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15. The Writers of Our Shows Need to Be Fired · We Didn't Plan for This Podcast

0:00
SPEAKER_02: Welcome back to another episode of We Didn't Plan for This, the podcast, where apparently someone has been writing our lives while heavily intoxicated.
0:10
SPEAKER_02: I'm Adrian.
0:12
SPEAKER_02: I'm Nora.
0:13
SPEAKER_02: And we'd like to file a formal, formal complaint.
0:16
SPEAKER_02: Because if you pitched the last year of our lives to Netflix, they'd send the script back saying, that's ridiculous.
0:24
SPEAKER_02: Too many tragedies, too many plot twists.
0:27
SPEAKER_02: And frankly, your characters are becoming unbelievable.
0:31
SPEAKER_02: And yet here we are.
0:32
SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
0:34
SPEAKER_00: And whoever's writing my storyline apparently decided that cancer treatment wasn't enough.
0:39
SPEAKER_00: Let's add moving half your family.
0:41
SPEAKER_00: Um amidst hormonal therapy.
0:46
SPEAKER_00: Let's see how spicy that gets.
0:48
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
0:49
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
0:50
SPEAKER_02: It's a complete shit show for you.
0:52
SPEAKER_02: And but my writers thought, you know what would be great, would be so funny is let's give the widow a flat fucking tire at 4 30 in the morning on the day that would have been her 22nd wedding anniversary.
1:09
SPEAKER_02: Like at what point did our lives stop being a drama and become a dark comedy?
1:14
SPEAKER_02: This is insane.
1:15
SPEAKER_02: Like I'm literally looking around for a hidden camera lately.
1:19
SPEAKER_02: And then I'm thinking, like, what is going on with the universe?
1:21
SPEAKER_02: Like, what kind of fucking shit did I do that I deserved the shit that I'm going through?
1:26
SPEAKER_02: And it's like this sense of humor is not my cup of tea.
1:31
SPEAKER_02: I just feel like the universe is being an asshole right now.
1:35
SPEAKER_02: And if they took my life and pitched it as a current TV show, they would demand a rewrite.
1:43
SPEAKER_02: 100%.
1:44
SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
1:44
SPEAKER_02: It's too unbelievable.
1:45
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
1:46
SPEAKER_02: So either one of us during our stories can yell out today, cut or rewrite that shit.
1:53
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
1:54
SPEAKER_02: Because some of these stories are gonna get a little bit too absurd.
1:57
SPEAKER_02: We've got two.
1:58
SPEAKER_02: So the first one I'm gonna start off is episode number one of our this is our pilot for Nora's episode, The Moving Company from Hell.
2:08
SPEAKER_02: So let's set this up right.
2:09
SPEAKER_02: Let's talk about this, Nora.
2:12
SPEAKER_02: Because apparently surviving breast cancer and dealing with hormonal blocking drugs wasn't enough character development for you.
2:18
SPEAKER_02: The writers decided that you should also be the unpaid director of family relocation project.
2:24
SPEAKER_02: You are like the relocation expert now.
2:28
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
2:28
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I let's be clear.
2:31
SPEAKER_00: I have been the one that has always moved my family.
2:34
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
2:35
SPEAKER_00: Um I've been married for 28 years.
2:38
SPEAKER_00: My husband and I were in the military.
2:40
SPEAKER_00: We've moved across states, across countries.
2:44
SPEAKER_00: Uh, you know, we never moved overseas.
2:47
SPEAKER_00: We we traveled overseas, but we didn't move there.
2:49
SPEAKER_00: Anyway.
2:50
SPEAKER_00: Logistics is uh part of my wheelhouse.
2:54
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
2:55
SPEAKER_00: I get it.
2:56
SPEAKER_00: And I know that.
2:58
SPEAKER_00: I just this time.
3:02
SPEAKER_00: It's just not right.
3:04
SPEAKER_00: I just can't.
3:06
SPEAKER_00: Uh so yeah, we're gonna set the stage.
3:09
SPEAKER_00: Um husband has been applying for jobs, he has been interviewing and going for this one particular position for over 18 months.
3:20
SPEAKER_00: The week before Burning Man, we get the notification that he's got the job.
3:25
SPEAKER_00: And we're like, holy shit, okay, that's awesome.
3:28
SPEAKER_00: And then, oh fuck.
3:30
SPEAKER_01: Now what?
3:31
SPEAKER_00: That it's two and a half hours away from our house and it requires uh an a minimum of eight weeks at an academy where they're working every day.
3:40
SPEAKER_00: And it's not like his normal, his normal schedule will end up being 24 hours on, 72 hours off.
3:47
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
3:47
SPEAKER_00: Right.
3:47
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
3:47
SPEAKER_00: Because yeah, that's but until we get that point, he has to have somewhere to live.
3:53
SPEAKER_00: Um, yeah, and at the same time, 24-year-old is has um made the life choice um to go into the trades and has um you know started with all of his applications to all of these places, um, these companies that are in Austin, yeah, which is two and a half hours from where we live or a farm.
4:16
SPEAKER_00: We very quickly on our trip back from Burning Man realized that we have less than 30 days to find a place, secure said place, and then move in.
4:27
SPEAKER_00: And then move.
4:28
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, the two of them um before you know Denny starts this job, right?
4:34
SPEAKER_00: Which is ironically, today.
4:35
SPEAKER_00: Today's day one.
4:36
SPEAKER_00: He is there, we are here.
4:38
SPEAKER_00: Yep.
4:39
SPEAKER_00: I drove away, left them there yesterday.
4:41
SPEAKER_00: It's a whole thing.
4:42
SPEAKER_00: And they're and they're still alive.
4:43
SPEAKER_00: Which we'll talk about.
4:44
SPEAKER_00: We have a for now, I might kill them, but but it's a good thing that you're here and they're alive.
4:49
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely right now.
4:50
SPEAKER_02: Because if they were here, they wouldn't be alive right now.
4:54
SPEAKER_00: Lord, oh my god, yeah, it's just it's got it's got its next level shit.
4:59
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
5:00
SPEAKER_00: Um, so we find a place.
5:03
SPEAKER_00: I'm actually um experienced in that.
5:06
SPEAKER_00: I was a realtor in a prior lifetime.
5:08
SPEAKER_00: That's right.
5:09
SPEAKER_00: And so uh got a place, got a place that works with the dog, got a place that works with for the kid and for the husband and for everything else that's gonna happen.
5:17
SPEAKER_00: Um and so we we start to do the things and start to move stuff.
5:22
SPEAKER_00: And I realized very quickly, my son is 24.
5:24
SPEAKER_00: He doesn't own shit.
5:26
SPEAKER_00: Right.
5:26
SPEAKER_00: Okay, right.
5:27
SPEAKER_00: He really doesn't have a lot of stuff.
5:28
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, why the hell am I reserving a U-Haul?
5:32
SPEAKER_00: Like this, yeah, you know, I went straight into oh, I gotta move a household.
5:36
SPEAKER_00: Right.
5:36
SPEAKER_00: No, no, you're moving two boys, and correct.
5:39
SPEAKER_00: And one of which owns nothing that I haven't, you know, we haven't procured for procured for him.
5:46
SPEAKER_02: At this point, how would you have pure procured anything?
5:49
SPEAKER_02: Why is that word so hard to say?
5:52
SPEAKER_02: Procured anything.
5:54
SPEAKER_02: I don't know, but it is, and some of you are gonna be like, hey, guess what, Dylan?
5:58
SPEAKER_02: I got you a China cabinet.
6:00
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no, right?
6:01
SPEAKER_00: For what?
6:02
SPEAKER_00: For his PlayStation games?
6:03
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
6:04
SPEAKER_00: Anyway, so one weekend we take a couple of things, you know, and then the next weekend it's time to move the other couple of things, which is all he owns.
6:17
SPEAKER_00: Right.
6:18
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
6:19
SPEAKER_00: One weekend we took, I don't know, two pieces of furniture, and they were like normal sized whatever.
6:25
SPEAKER_00: It was his desk and something.
6:27
SPEAKER_00: Oh, his shelf that he has.
6:29
SPEAKER_00: And then I'm like, we're gonna get all the rest of the shit.
6:33
SPEAKER_00: I'm canceling the U-Haul, we're getting it all in the truck, everything else will fit in my car and your car, and we'll just, you know, caravan it up there, right?
6:41
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
6:44
SPEAKER_00: So that was also the this was the right call.
6:48
SPEAKER_00: However, I just can't like our reality is so fucking hilarious.
6:53
SPEAKER_00: My husband, he's a good man, he works very hard, and I love him.
7:00
SPEAKER_02: We don't have to preface any of what you're about to fucking say.
7:03
SPEAKER_00: He we love Denny, but he's a boy, and he's an asshole when he's stressed out, okay?
7:10
SPEAKER_00: That's just it.
7:11
SPEAKER_00: Anyway, so we have kids' bed, which is like is a I mean, it's a it's an IKEA bed with like the drawers underneath it.
7:21
SPEAKER_00: It's like the whole platform.
7:23
SPEAKER_00: Like it's a big ass.
7:24
SPEAKER_00: That's a hard one.
7:25
SPEAKER_00: Okay, and it's on end, and then we have the mattress, which is this newfangled technology, which is like these rubber, like gel, whatever coil things inside.
7:37
SPEAKER_00: So the whole thing goes Yeah, yeah, you know, it's all like a wavy, it's not a mattress, like a mattress and box spray like they still make it.
7:48
SPEAKER_00: Anyway, and then we had and then the we had some something else.
7:52
SPEAKER_00: What was it?
7:52
SPEAKER_00: It was another piece of um furniture.
7:56
SPEAKER_00: Now I can't remember what the other piece was, but it the other piece is not as big as the base of the bed.
8:02
SPEAKER_00: Right.
8:02
SPEAKER_00: So you had the base of the bed standing up on one end in the bed of the truck, the m mattress standing on its end, sandwiched or supposedly sandwiched between these two pieces of furniture.
8:15
SPEAKER_00: Right.
8:17
SPEAKER_00: My beautiful husband places a tarp over this and then puts tie-down straps on the tarp.
8:24
SPEAKER_00: Right.
8:24
SPEAKER_00: He's like, this is gonna hold it all in.
8:26
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
8:27
SPEAKER_00: We look like the fucking clampets.
8:30
SPEAKER_00: He looks like pallets underneath the husband's work truck piled to the shit with a tarp and tie-down strap strapped.
8:41
SPEAKER_00: I mean, it was like he anchored them down, so it's all like popping out, like it looks like a tightly wrapped sausage.
8:48
SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes, perfect, yes, perfect.
8:50
SPEAKER_00: Um, and then I am in the second car right behind him.
8:55
SPEAKER_00: Um and we do this because we've caravanned enough that you know, like I'll just change lanes and I'll block, and then you can come in front of me.
9:03
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
9:03
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
9:04
SPEAKER_00: And then son, 24-year-old, is in his car with all of his the rest of his stuff and Klaus in and they're following me.
9:14
SPEAKER_00: Um and we get out, we leave the property, and a tie-down strap snaps and flies off the side of the shit.
9:28
SPEAKER_00: And Dylan and I haven't even left the property, and I can see, and I'm like, oh shit, call you know, and I'm trying to get the Android Auto to call him faster.
9:39
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, hey, pull over.
9:40
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, you lost a strap.
9:42
SPEAKER_00: He's like, son of a bitch.
9:43
SPEAKER_00: And so we pull over.
9:45
SPEAKER_00: And Dylan and I leave the property and we go up the street, you know, and pull over to, you know, put on the hazards, get out, and climb up on the side of the truck, and we're like helping.
9:53
SPEAKER_00: Too, too do to do.
9:54
SPEAKER_00: We strap it all back down, get the whole thing, whatever, pull the tart back, get it underneath, get it down.
10:01
SPEAKER_00: Okay, cool.
10:02
SPEAKER_00: So then we get, we get back in, we get back on the road, and we I my farm is on a highway that's it's 70 miles an hour.
10:11
SPEAKER_00: No, I still can't get over how fast it is.
10:13
SPEAKER_00: It's a farm to market road.
10:14
SPEAKER_00: Like we're in Texas.
10:15
SPEAKER_00: It's not, it's a long it's one way each way, so it's a two-lane.
10:19
SPEAKER_00: Is it two-lane road?
10:20
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
10:21
SPEAKER_00: Okay, yeah, it's it's a two-lane road.
10:22
SPEAKER_00: It's a two-lane highway, yeah, 70 miles an hour.
10:25
SPEAKER_02: But it's like also like hills and like it's you're turning and it's it's a Texas Hill country.
10:32
SPEAKER_00: It's a lot, so it is up and down, in and out, left, right, up, you know, you can't see around the turn.
10:36
SPEAKER_00: We even have signs that say curve or view blocked by curve.
10:41
SPEAKER_00: View blocked.
10:41
SPEAKER_00: No shit.
10:42
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
10:43
SPEAKER_00: It's like usually I can't see around the corner anyway.
10:46
SPEAKER_00: Wow.
10:47
SPEAKER_00: You know, my x-ray vision.
10:48
SPEAKER_00: No shit.
10:49
SPEAKER_00: How many taxpayers' dollars didn't we have to put up this rabbit hole.
10:54
SPEAKER_00: Anyway, okay, so we get on the road and we get back, we get we get the first tie-down strap, it pops, whatever.
11:00
SPEAKER_00: We get back on the road, and we are attempting to get to speed of 70.
11:05
SPEAKER_01: Right.
11:06
SPEAKER_00: And the front of the tarp comes off and flops over the back half, like over itself.
11:14
SPEAKER_00: It's still on the top.
11:16
SPEAKER_00: Like there's a tie-down strap like in the middle of it, but the whole front of it has come undone.
11:21
SPEAKER_00: And so it's flapped back over itself and it is flailing in the motherfucking wind.
11:26
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
11:27
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, oh shit.
11:28
SPEAKER_00: That's gonna fucking catch and it's gonna come off and cover my car.
11:33
SPEAKER_00: And then I'm not gonna see at 70 miles an hour on the turns on the thing.
11:36
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, call Danny, call Denny, call Denny.
11:40
SPEAKER_00: He's like, What?
11:42
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, the trap the tarp came undone.
11:45
SPEAKER_00: It's flapping in the wind.
11:47
SPEAKER_00: He's like, of course it's flapping in the wind.
11:49
SPEAKER_00: We're doing 70 miles an hour.
11:51
SPEAKER_00: I like motherfucker.
11:52
SPEAKER_00: No, like it's coming off the truck.
11:54
SPEAKER_00: The whole front end has come off.
11:56
SPEAKER_00: Fine, fucking pull over.
11:58
SPEAKER_00: Okay, cool.
12:00
SPEAKER_00: So we pull over.
12:02
SPEAKER_00: And here I am.
12:04
SPEAKER_00: We restrap the front.
12:06
SPEAKER_00: Um, he restraps the front.
12:07
SPEAKER_00: I didn't get out that time.
12:08
SPEAKER_00: I was like, you know what?
12:09
SPEAKER_00: I'm I'm gonna stay right here.
12:10
SPEAKER_00: Right.
12:10
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
12:11
SPEAKER_00: And Dylan gets out, he's helping him.
12:13
SPEAKER_00: Whatever, whatever.
12:15
SPEAKER_00: So we get back on the highway, we get to Bandera, we get out of Bandera, and on the second highway, we're maybe four and a half miles down the way, and the front of the tarp comes loose again.
12:30
SPEAKER_00: Oh my god.
12:31
SPEAKER_00: And it's really fucking flapping in the wind.
12:35
SPEAKER_00: Listen, like we have had some gorgeous weather.
12:39
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
12:40
SPEAKER_00: In central Texas in the last month, it's been beautiful here.
12:46
SPEAKER_00: But it's been a little windy.
12:47
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's been very windy.
12:48
SPEAKER_00: Because of all the hurricanes on the side.
12:51
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
12:52
SPEAKER_00: Things, systems and stuff have been moving through.
12:55
SPEAKER_00: And of course it's gonna be windy on the day when we're strapping things to the back of the truck and trying to, you know, drive three hours across the whole country.
13:05
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
13:06
SPEAKER_00: So um the harp comes done, it comes undone again.
13:12
SPEAKER_00: He gets it, he's like, he hooks it back in.
13:14
SPEAKER_00: He thinks he's like, I've got it now.
13:16
SPEAKER_00: There's no way it's coming undone.
13:19
SPEAKER_00: Let's just get on the road.
13:20
SPEAKER_00: We need to get make make time, make time.
13:21
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, Yeah, I know.
13:22
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, I'm the I'm right there with you, babe.
13:24
SPEAKER_00: I don't want to stop every five feet either.
13:26
SPEAKER_00: Like, this is really annoying, you know?
13:28
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
13:29
SPEAKER_00: And so we get um through Kerrville, which is the next road or next town, we get through that, and we're like between where Fredericksburg and Austin is, is um where all the lavender fields are and blanco, and it's really beautiful.
13:48
SPEAKER_00: Anyway, we get onto another little two-lane highway, and this one, it's highway, the speed limit is 60.
13:58
SPEAKER_00: But me, who I can usually handle all of these, I I do like 45 on that road because it because it's so windy.
14:07
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
14:08
SPEAKER_00: And it's, I mean, the curves are really fun in my car.
14:11
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I bet, I bet.
14:13
SPEAKER_00: But not so much when you have a truck.
14:16
SPEAKER_00: Yes, yeah, yes, flailing in the wind right in front of you.
14:19
SPEAKER_00: The Sanford and Sun truck.
14:20
SPEAKER_00: Uh-huh.
14:21
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
14:21
SPEAKER_00: And so we get through the damn tarp, um, comes undone for the third time.
14:30
SPEAKER_00: And now, because of the flapping, and this is a brand new tarp.
14:36
SPEAKER_00: I should also let you know.
14:38
SPEAKER_00: This was a brand new tarp that we just bought.
14:41
SPEAKER_00: The whole front is completely frayed.
14:43
SPEAKER_01: Oh no.
14:44
SPEAKER_00: Because it has flapped enough in these times that it's come up that it has completely shredded the whole front.
14:50
SPEAKER_00: Because I'm telling you, it's windy as hell.
14:51
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, exactly.
14:52
SPEAKER_00: All the way up there on the top of that, you know, the bed of his truck is high in the window.
14:57
SPEAKER_02: And you have the bed and everything on top of that, too.
14:59
SPEAKER_00: Plus, he didn't want to stop the first two times.
15:01
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
15:02
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
15:03
SPEAKER_00: When it was flapping.
15:05
SPEAKER_00: So then the third time he came down to go and flap it.
15:08
SPEAKER_00: And there's so much of it that has like unraveled.
15:12
SPEAKER_00: Oh no.
15:13
SPEAKER_00: But that now he can't get the fucking to stay down.
15:16
SPEAKER_00: Oh shit.
15:18
SPEAKER_00: Did you crack out your video camera?
15:19
SPEAKER_00: I'm telling you, like, I wish that I had um what is that on the front of the car?
15:25
SPEAKER_01: A dash can.
15:26
SPEAKER_01: It's like a dash can.
15:27
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
15:27
SPEAKER_01: I wish I had a dash can.
15:29
SPEAKER_00: Because, yeah, or if I had been thinking about it, I was trying to hide my laugh because I didn't want him to look back and see me laughing in the car because I could see his.
15:39
SPEAKER_00: I'm picturing.
15:40
SPEAKER_00: Do you remember the coyote from um Looney Tunes?
15:45
SPEAKER_00: Wiley Coyote.
15:46
SPEAKER_00: And Wiley.
15:47
SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes, Wiley Coyote.
15:49
SPEAKER_00: Um, when he would get mad or when something would like happen, literal steam would come shooting sideways out of his ears, right?
15:58
SPEAKER_00: This is what's happening to Denny on the bed of this truck.
16:02
SPEAKER_00: Literally strokes.
16:03
SPEAKER_00: He climbs up there and it's like, and I'm just like, oh my God, I am not going anywhere near that right now.
16:11
SPEAKER_00: I'm running the fuck away.
16:14
SPEAKER_00: Because it's just so ridiculous.
16:16
SPEAKER_00: It's like, what the fuck is going on that this one little thing just can't do what it needs to do?
16:22
SPEAKER_00: And and the the the answer is is that that mattress, what we figured out what was happening, what he figured out along the way.
16:31
SPEAKER_00: Oh, is the mattress was folding in.
16:32
SPEAKER_00: So yeah, every time, you know how when you're in a truck in Texas, yeah, and you're there's a hill.
16:38
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
16:39
SPEAKER_00: You know, when you go over the hill, you lose your stomach.
16:41
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, exactly.
16:41
SPEAKER_00: It goes, wee, right?
16:44
SPEAKER_00: Well, this fucking new tangle newfangled technology mattress is just compressing sink in, yeah, compress the just enough to let the tarp the tie strap off so that the tarp could be loose every single time.
17:02
SPEAKER_00: I lost count after the ninth time we stopped.
17:07
SPEAKER_00: Nine times.
17:08
SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes.
17:10
SPEAKER_00: And it was it was at that point that he realized this the fucking mattress is moving.
17:16
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, well, it's not, it's like it's not moving.
17:19
SPEAKER_00: It's I mean, it is moving, but the truck is moving and the g force changes.
17:24
SPEAKER_00: What's like pulling, yeah.
17:25
SPEAKER_02: You almost need to like smush the mattress down.
17:28
SPEAKER_00: Correct, correct, right?
17:29
SPEAKER_00: Smush the mattress down.
17:30
SPEAKER_00: So what he did, he had something else in the truck and he pulled it out and he shoved it down and he pushed the mattress down underneath it and then got the tie strap down on there.
17:38
SPEAKER_00: And man, I was like, well, that fucker ain't ever leaving the bed of the truck now.
17:42
SPEAKER_00: Like and then cut those things loose with it.
17:45
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no, absolutely, absolutely.
17:47
SPEAKER_00: So he's like, tie down strap, tie down strap, tie down strap, tie down strap, whatever, whatever.
17:51
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, oh my God, this was supposed to, it's normally a two and a half hour drive.
17:55
SPEAKER_00: We thought it was gonna take about three hours.
17:57
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, it took almost five and a half hours for us to get there.
18:02
SPEAKER_00: Oh my god.
18:05
SPEAKER_00: I just can't even.
18:07
SPEAKER_00: I yeah.
18:09
SPEAKER_00: I was like, oh my god.
18:10
SPEAKER_00: Literally the clampets going down the highway.
18:12
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
18:13
SPEAKER_00: Klaus was like, what the fuck is wrong with that?
18:15
SPEAKER_00: Oh my god, I don't know what I don't want to be around him.
18:18
SPEAKER_00: You know, he was just like cowering.
18:20
SPEAKER_00: When you have a hundred-pound American bully going, oh, okay, bro, you you having a bad day.
18:24
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
18:25
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's not, it's not good energy.
18:27
SPEAKER_00: And um, yeah, so we make it after way too long.
18:33
SPEAKER_00: We get there, and of course, now it's a third-story apartment, and all of the furniture has to be unloaded, and we're exhausted and irritated and hungry, yeah, hangry at this point.
18:48
SPEAKER_00: Um we take a break, we get our shit, get some water, get whatever, get the first two things up, no problem.
18:59
SPEAKER_00: By the time the boys got to the third floor with the bed frame, which was you know the biggest huge thing, yeah.
19:09
SPEAKER_00: I didn't have the fucking heart to tell them that Dylan's bed was broken.
19:17
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
19:18
SPEAKER_00: And the the ratcheting of all of the ratcheting of the straps, it fucking ratcheted that thing so much that it fucking broke a yeah, it broke one of the boards of Dylan's bed frame.
19:28
SPEAKER_02: The like the frame part that holds the that holds the mattress or the one on the side?
19:33
SPEAKER_02: The one on the side.
19:34
SPEAKER_02: Oh, like the actual frame of the bed.
19:37
SPEAKER_00: Uh-huh.
19:37
SPEAKER_02: Because it was on its end.
19:39
SPEAKER_02: Oh, oh fuck.
19:40
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
19:41
unknown: Oh no.
19:42
SPEAKER_00: How do you fix that?
19:43
SPEAKER_00: I it's it's duct tape.
19:47
SPEAKER_00: Um, so it's not broken to where it's unusable.
19:50
SPEAKER_00: That's good.
19:51
SPEAKER_00: It's broken, so it's ugly.
19:53
SPEAKER_00: Can you shove that side against the wall?
19:55
SPEAKER_00: That's what I did.
19:56
SPEAKER_00: Okay, good.
19:57
SPEAKER_00: And you know what?
19:58
SPEAKER_00: I didn't tell the boys.
20:01
SPEAKER_00: So they don't even know.
20:03
SPEAKER_00: I was like, you know what?
20:05
SPEAKER_00: I'm making the command decision to just keep this information to myself because it will in no way, in no way, though, better the experience for either of these two.
20:18
SPEAKER_02: But like next time, like I think about those kind of situations, uh, like with Brian, like making a decision, and you're like, you're just doing it.
20:26
SPEAKER_02: He's like a bull in the fucking China shop, you know, and you're just like, what are you doing?
20:30
SPEAKER_02: Like you're making it worse.
20:31
SPEAKER_02: And then like later on, you could like use that and be like, hey, next time you're in Dylan's room, pull the bed out.
20:40
SPEAKER_02: See your artwork, just see your craft, just see what happens.
20:44
SPEAKER_02: See what happens.
20:45
SPEAKER_02: Remember those tie-downs?
20:48
SPEAKER_01: See what happens.
20:50
SPEAKER_01: Yep.
20:50
SPEAKER_00: When that steam has come pouring out your ears on the side of the highway.
20:54
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
20:55
SPEAKER_00: So, like, yeah, it was just, it was so ridiculous.
20:58
SPEAKER_00: And and like the whole time, each time we stop, I'm the one that's sitting on the side of the road.
21:04
SPEAKER_00: And get this, I'm in my car, my sunroof's open, I have my music.
21:09
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
21:10
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
21:11
SPEAKER_00: I'm having a I'm having a great time.
21:13
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
21:14
SPEAKER_00: Like, it's a gorgeous day.
21:15
SPEAKER_00: There's it's beautiful.
21:17
SPEAKER_00: Like it's watching a car wreck happen, a train wreck happen in front of me.
21:20
SPEAKER_00: In front of me, yeah.
21:21
SPEAKER_00: But it but um, and I'm like, there's nothing I can do.
21:24
SPEAKER_00: No, no, there's nothing I can do to make this any better for anybody for the entire situation.
21:27
SPEAKER_00: This is just what's happening.
21:28
SPEAKER_00: I'm in this ink, it this gorgeous area.
21:31
SPEAKER_00: Like at one point, I was literally pulled over on the side of the road and it's lavender.
21:34
SPEAKER_00: Oh, I'd love that.
21:35
SPEAKER_00: It's like a lavender field, you know.
21:37
SPEAKER_00: I'm oh look how pretty.
21:38
SPEAKER_00: I got all the flowers.
21:39
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna keep that to myself.
21:41
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
21:41
SPEAKER_00: And here we go.
21:42
SPEAKER_00: You broke the bed.
21:44
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, who the fuck's life is like this?
21:47
SPEAKER_00: I know.
21:47
SPEAKER_02: So it's just so ridiculous.
21:49
SPEAKER_02: You can't what?
21:50
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
21:51
SPEAKER_02: So, what was the first moment you thought this cannot actually be my life?
21:56
SPEAKER_02: The third time we stopped.
21:57
SPEAKER_02: The third time.
21:58
SPEAKER_00: Not the I was like.
22:00
SPEAKER_00: Like, what the fuck?
22:01
SPEAKER_00: We're not doing this all the way.
22:03
SPEAKER_00: Are you fucking kidding me?
22:04
SPEAKER_00: We are not doing this all the way.
22:05
SPEAKER_00: I just can't.
22:06
SPEAKER_00: I was like, I'm about to go pull that mattress out myself and just throw it on the side of the highway and leave it there.
22:11
SPEAKER_00: And I don't litter.
22:12
SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
22:13
SPEAKER_01: I was combat.
22:15
SPEAKER_01: I know.
22:15
SPEAKER_00: We're like, I'll come back for you later.
22:16
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, this is enough.
22:18
SPEAKER_02: Was there like one moment where you were like one minor inconvenience away from completely losing your shit?
22:24
SPEAKER_02: Or did you have to keep your shit together?
22:26
SPEAKER_02: I think everybody else was losing it.
22:28
SPEAKER_00: It was at that point before we loaded up.
22:32
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
22:33
SPEAKER_00: I was at that point before we loaded up.
22:35
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
22:35
SPEAKER_00: Because it was one of those situations where I somehow became the person.
22:44
SPEAKER_00: Not only was I doing all of my things, but I was the person that other the other two people who who were working were coming to to ask.
22:53
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
22:55
SPEAKER_00: What do I do with this?
22:56
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
22:56
SPEAKER_00: What's next?
22:57
SPEAKER_00: Where do I go?
22:59
SPEAKER_00: What happened to that?
23:01
SPEAKER_00: When did you see this last?
23:03
SPEAKER_00: Where's the packing tape all day, right?
23:06
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
23:06
SPEAKER_00: And of course, you know, I had asked certain people, offspring of mine, maybe to do certain things before, like this day.
23:14
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
23:14
SPEAKER_00: You know?
23:15
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
23:15
SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't know, the four weeks leading up to this day, or like the seven days leading up until this day, or maybe the 24 hours leading up until this day.
23:25
SPEAKER_00: I'm pretty sure I asked in every single one of those um scenarios.
23:30
SPEAKER_00: And yet here we were the day, the morning of.
23:34
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, are you are you fucking kidding me right now?
23:36
SPEAKER_00: So I was already at my wits before we, and that's I think that's why I was able to be just like, well, what the fuck?
23:42
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
23:42
SPEAKER_00: And just laugh it off.
23:44
SPEAKER_02: And just listen to your music with your sunroof open and blasting in the nice wind in the in the beautiful with the cool air.
23:52
SPEAKER_00: We finally got cool air in South Texas.
23:56
SPEAKER_02: It's been really beautiful.
23:57
SPEAKER_02: Well, I can't wait for Denny to find out that he broke the bed.
24:03
SPEAKER_02: What?
24:03
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
24:05
SPEAKER_02: So what would we title this particular pilot episode of your sitcom?
24:12
SPEAKER_02: Tie what?
24:14
SPEAKER_01: Tie down what?
24:16
SPEAKER_00: Tie what?
24:17
SPEAKER_00: Tie what?
24:21
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
24:21
SPEAKER_00: Pull over.
24:24
SPEAKER_00: Pull over.
24:25
SPEAKER_00: Pull over.
24:26
SPEAKER_00: Nine times.
24:27
SPEAKER_00: Nine times?
24:28
SPEAKER_00: Nine times.
24:29
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that should be the title.
24:31
SPEAKER_00: Nine times?
24:32
SPEAKER_02: Or we stopped counting at nine.
24:35
SPEAKER_02: There you go.
24:35
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
24:36
SPEAKER_02: That's a good one.
24:37
SPEAKER_02: But why is it though that everybody assumes that the person who is already overwhelmed is somehow the most qualified to manage everything?
24:43
unknown: I don't know.
24:44
SPEAKER_02: It happens to us all the time.
24:46
SPEAKER_00: That's a mom thing too, right?
24:47
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
24:48
SPEAKER_00: It's like well, it could be a dad thing.
24:51
SPEAKER_00: I think it depends on who the person is.
24:53
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
24:54
SPEAKER_00: In the relationship.
24:55
SPEAKER_00: Because sometimes it's it's you they're always like that with the biggest.
24:58
SPEAKER_00: So like yeah, it depends on who's who or yeah.
25:01
SPEAKER_02: My parents, it was dad fixed everything.
25:03
SPEAKER_02: Dad was like the handyman.
25:05
SPEAKER_02: Mom was like the planner, the organizer, the reorganizer, the reorganizer again.
25:14
SPEAKER_02: Just because it's fun to reorganize more shit.
25:17
SPEAKER_02: That's what she liked to do.
25:18
SPEAKER_02: And then me, I was the one that managed pretty much everything except Brian did laundry.
25:27
SPEAKER_02: Brian always helped clean the house.
25:29
SPEAKER_02: He did like taxes, which I'm finding out he did not do well, unfortunately.
25:34
SPEAKER_02: He cleaned the cars.
25:35
SPEAKER_00: He cleaned the cars.
25:36
SPEAKER_02: He always would do the car stuff.
25:38
SPEAKER_00: I know.
25:38
SPEAKER_00: He would even come and take your car from work and go clean it for you.
25:42
SPEAKER_00: I was like, I know.
25:43
SPEAKER_02: He did.
25:44
SPEAKER_02: He did that.
25:44
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
25:45
SPEAKER_02: Yes, he always did that.
25:46
SPEAKER_02: He was so good with that.
25:48
SPEAKER_02: But then it's like when it comes to now specifically, it's like, I want to have that person there that could be like, okay, you do it.
25:56
SPEAKER_02: Now all the shit is on D.
25:58
SPEAKER_02: Now it's all.
25:59
SPEAKER_02: So then it's like, now capability is now my punishment.
26:05
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that I don't know how we make how well.
26:09
SPEAKER_00: Well, I do know how we say fuck you.
26:13
SPEAKER_00: Figure it out.
26:14
SPEAKER_00: Figure it out.
26:15
SPEAKER_00: That's what we're finding out, is that we're not neither one of us are very good at I know.
26:19
SPEAKER_00: Well, I think it's it's it's it's time for uh Adrian's episode, the anniversary flat tire.
26:26
SPEAKER_00: Um, okay, Adrian, let's discuss your riders.
26:30
SPEAKER_00: I uh apparently they looked at your calendar, saw the first wedding anniversary you have to um endure without your partner, and said, you know what this scene needs?
26:44
SPEAKER_00: A fucking flat tire at 4 30 in the morning in the dark.
26:47
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
26:48
SPEAKER_02: And let's just say it wasn't even like a flat tire, it was like a blown out.
26:54
SPEAKER_00: It was a rim on the ground.
26:57
SPEAKER_02: It literally, it was.
26:59
SPEAKER_02: It was so I'll set the scene for you.
27:02
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
27:02
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
27:02
SPEAKER_02: So before we get into the four o'clock in the morning start, the night before, Mallory has her homecoming game.
27:09
SPEAKER_02: She is kicker of the week.
27:11
SPEAKER_02: I gave my tickets to Poppy and his friend to go to the game, but I was like, I'm gonna go early.
27:16
SPEAKER_02: So I go to the game early so that I can see her early, so I can get pictures made with her.
27:21
SPEAKER_02: And I pull into the stadium, turn off the cars.
27:24
SPEAKER_02: I'm about to turn the car off, the tire pressure light comes on.
27:27
SPEAKER_02: I'm like, oh, well, that makes sense.
27:29
SPEAKER_02: We're in Texas, the summer is ending and fall is coming, and this is the cold front that we're waiting for.
27:35
SPEAKER_00: Yep.
27:36
SPEAKER_02: And so I'm like, oh, well, that makes sense.
27:38
SPEAKER_02: That happens a lot here.
27:39
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
27:39
SPEAKER_00: Tire pressure changes overnight immediately.
27:41
SPEAKER_02: So I'm like, all right, no big deal.
27:43
SPEAKER_02: I go, take my pictures, leave, drive home, go to bed.
27:48
SPEAKER_02: Wake up.
27:49
SPEAKER_02: It's pitch dark when I wake up.
27:50
SPEAKER_02: Wake up at four.
27:51
SPEAKER_02: 4 30.
27:52
SPEAKER_02: I'm out the door.
27:53
SPEAKER_02: Turn on the car, tire pressure.
27:55
SPEAKER_02: So the night before it said 37, okay, which it should be in the 40s.
28:01
SPEAKER_02: That morning, 0.7.
28:05
SPEAKER_02: I was like, what the fuck?
28:08
SPEAKER_02: I was like, point seven.
28:11
SPEAKER_02: I was like, shit.
28:12
SPEAKER_02: I go, well, I gotta, I gotta tire to take it to the gas station.
28:16
SPEAKER_02: And so there's a gas station like a little over a mile from my house on the opposite way to go to work, by the way, which is kind of a pain.
28:23
SPEAKER_02: But anyway, I was like, all right, I'm gonna just crawl the car out.
28:26
SPEAKER_02: I mean, and you could hear it was just like, you know, and I'm just like, please God, please God, let me just make it to the shell station.
28:35
SPEAKER_02: Let me just make it there.
28:37
SPEAKER_02: So I make it there.
28:38
SPEAKER_02: I go up, I don't even know why I bothered with the air because I like did the little scan thing and I was like, shh, and then I'm like, oh, it shouldn't really be sounding like that.
28:47
SPEAKER_02: And I put my hand on the other side and I could just feel the air coming out of the gigantic ripped hole in the tire.
28:52
unknown: I'm like, fuck.
28:53
SPEAKER_02: Thank God Mallory keeps her uh volume up on her phone.
28:57
SPEAKER_02: So I was able to call her.
28:59
SPEAKER_02: She came and picked me up.
29:00
SPEAKER_02: So I'm like, all right, I'll use my roadside assistance and I'll get the guy to come out and I'll schedule it ahead of time.
29:07
SPEAKER_02: So between 1.30 and 2.30, when I'm done work, I'll be able to go with Mallory's car to my car, get the tire fixed, I'm good to go.
29:17
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, the guy comes at noon.
29:19
SPEAKER_02: I'm not there because I'm at work.
29:22
SPEAKER_02: So I'm like, hey, I said I needed it between 1.30 and 2.30.
29:25
SPEAKER_02: Can you come back?
29:26
SPEAKER_02: Nope, I can't.
29:27
SPEAKER_02: You have to do in a new work order.
29:28
SPEAKER_02: He goes, and wait till you leave the you know work before you schedule it.
29:33
SPEAKER_02: I was like, okay.
29:34
SPEAKER_02: So I wait.
29:35
SPEAKER_02: I leave, I schedule.
29:37
SPEAKER_02: An hour and a half later, he shows up.
29:40
SPEAKER_02: He starts to work on the car.
29:42
SPEAKER_02: He goes, Okay, I just need the wheel lock key.
29:46
SPEAKER_02: I go, I'm sorry.
29:47
SPEAKER_02: What is that?
29:48
SPEAKER_02: And he goes, a wheel lock key.
29:50
SPEAKER_02: He's like, it's like a big nut and bolt like screw thing.
29:53
SPEAKER_02: He's like, Yeah, your tires have locks on them so that they don't get stolen.
29:58
SPEAKER_02: And every car has this kind of key.
30:00
SPEAKER_02: It's usually in your glove box or it's in with a jack.
30:04
SPEAKER_02: So we searched my entire fucking car.
30:06
SPEAKER_02: There's no wheel lock key.
30:08
SPEAKER_02: Oh my fucking God.
30:10
SPEAKER_02: So the guy's like, Yeah.
30:12
SPEAKER_02: So now it's three o'clock.
30:13
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
30:14
SPEAKER_02: So I turn around, I'm like, all right.
30:17
SPEAKER_02: He goes, just call another guy to come out and tow your car this time, and they'll tow it to a discount tire place.
30:24
SPEAKER_02: And then the discount tire place will have a master wheel lock key that they'll be able to open it.
30:30
SPEAKER_02: And I was like, I don't know.
30:32
SPEAKER_02: That seems too easy for criminals to do.
30:34
SPEAKER_02: Like that they would just have a master key lock at a discount tire for all the different wheel lock cars, right?
30:41
SPEAKER_02: I'm like, I don't understand this.
30:43
SPEAKER_02: So I called the discount tire and he goes, No, we don't have that for your car.
30:47
SPEAKER_02: You need to take it to the dealership.
30:49
SPEAKER_02: So then as soon as you hear dealership, you just hear dollar sign, dollar sign, dollar sign, dollar sign, right?
30:54
SPEAKER_02: Like, fuck.
30:54
SPEAKER_02: And then is it gonna cost me more money to have it row side assisted towed to the fucking dealership?
31:00
SPEAKER_02: So meanwhile, now it is 4:30.
31:04
SPEAKER_02: I've already talked to the dealer who's amazing.
31:08
SPEAKER_02: The guy's like, You have a warranty that you bought with us.
31:12
SPEAKER_02: So I'm pretty sure this is gonna be covered.
31:13
SPEAKER_02: But I said, But where is this wheel lock key?
31:15
SPEAKER_02: And he goes, Here's the thing.
31:17
SPEAKER_02: Let me check your notes.
31:18
SPEAKER_02: You just had it brought in a few months ago because remember the sunroof broke and I had the windshield break.
31:23
SPEAKER_02: Yep.
31:24
SPEAKER_02: So he goes, usually there's notes in there if you did not have a wheel lock key or if we uh used a master key.
31:32
SPEAKER_02: And he goes, There's no notes.
31:34
SPEAKER_02: And I go, Well, there's no key.
31:35
SPEAKER_02: And he goes, Don't worry.
31:37
SPEAKER_02: Bring it in, have him tow it in.
31:39
SPEAKER_02: He's like, We're done at six.
31:40
SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, okay, well, it's like four o'clock right now, four thirty.
31:44
SPEAKER_02: Guy shows up, gets my car to the dealership.
31:47
SPEAKER_02: Dealer guy texts me at like 5 30, goes, the car's here.
31:52
SPEAKER_02: We're gonna find the wheel lock key.
31:54
SPEAKER_02: We're gonna put your new tire on.
31:55
SPEAKER_02: You're covered under warranty.
31:57
SPEAKER_02: Okay, and you can pick it up Monday.
31:58
SPEAKER_02: Now, mind you, it's Monday and I haven't heard from him yet, but I'm also kind of like, as long as I know the car is there and it's safe and I'm my dad's car right now, I'm good to go.
32:07
SPEAKER_02: But what in the actual fuck?
32:09
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
32:10
SPEAKER_02: What in the actual fuck?
32:11
SPEAKER_02: Like, I really did not expect to have to start one of another shitty day without my husband.
32:22
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you know, like really fucking shitty day.
32:26
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
32:26
SPEAKER_02: And then know my car's gonna be, you know, a couple hundred dollars to fix it or whatever.
32:32
SPEAKER_02: And I just was like, fuck this.
32:34
SPEAKER_02: I I'm I'm just tired of feeling very and my therapist asked me the other day.
32:42
SPEAKER_02: He's like, he goes, he goes, are you feeling resentful?
32:48
SPEAKER_02: I just looked at him and I was like, um, yeah, I'm feeling really fucking resentful right now.
32:54
SPEAKER_02: Like everything.
32:55
SPEAKER_02: Great word.
32:56
SPEAKER_02: Everything.
32:57
SPEAKER_02: I am resentful.
32:58
SPEAKER_02: And that is really hard for me because I'm not a resentful person.
33:02
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
33:03
SPEAKER_02: Right?
33:03
SPEAKER_02: Like, I'm I totally believe in everybody's got their own tigers.
33:06
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you know, you got your tiger, I got my tiger.
33:08
SPEAKER_02: Like we absolutely we can be afraid, we can be friends, we can hang out, we could support each other, we can work together, whatever.
33:15
SPEAKER_02: But it's like, but now I'm just finding myself really fucking resentful.
33:20
SPEAKER_02: Where I look at people and I'm like, well, they have their marriage, or they've been married for 38 years, you know, or they've been married for 52 years, or they've been married for six months, you know.
33:30
SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, I don't have that anymore.
33:32
SPEAKER_02: And I think the hardest thing and the most resentful thing is that I didn't choose it.
33:36
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
33:37
SPEAKER_02: Right.
33:37
SPEAKER_02: Like everything I've always said, like, you get to decide how you want to react and you respond.
33:44
SPEAKER_02: And I'm doing the best I can to react and respond in a way that does not come across like a fucking resentful widow.
33:52
SPEAKER_02: But right now, after this weekend and everything that I've been through with no will and no money and a house that's costing a fortune and a car that cost a fortune, and me going, what the fuck?
34:03
SPEAKER_02: How did I, how did this happen to me?
34:06
SPEAKER_02: So yeah, I'm fucking resentful.
34:08
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, I think so.
34:10
SPEAKER_00: I think what point did it go?
34:13
SPEAKER_00: Like, are you fucking kidding me?
34:16
SPEAKER_00: So much that you just you almost had to laugh.
34:19
SPEAKER_00: Like, how far did you make it?
34:22
SPEAKER_00: Probably two feet out the door.
34:25
SPEAKER_00: I mean, or was it after Mallory?
34:27
SPEAKER_00: Was it after you got the cart?
34:29
SPEAKER_02: Like, it was probably it was probably like when I got home, and my dad was like, okay, so I'm leaving tomorrow morning at seven, and so you know, I'm gonna need my car to be able to drive over to drop my stuff off because we're going in her car.
34:48
SPEAKER_02: And I was like, Okay, I can take you in the morning.
34:51
SPEAKER_02: And I'm thinking to myself, like, why am I managing everybody else?
34:55
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, why am I taking care of, you know, Mallory every day?
34:58
SPEAKER_02: You know, it's like jockeying the cars around who's putting their car in the driveway, who put their car in the garage.
35:04
SPEAKER_02: And it's like, I don't need to be involved in these conversations, right?
35:08
SPEAKER_02: Like, you figure it out for sure.
35:09
SPEAKER_02: And like I found myself just starting to be like, this, I'm I've I'm disengage, disengage.
35:16
SPEAKER_02: I want to disengage from life.
35:17
SPEAKER_02: Like, I just want to like unplug.
35:19
SPEAKER_02: Like, let me just leave.
35:21
SPEAKER_02: Like, I'm out.
35:23
SPEAKER_00: I've been feeling that.
35:24
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, like I'm out.
35:26
SPEAKER_00: I'm out for sure.
35:28
SPEAKER_00: Um, what do you think?
35:31
SPEAKER_00: I want to know what you think Brian would have said if he had watched you um on that morning and then dealing with finding that there was no uniform like tire lock key.
35:43
SPEAKER_02: I mean, yeah, he he would have he would have expected that I would have gotten it done.
35:49
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
35:49
SPEAKER_02: He wouldn't, like that was the thing with Brian is that he he always knew that I would figure shit out.
35:57
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
35:57
SPEAKER_02: So he never like was like, oh babe, you know, he was my cheerleader, but not in that way of like, you know, I know you can do it.
36:05
SPEAKER_02: He's like, Well, you can fucking do it.
36:07
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
36:07
SPEAKER_02: Like, yeah, I mean, he wouldn't have been worried about you.
36:10
SPEAKER_02: No.
36:10
SPEAKER_02: I just think he thought he would have thought it was comical.
36:13
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
36:13
SPEAKER_02: He would have been like, Are you fucking kidding me?
36:15
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
36:15
SPEAKER_02: Like the wheel lock key thing, like what the that that that has to be the most ridiculous part of the thing.
36:19
SPEAKER_02: I've never seen hole debacle.
36:22
SPEAKER_02: And it's not just like one, it's like four on each tire or something.
36:26
SPEAKER_02: I'm like, what when did tires become so so expensive that somebody's gonna try to rip them off my car?
36:32
SPEAKER_02: On your car, they are.
36:33
SPEAKER_02: I know, but that's why I need to get rid of my fucking car.
36:36
SPEAKER_02: Yes, you know, but it's just like these small inconveniences that feel enormous, but because we're already carrying something that's big.
36:45
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
36:45
SPEAKER_02: Each of us.
36:46
SPEAKER_02: Death and cancer.
36:48
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
36:48
SPEAKER_02: So it's like everything that's going on, and then we add more.
36:53
SPEAKER_02: It's like, you know, whipped cream and chimneys and sprinkles and all kinds of shit.
37:00
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, raw dogging it through life with no estrogen.
37:02
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, raw dogging it through life.
37:04
SPEAKER_00: Have been and just taking it on, yeah, taking it in the meanwhile.
37:09
SPEAKER_00: Meanwhile, we still have somehow have to raise these grown girls.
37:15
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
37:16
SPEAKER_00: Who still have all of their estrogen.
37:18
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, by the way.
37:19
SPEAKER_00: Yep.
37:20
SPEAKER_00: Just yep.
37:20
SPEAKER_00: What was the line you said earlier?
37:23
SPEAKER_00: So I'll just say it.
37:24
SPEAKER_00: They're still riding the red wave.
37:27
SPEAKER_00: They get their period every month.
37:28
SPEAKER_00: They get their period.
37:29
SPEAKER_00: They are up and they are down, and we are just supposed to deal with it.
37:34
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, exactly.
37:36
SPEAKER_02: No, this is literally like when I think about the amount of emotion that comes out of my kids and like the little things, whether it be, you know, Mallory went to homecoming and she went to this, you know, fancy steak restaurant and it was really expensive, and they ended up charging her twice.
37:57
SPEAKER_02: And she gets so fucking pissed when grown-ups mess up.
38:00
SPEAKER_00: Well, now she yeah, but like she also she earned those dollars.
38:05
SPEAKER_00: I know.
38:05
SPEAKER_00: Well, and she knows.
38:06
SPEAKER_00: And she knows how much it costs.
38:07
SPEAKER_00: That's right.
38:08
SPEAKER_00: Now she knows how much stuff costs, and she knows, yeah, and she's like, oh hell no, you're not gonna take all my money.
38:13
SPEAKER_00: What did she say?
38:13
SPEAKER_00: All my all my learning tree money or something.
38:15
SPEAKER_00: All my all my tutoring money.
38:17
SPEAKER_00: All our tutoring money.
38:18
SPEAKER_00: All my tutoring money.
38:19
SPEAKER_00: All my tutoring money.
38:20
SPEAKER_00: Like she's tutoring.
38:21
SPEAKER_02: All she's doing, all she's doing is manning these kids so that they don't like fucking kill each other.
38:26
SPEAKER_02: She's stuck in theater school.
38:27
SPEAKER_02: She's working.
38:27
SPEAKER_02: She got the job, she she applied for it, she did all that.
38:31
SPEAKER_02: But I looked at her and she's like, Yeah, she's like, I was so mad.
38:34
SPEAKER_02: And I go, Mallory, you like have to understand that like grown-ups make mistakes.
38:38
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, people make mistakes, and it's okay to like, she's like, I just can't fucking believe these people did this.
38:44
SPEAKER_02: And I go, okay.
38:45
SPEAKER_02: And she's like, Yeah, I saw my pastor when I was walking out of the restaurant yelling.
38:50
SPEAKER_02: I was like, Great.
38:51
SPEAKER_02: And like, please pray for us, Pastor.
38:53
SPEAKER_02: Please pray for us.
38:53
SPEAKER_02: We all need it.
38:54
SPEAKER_02: We need it, we need it.
38:56
SPEAKER_02: And you know what?
38:56
SPEAKER_02: Like, my anniversary, I didn't, I didn't bring it up to anybody.
39:00
SPEAKER_02: You know, I wasn't asking for like some magical moment where like, I don't know, a butterfly would like land on my shoulder or like a ladybug would like kiss my finger, something ridiculous sign from Brian.
39:14
SPEAKER_02: But four functioning tires, that's not that fucking hard of a request.
39:21
SPEAKER_02: No, I think it's completely reasonable.
39:22
SPEAKER_02: It's a reasonable request is four fucking tires that worked up into that day.
39:28
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
39:30
SPEAKER_00: Why do people say you've got this?
39:32
SPEAKER_00: When what you actually need is someone to else to fucking get it.
39:37
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
39:37
SPEAKER_02: We need somebody else to fucking get it.
39:39
SPEAKER_02: I need somebody else to get it.
39:41
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you know, yeah, it's too much.
39:44
SPEAKER_00: My second kid leaving house.
39:48
SPEAKER_00: It's it's ridiculous.
39:50
SPEAKER_00: It feels like my intestines are being strung out over the fields or something.
39:55
SPEAKER_00: It's the craziest feeling.
39:56
SPEAKER_00: I don't, I never, I didn't really think about them ever leaving.
40:00
SPEAKER_00: No, I don't know why.
40:01
SPEAKER_00: No, because never really because they were attached to us for so long.
40:05
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and then and then everything is more without estrogen.
40:10
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
40:11
SPEAKER_02: For sure.
40:12
SPEAKER_00: It's just more.
40:13
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
40:14
SPEAKER_00: It's harder, it sucks more, it's more um, what do you call it?
40:17
SPEAKER_00: Uh everything is a catastrophe.
40:19
SPEAKER_02: Well, it's immediately it's like a raw, it's like being it's like a burn.
40:24
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's like a burn that's being irritated, like salt in a wound.
40:28
SPEAKER_00: Mm-hmm.
40:28
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
40:29
SPEAKER_00: I thought I had cried all I could cry in the first half of this fucking year.
40:34
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, no.
40:35
SPEAKER_00: And then enter tamoxifen.
40:39
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
40:40
SPEAKER_00: This fucking drug is fun.
40:42
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
40:42
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
40:44
SPEAKER_00: You thought it was fun.
40:45
SPEAKER_02: You know?
40:46
SPEAKER_02: Tarsvin, please.
40:47
SPEAKER_02: Please, uh, what what is what do they say online?
40:50
SPEAKER_02: What is the uh side effects may include losing your child to go and move away from you.
40:58
SPEAKER_02: And now your bitch ass can't handle the pain.
41:00
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
41:01
SPEAKER_02: It's just because you ain't got no estrogen.
41:03
SPEAKER_00: I heard um my cousin and I are crazily almost exactly to the day six months apart in age and birth.
41:14
SPEAKER_00: Um, her daughter and my son are exactly six months apart in age.
41:18
SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's weird.
41:19
SPEAKER_00: Her son and my daughter are exactly six months apart in age.
41:24
SPEAKER_00: And so we're going through these the same thing right now.
41:27
SPEAKER_00: Oh, right.
41:28
SPEAKER_00: And and she told me this the other day, and I think it's beautiful, so I'm stealing it.
41:32
SPEAKER_00: Leah, it's mine.
41:33
SPEAKER_00: Love you.
41:33
SPEAKER_00: Okay, cuz.
41:34
SPEAKER_00: Um, I think we're gonna call it open nesting.
41:39
SPEAKER_00: I'm not an empty nester.
41:41
SPEAKER_00: I'm an open nester because I always want them to come home.
41:44
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
41:45
SPEAKER_02: That's a good one.
41:46
SPEAKER_02: I like that.
41:47
SPEAKER_00: And so now I'm just gonna focus on what am I gonna make that they're gonna want to come over and eat?
41:52
SPEAKER_00: What am I gonna do that they're gonna want to come home and see?
41:55
SPEAKER_00: What am I gonna do that I'm gonna make that they're gonna like here?
41:58
SPEAKER_00: And what am I gonna plan for us to do together elsewhere, you know, to to keep us connected through the years?
42:06
SPEAKER_00: Right.
42:06
SPEAKER_02: Well, it's like we talked about before, like experiences, right?
42:10
SPEAKER_02: Doing things that are fun together.
42:12
SPEAKER_02: And like now, you think about the holidays coming up and like having to have new traditions.
42:18
SPEAKER_00: I mean, we have to, yeah.
42:20
SPEAKER_00: You do too.
42:20
SPEAKER_00: And we have to, I know, I know you don't want to think about it, but we have to.
42:24
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
42:24
SPEAKER_00: Um, for the kids and for us.
42:26
SPEAKER_00: And and well, I don't know what the fuck we're gonna do.
42:29
SPEAKER_00: I don't even know what we're gonna do for Thanksgiving yet because husband is in academy that whole time and there's no days off.
42:35
SPEAKER_00: So even Thanksgiving?
42:36
SPEAKER_00: No.
42:37
SPEAKER_02: Really?
42:38
SPEAKER_02: Yes, that doesn't seem very like patriotic.
42:42
SPEAKER_00: Um, well, it's not the military.
42:44
SPEAKER_00: Well, no, but also people have heart attacks every day.
42:47
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, they have to do it.
42:48
SPEAKER_00: They don't wait, they don't, they don't put they especially Thanksgiving.
42:51
SPEAKER_00: They don't go on hold and wait for Black Friday sales to just drop dead.
42:56
SPEAKER_00: Like, no, they they need EMTs all the time, everywhere.
42:59
SPEAKER_00: They need medics everywhere, especially in Austin.
43:03
SPEAKER_00: That's true.
43:03
SPEAKER_00: Um, yeah, so but no, I think uh through all of it and what you were just saying is like what you and I have been going through in this entire year and everything that's changed, and we have to shift our focus, we have to focus on the good and focus on laughing, yeah.
43:24
SPEAKER_00: Doing fucking stupid shit to make ourselves laugh.
43:27
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
43:29
SPEAKER_00: And I and be in the moment.
43:32
SPEAKER_00: Be in the moment.
43:33
SPEAKER_00: We have to be in the moment, and to be in the moment, and the first thing I'm gonna put out there, I'm manifesting this right now, so we're gonna do it.
43:39
SPEAKER_00: Oh god, is blow up costumes on roller skates.
43:42
SPEAKER_00: This is happening this year, okay?
43:45
SPEAKER_00: Um, you heard it here first.
43:47
SPEAKER_02: All right, be it's coming, be looking out on the gram for us.
43:50
SPEAKER_02: We might put something up.
43:51
SPEAKER_02: We'll see.
43:52
SPEAKER_00: We need to because there's no other option.
43:56
SPEAKER_00: I can sit at home and cry and just crawl.
44:00
SPEAKER_00: Into a hole and wish I was dead, or I can force myself to go out and do something and make myself and hopefully other people laugh.
44:09
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
44:10
SPEAKER_00: Because that's a better way to exist.
44:14
SPEAKER_02: It is.
44:14
SPEAKER_02: It is.
44:15
SPEAKER_02: And that's it.
44:15
SPEAKER_02: It is.
44:16
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
44:16
SPEAKER_02: So here's my question.
44:17
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
44:18
SPEAKER_02: If we're the main characters of our own lives, why the hell can't we request a different genre?
44:24
SPEAKER_02: Because I'm thinking I want a romantic comedy.
44:26
SPEAKER_02: Or maybe I could have one of those shows that people, you know, just drink wine and renovate houses.
44:32
SPEAKER_02: Let's do that.
44:33
SPEAKER_02: All right.
44:34
SPEAKER_02: I think that would be fun.
44:34
SPEAKER_02: All right, last little bit here.
44:36
SPEAKER_02: So we're gonna do a rapid fire called Fire the Writers.
44:39
SPEAKER_02: So this is where we're each gonna take a turn reading a scenario.
44:43
SPEAKER_00: Director's Cut is what I want to keep.
44:44
SPEAKER_00: Yep.
44:45
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
44:45
SPEAKER_00: So director's cut is keep it.
44:47
SPEAKER_00: No matter how ridiculous, but it's part of the story.
44:49
SPEAKER_00: And then retake is fuck you.
44:52
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely not.
44:54
SPEAKER_00: I have no space for this.
44:55
SPEAKER_02: Yep.
44:55
SPEAKER_02: Rewrite that shit.
44:57
SPEAKER_02: So we can we can disagree, we can defend our choices, and we can also share a quick story, but we'll try to get through as many as soon as the uh does not look like I want to answer that.
45:07
SPEAKER_02: It's a booster mom.
45:09
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
45:10
SPEAKER_02: From theater.
45:14
SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
45:16
SPEAKER_02: I don't even think she can leave a voicemail message because I I have so many voicemail messages.
45:22
SPEAKER_00: No, no, your your your box has been full.
45:25
SPEAKER_00: It's okay.
45:26
SPEAKER_00: Don't worry about it.
45:27
SPEAKER_00: It's okay.
45:28
SPEAKER_00: Your box is so full.
45:30
SPEAKER_00: Your inbox.
45:35
SPEAKER_00: Like a hoarder's box.
45:37
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
45:39
SPEAKER_00: To your voicemail box.
45:41
SPEAKER_00: Is a hoarder's box.
45:42
SPEAKER_00: Is a hoarder's nightmare.
45:44
SPEAKER_02: Uh oh, wait, hold on.
45:46
SPEAKER_02: Good afternoon, ma'am.
45:48
SPEAKER_02: I'm trying to get your car into the shop, but we have been very busy today, and waiters in the lobby might not be ready until tomorrow.
45:54
SPEAKER_02: And for that, I do apologize.
45:56
SPEAKER_02: No problem.
45:58
SPEAKER_02: Thank you for handling it for me.
46:03
SPEAKER_02: He's such a nice guy.
46:05
SPEAKER_02: Except the fact that he called me young lady in a text one time.
46:08
SPEAKER_02: Hey, young lady.
46:10
SPEAKER_02: 51 bitch.
46:12
SPEAKER_02: What?
46:12
SPEAKER_02: Like, there's nothing.
46:14
SPEAKER_00: I'm also I'm not a lady.
46:15
SPEAKER_02: No, I'm not a lady.
46:17
SPEAKER_02: No, I'm not.
46:17
SPEAKER_02: Cross my legs.
46:18
SPEAKER_02: But it's like, it's also like, you can, I mean, ma'am, I'm okay with ma'am.
46:22
SPEAKER_02: Unless you work with me.
46:24
SPEAKER_02: Like, if you're my co-worker, you're not calling me ma'am.
46:27
SPEAKER_01: Do you know what I mean?
46:29
SPEAKER_00: I do know what you mean because we get ma'amed all the time by the 30 somethings all over the building.
46:35
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
46:35
SPEAKER_00: So I don't want to be.
46:36
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, stop.
46:36
SPEAKER_00: I'm not ma'am, and I'm definitely not ma'am to you.
46:39
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
46:39
SPEAKER_00: No.
46:39
SPEAKER_02: And ma'am is is just taking it a step too far.
46:42
SPEAKER_00: Correct.
46:43
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
46:44
SPEAKER_00: Here we go.
46:44
SPEAKER_00: Ready?
46:45
SPEAKER_00: All right.
46:45
SPEAKER_00: Okay, wait.
46:46
SPEAKER_00: Wait, I forgot the rules.
46:47
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
46:47
SPEAKER_00: Director's cut is keep it and retake is no.
46:51
SPEAKER_00: Okay, okay.
46:52
SPEAKER_00: So here.
46:53
SPEAKER_02: You want to go first?
46:54
SPEAKER_00: All right.
46:54
SPEAKER_00: Being the designated problem solver when you're the one having the crisis.
47:00
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
47:00
SPEAKER_02: I mean, okay.
47:01
SPEAKER_02: Fucking retake.
47:02
SPEAKER_02: So I here's the thing.
47:03
SPEAKER_02: I would say retake, right?
47:04
SPEAKER_02: Normally, but do we really want anybody else to be the problem solver for us?
47:12
unknown: Think about it.
47:13
SPEAKER_02: I feel like that just creates more problems.
47:15
SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
47:16
SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
47:17
SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
47:18
SPEAKER_02: So that's the that's the bitch of it all, right there.
47:20
SPEAKER_02: We're fucking stuck.
47:21
SPEAKER_02: We're stuck.
47:22
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
47:22
SPEAKER_02: Well next.
47:23
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, exactly.
47:24
SPEAKER_02: I don't like this game.
47:25
SPEAKER_02: It gets better.
47:26
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
47:26
SPEAKER_02: All right.
47:27
SPEAKER_02: Getting five minutes of peace before someone needs something.
47:32
SPEAKER_00: I I mean, yeah, I love that.
47:34
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's director's kind of thing.
47:35
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I definitely like that shit.
47:36
SPEAKER_00: I want I like peace.
47:38
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, exactly.
47:39
SPEAKER_00: A lot of times it makes me happy.
47:41
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
47:43
SPEAKER_00: Uh, how about finally having money in your account only for an unexpected bill to take it?
47:48
SPEAKER_00: Fuck that shit.
47:49
SPEAKER_00: Retake.
47:50
SPEAKER_02: Retake.
47:50
SPEAKER_02: I want, I want the money to come in.
47:52
SPEAKER_00: No wonder.
47:53
SPEAKER_02: What did we say last week?
47:54
SPEAKER_02: It's like a money sieve.
47:56
SPEAKER_00: Our live.
47:56
SPEAKER_00: We're just a sieve.
47:57
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
47:57
SPEAKER_00: We're just a we're just a pit stop for a very specific moment in time before it's out to somebody else.
48:05
SPEAKER_00: Yep.
48:06
SPEAKER_02: All right.
48:07
SPEAKER_02: Having an entire conversation with yourself in the car because you're the only one making sense.
48:14
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
48:15
SPEAKER_02: I feel like that when we leave work sometimes.
48:17
SPEAKER_02: Directors cut shit.
48:18
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
48:19
SPEAKER_02: It's even better though when we leave at the same time and we can talk on the phone and decompress.
48:24
SPEAKER_00: And go, what the hell was that?
48:26
SPEAKER_00: What happened with that?
48:28
SPEAKER_00: What happened with that crazy person?
48:31
SPEAKER_00: What did you do here?
48:32
SPEAKER_00: Oh my god, did you see this?
48:35
SPEAKER_02: Like the shorts.
48:36
SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
48:37
SPEAKER_02: The guy in the red and white shorts today.
48:40
SPEAKER_01: He was wearing like dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dungeons.
48:44
SPEAKER_00: He had the glutes for it.
48:46
SPEAKER_00: Leave him.
48:46
SPEAKER_00: He needed, I told you, he needs to find a man.
48:49
SPEAKER_00: He needs to sleep on the lone short shorts.
48:53
SPEAKER_02: Or they were like Rocky shorts.
48:56
SPEAKER_02: They were red and white striped rocky shorts.
48:58
SPEAKER_02: Red and shorts, striped Rocky shorts.
49:00
SPEAKER_02: They were satin too, weren't they?
49:02
SPEAKER_00: They were shiny.
49:02
SPEAKER_00: They were shiny.
49:03
SPEAKER_00: But they were cinchy.
49:05
SPEAKER_00: They were cinchy butt crack man shorts.
49:08
SPEAKER_00: This is the first time I've seen cinchy butt cracks on a boy.
49:11
SPEAKER_00: I know.
49:12
SPEAKER_00: I haven't seen it.
49:12
SPEAKER_02: But do you think he was on the foam roller though?
49:15
SPEAKER_02: So it could have been cinching from the pressure.
49:17
SPEAKER_02: Was it cinching?
49:18
SPEAKER_00: No, no, they were cinch cinch.
49:19
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
49:19
SPEAKER_00: We should.
49:19
SPEAKER_00: Oh shit.
49:20
SPEAKER_02: I was all asked Natalie to run out there.
49:24
SPEAKER_00: She was downstairs.
49:25
SPEAKER_02: Natalie!
49:26
SPEAKER_00: Natalie, go check out red and white stripes.
49:29
SPEAKER_00: Go check out the I mean we have been talking about with the cinchy butt crack thing like for over a year because it that fad has been real.
49:37
SPEAKER_00: And it's it's apparently, guys, it only took you a year to figure out that it's not that fad's not just for the ladies.
49:44
SPEAKER_00: You get to wear the girls, you can wear the cinchy butt crack legging pants too.
49:48
SPEAKER_00: That's exactly right.
49:50
SPEAKER_00: Someone saying, at least it can't get any worse.
49:53
SPEAKER_00: Fuck that.
49:54
SPEAKER_00: I swear to God.
49:54
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, are you asking for the gods to rain down shit?
49:58
SPEAKER_00: Holy fire.
49:59
SPEAKER_00: What the what the hell's wrong with that?
50:00
SPEAKER_02: I feel like we should just knock on wood.
50:02
SPEAKER_02: It's like even though we said that, because something I know could go right now.
50:05
SPEAKER_00: Well, that's why you don't say the Q word in MS.
50:09
SPEAKER_00: Right.
50:10
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
50:10
SPEAKER_00: Because you're asking for the chaos gods to come and put you in your place if you do.
50:16
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
50:16
unknown: Yeah.
50:17
SPEAKER_02: All right.
50:17
SPEAKER_02: How about laughing hysterically at something that would have made you cry six months ago?
50:22
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's happening.
50:24
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
50:24
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna keep that.
50:25
SPEAKER_00: I believe that that's an upgrade to my newest software uh download.
50:30
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
50:30
SPEAKER_00: All right.
50:31
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
50:31
SPEAKER_00: Uh people telling you everything happens for a reason.
50:34
SPEAKER_00: Okay, that that needs to stop.
50:36
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
50:37
SPEAKER_00: I am going to punch a bitch in a tit.
50:40
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
50:40
SPEAKER_00: I just need you to know.
50:41
SPEAKER_00: Please don't say that to me.
50:43
SPEAKER_00: I I just I mean it no, I get it too.
50:46
SPEAKER_00: And yes, everything does happen for a reason, but telling somebody you got diagnosed with cancer for a reason?
50:52
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
50:52
SPEAKER_02: No.
50:52
SPEAKER_00: Your husband died for a reason?
50:54
SPEAKER_00: No.
50:54
SPEAKER_00: What to teach you a lesson?
50:56
SPEAKER_00: I know.
50:56
SPEAKER_00: Like, no, who the f what I'm already thinking all of those things.
50:59
SPEAKER_00: No shit.
51:00
SPEAKER_00: I don't need you to tell me.
51:01
SPEAKER_02: I don't need you to make me feel like that's exactly what happened.
51:04
SPEAKER_02: Right.
51:04
SPEAKER_02: Like, what's the reason?
51:05
SPEAKER_02: What's the reason?
51:06
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
51:07
SPEAKER_00: What did I do?
51:08
SPEAKER_00: Everything happens for a reason.
51:09
SPEAKER_00: Can you tell me that reason?
51:10
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
51:10
SPEAKER_00: Oh shit, that's gonna be come back.
51:12
SPEAKER_00: Right, right.
51:13
SPEAKER_00: Tell me the reason.
51:14
SPEAKER_00: Tell me what the reason is right now, yeah?
51:16
SPEAKER_00: Or take it back.
51:17
SPEAKER_00: That's exactly what we can say.
51:21
SPEAKER_00: Like, wait, tell me the reason or take that back right now.
51:24
SPEAKER_00: So you know the reason.
51:25
SPEAKER_00: Oh, what's the reason?
51:26
SPEAKER_00: You're keeping it from me?
51:28
SPEAKER_00: Why?
51:28
SPEAKER_00: Tell me.
51:29
SPEAKER_00: Tell me what the answer is.
51:30
SPEAKER_00: Why the fuck have I been through all this shit?
51:33
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
51:33
SPEAKER_02: Seriously, though, that is so like I get it why people say those things because they don't know what else to say.
51:38
SPEAKER_02: It's the same thing.
51:39
SPEAKER_02: But it also it comes out so patronizing.
51:42
SPEAKER_02: It does.
51:42
SPEAKER_02: Or or the other thing that I'm really starting to hate, and I've said this before, and I really and I do it, so I don't know how to stop doing it.
51:50
SPEAKER_02: But I think we should all stop saying, How are you?
51:54
SPEAKER_02: We should say something else.
51:56
SPEAKER_02: When greeting people, and we have a question, like, how's your weather?
52:02
SPEAKER_02: Or I don't know, just how are you doing today?
52:05
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, like I'm tired of how are you doing today?
52:07
SPEAKER_02: Like, what if I want to say?
52:08
SPEAKER_02: Like, I'm really fucking shitty.
52:10
SPEAKER_02: It's my 22nd wedding anniversary.
52:11
SPEAKER_02: My husband's dead.
52:12
SPEAKER_02: I have no money.
52:13
SPEAKER_02: I might have a huge fucking hole in my tire that took me four different calls to a roadside assistance before I could get my car taken care of.
52:18
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
52:19
SPEAKER_00: You know, like yeah, that's a lot to um unload on somebody.
52:22
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
52:23
SPEAKER_01: And then I just feel like I'm like, I'm getting out of you.
52:27
SPEAKER_02: It's annoying.
52:28
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
52:29
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
52:29
SPEAKER_02: I don't want to do that anymore.
52:31
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
52:31
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
52:33
SPEAKER_02: Someone saying you're so strong instead of offering actual help.
52:39
SPEAKER_00: That I got that so much.
52:42
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
52:43
SPEAKER_00: I'm not.
52:44
SPEAKER_00: People just, they just keep telling me.
52:46
SPEAKER_00: And I'm, I, yeah, what's your point?
52:49
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
52:49
SPEAKER_00: I'm strong.
52:50
SPEAKER_00: I'm strong.
52:50
SPEAKER_00: So all the shitty things should happen to me because I can handle it.
52:53
SPEAKER_00: Fuck you.
52:54
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
52:55
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
52:56
SPEAKER_00: If you got up off your fat ass too, you wouldn't be fucking so weak either.
52:59
SPEAKER_00: You know, but goddamn, no.
53:00
SPEAKER_00: Do you gonna tell me?
53:01
SPEAKER_00: Oh, you're so strong.
53:02
SPEAKER_00: Oh, you're so strong.
53:03
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
53:04
SPEAKER_00: I'm just like, what the no?
53:05
SPEAKER_00: How is that helpful?
53:06
SPEAKER_00: That's not helpful at all.
53:07
SPEAKER_00: It's not.
53:08
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I am strong.
53:09
SPEAKER_00: And what?
53:10
SPEAKER_02: You know what it's still shit?
53:12
SPEAKER_00: It still sucks.
53:13
SPEAKER_00: It's still bullshit.
53:14
SPEAKER_00: I'm still hurting inside.
53:16
SPEAKER_00: I'm still traumatized.
53:17
SPEAKER_00: I still have no fucking nipples.
53:19
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
53:19
SPEAKER_00: It's trying to fuck you.
53:20
SPEAKER_02: It's trying to like fill the void, fill the silence.
53:24
SPEAKER_02: That's I think really what people are trying to do.
53:27
SPEAKER_02: And I I know I do it too.
53:28
SPEAKER_02: You're so strong.
53:29
SPEAKER_02: You're so strong.
53:30
SPEAKER_02: Everything happens for everything.
53:32
SPEAKER_02: How are you?
53:33
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
53:34
SPEAKER_02: You know, like, well, let's just let's either cut the bullshit and actually say, like, you good?
53:40
SPEAKER_02: Or you know, you need something, or I I just how can you smile?
53:45
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
53:46
SPEAKER_02: How can I help?
53:47
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
53:48
SPEAKER_02: Anything.
53:49
SPEAKER_02: Love you.
53:50
SPEAKER_02: Love you.
53:51
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
53:51
SPEAKER_02: That's it.
53:52
SPEAKER_02: That's it.
53:53
SPEAKER_02: Smile at somebody.
53:54
SPEAKER_00: How about family members who create emergencies but expect you to solve them?
53:58
SPEAKER_02: Oh.
53:58
SPEAKER_00: All the time.
54:00
SPEAKER_02: Hello.
54:01
SPEAKER_02: I love when my kids call me.
54:03
SPEAKER_00: Who's parked where?
54:04
SPEAKER_02: Oh my God.
54:06
SPEAKER_02: Who's parked where?
54:07
SPEAKER_00: Wait, you should preface.
54:09
SPEAKER_00: You you live in a subdivision that has parking rules.
54:13
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
54:13
SPEAKER_00: Meaning that you can't leave vehicles parked on the street in front of your house overnight, or you get a ticket that you have to pay.
54:20
SPEAKER_00: Like you get fined.
54:21
SPEAKER_00: You don't get fined yet.
54:22
SPEAKER_02: You get a big green like toe sticker on your on your driver's side window.
54:28
SPEAKER_02: There's still like gunk on my window from the times I've had it.
54:32
SPEAKER_02: And so since Brian's died, we and we have another car with my dad.
54:37
SPEAKER_02: We've had to jockey cars around.
54:39
SPEAKER_02: Because you have enough space.
54:40
SPEAKER_02: Right.
54:40
SPEAKER_02: And so then I had to like go to the Facebook group and ask them, like, hey, is there like a little pass I could get?
54:46
SPEAKER_02: That opened up like a big can of worms.
54:48
SPEAKER_02: I'm so sorry to the to the board members in my neighborhood for bringing everything.
54:53
SPEAKER_02: Like, I just need some help.
54:55
SPEAKER_02: Somebody told me to sell one of the cars since my husband died and I needed money that I should sell one of the cars, which, you know, again, kind of goes back to that.
55:03
SPEAKER_02: You're so strong, everything happens for a reason.
55:05
SPEAKER_02: Like somebody trying to fill the void, fill the silence, you know, come up with a solution and be air quote happy or helpful rather.
55:12
SPEAKER_02: Uh no, it doesn't help.
55:14
SPEAKER_02: But yeah, that so then it's like these are not emergencies, right?
55:18
SPEAKER_02: To me, it's like we will move the car.
55:20
SPEAKER_02: And the other day, Mallory forgot to move the car.
55:22
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I know.
55:23
SPEAKER_02: Poppy got a big green sticker.
55:26
SPEAKER_02: I just texted Mallory at 4:30 in the morning.
55:28
SPEAKER_02: I'm like, you forgot to move the car.
55:30
SPEAKER_02: So now I'm going to hear about it all fucking day from Poppy.
55:34
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
55:35
SPEAKER_02: And you are going to have to apologize.
55:37
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you need to take this off my plate, girlfriend.
55:40
SPEAKER_02: But even Campbell had that one day where a bird flew into a window and died while she was babysitting.
55:48
SPEAKER_02: And she called me freaking out, hysterically crying.
55:52
SPEAKER_02: Like I'm thinking one of the children died.
55:54
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
55:55
SPEAKER_02: Like Nick died or something.
55:56
SPEAKER_01: And then and she's like, oh my God, I was watching the kids.
56:00
SPEAKER_01: And then all of a sudden we heard this boom.
56:01
SPEAKER_02: And I was like, what is happening?
56:02
SPEAKER_02: And I look out and there's a dead bird.
56:04
SPEAKER_02: I'm like, really?
56:06
SPEAKER_02: I'm working.
56:07
unknown: Yeah.
56:07
SPEAKER_02: You just texted me three times in a row saying, call me immediately.
56:10
SPEAKER_02: Oh my God.
56:11
SPEAKER_02: Oh my god.
56:11
SPEAKER_02: Oh my God.
56:11
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
56:12
SPEAKER_00: And for a 20-year-old who's four states away.
56:16
SPEAKER_00: Uh-huh.
56:16
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
56:17
SPEAKER_02: Um, that's panic inducing panic inducing.
56:20
SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
56:20
SPEAKER_02: Correct.
56:20
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
56:21
SPEAKER_02: Correct.
56:21
SPEAKER_02: Adrenaline rush.
56:23
SPEAKER_02: So yeah.
56:24
SPEAKER_02: But that's that's the way it is all the time.
56:26
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
56:26
SPEAKER_02: That's the way it is all the time.
56:28
SPEAKER_02: All right.
56:28
SPEAKER_02: How about this one?
56:29
SPEAKER_02: The friend who makes wildly inappropriate jokes at the right moment.
56:33
SPEAKER_01: Laura.
56:34
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
56:35
SPEAKER_02: 100%.
56:36
SPEAKER_02: I fucking love her so much and I'm so happy.
56:38
SPEAKER_00: It's the it's the off, just sly, like she's so quick, yeah, witted.
56:44
SPEAKER_00: Yep.
56:46
SPEAKER_00: She's so beautiful.
56:47
SPEAKER_00: People don't have any idea how intelligent she is.
56:49
SPEAKER_00: No, she's so fucking smart.
56:51
SPEAKER_02: But when she said that one time.
56:54
SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, when we were talking about mind rest there.
56:57
SPEAKER_02: That's exactly the story I was gonna say.
57:00
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you know exactly what I was gonna say.
57:01
SPEAKER_02: When we first were talking about one of our clients that is just very much Debbie Downer, like clueless.
57:10
SPEAKER_02: But she's also like mean as fuck sometimes.
57:13
SPEAKER_02: Like she's very like short.
57:14
SPEAKER_02: She has her.
57:16
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
57:16
SPEAKER_02: And 100%.
57:18
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
57:18
SPEAKER_02: But when she turned around and she just goes, She has a husband.
57:23
SPEAKER_02: Let your mind rest there.
57:24
SPEAKER_01: I just remember being like, oh my God.
57:28
SPEAKER_01: Like, yes, she does.
57:29
SPEAKER_01: She does.
57:30
SPEAKER_01: Somebody married that.
57:31
SPEAKER_00: Someone married that and is dealing with that every minute of every day.
57:36
SPEAKER_00: We only have to do it once a week.
57:38
SPEAKER_00: We do it for an hour a week.
57:39
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
57:40
SPEAKER_00: We only have to handle her particular situation for an hour a week.
57:44
SPEAKER_00: And she said, let your mind rest there.
57:46
SPEAKER_00: And I died.
57:47
SPEAKER_00: She just has really minutes.
57:50
SPEAKER_02: That's a good mess from Laura for some really good ones.
57:52
SPEAKER_00: Now I'm gonna chew on that all afternoon because what in the world?
57:56
SPEAKER_00: Oh my god.
57:57
SPEAKER_00: Other people that I know that are single that are like, man, I'm like, you would be great.
58:01
SPEAKER_00: You know, like you're such a good person.
58:02
SPEAKER_00: You have so much to offer for somebody else.
58:05
SPEAKER_00: This person I did not think was married.
58:08
SPEAKER_00: No, and is, and very, very long time married too.
58:11
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, like their whole lives.
58:12
SPEAKER_00: How about someone offering unsolicited advice about a situation they have never experienced?
58:18
SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
58:18
SPEAKER_02: Well, like the lady who said, Why don't you sell an extra car so that you can have some money since you said you don't have any money?
58:25
SPEAKER_02: I'm like, mm-hmm.
58:26
SPEAKER_02: We all have those cars.
58:27
SPEAKER_02: My husband didn't have his own car.
58:29
SPEAKER_02: We shared a car.
58:30
SPEAKER_02: Clearly.
58:31
SPEAKER_02: So when that stuff happens, not only that, but like, oh yeah, it of course it's just that simple.
58:38
SPEAKER_00: And if it was that simple, don't you think I would have fucking done that already?
58:41
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
58:41
SPEAKER_00: Well, that's what the hell's wrong with you.
58:43
SPEAKER_00: How dare you?
58:43
SPEAKER_02: Well, let's go back to the first question up here, which was um being the designated problem solver when you're the only one having a crisis.
58:52
SPEAKER_02: So seriously, that is literally what we deal with all the time because we're dealing with stupid people that would not be able to work their way out of a paper bag.
59:02
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
59:02
SPEAKER_02: So we have to the unsolicited advice, I will say it should be retaken.
59:08
SPEAKER_02: It should be edited out, but I'm okay with some of them because they can be funny.
59:14
SPEAKER_02: Because I just laughed at her.
59:15
SPEAKER_02: The person who shows up with food, wine, or a solution without being asked.
59:21
SPEAKER_02: That person can come by anytime they want to.
59:24
SPEAKER_02: If somebody is bringing food, wine, or solution to my house, fucking come on over.
59:30
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, food is my love language.
59:32
SPEAKER_00: Wine is mine.
59:34
SPEAKER_02: No, it's just a very nice thing.
59:36
SPEAKER_02: A solution would be awesome.
59:38
SPEAKER_00: Your one little little cup.
59:40
SPEAKER_00: My solo cup of iced cup.
59:42
SPEAKER_02: My plastic solo cup.
59:44
SPEAKER_02: Iced red wine.
59:45
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, the cheap, the cheap.
59:47
SPEAKER_02: Your one little, yeah.
59:48
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
59:49
SPEAKER_02: It's a 16 ounce.
59:50
SPEAKER_02: Let's not let's be honest.
59:51
SPEAKER_02: It's a normal size cup, yeah.
59:53
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
59:53
SPEAKER_02: But it's over ice with my York peppermint patties.
59:56
SPEAKER_00: That's hilarious.
59:57
SPEAKER_00: Sponsor would be lovely.
59:58
SPEAKER_02: I would love for York peppermint patties to sponsor us.
1:00:02
SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
1:00:03
SPEAKER_00: Except that I'm pretty sure that's Hershey.
1:00:05
SPEAKER_00: And they're they're too big for us.
1:00:08
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
1:00:08
SPEAKER_00: They're also not a company I want to have anything to do with.
1:00:11
SPEAKER_00: Um people who say you just need to stay positive.
1:00:16
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
1:00:17
SPEAKER_02: They can shut the fuck up.
1:00:19
SPEAKER_02: Because nobody, there's my resentment coming clean on out of me right now.
1:00:24
SPEAKER_02: Positive is yes.
1:00:27
SPEAKER_02: I would love to stay positive.
1:00:29
SPEAKER_00: So first of all, I agree.
1:00:34
SPEAKER_00: I need to stay positive.
1:00:36
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
1:00:36
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely I do.
1:00:37
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
1:00:38
SPEAKER_00: You don't need to tell me that.
1:00:40
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
1:00:41
SPEAKER_00: You, whoever the fuck you are, you don't need to tell me that.
1:00:44
SPEAKER_00: I already know.
1:00:45
SPEAKER_00: It's already a struggle every day in my own head.
1:00:48
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
1:00:48
SPEAKER_00: Not to go to the dark.
1:00:50
SPEAKER_00: To go to the light.
1:00:52
SPEAKER_00: To do the right thing.
1:00:53
SPEAKER_00: To go.
1:00:56
SPEAKER_00: I can't see it any better than to go towards the light.
1:00:58
SPEAKER_00: Like you're going on the right side of things, you know?
1:01:00
SPEAKER_02: We don't have a choice of being negative.
1:01:02
SPEAKER_02: If we're negative, we're setting that example for our kids, for our community, for our family members.
1:01:09
SPEAKER_02: And that's just gonna bring everybody else's energy down.
1:01:12
SPEAKER_02: So we have to stay positive, but you're right.
1:01:14
SPEAKER_02: You don't need to tell me to stay positive.
1:01:16
SPEAKER_02: You just need to say, here I am.
1:01:19
SPEAKER_02: I brought you some food and some wine and maybe also.
1:01:21
SPEAKER_00: Sending light and love.
1:01:22
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, sending light and love.
1:01:23
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
1:01:24
SPEAKER_00: Canceling plans because you simply don't want to participate in humanity.
1:01:27
SPEAKER_00: Well, that's director's cut all day, every day.
1:01:30
SPEAKER_00: That's yeah.
1:01:31
SPEAKER_00: And it's I mean, that has been, especially the last year, because of all that's all I've been doing.
1:01:38
SPEAKER_00: I know.
1:01:38
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's all you've been doing.
1:01:40
SPEAKER_00: I've done a lot of that.
1:01:41
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
1:01:42
SPEAKER_00: Um but I know it's probably not the healthiest.
1:01:44
SPEAKER_00: I was gonna say, I'm pulling myself out of it and I'm pulling you out.
1:01:47
SPEAKER_00: You're gonna make me do it.
1:01:48
SPEAKER_00: Yes, I am because I just I'm really struggling.
1:01:51
SPEAKER_00: Because you I know, but I'm gonna put you in a blow-up unicorn costume and then put roller skates on you and then make you let your Burmese mountain dog pull you down the street.
1:02:01
SPEAKER_00: And I'm gonna film it and I'm gonna put it on the internet.
1:02:03
SPEAKER_00: That's what's gonna happen.
1:02:06
SPEAKER_00: Guess what?
1:02:07
SPEAKER_02: Her husband died.
1:02:08
SPEAKER_02: He had no will.
1:02:09
SPEAKER_00: That's right.
1:02:09
SPEAKER_00: He had no will.
1:02:10
SPEAKER_01: He left all of this shit piled out of paperwork and all kinds of things took care of.
1:02:15
SPEAKER_01: How are you gonna turn that frown upside down, Adrian?
1:02:17
SPEAKER_01: We're gonna put you in a uniform.
1:02:18
SPEAKER_00: I mean, there's just in a blow-up unicorn costume with roller skates and push you down the hill.
1:02:23
SPEAKER_00: I think at the end of the day, through all of this and everything you and I are experiencing, just like everything that everybody else is experiencing, is that it's important to make space, even when you don't feel like it makes space to have fun.
1:02:40
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
1:02:40
SPEAKER_00: To do fun things to play.
1:02:43
SPEAKER_00: To play.
1:02:43
SPEAKER_00: It's one of the reasons why I love the idea of Burning Man as much as I do.
1:02:48
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
1:02:48
SPEAKER_00: Because adults, we don't remember to set time for play.
1:02:53
SPEAKER_00: That's a hundred percent.
1:02:53
SPEAKER_00: We we think we're not we haven't deserved we haven't worked hard enough to deserve playtime, or we haven't, you know, earned enough to deserve playtime, or we haven't accomplished enough or gone.
1:03:05
SPEAKER_00: Or even sometimes even thought about doing anything fun.
1:03:09
SPEAKER_00: Oh, well, there's no purpose to that.
1:03:10
SPEAKER_00: So why you know that's not accomplishing any of my longevity goals, you know, here.
1:03:15
SPEAKER_00: So why am I not why am I doing that?
1:03:18
SPEAKER_00: You need to take time to do the fun stuff.
1:03:20
SPEAKER_00: Like go do a cartwheel or learn how to do a cartwheel.
1:03:24
SPEAKER_00: I'm going to a boozy drag dinner.
1:03:26
SPEAKER_00: That's right.
1:03:27
SPEAKER_00: The golden girls.
1:03:28
SPEAKER_00: That's right.
1:03:29
SPEAKER_00: Going to the golden girls experience.
1:03:30
SPEAKER_00: That's gonna be awesome.
1:03:32
SPEAKER_00: It's gonna be great.
1:03:33
SPEAKER_00: It's gonna be awesome.
1:03:34
SPEAKER_00: Um, and then yeah, we're gonna do fun stuff wherever we can.
1:03:38
SPEAKER_00: And I think that um everyone else should do the same.
1:03:43
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
1:03:44
SPEAKER_00: And if anyone listening has ideas of dumb shit that you think Adrienne and I should do within reason, within reason, we are fairly uh fairly well um athletic and in good health.
1:03:58
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
1:03:59
SPEAKER_00: Um, and can do quite a bit of quite a bit of things.
1:04:01
SPEAKER_00: So if you come up with some great ideas, something better than, oh, I don't know, wearing a blow-up unicorn costume and roller skates, um let us know.
1:04:11
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
1:04:12
SPEAKER_02: And if you have something that you didn't plan for and you want to share, send us an email at we didn't plan for this, wdpft podcast at gmail.com.
1:04:22
SPEAKER_02: Again.
1:04:23
SPEAKER_02: That's wdpftpodcast at gmail.com.
1:04:28
SPEAKER_02: You can also follow us on the gram at WDPFT podcast.
1:04:33
SPEAKER_02: If you're listening to the show and somebody else that you know is tired of the way that their script has been written, send this to them.
1:04:41
SPEAKER_02: We all need to laugh through some of the hard times in our lives.
1:04:43
SPEAKER_02: And if you know someone that can share in the you know, pain or anguish of our lives the hilarity of the existence that is the realm that we're in.
1:04:52
SPEAKER_02: The hilarity of existence that we live in.
1:04:56
SPEAKER_02: Please send them our way.
1:04:57
SPEAKER_02: Again, wdpftpodcast at gmail.com.
1:05:02
SPEAKER_02: Great review, subscribe, follow us, and we will see you guys next week.
1:05:08
unknown: Bye.
1:05:08
SPEAKER_02: Bye.
1:05:09
unknown: Bye.