
Okay, I'm getting crazy, all right. Before we begin, we do
0:54
want to remind you to please why have it hadji kids? This is a
0:57
politically incorrect podcast. We say bad words, we have stupid ideas and takes,
1:03
and so if your SuDS the elf, you might want to find yourself
1:07
another dump stu baby. But if you're down and you're ready to party and
1:11
have a little cocktail, welcome to this dumpster. Yeah. And if you
1:15
are down and ready to party, be sure to follow us on Instagram at
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Reality TV Cringe. If you're not following us already, Wow, I'm of
1:23
wow, and also join us on Patreon, Patreon dot com, sosh Reality
1:26
TV Cringe. We got so much bonus content up on their Uncensored video podcast.
1:32
It's lit over there. Wow. Okay, And if you are watching
1:34
on YouTube, please don't forget to like and comment and share and subscribe because
1:41
every little thing you do is magic and it helps us to grow the Dumpster.
1:45
And by the way, welcome to all of our new viewer No,
1:49
a lot of new subscribers, and so we're really grateful, thank you,
1:52
thank you. Here's why I'm pissed, all right, because I think I
1:56
reported I don't know three weeks ago or something four weeks ago, Andy Cohen
2:00
had made alive and in this live I think he was on the way to
2:05
the vander Pump Rules reunion. Yeah, in this live he's like you,
2:08
guys, I saw the last seven episodes of vander Pump Rules. And I'm
2:14
not the producer of this show. I don't have any vested interest to tell
2:17
you this. Yeah, right, but those last seven episodes were fire.
2:24
I mean, shit really ramps up. It is so good. I am
2:28
not just saying that. I know you guys think I say that all the
2:30
time, but this time I mean it, liar, you fucking dirty lie.
2:35
And then I learned that next week is the finale. Yeah, the
2:38
finale is next week. I know. I thought we were gonna have like
2:42
twenty episodes or something like that, and then the reunion. It was supposed
2:46
to be like a shitload of episodes. Dude, I am gooped they remove
2:50
some. I don't think they removed anything. I am gooped that he thinks
2:53
these last seven episodes were a ramp up or a dash toward excellence. It's
3:00
so fucking shitty. It's so boring. I've been waiting for it to get
3:04
better, Beadra. I know, I really thought it would. Thank God,
3:07
we have the Valley. What would we do without the value? What
3:09
do we do? Dude? VPR sucked this season. It's period, point
3:15
blank. Yeah. This episode, especially because I watched it yesterday boring and
3:19
I was texting you you haven't watched it yet. I was like, this
3:22
sucks. I'm like, this is so bored. What are we gonna talk
3:23
about? There's literally nothing, and You're like, oh my god, I'll
3:27
have to watch it. And then he text me today it is boring.
3:30
It is. I'm like, you have to think, well, what can
3:31
we even discuss? I mean, it's the same thing that we have been
3:35
discussing. Sheen is a fucking turd and a hypocrite and a terrible friend.
3:38
Ye, Tom Sandeval is the worst. He sucks the worst, the worst.
3:45
Well, you don't want to listen to him saying no, I don't
3:47
got his mother in the crowd. I know. People are making memes already
3:52
online. They're like, this is what her retirement was spent time? Dumb
3:55
ass? Is she being abducted by aliens? Like this sort of glazed over
4:01
look, like like is she so happy for her son? Or is she
4:05
just like, oh my god, Tom, is this what you've been spending
4:09
your time on? Yeah, it is. That was wild and kind of
4:13
cute, But this whole episode blew, I know. And then we have
4:17
a season finale next week, still in San Francisco, I guess, dumb
4:21
af Now, before we get into it, we're just going to do a
4:25
quick recap. I think. I don't think I can talk about it for
4:27
very long. Now. I do want to say there was some news in
4:30
the VPR universe this week. Apparently they're going to be pausing filming for VPR.
4:35
Yeah, and I guess that's because Arianna is filming Love Island or something.
4:40
Yeah, she's going to be the new host of Love Island and I
4:43
think she's going to be in Fiji until the end of summer. So traditionally
4:47
vanderpump Rules films over the summer, like we've seen this season, but now
4:53
they're going to have to wait. There is some speculation that maybe they're going
4:57
to put them on a longer pause because this season was so oh fucking bad.
5:00
Canceled maybe canceled. I mean, but where are they gonna go from
5:04
here? Where are they gonna go from here? I mean, unless like
5:08
Brock and Shehena have their own scandaal I mean really, I would watch that.
5:12
I would watch because I hate him so much, especially after this episode,
5:15
or like Schwartz getting more cringey and like, I don't care twenty years
5:18
you can't be more cringey. Him and Katie getting back together, like stuff
5:23
like that would be crazy, I guess, but that's never gonna happen.
5:27
I just don't I really, unless they bring in like a new cast or
5:30
Rachel Okay. If Rachel Okay if Rachel came back, I would want to
5:35
be there, especially if Ariana was there and Tom was there that I would
5:40
love to see the dynamic and you just know Shena and Lala would be team
5:44
Rachel. Oh yeah, well I heard because they're pausing season twelve right now.
5:48
I heard that Shena and Lala are like freaking out. Like people are
5:51
on Twitter and Instagram saying maybe this is why Sena and Lala have been crazy
5:57
like online, and like, maybe that's why they were crazy in the reunion
6:00
because this is their paycheck. So now it's paused for an indefinite amount of
6:03
time. Mm hmmm, maybe they're broke, I mean, out of sight,
6:06
out of mind. I think the only reason people listen to Shenanigans Sheinache's
6:13
podcast because she's on VPR and it does really well during vander Pump Rules.
6:17
But if there's no vander Pump Rules and we don't see you and we're not
6:20
downloading apples, right, then, why are we thinking about you? Like
6:25
we're not thinking about you, and we're not thinking about you La La no,
6:29
ma'am. Yeah, So I did hear that they're kind of freaking out,
6:31
and I think some Folks are speculating that Laala in particular is pissed because
6:38
she has to put her paychecks in her life on pause for Ariana. Oh
6:43
and she's so jealous of Arianna, and also because she wanted to show her
6:46
pregnancy on camera because they think she tried to plan a virgal baby. Nobody
6:50
cares, you care? I mean, I care about the astrology, yeah,
6:54
but I don't care about her talking about her being pregnant. That's great,
6:58
that's for the Valley, which I also don't want you on. Nope,
7:01
because the Valley is lit enough. Yes, it's so good. I
7:04
can't wait to get to that, I know. But yeah, so there
7:08
was that news in the VPR world and I don't care. I don't take
7:12
a long ass break like figure your shit out, honestly. Yeah. I
7:15
had such high hopes coming into this season. Yeah, and they are all
7:20
dashed. Oh yeah. And a lot of people have commented on our YouTube
7:24
and online and Reddit whatever saying that vander Pump had been going down hill for
7:29
a little while until scan of all kind of that revived it and that too.
7:33
So I mean, unless they got something else going on, nobody wants
7:38
to see a bunch of people. Wake. Yeah, they need new people.
7:41
And the fact of the matter is is as you get older and you
7:44
start hitting your forties, like you do slow down, you do start families,
7:47
you do start taking things seriously, You're not fucking people in the bathroom
7:51
a lah. Jack's like, You're trying to live your life in a different
7:55
way and that's just not as exciting. So they need they need new blood.
8:00
Yeah, I don't I don't want any of them. Maybe Katie,
8:01
Like if vp R goes away, I would love to see Katie on the
8:05
valley with a though Schwartz, no anybody else that I'd like to see survive
8:11
this. I like James, James, James and Alley and Ali might be
8:15
fun VALI Yeah, I'd like them. Anyway, let's get into the episode.
8:18
We are on season eleven, episode fourteen, entitled something I forget to
8:26
say, I don't even know, I don't even care for Old Tom's sake.
8:28
Okay, that's what it was. And they just go to San Francisco.
8:31
Like the whole half of the episode is them preparing to go to San
8:35
Francisco. Sheina goes over to Kyle Chan's jewelry shop and she talks with Sandoval
8:41
where he apologizes and she cries and she forgives him, like of course,
8:46
of course she does. It's like so stupid, the pendulum swing with her,
8:50
like back and forth, like pick a position and stay with it.
8:54
Just last week, he's screaming at you Yeah at James's house. Yeah,
8:58
and it's Ariana who's hugging you and coming to get you. Yeah, and
9:01
like are we to believe? The very next day you go and see him
9:03
at Kyle Chance and you're like, Olive, you, You're like my best
9:07
friend. You've been so good to me. I miss you. It's been
9:09
three months and I haven't gone to talk with you or hang out with you,
9:13
and you haven't sent me any money. I feel bad. Like that's
9:16
really all it is. It's so pathetic. Although I will say I am
9:20
kind of looking forward to seeing her horrible performance at Kyle Chance San Francisco thing.
9:26
Yeah, I mean, I can't wait. What is she going to
9:28
be performing? Apples? I think she's going to open with Apples and maybe
9:31
yeah good as Gold. Those are her two songs with the twenty sevens nay
9:37
Zi. Yes, She's living for it. God, just a pantheon a
9:41
cavalcade of narcissists. Yeah, just a cuddle puddle of narcissists. And then
9:48
when they get to San Francisco and they go on like some boat ride,
9:52
and nobody's dressed appropriately because these are all a bunch of la losers who don't
9:56
know how to dress in long sleeve for San Francisco weather, which I mean,
10:01
I love San Francisco. Have you ever been there? Yes, it's
10:03
so great. My first husband was from Oakland. Oh yes, and so
10:09
I know. And so when I went to visit family and stuff, we
10:11
often went to San Francisco. Yeah, it used to be awesome. Yeah,
10:16
no, not so much. I've heard bad things. Yeah. We
10:18
did watch Welcome to Platvom, Yeah, and we saw some weird things.
10:24
Yeah, a little bit. It's gone downhill a little bit, allegedly,
10:26
I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. But then while they're after they get
10:30
off the boat, Ariana and Brock talk for like some weird forced Yeah,
10:37
why why are you two walking together? Like that wouldn't happen in nature or
10:43
God's natural kingdom. No, And like Brock's telling her again the same ship
10:46
over and over again. You need to forgive Tom, get over it.
10:50
Already stop being an angry, bitter bitch is basically what he's saying. And
10:54
it's for you. Forgiveness, it's for you, but it's the poison you
10:58
drain kills you. Unforgiveness kills you. Like Brock, you're so dumb.
11:05
And I just love how eloquent Ariana was. I know I can't be as
11:11
eloquent, but she says something like, look, all of my feelings are
11:13
valid, and there is power and importance in each and every one of those
11:16
feelings. Whether it's fear, whether it's rage, whether it's loneliness, whether
11:20
it's sadness, whatever it is, it's power. Yeah. And I'm sick
11:24
of people talking shit about female rage. We deserve to have our female rage,
11:31
yes, And I don't hear anybody complaining when it's male rage. And
11:35
then Brock's like, well what do you mean male rage? And I don't
11:39
even understand the concept of male rage. Oh okay, all the things Ariana
11:45
could have said in that moment, can you think of a few things?
11:48
Because I can. I know the editor like does a quick montage of the
11:50
boys behaving badly, But like, Brock, you dumb fucking shit, Well
11:56
you sent me a tweet earlier today about his DV charge, like people being
12:00
like, Okay, you want to talk about male male rage, what about
12:03
your DV charge, Brock? Duh, stupid? Do you really want to
12:05
ask that question? All the times you yell at Sheena for wanting to go
12:09
home to their your daughter and took her in at night, yeah, and
12:13
for her OCD and for her mom. Who's facilitating your entire life, you
12:18
piece of shit speedle wearing asshole. It's your fucking weird haircut, your hair
12:22
wear weird haircut. And he's the new worm with a mustache. That's who
12:26
Brock is. I've never liked him. I've been on record, and I
12:31
stand vindicated. This is how I feel about it. Well, your feelings
12:33
are valid, thank you. Your female rage is valid. It's power,
12:37
it's my power source. And then we also have Lala criticizing Dan, like
12:41
the whole episode. Like first off, she says it's weird that Dan's dating
12:46
somebody, like a that's weird. Lala is dating Randal Emmett, is fucking
12:52
Randal Emmett, Like laying down in bed with Randall Emmett and having a whole
12:58
ass child with That's what's odd. Yeah, she's jealous, dude, she's
13:03
so jealous, jealous because Dan Dan's attractive. He's probably got a big old
13:09
dick. He's dicking Ari on and down. You can see it in her
13:13
face. She's so happy. She's cost yes with her man. When he
13:18
took out his hair, that was a surprise to me, and I'm like,
13:20
oh I was, I was looking at that freaking well. I thought
13:26
he was a very handsome man. I like his physique as well. He's
13:30
a strong looking person, but he's not overly buffed like prop Okay, Yeah,
13:33
I think he's a handsome man. And Laala cannot fucking stand it.
13:39
She thinks it's weird that he's dating her because she just got out of her
13:41
relationship. And then later in the episode, she's like saying that it's weird
13:46
that he won't hang out with the group when he's there in San Francisco.
13:50
He's there to bang his girlfriend who's a long distance lover, and he's there
13:54
to hang out with her while she's in San Francisco with her fucking ex.
13:56
Yeah, he's there to support her. He is a good man, Savannah,
14:00
what a concept. Yeah, Lala knows nothing about that life she's so
14:03
bitter, dude. And then we have Katie and Tom at the end at
14:07
the nineteen twenties party for Brock, which is the dumbest thing ever. But
14:11
Schwartz comes up and it's like, hey, you know, would be really
14:15
cool if like, just, you know, just tonight we just fucked one
14:18
more time. I was kind of shocked at that, were you yeah a
14:22
little bit? Well? Was he proposing that they fuck or was he proposing
14:26
that they just get in bed and scroll? He was wanting a one night
14:30
he literally said a one night stand. He's wanting to fuck. He was
14:33
taught because she's looking hotter than ever. Yeah, like she's living her best
14:37
life. Yeah, he's so insecure about it because he's dyeing his hair fucking
14:41
blonde. All he has is Joseph. Yeah, Joseph and these twenty year
14:48
old chippies that don't care that he's got a broken dick and we'll bang him
14:52
once, but then don't want to come back. He wants somebody who's familiar,
14:56
who can touch him like nobody else can. Well, I I thought
15:00
it was very sweet what I did. I thought it was very sweet and
15:03
very charming. No, I mean, I just I thought it was like
15:07
the Katie and Schwartz that we used to see back in the day, like
15:11
when they were getting along. And actually Katie was on Watch What Happens Live
15:16
and she was like, that's who we were. That's why I stayed for
15:18
as long as I did, because we had this sort of essential rapport,
15:22
sense of humor, a little bit of passive aggressiveness. But it was fun
15:24
for us. It was just everything else that sucked and it was unsustainable.
15:30
But she's like, at our core, that's what works for us, and
15:33
so I could feel that that was sweet. But I mean, of course
15:37
she said no. Yeah, she's like, you know, why would she?
15:39
But a lot of people on Twitter and stuff were saying that she only
15:43
said no because the cameras were on, that she probably wouldn't bang them.
15:45
Later. Well, I think she said, un watch what Happens Live,
15:48
that that did not happen. But of course she'll say it. Could be
15:50
sure, she could do what the fuck she wants. She's a single lady
15:52
at the fucking peak of her beauty. Yeah, she can have who she
15:56
wants totally, even if it's Schwartz. I'm sure, why, my god,
16:03
he dresses in those nineteen fifties bowling shirts. He's got no game whatsoever,
16:10
Katie. You could have anybody and she knows it. Oh my god,
16:14
what a power position. When a woman knows her own value in this
16:17
world. You cannot stop her, no man, And she's got the pick
16:19
of the litter. Two girls and men. Yea, what a schwartz have
16:25
nobody? Nothing plants his bar? What a loser lose? Was there anything
16:32
else? Well, there was the final conversation between Sheena and Tom. Yeah,
16:36
when Tom asks her to go outside and look at the lights and have
16:38
a talk, and Sheena counsels him on how he should feel and what he
16:45
should say because he doesn't know how to say the right thing ever. And
16:48
Shina does advocate for Ariana a little bit by saying, like, do you
16:52
think that she frowze her eggs just for her? No, she did that
16:55
for you, for the life with you. The home was for a life
16:59
with you. She did all that because she loved you. You don't have
17:02
to say anything to that. That's just what it is. But can you
17:04
think about that? And maybe there's a way, Maybe there's a world where
17:10
you can apologize to her sincerely? He won't he won't. He doesn't know
17:14
how to. He will only do that in his interstitials, in his blue
17:17
blazer, with his fake tears, his vizing tears. She's like setting him
17:22
up for like a redemption arc, but he literally can't do it. No,
17:25
he's not capable. Yeah, it's so cringe. But then she gives
17:29
him a hug and they cry and it's like whatever, But I'm like,
17:30
why why do you even care about this dope? And this is why Ariana
17:34
later earlier in the episode, is like rolling her eyes, Yeah, sipping
17:38
your drink and she's like, this is fucking weird, Like, why do
17:41
you even care about this guy who does not give a shit about you?
17:45
The only reason he's pretending to care about you right now is because he's he
17:51
needs an end back into the group, and you're letting him do it.
17:53
And as soon as he's back in and he's the number one guy in the
17:56
group, he's not gonna think twice about you. I was with this guy
18:00
for ten years. I know how he actually feels about you. Yep.
18:03
But she won't listen. No, she won't because it's sheenache and she's a
18:07
male sympathizer, and that's what Katie said, and it's true. It's just
18:11
facts. It's just objectively true. She always sides with the guys like Lisa
18:15
Vanderbump. Yep. Yeah, that was it. There's like literally nothing else,
18:22
nothing else. I mean, there was like a dinner with Aaron and
18:23
Dan. That was it. Okay, Like nobody cares and that's like all
18:29
of it was like a blur. I'm like, yeah, what did I
18:30
even watch? Yeah, just a bunch of talking. It's really bad when
18:34
you turn off the episode and can't remember anything you just watched it. Yeah,
18:38
yeah, very cringe. Yep. You want to get into the valley
18:41
now, Yeah, let's get right into the Belle. Let's get into the
18:45
good stuff. Honey. All right, Okay, so Valley. We are
18:48
on season one. We are on episode seven. This one is entitled Gossip
18:52
of the Group. Okay aka Janet, and we do you know, we
18:56
do start this episode where we like off last week back at that toxic hair
19:03
loss party table. Yeah, the aftermath where all that shit just went down
19:07
in the hallway. Honey, we had nipple out, we had Brittany who
19:10
the next day has a red injured eye. By the way, oh I
19:12
didn't even notice yeah, she had a red injured eye. And she's like,
19:15
oh, I don't know how that happened. Well, Jesse pushed you
19:18
into a wall on his way to attack Kristin physically, and you were drunk.
19:22
That's how that happened. Drunkie, Yeah, so that'll just happened.
19:26
Michelle and Jesse come back into the party room. People are just like I'm
19:30
over this and you just have my meal. This is crazy, right,
19:33
And this is where Michelle and Jesse do what we knew they were going to
19:37
do, which is basically say, okay, let's ice Kristin out anywhere I'm
19:42
gonna be they're not allowed to be, And of course Janet's bitch as is
19:48
like, yeah, any opportunity I have, I'm not gonna invite her ever.
19:52
Again, are we in high school? Yes? Are we in middle
19:55
school? Yes? Like, can't we just sit down and like have an
19:57
actual productive con where I can tell you like, look, I realized I
20:03
didn't say that, right, I get it, but this is actually what
20:06
I heard and this is actually what happened, and I want to apologize for
20:10
all of the collateral damage. Can we just make this right? Like that's
20:14
what adults do. But these people can't do that. No, they're forty
20:18
something year old losers who live in the valley who want to gossip because that's
20:22
all they have going on in their lives and pretend to be rich. Yes,
20:25
but when they're all miserable with their lives, like Jesse and Michelle acting
20:29
like they're like the heads of this group on a show that would is only
20:34
famous because of Kristin and Jack. Their celebrity is only possible because of Kristin,
20:40
And generally nobody knows who you are or cares who you guys are without
20:45
Kristin. Yeah, you're actually really unlikable. Yeah, and I would never
20:48
want to know you in real life. Ever, the only reason I'm watching
20:52
you and I am rapped is because of Kristin and Jack. So at the
20:57
end of the day, whatever she did, I mean, unless it was
21:02
really really bad, but I don't consider this to be that. Like,
21:03
at the end of the day, you owe her some allegiance for that,
21:07
and that says volumes about you. Like the next day when we're at Jesse
21:11
and Michelle's and she's got her stink face on. Oh, they're trying to
21:15
talk about Kristin again. I'm just like, you guys are so miserable and
21:19
unhappy, and you're taking it out on Kristin because she's a ding dong yep.
21:25
But it's becoming very evident where the problem is and it's in your home,
21:27
yeah, with you two. And that's what's so stupid because at this
21:32
dinner, that's where Jesse says, like, oh, Kristin said that I
21:36
would leave Michelle, but no, actually it would be Michelle leaving me.
21:38
So I'm like, okay, the cats out of the bag now. But
21:41
you're mad at Kristin for saying it, even though you're also spilling it,
21:45
like right, you said it at the pool party at Jackson's, Like this
21:49
is conversations that have already happened. Why are we acting so surprised miss me
21:52
with that because she misstated it. Yeah, but essentially what she's saying is
21:57
true, Like the spirit of what she was saying was true, Yes,
22:02
that they have problems. And so then when we have the next day where
22:04
it's Jesse Michelle at their house and he's got that stupid baseball cap on him
22:07
and he's like kind of in his feelings, like he's all insecure. Well,
22:11
he was in his feelings at the hair loss party table. Yeah,
22:15
because he had just seen his life coach or whoever that dude was right,
22:18
and he's just like coming to the realization that this marriage is probably not salvageable
22:23
at all. Yeah, And so the next day when they're having that conversation,
22:27
he's still in those feelings, but he's he strikes me as desperate to
22:32
keep it together with Michelle. Oh, totally. Yeah, he's one of
22:34
those guys that like wants the white picket fence, wants the illusion that he's
22:40
got his life together, but it's really miserable. And he even kind of
22:42
says this when in his talking to him, when he's like, you know,
22:45
I grew up in a family where everybody stayed together married, Like my
22:48
grandparents were married for a million years. My parents were married for a million
22:52
years. When you make a commitment, you stick with it. But I'm
22:56
thinking to myself, a lot of those marriages, like back in the day
23:00
with the boomers and all that, they were miserable too. Like they just
23:03
grew up in a generation where divorce was so taboo and people didn't think that
23:07
that was a good thing to do, so they stayed in miserable marriages,
23:11
so he learned that. And you want to stay in a miserable marriage with
23:15
a wife who fucking hates you, right, and it takes mega potshots at
23:19
you. Yeah, like when you were dancing with that older lady at the
23:22
hair loss party and she's like, you can have him. Like, you
23:25
don't need to say that out loud with your words, write much less on
23:27
camera. Yeah, you're humiliating this man for the sport of it. Yes,
23:32
something's wrong with you. Michelle, you suck. Yep, they both
23:34
suck. He sucks, but she sucks. I'm like, who do I
23:37
hate more today? I hate Michelle because she's such a liar, because she
23:44
is a cheater. Yeah, And like even in her interstitial, when the
23:45
producer asked her, well, is there a secret that she's actually holding for
23:49
you, she's like, no, everybody can sniff a cheater. You're a
23:55
cheater. Kristen's right, that's what she was protecting. And you're trying to
23:59
hoodwink us to believe that that's not happening. Yes, but it is awful
24:03
person one. And even Jesse's picking up on that. He's worried about her
24:07
cheating because he's talking about how she doesn't post on social media anymore, especially
24:11
when she goes out with her friends. She used to post all the time,
24:15
Now she doesn't. And now she puts her phone face down on the
24:18
table because she doesn't want him looking at who's texting her, And so he's
24:23
picking up on that, And I kind of feel bad for him on that
24:26
because too nobody deserves that. But at the same time, it's like,
24:29
oh God, he sucks so great. How could she not leave you?
24:32
And I think Kristen said last week something like I knew about this one your
24:36
relationship, but like I'm in full support of it because he's such a trash
24:38
back. Yeah, exactly so. And he doesn't treat her well either,
24:41
like him saying like, I'll do whatever it takes to make it work,
24:45
besides be a better person, Yeah, like be a better husband or stop
24:48
yelling at her when she's doing the laundry or making your cappuccino. God,
24:52
you piece of shit. Seriously, you're a terrible person. So unaware,
24:56
get off my television, yep, but also make a spectacle so yeah,
25:02
and also continue continue I want him back. Listen season two. I Want
25:07
Jesse Jesse or Divorcing, Divorcing China split assets, who gets to go to
25:12
Coppery take Bella and like she's already dating, he's already dating. I would
25:18
totally watch that. Of course, it's everything so turbotoxic, but I love
25:25
it. I love it. It's the best kind of trash. And then
25:30
we have Jason and Janet at their house and Janet a gossiping ass. Oh
25:36
god, oh my god. She thinks she is pulling the wool over our
25:41
eyes. She thinks we're all watching her, and the fact that she's pregnant
25:44
and heavy with child, with child like that, we're thinking, oh my
25:48
god, she's so innocent and beautiful. What a beatific new mother to be.
25:52
She can do no wrong, No bitch, we see weeklocky, we're
25:56
raccoons, we got monocles. Yeah, we're watching. You're stink ass hoe
26:02
ass, petty, asked gossiper. And you know what was so fascinating to
26:07
me is like the side eyes from her own husband. Dude, her husband's
26:11
interstitials when he's alone on the cow. She's like, she's like, she
26:17
left her full time job when she got pregnant, because of course she left
26:19
her full time job. But I didn't know she'd have this full time job
26:23
as a gossip And this guy's a lawyer, like a very practical guy who's
26:30
sitting there listening to his wife just gabble on about nothing about other people's problems.
26:37
And he's like, literally in the moment, like why do we care
26:38
about this? Why are you involved in this? Why do you know about
26:41
any of this? And she's like, well, because Michelle told me,
26:45
and because Jasmin told me this, and I have to hear from Jackson,
26:48
and I feel a sense of responsibility because I've heard it now and like I
26:51
really should do something about it. Like, hey, well, first of
26:53
all, you are the originator. You are the one who said the Republican
26:59
lgbt T toxic SHITU and you probably said racist. Yeah, true, Tea,
27:03
you probably said racist. You're the one who started all of this shit,
27:07
and now you're concerned about all the people who are affected by it.
27:10
They know it's so good. It's like what Jasmine said like a couple episodes
27:14
ago, where she's like, there's only one Queen Bee of gossip and it's
27:17
not Kristen. I'm like, yeah, we've been knowing it's Janet's bitch ass.
27:21
I just want it to come out I wanted to come out that it
27:22
is Janet that's saying all this stuff, And even Jacks knows it's Janet.
27:27
He says it in his talking head, like she's doing my job for me,
27:32
and he's smiling because he's like, yes, Like right, my plan
27:36
to have a delicious first season of the Valley so I can make money because
27:38
I'm broke as fuck is right well. And later on, when Janet and
27:44
Jason have the audacity to go over to Jackson Britney's house to confront them about
27:48
the gosspep was crazy. Jack's on the couch, She's like, who the
27:51
fuck do you think you are calling me out for my gossipy ways. You
27:56
are the queen of that. Yes, the queen gossip Janet. We're not
28:00
buying it. And I was reading somewhere online. They were just talking about
28:03
how online Janet is and how in fact, and this is not a fact,
28:08
it's all alleged, but in fact, Janet was a super fan of
28:12
Vanderpump Rules. She lived in Ohio, so she's the Midwest girl lived in
28:17
Ohio and flew out intentionally to La and put herself next to Sinachet and then
28:25
became friends with Sheena Sheet inserted herself into the Vanderpump Rules group, And we
28:30
did see on vander Pump Rules in previous seasons, like she was kind of
28:33
orbiting every now and again, we did see Janet, but like Britney did,
28:37
Britney Cartwright did the very same thing with JACKX. So Janet inserted herself
28:42
into this friend group on purpose. She's the ultimate clout goblin and she lives
28:51
to cause chaos in this group. Oh and sent her and platform herself.
28:55
My god, So she's online, chronically online, zillowing everybody's house, following
29:00
all of the rumors of all of her castmates. So you don't think she's
29:03
reading right now all of social media's opinion about her, which by the way,
29:07
is bad. Oh. I hope she's listening to this podcast. Me
29:10
too, because she thought she was gonna do something on the Valley. But
29:14
like everybody hates her as much, if not more than they hate Michelle.
29:18
Oh, my god. And doesn't she have her own podcast? I think
29:22
she just recently had Michelle as a guest on her own podcast. I listen.
29:26
I know that she used to podcast with Sheena. I think she used
29:29
to be second chair ONNI el stops something like that, yes, yes,
29:33
girl, goblin dude, this is going to backfire on her so bad.
29:38
I mean it already is on Valley, but like, oh my god.
29:41
But like there are these moments of clarity with Jason when he's just like watching
29:45
his wife talk about this and he's just like, who are you? Like,
29:49
why are we doing this? Like we have a child that's about to
29:52
come into this world. We've got to get this nursery together, and this
29:56
is what you're focusing on. Yeah, Like you can see the character of
29:59
your wife, can't you, Jason. It's almost like he didn't know that
30:02
this was who she was until she was activated. Yes, oh my god,
30:06
I'm gonna be on her show. And he's like, what the fuck
30:08
a battery in her back? Yep? Yeah, crazy toxic, so toxic.
30:14
Good. And then we have like a little scene with Luke and Christen
30:18
going to the docta, the fertility do walk dead to check her follicles on
30:22
her over. She's got hair on her ovaries, she got enough hair,
30:26
she got enough hair or hair do on her ovaries. She's all worried.
30:30
Sorry, I'm just gonna be very blunt and mean, Okay, because she's
30:33
like, I don't know why I'm not getting pregnant. I'm like, you're
30:36
forty, yeah, you're well beyond a geriatric pregnancy. Were you to get
30:41
pregnant right now? Like? Can we stop acting like that's like a normal
30:44
mystery? And I'm like, I'm really glad that your ovaries are not dried
30:48
up and shriveled up and everything. That's great, Like I do hope she
30:52
can get pregnant if she wants to do that and stuff. But I'm like,
30:53
can we stop acting like it's so crazy that you're not pregnant at forty
30:57
something? I don't know. Yeah, a little drama, yeah, but
31:03
she's got some hair on her ovaris and the ability exists for them to get
31:07
pregnant. And side note, they do end up getting pregnant. I don't
31:11
know if we're going to see that, No, she's not she had a
31:15
miscarriage. Oh that's right, that's so. But I don't know if we're
31:18
going to see her pregnancy a little bit of her journey on the valley'd be
31:25
really sad. Maybe that's so mean that I said that. It's not me,
31:27
no, but I mean it's also true. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
31:30
And then we have Jackson Brittany at their house. He's shushing her and
31:33
telling her to shut up, and she's like, if he shushes me one
31:37
more that listen, I'm team Jack's there because it's Brittany, her dumb ass
31:42
mama, her grandma. And then you've got the speech therapist trying to work
31:47
with Cruise, like six feet away. They're just yimmy yammy with their fucking
31:51
accent, and jack said, can y'all just shut up? Can you move
31:55
it somewhere else? They're trying to do something for Cruise. Yeah, yeah,
31:59
and she's like, don't tell me shit and whatever. Yeah. But
32:02
then Janet and Jason come over, and then this is where Janet's like,
32:06
gotta get all of the tea and she looks so fucking desperate, dude.
32:08
She's like asking Jackson, so what did what did you tell her? What
32:12
did you tell Michelle? Was it you don't tell Michelle? Or so what
32:15
did you tell jacks Jasmine? But don't you think she already knows what the
32:19
rumor is? I think everybody knows what this rumor is. Everybody has already
32:22
heard it. So Janet, why are you trying so hard? But she
32:27
wants to have a moment. Yeah, she wants to be on camera,
32:30
and so she's like, well, why are you saying this and what is
32:31
this about? And also, Brittany, they said that you knew about it
32:36
and you're the one who said it. Yeah, and kind of outed Brittany
32:38
too, because Brittany before that, first she focused on Jack's like, Jack's
32:42
why are you saying this? And Brittany's like, oh, he knows when
32:45
I hate when he does this. And then it's like, and we heard
32:47
that you're the one who told Jacks like it came from you. And Brittany's
32:51
like, oh, but I don't. I don't talk about my friends.
32:53
No, I don't say nipy, and I don't want to be involved.
32:55
Brittany looked pissed that she got out of like she did not I loved it.
33:00
And Jack's kind of looked pissed too, because in his interstitials, he's
33:04
like, Janet's acting like she's too good for this, like she wouldn't have
33:07
done the same thing that I did, but she's the queen of all of
33:10
this, orchestrating all of it. Facts. Yes, I can't wait for
33:14
that to come out to the rest of the group because I want people to
33:16
start. I don't know if it is I wonder if it is her,
33:21
it's gonna bite her in the boat. I don't like her me nit there.
33:24
And then we have Danny and Nia at the park. This is where
33:28
she calls some lady Sally, who's her sister in law. And here's my
33:34
thought about this, Beatrice, Like, I'm worried about Danny and Na because
33:37
I like them so much. I think they're people of actual character and integrity.
33:43
He's like a great role model for a husband, especially in this group,
33:46
and she just seems like such a loving, beautiful woman and mom and
33:52
wife. And I'm like, if you guys don't do something trashy soon,
33:54
I fear you're not going to be on season two. Well, I kind
33:58
of don't want them to be because I feel like they're too good and I
34:00
don't want them to be ruined by this vapid group of friends that are just
34:05
toxic as fuck and they just love to cause chaos and destruction in everybody's lives.
34:09
Like I like Danny and Nia. How did they even become friends with
34:13
Jackson in the first place. I don't understand. It does not make sense.
34:16
It does not compute. I want them to move to Santa Clarita or
34:20
wherever they're gonna move, and just stay there in the suburbs. Yeah,
34:23
two things are true. Like I love them. I think they're so awesome.
34:27
I actually like listening to them and learning about them. But at the
34:30
same time, I need my reality TV to be in that dumpster at the
34:35
bottom with the juices. It needs to be stanky. These people don't bring
34:38
stanky. No, they don't. Real life problems that are sad. She's
34:44
got PPD, y'all, she's got both. It's depression. It's supposed to
34:47
resolve itself within a matter of weeks or like a couple of months, but
34:51
she's still got issues. And so now she's gonna have to go and get
34:53
the zolafta something. Go have to go get to get get that Xana.
35:00
Yeah, oh I wish I could get So how do I get some sata?
35:04
If anybody knows how to get some dmos? Not no one. I
35:12
had the phantanel in it. Money. We don't want this, We don't
35:15
want the fan we don't. But anyway, she's a nice woman. I
35:17
feel bad for her. I hope she gets help. Same and then we
35:21
have Jackson Brittany go into some sex tantric tantric expert like, uh, the
35:27
Plaths did, Yeah on season two they did poor Ethan trying anything to keep
35:32
his relationship together, and Jackson's doing the same thing. But is he does
35:37
he really want to keep his relationship together with Brittany? I mean, correct
35:40
me if I'm wrong everybody listening and or watching, But that man seems disgusted
35:45
by her, like that man does not seem to want to touch her,
35:49
love on her kiss, much less talk to her. And I wouldn't either
35:53
to the latter because her voice is so grating nails on a chalkboard, man,
35:58
and she's always into people and talking over people with that yukiekey, like,
36:05
oh my gosh, shut up, no, for real, he's got
36:08
to be at the end of his rope with her, Oh totally. I
36:10
think he's doing all of this for the cameras. And that's what's so fucked
36:14
up about it and kind of diabolical that he's like fainting, like he pretends
36:19
like he cares about his marriage, and he's like, yeah, she's the
36:22
mother of my child. I love her very much. She's my rock.
36:23
She's my soulmate. I guess like he says these things and I'm like,
36:27
you don't believe it at all, dude, Yeah, I don't think he's
36:30
ye, I don't think he feels that in his insides. But then when
36:34
they paned to her and she starts talking about the really it's interesting because they're
36:37
doing the soul gazing, yeah, and they're supposed to be staring into each
36:39
other's eyes and like really connecting on on the soul. And so then they
36:45
cut over to his interstitial and everything he's saying about her is glowing, very
36:51
sweet, very sweet, and it was very nice. And then they cut
36:55
to her and she's like, well, he hasn't been taken care of me,
36:58
and he hasn't made me feel like a six the woman. I don't
37:00
think he lacks my body, audi Audi no more. I got all these
37:04
stretch marks and this loose hanging skin and of course this voice as well.
37:08
And I just don't understand. He needs to be doing more, trying harder.
37:12
I'm like, Britney, what are you bringing to the table? Though?
37:16
Okay, you can wear lingerie and in heels, but I'm like,
37:19
are you bringing rapport? Communication? Spiritual intimacy? Into this relationship, you
37:25
will. No, she's not in that mouth, by the way, uncensored.
37:30
Well, and I think herself worth, like all these other women,
37:34
is like tied to her body and her sex appeal, and she they flash
37:37
back to some of her seas uncensored. Yeah, we're back from uncensored,
37:42
so we can't talk about that no more what I was just talking about.
37:45
And by the way, if you want to hear our uncensored conversation, you
37:47
gotta you got gotta go to because when we get crazy like that and say
37:52
inappropriate things that are not politically correct, we can't share that on YouTube or
37:57
on our podcast platform. But back to poor Brittany and her body image.
38:00
Yeah, no, I think she feels super insecure, and obviously Jax isn't
38:04
helping that because he's not fucking her. Don't like not telling you don't want
38:07
to touch her full He's probably telling her some nasty shit. I mean,
38:09
we've talked about this couple episodes ago that it came out that he's been putting
38:14
her down and talking bad about her. So I'm sure she feels really horrible
38:17
about herself. But I think it's because she's like her sense of self is
38:22
tied to her body and her sex appeal, because they flashed back to some
38:24
of the earlier seasons of her on VPR where she was like just this hot,
38:29
tight little thing. And I'm not saying she's not hot right now.
38:31
I'm just saying, like, obviously, our bodies change, and she's know,
38:36
yeah, and when we have kids, especially, our bodies are gonna
38:37
change forever. Like I get it. I totally get it. But like,
38:43
why were you with Jack's in the first place. He was a known
38:46
quantity saying he's a fucking cheater period. You knew that as a vander Pump
38:51
Rules fan, Like, yet you sawt him out in Vegas and you intentionally
38:54
hooked up with him, and so you know who this man is, yeah,
39:00
and what's important to him. Yeah. And then even at the tantric
39:04
sex whatever, she's not in it, like for a good reason, like
39:08
she's mad at him, Like she's not even there. Did you notice that
39:13
she was looking down a lot and looking away a lot? That was interesting.
39:17
I don't know what that means to Missy. They don't have that connect,
39:20
and he was looking right at her. He was, And I don't
39:22
want to like Jackson. I don't want to root for Jacks. I don't
39:25
want to believe Jack's like he was looking right at her, leaned into her,
39:30
and she was uncomfortable. Yeah, she was very uncomfortable. And like
39:34
maybe there's a small part of Jacks that does actually want to make it work
39:37
with her because he has been with her for ten years. They do have
39:39
a kid together. It seems like a good dad. I mean he does,
39:43
and maybe he has changed and grown up a little bit, a little
39:45
bit, but it's still Jack's Taylor. So his reputation follows him and he's
39:52
kind of a clout goblin and even on the valley, he's producing all of
39:54
these storylines to distract from his crumbling marriage. Which who called that out?
40:00
I forget who actually was it? Janet? Yeah, somebody I think it
40:02
was Janet. I said, like he's doing flash bangs over here to deflect
40:07
away from what's actually happening in his life over here, which we've all been
40:10
saying, and we can see that's true. Yeah, two things can be
40:13
true at once. Yeah, their whole sex soul gazing tantric thing. Do
40:16
you want to very cringe? No, I'm so gazing gaze with their daughter
40:21
I'm still gazing at you run and why we both have souls? I'm gazing
40:24
at well. I didn't say tantric. You notice I didn't say that,
40:30
But I can see into your soul. Look at me. Why will you
40:38
Jesus crags? Sorry, I'm drinking. She gets crazy when she's drinking.
40:44
Oh god. And then the guys, Oh my god, this was so
40:46
cringe. Jason Luke and Jack's right, Yeah, a motley crew. They
40:52
all go to the Bowling Alley, which I thought was hell cringe because like,
40:55
contrast that with VPR where they're going to these like really nice restaurants,
41:00
They're going on a ferry ride in San Francisco, and then these losers off
41:05
the budget for the valley, the bowling Alley. Yeah, I thought that
41:08
was funny. I mean I loved bowl do you I loved it? I
41:12
love it. Oh god, I didn't even know that. Oh my god.
41:15
It's so much fun when you go and you're like, it is Harry
41:16
White trash, so I can see it for you totally. Yeah, and
41:19
you get the bowling not the bowling Alley. Nachos mean it. You didn't
41:22
know? I mean I didn't. You're so fucking judgie. I'm very bougie,
41:25
but you know I love you more than anything whatever. I don't mean
41:30
it us simpletons. Yeah, like the pleasures of you know, bowling or
41:35
mini golf. Of course it's fun. I hate too, mini golf I
41:37
hate, and I don't like bowling either because of all the germs, Like
41:39
how do you put your feet into a pair of shoes with all those fucking
41:44
germanys in and then touch bowling balls where people have herpies? Grocery shopping,
41:47
don't you you go grocer shopping, you go to the restaurant. That's all
41:51
that. That's way more germy. I never thought of it that way.
41:54
But I have to go to the grocery store. I have to get food.
41:58
I don't have to bowl, bitch. I don't have to pick up
42:00
this bowling ball with her simplex one and oh my god, it's a human
42:05
pampalonavirus plus all of that bowling. Yeah, you stick your fucking fingers,
42:09
then you put that in your nose. You got a cold store. What
42:12
about when you go to the Alamo Draft House, you think people aren't fucking
42:15
or doing blow jobs and stuff. I feel like they are sanitizing. I
42:19
feel like I'm paying more so they're sanitizing that anyway. I'm just thinking,
42:22
I don't both. I don't know. Okay, you like it's simple now,
42:25
but you did grow up next to a meth lab I did, which
42:29
exploded. I did that his story for that's a true story. That's a
42:31
true story anyway, Okay, Sorry. The guys go bowling just to grill
42:38
Luke, just to confront him about how Kristen's a bitch. Kristin's a gossip
42:45
and lying bitch basically, and Luke is like trying to defend her. But
42:49
at the same time he's like, yeah, I get that Kristian shouldn't have
42:52
said that. She said it wrong, Like I'll talk to her, and
42:54
they're like, yeah, you gotta, you gotta put your woman in their
42:58
place. Okay, Jack's i know, calmed down. At some point,
43:00
Jack's called Kristin a liar, and then Lucas like, well, you are
43:05
a self proclaimed pathological liar, so like, don't be calling Kristin out,
43:08
and Jackson's like, well that was ten years ago. I have the right
43:13
to change and to grow and to evall all right, Tom San He got
43:17
really triggered, he did by being called out for being an actual liar,
43:21
and he's lying on this episode. He lied in the last episode when he
43:23
sat down with Jasmine and said that it was Kristin who originated this rumor when
43:28
it was him. Yes, like liar. Yeah, he's kind of like
43:31
standing all in that way where it's like, if anybody says that you do
43:35
anything wrong, you got to deflect and get all triggered and get all mad
43:37
and be like I've grown No you haven't. It's okay, you have it.
43:43
Yeah, Like we're all dumb and young and we all make mistakes forty
43:47
five Well, yeah, but I'm saying when he was younger, Yeah,
43:51
he was younger, Jack's tailor. But he's still lying, He's still doing
43:54
all the same things, and I dare say he's probably still cheating. Totally
44:00
love to see that. I hope we do. I may be season two,
44:04
because you know that Brittany unfollowed Jacks at the PR person and now Jacks
44:09
has also unfollowed the PR person, so there was some fallout there, some
44:14
happened. I would love to see that on the Valad season two, which
44:17
I believe has picked up cameras. Yeah, so they are filming this summer
44:22
unlike vander pump Rule. Okay, I'm down. So maybe we're gonna get
44:25
some of this drama. I hope, So I would recap that with you.
44:29
I like, okay, well all right, well let's make plans.
44:31
Okay, And then after their weird bowling date, then we have Danny,
44:36
Nia, Michelle, and Jesse going to dinner. Okay, and this is
44:39
just kind of where they're talking about like buying a house, buying a car.
44:43
But then Michelle's bitching more about Chrischelle like can't wait for like an opening
44:47
in the conversation to insert her invective and vitriol against Kristen, Like Nia,
44:52
did you know Nia's an angel? Yeah, she's untouched by evil. Yes,
44:58
she's a holy, beautiful angel on this planet. And so Michelle,
45:01
the devil that she is, cannot wait for just a moment to start gossiping
45:06
about Christ and Nia starts crying. I know, if ever there was an
45:10
EmPATH in this group, it's actually Nia who can feel the poisonous toxic energy
45:15
rolling undulating off of Michelle and Jesse. I'm drunk, like she can feel
45:22
that. She starts crying and she's like, I'm sorry, but like,
45:23
I don't have room on my plate to hear about your bullshit. Plus I
45:28
know you're a cheater, and I'm just filming because I have to. Really,
45:30
I just need the paychecks so I can buy it. Oh, you
45:34
can buy out like a minivan. Poor even though Danny's like, we need
45:39
to go live up and stand to Clarina and she's like, that's like a
45:42
million miles away from La. No, it's not. It's forty five minutes.
45:45
I have no idea, I know where it's at. It's forty five
45:47
minutes, can be it's like maybe an hour. I'm like, yes,
45:51
get out of La get out of this toxic hell. Three children. Don't
45:54
you want to be a little bit removed from this class holdery? For real?
46:00
I felt really bad for Nia. I feel bad for her in general,
46:01
because it doesn't seem like she has very many friends, especially not in
46:06
this friend group that actually give a shit about the fact that she's going through
46:08
postpartum depression because all of them are just being toxic. Guess they're all narcissis.
46:14
Yes, they all suck ass. And then we have Kristin and Luke
46:17
at their apartment and this is where he's talking to her about her what do
46:22
you think about I actually appreciated Luke being very direct with her and being like,
46:27
look, I love you, like I know you didn't mean any well
46:30
mean harm, but you need to be careful with how you say things,
46:34
and you need to make sure you're saying it correctly so you don't cause more
46:38
of a shit storm. And when you apologize, stop saying I'm sorry.
46:43
But she's like, yeah, I know I need to do that, but
46:46
right I'm so immediately does exactly that girl, and was a bit passive,
46:52
aggressive and flippant slash dismissive with his like very reasonable concerns about your behavior,
47:00
and now it's impacting him yep. And he's trying to tell you like I
47:02
don't even know, like how we can continue this way if you're gonna always
47:07
be like this. Yeah, he's like, I don't know if I can
47:08
do this with you, And so Kristen hears the implicit not threat, but
47:15
like what he's trying to say, which is like, I don't know if
47:16
I can stay with you if you don't change this behavior, which freaks her
47:20
out, and so she then just says, Okay, I get it,
47:22
Yeah, all right, I'll change my behavior, but she doesn't actually get
47:25
it, and he calls her out for that too. It's like, I
47:28
don't feel like I'm getting through to you. And I like felt kind of
47:30
bad for Luke because it's like kind of a reality check of like this woman
47:35
that he is in love with. I think he does want her to be
47:37
the mother of his child and everything, but she's kind of crazy and like
47:42
she's choosing to stay with these groups of friends that are really toxic and terrible
47:47
for her. She's been in therapy for nine years and still acting like this.
47:52
Yes, that's wild to me, Like I can't relate to that.
47:55
I'm like, how have you not grown? I mean maybe she has grown
48:00
up a bit, but I'm like, girl, you have this nice young
48:02
man, yes, who's blowing your back out. Yeah. I mean he's
48:06
valuing you. He is defending you at every single turn, right, and
48:09
you're putting him in these situations that he should not be in to defend you
48:15
because you're opening your mouth and you're being dumb with it. Yes, and
48:17
he's being what a healthy partner should be, which is somebody who can call
48:21
you out on your bullshit and be like, yeah, you know you did
48:23
something wrong there, but I love you. I'm still gonna be there for
48:27
you. You just gotta change your shit. Just be better, fair,
48:30
do better. God. Yeah, but that offends her, I think,
48:34
Yeah, I think it kind of shocks her. But hopefully like she'll let
48:37
it sit and then she'll come back around. She'll be like, you know
48:38
what, you're right. Hopefully I'm gonna change my behavior. This is how
48:42
and I'm gonna make it better. Hopefully that because they're still together. Yeah,
48:45
so we for this because I do like them together. I think he's
48:47
good for her. Yeah. And then last, but not least, we
48:51
have Brittany and Jack's Okay. They're having a date nut eh, and they're
48:54
gonna bang and Jenny No, Jennet and Jason have to come up and watch
49:00
Cruise, which Brittany is automatically unhappy about because her mema and her mama were
49:07
there from Kentucky to watch Cruise this whole entire time, and Jax didn't take
49:12
the opportunity to do it. He waited until they left Okay to go take
49:15
the date. And then Jenna and Jason, their dumbasses have to come over
49:20
and they're like, what do we do with a two year old, Like,
49:22
you're literally about to have a baby. Yeah, it's not that hard,
49:24
but whatever. Brittany and Jackson go to some penthouse. Sweet looks very
49:30
nice, sort of. I mean, I don't know, my god,
49:31
you're so blacklited. I don't trus Yeah, I've seen better, but whatever.
49:37
There's a chef that comes over, but like with pre made food that
49:39
they're just heating up torch or whatever. I'm like, oh yeah, but
49:45
whatever, Like it's fancy for them and I appreciate that. So they sit
49:49
down, they sit down at their table, dumpster and what right to judge
49:53
these listeners. I'm just saying, you know, Bravo's paying for it.
49:58
Bravo's a arranging all. Do you think Jax Taylor did that? He did
50:00
none of that. So they show up, they sit down at their dinner
50:05
table. They start a conversation. Yeah, and I think Jack's sort of
50:10
opens the conversation about the bar, right and he's like, look, the
50:15
bar's going to take me away from the house like three to four nights a
50:17
week. So I'm really not sure if we want to bring a baby into
50:21
the situation right now. Plus Cruise, he's got this speech therapy thing,
50:27
and I really want to focus on that, which stirred my heart. Yeah,
50:30
because I'm like, oh my god, is your actual dad? I
50:32
mean, is he actually good person? Yeah, It's like I really want
50:36
to focus on Cruise and make sure he has what he needs. And I
50:38
just feel like if we have a whole ass baby right now, I can't
50:43
do the bar plus cruise plus focus on our marriage. Like it just feels
50:46
like the wrong time. And Brittany's like, what are you talking about?
50:51
If we have another kid? We were gonna have another kid next month.
50:53
We were gonna fight next month. That's what she does all she thinks about.
51:00
Well, because she told the Tantric six therapist or whatever that they don't
51:02
fuck that often at all. That's right, Like with six twice a year
51:07
or something in a year. That's wild, very bad. So he's really
51:10
really broke it down and bad. Yeah, But like it's weird to me
51:14
because I felt like Jack's explained his position, yeah, very cogently. He's
51:19
very articulate, Like I got it. I also felt it. I felt
51:22
like he was being authentic and sincere. But like she just went into I
51:27
want to be a mommy. How dare you tell me I'm not a good
51:29
mommy, Cruis is my whole world? What are you saying? Like,
51:31
I'm like, that's not what he's trying to talk about with you. He's
51:35
like just trying to tell you how he feels. And he's worried about this,
51:37
and she gets so defensive and starts attacking him and ultimately says something like,
51:42
well, you don't do anything anyway. I know. I couldn't believe
51:45
she said that. And he's like, are you fucking kidding me? Like,
51:46
how do you think we have this house? How do you think we
51:49
have this fucking show and this bar, Like I've done so much for this
51:52
family, and I believe that. But then she's like, no, we
51:55
both put in money, like we both have been doing it. It's not
51:59
just you, Like Dad, Well he didn't say you didn't both do it,
52:01
he said, but he did do his share, like he has been
52:05
showing up in these ways to create this family and this home for you.
52:09
Like, what do you mean I don't do anything? Yeah? But she
52:13
does not apologize. She's way up in her pride here, yeah, And
52:15
he's just like all right. He gets up and he walks out. I
52:20
know this was bad. I did see a scene though, from next week's
52:23
episode. He does come back okay, sits down on the couch and they
52:27
begin to talk and I guess they make up. But a lot of people
52:30
online were saying they thought, like he machiavellian designed that argument so that he
52:37
wouldn't have to have sex with her, Like, as soon as you sit
52:40
down at the table, you're gonna start talking about these hard ass topics that
52:45
are going to trigger her and an argument, then you're gonna walk out.
52:50
M I can kind of see it. I could totally see that, And
52:52
that's kind of what I was saying last week, where like I think that
52:55
he brings up all of these excuses, like all the time when she's wanting
52:59
to fuck, Like every time she's like, hey, can I blow you
53:01
a little bit? You want to put it in my butt? And he's
53:05
like, no, I'm really tired. I've got a lot going on.
53:07
It's just my cameos, my cameo, so many cameos. That's how you
53:16
know what celebrities going downhill when they're doing cameos. But money, man,
53:21
we should do cameos. Nobody would order them, but maybe like one person
53:28
would. It would be worth it. That would be hilarious, so many
53:31
cameos like I work hard for this family. That's what I'm saying. I
53:36
feel like he probably uses this all the time, and so maybe that's why
53:39
we're seeing her blow up every time he says this, like because it's just
53:44
the same thing over and over again, and she's knowing that it's an excuse.
53:47
I don't know. I've been seeing a lot of people being like,
53:50
I'm team Jack's after this episode, which I can totally. He seems very
53:53
reasonable, but maybe he is a Machiavilian puppa master like Rob, a fucking
53:58
brat. He could be manipulating her yo's because she says at the end,
54:01
I hate when you do this. Yes, like he does this a lot.
54:05
That's what I'm saying, Yeah, I'm I'm I'm fake psychic predicting that.
54:09
Okay, that he's totally he does this all the time, and he's
54:12
doing this for the cameras, So he's like four levels up in the astrol
54:15
figuring it all out from a higher vantage point like a demon, Okay,
54:19
like a demon, like a devil. I see it. I know,
54:22
Yeah, it's totally plausible. So then we have the preview, Okay,
54:25
Britney is planning to leave and is nauseous from drinking. Yeah, so there's
54:31
like a party or something and like what's Jesse's being led around on a leash
54:37
or something. And at the party, Jack says something like, well,
54:39
I guess I'm gonna have to tell everybody that you're gonna leave, and Brittany
54:43
says, well, I just don't know what I feel, so nauseus the
54:45
bad and he's like, because you're drinking, because you're fucking lush, fucking
54:50
addict, you fucking drunk ass. He made a comment like that at the
54:54
dinner too, because she was talking about why can't I be emotional and he's
54:58
like, yeah, you can't. You shouldn't be crying over cruise and talking
55:00
about being a mom. It's the alcohol, he said that. It's Oh,
55:04
you're right, Oh my god, you're right. So he's absolutely planting
55:07
seeds totally out this season. And I'm wondering if it's because it's in contemplation
55:13
of a custody fight that he knows is coming because he doesn't want to be
55:16
with this bitch. Oh god, dude, I'm sorry, but courts usually
55:22
favor the moms. They do not favor the men usually. Well, but
55:25
I mean it happens. I mean, yeah it does. And there's some
55:29
states and maybe California is one where it's like automatically fifty to fifty. So
55:32
I don't know, I don't know. I wonder what the laws are there.
55:36
And then we also have Michelle saying she wants Jesse to change his personality.
55:40
Yeah, they're going to some sort of a spiritual camp or retreat and
55:45
where he does ayahuasca. Is that what it is? I don't know.
55:47
Maybe they're talking about like, well, what are your intentions? What do
55:51
you want to get out of this lame ass Los Angeles spiritual retreat? And
55:55
she's like for you to change your entire personality, for you to become a
55:59
different person, like I would like you to. I would like you to
56:01
grow a few inches and shut the fuck up. That is my intention for
56:05
the spiritual retreat. I just remembered he's been called like a really short daddy.
56:09
I called him a hobbit last week. But I guess a lot of
56:13
people are calling out his napoleonic tendencies because he's a short man, small man,
56:17
small dick man man. I don't want no small dig man, honey.
56:22
Anyway, So he made a post saying I'm a five to ten and
56:24
a half, which is taller than the average man in the United States of
56:29
America, which is like five nine. That means that your dick is also
56:32
the average the average. Thanks everybody. Isn't there a song that's like short
56:37
dish, short dick, little man or whatever? I love that song.
56:40
It's his anthem. Yes, somebody alsaw have Janet and Jason planning a baby
56:45
shower, baby party or whatever, but they're not gonna invite Kristen because they're
56:47
twelve years old. Yeah, and they don't want to deal with her.
56:50
Yep. And I'm sure Kristen's gonna hear about it and she's gonna. I
56:52
feel bad for her. She's being iced out of the group that she created.
56:57
Girl. Well, don't open your big fat now that's true. I'm
57:00
sorry, Like, what do you expect? That's entirely fair? Fuck a
57:04
round and find out. Okay, I mean eminently better on a scale from
57:08
one to ten as to how much better it was than vpr I'm at a
57:14
twelve, I'm at a one hundred. Yeah, so much better than Vander
57:16
Pump Rules way. I don't know. Again, I ask, is it
57:20
the same production house? Are these the same editors on the both of these
57:23
shows, like what happened with vand Pump Rules. Probably because they're flashing back
57:28
to VPR a lot too, So I think maybe they're planning for I would
57:31
I could totally see a world where they cancel VPR and then they just move
57:36
it all over to the Valley, because all the people on VPR are oldest
57:38
buck get over in the valley yep. And I think that they have the
57:44
next generation vander Pump Rules in the form of Southern House Hospitality, which is
57:49
another like show that's built around waitresses and wait staff and the bar, Like
57:52
we already have that. Like, what do we need you people on VPR
57:57
for any more? Shana, I'm sorry, Time's up, good ass,
58:00
God, time is up. Good. I hope you've invested in something that
58:07
has some returns other than that's her thin VPR. Oh God, I don't
58:14
know. I don't. I don't like Shina and I used to really like
58:17
her a lot, and I rooted for her, but like there's something about
58:21
the nasal tone of her voice in the way it sounds like there's a mucus
58:24
bubble in the back of her throat, and she's just the way in her
58:27
infellctions is so Californian and Kardashian. I'm like, oh god, be so
58:31
for real. Sina, what are are you? AI? Yeah? Yeah,
58:37
I don't like her. Maybe she's the first sentient AI. Okay,
58:40
Sati and by static and buy Sina? S Well, any final thoughts on
58:45
either of those programs, Beatrice, not really. I'm kind of disappointed in
58:50
VPR, but like, it is what it is. At least the finales
58:52
next week and then, thank god, on your birthday no less, Oh
58:54
my god, but we're going to be here. We are going to be
58:57
here. We're going to be recording for that. Well, it's not on
59:00
my birthday because my birthday is on May ninth. Yeah, well, we
59:01
will be recording on your We are going to be gift. That's what I
59:06
got my birthday. Thank you, thank you, it's so special. My
59:09
birthday gift for you is that we will return and we will recap the show.
59:15
Are we going to be recapping the reunions? Oh my god, speaking
59:17
of reunions. Sorry, get me back to where I was going, all
59:21
right, But like Apparently there's not a reunion for The Valley. First Kristen
59:25
said there was a reunion. Then she's like, yeah, actually there's not
59:30
a reunion. And if there's any Bravo show that needs a fucking reunion,
59:35
it is The Valley, especially if we start shooting that ship now, or
59:38
if we shoot that shit live after the season finale, so somebody can get
59:44
up in Janet's face, I mean, please and tell the truth. Well,
59:47
maybe Kristin blabbed about it, and the producers like, Kristin, you're
59:51
big fat now, maybe why didn't you shut up? Tell everybody there's no
59:54
reunions. That way we can build up to it. Yes, maybe I'm
59:59
hoping. I want to re I want a reunion too. But back to
1:00:00
the VPR reunion. So next week is the season finale of a dumb ass,
1:00:06
dud ass season of dump Rules. There's going to be three installments of
1:00:10
the reunion. Are we going to recap that? Yeah? If there?
1:00:15
If they're not going to be, if you're interest, then we'll just do
1:00:19
like a you know, quick recap at the top of the Valley. All
1:00:22
Right, they've got to talk about it. I can not talk about I
1:00:24
think any drama that's going to happen in the VPR reunion is going to happen
1:00:28
in the third probably installment, so at the end of May. Yeah,
1:00:32
so we're going to be fluid about this gender gender. We're gonna be fluid
1:00:37
about this, and we're just gonna see how it goes down. Because if
1:00:40
I'm not inspired as a creative, like, I don't want to like spend
1:00:45
a lot of time doing something I'm not inspired by it. We've got a
1:00:47
lot to cover, like milf man or two, and I want to get
1:00:51
back to Sister Wive's Bitch Me Too. I've missed those We're about to get
1:00:55
back to that, so certainly by June we're going to be reincorporating that.
1:00:59
But yeah, we've got a lot going on. We do have a lot
1:01:01
going We're gonna cover Milk manner. We are probably on Patreon Patreon, Yeah,
1:01:05
get because it's so cringey. We're gonna do like a live reaction too.
1:01:08
We love to see you on Patreon. Yes, Okay, I'm drunk,
1:01:12
girl, I gotta go. Is there anything else that we need to
1:01:15
say to these beautiful raccoons? Beatris Well, if you love our podcast,
1:01:19
I sure hope you go on to your favorite podcast platform and leave us a
1:01:22
glowing five star review. It really helps us grow the fat. Please add
1:01:27
thank you. Yes, we'll be back next week. Don't forget to recap
1:01:31
Seeking Sister Wife, which is personally it's my favorite fun. I love it,
1:01:36
so make sure you join us for that and until then, please do
1:01:38
not forget that we have nothing but love for you, and please, oh
1:01:45
mye meguys,