Latest / Daily Influence / 715. Overcoming Polarization: Strategies for Reconnecting with Friends and Family (Rerun)

Transcript

715. Overcoming Polarization: Strategies for Reconnecting with Friends and Family (Rerun) · Daily Influence

• 0:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: Welcome to Daily Influence, your daily dose of positive influence.
• 0:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm Brian Smith founder of IA Business Advisors and co-author of the Iain team series.
• 0:19
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• 0:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm Greg Clino, partner at IE Business Advisors, and co-host of Daily Influence.
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• 0:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: Hey everybody, Brian Smith here with the I'm team series and your daily influence and today I'm going to tackle another pretty polarizing subject and it is overcoming polarization specifically strategy for reconnecting with friends, family and associates over things that divide us and there is so much of this going on today it's quite frustrating.
• 1:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: for a lot of us.
• 1:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: The fact is, is that most of us sit in this area of understanding and core values that is aligned.
• 1:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: And when I say most of us, I mean 80% of us sitting that area of them 10% sits off to one extreme and another 10% sits off at another yet.
• 1:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: with this advent of ability to communicate in such a way that we are flooded by information.
• 1:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: And oftentimes, that information is uncontextual, it lacks clarity.
• 1:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: It prays on our senses of fear and frustration.
• 1:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: What it leads to is this polarization, this disconnect between us and it gets in the way of real relationships and what really is getting in the way of those relationships.
• 2:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: Is that anything to do at the core of the individuals?
• 2:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's more to do with perception than reality.
• 2:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's more to do with things that honestly, at the end of the day, we have no influence over.
• 2:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: And it's very frustrating because I think we could overcome it.
• 2:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: There are very powerful ways to overcome this polarization.
• 2:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: And one is approach each other with curiosity and set of judgment.
• 2:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: The best thing to do is not talk about those things that frustrate us.
• 2:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: In politics, I just don't talk about politics with most people.
• 2:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: My political views are at the end of the day, none of most people's business, and how I vote, or how I feel shouldn't be an influence on my relationship with others.
• 2:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I find it frustrating when it becomes one.
• 2:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: But
• 2:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: Humans, especially in this world where we now feel like we have to over-communicate because it's so easy for us to communicate people put out their things to make ourselves feel better It's a way for us to get grounded and we ripple effect ourselves, but we don't understand is that when we do that we create this potential polarization with other people.
• 3:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: We invite the
• 3:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: opposite side of what we believe in or the opposite side of what we think is right or wrong.
• 3:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: So the best thing to do is to not have these conversations, but if we are, then start with genuine questions.
• 3:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: Listen to learn about what it is people don't like.
• 3:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: A lot of times we can be amazingly empathetic and even agree with those things.
• 3:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: Not liking something doesn't mean that we stop believing in things.
• 3:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oftentimes what we don't like might still be the best path to get to somewhere new and positive and important for us, individually and collectively.
• 3:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: But it's through these genuine conversations where we listen to each other and we don't try to win the conversation
• 4:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: The purpose of the conversation is to get to understanding or if we can get to understanding to get to empathy.
• 4:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: And if we can get to there and then move past it, oftentimes we survive those conversations.
• 4:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: And we end it still being curious, but we don't have judgment.
• 4:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: And it's really nice place to be.
• 4:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: If I leave a conversation and still wonder how somebody gets there, but I do it in a non-judgmental way.
• 4:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: I feel like I won in that conversation.
• 4:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: Because I don't need to be right.
• 4:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: I just need for my relationships to be stable.
• 4:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: I need for those people that I had good relationships with to have an ability to have a conversation with me.
• 4:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I have a lot of people in my life that I don't agree with on a lot of things.
• 4:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: Those things aren't ever the focus of conversations we have.
• 4:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: And if they are,
• 4:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: they are quite honestly done from this listen to learn perspective.
• 5:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: And as I work with people who have to overcome differences and let's get out of politics and out of things going on in the economy and things that we can't really control, let's get in to real-life issues.
• 5:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: We can emphasize how intentional influence begins with how we choose to engage.
• 5:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: When there's moments of tension, if we can take a step back, listen to learn, strive for empathy and understanding, then we can move through these issues in a better way.
• 5:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: And if we understand that we might or should not always win, because we're not always right by the way, then we can be more objective about this process.
• 5:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: And when we think about how we approach these polarizing issues, when we focus only on what divides us, polarization thrives, but when
• 5:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: Reconnection happens when we start to seek and affirm our shared values, the things that unite us, whatever it is, our mission or our common values, or our business, or our family, or the sports we like.
• 6:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: You can find common ground with most people who have been in your life, and I would lean you back into that.
• 6:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: our desire to have respect for each other, even if we don't like it, can come from understanding it.
• 6:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: What do we understand?
• 6:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: Something even if we don't like it, we could learn to accept it.
• 6:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm not talking about exceptional issues.
• 6:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm talking about really basic issues.
• 6:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: And it's a hope for our future that people would lean into this, listen to learn mentality,
• 6:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: are built on common ground, not on division.
• 6:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: Our relationships are built on those things that bring us together, not that divinus.
• 6:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: And when we move those things that we might be divided on out of the conversation, out of the area of influence and is between me and those other people and you and the people that you deal with, then you can get back onto solid ground and disagreements begin to go away.
• 7:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: If we find ourselves in a situation where we're being led on an off ramp into this uncommon ground, these things that we don't have agreement on, either listen to learn and understand, walk away, and understand that you might not ever be able to understand or agree with that particular person's area of influence on that subject.
• 7:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: And that's okay.
• 7:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's actually what makes
• 7:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: be in a human quite interesting and quite frustrating, but it's okay.
• 7:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's okay to like and dislike.
• 7:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's okay to have disagreement.
• 7:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's okay to not be the same.
• 7:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: It adds for really good conversations when we approach those things with open ears open minds.
• 8:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: So look, find common values beyond the
• 8:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: lead with curiosity, not judgment, look for places to be together on, not divided, choose topics to talk about that interest you, that you find common ground with.
• 8:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: And if you have topics that interest you and you don't agree, find a way to talk about them in a more listened to learn capacity and be ready to do so with empathy and to understand clearly.
• 8:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: I hope this helps you to navigate overcoming some of these difficult things that happen to us in life right now.
• 8:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I hope you'll be able to maybe think about any relationship you have that has been stressed by the polarizations that we're facing all the time now.
• 8:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: And take your first step and to try to reconnect, find that common ground, move past those differences, mend the fence.
• 9:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: and get back on to a topic and a position with your core values with a common mission and rebuild those relationships.
• 9:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: I look forward to talking to you again soon.
• 9:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: I hope you have a great day.