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Why Narcissists Target Strong People: A Diagnosed POV · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  Why did the narcissist choose you?
• 0:05
  That's the question as a diagnosed narcissist that I get
• 0:07
  asked all the time, Lee why did the narcissist choose me?
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  Did they choose me because I was weak?
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  Did they choose me because I was broken?
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  Because I was vulnerable? Why did they choose me?
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  They killed me because of my my legs, my hair, my teeth.
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  Why? Did they pick?
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  Me, Lee, Tell me. I got you.
• 0:25
  I got you. I 100% got you right here
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  because a lot of people, I think answering this question will
• 0:31
  bring a lot of people clarity and peace and help them move
• 0:34
  forward on their healing journey.
• 0:35
  But I don't hope this video does is help you go back into a toxic
• 0:38
  relationship because I say something and you like, oh, Lee,
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  they told me because of that. Oh my goodness, I need to give
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  them give them another chance. I really need.
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  I've been looking for a reason to reach out to them.
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  Thank you Lee, I did not say that.
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  I didn't say giving them another chance, I said why they chose
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  you. No but seriously do not take
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  this as a reason to go back into toxicity.
• 0:59
  Give an give an abusive person another chance.
• 1:01
  This is literally just me explaining why a narcissist
• 1:04
  could have chose you. Right, So straight to the point.
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  Narcissists don't necessarily look for people that are broken.
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  Now I'm not saying that because it doesn't happen.
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  It does happen. You could be in a vulnerable
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  state. You could be going through
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  something. You could absolutely be grieving
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  the loss of a parent, a friend, Co worker, pet, job, whatever.
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  You could be grieving the loss of something.
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  You could be going through something.
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  You could be by yourself now. You could be going through a
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  breakup, right? You could have just gotten rid
• 1:36
  of or just got discarded by another narcissist.
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  They could absolutely happen, but typically narcissists are
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  not going out looking for broken people.
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  Now, could you eventually become broken while you're in this
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  relationship? Yes, you absolutely could,
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  right? It it just like it it?
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  You absolutely could be these. These relationships do change
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  you, right? I don't I.
• 2:02
  Think they go. Without saying the same person
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  who walks into the toxic relationship is not going to be
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  the same person that leaves the relationship, right?
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  That's just not how it works. So it's going to change it.
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  But I said most narcissists don't go out looking for broken
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  people. Narcissists go out looking for
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  people that have something that we lack.
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  Typically it's empathy. Typically, typically, typically
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  narcissists are going out looking for people that are
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  highly empathetic, that carry a lot of empathy, that care a lot.
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  That's why you hear me saying so many videos.
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  The narcissist weaponizes your own empathy against you because
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  they do, they use your own empathy against you.
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  They tear they, they, they use the fact that you care against
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  you to keep you stuck, to make it to, to gaslight you, to
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  manipulate you. A lot of narcissists do this
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  over and over again. So not only do they go for
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  people who like who, who, who have empathy, a lot of
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  narcissists go after people who find who have joy.
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  Because I say this over and over again, narcissist, I think a lot
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  of us have the ability to be happy in spurts.
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  Like we can experience happiness in like waves here and there,
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  right? It's joy that we lack the
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  ability to experience true joy is what we truly lack.
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  Like seriously so so if I lack joy, if I lack empathy and I see
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  that you exude that, that's like a damn pheromone to a bee.
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  That's like me, come you, you, I'm trying to I'm trying to
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  pollinate now let's pollinate. We going to be pollinated
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  together, right? I'm trying to pollinate.
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  Everything now a lot of y'all have been pollinating like 456.
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  Everybody talks to people. Yeah, I understand it right.
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  So joy, empathy, and also this is going to sound silly, but a
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  good reputation, like because a lot of narcissists don't have
• 3:54
  that good reputation, they can use you as a Band-Aid for their
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  image. You damn near look, you damn
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  near become a narcissist image consultant, right?
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  Because they use your good reputation, your good past, your
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  good history as a grounds for them, for themselves.
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  Like if I'm a horrible person, but I get what a good person
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  people are like them. He might not be that bad if he
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  ended up with her. She might not be that bad if he
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  ended, if she ended up with him, They might not be bad.
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  They ended up with them. You see what I'm saying?
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  Whoever you are, whoever you, whoever you identify, whatever
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  you identify as he, she, they, them, whoever, right, These
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  narcissists can use your reputation to benefit
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  themselves. They can get narcissistic supply
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  from your validation. Most narcissists are not looking
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  for a project, right? And what I mean by project is
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  somebody that needs work like y'all have.
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  Like I said, you are hurting, you are vulnerable, you, you are
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  going through something. Now could a narcissist come into
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  your life and take advantage of you in that situation?
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  Yes, like I said earlier, but a lot of times they're not looking
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  for to have somebody that they got to work on.
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  It's just like, Oh my goodness, here you go complain.
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  You complain about your life again.
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  Oh my goodness, what are we doing here, right?
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  So that's what ends up happening.
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  Now I know I said narcissist don't want to be the person who
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  fix you but. Narcissist love fixers.
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  We love people who want to fix us.
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  We love when people are empathetic and want to fix me.
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  You want to make me feel better. You want to show me what love
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  really is. You want to show me the
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  unconditional love exists. You want to help me reach my
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  full potential. Why thank?
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  You darling, I just thought I could love them into feeling
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  better and treating me better. I hear that so much when I'm
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  doing my one-on-one calls over zoom.
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  Well, my phone calls, right? I'm also about to start text
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  message sessions sessions as well y'all?
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  Like I do phone calls, I do zooms over, I do phone calls and
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  zoom coach and whatnot, but I'm also about to start text
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  messaging and stuff like that over the app, telegram and
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  whatnot. So be able to look out for that
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  if you were interested in that right there.
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  The zoom everything mental illness.net for all things,
• 6:02
  right? But back to the fixers, right?
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  I want somebody to fix me. This is why you get a lot of
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  narcissists that trauma dump on you upfront.
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  And now let me say right, let me say this right here, because I
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  know people hear that they can be like, well, am I narcissist
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  Lee? I trauma dumped.
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  Are you are you trying to use your trauma to to get to
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  manipulate this person? Then no, you know what I'm
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  saying. But narcissist with trauma
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  double you because they they don't.
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  They know that you want to fix them and they can always use
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  their trauma as an excuse. They can choose you because
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  you're so forgiving and so kind right that you know my past, you
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  know my history. You know, I had a bad.
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  Childhood, that's why. I did this.
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  I messed up. I know if I mess up, you're
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  going to be the one who tries to fix me.
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  You're going to be the one who tries to clean up my mess over
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  and over and over again. And that's why sometimes you end
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  up protecting A narcissist or defending their reputation after
• 6:51
  they've done something horrible. You know they've done something
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  horrible. You know they're a horrible
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  person, but you have so much empathy flowing through you that
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  you defend them regardless, right?
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  So in essence, if you're a person that feel like you don't
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  want to give up on somebody, you don't want to just abandoned
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  them and you, you want to be the perfect person.
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  Like narcissists are going to target you, they're going to
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  pick you and they're going to drain you, right?
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  Because I know as a narcissist, I know you won't leave until you
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  tried everything, until you've thrown everything at the wall.
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  And I'm going to let you know that we haven't tried this.
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  Let's try marriage counseling. I know I I said I would never
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  ever go over the last 15 years but since you about to leave.
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  Let's try marriage. Counseling right now.
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  Let's try this one last. Time.
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  You see what I'm saying? What about for the kids?
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  We have kids together. What about our business?
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  What about this? What?
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  About that, they'll weaponize it against you.
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  This is why people like this love to use their trauma against
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  you to suck you in. So if you're a kind, caring,
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  compassionate person, they're going to target you.
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  You're going to have a damn you're going to have a big heart
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  target on you. You have a heart, but it's going
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  to have like the bull's eye stripes on it, right?
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  Because they're going to be targeting your ass.
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  You're going to be a target for a narcissist, right?
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  And another reason why narcissists choose you is they
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  test they test your boundaries. Sometimes you don't have
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  boundaries, Y'all, Sometimes your boundaries are low, right?
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  So now you don't know how to have you don't know how to set
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  boundaries and they take advantage of it because what
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  they'll do in the beginning is they'll test your boundaries
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  like narcissist. Don't just jump into a
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  relationship and it's Willy nilly sometimes, right?
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  They'll test you to see what they can get away with very
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  early on. They'll poke you, they'll pride
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  you, they'll say something out the way just to see how you
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  feel, just to see how you will react to something that they say
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  or that they have done. And if you don't like, they'll
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  lie to you, they'll scream at you, they'll do things like
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  that. And if you don't, if you don't
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  react a set a boundary and say, hey, if you do that, if you do
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  that again, I'm out. Guess what, they just, they,
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  they feel like they can run over top of you.
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  So why would they get rid of somebody that they feel like
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  they can run over top of, right? So This is why narcissists in
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  the beginning, they'll push small boundaries to see if you
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  will excuse it or let them get away with it.
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  Like I said, when you understood their bad behavior, instead of
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  leaving, they knew they got you then like you were, your
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  understanding was their green light.
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  When they feel like they, they can find a reason to keep doing
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  something over and over again and you won't leave them.
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  They'll, they'll definitely choose you.
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  They'll definitely pick you. And sometimes the the narcissist
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  that chooses you, they'll, they are already involved in your
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  life in some way, shape or form, right?
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  They're already around you in some way, shape or form.
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  You just like I said, they haven't seen you just yet.
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  If you're dealing with a narcissist or talks a person,
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  you wonder why they chose you and you fit one of these
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  categories, drop in the comment section.
• 9:31
  Why did they pick you? Why did they choose you?
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  Also, you're going to do one-on-one or something over
• 9:35
  Zoom. Make sure you go to
• 9:36
  mentalillness.net for all things like hammock and we will chat
• 9:38
  later. Yeah, peace.